Recap / Celebrity Deathmatch

Pilots

See also: The Cartoon Sushi & Deathbowl '98 pilot episodes

1. Charles Manson vs. Marilyn Manson

• Charles Manson vs. Marilyn Manson^{Who won?}Marilyn Manson, after tearing out Charles Manson's skeleton out of his mouth.

2. Deathbowl '98

• Kathie Lee Gifford vs. Howard Stern^{Who won?}Howard Stern, after melting Kathie Lee with his own fart fumes.
• Pamela Anderson vs. RuPaul^{Who won?}Pamela Anderson, after using RuPaul's own leg to impale him through the eye.
• Spice Girls vs. Hanson^{Who won?}Marilyn Manson, after cutting the light rigging and crushing both the Spice Girls and Hanson.

Season 1

3. Seinfeld's Last Stand

• Hillary Rodham Clinton vs. Monica Lewinsky^{Who won?}Neither combatant; both Hillary and Monica leave to beat up Bill Clinton.
• Mariah Carey vs. Jim Carrey^{Who won?}Mariah Carey, after holding an incredibly high note until Jim Carrey's head explodes.
• Tim Allen vs. Jerry Seinfeld^{Who won?}Tim Allen, after Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Michael Richards get in the ring and ambush Jerry for ending Seinfeld.

4. Where is Stallone?

• Rosie O'Donnell vs. Oprah Winfrey^{Who won?}Neither combatant, after Jerry Springer enters the ring and challenges Rosie and Oprah to a fight, which later takes place in "Nick In A Coma".
• Liam Gallagher vs. Noel Gallagher^{Who won?}Gallagher, after entering the ring and crushing Liam's and Noel's heads with his hammer.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Sylvester Stallone^{Who won?}Sylvester Stallone, after both Sylvester and Arnold knock each other out and Mills Lane begins to count them out. As they both try to stand up, Sylvester sweep-kicks Arnold and takes the win.

5. The Mystery Of The Loch Ness Monster

• Bigfoot vs. The Loch Ness Monster^{Who won?}The Loch Ness Monster, after slicing Bigfoot in half with its tail six seconds after the match starts. It then went on a rampage, killing several people in the audience (including Don King, to Mike Tyson's joy), and kidnapping Fran Drescher. Stone Cold would posit later in the episode that Nessie was attracted to Drescher's trademark shrill voice.
• Mick Jagger vs. Steven Tyler^{Who won?}Mick Jagger, after using his tongue to stab Steven through the chest.
• David Letterman vs. Jay Leno^{Who won?}Nobody; the Loch Ness Monster enters the arena and tries to enter the ring, but gets electrocuted by the electric fence surrounding the ring and explodes, crushing David and Jay with its corpse. Fran Drescher ultimately survived the fracas.

6. Celebrity Deathmatch Goes To The Movies

• Roger Ebert vs. Gene Siskel^{Who won?}Gene Siskel, after he spins Ebert around by his thumb until the bind that held their thumbs together break, sending Ebert flying into the commentator's booth, splitting his skull in half.
• Dean Martin vs. Jerry Lewis^{Who won?}Dean Martin, after whacking Jerry Lewis out of the ring.
• Spike Lee vs. Quentin Tarantino^{Who won?}Woody Allen, after breaking Spike's neck and tearing out Tarantino's ribcage.

7. Nick In A Coma

• Cindy Crawford vs. Janeane Garofalo^{Who won?}Neither combatant, after Cindy throws Janeane at the ropes, sending her lying back at Cindy and koncking each other out.
• Elvis Presley vs. Jerry Garcia^{Who won?}Neither combatant, as this was a dream sequence from Nick Diamond.
• Rosie O'Donnell vs. Oprah Winfrey vs. Jerry Springer^{Who won?}Oprah Winfrey, after she and Rosie split Jerry in half like a wishbone; Oprah then dices Rosie to pieces by shoving her through the Dome of Devastation.

8. Nick Returns

• Fiona Apple vs. John Popper^{Who won?}John Popper, after rolling over Fiona and flattening her.
• Christopher Walken vs. Gary Oldman^{Who won?}Christopher Walken, after crushing Gary's head in his hands.
• Garth Brooks vs. Marilyn Manson^{Who won?}Marilyn Manson, after scalping Garth with his own guitar.

9. Presented By Big Bull Beer

• Aretha Franklin vs. Barbra Streisand^{Who won?}Aretha Franklin, after playing dead and tricking Barbra into drinking a bucket of water contaminated with the Bubonic plague.
• Bill Gates vs. Michael Flatley ^{Who won?}A robot version of Michael Flatley built by Bill Gates. Bill built the robot to slam Michael against the ring unti he broke into pieces, until the robot turned against Bill and did the same to him.
• Leonardo DiCaprio vs. Jack Nicholson^{Who won?}Jack Nicholson, after caving Leo's face in by slamming it in to the turnbuckle.

10. The Missing Girl

• Sean Combs vs. Trent Reznor^{Who won?}Neither combatant, after slicing each other into bits.
• David Hasselhoff vs. John Tesh^{Who won?}David Hasselhoff, after KITT drives itself into the ring and crushes John Tesh.
• Bruce Willis and Demi Moore vs. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman^{Who won?}Demi Moore and Nicole Kidman, after "Stone Cold" Steve Austin slams Tom Cruise and Bruce Willis' heads together.

11. Battle of The Bulls

• David Spade vs. Steven Seagal^{Who won?}David Spade, after launching Scottie Pippen's NBA championship ring through Steven's head via slingshot.
• Prince Charles vs. Prince^{Who won?}Prince Charles, after smashing Prince's head in with a mallet.
• Michael Jordan vs. Dennis Rodman^{Who won?}Michael Jordan, after shoving a basketball in Dennis' mouth and slam dunking him into a trash can.

12. 37th Annual Sci-Fi Fight Night

• Céline Dion vs. Keith Flint^{Who won?}"Celine Dion" (actually Zatar the Alien), after ripping Keith's head off and swallowing it.
• Zatar the Alien vs. Nick Diamond^{Who won?}Nick Diamond, after tearing Zatar's brain out through his eye.
• David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson vs. Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith^{Who won?}David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, after Will accidentally obliterates himself and Tommy by firing a laser gun being held backwards.

13. Masters Of The Martial Arts

• Roseanne Barr vs. Kelsey Grammer^{Who won?}Kelsey Grammer, after slipping out of his own skin, which terrifies Roseanne to the point that she has a heart attack.
• Brandy vs. Courtney Love^{Who won?}Brandy, after she gives Courtney a baby bear as a peace offering, until the baby bear's mother enters the ring and mauls Courtney to pieces.
• Jackie Chan vs. Jean-Claude Van Damme^{Who won?}Jackie Chan, after decapitating Jean-Claude with Chuck Norris' detached arms.

14. Fandemonium I

• "Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon^{Who won?}"Stone Cold" Steve Austin, after beating Vince to pieces with a tombstone.
• Adam Sandler vs. Chris Rock^{Who won?}Chris Rock, after throwing Adam Sandler out of the ring by his liver and imapling him on a lever.
• Carmen Electra vs. Jenny McCarthy^{Who won?}Jenny McCarthy, after launching Howard Stern into Carmen like a missile, sending them flying into a brick wall where Carmen is crushed by Howard.

Season 2

1. Deathbowl '99

• Dolly Parton vs. Jennifer Lopez^{Who won?}Jennifer Lopez, after Dolly's breast-inflating armor fills up with too much air and sends her into space, where she explodes.
• Michael Jackson vs. Madonna^{Who won?}Madonna, after Michael accidentally transforms into a hamster (he was meaning to transform into a panther) and is kicked into a vat of acid by Madonna.
• Evander Holyfield vs. Mike Tyson^{Who won?}Evander Holyfield, after Mike pushes him off a condemned building and he lands on a TNT plunger, blowing the building, and Mike, to bits.

2. Battle of the Boys with Toys

• Ice Cube vs. Ice-T^{Who won?}Ice Cube. After he is frozen beneath the ice rink and is held by a crane, Vanilla Ice enters the arena and smashes Ice-T against the ring with a zamboni, which causes the Ice Cube-encased ice cube to fall and crush Vanilla Ice and break.
• Al Pacino vs. Robert De Niro^{Who won?}Robert De Niro, after beating Al Pacino to death with Majai.
• Backstreet Boys vs. Beastie Boys^{Who won?}The Beastie Boys, after launching a missile at the Backstreet Boys' giant robot, exploding the band members.

3. Magic, Flashbacks and Pregnancies

• Calista Flockhart vs. Lucy Lawless^{Who won?}Lucy Lawless, after she shoves Calista's entire body up her ass.
• Boy George vs. Don Johnson^{Who won?}Boy George, after Don's head is crushed by Ronald Reagan.
• Penn & Teller vs. Siegfried & Roy^{Who won?}Teller and Roy, after Teller launched himself at Siegfried from a missile launcher and destroyed him and then fed Penn to Roy's white tiger.

4. The Time Machine

• Jennifer Aniston vs. Courteney Cox vs. Lisa Kudrow^{Who won?}Matthew Perry, after he launches David Schwimmer from a reclining chair into the sitcom set that was built in the ring, causing it to fall and crush every Friends cast member (except for Perry and Matt Le Blanc).
• Sean Connery vs. Roger Moore^{Who won?}Roger Moore, after he crushes Sean with a huge rock.
• Mahatma Gandhi vs. Genghis Khan^{Who won?}Mahatma Gandhi, after he crushes Khan under the ring.

5. The Unknown Murderer

• Moses vs. Ramses II^{Who won?}Harrison Ford, after Ramses II impales Moses on a pyramid and Harrison bashes him out of the ring.
• Geraldo Rivera vs. Larry King^{Who won?}Geraldo Rivera, after crushing Larry under a desk.
• Neve Campbell vs. Sarah Michelle Gellar^{Who won?}Nobody, Neve and Sarah stop fighting to beat up a platypus mascot, who is revealed to be an actual platypus, after believing it is the mystery killer who killed Drew Barrymore and Jamie Lee Curtis earlier in the episode.

6. Celebrity Deathmatch Internacional

• Mel Gibson vs. Paul Hogan^{Who won?}Mel Gibson, after impaling him with a spear and cooking him on a grill.
• Antonio Banderas vs. Cheech Marin^{Who won?}Cheech Marin, after beating Antonio like a piñata until his intestines fall out.
• Bono vs. Fabio vs. Yoko Ono^{Who won?}Fabio, after Yoko Ono beats Bono to death with her statue and Yoko is crushed in a folding couch.

7. The End of the Real World

• Tyra Banks vs. Claudia Schiffer vs. Kate Moss^{Who won?}Nobody, after the three supermodels literally tear each other apart into hideous globs.
• Busta Rhymes vs. William Shakespeare^{Who won?}William Shakespeare, after Busta ran into the time machine out of fear and got sent back to Shakespeare's time of existence.
• Jacinda Barrett vs. David "Puck" Rainey vs. Jon Brennon vs. Tami Roman^{Who won?}Jon Brennon; Jacinda got beaten to death, Tami got her head crushed by Puck's bicycle, and Puck flew into a fish tank, where his head was attacked by piranhas.

8. Deathmatch: The Motion Picture

• Martin Scorsese vs. Oliver Stone^{Who won?}Oliver Stone, after decapitating Martin with a director's slate.
• Groucho Marx vs. John Wayne^{Who won?}Groucho Marx, after John got thrown into Harpo Marx's harp and his head got sliced up.
• Cameron Diaz vs. Meryl Streep^{Who won?}Meryl Streep, after stabbing Cameron through the chest with a boom mic.

9. Cable Day

• Emeril Lagasse vs. Two Fat Ladies^{Who won?}Two Fat Ladies, after cooking Emeril like a chicken.
• Jesse Camp vs. Matt Pinfield^{Who won?}Matt Pinfield, after Mills Lane stomps on Jesse's head.
• Alex Trebek vs. Pat Sajak^{Who won?}Neither combatant, after Alex is crushed in a "punishment booth" and Pat Sajak is sliced up by a Wheel of Fortune-style wheel.

10. 4th Of July Celebration

• Bill Clinton vs. Kenneth Starr^{Who won?}Bill Clinton, after Kenneth is thrown into the Liberty Bell and his head explodes.
• James Van Der Beek vs. Saddam Hussein^{Who won?}James Van Der Beek, after wrapping Saddam in the American flag and beating him to death with the flagpole.
• Abraham Lincoln vs. George Washington^{Who won?}Abraham Lincoln, after George is blown up by stray fireworks.

11. Family Day

• Charlie Sheen vs. Emilio Estevez^{Who won?}Charlie Sheen, after Emilio gets ripped apart by prostitutes.
• Donny and Marie Osmond vs. Eric and Julia Roberts^{Who won?}Eric and Julia Roberts, after Donny and Marie chomp each other's heads off.
• Jerry and Ben Stiller vs. Bob and Jakob Dylan^{Who won?}Jerry Stiller, after he screams in Jakob's ear and destroys his brain, Ben gets electrocuted by Bob's electric suit, and Bob gets Johnny Gomez's brother-in-law pushed onto him, which blows them both apart.

12. Censoring Problems

• Ron Jeremy vs. Tommy Lee^{Who won?}Tommy Lee, after he stabbed Ron in the eye with his penis.
• Alanis Morissette vs. Jewel^{Who won?}Alanis Morissette, after she whacked Jewel into a light rigging, electrocuting and exploding her.
• The Three Stooges vs. The Three Tenors^{Who won?}The Three Stooges, after Moe shoves Plácido Domingo into the time machine and ages him to dust, Curly rips off Luciano Pavarotti's face, and Curly head-butts José Carreras so hard his face caves in.

13. Salute To Laughter

• Carrot Top vs. Dennis Miller^{Who won?}Dennis Miller, after he sticks a bicycle pump in Carrot Top's ass and turns him into a balloon animal, then takes out a pin and pops him.
• Rodney Dangerfield vs. Don Rickles^{Who won?}Rodney Dangerfield, after he punches Don to pieces.
• Billy Crystal vs. Whoopi Goldberg vs. Robin Williams^{Who won?}Whoopi Goldberg, after Robin rips off Billy's head and Robin gets ripped in half by Whoopi.

14. The Laser Pointer

• Elton John vs. Ozzy Osbourne^{Who won?}Ozzy Osbourne, after he bites off Elton's head.
• Sandra Bernhard vs. Martha Stewart^{Who won?}Martha Stewart, after she sccops out Sandra's innards.
• Tom Hanks vs. Sean Penn^{Who won?}Tom Hanks, after he rips Sean's spine out.

15. Robot Nicky

• Gary Coleman vs. Rick Schroder^{Who won?}Gary Coleman, after he kicks Rick's limbs off, then jumps on his body, sending his head flying off.
• Lauryn Hill vs. Shania Twain^{Who won?}Lauryn Hill, after sucking Shania's brain out with a milking machine.
• Hugh Grant vs. All Comers (Clint Eastwood, Harvey Keitel, and Andy Dick)^{Who won?}Andy Dick, after Hugh jumps onto Clint, crushing him, he launches Harvey into a brick wall, and Andy tears out Hugh's heart, where it's revealed Hugh has been a robot the whole fight.

16. The Prophecy

• Dennis Franz vs. Sammo Hung^{Who won?}Dennis Franz, after he jumps off the top ropes, crushing Sammo.
• Chris Tucker vs. Steven Wright^{Who won?}Chris Tucker, after pulling Steven's intestines out his mouth.
• Gwyneth Paltrow vs. Winona Ryder^{Who won?}Winona Ryder, after she cuts Gwyneth in half with the Dome of Devastation.

17. In the Memory of Stacey Cornbred

• Bette Midler vs. Cher^{Who won?}Bette Midler, after she flattens Cher with a steamroller.
• Roberto Benigni vs. Benito Mussolini^{Who won?}Roberto Benigni, after he accidentally shoots himself out of a tank and impales Benito with himself.
• Nicolas Cage vs. John Travolta^{Who won?}John Travolta, after he rips off Nicolas's asscheeks and crushes his head with them.

18. Halloween episode I

• Frankenstein's Monster vs. The Wolf Man^{Who won?}Frankenstein's Monster, after he tears off The Wolf Man's head.
• The Undertaker vs. Captain Doody^{Who won?}The Undertaker, who does a tombstone piledriver on Captain Doody.
• KISS vs. N Sync^{Who won?}Kiss, after JC Chasez gets blown up by Paul Stanley's eye laser, Lance Bass gets sliced into pieces by Paul's eye laser, Ace Frehley balls up Justin Timberlake and flattens him when he jumps off the top ropes, Ace Frehley knocks Joey Fatone out of the ring with his guitar, and Gene Simmons falls and crushes Chris Kirkpatrick.

19. High-Tech Fighting

• Billy Blanks vs. Richard Simmons^{Who won?}Billy Blanks, after he ties Richard Simmons into a bow and squeezes him until his head pops off.
• Don King vs. Donald Trump^{Who won?}Donald Trump, after he jumps in Don's mouth until he splits in two.
• Brad Pitt vs. Keanu Reeves^{Who won?}Neither combatant. After Brad is thrown onto the supercomputer that was in the ring, converting him into pure energy. He then transfers himself into Keanu's brain, where he destroys it, killing Keanu. He then transfers back into the supercomputer, but it explodes, killing Brad.

20. Fandemonium II

• Ben Affleck vs. Matt Damon^{Who won?}Ben Affleck, after he kicks Matt into a meat grinder.
• Ozzy Osbourne vs. Rob Zombie^{Who won?}Ozzy Osbourne, after he splits Rob's skull open and removes his brain.
• Marilyn Manson vs. Ricky Martin^{Who won?}Marilyn Manson, after Ricky bites off Marilyn's hand and it comes to life in his stomach and bursts through his skull.

Season 3

1. Deathbowl 2000

• Andre Agassi vs. Tiger Woods^{Who won?}Andre Agassi, after he shoots tennis balls into Tiger's ass until he explodes.
• O. J. Simpson vs. Joe Namath^{Who won?}O.J. Simpson, after he punts Joe into the air, where he gets impaled on a goalpost.
• Mark McGwire vs. Sammy Sosa^{Who won?}Sammy Sosa, after he uses a baseball bat to knock Mark's head off.

2. The New Employee

• Britney Spears vs. Christina Aguilera^{Who won?}A moving arm, after they literally tear each other to shreds until only a sentient arm keeps fighting (no one was able to identify whose arm it was).
• Flea vs. Kenny G^{Who won?}Flea, after he tears off Kenny G's jaw and stabs him in the face with it.
• Anthony Edwards vs. Eriq La Salle vs. Noah Wyle^{Who won?}Anthony Edwards, after Eriq screams in Noah's stethoscope, causing his head to explode, and Anthony injects Eriq with malaria.

3. Turn on Your TV Day

• Bryant Gumbel vs. Katie Couric^{Who won?}Katie Couric, after she and Willard Scott throw him into a window, slicing him to pieces.
• Judge Judy vs. Susan Lucci^{Who won?}Mills Lane, after Judy crushes Susan's brain with a Bible and Mills electrocutes Judy with a lamp.
• Craig Kilborn vs. Tom Green^{Who won?}Tom Green, after he shoves a megaphone in Craig's mouth and screams through the back of his head.

4. Freak Fights

• Larry Flynt vs. Hugh Hefner^{Who won?}Larry Flynt, after he runs Hugh down with his wheelchair, flattens him, folds his body like a piece of paper and rips it in half.
• Cousin Grimm vs. Pierce McCrack^{Who won?}Cousin Grimm, after he rips out Pierce's spine and impales him with it.
• Eminem vs. Kid Rock^{Who won?}Joe C., after he falls onto Eminem (destroying Eminem's head in the process), takes over his body and stomps on Kid Rock's chest, crushing it.

5. Celebrity Deathmatch's Salute to Hollywood

• Kevin Costner vs. Kevin Smith^{Who won?}Kevin Smith, after he shoves Costner into a box and mails him to the middle of the ocean, where he is eaten by a shark.
• Kathy Bates vs. Sharon Stone^{Who won?}Kathy Bates, after Sharon knocks off Kathy's foot, where it ricochets around the arena until it impales Sharon's brain.
• Alfred Hitchcock vs. Steven Spielberg^{Who won?}Alfred Hitchcock, after Steven is ripped apart by the spirits in the Ark of the Covenant.

6. Congressional Hearings

• Ted Kennedy vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin^{Who won?}Nobody, after Stone Cold convinces Ted to come down from his wrath.

7. Teen Night

• Alyssa Milano vs. Melissa Joan Hart^{Who won?}Alyssa Milano, after she ties Melissa to a stake; Salem the Cat frees Melissa but the stake falls and crushes them.
• Mary-Kate Olsen vs. Ashley Olsen^{Who won?}Betty-Sue Olsen, the third Olen twin, after she rips the other Olsen twins apart.
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Scott Wolf vs. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe^{Who won?}Scott Wolf, after Ryan Phillippe gets launched into a disco ball that was hanging above the ring, Reese Witherspoon gets sliced by the ropes, and Betty-Sue Olsen (the third Olsen twin) tears a rotisserie chicken out of Jennifer Love Hewitt's chest.

8. Sex, Lugs And Rock 'n' Roll

• Pamela Anderson vs. Heather Locklear^{Who won?}Heather Locklear, after Pamela's enhanced breasts malfunction and explode.
• Axl Rose vs. Slash^{Who won?}Slash, after he cuts Axl into paper dolls.
• Dale Earnhardt vs. Jeff Gordon^{Who won?}Dale Earnhardt, after he grinds Jeff into dust under his tire.

9. Johnny & Debbie... In Love? (1)

• Chuck Woolery vs. Regis Philbin^{Who won?}Chuck Woolery, after he tears out Regis' lungs.
• Napoléon Bonaparte vs. Joe Pesci^{Who won?}Napoleon Bonaparte, after he punches Joe until his brain leaks out of his ears.
• Kevin Bacon vs. All Comers (Meg Ryan, Martin Lawrence and Jesse Ventura)^{Who won?}Kevin Bacon, after he impales Meg on a sign, he stomps on Martin's head, and he punches a hole through Jesse's chest, climbs through the hole, and tears him in half from the inside.

10. Time Travelling (2)

• Nick Diamond vs. The Satyr^{Who won?}Nick Diamond, after he sticks a Roman candle up the Satyr's ass and it blows him in half.
• Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper^{Who won?}Sherlock Holmes, after he zips up Jack's coat, where he is cut up by his own knives.
• Joan Rivers vs. Melissa Rivers^{Who won?}Melissa Rivers, after she unravels Joan's skin until all her skin comes off and her bones collapse.

11. In the Head of Nicky Jr.

• Rage Against the Machine vs. The Machine^{Who won?}The Machine, after slicing up Bard Wilk and Tim Commerford, then crushing Zack de la Rocha and Tom Morello.
• Al Gore vs. "Weird Al" Yankovic^{Who won?}Al Gore, after he rips Weird Al's eye out and sucks his brain out.
• John Cusack vs. John Malkovich^{Who won?}John Malkovich, after he electrocutes John Cusack with a nerve.

12. The Battle of the Heavy Metal Maniacs

• Beni Trauma vs. Potato Khan^{Who won?}Potato Khan, after he tears Beni apart with his mutated tentacles.
• Ernest Hemingway vs. Mick Foley^{Who won?}Mick Foley, after he tears off Ernest's jaw, causing his brain to fall out.
• Fred Durst vs. James Hetfield^{Who won?}James Hetfield, after he uses a vacuum to stuff metal objects down Fred's throat and various magnets cause the metal objects to rip through him.

13. The Prisoners

• Bruce Springsteen vs. James Gandolfini^{Who won?}Bruce Springsteen, after he flushes James down a high-powered toilet.
• Drew Barrymore vs. Farrah Fawcett^{Who won?}Farrah Fawcett, after she stretches Drew's neck out and lets go, sending it flying and slicing Drew in half.
• Christian Slater vs. Robert Downey Jr.^{Who won?}Robert Downey Jr., after he uses a meat slicer to slice Christian to pieces.

14. Courtney Love Returns

• Eddie Murphy vs. Nick Nolte^{Who won?}Nick Nolte, after he tears out Eddie's heart.
• Macaulay Culkin vs. Haley Joel Osment^{Who won?}Haley Joel Osment, after Macaulay is ripped apart by the ghosts of past celebrities who died on the show.
• Dave Grohl and Billy Corgan vs. Courtney Love^{Who won?}Dave Grohl, after Billy gets his head crushed in the Dome of Devastation, and Courtney gets crushed by a piano.

15. The Return of Lucy Lawless

• David Arquette vs. Paul Reiser^{Who won?}David Arquette, after he puts a cell phone in Paul's brain and calls it, causing the radiation to explode Paul's head.
• Michael Douglas vs. Martin Sheen^{Who won?}Martin Sheen, after he tears off Michael's head.
• TLC vs. Dixie Chicks^{Who won?}Left-Eye, after she unties a chandelier which falls and crushes the two remaining Dixie Chicks to bits.

16. Halloween episode II

• Brendan Fraser vs. The Mummy^{Who won?}Brendan Fraser, after he smacks the mummy's spine out through his mouth.
• Sarah Michelle Gellar vs. The Vampire^{Who won?}The Vampire, after he sucks out all of Sarah's blood.
• Debbie Matenopoulos vs. Zombie Stacey Cornbred^{Who won?}Debbie Matenopoilos, after she crushes Stacey in the crack of a door.

17. A Night of Vomit

• Burt Reynolds vs. William Shatner^{Who won?}William Shatner, after he tears Burt's torso off and removes his vital organs.
• Ellen DeGeneres vs. Dr. Laura Schlessinger^{Who won?}Ellen DeGeneres, after she beats Laura relentlessly until her brain falls out.
• George W. Bush vs. Gavin Rossdale^{Who won?}Gavin Rossdale, after he plugs his guitar into George's ear and plays his guitar, causing George's head to explode.

18. Suddenly Diamond

• Diana Ross vs. Whitney Houston^{Who won?}Whitney Houston, after Diana is launched into an x-ray machine and then electrocuted.
• Anthony Hopkins vs. Jodie Foster^{Who won?}Anthony Hopkins, after he eats Jodie Foster.
• Charlton Heston vs. Russell Crowe^{Who won?}Russell Crowe, after the Tower of Terror (a giant tower the two were fighting on) falls over and crushes Charlton.

19. Family Night II

• Ashley Judd vs. Wynonna Judd^{Who won?}Wynonna Judd, after Ashley uses a plastic straw to suck all the fat out of Wynonna, which fills up Ashley's head with blubber. Wynonna trips Ashley over and her bloated head explodes.
• Carroll O'Connor vs. Sherman Hemsley^{Who won?}Neither, after they both fall down a set of stairs.
• Alec and Daniel Baldwin vs. Damon and Keenen Ivory Wayans^{Who won?}Daniel Baldwin, after he murders Damon, Keenen Ivory, and Alec while in a hallucinogenic rage.

20. Nick's Little Friend

• Phil Collins vs. Sting^{Who won?}Phil Collins, after he rips Sting's legs off and crushes his head with them.
• Warren Beatty and Annette Bening vs. Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon^{Who won?}Annette Bening and Tim Robbins, after they turn on their lovers and smash their skulls together.
• Ol' Dirty Bastard vs. LeAnn Rimes^{Who won?}ODB, after he stomps on LeAnn's skull and rips her tongue off.

21. Nick Gets High

• Dana Carvey vs. Mike Myers^{Who won?}Dana Carvey, after he shoves Mike's pinky through his own skull.
• Angelina Jolie vs. Sandra Bullock^{Who won?}Angelina Jolie, after she stretches her own giant lips on opposite turnbuckles and sucks in air, drawing Sandra closer toward her, only for her lips to snap off and slice Sandra in half.
• Leonardo DiCaprio vs. Woody Harrelson^{Who won?}Woody Harrelson, after Leo is eaten by a Venus fly trap.

22. Deathcon 2001

• Linda Hamilton vs. Sigourney Weaver^{Who won?}Linda Hamilton, after she throws Sigourney out of the ring and impales her on a chestburster action figure.
• Cousin Grimm vs. Potato Khan^{Who won?}Potato Khan, after he is sliced with a potato peeler and his slices mutate into miniature versions of himself. Cousin Grimm tries to eat the Potato Khans, but they burst out of his head, exploding it.
• Harrison Ford vs. Samuel L. Jackson^{Who won?}Harrison Ford, after he cuts Samuel into a birdhouse.

23. Fandemonium 2000

• Beavis vs. Butt-Head^{Who won?}Beavis, after he slices Butt-Head to pieces with forks (which had been used to replace Beavis's hands after they were cut off).
• Backstreet Boys vs. N Sync^{Who won?}'N Sync, after Justin and Chris electrocute the Backstreet Boys while they were in their "Backstreet Beast" form.

Season 4

1. Where is Bob Costas?

• Lil' Kim vs. Little Richard^{Who won?}Lil' Kim, after she squeezes Little Richard's guts out of where his nipples should be (he tore them off after Lil' Kim used her pasties as Chinese throwing stars).
• Helen Hunt vs. Leelee Sobieski^{Who won?}Leelee Sobieski, after she fed Helen her own hair and then pulled it out of her ears, which caused Helen's head to implode.
• George Clooney vs. Mark Wahlberg^{Who won?}Paul Newman and Robert Redford, after they jumped off the catwalk and crushed them.

2. Slaughter and the City

• Steve Irwin vs. Medusa^{Who won?}Steve Irwin, after he put a bag on Medusa's head and she used her tentacles to wack him off of her while he was still holding the bag, decapitating her.
• Drew Carey vs. Ray Romano^{Who won?}Ray Romano, after he slingshotted his jock onto Drew's face, causing his face to break out in jock itch. Drew then scratched his own face off out of agony.
• Kim Cattrall vs. Cynthia Nixon vs. Kristin Davis vs. Sarah Jessica Parker^{Who won?}Kristin Davis, after Kim stuck a back massager through Cynthia's neck and vibrated her head off, Kim tore off Sarah's high heels and impaled her head with them, and Kristen broke Kim in half by launching a back massager off the ropes and into her torso.

3. A Celebrity Deathmatch Special Report

• Katie Holmes vs. Keri Russell^{Who won?}Claire Danes, after Keri got thrown out of the ring and accidentally swallowed a helium tank, which caused her to inflate to mass proportions until she was popped by Claire's hydrogen peroxide darts, which killed Katie, as well as almost all of the audience members.
• Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond vs. Sam Donaldson^{Who won?}Johnny and Nick, after they forced a microphone and a fireman's hose down Sam's throat, electrocuting him as they turned the water on.
• Claire Danes vs. Whoopi Goldberg^{Who won?}Neither; they stopped fighting so Claire would admit why she triggered the Keri Russell explosion.

4. Blink 182 vs. 98 Degrees

• blink-182 vs. 98 Degrees^{Who won?}Blink-182 and Jessica Simpson, after Blink-182's giant robot damaged 98 Degrees' giant robot, causing it to attack the city. Jessica Simpson was then turned into a giant to stop the 98 Degrees robot, so she decapitated it and threw it at a missile sent by George W. Bush, exploding the Boy Band.

5. Food Fights

• Jonathan Davis vs. Meat Loaf^{Who won?}Jonathan Davis, after a piece of corn was shot through Meat Loaf's chest.
• Colonel Sanders vs. Dave Thomas^{Who won?}Dave Thomas, after a rabid chicken tore Colonel Sanders' head off.
• Michael Caine vs. Kevin Spacey^{Who won?}Neither, after Michael Caine (dressed as a hot dog) exploded when he was held under a hot lamp, and Kevin Spacey (dressed as a cheeseburger) was eaten by Dave Thomas.

6. Where Is Albert Einstein's Brain?

• Albert Einstein vs. Chyna^{Who won?}Chyna, after Einstein's tounge was wrapped around him and his brain was squeezed out.
• Eddie Vedder vs. Scott Stapp^{Who won?}Eddie Vedder and Tom Waits, after Tom ran into the arena and beat Scott's face in.
• David Blaine vs. David Copperfield^{Who won?}David Copperfield, after he knocked David Blaine into a piranha tank, where he was eaten alive.

7. Debbie is Pregnant

• Corey Feldman vs. Corey Haim^{Who won?}Neither, after both Coreys, as well as Harvey Weinstein, were impaled by the giant pole Harvey was sitting on.
• Lisa Ling vs. Lucy Liu^{Who won?}Lucy Liu, after she kicked Lisa Ling through the skull.
• Kobe Bryant vs. Shaquille O'Neal^{Who won?}Kobe Bryant, after he ripped various body parts out/off of Shaq and used them as makeshift basketballs.

8. Gottfried in the Arena

• Frankie Muniz vs. Robert Iler^{Who won?}Frankie Muniz, after he fed Robert ravioli spiked with antacids, which caused Robert's stomach to explode.
• J. K. Rowling vs. Stephen King^{Who won?}Stephen King, after J.K. used the power of Lord Voldemort to strike Stephen with lightning. However, the lightning bolt redirected Stephen's soul into his robotic leg, which then separated itself from Stephen's body to kick J.K.'s head off.
• Naomi Campbell vs. Rebecca Romijn^{Who won?}Naomi Campbell, after she tore out her own stomach and sprayed stomach acid all over Rebecca, melting her.

9. Clash of the Trashy Titans

• Chuck Berry vs. James Brown^{Who won?}Chuck Berry, after James fired a laser at Chuck, but Chuck blocked it with his diamond ring, causing the laser beam to ricochet and strike an overhead light, causing it to fall and crush James.
• George Michael vs. Paul Reubens^{Who won?}Paul Reubens, after he convinced George to sing a lullaby to a tiger to get it to fall asleep, and then Paul said the secret word, causing everyone in the arena to scream loudly, awakening the tiger and getting it to maul George.
• Halle Berry vs. Shannen Doherty^{Who won?}Shannen Doherty, after a car engine fell on her head and turned her into a cyborg. She then sliced Halle in half with the motor.

10. The Mysterious T

• Anne Robinson vs. Bob Barker^{Who won?}Bob Barker, after he tore out her ovaries (as well as a few vital organs).
• John Edward vs. Miss Cleo^{Who won?}Miss Cleo, after she shoved a magic 8 ball in John's head and decapitated him.
• Beyoncé vs. Missy Elliott^{Who won?}Beyoncé, after Missy was stung by a box of bees.

11. Celebrity Deathmatch: North vs. South

• Derek Jeter vs. John Rocker^{Who won?}Derek Jeter, after he electrocutes John with a DieHard battery.
• Faith Hill vs. Janet Jackson^{Who won?}Faith Hill, after she tears Janet's torso off.
• Robert E. Lee vs. Ulysses S. Grant^{Who won?}Ulysses S. Grant, after they sliced each other to bits until just their thumbs were still standing. Ulysses's thumb finally ended the long battle by crushing Robert's thumb.

12. The Missing Beatles Tape

• Bill Maher vs. Conan O'Brien^{Who won?}Conan O'Brien, after he stomps through Bill's head.
• Anna Nicole Smith vs. Sarah Ferguson^{Who won?}Anna Nicole Smith, after she marries Fergie and her heart explodes (a reference to Anna's short marriage to J. Howard Marshall).
• George Harrison vs. John Lennon vs. Paul McCartney vs. Ringo Starr^{Who won?}John and Paul, after Paul crushed Ringo's head with a silver hammer and the two winning Beatles ambushed George.

13. Nicky Jr.'s Birthday

• Beck vs. Björk^{Who won?}Johann Sebastian Bach, after he cut Björk in half with a plow and then punched Beck's head off.
• Tony Bennett vs. Willie Nelson^{Who won?}Willie Nelson, after he disintegrated Tony with his third eye, which was covered by his famous bandana.
• Anna Kournikova vs. Elizabeth Hurley^{Who won?}Anna Kournikova, after she pulled Elizabeth through a grate, cutting her in half.

14. Salute to Laughter II

• Jenna Elfman vs. Kathy Griffin^{Who won?}Kathy Griffin, after she shredded Jenna to bits with her "motor mouth".
• Buster Keaton vs. Charlie Chaplin^{Who won?}Buster Keaton, after he ran Chaplin over with a train.
• Bill Murray vs. Chris Kattan^{Who won?}Bill Murray, after he folded Chris like a bowling ball and rolled him into the turnbuckle, causing him to break into pieces.

15. Fandemonium IV

• Survivor seasons one and two battle royale^{Who won?}Tina Wesson, after a long battle, she defeated Richard Hatch by throwing him out of the ring by his dick, where he slammed into a wall and died.

16. Assamania I

• LL Cool J vs. Queen Latifah^{Who won?}Queen Latifah, after she used a spring to slice LL to pieces.
• Mandy Moore vs. P!nk^{Who won?}P!nk, after she stabbed her with a sharpened lollipop in the brain and then blew her brains out.
• Ben Stein vs. Johnny Knoxville^{Who won?}Johnny Knoxville, after Ben was mauled to death by his own rabid donkey.

17. Rockstarmagedon

• Jimi Hendrix vs. Lenny Kravitz^{Who won?}Jimi Hendrix, after he vomited in Lenny's mouth and the vomit got stuck in his throat. Jimi then clotheslined Lenny and his neck exploded.
• Bob Marley vs. Shaggy^{Who won?}Bob Marley, he repeatedly stabbed Shaggy with a ring post and then smoked his remains.
• Dave Matthews vs. Keith Richards^{Who won?}Keith Richards, after he filled Dave's body with his own contaminated blood, causing Dave's heart to explode.

Season 5

1. Celebrity Deathmatch: Bigger And Better Than Ever!

• Paris Hilton vs. Nicole Richie^{Who won?}Nicole Richie, after she used her perfume as a flamethrower and set Paris on fire.
• Bam Margera vs. Tony Hawk^{Who won?}Bam Margera and Don Vito, after Vito entered the ring and swallowed Tony whole.
• Bam Margera vs. Don Vito^{Who won?}Bam Margera, after he stuck illegal fireworks in Vito's mouth and blew him up.

2. The Changing of the Guard

• Bono vs. Chris Martin^{Who won?}Bono, after he tore Chris' arms, feet, eyes, and heart off/out.
• Ashton Kutcher vs. Bruce Willis^{Who won?}Demi Moore, after she kicked Ashton and Bruce's heads off.
• Robert De Niro vs. James Gandolfini^{Who won?}Robert De Niro, after he destroyed James' head with a baseball bat.

3. Sibling Slaughterhouse

• Charlie Sheen vs. Colin Farrell^{Who won?}Charlie Sheen, after he sliced Colin in half with a spear.
• Simon Cowell vs. Ryan Seacrest^{Who won?}Ryan Seacrest, after he stabbed Simon through the brain with a stool leg.
• Jack and Kelly Osbourne vs. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen^{Who won?}Kelly Osbourne, after Jack died when he had a heart attack (and ended up bleeding out his dick), Mary-Kate died when Kelly fed her a cupcake that bloated her body and caused her stomach to reject her, and Ashley died when Kelly threw CDs at her like Chinese throwing stars.

4. Shaq vs. Kobe

• Missy Elliott vs. Gwen Stefani^{Who won?}Missy Elliott, after she tore Gwen's head off via her pigtails.
• Kevin Federline vs. Justin Timberlake^{Who won?}Kevin Federline, after he punched Timberlake through the brain.
• Kobe Bryant vs. Shaquille O'Neal^{Who won?}Shaquille O'Neal, after he grabbed Kobe and ripped his head off.

5. Night of Comedy Comeback

• Ali G vs. Jamie Kennedy^{Who won?}Jamie Kennedy, after he sliced open Ali G's stomach and spilled his guts out.
• Rodney Dangerfield vs. Rob Schneider^{Who won?}Rodney Dangerfield, after he did a Triple Lindy off the ropes and flattened Rob.
• Adam Sandler vs. Ben Stiller^{Who won?}Adam Sandler, after he threw a football in Ben's mouth and kicked his head off.

6. Stand-up vs. Smack Down

• Paul Teutul Sr. vs. Xzibit^{Who won?}Paul Teutul Sr., after his mutated mustache rips Xzibit in half.
• Jack Black vs. Jack White^{Who won?}The White Stripes, after Jack and Meg force a tightly buttoned shirt on Jack Black and his head explodes.
• Chris Rock vs. Dwayne Johnson^{Who won?}Chris Rock, after he catapults himself through Dwayne's torso.

7. When Animals Attack

• Chris Farley vs. Horatio Sanz^{Who won?}Chris Farley, after he tears Horatio's guts out through his mouth.
• Adam West vs. Christian Bale^{Who won?}Adam West, after Christian flings Adam in to the light rigging and Christian is crushed by a giant spotlight.
• Jamie Foxx vs. Ray Charles^{Who won?}Ray Charles, after he crushes Jamie's head in his piano.

8. Season Finale

• William Hung vs. Ricky Martin^{Who won?}William Hung, after he tears out Ricky's eyes and gives him various cuts.
• Pamela Anderson vs. Tommy Lee^{Who won?}Pamela Anderson, after she crushed Tommy's head between her giant breasts.
• Jason "Wee Man" Acuña vs. Verne Troyer^{Who won?}Wee Man, after him and Johnny Knoxville twisted Verne until his guts spilled out.

Season 6

1. The Beginning Of Celebrity Deathmatch

• Mischa Barton vs. Kristin Cavallari^{Who won?}Kristen Cavallari, after she uses her father's American Express card to slice Mischa's head off.
• Jake Gyllenhaal vs. Tobey Maguire^{Who won?}Jake Gyllenhaal, after he beats Tobey to death with his own detatched leg.
• Nick Cannon vs. Wilmer Valderrama^{Who won?}Wilmer Valderrama, after he gets naked and the paprazzi's camera flash burns Nick Cannon alive (Wilmer had so many pictures taken of him, he was immune to the camera flash).

2. Vaughn vs. Wilson

• Mike Jones vs. Paul Wall^{Who won?}Paul Wall, after Mike gets sliced to bits by Paul's chainsaw grill.
• Andy Milonakis vs. Steve-O^{Who won?}Andy Milonakis, who eats Steve-O alive after he dresses like a Twinkie.
• Owen Wilson vs. Vince Vaughn^{Who won?}Owen Wilson, who literally punctures Vince's ego with his finger, deflating him.

3. The Banter Bloodbath

• Chris Rose vs. Rob Dibble vs. John Salley vs. Rodney Peete^{Who won?}Nobody, after Rodney gets stabbed in the face with his own detatched leg, John's head gets whacked off his body by Rob, Rob bleeds out after his arms fly off, and Chris puts a cork in his mouth and fills up with hot air. He flies up to the light rigging, electrocutes, and explodes.
• Carson Daly vs. Jimmy Kimmel^{Who won?}Carson Daly, after he whacks Jimmy's head off with Jimmy's detatched leg.
• Tina Fey vs. Jon Stewart^{Who won?}Tina Fey, after she impales Jon on an anchor.

4. King of the Lil' People

• Bow Wow vs. Romeo Miller^{Who won?}Bow Wow, after he chews off Romeo's genitals and he bleeds to death.
• Lil Flip vs. Lil Wayne^{Who won?}Lil Flip, after Lil Wayne accidentally shoots himself with a bazooka.
• Lil' Jon vs. Bow Wow and Lil Flip^{Who won?}Lil Jon, after he throws his CD at Bow Wow and Lil Flip, which explodes them (as it was literally "da bomb").

5. Celebrity DeathMash

• Carlos Mencia vs. Dave Chappelle^{Who won?}Dave Chappelle, after the Taco Bell chihuahua rips Carlos' neck open.
• Ashlee Simpson vs. Ashlee Simpson's Old Nose^{Who won?}Ashlee Simpson, after she shoves a stool and a bucket in to the nostrils of the nose, which causes the nose to sneeze powerfully, killing it.
• Luda-Criss Angel vs. R. Kelly Clarkson^{Who won?}Ludacris, after R. Kelly Clarkson ambushes Criss Angel and beats him to death. Ludacris gains Criss' magic skills and levitates R. Kelly Clarkson to the light rigging, causing them to get electrocuted and explode.

6. What Did Nick Do?

• Adrian Grenier vs. Jeremy Piven^{Who won?}Jeremy Piven, after he breaks Adrian in half in a bear hug.
• Rev Run vs. Russell Simmons^{Who won?}Rev Run, after he kicks Russell's head off in a roundhouse kick.
• Orlando Bloom vs. Johnny Depp^{Who won?}Johnny Depp, after he stabs Orlando in the chest with his scissorhands.

7. Where's Lohan?

• Jessica Simpson vs. Nick Lachey^{Who won?}Jessica Simpson, after Nick pulls the pin out of a grenade, yet forgets to throw it, blowing himself up.
• 50 Cent vs. The Game^{Who won?}50 Cent, after he uses the nine bullets from inside his body to shoot The Game.
• Hilary Duff vs. Lindsay Lohan^{Who won?}Hilary Duff, after she rips Lindsay's arms, legs, and head off.

8. Barry vs. Bud

• Anna Kournikova vs. Danica Patrick^{Who won?}Neither, after Danica headbutts Anna's head off, and Anna uses her final moments to throw her decapitated head at Danica, destroying both the ladies' heads.
• Chris Pontius vs. Mark Zupan^{Who won?}Mark Zupan, after he cuts Chris to pieces using his modified wheelchair.
• Barry Bonds vs. Bud Selig^{Who won?}Bud Selig, after Barry sees Nick Diamond trying to swat a bee and mistaking it for the "suicide squeeze" sign. He then squeezes his own head, crushing it, and killing himself.