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Jeff: Hey, Troy sneezes like a girl! Troy: How 'bout I pound you like a boy, that didn't come out right.
In episode 4 "Social Psychology", Professor Duncan conducts a psychology experiment he dubs "The Duncan Principle". He instructs Annie to inform the test subjects that the experiment will start in "5 minutes", even though "It's never actually going to start." When Señor Chang hears Annie say this, he reacts immediately saying:
Señor Chang: NO! No, no. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! That's unacceptable, alright? You LIED to me! When you say something starts at 9, it starts at nueve!
He begins to walk out of the waiting room while moaning, only to come right back and shove an empty chair across the area shouting "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOO! MOMMY!!"
Professor Duncan:(in response to viewing Señor Chang's actions on the "secret videocamera" monitor) Houston, we have an idiot.
Oh, and then Troy's eventual meltdown:
Troy: (between sobs) You promised BUTT STUFF! Troy: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH DUST IN HERE?! Troy: The Soul Train Awards were tonight!!
Bonus points for Troy dragging himself away on the floor at the end of his rant.
Professor Duncan when his "Duncan Principle" begins to fall apart as Abed is the only participant that has stayed in the room sane and collected - for the past 26 hours.
Professor Duncan: (to a student exiting the room) Go! Fine! Go kill John Lennon again, you loser! Professor Duncan: (pointing to Annie after everyone else has left the classroom) YOU HAVE DESTROYED THE DUNCAN PRINCIPLE! (Leaves the room and shuts the door)
Hell, the fact that Duncan fell victim of his own principle.
In "Investigative Journalism" Buddy (played by Jack Black) tries to assure the group that adding him to the group won't change anything.
Buddy: I know that you're scared that adding a new member might throw everything out of it's natural-*theme song plays*-rhythm.
After Annie sees the 'anatomically correct' model of a penis she has to put a condom on, she asks 'is that considered large?'. Britta says "YES.", while Shirley's saying "Nooo."
And how about Annie's unimpressed description of a penis, which she's never actually seen before, despite not being a virgin: "It's a giant thumb in a turtleneck, whoop-de-doo!"
The group is having an argument after Annie dates Britta's ex. They reveal various sexual fantasies and comments group members have made about each other. Jeff states that their group is more complicated than a family because there's nothing to stop the members from being attracted to each other. Cue several silent moments of them making the most hilarious facial expressions ever at each other (recorded on the Main entry's entry for Crack Pairing), complete with Ho Yay and Les Yay.
It came out of nowhere:
Leonard: Hey guys, thanks for eating all the macaroni! Jeff:SHUT UP, LEONARD, NOBODY EVEN KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! beat Jeff:(to Britta) I did eat all the macaroni. It's messed up that he knows.
Troy: "Hurry, Abed! Before people sex one another!"
Abed, later, over the P.A. system: "Everybody! Don't use the condoms! If you're gonna have sex, don't use condoms!
From the Family Day episode, Pierce plays Pictionary and has to draw a windmill, so he starts with the blades... by drawing a swastika. Senor Chang's rabbi brother comes in and gets offended. Chang and Pierce get into a fight and school security comes in to stop it.
Campus Security: (in a weary tone) This will never stop until Pictionary bans the word "windmill".
From "Beginning Pottery", after Jeff fakes a finger injury:
Rich: Jeff, check it out: if your finger’s still buggin’ ya, just get creative. (starts using his cheek to shape the clay) Teacher: I wanna kiss you on the mouth. Rich: (turns to look at him and freezes) I'm sorry?
Jeff singing "Unchained Melody" to piss off the pottery teacher, who has a ban on making any references to the pottery scene from Ghost in his class.
Pretty much the entire ending scene of "The Science of Illusion", but particularly:
"...which isn't even a reference that I get, because the Cookie Crisp mascot wasn't a wizard when I was a kid, it was a burglar!"
In general, any time that Annie and Shirley compete over who gets to be the Cowboy Cop of their volunteer-security-guard partnership.
Annie: Morning boys! I'm Annie Edison. But people call me 'Psycho' because I had a nervous breakdown in high school. My partner's a Christian housewife. [Shirley looks genuinely betrayed] Can we help you? Shirley: Actually, can we not help you? I tend to play by my own rules. Annie: She loves rules! I only have one — stay out of my way. Shirley: Stay out of mine more.
And before that, Dean Pelton's disappointment at Annie's trying to be tough by spitting.
Annie's pursuit of Jeff, in which she ends up accidentally pepper-spraying herself in the face. She gets "sprayed" by running into the spray while firing it at Jeff.
Annie: These are not tears! This is self-inflicted friendly fire, OK!
One of Jeff's Lawyer-ings of the group, regarding Annie:
Jeff: *to no one in particular* Permission to treat the witness as hostile! Pierce: I'll allow it.
And using Abed as a stenographer
Jeff: Did you record yesterday's Spanish class? Annie: I don't think so? Jeff: Abed. Abed: You said you record all your classes. Pierce called it "a spoiler alert."
Jeff ordering everyone to close their eyes so Annie's "Disney face" won't work on them.
Jeff: Abed, close! Abed: Oh, don't worry about me. I can only connect with people through... [Sees Annie's "Disney face"]movies... Jeff: She's the Ark of the Covenant! [Abed gasps in horror & covers his eyes]
Troy reacts angrily to Abed stating that them moving in together would cause their relationship to Jump the Shark: "Oh, and for your information? There was an episode of Happy Days where a dude LITERALLY jumped over a shark. And it was the BEST ONE."
Troy: "Am I Black Boobs?"
Dean Pelton looking at the dalmatian costume: "I hope this doesn't awaken something in me."
Anthropology 101: "Consider yourself Chang'd!"
The anthropology class's assignment is to figure out which tool in a box is the most valuable for humanity's survival. Jeff rejected all the items and said that respect for your fellow man is the most important tool, prompting Chang to heckle, "Gaaaayyyyy!!"
June Bauer (played by Betty White) attacking Jeff with the crossbow, followed by Pierce throwing urine in a nearly unconscious Jeff's face.
Jeff: (while being choked by June's crossbow) I respect you. June: That's why you FAIL!!
Accounting For Lawyers Annie chloroforming the janitor at Jeff's old law firm, Troy's freaking out over it and Abed's plan to get them out of the situation.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, MY WHOLE BRAIN IS CRYING!"
And when that plan doesn't work and the janitor spots the rag in Annie's hand, Annie chloroforms him again and they all run away.
When they were panicking about Annie chloforming the janitor, you can see she rubs the rag on her face.
Abed making Troy believe he can turn into a cartoon with a cartoon version of himself painted on a wall.
Abed: All you have have to do is believe! [Troy gears up to run into the "cartoon world"; Abed pops out of a dumpster seconds before he does:] Wait! You don't have to believe.
"Yeah, but the temple is a temple of doom! And like the real Temple of Doom, it represents the inconvenient fact that all good things, be they people or movie franchises, eventually collapse into sagging, sloppy piles of hard-to-follow nonsense."
It should be noted that in the Hilarious Outtakes, John Oliver messes up the line and says, "Excuse me, I need to use my forcefield to—Fuuuuck." Joel McHale's reaction is also priceless.
"Basic Rocket Science": The "E Pluribus Anus" flag for Greendale.
Dean: I think you know the reason this group has been chosen for this job to atone for the obscene entry you submitted in the Greendale school-flag contest. That's right, I know that this isn't a symbol for the crossroads of ideas. I now know it's a butt. Yeah, keep snickering. Pack yourselves with peanuts and really be satisfied. But guess what? This won. This is now our school flag forever. Proud of yourselves?
When the KFC van/space simulator is hauled away, Abed returns to find the van gone, and after a confused pause, looks upwards to the heavens.
"Messianic Myths and Ancient Peoples", where Duncan's anthropology class is merely him showing viral videos:
Professor Duncan: Oh, this is gonna be good! Abed sent me a new link, and that man knows his video virality. Britta: So you're just gonna drop all pretense of actually teaching us? Professor Duncan: Yeah.
The Cat Scare in "Epidemiology." "Is someone throwing it?"
And the fact that Jeff insists they put the whole Zombie Apocalypse happening around them on hold:
Jeff: Backburner, Troy, this cat has to be dealt with!
Zombie Troy and Abed clumsily doing their handshake.
On that same note, Zombie Jeff clumsily mashing buttons on his phone as he tries to text, and Zombie Annie peacefully sitting at a table reading as everyone else acts like normal zombies.
Chang's "You bit, huh? You BIT?!?!" The delivery sells it.
"Aerodynamics of Gender":
Britta: Women of Greendale! This cafeteria has been declared a bitch-free zone! Wha-wha-wha?!
The Dean's response to Jeff's "why were you looking at my transcript?": "Maybe it was a random spot-check. Maybe it was a specific spot-check. Maybe I'm making a scrapbook!"
The scene in "Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design" when Jeff tells Annie to blow off a strange occurrence and Annie sarcastically decides to blow off standing, walking, and talking language as well. Jeff leaves her sprawled on the hallway floor making nonsensical "blah-blee-bloo" sounds.
The Gambit Pileup at the end, and Dean Pelton's freakout: "WOULD THAT THIS HOODIE WERE A TIME HOODIE!"
"Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas": Duncan trying to get Abed to talk to him about seeing everything in Claymation:
Duncan: Abed, I've been a professor of psychology here at Greendale for many years, and I think I can see a solution to this which might also help you with your situation.
Abed shows up at therapy.
Abed: You lied to lure me into a group therapy session?
Jeff: Pierce! You promised not to do that!
The Christmas pterodactyl. To say anything else would spoil the jaw-dropping randomness of it.
The True Meaning of Christmas:
Abed: It's the first season of LOST on DVD. Pierce:That's the meaning of Christmas? Abed: No, it's a metaphor. It represents a lack of payoff.
Duncan's reason for being sober in "Asian Population Studies"
Duncan: I apologize for my lateness but I wasn't sure how to find Greendale sober. (The class gasps) Yes I have stopped drinking, mainly due to the fact that I could no longer get an erection. So now that i'm on the wagon you can expect this class, and my penis, to be more focused and rewarding.
Troy is taking notes. Notes that fill the back of his character sheet.
Also earlier in the game Britta getting worked up over the Fantastic Racism in D&D and the plight of "Kyle the Gnome waiter" played by Abed and genuinely griefstricken over his "death" later.
Jeff: Britta, he was an imaginary waiter. Britta: I wouldn't expect you to understand!
At the beginning of the game, Pierce's character is in danger of dying of hypothermia. During Jeff's turn, Abed explains that Pierce only has thirteen turns to live. What does Jeff decide to do?
Jeff: I wait fourteen turns.
Jeff is revealed to have accidentally coined the "Fat Neil" nickname, and he tries to explain himself by saying that there is a second student at Greendale named Neil who was also in the area at the time and he needed some way to refer to a specific Neil when giving directions to someone.
Neil: So call him "Skinny Neil"! Jeff: Eh, he's not that skinny. Neil: He's bald. Jeff: Well... Neil: He's black. Jeff: (condescending) I don't see the world that way, Neil.
Leonard: Where are the white women at? Jeff: No. There are no white women here, Leonard. This is not a party! Chang: Don't tell that to Magnitude. Jeff: Who's Magnitude?? Magnitude: Yo yo yo yo yo! Pop pop!
In the tag, LeVar Burton eating Troy's dinner while he's still catatonic, then gently singing the Reading Rainbow theme. Troy screams and runs out, leaving LeVar to quip: "More fish for Kunta." This was actually a Throw It In.
The Comic Roleplay where Britta roleplays as Jeff's Dad... so Jeff roleplays as Britta's Dad.
Britta: But what if he's coming though? What are you going to say to him? Here, I'll be him! I'll be him! Hi. Hey, hi I'm Jeff's dad, hi. Jeff: Hi, Jeff's dad. I'm Britta's dad. Britta: What? Why? Jeff: I don't know. Got drunk, didn't have a condom and her mom gets freaky when she hears Oingo Boingo! Britta: Oh god, I wish I could relate but much like my son I'm a closet homosexual. Jeff: Don't apologize for that. You're talking to the guy who banged Britta's mom. I have no standards. Britta: Well what do you say we take a tumble? I'll put on a wig. Jeff: That's it, you're under arrest. Britta: It's not illegal to be gay. Jeff: It is here in Iran. Britta: Not when we're in the "Green Zone"! Jeff: That's Iraq stupid. Britta: Well what do I know? I'm Jeff Winger's dumb gay dad! (leaves angrily)
It might be based on a cruel act of revenge-driven torturous emotional manipulation, but Pierce's feeble attempt at roleplaying Jeff's dad in the same episode is also hilarious.
"Jeff's Dad": It's me, here in this sedan! See, I'm waving!
Anything Pierce or Troy say or do in this episode.
In "Intro to Political Science":
Dean: With eleven votes cast, eleven, come on, people, the landslide winner of the student election with seven votes is South Park!
The epic debate between Leonard and Magnitude.
The people watching the epic debate between Leonard and Magnitude.
Pierce as The Gimp, which he doesn't even understand as he hasn't seen Pulp Fiction. "Am I the hero or the love interest?"
After Troy gives in to Chang's taunts and opens Jeff's gift to Abed:
Britta: What are you guys doing?! Troy: Chang made me open it! He seduced me with his dark Chinese powers! Chang: (looking betrayed) Why do you leave him alone with me?!
The credits scene in "Critical Film Studies", where Abed and Troy are dining at the expensive restaurant. When they get the check, Troy's eyes get comically large and he starts crying.
Troy: They said market prices. WHAT KIND OF MARKET ARE YOU SHOPPING AT?!
"Competitive Wine Tasting": "It's hard to be Jewish, it's hard to be Jewish, it's hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo!"
In "Paradigms of Human Memory":
After Annie invokes a montage of the "long looks, stolen glances, general atmosphere of 'will they, might they'" between her and Jeff, set to romantic music by Sara Bareilles (a parody of a real fanvid), he objects that "You could do the same thing with — Pierce and Abed!" After a pause with Abed looking thoughtful, we get an identical montage for Pierce and Abed, complete with the same music.
Jeff: Abed, it's called chemistry. I have it with EVERYONE. Abed: Come on, Jeff. There's clearly more between you and Annie than there is between me and Pierce. Pierce: (outraged, to Abed) HOW DARE YOU!
A brief flashback of Britta coming into the study room, pale, dishevelled and covered in twigs and leaves.
Britta: [casually] Hey, how long does peyote last? [beat] Asking for a friend.
The montage of Dean Pelton coming into the study group room wearing different outfits and making announcements.
Dean: Dean-a-ling-a-ling! (flashback...) Dean: Dean-yow! It's Feline AIDS Awareness Day, folks, so let's whip it in the keister. (flashback 2...) Dean: Guys, Greendale's music department is flat "baroque," so we are having a fund-raiser. (flashback 3...) Dean: What's dean got to do with it? Why, it's time to Tina "Turner" the clocks ahead. Happy daylight savings! (flashback 4...) Dean: Deanie, vidi, vici! I came, I saw, I conquered the idea of a free Caesar-salad bar in the cafeteria. (flashback 5...) Dean: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dean. That's right, Greendale presents "Gone with the Windows," where we'll celebrate our new energy-conscious windows with a cotillion. (purposefully drops handkerchief; nobody picks it up) Okay. (picks it up himself)
In "Applied Anthropology and Culinary Arts":
Shirley: Oh, father, God almighty, this isn't happening. It's too soon! I don't want my baby's first memory to be Star-Burns! (cut to Star-Burns giving a "What'd I do?" look)
When Abed proposes joining forces against the City College paintball stormtroopers:
Britta: But if we surrender our individuality to form a faceless regime, how are we any better than them?
Annie rants while annoyingly moving her straw around in her cup lid. Troy reaches over, removes the lid, and gives the cup back, without Annie noticing at all.
Troy using a Southern Accent while representing Georgia for the Model U.N. The Country Georgia. And he knows it, but uses a Southern Accent anyway.
Annie Kim's bafflement at Jeff and Annie's relationship.
Annie Kim: Is he your father or your lover? Jeff: Annie, stop. You're acting like a little school girl and not in a hot way.
Picture time with the Study Group.
Shirley': And here's Ben dressed like a dragon. Annie & Britta: Awwwwww. Troy: Here's me & Abed dressed like Eddie Murphy & Nick Nolte. The girls & Pierce: Awwwwww. Annie: Who's Nick Nolte? Everyone Else: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
The study group being mean to Todd because he's basically a nice person.
Todd: I thought you were supposed to be family! You were supposed to love each other! Your love is weird!!!!!!
Professor Kane: What did you do to my man Todd? You know he's an Iraq War veteran.
This, from the subplot:
Sgt. Nunez: Okay, you know what? I quit. I mean, I can deal with the not getting paid, but I draw the line at you enabling this man [Chang]. I mean, I'm seriously concerned that he's mentally ill. And, and it's not funny at all. It's scary. (Chang and Dean Pelton both stare into space and think different thoughts; Nunez just stares at them) Okay, screw this. I, I quit.
Timeline 5 in "Remedial Chaos Theory," where Troy is the one who gets the pizza. While he's gone, a series of horrible freak accidents occur, and when he gets back the apartment's on fire, Pierce has been shot in the leg, and a terrifying troll doll is staring at him from the center of the chaos. Troy's reaction is priceless.
The Stinger following up on the events of Timeline 5. Abed's decided they should become evil doppelgangers of the study group in Timeline 7, and as such need the appropriate attire ASAP. So he's made them all felt goatees to wear. Also, Britta's put a blue streak in her hair to represent the "darker" study group, and considers this on par with Jeff losing an arm.
"Clearly you don't know anything about defeating trolls!"
Pierce tormenting Troy with the Norwegian Troll figure in Timeline 4.
Feel the terror, Troy! Feel the terror of the Norwegian Troll!!!
All of the stories the study group tells in "Horror Fiction In Seven Spooky Steps" are hilarious in their own ways. All of them.
Abed's face after Annie finishes her Halloween story. He's never looked so openly horrified.
Britta getting dramatic when she reveals the results of the personality tests to Jeff:
Britta: One of the tests came back with seventy out of seventy-five red-flags for an extreme personality disorder. Extreme, Jeff! Jeff:[Mock-terrified] Like a Dorito?! Britta: A sociopathic Dorito! A cool-ranch lunatic! Only instead of zest, Jeff, one member of our study group has — homicidal tendencies! [Cut to a shot of the other members of the study group dancing happily]
The cabin in Annie's story has both lamps and candles.
Vampire Jeff: Wait! Teach me to read.
Pierce threatening everyone with a fire extinguisher.
You don't wanna be barium sulfated!
Troy and Abed pretending to be each other so Troy has a loophole to tell a secret. "I like football, but also I don't."
The priest at Pierce's dad's funeral telling Britta, "You're the worst."
Almost anything said and done by Bat!Abed in "Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism":
"The night beckons. Its black fingers curl and uncurl, going, like, 'hey, come here'... there can be no peace while crime spits and dances on the reef of justice to the infectious beats of all that is wrong."
"Say, you look familiar. Did I ever pretend to shoot a guy in front of you to teach you a lesson about gun safety?"
And what makes it better is that the officer says this as if this is something he does all the time.
Bat!Abed's confrontation with Rick the Landlord. Despite the fact that Bat!Abed is less-than-effective at even getting into the apartment, Rick seems to be under the impression that he's actually being interrogated by Batman himself.
After Troy (and a few others) has been kidnapped to see if they are good enough to be air conditioning students (What sells it is John Goodman's deadpan delivery):
Then, later in the episode, when Troy snaps at the Janitor:
Troy: I'm going to eat spaceman paninis with Black Hitler and there's nothing you can do about it!
"HE TWEETED IT!!!!!"
The fight between the Dean and Jeff in the green screen room while stock footage and a cover of Christopher Cross's "Sailing" plays was surreal and priceless.
"I liked Horsebot 3000."
"Ah, good evening, Senator. Any requests?"
Jeff's scarily accurate impression of the Dean in "Documentary Filmmaking Redux".
Jeff: This is my sister's!
The montage of Britta and Troy being forced to hug over and over again for twelve hours, until they start having full on breakdowns while still trying to do the shot.
Annie's little meltdown, in which she rants about how the Dean is a genius and not just an idiot who's made her waste two weeks of her life — Alison Brie excels at bringing the wild-eyed crazy.
The Dean on the phone with Luis Guzman saying "I loved you in... in..." stalling while Annie checks her iPhone for a movie Guzman was in. She hands her phone to the Dean who looks at it and finally says "...IMDB!'' The Dean looks back at Annie: "That was tragic."
When Britta rushes onstage of the Christmas pageant to sing her "heart song" Dean Pelton disappointedly checking the program: "Oh, Britta's in this?"
Annie's increasingly dumb sexpot Christmas song.
Annie:Boopie doopie boop doop sex!
Jeff: ...Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness.
Annie: What's a diminunyuh nyumwyuh?
Baby Boomer Santa. A pastiche of popular music from the 1940s to the 1980s solely for the purpose of playing on Pierce's baby-boomer sense of historical vanity. And it is hilarious.
The shots of Pierce's increasing delight and the study group's horror until he finally joins in and belts out:
"You're welcome! You're welcome! For all that I bring/ to the world! I'm Baby Boomer Santa/I'm an American pearl!"
During Shirley and Pierce's slide show presentation to the Dean about opening a sandwich shop in the cafeteria a drawing of the Dean in the style of the Monopoly guy carrying a money bag in each hand appears.
Dean Pelton: "That's me! Where did I get all the money I'm holding?"
Annie's desperate excitement about helping Shirley plan her wedding: "Oh hey guys! Did someone say 'Annie', 'help', 'wedding' and something about maybe hydrangeas?"
And before that, Shirley laughing at Britta for 2 whole minutes for suggesting that she prepare her wedding.
The Dean collapsing and convulsing in the hallway upon seeing how hot Jeff looks wearing aviator glasses.
"Oh my god, even his shadow! Look at his shadow!!"
The study group getting roped into being celebrity impersonators at a bar mitzvah to pay Abed's debt. Jeff is tall Ryan Seacrest, Troy and Britta are young and old Michael Jackson, Shirley is Oprah, Pierce is "Fat Marlon Brando" and Abed is Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies.
"If you have anything else to say, say it in a high-pitched voice while walking backwards." "Jeff is in grave danger, hee-hee!"
In "Digital Exploration of Interior Design", the Subway executive listens to the tape of Britta and "corpo-humanoid" Subway's apparently "way out of the mainstream" sexual explorations, with the result that Subway is stripped of his job and dragged away by goons in black suits.
Subway: (to Britta) I love you! Agent: (to Subway) Shut up. (slams door)
Subway executive: If someone could hand me my jacket? Pierce:[Helpfully] It's right over there on the coat-rack next to the door. Subway executive: ...If somebody could just hand it to me, that would be great. [Awkward pause] Dean Pelton: I guess I'm confused; why don't you just grab it on your way out the door — Subway executive: You know what? Now I'm not leaving. Now I'm just going to sit for a while and focus on how unacceptable today was.
Abed: The babies are capable of executing custom code, so you can write a script that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, much like real children on a playground.
Annie: Oh, Abed, but...
Jeff: Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later.
Britta just made a joke.
Annie: Britta, don't make jokes! You're bad at it!
Jeff's comment that at the end of the sentence he's speaking, 100 people will have died in China. Troy looks up in absolute horror and screams "WHY [Beat] DID YOU STOP TALKING?" and proceeds to call his penpal & ask if they're okay, before ending the call a second later because the call is costing 7 dollars.
Every single time Lionel Richie's "Hello" pops up on the soundtrack when Britta rebels against Chang's authority. It's a match made in heaven.
In Curriculum Unavailable, there's a brief flashback to a City College vs Greendale human chess game:
Britta: Dean! This is not the way to agree on parking for the job fair. It’s inhumane!
Dean Pelton: Do you have a better idea, Britta?
Britta: Yes, thousands of them!
Dean Pelton: Vicky to Queen Three
Abed narrates Pierce eating a sandwich and Pierce hates it:
Pierce: I take it back, I don't want to be in your novel.
Abed: Pierce Hawthorne had nearly lost his grip on reality. Lately he'd begun to think that he was in a novel!
Concerning the Dean
Jeff: This can't be good. He's dressed as himself.
Jeff: Please tell me you're breaking into that condo.
The little ads for fake shows on Abed TV, like American Sword Cooks and Blind/Blonde.
Abed shushing Annie after she pointed out that a 4-pronged trident should be called a quadrudent in "Alternative History Of The German Invasion".
Jeff's increasing distress whenever Abed mentions the time he (as his evil self from the darkest timeline) tried to cut off his arm.
Abed: Like that time I tried to cut off Jeff's arm.
Jeff:Why do you keep saying that?
The Dean "switching bodies" with Jeff, and Annie's increasing attraction to him.
And Annie's complete & utter confusion over why it's even happening.
The meta Take That of the characters discussing how weird their behaviour and lives were for the past year (when the show was temporarily run by someone else), particularly their attempts to blame it all on "that gas leak".
Jeff: Look, we can't blame it all on a gas leak year.
A new class called "Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad?" appears. Abed subsequently goes crazy trying to find the answer. And it is glorious (even Prof. Garrity thought so).
"I'm a cat! I'm a sexy cat!"
Jeff tells Annie, Troy, and Britta that minuses in grades don't mean anything. They tell the rest of the school. A riot ensues.
Troy angrily calls Zach Braff a son of a bitch for only appearing in 6 episodes of Season 9 of Scrubs. ("After everything that Scrubs did for him?!"), which is a Take Thatagainst his own actor, who will only be appearing in 5 episodes of this season.
The Dean's sad inner French song while a Single Tear rolls down his cheek.
The Dean furiously snapping trying to get his secretary to trace the call, his secretary having no idea what he wants her to do, and then telling him he can just look at the extension since they have caller ID.
In "Cooperative Polygraphy", the increasingly aggressive and frustrated verbal abuse heaped upon the lie detector monitor who seems just a tad too enthusiastic to point out when members of the study group are lying.
Monitor: They're all lying. Shirley:WE KNOW THAT, YOU JUDGMENTAL BITCH!
The Tag with the study group uncomfortably sitting with Mr. Stone in a booth in a bar as he drops his facade as The Stoic and enthusiastically tells him what he was thinking during the episode.
The study group being bequeathed with Pierce's sperm. The first time, there's a sort-of logical justification behind it (Pierce, who is convinced that Britta is a lesbian, donates it to her in case she wants to have children), the next few times still kind of make some warped form of sense (the other women in the group and Jeff, who Pierce is convinced is gay), but by the time Abed and Troy come around, they're clearly just getting some so as not to be left out ("Here's your obligatory sperm.").
"I didn't just masturbate in the study room. I masturbated EVERYWHERE!"
Britta surprised that Jeff kept her panties.
You told me a hawk stole them! You exploited me, and made me believe in a slightly more magical world.
"IT'S A BEAR DANCE!!"
The Dean's rap in the Cold Open of "VCR Repair and Educational Publishing". He's dressed as a Payday candy bar and starts rapping an apology to Jeff and Hickey for delaying their paychecks. It gets real.
Well, I’m a peanut bar, and I’m here to say Your checks will arrive on another day! (starts rapping faster) Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another dollar, Another stuffed shirt with another white collar, Criminals, Wall Street, taking the pie, (starts getting more angry) And all the black man gets is a plate of white lies, Prisons recruiting, the police be shooting, Them rap artists looting, them labels all deluding, (loudly shouting) And BARACK OBAMA IS SCARED O' ME!! 'CAUSE I DON'T SWALLOW KNOWLEDGE AND I SPIT IT FOR FREE, LET ME CLEAR MY THROAT! UH-HUH-HUH- (The Dean suddenly gets a hold of himself, drops his microphone and cries)
"I don't know what that was! I don't know what that was!"
(Dean runs out of the room in tears)
Hickey's "interrogation" of a pair of hobgoblins in the Dungeons and Dragons game.
Cobra Commander: The first time I met Destro, he asked me if he should have his entire head coated in chrome. I said "No. How would you do that? How would that even work?" [Cobra Commander's wrist communicator beeps; he switches it off] Look, I'm not good at eulogies. Because... I've never had to give one! All I want to know is: how did G.I Joe do this?!We've been shooting at each other and missing for twenty years! And now all of a sudden — [His wrist communicator goes off again] Unbelievable. [He activates it] What?! Vice Cobra Assistant Commander: Cobra Commander, it's Vice Cobra Assistant Commander! We just got a very interesting energy surge at the Greendale site. Cobra Commander:Oh, okay, that's super fascinating, umDESTRO'S DEAD!!! Vice Cobra Assistant Commander: Oh my gosh, Destro?! Were you guys close? Cobra Commander: Were we close?! Yes! What kind of a question is — okay, fine! I LOVED HIM! Is that what you want to hear?! Zartan:Called it.
Heck, the entire G.I. Joe episode was one. Especially the end as Jeff passes through the toy commercial, flies out of the kid's hand, and turns around to knock him out before returning back to consciousness.
A meta example is Community making fun of NBC screwing with their air date.
Troy has some great one-liners.
Did you know that Gogurt is just yogurt? And if we need an escape goat, I think we should just let this one go. (Said while sitting next to a goat. And covering its ears so it's not offended) I hope [Gary] transfers to HELL! Whoa, who taught you therapy, Michael Jackson's dad? That guy looks like Moby. Have you ever been to a puppy parade midway? It is pointless. I hope I develop multiple personalities. I get lonely in long showers. That guy's a mess. It's like God spilled a person. You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, they always went on dope adventures, and if anything got in his way he just peed on it. (in a Batman voice) That's one of my biggest fears. Like, if I woke up as a donut, I'd eat myself. I wouldn't even think about it. (to Shirley) Uh, I can swim, racist. You're the AT&T of people. Dammit Shirley, forget about your newborn child, and think about the people who need you! There was a time and a place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie. You are the opposite of Batman. [Upon discovering his landlord's huge collection of women's shoes] Wait a minute; Rick doesn't have a wife... or women's feet. It smells like a Waffle House sink!
(After seeing Britta in the season 2 premiere) "Toy Story... Britta!"
(After finding out Jeff and Britta had sex on the table) "Oooooohhhh-some!"
Donald Glover's eyes.
Donald. Glover's. Eyes.
"SET PHASERS TO 'LOVE ME!'"
In a meta example (for a meta show), on the DVD commentaries, Donald Glover's own CMOF is being lured into the bathroom by a piece of cake in "English As A Second Language".
Dan Harmon cites the "Those aren't thumbs" joke from "Basic Rocket Science" as his own favorite joke of Season 2.
The 'Psychology of Letting Go' commentary is also hysterical, though the best parts are Chevy Chase insisting that Shirley is played by a robot and all of the commentators marveling that, for some reason, John Oliver cannot write a 'G' properly.
Donald Glover and Gillian Jacobs hijack the "Applied Anthropology And Culinary Arts" commentary after the actual commentators joke that they're having sex outside the glass. The others are appalled that they "broke the seal" of the commentary booth.
The commentary for "Geography of Global Conflict" reveals that Garrett's "Crisis alert!" line is a CMOF for the actors and production staff.
From the outtakes of the tag where Troy keeps trying to leave a message for Abed:
Ay, Abed, it's Troy, back the fuck up!
From a genuinely Heartwarming moment (on Twitter) where Jeff invites the study group to the steak dinner date for one he mentions in the first season, Jeff says he made the reservation for L Street. Britta can't remember where it is and says it "sounds douchey". Troy's response:
Troy: YOU DON'T REMEMBER?
Really, the entire conversation, as the Dean & Chang manage to invite themselves along, and then they start changing Jeff's plans to go to Senior Kevin's instead.