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Funny / Hack/Slash

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  • In Girls Gone Dead, Cassie is searching for the Monster of the Week, and decides to check in hotel rooms that are marked as "do not clean". The first three rooms, in order, are an obese and half-naked man watching TV and eating pork rinds, a couple having sex, and a room of little people sliding around on the floor with baby oil.
    Cassie: Sweet fancy Moses.
  • In Land of Lost Toys, Cassie Hack versus Pokemon.
    Cassie: (hacking Pokemon expies to bits) Come get it you lil' fuckers! Lil' Japanese gut bags! Yeah, that's right! Only good for giving seizures, ain't ya!
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  • In Slashing Through the Snow, we have Cassie annoyed that she has to adhere to Rhymes on a Dime, but the real hilarity comes when Rudolph tries to escape her and Vlad's trap by Chimney Entry to get out... only to get stuck. It’s so embarrassing that Cassie and Vlad mutually decide he's Not Worth Killing, and leave him to the cops.
  • In the Slice Hard prelude, Cassie and Vlad can hear Acid Angel making out with her mark. Cassie is a bit disgusted by the sexual talk, and tells Vlad she knows she'll have to deal with him getting worked up and giving flirting and innuendo. Unable to pick the lock to the room, she requests the help of Vlad, who is eating a hot dog. Cassie's weirded out face when he replies is priceless.
    Vlad: Here. Hold my wiener.
  • In Slice Hard, when Acid Angel tells the other slashers she can burn through the wall into the room where their weapons are, but she can only produce acid when she's turned on.
    Ashley: "Yeah, my old Speak N' Say didn't work unless I turned it on either."
    (cue Sexy Discretion Shot of Acid Angel moaning while the wall dissolves)
    Acid Angel: "Mmmm... There ya go, boys. Yours for the taking."
    Ashley: "That's not how I turned on my Speak N' Say."
  • In Vs. Chucky, Cassie has to team up with Chucky the Killer Doll in order to help Vlad, whose body has been stolen by Laura Lochs. The team up between a teenage Serial-Killer Killer and an Ax-Crazy Perverse Puppet goes about as well as you would expect, and a few nice hijinks ensue, such as Cassie stopping Chucky from randomly trying to kill a girl for fun, Chucky teasingly offering her to "ride the Chuck Truck", or this exchange:
    Chucky (watching Cassie take care of Vlad): You guys are real sweet-like. Taking care of each other. Make me wanna puke.
    Cass: Yeah, you're just jealous because G.I. Joe and Barbie don't hang out with you anymore.
    • Similarly, Laura Lochs apparently has a lot of fun going around in Vlad's body:
      Laura (in Vlad's body, singing): This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! (to her zombified minions) Come on! Sing with me! This little light of mine... (the zombies predictably just stand there drooling, showing no reaction)... you guys are, like, no fun.
    • In a more Black Comedy sort of humor, Cassie goes to interrogate Papa Sugar, a Voodoo practitioner who turns out to be Chucky's former teacher's brother, and who he mentions once stole a girl from him. When Cassie talks with him, Sugar ends up injecting her with a substance to paralyze her and attempts to rape her... only for Chucky, of all people to come to the rescue. The Killer Doll shows up, snarkily comments Sugar is trying to "steal his girl" again, and makes an interesting remake of the voodoo scene from his first movie:
      Chucky (showing the doll): Found your little self voodoo doll. Been sticking pick in it since I got here. It don't work for shit. [...] Now I say we skip the middle man. Who needs doll... when you can put pins right into the man? (shoots Sugar with a nailgun)
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    • Then there is Chucky's reaction to hearing Laura's Motive Rant and her referring to him as a "demon":
      Chucky: "Demon"? This is lame. I wanna stab something.
  • In Gross Anatomy, we see the time when Vlad decided to join up with Cassie in the first place. He says that his face usually leads him to truffles, and when corrected to "troubles", he agrees also those.
  • Some of Cassie and Margaret's discussions in Tub Club can be very amusing, especially given they are some of the few times Cassie actually enjoys herself.
    Cassie: Nah, just got done picking fruit. Ha ha ha! No, that’s not a euphemism.
  • In The Coldest Dish
    • Cassie is going over her list of possible aliases for her Disappeared Dad, and ends up accidentally checking out a guy who walks by her table.
      Cassie: (thinking) Did I just... I did. I totally just stared that guy down. I looked him up and down. Like people do when they wonder what someone looks like without clothes. What their "Oh God!" face looks like. Okay. Stop.
    • Shortly thereafter, she realizes that while thinking about how she has difficulty falling in love despite being horny on occasion and barely knowing what a crush feels like, she's absently doodling the word "Georgia" with small flowers drawn around her name on the notebook she's using.
      Cassie: (thinking) Gyaaah! Stop thinking.
    • Chris's capture of Pooch. After his first reaction to being given his first mission as a Hack/Slash, Inc. member by Cassienote , he spends his time driving around with a van covered in Cassie's used panties. It works.
  • In Murder/Suicide:
    • Cassie decides to see a trashy film, "Bikini Carwash", but doesn’t have enough money for two tickets, so she has Vlad go and come back to tell the jokes. He’s not very good at it... so the first thing she asks Chris when he calls about a job is what he can say about it.
    • Chris on the SuicideGirls concept.
      Chris: Now, ready for the best news ever? Well, I mean... bad news for them, but good news for us. Or... well... for me. Bad for the victims, but good for...
      Cassie: English, please.
      Chris: SuicideGirls!
      Cassie: Do you wanna call back after the Cocoa Puffs have worn off?
      Chris: It's a website... super-hot-punk-rock-goth-emo-girls (like yourself) getting naked.
      Cassie: I don't like where this is going.
      after discussing the basis of the case
      Chris: Man! Just thinking of all those hot girls lounging around that office in their torn lingerie and their Bauhaus T-shirts is giving me a major rager.
      Cassie: Thanks, Chris. I'm gonna go see if anyone's invented "mind bleach". Cassie out.
      • And then he keeps going when she gets to the offices in Los Angeles.
        Chris: Okay, are there naked girls lounging around, and if so, does your phone have camera capabilities?
        Cassie: There is something so wrong with you.
    • In Black Comedy, the method by which Salome survived her Psychic-Assisted Suicide. She put a screwdriver in an electrical outlet... but was standing on a rubber sex toy. Drake even gives an Aside Glance when it comes up.
    • The In-Universe justification for the Defictionalization of Cassie as a Suicide Girl. She is not happy about the photo shoot, and even less when it comes up again in Super Sidekick Sleepover Slaughter prequel on the radio. Even having the idea implied as Chris having given it, Cassie knows before it is even stated and gives a preemptive facepalm.
    • Vlad asks if he can see the photos. Cassie's reaction says it all.
    • When preparing to fight D1ab0liq, Cassie asks for as much rubber equipment as they have around Drake's apartment. This results in one of the rubber pieces Cassie wears being a Hulk hand that keeps saying "Smash!", which nobody comments on.
  • In a helping of pure Black Comedy that Crosses the Line Twice in the second installment of the Nailbiter crossover, Cassie finds her way to the Buckaroo Museum of Serial Murder. In the gift shop, they have "Lunch Lady Gravy", meant to serve "face-meltingly hot". Considering she watched the Lunch Lady dunk her face in scalding hot gravy, she is less than amused.
  • In BUMPednote :
    • We finally see Milk and Cheese. They’re a bit creepy, but mostly hilariously bizarre, befitting their Acid Reflux Nightmare. The fact that the nightmare treats them completely seriously beforehand just makes it better.
      Cheese: Our special tonight is a prolonged beating ugly enough to make a coroner vomit.
      Milk: This will be accompanied by a lusty rendition of the Bugaloos' theme song. In half-assed German accents, of course.
    • Phil O'Grady, who has a very obvious crush on Cassie that even she notices, at one point tries to drunkenly come on to her. In most cases, the sheer age disparity would be disturbing, but due to how proficient she is in combat, coupled with how easily she keeps him away with just a hand on his forehead, it comes across as humorously pathetic to the point that she is embarrassed for him and claims that someone at the door is his dignity.
    • Later, when about to attack a mansion, Cassie instructs O'Grady that the targets they’re hunting will be to shoot at eye level, and not at the level of her ass.
    • Chris is having a hard time having sex with Lisa, due to Pooch outside. After bringing him in (but not allowed to bring him upstairs because he stares at them as they have sex) and learning that Lisa lost the mood, he starts watching porn... only to find Pooch watching him "pet [his] pink thing". The result is a scream of angrish.
  • From Over the Rainbow. Keep in mind that this is in the van immediately after showing Margaret declare Cassie the "scariest, baddest ass chick in the whole damn world":
    Cassie: Woah, did you just fart?
    Vlad: No, I did not.
    Cassie(grinning): Oh. Cuz I just did.
    Vlad silently ducks down and comes back up wearing his gas mask
  • In Closer:
    • Chris takes Pooch out to do his business. He neglects to pick it up afterwards... so Kyle steps in it.
    • Chris is made to explain what happened to his and Lisa's house (which had been damaged in the fight against Kuma) when he first meets Maggie. His response? "Giant alien attack."
    • In her first fight with the Black Lamp Society, Cassie is forced to use any weapons she can get her hands on, as always. The thing is, given the Frame-Up nature of the capture to make her look a lot less pure than she is, she ends up using a giant dildo to block and disarm someone, which even she finds ridiculous.
  • In Mind Killer:
  • In Double Feature – Blood Blower, during the entire Christmas Episode, we are subjected to Pooch's attempts to sing. They’re apparently so completely awful even Cassie consider killing him. Even before that, Cassie considers cutting him open and crawling inside like a tauntaun to escape the cold, and asks if he likely smells better on the inside or the outside.
  • In Sons of Man
  • In Foes and Fortunes, Cassie enters the scene in the middle of an Erotic Dream about Samhain. Vlad comes to the van, and sees her... "drilling for maiden water". When Cassie wakes up and realizes what is happening, her reaction is priceless.
    Cassie: (covers herself hastily with her shirt) OOOOOUUUUT!!!!
  • Cassie and Vlad disguising themselves as Sister Sacrilege and Altar Boy in Super Sidekick Sleepover Slaughter. Apparently Anjelica (the first Sister Sacrilege) has a gimp mask in her "odds and ends".
  • From Fame Monster:
    Neflord 1: I/we will fill that one with seed first.
    Neflord 2: That one is male.
    Neflord 1: But so pretty!
  • From Hack/Slash/Eva Monster's Ball, we have a Full-Frontal Assault while trying to infiltrate a Mad Scientist's lair.
    Cassie: All this crazy shit going on, and I still can't stop looking at his dick.
    Shepherd: I know. God help me, I know.
  • Cassie in Monster Baiting: "I let my guard down, just for a second, and this is what I get. I should have known this was going to end with me punching a dinosaur in the brain."


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