History Funny / TheNakedGun

[[folder: Series-wide]]

(Frank looks over to see that Jane's at another table)\\

(Frank looks at the table he sat at, where a menacing burly guy is staring him down)\\

''(Wilma cries, loudly)''\\

'''Ed:''' ''(sadly shakes his head)'' No way for a man to die.\\

'''Wilma:''' ''(cries again) Oh, Frank!'' Oh, this is terrible!\\

''(Wilma cries again)''\\

''(more loud crying)''

---> '''Wilma:''' ''(referring to Nordberg)'' Now we can never have children!\\

'''Ed:''' (''points straight down at Nordberg in hospital bed'') [[FailedASpotCheck He's right here, Frank]].
** This line: "Wilma, I promise you: Whatever scum did this, no man on the force will rest until he's behind bars. ''(without skipping a beat)'' [[ImmediateSelfContradiction Now, let's grab a bite to eat.]]"

--> '''Ludwig''': ''(looking out the window)'' As you know, I'm not the kind of man who takes such things lightly. There is no room in my organization for criminal activity. Look out there: A vast commercial development built by me. Do you have any idea what was out there, just five years ago?\\
'''Frank''': YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!\\
'''Ludwig''': ''(still looking out the window)'' You bet you do. Orange groves! Acres of them. As far as the eye could see. But now that land will generate ten times the amount of profit per square foot. ''(Frank gets the fish loose and Ludwig turns around, noticing Frank's red nose)'' Are you all right, Lieutenant?\\
''(Frank nods stoically)''

--> '''Frank''': Her hair was the color of gold in old paintings. She had a full set of curves, and the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day. She gave me a look [[RagingStiffie I could feel in my hip pocket.]] ''(Jane runs into a wall since she was looking back at Frank)'' Yep, this was starting to get interesting

-->'''Frank:''' ''(seemingly looking up her dress)'' ''Nice'' beaver!\\
'''Jane:''' Thank you, I just had it stuffed. ''(brings a stuffed and mounted beaver into view)''

-->'''Drebin''': Why was the 'I Luv You' not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I?

-->'''Jane:''' Wong Wu's? I thought they closed down 3 years ago.
-->'''Frank:''' Gee, has it been that long? I didn't feel like Chinese tonight anyway. ''[[FunnyBackgroundEvent *(sniffs it, goes cross-eyed, and passes out)*]]''

''(pulls out [[VisualPun a "BINGO" card]])''

-->'''Thug:''' I got a message for you, from Vincent Ludwig! Take this, you son of a-- ''(shoots at Frank while shouting)''\\

* When Frank approachss Jane and Ludwig at the banquet and they express surprise.
--> '''Ludwig:''' Drebin!
--> '''Jane:''' Frank:
--> '''Frank Drebin:''' You're ''both'' right.

--->'''Frank:''' ''(annoyed)'' What is it, Al?!\\

-->'''Janitor:''' Whoops! Sorry, fellas. ''(backs out)''

''(Nordberg hits the guard rail and is flung out of the wheelchair while screaming)''

--> '''Jane''': I try. It's just that... when you've had that much man... but then, you wouldn't understand.\\
''(Dr. Meinheimer gives an uncomfortable look, implying he ''does'' understand)''

''(he pulls out [[IncrediblyObviousBomb some dynamite with a ticking timer on it]])''\\

''(he sets the "clock" to 12)''\\

''(BOOM)''

--->'''Frank''': I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just like I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face... and a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seem to say, "Hey, look at these!" She made you drop to your knees and thank God that you were a man. Yeah... she reminded me of my mother all right. No doubt about it.\\
'''Ed''': Frank, snap out of it. You're looking at her like she was your mother, for Christ's sakes.

'''Ed:''' Right. Sorenson! ''(flips the artist's notepad and sees a drawing of two Janes as Amazonian warriors engaged in battle, then flips again to reveal a drawing of Jane as a rat dominatrix putting the artist through BDSM)''

-->'''Jane:''' Yeah, you know, a white guy, with a mustache, about 6' 3".
-->'''Frank:''' An awfully big mustache.

--> '''Frank:''' Well... that's great. I've been dating too, nice girl, an author. She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction, you've probably read it.\\

--> '''Frank:''' Give me the strongest thing you've got.\\
'''Waiter:''' ''(signals for bodybuilder, who approaches the table)''\\

'''Waiter:''' Right away, sir. ''(turns away, then looks at camera and shakes head)''

''(a waiter turns around and walks away, revealing he's not wearing pants or underwear)''

--> '''Frank''': You know, sometimes I think about you and Edna, that's when I envy you, because you have someone. You've been with the same person for over thirty years. You wake up with her, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the ''same woman''. ''(Ed starts to look morose)'' You spend ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis EVERY. POSSIBLE. WAKING. MOMENT. TOGETHER!]]'' While I'm out running around with some twenty-year-olds, always looking for a good time, and cheap sex, sex, sex, girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough: "MORE! MORE MORE! It's ''your'' turn now to wear the handcuffs..." ''(notices Ed is literally foaming at the mouth)''

'''Sam:''' Of course. ''[Plays a major intro arpeggio, and then...''] [[Film/TheWizardOfOz DING DONG! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!"]]
* Frank and Jane get into an argument. Twice he blocks her attempts to slap him in the face by grabbing her hands...then somehow a ''third'' hand slaps him, coming from between the two hands Frank has held onto. Frank is just as confused as the audience.
-->'''Jane''': I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.

'''Jane:''' ''(aghast)'' Frank! How could you be so insensitive?\\

'''Ed Hocken:''' You sure know your boxing.\\

''(Nordberg nods in agreement)''

'''Frank:''' ''([[MaleGaze takes a look at her chest]])'' ...Well, it's very impressive, yes.

-->'''Frank:''' ''(later, on the phone)'' Detroit? What's he doing there? Well, send him some plane fare and a new pair of pants!

--> '''Brumford:''' ''(on the phone)'' He did what?... How many animals escaped?... Oh my god!\\

'''Frank:''' Well, isn't that the fault of the voters? ''(the movie is set in Washington D.C.)''\\
''(the hired band plays a Rimshot while Brumford stands there, a look of angry shock fixed on her face)''

--> '''Hapsburg''': Of course, you know Dr. Meinheimer. And you've "met" Earl Hacker...\\
'''Earl''': ''(wearing neck brace and walking with a cane)'' Augh, you son of a... ow.\\
'''Hapsburg''': Now I'd like you to meet the Redmonds... [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment weekend guests from out of town.]]

'''Frank''': The pleasure is all ''mine''. ''(Hapsburg looks confused)''

-->'''Ed:''' I just can't take this anymore! ''(to a mook)'' Garbage like you just makes me sick! Okay? I'm just John Q. Public now, it's just you and me. ''(pulls out a badge and bra from his jacket)'' Mano a mano. I'll teach you to pick on a helpless invalid...\\
''(fight sounds are heard as Frank and Nordberg wince)''\\

''(it's revealed that the mook beat up Ed)''\\

'''Man:''' ''(lifting Ed)'' Jeez, this guy's heavy...

''(Ed points to the audience, various men stand up, pull out a gun, and take a hostage)''\\

--->'''Frank:''' All right... ''(growls)'' TALK.\\

'''Mook:''' Oh yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... ''(chokes)'' in...\\
'''Frank:''' Where? WHERE?! ''(growls)'' TALK, you lowlife scum!\\
'''Mook:''' Gee, if ''that's'' your attitude, forget it! ''(dies)''

'''Frank:''' ''([[SincerityMode completely sincere]])'' ...You want me in your cabinet?

--> '''Nurse:''' When did you first notice the problem?\\

'''Nurse:''' ''(confused)'' In the backyard... with your uncle?\\

''(cut to the nurse looking quite bemused)''\\

'''Nurse:''' ''(weirded out)'' ...Follow me.

-->'''DJ:''' You're listening to KSAD: All depressing, all the time. And now here's a dedication to Frank from Jane, calling from a taxi: "Frank, you big, stupid, weasel weenie! It's bad enough you're shooting blanks, now you're leaving the door open, letting the heat out. Were you born in a barn, you stupid--?" ''(transition to next scene)''

--> '''Guy''': How about a kiss?\\
'''Jane''': No!\\
'''Guy''': I know when a woman says "no", she really mean "yes". So how about that kiss?\\
'''Jane''': ...Yes!\\
'''Guy''': ''(offended)'' What do you mean "no"?! I know your type!

--> '''Rocco''': Lousy two-bit copper punk! I treated him like my brother!... the one I didn't kill.

--> '''Ed''': We're here to stop a disaster!\\
'''Director''': ''(distraught)'' You're too late for that.

--> '''Frank''': It's another woman, I swear!\\

* When Ludwig takes Jane hostage during the climax, Frank responds by taking a random bystander hostage as well.

* Frank trying to prevent the assassination plot (which is to take place during the 7th inning stretch) by actively interfering with the game, to the point that him and another umpire basically trap one of the players in a run down, and finally tries to stall by declaring an obviously out runner safe, which causes another umpire to start kicking dirt on him, much the same way a manager would. Frank refuses to back down and tries to throw ''two of the other umpires'' out of the game for questioning his blatantly wrong call.

* Frank trying to prevent the assassination plot (which is to take place during the 7th inning stretch) by actively interfering with the game, to the point that him and another umpire basically trap one of the players in a run down, and finally tries to stall by declaring an obviously out runner safe, which causes another umpire to start kicking dirt on him, much the same way a manager would.

* The ''entire'' opening scene, where a council composed of the 80s' most notorious terrorists and dictators argue among themselves over what terrorist act to commit this week. Frank is there, serving tea in disguise, and after one too many anti-American rants, proceeds to mop the floor with all of them. Highlights include him wiping off [[UsefulNotes/MikhailGorbachev Gorbachev's]] birthmark with a rag -- it's fake, and Frank exclaims "I knew it!". Then when he faces [[UsefulNotes/IranianRevolution Khomeini]] for the second time, he knocks his turban off, revealing a ''bright orange mohawk'', to which Frank makes a baffled AsideGlance before [[GroinAttack punting the Ayatollah in the nads]].

'''Ed:''' Frank, get a hold of yourself!
'''Frank:''' A good cop, needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlums.
'''Ed:''' No way for a man to die.\\

-->'''Mayor:''' ''[reading over the charges against Frank]'' "Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson; sexual assault with a concrete dildo"?! ''[to Frank]'' What the hell were you doing there in the first place?

--->'''Wilma:''' Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?\\
'''Frank:''' It's hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...\\

'''Ed:''' Frank, get a hold of yourself! A good cop, needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlums. No way for a man to die.\\
'''Frank:''' You're right, Ed. A parachute not opening, that's the way to die. Getting caught in the gears of combine, having your nuts bit off by a Laplander. That's the way ''I'' want to go.\\
'''Wilma:''' ''(cries again)'' Frank! This is terrible!\\
'''Ed:''' Don't worry, Wilma. Your husband is gonna be all right. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.\\
'''Frank:''' He's right, Wilma, but I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.\\

'''Frank:''' Unless he's a drooling vegetable, but that's only common sense.\\

-->'''Frank:''' Gee, has it been that long? I didn't feel like Chinese tonight anyway. ''[[FunnyBackgroundEvent *(sniffs it goes, cross-eyed, and passes out)*]]''

* When Frank and Dr. Meinheimer are tied up, Frank rubs his bonds on the metal edges of a shelf behind him to free himself. In the process, he accidentally causes various objects on the shelf to land on [[ButtMonkey Dr. Meinheimer's head]].

* Frank searching Ludwig's penthouse:

** Frank finds a document proving that Ludwig's been hired to assassinate the Queen of England, but he accidentally burns it due to holding the Zippo he was using to read it in the dark too close to the paper. This causes a chain of DisasterDominoes that has to be [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36T5BEpn3dA&t=2s seen to be believed]].

* After [[UsefulNotes/ElizabethII]] died in 2022, Reggie Jackson (who plays her would-be assassin) posted [[https://twitter.com/mroctober/status/1567959503081189376?lang=en this]] on Twitter/X.

** In a HilariousInHindsight example, there's also a guy (Pahpshmir, whose name is a joke in itself) that looks remarkably similar to UsefulNotes/VladimirPutin, though obviously unintentional by the filmmakers as Putin would not come to power until 12 years after this movie.

* The ''entire'' opening scene, where a council composed of the 80s' most notorious terrorists and dictators argue among themselves over what terrorist act to commit this week. Frank is there, serving tea in disguise, and after one too many anti-American rants, proceeds to mop the floor with all of them. Highlights include him wiping off Gorbachev's birthmark with a rag -- it's fake, and Frank exclaims "I knew it!". Then when he faces Khomeini for the second time, he knocks his turban off, revealing a ''bright orange mohawk'', to which Frank makes a baffled AsideGlance before [[GroinAttack punting the Ayatollah in the nads]].
** The very end of that brawl scene. On the way out of the room, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6nW7XvTYn0&t=2m40s another thug lunges towards Frank but he just lifelessly nudges him out of the way.]] The thug doesn't even make a second attempt to attack him.

* The opening credits for each movie. The police car is driven through a series of locations, becoming more and more ridiculous...such as a bowling alley, a hockey game, the [[Film/ANewHope Death Star]], and a woman's ''birth canal''.

* The intro, which takes the siren into a hockey game in the middle of a hockey fight, into a demolition derby, through a pinball machine, above Downtown Los Angeles where the car grazes the side of a skyscraper causing sparks to fly, down a slide at a water park, as well as a bobsled track too, and attacking the ''[[Franchise/StarWars Death Star]]'', among other places, before finally jumping into an enclosure in ''Franchise/JurassicPark'' and getting stepped on by a ''T. rex''. Which laughs a nasally laugh.

* The intro sequence. The police car goes through more wacky locations...including a woman's ''birth canal'', exiting into a delivery room.

** This line: "Wilma, I promise you: Whatever scum did this, no man on the force will rest until he's behind bars. [[ImmediateSelfContradiction Now let's grab a bite to eat.]]"

* The opening scene, where Frank causes all sorts of unintended mayhem while trying to eat dinner at the White House. Of particular note is him twisting a lobster so that the lobster keeps inching closer to Commissioner Brumford. Then the lobster's claw pinches the Commissioner's breast. Finally, he breaks a claw apart and accidentally punches Barbara Bush in the face.

* Frank's worst case of DrivesLikeCrazy to date, when he parks his car violently enough to trigger the airbags, which end up putting the car in drive, almost running him down. He shoots at his own car, causing the trunk to explode, and forces some bystanders to give statements which probably ruin their day. And worst of all, he doesn't even realize it's ''his own car''.

* After his date, Frank and Ed stake out Ludwig's penthouse, waiting for him to go out so that Frank can search the office for evidence. While waiting, the two eat a bunch of dyed red pistachios (this was done to hide stains on the shells), leading to their lips getting smeared with red dye. Then, when Frank goes out of the car after Ludwig finally leaves, the camera reveals a [[BigEater huge pile of red shells]] outside the car door, so large that Frank has to push through.

* The baseball bloopers which featured a player getting mauled by a tiger.