Funny / Final Fantasy XIV: Legacy/A Realm Reborn

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Legacy

• There was a cutscene in Legacy in which the Player Character did a ridiculous dance with Sisipu.

A Realm Reborn

• The opening wagon-ride into Gridania in A Realm Reborn has the player seeing some Moogles (in this universe, they can make themselves invisible to people, but your freshly-wakened Echo lets you see them regardless), who greet you with adorable horn-toots that only you can hear, and then while talking, one downs the drink of another passenger on the wagon.
• The early Thaumaturge quest "The Threat of Intimacy" has you compensating a shopkeeper for allowing you to practice near his shop by giving him a piece of meat from the vulture you just killed. Or as one of the Guildmasters puts it:
  Cocobygo: "He doesn't mind us conducting trials so close to his bazaar, so long as he's properly compensated... Yes, <name>, we pay him in sorcery-blasted bird flesh"
  • Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight in light of a 2023 collaboration with Kentucky Fried Chicken in Japan, with statues of the Colonel as a Black Mage.
• An ambient conversation between two Lalafell in Black Brush Station:
  "What did I do to get stuck with Slag duty?"
  "Got caught fondling the foreman's daughter, is what you did."
• Biggs and Wedge make an appearance when you join a Grand Company in ARR. Their comedy duo nature is enhanced even further by them being a Roegadyn and a Lalafell.
  • Later in the story: You hijack a Magitek Armor. In order to pilot it, the Lalafell is picked up by the Roegadyn, flung around 15 feet into the air, does a flip in the air, and lands in the pilot seat.
• The Scions of the Seventh Dawn (nee the Circle of Knowing) have a sort of clerk/receptionist who watches the front of their pad in Vesper Bay. She's a Lalafell... named Tataru. And she even does the "taru panic" during one particular cutscene.
• During the weaver quests, the quest to learn to socket materia involves an aristocrat who had decided to take up gladiatorial combat. In order to "release his martial potential", he has you craft a cotton acton. However, it mustn't be any old acton like the peasants wear, it must be materia enhanced. When the guildmaster hears the request, he suggests you put in any old piece of materia, as the client likely won't be able to tell the difference.
  • After completing the request, the guildmaster informs you of an important fact about being a weaver: "While we are not required to respect our clients, we must appear to be respecting their wishes." Furthermore, he declares that you did an excellent job, since "as that little turd was sauntering out of here, I almost mistook him for a gladiator".
  • A subsequent quest sees the player tasked to make a pair of fine shoes for the Mining Guild's quartermaster, Wawarukka; he's courting a woman of higher social standing, and hopes to close the class difference through the power of sharp dressing. After handing over the goods, the ensuing cutscene starts off focused on the Lallafell wearing the lovely dress shoes you just made him - before zooming out to show that he's also wearing a pair of red spandex tights, a bare-chested leather harness, and a tricorn pirate hat. He reassures the shell-shocked Weavers that these are the same clothes his father wore when courting his mother, and rushes off, heedless of Rose's dismayed protests. Rose can do little but slump to the floor in total defeat; predictably, Wawarukka's efforts to woo his beau fail, leading directly into the next quest.
  • The following quest sees Wawarukka asking for further assistance after his previous attempt almost got him arrested - this time, a linen shirt. Simple enough; he puts it on.. and opts to forego pants entirely, completing the get-up with a pair of heavy armored gauntlets and boots, and what can best be described as a cotton Dunce Cap. Once again, he runs off before Redolent Rose can do more than vocalize his complete dismay, leaving him to slump over in defeat once more. Even better - the usually-unflappable Rose responds to this by excusing himself from the scene as quickly as possible.
• One leatherworker quest has you fulfill an order "posthaste", much to Geva's annoyance. If you've ever worked in retail, what she says can be very relatable.
  "Posthaste?! I'd deliver a slap upside the head posthaste if it wouldn't have negative repercussions for guild business."
• A few quests involve carrying corpses around. The item description is a beautiful lampshade:
  How you are able to fit this stiff corpse into your bag is a mystery best left unsolved.
• After the defeat of Ifrit, emissaries of the Three Grand Companies come to try to court the Player Character to join them, with Minfilia and Tataru both showing signs of exasperation, and even the PC has an expression at one point that just screams "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!."
• A mission in Little Ala Mihgo has you killing sabotenders(Palette Swaps of series Mascot Mook cactaurs) for their fruits. The description of said fruits is thus:
  Not to be confused with cactaur fruit, which, while similar in color, flavor, shape, texture, toxicity, hardness, and rarity, is nothing like its sabotender counterpart.
  • Then you have the absurdly specific preparations noted in the description of the resulting drink:
    to make cactus tea, sabotender fruit is dried, ground into a fine powder, and then left to sit a full night under Menphinia's gaze to frighten away the spirit of the sabotender that dwelled inside the seeds. The powder is then added to boiling water and stirred until a foam forms upon the water's surface. The foam is given to break fever, the remaining liquid discarded under a rock found to the north of the patient.
  • Another early quest gives a twist on how to check food:
  - If one were so inclined, the freshness of this egg could be checked by placing it in a container of water. Were it to lay on is side, it is almost certainly fresh. Should the egg float, however, it may be possessed by a voidsent and should be smashed with extreme prejudice
• Trying to get info on how to fight Titan, you find a man claiming to be a member of a band of mercenaries famous for accomplishing said feat. He turns out to be lying, trying to coast on their reputation, and uses it to get you to do his job. When he's found out, his boss decides to settle the matter by having the two of you compete to see who can destroy a large boulder first. And of course, yours is three times as big as his. And he still cheats. The whole situation is just ridiculous. However that doesn't change the fact the things he does to cheat come back as actual mechanics when you actually do face Titan.
  • This is, of course, after he tasks you with killing a handful of rats. And can't remember Titan's name.
    • Even better, he thinks it's Tidus.
    • Later he comes back in Patch 2.2 claiming to have defeated Leviabeetus (read; Leviathan) in a previous encounter. He gets a Maelstrom Private going for a while before you show up and he essentially replays a scene from True Lies complete with the comment about his size.
  • This is doubly funny for a Marauder WoL, as the person claims to be an axemaster - A Marauder, in other words. What is the Marauders' Guild's introductory-level training exercise? Smashing boulders.
  • As he's also a targetable enemy, nothing actually stops you from engaging in some good old fashioned cheating yourself.
• Later, when you actually find one of the actual ex-members of the Band of Heroes, they want to test you, too. They've got a better reason, since they don't want to send hapless heroes to fight something they're wholly unprepared for, but the whole god about to attack Limsa Lominsa thing is a bit pressing. Y'shtola's reaction echoes the player's.
• The goal of the Band's secret test of character is getting a meal read for a feast being held in the honor of a famous hero because the meal itself was incredibly rare and dangerous to acquire. After all that trouble of hunting down exotic ingredients and drink; you eventually discover that the feast was being held in your honor the entire time. The host himself only knew that the guests were a scholar (Y'Shtola) and a hero of many deeds (You) no one bothered to tell him either Y'Sthola's or your name. When he discovers this misunderstanding he does a jump into a bow; and is practically kissing the floor begging for forgiveness for asking the guest of honor to set up their own freaking dinner.
  • Also, one step of the quest chain requires going through Brayflox's Longstop, a dungeon full of dangerous poison-spewing monsters... all for the sake of some rare (and very smelly) goblin-made cheese.
    Item Description for "Goblin Cheese": The pungent odor of this hard yellow cheese veined with blue-green mold is most comparable to the warm, damp boot of a zombie after stepping in ripe chocobo dung. Goblins claim it is a delicacy, but then again, they have their masks to filter out the aroma.
  • After finally jumping through all the hoops and getting the final required ingredient for the feast, Y'Shtola is waiting for you in Costa Del Sol. She takes one look at you and says "...You have the look of a man/woman who has been to the seventh hell and back."
• The Sidequest "Mr Slipshod and Ms Uptight" has the following intro:
  Fuandrec is a breath of fresh air in this house of tears and melancholy─very angry air.
• One of the Marauder quests. The guildmaster sends you (along with his sister, a conjurer who has already backed you up before) to clear out a nest of beasts as a sort of training exercise. You finish it easily and the conjurer wonders if that was supposed to be a challenge - then you're challenged by a mysterious band of warriors. Actually, they're the guildmaster and several other unnamed guildmates who are all wearing face-concealing helmets - without even bothering to change their distinctive armor. The conjurer says what the player is almost certainly thinking.
  Solkwyb: What a ridiculous charade. Did he honestly think we couldn't see through those paltry disguises? [...] Oh, and as a favor to me? Pray indulge Wyrnzoen in his little deception - subterfuge is not a marauder's forte.
  • And after you report back to the guild:
  Wyrnzoen: You did well to to topple opponents of such formidable skill. But let us not dwell on the nature of those masked men. What is important is your triumph in the face of overwhelming odds.
• The Dragon Quest X crossover storyline referenced the Dragon Quest "Puff-Puff" Running Gag as your character's 'reward' for completing it. As usual, your character is asked to close their eyes as they give you your 'reward'. At the end of it, you open your eyes to catch a face full of a furry/feathery creature being held by the ladies.
• Shantotto is specifically compared to The Calamity, in terms of danger to Eorzea. Shantotto is also slightly smaller than a typical Lalafell(because she's actually a Tarutaru. Yes, this is the actual Shantotto, not an Expy). And then she brings out Five V... and a rhyme.
• Retainer Ventures can end up being Noodle Incidents. Furniture? Parts of the house?.. Crafted weapons?... Loot from raid bosses?.. WEAPONS FROM RAID BOSSES?!◊ Even Word of God isn't exactly sure how retainers can procure such items and says it's up to the players to decide how it all happened.
• Once Leviathan has been defeated Thancred can be seen at the counter of The Rising Stones with a bottle of alcohol in his hand spilling his guts to F'lhaminn, who he's been crushing on ever since she resurfaced in 2.1. Topics include the first time he ever saw her, how pretty she is, and how he's been pretty crazy for her ever since. She seems flattered enough but decides it's time he stops drinking.
• When the Yellow Jackets come to pester you upon joining the Adventurer's Guild, Baderon sticks up for you with this gem.
  "This fine, upstandin' young gent/lady is me dear departed grandma's sister's niece's cousin's closest companion. The lad/lass wouldn't be caught dead fraternizin' with such unsavory elements."
• Upon moving to the Rising Stones, a Roegadyn by the name of Hoary Boulder joins the Scions as a minor NPC, while he's only there to give some life to the Scions' HQ, nearly every time you see him between quests, he's engaged in some minor comic relief, from being beaten up by Yda to overzealously training the Doman children.
• The Main Scenario quests for 2.3 involve a bunch of tempered sylphs disguising themselves as the other Scions of the Seventh Dawn. At one point you come across Yda and what appears to be Thancred huddled in a corner, crying that he can't go on because he's afraid something will happen to his beautiful face. After you expose him as a fake, Yda says she can't believe she fell for that trick, but the sylph's act was so convincing!
  • And if you talk to Yda before exposing the fake Thancred, she remarks how she doesn't understand his worry - "his face isn't that beautiful."
  • Also, while this is the real Yda, you are required to hit her with the exposing dust to make sure. She's not amused.
• One of the Moogle Delivery Quests involves you bringing a dance instructor to Costa Del Sol. Said instructor happens to be a Mamool Ja, not just any Mamool Ja, but the same one involved in a FATE in Outer La Noscea, who was kicked out of the hot springs there due to his "ritual bathing dance" in front of some of the female bathers. We never see his dance, but its enough to make two dancers run away screaming and a bodyguard to fall to her knees.
• The Level 25 Arcanist Guild quest. You try to help the depressed seer by asking the disappeared guildmaster for help. Said guildmaster has left some obscure tracks that you follow to find him. Said tracks involve dancing in front of a box. Then dancing for a lalafell. And dancing for the seer. Even funnier is that K'lyhia instantly knows that your weird behaviour must mean that you met the Guildmaster.
• In the level 5 Rogue's Guild quest, the Dandy Demolishers are foolhardy enough to barge into the guild hall with just the three of them. They promptly get an ass-kicking.
  • One of the Demolishers tries charging Perimu, only to get a dagger in the chest. However, because of the angle of the camera and Perimu's height, the position of his arm makes it look like he threw the dagger... a lot lower.
• The level 10 Rogue's Guild quest. The Pirates code is taken very seriously, even if it is their own Guild leader taking another member's prized Bismark Finger Sandwich.
  V'kebbe: Ye've cloyed somethin' what belonged to me, Jacke. An' I can't ignore the code...
  Jacke: Ahahaha, aye, the code! We mustn't ignore the code! ...Yer havin' a laugh, aren't ye, lass? ...Lass? (Screen Fades to black, with some sounds of violence occuring) Aaargh!
  (A few moments latter)
  Perimu Haurimu: ...That might be the swiftest string-up I've ever seen.
  V'kebbe: A punishment to fit the crime. Take a good long look, *Player's Name*. The code exists to preserve peace in Limsa─to keep the alleys from runnin' red with blood. This city's me home, an' I'll draw daggers on any cove fool enough to threaten that peace.
  Perimu Haurimu: A pointed lesson. Let's head inside, eh? Yer sandwich'll get cold.
  Jacke: Hey! Do ye mean to leave me here all night!? At least ye gave me a grand view o' the harbor! ...Gods piss, these ropes are tight!
  • In the same quest, the shit-eating grin your character has when they steal back the corrupt merchant's stolen wares is quite possibly the most trollish they ever look.
• In the main scenario of 2.4, there's a quest where you trail a Garlean spy with the help of Doman ninja. At one point you seem to lose track of the spy and have a discussion with the Crystal Braves second-in-command about what to do next. While this is going on, a peddler waltzes up to you and offers to sell you Eorzean Viagra. (In actuality, the peddler is a ninja in disguise with info about the spy's whereabouts).
• Also in the main scenario, at one point you're back in Coerthas with Alphinaud, who's visibly shivering because of the cold just like he was during the Garuda arc. Immediately after, Minifillia (who usually wears a Stripperiffic outfit only slightly more revealing than Alphinaud's) walks up and defies Limited Wardrobe by wearing a very thick winter coat.
  • During the following conversations, they discuss that the only thing various accounts of Shiva agree on was that she chose to "lay down with a dragon". Minfillia takes a moment to very delicately wonder how exactly that would have worked.
• Once you finally gather the materials needed to create your Zodiac weapon, Jalzahn muses over what else needs to be done and suggests that the player character gather 50 more Atmas. The player character staggers at the mere thought of having to find more rare drops all over again (and possibly mirroring exactly how the player feels) until Gerolt suggest that you use the relic weapon itself as a catalyst, which brings a sigh of relief to the player character. And just to screw with the player further, once you are tasked with making your relic into materia, you're told several times that you only have a 1.4% chance of success and failure will destroy the relic. The game is actually lying, but one can't help but laugh at how the developers poked fun at the whole thing. Even if you say you don't want to go through with the process, Gerolt calls you out for being a wimp and he forges your relic anyway.
• During the 2014 fanfest, when the developers were talking about how the Company of Heroes fought Leviathan in the past, they said that the group who fought the primal would "dodge the AOE lines and regrouping after the attack missed", which makes the fight sound more funny than epic. Later on in the convention, a fan asked Yoshida if there were (at the time) plans to make Stoneskin an AOE spell instead of single target due to how annoying it was to cast the spell on one person at a time. Yoshida responded by pretending to hold a controller with an exasperated look on his face, shouting "next!", and repeats a few more times as he made the situation funny and understood everyone's frustration.
• Using a DPS' Limit Break is awesome when it connects. Emphasis on "connects". When fighting a primal, they usually leave the screen for a brief moment when they unleash their ultimate attack (or if they use some other ability where they leave the screen for a moment), which means you can't hit them. It's entirely possible to use a limit break on a primal and completely miss just because your timing was slightly off. This becomes doubly hilarious when the user uses a custom macro that has a Calling Your Attacks motif when they use a limit break.
• In the hard mode of Wanderer's Palace, you're tasked to save a group of Tonberries that are being held captive and tortured by a gang of Mamool Ja. When you beat the gang's leader, your character does their usual Victory Pose, only for the music to stop halfway as the rescued Tonberries swarm around your legs, rush the defeated boss and start stabbing him to death. Your character winces at the sight(another player's character can be seen in the background backing away slowly) and the victory music picks up again. The Tonberries are still stabbing as the scene fades out.
• Although it comes during a very tragic scene in which you are currently being accused as the murderer of Nanamo, there is something just unbelievably amusing about the various smug, amused, and shocked faces that Teledji Adeledji makes while snarking at the Scions and at Raubahn. Just◊ take◊ a look◊ at◊ some◊ examples◊!
• This one doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Where did Gerolt find the one-of-a-kind book that revealed the final steps required to complete the Warrior of Light's Zodaic weapon? While going through the other Zodiac Braves-relevant tomes that Rowena had! How in the seven hells did he convince her to part with it without resorting to a king's ransom in gil? He threatened to marry her. Again. As in he has used that tactic multiple times and it's worked. And in the middle of Gerolt's argument with Jalzahn over who gets to take credit for the weapon, Rowena shows up at the shack wearing a suspiciously white outfit, only to see the argument taking place. Once the Warrior of Light notices, she smiles wordlessly at them and leaves.
• Good King Moogle Mog XII's battle theme, while ominous and generally creepy, gets rather amusing when hearing all the ominous chanters suddenly shout "Kupo!"
  • While still ominious, it stops being creepy and starts being amusing when you realize it bears a distinct resemblance to This is Halloween.
• When the moogles come to warn Gridania about the summoned king, despite knowing that the Primal King is a threat to everything including themselves, Good King Moogle Mog XII's reputation is so ingrained in them that the moogles sing his praise in the same breath that they tell the Scions that they must kill him.
• In the Moonfire Faire 2015 event, the dancing Mamool Ja returns, attempting to celebrate on the beach with everyone else. One of the event FATEs is to repel him for the sake of decency. Upon succeeding, the guardsman breathes a sigh of relief... and bemoans that he'll never be able to unsee the Mamool Ja's gyrations.
• The 2015 Rising Event got more than a few laughs from some players when they approached Naoki Yoshida's office in the 18th Floor. Why? The doorway has the same purple flame effect that boss arenas have in dungeons/raids.
• During the level 20 quest of the Thaumaterge quest chain, your teacher for this portion, Cocobezi, discusses avoiding fights you can't win directly. In this case, the reference is to merchants angry because the Coco siblings drank all the ether you secured in the last quest. He then asks you go to garner sympathy from the merchants.
  Cocobezi: Thus, I pass on to you the secret of my last and most potent defense: Shameless weeping. I'm not speaking of a few tears here─I want you to stride right up to these tyrannical traders and cry your eyes out.
• In the level 15 Gladiator quest, you and Aldis are discussing something in the Quicksand, only to be interrupted by a band of mercenaries coming for Aldis's head. The rest of the patrons flee the establishment, but Momodi just shakes her head as if to say "Not this shit again" and ducks behind the counter.
• In the second half of the level 15 Archer quest, the player's tasked with sneaking around a set of Ixal, picking them off as they proceed. It's suggested at the start that the PC not waste too much time on the minions, and indeed most can be avoided. Then, as the player approaches the boss of the area, an NPC named Miraudont the Madder just dives in out of nowhere, aggro'ing half the battlefield and turning what would have been an easy pull into a gigantic mess.
• The 2016 Rising event retells the story of the Calamity in the form of a puppet/minion show with the player character as the lead actor. Just like the play in Final Fantasy VII, you can choose to screw up your direction and the results are hilarious:
  • If you don't say what came out of Dalamud, a fat cat pops out instead of Bahamut.
  Narrator: They fought on until flagging and weary. The moon of Dalamud waxed ever fuller, at last bursting open to reveal the terrifying truth of what slumbered inside.It was...an enormous cat!? As round as the red moon and nigh as large, it fell to the ground, the impact of its landing knocked soldiers on both sides to the ground! And then, uh... Their hearts having been melted by the sight of such a cuddly creature, Garleans and Eorzeans alike lost the will to fight! They cast down their weapons, and embraced each other as brother and sister, returning home without further bloodshed! The gargantuan feline, moved by this display of camaraderie, purred with joy! Why, it's purring right now! Can you hear that? It's the sound of...the sound of peace.
  • When asked whose voice the Warrior of Light heard when Bahamut breaks free, choosing the minstrel option has the Wandering Minstrel appear on stage and, in character, gives the Warrior of Light the hope to fight on and give him enough strength to defeat the primal by himself! Doubles as a heartwarming moment since the Wandering Minstrel thanks you for remembering him and giving him a chance to play on stage.
  • If you act like you don't know whose voice you heard when Bahamut is freed, the troupe's carpenter wanders on stage and completely kills the immersion by trying to make sure Bahamut's fireworks effect has the right oomph.
  Narrator: But just as the sun was to set on Eorzea's fate, a voice called out, saving our brave champions from certain doom!
  Crystal Caravan Leader: The voice which called out for our hero was...our carpenter!? What in the seven hells are you doing!?
  Crystal Caravan Carpenter: Apologies, Chief, but the fireworks ain't...uh, firin' the way they should. I take pride in my craft, ye see. I just can't let such a thing stand without at least an honest attempt at fixin' it.
  Crystal Caravan Leader: And this is your idea of fixing things!? Barging onto the stage like a goobbue run amok!?
  Crystal Caravan Carpenter: *the fireworks go off in his face, knocking him to the floor* By the gods!
  Crystal Caravan Leader: Would you look at that, everyone? Impeccable craftsmanship! So impeccable that the realm was saved! And with that, today's show shall come to a close. Thank you, thank you one and all!
  • When Louisox appears and fails to defeat Bahamut, saying that Bahamut was defeated in one fell swoop, the narrator states that the Warrior of Light thought the primal went down too easily until this happens:
  Narrator: Hearkening to his plea, They imbued the Warrior of Light with Their divine strength. Once more, our hero rose, and stood unflinching against Bahamut! Louisoix's incantation revitalized the Warrior of Light, and with a newfound tenacity he fixed his smoldering gaze upon the dragon...And in a flash Bahamut was defeated! The Warrior of Light was...surprised his foe was felled so easily...
  Bahamut reappears.
  Bestial Male Voice: You shall rue the day you stood against me, foolish mortals! Tremble before me─Bahamut Omega! Tremble, and despair, for I am not the only dragon you must contend with! With my savage roar, I summon Bahamut Alpha, and Bahamut Beta, and Bahamut─
  Crystal Caravan Leader: No, no, no! We don't have all the puppets for─I mean... And so he spoke, on and on, until Bahamut named all of his kin. In fact, some say he is still talking to this day...
  • Another possible ending has Louisox whisking the Warrior of Light away to safety while he deals with Bahamut himself. What makes this doubly funny is, despite the goofy music in the background implying that it's not the true ending, this ending is actually canonical in the game's main story!
• The concept of the Post Moogle quests itself. For whatever reason the Warrior of Light decides to try their hand at the postal service. However because the Warrior of Light is famous by the time post moogle quests are unlocked; many if not all the delivery recipients are flabbergasted as to why the Warrior is making deliveries. When their talents are better suited to killing giant monsters and primals. Even better the game itself treats the quest line as a joke; each job done is accompanied by the typical level up theme. Only for the words level up to tilt and end with a question mark.
• The Warrior of Light learning their first Blue Magic spell, Water Cannon. The NPC requires them to fight a "baby" Kraken and get hit by its water attacks to learn the spell. Not only is the Kraken not baby sized (though still smaller than the one fought in the main story), you get to see the Warrior of Light smacking the beast with a cane over and over as they get blasted by the water attacks for a good several seconds. By the time the beast is defeated, the Warrior of Light looks quite exhausted.
• The concept of Blue Magic in general has your character performing the moves copied from the monsters they felled, down to a T. On paper, this sounds cool, in execution, your character sometimes looks ridiculous trying to recreate the action, from throwing bombs, lashing out an enemy with a toad's tongue, to spitting sardines.
• The "Say It With Flowers" sidequest in Lower La Noscea has you fetch a flower for a lonely light-house keeper and deliver it to his crush, Ghimthota. After fighting off some landtraps to get a La Noscean lillybell, you find not only is Ghimthota too busy guarding Moraby Drydocks to be interested in a relationship, but she turns down the flower you were about to offer her because she's allergic to them.
• A FATE has a boy want you to get revenge on Orobon, a pathetically weak enemy, for eating his father; even the FATE description couldn't believe it.
• Nyell, the Levemete of Quarrymill, is delightfully bored and cynical when you approach him for work.
  Nyell: Should this idea appeal to you for some reason, I may add that I am required to assess each volunteer's chances of surviving said employment via the assignation of a similarly dangerous levemete. Not put off by the thought of an abrupt and painful demise? Then please signal your intent to undertake this test. [on the player's reporting back] Ah, it seems I must congratulate you on completing the trial leve. Here is a reward to entice you to jeopardize your personal safety a second time.
• The Delivery Moogle quest "Stroking the Haft" involves a Hurricane of Puns relating to two female members of the Highbridge Brass Blades unit squabbling over who is better in bed with their male captain. Besides the Refuge in Audacity, what makes this hilarious is that if you read the quest journal entries, apparently every single Double Entendre involved flies right over the Warrior of Light's head:
  You find Hunberct's loyal followers scouring the guilds, looking for gifts intended to earn their captain's favor. From what you can gather, the Miqo'te hope that such trinkets will nudge Hunberct toward honoring them with the privilege of operating some lever at Highbridge... though why they covet this seemingly mundane duty is not immediately clear.
  Upon your approach to the Weavers' Guild, you spy E'tajha and E'lahmui arguing about whose gift is more suitable for Hunberct. The dispute ends with each accusing the other of not being worthy of polishing the captain's blade— a clear exaggeration, as both are soldiers who are doubtless capable of performing menial weapon maintenance tasks.
• The Kobold Beast Tribe quest has a scene were a rival shows up with A Lady on Each Arm to taunt your friends. These are exceptionally beautiful ladies(by Kobold standards, we assume), which their titles helpfully point out, as they use the same model as every other Kobold.
• The 2022 Starlight event has an optional quest that lets you deliver cheer to the children around Gridania and is followed up by an NPC showing up. One of the meet up spots can have Sicard and Emmanellain show up at the same time, both of them giving a little a girl a present just to outdo the other guy. Just like before in Endwalker, the two of them get into a shouting match and it ends with them both agreeing it's a happy Starlight.
  Sicard: Hah, is that what passes as a gift for you lace-wearers!?
  Emmanellain: Ruffian! What are you doing here!?
  Sicard: Deliverin' proper presents, what else? Here's yours, little one. Enjoy it, now!
  Timid Tot: A little frypan...with such adorable forks and spoons. Thank you, little helper.
  Sicard: Heh! See? A present that represents the glory and traditions of Limsa Lominsa's peerless culinary history! More thoughtful by far than some half-baked doll from some half-baked noble!
  Emmanellain: Take that back!
  Sicard: Make me!
  Emmanellain: I will not stoop to your level!
  Timid Tot: I'll enjoy playing house with the lovely doll and adorable silverware. Thank you, little helpers!
  Sicard: ...
  Emmanellain: ...
  Sicard: ...Well, that's a happy Starlight, then.
  Emmanellain: ...Quite.
• It's understandable why ARR wasn't made with races from later expansions in mind. This doesn't change the fact it leads to some hilarious Fridge Logic and other characters frequently having to have Failed a Spot Check:
  • Before being christened as a Warrior of Light, the player character is noted to be able to blend into a crowd. Even if they're one of one a handful of Au Ra/Hrothgar/Viera in Eorzea and definitely the only one working with the Scions at the time.
  • During the Ninja job quests, the WoL performs a default bow which Oboro tries to copy to blend in with the locals... even though the above races have bows much closer to his than the Eorzean style.
  • One main story quest involves using earplugs to avoid the effects of a siren's call. The quest make no attempt to have this make sense for Au Ra.
  • Despite tension between Au Ra diaspora and Coerthas playing strongly into the relations between the two groups (as Coerthas killed them on sight for resembling dragons at first), this never comes up during the main story, even when an Inquisitor is specifically trying to stonewall the WoL or get them killed.
• The early-game quest Help Me, Lord of the Dance. An aspiring dancer in Ul'dah asks the Warrior to help her find Guillaunaux, a famous dancing instructor who is visiting the city. Guillaunaux sharply critiques the dancer's demonstration and her focus on repetition instead of innovation, bringing her to an epiphany about the years she's wasted dancing for drunkards in the taverns of Ul'dah. Guillaunaux then bids the Warrior to demonstrate their dancing chops, which seems to bring the dancer to another epiphany entirely. Guillaunaux gives her a Dare to Be Badass speech and offers to teach her.. only for her to clarify that she's actually realized she wants to be an adventurer. She promptly runs off to join up with the Adventurer's Guild, leaving Guillaunaux and the Warrior staring at each other in Stunned Silence for a few moments.
• The Isles of Umbra are terribly haunted by all manner of restless undead. The former Lighthouse keeper, however, is not terrified out of his wits, as you would expect - he's just annoyed. He can be found standing under an awning near his former place of employment, a double-barreled shotgun close at hand, attempting to hire passers-by to destroy some of the wailing undead wandering freely around not ten feet away. Not just to free their spirits, but also because he's that tired of their moaning.
• Thought you were done with Fetch Quest insanity after the Band of Heroes arc? Think again. The quests leading up to Garuda see the player tasked with completing a series of errands for an Absent-Minded Professor, an expert in the corrupted crystals needed to breach Garuda's windstorm. Not only are all three of the professor's pupils convinced that they are his greatest student, the first two misunderstand the Warrior's request. The first winds up giving them a Corrupted Wind Crystal, which would only make the barrier stronger; the second, a Corrupted Fire Crystal, which is useless for purpose. Lest you think you're the only one who's getting tired of this nonsense, Mimidoa refers to the Warrior as "that lanky young lad/lass with the thousand-yalm stare" during the last stretch of the questline. Ouch. When you finally track down the one you actually need, the quest-giver deliberately trolls you by initially claiming it's an Earth-aspected crystal before laughing and explaining he's just pulling your leg.
• After Elidibus's debut appearance in the Waking Sands, the Warrior is instructed to search Vesper Bay for any sign of him. The player could be forgiven for thinking that this is another of the pointless errands ARR is fond of wasting your time with at this stage of the story.. until you walk outside and find Elidibus standing five feet away in broad daylight. He's Invisible to Normals, sure, but it's still funny to see an Ascian just standing around in the middle of town after so much buildup framing them as unknowable, shadowy masterminds. It also serves as an effective Establishing Character Moment; in contrast to the other Ascians seen up til now, Elidibus confronts the Warrior openly and makes no bones about his intentions.

Binding Coils of Bahamut Raids

The Binding Coil of Bahamut

The Second Coil of Bahamut

• The reveal that Nael was a girl the whole time. That's not what's funny. The true humor lies in the fact that because Legacy had no voice acting, the US version mistranslated Nael's gender, due to the armor she wore. In order to rectify this error, the team had to create an entire backstory just to fix that.

The Final Coil of Bahamut

Crystal Tower Alliance Raids

Labyrinth of the Ancients

• Poor Phlegethon, his name was changed three times over the course of the Alliance Raid.

Syrcus Tower

• Cid's reaction to the fact that Xande seeked out the power of darkness:
  "Darkness... again? Seven hells, what is it with megalomaniacal rulers turning to darkness in their lust for power?"

World of Darkness