"Actually it's correct, Alex. But you phrased your answer in the form of a question. We don't do that here. We'll have to say goodbye to you now, but we do have some deadly parting gifts!"
—Johnny Gomez
The ninth episode of the second season of Celebrity Deathmatch, also known as Cable Day.
This episode consists of three pre-determined fights. The first undercard features a food fight between American TV chef Emeril Lagassé and British cooking duo the Two Fat Ladies. The second undercard features a fight between MTV's own VJs, the established Matt Pinfield and the newcomer Jesse Camp. The main event sees game show hosts Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek partake in a deadly combination of their two games.
This episode contains examples of:
- An Arm and a Leg: Jennifer liquefies Emeril's leg in a blender in order to prepare a cocktail for Mills.
- Ass Shove: While prepping him for the oven, Clarissa shoves a total of 3 quartz of lard up Emeril's behind, one fistful at a time.
- Bulletproof Vest: After dispatching Alex, Pat is given the option of walking away with his points and winning one of these, which Nick showcases and even endures an unexpected demonstration when one of the security team fires a missile launcher at point-blank range.
- Blown Across the Room: Exactly as you'd expect, being shot at point-blank range by a missile launcher. Nick is thrown to the far back wall of the arena...and somehow survives completely intact.
- The Cameo: This episode features an appearance from Monica.
- Chubby Chef: Clarissa and Jennifer, hence their name the Two Fat Ladies.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Jesse is portrayed as someone who has no situational awareness, and it takes Matt shoving a microphone into his ear to make him realize that he's in a fight to the death.
- Cooking the Live Meal: Essentially what happens during the course of the first fight.
- Deadly Game: Instead of fighting in a typical sanctioned fight, both Alex and Pat are forced to compete against each other in a deadly mash-up of their respective gameshows, Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune.
- Deadly Rotary Fan: The spinning wheel used for the game show becomes one after Pat incorrectly guesses the final phrase of the game, and is slowly shoved into it.
- Delicious Distraction: At different points during their cook-off, and much to the chagrin of the other, both Jennifer and Clarissa both get momentarily distracted either by Emeril's recipes, or by their own recipe ingredients.
- Delirious Misidentification: After having a number of wrestling moves carried out on him, a delirious Jesse mistakes Mills Lane for Matt, and proceeds to grab him in a headlock.
- Descending Ceiling: After losing the first round of the game show to Pat, Alex is escorting into a chamber with a spiked ceiling. After he is sealed inside, the ceiling of the chamber drops down and crushes Alex...and repeats the process with increasing speed each time until Alex is reduced to a bloody pulp.
- The Ditz: Jesse no doubt fits the part.
- Embarrassing Ad Gig: As payback for embarrassing him earlier with a recording of an earlier television gig, Nick plays a clip from an infomercial that Johnny did where he reveals he suffers (or rather, suffered) from anal warts.
- Eye Poke: One of the many moves Matt does to Jesse while executing what he claims are the top five most requested Deathmatch moves.
- Fake-Hair Drama: It's revealed in a video recording from his stint as a weather reporter that Nick wears a toupee.
- Fingore: Emeril cuts off Clarissa's fingers at the very beginning of their fight.
- Fluffy Fashion Feathers: Jesse wears a feather boa as part of his ensemble.
- Groin Attack:
- While preparing a cocktail, Jennifer exclaims that their "leg-nog" requires nutmeg. Clarissa, without hesitation, proceeds to crush Emeril's testicles with her bare hands.
- After freeing himself from getting stuck through the ring floor, Matt punches a distracted Jesse in the crotch before pulling himself out of the hole.
- Hammered into the Ground: Jesse wraps his boa around Matt's neck and yanks it, causing Matt to spin at such a high speed that he winds up being drilled through the floor of the ring until only his head and shoulder are visible.
- I'm a Humanitarian: Throughout the course of the fight between Emeril and the Two Fat Ladies, each combatant prepares a dish for Mills Lane to sample that incorporates body parts of their opponent. Ultimately, Emeril is roasted in the oven like a chicken and is fed to Mills, who compliments the two Ladies on their cooking skills.
- Instant Roast: Emeril is shoved into an oven and roasted for what is meant to be 3 hours and at 400 degrees, however the Two Fat Ladies somehow instantly pull the One I Prepared Earlier card to have him instantly cooked and bronzed. His carcass even resembles a roast chicken but with Emeril's head still attached.
- Lethal Chef: Both Emeril and the Two Fat Ladies, of course.
- Literal Metaphor: Clarissa, whilst prepping Emeril for the oven, announces that their recipe requires one "can of whoopass"...and proceeds to open a tin labelled Can of Whoopass and pours its contents into the baking tray. When Emeril protests, Clarissa then says that the recipe also requires "one cup of shut-the-hell-up" and shoves a tin labelled Shut the Hell Up into Emeril's mouth.
- Look Behind You: Nick distracts Johnny by telling him there's some commotion going on at ringside, however it's just a ruse so that Nick can grab the "fanny ring" that Johnny has been sitting on and embarrass him further.
- Lovely Assistant: Nick is forced into this role for the main event and is made to wear a pink dress, while Johnny simply hosts the game show.
- Made from Real Girl Scouts: Emeril's recipes include finger sandwiches (made from Clarissa's fingers) and kidney pie (made using one of Jennifer's kidneys), while the Two Fat Ladies concoct a modified version of an eggnog (a "leg-nog" made from Emeril's leg).
- Mercy Kill: Mills Lane performs an elbow drop on Jesse's neck, crushing it and killing him instantly, because he believes that Jesse is in a vegetative state and couldn't bare to see him suffer any longer.
- Mistaken Identity: It's revealed that the reason that Matt and Jesse are fighting is because Jesse embarrassed Matt during an interview with hip-hop star Monica, where Jesse mistakes Monica the singer for former White House secretary Monica Lewinsky.
- One I Prepared Earlier: Somehow incorporated in the first fight - Emeril's kidney pie is meant to take 45 minutes but happens to have one in the oven already, and the Two Fat Ladies mention that roasting Emeril in the oven will take 3 hours...and conveniently have one in the oven ready to go.
- Performance Anxiety: Presumably as payback for making him be the Lovely Assistant for the game show, Nick shows the audience a clip from a bachelor party that he and Johnny attended a few years ago, where a hooker enters the room and asks which of the men wants to go first. Johnny immediately stands up, but struggles to undo his zipper, causing the hooker to mock his masculinity.
- Ripped from the Headlines: When Jesse executes a move that he claims he learned from living on the streets, Matt calls him out for lying and says that Jesse actually attended a prep school in Connecticut.
- Schmuck Bait: After winning the first round of the Deathmatch game show, Pat is offered a chance of tripling his winnings by guessing the given phrase on the board. After choosing his letters, the phrase reads as "Pat Sajak _i_s". Pat, eager to win, guesses that the phrase says "Pat Sajak wins", however Johnny laments that the correct answer is "Pat Sajak dies"...
- Shout-Out: While counting down the top five most requested Deathmatch moves, Matt gives each of them a name that derives from a music act. These are, in ascending order, the Radiohead-crusher, the Third Eye Blinder, the Rolling Stone Cold Stunner, the Mariah Carry, and the Backstreet Boys Backbreaker.
- Take That!: The Deathmatch game show features a wheel that the contestants can spin to determine what punishment they can dish out to their opponent. One of the answers on the wheel includes subjecting the opponent to a Kevin Costner movie.
- Through His Stomach: Emeril and the Two Fat Ladies have to make meals out of each other in order for Mills to declare a winner.
- The Tooth Hurts: After the spinning wheel lands on it, Pat gets to punch Alex in the teeth.
- Violence Really Is the Answer: All of the questions Johnny asks to Alex and Pat all have reasonable answers (such as "What is the preferred use of a garden hoe?"). However, when Alex answers with this in mind ("Turning over soil"), he is told he is incorrect. Pat, meanwhile, answers with something completely illogical but fitting in the context of the show ("Disembowelment") and is told he is correct.
- Weapons of Their Trade: While being prepped for the oven, Emeril is subdued by Jennifer who hits him over the head with a meat tenderizer.
