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Funny / The Graham Norton Show

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Series 7, episode 3

  • Lee Mack's anecdote about his disastrous first attempt at standup comedy during a season at Pontins Holiday Camp, which reduced fellow guests John Cleese and Martin Clunes to tears of laughter.
    Graham: And then, how old were you when you did become- you really, you really were a Bluecoat, weren't you.
    Lee Mack: I was a Bluecoat, yeah, at the place you showed.note  Which was next door to Heysham Nuclear Power Station. Thing is, I got sent there because I was, I worked at a really good one in, in Yarmouth, Great Yarmouth... got sacked, which is another story, and then, er, was sacked, and then was sent-
    Martin Clunes: What for?
    Lee: -to, well, we'll move onto that in a minute. But...
    Graham: Sent to this one?
    Lee: Sent to that one as a sort of punishment. It was like, er, "You're going to Morecambe, to do six months."
    Martin: "Because you have just..."?
    Lee: "Because you have done something which..."
    Martin: "Bummed a chicken?"
    Graham: What had you done?
    Lee: Well... something that was considered cheeky in the '70s but now is illegal.
    Martin: [gets a mock outraged look, as though his mind is racing with sex-related possibilities] Ooh, well, what...
    Lee: No, it wasn't, it was actually an incident where it was my first attempt at standup comedy. And, er, what happened was, I, I'd always wanted to do standup comedy, I didn't have the guts to do it, I got very drunk, I had a go at doing it as a Bluecoat, my mate said to me, "Just copy all the other comedians at Pontins and steal their jokes. And, basically, talk to the front row. So you're supposed to say, 'Where're you from?' They say 'Scotland,' you say 'Who paid for your holiday?' 'Where're you from?' 'Wales.' You make a noise like a sheep." Rubbish jokes, right. But I said, "That's terrible." He said, "Don't worry, you're just padding. What you're doing is you're looking for comedy gold, which is, 'Where're you from?', they say 'Kent,' and you say, 'What did you call me?'" All right. Now at Pontins, this used to take the roof off, right. So I tried it. But I was very drunk. [Martin laughs loudly, John Cleese facepalms to muffle his laughter] So I go on stage, and I say, "Where're you from?" This bloke says, "Scotland." I can't remember the joke. I say, "Hello." [more laughter from Graham, Martin, John, and the audience] Then I said to the- "Where're you from?" And the guy says, "Wales." I black out, and I go, "Hi!" [more laughter] I panic, and then I say, "Anyone in from Kent?" [still more laughter] And this bloke shouts out, "Me." [John is now double facepalming] And I said, "Well, you're a [bleep]!" [loud laughter and applause]
    Martin: [through laughter] That's fantastic!
    Lee: So I- [John has a coughing fit from laughing so hard] So I was sent to Morecambe. And I know people always end these things with "I swear to God that's a true story," but that is verbatim how it went.
    Martin: It's still in your act, isn't it?
    Lee: It's still in my act, it really is!

Series 13, episode 7

  • Daniel Radcliffe tells a story about his father receiving a letter meant for him, from a woman propositioning him, telling him, "Come to such and such hotel room." Isla Fisher jokes how great it would be if Daniel's father showed up, and Daniel blurts out, "No, it wouldn't! He's a Happily Married man!"

Series 15, episode 2

Series 17, episode 1

  • Kim Cattrall reveals she's surprisingly good at a Liverpool accent. Harry Enfield tries to match her and mixes his words up by saying "Kim down, calm." Paul then says (in accent) for her to "knick his watch" - getting a comical slap from Kim.
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  • The Red Chair guest is a man who claims his Czech girlfriend follows a tradition that she begs to be whipped on every Easter Monday. Finding that horrific, they flip him. And the next guest is a Czech woman who confirms the story. And admits that she gets whipped too. Tradition says that the whipping means the woman will be beautiful and healthy for the upcoming year.

Series 17, episode 3

  • After discovering Josh Widdicombe used to write for a Dora the Explorer magazine, Mark Ruffalo ribbed him for it. When asking the guests what their various fears were, he suggested Josh's was "girls over twelve" - thoroughly shocking him.
    "The last minute of my life...I wouldn't have predicted that."
  • Some of the polled audience member's fears were truly bizarre - cotton wool, bread sweat, and loose change. But the last was a forensic scientist who was afraid of sperm in places it's not supposed to be, who quickly said: "I think you should have your couch checked". Cue massive Squick reactions from the guests - who immediately jumped off the couch.

Series 17, episode 7

  • George Clooney apologizing for Batman & Robin, and his detailing of the prank war between him and Brad Pitt. Britt Robertson's reaction to the pot leaf bumper sticker is both funny and adorable, and then George wraps it up by hinting his next prank may land him in jail, before adding, "My wife's a barrister, I'll be fine."

Series 17, episode 10

Series 18, episode 12

Series 19, episode 9

  • Greg Davies' story about working in a hearing impaired unit at a school in Slough. A concise summary here could not do it justice. And Ryan Gosling's reaction to it.

Series 19, episode 10

  • Kate Beckinsale describes a prank involving some chocolate and a sleeping person.

Series 20, episode 3

Series 20, episode 5

Series 20, episode 12

  • Will Smith describes being recognized while being filmed in Mozambique, by a woman who shouted "Big Willie!" at him. He and Martin Freeman also complain about being recognized at urinals, as shown in this clip.

Series 22, episode 11

  • Gwendoline Christie describes meeting some, er, "overzealous" fans of Star Wars and Game of Thrones.
    Graham: Gwendoline, even if you weren't in these films, you'd be at that premiére. You are, like, a proper Star Wars fan.
    Gwendoline: I have been a Star Wars fan since I was six years old. Yeah...and I've really done my best to keep away from you, Mark, not to bother and harass you.
    Graham: And how amazing that then you're in the Star Wars thing, but also Game of Thrones. So...
    [audience whoops and cheers]
    Graham: Like, when those people at premiéres see you, Game of Thrones and Star Wars, they must have a, like a nerdgasm!
    Gwendoline: I think that's what it's called, yeah. And only occasionally there's an emission.
    Graham: [taken by surprise] Ha ha ha, urghhhh!
    Daisy Ridley: OH MY GOD.


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