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Fanfic / Avoiding Stupid Deaths In The 41st Millennium

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In the grim dark future of the 41st millennium, a guardsman writes, with just a small amount of frustration, of the many foolish deaths that have claimed others, in the hopes that future generations will avoid the same downfalls. He isn't holding his breath.

A Warhammer 40,000 fanfic by errtheking. Can be read on Space Battles and


  • Alcohol-Induced Idiocy - Several entries are a result of this.
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  • An Arm and a Leg - The narrator himself loses a foot to a Necron gauss flayer, part of his nose to a melta bomb that someone was juggling, an eye when he beat a Catachan jungle fighter at cards, and a testicle from when he insulted an Ork warboss and got kicked where it hurts the most.
  • Asshole Victim - Several entries involve horrible people suffering horrible deaths.
  • BFG - It's Warhammer 40K, of course there's gonna be big guns.
  • Drugs Are Bad - Well, Dark Eldar drugs at least. The narrator himself is a smoker.
  • Get A Hold Of Yourself Man - Painfully averted.
  • Groin Attack - Pretty much implied to have happened to a guardsman when, as payback for his slain brothers-in-arms, he decided to urinate on a downed Necron whose self-repair systems soon kicked in.
    • "89: Never accuse a Warboss of having no balls:...I was young. Very young. He kicked of them popped. I was one of the lucky ones too."
    • A guardsman tried calming down a fellow guardsman who just saw their husband get disintegrated by slapping them... got a bayonet in their balls as a result.
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  • Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil - The narrator DOES NOT support sexual slavery of any sort!
  • Reckless Gun Usage - Just about every firearm safety rule gets broken.
  • Too Dumb to Live - Pretty much 90% of the entries are because of this.
  • Unfriendly Fire: Multiple rules demonstrate what happens to Commissars who get too blam-happy.

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