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Season 1
1. - A Holiday in Vince
- Bad Bob tries to decide what to watch on the television.Bad Bob: So, on BBC One, there's Part 1 of a five-part miniseries set against war-torn Dorset starring Randy Duvall. You like him, don't you, Wendy?
Wendy: No, I like the holiday programme!
Bad Bob: Ooh! Icelandic Hopscotch on Channel 4 the other day...
Wendy: Holiday programme!
Bad Bob: ...then they've got that thing where they break in and rearrange the furniture...
Wendy: Holiday programme!
Bad Bob: Er...
Wendy: Holiday programme, holiday programme, holiday programme, holiday programme!
And then Vince hits the TV with his paw and changes it to the holiday programme that Wendy wanted. She then breaks the remote in half, much to Bad Bob's disappointment. - The Running Gag of Rex, Wendy and Big Bob going 'Shut it, Vince' whenever he bursts into short fragments of opera.
- The gang try to get Vince checked into a holiday home for dogs before they themselves go on holiday.Mrs. Bloomers: And finally, does the little chap have any diseases? Headaches? Scurvy? Dog-rot? Windy-pops? Farmer's lungs? Beetle's bottom?
Wendy: No, Vince has never had any problems. Not even fleas.
Bad Bob then starts scratching himself, possibly because of fleas, and Rex hits him. Cue Vince doing opera as a result of his Random Pavarotti Disease, and Bad Bob covering his mouth and whistling.- When Vince is introduced to the other dogs offscreen, we hear lots of barking and then silence.
Mrs. Bloomers: He's just eaten a chihuahua!Bad Bob: Good. - The whole Fantastic Voyage homage when the gang go inside Vince's brain to cure his Random Pavarotti Disease. Especially this part:Wendy: Oh, look! We're back in the kitchen. Can we go round again?
Rex: Hmm...something's not quite right...
Vince: Fisher, German Bight, North Utsire, South Utsire...
Rex: We're still in Vince's brain! Quick, before he starts reciting poetry! - Eventually they get him retuned to Gardeners Question Time on BBC Radio 4:Vince: If you plant your brassicas in May, cover them in mulch.
- The gang realise that they are still inside Vince. (who is sitting on a stool) Cue the unholy (yet hilarious) screams of realisation and terror.
2. - Stinky's Search for a Star
- This.Wendy: Oh, no! These bills come to nearly...ten pounds!
Bad Bob: That's it. We're dead dogs. Extinct. Nothing for it, I'm going to have to sell my body.
Rex: I know.
Bad Bob: Don't try and stop me.
Wendy: Go on, then.
Bad Bob: Right, I'm going now...onto the streets...to sell...my body...
He then rushes out the door, and a cash register sound is heard. He then comes back with no body, just his eyes, mouth and his gun.
Wendy: How much d'you get?
Bad Bob: Ten quid!
Rex: Great! Where is it?
Bad Bob: In the back pocket of my hipsters...Ohh!! - The tryouts at Stinky Basil's Search for a Star competition. Especially this:Elvis Presley impersonator: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Take it away'.
The Elvis impersonator starts playing "Hound Dog" while producing armpit-fart noises, but can only complete the first bit before Elvis is abducted by a flying saucer, which then flies off into outer space.'' - The end of the episode, where the gas bill has been payed thanks to the gang's new lodger, which turns out to be The Centipede of the Dance from earlier in the episode, and Vince tries to eat him, leading to this gem:The Centipede of the Dance: Hey...don't come any further now! I'm warning you!
Vince is just about to stick his fork in the Centipede when:
The Centipede of the Dance: Get away with you! (kicks Vince down the stairs) You're not eating me, you little bugger!
3. - Easter Island
- Rex trying to get Bad Bob to navigate the helicopter.Bad Bob: We've gotta land, Rex! I'm starving!
Rex: Bob! Concentrate! You're supposed to be navigating!
Bad Bob: I am doing! Go on, ask me anything.
Rex: OK...What are our coordinates?
Bad Bob: Over the Pacific. There you are.
Rex: What time is it?
Bad Bob: Dinner time!
Rex: How much fuel have we got left?
Bad Bob: We're gonna run out...now!
Cue the helicopter crash landing on Easter Island. - Given that Eddie Izzard was a guest star in this episode, he was bound to have some good lines. Such gems include:Easter Island Head #1: Headache? It's awful when you have a headache, isn't it? I dreadful ones, all down one side. Tunnel vision. Floaters. Have to lie down in a darkened room. Frightful. Always carry aspirin. If you don't catch in time it could go all round your head and down. Ooh, all down your middle and up your back. I should lie down for a bit, old chap.
Easter Island Head #2: Shut up, you bastards! You didn't pay to get in, did you? I suppose you'd rather see Graham's poxy Venusian five-legged lizard, would you? Bunch of Philistines!
Cue him getting squished by Bad Bob's spaceship, which is made from an old tin of baked beans.
I now realise I've been so wrong! We shouldn't put creatures in little cages. We should put them in big cages. Or at least give them the key, for God's sake! Enough of the hurting, the fear. The sneaking up behind people and going 'OH!' kind of thing. Be young, be brave, be beautiful.Easter Island Head #3: Well, we'll love you and leave you. Loads to do back at base camp. Big day tomorrow. Giving the caravan a wax. - Rex when he is drunk is funnier than usual, as he includes these gems:Rex: On our way to New Zealand, we ran out of shool and crashed the hecilopter!
Rex: Well, cheers guys, yeah! Thanks for the d*hic*ink!
Rex: (before passing out) And they were nicer to me than...than you lot have ever been, that's for sure! - One of Vince's many odd interjections:Bad Bob: 'Ere, Wendy. My bum's not that big, is it? I should do some clenches maybe.Vince: Clenches.
- The aliens may have kidnapped Rex but Bob is so taken with their breakfast he compliments them on it during Rex's rescue.
4. - Too Many Dogs
- The Impossible Theft of the gang's house, leading to this piece of dialogue:Wendy: I don't believe it! Our house has been stolen!
Bad Bob: Bastards!
Rex: You just can't leave anything lying around these days! Better tell the police.
Cut to the gang arriving at the police station, which has also been stolen.
Rex: The police station's stolen?! Has the world gone mad?! - Bad Bob's first demonstration of his new time machine.Wendy: You're not getting me up in that thing again.
Bad Bob: Ah, but I've modified it! Now, you see, it's a Go-Back-In-Time-Atron.
Rex: Is it?
Wendy: Clever!
Bad Bob: Slight teething problem, however, it only goes back six seconds. (hops into time machine and goes back six seconds.)
This then happens again and again until Stinky Basil appears on the screen and hits the scene playing behind him with a hammer. - The so-called barking contest, especially the two Vinces, who begin the contest with the most absurd barks of all:Vince #1: Figaro, figaro, fii-ga-rooooo!
Vince #2: Parp!
5. - The City Shrinkers
- Bad Bob trying to do some simple DIY in The Teaser, which ends up in him spinning the whole house round with his drill and Artex going everywhere afterwards, including in Wendy's tea.Wendy: I've got Artex in me tea!
- Near the end of the episode, the postman (voiced by Tom Baker) turns up with the real prize of the lottery that the gang have won, leading to this dialogue:Postman: Mr. Runt, having won the lottery, you received a cheque for the sum of Birmingham, am I right?
Rex: Er...yes.
Postman: Well, Birmingham was a typographical error. So I have been sent by the Post Office to deliver to you the correct prize of 4 million pounds.
Rex: Cor!
Postman: But given that you've buggered up this country's infrastructure with your bloody shrinking ray, I'll need it back! Oh yes, and one other thing...
The Postman then punches Rex so powerfully that he hits the wall at the end of the lounge.
Postman: That'll learn you! - The gang discussing what to do with the time machine, especially Bad Bob's suggestion:Bad Bob: Why don't you go back in time and buy some crisps when they were cheaper? Cheese and onion, please.
6. - Adventures on Telly: Part I
- The beginning of the episode, where Bad Bob shoots the TV and the screen shatters, revealing him and the rest of the gang behind it. Sadly, the joke is ruined if you're watching this episode on a 16:9 television, as all episodes of Rex the Runt were made in a 4:3 aspect ratio.
- And to top it all off, Vince is staring at the viewer from inside the TV as the action happens behind him, and he spouts such non-sequiturs as:Vince: I like jam!
Vince: Bingo!
Vince: Programmes!
- And to top it all off, Vince is staring at the viewer from inside the TV as the action happens behind him, and he spouts such non-sequiturs as:
- The Cameo of Wallace as a window cleaner, and Bad Bob pushing him off his ladder when he and the rest of the gang leave to go to the bank.Bad Bob: Don't even think about it!
- Bob Holness' guest appearance as the gang's bank manager, Mr. Formal. His gems include this one:Mr. Formal: Can you tell me which is the odd one out? Is it A: High yield gold with 3 months notice to withdrawal, B: High yield platinum interest, or C: Knick-knack-knick-knock-knicky-knacky-knoo?
7. - Adventures on Telly: Part II
- How the gang spend the money they stole in the previous episode:
- Bad Bob spends the money on the slot machine in the pub.
- Wendy buys an ostrich farm, but is whisked away by one of the ostriches.
- Vince, being Vince, just eats the money.
- Rex buys a Butlin's holiday village, which is falling apart.
- The Seventh Episode Introduction of Dr. Dogg (voiced by Paul Merton), whose lines include these gems:Dr. Dogg: Well, I'm gonna give you some tablets and you might die. But there's money in it for you if you don't.
Dr. Dogg: (at the North Pole, after being collapsed to the snow by the gang's money)
Peasants.
Dr. Dogg: What a bunch of jokers. Drilling a hole in the North Pole indeed with a rusty #7 Quick Spin wood bit. (tuts) Dear, oh dear. It'll all end in tears.
Cue him doing a drum solo. - The gang finally discovering what's at the centre of the Earth - air, leading to this dialogue:Wendy: Go on then, Rex. Tell us what's at the centre of the Earth.
Rex: Well, Wendy...I don't think it's very good news!
Wendy: Why?!
Rex: B-because it's...AIR!!!
Cue the Earth deflating and flying round outer space like a balloon.
8. - Adventures on Telly: Part III
- The gang trying to occupy their time whilst floating around outer space, including this gem:Wendy: Well, luckily for us, I brought me banjo. It'll help pass the time.
Wendy starts playing Dueling Banjos, but the gang grow less interested as the song goes on, until Wendy's banjo gets hit by a meteor. - The entirety of the Poultry Pantry sequence, from the robot waiters wearing Thunderbirds costumes to Eddie Izzard's guest appearance as an Alien Blob, whose lines include such gems as these:Alien Blob: 'Ere! Your little friend not want his, then? 'Cause he wouldn't m..
Alien Blob: But be warned, my brave little scrotums...there be danger and doom the way you're heading!
Alien Blob: Now, this is the thing to remember. If you hear a sound that's like bath water going down a plughole...then you're shagged. - The Unrealistic Black Hole that the gang go through, which ends at a restaurant called, conveniently, "The Black Hole", which is maintained by Rex's old teacher Mrs. Mandelbrotska, and Rex only recognises her by licking her feet.
9. - The Trials of Wendy
- Wendy shooting Vince in The Teaser, leaving a hole where his face used to be. She then sticks his face back in the hole just before she is arrested by Constable Funnyname, who heard the shooting.
- Any of Constable Funnyname's lines, due to being voiced by Simon Day. His gems include:Constable Funnyname: I remember the day in question very well, 'cause I had a bit of a tummy upset. Cornish pasty or whatever. Up and down all night.
Constable Funnyname: (singing Vaudeville) When I was just a little pup, my daddy said to me: "It's a sad old trail, in this dreary life, to go from tree to tree-ee-ee..."
Constable Funnyname: I'm not fit to wear this uniform! (hits himself with his baton) I'm. A. Dis. Grace! - Bad Bob in the witness box:Bad Bob: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, (shows the jury his pistol) a gun. A simple hunk of metal, but in the wrong hands...deadly!
Rex: Oh, no...
Bad Bob: So, how was it fired on that fateful afternoon? Was it like this? BANG! (fires into the jury, who immediately duck) Or was it like this? BANG!! (fires again) Or was it a lady's gun, like this? (shows the jury the Golden Gun from the James Bond movie The Man with the Golden Gun) (slightly imitating Wendy's accent as he does) Bing. Bing-bing. Bing-bing-bing. (pretends to blow smoke off the Golden Gun.) Or was it a...PROPER gun, like THIS?! (shows the jury a machine gun.) Mind your heads!
Judge Pikelet: Goodness gracious, he's wrong in the head!
Rex: (whispering) Put it down slowly, Bob.
Bad Bob: Oh. Alright, Rex. (throws the machine gun away but the machine gun fires at someone in the jury and kills them.)
10. - Under the Duvet
- The subplot of the episode, where Vince orders a vacuum cleaner he saw on the shopping channel, and he marries it and has a child with it, making Wendy an auntie.Wendy: (to the audience, during the credits) This is my little nephew. He loves crumbs.
Rex: (sniffing) Does his bag need changing? - Bad Bob going mad from a mosquito bite:
- The Teaser, which has the gang in the bathroom discussing Rex's weight, leading to this dialogue:Bad Bob: Look at ol' Rex's love handles there! Packing it in a bit, aren't we, me old fruit? You wanna keep fit like me! (breathes in so he looks muscular)
Wendy: Bob, I have to tell you this. You're a big, fat, jelly wobbly, Fat Bastard, Bob.
Bad Bob: (breathes out) No I'm not! I'm Just Big Boned!
He walks out the room, but gets stuck in the doorway.
Bad Bob: Are these doorways shrinking?
Vince: Fat Bastard!
11. - Bob's International Hiccup Centre
- Bad Bob goes to see Dr. Dogg because he's lost his sense of humour.Bad Bob: Can I have a quiet word, Dogg?
Dr. Dogg: No.
Bad Bob: You see, I'm not feeling meself.
Dr. Dogg: Oh, not that old gag!
Bad Bob: I- No no no no... you don't understand!
Dr. Dogg: Here, take these.
Bad Bob: You see, I've lost my comic time...ing.
Dr. Dogg: Well, I ain't got it. Ten quid. - Dr. Dogg Flipping the Bird to Bad Bob's commercial for his International Hiccup Centre.
- Wendy and Rex trying to cure Vince's hiccups at the beginning of the episode:Wendy: I know a hiccup cure. Come here, Vince. Breathe in!
She dunks Vince in a bucket of water, but he still hiccups.
Rex: My uncle said this works.
He blows Vince's head up like a balloon, but it bursts. Fortunately, another head comes down out of nowhere and places itself on where the old head used to be. And then he starts hiccuping again.
12. - Johnny Saveloy's Undoing
- Despite this being one of the darker episodes of the series, this episode still has some funny moments. For example, Vince drinking the voice jars in Johnny Saveloy's secret cellar:Vince: (as Jimmy Savile) Now then, now then, how's about...Ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar!
Vince: (as Terry Wogan) Here they all come. Look at them. Eejits.
Vince: (as Sean Connery) The Name Is Bond. Vince Bond.
Vince: (as Ringo Starr) It's just like Butlins...Thomas had a headache! (thud) - Johnny Saveloy (voiced by Bob Monkhouse) whenever his voice becomes high pitched:Johnny Saveloy: Life's full of bloodsuckers that just wanna stick you in a roll...and eat you with onions!
Johnny Saveloy: Oh...why bother?! This terrible veil of tears...
Johnny Saveloy: Start the procedure!... I'm waiting!! I'm... melting... Aah... - The fact that Johnny Saveloy's pictures of him with famous people are just his face stuck over someone else's.
Note to UK readers: If you're watching the episode "Johnny Saveloy's Undoing" on BBC Two in 2012 and onwards, the Jimmy Savile impression may be a Harsherin Hindsight due to the fact that Jimmy Savile was posthumously uncovered as a child molester. Fortunately, Aardman have reanimated and re-dubbed this part, and the Jimmy Savile impression has been replaced with a Tommy Cooper impression, which is as follows:
Vince: (as Tommy Cooper) And now for my favourite trick, the Voices in Jars trick! Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh!
Vince: (as Tommy Cooper) And now for my favourite trick, the Voices in Jars trick! Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh!
13. - Carbonara
- Rex's encounter with Vince after he has been through the sausage mincer:Rex: Oh, crap... (chuckles nervously) Vince, me little fella! How are you doing?
Vince: Huh? Spaghetti!
Rex: No, no, no, Vince! It's me, Rex! Not spaghetti! Not spaghetti at all! (chuckles nervously) Good lad!
Vince: Carbonara!
Rex: If you told someone this, they'd never believe you, would they?
Season 2
1. - Patio
- Rex's suggestion for "primal scream therapy", and demonstrates. His scream sounds as ridiculous as the face he makes.
- It gets funnier when he decides to express his anger through dance. The dance in question involves kicking a nearby chair over, slamming his plasticine fists onto Dr. Dogg's table and dancing on top of it.
Rex: I know, maybe I could express my anger through dance!
