Funny / Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando

Just look at how happy Billy is!

Considering that this installment was when both the gameplay and writing of Ratchet & Clank grew its beard, it's no wonder that the comedy of the series began ripping a new one of its own, too.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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• Of course, some of Mr. Fizzwidget's (well, Qwark disguised as him, anyway) malaproperisms are this by default. Just to give some exemplifications of his dictatorials:
  • "I'm sorry to incapacitate you, but our entire galaxy is in a very precocious situation! I must humbly request your sustenance on a mission of dire urgitude! A mission of superfluous peril! A mission of unequizzical imperitude!"
    Clank: Did that make any sense?
  • "Not to worry, I just received an emission which may illubricate the matter!"
  • "Listen, I have some new inflammation on our experiment's wherewithal!"
  • "You're proving to be invaluable in this underwear!"
  • "Contract me as soon as you get any more indignation!"
  • "Cratchet? Spank? Is that you?"
  • "It's steeped in hysterics! I've offloaded the condiments to your naval computer!"
  • (when ordering a coffee offscreen) "No, no. Decapitated."
  • "Oh, yes, yes! Exorcise my frontmost cushion!"
  • "Ah, yes, my Cheap Date Proposal Facsimile!"
  • "Why, that's cutaneous! Absolutely munificent! You two are a galumptious team!"

• Ratchet and Clank have differing perspectives on how things have been going with their slower, more domestically busy lives:
  Clank: There was the grand opening at Groovy Lube.
  Ratchet: Right. I think that was... last week.
  Clank: Six months ago.

• Megacorp is prepared to teach Ratchet all the key training he'll need to truly become a commando: martial arts, heavy weaponry, survival skills, stealth, macramé, ballroom dance (with Clank as his partner), and origami.

• When Ratchet finally catches up to them on the Aranos flying lab, we get the Unknown Thief's Establishing Character Moment: they've successfully stolen the Protopet away and leave Ratchet with an ominous threat... only to clumsily bump their head on the escape chute. Cue both the Protopet and the Mook robots bursting out in laughter until the Thief shuts them up with a Death Glare.
  • When Ratchet completes said level and escapes the Thief's remaining forces, one of them accidentally knocks another off the very high flying base in frustration. When they realize what they just did, they look around, shrug at the camera and move on as if nothing happened.

• "Thugs-4-Less: if it ain't broke... we'll break it."
  • "Pay for six hits and the seventh is free!"

• This exchange from the video giving the coordinates to Oozla:
  Thief: (with two Thug Brutes behind them) Do you have any maps for this quadrant of the galaxy?
  Store clerk: (in a chipper tone, stacking the maps as he explains) You bet, mister! We got galactic maps, 3D maps, fold-outs, cut-outs, maps to the stars, and their homes!
  (The Thief takes the bottommost map, knocking over the pile)
  Thief: (as the Thug Brutes laugh) Sorry 'bout that.

• The anguished cries for help from the Megacorp employee(s) on Oozla as they get mauled or drowned to death by the local wildlife? Horrifying, especially with the soundtrack, and potentially even nerve-wracking given enough time. Hearing those same anguished cries for help while the whimsically chipper background music from inside the Megacorp Outpost plays? Hilarious.

• A Megacorp scientist publicly demonstrates (to no one but Ratchet) what the Megacorp Tractor Beam can do... by quickly dragging around the platform his volunteer (Ratchet) is standing on, causing him to fall over.

• According to the announcer in the Maktar Nebula video, if you say you're man enough, hero enough, and/or insane enough to step into the ring with two of the fiercest warriors in the galaxy, you're a BIG FAT LIAR!

• The announcer for the Megacorp Gladiator Games wants you to know: if you tune in, you'll get to see the carnage created by the bio-division's champion Chainblade! (Chaaaainblade!) Or if he's not enough for you, check out the devastation of the robotics division's B2 Brawler! (Brawler! Braaaaawler!) Call now to bring Chainblade and the B2 Brawler into your living room, but put away the fine china!
  Ratchet: Chainblade, huh?

• At the Maktar arena, Ratchet is introduced as "from nowhere in particular, this... guy!" and is referred to as such throughout the announcer's dialogue. The announcer on Joba gets Ratchet's name right, but he refers to Clank as "the metal guy".
  • Ratchet learns the prizes up for grabs at the Maktar arena:
  Announcer: If he can make it past all of our gladiators (the Electrolyzer is shown on a monitor), he'll take home this brand-new Electrolyzer! If he can't make it past our gladiators (pan to another monitor showing a cartoon gravestone), he'll receive a consolation prize.

• The Thugs-4-Less video showing off the Desert Riders has one biker give a grateful speech about how he's found his people within the group, while another says that he's only around for the occasional bake sale. Though he does make cute little gloves for the others.
  • The ad opens with:
  Narrator: The wind in your hair, the sun on your skin, the bugs in your teeth... we are the Desert Riders.

• The Unknown Thief has Clank captured, and sends a video warning to Ratchet:
  Thief: Return to your own galaxy immediately, or this will happen to you!
  (The Thief pushes the red button but nothing happens, with Clank looking confused)
  Thief: (inspecting the buttons again) ...or... this... will happen to you...?
  (The Thief pushes the green button, electrocuting Clank)
  Thief: Farewell!
  • This message was sent to Ratchet through a "put your head on a gladiator armor set" photo booth. After the video, Ratchet growls angrily at seeing Clank in danger... before the photos print out and he gleefully takes them.
  • The photo itself and the face Ratchet pulls for it, which he gets a chuckle out of.

• "Son of a Qwark!"

• A moment of equal parts funny and heartwarming comes after beating the first race on Barlow. The Desert Rider who Clank was nice to (after Ratchet yelled at him) gives the robot a biker helmet as a token of appreciation. It's too big for Clank, of course, but he appreciates it anyway.
  Clank: (with the helmet covering his entire head and muffling his speech) Thank you, sir.
  • He also presents the two with the latest update from the Thugs-4-Less leader, which involves him ominously shrouded in black and making a few announcements: calling out whoever eats all the "Choochy Bars" in the break room, reminding his workforce of the company picnic on Sunday, and also sharing the co-ordinates for their next rendezvous point. Unfortunately, the "ominously shrouded in black" part is undercut by one of his employees' insistence to turn the lights back on.
    Thug Leader: I saw that, Cletus! You just earned yourself a write-up!
  • This moment afterwards:
    Desert Rider: Don't worry, the boss only yells 'cause he loves us.
    Clank: Yes, sir. I do feel his affection.
    Ratchet: Did you see that broadcast?
    Clank: (peering through one goggle lens) Not really.
  • The Thug Leader claims having the lights on is "bad feng shui". About the picnic, he reminds his employees "Don't forget to bring your own juice this time--" before he's cut off.

• After the duo head to the aforementioned Thugs-4-Less rendezvous point in the Feltzin System to gain more information and come out on top in the resulting space battle with Thug fighters, Ratchet's Thrill Seeker side briefly rears its ugly head:
  Ratchet: (barrel rolls the Star Explorer in celebration) Whoooo, yeah! I've got mad skillz! Maaaaad ski—!
  Clank: (simultaneously points a half-lidded look of silent judgment in Ratchet's direction, complete with crossed arms and an impatiently-tapping finger)
  Ratchet: (notices and composes himself) Uh... yeah. A difficult challenge, but one that a trained commando—
  (as Clank shakes his head, noises suddenly erupt from the ship's console)
  Clank: Hold on. I'm intercepting a transmission.

• This exchange just after Ratchet and Clank watch the first part of Qwark's "Behind The Hero" series, which focuses on the bootleg Gadgetron products he sold that led to him getting in trouble with the authorities:
  Ratchet: Well, that explains a lot!
  Clank: Yes, I suppose it—
  Ratchet: All this time, my Personal Hygienator must've been causing that itch! (wiggles his rear for emphasis)
  Clank: Anyway, we should be at our destination shortly.
  • Note that the last time we saw a "Personal Hygienator" was the stinger of the previous game, where Ratchet and Clank were watching Qwark demonstrate it to their horror and disgust. And yet Ratchet saw fit to get one anyways.

• When the two arrive on Notak, just missing the Thief:
  Ratchet: Too late again.
  Clank: We always seem to be a bit late. Why is that?
  (Ratchet and Clank do an Aside Glance)
  • Even better is that this can either be interpreted as Ratchet and Clank taking note of the drama-preserving tropes at play or simply mocking the player for their tardiness.

• The coordinates video for Siberius, depicting the Thief calling their supplier for increasingly more chemicals as the Protopet wails on them and wrecks everything in the room. Comedy gold.
  • Ratchet attempts to communicate with the suppliers, who are three small, unintelligible robots wearing glasses and bowties.
  Clank: Perhaps these robots can assist us.
  Ratchet: (loudly and gesturing wildly) Excuse me! Have you... seen any... masked weirdos?
  • And afterwards:
  Robots: (giggling)
  Ratchet: Hey, what? What?
  Clank: (chuckle) Oh, nothing. Just some robot humor.
  Ratchet: Okay, funny guy. Let's just head to those coordinates.

• This exchange on planet Tabora as the duo find a new, stronger Omniwrench:
  Clank: It says "In case of emergency, break glass with wrench."
  (Ratchet prepares to break it)
  Clank: (looks at a smaller glass case with a rock inside) Hold on, this one says "Use rock to break glass to get wrench to break glass to get rock." Oooh! I love logic puzzles! Let's see, if you break the glass with the—
  Ratchet: (breaks the glass with his wrench and takes the new one) Solved it. (fanfare music)

• Among the ridiculous, yet rightfully rejected, tested Megacorp products (with pictures) are a giant toy slingshot used to launch children, a mousetrap with a freakin' nuke attached to it, underwear that uses a rocket to self-wedgify, and lawn gnome ninjas.
  • There's also the start of the video, where a crash test robot demonstrates the importance of testing. Namely, by having their head blown up by a malfunctioning toaster. The narrator's tone of voice just sells it:
    Narrator: Ohhhhh, no! Good thing that wasn't little Susie!

• The first interaction with the new-age mystic on Tabora:
  Ratchet: Hey, that's my ship!
  Mystic: Possession is an illusion. Do not all things belong to the cosmos?
  Ratchet: Ah... no. That's definitely mine.
  • After the Mystic repairs the ship:
  Mystic: (quickly) Bring me more crystals and I'll pay you cold hard bolts.
  Ratchet: Huh?
  Mystic: Ohhhm! Ohhhm!

• Acting as the guard to the Lunar City battleground in Dobbo's orbit is... The Mathematician, a math-themed Large Ham professional wrestler. Yes, really.
  Ratchet: I guess all the good names were taken.
  The Mathematician: Watch your mouth, zero, before the Mathematician subtracts your head from your shoulders!
  • Becomes Fridge Funny if you keep playing the game and think hard enough—the workforce of Thugs-4-Less (or at least their leader) aren't exactly good at math, as evidenced by how they miscount the number of Protopets near the end of the game by a very wide margin. It's entirely possible that they hired The Mathematician as elite security because they legitimately considered his character intimidating enough.

• There is a disclaimer near the end of the coordinates video for the Games on Joba:
  Announcer: (quickly) Hostile indigenous population not owned, endorsed, sponsored, supplied, advocated, or even liked by Megacorp. Approach at your own risk.
  
• After going all the way through a testing facility to find a supercomputer, said supercomputer tells Ratchet it needs a 10,000 bolt deposit to be accessed. The lombax responds accordingly:
  Ratchet: What!? Now even the computers are charging us? That's it; this galaxy blows.
  • After paying said computer's fee...
    Scientist: Dr. James T. Fullbladder reporting on Megacorp Experiment number 13. This update is strictly classified. If you are watching this, you're fired.

• Fizzwidget's commercial for the Megacorp weapons facility on Todano shows footage of a group of three robots (two "boys" and a "girl") taking a tour of the facility along with a robot of Fizzwidget himself. As Fizzwidget praises the efforts of the employees in keeping people safe, one of them shoots one of the "boy" robots, who promptly explodes. Then, the other "boy" robot touches a giant warhead, which promptly explodes. Then Fizzwidget once again reiterates that the tours will be informative and fun, as a member of staff gives the "girl" robot a balloon... which promptly explodes.

• When you first get to the weapons facility on Todano, the Fizzwidget robot will state that the reason Megacorp defeated all its other competitors in Bogon was due to a "popular" giant missile known as the "Triple-B" ("Big Badass Bomb"). Makes ya think.^note This line of dialogue is sadly not present in the PlayStation 3 rerelease.

• This exchange on Todano:
  Angela: Angela Cross calling Ratchet, on secure band Seven-Echo-Foxtrot.
  Ratchet: Ratchet here. Uh... "Angela"? Is that your name?
  Clank: Ratchet was calling you something quite different.
  Angela: Oh, was he, now?
  (Ratchet shoots a glare at Clank)
  • Angela then transmits to them the commercial for the Protopet. In it, a boy named Billy (seen in the page image) is shown being terrified of the monstrosity as it stalks him like prey, all while the narrator talks as if everything is wholesome and fine.
    Narrator: Why is Billy sad? Is he cold? Hungry? Or maybe just...
    Billy: (the Protopet appears) Oh, no! No, no, no, take it away!
    Narrator: ...Lonely?
    Billy: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    Narrator: Introducing the Megacorp Protopet! Your child will shriek with joy when he meets our adorable friend! Wanna play ball? (Billy throws a ball to keep the Protopet away, which it promptly catches and spits out) So does the Protopet! Need a partner for tag? (as Billy tries running away and the Protopet chases him) Go find the Protopet! Up for some cops and robbers?
    Billy: (being mauled and stomped on by the Protopet) HELP! POLICE!
    Narrator: So is you-know-who! Just ask Billy!
    Billy: (spun and thrown across the scene like a ragdoll, screaming)

• The duo run into the Plumber while he's working.
  Clank: Excuse us, sir, what are you doing here, in this galaxy?
  The Plumber: I can't control where things break! I just fix 'em.
  Clank: Surely someone in this galaxy-
  The Plumber: Ssshhh! I know that, but they don't. I get triple time, and travel expenses.

• The Qwark Fanboy (or "Stuart Zurgo", as we'll learn later on):
  Fanboy: Captain Qwark, completing quality control on super electro-gadget. Hammer of Power detecting no defects. (notices Ratchet and Clank, gasps) Ratchet of Veldin, I knew this day would come! Draw your last, enemy mine, for I smite you in the name of Captain Qwark!
  (The Fanboy attempts to strike Ratchet, but the Armor Magnetizer sends him flying)
  Fanboy: Sweet death, at last we meet! Nobly, I fall on the field of battle. FINISH ME, LOMBAX!
  Ratchet: Come on, Clank. Let's get going.

• The Thug Leader sends out another message to Thugs-4-Less announcing their new job of protecting Mr. Fizzwidget, and hacks and sputters a little when describing how he wants his men to handle it with the "pride and courtesy people have come to expect from [them]".
  • He also brings up his personal desire for Ratchet and Clank to be rubbed out. His reward for whomever does it? A free pizza party.
  Thug Leader: And remember, that includes drinks and dessert.

• The Thug Leader corners Ratchet and Clank on Boldan, and shows them an orientation video of the Thugs-4-Less prison in which they'll be incarcerated. As much as these are a band of mercenaries we're talking about, the orientation video is... very much like a spa commercial. There's a pool, appropriate diets for all inmates, a personal trainer, and ten full-time life coaches to help with mental well-being. Even Ratchet and Clank themselves take note of it:
  Ratchet: ...That didn't seem so bad.
  Clank: I assume you have provisions for vegetarians.
  Thug Leader: Of course, vegan or fruitar—wait a minute!
  • As a bonus, the nutritionist shown in the video is the Mathematician, the personal trainer is Helga, and the life coach is the new-age mystic the duo met on Tabora. Sure would explain a few things.

• During the prison escape on Aranos, Ratchet smugly teases Clank about his new girlfriend. Clank gets back at him for it at the end of the level.
  Ratchet: (after learning that Angela has been kidnapped and taken to the Thugs-4-Less HQ) Woah, did you see that?
  Clank: (with a clearly resentful expression that remains so throughout the cutscene) Yes, Angela knows how to defeat the Protopet.
  Ratchet: ...And?
  Clank: And she makes a terrible... cat impression?
  Ratchet: And we have to rescue her from the Thugs!
  Clank: Agreed, we need that answer.
  Ratchet: And we have to protect her!
  Clank: Okay...
  (The two stare at one another for a second)
  Clank: ...I will upload the coordinates.
  • From the same level, Ratchet finds a new Omniwrench. After looking back and forth between it and his old one, he throws the old wrench away and triumphantly holds the new one. Apparently even a Hyperspace Arsenal can only carry one melee weapon.

• The return of the Plumber, who'll be prepared to see Ratchet and Clank "in another year or so".
  Clank: What did he mean by that?

• The final warning from the Thug Leader, which also accidentally gives the duo the coordinates for the Thugs' headquarters on Snivelak. The juxtaposition between how the music is foreboding and how the dialogue... isn't really helps sell it:
  Thug Leader: Look, if you two don't hightail it back to your own galaxy, I'm gonna blast you into so many pieces you'll need a... uh, well, there's gonna be a lot of 'em! I can tell ya that! So you two hit the road and don't bother tryin' to find me 'cause I got wind! I mean, I'm like the wind! You never know where I might show up next! And I blow hard! And I can be cooling on a warm summer day, and uh... and you get the idea! Goodbye, morons!

• This exchange just before the boss on Snivelak:
  Thug Leader: (Evil Laugh)
  Ratchet: What's so funny?
  Thug Leader: Uh... nothin', I guess. Uh... prepare to die!
  • After our duo finally, finally defeats him, we see that he previously made a log entry regarding how Megacorp may not be as genuine as he thought. On planet Smolg, they're secretly hiding "three-point-five zillion" Protopets (actually one billion) ready to be shipped, with horrific mutant creatures as security. Having realized that his client is up to no good, he vows to walk right up to them, look them straight in the eye and... ask for a greater cut of the action.

• The entire Balloon-a-gram sequence, with its annoyingly peppy background music:
  Male voice: Hello—
  Angela's voice: —Ratchet and Clank—
  Male voice: —you lucky devils!
  Angela's voice: (exasperated) Angela Cross—
  Male voice: —has just sent you... a Galactic Greeting!
  Angela: (now on video, on Grelbin) Guys! If you get this message, please meet me on my home world! Just so you know, I found my old ID badge. (Protopets appear above) I'm pretty sure we can still use it to infiltrate Megacorp HQ, but you're gonna have to hurry... (throws a snowball at one of the Protopets) ...before the Protopets completely overrun us! Oh, and sorry for the Balloon-a-gram, it was the only thing I could get off this pl— (video cuts off)
  Male voice: We hope you enjoyed your Galactic Greeting!
  • When we get back to Ratchet and Clank, the pod that broadcasted the Balloon-a-gram launches balloons into the sky.

• Ratchet and Clank later run into another mutant creature on Smolg that... suddenly speaks to them and acts intelligent and civilized, and begins lamenting on how his brethren are all the opposite of that. Definitely going to blindside someone on a first playthrough.
  Sentient mutant crab: (as Ratchet is just about to attack him with his wrench) Go ahead! You'd be doing me a favor, I assure you!
  Ratchet: (puts wrench away) Oh! Sorry! It's just... I thought you were one of—
  Mutant crab: Them? Dear, dear. What I'd give for even an ounce of their feral ignorance!
  Clank: (sympathizing) A burden often accompanies self-awareness, sir.
  Mutant crab: Living with the abject savagery of one's own kith and kin is quite more than one can bear sometimes. Oh, the torment of it all!
  Clank: I understand.
  • He then requests from the duo "a meager few bolts for food". Once they do so, he immediately takes one and eats it.
  • The video transmission he gives to them showcases Darla Gratch reporting on the Protopet craze (if you want to call it that) in Allgon City, claiming how popular and beloved it is all while in the background Protopets are clearly chasing citizens and/or maiming them to death while explosions and sirens are heard. The kicker for this one is that you can see Gratch is clearly putting on a brave face here, considering that she keeps up the lie even as one of the Protopets grabs onto her leg.
    • Blink and you'll miss it, but Billy from earlier can be seen amongst the crowd, still being chased by a psychotic Protopet.

• Clank's little dance after getting the Hypnomatic part at the end of the grind rail on Damosel. Ratchet then shakes his head at him, and Clank apologizes with a nervous shrug and chuckle.
  • Before that, Protopets are seen sitting all over the grind rails like pigeons. Ratchet can jump over them, or he can easily just swipe them off as if his wrench was a flyswatter. Not so scary from this angle, I suppose.

• When blowing up the Extermibots on Damosel and Yeedil, only their legs remain, and all they can do now is run up to and try to kick you.

• Ratchet shows that after two planets' worth of collection quests, he's more or less tired of taking crap from the new-age mystic (who is clearly only using the two to get precious stones for himself):
  Ratchet: Uh, hello? We've got more moonstones.
  Mystic: No. You have not.
  Ratchet: What?
  Mystic: Existence... is a lie. Sensations are illusions. Possessions... are merely visions...
  Ratchet: All right, I've got an illusion of some moonstones. I'll trade it for a vision of that Hypnomatic part.
  Mystic: You... have learned much, young one.

• When Ratchet gets the completed robot-controlling Hypnomatic from a sleepy guy and his talking sock puppet, he slyly looks over at Clank, who remarks, "do not even think about it".
  • Meta example: the sleepy, detached guy is voiced by James Arnold Taylor (Ratchet's voice actor) and the boisterous, salesman-like sock puppet is voiced by David Kaye (Clank's voice actor).

• The UFO mothership battle on Damosel's moon can be considered one of these moments if only for how utterly out of place it is.

• This exchange when the duo finally find Angela's home:
  Ratchet: Hey, nice digs.
  Angela: Yeah, it's a little remnant from my previous life.
  Clank: You were reincarnated?
  Angela: No, no. My Megacorp days. They've got a very generous bonus package.
  • Angela referring to her home as a "very generous" reward can come off as funny considering that this is the planet Grelbin we're talking about.

• The "Mommy, where do Protopets come from" video that Angela shows the two, presenting the perfectly humane and ethical method in which the Protopets are created and prepped for sale. It might explain why some of them are so aggressive:
  • First, each Protopet is "lovingly extracted from the original Protopet" (painfully cloned from the original Protopet using shock therapy).
  • Next, each Protopet is "given a name and birth certificate that is unique" (marked with a Megacorp branding iron).
  • And following that, they're put through a "training system" (stress-test torture machine) that helps "mold your pet into a wonderful friend that you'll cherish forever".

• Angela at first gives Clank her discount card for Groovy Lube by mistake when trying to give him her old Megacorp ID.
  • When Ratchet tells her to be careful, she nods in agreement and goes back inside her home... and immediately trips over, causing a clattering noise to be heard.
    Angela: ...Right.

• Qwark unzips his Fizzwidget disguise... from the bottom. Ratchet, Clank and Angela react accordingly at this for a second.
  • And then we have:
    Angela: ALL RIGHT, JUST WHAT THE (Sound-Effect Bleep with Censor Box) IS GOING ON!?
    • Pay close enough attention and you'll find that Angela's actually saying "what the heck" (even if her mouth animation definitely isn't).

• Qwark then broadcasts himself, claiming that he'll shine the "flashlight of justice" upon Bogon to save it from the Protopet scourge. Ratchet can't help but laugh at this.
  • And then we get to the point where his attempt at Engineered Heroics backfire, creating a giant mutant Protopet. Qwark yelps out just before getting chomped up, and his robot guards freeze and hightail it outta there.

• After the final boss, we learn the simple reason why Qwark's plan backfired: he put the Helix-o-morph's batteries in backwards.
  Captain Qwark: Oops...
  (The real) Fizzwidget: Imbecilic to the very last.

• From the credits: "No sheep were harmed in the making of this game. For the most part. The one that was had it coming."

• Clank's infobot girlfriend shows to Clank what she likes to do for fun:
  Clank: Oh! My goodness! (chuckles)

• The Stinger for the game has Qwark at his new job as a Megacorp testing dummy, trying (and failing) to converse with the other robot test dummies.
  Qwark: So, you fellas new here? You boys should sign up for the Probe-o-matic! That little baby cleans ya something fierce! I just got done testing the Full Body Waxinator! I am personally sportin' a smooth chassis, and there are no tags on my luggage!
  • And then, of course, we get to the Crotchetizer:
    Qwark: (strapped to a wall opposite the Crotchetizer) So you tested this, right? Oh wait, that's why I'm here! (chuckles, realizes) Oh, one more thing— (the Crotchetizer... does its job) WAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!