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     Season 1 
  • Jeff trying to convince Troy to return to football.
    Jeff: It's in your blood!
    Troy: That's racist.
    Jeff: Your soul.
    Troy: That's racist.
    Jeff: Your eyes?
    Troy: That's gay.
    Jeff: That's homophobic.
    Troy: That's black.
    Jeff: That's racist!
    Troy: Damn...
  • Also...
    Jeff: The scoreboard lights up! There will be a scoreboard there. It's complete! Nice catch! The girls! The glory! The scouts! The career! It all starts when you join this team!
    Troy: Is that linebacker a pregnant woman?
    Jeff: Look, you can meet them later. But this decision has to be yours, T-bone, and this decision has to be yes.
    Troy: How did you know my nickname was T-bone?
    Jeff: Because you're a football player, and your name begins with T. Your name begins with T.
  • The audience's introduction to Jeff.
    Duncan: What is my lawyer doing here?
    Jeff: I'm a student.
    Duncan: Well, that cannot be an inspiring journey.
    Jeff: I am in a bit of a jam. The state bar has suspended my license. They found out my college degree was... less than legitimate.
    Duncan: Well, I thought you had a bachelor's from Columbia.
    Jeff: And now I need one from America.
  • From "Beginning Pottery", after Jeff fakes a finger injury:
    Rich: Jeff, check it out: if your finger’s still buggin’ ya, just get creative. (starts using his cheek to shape the clay)
    Teacher: I wanna kiss you on the mouth.
    Rich: (turns to look at him and freezes) I'm sorry?
    • Jeff singing "Unchained Melody" to piss off the pottery teacher, who has a ban on making any references to the pottery scene from Ghost in his class.
  • Britta, in response to nobody wanting to be in the bathroom with her:
    Britta: (teary) I've had to pee alone my whole life!
  • Jeff trying to console Pierce in the first Halloween episode: "Well, when we go to dancing skeletons with our problems, we pretty much get what we pay for."
  • The pool judgement.
  • Pierce and Jeff's bizarre Spanish presentation montage set to Aimee Mann's "(It's Not Going To Start 'Til You) Wise Up" and Senor Chang's reaction:
    Señor Chang: (looks at Jeff) F. (looks at Pierce) F-.
    Pierce: Did you say "S?"
    • Buddy: He said F.
    • And during that montage, while everyone else is staring in blank-faced confusion or disgust, Abed is nodding sagely. He gets it.
    • "<Where is the library? My name is T-Bone, the disco spider.>"
  • Britta's pronunciation of the word "bagel".
  • "We were just helping Jeff get ready for the fiiiigghhhh... t. (quietly, to Jeff) I couldn't think of another word."
    Jeff: Idiot. He meant we were figh... ting. It is hard to think of another word.
  • The group's argument in season 1 about the "Booty-nator".
    It's Terminator but with booty.
    But since its Terminator, won't he just kill it?
  • Prof. Whitman climbing a tree for no reason after seeing Jeff finally seize the day by kissing Britta.
  • The naked pool game between Jeff and Coach Bogner in "Physical Education".
  • Troy lets loose a tiny little squeak of a sneeze
    Jeff: Hey, Troy sneezes like a girl!
    Troy: How 'bout I pound you like a boy, that didn't come out right.
  • In episode 4 "Social Psychology", Professor Duncan conducts a psychology experiment he dubs "The Duncan Principle". He instructs Annie to inform the test subjects that the experiment will start in "5 minutes", even though "It's never actually going to start." When Señor Chang hears Annie say this, he reacts immediately saying:
    Señor Chang: NO! No, no. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! That's unacceptable, alright? You LIED to me! When you say something starts at 9, it starts at nueve!
    • He begins to walk out of the waiting room while moaning, only to come right back and shove an empty chair across the area shouting "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOO! MOMMY!!"
    Professor Duncan: (in response to viewing Señor Chang's actions on the "secret videocamera" monitor) Houston, we have an idiot.
    • Oh, and then Troy's eventual meltdown:
    Troy: (between sobs) You promised BUTT STUFF!
    Troy: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH DUST IN HERE?!
    Troy: The Soul Train Awards were tonight!!
    • Bonus points for Troy dragging himself away on the floor at the end of his rant.
    • Professor Duncan when his "Duncan Principle" begins to fall apart as Abed is the only participant that has stayed in the room sane and collected - for the past 26 hours.
    Professor Duncan: (to a student exiting the room) Go! Fine! Go kill John Lennon again, you loser!
    Professor Duncan: (pointing to Annie after everyone else has left the classroom) YOU HAVE DESTROYED THE DUNCAN PRINCIPLE! (Leaves the room and shuts the door)
    • Hell, the fact that Duncan fell victim of his own principle.
  • In "Investigative Journalism" Buddy (played by Jack Black) tries to assure the group that adding him to the group won't change anything.
    Buddy: I know that you're scared that adding a new member might throw everything out of it's natural-*theme song plays*-rhythm.
  • During the parent teacher conference Britta insults Troy's Grandma, she then goes and cuts a switch, what really sells the effect though is Troy begging his Grandma to stop.
  • After Annie sees the 'anatomically correct' model of a penis she has to put a condom on, she asks 'is that considered large?'. Britta says "YES.", while Shirley's saying "Nooo."
    • And how about Annie's unimpressed description of a penis, which she's never actually seen before, despite not being a virgin: "It's a giant thumb in a turtleneck, whoop-de-doo!"
  • How did Troy name his pet monkey, with a twitter poll. They named it Annie's Boobs, Annie was not pleased.
  • Jeff, striving desperately to keep a secret.
    Jeff: Can my role in our group be whose trademark is his well-defined boundaries, like Private Smurf, Discreet Bear, or... Confidentiality Spice.
  • The group is having an argument after Annie dates Britta's ex. They reveal various sexual fantasies and comments group members have made about each other. Jeff states that their group is more complicated than a family because there's nothing to stop the members from being attracted to each other. Cue several silent moments of them making the most hilarious facial expressions ever at each other (recorded on the Main entry's entry for Crack Pairing), complete with Ho Yay and Les Yay.
  • Everyone on campus getting drunk at the STD fair. Then the Dean realizes that the free condoms leak, because he printed 'Greendale!' on them ("Everybody's getting preggers, and it's all your fault!") Then Abed (secretly the best athlete on campus) has to run to the P.A system to make an announcement.
    • Troy: "Hurry, Abed! Before people sex one another!"
      • Abed, later, over the P.A. system: "Everybody! Don't use the condoms! If you're gonna have sex, don't use condoms!
  • It came out of nowhere:
    Leonard: Hey guys, thanks for eating all the macaroni!
    Jeff: SHUT UP, LEONARD, NOBODY EVEN KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
    beat
    Jeff: (to Britta) I did eat all the macaroni. It's messed up that he knows.
    • From the same episode, Pierce plays Pictionary and has to draw a windmill, so he starts with the blades... by drawing a swastika. Senor Chang's rabbi brother comes in and gets offended. Chang and Pierce get into a fight and school security comes in to stop it.
      Campus Security: (in a weary tone) This will never stop until Pictionary bans the word "windmill".
  • Abed's hangover in "Communications Studies" - he can no longer pull out his store of pop culture references, and just says "Movie reference" when he'd normally have a joke.
  • "Why are Jeff and Britta making fun of those handicapped kids?"
  • Pretty much the entire ending scene of "The Science of Illusion", but particularly:
    Troy: It's not a meteor, it's a cookie wand!
    "...which isn't even a reference that I get, because the Cookie Crisp mascot wasn't a wizard when I was a kid, it was a burglar!"
    • In general, any time that Annie and Shirley compete over who gets to be the Cowboy Cop of their volunteer-security-guard partnership.
    Annie: Morning boys! I'm Annie Edison. But people call me 'Psycho' because I had a nervous breakdown in high school. My partner's a Christian housewife. [Shirley looks genuinely betrayed] Can we help you?
    Shirley: Actually, can we not help you? I tend to play by my own rules.
    Annie: She loves rules! I only have one — stay out of my way.
    Shirley: Stay out of mine more.
    • And before that, Dean Pelton's disappointment at Annie's trying to be tough by spitting.
      "Oh, Annie".
    • Annie's pursuit of Jeff, in which she ends up accidentally pepper-spraying herself in the face. She gets "sprayed" by running into the spray while firing it at Jeff.
    Annie: These are not tears! This is self-inflicted friendly fire, OK!
  • One of Jeff's Lawyer-ings of the group, regarding Annie:
    Jeff: *to no one in particular* Permission to treat the witness as hostile!
    Pierce: I'll allow it.
    • And using Abed as a stenographer
    Jeff: Did you record yesterday's Spanish class?
    Annie: I don't think so?
    Jeff: Abed.
    Abed: You said you record all your classes. Pierce called it "a spoiler alert."
    • Jeff ordering everyone to close their eyes so Annie's "Disney face" won't work on them.
    Jeff: Abed, close!
    Abed: Oh, don't worry about me. I can only connect with people through... [Sees Annie's "Disney face"] movies...
    Jeff: She's the Ark of the Covenant!
    [Abed gasps in horror & covers his eyes]
  • Troy reacts angrily to Abed stating that them moving in together would cause their relationship to Jump the Shark: "Oh, and for your information? There was an episode of Happy Days where a dude LITERALLY jumped over a shark. And it was the BEST ONE."
  • Troy: "Am I Black Boobs?"

     Season 2 
  • Professor Duncan using his force field to keep Senor Chang from eating.
    • It should be noted that in the Hilarious Outtakes, John Oliver messes up the line and says, "Excuse me, I need to use my forcefield to—Fuuuuck." Joel McHale's reaction is also priceless.
  • Duncan trying to get Abed to talk to him about seeing everything in Claymation:
    Duncan: Abed, I've been a professor of psychology here at Greendale for many years, and I think I can see a solution to this which might also help you with your situation.
  • Abed shows up at therapy.
    Abed: You lied to lure me into a group therapy session?
    Pierce: Surprise!
    Jeff: Pierce! You promised not to do that!
    Pierce: Surprise.
  • In Intro to Political Science.
    Dean: With eleven votes cast, eleven, come on, people, the landslide winner of the student election with seven votes is South Park!
    • The epic debate between Leonard and Magnitude.
      • The people watching the epic debate between Leonard and Magnitude.
  • After Britta mocks Troy and Abed for wanting to make a blanket fort:
    Shirley: Britta, that wasn't nice.
    Britta: I'm sorry, Shirley, but who wants to hang out in a blanket fort with grown men in tiny underoos?
    Dean: Hello!
  • Accounting For Lawyers Annie chloroforming the janitor at Jeff's old law firm, Troy's freaking out over it and Abed's plan to get them out of the situation.
    "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, MY WHOLE BRAIN IS CRYING!"
    • And when that plan doesn't work and the janitor spots the rag in Annie's hand, Annie chloroforms him again and they all run away.
    • When they were panicking about Annie chloforming the janitor, you can see she rubs the rag on her face.
  • The Cat Scare in "Epidemiology." "Is someone throwing it?"
    • And the fact that Jeff insists they put the whole Zombie Apocalypse happening around them on the backburner in order to deal with what he feels is the rather more pressing manic cat issue.
    • Zombie Troy and Abed clumsily doing their handshake.
      • On that same note, Zombie Jeff clumsily mashing buttons on his phone as he tries to text, and Zombie Annie peacefully sitting at a table reading as everyone else acts like normal zombies.
  • The Christmas pterodactyl. To say anything else would spoil the jaw-dropping randomness of it.
  • The True Meaning of Christmas:
    Abed: It's the first season of LOST on DVD.
    Pierce: That's the meaning of Christmas?
    Abed: No, it's a metaphor. It represents a lack of payoff.
  • The Dean's response to Jeff's "why were you looking at my transcript?": "Maybe it was a random spot-check. Maybe it was a specific spot-check. Maybe I'm making a scrapbook!"
  • Troy meeting Levar Burton.
    • "YOU CAN'T DISAPPOINT A PICTURE!"
    • In the tag, LeVar Burton eating Troy's dinner while he's still catatonic, saying "More fish for Kunta." This was actually a Throw It In.
  • The Comic Roleplay in "Intermediate Documentary Making" where Britta roleplays as Jeff's Dad... so Jeff roleplays as Britta's Dad.
    Britta: But what if he's coming though? What are you going to say to him? Here, I'll be him! I'll be him! Hi. Hey, hi I'm Jeff's dad, hi.
    Jeff: Hi, Jeff's dad. I'm Britta's dad.
    Britta: What? Why?
    Jeff: I don't know. Got drunk, didn't have a condom and her mom gets freaky when she hears Oingo Boingo!
    Britta: Oh god, I wish I could relate but much like my son I'm a closet homosexual.
    Jeff: Don't apologize for that. You're talking to the guy who banged Britta's mom. I have no standards.
    Britta: Well what do you say we take a tumble? I'll put on a wig.
    Jeff: That's it, you're under arrest.
    Britta: It's not illegal to be gay.
    Jeff: It is here in Iran.
    Britta: Not when we're in the "Green Zone"!
    Jeff: That's Iraq stupid.
    Britta: Well what do I know? I'm Jeff Winger's dumb gay dad! (leaves angrily)
    • It might be based on a cruel act of revenge-driven torturous emotional manipulation, but Pierce's feeble attempt at roleplaying Jeff's dad in the same episode is also hilarious.
    "Jeff's Dad": It's me, here in this sedan! See, I'm waving!
  • Anything Pierce or Troy says or do in "Documentary Filmaking"
  • Duncan's reason for being sober in "Asian Population Studies"
    Duncan: I apologize for my lateness but I wasn't sure how to find Greendale sober. (The class gasps) Yes I have stopped drinking, mainly due to the fact that I could no longer get an erection. So now that i'm on the wagon you can expect this class, and my penis, to be more focused and rewarding.
  • Troy brags that Abed will never see his gift coming... before we see that it's a remote control helicopter wrapped in tissue paper with the outline clearly visible.
    • And beautifully, when he receives it Abed clearly has no idea what it could be.
    • Pierce as The Gimp, which he doesn't even understand as he hasn't seen Pulp Fiction. "Am I the hero or the love interest?"
    • After Troy gives in to Chang's taunts and opens Jeff's gift to Abed:
      Britta: What are you guys doing?!
      Troy: Chang made me open it! He seduced me with his dark Chinese powers!
      Chang: (looking betrayed) Why do you leave him alone with me?!
  • The Gambit Pileup at the end of "Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design" and Dean Pelton's freakout: "WOULD THAT THIS HOODIE WERE A TIME HOODIE!"
  • In "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons", Annie as Hector the Well-Endowed having Head-Tiltingly Kinky sex with Abed as an Elf Maiden, using Relax-o-Vision audio (Please remember this was the D&D roleplaying episode). Words cannot do the scene justice
    • Troy is taking notes. Notes that fill the back of his character sheet.
    • Also earlier in the game Britta getting worked up over the Fantastic Racism in D&D and the plight of "Kyle the Gnome waiter" played by Abed and genuinely griefstricken over his "death" later.
    Jeff: Britta, he was an imaginary waiter.
    Britta: I wouldn't expect you to understand!
    • At the beginning of the game, Pierce's character is in danger of dying of hypothermia. During Jeff's turn, Abed explains that Pierce only has thirteen turns to live. What does Jeff decide to do?
    Jeff: I wait fourteen turns.
  • In "Paradigms of Human Memory":
    • After Annie invokes a montage of the "long looks, stolen glances, general atmosphere of 'will they, might they'" between her and Jeff, set to romantic music by Sara Bareilles (a parody of a real fanvid), he objects that "You could do the same thing with — Pierce and Abed!" After a pause with Abed looking thoughtful, we get an identical montage for Pierce and Abed, complete with the same music.
      Jeff: Abed, it's called chemistry. I have it with EVERYONE.
      Abed: Come on, Jeff. There's clearly more between you and Annie than there is between me and Pierce.
      Pierce: (outraged, to Abed) HOW DARE YOU!
    • Jeff's composite Rousing Speech.
  • Jeff's thinly veiled insecurity about the Black Rider being better looking than him. "Dude, you have a problem."
    • The Black Rider flatly denying having heard of Jeff.
      Jeff: He's lying!
  • Magnitude's "death" scene:
    Magnitude: Pop... ['Dies']
    Troy: Pop what?! Pop what?! What is he trying to say?! POP WHAT, MAGNITUDE?!!
  • "Denny's is for winners!"
  • When Pierce discovers Jeff and Troy's secret trampoline (in Greendale's secluded garden) in "Aerodynamics of Gender" and forces Troy to "double bounce" him against the wishes of the Joshua, the groundskeeper who protects the garden. Pierce is sent rocketing in the air, and he ends up bouncing off of a group of hedges outside the garden and smack into a dumpster.
    • There's also the utter reversal of the Magical Negro trope when we find out that Joshua is a hardcore racist.
  • The credits scene in "Critical Film Studies", where Abed and Troy are dining at the expensive restaurant. When they get the check, Troy's eyes get comically large and he starts crying.
    Troy: They said market prices. WHAT KIND OF MARKET ARE YOU SHOPPING AT?!
  • "In England, everything means vagina."
  • Britta's "May... be... we... do" comment.
  • Abed making Troy believe he can turn into a cartoon with a cartoon version of himself painted on a wall in season 2 episode 2.
    Abed: All you have have to do is believe! [Troy gears up to run into the "cartoon world"; Abed pops out of a dumpster seconds before he does:] Wait! You don't have to believe.
    Troy: I didn't! [Clearly disappointed] I didn't...
    [Clearly broken, Troy slinks away.]
    Abed: I may have done some damage there.
  • The group arguing about the Barenaked Ladies.
  • Nurse Jackie's Take That to Indiana Jones.
    "Yeah, but the temple is a temple of doom! And like the real Temple of Doom, it represents the inconvenient fact that all good things, be they people or movie franchises, eventually collapse into sagging, sloppy piles of hard-to-follow nonsense."
  • "It's hard to be Jewish, it's hard to be Jewish, it's hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo!"
  • The scene in "Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design" when Jeff tells Annie to blow off a strange occurrence and Annie sarcastically decides to blow off standing, walking, and talking language as well. Jeff leaves her sprawled on the hallway floor making nonsensical "blah-blee-bloo" sounds.

     Season 3 
  • Cougarton Abbey.
  • The intro of Pillows and Blankets.
  • Annie rants while annoyingly moving her straw around in her cup lid. Troy reaches over, removes the lid, and gives the cup back, without Annie noticing at all.
  • Troy using a Southern Accent while representing Georgia for the Model U.N. The Country Georgia. And he knows it, but uses a Southern Accent anyway.
  • Annie Kim's bafflement at Jeff and Annie's relationship.
    Annie Kim: Is he your father or your lover?
    Jeff: Annie, stop. You're acting like a little school girl and not in a hot way.
  • Picture time with the Study Group.
    Shirley': And here's Ben dressed like a dragon.
    Annie & Britta: Awwwwww.
    Troy: Here's me & Abed dressed like Eddie Murphy & Nick Nolte.
    The girls & Pierce: Awwwwww.
    Annie: Who's Nick Nolte?
    Everyone Else: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
  • The study group being mean to Todd because he's basically a nice person.
    Todd: OFFENSE TAKEN!... offense taken.
    Todd: I thought you were supposed to be family! You were supposed to love each other! Your love is weird!!!!!!
    • Professor Kane: What did you do to my man Todd? You know he's an Iraq War veteran.
  • Timeline 5 in "Remedial Chaos Theory," where Troy is the one who gets the pizza. While he's gone, a series of horrible freak accidents occur, and when he gets back the apartment's on fire, Pierce has been shot in the leg, and a terrifying troll doll is staring at him from the center of the chaos. Troy's reaction is priceless.
    • The Stinger following up on the events of Timeline 5. Abed's decided they should become evil doppelgangers of the study group in Timeline 7, and as such need the appropriate attire ASAP. So he's made them all felt goatees to wear. Also, Britta's put a blue streak in her hair to represent the "darker" study group, and considers this on par with Jeff losing an arm.
    • "Clearly you don't know anything about defeating trolls!"
    • Pierce tormenting Troy with the Norwegian Troll figure in Timeline 4.
    Feel the terror, Troy! Feel the terror of the Norwegian Troll!!!
  • All of the stories the study group tells in "Horror Fiction In Seven Spooky Steps" are hilarious in their own ways. All of them.
    • Abed's face after Annie finishes her Halloween story. He's never looked so openly horrified.
    • Britta getting dramatic when she reveals the results of the personality tests to Jeff:
    Britta: One of the tests came back with seventy out of seventy-five red-flags for an extreme personality disorder. Extreme, Jeff!
    Jeff: [Mock-terrified] Like a Dorito?!
    Britta: A sociopathic Dorito! A cool-ranch lunatic! Only instead of zest, Jeff, one member of our study group has — homicidal tendencies!
    [Cut to a shot of the other members of the study group dancing happily]
    • The cabin in Annie's story has both lamps and candles.
    Vampire Jeff: Wait! Teach me to read.
    • Pierce threatening everyone with a fire extinguisher.
      You don't wanna be barium sulfated!
  • Troy and Abed pretending to be each other so Troy has a loophole to tell a secret. "I like football, but also I don't."
  • The priest at Pierce's dad's funeral telling Britta, "You're the worst."
  • Almost anything said and done by Bat!Abed in "Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism":
    "The night beckons. Its black fingers curl and uncurl, going, like, 'hey, come here'... there can be no peace while crime spits and dances on the reef of justice to the infectious beats of all that is wrong."
    • "Say, you look familiar. Did I ever pretend to shoot a guy in front of you to teach you a lesson about gun safety?"
      • And what makes it better is that the officer says this as if this is something he does all the time.
    • Bat!Abed's confrontation with Rick the Landlord. Despite the fact that Bat!Abed is less-than-effective at even getting into the apartment, Rick seems to be under the impression that he's actually being interrogated by Batman himself.
  • After Troy (and a few others) has been kidnapped to see if they are good enough to be air conditioning students (What sells it is John Goodman's deadpan delivery):
    • Then, later in the episode, when Troy snaps at the Janitor:
      Troy: I'm going to eat spaceman paninis with Black Hitler and there's nothing you can do about it!
  • "HE TWEETED IT!!!!!"
    • The fight between the Dean and Jeff in the green screen room while stock footage and a cover of Christopher Cross's "Sailing" plays was surreal and priceless.
    • "I liked Horsebot 3000."
  • Jeff's scarily accurate impression of the Dean in "Documentary Filmmaking Redux".
    Jeff: This is my sister's!
    • The montage of Britta and Troy being forced to hug over and over again for twelve hours, until they start having full on breakdowns while still trying to do the shot.
    • Annie's little meltdown, in which she rants about how the Dean is a genius and not just an idiot who's made her waste two weeks of her life — Alison Brie excels at bringing the wild-eyed crazy.
    • The Dean on the phone with Luis Guzman saying "I loved you in... in..." stalling while Annie checks her iPhone for a movie Guzman was in. She hands her phone to the Dean who looks at it and finally says "...IMDB!'' The Dean looks back at Annie: "That was tragic."
  • "Regional Holiday Music." ALL OF IT. It's basically Glee crossed with Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And it is glorious!
    • When Britta rushes onstage of the Christmas pageant to sing her "heart song" Dean Pelton disappointedly checking the program: "Oh, Britta's in this?"
    • Annie's increasingly dumb sexpot Christmas song.
    Annie: Boopie doopie boop doop sex!
    Jeff: ...Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness.
    Annie: What's a diminunyuh nyumwyuh?
    • Baby Boomer Santa. A pastiche of popular music from the 1940s to the 1980s solely for the purpose of playing on Pierce's baby-boomer sense of historical vanity. And it is hilarious.
      • The shots of Pierce's increasing delight and the study group's horror until he finally joins in and belts out:
    "You're welcome! You're welcome! For all that I bring/ to the world! I'm Baby Boomer Santa/I'm an American pearl!"
  • During Shirley and Pierce's slide show presentation to the Dean about opening a sandwich shop in the cafeteria a drawing of the Dean in the style of the Monopoly guy carrying a money bag in each hand appears.
    Dean Pelton: "That's me! Where did I get all the money I'm holding?"
    • Annie's desperate excitement about helping Shirley plan her wedding: "Oh hey guys! Did someone say 'Annie', 'help', 'wedding' and something about maybe hydrangeas?"
      • And before that, Shirley laughing at Britta for 2 whole minutes for suggesting that she prepare her wedding.
  • The Dean collapsing and convulsing in the hallway upon seeing how hot Jeff looks wearing aviator glasses.
    "Oh my god, even his shadow! Look at his shadow!!"
  • The study group getting roped into being celebrity impersonators at a bar mitzvah to pay Abed's debt. Jeff is tall Ryan Seacrest, Troy and Britta are young and old Michael Jackson, Shirley is Oprah, Pierce is "Fat Marlon Brando" and Abed is Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies.
    • "If you have anything else to say, say it in a high-pitched voice while walking backwards." "Jeff is in grave danger, hee-hee!"
  • In "Digital Exploration of Interior Design", the Subway executive listens to the tape of Britta and "corpo-humanoid" Subway's apparently "way out of the mainstream" sexual explorations, with the result that Subway is stripped of his job and dragged away by goons in black suits. When comes time to leave, however, the executive seems curiously reluctant to leave his seat:
    Subway executive: If someone could hand me my jacket?
    Pierce: [Helpfully] It's right over there on the coat-rack next to the door.
    Subway executive: ...If somebody could just hand it to me, that would be great.
    [Awkward pause]
    Dean Pelton: I guess I'm confused; why don't you just grab it on your way out the door —
    Subway executive: You know what? Now I'm not leaving. Now I'm just going to sit for a while and focus on how unacceptable today was.
  • "Leonard likes this post."
  • SAVE GARRETT
    • Student: Rally for Garrett!
      Annie: But we saved him!
      Student: Did we?
  • Jeff becoming The Incredible Hulk of vanity when he is flattered.
  • Chang's pouting.
  • Abed, on having the Dean suddenly show up at his door wearing pyjamas and carrying a six-pack and a packet of potato chips: "I need help reacting to something."
  • "Basic Lupine Urology" is just filled with funny moments.
    Jeff: "To be fair, she got me here with an extremely misleading text message."
    Annie: "Well, technically, you are about to get screwed in the Biology room."
    • The subverted Fake-Out Make-Out. "Explaining isn't the issue!"
    • Shirley's immediate shift into Da Chief.
    • Leslie Hendrix as Dr. Rodgers, straight out of an actual Law & Order episode.
    • During the trial, Annie accusing Todd of various things like popping pills, beating his wife and being a virgin and immediately withdrawing them before his lawyer can object.
    • "Objection, she's clearly ramping up to something."
      • "Objection, that's not a real objection."
      • "Objection, I hate both of you."
    • "I'm sorry about my partner. He's been on edge ever since we switched."
    • "A man's got to have a code."
  • Pierce and Chang's "breakup" montage.
  • Troy becoming the Only Sane Man to the Air-Conditioning Repair School. No, really.
    AC Student: Let's take him to the Infinite Labrynith of Eternal Ice!
    Troy: No! No! Take him to the police. He killed a man, take him to jail. You guys are weird.
    • Also, the very nonchalant way in which he says, "Yeah, I told the Air-Conditioning Repair School that they had to start acting like a normal school. I can do that, cuz I'm their Messiah."
    • From the same episode the announcer from the Sun Chamber. His delivery is PERFECT.
    "You already know the rules... because there AREN'T ANY!!!!"
    • And he's promptly removed by a much more low-key announcer who asks if he's on cocaine.
    "Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke? Take that crap off and sit down. Of course there are rules."
  • Evil!Abed being a dick in the prime timeline.
    • Especially when he tries to get Jeff's attention after discovering his bone-saw cord is too short; he sort of waves in an awkward "Hey, Jeff! Come and look at my cool bone-saw!" fashion.
    • And afterwards, his reunion with Troy.
    Abed: I went crazy and tried to cut off Jeff's arm. (Jeff raises his eyebrows in alarm.)
    Troy: [largely unfazed] I missed you, buddy.
  • Annie's Christian Bale impression.
    "This scene was a special challenge to all involved".
  • Abed playing the video game.
    Abed: If you max out her character's trust and affection levels, you can gain access to a front-end scripting language. See, she can make babies for me.
    And later:
    Abed: The babies are capable of executing custom code, so you can write a script that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, much like real children on a playground.
    Annie: Oh, Abed, but...
    Jeff: Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later.
  • Britta just made a joke.
    Annie: Britta, don't make jokes! You're bad at it!
  • Jeff's comment that at the end of the sentence he's speaking, 100 people will have died in China. Troy looks up in absolute horror and screams "WHY [Beat] DID YOU STOP TALKING?" and proceeds to call his penpal & ask if they're okay, before ending the call a second later because the call is costing 7 dollars.
  • Every single time Lionel Richie's "Hello" pops up on the soundtrack when Britta rebels against Chang's authority. It's a match made in heaven.

     Season 4 
  • Concerning the Dean
    Jeff: This can't be good. He's dressed as himself.
    Jeff: Please tell me you're breaking into that condo.
  • The little ads for fake shows on Abed TV, like American Sword Cooks and Blind/Blonde.
  • As the Dean's telling Jeff how bad his day was:
    The Dean: Somebody moved my stapler.
  • In the Dean's office:
    Shirley: Jeffrey, is that blood on your shirt?
    Jeff: Oh no, it's cool. It's Leonard's.
  • Britta is choking Troy.
    Troy: Why does this feel good?
  • Baby Jeff:
    Baby Jeff: Guys, I have something to say.
    All: Yeah! Like always!
  • "Greendale Babies". All of it.
  • Everything Troy says in Paranormal Parentage
    Troy: I broke the remote! (beat) Do you think it's expensive?
    Troy: He's the one hiding the indoor swing and I'm a child?
    Troy: What's with all the (sex) collars? Secret dogs!
  • In "Herstory of Dance", Pierce tries to force Britta to get off of a computer because "his e-mail is on it" and he doesn't quite understand how mail works.
    Pierce: You're talking to the wisest man on campus. Now, seriously, I need to get onto my e-mail. The post office is about to close.
  • Also in "Herstory of Dance", Troy and Abed notice Chang advertising for Britta's dance.
    Abed: That guy's like teflon. No matter how much awful stuff he does, he keeps getting another chance.
  • Abed shushing Annie after she pointed out that a 4-pronged trident should be called a quadrudent in "Alternative History Of The German Invasion".
  • Jeff's increasing distress whenever Abed mentions the time he (as his evil self from the darkest timeline) tried to cut off his arm.
    Abed: Like that time I tried to cut off Jeff's arm.
    Jeff: Why do you keep saying that?
  • The Dean "switching bodies" with Jeff, and Annie's increasing attraction to him.
    • And Annie's complete & utter confusion over why it's even happening.

     Season 5 
  • A new class called "Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad?" appears. Abed subsequently goes crazy trying to find the answer. And it is glorious (even Prof. Garrity thought so).
    "I'm a cat! I'm a sexy cat!"
  • Jeff tells Annie, Troy, and Britta that minuses in grades don't mean anything. They tell the rest of the school. A riot ensues.
  • Troy angrily calls Zach Braff a son of a bitch for only appearing in 6 episodes of Season 9 of Scrubs. ("After everything that Scrubs did for him?!"), which is a Take That against his own actor, who will only be appearing in 5 episodes of this season.
  • The Dean's sad inner French song while a Single Tear rolls down his cheek.
    "My thoughts... are French."
  • "ASS! CRACK! BANDIIIIT!"
  • Annie, backed into a corner by Duncan and not wanting to bend over to pick up the keys she dropped on the ground, basically contorts herself against the wall to retrieve them.
  • The Dean furiously snapping trying to get his secretary to trace the call, his secretary having no idea what he wants her to do, and then telling him he can just look at the extension since they have caller ID.
  • In "Cooperative Polygraphy", the increasingly aggressive and frustrated verbal abuse heaped upon the lie detector monitor who seems just a tad too enthusiastic to point out when members of the study group are lying.
    Monitor: They're all lying.
    Shirley: WE KNOW THAT, YOU JUDGMENTAL BITCH!
    • The Tag with the study group uncomfortably sitting with Mr. Stone in a booth in a bar as he drops his facade as The Stoic and enthusiastically tells him what he was thinking during the episode.
    • The study group being bequeathed with Pierce's sperm. The first time, there's a sort-of logical justification behind it (Pierce, who is convinced that Britta is a lesbian, donates it to her in case she wants to have children), the next few times still kind of make some warped form of sense (the other women in the group and Jeff, who Pierce is convinced is gay), but by the time Abed and Troy come around, they're clearly just getting some so as not to be left out ("Here's your obligatory sperm.").
    • "I didn't just masturbate in the study room. I masturbated EVERYWHERE!"
  • "IT'S A BEAR DANCE!!"
  • The Dean's rap in the Cold Open of "VCR Repair and Educational Publishing". He's dressed as a Payday candy bar and starts rapping an apology to Jeff and Hickey for delaying their paychecks. It gets real.
    Well, I’m a peanut bar, and I’m here to say
    Your checks will arrive on another day!
    (starts rapping faster)
    Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another dollar,
    Another stuffed shirt with another white collar,
    Criminals, Wall Street, taking the pie,
    (starts getting more angry)
    And all the black man gets is a plate of white lies,
    Prisons recruiting, the police be shooting,
    Them rap artists looting, them labels all deluding,
    (loudly shouting)
    And BARACK OBAMA IS SCARED O' ME!!
    'CAUSE I DON'T SWALLOW KNOWLEDGE AND I SPIT IT FOR FREE,
    LET ME CLEAR MY THROAT! UH-HUH-HUH-
    (The Dean suddenly gets a hold of himself, drops his microphone and cries)
    "I don't know what that was! I don't know what that was!"
    (Dean runs out of the room in tears)
  • Hickey's "interrogation" of a pair of hobgoblins in the Dungeons and Dragons game.
  • Destro's funeral in "G.I Jeff".
    Cobra Commander: The first time I met Destro, he asked me if he should have his entire head coated in chrome. I said "No. How would you do that? How would that even work?" [Cobra Commander's wrist communicator beeps; he switches it off] Look, I'm not good at eulogies. Because... I've never had to give one! All I want to know is: how did G.I Joe do this?! We've been shooting at each other and missing for twenty years! And now all of a sudden — [His wrist communicator goes off again] Unbelievable. [He activates it] What?!
    Vice Cobra Assistant Commander: Cobra Commander, it's Vice Cobra Assistant Commander! We just got a very interesting energy surge at the Greendale site.
    Cobra Commander: Oh, okay, that's super fascinating, um DESTRO'S DEAD!!!
    Vice Cobra Assistant Commander: Oh my gosh, Destro?! Were you guys close?
    Cobra Commander: Were we close?! Yes! What kind of a question is — okay, fine! I LOVED HIM! Is that what you want to hear?!
    Zartan: Called it.
    • Heck, the entire G.I. Joe episode was one. Especially the end as Jeff passes through the toy commercial, flies out of the kid's hand, and turns around to knock him out before returning back to consciousness.

     General 
  • Troy and Abed airing Someday
    • A meta example is Community making fun of NBC screwing with their air date.
  • Troy has some great one-liners.
    Did you know that Gogurt is just yogurt?
    And if we need an escape goat, I think we should just let this one go. (Said while sitting next to a goat. And covering its ears so it's not offended)
    I hope [Gary] transfers to HELL!
    Whoa, who taught you therapy, Michael Jackson's dad?
    That guy looks like Moby.
    Have you ever been to a puppy parade midway? It is pointless.
    I hope I develop multiple personalities. I get lonely in long showers.
    That guy's a mess. It's like God spilled a person.
    You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, they always went on dope adventures, and if anything got in his way he just peed on it.
    (in a Batman voice) That's one of my biggest fears. Like, if I woke up as a donut, I'd eat myself. I wouldn't even think about it.
    (to Shirley) Uh, I can swim, racist.
    You're the AT&T of people.
    Dammit Shirley, forget about your newborn child, and think about the people who need you!
    There was a time and a place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie.
    You are the opposite of Batman.
    [Upon discovering his landlord's huge collection of women's shoes] Wait a minute; Rick doesn't have a wife... or women's feet.
    It smells like a Waffle House sink!
    (After seeing Britta in the season 2 premiere) "Toy Story... Britta!"
    (After finding out Jeff and Britta had sex on the table) "Oooooohhhh-some!"
  • Donald Glover's eyes.
    • Donald. Glover's. Eyes.
    • "SET PHASERS TO 'LOVE ME!'"
  • In a meta example (for a meta show), on the DVD commentaries, Donald Glover's own CMOF is being lured into the bathroom by a piece of cake in "English As A Second Language".
    • Dan Harmon cites the "Those aren't thumbs" joke from "Basic Rocket Science" as his own favorite joke of Season 2.
    • The 'Psychology of Letting Go' commentary is also hysterical, though the best parts are Chevy Chase insisting that Shirley is played by a robot and all of the commentators marveling that, for some reason, John Oliver cannot write a 'G' properly.
    • Donald Glover and Gillian Jacobs hijack the "Applied Anthropology And Culinary Arts" commentary after the actual commentators joke that they're having sex outside the glass. The others are appalled that they "broke the seal" of the commentary booth.
  • The commentary for "Geography of Global Conflict" reveals that Garrett's "Crisis alert!" line is a CMOF for the actors and production staff.
  • From the outtakes of the tag where Troy keeps trying to leave a message for Abed:
    Ay, Abed, it's Troy, back the fuck up!
  • From a genuinely Heartwarming moment (on Twitter) where Jeff invites the study group to the steak dinner date for one he mentions in the first season, Jeff says he made the reservation for L Street. Britta can't remember where it is and says it "sounds douchey". Troy's response:
    Troy: YOU DON'T REMEMBER?
    • Really, the entire conversation, as the Dean & Chang manage to invite themselves along, and then they start changing Jeff's plans to go to Senior Kevin's instead.


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