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Quotes / Troubled Production

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Web Animation

Carolina: How’s the shoot going?
Jax: Well, we’ve had fires, sabotage, actors dying in strange circumstances, food shortages, paranormal activity, union strikes, lawsuits—in short, amazing!
Carolina: Are you being sarcastic?
Jax: No! See, the best movies have the most tortured productions. And this has been the most tortured production of all time! Ergo, this is going to be the best movie of all time!
Red vs. Blue, "Walk and Talk"

Web Original

The sequel to the smash-hit Xbox launch title, Halo 2 is famous for practically defining how online console multiplayer should work, and somewhat less famous for an interesting development period that went through at least two engine rewrites, the project lead vanishing for a number of months, and generally being worked on right up until the gold master was burned. As a result, the ending is kind of abruTO BE CONTINUED
The Cutting Room Floor's introduction for Halo 2

Chris: It took 12 years after Batman Returns for this movie to be released, and when it was, there was a debate involving 28 writers who had worked on the script. So really, the amazing thing isn’t that it’s bad, but that it’s so consistent in its badness.
David: All credit due to Pitof, apparently, for amalgamating all those scripts into a uniformly bad movie, with a real consistency in the ways in which it’s terrible. Well done, sir.
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Catwoman (2004)

The worst movie of the year so far, the long-awaited biopic about the Gambino crime boss’ rise from made man to top dog took four directors, 44 producers and eight years to make. It shows. The finished product belongs in a cement bucket at the bottom of the river.

Let's spend $65 million on a musical about Spider-Man, because kids who like Spider-Man and old Jewish tourists who like to go to Broadway shows are totally the same demographic. Now, we're going to need a batch of forgettable U2 B sides and a harness system designed by Lyle Lanley from The Simpsons' monorail episode.
Drew Magary

In his Inferno, Dante never described a torture with which to punish 80s sitcom stars. But if he did, working on ALF for all eternity would win hands down. Take a glance at your living room floor, and imagine it's riddled with over one dozen Viet Cong tiger traps.

Web Video

"It's basically the movie God said 'Fuck this shit' to, but no one took the hint."
Brad, "Phelous and Lupa Review Foodfight!"

"Geez, what a mess. The movie about making this movie will be so much better than this movie!"

"I thought it was the end of my career. It was incredibly painful to watch."
The Angry Video Game Nerd interviews Seamus Blackley on Jurassic Park: Trespasser

Western Animation

"You think this is the first time that group of (guitar riff)-ing clowns has tried to reunite? There was that one time they almost reunited but Rockso drank a whole bunch of acid right before he went on stage and just spent the whole night spraying some lady with huge tits in the front row with a big spraying thing, and they didn't even play one song, cancelled. Then there was that one time they were supposed to reunite but Rockso, the night before, smuggled, like, twenty condoms worth of cocaine into his intestines, then he ate some super spicy Mexican food and the condoms melted and he OD'ed. He couldn't perform, cancelled. There was that one time they were about to reunite and, like, Rockso borrowed 20 billion dollars from an Ecuadorian drug cartel, and they're like 'give us our money back' and he's like 'no, I'm not gonna give you your money back' and they're like 'well, we're gonna shoot' and he's like 'well, fine, shoot me' and they shot him, and now he pees out of the side of his dick. And, uh...they cancelled the show."
— Nathan Explosion on failed Zazz Blammymatazz reunions, Metalocalypse

Real Life

"A poet needs a pen, a painter a brush, and a filmmaker an army."

"Yeah? And Twinkies are fun to eat, but I doubt the people at the Twinkie factory are having any fun!"
Madeline Kahn, when asked if her funny movies were fun to work in

"Making movies is either a utopia or it’s like shoveling shit uphill. Tonight we put down the shovels and remember the good times."
Sean Connery, 2006 AFI Lifetime Achievement Award acceptance speech

"We were in the jungle, there were too many of us, we had access to too much money, too much equipment, and little by little we went insane."

"Everyone wanted to kill one another, put one another in institutions."

"I shouldn't make movies anymore. I should go to a lunatic asylum."
Werner Herzog on the making of Fitzcarraldo

"Working on RoboCop was like being the victim of a violent crime. You just try to blank it out of your mind and memory. I swore I'd never make another picture."
Jon Davison, executive producer of RoboCop (1987)

"When good weather was needed, it rained. When rain was needed, it was sunny. The cameraman was Belgian, his crew French. The underlings were Hungarian, the extras were Russian. I speak only English — and not really that well. Each shot was chaos. By the time my directions were translated, what should have been a battle scene ended up as a dance marathon. In scenes where Keaton and I were supposed to stroll as lovers, Budapest suffered its worst weather in twenty-five years."

"The Abyss was many things. Fun to make was not one of them."

"She would change her mind about anything and everything: setups, locations, costumes. If you’d ask her, ‘Black or white?’ she’d say, ‘Yes!’ Nothing suited Elaine. Ishtar was a really difficult film. They went crazy in Morocco."
Nigel Wooll, associate producer on Ishtar

"There have been bad times, but the only time I felt like giving up was during the filming of The Island of Dr. Moreau. I found myself looking up ‘success’ and thinking ‘If this is success, maybe I don’t want any of it.’"

This film would have been easier to shoot on the Moon
Fun T-Shirt worn by the Titanic (1997) crew

"We go through 21 episodes, and we come to the last episode which was 'Dead On Arrival.' And I always thought it was kind of ironic that we went from [the pilot] 'Reborn' to 'Dead On Arrival'; and that show was Dead On Arrival... This all kinda went in the toilet and it was flushed, and away it went. That was the end of it."
Don Paonessa on the cancellation of Highlander: The Raven

"It was a pain in the arse. A super pain in the arse. But in some ways it feels good because it was a struggle."
Butch Vig, describing the production of Garbage's Bleed Like Me

"We kept on waiting for that magic moment when everything starts coming together, but it never arrived."
Andrew Bado, member of QA for Drake of the 99 Dragons

"There's a famous drawing that someone did on a whiteboard in the team's space that shows a plane on fire trying to land on a runway, and people are jettisoning cargo crates out the back of the plane in order to try and get it on the runway. Every crate has the name of a feature we had to cut... In the end, we ran out of room on the whiteboard for all the crates."
Chris Butcher on Halo 2


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