Funny / Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers

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Shadowbringers

• Upon arriving in The First and visiting the first town you get to, the Warrior of Light looks around at a shop booth and has to double take upon seeing what was on the booth — Tomestones. Or rather Tomestone phones. Either way, the Warrior realizes exactly what this means, rolls their eyes, hangs their head and shakes it in defeat. Even in The First, there are Tomestones to collect.
• There's something rather amusing at how the weather in all areas is always "Everlasting Light", yet there are still Skywatchers placed in the area to survey the weather as if it were supposed to change. The weather does return to normal once you purged a region of its excess light, but until then, the Skywatchers will look at you funny if you ask about the weather:
  Skywatcher: The weather...? Have you not seen the sky? Today, tomorrow, and every day henceforth will be plagued by everlasting light.
  • The Travelling Merchant in the opening will laugh at you if you question how come it's nighttime when the sky is bright, mentioning his grandfather who used to tell the same 'joke'.
• Upon reaching Mord Souq, your guide Cassard explains that there's a tradition in the city to warm the locals to you: the Cracking of the Coinpurse. You have to buy at least one thing in town. The Exarch covered that expense by giving you a Voeburt gold coin. As soon as the words are spoken, every merchant in the city mobs the Warrior of Light to convince them to spend that coin on their goods.
• The Crystal Exarch mentions that when he accidentally dragged Alisaie to The First she impressed upon him how terrible his timing was and what a mess he's made of things. He emphasizes the word "impressed" and the meaning is clear: Alisaie slapped the Exarch silly when she was summoned. It gets even funnier when you remember that the Scions were brought to The First without a stitch on them, yet the idea of Alisaie slapping the Exarch around with no regard for the fact she's naked (or perhaps because of it) as her nameday doesn't sound out of the realm of possibility.
• After you reunite with Alisaie, Tesleen will comment on how she's been talking about the Warrior of Light nonstop since her arrival and how the sin eater problem would have been solved already if they had been here. Alisaie gets rather defensive about this, at which point Tesleen teases her that she doesn't blame her for being smitten with the Warrior of Light after seeing them in action. Alisaie's reaction is a gasp of horror at her choice of words.
• When choosing Rhon Ron's exotic dishes to buy, you can choose him, netting you this gem:
  Rhon Ron: Hm? Silly customer, you cannot eat Rhon Ron. Not even for a Voeburt gold piece!
• Upon reaching Eulmore to meet with your noble masters, you are outright told by immigration customs that you stink and need to take a shower and liberally apply perfume on yourself. The Warrior of Light does it without questioning it, but by the time they are done, Alphinaud is still debating what to do, aghast at the prospect of using a public shower. If you choose to say "What would Estinien say?", Alphinaud will beg you to not tell him a single word about this.
  • Alternatively, you can point out that Alisaie would be drying her hair already in the time he's spent dithering, or simply tell him to "Hurry up and shower, stinky."
• During Alphinaud's introduction to Dulia-Chai and Chai-Nuzz, he alters his voice to sound more dramatic and artistic. Hilarious as it is, the exact way his voice sounds is almost like he's trying to imitate his original voice actor.
• Within Eulmore you can spot Mowen, who looks exactly like Rowena. She looks at you then dismisses you saying it's silly to think of you being the future business partner she saw in a dream.
  • Later, you can talk to her to unlock the local scrip collectors, during which she mentions that it was Alphinaud who introduced the concept to her, and she goes on to wonder about the kind and generous woman that invented such a wonderful system.
• As noted on the Nightmare Fuel page, the Sin Eaters will eat anything and everything, with absolutely nothing safe from their all-consuming hunger... Except, as Holminster Switch demonstrates, for gremlins. Apparently, not even the horde of mindless all-consuming beasts wants anything to do with them.
• While being made to run errands for (read: suffer pranks from) the pixies, talking to Alphinaud will have him mention his own task of retrieving a garland from a tree, and muse that the dragoon's jump would have been quite useful here.
• Why is Estinien helping the Scions in their efforts? Because of Tataru, of all people, who he unironically declares must have been trained as a spy. The full tale is told in one of the Tales from the Shadows stories.
• The ending of the MSQ mission "An Unwelcome Guest" being the twins reacting in shock as the people whom they are helping offer to handle a situation by themselves. Granted, hanging around the WoL for so long, that arguably is a very rare occurrence.
• When you summon Feo Ul to Il Mheg, the twins comment on them from a distance as they berate the Warrior of Light for not calling them sooner. Alisaie bemoans the arrival of yet another self-important little brat while Alphinaud just says it reminds him of his childhood. Alisaie takes a moment to process exactly what he was implying by that before very slowly turning her head, then grabbing him by the lapels and gritting her teeth while Minfilia looks on in surprise.
• Shortly after, when Wo L, Thancred and 'Minfilia' have been to fetch Urianger and the twins have been left to 'play' with the pixies, if you talk to the twins upon returning and before ending the quest they will express relief, because the pixies had just decided it would be amusing to have them exchange outfits.
• A sidequest in Il Mheg sets the Warrior of Light out to catch up with a Pixie before something bad happens to them. Arriving at the destination, there's no sign of the Pixie - only a rather large beaver-like creature that asks for milk. This doesn't really surprise the Warrior of Light much, who can only comment to themselves that their understanding of giant beaver-things is a little rusty.
• For the first healer role quest, you're tasked with proving your worth to Giott. She proceeds to scream at a wild bear, shouting "Hey! Your mother was a hobgoblin and you ain't much to look at, neither! Come here and face me, you craven shite!" She promptly gets her ass handed to her and you're tasked with slaying the creature. After tending to Giott's wounds, she has this gem:
  Giott: I reckon that I broke three or so ribs and at least one femur there—but my bones feel just fine now. Better than before, actually.
  • For the entire healer questline, you'll start the quest by finding Giott drinking. Heavily. After the revelations of the penultimate quest, you head into the final quest in the chain with what the quest text clearly delivers as a bone-chilling revelation:
  Giott...isn't drinking.
• A little levity is offered after witnessing the horror of Eulmore first hand. After Alphinaud leaves Lord Vauthry with an eloquent insult, it takes the bloated bastard nearly a full minute to realize he had been insulted. When he does figure it out, he flops onto his massive belly and beats his fists on the ground like an overgrown toddler throwing a tantrum.
• Upon reaching the Untouchable Gate, Alisaie makes the suggestion that they all swim in the lake to meet the Fuath, much to Alphinaud's horror. When she asks Urianger if he too can swim, he takes a long pause... and promptly states that he'd be better off walking on the water's surface with his magic, instantly prompting Alphinaud to cheerfully declare Urianger as a kindred spirit, and that he shall teach him all his tricks in the water! (Alphinaud can swim, if barely, but the game implies that Urianger can't swim at all.)
  • During the ending the Scions have had to swim their way out of the land under the ocean and return to dry land. The trek leaves even the Warrior of Light and Alisaie, who can breathe underwater, utterly exhausted with the former having just unceremoniously washed up on shore. Alphinaud comically passes out leaving Alisaie trying to rouse him as the other exhausted Scions talk. It is at this point that everyone else notice Urianger is missing. The exchange is hysterically nonchalant considering he's an even worse swimmer than Alphinaud.
    Alphinaud: I didn't think... we'd be swimming... the whole way back... Heavens... heavens... take me... *Passes out face first into the sand*
    Alisaie: Alphinaud? Oh, hells...
    Ryne: Wait! Where's Urianger!?
    Thancred: *Shrugs* He must have fallen behind...
    Ryne: But...shouldn't we look for him!?
    Y'shtola: He'll wash up sooner or later.
  • The best part? Urianger does wash up sooner or later! His body is lying unconscious off to the corner of the beach right before it changes scenes.
• During the final boss of the Untouchable Gate, it removes a large section of the arena and forces you to walk across the gap on a thin pathway. If you run the dungeon via the Trust system, your party members have different reactions to it.
  • Thancred shows a bit of annoyance before casually using the Ninja gap-closer Shukuchi, as a Gunbreaker no less, to jump the gap and attack the boss.
  • Urianger expresses mild amusement and doesn't try at all - he just waits for someone else to make it across and uses a Black Mage ability to teleport to them - as an Astrologian no less.
  • Alphinaud starts slowly and nervously, but has a burst of courage half-way across and starts running.
  • Minfilia tip-toes carefully, and so slowly that she won't make it before the time is up.
  • Alisaie will Sprint the whole way like a madwoman, using the actual skill no less.
  • Y'shtola calls the illusion asinine and simply walks the whole thing as though it were a meter wide.
    • Use the Trust system as a Tank or Healer. Pick Alisaie and Y'shtola. Do the Dohn Mheg dungeon. Watch and grin as Y'shtola and Alisaie do the tightrope mechanic just the two of them. Hilarious.
    • It should be noted regarding all options above but especially those of Thancred and Urianger that the player is not able to simply cross it, not even with any skills. An invisible wall protects the area and unless the player walks, they fall. Thus possibly seeing Thancred gap-close across the hole, only for the Ninja player to unceremoniously fall after doing the same can be hilarious to see.
• To get to the final confrontation so that they can find a way to remove the blazing light in the sky, the Scions need to entreat Bismarck to fly and then dive into the Tempest. Bismarck doesn't want to do it however because he hasn't gotten any sleep in the last hundred years... because of the blazing light in the sky and asks them to come back after the light is gone. You can just feel the Scions' urge to face-fault. Fortunately, this time the Warrior of Light remembers their pact with Feo Ul (who had recently become the new Titania), who is elated that the WoL called for their help complete with triumphant fanfare, and they then browbeat Bismarck into helping.
  • Meanwhile, in Kholusia, a pair of workers at the shipyard talk about the sheer awe of getting the Ladder going again and seeing the Talos rise up and grab Mt. Gulg. One tempts fate by saying he could live a thousand years and never see anything so amazing... at which point Bismarck shows up and dives underwater. They're in sufficient awe, but then have to run for their lives from the tidal wave Bismarck's submergence kicked up.
• When the group first enters Rak'tika and they're surrounded by the Night's Blessed, who believe they're sin eaters, one dialogue choice is "Uh... Kupo?" The great Warrior of Light will close their eyes in contemplation and pop them open as if a lightbulb went off before saying the line, smiling proudly afterwards. Suffice to say, Thancred isn't thrilled.
  Thancred: That will seem a lot less amusing when we are forced to kill them.
  • Emet-Selch had been peacefully accompanying you into the zone... and dryly comments that he'd hoped to learn about you, but so far all he'd discovered is that you had a knack for irritating the natives. He promptly declares you've committed the cardinal sin of boring him, and teleports himself away with a smarmy "good luck". Thancred has another fantastic line... and this coming from the man who was possessed by the Ascian.
    Thancred: I think I preferred Lahabrea.
  • It also seems more like their adventures with Hildibrand are rubbing off on them as well.
• The encounter with the Vii scouts from Yx'Maja in Rak'tika, Y'shtola averts Poor Communication Kills by presenting the seal of the emperor of Rak'tika to ensure that they come in peace. The Lancer Scout, Uimet, proceeds to halt her attack, and starts zipping around Y'shtola to the point of looking like she's teleporting to examine it, at one point taking a seat before shouting in joy it looks real.
  • Later, once in Yx'Maja, the Vii leadership note that they've been guarding the area Ronka Ruins for over a hundred years despite their youth. When the leader asks Uimet if she's seen anyone approach the ruins, she responds she hadn't seen anyone in over 30 years. A stunned Minfillia asked how old are they exactly, only to be met with stares until
  Uimet: ...Young enough to remember!
  • Y'shtola's reaction to being told to follow the flower trail? Bemoan that they just didn't simply have them be guided.
• A bit of meta humor comes full-circle at the end of the Yx'Maja Pyramid solo quest. In raid settings when a run has become unwinnable and the arena has a Bottomless Pit, a healer who is frustrated, eager to wipe or just a Troll will often jump off the arena while casting Rescue on some poor soul to drag them off with them. In the Yx'Maja story quest, when the rest of the Scions encounter the Warrior of Light trapped with Ran'jit at the other end of a pit, Urianger quickly solves the problem by casting Rescue - on Ran'jit, with Thancred using Rough Divide to ensure the Super-Persistent Predator falls into the pit as planned.
• After Y'shtola uses Flow (again) to escape the pit, everyone bemoans how she's lost in the Lifestream again until Emet-Selch casually reveals he can just pull her straight back out, no fuss. He does so, Y'shtola once again sans clothes, except that this time Emet sighs, clicks his fingers and restores them as though they were never missing. Throughout the entire encounter he looks utterly bored, as though he's seen it all before (and he may well have).
• Fates are always a source of good, punny fun in their title, but in Amh Areang, a desert area, one particular one caught a lot of attention. It's one that involves culling a large amount of sentient sand creatures. The title of the Fate? "Pray Destroy the Waking Sands." To say people found this equal parts hilarious and cathartic is putting it lightly.
• When you discover the miners in Amh Areang, one of them has a particularly overactive imagination and spins a tail about your group where a princess (Minfilia) is on a quest for love joined by her two loyal servants (you and Thancred) and along the way enlist the aid of a "sorcerer as ancient as time itself" (Urianger). Thancred wonders if the miner is being facetious and tells the boy they have bigger concerns than fairy tail romances, only for an amused Urianger of all people to override him.
  Urianger: Though I would fain hear more of this ageless sorcerer and his heroic deeds...
  Thancred: Gods grant me strength...
  • Even more amusing is if you bother to speak with Urianger right after the cutscene, revealing he's really leaning into the whole "ageless sorcerer" routine.
    Urianger: Dost though seek the sorcerer's wisdom, young one?
  • Even MORE amusing if you know that next to the twins, Urianger is the youngest Scion at 29 years of age!
• When the Scions reunite in Ahm Araeng, after Minfilia has met with the Oracle of Light, Y'shtola decides that, to mark her new resolve and appearance, she needs a name of her own. Alphinaud points out that the right should go to Thancred as her Parental Substitute. This sparks some humor on its own when Alisaie teases her brother on being Captain Obvious, but the real joke is when Thancred suggsets "Ryne" as Minfilia's new name. Urianger recognizes it as "Blessing" in Fae, which then leaves him utterly flabbergasted to realize that Thancred had actually been listening to his lectures about the Fae. In fact, Thancred hadn't, but that word had stuck with him.
  Urianger: Wait! Doth this mean thou wert listening when I delivered my lectures on the pixies?
• In the Malikah's Well dungeon, a Breather Boss is called the "Amphibious Talos"... and it's just a Talos with a bucket on its head, hands and feet. If you're doing this dungeon with Trusts and not a tank, Thancred will be vocally taken aback by the boss' goofy appearance.
  Thacred: "Is this some kind of joke?"
• In a moment of Black Comedy, when Vauthry is reveals to be the last Lightwarden and seemingly goes through a mental breakdown, he just goes completely calm as plans to rebuild his "paradise", like if someone just dropped a pot they made, and decides then to make it again. His delivery of the line just sells it.
  Vauthry: (Nonplussed) Oh yes. Of course. I can begin again. Rebuild my paradise. Once I finish my dinner... (casually eats his Meol and fork)
• When the time comes to build a Talos to help the heroes reach Mt. Gulg, Chai-Nuzz is overwrought with self doubt due to the massive undertaking the job needs to make whole plan work. You're tasked with building up Chai-Nuzz's confidence as "Duty Commenced" flashes on screen. Every time you give the right responses, an aura flashes on Chai-Nuzz, which is the same kind of aura players get when they gain a buff! Once you give the man his confidence back, "Duty Complete" appears and the victory fanfare plays.
  • Speaking of Chai-Nuzz, when the group makes the insane plan to make a giant Talos to reach Mt. Gulg, he can only question just who you and your allies are. One of your respones is a Brick Joke; "The artist Alphinaud and his assistants." Everyone has a moment of Stunned Silence, with Alphinaud looking around in confusion and no doubt embarrassment. His wife, Comically Missing the Point, reaffirms that point, only for Chai to attempt to remind her that it was a Blatant Lies before giving up.
  • Once the Talos is finally moving and gettering swarmed by sin eaters, Chai-Nuzz remarks that they'll break it before it can even grab hold of Mt. Gulg... Only for Titania and a swarm of pixies to swoop in and help. The REAL kicker? Titania is fuming and ranting at length about how they would have loved to help the Warrior of Light defeat Vauthry and save the First, and all they had to do was ask. This is capped off by one of the dialogue choices you get.
  Warrior of Light: I think they're mad at me...
• With the Light taking its toll on the Warrior of Light, Y'shtola orders you to bedrest until they've finished preparing the next step. One of the Warrior's responses is a clearly defiant "Yes, Mother..."
  Y'shtola: Hah. None of that cheek, or I will take you across my knee.
• Looking at Y'shtola when you're supposed to be inspecting the cave paintings has her turn and tell you to stop staring at her backside.
• For all her ranting about becoming more and more like Matoya, there's one thing Y'shtola and her old teacher agreed on: let the magicked broom do the cleaning for you.
• A side quest in Amh Arang has you delivering a message from a twitchy miner who says you have to hurry and get said message to a merchant. Upon reaching the guy and giving the letter, he reads it and it says that the player character will be tasked with paying the merchant for a bottle of ale. Said payment involves smashing a rock monster to get its soulstone. You do the job, get the ale, and can choose whether to give the ale to the miner or smash the bottle of ale in front of him. Doing the latter has him let out a Big "NO!" and then feeling "a little guilty" for putting you through the whole thing, but feels the entertainment of the whole thing makes up for the lost drink.
  • It has to be added that, unlike just about every quest that involves killing enemies for drops, this one explicitly states that getting said soulstone by killing the enemy isn't guaranteed. Whether that means that the item has a percentage chance of dropping or only drops after you killed a certain amount of enemies without telling you how many more you need, if you get unlucky and have to waste several minutes fighting the same foe over and over, picking the option to throw the bottle becomes a lot more appealing.
• One sidequest you can get from the dwarves seems to almost parody the WoL's tendency to take on any job that's offered to them. They are told to investigate rumours in the rival dwarf village on the other side of the map, which quickly turns into you getting roped into further menial tasks without their consent - "their" being the keyword here, because your dialogue options will be mildly annoyed at best and downright hostile at worst. "Oh, sod off" indeed. Not that your employers care, because they just know they can get you to do anything they need you to, just because that's your nature as a hero.
  • This continues into 5.1 in the leadup to the NieR: Automata crossover. After chasing them around a bit over another of their zany schemes, they gleefully exclaim that you're going to follow them into a dungeon as part of said scheme just because it's your nature. One option for responding is to say "Rude, but fair". The other has you at least attempting to refuse, but they know you're just going to end up going along with it anyway.
• When getting authorized to take on Elite Marks for Clan Nutsy, the player is introduced to their leader: a particularly bloodthirsty moogle. She wanted to see the Warrior of Darkness die violently for all of the bloodshed during the hunt, to which Xylle tells her off pointing out the reason the Clan has such a shortage of members is because the moogle keeps encouraging every hunter to go out and get themselves killed in the most violent way possible. By the time the moogle is out of earshot, she spits out an equally violent comment about the leader that would make Sidurgu proud. This leaves the WoD absolutely stunned and slack-jawed at her.
  Xylle: One day I'm going to rip that pom off your head and shove it down your godsdamned throat, you furry little shite...
  • She also requests that, should the player run into the guild leader out in the world, they kill her.
  • In fact, just about everything about the clan leader Nutsy. She actively encouraged clan members to take her position by killing her because she loves the thrill of being at risk of both elite marks and elite hunters.
  Nutsy: You've got to eat, sleep, and breathe danger! You've got to love putting it all on the line against elite marks and elite hunters besides! You've got to be bloody mad! ... [They're] a killer - I want to see [them] kill! I wanna see [them] die! Mwahahahaha! More blood for Clan Nutsy! More blood, kupo!"
  • Some NPCs, when questioned about the various Elite Marks you hunt, will refer to you and those who hunt them as "Nutters". While you are in Clan Nutsy, and the currency you get for the kills are "Sacks of Nuts", given everything else we know about the Clan... calling you "insane" is probably not too far off the mark.
• When one of the citizens calls you the Warrior of Darkness at the end of the expansion without prompting, he points out that it was clearly you behind the Lightwardens' demises and that nearly everyone had figured it out already. Simply because wherever you went, the night came back and it wasn't hard to put two and two together.
• One of the magical ranged DPS role quests involves training Taynor, a young Elezen boy you encounter along the story, in the magical arts. You lead him into the field and give him some tips — and you can choose to advise either paying proper attention to tactics and sequence of spells, or charging blindly ahead. Even better, when he charges at his enemy, a rabid wolverine, the Hall of the Novice theme starts playing, and the battle occurs entirely offscreen — you only hear silly thwacking sounds as your character and Cerigg stand and watch, bewildered.
• Most of Amaurot is terribly sad, but the few bright moments revolve around every Amaurotine looking at the Warrior of Light, who at this point is covered in weapons and armour and exploding with light, and treating them like a lost child.
• After saving the First, the Crystarium spends the night celebrating. Afterwards you can speak to the Scions about their time overnight.
  • Alphinaud and Alisaie fell asleep fairly early, with Alisaie hoping her brother didn't see her drooling.
  • Y'shtola being worried that the Night's Blessed, being a reserved people, were able to see their Master Matoya partying.
  • Thancred wanted to celebrate, but after Urianger began listing his drunken conquests, he ended up just drinking water.
• One of the Ondo sidequests has you teaching the younger Ondo on how to properly emote. You teach one how to chuckle and his attempt is basically throwing his arms forward in a "rawr" motion. He then asks you how well he did. One of your replies can be "Honestly, I thought you wanted to eat my face off."
• The level 80, post-Main Story dungeon The Twinning has rocking music, intense boss battles... and three specific mobs right before the last boss that are a hilarious Call-Back to the Omega raid. The Mark XIV Thermocoil Boilmaster that brewed coffee and unlocked the Savage version of the raid? Meet its robotic descendants, the Mark CXLIV Thermocoil Boilbusters, playing the same jaunty tune as their progenitor... while trying to kill you.
• It seems that even Ardbert wasn't immune to pointless wastes of time when he was still adventuring in the First.
  Ardbert: Oh, and there's this time we were forced to collect rare ingredients for some godsforsaken feast. If it sounds ridiculous, it's because it was. ...What? You too? Haha! Parallel worlds, eh? So what sort of things did you have to fetch, then?
  • Even better, players may remember having done the exact same thing early in the ARR story when approaching their first confrontation with Titan!
• The first Gunbreaker job quest involves the Warrior of Light, Radovan, and Sophie escorting a free-spirited harpsichordist to a concert in Gridania. A rival musician, feeling slighted, sends a veritable army of assassins after the girl. And, unbeknownst to all including her manager, the harpsichordist is a glamorized sylph.
  • After the above assignment is completed, Radovan starts to describe the history of his people... nearly causing Sophie to nod off.
  • The harpsichordist returns in the level 80 quest, to Sophie's chagrin.
  Sophie: Oh... Er, what a surprise! I was hoping we'd never- I mean, I thought we'd never see you again!
• Radovan and Sophie's daring escape from Garlean imprisonment, as revealed during the Gunbreaker Job quests. Or... still daring, but less than dramatic. You see, Radovan had spent ten years carefully, stealthily, patiently digging an escape tunnel to freedom. Unfortunately, it lead straight into Sophie's cell instead. Fortunately, the ruckus (implied to be Sophie's displeasure at the intruder) stirred the prisoners into a riot that proved to be enough of a distraction for the two of them to escape. Sophie's grinning with mirth at the recollection, but Radovan's still less than pleased when the tale of his "miscalculation" is spilled.
• The post-MSQ Ninja quest has you reuniting with trainer and mentor Oboro, who as the text so helpfully describes has a "shite-eating grin" on his face. Turns out whilst you were gone he's been formulating a plan to retrieve the sacred scroll back from Karasu after he ran off with it last time. The plan seemingly goes off without a hitch and he invites you, Jacke and his crew to a victory feast at the Bismarck restaurant in Limsa. It's during that feast that another Oboro runs up, wearing nothing but his shorts and yells that the Oboro with you is a fake. The quest then goes over to you complete with the sound of a clock ticking as it falls to you to decide who the real Oboro is. As if you would have any trouble considering the candidates includes an Oboro who's looking serious, albeit wearing only shorts. Or the Oboro who's now speaking in a rhythm not unlike Karasu but more importantly doing the same pointing pose that Karasu does!
• There's a series of Ondo sidequests where you have to help their Clutchmother prepare to give birth. At the very end, she is ready to deliver her eggs. For the entire time that you hear her voice, she sounds almost like a dignified queen. Said dignity goes right out the window as she goes through a Screaming Birth and mixes it with swearing.
• The 2019 Rising Event quest starts with you helping the staff of the Moonfire Faire clean up the mess left on the beach after the event that ended the previous day.
• There's a certain amount of amusement to be had from the fact that absolutely no one, including his fellow Ascians, has any respect for Lahabrea (even though he's one of the three beings who survived the Sundering unbroken), despite the Akadaemia Anyder dungeon proving that he was quite the skilled and respected Amaurotine back in the day. How the mighty have fallen, indeed.
• In 5.1, after returning to the First to inform everyone that the aetheric link between their souls and their bodies in the Source is starting to falter, the Exarch promises to do everything he can to help. He also reminds everyone that if they can't find another way, the others should be returned back to their bodies if he dies. This annoys Alisaie to no end, and she gives him a smack to make sure he knows it. She even outright tells him that he is not allowed to die unless the Warrior of Light says so, causing them to look on in confusion.
  • Earlier, a conversation with Krile reveals that he has something of a habit of "looking for a noble cause to die for" in a similarly weary tone.
  Alisaie: I'm sick and tired of the Exarch's attempts at selfless sacrifice. If he suggests dying one more time, I swear I'm going to grant him his wish.
  • Y'shtola promptly comments to the Warrior of Light that their followers (Alisaie and the Exarch) 'Await your Divine Judgement'. Cue sputtering exclamations from both Alisaie and the Exarch, and a rather shocked looking Warrior of Light.
• Alisaie is tasked with molding a porxie out of clay. Her attempt is less than stellar and it looks like something a child would make. Alphinaud bursts out laughing while the Warrior of Light can only look on with a worried and perplexed expression on their face.
  • What makes this even better is the Nu Mou's comment that her design was a "grotesque parody of reality" as a reassuring note since it would still work. Alisaie noticeably pouts at this and tells them it doesn't help.
• When Chai-Nuzz returns home after a long journey to learn on what it takes to become mayor, Dulia-Chai is so overjoyed upon seeing him again that she bear hugs him to the point of unconsciousness. Alphinaud uses his healing magic to get him back on his feet.
  • Not only that, but she also swings him around, causing his limbs to flop around like a ragdoll.
  • Even better, she apologizes and he accepts it together with the position of mayor of Eulmore. She gets so excited and happy about it...that she does the same thing again. With being about to kiss him, only for him to faint before their faces get even close to one another.
• Bring Alisaie and Alphinaud into the Grand Cosmos as Trusts. Defeat the plant boss. Be amused at Alisaie's utter exasperation at her brother.
  Alphinaud: If we dried these leaves... perhaps we could use them for tea!
  Alisaie: ... Why are you like this?
  • Alternatively, if one brings Y'shtola, she will be quite excited to point out all the magical brooms keeping the place clean. She truly is Master Matoyas pupil.
• At the final pixie quest, Tyr Beq thanks you for everything you done and then admits that they are jealous that Feo Ul has you all to themselves and wish they could have a piece of you. Feo Ul intervenes as disembodied voice and is having none of it:
  Tyr Beq: I also want to say...I'm absolutely green with envy! It's so unfair that the king has you all to themself!
  Ezel II: I must admit I'm envious too. Would that the king would share [[player]] with us... <snort>
  An Lad: Yes, even a little piece of [[player]] would be nice...
  Feo Ul: Oh, good grief, when will everybody learn!? This mortal is mine, do you hear me!? Mine, mine, mine!
  Tyr Beq: <gulp> ...O-On second thought, it's more than plenty that you visit from time to time.
• Starlight Celebration 2019 has a moment of silliness in that Lartonphe, the father of an elezen boy looking for the former, is trying to keep his choir appearance a surprise to his son, only to lose track of time practicing his singing with a chocobo.
  • Later down the line, the group decides to make a compromise by allowing the chocobo to join the performance to impress Lartonphe's son. Adventurers that participated in Starlight Celebration 2018 may remember that they could jokingly suggest a chocobo for the choir performance. This year? They're running with it!
  • And exactly like last year, you conduct the choir performance, meaning that you can absolutely blow the performance once again in all its off-key glory. Said son looks predictably less-than pleased with it too.
• A preorder reward for the Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers artbook, "The Art of Reflection - Histories Forsaken" gives a code for a Wind-Up Dulia-Chai minion, which also has her own Chai-Nuzz minion clutched under her arm like a teddy bear despite his struggling.
• The level 60 Blue Mage job quest features a duel between the Blue Mage Guildmaster Martyn, and the undefeated champion of the Colosseum, Siegfried. After preparing his strategy around the fact that Siegfried has few counters for a ranged opponent, Martyn enters the arena confident in his chances of victory. Siegfried then appears, covered head to toe in a full set of magitek body armor and a massive hand cannon. Everyone stares in shock at this change in armor before the duel begins proper. As Martyn appears to have taken Siegfried down with a barrage of powerful spells, the gladiator suddenly appears behind him, causing Martyn to make the same exaggerated facial expressions seen in the Inspector Hildibrand quests.
• When the Scions meet with the people of the Crystarium to reveal the truth about the Warriors of Light of the First, Alphinaud and Urianger propose that the player character should make the speech since the people would more likely believe the truth it it came from the mouth of the savior that saved the First. The player character makes a face that basically says "Alright, alright. I'll do the speech."
• Y'shtola and the Warrior of Lights trip to the Qitana Ravel to gain answers in theory was supposed to be a simple trip, but the three Viis sisters that helped unlock the dungeon the first time essentially force themselves in to help, primarily because the two younger ones are wanting something to do.
• During the events of the "Echoes of a Fallen Star" story, the group find out that the "Ardbert" they saw alive is actually Elidibus using his body. After they exchange words, he leaves and the Scions debate on what to do next. When the group asks the player character if they're ready to proceed, one of the possible replies is "As long you don't make me do any chores", which is referencing to an earlier event where the player character helped Y'shtola with some chores. If you choose this option, the music suddenly goes silent and Y'shtola looks at the player character with a cheeky grin while delivering this gem (which is also a nod to her "I'll take you across my knee" joke in 5.0):
  Y'shtola: Keep that up and I'll send you to bed without supper.
  • The player character tricks "Ardbert" by asking about Seto. "Ardbert" immediately outs himself as an impostor by acting mournful that his friend died in the Flood. You are given two dialogue options to choose from. One in a very serious tone, the other... not so much, almost sounding disappointed at how little research Elidibus put into his puppet.
    Warrior of Light: I thought you were supposed to be good at this.
  • Likewise, you can also opt to extend a fist out as if to await a fist bump. The Warrior holds their fist out for a good several seconds before "Ardbert" chuckles and gives this gem:
    Ardbert: Arm giving you trouble? You should have it examined.
• When it's time for the Scions to meet with Bismarck and ask him for help in accessing the areas beyond Amaurot, Urianger proposes he uses his magic to walk across the water to reach him, much to Alphinaud's excitement. He takes a few steps, loses concentration, and promptly sinks into the water. Thancred basically goes "Oh for the love of..." before diving in to pull him to shore.
  • When Urianger describes the spell he intends to use to cross the water, Y'shtola is happy to sit back and see how it goes while others wonder if it wouldn't be easier if he simply learned to swim. And after it fails and Urianger has to be hauled back onto the dock, Y'shtola points out the perfectly serviceable boat just a few yalms away.
  • Equally, during Uriangers explanation, Thancred looks entirely unimpressed, only to give the most sarcastic "Oh no, whatever shall we do if you drown?" reaction. Only makes it funnier when he later jumps into the lake to prevent exactly that from happening.
  • When the Scions do reach Bismarck, the whale requests that the barnacles attached to his underbelly be removed so he can stop being itchy. Urianger takes quite a while to think of a way to solve the problem since the majority of the Scions can't swim. When he tells Alisaie what the issue is, she gets so annoyed at him that she basically yells that her and the player character could have done the deed by now since both of them can breathe underwater. When she tells the player character what side to take, they nod twice in fear to avoid pissing her off further.
    Y’shtola: It’s a minor miracle we accomplish anything at all, wouldn’t you say?
  • After helping Bismarck, Ryne forcibly demands that Thancred, Urianger, and the player character rest. Thancred then makes jokes about how the three of them are old men with elderly knees. Once the three are actually sitting down, he starts contemplating finding a fishing rod and having a quiet fish.
    • Even better: the rest is interupted by a minor disturbance and everyone simply agrees to skip the rest and continue. Talking to Ryne and Thancred at the pier will have Thancred essentially beg the player to convince Ryne that they did rest while she is very clearly not buying it.
• A Running Gag in Shadowbringers is a shoebill that's in the distance intently staring at the protagonists. In 5.2, Ryne finds the Shoebill in a cave that won't stop staring at her.
  "The shoebill is staring at Ryne. Just. Staring."
  • If one talks to Ryne and Thancred upon the return to the Ondo Cups, Thancred is confused why Ryne is so determined to having seen a bird underwater while she tries to explain that she really did see it. While entertaining when having seen the bird, if any player never found her cave, it's even more amusing as even the player might wonder if Ryne is of sound mind.
  • After completing the last Main Scenario quest for 5.3, the Shoebill takes up residence in the Warrior of Darkness's inn room in the Crystarium, with it either standing on the windowsill or the dinner table.
• A scene with the characters going to the Viis for their help in locating ancient Ronkan knowledge that'll help them to safely ferry the other scions back to the source safely has an exchange where Uimet reveals that Cymet was secretly hoping that the Warrior of Light would come back, even saying she fantasized about them while humping her staff at night. Cymet can only cry out in dismay in that Uimet promised she wouldn't tell anyone.
• The Running Gag of the player being a Heroic Mime gets mocked again regarding how impressionable the people of the Crystarium are in regards to your heroics and is Call-Back to the Legacy and A Realm Reborn era.
  Alisaie: Honestly, don't listen to all this prattle about the life-changing importance of your words to impressionable young heroes. You could nod mutely in their general direction and they'd still be inspired.
• The final Main Scenario quest of patch 5.2 has the main NPCs of the Role Questlines the player has completed show up to their room in the Crystarium to discuss the sudden reappearance of Ardbert. Most of them are outraged when they're informed that Elidibus is puppeting Ardbert's corpse around, but Giott is more offended that you didn't punch Elidibus in the face for it. She then teaches the Warrior of Light how to do a proper dwarven decking, "taboos be damned."
  Giott: Step one: make a fist. Step two: extend your arm, like so. Step three: beat 'em senseless. Got it?
• Part 2 of the 2020 Hatchingtide event has the Warrior of Light getting eggs from others in costumes. One egg is from Kan-E-Senna flanked by her ever present bodyguard. Another is from a very obvious Godbert Manderville who wears the bunny head and nothing else. The last one is a surprise as it's Suzaku of the Four Lords, and in full bunny costume.
  • Several other NPCs can be found around in-costume Gridania, some only appearing if you've completed certain quest lines:
    • Emmanellain de Fortemps and Honoroit appear as roosters between the Ampitheatre and the Botany Guild(near a water wheel) in 2022.
    • If you've completed the Omega raids, Nero Scaeva is found near Mih Khetto's Amphitheatre with Alpha and Omega. He reveals to the Warrior of Light that he's modified his costume to spray coffee from its mouth, and that he plans on giving Cid an easter egg with a turret gun inside of it.
    • The Four Lords are near the city's gates, each in the color/direction they represent: Genbu at Black Boar gate in the North, Byakko at White Wolf gate in the West, Seiryu at Blue Badger gate in the East, and Suzaku at Red Otter gate in the South (or rather, at the Carline Canopy as the gate itself is in the water). Notably, these four show up even if you haven't completed their quest line, but their dialogue changes to suggest that they are trying very hard to resist their aramitama in order to enjoy the festivities.
    • There's an Ungainly Rabbit in the Acorn Orchard. Speaking to them reveals that it's actually several of the minor auspices crammed into a single costume.
    • If you've completed the level 80 Scholar quest, you'll find Alka Zolka, Setoto, and Serpent Captain Landenel. Alka and Setoto's dialogue suggest that the two are on a date, while Landenel complains that he has to be in the rabbit costume while on security duty. Setoto asks Landenel how he feels about seeing her "as a normal girl", with Landenel dumbfounded that she's asking this while wearing a rabbit costume.
    • The Fatherly Rooster and Daughterly Hen are none other than Allie and Gaius van Baelsar.
• Mikoto has figured out a way to delve into a person's memories without the need of the Warrior of Light's Echo or a spell, and decides to demonstrate it...on Gerolt, specifically the timeframe involving his usual debt-handling schtick with Rowena. Though unlike the Echo, the memories are prone to being warped by the holder, leading to some inaccurate but hilarious perceptions where Memory Gerolt ends up complimenting Memory Rowena on her looks, then suddenly having the pair splashing in the waves in wedding clothes, which horrifies Gerolt.
  • Before that, Rowena comments that Gerolt is skilled enough that if he wasn't constantly spending all of his cash on alcohol, he could've been on the Syndicate instead of Godbert. Gerolt goes on a tirade about how he wouldn't want to be anything like Godbert, calling the man "dodderin' old, half-dressed" before cutting his sentence short, realizing the description also applies to himself.
• With the completion of the New Nest in the firmament, a former heretic and a Dragonet show up as part of an unlocked set of sidequests. The Dragonet, Ehll Toh, is a walking mass of these funny lines when she isn't being too serious. From groaning about her companion's heavy thoughts to getting sassy with you when you try to speak to her when her overflowing curiosity drags her away to try and explore Ishgard. She even has a cute little animation where it looks like she is putting her front paws on her waist while straightening her body vertically, like a humanoid person would, for when she starts getting lippy. It's truly bizarre to see a Dragon speak ridiculously human like this after being around more majestic and serious ones for a long time. Adding to this, one scene has her telling you that she was told to "hold the fort" and is now wondering where this fort is.
  • To top it off, when the young Elezen Hautdilong comes and expresses desire to befriend her, he comments on what it is like to talk with her, describing it as "It feels like I'm in the presence of an ordinary girl - albeit a very smug one"
• In the 5.3 dungeon, one of the figures you run into is none other than Hildibrand Manderville himself, clothes torn and maybe amnesiac. Seems like traveling with Greg wasn’t kind.
• During "Faded Memories", Tataru bakes some bread to be delivered to the Scions. One of the dialogue options is to imitate a delivery moogle, complete with "kupo" Verbal Tic. If you choose that one, the moogle sound effect will play during the Warrior of Light's lip flaps. Thancred looks rather stunned at the vocalization.
  • The bread itself gives a few of these. Being based on a Sharlayan recipe, Krile and Rammbroes sample it to make sure Tataru got it right. They comment that the bread is extremely heavy and disgusting-tasting - which is exactly the point, as Sharlayan cooking prioritizes nutritional value at the expense of everything else (the specific recipe Tataru used calls for ground-up fish and vegetables.) When the Warrior of Light delivers the loaf, Urianger implies he is the only person he knows who unironically likes the taste.
    • Speaking of the Archon Loaf, someone actually decided to try making it in real life, and yes, it's exactly as disgusting as you think it is.
  • It's...bread.
  • With Endwalker taking place in part in Sharlayan, Archon Loaf is now creatable by culinarians. The recipe includes dark rye flour, a northern herring, mist spinach, and purple carrots.
• There's something amusing about the Warrior of Light telling Alisaie to conserve her MP when fending off the spectral heroes, only for her to immediately cast Vermillion Scourge.
  • Alternatively, if complaining that they don't have that many lives to spend, Y'shtola is the one who reacts with an amused reply.
  • Right before that, everyone steel themselves to distract all of the summoned foes blocking the path to the Crystarium to let the Warrior of Darkness through. Alisaie gives an extremely exasperated complaint, and drags her brother along for the ride with this gem:
    Alisaie: Oh, not this old dance again... Yes. Obviously, I'll stay and fight. Alphinaud! I'm about to do a great many stupid and reckless things. Watch my back, would you?
• In the last stretch of the Heroes Gauntlet, you'll be joined by the Role Quest characters (namely the quest giver), who are rightly confused what is going on, but help anyway. They spent most of the the time they help you either bickering with each other, or in general just poking fun at each other, even as they fight.
• As the conclusion to the Shadowbringers story the animation team truly went all out for the final cutscenes in "Reflections in Crystal". Once the Scions return to the Source, they get back on their feet a few days later. The camera pans up to the very top of Revenant's Toll where we see poor Alisaie moaning, groaning, slumping in her chair, over its back, and then slamming her head on the table. The cause of her distress? Her utter disbelief at Y'shtola, Thancred and Urianger striking poses in their recreated outfits and weapons from the First, while Tataru boasts about their crafting. It's as if without anything fancy to do herself she's settled for being melodramatic with her discontent.
  • When Alphinaud asks if she's okay after face-planting into the table, Alisaie keeps her face firmly planted there while emoting at him as if she's still sitting up straight, including making wild gestures with her hands.
  • If anything, she seems more disappointed that she still has to wear her Stormblood costume. Alphinaud however doesn't look any least bit upset by this, stating in cheerful tone that their turn will come.
  • Urianger's overly dramatic Astrologian pose. Fanning his cards out on the table, he takes a stance reminscent of a Yu-Gi-Oh! character, swiftly draws a card, holds it at arms length, flips it over, and gives a satsified chuckle having presumably drawn the one he thought he had.
  • Krile, absolutely exhausted from several days or possibly weeks of hard work keeping the Scions stable and then healing them plus one new addition to the team, grabbing a bite only to find out that it's the Archon Loaf.
• When a panicked member of the Sons of Coinach comes racing in screaming for help over a particularly bad case of hippogryphs rampaging, everyone reacts to the news differently.
  • Alisaie, holding G'raha's staff, motions to hand it back to him, but lets go before he has it leaving the miqo'te to quickly lean forward to catch it before it hits the floor. She looks to the ground level and with an almost malevolent smile decides she "could do with a little rampage" herself and flings herself off the side with the biggest smile she can muster without reaching Hildibrand levels of uncanny. Alphinaud, having tried to stop her, can only sigh and mutter "Here We Go Again!" before chasing after her.
  • Y'shtola casually throws a bag of fresh gunblade cartridges to Thancred while taking a long sip from her cup.
    Y'shtola: I will join the fray when I've finished my tea.
    Urianger: (Flourishing his arms) Thus did the avatar of destruction decend, and in her wake leave naught but tears and ash...
    Y'shtola: (Finishes another sip and looks to the Warrior of Light, smiling coyly)
  • The Warrior of Light and G'raha simply exchanged amused smiles from the antics of the other Scions and chase after them together.
• With G'raha now a Scion, he becomes available as a Trust to party with, and has his own reactions to the dungeons. For the tightrope mechanic in Dohn Mheg? G'raha isn't phased by the illusion at all and speeds through it faster than Alisaie!
  G'raha: I regret to disappoint, but I'm more than comfortable with heights!
• One of the diversions in the Dwarf Beast Tribe after hitting Trusted is to help run the bar, Luca's Locket, making three themed drinks: Dwarven Decking, Wicked White, or Alcoholic Beverage, and having three choices of customers of who comes over: A dwarf approaching at high speed (Giott, and she can be unmasked depending on how far along you are in the Healer Role quest), A straitlaced Viis (Lyna), or A lively pixie (Tyr Beq), and each one has different reactions to the drinks. Giving Tyr Beq the Alcoholic Beverage has them troll the Warrior by turning into a beaver.
  • Giving Giott the Alcoholic Beverage has her comment that, initially, the sweet taste of the drink made her think you were trying to poison her with some kind of non-alcoholic beverage.
• The tooltip descriptions for the Rarefied Collectable items added in 5.3 to replace the old method of crafting collectibles are very snarky about adding collectors versions of things the Warrior has used in their career as an adventurer over the years from various jobs, most of it just to look pretty.
• In "the Sorrow of Werlyt" side story, the Warrior of Light gets to pilot a Mecha, the G-Warrior, against the Garlean Weapons. Dialogue options can paint the Warrior of Light as someone wholly out of their element.
  Warrior of Light: Erm... G-Warrior, do... the thing!
  [...]
  Warrior of Light: Ah... is it too late to back out?
  Cid: That's the [Player Name] I know, always with a joke at the ready! Wait, you're not joking are you?
• One of the Beast Tribe quests for the Dwarves is riding the Rolling Tankard for a test run. The quest is reasonable enough...except the tank is scaled to Lalafell. If you're not one of them, the tank is comically tiny compared to your character, especially to Roegadyn and Hrothgar, who can only comfortably stick one leg in to drive it while grounded. Imagine how cramped it must be when they get in the tank to pilot it when it takes flight! Once you hit Sworn, you can get your own Rolling Tankard to add to the mount collection.
• When everyone meets with Matoya to catch up with events that happened on the First, Alphinaud completely spills the beans on Y'sthola's exploits as one of the Night's Blessed and taking up the mantle of her master. Cue everyone suddenly staring at him with Y'shtola is at complete shock while she tries to make an excuse. Matyoa isn't buying it.
  Y'sthola: I merely adopted an alias in accordance with the customer of my hosts. Yours just happened to be the first name that came to mind.
  Matoya: You mean to tell me you went gallivanting about using my name, and only bother to visit when you need a favor? And don't pretend you don't! I taught you long enough.
• While trying to find a cure for tempering, G'raha finds a node that contains the information they need, but it's locked by a password. After G'raha fails to guess the password, Alisaie gives it a shot with amusing results:
  Alisaie: Come now, passwords are invariably short and simple. For instance... *dramatic finger pointing* Password!
  [...]
  Archive Node: The notion that the password could be something so inane would be laughable were it not dangerously stupid. Furthermore, your conduct in the presence of His Highness is grossly inappropriate. Know your place, handmaiden.
  Alisaie: What did thing just call me?!
• The Hero's Journey quest has several laughs:
  • Cylella reminisces over Unukalhai. One of your replies is "That nigh-unpronounceable name sounds familiar..." lampshades the difficulty of saying his name.
  • When you meet with Unukalhai and talk about how to bring him to the First, one of the things the WOL can say "All I require is your soul..." as if to scare him for a lark. After you get his spirit vessel to bring over to the First, looking at the key item description reads "Best not to tell anyone else about this, lest you suddenly find yourself everyone's first choice in inter-world ferry services."
  • Beq Lugg isn't happy that you brought over another soul across the rift and chews you out for it, but the possible replies you can give shows how the WOL absolutely doesn't care:
  Beq Lugg: After all the perils your friends faced, and the labors we undertook to return them to your world, you've brought another soul across the rift? Have you no common sense?
  Warrior of Light: Nope! / It's fiiine. Just work your magic! Magicks. Whichever.
• In 5.5, the long awaited meeting of Estinien and Alisaie, in which the Dragonslayer mistakes her for Alphinaud. To say she gets pissed would be an understatement, verbally lashing out at him for mistaking her for her brother while being equally offended that he described her as "rugged". After that, G'raha Tia goes fanboy over meeting Estinien, completely with his ears perking up and eyes visibly gleaming like an anime character. Estinien's shocked and confused expression makes it even better, with him requesting someone explain the situation.
  • When Alphinaud appears and has a chat with Estenien, Alisaie can be seen visibly pouting the entire time. When Estenien asks if it's ok for him to travel with them due to Alisaie's reaction, she explains that she will be ok...as long as he doesn't mistake the two again at which point she will throw him out of the airship.
• During the excursion of Azys La in 5.5, Estenien displays a great amount of disdain for the Allagan Nodes. He accidentally ends up fighting a bunch of sentries by asking one a question, gets barred from accessing a terminal due to being deemed a threat and should the player decide to register as him when asked for identification...:
  Estenien: ...Very funny. But if that thing speaks my name, I shall see that it never speaks again.
• At the end of the Sorrow of Werlyt storyline, Valens finally gets his comeuppance, in the form of being squeezed so hard by the Diamond Weapon that his head explodes. The funny part is the fact that the SFX, which are all we get due to Gory Discretion Shot being in play, Double-crosses the line by quite literally sounding like a balloon popping followed by water being poured down a drain.
• Near the end of discussions in 5.55's Main Scenario, the sahagin representative suddenly lets out a loud screech that leaves everyone in wide-eyed silence. Aymeric is the one to finally break it:
  Aymeric: I beg your pardon?
  • And it turns out that was just the sahagin's way of expressing passion and he wonders why nobody else did it too. He figures their lack of gills just makes it difficult.
• Throughout the course of post-Shadowbringers, Ascian Fandaniel appears a few times, usually wearing the Cryptlurker Robe of Casting. That in itself isn't funny, the fact that every time he appears it has a different color is though. Apparently the Ascian can't decide on whether he prefers soot black or gloom purple dye.
• At the start of 5.55, newly-joined Scion Estinien makes a comment about how he'd rather avoid Aymeric so as to not be "interrogated" by his old friend, using the excuse to bow out of the peace talks. At the end of 5.55, the Scions were ferried home — on Aymeric's personal airship, and it's implied Aymeric did exactly what Estinien was hoping to avoid. The Lord Commander wasn't taking no for an answer.
• Part of the 5.55 steps for the Resistance Weapons involves collecting memoirs in exchange for an alloy meant for the weapons. The funny part comes from reading the tooltip for A Day in the Life: Battles for the Realm, which pokes fun at each expansion's relic weapon series:
  A hero's recollections of battles supposedly fought in the name of freedom. In actuality, said battles were largely motivated by a burning desire to obtain a slightly better weapon through a rather lengthy and complex sequence of transactions.
• During the relic quests, Zlatan gets called Drake by Gerolt, who looks nothing like his old Eorzean assistant (Drake is a Hyur while Zlatan is a Hrothgar). From then on, it becomes a Running Gag where Gerolt keeps calling Zlatan by different names with Zlatan growing more and more exasperated until he gives up and goes with it. At the end of the final relic step, Gerolt finally addresses Zlatan by his actual name, which nearly drives the man to tears. The reason behind Gerolt not remembering Zlatan's name was simply because he kept guessing his name until he got it right.
  Zlatan: Surely I'm not the only one who heard that. My actual name... Oh, I pray this is not merely a fleeting moment of sobriety.
  Gerolt: So that's his name!? I s'pose it was only a matter of time afore I got it right...
  • Sadly (or not), if you complete any additional relics in the future, Gerolt will have already forgotten Zlatan's name, in favor of simply addressing him as "lad" during the cutscene for the final step.
• As the Bozjan Resistance continues to cut a path through Zadnor the staff begins pusing Mikoto to actually act on her budding feelings for Cid, and she responds with hesitation. When she confides in the Warrior of Light that she understands that she and he are rather compatible with one another she looks away as she pours her heart out a bit... only to look up and see, to her horror, that Gerolt is standing next to the Warrior with a big shit-eating grin on his face. The scene ends with him giving her a push of his own knowing from his own past with Rowena that hesitation and romance don't mix.
• In Rak'tika there's a particular rare fish at Mjrl's Tears whose catch requirements (6-7 AM, low spawn rate and potential for Surface Slap) mean the best way to time casting your lure is to use the LA-HEE in the background music. Knowing the devs, it's hard to tell if this was unintended.
• In the level 80 Machinist quest, there's a scene of Hilda and Joye practicing with their guns, trying to think of new techniques. When Joye does her transformation from pigtails to hair down, Hilda is finally compelled to ask how in the bloody hells does she do that? Rather than answer, Joye encourages Hilda to continue their training.

Eden Raids

Eden's Gate

• Eden's Eternal Breath is so over the top even for the source game, so naturally, it's just as bombastic when faithfully recreated for Eden Prime's ultimate attack, if not more so than the original. To wit, first Eden Prime creates a trigram that covers the entire planet's surface, then the planet splits open along its meridian, and an enormous blast creates a beam that flies into a neighboring galaxy, implodes it in an immeasurably large ball of dark energy... and then the warriors of light appear several feet above the same platform they started on with only a few thousand HP lost. The cutscene is also so long that many time-based job mechanics are going to reset because of the attack.
• Realizing the only way to fix the aether problem is to summon Primals, as much as the Warrior of Light hates it, Ryne worries that they may be unable to take them on... only for them, Thancred and Urianger to look at each other in a "should we tell her?" gesture.
• During the Eden's Gate Raid, you fight against Eden Titan albeit with modifications on his back that can become weapons, and even a car.
  • The lead up to the fight has Ryne asking you what it was like fighting Titan on the source. One of the replies is a traumatic response to the infamous Landslide attack, which was a Total Party Wipe for many players in A Realm Reborn.
  Warrior of Light: The landslides... the landslides...
  • When you think about it, one has to wonder what the Warrior of Light was on when they summoned Eden Titan, down to the copious amounts of landslides. They basically brought this upon themselves, intentional or not.

Eden's Verse

• Gaia is introduced like a spoiled diva with Thancred forced into carrying her luggage.
• When attempting to summon Ramuh to begin summoning rainfall, Ryne asks what Ramuh is like. The first thing that comes to the Warrior of Light's mind is his massive beard.
  Warrior: He's half man, half beard, and another half beard for good measure.
  • Alternatively, the second choice ("I spent most of the time chasing after orbs, with varying degree of success") also shows that the Warrior may be just throwing themselves at everything and seeing what works.
  • Much like the Landslide situation above, Eden!Ramuh's fight ends up involving the party chasing after orbs constantly to maintain a status effect which reduces damage from Ramuh's arena wide party-buster attacks.
• When discussing how to bring rain to the Empty, Urianger asks the Warrior of Darkness about if they know the process by which rain is made. One of the options is to claim it was an Allagan Conspiracy, which doesn't seem to amuse Urianger, though he does admit that it may have been something they could have done.
  • There's also a hidden choice if you have the Scholar job active where you can snarkily tell Urianger that, as a Scholar, of course you do. Urianger, in his own flowery style, pretty much tells the WoD to explain it if they're so smart. They quickly panic and wave it off, allowing Urianger to continue.
• Your dialogue options for helping Ryne with what to say to Gaia consist of urging her to talk to either Thancred because he "has the gift of the gab", or Urianger because he can "talk the hind legs off a Behemoth". If you pick Urianger, he admits to not knowing how to talk to kids by describing them as mysteries.
  • Immediately afterwards, the Warrior stands back and watches Ryne try to befriend Gaia while trying not to seem like they're trying to eavesdrop. They do this by doing squats in the background, bringing Godbert Manderville's similar habit to mind.
• Shortly after the above, the group are stuck on how they need both fire and wind to bring rain, but nobody is sure what to do to have it happen quickly. Gaia simply states having the Warrior of Darkness fight both a being of fire and a being of wind at the same time. Thancred immediately points out how stupid this is, only to have an Oh, Crap! moment when Urianger agrees.
  Thancred: Oh, you can't be serious...
• Ryne's response to Thancred urging her to try talking to Gaia since "failure is a key to success" is to say that he must have learned from experience, which Urianger comments must be because of his past flirtations.
• At the end of Verse, when Thancred and Urianger prepare to leave the First and leave Eden in the hands of the Warrior, Ryne, and Gaia, you can either choose "You can count on us!" or...
  Warrior: (To Ryne) So long as you don't turn into a crazy ice lady and try to kill me. Again.
• There's just something darkly funny about how Ryne goes on about how taking a Primal into herself isn't as bad as it sounds, only to IMMEDIATELY lose control of it before the fight even starts. Or, as one YouTube comment phrased it:
  "I won't lose control!" - Girl who lost control.
• One of Eden Shiva's attacks is "Redress," which causes her to shift between ice and light forms. This is a literal costume change that leaves her naked, her body only covered by a mysterious light before the clothes form onto her. It doesn't do any damage, but it has a "look away" mechanic that, if not completed, will cause you to be stunned and guarantee that you get hit by Shiva's next attack. Essentially, Eden Shiva's inflicting Pervert Revenge Mode on the Warrior of Light as an attack...and if they're not careful, it can work.
  • Depending on a players camera settings, this can lead to the hilarity of a player making their character look away... while having most of the screen covered by Shiva as she transforms.
  • There are also cases of players averting their eyes from the screen while leaving their character to take the hit, having misunderstood why they should look away.

YoRHa: Dark Apocalypse Alliance Raids

The Copied Factory

• The very fact the Warrior of Light is being roped along by Anogg and Konogg is hilarious in itself, especially coming off of the preceding questline that is basically self-aware of the Warrior of Light's Chronic Hero Syndrome.
• So the dwarven duo manages to get into the hidden mine shaft, but it's locked by another door. What do they do? Pull out some bombs to blow it up, with the Warrior of Light trying to Outrun the Explosion. When they probe deeper and find some Small Stubbies attacking an unconscious 2P? Pull out more bombs and chuck them at the machines to blow them up. After that, the group is met with a gigantic lock blocking the way to The Copied Factory. No problem, just pull out a comically high amount of bombs, stick them on there, and blow it up!
• A small, easy-to-miss touch in the 9S fight; earlier in it, he'll use his hacking powers to trigger various mechanics such as dropping Engels excavator arms on the arena, or dropping tanks, all while cheerily announcing how "convenient" they are. When he hacks the tanks to blow up, what attack shows on the timer? "Convenient Self-Destruct".
• The second boss of the raid, Hobbes, is a robot designed to test the combat capabilities and survivabilty of other machine-life form models, a sort of "quality assurance" test involving flamethrowers, electrified floors, laser barrages, giant claws, missiles, burning oil, etc etc. The problem becomes apparent to 2P that the test were not designed with androids or flesh and blood beings in mind, and certainly not anything surviving. About a third of the way through the fight, the boss starts to realize something is up and proceeds to declare the alliance is cheating on the tests and takes offense at the possibility. It becomes hilarious with Hobbes' very "matter of fact" replies as it proceeds to make the battle's pace more frantic.
  Hobbes: Subjects persistence duly noted as "irritating". Further manipulation detected. Offense heightened.
  Alert: Subjects advised that failure to follow instructions will be punished.
  High Alert: Subjects advised that failure to be punished will be punished.
  Danger: Subjects advised to die faster. Flagrant disrespect for science detected. "How dare you?" queried.
• In-between the Factory and the next part of Dark Apocalypse, Anogg and Konogg end up getting stuck trying to figure out the strange contraption you found in the Copied Factory and get into a fight over trying to probe further in or play cautiously. The two responses in trying to break up the arguing...don't quite work.
  • Response 1 makes it sound like it's supposed to happen between siblings.
    Warrior of Light: Must you two always bicker so?
    (Beat)
    Anogg and Konogg: Yes!
  • Response 2, while more violent-sounding, makes the Warrior of Light come off as a Heroic Comedic Sociopath.
    Warrior of Light: Shall the victor be the first to draw blood, or the last man standing?
    (Beat)
    Anogg and Konogg: Why not both?

The Puppets' Bunker

• The lead-up to the Bunker has both of the siblings complaining that they need to find a part to repair 2P, but they don't want to scour the entire Factory again to find a part that may be there, so unless you found a room full of android bodies there's not much you can do... Your dialogue options?
  "Now that you mention it..."
  "Oh yeah, the corpse room. That's a thing."
• After completing the Puppets' Bunker, the Dwarves have formed a mob and plan to kick out Anogg and Konogg. One of the choices you have to say;
  Warrior: You're all doomed! Doooooomed!

The Tower at Paradigm's Breach

• As dark of a turn this story reached, humor manages to sneak its way in during the fight against Her Inflorescence. There's one attack that basically throws a building at you from below, in hopes of killing you via Ring Out. But if you look closely you'll find the letters "SQE" on the side of the building. The boss isn't throwing any ordinary building, it's throwing the Square Enix HQ at you!
  • Really, that entire attack. Aside from it invoking "S*** SQUARE ENIX!" successfully, being hit or seeing people get hit by it is a laugh as well. If the building itself doesn't kill its victim(s), they get launched upward and get a good 5 seconds of airtime before falling back down and off for the actual ringout. Victims get to lament their impending doom, while survivors get the amusing image of their companions being shot flying, then just falling in the distance.