Funny / Schaffrillas Productions – Ranking Videos

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• 2019 Episodes
• 2020-2021 Episodes

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General

• For every bottom spot in his ranking videos, he tends to use "♫ Disappointment in the Game of Life! ♫" The unlucky recipients of this Running Gag so far are Brave, Pocahontas, Turbo, Cars 2, Dinosaur (twice), Earwig and the Witch, Surf's Up 2: WaveMania (along with Open Season 3, The Smurfs, The Smurfs 2, and Open Season 2), Ralph Breaks the Internet, Ice Age: Collision Course, Hop, The Hunchback of Notre Dame II, Always, Tenet, "Roadside Attraction", "Potluck", Gunship Cavalry, GBA Shy Guy Beach, Dry Dry Desert, Broken Pier, Wario Stadium, SNES Choco Island 2, N64 Luigi Raceway, Bowser Castle 2, GBA Sunset Wilds, the opening movie of Persona, and both the score and the opening crawl to The Rise of Skywalker.
  • Likewise, for every top spot in his ranking videos, he uses The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask jingle for getting a mask. The lucky recipients of this so far are Spirited Away, Beauty and the Beast (twice), The Prince of Egypt, The Incredibles, Lilo & Stitch, Whisper of the Heart, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Moana, Spies in Disguise, Despicable Me, The Lion King 1 ½, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Schindler's List, The Dark Knight, ''Weirdmageddon Part 3: Take Back The Falls'', "Hellfire", Darth Vader, Coconut Mall, DK Mountain, Sky Garden, Kalimari Desert, Waluigi Pinball, Rainbow Road, Mario Circuit 2, 3DS Rainbow Road, the opening movie of Persona Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth, the score to Revenge of the Sith, and the opening crawl to A New Hope.

Every 2010s Disney Movie Ranked

• Every 2010s Disney Movie Ranked
  • Jingle time again!
    • #8: "I've made a huge mistake."
    • #7: (Icy Howling Wind) "Well this sucks."
    • #6: "Oh man, my nuts are freezing, kid. I'm about this bitch. PEACE!"
    • #5: An edit of Rabbit's dialogue from an episode of The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh to make it sound like he's saying "And now all the fucking honey's gone!"
    • #4: "It's not people, it's animals!" "California animals!"
    • #3: "Sora, Donald and... Goofy?"
    • #2: "Do I look like I need your power?"
  • Schaff revealing just how little respect he has for Ralph Breaks the Internet at the start of the segment dedicated to it.
    Schaff: To be honest, I didn't even rewatch it for this ranking. I have nothing more to say about this movie. It's all been covered at length in its own dedicated video.
    Gobber: Twice!
    • He spends a large portion of the segment sarcastically praising the movie with the audio played over itself.
    • His summary of everything he likes about the movie:
      Schaffrillas: There's a good song and Spamton shows up. That's all the good stuff in this movie. That's- That's it.
  • At the end of the segment for Big Hero 6, he says that it winning the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature over The Tale of the Princess Kaguya "might be the most embarrassing f**k up in Oscars history..."
    Schaffrillas: ... Aside from Brave and Happy Feet winning Best Animated Feature, Ralph Breaks the Internet, Boss Baby and Shark Tale getting nominated for Best Animated Feature, Crash winning Best Picture, Green Book winning Best Picture, Bohemian Rhapsody winning Best Editing, Suicide Squad (2016) winning anything, The Rise of Skywalker getting nominated for Best Original Score, Michael Keaton losing Best Actor, Shakespeare in Love winning Best Picture, The King's Speech winning Best Picture^note with a text note pointing out that it was made by the same director as Cats, Todd Phillips getting a Best Director nomination, the horrendous Moonlight/La La Land fiasco, the horrendous doing Best Actor last as a tribute to Chadwick without Chadwick winning fiasco, the horrendous Jimmy Kimmel hosting two years in a row somehow fiasco... wait, what was I even talking about?
    Callaghan: Human civilization was a mistake.
  • Schaffrillas recapping the plot of Frozen II. A text onscreen states that the editor hadn't seen the movie and didn't get any footage from it, so the visuals during that part consist of still images, many of which aren't from the movie, moving around.
    • For extra comedy, each mention of the dam, either as a plot point or a background detail, is replaced with Shadow The Hedgehog saying "damn".
  • When talking about Winnie the Pooh (2011):
    Schaffrillas: Sometimes the animation gets creative and fun, like this honey hallucination song Pooh has 'cause he's constantly dying of starvation throughout the entire movie, and none of his friends realize this and help him. They literally give an inanimate balloon a pot of honey instead of letting Pooh have it. Bro, he's like THE honey guy. That's his whole thing. You are torturing this poor bear, come on.

Every Blue Sky Studios Movie Ranked

• Every Blue Sky Studios Movie Ranked
  • Y'all know the drill!
    • #12: "This is the most obnoxious thing I've ever experienced in my life."
    • #11: Sid saying "It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV." (taken from this promo)
    • #10: "Horton hears domestic violence in the next apartment and doesn't call 911."
    • #9: "And his name is JOHN CENA!"
    • #8: "What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"
    • #7: "Nothing can stop me! Not even...gasp!" "Welcome to Brazil" "AHHHH!!!"
    • #6: "Mario, you are going to Brazil!"
    • #5: "Move it out, do the Sid! Take it back, and do the Sid!" (Complete with Sid dancing around the number 5.)
    • #4: "THIS IS A ROBOT RIOT!"
    • #3: (in a deep and distorted audio filter) "Isn't there anyone who cares about Sid the sloth?"
    • #2: "I want peanuts." "PAT, NO!"
  • After utterly tearing Ice Age: Collision Course apart, Schaff leaves very clearly that he has no moral obligation to watch The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild:
    Schaffrillas: DON’T EVEN COME AT ME IN THE COMMENTS SAYING I MISSED THE BUCK WILD MOVIE. THAT WASN’T BLUE SKY. THEY’RE DEAD NOW. (shows a clip of Snoke in The Last Jedi being killed) THAT WAS SOME OTHER SHITTY STUDIO. I DON’T HAVE TO WATCH IT. (dolphin chirp) YOU
  • He begins his segment on Epic (2013) with a short anecdote on how his friend William visited him one day, and gave him the Blu-Ray of the movie with no explanation or context. Since then, he's been wondering what to do with it, and finally gave it a watch for the purposes of his video, only to be hugely disappointed.
    Schaffrillas: (dolphin chirp) you, William. I'm gonna leave a Blu-Ray copy of The Good Dinosaur in your mailbox when I get a chance.
    • The proper review begins with Schaff saying many people get Studio Ghibli vibes from the movie. Schaff's response?
      Schaffrillas: This WAS just like Tales from Earthsea!
  • His summary of the premise of Ice Age: Continental Drift:
    Schaffrillas: In this wacky and completely necessary new adventure Scrat becomes God himself and begins terraforming the entire planet. (shows a clip of a city being destroyed by Scrat's nut edited in) Also Manny is Jesus, I think? I-I'm pretty sure that's what this line implies:
    Peaches: When exactly I'm gonna be able to hang out with boys?
    Manny: When I'm dead. Plus three days, just to make sure I'm dead.
    • His very blunt thoughts on the casting choices for the movie:
      Schaffrillas: Drake and Nicki Minaj are in this movie. Yeah seriously. I didn't bother looking up who they played and I couldn't really tell because who gives a shit.
  • His Comical Overreacting to the dabbing horses in Ferdinand.
  • His segment on Rio 2 begins with him saying it was not as good as the first... even though he put it ahead of the latter.
    [Beat] "Hey wait a minute!"
  • James gushing over Robots when he gets to #4.
    Schaffrillas: YEAAAH! Robots! WOOO! Bigweld! Hell yeah! Get up offa that thing! And maybe you'll feel better!
  • He mentions how Robots features both tremendously profound commentary on how the rich will do anything in their power to make basic human rights like healthcare unobtainable to the lower class and will allow the poor to die out on the street, and an armpit fart contest.
    • After talking about the movie's flaws, he proceeds to praise the hell out of Bigweld.
      Okay, that's enough complaining about Robots. There's other good stuff. Like MOTHERF(dolphin chirp)ING BIGWELD!
    • Later, in the ending portion, he states that the studio has made "a couple good things, and one phenomenal thing, that being Bigweld".
      Schaffrillas: Also, Robots in general, I guess. It's a phenomenal movie, I love it, six out of ten.
  • The "fixed" version of the list, uploaded for April Fools 2023. It's mostly the same, up until the end, where he says he's heard the passionate comments about one of the movies he listed on the original... and then proceeds to praise Rio 2 as the greatest movie ever created.

Every Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga Level Ranked

• Every Lego Star Wars The Complete Saga Level Ranked
  • While the majority of these come from the actual Star Wars movies or the parodies from Family Guy and Robot Chicken, Schaff still plays audio over every number.
    • For #35 (Bounty Hunter Pursuit): "Jedi poodoo"
    • For #34 (Speeder Showdown): "Dude, those animals are so fucking funny, they make me want to merge without looking!"
    • For #33 (Hoth Battle): "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Empire on Ice!"
    • For #32 (Falcon Flight): "Sir, the odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial Star Dest-" "Shut up, Lino!"
    • For #31 (Count Dooku): "Chancellor." "Are you alright?" "Count Dooku."
    • For #30 (Invasion on Naboo): "Wesa no carrrre-nn about da Naboo."
    • For #29 (Escape from Naboo): "Forget your shitty Gungan ship! Get on mine! It's the best ship ever!"
    • For #28 (Ruin of the Jedi): "We must ruin the West."
    • For #27 (Retake Theed Palace): A distorted rendition of "Everybody Needs a Thneed"
    • For #26 (General Grievous): "Hello there!"
    • For #25 (Death Star Escape): "Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their-" *an explosion is heard*
    • For #24 (Rebel Attack): "What do you mean 'They blew up the Death Star'? OH-"
    • For #23 (Battle of Endor): "And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks!"
    • For #22 (Mos Espa Pod Race): "The crowds are going nuts!"
    • For #21 (Through the Jundland Wastes): "What'll it be pal?" "Martini!"
    • For #20 (Battle Over Coruscant): "This is where the fun begins."
    • For #19 (Chancellor in Peril): "Very good. The Ratio is prosperous. Very good."
    • For #18 (Jedi Battle): "So then, eighty Jedi showed up; I took out about sixty-seven of them!"
    • For #17 (Into the Death Star): "Ah, shit. Here we go again."
    • For #16 (Betrayal Over Bespin): "Who's got two thumbs and betrayed his best friend? This guy!"
    • For #15 (Darth Maul): "You just got mauled!"
    • For #14 (Dagobah): "Here we are, R2. Dagobah System."
    • For #13 (Jabba's Palace): "So the only thing that you can tell me is that I will find Jabba at Jabba's palace?"
    • For #12 (Cloud City Trap): "Luke, don't! It's a trap! It's a trap!"
    • For #11 (Negotiations): "The negotiations were short." *The Seinfeld theme plays*
    • For #10 (Defense of Kashyyyk): "What about the Droid attack on the Wookiees?"
    • For #9 (The Great Pit of Carkoon): "NOOO! NOT INTO THE PIT! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRNNNNSSS!!!"
    • For #8 (Rescue the Princess): "We gotta find the Princess!" "And YOU gotta help us!"
    • For #7 (Droid Factory): "♫ Rattle big black bones in the...♫"
    • For #6 (Escape From Echo Base): "Imperial troops have entered the base! Imperial troops have enter- *microphone feedback is heard* Sorry, I dropped the... thing."
    • For #5 (Secret Plans): "What have you done with those plans? Gary here never sees his daughter because of people like you!"
    • For #4 (Discovery on Kamino): "Your clones are very impressive. You must be very proud."
    • For #3 (Mos Eisley Spaceport): "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." "HEY! FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!"
    • For #2 (Jedi Destiny): A clip of Palpatine falling down the reactor shaft from "Palpatine's Journey".
  • While talking about a strangely designed room in the level whose only story purpose is for Obi-Wan and Yoda (the playable characters in story mode) to find out about Chancellor Palpatine being a Sith who Anakin swears allegiance to, James and Patrick voice Obi-Wan and Yoda respectively to have a hypothetical conversation about the layout of said level:
    James as Obi-Wan: Hey, Master Yoda, I'm gonna look at the security holograms. But first, we've got to activate these levers that we installed on the celling, in order to move this giant platform which we use to block the room, instead of just, putting a door in the doorframe. Why didn't we just install a door, Master? It would have been so much cheaper and easier to open.
    Patrick as Yoda: Hmmmm... Told me to design it this way, my good friend, the Chancellor, did.
    James as Obi-Wan: Master Yoda, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!
    Patrick as Yoda: No. No, evil. Have no proof that this is the case, we do. Seen him being sussy on the security holograms, we did not.
    James as Obi-Wan: Oh, really?
    Patrick as Yoda: Yes.
    James as Obi-Wan: Then go check the security holograms.
    Patrick as Yoda: Alright, do that I shall. (watches the aforementioned hologram of Anakin swearing allegiance to Chancellor Palpatine) See the problem, I do.
    James as Obi-Wan: Oh, DO YA?!

Every Gravity Falls Episode Ranked

• Every Gravity Falls Episode Ranked
  • I think we all know what time it is.
    • #39: "What you need is a little help from the Love Monkey."
    • #38: "What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"
    • #37: "♫ Little (Gift) Shop! Little (Gift) Shop of Horrors! ♫"
    • #36: "♫ Now that we're men, we can do anything!♫"
    • #35: "I'm the boss." "Okay, so take us through a day in the life of 'the boss'."
    • #34: "Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply."
    • #33: "♫There's a 7/11 right there♫"
    • #32: "*gasp* The Lake Nose Monster!"
    • #31: "NOT INTO THE PIT! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRNNNNSSS!!!"
    • #30: "♫ Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head♫"
    • #29: "♫ Show me your magic carpet!♫"
    • #28: “What the?” “That’s a zombie.”
    • #27: The first few notes of the opening to American Dad!.
    • #26: Flapjack laughing like a madman after drinking sea water.
    • #25: “You dare challenge Probabilitizzle?”
    • #24: “♫ It’s all about you girl! On your sixteenth birthday!♫”
    • #23: “I’m a gnome, and you’ve been gnomed!”
    • #22: “♫ Yo! Shinji! Get in the robot! Your dad loves you! Get in the robot! ♫”
    • #21: "♫ They're singing, "Happy birthday", you just wanna lay down and cry! ♫"
    • #20: "I’m gonna steal the Declaration of Independence".
    • #19: “♫ Lo-Lo-Lots of me! Lo-Lo-Lots of me! ♫”
    • #18: “♫ Goodbye, Henry~ ♫”
    • #17: “I forgor…”
    • #16: “Halloween? In January? What a great idea!”
    • #15: “My unicorn!” “Look, it has been disintegrated.”
    • #14: “Yeah, so I kinda have this weird thing where I have to lick every controller that I see. *gasps* DONKEY KONG?!”
    • #13: "♫ BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! ♫"
    • #12: “We're going back in time to the first Thanksgiving to get (Waddles) off the menu!”
    • #11: “MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, UNITE!”
    • #10: "♫ One side is fantasy, the other, reality ♫"
    • #9: “♫ Here we are in the future, and it’s wrong… ♫”
    • #8: "'Dream'? 'Dream'?! Forget the ding-dang dream!"
    • #7: Bunger saying its name repeatedly.
    • #6: “It’s Socko!” “Hey!”
    • #5: “Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night.”
    • #4: “♫ I know you won’t disappoint me and mom ♫”
    • #3: A distorted rendition of the opening to Wizards of Waverly Place.
    • #2: “You were my brother, (Stan)!”
  • His repeated rage over the show never using the President's Key, even though there were several good opportunities to do so.
  • During the segment on The Golf War, he ends up calling Pacifica "Beta-Amity".

Every Illumination Movie Ranked

• Every Illumination Movie Ranked:
  • Guess what time it is? This time, he ranks the films from best to worst.
    • #1: A distorted version of the usual The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask jingle.
    • #2: "STOP SINGING!"
    • #3: "Downward Spiral, Downward Spiral, Downward Spiral..."
    • #4: "STOP SINGING, OR YOU'RE FIRED!"
    • #5: "(Gru) and his Minions have seized the island of Koridai"
    • #6: "He had a twin brother all along? That's the big twist we were waiting for?"
    • #7: "'So You've Discovered Your Pet Is A Secret Agent'— I DON'T WANT YOUR PAMPHLET!"
    • #8: "I am the Lorax, and I speak for the trees."
    • #9: "♫ Come, my minions! ♫"
    • #10: "The animals are animals!"
    • #11: "That thing's green! (laughs) Green!"
    • #12: "Disappointment in the Game of Life!" at its most deep and distorted yet.
  • Every time Schaffrillas mentions Gru's daughters, he calls them "goils", and adds more reverb each time.
  • While gushing about Vector in the Despicable Me section, he brings up how Minions: The Rise of Gru implied that Vector and Gru were the same age, despite Vector being visibly younger, and then goes on a tangent theorizing that Vector is actually a Grimwalker. At the end of the tangent, he admits that he was also stalling for time to try to put off having to talk about the bad films for as long as possible.
  • He would be fine with watching Despicable Me 2 if he was babysitting someone and they wanted to see it. But if that kid wanted to see Minions, he would pick up the DVD, pretend to trip and "accidentally" drop it out a window where it would fall into a woodchiper that he conveniently put there beforehand.
    Schaff: Oops, sorry kid, what a sad accident! Guess we gotta watch something good instead.
  • When talking about Sing, he claims that he's heard people talk about it online "like it killed their grandma or something".
  • His first line when talking about Minions: The Rise of Gru:
    Schaff: Minions: The Rise of Gru, Baby! Hashtag Minionsweep! Hashtag Best movie ever! Hashtag I wanna die!
  • He starts the segment on Despicable Me 3 by pronouncing it "Despicable Muh-three" since a lot of the marketing spelled it "Despicable M3."
  • On The Lorax, Schaff going on a rant about how in the song "Let it Grow", the couple just call their son glowing from exposure to radioactive waste "not good".
    Schaffrillas: I'D BE PRETTY TERRIFIED IF MY SON WAS BLOWING...*Beat* blowing? *Take 2* I'D BE PRETTY TERRIFIED IF MY SON WAS GLOWING BRIGHT GREEN FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME, BUT YOU TWO SUMMARIZED THIS WHOLE SITUATION AS BEING "NOT GOOD"?! WHO MADE THIS STUPID ASS PIECE OF (dolphin chirp) MOVIE- oh wait, yeah, yeah, right, of course.
    • In the same segment, Schaff responds to the big question - does he think The Once-ler is sexy?
      Schaffrillas: I mean, yeah. Look at him. Honestly, I get it. I totally understand the appeal.
  • Schaffrillas' hatred for Cars 2 is so strong that when he finishes talking about Minions, he takes some time to rant about the former once again, even providing a timestamp to his next ranked Illumination film in case viewers wanted to skip it.
  • While Schaffrillas is tearing into Hop, the editor (OneTuffPuff) has a mental breakdown.
    Text onscreen: JAMES LET ME THE F00K OUT! I CAN'T TAKE EDITING THIS ANYMORE! I WON'T BOTHER YOU ABOUT HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE EVER AGAIN I SWEAR! JUST DON'T FORCE ME TO EDIT THIS ANY LONGER! I MISS MY FAMILY JAMES!
    • The only good thing Schaffrillas has to say about Hop: Fred's last name is the same as the antagonist of The Lorax, and it reminded Schaffrillas of better Illumination movies.
  • At the end of the video, Schaffrillas takes a bunch of coincidental "references" to Mario throughout Illumination's movies (mentions of Donkey Kong in The Lorax and Despicable Me 3, Vector playing the Wii in Despicable Me, a Mario reference in one of the songs in Sing 2, a turtle shell acting like a Koopa Shell in The Secret Life of Pets, a character named Mario in Sing 1, and the Minions having solely overalls and a name starting with M) as evidence that they’d been planning the Mario movie for far longer than expected, which is made even funnier by the usage of the River Twygz music from Super Paper Mario in the background.

Every Disney Animation Movie Ranked

• Every Disney Animation Movie Ranked:
  • Get ready for a lot of jingles.
    • #60: we get this Call-Back from the 2000s ranking:
      Harry Shearer: Up next... (shudders) Chicken Little.
      (Harry facepalms while Turkey Lurkey's assistant pulls up a sign to weep hopelessly)
      Turkey: FUCK.
    • #59: "If it's not fun, why bother?"
    • #58: "Geronimo! Arapaho! Navajo! Pocahontas."
    • #57: "The internet is not nearly as impressive as how Sonic described it."
    • #56: "Shawty's like a melody TIME".
    • #55: "Now you will see the Sancrumies that prevent your approach to Ganon."
    • #54: "Look out, world! Here comes THE LAST dragon!"
    • #53: "But then they find out that the farm is being closed down!"
    • #52: "Please welcome Cinderella!"
    • #51: "But Doctor, I am Sad Dog."
    • #50: "The Making of Arthur!" AAAAH!
    • #49: "You're going to Brazil!"
    • #48: "Please sir, I want some more."
    • #47: "I hope she made lottsa spaghetti!"
    • #46: A pitch-shifted version of "Down Under" by Men at Work.
    • #45: "I turned myself into a BEAR!"
    • #44: Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" with Buzz Lightyear saying "Strange" covering up "wonderful".
    • #43: "No music!"
    • #42: "*sigh* You're right, that was my mistake."
    • #41: "We're lost in the woods, somewhere in New Jersey."
    • #40: "Your mom is dead. Do an order of pizza for dinner."
    • #39: "Take a look, it’s in a JUNGLE book."
    • #38: "Dumb, dumb, dumb".
    • #37: "Father, when can I leave to be on my oooown?"
    • #36: "Amigos! We're all amigos!"
    • #35: "I want to be a cat! Fu-ck you."
    • #34: "Start the new rescue helicopter!"
    • #33: "Aaaaaaah, what the fuck?"
    • #32: The first half of the scene where Pooh is tranquilized in Bee Movie.
    • #31: "Where is the treasure Planet?"
    • #30: "That slippery little frog has ruined everything!"
    • #29: [[ Super Smash Bros. Ultimate' "FOX" and "DUCK HUNT"]].
    • #28: "And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a zoo!"
    • #27: "Oh, merry men!"
    • #26: "Give it up for, Snoooow White!"
    • #25: "Wake him up like Sleeping Beauty!"
    • #24: The second half of the scene where Pooh is tranquilized in Bee Movie.
    • #23: "We're going back in time! That's right, we're going back in time."
    • #22: "Don't worry, don't lose your head."
    • #21: "Oh, monkey."
    • #20: "I only wish to have a coat made out of puppies!"
    • #19: "Watching Mulan, with my pudding."
    • #18: "He said I've been to the year TWO-thousand."
    • #17: "Peter Pan and Tinker Bell."
    • #16: "Aladdin!" "How the fuck did you know it was me?" "Because it is you, you're just wearing different clothes."
    • #15: "I can do anything, I'm the devil, did you forget that? I'm the devil from, like, Bible!"
    • #14: "Is something burning?" (gasps) "My spinach puffs!"
    • #13: "Hey there, welcome to the hair!"
    • #12: "No no no no no, you are NOT a gamer!"
    • #11: A pitched-down version of "Wonderland" from Bare: A Pop Opera.
    • #10: "I am an ace detective. A CELEBRITY!"
    • #9: "He fucked a fish!" "He did not fuck a fish!" "He wanted to fuck a fish!"
    • #8: "The underwater city of Atlantis!"
    • #7: "Alien hunting! Alien hunting!"
    • #6: "Dark was the night when Gaston died and Frollo died."
    • #5: "So here's this Giant Enemy Crab."
    • #4: "What the hell is wrong with you? We're a family!"
    • #3: "Was Hercules ever like, yo, I don't wanna fight HADES!"
    • #2: "Alex the Lion, what the hell are you doing in my car?"
  • Schaff sounds just so done when describing the lowest rated movie not talked about in previous rankings.
    Schaffrillas: I hope Bongo dies a slow and agonizing death. I never want to see him again.
  • Him making fun of the villain of The Black Cauldron:
    Schaffrillas as the Horned King: Ooh, I can't wait till my army of the dead is raised by the black cauldron! Oh no, I stood too close to the cauldron while it's sucking stuff in and that's the way I get defeated! The main character kicked me once, and that's what caused me to stand too close to the cauldron! Youuuu've killed meeee!
    Zelda: Good.
  • The segment on Raya and the Last Dragon starts with Schaffrillas pronouncing the title of the movie as Raya and the Last Stupid Ass Annoying as Fuck Piece of Shit Dragon, accompanied with a fitting image edit.
  • For Cinderella, Schaffrillas makes note that the dog in the movie is named Bruno and wonders why no one talks about that, then the screen turns green and the opening chord of a familiar song plays.
  • Near the end of the segment on The Three Caballeros, he notes that the tendency of older Disney movies to use the word "gay" as a synonym for "happy" is particularly funny in this instance, as even though Donald is seen flirting with just about every woman that appears in the movie, the main characters keep singing about how they're "three gay caballeros", with a hefty dose of visual Ho Yay to boot.
    Schaff: Donald Duck - The bi icon we needed.
    • This joke gets a Call-Back in the segment for Saludos Amigos, where the video briefly cuts to the movie's Letterbox synopsis, and zooms in on the word "GAYEST".
  • Schaffrillas sings "The Bare Necessities" on the segment for The Jungle Book (1967), but gets the lyrics wrong.
    Schaff: I mean the bare necessities, those motherfuckin' recipes...
  • On Pinocchio, he points out some weird things that Geppetto had built, like a clock of a mother spanking a child that looks like there's blood on it and a statue of a woman with a big butt that Schaffrillas calls a "Bodacious figure". The same scene also shows a clock of a turkey avoiding having its head chopped off, with the text "epic Free Birds reference".
  • In Zootopia, he notes how he likes that Judy and Nick didn't end up in a romance feeling like that would've ended badly, citing the infamous I Will Survive. He also shows the last comic of the saga where Judy gets shot in her car a la the JFK assassination ^note  There's the added text: "yes this is from the same guy who made the original comic and no I will not give any context because this man is a medical anomaly and needs to stop trying to challenge god.".
    "Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! AAAHHH!!!"
  • Schaff introduced Robin Hood by stating he was first exposed to it in the year two thousand... twenty-two when watching the YouTube Poop "Friar's Rubbing Wood - Fall of Nottingham". He then watched the source itself, and although finding the YTP better he was still endeared to the film. He then commented on what he considers an endearing cast of characters, from the heroes to the villains, with Little John and Friar Tuck representing the two groups respectively.
  • He questions the Evil Queen making a potion that turns people ugly but doesn't consider tricking Snow White into drinking it when her whole motivation was to be the fairest one of all and ultimately drinks it herself as part of her disguise.
    Evil Queen: I CAUGHT... THE UGLY!
  • During the Meet the Robinsons portion, he claims that the time-traveling movie may not be as epic as Free Birds, but to be fair nothing is.
  • Before introducing The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, it cuts to an edit of the guy from an episode of The Rehearsal who says "I made a few bad decisions and ending up totaling my Scion TC at 100 miles an hour", but with Mr. Toad's head placed on him.
  • While praising how enjoyably evil Cruella is in 101 Dalmatians, he laments that she didn't have as much screentime as she deserved, only to segue into yet another Take That! against modern Disney.
    Schaff: If only there was an entire movie dedicated to her or something. (Beat) Too bad no such movie exists!
  • In his segment on The Lion King (1994), he gushes about how amazing Scar is a as a villain, how great Rafiki is as a mentor figure, and how Timon would make a perfect Tumblr sexyman.
    Schaff: ...but you either know all that already, or in the case of that last thing, you're just now considering it, and are furious with how right I am.

Top 15 Movies of 2022

• Top 15 Movies of 2022
  • Schaffillas' thoughts on the various Pinocchio movies of the year:
    Schaff: Pinocchio was really good, but I hated Pinocchio, and didn't get a chance to watch Pinocchio.
    True Story Pinocchio: Father, when can I leave to be on my owwwn?
    Schaff: …But I assume it's amazing. This was also the year I watched Pinocchio for the first time, but I'm pretty sure that movie didn't come out in 2022. Probably came in, like, 2005 or something.

Every Mario Kart Wii Course Ranked

• Every Mario Kart Wii Course Ranked:
  • Transitions can't escape video game countdowns.
    • #31^note DS Yoshi Falls: Woahshi! It's a Double Yoshi Exploshi!
    • #30^note N64 Sherbet Land: "Do you yield?"
    • #29^note Luigi Circuit: "That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario!"
    • #28^note SNES Mario Circuit 3: DO THE MARIO!
    • #27^note N64 Mario Raceway: SWING YOUR ARMS FROM SIDE TO SIDE
    • #26^note Mario Circuit: COME ON, IT'S TIME TO GO, DO THE MARIO!
    • #25^note SNES Ghost Valley 2: "Boo. Haunted House."
    • #24^note Moo Moo Meadows: "That’s called Cow Tipping."
    • #23^note DS Desert Hills: "I made it! I walked across the desert, man!"
    • #22^note GBA Bowser Castle 3: Bowser's laugh in Hotel Mario.
    • #21^note Dry Dry Ruins: To the dry, dry southern sands!
    • #20^note GCN Peach Beach: "Like Mario and Princess Peach."
    • #19^note N64 DK's Jungle Parkway: Oh, Banana!
    • #18^note GNC Mario Circuit: Oh great, another Mario circuit.
    • #17^note Grumble Volcano: It is a volcanic planet.
    • #16^note DS Peach Gardens: Dear Mario... *Metal Pipe noises*
    • #15^note Daisy Circuit: "Hi, I'm Daisy!"
    • #14^note N64 Bowser's Castle: "So long, Gay Bowser!"
    • #13^note DS Delfino Square: "Wow, they have it! SQUARE!"
    • #12^note Wario's Gold Mine: "Mine me that gold!"
    • #11^note Bowser's Castle: "And if you do drugs, you go to hell before you die."
    • #10^note GNC Waluigi Stadium: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    • #9^note Moonview Highway: A high-pitched version of Rascal Flatts' cover of "Life is a Highway".
    • #8^note Mushroom Gorge: "Mushroom Kingdom, here we come!"
    • #7^note GCN DK Mountain: I'm the tallest of mountains, I am the roughest of mountains...
    • #6^note Toad's Factory: "Oh, yes, we work real hard at the Toad Factory!"
    • #5^note DK Summit: "Welcome to the Himalayas!"
    • #4^note Rainbow Road: It's called a road, it's called the Rainbow Road...
    • #3^note Koopa Cape "I spent hours of my life stomping... KOOPAS."
    • #2^note Maple Treeway: "For half the summer, I thought your name was Maple. Like the syrup. No one corrected me!"

Every Mario Kart Double Dash Course Ranked

• Every Mario Kart Double Dash Course Ranked:
  • Going backwards doesn't mean transitions have to be reversed.
    • #15^note Sherbet Land: "An ice world. Oh boy, here we go..."
    • #14^note Wario Colosseum: "The defense calls... Wario!"
    • #13^note Mario Circuit: "It's been a lifelong dream of mine to become Mario."
    • #12^note Dino Dino Jungle: Everybody walk the dinosaur!
    • #11^note Luigi Circuit: "You just got... a-Luigi'd!"
    • #10^note Peach Beach: "Wouldn't you rather... eh, I dunno, have a beach day?"
    • #9^note Rainbow Road: "I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me."
    • #8^note Yoshi Circuit: Word up. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas is my name, and I'mma tell you how I beat the IRS at their own game.
    • #7^note Mushroom Bridge: "He's found the bridge!" "The bridge?" "Are you kiddin' me?!"
    • #6^note Bowser's Castle: "Bowser Day 2023! That's right, Mar10 Day is cancelled! You're welcome."
    • #5^note Daisy Cruiser: "SHIP!" "SpongeBob, how long are you gonna stay in your little fantasy world?"
    • #4^note Mushroom City: Take me down to the Mushroom City!
    • #3^note Baby Park: "I've been in a few real wars. This one is actually the most terrifying."
    • #2^note Waluigi Stadium: "It's me, Uncle Waluigi!"
  • James' moment of self-reflection upon getting to Baby Park.
    Schaffrillas: I can't believe it. 13 courses that took months to design, build, and playtest... lost to an oval.

Every Mario Kart: Super Circuit Course Ranked

• Every Mario Kart Super Circuit Course Ranked:
  • Low-quality game visuals; high-quality transitional gags.
    • #19^note Snow Land: "Earthquake! It's an earthquake!"
    • #18^note Boo Lake: "Does anyone know how to get to the lake? The lake?"
    • #17^note Mario Circuit: "It's-a me. A-Mario."
    • #16^note Yoshi Desert: "What am I captain of? Just a... buncha sand!"
    • #15^note Lakeside Park: "Are we... going to the park soon?"
    • #14^note Peach Circuit: PEEEEEAAAAAAAAAACH!
    • #13^note Rainbow Road: "TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHERFUCKER!"
    • #12^note Luigi Circuit: "Rain, huh?"
    • #11-8^note Bowser Castle 2, 1, 4, and 3: "Bowser is coming!"
    • #7^note Cheep Cheep Island: "You're looking at the nunchuck champion, Mr. Cheep Cheep!"
    • #6^note Cheese Land: It's March 1st, and it's cheese...
    • #5^note Shy Guy Beach: "White, sandy beaches; I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo."
    • #4^note Riverside Park: A river's just a river!
    • #3^note Sunset Wilds: Sunrise, sunset...
    • #2^note Ribbon Road: "Today... is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
  • Schaffrillas, calling Mario Circuit, "Tony Soprano Circuit", feeling it does not feel like a Mario Circuit at all, and then jokingly complaining that this is the only game with Tony Soprano and he didn't get his own circuit.

Every Disney Direct-to-DVD Sequel Ranked

• Every Disney Direct-to-DVD Sequel Ranked:
  • Even the worst of the worst needs some good. ...In the form of transitions.
    • #26: "If he doesn't treat you right by now, you're gone." "I'm gone!" "Now, go chop his dick off!"
    • #25^note Tarzan & Jane: Just Jane...
    • #24: "Whoaaa, didn't see that coming."
    • #23: "IT'S A BEAR DANCE!"
    • #22: Gone is my lady in white!
    • #21: "Um, I'm not like other girls."
    • #20: "The talking dog at the Shell Shack... IS SINGIIIIING!"
    • #19: "Why won't you sing?!" "Because singing killed my wife, Tails."
    • #18: "You're not gonna find a star like that in the wild." "Helicopter!"
    • #17: "And these Whoppers pop out!" (cue first few seconds of Burger King You Rule! campaign ad "Whopper")
    • #16: A bass-boosted, "HEY, PETER."
    • #15: The bakerman bakes...
    • #14: "It's not you, you jabbering ape."
    • #13: "Somehow, Jafar returned."
    • #12: Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all!
    • #11: "British."
    • #10: "This is a-a-a giant misunderstanding. Skyler is a deer." (Skyler White's face is photoshopped onto a photo of a deer)
    • #9: So, we back in the JUNGLE!
    • #8: "Somehow, NEVER LAND returned."
    • #7: "Romeo & Juliet LION movie."
    • #6: "We're going back in time to the first Cinderella to get Cinderella off the menu!"
    • #5: "Dad? Is this where you've been for the past 10 years? DAD, NO-"
    • #4: "LEEROOOOOOOOOOYYYYY-"
    • #3: Here come the Glitch Techs!
    • #2: "I am... the Spot."
  • According to Schaff, the only mild source of entertainment in The Hunchback of Notre Dame II is "how much [Sarousch] wants to have sexual intercourse with himself".
    • Speaking of Hunchback II, he rants about how Zephyr, besides being pointless, only exists to get kidnapped and somehow has a bigger role in the film than Esmeralda. He also adds that Zephyr is voiced by Haley Joel Osment. Cue footage of Kingdom Hearts 3D [Dream Drop Distance]:
      Sora: [also voiced by Osment] That's nuts!
    • This leads to a Brick Joke where he gets to The Jungle Book 2, which also has Osment as Mowgli, and plays the exact same clip after viewing Mowgli's original voice actors superior to Osment.
  • When Schaffrillas wonders how Tarzan and Jane got married so quickly, he asks if there's a gorilla priest, and shows a clip of King Kong with the caption "GORILLA PRIEST ON HIS WAY TO OFFICIATE A RANDOM-ASS WEDDING".
  • When Schaffrillas is unimpressedly describing the plot of The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning, he suddenly shouts:
    Schaff: OH NO, ARIEL'S DEAD! Holy (dolphin chirp)ing shit, Ariel died in this prequel film! You know that that means. Time to bust out the Ariel Grimwalker theory... Oh wait, she's alive. Yaaaaaaay.
  • During the Enchanted Christmas segment, Schaff admits that some members on Discord made helicopter memes throughout the Disney sequels which made their viewings more enjoyable. All of the segment intros have a helicopter on them, which starts on the upper right corner of the screen and gradually gets bigger until #1 has it taking up the entire screen.
    Mrs. Potts: Holy shit, Beast! That's a helicopter!
  • When talking about both Tarzan & Jane and Cinderella II, he describes them as being structured like a Family Guy episode because the three stories interconnected with each other remind him of the cutaways. The cherry on top is when he says the following:
    Schaff: Hey Lois, remember the time [insert an event relating to one of either movies stories]
  • Schaffrillas comments during Return To Never Land that the movie would have been cooler if Captain Hook fought Adolf Hitler.

Every Mario Kart 64 Course Ranked

• Every Mario Kart 64 Course Ranked:
  • Considering this isn't Schaff's favorite Mario Kart game, some funny jingles feel mandatory here.
    • For #15^note Frappe Snowland: "Where'd you come from, mate?" "My town's called Snow Mountain."
    • For #14^note Sherbet Land: "We're digging to Antarctica!" (slap)
    • For #13^note Banshee Boardwalk: "Any ghost?" "Pretty much. Any ghost'll do, sure!"
    • For #12^note Yoshi Valley: As I walk to the valley of the shadow of YOSHI!
    • For #11^note Moo Moo Farm: "Uh... moo?"
    • For #10^note Mario Raceway: "Mario Mario..."
    • For #9^note Luigi Raceway: "...and Luigi Mario."
    • For #8^note Rainbow Road: "He's almost a quarter of the way there..."
    • For #7^note Choco Mountain: "CHOOOOOCOLAAAAAATE!"
    • For #6^note Toad's Turnpike: "BEHP BEHP! H-Hey man, what's going on? I'm on the highway right now."
    • For #5^note Royal Raceway: "Dear Mario, please come to the castle."
    • For #4^note DK's Jungle Parkway: In the jungle, the mighty jungle...
    • For #3^note Koopa Troopa Beach: "Looks like this beach was a little too much beach for you, Ken." "If I wasn't severely injured, I would beach you off right now, Ken."
    • For #2^note Bowser's Castle: "It's from Bowser!"
  • James' reason for putting Kalimari Desert at #1 is plain and simple.
    Schaffrillas: I'm sorry, guys, but the #1 pick was obvious for me. 15 of the 16 courses in this game do not have a train. Kalimari Desert? Train ahoy!
    • Immediately followed by Eustace getting run over by Thomas.

Ranking the Star Wars Movies by their C-3PO usage

• Ranking the Star Wars Movies by their C-3PO usage:
  • Even a video as bizarre as this deserves transition gags.
    • #9: "You probably don't recognize me because of the red arm!"
    • #8: "I feel so... hopeless."
    • #7: "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean... naked?" ("Careless Whisper" plays)
    • #6: "Master Luke..."
    • #5: "Yep, the droid is ready!"
    • #4: "Die, Jedi dogs!"
    • #3: "Sir, the odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial Star Destroyer—" "SHUT UP!"
    • #2: "We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."
    • #1: "Not my eyes! R2, help!"

Every Mario Kart DS Course Ranked

• Every Mario Kart DS Course Ranked:
  • These jingles are truly boss for the only Mario Kart game with bosses!
    • #31^note SNES Koopa Beach 2: "What the fuck happened? We land in the Marianas Trench?"
    • #30^note Figure-8 Circuit: "This is the greatest course of our lives!"
    • #29^note SNES Mario Circuit 1: "The one that started the whole thing!"
    • #28^note SNES Donut Plains 1: "Donuts!" "Oh, brother."
    • #27^note Yoshi Falls: "As once I fell, so falls the last YOSHI!"
    • #26^note GCN Baby Park: "Wow. This is garbage. You actually like this?"
    • #25^note GBA Peach Circuit: "You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach."
    • #24^note N64 Frappe Snowland: "Happy birthday!"
    • #23^note N64 Moo Moo Farm: "I like to (moo moo)! You like to... (moo moo)!"
    • #22^note Desert Hills: "The hills are in a desert!"
    • #21^note GCN Luigi Circuit: "Hey! That's Luigi! Show him a little respect!"
    • #20^note GCN Yoshi Circuit: "Dinosaur circuit! Raaaaawr!"
    • #19^note DK Pass: "You passed the bar?"
    • #18^note Mario Circuit: "Oh my god, Super Mario?! What are you doing here?!"
    • #17^note N64 Banshee Boardwalk: "Mmm, what's it called?" "'The Banshees of Inisherin', I was thinking."
    • #16^note GBA Luigi Circuit: "Look at that pale skin. He's been living in his brother's shadow for too long."
    • #15^note GBA Bowser Castle 2: "What inspired you to build a second castle right next door to the original?"
    • #14^note Cheep Cheep Beach: Nothing's out of reach, we got the Backyard Beach!
    • #13^note GCN Mushroom Bridge "You wanna play Mushroom Bridge later?"
    • #12^note N64 Choco Mountain: Peanut butter chocolate flavor!
    • #11^note Shroom Ridge: "Country roads, la la la..."
    • #10^note Wario Stadium: "Twitter stinks! I'm leaving!"
    • #9^note Luigi's Mansion: "La li lu le lo... la li lu le lo..." The "spotted" alarm slips through in this clip, by the way.
    • #8^note GBA Sky Garden: "Woah, is this heaven?"
    • #7^note Delfino Square: "Welcome, to the sun-drenched tropical paradise of Isle Delfino!"
    • #6^note Peach Gardens: "You planted grass?" "GRASS?!"
    • #5^note Rainbow Road: You make a loop-de-loop and pull...
    • #4^note Bowser Castle: "SHOWTIME!"
    • #3^note Airship Fortress: "Airship slice!"
    • #2^note Tick-Tock Clock: Tik tok, on the clock!
  • At the bottom of the list is SNES Choco Island 2, and when describing how the "choco" of the level looks like literal crap, dialogue bits of the Great Mighty Poo singing "poo" and "shit" are spliced in.
  • When talking about Luigi's Mansion, Schaffrillas mentions a dream he had where Nintendo brought the track back for Mario Kart 8 Deluxe's Booster Course Pass, only to rebrand it as a Tour track and rename it to "Boston Building". He then insists on referring to Luigi's Mansion as such, before asking his viewers to respond to anyone who is confused by the name change during his Mario Kart 7 course ranking to reply with "Zoo-Wee Mama".
  • When talking about Yoshi Falls, Schaffrillas makes a Call-Back to his Wii video on how the track was the last Yoshi themed one to be made, months before the Mario Kart 8 Booster Course Pass added Yoshi's Island. Only, instead of taking the declaration back, he sticks to it by pretending that Yoshi's Island is actually Tony Soprano Island. The Blatant Lies involved are comical.

Every Mario Kart 7 Course Ranked

• Every Mario Kart 7 Course Ranked
  • Let's see what jingles Schaff cooks up for what he claims to have the Mario Kart franchise's best track selection.
    • #31^note Cheep Cheep Lagoon: "I mean, what is the theme here? Underwater?! It's boring!"
    • #30^note Toad Circuit: "Don't Stop Believin'", sung by Toad.
    • #29^note GBA Bowser Castle 1: "Booowja from his caaaaashle!"
    • #28^note Neo Bowser City: I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY!
    • #27^note Bowser's Castle: There is a Bowser castle.
    • #26^note Daisy Hills: The hills are Daisy!
    • #25^note DS DK Pass: "C'mooon! Pass, pass, pass!"
    • #24^note SNES Mario Circuit 2: Boooring ciiircuiiit! (sung to the tune of "Breaking Free")
    • #23^note Rosalina's Ice World: Ice ice wooooorld!
    • #22^note Mario Circuit: "Our princess, though, is in another castle."
    • #21^note Rock Rock Mountain: "Fire fire fire fire fire fire! Rock rock rock rock rock rock rock!"
    • #20^note Shy Guy Bazaar: "It's an entry ticket for the Bizarre Bazaar!"
    • #19^note SNES Rainbow Road: The Rainbow Connection...
    • #18^note Maka Wuhu: "I think I'm cheating."
    • #17^note GCN Dino Dino Jungle: It's a goddamn dinosaur!
    • #16^note Wario Shipyard: "My ship sails in the morning."
    • #15^note N64 Koopa Beach: "Man, I spent hours of my life stomping..............."
    • #14^note Piranha Plant Slide: Slide to the left!
    • #13^note Wii Koopa Cape: "...............KOOPAS."
    • #12^note DS Luigi's Mansion, A.K.A. Boston Building: And I've never been to Boston in the Fall!
    • #11^note Wuhu Loop: "Nice cock!"
    • #10^note Wii Mushroom Gorge: Mushroom, mushroom!
    • #9^note GCN Daisy Cruiser: 'Cause we're living the suite life!
    • #8^note DK Jungle: DK! Donkey Kong is gay!
    • #7^note Wii Coconut Mall: "Consider the coconut!" "The what?"
    • #6^note N64 Kalimari Desert: "I like trains." "Oh, no no no, wait–"
    • #5^note DS Airship Fortress: "Rain fire!"
    • #4^note Music Park: "Piano!" (clang)
    • #3^note Wii Maple Treeway: Do you only see the forest for the trees?
    • #2^note DS Waluigi Pinball: "Waluigi's Really Great Pinball: Is That a Good Title? Do They Have to Be Like Puns or Whatever?"
  • If you're a fan of Male Gaze, a lot of times when James says "but" when talking about the Daisy and Rosalina-themed courses features an image of the associated Mario princess' ass.
    • He does a similar Joke of the Butt example during the Bowser's Castle section and when he does it during the SNES Rainbow Road section, he shows SpongeBob's flying pants.
  • James thinks he's finally ready for Mario Kart 8 Deluxe... before he receives a call telling him he's missing something.
    Schaffrillas: Goodbye, everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy! (WTF BOOM)

Every Super Mario Kart Course Ranked

• Every Super Mario Kart Course Ranked
  • The thumbnail already gives away that This Is Gonna Suck, saying "MOST OF THESE ARE NOT GOOD" and showing a crying Mario.
  • The fact that Schaff cares so little about the game that "Let's get this over with" is literally all he has to say about it in the intro.
  • When a game such as this has three F tier courses, the transitions have to make up for it. It's clear that Schaff cares so little for these tracks that he can't even be bothered to find appropriate soundbytes. So instead, all of them are just random stock sound effects that don't relate to their respective tracks at all.
    • #19^note Vanilla Lake 1: (metal pipe clang)
    • #18^note Vanilla Lake 2: Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUN!
    • #17^note Ghost Valley 3: Womp womp womp wooooomp...
    • #16^note Bowser Castle 1: (Horror Build Up)
    • #15-13^note Donut Plains 2, 3, and 1: (Chirping Crickets)
    • #12^note Mario Circuit 1: (flashback glissando)
    • #11^note Choco Island 2: (cartoon running sound effect)
    • #10^note Koopa Beach 2: (zipping and bonk)
    • #9^note Mario Circuit 3: The X-Files theme song plays.
    • #8^note Ghost Valley 2: (cartoon running variant sound effect)
    • #7^note Koopa Beach 1: (slipping and bonk)
    • #6^note Ghost Valley 1: (multitude of Wacky Sound Effects)
    • #5^note Mario Circuit 4: (sad violin)
    • #4^note Rainbow Road: "Penis Music" plays.
    • #3^note Bowser Castle 3 (foghorn)
    • #2^note Choco Island 1: (slide whistle)

Every Wes Anderson Movie Ranked

• Every Wes Anderson Movie Ranked:
  • The jingles, once again.
    • #11: "Be a winner at the Game of Life!" (Yes, he has broken his usual rule of treating the bottom ranking as a "disappointment in the game of life" because he thinks all of Wes Anderson's movies are that good.)
    • #10: "DOG POLICE!!"
    • #9: "In the fire of water."
    • #8: "What's my motivation?"
    • #7: Run away with me...
    • #6: "I'm on a journey of self-improvement!" "And you came to India!"
    • #5: "I love you, bitch! I ain't gonna never stop loving you. ...Biiitch!"
    • #4: "Faaantastic Mr. Fox!"
    • #3: And we'll never be royal!
    • #2: "This is the story that'll make you a real reporter!"

Every Steven Spielberg Movie Ranked

• Every Steven Spielberg Movie Ranked:
  • Considering this is the most excited James has ever been to make a countdown, the transitions have to be just as exciting.
    • #33: "The man slept through Pearl Harbor, for heaven's sakes!" "I sounded the alarm as soon as I could!"
    • #32: "You're a big guy!" "For you."
    • #31: "Are you referencing something? Like, some kind of work of fiction that I'm unaware of?!"
    • #30: The dinosaurs will turn to dust!
    • #29: "Normal words, but a horse guy!"
    • #28: "Last year, Abe said he was 15 years old. Now he claims to be... 16. Which is it, Abe?"
    • #27: "I couldn't agree more, Tinky. Hook, line, and stinker!"
    • #26: He's gaining on you! Shia LeBeouf!
    • #25: (police siren) "Tonight on 'Knights'!"
    • #24: "Slap my salami, the guy's a commie."
    • #23: Free! (Free!) Free at last!
    • #22: "Dude! We're falling right out of the sky! We gotta drop the load!"
    • #21: "Set fire to the sun!"
    • #20: "The video game that lets you help E.T. get home."
    • #19: "Angela Bassett did the thing!"
    • #18: "Welcome to Shark Island. Why get high, when you can get low?"
    • #17: Like the color purple...
    • #16: "Fuck, man... What else is there to say?"
    • #15: "Meesa knows there's a trucker coming!"
    • #14: "Take us to your leader! Your... cheer... leader."
    • #13: "Tintin! Stop whatever boring adventure you're doing, and come with me!"
    • #12: The Indiana Jones Shout-Out from the opening of Chicken Little.
    • #11: "I see... It's the same as playing the piano!"
    • #10: Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper!
    • #9: "You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"
    • #8: Saul Goodman zooming into the camera.
    • #7: "Yeah, well, my dad thinks I'm a joke, too." "Yeah? Well... YOUR DAD'S RIGHT!"
    • #6: He wants to be a real boy! (I wanna be a real boy!)
    • #5: "Now I'm sick!" "See?! You said that would happen; you ARE a Precog!"
    • #4: "Hello, Newman." (Laugh Track)
    • #3: "I just wanna stand over the corpses of six fallen heroes, drinking ginger ale from a goblet touched by the blood of Christ."
    • #2: "And in that Midas, they decided to play Saving Private Ryan at full volume."
  • The buildup to what James considers the worst Spielberg movie is still done in jest.
    Squidward: Ready Player One?
    Mr. Krabs: No!
    Squidward: Jurassic Park: The Lost World?
    Velociraptor: Try again!
    Squidward: Oh, oh! Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?
    Shia LaBeouf: Worse than that!
  • James was so bored out of his skull watching Always, that he committed the sin of stopping the movie halfway through and watching The Adventures of Tintin instead.
  • The reason why 1941 doesn't work as well as, say, Dr. Strangelove?
    Bubble Bass: You forgot the FUNNY!
  • During his review on The BFG, James calls the titular giant "The Big F***ing Giant", and then proceeds to discuss the barebones plot in a very languid manner.
    Schaffrillas: Anyway, uhhhh... He drinks some magic potion that makes him fart. And then, uhhhh... There's a giant that gets hit in the balls.
  • After avoiding it for 5 years, James had to finally watch Ready Player One for the ranking. And lo and behold, for him, this film was to Spielberg what Shark Tale was to DreamWorks.
    Schaffrillas: Oh, goody! T.J. Miller is in this, just when I thought it couldn't get any BBBETTER!
  • When discussing Ludlow's decision to bring a live T. rex to San Diego, he feigns what a good idea that is before showing footage of all hell predictably breaking loose, much to his (fake) shock.
    Schaffrilas: I would like to ask you to rack your brain and try to come up with a single possible reason why bringing a T. rex to San Diego is the dumbest decision anyone could make of all time, because — I'll be honest — I couldn't think of a reason. That sounds like an amazing idea and there is no possible way that this could go wro- (cuts to footage of the T. rex terrorizing the city) WHAT?! It went wrong?! I'm flabbergasted! How can this be?!
  • When discussing Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, he mentions that the film lacks heart while showing a clip of Mola Ram holding a heart.
  • While mulling over how the 20th Anniversary Edition of E.T. has really ugly CGI that gives the Special Editions of Star Wars a run for their money, James comes to a realization.
    Schaffrillas: Oh god, those are the only easily-available editions of the Original Trilogy. There're kids nowadays who're gonna grow up thinking ugly CGI Jabba was always part of A New Hope. What a dark era we live in...
  • While talking about the cast of West Side Story, James wonders why Mike Faist didn't get more traction during awards season, says Ariana DeBose killed it, says Rachel Zegler was great, says Ansel Elgort should be in prison, and says it's great to see Rita Moreno in a different supporting role than in the original.
  • During the Jaws section, he variously refers to the shark as Don Lino, Frankie, and Lenny.
  • Halfway through reviewing The Adventures of Tintin, editor William (SpaceTree) butts in to point out how, of all the big four European comic strips, the one America chose to import wasn't Tintin, Asterix, or Lucky Luke... but The Smurfs.
    William: Why are we like this?
  • James ends up falling into a Corpsing fit while reading off how stupid the ending to The Post is.
    Schaffrillas: Like we're teasing the sequel that's gonna form the N.C.U.! Nixon Cinematic Universe!
  • James says that Jurassic Park is tonally built off of one particular line, and that line is...
    Malcolm: That is one big pile of shit.
    (beat)
    Tom: I think we have the wrong clip. Who's responsible for this? Randy, looking at you!
  • The Stinger brings back the "Holy shit Beast, that's a helicopter" Running Gag from the Disney Direct-to-DVD Sequels video, only now it reads "HOLY SHIT BEAST THAT'S THE TRUCK FROM DUEL (1971)".

Every Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Course Ranked

• Every Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Course Ranked
  • Get ready for the biggest selection of jingles not just for Schaff's biggest Mario Kart ranking yet, but his biggest ranking period.
    • #95^note 3DS Toad Circuit: "It's Toad Circuit, baby!" "Yeaaah, Toad Circuit, baby!"
    • #94^note Tour Tokyo Blur: Welcome to Tokyo! Being glad that you are here!
    • #93^note SNES Mario Circuit 3: He's back again, and he's back again again!
    • #92^note GCN Dry Dry Desert: A river in a dry land!
    • #91^note Tour London Loop: "BRI'ISH?!"
    • #90^note GBA Mario Circuit: "This is another new ability called Ultra Hand."
    • #89^note N64 Toad's Turnpike: Toad's cry from Mario Kart 64.
    • #88^note Bone-Dry Dunes: "'John, this toothbrush is bone-dry.' Like, he looked down and said 'bone-dry'."
    • #87^note Water Park: "When do we get to the ride?!" "This IS the ride!"
    • #86^note SNES Donut Plains 3: Donut boy! Got a creamy filling...
    • #85^note Twisted Mansion: So, the only path to choose is twisted!
    • #84^note Tour Los Angelas Laps: "You told me L.A. was a tar pit."
    • #83^note Tour Berlin Byways: Without Asuka from Germany, everybody would be lost!
    • #82^note Dragon Driftway: "I... am the Dragon Warrior."
    • #81^note Sweet Sweet Canyon: "Sweet!"
    • #80^note GBA Cheese Land: "You almost got the Cheese Touch!"
    • #79^note Rainbow Road: "That's no RAINBOW! It's a space station."
    • #78^note GBA Sky Garden: "It's just an ordinary... OH MY GOODNESS!"
    • #77^note 3DS Rock Rock Mountain: "Watch for Rolling Rocks in 0.5 A presses."
    • #76^note Sky-High Sundae: "Sundaaaeeee..."
    • #75^note Tour Vancouver Velocity: "Well, I'm off to destroy Canada."
    • #74^note DS Mario Circuit: "Who invited THAT kid?"
    • #73^note GBA Boo Lake: "I'm Lake."
    • #72^note Wii Daisy Circuit: Hi! I hate this! (Wii!)
    • #71^note Merry Mountain: The most successful Christmas was today!
    • #70^note 3DS Rosalina's Ice World: A kingdom of ice...
    • #69^note 3DS Neo Bowser City: Scranton! What?! The Electric City!
    • #68^note Dolphin Shoals: "Oh, look at me, I'm a flippin little dolphin. Let me flip for you."
    • #67^note Tour Paris Promenade: "All this time, I've been underneath Paris?"
    • #66^note Mario Kart Stadium: The very first course.
    • #65^note Tour New York Minute: "All hail the New York Giants!" "NEW! YORK! GIANTS!"
    • #64^note Ice Ice Outpost: "Why have you stopped playing that wonderful music?"
    • #63^note N64 Yoshi Valley: It's eggs! It's eggs!
    • #62^note Tour Rome Avanti: Romulus-Quirinus' Kiai.
    • #61^note Wii Koopa Cape: "Man, I spent hours of my life stomping..." "Don't you dare finish that sentence! Don't do it!"
    • #60^note GBA Riverside Park: A river in a park.
    • #59^note Mario Circuit: "The shape of a möbius strip."
    • #58^note GCN Yoshi Circuit: I'm in love with the shape of YOSHI.
    • #57^note Tour Amsterdam Drift: "Lovely windmill, isn't it?" "Oh, those kooky Dutch!"
    • #56^note Piranha Plant Cove: "Clam fishing?"
    • #55^note DS Cheep Cheep Beach: "The tide's coming in! Hahahaha!"
    • #54^note Thwomp Ruins: Likewise, the road to ruin.
    • #53^note Hyrule Circuit: "After you've scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule..."
    • #52^note Wild Woods: "Look! I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"
    • #51^note Bowser's Castle: "AND THERE COMES A GIANT FIST!"
    • #50^note SNES Rainbow Road: Why are there so many rainbows?
    • #49^note Excitebike Arena: Extremely extreme!
    • #48^note Sunshine Airport: "Don't get on that plane!"
    • #47^note Tour Bangkok Rush: "Yo mama so stupid, she went to Bangkok to get a TIE Fighter."
    • #46^note N64 Royal Raceway: "This castle is now closed."
    • #45^note Tour Madrid Drive: "SUAVEMENTE."
    • #44^note GCN Sherbet Land: "Alright, everyone... chill!"
    • #43^note Wii Moo Moo Meadows: "COCK-A-DOODLE DOO, THE COW SAYS MOO!"
    • #42^note Animal Crossing: "I gotta get back to playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf on my Nintendo 3DS."
    • #41^note N64 Choco Mountain: "I remember when they first invented chocolate."
    • #40^note DS Shroom Ridge: Country roads...
    • #39^note DS Wario Stadium: "OH MY GOD!"
    • #38^note Tour Sydney Sprint: "Well, happy Australia Day to me!"
    • #37^note GCN Baby Park: "BABIES!"
    • #36^note Toad Harbor: If you're hoping for a harbor, then you'll find an open door!
    • #35^note Tour Athens Dash: Opa opa, opa opa!
    • #34^note Wii Grumble Volcano: "Into the mouth of an active volcano!"
    • #33^note Wii Wario's Gold Mine: "WarioWare Gold."
    • #32^note GCN Daisy Cruiser: Take a good, hard look at the motherfucking boat!
    • #31^note Shy Guy Falls: "It's a waterfall!"
    • #30^note Wii DK Summit: "LIFE'S AS EXTREME AS YOU WANNA MAKE IIIIIIT!"
    • #29^note Super Bell Subway: "Subway. Eat Fresh."
    • #28^note 3DS Piranha Plant Slide: Slide to the right!
    • #27^note N64 Rainbow Road: "Fireworks?" "Fireworks!"
    • #26^note GBA Ribbon Road: "You are a child's plaything!"
    • #25^note Wii Coconut Mall: "Come on, gang! The mall waits!"
    • #24^note Wii Mushroom Gorge: "I'll jump the mushroom when it's mushroom-jumping time!"
    • #23^note GCN DK Mountain: He can fly real high...
    • #22^note 3DS DK Jungle: "BANANA SLAM—"
    • #21^note SNES Bowser Castle 3: Now, I'm the king of the KOOPAS!
    • #20^note Cloudtop Cruise: The skyyyyy!
    • #19^note GBA Snow Land: "It's a vast, swirling wonderland of sparkling, white pleasure!"
    • #18^note N64 Kalimari Desert: The Thomas & Friends theme distorted.
    • #17^note Mute City: "(Mute audio symbol)... city. (Mute audio symbol)... city."
    • #16^note DS Peach Gardens: "Four years of landscaping, but I think Peach finally has a home to be proud of."
    • #15^note Tour Singapore Speedway: "Singapore's in Malaysia."
    • #14^note Wii Moonview Highway: I want the moon!
    • #13^note Yoshi's Island: "Come with me, we'll go and see a place called YOSHI Island!"
    • #12^note Mount Wario: "Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games!"
    • #11^note GCN Waluigi Stadium: "One Day More", sung by Waluigi.
    • #10^note DS Tick-Tock Clock: "IT'S TIME TO STOP!"
    • #9^note Electrodome: "He was in here tonight, raving." (Maurice raving)
    • #8^note 3DS Music Park: "I arranged them into a piano." (CLANG)
    • #7^note Wii Maple Treeway: Autumn leaves...
    • #6^note DS Waluigi Pinball: "Waluigi Pinball Land!"
    • #5^note Squeaky Clean Sprint: "Super Toilet." "AAAAAH!"
    • #4^note Big Blue: "IT'S BIG blue."
    • #3^note Wii Rainbow Road: "Are there any other rainbows I should know about?!"
    • #2^note Ninja Hideaway: "Hey... you're that ninja."
  • Before the ranking even starts, James bringing up the Booster Course Pass' updated character roster and mentioning Peachette.^note His lowest-ranked Mario Kart character, below even Baby Rosalina and Pink Gold Peach.
    Schaffrillas: (clearly forcing enthusiasm) My favorite! I'm so glad she's here, you guys!
  • James has GBA Sunset Wilds in last not because of what it did, but because of what it didn't do; namely, the removal of its iconic and titular sunset.
    Schaffrillas: Like, the good music is the only thing holding this one together. Well, that, and its most famous gimmick. The sun setting as the laps progress! I can't wait to see that in glorious HD-eeeee... (beat) Wh... (calmly) Wh-Whe-Where's the sunset? Ar-Are you... A-Are y- Are you f(dolphin chirp)king kidding me? It's the o- I-I-I-I-It's the one thing I expected this remake to have. (raising voice) The whole point of Sunset Wilds is that the sun f(dolphin chirp)king sets! It's, like, the one thing it knows how to do.
  • Although it's ranked second-to-last, James and his friends have an ironic fascination with this game's version of 3DS Toad Circuit, which he lets his audience know right away.
    Schaffrillas: WOOOOO! FINALLY, TOAD CIRCUIT! YEAH, BABY! TOAD CIRCUIT SWEEP! ONE TOADILLION TICKETS!
  • Scott The Woz's guest appearance, where he gasses up SNES Mario Circuit 3 based on its constant reappearances and barely changed aesthetic, only to have nothing to actually say about the course itself.
    Scott: You know what, I'll use that silence as my response.
  • Macro gives an enthusiastic review of Excitebike Arena almost solely based on the track having so many trick ramps that a DK player will spend the entire race dabbing over and over.
  • At the halfway point, it's time to rank the Battle Mode courses as per usual. While most of the Battle Courses in Deluxe are certified bangers as far as Schaff is concerned, the base version of Mario Kart 8 still exists with its repurposed racetracks and is outright stated to be the worst Battle Mode in the entire series, easily beating out Super. And he decides to rank them after the Deluxe courses, this time in reverse order like the Illumination ranking. It's telling when the best of these courses, Yoshi Valley, is the only D Tier course out of the bunch. The absolute worst of the batch is Toad's Turnpike, which is such a detestable Battle Course that not only does the Final Boss theme from Super Mario Galaxy kick in as he gives his most vicious "The Reason You Suck" Speech yet to it, but James, in the angriest and most furious state he's been in his entire YouTube career (at least until Megamind vs. the Doom Syndicate), declares that even the prestigious F Tier isn't good enough to accurately describe his thoughts on the course, leading to him exploding at the course with this now-legendary line:
    Schaffrillas: THIS SHIT BELONGS IN G TIER!!! CONGRATULATIONS, TOAD'S TURNPIKE!!!
  • During PeanutButterGamer's guest appearance, he tries to gas up GCN Baby Park by saying it's the definition of annoying, and that it suits him because he's annoying, before admitting that it's only his favorite because it's the only track he can win at. ...Followed by Austin breaking his pillow in frustration.
  • Much like him referring to Luigi's Mansion as Boston Building and 8's Sky Garden as Cloudtop Cruise Jr., James decides to refer to Squeaky Clean Sprint by its European Spanish name of Accelerated Toilet, mainly because that choice of words is inherently funny.
  • When talking about Ninja Hideaway, the "D'oh, I missed!" voice clip plays when Wario misses the high ledge.

Every Christopher Nolan Movie Ranked

• Every Christopher Nolan Movie Ranked
  • With a director like Christopher Nolan, there is bound to be many great jingles.
    • #11: "You're a big guy!" "FOR YOUUU!"
    • #10: "We're going to war!"
    • #9: "Why are you following me?!"
    • #8: "I need some sleep..."
    • #7: "Yeah... I'm Man."
    • #6: "I'm not in a dream in a dream, in a dream, in a dream right?"
    • #5: "This is the magic trick, huh?" "Illusion, Michael."
    • #4: "I can feel... time... warping!"
    • #3: "My le bomb... le killed people?!" "He does not fucking say that!"
    • #2: "I forgor..."
  • Before talking about Inception, he brings up how it was the first of Nolan's films to be nominated for the Best Picture Oscar, and says that while it didn't win, that's perfectly understandable since it was up against great films like Black Swan, True Grit, Toy Story 3, and The Social Network. Schaff then realizes they all lost too, and wonders what the actual winner was, and is bewildered when he realizes it was The King's Speech, describing it as a "boring, stuffy, completely forgotten movie" from the director who would go on to make Cats.
  • When describing the plot of Inception as being a heist inside of people's subconsciouses that affects them in the real world, James notices how similar a premise it is to Persona 5 and jokingly accuses Atlus of being hacks who copied Nolan's idea.
  • Schaff's thoughts about the Ambiguous Ending of Inception? He believes the top does fall over, and the camera simply ran out of film before it did.
  • Although James loved Interstellar, he concedes that it's brought down a bit by Dr. Mann.
    Schaffrillas: Simply fantastic, in every sense of the word. ...But, you tell Dr. Mann he'll never eat lunch in this planet again!
  • When it came time for The Dark Knight to be unveiled as number one, Schaff didn't even go for a dramatic beginning since everyone expected it to be number one anyway.
  • Schaff nods to Christopher Nolan's typical In Medias Res storytelling by having the video start with a Cold Open of Schaff putting Christopher Nolan on trial à la The Dark Knight Rises for some unspecified error in his filmmaking. Nolan is represented by a still PNG, and Schaff lampshades the absurdity of expecting him to talk... until he does. At the end of the video, it turns out this is all because Albert Einstein was missing a hat in his third appearance in Oppenheimer, leading Schaff to Comical Overreacting about Nolan being a "hack". Fortunately, though, Nolan then gives Schaff a map to buried treasure... which is a giant pile of the cloned hats from The Prestige, leading Schaff to hilariously lavish over-the-top praise on him. Schaff then says he's on-board for his next movie... which turns out to be a sequel to bottom-ranked movie, Tenet.

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