Music: Keith Richards

Your Worst Nightmare!

"Keith Richards said that kids should not do drugs; Keith, we can't do any more drugs, because you already fucking did them all! There's none left; we have to wait until you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the fucking kettle!"

Keith Richards (born 18 December 1943) is the rhythm guitarist and a founding member of The Rolling Stones, one of the best known members along with Brian Jones and Mick Jagger, and first became famous with them along with Bill Wyman and Charlie Watts during the British Invasion. His inspirations have long included Chuck Berry, Jimmy Reed, Scotty Moore (Elvis Presley's guitarist) and Bo Diddley. His style is (predictably) a standard blues rock feel, emphasizing chords and rhythm over 'fastest-gun-in-the-west style.'

He is frequently listed among the top ranks of guitarist magazines, greatest song lists, and all time rock and roller greats. His musical history is enormous, with hundreds of songs to his name, and even more guitarists inspired directly or partially by him. He has also inspired actors, but more on that later.

Unfortunately, despite his talent, he is most remembered for his amazing amounts of drug intakes, and other 'misquotations' from his long career. He once famously responded to an interviewer asking him what the strangest thing he had ever snorted was by saying 'my father, his ashes ground up and snorted.' This article had to be changed by his management, since it stated incorrectly that he ground his father's ashes up 'like cocaine' when in truth it was 'with cocaine'. Also, they incorrectly stated that he listened to Motorhead, not Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Recently, Richards has been made even more famous by Johnny Depp, who based the movement of the character Jack Sparrow off Keith Richards. Richards then appeared in the third and fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie as Jack Sparrow's father, complete with his wife's shrunken head.


Studio and Live Discography:

  • 1988 - Talk Is Cheap
  • 1991 - Live At The Hollywood Palladium, December 15, 1988
  • 1992 - Main Offender


Non-album singles:

  • 1978 - Run Rudolph Run
    • The Harder They Come as the original B-side
      • Pressure Drop as the reissue B-side


Bibliography:

  • 2009 - Life
  • 2014 - Gus And Me


Keith Richards provides examples of:

  • Ashes to Crashes: The ash snorting story. See Urban Legend below.
  • Celebrity Cameo: He plays Jack Sparrow's father in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.
  • Christmas Songs: "Run Rudolph Run".
  • Cool Old Guy: He is over 70 now, did every possible drug in the world (except crack cocaine, which Richards hates and has no interest in trying) and still plays the meanest licks on stage.
  • I Call It "Vera": Names all of his guitars, in order to simplify things with his techs. His main guitars include "Micawber," "Malcolm," "Sunny" (all Fender Telecasters) and "Dice" (a Gibson Les Paul Jr.).
  • No One Could Survive That: The amount of drugs this guy has taken in his life. Also during a Rolling Stones concert in Sacramento, California, in September 1965, before performing the song "The Last Time", Richards noted his microphone was pointing away from him. To put it in the right direction, he smashed his guitar against the microphone, causing it to give him an electric shock, which rendered him unconscious for seven minutes. Luckily, Bill Wyman rushed to his aid in time to get the guitar away from his body (the shock had melted away three of its strings).
  • Only in It for the Money: In his autobiography Life, he says that he formed the side project X-Pensive Winos in the 80's for several reasons: the Stones were on an indefinite hiatus, Keith wanted to get back on the road, and he still had a lot of bills to pay. Later on, he specifically notes he enjoys the royalties that one of the Winos' songs gets from its inclusion in an episode of The Sopranos. He also talks at length about the fact that the Stones barely broke even in their early years due to a heavily-unfair record company contract, and that their renegotiation of their contract in the early 80's allowed them to get much more royalties than normal, which is why they officially licence all their own products (for big pay-checks).
  • Pop-Cultural Osmosis: After Jagger, Richards is probably the most famous member of the Stones. But he is perhaps more iconic as an apparently immortal junkie than he is as a guitar legend.
  • Smoking Is Cool: Still smokes as a chimney at age 70 and looks bad-ass while doing it.
  • Smoking Is Not Cool: On the other hand his body has visibly suffered from decades of tobacco and drug abuse.
  • Solo Side Project: Basically Keith's entire solo career. For him, the Stones have always been his number one priority. Still, in an interview he claimed his only regret in life was "getting busted for drug possession".
  • Special Guest: He played guitar on Peter Tosh's "Bush Doctor" (1978), sang on Max Romeo's album "Holding Out My Love To You" (1981), added guitar and backing vocals to Tom Waits' "Big Black Mariah", "Union Square" and "Blind Love" from Rain Dogs (1985), co-wrote, played and shared lead vocals on Waits' "That Feel" from Bone Machine (1992) and provided guitar and vocals to Waits' "Chicago", "Satisfied", "Last Leaf" and "Hell Broke Luce" from Bad As Me (2011) as well.
  • Step Up to the Microphone: Keith has lent his vocals to numerous Rolling Stones songs over the years.
  • Urban Legend: Supposedly, Keith is able to cheat death because every few years, he gets a full blood transfusion at a clinic in Switzerland. Keith said he told this to the customs officer in London as a joke, and the guy bought it. The same goes for the story that he allegedly snorted his father's ashes along with some coke.
  • X Treme Kool Letterz: Keith's side band, the X-Pensive Winos.