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Season 1 and Kymal

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General

In a weird moment of serendipity Matt, Liam, Robbie, and Aimee all picked character names that start with the same letter as another player character's name. The cherry on top is that Ashley is playing a faun named Fearne, and with the addition of Fy'ra also shares the first letter of her name with another player character. This leads to Aabria getting visibly frustrated as she flubs their names multiple times on-stream.
Aabria: I hate your names! Hate, hate!
Robbie: Double D!!
In the absence of Sam's ads, we instead get Comfy Matt (which is just Matt in pajamas with his iconic red robe) and Omar from the future. Matt desperately tries to keep Omar from running away by feeding him treats and incorporating him into the bit at some points.
The players' rolls are absolute dogshit for most of the series, with Matt getting most of them due to the infamous "DM Curse" coming into play. It even effects Aabria at some points, much to the party's delight.

Episode 1: The Nameless Ones

Fearne restores the plants her monkey Little Mister has eaten by burning them back to life, which contrasts sharply with her otherwise innocent appearance.
Dariax is introduced as waking up on a roof after a massive hangover, and his first action when he sees a pigeon is to feed it whatever is in his flask. The fact his stats show single digits in both wisdom and intelligence (a 9 and 8 respectively) firmly establishes him as The Ditz.
- Adding fuel to the fire, Aabria asks Matt to roll an animal handling check to see if he can feed the pigeon. The pigeon doesn't take it.
  Aabria: Roll an animal handling check to get this pigeon turnt.
Matt's bad luck with dice come in handy once again when Aabria asks for a history check to remember his dream from the night before. His result? A Modded 1.
Aabria: "You do not. And we move on and continue with the story."
Opal's first instinct when waking up? Realizing she looks like a mess and frantically fixing herself like a panicked college girl.
- What normally would have been a very dark turn, with Opal conversing with an apparently Evil Twin, Ted, ends up turning hilarious, partly due to Aimee and Aabria's exceptional chemistry and partly from the fact that Opal has been hiding it from her whole party all this time... despite not being very good at it.
Apparently, the party decided to get into a peeing contest to see who can pee on Dariax's spear. Opal, having the highest roll of 23, managed to win the contest. Fearne, with a result of 7, got a "little dookie" in her attempt. Mister decides to stick his hand in Fearne's poop and draws a beard on Dariax's beard with said poop. Matt can barely contain himself throughout the whole scene, faceplanting into the table when it turns out Fearne pooped.
- Prior to this, Dariax had asked Dorian if he'd peed on his spear, only to be told no. When Opal comes out of her room later, Dariax asks her the same thing.
  Dariax: Hey, Opal!
  Opal: (brightly) Yeah?
  Dariax: Did you pee on my spear?
  Opal: (exact same tone) Yeah!
  Dariax: Nice!
Dorian is asked to play a little tune while the party is eating breakfast. Pulling out his hand-ax/flute, he can barely make out some sound, so he decides to lube his flute with honey in a very suggestive fashion.
Aimee asks Aabria for a check on Opal, leading to this hilarious bit:
Aimee: Has she ever seen water before?
Aabria: Are you asking - I don't know your character! Bitch, have you seen the ocean?!
When trying to sneak on to the ship, Fearne adopts a concerning Cockney accent, proudly proclaiming that she's a cook. Dorian immediately calls her out for it.
Dorian tries to subtly wipe the blood from the corpse he touched earlier onto Dariax's shoulder. Since Robbie rolled a Natural 1 (with a +4 bonus, bringing it up to a 5), everyone (including Dariax since he has a passive perception of 9) manages to see the attempt. Dariax takes it in stride.
Liam suddenly remembers that he had Halfling Luck, despite the fact that he had been heckling Sam about using his Halfling Luck during the second campaign.
Out of sheer guilt, Opal confesses that she didn't do Illusory Script right after the fight with Poska's forces.
Every time someone trips over their tongue, "bacon lips."

Episode 2: The Oh No Plateau

This week's ad skit features Comfy Matt in a glitter beard still trying to keep Omar contained within the bit. When it cuts back to the group, Aabria comments how amazing his glitter beard was. Matt yells out a "Goddamn it!" in response.^noteTo elaborate, since these skits are filmed after the episode, this was Aabria strong-arming Matt into doing a glitter beard.
- Omar's struggling is described by a Critter in chat as "Unhand me, father!" Matt managed to stop him for a while by flipping him upside down and carrying him like a baby with his legs in the air, upon which the puppy just stares at the ceiling in exhaustion. He resumes struggling near the end of the segment.
Dorian, due to some low rolls from Robbie, ends up trapped by the Nameless One. He opts to use Dissonant Whispers, which manages 6 damage against the thug. The real kicker is what he said in his whisper.
Dorian: Joke's on you, I love hugs!
While the others are in a scuffle with a Nameless One (dubbed "Left"), Opal opts to take the charmed Arthur (the other Nameless One) out for drinks away from the crew. Somehow, this all leads to Opal tying him up with her silk rope, with many throwaway comments dedicated to how amazing her tying skills are.
Matt: Is shibari an action?
- Opal later states that all the girls from Byroden learn how to tie ropes, which implies that Vex has this skill too. This in turn has interesting implications between Vex and Percy.
- Aimee attempts to apologise to Matt that this is part of Byroden's lore.
Aabria: Don't look at him! You look at me!
In the middle of Opal bickering with Arthur, Dorian finally has enough of her antics:
Opal: No, how about this, why don't we go get beers together—
Dorian: OPAL, GET HIM!!!
Dariax, after learning that residuum is used to make suude, decides to rub some of the substance into his teeth. Matt switches to a fat-tongue voice that really needs to be heard. Drug usage jokes start to fly.
Liam: They should put that on billboards all over Whitestone. Just "Whitestone, is it drugs yet?"
Matt finally points how utterly chaotic the party is when Fearne and Opal's alignment are revealed to be Chaotic Neutral when they touch the box holding the circlet.
Somehow within the conversation about the circlet, the morality of bananas come up.^note
Aabria: I think bananas are an inherently chaotic fruit, so they're chillin'. Bananas is never said as a good thing, only as a wild thing. The grapes are fucked.
Ted and Opal's conversation when Opal is asleep is pure hilarity, as they both argue about the circlet. As such, Ted decides to take away her powers as a punishment until she apologizes. Opal, being as petty as she is, does not, and even brings her attention forward before she apologizes to Mister for throwing a dagger at him to really rub it in.
Thanks to a failed saving throw when touching the circlet (actually an evil Vestige of the Spider Queen), Dariax spends the last part of the episode with Black Eyes of Evil. No one comments.
This week's title comes from Dorian, as the group is about to climb up the mesa that has popped up in the middle of Flamereach Grove. Robbie instantly receives inspiration from Aabria.
Liam accidentally mixes up Fearne's name with her race ("Faun"), leading to a full Non Sequitur about the confusion about everyone's names. Aimee brings up the infamous Spider-Man (1967) meme of the Spider-Mans pointing at each other.
When making their way through the mesa, Liam/Orym quips that they're not in Kansas anymore. Aabria notes down that a place named Kansas now exists in the canon of Exandria, much to Matt's dismay.
Mister turns into an Ash Elemental and attacks the party. Dariax is very excited.
Aabria gets to suffer as all DMs do, as the players take her cool elemental rift and turn it into... the Ash Hole. No one can converse in-character with a straight face for several minutes.
- Aabris states that she will kill the party in two episodes for turning her cool sigil into a butthole. Liam retorts that it always was, which Matt compares to Michaelangelo seeing the statue beneath the marble, waiting to be sculpted.
Dariax tries to kill Mister on the spot. Orym's quick reflexes allow him to stab the dwarf in the leg while Fearne was able to save Mister from his fate.
At one point, Liam hesitates before saying Dorian's name, since he previously accidentally called him Darian (due to Dariax being another party member). Matt's response?
Matt: How does that feel, Vax'ildan?!
Liam: I know, it's my punishment, it's fine.
Dariax chats to Dorian and describes his magic as more "subtle". Aabria can only mouth "SHADE" in response.

Episode 3: A Glorious Return

Aabria subjects Comfy Matt to braids for this episode's ad segment. Matt opts for braided pigtails of all things.
- Omar is back on his antics, and eventually decides to just shove his head behind Matt's leg and stay there.
Dariax's first roll of the night is a resounding 0 on a history check^note.
The group realize that Orym's hair is too short to actually do anything with, so Fearne decides to cut some of her hair off and give it to him. Opal takes out her hair gel and glues the seafoam green hair to his hair. Comments about his frosted tips go flying, with Liam making the comparison to Sugar Ray.
The group plan to sneak into the city by using Dariax as a distraction. Things...don't go to plan.
- Dariax decides to disguise himself as his old flame, Tharla Starr, a blonde half-elf bombshell who was quite the entertainer. He then goes on to seduce a whole crowd with a full Valley Girl voice and dances like there's no tomorrow. It must be seen to be believed.
- Due to failing a stealth check, Dorian and Fearne get caught up in the crowd. What do they do? Join up with "Tharla" and become her backup band! Within all of this madness, Fearne - who has never played the flute up to this point - manages to get a better performance roll than Dorian^note, leading to Aabria describing how she's going ham on the instrument while Dorian just vibes in the background.
- This exchange sums up all you need to know about Aimee's play style.
  Aimee: My thing didn't work...
  Aabria: I don't even know what your thing was!
- Opal gets the great idea to pass off Orym (a fully grown male halfling with impressive muscles and a full sleeve tattoo on his right arm) as her four-year-old daughter named Nancy. Even with her Bad "Bad Acting", Aimee manages to roll two Natural 20s at disadvantage to convince the crowd.
  Opal: Nancy! Where have you been?
  Orym: (deadpan) Mother!
- After "Nancy" is returned to her mother, Opal awkwardly pats Orym's back. Aimee notes that Opal is the least maternal person of the group. Orym takes to hiding his face in Opal's leg.
  Opal: She's still on the bottle!
- Aimee reveals in episode 6 that Opal is actually 19 years old, meaning that a teenager tried and succeeded to convince a crowd that she was the mother of a toddler girl played by an adult male halfling. The fact she managed to pull it off was Beyond the Impossible in and out of Universe!
Both Dariax and Fearne managed to get contacts to the prestigious Black Swan after the whole distraction mess, while Dorian was left with nothing.
Dorian trying to get the group to leave and sounding like he's this close to losing his mind. It's the clapping that Robbie puts in between each point Dorian is making.
Dorian: But as my friend said, we have other offers to field, and other people to see. Very important people that we've been discussing going to see for quite a while. So maybe we should go see them !!
- Dariax's question after being pulled away?
  Dariax: (whispering) What other offers?
- Opal of course is still in character dragging "Nancy" around.
Liam noting Orym glares over at Dorian with, "the kind of look a spouse gives to a spouse".
Opal praises Dariax's acting and suggests he become an actor.
Dariax: I don't know. I've hung out with a lot of actors, and they're kinda terrible people.
(The entire table bursts out into giggle)
Fearne: I've heard that too. The few I met, I just hated them.
Opal has a very obvious crush on Gilmore, despite the fact that he's gay and married.
The group finally brings up Dariax's Black Eyes of Evil to Gilmore, something that he had no idea about for the past couple of days or so.
Gilmore agrees to clear Dariax's eyes if he promises not to touch the circlet again. Dariax's agreement would have been more convincing, if he were not currently holding the circlet while putting it away.
- Later, when the group is discussing the origins of the mysterious rune, Gilmore posits that it may have come from the Qoniira.
Dariax: The people of the quinceanera...
Gilmore: He's going to touch the crown again. I understand that.
Dariax: No...
Gilmore: Don't you lie to me, you beautiful boy.
- Dariax shuffles his feet awkwardly.
Dariax rings up a charge of 750 gold at a shop, and then gets a discount of 150. "900 gold it is, then. Pleasure doing business with you!" He would appear to be a student of the Grog Strongjaw school of haggling!
When Opal is purchasing her Vicious Whip, Orym pulls out a tub and dubs it "Cool Whip".
Aabria channels Travis, feeling herself reaching the end of shopping and Gilmore's poor Clerk Inanna is left absolutely broken by the group's antics.
Ashley jokes that Fearne found the infamous "Deck of Many Things" at Gilmore's shop. Aabria says Sherri instantly pops up and swallows it.

Episode 4: By The Road

Comfy Matt has an asymmetrical beard for this episode's ad segment, while Omar struggles in his father's arms once again - this time in a cute hoodie.
Dariax talks to Dorian and says he's figured out Dorian's past. He's carnival folk. Aabria snorts and face palms.
Dorian: This? This? (gestures around himself) Reads "carnival folk" to you?
Dariax: Am I right?
Dorian: (in a quiet but defeated voice) You are absolutely right, Dariax.
The fight with Dark Fearne also puts them up against a version of Mister, whom Liam dubs Twisted Mister. A delighted Aabria grants him inspiration.
- The two Misters fight, and Twisted Mister initially gets the upper hand. Dariax, very reluctantly, heals Mister. Later, Mister thanks him with a handshake. Dariax accepts reluctantly... and then realizes that it was the hand that Mister used in his special attack earlier.
- That said, Dariax is very happy at the chance to attack any version of Mister.
Fy'ra Rai approaches Dark Fearne, but Aabria accidentally knocks over her mini. Putting it back, she accidentally knocks over another mini. Anjali starts singing Entry of the Gladiators, popularly known as clown music.
Aabria: I'm going to kill you all! I'm ending this campaign tonight!
When Fearne and the others react in dismay at Mister being attacked, she turns over to ask for Dariax.
Dariax: (deadpan) Stop. Police. Murder.
Ted taking away Opal's powers when the other refuses to apologize leading the two sisters to fight.
Ted: Sorry is a free action, bitch.
Opal: Oh my god, Ted!
Gilmore's vardo is dubbed the "glitter shitter" thanks to the egregious amounts of gold glitter it shoots out from the backside. Adding more fuel to fire, the party decides to use Dorian's cape as a glitter diaper to cover their tracks.
The party arrives at Byroden, their last stop before the Rifenmist Peninsula (and Opal's hometown). Opal is talked into taking part in the festival occurring that day, and most of the party goes along with her. What follows is pure, glorious shenanigans.
Orym doesn't (intend to) take part in the festival, but he reveals that he's never had pie before. Concerned citizens strongarm him into sampling all of their pies. That is not hyperbole. Aabria makes him roll Constitution saves to see if he can keep it all down.
- He says that one of the meat pies is a bit salty, spurring Aabria to have an NPC agree with him. The pie maker gets angry and throws a pie at them. Both make their Dex saves.
- Orym eventually moves on to the barbecue section of the festival, eventually getting meat sweats by the time he's finished.
Opal claims her talent is singing the classic song of Byroden. Aabria mimes her digging her own grave.
A beauty pageant is the centerpiece of the whole festival, and it is free to all entrants of all genders, whether they come from Byroden or not. Opal (previously a reigning champion), Fearne, Dorian, and Dariax all enter.
- Dariax uses his Cloak of Disguise to mimic Dorian's outfit, to Dorian's dismay. He completely bungles the interview portion of the contest by confusing "What kind of gem would you be?" with "What kind of jam would you be?" This makes him come across as an even greater ditz than usual.
  Aabria: (as the audience) Oh my god, so beautiful! What an outfit! We would hate to see that twice!
- Dorian angrily borrows the Cloak. However, all he can think about is Dariax's outfit, so that's what appears. It is still fitted for a dwarf, so the shoulders are much too broad and the pants are much too short. When he gets on stage and is asked about what gem he would be, his first response... wasn't exactly well thought out.
  Dorian: (flustered) I would be a- I would be- I would be a diamond! Cause they are hard as a rock, like I am-! No, no!
  (table breaks out into laughter)
- A still very-full of pie Orym comments that Dorian looks how he feels.
Fearne: He's really working those jorts though.
- Fearne's costume is fine, but her answer gets her some... concerned looks. She is asked what kind of flower she would be.
  Fearne: Oleander, because it has multiple purposes. They're beautiful, they smell great, and you can also kill someone if you need to.
- Meanwhile, even though Liam and Anjali's characters don't take part in the pageant, they as players absolutely do. They are given names and quickly have to create characters. Liam creates Cinna Brightbow, a larger than life dwarven jeweler who quickly becomes a hit with the cast and the audience. Anjali creates Lisle Vester, a mean girl and old rival of Opal's, whose entries are spoiled by Dariax's magic. He uses Thaumaturgy to make it seem like she loudly passes gas during her interview. This causes a Running Joke because Opal insists that Lisle has a bit of a rep for being a Gasshole.
- When Lisle goes up to do her interview and is hyping up the crowd, Dariax is initially cheering along before he notices how pissed off Opal looks and immediately stops, trying to look pissed off as well.
The talent portion is next, and the shenanigans continue.
- Cinna shows off her axe throwing. She takes someone from the crowd, ties him to a block of ice, and throws handaxes. Who does she take from the crowd? A certain halfling fighter who doesn't really resist because he's in a bit of a Food Coma. Cue Fy'ra scrambling to get to the display while Cinna throws her axes at Orym. The first axe lands about an inch above his head, the second right below his family jewels, and the third right beside his neck (it doesn't injure him, but the metal touches his neck). Afterwards, she jumps into the crowd and spends several minutes crowdsurfing.
  Matt: (right after Cinna throws her axe) I cast Bless on him!!
  - Makes it even funnier when Cinna declares that they should try "best two out of three" Dariax gives a big, "Yeah!" as he cheers along with the crowd.
- Opal's introduction:
  Announcer: And last, but not least! The prodigal daughter herself! You all know her, you all love her, some of you... were bullied by her in school, she is Opal!!
- As Fy'ra ushers Orym away, he checks to make sure that he's... fully intact.
- Lisle performs a display on a horse. Dariax uses Mage Hand to squeeze the horse's testes, causing him to rear up and throw her. However, she's able to flip while in air and make it look planned, much to Dariax and Opal's frustration.
Finally, the evening wear portion comes up, which brings some shenanigans of its own.
- Dariax, not knowing that he had to bring another outfit to the evening wear portion, uses his Cloak of Disguise to dress up as a tin man. The audience and Ruby are baffled.
  Dariax: I stunned them in silence. So I'm sorry if I really kind of, made it a challenge.
  - Cinna however, seems to like it. At the end of her performance, she calls out to Dariax calling him "Tin-tin" and saying she'd be seeing him later, followed by a big wink.
    Dariax: (genuinely confused) Where? Are we meeting up with her later?
    Opal: Uhhhh... might just be you.
- Dorian gets his turn with the audience remembering what he looked like last time. But now that he has clothes that actually fit him, some of the audience yell out, "When you wear clothes that fit you're very hot!" Some audience members start asking Dorian to float over to them, with others yelling out how they want to get pregnant. Robbie describes it as him floating over the crowd "blue Jesus-like". Once he returns to the group, they start flooding him with compliments, leading him to bashfully run away and throw his cloak back on.
  - Even Lisle is enraptured by Dorian, fanning herself and gives him all of her attention.
- As Opal walks out but doesn't get as big of a reaction, Aabria says that Orym and Fy'ra could help make Opal look better.
  Orym: ......Oh my god, what a vision!
Fearne taking note of Dorian's boots and saying she liked them. She then adds they were interesting before she seems to suddenly lose interest and walks off in the span of a second.
Dorian comes in to ask Fearne and Dariax a riddle. "A half-naked genasi, a six foot tall feywild fawn and a tiny robot walk into a bar. Who wins the drinking contest?" Fearne confidently says she would obviously win, Dariax just says he's not good with riddles.
This one-liner from Aabria when they are rolling for HP.
Aabria: (to Robbie) You can take the median if you're a little bitch boy.
The episode starts with the party trying (and nearly Epic Failling) to control their horses and carriage. Aabria ends up Corpsing as she tries to decide the results of the players' terrible rolls.

Episode 5: A Test Of Worth

Ashley is certain there's something different about Robbie, but she can't put her finger on it... He's shaved his beard off.
Comfy Matt, having shaved after the previous bit, has some glorious acrylics on while he makes some impressive gesticulations (on suggestion from Liam and Aimee). Omar is, for once, docile on the table next to him.
The group tries to think of names for themselves, coming up with names such as "The Pie Biters", "Hot Sexy Six", and "The Ash Holes".
Dariax tells the group he's been stocking up on pies for at least the week, and all Orym can do is repeatedly mutter, "No more."
A lovely bit of Mood Whiplash very early in the episode:
Opal: (into her pendant) Hey Ted... look I know I was a bitch last time, but umm...
(Liam actually sneezes)
Ashley: (Fearne voice) Bless you.
Opal: I hope you're not... sick... was that you? (laughter breaks out across the table)
Aabria: It feels a bit sticky for some reason.
When Dariax tells the group that the Spider Queen spoke to him in his dream, Opal asks if she was nice. Aabria immediately starts acting deeply offended.
Upon being informed that the plants ahead may be dangerous, Dariax responds with this gem: "I thought you said there was nothing to worry about in the jungle!
"I'll help you go get this rubbing. Just let me touch you."
- This leads to Dorian casting invisibility back on Dariax.
  Aabria: Thus breaking your invisibility!
  Robbie: NOOOO!
An unknown voice, later revealed to be the Wildmother, asks the group (sans Fy'ra) their purpose for coming here. While the others answer her in trepedation, Opal - believing it to be Ted - starts to pester her into revealing herself. Melora lays on the sass pretty thick.
Melora: Again, I'm a fucking goddess.
- Later,
  Opal: Um, goddess, did I swallow Ted?
  Beat
  Melora: It's honestly an easier way to explain it, yeah.
  Opal: [gasping] Get her out!
Dariax waving to the guys while the fey crocodile appears behind him, while Dorian is yelling at him to get out of there, like every slasher movie ever.
Aimee, being from Florida, relays the knowledge the crocodiles can be stunned if they are flipped on their back, with Matt concurring. Aabria is stunned by this trivia, which leads to Ashley and Liam looking up the fact to see if it's true. A few minutes later, they confirm that crocodile do in fact go docile when flipped on their back, leading to Opal trying to flip the crocodile with an Eldritch Blast. Aabria promptly refuses.
- A few minutes later, Opal decides to jump on the crocodile's back and use her Vicious Whip to flip it. Aabria is in utter disbelief for the entire scene, fully breaking when the crocodile fails its strength throw. Liam comments that this is "Laura Bailey level haggling".
Aabria's d20s are rolling pretty poorly throughout the crocodile encounter. She decides to chuck them somewhere in the studio in frustration.
Fearne plays an epic rendition of "Hot Cross Buns" with an astounding performance check of 21.

Episode 6: The Gift Among The Green

Cozy Matt is in a glorious homemade outfit (in pink!), while wearing the acrylics from last episode and sporting some wicked eyeliner. Omar is in a beautiful sparkly cape, stealing the audience's attention as per usual.
The group comes to their destination: a lost community dedicated to the Wildmother. It is located on the shores of a lake. As the others marvel at the history, Dariax starts stripping and jumps off of the cliff they are on. He is mostly naked by the time he lands.
Dariax: Dorian, can you toss me the rest of my stuff? I think I made a huge mistake.
- Fearne joins him in the skinny dipping, as does Mister. The others (except an amused Fy'ra) join them in the water, but keep their clothes on.
Fearne starts playing with the Big Friendly Dog Googal, which starts to get a bit confusing since she's technically part animal too.
Liam: Are they both doing that cat gif thing?
Aimee's constant misreading of 'tetrarchs' into 'tittyracks'. You know Laura Bailey would be proud.
The big brawl of the evening turns into a Mood Whiplash rollercoaster when Myratta's goons come after Opal:
- Dariax gets the genius idea to magically disguise himself as Opal just to confuse them. Then you hear Matt's Opal voice.
- Fearne turns into a male dire wolf to fully utilize its superior speed and tracking ability, since the kidnapper is invisible - which fouls up when she accidentally kills him. The rest of the party is already in a different scuffle, so Fearne drags the dead guy back to them by his head, causing it to come off by the time she gets there. Then Opal gets Ax-Crazy and chases down the last assailant while carrying that head.
- Even after the battle, Opal in Heroic BSoD is a lot funnier than it has any right to be.
Orym: Opal... Put down the head, let's go...
Opal: What head, Nancy?

Episode 7: Beyond the Heart City

Cozy Matt is finally normal for once while Omar is in an adorable bunny suit... until Matt is forced to break out the recorder to do a wonderful rendition of "Hot Cross Buns", a nod to Fearne's epic performance in Episode 5.
The story takes an Action Film, Quiet Drama Scene approach as our heroes spend a good chunk of time on night patrol and no small amount of self-introspection:
Robbie: Right after our encounter, Dorian's somewhere between an existential crisis and a pity party...
Aabria: (Sarcasm Mode) Tell me more!
Ashley: (sadsack voice) Story of my life!
Aabria: Something fantasy and not from my life, thank you!
"Headhunter Opal" makes her comeback in the fight against the stone beings, as she screams like a maniac with both daggers out, then leaps at one of them and stabs repeatedly like a sissy Kratos.

Episode 8: What Comes Next

Matt's facial journey seemingly cycles through all the stages of grief in a matter of seconds after Aabria forces him to do a full Dorian cosplay for the last Cozy Matt segment.
After taking a big hit from Dariax, one of the assailants swears in Elvish. Dariax swears back in Dwarvish... after Matt hastily checks his character sheet to confirm whether he can speak Dwarvish. If there's any Dwarf that can't, it'd be Dariax.
Mister gets his moment to shine, kinda, when Fearne holds him backwards and he starts projectile pooping.
Aabria: It's a scatling gun, if you will.

Kymal: Part 1

The episode begins with a game of The Changebringer's Favour. Fy'ra bets 25 gold and wins on a double-down, then Dariax, showing his sub-10 Intelligence and Wisdom, wagers 20 platinum and also goes for a double-down. Cue face-palming from across the table as Fy'ra clearly regrets telling Dariax he could "go again". To the amazement of everyone in and out of universe, he wins.
Dariax: When people think of luck, they think of good old Dariax!
Opal: He's lucky!
Robbie: (exasperated) He's got the luck of the idiots!
Opal grabs a woman's feather cloak, right in front of her. She later demands it back, with the black ichor staining it and Opal angrily flicking more at the woman.
Dariax's good sense with money appears again after being given his drink.
Morrighan: That will be one gold piece.
Dariax: Got it! (puts down a platinum piece)
Dariax dumping the entire Exandria Unlimited backstory to Morrighan with Cyrus staring on with great interest. Dorian however, is face palming in the back.
Dariax: It all started with us peeing off of a roof.
The arc gets its own Running Gag when the guys decide to use "poodle" as a code word for their big heist. Which leads to repeated mentions of "doing a poodle".
Dorian and Cyrus try to woo Morrighan by putting on their "bromance" act. Morrighan however, has been able to hear them clearly the whole time since they were scheming right in front of her.
After hearing that Poska is in Kymal, Dariax has a rather optimistic opinion of their chances... temporarily.
Dariax: Plus we're in public! What're they gonna do, stab us and shoot us in the middle of a crowded room or something?
Fy'ra: Yes.
Dariax: Oh shit...
Dorian and Cyrus sit down in the theater to await further instructions. Aabria describes it as a one man show of Scanlan and Vox Machina's foray into the dragon's stomach. Cue Matt resting his forehead into his hands.
- This, mind you, is all in the greater context of Aabria taking the Maiden's Wish and making it much, much more Vegas, to a series of... reactions from Matt.
- When it cuts back to them, the two of them are sharing a bag of hot salted nuts with Dorian commenting that the performance wasn't actually that bad.
Dorian: I don't know why all the reviews were so negative, it's not that bad.
- Cyrus brings up how Dorian hounded him for a week because his voice was "slightly pitchy" when singing their mother happy birthday. Dorian snarks that he was being nice, just as he was being to the performer. Cue Cyrus hitting Dorian in the chest.
Dariax when hearing of Deni$e, immediately books it out of the area.
- Later on as he and Opal are waiting for the signal, with Dariax explaining why he left her to Opal.
Dariax: If you met her, she's really controlling!
Opal: So you two were both being chased, and then you left her alone?
Dariax: Yeah! (beat) I mean when you put it like that.

Kymal: Part 2

It's Black Comedy galore as we're introduced to a themed spa based on the Chroma Conclave. Even noted spa enthusiast Dorian begins to doubt the whole idea as he slowly draws he cloak closer to his body.
Dorian: You have a room called the Diseased Deceiver?
- The receptionist has an entire intro for all the facilities, which he recites in a hilariously cracking voice. One of them involves a deep tissue massage from an orc masseur, which immediately draws an Oh, Crap! reaction.
- A beautiful case of Mood Whiplash, when The Reveal that Fy'ra Kai is working with the Nameless Ones is immediately followed by Dorian screaming blue murder from the deep tissue massage. Not helping is the fact that the orc masseur really looks like he's trying to fit Dorian into a suitcase when the guys find him.
  Fy'ra: Is that good or is that bad?!
  Dorian: I'M NOT SURE!!
- Even more hilarious is how most of the group run to Dorian half-naked. Dorian ends up shuffling out of the room with nothing to cover himself, being in too much pain to care.
The heist begins and Dorian accomplishes the impossible - giving Cyrus a role, lending him the new lute and making him the distraction. Which he does by playing the lute like that meme from The Road to El Dorado.
Cyrus: (ridiculous falsetto) Hell—OOOO!!

Wrap-Up

Marisha's in charge of this, so you'd think she'd be soft on Matt's running gag, right? Wrong — she requests he only wears the robe.
Marisha: Just don't uncross your legs.
Matt: Sorry, post team.
The joking implication that the ExU members are living in the studio after the game concluded.

Calamity

General

Brennan, unlike Matt and Aabria, opts to call the whole table out for their antics before the episodes start and when they come back from breaks.
Travis and Aabria are a goldmine of reactions. Many have commented that they want a fancam solely focusing on those two.
Brennan's penchant for Mood Whiplash at the absolute worst times makes the cast incredibly annoyed at his antics, with Lou having the biggest reactions to it.

Episode 1: Excelsior

After Zerxus's dream ends, the table starts yelling at Brennan for the Mood Whiplash and ask how they're supposed to go about their day after seeing that nightmare of a dream. Brennan jokes that they knew what they were in for from the name.
Brennan: It's not called EXU fuckin' Party Time, okay?
Lou: Can we? Is it too late?
Marisha: It's been ten minutes.
Lou: When do we get to breathe? When does that come?
Sam: This whole episode is a trigger warning.
Travis: I think I'm in the wrong class.
Aabria: Yeah, I was auditing the fun thing!
Travis: I thought this was freshman biology!
- After Zerxus wakes up and starts to take in the city of Avalir that morning, Brennan caps off with this:
  Brennan: To quote our wonderful producer Kyle Shire, it's 1979 and disco's never gonna die!
As Laerryn is discussing the city's upcoming landing with the Helmswoman Akami Rowe, she asks whether the people in the below city of Cathmoira are ready. When the helmswoman mentions that there are often "youths" hanging out in the landing area, Laerryn casually dismisses this with "They'll move or don't."
Laerryn getting the news that her ex-husband Loquatius was here to speak with her. As Loquatius appears, he notes that he kept sending messages to Laerryn, who ignored all of them. Then they start throwing barbs at one another, with the table laughing along with delight.
Laerryn: You have my unadulterated attention right now.
Loquatius: (interrupting) Well, that would make the first time that's ever happened.
Aabria: OH MY GOD! …I begin summoning a firebolt.
- Loquatius tries to assure Laerryn there's nothing going on between him and his secretary Aria. She just happens to be young and attractive as it comes with the job. Laerryn is absolutely seething throughout this exchange.
  - Travis gets so scared by the arguing between the two he asks if he could switch tables.
Nydas's men had apparently saved the enchanted glade home to a sphinx's maze, causing the sphinx to fell indebted to the man and offer him a boon. So if he needed anything, they would happily come to his aid and lay down their life for him. Nydas apparently used his boon to call the sphinx over for the "Parade of Beasts" so he could roar at the crowd. The sphinx is both confused and a little insulted over this request, as he was an intelligent creature who could converse and think.
- A later discussion requires Nydas to extricate himself from a conversation delicately. Being a well-prepared gentleman, he asked an aide to listen in, and pop in with a distraction if necessary. The distraction chosen?
Aide: Guildmaster, the sphinx is pitching alts on his roar.
By the time we get to Travis' character, Cerrit, it's become obvious that everyone is in a disparately different situation (except Sam and Aabria, who are the leads of the same Rom Com), and Cerrit being the equivalent of a head detective leads Aabria to exclaim "you're in a different movie than the rest of us!"
As they are leading into a big gala, Aabria asks Sam if his character brought a date. Sam decides on the spot that he absolutely did. This leads to Brennan having to come up with Bolo the Aeoran news intern, who he gives a very heavy stilted Slavic accent.
- Then, when Cerrit runs into Bolo, he introduces himself as Bolo is having an argument with a scarecrow automaton who won't give her drinks.
Bolo: This bag keeps arguing with me.
Cerrit: I hate it when they do that.
Bolo: Can you destroy?
[entire table corpses]
The cast making fun of Purvan Suul's given name becomes canonical, as Loquatius attempts to convince him to do a "PR makeover," advising him to change his first name. Just before he vanishes, Purvan snaps, "It's normal where I come from!"
When Purvan Suul is revealed, Travis, Marisha, Sam (campaign 1 players), and Aabria (fellow Exandrian DM) start freaking out because of his relevance to campaign 1. Newbies Luis and Lou simply look nonplussed.

Episode 2: Bitterness and Dread

Cerrit gets a sending from his son just after he stashes the body of the invisible assassin he killed. His son is messaging him to tell him that his sister (Cerrit's daughter) has snuck out of the house with some purloined liquor. He does so with over-the-top spy language, and Brennan gives him a very nerdy voice.
- Near the end of the conversation, the son admits that he snuck a sample of the booze as "evidence" and stashed it underneath his bed, before quickly saying that he put it somewhere else and Cerrit shouldn't worry about it.
As the Astral Leywright activates, Nydas shouts "IT'S GLORIOUS!" Later, Brennan speculates that he was probably the first person in history to see an incredible magical feat, shout that, and live to tell the tale.
Laerryn and Loquatius get sidetracked by a spat in the middle of a serious discussion about the issues with Chloras and the Calyx. Cerrit has to physically pull Laerryn away and Patia distracts Loquatius with a magic cocktail glass.
Loquatius: You're always gone at the most important times.
Cerrit, seeing disaster coming: Oooookaaaay, listen—
Laerryn: Do you wanna do this right now?
- The argument then picks right back up when Loquatius complains that she didn't tell him about the planeshifting plan.
Loquatius: I can keep a secret—
Laerryn: You can barely keep your dick in your pants.
Sam becomes incredibly smug when he learns that Loquatius and Zerxus inadvertently saved Purvan's life, and the rest of the started begging Marisha to not tell Loquatius.
As the party close off their discussion, Brennan makes an explosion sound, understandably making them incredibly nervous... just when he suddenly shouts that the fireworks extravaganza is starting. Some of the group's reactions are downright hysterical.
- Travis calls Brennan "a sack of crap".
- Marisha jokingly remarks that the Mood Whiplash was so stressful, she's canceling the whole miniseries.
- Lou is so done with Brennan's antics that he gets up from the table and flips him off with both hands.
Coming back from break, Lou tries to get in on the running gag of saying weird things to mess with the DM — but his timing is off.
Lou: Wesley Snipes tax evasion.
Brennan: We had to have caught that on camera.
After discovering the vial of sweet-smelling poison that was left for Patia, Laerryn drops it on the ground, letting it shatter. Sam immediately gets worried that it's an airborne poison.
Sam: What if it's, like... aroma activated?
Aabria: Then we all die here, baby! And it smells like Juicy Fruit!
The Ring of Brass go looking for information about Vespin Chloras. They find two of Loquatius' pre-recorded crystals. The first is a pre-recorded memorial for Eldamir the Wise. The second is an advertisement for Mulligan's Tavern.
Loquatius: The third best ale in Avalir, but the first best for making friends!
Brennan: You know what, I'll take it. I don't even drink, so that actually works for me.
Brennan pulls out a map as the group (well, Laerryn and Patia) get into the first battle of the series. Sam asks if Brennan made it, but Brennan tells him that he and Matt had hung out all morning and Matt put that map together. Aabria notes that Brennan had the opportunity to call him "Map Mercer".
- After everyone takes a moment to admire Matt's map, Laerryn proceeds to burn and smash their target to death. In one round.
Aabria: That's a nice map.
Through their telepathic bond, everyone in the Ring of Brass knew of the battle as it happened, but not all the details:
Nydas: Were you able to speak to him?
Loquatius: Yeah, get meaningful information and intel out of him?
Patia: That's what Zerxus is for. Zerxus?
Zerxus: Did you kill him, or just knock him unconscious?
Patia: No, he's dead.
Zerxus (exasperatedly): Okay, here we go...
- To elaborate, the target, Magister Micah Cormorant, was smashed by Laerryn's construct so hard that his heart and internal organs are splattered on the wall.
  Laerryn: Look, I can cast Mending on his...chest...
  Patia (nonchalantly): I've tried that; it doesn't work.
- Brennan mentions that Cormorant was an evoker. Aabria scoffs that "anyone can cast Fireball, bitch!".

Episode 3: Blood and Shadow

Laerryn uses Arcane Ward to intercept all 20 points of damage coming towards Loquatius. Unfortunately for her, Zerxus also intercepts some of the damage, and this is the only assist Loquatius notices.
Findras Lightbreaker and his Spellguard arrive on the battlefield after Lacrytia first vanishes. She howls at them, "Kill them all. Keep the blood of the Master's^noteThe "Master" being Asmodeus chosen. He lives!". Luis's reactions are absolutely hysterical.
Luis: It can't be me!
As Xartaza attacks Zerxus, Brennan mentions that the street is illuminated in various colors, making various "boom" noises along with it. The whole table is incredibly nervous at this... before Brennan jovially states that it's the finale of the fireworks extravaganza! Once again, everyone is incredibly annoyed at this.
Lou: You're crushing me! And you think this is the time do bits?! (everyone erupts in laughter) Let me out of the fucking hand! I can't even see it!
As Cerrit dashes towards the helm entrance, Sam asks if Cerrit would be unable to see glass like a bird and mimes him running into it. Cue the entire table laughing.
Aabria: He can see the grains of sand that are a mage's eyes, but windows are fucking nuts!
Xartaza ends up hitting Zerxus's protective ward instead, remarking in awe that his ward is "beautiful". The whole table is left aghast by her words as Luis hysterically states that he's "made the wrong choices".
Cerrit tries to do a Post-Mortem One-Liner after pulling off a sick crossbow shot, but nobody is close enough to hear his hardboiled dialogue over the noise of the fireworks finale.
Marisha: It's too loud for noir!
When the party arrives at the Tree of Names, Zerxus attempts to speak to it in Primordial:
Marisha: I also speak Primordial, so I know what he's saying.
Sam: I chose Dwarvish!
Marisha: What? Did you really?
Sam: Yeah!
Marisha: Why? Age of Arcanum!
Sam: I don't know! I thought dwarves were old!
Travis: It's a big market for the Herald's Tome.
Aabria's habit of throwing dice comes back again when she rolls a bad wisdom saving throw, leading to her violently chucking the dice in a corner in sheer annoyance.
Even as everyone is left in Stunned Silence by the ending, Sam still has this darkly humorous line to sum up the entirety of episode 3, said with a cheerful grin:
Sam: It had everything! We all betrayed each other, we betrayed the world, the world betrayed the world!

Episode 4: Fire and Ruin

Even as everything goes wild, Lou interjects a bit of levity to the proceedings with a Running Gag where he pretends to place calls to Gary Gygax Jr. to report Brennan for being a bad DM, with Sam responding as the confused toddler Gary Gygax III.
Loquatius dies of his injuries and has a Shapeshifter Swan Song of a sort. Instead of taking on the faces of others, his penis shifts to various animal penises.
Sam: The last phallic shape that you see looks exactly like Brennan.
Brennan: People think I'm nice, but really I just conform to the genre.
Marisha quietly takes out a box of tissues from under the table after Cerrit sends his children to their mother.
Nydas summons his dragon again, and cuts him off from their usual banter before they can even say anything.
Nydas: We don't have time to- shut the fuck up!
After saving Nydas from a group of K'nauthi, the sphinx from episode 1 says to consider that action as the boon and that he wants to be paid for the parade appearance.
The Age of Arcanum is ending, the city is in chaos, but when Loquatius is asked if he wants to work in an ad spot to their missive to the city... He does. It creates a massive Mood Whiplash when Loquatius reads the missive, paying Due to the Dead in the Ring of Brass, and then he suddenly segues into an ad spot. The entire table goes from crying in sadness to crying in laughter. In the EXU Calamity wrap-up, Brennan would call this a perfect joke.
Loquatius: Yes, of course! They're our best sponsor!
- After his broadcast, he turns back to Loras (who he stuck behind a Wall of Force just before starting his broadcast) and resigns.
Loquatius: Loras, yeah, I forgot about you for a second. You'll be fine in a few minutes. You know, I guess, good luck. It's been real. I quit. So this is my two weeks' notice! Good luck finding a replacement! *moonwalks out*
After Loquatius is revivified in the nude, Zerxes loses his shirt being attacked by Asmodeus, and Nydas tears his off during the fight, Aabria mutters under her breath "why is every boy naked?"
- Nydas is covered in tattoos, including a big-tiddy mermaid on his back and a spiraling serpent on his chest.
Marisha, Travis, and Aabria: Uk'otoa...
Marisha continues to spend many stressful scenes with only her head poking out over the table.
- Speaking of Marisha, at one point Travis rolls the most critical of all critical Nat 20's the show has ever had to offer. Marisha's response is to jump around and cheer as if she had just won a gameshow, including hugging Lou and being spun around.
Lady Elmenore speaks to her children (including Loquatius) and offers them a way out. Lou and Marisha start having what can only be described as a slow-motion slap fight, clawing at each other. Travis keeps repeating incredulously to Sam in an undertone: "You're a child of the Seelie Court? You're a descendant of the fucking Seelie Court?" Bear in mind that Loquatius' surname is Seelie and his catchphrase is "Seelie you later," so he wasn't exactly hiding it.

Funny / Critical Role: Exandria Unlimited

Season 1 and Kymal

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