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Funny / The Naked Gun

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    The Naked Gun - From The Files Of Police Squad! 
  • The entire opening scene, where a council composed of the 80s' most notorious terrorists and dictators argue among themselves over what terrorist act to commit this week. Frank is there in disguise as a tea server and proceeds to mop the floor with all of them. Highlights include him wiping off Gorbachev's birthmark with a rag— it's fake, and Frank exclaims "I knew it!" And when he faces Khomeini for the second time, he knocks his turban off, revealing his bright orange mohawk, to which Frank makes a baffled Aside Glance before punting the Ayatollah in the nads.
    • The very end of that brawl scene. On the way out of the room, another thug lunges towards Frank but he just lifelessly nudges him out of the way. The thug doesn't even make a second attempt to attack him.
  • Nordberg telling the seven armed goons to drop their guns. And one of them does, earning incredulous looks from several of the others.
    • And the other goons then proceeding to shoot Nordberg, Nordberg surviving and remaining conscious only for him to suffer all sorts of bizarre and hilarious injuries—including getting hit with a wedding cake and then stepping into a bear trap—before falling off the boat and into the water(and still surviving only to suffer yet more injuries in the hospital, first when Frank goes to visit him and then when Frank goes to stop a hypnotized doctor from assassinating him).
    • His poor attempts to comfort Mrs. Nordberg.
    Wilma: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
    Frank: It's hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...
    (Wilma cries, loudly)
    Ed: Frank, get a hold of yourself! A good cop, needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlums. No way for a man to die.
    Frank: You're right, Ed. A parachute not opening, that's the way to die. Getting caught in a combine, having your nuts bit off by a Laplander. That's the way I want to go.
    Wilma: (cries again) Frank! This is terrible!
    Ed: Don't worry, Wilma. Your husband is gonna be all right. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
    Frank: He's right, Wilma, but I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
    (Wilma cries again)
    Ed: What I'm trying to say is, as soon as Nordberg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.
    Frank: Unless he's a drooling vegetable, but that's only common sense.
    (more loud crying)
    • In a deleted bit of dialogue:
    Wilma: (referring to Nordberg) Now we can never have children!
    Frank: Wilma, please, he's not even dead yet. We'll discuss our lives later.
    • Mrs. Nordberg's snot.
    • This line: "Wilma, I promise you: Whatever scum did this, no man on the force will rest until he's behind bars. Now let's grab a bite to eat."
    • In the deleted scenes, on the way out the room, Frank shuts off all the lights, but unknowingly shuts off Nordberg's oxygen. An alarm goes off as the trio walks down the hall and we see doctors scrambling into Nordberg's room to revive him. An oblivious Frank tells Wilma: "Just be glad you're not the wife of that guy."
    • When Drebin goes to investigate the ship, there's a chalk line where Nordberg's body was found... that is, IN THE WATER.
  • The press conference where Drebin forgets to turn off his microphone before going to the bathroom. Even funnier now that this has happened in real life.
  • Drebin pays a dock worker for information. The dock worker then pays him to find out why he wants to know. It gets funnier from there.
  • The scene in Ludwig's office where Frank drops a priceless pen in Ludwig's tank and, when he tries to retrieve it, gets bitten by a Japanese fighting fish. In the process of trying to get it off his finger, the fish grabs onto his nose. He desperately tries to silence his pain while Ludwig's back is turned:
    Ludwig: (looking out the window) As you know, I'm not the kind of man who takes such things lightly. There is no room in my organization for criminal activity. Look out there: A vast commercial development built by me. Do you have any idea what was out there, just five years ago?
    Ludwig: (still looking out the window) You bet you do. Orange groves! Acres of them. As far as the eye could see. But now that land will generate ten times the amount of profit per square foot. (Frank gets the fish loose and Ludwig turns around, noticing Frank's red nose) Are you all right, Lieutenant?
    (Frank nods stoically)
  • Frank's Inner Monologue upon meeting Jane:
    Frank: Her hair was the color of gold in old paintings. She had a full set of curves, and the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day. She gave me a look I could feel in my hip pocket. (Jane runs into a wall since she was looking back at Frank) Yep, this was starting to get interesting.
  • When Jane climbs up a ladder:
    Frank: (seemingly looking up her dress) Say, nice beaver!
    Jane: Thank you, I just had it stuffed. (brings a stuffed and mounted beaver into view)
  • Drebin's worst case of Drives Like Crazy when violently parks his car triggering the airbags which end up putting the car in drive which almost runs him down. He shoots at his own car and forces some bystanders to give statements which probably ruin their day. And worst of all, he doesn't even realize it's his own car.
    Frank: Anybody catch the license plate? Anybody get a good look at the driver?
  • Drebin climbs in a car to chase a would-be murderer... and realizes too late that it's a Driver's Ed car.
  • Frank and Jane put on full-body condoms before having sex.
  • Frank and Jane exit a cinema laughing... after watching Platoon!
    • Their whole "falling in love" montage, and they only met yesterday. Set to "I'm Into Something Good," by Herman's Hermits, for extra goofiness.
    • Their date ends with the music title appearing at the bottom left of the screen like a music video.
  • The mechanical piano episode.
  • This scene, a reference to Dirty Harry:
    Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year. That's my policy.
    Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos, dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards! That's my policy!
    Mayor: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
    • Not long after that:
    Frank: I was up in Ludwig's office last night.
    Jane: Oh how nice! Did he show you his collection of priceless Ming vases and rare oil paintings?
  • When Frank goes to the warehouse:
    Thug: I got a message for you, from Vincent Ludwig! Take this, you son of a— (shoots at Frank while shouting)
  • Ed is checking people for weapons at the Queen's dinner. Frank helps out and frisks a guy while Ed holds him. Frank unknowingly reaches into Ed's pockets instead of the guy's, producing a gun, as well as...
    Frank: Ed, he's got a picture of your wife!
    Ed: Ethel! *POW!*
    Frank: All right, anyone else here seeing his wife?
    Ed: Uh, that's all right, Frank...
  • A brief deleted bit of dialogue between Ludwig and Frank at the dinner party:
    Ludwig: I make one phone call, and you're off the force.
    Frank: Go ahead. I'll make two phone calls and get back ON the force.
  • Frank thinks Jane is set him up with one of Ludwig's assassins and dumps her:
    Drebin: Oh and by the way... I faked every orgasm.
    • Frank trying to give back a garter he thought belonged to Jane.
  • Frank mistaking a vintage musket as an assassination weapon and tackling the queen, sliding down a reaaaaaallly long table and landing on the front page with a picture of her legs wrapped around him.
  • Frank cleaning out his desk.
    Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
    • In a deleted scene, Frank briefly goes into a fit and trashes his desk, including scratching it repeatedly. Al approaches:
    Frank: (annoyed) What is it, Al?!
    Al: That's my desk. You're over there.
  • Frank's about to leave the force, but not without delivering this gem perfectly:
    Frank: Just think; next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.
  • Drebin — impersonating Enrico Pallazzo — mangles the American National Anthem: "Whose bright stripes and broad stars... through the perilous... night... o'er the ramparts we watched... *gibberish*". Made even funnier by the fact that the real Pallazzo is forced to watch it on TV as he's tied up in the locker room.
    • And the look on the mayor's face once she realizes just who is singing is simply priceless.
    • If you take the time to listen to the background music during the anthem, you will notice that it is matching Drebin's off-key singing.
    • Thanks to Christina Aguilera's Super Bowl XLV performance - and many other events before it - this scene has become Hilarious in Hindsight.
  • The baseball bloopers which featured a player getting mauled by a tiger.
    • And another somehow decapitating himself.
      • One of the sports announcers - Dick Enberg - is wide-eyed and shakes his head in disbelief, as Mel Allen sits alongside laughing, and saying his legendary catchphrase, "How about that?!".
    • Also introducing the very large announcing crew for the current game including legendary basketball announcer Dick Vitale, and ending with Dr. Joyce Brothers.
  • Drebin's switching clothes with an umpire, and a janitor walks in during:
    Janitor: Whoops! Sorry, fellas. (backs out)
  • Drebin replaces the umpire and steals the show. See for yourself.
  • Even the Queen of England is expected to pass food and drinks down the row at the game.
  • "Hey! It's Enrico Pallazzo!!"
  • When Ludwig takes Jane hostage during the climax, Frank responds by taking a random bystander hostage as well.
    Frank: Two can play at that game!
  • The villain dies by falling off the upper deck of a baseball stadium, getting hit by a bus, smushed by a steamroller, and finally trampled by a marching band playing "Louie, Louie".
    Ed: Oh, Frank! It’s horrible. It’s so horrible!
    Drebin: I know...
    Ed: My father went the same way!
  • A Crowning Moment of Heartwarming which became a Crowning Moment Of Ridiculous:
    Drebin: The problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans, but this is our hill and these are our beans.
  • The very last joke of the movie, after Frank's pat on the back to wheelchair-bound Nordberg inadvertently sends him rolling down the stairs:
    Jane: Oh Frank, everyone should have a friend like you.
    (Nordberg hits the guard rail and is flung out of the wheelchair while screaming)

    The Naked Gun 2½ - The Smell Of Fear 
  • The opening scene, where Frank causes all sorts of unintended mayhem while trying to eat dinner at the White House. Of particular note is twisting a lobster so that the lobster keeps inching closer to Mayor Barkley. Then the lobster claw pinches the mayor's breasts. Finally, he breaks a claw apart and accidentally punches Barbara Bush in the face.
  • The intro sequence. A woman gives birth to the police car.
  • The bomb scene.
    Janitor: Hey Al, Ken! Look at this! I found it in the wastebasket.
    (he pulls out some dynamite with a ticking timer on it.)
    Al: Hey, that's a pretty nice clock! I wonder why they threw it out.
    Ken: It's probably because it's four minutes too slow. Here, lemme fix it.
    (he sets the "clock" to 12)
    Ken: There.
    • Bodies are all over the building.
    • Frank's Inner Monologue, upon seeing Jane across the room:
    Frank: I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just like I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face... and a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seem to say, "Hey, look at these!" She made you drop to your knees and thank God that you were a man. Yeah... she reminded me of my mother all right. No doubt about it.
    Ed: Frank, snap out of it. You're looking at her like she was your mother, for Christ's sakes.
    • "Well, I'd like to be more optimistic, but we have a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's an arduous, pain-staking task that goes on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way... nothing happens."
    • The sketch artist that was taking Jane's deposition drew Jane instead.
    Frank: Uh, Ed? Why don't we get that other artist, you know, the one who never dates? Lives with those two guys?
    Ed: Right. Sorenson! (flips through the artist's notepad and sees a bunch of BDSM drawings)
  • "Oh it's alright, I'm sure we can handle this maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr. Poopy Pants?!"
    • "That does it!"
  • This exchange from the bar scene.
    Lt. Frank Drebin: Give me the strongest thing you've got.
    Waiter: *signals for bodybuilder*
    Lt. Frank Drebin: On second thought, how about a black Russian.
    Waiter: *looks at camera, shakes head*
  • At the bar:
    Frank: Ed, is it just my imagination, or is the whole world crazy?
    Ed: No, it's just a small percentage of the population, Frank.
    (a waiter turns around and walks away, revealing he's not wearing pants or underwear)
  • Frank's rant about women to Ed, meant to flatter him, ends up depressing him instead:
    Frank: You know, sometimes I think about you and Edna, that's when I envy you, because you have someone. You've been with the same person for over thirty years. You wake up with her, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman. (Ed starts to look morose) You spend EVERY. POSSIBLE. WAKING. MOMENT. TOGETHER! While I'm out running around with some twenty year olds, always looking for a good time, and cheap sex, sex, sex, girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough: "MORE! MORE MORE! It's your turn to wear the handcuffs..." (notices Ed is literally foaming at the mouth)
  • Frank heads over to Jane's table, and his sense of direction is thrown off by having to dodge other patrons. He sits at a table...
    Frank: This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just need someone to hold, to love.
    Jane: Frank.
    (Frank looks over to see that Jane's at another table)
    Jane: Over here.
    (Frank looks at the table he sat at, where a menacing burly guy is staring him down)
    Frank: ...Well.
  • This scene:
    Sam: Of course. [Plays a major intro arpeggio, and then...] DING DONG! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!"
  • Drebin and Jane get into an argument. Twice he blocks her slaps, then somehow a third hand slaps him. Frank is just as confused as the audience.
    Jane: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.
  • This:
    Jane: Oh Frank, we're no good together. You only live for your police work.
    Frank: And you're always trying to save the endzone layer.
    Jane: Ozone layer. You never did understand.
    Frank: How can you say that, when I bought 1,000 acres of Brazilian jungle, then had it slashed and burned, so we could build our dream house?
    Jane: (aghast) Frank! How could you be so insensitive?
    Frank: "Insensitive"?! You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? You try it sometime!
  • "I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!" (the background piano music stops and everyone in the bar looks at him) "I mean, at the time I was dating a lot."
  • Earl Hacker's goofy, nasal laugh when he reveals his true form.
  • "Weird Al" Yankovic has a cameo as a thug holding up the police station ("Say your prayers!"). Frank unknowingly knocks the guy out when he opens the door.
    Ed: Nice work, Frank.
    Frank: What?
  • This discussion:
    Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
    Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
    Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
    Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
    Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
    Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
    Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
    Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
    Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.
    (Nordberg nods in agreement)
  • When there's a tip that Hector Savage is at Monique DiCarlo's shop on Bleckman Street:
    Lt. Frank Drebin: That's a red light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
    Ed: Sex, Frank?
    Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.
  • In the red light district's sex shop:
    Frank: Miss, I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad.
    Monique De Carlo: Is this some kind of bust?
    Frank: ...Well, it's very impressive, yes.
    • In the same scene, Ed starts a device like a chainsaw. He quickly realizes that he's holding a vibrating dildo and puts it down.
    • And this exchange:
      Monique De Carlo: Why should I tell you, copper?
      Frank: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
      [Male assistant comes out of the back room.]
      Male assistant: Oh hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that Model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered!
      Frank: ...It's a gift.
  • And of course, Nordberg trying to plant a tracking bug under the van of one of a Mook only for said mook to get in the van and take off with Nordberg still under it before Nordberg even has a chance to attach the bug to the vehicle; Nordberg sliding out from under the van, down a hill, and under Frank and Ed's own cop car, throwing off their pursuit of the villain—though luckily they end up catching him anyway—and Nordberg has all manner of nasty objects hit his groin as Ed unwittingly drives the car with Nordberg trapped under it; Ed stopping suddenly when he catches the villain and Nordberg sliding out from under the car and getting stuck under a bus that's on its way to Detroit from Washington DC and Nordberg screaming "Oh no!" as the bus leaves.
    Frank: (later, on the phone) Detroit? What's he doing there? Well, send him some plane fare and a new pair of pants!
  • The commissioner yells at Frank for his actions for releasing all the animals from the city zoo.
    Commissioner: (on the phone) He did what?... How many animals escaped?... Oh my god!
    Frank: Good evening Commissioner, you're looking lovely tonight.
    Commissioner: Do you realize that because of you, this city is being overrun by baboons?
    Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters? (the movie is set in Washington D.C.)
    (The hired band plays a Rimshot while the commissioner stands there with a look of angry shock fixed on her face)
    • Doubles as Fridge Brilliance since the collective noun for a group of baboons is congress.
  • Frank sees a guy dancing with Jane at the party; he asks "Mind if I cut in?" The guy agrees and, for some reason, shakes his fists in a way that says "Thank GOD" as he leaves the frame. Why was he so happy to be done dancing with Jane? No idea, but that's why it's so funny.
    • Especially since the guy that was dancing with Jane was Mel Torme.
  • Frank and Jane being replaced by stunt doubles doing elaborate dance moves when the camera cuts to Hapsburg at a distant table.
  • This exchange:
    Hapsburg: Look, lieutenant, I have nothing to hide.
    Frank: Maybe so, but I'm warning you, Hapsburg: You so much as sneeze, and I'll be there to wipe your nose.
  • Jane's really deep fridge, with the fridge door eventually shutting behind her while she's inside.
  • The large amount of animals in Jane's apartment. The scene starts normally, with Jane feeding the usual apartment pets (cats, dogs, birds)... then she feeds a pig. When Frank gets to her door, an elephant is heard in the background.
  • Jane casually mentions that Dr. Meinheimer has a birthmark of Whistler's Mother on his right buttock. Frank is weirded out (and rightfully so- how did she find that out in the first place?)
    Frank: ...I see. Well...
  • Jane removes her high heels and is instantly about a foot shorter. The shocked expression on Frank's face is amazing.
  • The hitman sent to kill Jane sings "The Way We Were" along with her in the shower.
  • The nuclear power ad. It's a serene scene of a suburban family enjoying a barbeque... except there's a giant power plant in the background, and the family dog has two tails.
  • Hapsburg introducing The Redmond family, who are his friends from out of town.
  • This bit, after Drebin is tied up by Hapsburg:
    Hapsburg: I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
    Drebin: The pleasure is all mine. (Hapsburg looks confused)
  • Ed is fed up with criminals after seeing Meinheimer beat up (really Frank's accidental doing):
    Ed: I just can't take this anymore. (to mook) Garbage like you just makes me sick. Okay? I'm just John Q. Public now, it's just you and me. (pulls out a badge and bra from his jacket) Mano a mano. I'll teach you to pick on a helpless invalid...
    (fight sounds are heard as Frank and Nordberg wince)
    Frank: All right, all right, he's had enough!
    (it turns out the mook beat up Ed)
    Frank: Somebody help the Captain. We've got to get to that Press Club dinner.
    Man: (lifting Ed) Jeez, this guy's heavy...
  • When Ed reveals to the party guests that Police Squad has obtained a confession implicating the Big Bad.
    Ed Hocken: And he's just given us a signed confession implicating that man!
    (Ed points to the audience, various men stand up and take a hostage)
    Ed Hocken: No, no! That man, Hapsburg.
    (the men look embarrassed, release their hostages and sit down again)
  • When Hapsburg takes Jane hostage, Frank, Ed, and Nordberg attempt to come to her rescue only to wind up sliding on past the two of them thanks to the floor being waxed.
  • During the ending shootout, Nordberg continues adding onto his gun, and as the scene goes on he continues making it bigger and bigger up until the end where by this point it's a giant turret.
  • "All right. Who else is almost dead?" (wounded Mook meekly raises his hand)
    • And of course, what immediately follows:
    Frank: All right... (growls) TALK.
    Mook: You're too late, Drebin.
    Frank: He already said that.
    Mook: Where did he leave off?
    Frank: Uh, "Hapsburg has Plan B in..."
    Mook: Oh yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... (chokes) in...
    Frank: Where? WHERE?! (growls) TALK, you lowlife scum!
    Mook: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it! (dies)
  • "The truth hurts Hapsburg! Maybe not as much as jumping onto a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!"
    • Capped by Hapsburg's WTF?!? reaction.
  • Hapsburg offers Frank one last request before he's shot. The request? "May I... have the gun?"
    Hapsburg: "Oh no, I'm not falling for that one!"
  • The Brick Joke leading the villain to be killed by a lion.
  • "Blowing away a fleeing suspect used to be everything to me. I enjoyed it — well, who wouldn't?"

    The Naked Gun 33⅓ - The Final Insult 
  • The parody opening. The fight scene is hilariously over-the-top, and played totally straight in the Naked Gun style, with lots of little jokes thrown in everywhere. All the while, Captain Hocken struggles to pull out his gun and Nordberg references OJ Simpson's football career by trying to spike a baby. And then come the army of disgruntled postal workers...
  • The intro, which takes the siren into a hockey game, through a pinball machine, and attacking the Death Star, among other places, before finally jumping into an enclosure in Jurassic Park and getting stepped on by a T.Rex.
  • The reprise of the TV series "Cigarette?" "Yes, I know." Running Gag.
  • Ed convinces Frank to take the case, even though he's retired:
    Nordberg: You'll be home in plenty of time for dinner.
    Frank: I dunno… I'd have to make pork chops...
    Ed: Frank, think of all the crime out there. Nobody is safe. You'd be protecting Jane; you'd be protecting all the Janes of the world! Besides, you haven't shot anybody in six months.
    Frank: That's true. Funny how you miss the little things. Might be good to feel that cold, hard steel pressed against my thigh once again: The thrill of the chase, to be a man!
    • And before that, Frank's settled into being a... well, housewife. Complete with Happy Housewife mannerisms. He won't even listen to Ed until he has a bite of his fresh cupcakes.
  • At the fertility clinic, Frank jacks off to porn to produce sperm samples for hours. He finally emerges from the room with tons of jars filled with sperm, looking disheveled and with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.
    Frank: Tape was very entertaining.
    Nurse: (weirded out) ...Follow me.
  • When Jane leaves, the radio in the house is heard:
    DJ: You're listening to KSAD: All depressing, all the time. And now here's a dedication to Frank from Jane, calling from a taxi: "It's bad enough you're shooting blanks, now you're leaving the door open, letting the heat out. Were you born in a barn, you stupid—?" (transition to next scene)
  • Frank meets Rocco and his accomplice, Tyrone, in jail.
    Tyrone: Take it from me. This place changes a man.
    Frank: Oh yeah, in what way?
    Tyrone: I used to be white. [Beat] I was a drummer for The Osmonds.
    Rocco: Screw with me, and he'll make you feel pain like you never felt before.
    Frank: I know, I remember the Osmonds!
  • One of the prison guards, played by none other than R. Lee Ermey, discovers a note from one of the inmates while they're all in the cafeteria. Another inmate tries to stop Ermey's character from reading the note and Ermey barks in his trademark Drill Sergeant Nasty tone of voice: "Buzz off, Buttercheeks!"
  • Drebin incites a prison riot by complaining about the fancy food. The wine is supposed to be chilled, not room temperature!
  • Jane is approached by a creep outside a bar:
    Guy: How about a kiss?
    Jane: No!
    Guy: I know when a woman says "no", she really mean "yes". So how about that kiss?
    Jane: ...Yes!
    Guy: (offended) What do you mean "no"?! I know your type!
  • Drebin and Rocco digging their way out of prison and finding themselves in the yard of a public school, where everyone promptly pulls out guns and tries to shoot them to bits. Including two academic nerds and a jock.
  • When Frank first meets Rocco's mom, he narrates, "Rocco's mother was quiet. I sensed she didn't like me coming along." Immediately after, Rocco's mom gives Frank the finger through the rear view mirror. Then Frank narrates again, "Like a midget at a urinal, I would have to stay on my toes."
    • "Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel things through."
  • Rocco is shorter than his girlfriend.
  • During Frank and Jane's split, Jane proceeds to go barhopping with a friend of hers. At one point she wanders out of a smoke-filled bar, barely holding back tears. When her friend follows her out and asks her what's wrong, she mournfully replies, "They're playing our song...". The song in question is 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.
  • Drebin is trying to find someone to call for reinforcements, and works his way down a row of waiting cab-drivers, all of who babble at him in various foreign languages. The last cabbie is revealed to be a black guy wearing an African-themed outfit. Frank stares at him for a moment, says "Forget it." and runs off. The cabbie, speaking with a flawless British accent: "I wonder what the devil he wanted!"
  • "And for his tale of genetics gone haywire in a retirement community, Steven Spielberg, "Geriatric Park."
  • The entire "This Could Be the Start of Something Big" sequence. Of note is the moment when Frank slides through a bunch of dancers' legs, hitting every one of them in the crotch with his head. When he stands up and sees them all clutching their groins in pain, he does so too, thinking it's part of the choreography.
    • Right after that, he finds out Anna Nicole Smith's Character has a penis.
      • "Looks like Phil Donahue throwing up in a tuba."
      • "Somebody make a note: I don't think we should have Phil Donahue back next year".
  • When Rocco finds out Frank is a traitor:
    Rocco: Lousy two-bit copper punk! I treated him like my brother!... the one I didn't kill.
  • Rocco fires his gun in the air from the stage of the Oscars ceremony:
    Rocco: Freeze, and nobody gets hurt!
    [a grip falls from the rafters into the orchestra pit]
    Rocco: Well... from now on!
  • When Ed and his team enter the control room during the song-and-dance number that Drebin infiltrated:
    Ed: We're here to stop a disaster!
    Director: (distraught) You're too late for that.
  • When Jane realizes Drebin is taking up police work again...
    Frank: It's another woman, I swear!
    Jane: In your dreams, Frank!
  • Frank talks to Jane about their future together, which includes a white picket fence, a Frank Drebin Jr., and "that housekeeper you always wanted" - the housekeeper in question is Alice from The Brady Bunch (played by Ann B. Davis no less).
  • After the statement that one of the films nominated for Best Picture did poorly at the box office, Drebin grabs the envelope and says, "It's the bomb!" causing the crowd to cheer.


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