Now sorted by first fic they appear in.
Doombly's alter ego here is your typical fanfiction nut who is only ever acquainted with half of her source works, has the approximate reasoning of a three-year-old child and who is lucky if she can get a D- from spelling classes. Add in the fact that while she is able to write longer stories than Sue Mary, they aren't necessarily better in plot or characterization, and are still smeared in the same kind of Gorn humor that Sue Mary loves writing about, and finish with a pinch of Mary Sue self-insertion. Now you know what is wrong with MarrissaTheWriter. And yes, you heard that right; she will even occasionally misspell her own nickname.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander - As mentioned on the main page, Marrissa has some rather... odd ideas about things.
- Creator Breakdown - In later chapters, especially in TEEN FORTRESS 2, Marrissa becomes increasingly angry in her author's notes and the spelling will at those times get even worse than usual. She's also started writing in the various "Falmer Trolls" as some form a revenge, derailing the main story to work in things to annoy them. TEEN FORTRESS 2 also has even more nonsensical plot twits and a lot of Gorn compared to ITS MY LIFE!
- Expy - Shares many traits with D'arkYagam'i. Her Self-Insert Mary Sue OC lacks an Overly Long Name, she introduces Loads and Loads of Characters who are either taken from canon or are her reviewers, has developed her stories into a shared universe, is familiar with TV Tropes and is writing a The Hunger Games crossover.
- In the Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 MST of Sue Mary stories, Doombly tells that "my goal for ITS MY LIFE! was to make a Portal My Immortal written in the style of Dark Yagami."
- Genius Ditz - The Half-World blog points out several pieces of evidence that Marrissa might be smarter than she lets on.With Its My Life, its ridiculous right out the gate. The author slipped in an Atlas Shrugged joke in chapter 1, and right after that followed it up by using Ayn Rands name in place of the words and ran, which seems cleverer than your average terrible fanfic writer. Its over-the-top and in-your-face crazy right from the beginning.So, no, I dont think theres solid evidence that MarissaTheWriter is a troll, but I think behind the stupid Cloudcuckoolander mask is someone more intelligent than theyre letting on.
- Sock Puppet - Of Doombly, who also has another Sock Puppet, Sue Mary. Of course, when they join the same Tumblr blog, they're two different people à la Sacha Baron Cohen's characters.
Misspellings: MarrissaTheWriter, MarrissaTheWritar
So far, the only person to be mentioned in all the MarrissaTheWriter stories and, in a lot of respects, Marissa's second-in-command, to the point where she owns at least a couple of fanfics set in a distinct Marrissaverse.
As she had followed the story before coming out as transgender, in a couple of stories she is mentioned as male. This in-story avatar of her briefly served as the Principal of Portal High School after Principal GLaDOS was killed. Later he married Skep and became a falmer troll, only to get a "divortion" and return to help Marrissa in the Hunger Games as part of her prep team. He is later revealed to hate the Flamer Trolls because Skepkitty makes him pay child support for their son in foster care, "Skepness Man". Later it turns out he is also the father of Caroline, and incriminates her for publishing nudes of herself on MySpace.
- HeelFace Revolving Door: Business Man started out as a friendly principal, then joined the falmer trollz in Invader Zim Born Again Christian, then defected back to being a good guy prior to The Marrissa Games. (His FaceHeel Turn was acknowledged by Marrissa despite it having happened in a separate universe; apparently the falmer trollz are an intercontinuity faction.)
- Love Makes You Evil: His love for Skepkitty was what made Business Man go bad in the first place. Guess it didn't matter much that she was a student when Business Man was the principal, and got eaten by Scot's brothers at graduation. Or that in said alternate continuity, they were turned into one person then killed, and their baby christened.
- Or that they both are trans.
- Negative Continuity: Business Man's activities since TEEN FORTRESS 2 appear to be from Invader Zim Born Again Christian, which Marrissa insisted was in a separate continuity. Even if IZBAC was in this continuity it still wouldn't make sense, as Business Man is killed and fused with Skepkitty to become "Skepness Man", who was then killed by Nny.
- In addition, once Business Lady is first mentioned, she is never referred to as "Business Man" again.
Logic Editor (real name Matthew Riggs)
Marrissa's beta reader during TEEN FORTRESS 2. He has currently beta-read Chapters 7 to 9 of TEEN FORTRESS 2, and was working on an M-rated "better" version of ITS MY LIFE!. However, Marrissa disliked what Logic did to her story, and Logic himself had disappeared off the Internet. He did make a return, and became a Homestuck fan, but claimed he will not edit THE MARRISSA GAMES. He was a cool editor, though.
His depiction in TEEN FORTRESS 2 is the Maths teacher after Mr. Sanpe was assassinated, as told above.
- IKEA Erotica - Logic added a sex scene, even though Marrissa was against it.
- The Mole - Even though he's "working for" Marrissa, he let slip his Skepkitty fandom while beta-reading Chapter 9. He even wrote chatting with Skep (who turned out to be a bully further in the original story) into the chapter.
Misspellings: Logik Edtor
Presumably sarcastic, these reviewers of ITS MY LIFE! seem to praise the story and are the only reason Marrissa keeps writing ITS MY LIFE!.
This group, according to Marrissa herself, comprises of "Not" Cat Bountry with the Dramatic Reading and Selphuerel, who has done nothing other than praising the story with the reviews. (Though, Cat Bouncy recently has quit praising the story, and is not reading TEEN FORTRESS 2.) Among the other notable fans of the story is also Arrow-Awesome with two fan stories MarissaxChell and Portla 3 (sadly lost forever).
These reviewers are the Only Sane Men within this whole mess, and, obviously, are being of a bad opinion about the fic. Notable people belonging to this faction are Skepkitty of The Half-World, the members of Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 and the other MSTers, as well as bad reviewers.
They first got a cameo as a gang of bullies that failed their graduations and were eaten quite unceremoniously. Since then, they have continued to be either main or side villains.
It should be noted that this term is in fact interchangeable with "consertive critisim guys", because they could tell the problems with the story more loosely and be regarded as trolls.
A group of "law enforcers" of FanFiction.Net, who removed ITS MY LIFE! from the site. They are taking the role of the Capitol in THE MARRISSA GAMES.
The real Man Behind The Man. However, his appearances in Marrissa's stories were limited to a single acknowledgement in Real Beauty.
A Mary Sue protagonist, Marrissa Roberts starts out as a test subject within "Portal Labs" until Glaods reveals that she is in fact Chell's sister with speshul powers and promptly sewisides. Then Marrissa starts gradually fucking up the entire Portal canon and the entire world which is ultimately turned into a battle arena between her and her evil clone.
- Back from the Dead: Dies in chapter 12, returns just one chapter after.
- New Powers as the Plot Demands
- Pregnant Badass: Throughout ITS MY LIFE!.
Misspellings: Marrisa Robers, Marissa, Marrisser, Marrisssa
Marrissa's love interest, Wheetly is a robot ball in charge of the "relax hotel" before ascending to power and being shot into space by Chell. From there Glados and Marrissa find him and Marrissa brings him back to Portal Labs, where he is involved in a love trangle between Marrissa and Chell, teams up with Atlas and P-Body against Marrissa and dies. From there Marrissa brings his past self to the furture and eventually with Chell dying Whaatly merries Marrissa and they have a robot ball-human hybrid child.
- A Day in the Limelight: Two chapters of ITS MY LIFE! and one of TEEN FORTRESS 2 are written from Wheelty's POV, but that should not be taken as a sign of good writing: (From The Half-World MSTing)Wheatleys POV is worse than Marissas. Not only do we have to endure the OOC-ness and the misuse of British slang, we also have to endure the Sue getting praised.
- And now, there is a fic where he is the main character, and Marrissa largely does not appear at all.
- Did Not Do the Bloody Research
- Power of Love - He is reliant on this throughout ITS MY LIFE!, while he's unaware that he's Harry Potter. After he discovers that, though, he is as much of a badass as Marrissa.
Misspellings: Wheetly, Whaatly, Wheelty
This fic's take on Chell is a brain-damaged woman on whose head the only thought is booty-quaking (though, upon becoming a zombie she seems to be smarter and the whole brain damage thing may be orchestrated by GLaDOS). However, minus brain damage, she is a fairly nice woman and knows that GLaDOS is evil.
Misspellings: Cheel, Schell
The author of the eponymous "the cake is a lie" phrase, Ratman is a rebel soldier of GLaDOS and the fusion CHELLGaDOS until Marrissa came back from the future.
- Balls of Steel: Complete with a reference to Duke Nukem Forever. The balls themselves are "Space and Rick cores".
- Luke, I Am Your Father: Just before being shot into space, Ratman tells a story about how Gabe Jonson couldn't have children with GLaDOS normally (even though Marrissa and Wheatly can) and instead made Marrissa and Chell artificially, but DNA was all mixed up and Ratman's DNA was used instead of Gabe's for one of the tubes, which would mean Ratman is in fact Chell's biological father.
Misspellings: Rtaman, Rat Man
A fairly knowledgeable self-aware turrent, Oracle Turrent knows of Marrissa's speshul powers and aids Wheatly in Marrissa's ressurekshun. He then appears once more to get Marrissa and Wheatly married, but beyond that doesn't play a big role in things.
Misspellings: Orca Turrent
Marrissa and Wheatly's child. Besides being half-human, half-robot ball, not much is known about her yet. Riley is quick to meet up with her in ITS MY LIFE!: THE FLAMES AWAKENS.
- Cyborg - Presumably.
- Dead Guy Junior
- Half-Human Hybrid
- Ship Tease - In 2012, despite being still a baby in her depictions, she has already been shipped with Skepness Man. Surely enough, the Expanded Universe delivered.
In this verse, GLaDOS is the evil computer system who, upon learning her origins, becomes a "goth emo" who listens to Avril Lavinge and My Kemical Romace and attempts sewisiding. However, she doesn't quite succeed, is sent to Adroid Hell and returns, and starts causing more mess.
- Back from the Dead
- Driven to Sewiside: She kills herself by "cutting" when she learns her origins. In chapter 1. She got better, and, throughout the series, focuses a lot of her murder instincts on killing Marrissa instead.
- Gasshole: In chapter 5 of IT'S MY LIFE!, she pumps the room with "icky green farts".
Misspellings: Glados, Glaods, Gladoss, GLADOS, GlaDOS, GLadOS, GLados, Glads, GLaDON, GLaDOES, GLaDS, GLADS
Atlas and P-Boy/P-Body
These robots are given an entirely different backstory in ITS MY LIFE! from the canonical works. It's explained that in the past Marrissa accidentally left drugs and beer with them, turning them into jerks who became obsessed with beating her up and eventually killed her.
Two robots, named Atbod and P-Las, who are "good guys", claim to be Atlas and P-Body's kids. However Demoman gives them drugs and beer, causing them to turn into jerks and become friends with Haymitch Abernathy. As it turns out, however, they were Atlas and P-Boy under disguise.
- Back from the Dead
- Drugs Are Bad: A living example.
- Generation Xerox: Double-subverted. Atbod and P-Las claim to be good child versions of Atlas and P-Boy, but in reality both pairs were given drugs and beer, time-travel and make a friend who starts drinking (Wheatley for Atlas and P-Boy, Haymitch Abernathy for Atbod and P-Las).
- This is for Emphasis, B***!
Misspellings: Altas, Atals, P-Boy, P-Bod, P=boy, [-Body, P=Body, P-bODY, P-Doy, P-Boyd, Pboy
Andord Hell zombies
A bunch of zomboys left in Androod Hell, including the big zombie boss from Resident Evil. They are mostly forgotten for most of the story until Assirram opens a portal to Andord Hell and uses the zombies as her own army in taking over the world.
Chell's and GLaDOS's fusion after Chell's butt was sliced off and GLaDOS decided to install her head into where Chell's butt was, making this more evil than ever fusion.
- Split Personality - While the GLaDOS part is noticeably the one in control, Chell briefly takes over to reassure Marrissa that she needs to be killed.
- Take a Third Option - When Marrissa faces a dilemma of whetter CHELLGaDOS needs to live or die, she decides to make a black hole and only take GLaDOS's pieces out. However, Chell has suffered fatal damage from being fused with GLaDOS and dies shortly thereafter.
Marrissa's evil clone made by the evil Teen Fortress 2 to go to the future and kill Marrissa, Assirram shortly after being made changes her plans to taking over the whole world and Marrissa is the only person who can stop her.
Misspellings: Assiram, Assram
Tropes general to the past:
- Anachronism Stew and Purely Aesthetic Era - Involves at least some of the elements of:
Gabe Jonson and Caroline
Gabe Jonson (who eventually renamed himself to Cave "in onor of his dead brother") and Caroline were students of "Portal High School" until future Marrissa and Wheatly came over, and Marrissa's and Chell's adoptive parents. They (for high school students) are fairly rich, judging by the fact that Caroline has her own commode and a double-sized bed, while Gabe can afford to build a super-advanced AI in his house over an afternoon.
Later, Gabe Jonson died only to be rescued from Androd Hell by Marrissa only to be killed by her powers, and Caroline was turned into GLaDOS and corrupted by a computer virus by Assirram, making a full-fledged FaceHeel Turn.
Misspellings: Cabe Jonson, Gave, Karolin, Karlion, Karlin, Karlins, Karoline, Karolen, Carolion, Carlines, Carlion
(Good) Teen Fortress 2
Gabe Jonson's friends at the senior grade of Portal High School, they really are nothing more than a team of nine characters (however, it is never mentioned if they are RED or BLU until the end of TEEN FORTRESS 2, when "Redman and Bluman" approach them, saying that Bluman would recruit them and "Redman" would clone them) from Team Fortress 2. They are able to fight on their own, and are fairly smart.
They are later sent by Redman and Bluman to Half-Life College to study so that they can work as recruits, but their education is interrupted by President Abraham Lincoln, who wants them to help Marrissa in the Games she is participating in.
Misspellings: Teen Fortes 2, Teen Tortes 2, Teen Fortres 2, Heevy, Solder, Medik, Demonman, Demomon, Demonaman, Demoan, Ingineer, Ingine, Snipper, Snaper, nIper, Sniepr
Scot "Scout" Parker
Scot is the class in TF2 the author considers the most important, and the main character of the "TEEN FORTRESS 2" fan fic.
Not much is known about him, but what Marrissa told about him contradicts what Valve told about him: he is described as a dog/human hybrid from "Florda" (instead of Boston, Massachusetts) whose eight (rather than seven in the canon) brothers were always eating his homework and forcing him to do theirs. He also had a girlfriend "Katty Smithereens" who was named after Marrissa's real life friend of the same name, owns a baseball bat nicknamed "Marrissa" and escapes from his house to the Portal High School after killing his oldest brother "Wulf". He dies in THE MARRISSA GAMES performing a heroic "sakrifase" to avenge the death of Pyro.
- Heroic Sakrifase
- I Call It "Vera" - Scot names his baseball bat Marrissa, and doesn't know why, because the reason is actually in the future.
- That also means we have Marrissa the Author/"Writer", Marrissa the Character and Marrissa the Baseball Bat.
Tanya "Pyro" Lockwood
Pyro is called the second most important class of TF2, and is Scout's girlfriend.
It is revealed that she is in fact a girl in Chapter 2, when Scot accidentally enters the wrong bathroom and sees one of the naked girls putting on a suit. She and Scot then become lovers. She died in THE MARRISSA GAMES, taking the place of the girl who once lit a fire in the night and was tracked down by the Careers.
Misspellings: Piro, Pryo
A escaped zoo Koala that Sniper and Scot find while walking to school. Sniper decides to keep Katty as a pet and Scot names her "in onor of his dead girlfriend". Katty can apparently speak to Sniper because he's Australian and thus knows koala language somehow...
Spy is madly in love with Caroline and attempts to rape her and is expelled. Later he returns to save Caroline from Cave Jonson but fails and in utter despair commits "sewiside".
He is also described as having a hideously deformed face full of "cancerous plimples, greesy marks, a brand that says "SLOOT" an experimental hair".
- Driven to Sewiside
- Fate Worse than Death - He was resurrected as his head.
- FaceHeel Turn - Originally supposed to be part of the "good guys", still is portrayed as evil while he courts Caroline.
Other classes are less important and detailed, but several facts are given about them:
- Ingineer is the smartest guy among of Teen Fortress 2. He passed the time travel exam and is capable of building a time machine.
- Heevy's gun "Sasa" was raped by football players in the past, which makes him fight against any rape he sees.
- Snipper is Scot's best friend, and they live together after Scot escaped from his hose. He has a pet koala named "Katty Smithereens".
- Solder had a sort-of-girlfriend Jenny Weasley, however it turned out she was an undercover agent from Britain on a mission to "assinate" Mr. Sanpe. She left him once Sanpe was killed.
- Demoman also has a girl with a similar status, Gaz, who was close to breaking up after she was annoyed that he was addicted to "drugs and beer", but Scot managed to fix him and they went back to being lovers.
Ratman (the past)
In the past, Ratman was working with Gabe Jonson after he renamed himself to Cave, and helped him build GLaDOS.
- Groin Attack: Cave Jonson roundhouse kicks Rattmann in his "man place" which causes his testicles to explode covering Scout and Pyro in their remains. This is why he replaced his balls with the Space and Rick cores.
Wheatly (the past)
Wheatly was originally a guy from Britain named Harry, who had a girlfriend Jenny who was sent to Portal High School to kill Mr. Sanpe. During the course of the events he went undercover, changed his name to Wheatly, and altered his appearance to "tall with blond hare an gassses an like nerd" but got amnesia and forgot his name was ever Harry, which followed him being turned into a robo ball and sent to the future.
- Brain in a Jar - When he is turned into a robot, he is not much more than his head in an elaborate metal casing.
The President of the United States during "the past". He has awarded Marrissa, Teen Fortress 2, Ratmann and Gabe Johnson medals for their acts of bravery in ITS MY LIFE! and keeps a keen interest in Marrissa. Currently he is using Agents J and K to watch over her in the future.
- Anachronism Stew - He's the president in a time period with computers and televisions, Ferraris and Miley Cyrus (but not Justin Bieber or Back to the Future).
Cave Jonson and Evil/"Bad" Teen Fortress 2
Gabe Jonson's Evil Twin and his self-made clones of Team Fortress 2, these are the main antagonists of the events taking place in the past.
Misspellings: Cabe Joneson
Portal High School teachers
Only three teachers from Portal High School were ever named:
- a History teacher Mr. Pursell who is described as "dumb" and blushes from love notes directed to someone else; Chapter seven implies that he is actually Steve Purcell, creator of Sam & Max.
- a Math teacher Mr. Sanpe (lol) who is given a slightly longer backstory: he used to be a teacher in Britain but he killed the principal and escaped the judgment so he came to teach at Portal High School and changed his name only to be killed by Jenny Weasley. He therefore was very pissed off at everyone, especially hermaphrodites, and used to give Scot a lot of F's;
- another Math teacher, "Mr. Logik Edtor" / Mr. Logik, who does not hurl abuse at the students, but fails to make the class interesting.
The first seen principal of Portal High School. She is revealed to be Caroline's mother and the idea for the name of Caroline's robotic body. She was killed by "Dog the Bownty Hunner" shortly after making an appearance, and was replaced by the Business Magnet/"Man", who has an entry above.
Misspellings: PRINSIPAL GLADOS, Princinipal GLaDOS, Primpal GLaDOS
One of two female tributes of District 12 for the Hunger Games, the other being Marissa herself. She is apparently cute, but never as cute as Chell Junior or Marissa when she was her age.
Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater
The male tribute of District 12 for the Hunger Games. Marissa constantly alludes to liking him, but being unable to cheat on Wheatley. He eventually hooks up with Prim.
Appeared in one scene to try and volunteer for Prim, only for President Snow to reveal she can't because of fecal incontinence. Her incident is frequently referred to later. She is later revealed to have been kidnapped by "Vass from Far Cry 3" and sold as a "sexing slave in Asian".
Same guy as Ronald Weasley. Mainly in the story to remind Wheatly/Harry of his past and help him realize his true powers so he can help Marrissa.
- Bi the Way - He's nervous around J an K because he fears their "sexay bodis" will make him cheat on his true love, "Hermoany".
Agents J and K
Previously having been members of the Men in Black, they now act as time traveling spies for President Lincoln to watch over Marrissa. They have been tasked with recruiting Teen Fortress 2 to rescue her from the Hunger Games. And they are dressing in red.
- A Day in the Limelight - They star in chapter five (actually chapter seven) of THE MARRISSA GAMES, appropriately titled "J AN KS WUBULOS ADVENTURE".
- Berserk Button - K is very insistent that meat is supposed to be inside people, not growing on walls.
Critics United's President Evil, and replaces Effie Trinket in the Reapings, even though Effie appears later in the story.
Presumably a victor of the Quarter Quell, assuming the games in Marissa's version are even numbered. Instead of mentoring Marrissa, Prim and Peeta, he "drugs an beers" with ATLAS and P-body, at least until he sees the three fighting fairly well.
One of the tributes for the Hunger Games, despite being an old man. He swears a lot.
- Cameo: Eventually confirmed to be Malcolm Tucker.Its probably the most obscure character Ive used in any fanfiction, serious or trollfic.By the way, no one has come even close to figuring out who Sweary Guy is...
- Sir Swears-a-Lot
Captian Whip Whitaker
A drug and beer addicted pilot and old friend of Haymitch's. He was hired by President Snow to stop Haymitch from helping Marrissa win the Hunger Games.
- Cameo: He is a completely OOC version of Captain William "Whip" Whitaker from Flight.
- HeelFace Revolving Door
- Reverse Mole
- The Mole: He's secretly working for President Snow.
- The Stoner: Whip is unable to see out his airplane's windows due all the "drug smoke" in the cockpit.
Misspellings: Wip, Wipe
Several other tributes are featured in THE MARRISSA GAMES:
- the original Falmer Trollz (Skepkitty + Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000);
- Cato the huge bipedal cat; he is later burned horribly and becomes "Freddy Cougar"
- "Roo" the half-kangaroo;
- Glummer, mainly used in a very disturbing scene where she mistakes a tracker jacker nest for a tampon;
- Fresh, mentioned by Haymish to be a serious threat and
- Fawkesface/Fauxfeces, who is a Career and has only been seen together with Glummer before the Games.
Notably, Teen Fortress 2 also appears in the Games, but not as reaped tributes; instead they claim they're from District 3 and the Gamemakers kill off the real District 3 tributes before the Games.
In the past, they worked on a portal machine, but it exploded, allegedly killing them. Now, they appear to exist wherever they want, and conduct a plot that is pretty much known only to them.
- Gender-Blender Name - Robot Lettuce is actually "Marrissa Roberts Lettuce". Turns out, the more well-known Marrissa Roberts was named after him.
- Transflormation - At one point, they take the form of actual lettuce.
Skepness Man Lettuce
The child of Skepkitty and Business Man. While he has a minor appearance in THE MARRISSA GAMES as a child, here he takes on a more major role, being Robot and Roslalonde's apprentice.
- Canon Immigrant - Despite being originally conceived by Doombly, he still takes a lot of clues from his Expanded Universe counterpart, Skepness Man Beauregarde.
- My Own Grampa - He is the kid of Business Man and Skepkitty, who is the kid of himself and Jenny Weasley.
- Parental Substitute - He considers Robot and Roslalonde to be his parents, and even takes on their last name. Although Robot and Roslalonde do not reciprocate, they did go to a mission where they pretended to be his parents.
Portal High School's Alpha Bitch (with Marissa outright naming this trope, albeit as "Alfa B****"). She is introduced as one of the main antagonists of THE KILL OF SNAPE; however, Wheatly quickly puts her to her place once he reveals her much more sinister plans.
The new principal of Hogwarts after Dumbldeore's death. He turns out to be the main villain of THE KILL OF SNAPE, being responsible for ideas such as turning Wheatly to a robot, and sewing all other Hogwarts students into a Hogwarts Centipede.
Iggy and Huey
Snape's goons. After Wheatly and Jenny leave Hogwarts, under Gobo Fraggle's rule, they go completely insane and end up molesting Hogwarts pretty bad.
Like Sweary Guy, they are also from a rather obscure work of fiction. However, Doombly hasn't named it yet.
At the age of 12, she already managed to make up her name. In her mind, Sadness broke the Headquarters' console, giving Riley "emoshun powers", with which she absolutely wrecked her own iteration of the Hunger Games.
- Artistic License Geography - Rather than being from Minnesota and moving to San Francisco, she is actually from Chicago and moves to District 12.
The skeletons that used to belong to Atlas and P-Body, as according to Marissa's logic, skeletons have independent personalities from the flesh and blood (or metal, in this case) surrounding them. They are quickly recruited by Skepkitty while he is forming his falmer army.
Return to ITS MY LIFE!.