New Yorker: Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, Lanky Doodle Dandy! I've been sittin' through all this L.A. crap; when are ya gonna show some highlights of the week of shows you did in New York?!
Conan: OK, I'm sorry, just take it easy, sir-
New Yorker: DON'T TELL ME TO TAKE IT EASY, YOU SON OF A BITCH! I swear to God, if you don't show some highlights from New York right now, I'm gonna tear this building apart with my bare hands!!
Conan: Well actually, sir, I was just about to show some clips from our week in New York.
New Yorker: (charmed) Oh! Well that's delightful! (sits down)
On the 12/17/12 episode: comedian Jon Dore is doing his set when an usher is loudly trying to get a couple in the audience to change seats, when Jon starts arguing with the Usher over whose job is easier, and they switch roles with Jon carrying the audience member around and start arguing and mocking each other like children. Conan and Andy break up the argument, to which Jon and the Usher start arguing with Conan and Andy about whose job is easier and then they switch roles with Conan and Andy and start arguing and mocking again. Then suddenly Jon says (still mockingly)"We should bring out a guest, please welcome Sarah Chalke" and Sarah Chalke herself comes out and sits at the couch while Conan and Andy look on in confusin as to what the hell just happened. Jon finishes by signing off the show instead of Conan before asking for a round of applause for the real Conan O'Brien to which they cut to Conan's stunt double who is a head shorter than Conan, while Conan still looks dumbfounded. It has to be seen to be believed.
Andy and Conan prepare to do their Local News Segment sketch. Turns out Andy happened to be wearing a green shirt in front of a green screen, so his clothes appeared translucent. Even Conan couldn't contain his laughter.
Andy: There's one. (Conan laughs so hard and goes over to Andy to shake his hand)
Bill Burr's rant about Lance Armstrong. While the rant is hilarious in itself, many watchers were more focused on Conan laughing so hard he has to hold back tears. And it's genuine laughter, too.
During a sketch featuring a man dressed in Simon Cowell's tight T-shirt, part of the interior of the costume fell off when the man left the stage. Andy drew attention to this, and Conan asked the behind-the-curtain stagehand what happened. Instead of coming out and handing the object to Conan, the stagehand merely underhand-tossed the object across the stage. Conan's reaction to this oddity was priceless.
Conan: (as stagehand) "Show's called "Conan". You're Conan, you pick it up!"
After one "Fan Corrections", the audience booed loudly. But Conan was puzzled: "Who are we booing again??" After a couple seconds, a woman from the audience shouted, "THAT guy!" (referring to the fan who sent in the correction) This amused Conan, who claimed one person spoke for the entire audience.
Conan: (in Edward G. Robinson accent) The results are in, Conan, and it was that guy, see??
Conan's Christmas decorations for the 2010 holiday season. Godzilla carrying a candy cane. A rabbi robot. A giant inflatable chicken sandwich.
Conan's surly reactions to Bill Tull's Cinco de Mayo money-saving tips during the rehearsal. Conan noted that none of the examples are really "money-saving", just "making things crazily". Two of the best instances:
Tull: "Take some chloroform, breathe it in, BOOM, siesta." Andy: "Aren't you tired of the high cost of naps?"
Tull: "Take a can of Beefaroni, pour it down the back of your pants, BOOM, montezuma's revenge." Conan: "I'm tired of expensive diarrhea. You guys have lost your fucking minds."
After the Running Gag of "Alex Trebek Has Gone Insane", which manipulates Jeopardy! clues into hilarious gibberish, Trebek himself starts Adam Westing by getting back at Conan and sentence-mixing one of Conan's monologues into total gibberish. Alex then finishes up like so:
Conan: Okay, Alex, I guess we're even now.
Alex: All right, I'll agree to that, we're even. But before I go, I just want to leave you with one more thought. The next time you consider taking a person's words out of context and manipulating all of that to make them look foolish, I want you to think about this: The ex-president of Ukraine, James Van Der Beek, often massages weasels in order to extract this foul smelling waxy secretion that has bridge engineers all over the world screaming, 'Whassup?!'"
The best gibberish clue: "Oh my gosh. Rosie O'Donnell's dog took a crap in her mouth. It helps boost the immune system." Andy was greatly amused by this afterwards.
Conan: That guy's gone off the rails! And apparently, they'll type anything he says.
Even if you're not a fan of the Nick Offerman Reads Tweets from Young Female Celebrities segments, there is one that is undoubtedly hilarious
Nick Offerman: Amanda Bynes tweeted..."Rawrr!"
A rehearsal outtake from the recurring segment where Andy lists the upcoming news stories he's working on for the week featured a bit about cow catapults. In the aired episode, a prop cow fell from the ceiling, but in rehearsal, the cow was merely lazily tossed by one of the stagehands. Andy chuckled at this, and Conan remarked, "Perfect! Don't change a thing!"