Webvideo / Vampire Reviews


"Good eeeevening! I am ze Maven of ze Eventide, und velcome... to Vampire Reviews!"

Vampire Reviews is a Video Review Show covering vampire-related movies, TV shows, books, wine, perfume - anything with a vampiric bent, presented by the Maven of the Eventide, a brooding, gothic figure possessed of the dark, romantic, hypnotic allure of the classical vampire.

Or so she'd like to imagine, anyway. Maven is really Elisa of Team NChick indulging her Vampire Vannabe fantasies. When she forgets to stay in character, a ditzy Valley Girl emerges through the corsets and dark eye shadow, and any time she tries to impose her vampire fetishism outside her bedroom full of candles, roses and skulls, she gets knocked back by the real world, mostly represented by her roommate Lindsay (formerly The Nostalgia Chick), who is flatly unimpressed by her antics and keeps telling her to get a job and start paying her share of the rent. Also refusing to play along are Team NChick's Nella, Kyle "Oancitizen" Kallgren of Brows Held High and occasionally Todd in the Shadows. Also, her other roommate Dan Roth, but no-one ever remembers him.

The series began when the popularity of Twilight prompted Elisa (Hansen, the real Elisa) to take a deeper look at vampires in fiction. Like The Nostalgia Chick, Vampire Reviews takes a non-chronological approach to reviewing, interspersed with sketches for greater illustration and entertainment.

This web series provides examples of:

  • Acceptable Targets: invoked Classical vampires are where it's at, so she has a lot of fun bashing Twilight. Though she did release a video giving Twilight credit for, at the very least, giving a very creative version of Vampires.
  • Absolute Cleavage: Maven in her Elvira costume.
    • The positive Twilight review features a corset so tight that you can visually measure her breathing by her cleavage going up and down.
  • Alter-Ego Acting: Even in-universe, Maven is really just Elisa's character indulging her pretentious vampire fangirl side. Welshy even asked her "What facet of your character am I talking to?"
  • Audible Sharpness: Noted and parodied in her review of Underworld, ending with a bunny mooing.
  • The Baby Trap: Referenced in her review of Interview with the Vampire, as she tells Lestat that vamping Claudia to keep Louie around was a naughty idea.
  • Beauty Equals Goodness: Not looked at in great detail, but one of her theories for Seth in From Dusk Till Dawn being seen as likable despite all he's done is that, well, he looks like George Clooney.
  • Berserk Button: Don't say anything good about werewolves when she's present.
  • Better by a Different Name: According to her, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was more enjoyable when they took out the demons and called it Clueless.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: She can be sweet and lovable when she wants to, but she selfishly ruined the Chick's computer with a virus, has admitted to doing horrible (though mostly just very annoying) things and beats on Dan with Lindsay just because he drank some beer that didn't belong to him. She seems to be a Non-Malicious Monster example with a mix of Obliviously Evil, Skewed Priorities and Spoiled Sweet and at least some sort of conscience.
  • Boyfriend in Canada: A vampire boyfriend in Canada, natch.
    "Our love is pure!"
  • Brainwashing for the Greater Good: But it turns out that not even hypnotic powers can get the Nostalgia Chick to stop thinking about Todd.
  • Broken Aesop: invoked Maven suspects the moral of the first Hotel Transylvania is supposed to be "don't be controlling and don't be racist," but feels it comes across more as "being controlling isn't that bad as long as you're nice about it; and racism is over!"
    • Maven also has this view of Hotel Transylvania 2, since Dracula spends the whole film aggressively pushing for his grandson to be a vampire and never really learns to grow out of it. Then, after he gets his wish, he has the gall to say Denis is "perfect no matter what."
    • The film version of The Little Vampire seems to be you should accept your friend's differences, but unlike in the books the family vampires are all shown to be not only completely friendly to and loving of humans, but they want to become humans, so there are no "differences" to overcome. They don't even drink human blood, but cow's blood!
  • Bullet Time: Parodied in her review of Blade. She brags that she just invented "garlic time".
  • The Cameo: Not counting The Nostalgia Chick and her friends/boyfriend, Allison Pregler (whom the Maven claims is a werewolf), Linkara (both dressed as Franken Berry, and attracted by the fact that 30 Days of Night was a comic), and Oancitizen (to fawn over a Will Smith scrapbook). The Maven also appears in one of Welshy's videos to ask for a Crossover. She also appears in Film Brain's review of Blade: Trinity where she reviews the movie with him... only to flee at the point where Dracula/Drake kills some goths.
  • Compassionate Critic: She complains because she loves, and even that's sprinkled amidst the fangirling.
  • Crossover: Reviews the Count Chocula cereal with The Nostalgia Critic.
  • Cry for the Devil: She feels sorry for Richard in From Dusk Till Dawn, thinking that hating him would be like hating a puppy because he was obviously ill and should have been institutionalized instead.invoked
  • Damned by a Fool's Praise: In her Fright Night review, she states that nerds are cool. She knows, because her mom told her so.
  • Damned by Faint Praise: She had this attitude towards a number of the lower entries on her list of the Top 10 Female Vampires, particularly Selene from Underworld at #9 (who she had criticized in her Underworld review)note , using them to highlight how few well-written female vampires there were in fiction, the character type dominated otherwise by one-dimensional temptresses who existed for little more than fanservice. Later, during her review of the Blade TV series, she said that, had she known about that show's female lead Krista Starr when she made that list, Krista would've knocked Selene off of it in a heartbeat.
  • Dawson Castinginvoked: She speculates that the titular Lost Boys are supposed to be teenagers, but since they're played by much older actors they all just come across as 20-something man-children.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Maven might be the hammiest of Elisa's characters, but still has her moments.
  • Defanged Horrors: Often discusses how this trope applies to vampires and monster mashes in kids' programming.
  • Designated Hero: In-universe, this is why she dislikes Selene from Underworld so much; she kills pretty much every werewolf she sees and doesn't show any remorse for it.
    • She's similarly confused about Barnabas in Tim Burton's Dark Shadows—he's a Villain Protagonist in the original series, but in the movie he's treated like a lovable goof despite murdering numerous people.
  • Different for Girls: She's surprised to learn that Monster High's Frankie Stein is the main character while Draculaura is a side character, since the vampire is always the central character in a Monster Mash. She then wonders if their gender has anything to do with it, since a male Frankenstein-equivalent would most certainly be a bumbling oaf rather than a Cute Clumsy Girl, while a male Dracula-equivalent would of course be slick and formidable instead of The Ditz.
    Maven: Why is it so different once they're girls?
  • Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male: Averted. Chick and Maven beating on Dan (with his face offscreen) might be seen as funny when it would be horrible the other way round, but they've been established as terrible people with issues so they can get away with it.
  • Drama Queen: Goes into tears at the slightest provocation.
  • Driven to Suicide: Tries staking herself rather than say nice things about Twilight, but "Damn this steel-boned corset!".
  • Empathic Environment: Believing that Allison aka Lupa's name means she is a werewolf, she call her to ask about them:
    Maven: Call...the she-wolf. [A distant wolf howls.]
  • Epileptic Treesinvoked: She speculates that Count von Count from Sesame Street is obsessed with counting as a way to keep his thirst for blood under control.
  • Everyone Has Standards: She might be a fangirl who loves a bit of Female Gaze, but in Dark Shadows she still complains about Tim Burton trying too hard to make Barnabas a woobie, failing, and counting on him still being liked simply because Johnny Depp is a hottie.
  • Even the Girls Want Her: She has a girl-crush on Lily Cole.
  • Family-Unfriendly Aesop: invoked
    • Hotel Transylvania 2: It's okay to be an elitist bigot and undermine a mother's parenting if it's in the interest of making sure the kid turns out "cool" like a vampire, not "lame" like a normal human.
    • For The Little Vampire film, it's that revenge fantasies are awesome! If you have a scary and/or tough friend, you should totally use that friend to not only get even with your bullies, but use the fear your bullies now have for you to bully them right back. Cycle of Revenge? What's that?
    • Also from The Little Vampire film, the vampires have been persecuted by humans for centuries, and want to fix this by becoming humans. So the message seems to be, "If you're being bullied for being different, just change yourself to be like your tormentors!"
  • Fanon Discontinuity invoked: She has firmly decided that Underworld: Rise of the Lycans never happened.
  • Fanservice: You'll be seeing a lot of cleavage.
  • Faux Action Girl: The complaint comes up in Maven's reviews of the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie and Underworld. In the former, she points how Buffy always has to get saved by guys. In the latter, she loses her temper over Selene fainting.
  • Faux Symbolism: invoked
  • Fluffy Fashion Feathers: Wears a feather boa in some reviews.
  • Follow the Leader: invoked She criticizes Byzantium for essentially being a gender flipped retread of Interview with the Vampire (the film of which was, perhaps not coincidentally, made by the same director).
  • Fun T-Shirt: Wore loads in the Dracula 2000 review.
  • Fur Against Fang: Maven and Allison have an argument like this in the former's review of Underworld (she's convinced that Allsion is actually a werewolf), with some class warfare thrown in there too.
  • Gateway Series: One of the things listed in "Top 10 Good Things About Twilight" is that as bad as the series is it did provide a gateway drug to not only other vampire fiction ,but reading in general. Especially since it'll often lead to way better stories.
  • Genius Ditz: Fairly gullible and flighty, she's still genuinely good at analyzing the crap out of something.
  • Genre Shift: She half-complains, half-praises From Dusk Till Dawn for starting out as a tense thriller and then morphing into a campy vampire gorefest.
  • Gory Discretion Shot: We don't see Dan's face getting bashed in, we just see Maven and Chick beating him and the sounds of their punching.
  • Happily Married: To Paw Dugan, complete with a child.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Happens at the end of her 30 Days of Night review. During the review, she chases Linkara (who's attracted because 30 Days of Night was originally a comic) claiming that she doesn't need his expertise, which leads to the following scene: Maven boasts that she can review anything with vampires in it. Linkara challenges her to do Twilight (which she hates). When she says that it's been reviewed enough already and that she'd just be repeating what they said, he challenges her to give a positive review. She's boxed in by her statement that she could review anything with vampires in it (and Linkara prodding her along), so she does a top ten list of good things in Twilight (which is reduced to four).
  • Hipster: According to Elisa (the real one), Maven wears the clothes she does because she thinks they're cool, when really their OTT nature is supposed to be silly.
  • I Knew It!invoked: In her playthrough of Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines, she cops quite soon that Jeannette and Therese are one person with dissociative personality disorder.
  • Innocent Fanservice Girl: She doesn't realize the appeal of spy catsuits, Opera Gloves, low cut dresses and corsets.
  • Ironic Echo: Critic's arrival in Monster Mash to his entrance in The Wiz two years earlier. Same con, same room, same being confused with the Nerd. Only difference being instead of happy obliviousness to the last thing, he killed a little girl for it.
  • It's Personal: Her review of Hotel Transylvania 2, since Elisa has become a mother between her review of the first movie and the second one. She takes personal umbrage with a family film glorifying a elitist bigot of a grandpa who undermines his daughter's parenting and pushes his grandson to be what he wants him to be and gets rewarded for it at the end.
  • Large Ham: Deliberately done when she is in full Maven mode.
  • Loser Protagonist: Maven is a melodramatic, unemployed vampire wannabe who bums off her roommate Lindsey. Need we say more?
  • Lost Aesop:
    • Maven can't tell whether Hotel Transylvania 2 humans are the "norm" and monsters are the "other," or whether monsters are the privileged elite and humans are the undesirable "other," and since it keeps flip-flopping so much over whether Denis would be part of the shunned minority if he was a human or a vampire, by the time he's revealed to be fully vampire she has no idea what the audience is supposed to take away from it.
    • Happens again for The '80s film Once Bitten. The film is sometimes Virgin-Shaming the male lead (played by Jim Carrey) for being such a loser that he can't get laid, but somtimes Slut-Shaming and "punishing" him for trying to lose his virginity with a sexy vampire lady. So when movie's conflict is resolved by Jim Carrey and his formerly reluctant girlfriend doing it, Maven has no idea what to take away from it.
    Maven: Which is it, movie? Are you sex-positive or not?!
  • Male Gaze: She's a little confused as to why Salma Hayek needed to do a sexy bikini dance when all the humans were trapped in the bar already.
    • The Hunger. Maven is very disappointed that an otherwise progressive portrayal of two bisexual women engaging in consensual intercourse filmed in The '80s is undermined by the sex scene itself.
    Maven: If the camera would just let us see these fabulous actors' faces... But those damn curtains are in the way, because apparently the film thought the audience wanted to feel like Peeping Toms instead of connecting to the characters' feelings.
  • Manchild: How she sees Adam Sandler's characters and the young vampire men in The Lost Boys.
  • Meaningful Name: Maven means "a trusted expert in a particular field, who seeks to pass knowledge on to others." In this case, that field is vampires.
    • Also Morty (her travel skull). Mort is French for dead (and the root word for words such as mortician).
    • Maven snarks about this for The Lost Boys review, since most of the names are so subtle they'll hit you like a hammer.
  • Men Are the Expendable Gender: Discussed in her Vlog of Underworld: Awakening; she theorizes that the main character is supposed to be sympathetic and ass-kicking because she kills only men, and not other women.
  • Monster Mash: Absolutely adores these, and discusses them in her Hotel Transylvania and Monster Mash reviews.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Albeit one who doesn't know that the clothes she wears are sexy.
    • She also complains of the omnipresence of this regarding vampires while doing a list of female ones, stating that they're mostly only used for cleavage instead of horror.
  • Nightmare Fetishist: Her obsession for vampires is why she's doing the show in the first place.
  • Not a Morning Person: Being a wannabe vampire and all, she's almost totally nocturnal.
  • "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: She doesn't particularly relish having to say she's serious when she notes that film!Buffy had period pains as a spidey sense.
  • Of Corsets Sexy: She wears some nice corsets.
  • Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Speaks in florid Vampire Vords when she remembers to, but she can never keep it up for long. Elisa says Maven wishes she had Bidialectical Disorder.
    • Taken Up to Eleven in her Hellsing vampire review, where she does the opening greeting in Japanese with a Vampire Vords accent. Based on the YouTube comments, most viewers will thank her never to do that again.
  • Orgasmically Delicious: Maven enjoys her Count Chocula cereal but doesn't go overboard. Critic, on the other hand, flutters his eyes and practically commits oral on his spoon. As you might expect, the camera focuses on him more.
  • ...Or So I Heard: Todd said that Nu Metal fans probably moved into Fall Out Boy. Maven agrees before going "...not that I would know that."
  • Perky Goth: Maven is this to a T.
  • Pet-Peeve Trope:invoked The trope she really seems to loathe is the All-Loving Hero / Messianic Archetype.
  • Pride: Rejects Linkara's offer of a crossover and tells him that she's perfectly able to review "anything about vampires, in any way" by herself. To her distress, she walks right into a challenge to review Twilight in a positive way.
  • Real Women Never Wear Dresses: Suspects this to be the main reason that, of the two female leads in Hellsing, the more traditionally-considered "masculine" Integra tends to overshadow the more vulnerable, emotional, skirt-wearing Seras.
  • Rich Bitch/The Scrooge: She's a snob who owns diamond necklaces, pretty dresses, and Opera Gloves, but complains when the Chick demands rent money.
    • Although the implication seems to be that she doesn't actually have a lot of money, she just wastes it on this stuff instead of important things. (She's still saving up for a coffin to sleep in.)
  • Rule of Cool: Maven admits that Hellsing and The Lost Boys pretty much run on this. Not that it hurts their enjoyability whatsoever. She feels this trope was less effective for Underworld, though.
  • Rule of Symbolism: Maven admits that The Moth Diaries throws every bit of symbolism into scenes they can, but they enjoy themselves so much so she didn't get annoyed with it.
  • Shallow Parody: invoked Loves What We Do in the Shadows because it's not this.
  • Shared Universe: Because of the cameos, Maven's part of the Reviewaverse.
  • Shipping Goggles: In-Universe. While she still coos over the Has Two Daddies aspect of Interview with the Vampire, she firmly denies any Homoerotic Subtext other than that. However, this was probably a reference to the fact that Anne Rice vampires Can't Have Sex, Ever, rather than denying that the subtext is there.
  • Ship Tease: Maven asks herself in “Monster Mash” why she keeps going over to Moarte's crypt.
  • Show, Don't Tell: Maven’s review of Underworld praises the convoluted backstory of centuries of drama, passion, betrayal and murder, but notes it only comes up in exposition.
  • The Slacker: She owes the Chick a lot of rent, but doesn't want to find a job because nothing hires at night. Which in New York City is a Blatant Lie.
  • Slobs Vs Snobs: How the Fur Against Fang debate is depicted in Underworld. Vampires party in a Deadly Decadent Court while "Lycans" enjoy drinking cheap booze and pit fighting in a filthy sewer.
  • Something About a Rose:
    • Maven holds a red rose in the Underworld review to make herself look all mysterious and cool.
    • She also gives Todd a black rose in Queen of the Damned.
  • Speak of the Devil: In her Count Chocula review, saying "Nostalgia" three times summons The Nostalgia Critic, a la Beetlejuice.
  • Spell My Name with a "The": "Good eeeevening. I am ze Maven of ze Eventide, velcome."
  • There Was a Door: Variation in her review of Underworld, when Selene shoots her way through the floor to catch up with her love interest, who's taken the elevator. Maven points out she could have just taken the stairs.
    Maven: Selene? Th-there was a door to the stairs right there, and it's only one flight down, and those are silver bullets too! Do you know how soft those are?"
  • Sturgeon's Law: Maven fully admits that most vampire fiction is schlock, so when it comes to quality she'll take what she can get.
  • They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot: In-Universe, this is her assessment of Hotel Transylvania, particularly for having No Antagonist.
  • Top Ten List: One of them of positive things about Twilight... which is reduced to just 4 as Elisa isn't that generous.
    • She later does one with female vampires. Which limited to both one per franchise "because two would dominate" and visual media (which hurt Carmilla due to inferior adaptations).
  • Transhuman: Dark Shadows gives her the power of hypnotism. It doesn't work on Chick the first time (for reasons you can guess), but it does the second until she gets hit on the head with a beer bottle.
  • True Blue Femininity: Notes in her list of top female vampires, that it's refreshing to see that trope once in a while.
  • Two Decades Behind: She and Todd go on that the book of Queen of the Damned, it made sense for Lestat becoming a rock star considering how the genre was in The '80s. Not so much in 2002, especially using Nu Metal like the movie did.
  • Unbuilt Trope: Discussed in her Top Ten Female Vampires list: Carmilla from The Vampire Lovers is a complex and interesting character, but the film fetishizes her status as a Lesbian Vampire, which helped lead to future female vampires being portrayed little more than murderous sex fiends. Also on the list is Countess Marya Zaleska from Dracula's Daughter, a well-rounded and less sexualized character from all the way back in 1936.
  • Uncanny Valley Make Up: If her amount of eyeshadow gets any bigger it'll have its own credit.
  • Unfortunate Implications: invoked Discussed in her review of Let the Right One In, given that the seemingly female Eli is revealed to be a boy whose genitals were mutilated by his sire and forced to pass as a girl. Maven tries to give the author credit for probably not doing this intentionally, but it nonetheless encourages the harmful "trans women are just gay men in dresses out to trick straight men into having sex with them" stereotype; not helped by Eli being a literal blood-sucking monster who ravages the victims she tricks into trusting her.
  • Unfortunate Name: Maven means "the belly" in Danish.
  • Unsportsmanlike Gloating: Vampires are more popular than werewolves, and she won't let werewolf fans forget it.
  • Vampires Are Sex Gods: A running theme in Maven's vampire reviews.
  • Vampire Vannabe: Her entire schtick. Taken to the next level in the Vampire Wine review.
  • Vampire Vords: Lapsed into and out of, but always used in her intro:
    "Good eeeevenink! I am ze Maven of ze Eventide, and velcome to Vampire Reviewz! ...bleh!"
  • Weak-Willed: She's incredibly gullible when it comes to what heroes (or anti-heroes) do in movies, always trying them in real life.
  • Werewolf Theme Naming: Assumes this (incorrectly) about Lupa.
  • What Do You Mean, It's Not Didactic?: Invoked. Maven makes good on her promise that she'll make From Dusk Till Dawn blow your mind.
  • What Measure Is a Non-Human?: A big running theme of discussion in Maven's reviews. Justifiable, seeing as how she's vampire obsessed.
    Maven: Once they shift, you can't tell them apart. And when they're slaughtered, the audience feels no connection to their deaths. They're just shooting fodder. This is "disposable video game enemy" logic.
  • Where Da White Women At?: Still carrying a torch for Blacula.
  • World of Weirdness: The Reviewaverse.
  • Yuri Fan/Yaoi Fangirl: She believes Marceline and Princess Bubblegum of Adventure Time are exes, and is quite excited about Louis and Lestat's relationship dynamics in Interview with the Vampire.