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    Legacy/A Realm Reborn 
  • There was a cutscene in Legacy in which the Player Character did a ridiculous dance with Sisipu.
  • The opening wagon-ride into Gridania in A Realm Reborn has the player seeing some Moogles (in this universe, they can make themselves invisible to people, but your freshly-wakened Echo lets you see them regardless), who greet you with adorable horn-toots that only you can hear, and then while talking, one downs the drink of another passenger on the wagon.
  • Biggs and Wedge make an appearance when you join a Grand Company in ARR. Their comedy duo nature is enhanced even further by them being a Roegadyn and a Lalafell.
    • Later in the story: You hijack a Magitek Armor. In order to pilot it, the Lalafell is picked up by the Roegadyn, flung around 15 feet into the air, does a flip in the air, and lands in the pilot seat.
  • The Scions of the Seventh Dawn 9(nee the Circle of Knowing) have a sort of clerk/receptionist who watches the front of their pad in Vesper Bay. She's a Lalafell... named Tataru. And she even does the "taru panic" during one particular cutscene.
  • During the weaver quests, the quest to learn to socket materia involves an aristocrat who had decided to take up gladiatorial combat. In order to "release his martial potential", he has you craft a cotton acton. However, it mustn't be any old acton like the peasants wear, it must be materia enhanced. When the guildmaster hears the request, he suggests you put in any old piece of materia, as the client likely won't be able to tell the difference.
    • After completing the request, the guildmaster informs you of an important fact about being a weaver: "While we are not required to respect our clients, we must appear to be respecting their wishes." Furthermore, he declares that you did an excellent job, since "as that little turd was sauntering out of here, I almost mistook him for a gladiator".
  • A few quests involve carrying corpses around. The item description is a beautiful lampshade:
    How you are able to fit this stiff corpse into your bag is a mystery best left unsolved.
  • After the defeat of Ifrit, emissaries of the Three Grand Companies come to try to court the Player Character to join them, with Minfilia and Tataru both showing signs of exasperation, and even the PC has an expression at one point that just screams "You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!."
  • Trying to get info on how to fight Titan, you find a man claiming to be a member of a band of mercenaries famous for accomplishing said feat. He turns out to be lying, trying to coast on their reputation, and uses it to get you to do his job. When he's found out, his boss decides to settle the matter by having the two of you compete to see who can destroy a large boulder first. And of course, yours is three times as big as his. And he still cheats. The whole situation is just ridiculous. However that doesn't change the fact the things he does to cheat come back as actual mechanics when you actually do face Titan.
    • This is, of course, after he tasks you with killing a handful of rats. And can't remember Titan's name.
      • Even better, he thinks it's Tidus.
      • Later he comes back in Patch 2.2 claiming to have defeated Leviabeetus (read; Leviathan) in a previous encounter. He gets a Maelstrom Private going for a while before you show up and he essentially replays a scene from True Lies complete with the comment about his size.
    • This is doubly funny for a Marauder, as the person claims to be an axemaster - A Marauder, in other words. What is the Marauders' Guild's introductory-level training exercise? Smashing boulders.
  • Later, when you actually find one of the actual ex-members of the Band of Heroes, they want to test you, too. They've got a better reason, since they don't want to send hapless heroes to fight something they're wholly unprepared for, but the whole god about to attack Limsa Lominsa thing is a bit pressing. Y'shtola's reaction echoes the player's.
  • The goal of the Band's secret test of character is getting a meal read for a feast being held in the honor of a famous hero; because the meal itself was incredibly rare and dangerous to acquire. After all that trouble of hunting down exotic ingredients and drink; you eventually discover that the feast was being held in your honor the entire time. The host himself only knew that the guests were a scholar (Y'Shtola) and a hero of many deeds (You) no one bothered to tell him either Y'Sthola's or your name. When he discovers this misunderstanding he does a jump into a bow; and is practically kissing the floor begging for forgiveness for asking the guest of honor to set up their own freaking dinner.
  • Lady Lilira the Lalafel. She acts like an adorably precocious child. And complains about being 'passed around like a swaddled babe'.
    • I meant the Sultana Nanamo...
  • One of the Marauder quests. The guildmaster sends you (along with his sister, a conjurer who has already backed you up before) to clear out a nest of beasts as a sort of training exercise. You finish it easily and the conjurer wonders if that was supposed to be a challenge - then you're challenged by a mysterious band of warriors. Actually, they're the guildmaster and several other unnamed guildmates who are all wearing face-concealing helmets. The conjurer says what the player is almost certainly thinking.
    Solkwyb: What a ridiculous charade. Did he honestly think we couldn't see through those paltry disguises? [...] Oh, and as a favor to me? Pray indulge Wyrnzoen in his little deception - subterfuge is not a marauder's forte.
    • And after you report back to the guild:
    Wyrnzoen: You did well to to topple opponents of such formidable skill. But let us not dwell on the nature of those masked men. What is important is your triumph in the face of overwhelming odds.
  • The Dragon Quest X crossover storyline referenced the Dragon Quest "Puff-Puff" Running Gag as your character's 'reward' for completing it. As usual, your character is asked to close their eyes as they give you your 'reward'. At the end of it, you open your eyes to catch a face full of a furry/feathery creature being held by the ladies.
  • Shantotto is specifically compared to The Calamity, in terms of danger to Eorzea. Shantotto is also slightly smaller than a typical Lalafell. And then she brings out Five V... and a rhyme.
  • Hildibrand returns in usual fashion, digging himself out of his own grave, convinced he's a zombie because of his amnesia. His quest chain is silly, nonsensical, and ends in a way that might leave you flabbergasted by how crazy it is. At one point, Hildibrand makes a joyful face that stretches his model so much it's very obviously meant to push the Uncanny Valley. Hildibrand's teeth also sparkles in the light every time he smiles!
  • Gilgamesh's exit after his boss battle by attempting to fly away on a rooster leaves the player character so flabbergasted they forget to preform their victory pose with the rest of the party.
  • Retainer Ventures can end up being Noodle Incidents. Furniture? Parts of the house?.. Crafted weapons?... Loot from raid bosses?.. WEAPONS FROM RAID BOSSES?! Even Word of God isn't exactly sure how retainers can procure such items and says it's up to the players to decide how it all happened.
  • Once Leviathan has been defeated Thancred can be seen at the counter of The Rising Stones with a bottle of alcohol in his hand spilling his guts to F'lhaminn, who he's been crushing on ever since she resurfaced in 2.1. Topics include the first time he ever saw her, how pretty she is, and how he's been pretty crazy for her ever since. She seems flattered enough but decides it's time he stops drinking.
  • Patch 2.2 gave us someone even more over the top than Hildibrand: His father, Godbert.
  • When the Yellow Jackets come to pester you upon joining the Adventurer's Guild, Baderon sticks up for you with this gem.
    "This fine, upstandin' young gent/lady is me dear departed grandma's sister's niece's cousin's closest companion. The lad/lass wouldn't be caught dead fraternizin' with such unsavory elements."
  • In patch 2.3, Cid's reaction to the fact that Xande seeked out the power of darkness:
  • Upon moving to the Rising Stones, a Roegadyn by the name of Hoary Boulder joins the Scions as a minor NPC, while he's only there to give some life to the Scions' HQ, nearly every time you see him between quests, he's engaged in some minor comic relief, from being beaten up by Yda to overzealously training the Doman children.
  • Patch 2.3 and Hildibrand again. Nashu brings some more of her explosives along for some reason, and leaves them on a crate of fruit, and starts to (poorly) take notes of what her boss Hildibrand is saying for the record. A series of events causes all of these to fall into place when rival inspector Briardien comes back from questioning a victim of the Phantom Thief, and leads to this.
  • Later on in the same branch of the Hildibrand quest, Briardien tasks Hildibrand (condescendingly) with creating a distraction while he attempts to keep the bride hidden. Hildibrand proceeds to wear the bride's wedding gown (provided by the player under the pretense of keeping it safe while the real bride was disguised) and proceed with the ceremony. He promptly accuses the groom of being the phantom thief in disguise since the groom had never seen his bride before, yet was able to tell at a glance that Hildibrand was not the fair maiden he was betrothed to. The kicker? The groom actually WAS the phantom thief in disguise.
  • The Main Scenario quests for 2.3 involve a bunch of tempered sylphs disguising themselves as the other Scions of the Seventh Dawn. At one point you come across Yda and what appears to be Thancred huddled in a corner, crying that he can't go on because he's afraid something will happen to his beautiful face. After you expose him as a fake, Yda says she can't believe she fell for that trick, but the sylph's act was so convincing!
  • One of the Moogle Delivery Quests involves you bringing a dance instructor to Costa Del Sol. Said instructor happens to be a Mamool Ja, not just any Mamool Ja, but the same one involved in a FATE in Outer La Noscea, who was kicked out of the hot springs there due to his "ritual bathing dance" in front of some of the female bathers. We never see his dance, but its enough to make two dancers run away screaming and a bodyguard to fall to her knees.
  • The 2014 All Saints Wake event has NPCs that changes your appearance as part of an illusion. Most of the time, you'll transform into a devil based monster. Sometimes you'll be transformed into one of the alliance leaders and you can use your emotes with them, which can lead to hilarious results such as having Raubahn doing the Manderville dance or Kan-E-Senna doing the imperial salute.
  • Patch 2.4 introduces more shenanigans from Hildibrand's quest lines with Uncle Ulty joining the fray. Every time Ultros tries to stop the player character and their crew from entering the tournament, it hilariously backfires on him; a crate of explosives meant to blow up Hilidbrand's friends is tossed back to him unwittingly, he falls into one of his own pitfall traps, and gets attacked by Hildibrand's father, a guy who is known to be insanely strong. Butt-Monkey doesn't even begin to describe Ultros.
  • The Level 25 Arcanist Guild quest. You try to help the depressed seer by asking the disappeared guildmaster for help. Said guildmaster has left some obscure tracks that you follow to find him. Said tracks involve dancing in front of a box. Then dancing for a gnome. And dancing for the seer. Even funnier is that K'lyhia instantly knows that your weird behaviour must mean that you met the Guildmaster.
  • In the level 5 Rogue's Guild quest, the Dandy Demolishers are foolhardy enough to barge into the guild hall with just the three of them. They promptly get an ass-kicking.
  • The level 10 Rogue's Guild quest. The Pirates code is taken very seriously, even if it is their own Guild leader taking another member's prized Bismark Finger Sandwich.
    V'kebbe: Ye've cloyed somethin' what belonged to me, Jacke. An' I can't ignore the code...
    Jacke: Ahahaha, aye, the code! We mustn't ignore the code! ...Yer havin' a laugh, aren't ye, lass? ...Lass? (Screen Fades to black, with some sounds of violence occuring) Aaargh!
    (A few moments latter)
    Perimu Haurimu: ...That might be the swiftest string-up I've ever seen.
    V'kebbe: A punishment to fit the crime. Take a good long look, *Player's Name*. The code exists to preserve peace in Limsa─to keep the alleys from runnin' red with blood. This city's me home, an' I'll draw daggers on any cove fool enough to threaten that peace.
    Perimu Haurimu: A pointed lesson. Let's head inside, eh? Yer sandwich'll get cold.
    Jacke: Hey! Do ye mean to leave me here all night!? At least ye gave me a grand view o' the harbor! ...Gods piss, these ropes are tight!
    • In the same quest, the shit-eating grin your character has when they steal back the corrupt merchant's stolen wares is quite possibly the most trollish they ever look.
  • In the main scenario of 2.4, there's a quest where you trail a Garlean spy with the help of Doman ninja. At one point you seem to lose track of the spy and have a discussion with the Crystal Braves second-in-command about what to do next. While this is going on, a peddler waltzes up to you and offers to sell you Eorzean Viagra. (In actuality, the peddler is a ninja in disguise with info about the spy's whereabouts).
  • Also in the main scenario, at one point you're back in Coerthas with Alphinaud, who's visibly shivering because of the cold just like he was during the Garuda arc. Immediately after, Minifillia (who usually wears a Stripperiffic outfit only slightly more revealing than Alphinaud's) walks up and defies Limited Wardrobe by wearing a very thick winter coat.
  • Once you finally gather the materials needed to create your Zodiac weapon, Jalzahn muses over what else needs to be done and suggests that the player character gather 50 more Atmas. The player character staggers at the mere thought of having to find more rare drops all over again (and possibly mirroring exactly how the player feels) until Gerolt suggest that you use the relic weapon itself as a catalyst, which brings a sigh of relief to the player character. And just to screw with the player further, once you are tasked with making your relic into materia, you're told several times that you only have a 1.4% chance of success and failure will destroy the relic. The game is actually lying, but one can't help but laugh at how the developers poked fun at the whole thing. Even if you say you don't want to go through with the process, Gerolt calls you out for being a wimp and he forges your relic anyway.
  • During the 2014 fanfest, when the developers were talking about how the Company of Heroes fought Leviathan in the past, they said that the group who fought the primal would "dodge the AOE lines and regrouping after the attack missed", which makes the fight sound more funny than epic. Later on in the convention, a fan asked Yoshida if there were (at the time) plans to make Stoneskin an AOE spell instead of single target due to how annoying it was to cast the spell on one person at a time. Yoshida responded by pretending to hold a controller with an exasperated look on his face, shouting "next!", and repeats a few more times as he made the situation funny and understood everyone's frustration.
  • Using a DPS' Limit Break is awesome when it connects. Emphasis on "connects". When fighting a primal, they usually leave the screen for a brief moment when they unleash their ultimate attack (or if they use some other ability where they leave the screen for a moment), which means you can't hit them. It's entirely possible to use a limit break on a primal and completely miss just because your timing was slightly off. This becomes doubly hilarious when the user uses a custom macro that has a Calling Your Attacks motif when they use a limit break.
  • In the hard mode of Wanderer's Palace, you're tasked to save a group of Tonberries that are being held captive and tortured by a gang of Mamool Ja. When you beat the gang's leader, your character does their usual Victory Pose, only for the music to stop halfway as the Tonberries swarm the defeated boss and stab him to death. Your character winces at the sight and the victory music picks up again.
  • 2.5 introduces the finale of the Hidlibrand quest line and it doesn't fail to deliver on the laughs:
    • Hildibrand's mother shows up after the phantom thief shows up. Just when the thief prepares to attack, Hildy's mother knocks the thief out with a frying pan. Shortly after, Gilgamesh appears and prepares to fight the Warrior of Light, only for Hildy's mom to hit Gilgamesh with her frying pan so hard that he flies into a wall. Even Godbert is scared out of his wits of her when she's angry. After witnessing her knocking Godbert stupid and Gilgamesh into the wall even the player character, who at this point has made a career out of slaying gods as far up as Bahamut himself, followers her orders to the letter without any complaint or hesitation.
      • The real kicker is that, when nodding your head as quickly as you can, your neck makes a sound that can only be described as "tennis shoes quickly squeaking on a basket court". Not to mention that certain character models (such as Highlanders) don't nod their heads completely - it looks more like your head is spasming up and down erratically.
    • When Briardien learns that Hildibrand built up an immunity to being zombified, the inspector gives up trying to find any sort of logic in the whole scenario and decides to just roll with it.
    • Hildibrand finally recovers the genuine Treaty Blade...only to find himself being rocketed towards the sky.
  • Although it comes during a very tragic scene in which you are currently being accused as the murderer of Nanamo, there is something just unbelievably amusing about the various smug, amused, and shocked faces that Teledji Adeledji makes while snarking at the Scions and at Raubahn. Just take a look at some examples!
  • This one doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Where did Gerolt find the one-of-a-kind book that revealed the final steps required to complete the Warrior of Light's Zodaic weapon? While going through the other Zodiac Braves-relevant tomes that Rowena had! How in the seven hells did he convince her to part with it without resorting to a king's ransom in gil? He threatened to marry her. Again. As in he has used that tactic multiple times and it's worked. And in the middle of Gerolt's argument with Jalzahn over who gets to take credit for the weapon, Rowena shows up at the shack wearing a suspiciously white outfit, only to see the argument taking place. Once the Warrior of Light notices, she smiles wordlessly at them and leaves.
  • Good King Moogle Mog XII's battle theme, while ominous and generally creepy, gets rather amusing when hearing all the ominous chanters suddenly shout "Kupo!"
    • While still ominious, it stops being creepy and starts being amusing when you realize it bears a distinct resemblance to This is Halloween.
  • When the moogles come to warn Gridania about the summoned king, despite knowing that the Primal King is a threat to everything including themselves, Good King Moogle Mog XII's reputation is so ingrained in them that the moogles sing his praise in the same breath that they tell the Scions that they must kill him.
  • In the Moonfire Faire 2015 event, the dancing Mamool Ja returns, attempting to celebrate on the beach with everyone else. One of the event FAT Es is to repel him for the sake of decency. Upon succeeding, the guardsman breathes a sigh of relief... and bemoans that he'll never be able to unsee the Mamool Ja's gyrations.
  • The 2015 Rising Event got more than a few laughs from some players when they approached Naoki Yoshida's office in the 18th Floor. Why? The doorway has the same purple flame effect that boss arenas have in dungeons/raids.
  • During the level 20 quest of the Thaumaterge quest chain, your teacher for this portion, Cocobezi, discusses avoiding fights you can't win directly. In this case, the reference is to merchants angry because the Coco siblings drank all the ether you secured in the last quest. He then asks you go to garner sympathy from the merchants.
    Cocobezi: Thus, I pass on to you the secret of my last and most potent defense: Shameless weeping. I'm not speaking of a few tears here─I want you to stride right up to these tyrannical traders and cry your eyes out.
  • In the level 15 Gladiator quest, you and Aldis are discussing something in the Quicksand, only to be interrupted by a band of mercenaries coming for Aldis's head. The rest of the patrons flee the establishment, but Momodi just shakes her head as if to say "Not this shit again" and ducks behind the counter.
  • In the second half of the level 15 Archer quest, the player's tasked with sneaking around a set of Ixal, picking them off as they proceed. It's suggested at the start that the PC not waste too much time on the minions, and indeed most can be avoided. Then, as the player approaches the boss of the area, an NPC named Miraudont the Madder just dives in out of nowhere, aggro'ing half the battlefield and turning what would have been an easy pull into a gigantic mess.
  • The 2016 Rising event retells the story of the Calamity in the form of a puppet/minion show with the player character as the lead actor. Just like the play in Final Fantasy VII, you can choose to screw up your direction and the results are hilarious:
    • If you don't say what came out of Dalamud, a fat cat pops out instead of Bahamut.
    Narrator: They fought on until flagging and weary. The moon of Dalamud waxed ever fuller, at last bursting open to reveal the terrifying truth of what slumbered inside.It was...an enormous cat!? As round as the red moon and nigh as large, it fell to the ground, the impact of its landing knocked soldiers on both sides to the ground! And then, uh... Their hearts having been melted by the sight of such a cuddly creature, Garleans and Eorzeans alike lost the will to fight! They cast down their weapons, and embraced each other as brother and sister, returning home without further bloodshed! The gargantuan feline, moved by this display of camaraderie, purred with joy! Why, it's purring right now! Can you hear that? It's the sound of...the sound of peace.
    • When asked whose voice the Warrior of Light heard when Bahamut breaks free, choosing the minstrel option has the Wandering Minstrel appear on stage and, in character, gives the Warrior of Light the hope to fight on and give him enough strength to defeat the primal by himself! Doubles as a heartwarming moment since the Wandering Minstrel thanks you for remembering him and giving him a chance to play on stage.
    • If you act like you don't know whose voice you heard when Bahamut is freed, the troupe's carpenter wanders on stage and completely kills the immersion by trying to make sure Bahamut's fireworks effect has the right oomph.
    Narrator: But just as the sun was to set on Eorzea's fate, a voice called out, saving our brave champions from certain doom!
    Crystal Caravan Leader: The voice which called out for our hero was...our carpenter!? What in the seven hells are you doing!?
    Crystal Caravan Carpenter: Apologies, Chief, but the fireworks ain't...uh, firin' the way they should. I take pride in my craft, ye see. I just can't let such a thing stand without at least an honest attempt at fixin' it.
    Crystal Caravan Leader: And this is your idea of fixing things!? Barging onto the stage like a goobbue run amok!?
    Crystal Caravan Carpenter: *the fireworks go off in his face, knocking him to the floor* By the gods!
    Crystal Caravan Leader: Would you look at that, everyone? Impeccable craftsmanship! So impeccable that the realm was saved! And with that, today's show shall come to a close. Thank you, thank you one and all!
    • When Louisox appears and fails to defeat Bahamut, saying that Bahamut was defeated in one fell swoop, the narrator states that the Warrior of Light thought the primal went down too easily until this happens:
    Narrator: Hearkening to his plea, They imbued the Warrior of Light with Their divine strength. Once more, our hero rose, and stood unflinching against Bahamut! Louisoix's incantation revitalized the Warrior of Light, and with a newfound tenacity he fixed his smoldering gaze upon the dragon...And in a flash Bahamut was defeated! The Warrior of Light was...surprised his foe was felled so easily...
    Bahamut reappears.
    Bestial Male Voice: You shall rue the day you stood against me, foolish mortals! Tremble before me─Bahamut Omega! Tremble, and despair, for I am not the only dragon you must contend with! With my savage roar, I summon Bahamut Alpha, and Bahamut Beta, and Bahamut─
    Crystal Caravan Leader: No, no, no! We don't have all the puppets for─I mean... And so he spoke, on and on, until Bahamut named all of his kin. In fact, some say he is still talking to this day...
    • Another possible ending has Louisox whisking the Warrior of Light away to safety while he deals with Bahamut himself. What makes this doubly funny is, despite the goofy music in the background implying that it's not the true ending, this ending is actually canonical in the game's main story!
  • The concept of the Post Moogle quests itself. For whatever reason the Warrior of Light decides to try their hand at the postal service. However because the Warrior of Light is famous by the time post moogle quests are unlocked; many if not all the delivery recipients are flabbergasted as to why the Warrior is making deliveries. When their talents are better suited to killing giant monsters and primals. Even better the game itself treats the quest line as a joke; each job done is accompanied by the typical level up theme. Only for the words level up to tilt and end with a question mark.
  • The Warrior of Light learning their first Blue Magic spell, Water Cannon. The NPC requires them to fight a "baby" Kraken and get hit by its water attacks to learn the spell. Not only is the Kraken not baby sized (though still smaller than the one fought in the main story), you get to see the Warrior of Light smacking the beast with a cane over and over as they get blasted by the water attacks for a good several seconds. By the time the beast is defeated, the Warrior of Light looks quite exhausted.
  • The concept of Blue Magic in general has your character performing the moves copied from the monsters they felled, down to a T. On paper, this sounds cool, in execution, your character sometimes looks ridiculous trying to recreate the action, from throwing bombs, lashing out an enemy with a toad's tongue, to spitting sardines.
  • The "Say It With Flowers" sidequest in Lower La Noscea has you fetch a flower for a lonely light-house keeper and deliver it to his crush, Ghimthota. After fighting off some landtraps to get a La Noscean lillybell, you find not only is Ghimthota too busy guarding Moraby Drydocks to be interested in a relationship, but she turns down the flower you were about to offer her because she's allergic to them.
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    Heavensward 
  • In the quest to get some food and other items for the friendly Gnath, talking to Estinien gets you this rather humorous gem:
    Estinien: When I set out to master the dragoon's jump, 'twas not to strike fear into the hearts of high-hanging fruit.
  • After you emerge victorious from you battle against Ravana, Estinien makes fun of Alphinaud by saying how he was so worried about the player character's safety that he was pacing around and fretting like a worried maid. The man even gets a laugh thrown in, showing that he's not quite someone with a stick up his ass.
    Alphinaud: Estinien! Was that truly necessary?
    Estinien: Hahaha... Not truly necessary—but certainly true.
  • After reaching the Churning Mists, the player and their companions of the quests find Moghome, home of some moogles that reside above the clouds. Everyone agrees to enlist the moogles aid in reaching out to Hresvelgr, but of course the Chieftain of the sky moogles wishes to, "test" you in the purity and nobleness of your intentions. Yes, "tests", and most definitely not a series of common chores and tasks that they're too lazy to do. By the end, Estinien begins growling in annoyance at the obvious charade going on (and possibly voicing the player's "You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me" views at this point).
    • Alphinaud comments before finishing quests of being judged if you are "worthy or not", that if the Moogles don't deem them as such, he's going to demand compensation in Kupo nuts out of principle.
    • While Kan-E-Senna didn't seem to mind the work given to her, she was more than happy to just meet the moogles, one of her guard was absolutely floored by the fact that they had the Elder Seedseerer, the highest ranking person in Gridania, sweeping and scrubbing.
    • The kicker, is that the Chieftain then reveals in panic, that the real reason they had you do those tasks, is because they really needed time to repair a horn used to call forth Hresvelgr for a meeting, and that aside from not being properly polished, one of the moogles had sat on it.
    • Ysayle through out all of this, is busy being distracted by the cuteness and fluffyness of being so near to them and seeing moogles for the first time in her life. She starts first at wondering why the Warrior of Light is staring at her oddly, for isn't she still allowed to enjoy seeing cute things? Latter on, she ends up being embarrassed when they come back to check on her, and she's still squeeing over them only to realize the Warrior of Light is right behind her.
  • Upon meeting with the peaceful Zundu tribe of the Vanu Vanu to discover info about the importance of Azys Lla, the party finds out from their chieftain, that it is a place where much evil was committed. And that the key that all the groups seeking to gain, or prevent access to it was eaten by Bismark. Cid is forced to quip and lampshade the "Damned if you do. Damned if you don't" situation.note 
    Cid: "Could we not just leave the key to the forbidden land in the island-eating whale's belly? I mean, I can think of worse places to keep it. ...No? I thought not."
  • When you're given permission to use another pathway in Idyllshire, the goblins there need to clear the path. First you see the goblins run, turn back to see that they laid bombs there, turn back to see Alphinaud and Y'Shtola run off and force you into a hasty retreat worthy of a Hildibrand incident.
  • In searching for a way to enter Azys Lla, Y'shtola guides the party to meet her master, Matoya. Which then prompts this exchange. What sells it is Alphinaud's meek delivery.
    Matoya: ...The one there in the fancy duds—that's Louisoux's granddaughter, I take it?
    Alphinaud: ...ahem. Grandson, begging your pardons.
  • When Wedge activates the Guidance Node in Azys Lla, it asks you to agree to the terms and conditions before you can use it further. Your only choices are "Yes" and "I...suppose?" Wedge immediately becomes attached to the new device and treats it like a dog by calling it a "good girl". If you talk to Biggs afterwards, he tells you about how Wedge once sulked for a whole month because he wouldn't give him a dog when asked.
    • There's something darkly humorous about many of the nodes and the insight into Allagan morality — or lack thereof — that they provide, such as a Suppression Node sending you (a presumed civilian) out to test law enforcement mechs by picking fights with them, then deeming it an unsatisfactory result when you return alive after destroying the things.
  • After a vicious battle in the Alexander: Burden of the Father Mide and the Warrior of Light finally reach Alexander's core to deactivate it followed by Biggs and Wedge. Biggs takes one look at the size of the core and eases any tension remaining from the battle with snark.
    Biggs: So this is the heart of the machine, eh? ...I knew I should have brought a bigger hammer.
  • In 3.1, we're introduced to a Sharlayan Scholar, Krile. She apparently has a history with Alphinaud, having mentored him when he was 11. She begins to recite a story from his youth while wearing a huge shit-eating grin; stopped only by Alphinaud's uncharacteristically panicked reaction.
    • Krile seems full of funny moments. Such as later on, when Alphinaud hands out sketches of Thancred he drew to aid in your search for him. Y'shtola comments on their quality, to which Alphinaud remarks that it's a skill he acquired years ago for reasons he couldn't care to remember. Almost immediately after he's out of ear-shot, Krile turns to you and reveals... it was to impress girls.
      • Related to Alphinaud's artistic skills, after being told Thancred's story of survival, he brings up how he shall never forget Y'shtola's similar Naked on Arrival return from the Lifestream. She is of course, somewhat cross, leaving the poor boy quite flustered. A moment later, she comments that she'd rather he didn't use his talents to draw her from memory as such.
      Alphinaud: Well, if you recall, you yourself emerged from the Lifestream as naked as your nameday. It is a scene I shall never forget-
      Y'shtola: Is it now?
      Alphinaud: Well, I was pleased to see you! I-I mean─ It was a simple statement of fact!
      • This is referenced again in the 2016 Rising event which rewards the player with the Dress-up Y'shtola minion. The description for the minion states that Alphinaud provided his sketch of Y'shtola to aid in the design for the minion's base. The description also makes it clear that he provided this despite no one asking him for it.
  • The first of the post 50 Heavensward quest for the Ninja job has both mentors of the Rogues Guild and Eorzean cell of Ninjas, Jacke and Oboro, teaming up with the player. Their goal is to investigate a theft that involves someone with the skills of a shinobi from the Far East. Except the person who's hiring the guild to arrest the mysterious thieves is actually the one who stole the treasure in the first place, and can't let them live knowing this as it it's the original thief who'll suffer the guild's wrath. Said thief thinks both the Player and Oboro are just new members of the Rogues Guid,note  and calls forth a hired thug (wearing Level 50 armor), to kill all witnesses. All three masters at their class and job just smile and grin at each other. Curb-Stomp Battle is perhaps a bit of an understatement here to describe what occurs next to both the sellsword, and thief, who end up being face-planted with a few swift knockout punches akin to a scene from the Hildibrand quests.
  • The Dark Knight Questline is, from the moment you start it, dramatic, tense, and fittingly dark. Then you hit the level 58 Quest, which leads you to the Moogle Village in The Churning Mists. And a musical number. About the Power of Love. What really sells the hilarity is Sid's shocked and utterly uncomprehending expression as the Moogles begin to sing.
    • During this same quest Sid finally hits his Rage Breaking Point and starts threatening to rip off the moogles' poms and shove them down their "gods damned throats". He references the incident in the level 65 quest saying there's no need for it...yet...
  • 3.1 gives Thancred a funny scene on how he was found after the events of 2.5. Like with Y'shtola, Thancred emerged from the lifestream naked and the still image of the flashbacks showing Thancred surviving in the wilderness has a Nutkin that just happened to jump at the right angles to block Thancred's private bits. Doesn't make his survival any less badass.
  • 3.2 has the return of Hildibrand and his wacky adventures are back in full force. The side quest introduces an inquisitor named Cyr who believes Hildibrand is a heretic and he quickly wonders how he and his companions are associates with a gentlemanly zombie while also wondering if he was transported to a new realm where logic doesn't exist. When the party does find Hildibrand buried head first in the snow, Godbert prepares to wake up his son, causing the Warrior of Light, Nashu, and the zombie to slowly back away as Cyr confusedly looks at them before Godbert's suplex power throws him several yards back. Needless to say, he's basically the stand in for Briardien.
    • It's even funnier when you question what the zombie is doing walking around Coerthas in the first place. Apparently, he was looking for Dusk Vigil (a very serious dungeon unconnected with this questline) because he heard other zombies were there and he wanted to meet them... until it's revealed that the player already went through and killed them all, much to his mild disappointment. He just decides to go along with you to find Hildibrand after.
    • One of the highlights is unsaid but very obvious. When you encounter Godbert in Ishgard city he's wearing more or less a full set of winter clothes. The farther you go into Coerthas (which is explicitly said it gets colder the farther north you get) he's wearing less and less clothes, by the time you find Hildibrand he's in just an undershirt... and when that gets removed (complete with the sound and effect for changing classes), that's when the people who know what Godbert is capable of start backing up.
    • 3.3 has the Hildibrand gang trying to find a way to make Gigi into a real boy, but every attempt doesn't work. Hildibrand doesn't mind that Gigi remained a mammet and declares that he is his son, which Godbert also celebrates to. Juliyan isn't pleased that both her son and her husband are stupid enough to take a mammet in as a child, causing her to get so pissed off that her Frying Pan of Doom grows tenfold in size and she gains Glowing Eyes of Doom. Godbert and Hildibrand know far too well that staying would spell doom for them and they quickly hightail it out of the highlands while Juliyan calmly walks after them. Cyr is left shaking in his shoes in absolute terror and states that while he would like to find out whether or not Juliyan had the power of a Dark Knight or worse, he isn't going to risk his life to find out.
      • Godbert's attempts to turn Gigi into a real boy involve modifying his body so that he appeared to be a lalafell (with his head unaltered), then right afterwards, giving him the hulking physique of a roegadyn. After the second modification, Hildibrand and Gigi run to each other in slow-motion as heartwarming music plays. Papa Hildy stretches out his arms, ready to embrace his mammet son...only to have Gigi clothesline him straight into the snow.
  • One of the late Vath quests has you aiding dragons in Aynx Trine and one of the quests has you helping dragons overcome a flea infestation that has affected several dragons. You're tasked with spraying the dragons with a chemical mixture that will kill the fleas and they express great relief once the itching stops. For all the things the dragons have faced up against, something mundane and annoying like fleas makes them look like overgrown scaly dogs.
    • One dragon even notes that many were about to resort to fire to solve the problem, as in they were going to set themselves/each other on fire.
  • In another Vath quest, you're tasked with looking for a yellow dragon named Uhm Ala since he has a package that has to be delivered. You find three yellow dragons, neither which are Uhm Ala and they all have different reactions to being mistaken for him; one thinks your eyes are failing you at such a young age, another is humbled to think you mistook him for Uhm Ala, and the third dragon takes offense because Uhm Ala wouldn't reside at the bottom of the tower like a common peasant. When you do finally find Uhm Ala, it turns out that the package for him contained a spritz bottle containing chemicals that can kill fleas. The dragon express embarrassment over how someone great as himself has to resort to secret deliveries to deal with fleas.
  • As you progress in the Vath beastmen quest, Vath Deftarm does his best to be a hero like the Warrior of Light, but his cowardice and stubbornness get in the way at times. In each of these instances, you can choose how to respond; the choices in dialogue begin innocent enough with words of encouragement, but the Warrior of Light steadily grows more annoyed at the Deftarm being childish when it comes to him trying to follow in the player's footsteps, which the dialogue choices reflect. At one point, some rocks have to be moved out of the way and the Deftarm refuses to do so because it's beneath him as an adventurer. You can outright tell him to "Go and pick up the damn rocks."
  • The introduction to the moogle beastmen quests starts off with you crafting fake Kupo Nuts to trick the moogles with so that they can cooperate with you in rebuilding the structures around Zenith. Afterwards, Mogzin asks if you will lend a hand in the task. The option for "No" is "Piss off, kupo," which a lot of players probably had chosen given the player base's negative reactions to the moogles in 3.0.
  • During the Live Letter segment regarding content in patch 3.35, one of the questions the fans asked was if they could get a savage version of the Weeping City of Mhach raid. Yoshida basically went "Wait, what!?", completely caught off guard and totally surprised at the request.
  • In one of the Moogle beastmen quests, you're tasked with finding out why a shipment from Ishgard is taking so long. You discover that a group of young dragon pups had swarmed the airship and scared off the soldiers on board (though not intentionally). The soldier asks you to find out what the dragon pups want. It turns out they are so amazed by the airship that they want one of their own and they "promise to take good care of it". The soldier is exasperated by the request and asks if he really looks like the Saint of Nymeia (Eorzea's version of Santa Claus) and wants you to make some toy airships to get the dragons to go away. The sight of dragonlings wanting airships as toys has to be seen to be believed.
  • In another Moogle beastmen quest, a Moogle wants you get one of his underlings to stop slacking off. Talking to him has him telling you to buzz off. Using the /psych emote only gets him more annoyed, which causes the game to say that "as an expert craftsman, you shouldn't stand for this" and are tasked to go slap some sense into the Moogle.
  • The Fat Moogle mount is as ridiculous as it sounds and looks. The mount is basically a chair lift with an extremely fat moogle carrying the seat and is somehow able to fly with its tiny wings supporting its overly large and round puffy body that somehow looks even fatter than a Fat Chocobo. Even the mount description says basic laws of physics should make flying impossible for a fat moogle, yet it does anyway.
  • The 2016 Moonfire Faire featured the Go Go Posing Rangers, which is totally not a ripoff some some particular series. You had to work with and train 3 rangers to stop the King Bomb from ruining the event. The expression on the player's face when the ranger's appear is one to behold.
  • The 2016 Rising event takes to poke even more fun at Alphinaud and he doesn't even appear during it. The devs continue to shine a spotlight on the fact that, after seeing Y'shtola come out of the lifestream naked, he has what seems to be perpetual foot-in-mouth syndrome around her. It also pokes at how he'd draw girls back in his younger days to impress them. It's pretty clear that the poor boy has the hots for her something fierce. All of this packed into the description of the Dress-Up Y'shtola minion earned from the end of the event.
    "This clockwork automaton has been crafted at the behest of the Adventurers' Guild in celebration of the Rising, Eorzea's annual celebration of rebirth. Alphinaud Leveilleur was apparently more than happy to submit a rough sketch for the design, despite never being asked."
  • Patch 3.4: Soul Surrender continues the wonderful fount of comedy that is anecdotes of Alphinaud's youth. Upon being furnished with a fancy new outfit courtesy of Tataru, Alisaie and Alphinaud reminisce about how their previously identical outfits were a long-standing (and in their eyes very annoying) habit of their parents. Alisaie continues on, recalling an occasion once at school where a girlfriend of Alphinaud's came up behind her and whispered something to her. Alphinaud is quick to cut her off with his usual embarrassed flourish insisting that they not discuss it in front of the Warrior of Light.
  • The added chapter for Further Hildibrand Adventures has Gigi being kidnapped by three very aged adventurers. As the trio make a VERY slow retreat with the captive Gigi, Hildibrand considers pursuit hopeless and vows to rescue the captured Mammet. All of this causes Cyr's face to twitch uncontrollably in response before pointing out that they're escaping at an Adamantoise's pace.
    • When the player must steal the armor from the elderly dragoon. After having him fall asleep and taking the armor, the game is very quick to ask What the Hell, Hero? for leaving an old man asleep in the bitter cold in an area infested with Sun Bears and Morbols. Interacting with the sleeping old man after stealing his armor prompts the text "Good night, sweet prince."
    • The journal entries for the above section only highlight how low the Warrior of Light has fallen.
    Slayer of Gods. Rider of Dragons. Savior of Ishgard. Stealer of Pants. In what may well be the darkest chapter of your life, you carefully remove Orland's sabatons and breeches, leaving the sleeping old man exposed to the elements and wholly at the mercy of the nearby ravenous bears with their big, nasty teeth and the repugnant morbols with their slimy, undulating tentacles. May he rest in peace.
    • The reason why you must steal his armor? Hildibrand believes the best way to deceive them, is for him to wear it and pretend to be him. He proceeds to do so...whilst acting exactly as normal, poses and all. Cyr's reaction is priceless.
    Cyr: Oh, bollocks...
    Then it works.
    Cyr: Okay, no - that's bollocks.
  • The dungeon Great Gubal Library (Hard Mode), like its normal predecessor, features a number of readable books scattered through the level. These include a book of romantic poetry by a Lominsan Roegadyn addressed to Brayflox, and a transcript of a meeting of Amdapori White Mages. The topic of discussion being how the naming scheme for cure spells is ridiculous and a numbering system would be much easier.note 
  • Although it comes in the middle of an otherwise tragic moment, Alphinaud's method of distracting a summoned Titan is to shoot his carbuncle out of his book like a projectile and have it cling onto Titan's face, causing him to flail around while you and the others make your escape, the sight of this twelve foot Golem being mauled and slowed down by a carbuncle the size of a person's arm looks ridiculous.
  • There's nothing inherently funny about the new Wondrous Tails quests, however the implication that every single one of your Wondrous Tails, being told by one little Miqo'te child to another, involve incredible levels of violence and bloodshed, leads to some rather disturbing thoughts about Khloe's real intentions.
  • Meta-Example: The Devs have to use placeholders for certain things they haven't done, but still need to be able to test the actual dungeon... so what do they use for the imp that gives the camera a fly-by in the opening of Library Hardmode? Godbert of course!
  • From the Q&A session at the 2016 Las Vegas Fanfest, Yoshida is asked where the Dragoons were during Nidhogg's assault on the Steps of Faith. His response... They all jumped. They're probably still up in the air somewhere.
    • During the same session, one of the questions asked was why the "dueling circle" added in 3.4 is actually a square. Yoshida decided that he wanted to know the answer too. What sends it over the top is the person sitting right next him acting as Yoshida's interpreter, who's none other than Michael Christopher Koji Fox. As in the very man in charge of English Localization and Lore.
    Yoshida: "Why?"
    Koji Fox: *facepalms in embarrassment* "That's a great question."
  • In the Stormblood teaser trailer, as the female Monk finishes her kata, she takes a quick peek over her shoulder at the male Monk, as if to check "Is he paying attention?". When she sees he isn't, she comes up behind him with a huge kick and an equally huge grin on her face. The male Monk blocks it, pushes her back, and gets into a spar, eventually getting a matching grin on his face, giving the impression that that exact sequence has happened before, he's not surprised or upset this time, and in all likelihood it'll happen again. He's accepted it's just something she does.
    • 3.5 Part 2 made it pretty clear that the female monk is Lyse the younger sister of Yda who she'd been impersonating for the last six years. It's nice to see that even after the events of 3.5 she's kept a bit of her playful streak in tact.
  • The 2017 Heavensturn event has Tori Bugyo frustrated at Eorzea being indifferent to the celebration of the new year from his culture. What does he do to gain interest? Wearing a helmet with a chocobo on it to celebrate the year of the "cock". He then goes on to say how Eorzea is home to some of the biggest cocks, then asks people if they want to see or even touch his yellow cock. The reactions he got in game, according to him, were predictable.
  • In the finale of the Further Hildibrand Adventures Questline, the Grand Sers reenacting the Knights of the Round summon animation from Final Fantasy VII.
    • It turns out that Gigi's real ability is to alter reality to what he thinks is the right state for things to be in. So a vase becomes unbroken, the Grand Sers (who have been filling his head with stories of their heroic legacy) become incredibly strong... and when subjected to it, Godbert becomes almost nude, Hildibrand's clothing becomes trashed again, and Julyan winds up with her excessively large Frying Pan of Doom and glowing, demonic red eyes.
  • In 3.5, you're tasked with making a new soulstone for your anima relic. The processing node can't perform the task unless it gets an upgrade to Version 10 and the user agreeing to the terms and conditions.
    Processing Node: <beep> Unable to initiate protocol. Version 10 of the operating system is required to proceed. Do you wish to upgrade?
    Ardashir: Upgrade...? I am not sure I want to─
    Processing Node: Upgrade requested. Do you agree to the Terms and Conditions of Use as stipulated by the Allagan Research Council?
    Ardashir: But I... <sigh> Yes, yes, I agree. Will you please just initiate the synthesis protocol?
    Processing Node: ...<beep> <beep> Update complete. Rebooting system...<beep> Initiating synthesis protocol...
  • Due to the limitations of the clothing physics, there's an unintentionally hilarious moment for female players wearing the wedding dress. The /doze emote was tweaked in a patch to allow players to change their poses while lying down on a bed with the /changepose command. For female players wearing a dress or robe, the pose of their character lying on their stomach with their legs raised up causes the dress to poof out like a tent. The more perverse and/or jokey players took advantage of this by having the short Lalafell race sit down within the dress.
  • Blansytr is The Rival to the player character in the Armorer quests. After the level 50 quest, he sees that he has to better himself in order to make armor in superior quality like the player. The guild leader asks you to check up on him after hearing he was trying to better himself in battle. You find him knelt over in exhaustion and getting aid from a group of adventurers that were passing through. Why was Blansytr so haggard? He made himself a suit of armor that offered no flexibility and he got his ass kicked by a rat, which are the same low leveled rats you see in Lower La Noscea for new players to fight.
  • In the 3.5 quest chain nearer to the end, you're fighting against a group of Garleans and they keep outnumbering you, when your "cavalry" arrives in the form of Nero's personalized suit of magitek armor. While the Garleans freak out, the Warrior of Light just looks at their new toy and gives a jarring smirk before utilizing it. For a Silent Protagonist, you can tell they're downright giddy at what they're about to do. Not only does the enemy captain freak out over it, he tries to save face by sending more troops into the fray and several clossusses. This fails spectacularly and his troops decide running away is better than dying for a lost cause, leaving him to fight the enemies by himself. He tries to order them to return, but looks so pathetic in doing so that even the Scions in the battle can't help but comment at how pathetic the man looks right now.
    Imperial Eques: "The colossi are scrap, and the Captain hits us as often as the enemy! Enough! Time for a tactical withdrawal!"
  • During the Make it Rain seasonal event in late spring 2017, there are a number of Easter Egg characters scattered around the Gold Saucer, most of them around for a quick laugh for players:
    • The Songbirds from the 2016 and 2017 Little Ladies Day events are seen performing near the Main Stage in Event Square, to cheers and applause of guests.
    • "Mother" Miounne, Baderon Tenfingers, and Momodi Modi are in the Entrance Hall taking a break from running their respective inns/adventurer's guilds, comparing the power their respective Grand Company Leader minions for Lords of Vermilion.
    • Also in the entrance hall, Emmanellain de Fortemps is trying to psych himself and Honoroit up for their experience there. Honoroit of course tries his dutiful best to rein in his lord's exuberance.
    • Tataru is by the Jumbo Cactpot board, voicing the desire of every player ever of having just one good ticket.
    • Lord Lolorito is by the Tournament Ranking Board in the Triple Triad Hall, throwing a fit about the fact that his name isn't even on the board, let alone anywhere near the top.
    • And of course, in true Running Gag fashion, on the backside of Mt. Corel, is non-other than Gentleman Inspector Hildibrand Helidor Maximillian Manderville. And in his usual state of having crashed head first into the ground and only the lower 3/4 of his body sticking out of the ground, his clothing as always half-destroyed, while ever loyal assistant Nashu pokes him to see if he's awake yet. The Fridge Logic as to how he ended up this away again makes it all the more funnier, when you realize he either attempted the GATE which happens there, involving trying to rescue a fat chocobo chick which has been captured by a bomb throwing gobbie, and failed. Or, that's where he landed after his poor choice of words to his mother, Julyan Manderville, at the end of the Heavensward portion of his questline led to him being sent flying all the way from Zenith in the Churning Mists region.
  • An Au Ra female retainer with the Independent personality is almost hilariously tsundere, unless you complete a venture without sending her on a new one right away:
    Retainer: Alright, take yer shite and quit leerin' at me arse. ...What? Ye can't seriously expect me to humor yer fetishes all the time, can ye?
  • The "romance" between Hoary Boulder and Aenor. She is head over heels for him (as well as attracted to his little brother), but has no idea how to convey it, leading to hilarious situations.
    Clemence: (while watching her sister and Hoary have a squat tournament) My sister has the most curious ideas about courtship...
    • Right after finishing the last Heavensward Main Story quest, Aenor is quite frank regarding her "interest" in the brothers:
    Aenor: Oh, what I wouldn't give to be a bit player too - or better yet, play with their—-

    Stormblood 
  • The Level 60 WAR Quest which kicks off its new storyline begins with Curious Gorge and Broken Mountain summoning you to help them in a battle they were summoned to against none other than the, er... "Mysterious Marauders" from the old Marauder questline. Their return alone is funny. What's truly hilarious is what follows, as in the wake of the match newcomer Dorgono awakens her Inner Beast and knocks her teammates into the surrounding waters in a downright cartoonish fashion. While the Player and Broken Mountain are suitably surprised by this turn, Curious Gorge has a... slightly different reaction. She then proceeds to do the same thing to him.
    Curious Gorge: [Lovestruck as he flies through the air] "She swings like a dream~"
  • The French version of the final (lv. 70) Bard quest comes with a hilarious Shout-Out to the infamous comic Asterix when Nourval goes Semiautomatix and binds Guydelot with these words:
    "No, you won't sing! No, you won't sing!"
  • Upon reaching Kugane, the party is greeted by a man named Hancock. Once again your reputation precedes you, in more ways than one.
    Hancock: And you must be [Player Name]! Slayer of Gods... Rider of Dragons... Savior of Ishgard... Stealer of Pants—if some of the more puzzling rumors are to be believed.
    • The best part is, if you've done the 3.x Hildibrand quest, those rumors are 100% true.
  • You'll often find NPCs counting objects. Seemingly the same number of objects indefinitely. Out on Onokoro, one other NPC seems to know this and doesn't care for it.
    Roegadyn Confederate: You need some help? There's one box, and two casks. Now can we go?
  • In Limsa, as the Scions are readying to head to Doma, the means of transport is revealed to be handled by Captain Carvallain of the Kraken's Arms pir...I mean, "spice traders". After Alisaie taking issue with the fact that their relying on a privateer crew, Carvallain points out that this trip has incredible risk and likely no profit to be had and wonders if it will really be worth his time. Tataru takes this moment to speak up with a shit-eating grin on her face, mentioning that during her time working at the Forgotten Knight she heard the most interesting tale. That Count Durendaire's first born son was presumed lost and dead during a sailing trip, but that he still believes his son to be alive and is offering a sizable reward for any information leading to his missing son. And if this missing son is not found soon, the house is having to consider letting the younger son, one Jannequinard de Durendaire, become the head of the house. Captain Carvallain very quickly changes his tune and says he'll start readying his crew and ship to leave port.
  • When the party arrives in Kugane and meet with Hancock, he warns them that they should be behave themselves unless they wish to wind up dead like Teledji Adeleji. Everyone reacts in shock, but Alisaie just stands there stoically as if she gives no shits about Hancock's dark humor. Later on, talking to Alphinaud shows he doesn't like Hancock's attitude, which he perceives to be untrustworthy (due to his connection to Lord Lolorito) and mocking:
    Alphinaud: (One of these days, I may just punch that man in the face...)
  • During a sidequest where you play as a merchant, a customer can come up to you wearing a necklace with a red jewel in it. One of your replies can be "Is that one of the eyes of Nidhogg!?"
  • When Lyse meets Gyodo, she is surprised to see that he is what is basically a talking catfish. Moments later, she and the Warrior of Light meet their first Kojin (race of bipedal turtles) in town who offers them aid in hiding from the guards, causing Lyse to react with this:
    Lyse: First a talking fish, and now a tortoise? <sigh> What have we got to lose?
  • When Gyodo's very obvious trap that the Scion's were expecting gets sprung, and they're "ambushed" by Garlean soldiers risking the wrath of the Sekiseigumi law enforcement of Kugane just to capture them, Lyse just handles it very matter of fact and a large amount of exasperation at the whole mess.
    Lyse: <sigh> I knew it couldn't be this simple...
    Gyodo: Nothing personal, yes, yes? Just business.
    Lyse: Then business is about to take a turn for the worse...
    (Proceeds to punt Gyodo high into the air, his body backlit by the full moon, and having Blank White Eyes. The Garleans even pause to watch at how high he is sent flying. Then without even looking and completely casual fashion, Lyse catches him over her shoulder, with Circling Chocobos over Gyodo's head.)
  • Talking to Tataru after escaping from the guards has her give her take on the talking beastmen, which she claims will only get worse if bears start to talk:
    Tataru: Talking tortoise, talking catfish...I tell you, though—it's when bears start talking that you need to worry. That, my friends, spells the end of civilization as we know it!
  • While Alisaie isn't a fan of swimming, she can swim just fine. She makes fun of Alphinaud's inability to swim and asks him if she should have brought him his water floaters.
    • What really puts the icing on the mocking-his-inability-to-swim cake, though, is her voice actor's magnificent delivery of an Incredibly Lame Pun later in the main scenario quests;
    Alisaie: Somehow, the boy just isn't very buoyant.
    • A similar event happens near the end of the game where the Warrior of Light and Thancred have to swim through a long underwater tunnel to sneak into Ala Mhigo. Because you have the Kojin's blessing, drowning is a non issue for you. Thancred, who had boasted earlier that he can hold his breath for 10 minutes (Itself a Monkey Island Reference), complains how you have it easy with your blessing while he has to catch his breath after the long swim.
  • The Warrior of Light, through dialog choices, can come across as hilariously blunt and/or psychotic. For example, when planning to deal with a new primal the ananta have summoned they can tell a friendly ananta:
    Warrior of Light: Know that I will kill your god if I have to. Maybe even if I don't.
  • The Yanxia FATE "The Virgin Homicides" has the description "More of Doma's many legendary demon dogs have appeared to terrorize the land's young virgins who, it appears, the demon dogs prefer over the young harlots, old virgins, and old harlots. Think of the virgins. The young ones.''
  • There's something hilarious at how Lakshmi's Signature Move forces the party to suddenly start dancing like a scene from a Bollywood movie.
  • After the credits, a cutscene plays setting up the Omega raid storyline, where Cid and the rest of the Garlond Ironworks team are investigating a massive rift in the Fringes, presumably caused by Omega. Cid's eager to set up shop and get to work, but Jessie reminds him of the drain on the company's finances that similar endeavors have caused, and has therefore hired a consultant: Nero tol Scaeva. Everyone's reactions are priceless.
    • It gets even better when you regroup in Rhalgr's Reach;
    Nero: "I'll have you know I'm a sensitive new recruit who thrives on encouragement."
    Cid: "Then I'll trust you thrive elsewhere when I encourage you to piss off!"
  • After the battle of Doma Castle, Lord Hien struggles to find something to speak about to his kingdom. After a long pause, The Warrior of Light can offer, "Well if you won't say anything I will."
  • During the planning stages of the assault on Doma Castle, Alphinaud realizes that he knows very little info on how to disable the magitek field generators that divides Yanxia in half, so he has word sent to Cid to please send any manuals and schematics that would prove useful to this endeavor. We'll just let the item description speak for itself:
    Magitek Field Generator Manual: Never one to take undue risk, it would seem Cid thought it best to send Alphinaud a massive manual detailing the operation of a magitek field generator, to ensure the boy was prepared for every eventuality. Or possibly to see if he would read the entire thing or give up and whack the generator with a wrench (which works nine times out of ten anyways).
    • In addition, the item in quest was supposed to be just a no-frills errand for the Warrior of Light, in part to check up on Tataru and Hancock, pick it up and return back to Doma. Instead, the overworked delivery man gave the Ruby Bazaar a massive and heavily perfumed love letter that was meant for a member of the Sekiseigumi and is long enough to instead be considered more of a treatise on the matter. After the mistake is corrected by the Warrior of light, Tataru muses that it be just their luck for Cid to send the wrong papers as well (thankfully not), and Hancock has his own amusing reply:
    Hancock: I can only imagine what would have happened had we sent (Player) back to Doma with a parcel full of love letters. The look on Alphinaud's face when he reads the first page... On second thought, I'm a little disappointed we didn't.
  • The Savage difficulty of Omega is unlocked by speaking with a Garlond Ironworks terminal that, in order to help ease stress, plays a soothing melody (The main Final Fantasy theme) for the user to relax to. Then the terminal mentions that the piece was composed specifically for the Ironworks by a minstrel of some renown. The Warrior of Light immediately realizes that they mean The Wandering Minstrel who's music has invoked powerful re-imaginings of their fiercest battles before in the past...only for the terminal to then tell them that continued listening may cause one's imagination to run wild and rethink events of the past in a fantastical manner. The Warrior of Light can only stagger in disbelief as you're informed that Deltascape Savage has been unlocked.
  • Speaking of Deltascape Savage, there's some nerd humor in V1.0 Savage: dataminers discovered that Alte Roite's "Clamp" ability that instantly ejects victims from the arena has a knockback velocity of 7 malms per second. 7 malms the game's Fantastic Measurement System equivalent to 7 real-world miles, and 7 miles per second is escape velocity. The reasons it looks players immediately vanish upon getting hit by Clamp is because that's exactly what's happening: Alte Roite basically slams into them so hard that they literally go flying into outer space (or rather some nondescript otherverse since the fight takes place in the Interdimensional Rift, but, details).
  • The Level 70 Blacksmith Quest has a hilarious moment where Sekka confesses her love to Brithael. He can only stutter out a "Pardon me?", before slowly turning to share a glance with the girl's father standing off to the side... who then reaches for the katana she just finished making. Brithael's wide-eyed look of horror as Shinto's eyes burn red with a matching Battle Aura of Killing Intent is a thing of beauty.
  • The level 70 Dragoon quest has you and the young dragon Orn Khai racing to find Faunheim, the long-lost consort of Orn Khai's sire, only to find her feral with rage. You receive word that a group of merchants have hired a dragon hunter to slay her, and race to find her before the hunter does. Upon reaching her nesting area, you find the hunter is none other than your old comrade Estinien, who gives the following introduction, and receives the following (entirely merited) response from Orn Khai:
    Estinien: It would seem we two Azure Dragoons share one target. Though I suppose neither of us still hold that mantle - old habits do not die so easily.
    • A bit earlier, when you go searching for Faunhem in Ala Mhigo, you end up looking for a "sleeping dragon", said location turns out to be the location of legendary Monk's grave who held the moniker. When Professor Erik from the Monk questline shows up, he begins to share with you and Orn Khai the history of the Sleeping Dragon (complete with his usual rant devolving into Blah Blah Blah), only for Orn Khai to just flutter off. The player character looks at Erik, sees that he's not stopping any time soon, and leaves as well. It takes Erik a good thirty seconds to realize you've left, upon which he just hangs his head dejectedly and walks back into the tomb.
  • One of the sidequests in Stormblood has you tossing live grenades at a Miqo'te for the purpose of toughening him up.
    M'Zhet Tia: Those grenades took a toll on me, but I'm feeling much better. My ribs have taken an unusual shade of purple, but I bet that means the training's working.
    • He returns again in the rank 5 Anata beastmen quest where he arrives to help out an ill person. First he claims he's the "savior" everyone was waiting for, claims that J'olhmyn (a soldier who has more important things to worry about) is in love with him, and then claims the ill man is simply "lovestruck". Alpa isn't buying any of it:
    Alpa: If you're brothers, it's clear to see which one got all the brains. Is he always this ssstupid?
    Warrior of Light: *nods*
  • During your road to a monastery near Ala Mhigo, you have to look through some ruins for clues to where said monastery is located. One of the objects you find is a magitek device that is obviously a trap. Since you already looked everywhere else, you have to activate it anyway. Imperial soldiers arrive and Thancred chews you out for it.
    Thancred: All right, which one of you triggered the obvious trap!?
  • For most of the dungeons and trials in the game, the journal text usually tells you to gather your adventurer friends before taking off. In Stormblood, most of the dungeons and trials you go into usually require you to be alone, but the text mocks it by saying that your friends just happened to be around or had followed you to the Far East. Even Lyse lampshades it when Susano is summoned. The joke is only used the English version of the game however.
    Alisaie: The rest of the plan, I'm afraid you can guess. I'm sorry, [Player Name], I truly am, but neither of us can even approach Susano, much less hope to defeat him. Which means you're on your own.
    Lyse: Well, who knows? He/She does have an awful lot of adventurer friends. Maybe some of them decided to take a fishing trip to the Far East, and are surprisingly close by...?
  • The final Dark Knight quest brings us quite possibly the finest "WTF" face in the game outside of the Hildibrand storylines. As an unexpected ally (your Enemy Within, Fray) joins the fight, Sidguru goes wide-eyed and slack-jawed, as it was probably the last person he expected to ever see again.
  • In 4.1 Eventually during the MSQ, you'll be given an Echo glimpse of Raubahn's past with Nanamo, namely the moment he won the battle that got his place on the Syndicate, featuring Nanamo running away from her various servants trying to keep her out the pit, while she snarks at them as they fall over, only for her to jump on one of the fallen and into Raubahn's hands, complete with a comical hop effect.
    • Doubles as Moment of Awesome in that this scene was originally in 1.0, and is redone near word for word here and voiced in the quest "There will be Blood"
  • The new Hildibrand questline doesn't lack for these moments. Among them are the Warrior of Light chasing off the namazu who tried to sell you to the Garleans in the main storyline with a pointed glare, Nashu being, well, Nashu, and the option to tell her she's being tailed by an obsessive Lalafell.
    Warrior of Light: A creepy little bastard who followed you to Kugane says he's been stalking you for five years.
  • In the MSQ for 4.2, Alphinaud proclaims that he's going to swim from the Ruby Price to where the Garleans are attacking and that he's been practicing. He proceeds to run to the edge and let out the most comedic yell as he awkwardly dives in. Even more so, it more looks like he bellyflopped.
  • One of the dungeons added in 4.2, Hells' Lid, has one when you complete it for the first time:
    Soroban:note  By the kami! A talking turtle!
    The Warrior of Light and Tataru both turn their heads towards Soroban.
    Tataru: I...I don't even know where to begin with that one...
  • Cid's reaction to the first opponent Omega throws at Alpha Team for the Sigmascape test world, VI's famous Phantom Train, is one of complete and utter disbelief. When the fight is over, he struggles to determine if the malevolent train is an actual thing from another world Omega observes from the Rift, or if it's just another fictional thing from a story which was clearly authored by someone who hates trains.
  • Later in the Sigmascape, Nero give a bold statement on how he will find the method to Kefka's madness for the upcoming fight. His words and expression really sell it as a Badass Boast... then he takes a sip from his mug and spits its contents out with a sickly grimace, learning that Alpha tried making coffee using salt water.
  • In one segment of the Ivalice 24-man raid questlines, you are tasked with getting a wine which you have to get by trading an even rarer wine from Dalmasca. When you get back to the wine expert that can appraise it, he comments that it's genuine, but the fact that the bottle is empty makes it impossible to trade it. Both you and the wine expert run out of ideas.......And then out of nowhere Hancock shows up complete with a Scare Chord.
  • In one of the Anata beastmen quests, you're tasked with washing a dirty bed sheet in a river. The game hangs a big lampshade over it, noting how the hands that felled many gods succeeded in getting rid of most of the filth in the sheets, but you are too determined to leave the job half finished until the whole thing is 100% clean. The item description for the sheets changes each time you wash it:
    (Not washed) Sheets so dirty it makes you cry.
    (1st wash) Sheets so dirty it makes you laugh.
    (2nd wash) Most people would consider this clean. You are not most people.
    (3rd wash) So clean you can almost hear it squeak.
  • Upon reaching the bloodsworn rank with the Ananta, you're treated to a feast with a few others. M'Zhet Tia is offered to drink some spirits, but he declines since it doesn't agree with him. J'olhmyn goads him into drinking it to show what he's made of and he proceeds to do so. M'Zhet winds up vomiting off screen and somehow managed to plaster the ceiling with it.
    Tahla Molkoh: M'zhet! Are you all right?
    J'olhmyn: Evidently not. I think I've lost my appetite.
    Gales: Don't just stand there! Get a mop!
    Tahla Molkoh: Ye gods! How did he get it on the ceiling!?
  • The boss of the endgame dungeon Kugane Castle is Yojimbo, a sellsword who promises to fight only if he is well-paid. Avoiding his insta-wipe attack is a matter of collecting the gold coins his client tosses onto the battlefield before his canine companion, Daigoro, can retrieve them: if you fail, he'll give his client what he paid for, but if you snatch up the money before he can collect, he will dial back his efforts accordingly. At the end of the fight, Yojimbo declares that his client is no longer able to afford his services and takes his leave through a hole in the arena's floor.
  • Hildibrand's return in Stormblood does not hold back on the laughs. How does he come back? By being sold off as a statue in Kugane and is then stolen/kidnapped by the wolf burglar who also thinks the man is a highly valued statue. Later on, you meet one of Hildibrand's undead gentleman in a wolf suit, who says a merchant gave it to him to make him look less scary. The zombie also mentions that he heard some of his brethren were in the Sirensong Sea, only to find out that the Warrior of Light slayed them all like they did with the undead in Dusk Vigil. The zombie then tells the Warrior of light to stop killing the undead everywhere they go.
    • So, how did Hildibrand get into the auction as a statue? Somehow, after landing from being launched into the stratosphere (again) at the end of the previous adventure, his body froze into a pose and was as rigid as a statue and unresponsive, with a serene look to his face. The auction house in Kugane found him and presumed he was simply an incredibly lifelike statue, and dubbed him "The Eoruzean(sic) Gentleman". However, the second Nashu merely gets ready to throw one of her "delights" again at him much like back in A Realm Reborn in an attempt to wake him up at the auction house, his face twists into a look of abject terror.
  • The Unending Journey entries will have moments of snark if a recalled scene had something silly involved. This is turned up a notch when reading past quests involving Hildibrand. In the second Hildibrand quest during Stormblood, the twists that happen are written as "something you ought to have seen coming". When describing how one of the undead gentleman managed to get werewolf suit, the narration seems to have Given Up On Logic and simply goes with "because sometimes life is funny like that."
  • The wind-up Fafnir minion is a big tease from the developers towards anyone who had played Final Fantasy XIand tried to go after the infamous Ridill with its low drop rate. The minion is described as being designed by a scholar who insisted that the dragon carry the sword and when asked, he muttered some thing about "drop rates". The Japanese version swaps out the drop rate joke with "occasionally attacks three times", which was a feature of the weapon in its home game.
  • Tataru's impulsiveness in looking at a chest of special infused dust meant for Soroban she suspects is fake results in Genbu tackling her out of the way. The result of a few moments of exposure is her coming out looking like an old hag to her dismay for a minute or two, when it wears off her reaction is a picture
    • When Tataru dawns her arcanist stance in the following fight she starts off sounding confident only for her Carbuncle abandons her AGAIN causing her to run about in a panic most of the fight except when healing you. She wallows about being deserted.
    Tataru: Desertion is punishable by death! My death!
  • Talking to Alisaie early on between quest markers in 4.3 reveals that Alphinaud has been given such a stern talking to by Tataru that he refuses to do so much as buy of tea without considering his money, much to her irritation.
  • In the Ridorana Lighthouse, Construct 7 appears as a Legacy Boss Battle. One of his most threatening attacks is... forcing the alliance to do basic math. No, really: he slaps a debuff on everyone that reduces your HP to a certain number, and you must walk into a numbered circle to increase your HP by the amount specified for a couple of math problems he gives you. Fail, and you get a debuff that massively increases damage taken, and he always follows this with an arena-wide AOE.
    • It gets better: during the trash phase of the fight, if your party defeats their add and returns to the arena fast enough, they'll be treated to Construct 7 dancing while everyone is away. And he'll keep going until the trash phase ends. Also lends to an Easter Egg: if you clear Ridorana Lighthouse but don't leave right away, you can return to Construct 7's arena and it will be doing the dance, no longer hostile.
  • While helping the Doman Adventurer's Guild catch the true thieves who stole the grimoire from Rowena, they all stand imposingly with their arms crossed at the thief. The Warrior of Light does a double-take before quickly copying their stance. Why is it funny? The Doman Adventurer's Guild are all children.
  • The introduction mission for the Nazamu Beast Tribe has the Wo L find a Nazamu flopping around in the Azim Steppe. The game assures the player that it will survive without any help from you, at which point both options are to try and escape before it wakes up and subjects the player to a long and lengthy quest chain.
  • One of the quests to rank up in the Namazu tribe is to shoot an arrow at a target held by a Namazu. If you hit the besatman instead, he flops on the ground with blank white eyes. painfully remarking about the craftsmanship of your arrows. You can do this over and over if you feel like being a jerk.
  • At the end of the level 70 goldsmith quest, Nanamo is so happy with her gift that she starts jumping around excitedly and cheering before realizing what she's doing. She tries to regain her composure and act proper.
  • During patch day for 4.3, many players rushed to unlock the new Ridorana Lighthouse raid. One of the unlock quests involved a fight against a pair of Red Chocobos that would spawn when the player reached the target area. Several players went to that target area at once, spawning an entire horde of Red Chocobos. While this is nothing new for this quest type on patch day, the catch came from the Red Chocobos having access to Choco Meteor, a very hard-hitting AOE spell that has a very short cast time and applies Vulnerability Up - two hits from a Choco Meteor is all it takes to KO a player, and they chain-cast it. Needless to say there was a lot of player deaths when all of those Red Chocobos spawned at once. The best part is that more new players would show up to do the quest as time went on, spawning another pair of Red Chocobos with each new arrival, perpetuating a cycle of fiery, comedy death that lasted for the whole day!
  • During the Namazu questline it's revealed that a famine will hit the Azim Steppe Xaela and the Namazu would have become a food source because of it. While the event itself is averted due to the Warrior of Light's actions, a what-if flash forward instead of showing either the Oronir or the Dotharl both fiercely war-like, it shows that the kind hearted Mol of all people would have happily taken part in the slaughter.
    • If you talk to Cirina of the Mol between objectives she calls Gyorin delicious looking and wants to know if all Namazu are as plump as he is. The first possible optional dialogue has Gyoshin feeling all nervous in front of her wondering if it's love. Cirina has other things on her mind.
    Cirina: (Mmm, catfish buuz... I can nearly taste it...)
  • Hildibrand's shenanigans in 4.3 does not let up on the laughs or the shenanigans:
    • To get Nashu to sneak into Akebono's place as a geiko, the party needs to acquire the right attire for her. An old woman says she'll part with it for 70,000 gil. You can either respond that you are so loaded that your subligar is worth more than geiko clothing or admit you blew all your money on gambling on a horsebird named Kweh Rhapsody.
    • Shigure aims to join what is basically an order of the samurai. No one takes him seriously because of his extremely long and flowing hair. Nashu offers to clean him up by changing into the same attire that the NPC who does your hair wears (complete with the theme music!) and basically cuts all of Shigure's hair off. The player character can only react with a massive Jaw Drop while Shigure is left to wallow in self pity over going bald.
    • In order to convince Akebono that he needs more security against the Wolf Burglar, Hilibrand has Nashu go in as a geiko to distract the man. Hildibrand himself later bursts into the room wearing geiko clothing and makeup that would make Kefka scoff. Yojimbo, who was standing guard the whole time, completely believes Hildibrand to be a lady, is taken in by his beauty, and refuses to throw him out when ordered to. His reaction when Hildibrand drops the disguise? "I feel so...so conflicted!" What's even better is after Hildibrand changes back into his normal clothes, he still has the makeup on for the rest of the quest.
    • Like he did with calling Gilgamesh "Greg", Hildibrand resorts to calling Yojimbo as "Jim". Yojimbo barely restrains himself from his expressing his annoyance at newly acquired nickname. Yojimbo is even more annoyed at how Hildibrand can remember his dog's name (Daigoro) and yet not remember his name.
    • After catching up to the Wolf Burglar, Yojimbo sics his dog on the wolf and is immediately distracted when the burglar tosses a single koban coin over the horizon thanks to Daigoro being trained to fetch money for Yojimbo. The Wolf Burgler then summons his falcon to escape, but the bird hesitates when it sees Hildibrand, who is still wearing makeup. Hildibrand blows a Projectile Kiss at the bird, which horrifies the falcon so much ''its very soul visibly leaves its body and heads off into the heavens causing the bird to crash head first into the ground with the same honking sound effect whenever Hidlibrand crashes into the ground.
  • Partway into the Monster Hunter: World collaboration questline, Felyne, the cat companion from their home game, meets and speaks with the player about the bill he posted. You could tell that you're in on the hunt, or lampshade the fact he's a talking cat. Yes, even the Miqo'te can say that, and Felyne has a special line that calls them out on it.
    Fashionable Feline (Felyine): Oh, that's rich coming from you. Or have you not looked in a mirror lately?
  • Midway into the Doman Reconstruction questline, the (former) Doman refugees have finally found an interested buyer for Doman paper so they can turn a trade profit... but the refugee informing everyone is hesitant to speak the name of the buyer until pressed: Rowena, who at this point is well-established as a relentless Loan Shark. The knee-slapping part comes from the Warrior of Light's responses: "I'd sooner suggest they sell their souls to a voidsent" is the serious option.
  • In the MSQ for 4.4, after Y'shtola thoroughly demolishes Magnai in combat, the Xaela becomes lovestruck and asks Y'shtola if she was meant to be his fated soulmate. Y'shtola proceeds to demolish him emotionally by rejecting him in the most hilarious way possible.
    Y'shtola: I am... not interested, little sun. Try again when you have become a man.
    Magnai: (shoulders and face slowly slumping as his elation turns to soul-crushing rejection, in a small, high-pitched, and quiet voice) Little...?
    • To make it even better, Sadu begins calling him "little sun" as well while laughing hysterically at him. To say Magnai was pissed would be an understatement
    • Just as Sadu and Magnai and their followers are about to have yet another one of their battles, Y'shtola just strolls right between the two sides, having grown bored and weary of the whole situation and walks off to report to Cirina that they have secured an alliance and agreement with the other tribes, provided they don't kill each other first, followed by Hien and the Warrior of Light who have become used to this at this point and just smile and shrug at each other.
    • Speak with Y'shtola after the fact and she reveals she's heard worse than Magnai's proposition.
      Y'shtola: ...Offended? Not in the least. I am no stranger to clumsy propositions, and that, believe it or not, was far from the worst I have heard.
  • During the final battle with Omega after limiting itself in order to further understand how someone so weak could defeat its most powerful form earlier, Omega attempts to mimic various aspects of the player's fighting style. Eventually this branches out to using Limit Breaks which Omega notes the players tend to shout while using. What follows is Omega more or less reenacting an over the top player-made limit break macro.
    Omega: <blip> Evaluating necessity of vocalization component. TREMBLE BEFORE MY COSMO MEMORY!
  • The insanity of the Hildibrand quest line still goes further in the 4.4 quests.
    • In an attempt to get the Wolf Burglar out, Nashu, who alongside Hildibrand is inexplicably wearing sunglasses, presents a tonic for the bald Shigure to regrow his hair. This may sound rather non-sequitur, but astute players may remember that this hair tonic emitted an intense light when applied, which happened as far back as 2.0. The duo exploits this, using the bright light to snatch the cell key, break the Wolf Burglar out, swap in the werewolf-costumed zombie in place, and make a mad dash out. The guard who holds the key and ends up blinded by the light also has a call-back to a certain Ascian as he looks on.
      Guard: The light... it binds them... they are too many!
    • Shigure, being accomplice to a break-out, needs to change out of his Sekiseigumi uniform to divert attention. What does he wear? The Arhat Togi of Striking...and the zori from his Sekiseigumi uniform. Might need to work on coordination there, sir.
    • Daigoro betrays Yojimbo to the player and investigation group twice, thanks to the latter group taking advantage of Daigoro's Pavlovian training to fetch any gold laid out for him to retrieve. First the Wolf Burgler uses the offering of a single koban coin trick again to entice Daigoro over (who charges at full speed to collect it) and then follow Daigoro back to Yojimbo. When they find Yojimbo, Hildibrand again comes up with one of his absurd plans to retrieve the stolen sword from Yojimbo: Give back the sword or else Hildibrand will give Daigoro the most furious of belly rubs to cause Yojimbo loyal companion to turn against him and depriving "Jim" of such joy. This of course works because Daigoro can sense the Manderville-family's wealth about Hildibrand and because life is funny like that, causing the dog to happily flop on his back and happily wag his tail for free belly rubs while not only ignoring Yojimbo's commands to heel, but flat out refusing him.
    • Hildibrand (and Nashu) has been surprisingly competent for 4.45 patch set of quests, giving decent suggestions, being right to follow up on several smaller leads to figure out what Yojimbo's motives and possible destinations are, and several on the fly and completely oddball plans that worked out, all while avoiding all harm. It seems like Hildibrand has finally been on the receiving end of Throw the Dog a Bone. Right until he accidentally steps on certain other dog's tail while trying to catch the stolen sword that Yojimbo throws to the Inspector, Daigoro's in particular. Cue Daigoro chasing after and utterly thrashing Hildibrand, before burying the hapless inspector in his traditional "tattered cloths, legs sticking out of the ground" pose as though Daigoro was hiding a dog bone.
  • Starlight Celebration 2018 brings in some moments of hilarity for the player...
    • When searching out people to sing for the choir, the descriptions for such qualified people are rather...flowery and vague. For example, when suggesting for a person with a voice “as uplifting as birdsong on a crisp winter's morning,” you could suggest Amh Garanjy, the organizer of the event, or take the Literal-Minded option and suggest a chocobo.
    • Once the choir is assembled the player is tasked to conduct the choir to sing for an audience, utilizing rhythm game mechanics. You could do your job and conduct properly, or absolutely blow it and hear the choir sing off-key, punctuated with your character dropping to their knees in failure as the chord for "Duty Failed" plays. If you recover from your screw up during the performance, the choir will seamlessly get back on key as if they were singing correctly all along.
    • When it comes down to it, remember that real singers were told while recording to sing horribly for the failing version of the song.
  • At the end of the Return to Ivalice raids in 4.5, another side quest opens up on the 'Prima Vista' titled "In Bad Taste". The quest-giver is the Company Belle, who along with her husband The Wandering Dramaturge, has infamously given out overly-long and/or expensive quests, such as having to enact a Chain of Deals by running around and trying to find a rare wine vintage, only to have to find an even rarer Dalmascan wine that is no longer produced due to the Empire's invasion and suppression of rebellions to get the prior wine. Or ten servings of High-Quality Bacon Bread.note  What is your reward? A handful of Cracked Clusters and Cracked Crystals...and a hilarious sequence of events from the quest, "In Bad Taste".
    • To start, it turns out the wine you broke your ass trying to swipe it out of Gegeruju's possession is not all that valuable. Then Hancock literally pops out of nowhere to apologize for the mess...via giving you three bottles of Dalmascan red (after you browbeat him into it with a glare) that you use to swap out the fake in Gegeruju's collection and give as gifts to the blind Lalafell who helped you and the shell shocked Dalmascan war veteran who gave you the empty bottle originally.
    • Then you enlist the help of Shamani Lohmani to help swap back the bottles. This would be a simple negotiation, had he and Gegeruju didn't go fighting over the bottle like kids fighting over toys. And the bottle ends up slipping out of their hands and down to the beach sands below, shattering it.
    • Even funnier still is that during the switcheroo scene, Gegeruju requests his ladies to fetch the wine. He is met with a Death Glare from both of them, scaring him into coughing up some gil to make them do it. He does it again after the bottle shatters, demanding them to put it back together (somehow) and is predictably met with the same glare and ponies up more gil.
  • Upon picking up the "Wok on By" quest. there's a 'second' confirmation dialogue required to actually accept the quest in proper when the Belle mentions she has something in need of "fetching". The First (top) option is actually the 'no' choice, and has the Warrior of Light channel their inner Fray:
    Warrior of Light: Do not dare use the "F" word around me.
    • The Yes option (listed as the 2nd option usually meant for more silly, blunt, or alternative replies), instead makes the Warrior of Light out as a hopeless, gil-seeking fool with no self-respect:
    Warrior of Light: "But of course! I live to serve!"
  • The Blue Mage job quests are kicked off with Martyn trying to prove that he isn't some con artist trying to pass off worthless rocks as soul stones by lending the Warrior of Light some Blue Mage gear to try out the art by learning Water Cannon from a baby kraken. Cue his Mammol Ja associates accidentally summoning a large kraken which the Warrior of Light spends a long period of time constantly getting shot with the attack as he tries to whittle the beast's health down with nothing more than a cane.
    • Martyn's half-assed description for learning the spell is also counts:
    Martyn: Not to worry! All you have to do is give it a few licks with the patented blue magic focus, or "stick" if you prefer, and out tentacled friend'll return the favor... by firin' possibly quite painful jets of water at you. Oh, and try not to die!
    • During one quest, Martyn gets everything he has on him "repossessed" by loan sharks, including all his clothing! Martyn says despite it all, at least he still has his dignity. This is followed by an extended shot of him walking back to Ul'dah in nothing but his blue underwear.
  • After completing the Ivalice storyline, Jenomis wants to recreate the events that occurred as a play. One of the troupe members gets stuck with the role of Argath, a character many Final Fantasy Tactics fans Love to Hate. Even in universe, the guy playing as him hates him!
    Company Tragedian: A terrible line, isn't it. Oh the writing is fine. Jenomis is a master at his craft. It's just...why did I have to be picked for the role of Argath? He's such a...such a...bloody bastard! Unlike myself...of course.
  • And of course, the finale of the Hildibrand quests in 4.56 spares no expense in hysterics.
    • So it is time you (and seven others) confront Yojimbo and reclaim the stolen sword from him at Kugane Ohashi. After taking down his HP a bit, he decides to get much more serious. Wait a second... "It is Gilgameshing time!"? You thought it was Yojimbo, but it was the man, the myth, the legend, Gilgamesh all along! And he's got new tricks up his sleeve! Or rather...he "borrowed" some from a certain kami named Susano. And the power meter used to charge his ultimate? It's called "Divine Epicness".
    • After defeating Greg, er, Gilgamesh, in the battle on Kugane Ohashi (by the way, "ohashi" can translate into "big bridge"), he joins you in freeing Shigure from his execution by seppuku. What ensues is Hildibrand showing up in the Sekiseigumi uniform, making the other Sekiseigumi officers giving chase as Hildibrand runs around the barracks like a maniac. Shigure is understandably dumbfounded at the ridiculousness of the scene.
    • Once it's discovered there's a dewprism (a drug that can mind control the consumer) dealing scandal underneath the sword case, the group pursue Akebono for his arrest. However...the group has to deal with a mind-controlled Godbert under the trader's control. And since Godbert is known for being a Memetic Badass, pretty much everyone but you gets curb-stomped in seconds flat.
    • The villain of the piece also orders Godbert to "Finish them all! Finish EVERYONE!", and predictably becomes the next victim of the unstoppable goldsmith's rampage.
    • And what does Hildibrand do to make his father come to his senses? Attempt to pile drive him and make him remember his own son. Cue a flashback slideshow of father-son shenanigans...that consist of Godbert suplexing, throwing, and performing OTHER miscellaneous shenanigans with Hildibrand. It works... resulting in Godbert reversing the piledriver, and making Hildibrand take the blow instead. Cue Hildibrand's signature distressed clothes and legs out state.
    • The reward for completing the entire quest chain? The dance Hildibrand and Co. have been doing at every "on the next..." segment. You even get to join in on the Manderville Mambo on the aforementioned segment!

     Shadowbringers 
  • Upon arriving in The First and visiting the first town you get to, the Warrior of Light looks around at a shop booth and has to double take upon seeing what was on the booth — Tomestones. Or rather Tomestone phones. Either way, the Warrior realizes exactly what this means, rolls their eyes, hangs their head and shakes it in defeat. Even in The First, there are Tomestones to collect.
  • There's something rather amusing at how the weather in all areas is always "Everlasting Light", yet there are still Skywatchers placed in the area to survey the weather as if it were supposed to change. The weather does return to normal once you purged a region of its excess light, but until then, the Skywatchers will look at you funny if you ask about the weather:
    Skywatcher: The weather...? Have you not seen the sky? Today, tomorrow, and every day henceforth will be plagued by everlasting light.
  • Upon reaching Mord Souq, your guide Cassard explains that there's a tradition in the city to warm the locals to you: the Cracking of the Coinpurse. You have to buy at least one thing in town. The Exarch covered that expense by giving you a Voeburt gold coin. As soon as the words are spoken, every merchant in the city mobs the Warrior of Light to convince them to spend that coin on their goods.
  • The Crystal Exarch mentions that when he accidentally dragged Alisaie to The First she impressed upon him how terrible his timing was and what a mess he's made of things. He emphasizes the word "impressed" and the meaning is clear: Alisaie slapped the Exarch silly when she was summoned. It gets even funnier when you remember that the Scions were brought to The First without a stitch on them, yet the idea of Alisaie slapping the Exarch around with no regard for the fact she's naked as her nameday doesn't sound out of the realm of possibility.
  • After you reunite with Alisaie, Tesleen will comment on how she's been talking about the Warrior of Light nonstop since her arrival and how the sin eater problem would have been solved already if they had been here. Alisaie gets rather defensive about this, at which point Tesleen teases her that she doesn't blame her for being smitten with the Warrior of Light after seeing them in action. Alisaie's reaction is a gasp of horror at her choice of words.
  • When choosing Rhon Ron's exotic dishes to buy, you can choose him, netting you this gem:
    Rhon Ron: Hm? Silly customer, you cannot eat Rhon Ron. Not even for a Voeburt gold piece!
  • Upon reaching Elumore to meet with your noble masters, you are outright told by immigration customs that you stink and need to take a shower and liberally apply perfume on yourself. The Warrior of Light does it without questioning it, but by the time they are done, Alphinaud is still debating on what to do. If you choose to say "What would Estinien say?", Alphinaud will beg you to not tell him a single word about this.
    • You can even tell him to "Shut up and go shower, Stinky" or even comment that Alisaie would have been done with it by now in all the time he has taken moaning about it.
  • Within Elumore you can spot Mowen, who looks exactly like Rowena. She looks at you then dismisses you saying it's silly to think of you being the future business partner she saw in a dream.
    • Later, you can talk to her to unlock the local scrip collectors, during which she mentions that it was Alphinaud who introduced the concept to her, and she goes on to wonder about the kind and generous woman that invented such a wonderful system.
  • When you meet the Pixies in their homeland, the twins comment on them from a distance as they engage with you in their whimsical nature (by which we mean "bickering"). Alisaie calls them brats while Alphinaud just says it reminds him of his childhood. Alisaie takes a moment to process exactly what he was implying by that before very slowly turning her head, then grabbing him by the lapels and gritting her teeth while Minfilia looks on in surprise.
  • A sidequest in Il Mheg sets the Warrior of Light out to catch up with a Pixie before something bad happens to them. Arriving at the destination, there's no sign of the Pixie - only a rather large beaver-like creature that asks for milk. This doesn't really surprise the Warrior of Light much, who can only comment to themselves that their understanding of giant beaver-things is a little rusty.
  • For the first healer role quest, you're tasked with proving your worth to Giott. He proceeds to scream at a wild bear, shouting "Hey! Your mother was a hobgoblin and you ain't much to look at, neither! Come here and face me, you craven shite!" He promptly gets his ass handed to him and you're tasked with slaying the creature. After tending to Giott's wounds, he has this gem:
    Giott: I reckon that I broke three or so ribs and at least one femur there—but my bones feel just fine now. Better than before, actually.
    • For the entire healer questline, you'll start the quest by finding Giott drinking. Heavily. After the revelations of the penultimate quest, you head into the final quest in the chain with what the quest text clearly delivers as a bone-chilling revelation:
    Giott...isn't drinking.
  • A little levity is offered after witnessing the horror of Eulmore first hand. After Alphinaud leaves Lord Vauthry with an eloquent insult, it takes the bloated bastard nearly a full minute to realize he had been insulted. When he does figure it out, he flops onto his massive belly and beats his fists on the ground like an overgrown toddler throwing a tantrum.
  • Upon reaching the Untouchable Gate, Alisaie makes the suggestion that they all swim in the lake to meet the Fuath, much to Alphinaud's horror. When she asks Urianger if he too can swim, he takes a long pause... and promptly states that he'd be better off walking on the water's surface with his magic, instantly prompting Alphinaud to cheerfully declare Urianger as a kindred spirit, and that he shall teach him all his tricks in the water! (Alphinaud can swim, if barely, but the game implies that Urianger can't swim at all.)
    • During the ending the Scions have had to swim their way out of the land under the ocean and return to dry land. The trek leaves even the Warrior of Light and Alisaie, who can breathe underwater, utterly exhausted with the former having just unceremoniously washed up on shore. Alphinaud comically passes out leaving Alisaie trying to rouse him as the other exhausted Scions talk. It is at this point that everyone else notice Urianger is missing. The exchange is hysterically nonchalant considering he's an even worse swimmer than Alphinaud.
      Alphinaud: I didn't think... we'd be swimming... the whole way back... Heavens... heavens... take me... *Passes out face first into the sand*
      Alisaie: Alphinaud? Oh, hells...
      Ryne: Wait! Where's Urianger!?
      Thancred: *Shrugs* He must have fallen behind...
      Ryne: But...shouldn't we look for him!?
      Y'shtola: He'll wash up sooner or later.
    • The best part? Urianger does wash up sooner or later! His body is lying unconscious off to the corner of the beach right before it changes scenes.
  • During the final boss of the Untouchable Gate, it removes a large section of the arena and forces you to walk across the gap on a thin pathway. If you run the dungeon via the Trust system, your party members have different reactions to it.
    • Thancred shows a bit of annoyance before casually using the Gunbreakers gap-closer to jump the gap and attack the boss.
    • Urianger expresses mild amusement before simply teleporting across.
    • Alphinaud starts slowly and nervously, but has a burst of courage half-way across and starts running.
    • Minfilia tip-toes carefully, and so slowly that she won't make it before the time is up.
    • Alisaie will sprint the whole way (using the actual skill no less) like a madwoman.
    • Y'shtola makes a smart-ass comment and simply walks the whole thing as though it were a meter wide.
  • When the group first enters Rak'tika and they're surrounded by the Night's Blessed, who believe they're sin eaters, one dialogue choice is "Uh... Kupo?" The great Warrior of Light will close their eyes in contemplation and pop them open as if a lightbulb went off before saying the line, smiling proudly afterwards. Suffice to say, Thancred isn't thrilled.
    Thancred: That will be a lot less amusing when we are forced to kill them.
  • The encounter with the Vii scouts from Yx'Maja in Rak'tika, Y'shtola averts Poor Communication Kills by presenting the seal of the emperor of Rak'tika to ensure that they come in peace. The Lancer Scout, Uimet, proceeds to halt her attack, and starts zipping around Y'shtola to the point of looking like she's teleporting to examine it, at one point taking a seat before shouting in joy it looks real.
    • Later, once in Yx'Maja, the Vii leadership note that they've been guarding the area Ronka Ruins for over a hundred years despite their youth. When the leader asks Uimet if she's seen anyone approach the ruins, she responds she hadn't seen anyone in over 30 years. A stunned Minfillia asked how old are they exactly, only to be met with stares until;
    Uimet: ...Young enough to remember!
  • A bit of meta humor comes full-circle at the end of the Yx'Maja Pyramid solo quest. In raid settings when a run has become unwinnable and the arena has a Bottomless Pit, a healer who is frustrated, eager to wipe or just a Troll will often jump off the arena while casting Rescue on some poor soul to drag them off with them. In the Yx'Maja story quest, when the rest of the Scions encounter the Warrior of Light trapped with Ran'jit at the other end of a pit, Urianger quickly solves the problem by casting Rescue - on Ran'jit, with Thancred using Rough Divide to meeting him half way and get a hit in to ensure the Super-Persistent Predator falls into the pit as planned.
  • After Y'shtola uses Flow (again) to escape the pit, everyone bemoans how she's lost in the Lifestream again until Emet-Selch casually reveals he can just pull her straight back out, no fuss. He does so, Y'shtola once again sans clothes, except that this time Emet sighs, clicks his fingers and restores them as though they were never missing. Throughout the entire encounter he looks utterly bored, as though he's seen it all before (and he may well have).
  • Fates are always a source of good, punny fun in their title, but in Amh Areang, a desert area, one particular one caught a lot of attention. It's one that involves culling a large amount of sentient sand creatures. The title of the Fate? "Pray Destroy the Waking Sands." To say people found this equal parts hilarious and cathartic is putting it lightly.
  • In a moment of Black Comedy, when Vauthry is reveals to be the last Lightwarden and seemingly goes through a mental breakdown, he just goes completely calm as plans to rebuild his "paradise", like if someone just dropped a pot they made, and decides then to make it again. His delivery of the line just sales it.
    Vauthry: (Nonpulsed) Oh yes. Of course. I can begin again. Rebuild my paradise. Once I finish my dinner... (casually eats his Meol and fork)
  • When the time comes to build a Talos to help the heroes reach Mt. Gulg, Chai-Nuzz is overwrought with self doubt due to the massive undertaking the job needs to make whole plan work. You're tasked with building up Chai-Nuzz's confidence as "Duty Commenced" flashes on screen. Every time you give the right responses, an aura flashes on Chai-Nuzz, which is the same kind of aura players get when they gain a buff! Once you give the man his confidence back, "Duty Complete" appears and the victory fanfare plays.
    • Speaking of Chai-Nuzz, when the group makes the insane plan to make a giant Talos to reach Mt. Gulg, he can only question just who you and your allies are. One of your respones is a Brick Joke; "The artist Alphinaud and his assistants." Everyone has a moment of Stunned Silence, with Alphinaud looking around in confusion and no doubt embarrassment. His wife, Comically Missing the Point, reaffirms that point, only for Chai to attempt to remind her that it was a Blatant Lies before giving up.
    • Once the Talos is finally moving and gettering swarmed by sin eaters, Chai-Nuzz remarks that they'll break it before it can even grab hold of Mt. Gulg... Only for Titania and a swarm of pixies to swoop in and help. The REAL kicker? Titania is fuming and ranting at length about how they would have loved to help the Warrior of Light defeat Vauthry and save the First, and all they had to do was ask. This is capped off by one of the dialogue choices you get.
  • With the Light taking its toll on the Warrior of Light, Y'shtola orders you to bedrest until they've finished preparing the next step. One of the Warrior's responses is a clearly defiant "Yes, Mother..."
    Y'shtola: Hah. None of that cheek, or I will take you across my knee.
  • Looking at Y'shtola when you're supposed to be inspecting the cave paintings has her turn and tell you to stop staring at her backside.
  • A side quest in Amh Arang has you delivering a message from a twitchy miner who says you have to hurry and get said message to a merchant. Upon reaching the guy and giving the letter, he reads it and it says that the player character will be tasked with paying the merchant for a bottle of ale. Said payment involves smashing a rock monster to get its soulstone. You do the job, get the ale, and can choose whether to give the ale to the miner or smash the bottle of ale in front of him. Doing the latter has him let out a Big "NO!" and then feeling "a little guilty" for putting you through the whole thing, but feels the entertainment of the whole thing makes up for the lost drink.
    • It has to be added that, unlike just about every quest that involves killing enemies for drops, this one explicitly states that getting said soulstone by killing the enemy isn't guaranteed. Whether that means that the item has a percentage chance of dropping or only drops after you killed a certain amount of enemies without telling you how many more you need, if you get unlucky and have to waste several minutes fighting the same foe over and over, picking the option to throw the bottle becomes a lot more appealing.
  • One sidequest you can get from the dwarves seems to almost parody the WoL's tendency to take on any job that's offered to them. They are told to investigate rumours in the rival dwarf village on the other side of the map, which quickly turns into you getting roped into further menial tasks without their consent - "their" being the keyword here, because your dialogue options will be mildly annoyed at best and downright hostile at worst. "Oh, sod off" indeed. Not that your employers care, because they just know they can get you to do anything they need you to, just because that's your nature as a hero.
  • When getting authorized to take on Elite Marks for Clan Nutsy, the player is introduced to their leader: a particularly bloodthirsty moogle. He wanted to see the Warrior of Darkness die violently for all of the bloodshed during the hunt, to which Xylle tells him off pointing out the reason the Clan has such a shortage of members is because the moogle keeps encouraging every hunter to go out and get themselves killed in the most violent way possible. By the time the moogle is out of earshot, she spits out an equally violent comment about the leader that would make Sidurgu proud. This leaves the WoD absolutely stunned and slack-jawed at her.
    Xylle: One day I'm going to rip that pom off your head and shove it down your godsdamned throat, you furry little shite...
    • She also requests that, should the player run into the guild leader out in the world, they kill him.
    • In fact, just about everything about the clan leader Nutsy. He actively encouraged clan members to take his position by killing him because he loves the thrill of being at risk of both elite marks and elite hunters.
    Nutsy: You've got to eat, sleep, and breathe danger! You've got to love putting it all on the line against elite marks and elite hunters besides! More blood for Clan Nutsy! More blood, kupo!"
  • When one of the citizens calls you the Warrior of Darkness at the end of the expansion without prompting, he points out that it was clearly you behind the Lightwardens' demises and that nearly everyone had figured it out already. Simply because wherever you went, the night came back and it wasn't hard to put two and two together.
  • After saving the First, the Crystarium spends the night celebrating. Afterwards you can speak to the Scions about their time overnight.
    • Alphinaud and Alisaie fell asleep fairly early, with Alisaie hoping her brother didn't see her drooling.
    • Y'shtola being worried that the Night's Blessed, being a reserved people, were able to see their Master Matoya partying.
    • Thancred wanted to celebrate, but after Urianger began listing his drunken conquests, he ended up just drinking water.
  • One of the Ondo sidequests has you teaching the younger Ondo on how to properly emote. You teach one how to chuckle and his attempt is basically throwing his arms forward in a "rawr" motion. He then asks you how well he did. One of your replies can be "Honestly, I thought you wanted to eat my face off."
  • The level 80, post-Main Story dungeon The Twinning has rocking music, intense boss battles... and three specific mobs right before the last boss that are a hilarious Call-Back to the Omega raid. The Mark XIV Thermocoil Boilmaster that brewed coffee and unlocked the Savage version of the raid? Meet its robotic descendants, the Mark CXLIV Thermocoil Boilbusters, playing the same jaunty tune as their progenitor... while trying to kill you.
  • It seems that even Ardbert wasn't immune to pointless wastes of time when he was still adventuring in the First.
    Ardbert: Oh, and there's this time we were forced to collect rare ingredients for some godsforsaken feast. If it sounds ridiculous, it's because it was.
    • Even better, players may remember having done the exact same thing early in the ARR story when approaching their first confrontation with Titan!
  • During the Eden's Gate Raid, you fight against Titan albeit with modifications on his back that can become weapons, and even a car.
    • The lead up to the fight has Ryne asking you what it was like fighting Titan on the source. One of the replies is a traumatic response to the infamous Landslide attack, which was a Total Party Wipe for many players in A Realm Reborn.
    Warrior of Light: The landslides... the landslides...
    • When you think about it, one has to wonder what the Warrior of Light was on when they summoned this incarnation of Titan, down to the copious amounts of landslides. They basically brought this upon themselves, intentional or not.
  • Radovan and Sophie's daring escape from Garlean imprisonment. Or... still daring, but less than dramatic. You see, Radovan had spent ten years carefully, stealthily, patiently digging an escape tunnel to freedom. Unfortunately, it lead straight into Sophie's cell. Fortunately, the ruckus (implied to be Sophie's displeasure at the intruder) stirred the prisoners into a riot that proved to be enough of a distraction for the two of them to escape. Radovan's less than pleased when the tale is spilled.
  • The post-MSQ Ninja quest has you reuniting with trainer and mentor Oboro, who as the text so helpfully describes has a "shite-eating grin" on his face. Turns out whilst you were gone he's been formulating a plan to retrieve the sacred scroll back from Karasu after he ran off with it last time. The plan seemingly goes off without a hitch and he invites you, Jacke and his crew to a victory feast at the Bismarck restaurant in Limsa. It's during that feast that another Oboro runs up, wearing nothing but his shorts and yells that the Oboro with you is a fake. The quest then goes over to you complete with the sound of a clock ticking as it falls to you to decide who the real Oboro is. As if you would have any trouble considering the candidates includes an Oboro who's looking serious, albeit wearing only shorts. Or the Oboro who's now speaking in a rhythm not unlike Karasu but more importantly doing the same pointing pose that Karasu does!
  • Eden Prime's ultimate attack is so over the top that it seems like the writers were just blatantly cribbing Dragon Ball Z, and even trying to outdo it in terms of sheer scale. To wit, first Eden Prime creates a trigram that covers the entire planet's surface, then the planet splits open along its meridian, and an enormous blast creates a beam that flies into a neighboring galaxy, implodes it in an immeasurably large ball of dark energy... and then the warriors of light appear several feet above the same platform they started on with only a few thousand HP lost. Crazy doesn't begin to describe it.
  • There's a series of Ondo sidequests where you have to help their Clutchmother prepare to give birth. At the very end, she is ready to deliver her eggs. For the entire time that you hear her voice, she sounds almost like a dignified queen. Said dignity goes right out the window as she goes through a Screaming Birth and mixes it with swearing.
  • The 2019 Rising Event quest starts with you helping the staff of the Moonfire Faire clean up the mess left on the beach after the event that ended the previous day.

     Meta 
  • There's some hidden gems within the interface itself. When adjusting the chat settings, the preview window shows how the chat looks on specific channels. The preview window for tells makes Cloud look like a pervert.
    Cloud: Nice shirt.
    Tifa: Eyes up here, Cloud.
    • In fact, the majority of chat setting previews are in this same vein, making the player out to be a borderline Mary Sue, while making Cloud look like a grade-A Butt-Monkey. For example, the "own/others' synthesis notifications":
    You synthesize a suit of diamond armor.
    Cloud Strife synthesizes a boiled egg.
    • Or "damage dealt by you/others":
    You hit the Shadow Lord for 9999 damage.
    Cloud Strife hits the little ladybug for 2 damage.
  • For those who have purchased the 2016 Fanfest stream, they received either a Rikku, Lulu, or Yuna minion (Depending on which stream you buy) and four Dreams of the Fayth. The last lines in the letter you receive with the aforementioned items?
    May they help you forget the echoes of Tidus's maniacal laughter. If that's even possible.
  • For those who pre-ordered Stormblood, they received Ala Mhigo Earrings and a wind-up red mage minion as a bonus. Once again, the last line in the letter accompanying them is pretty funny.
    May they help you forget all about blue mage.note 
    • The Stormblood Collector's editions goodies include a Windup Bartz.
    ''I like small Bartz and I cannot lie.
    • Also funny is how the ingame mail ends with the message "No ifs, ands, or butz about it" Butz being the original japanese name for the character.
  • During Wrestlemania 33, Final Fantasy XIV was one of the many things sponsoring the event. What did Squeenix do to make the most of it? Oh, nothing much, just get The New Day to dress up as some of their classes proudly!
  • For 2018's April Fools, the creators unveiled a new app; Final Fantasy XIV: Gathering Outdoors. An interesting concept on its own, where users can use their smartphones to gather resources for their characters while they're not at their computer, but it's propelled to a new height by the revelation that the only way to guarantee the gathering is successful is to put your phone on a selfie stick-like contraption and then swing it at rocks, trees and lakes.
  • For the release of the Companion App for mobile, Square collaborated with a Japanese police department a PSA [1] (and then later released a subbed version of said PSA) about cautioning players to be aware of their surroundings while on their phone. The drive the point in, they show a Lalafell on his phone getting into all sorts of mishaps; first he is walking down the streets of Ul'dah when he bumps into Ungust (a minor villain in the early 2.0 story) and is chased by his men. In the next scene, the same Lalafell is walking through Corethas when he gets run over by a Garlean driving a Magtiek Reaper and is sent flying before the camera cuts back to the Garlean who is also on his phone and winds up crashing into a wall. In another scene, the same Lalafell is too busy on his phone while his party is trying to fight Titan. Said Lalafell is hit by Titan's Landside attack and goes sailing down into the pit below. In the final scene, he finally puts away his phone as he flies on his chocobo towards the sunset.
  • The release of the 1.0 version of FFXIV had many issues as everyone knows, but one that was Japanese only was that Square Enix decided to call chocobos, the long standing bird mounts of the series, "horsebirds" allegedly to pander to the Chinese market Square Enix was interested in gaining. This caused a massive outcry within the Japanese fandom and eventually they renamed them back to chocobos (the English translation went with "chocobo" from the start). References to the old name are littered throughout the game in goofy ways, even in the English translation, with moments such as the Doman refugees who had never seen a chocobo before referring to them as horsebirds, or one line the Warrior of Light can say during the Stormblood Hildibrand quest that they are broke due to a gambling addiction, betting on horsebirds specifically. Somewhat amusing if you don't know the history behind the term, even funnier if you do.
  • For April Fools' Day 2019, Square released a joke advertisement for an Omega home assistant.
Boy: Omega, tell me a joke.
Omega: You were adopted.
Hannibal: Hey, you don't need that sword man! You're not the Warrior of Darkness!
Tom: Yes I am! Look at my sword!
Hannibal: You're from West London! That's the really nice part of London! Relax, man!
  • In the 2014 Fan Fest, a fan asked Yoshida if there were any plans to make Stoneskin be applicable on the whole party instead having to cast it one player at a time. Yoshida pretended to be exasperated by holding a pretend controller, pressing a few buttons, shouting "NEXT!", and repeating a few times to show how annoying single target Stoneskin was. The patch following the Fan Fest added Stoneskin II to address the issue.
  • In China, one of the cross promotions involved receiving a code for a Fat Black Chocobo mount by eating at KFC. The catch? You need to finish a Family Deal for Four, in the establishment, in one sitting, for one code. People going for the mount proceeded to treat it much like a raid instance in itself, and traded advice on how to best tackle the situation. Someone even alleged that when they went to the bathroom, the found the staff had emptied the table when they came back, and then brought out a fresh order to start all over.
    You MUST distribute the damage from the Pepsi, don't let it stack...

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