After Snape makes him drink a potion, Harry falls unconscious. He wakes up in the infirmary to discover that the potion turned him into the perfect female form. He, er, she, suddenly has the hots for Draco Malfoy but faces antagonism from Ron, who is sexist.
The story pretty much revolves around Crystal's (Harry's female name) attempt to marry Draco, while Ron (who is sexist) attempts to seduce (and later rape) Crystal. Also, Gilderoy Lockhart inexplicably reappears. After losing control of Malfoy Manor to Lucius (who is also sexist), Draco organises a talent contest to raise money for the wedding. Meanwhile, Ron returns from New York, having changed his name to Ron Raper (did I mention his sexism?). Ultimately, Crystal and Draco get married and Ron Raper is eaten by the giant squid.
It can be found here
. It was followed by a sequel called Being Female.
Becoming Female contains examples of:
- Adaptational Wimp: Voldemort gets defeated and locked up in Azkaban offscreen.
- Adults Are Useless: During the talent contest, Pansy pays somebody to have sex with her on stage. Nobody stops her.
- All Men Are Perverts: Ron claims this is true and the only reason Crystal never noticed before was because she used to be male.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Gilderoy Lockhart (who'd previously gotten a huge dose of Adaptational Heroism) is posthumously said to be stupid, sexist, and to not even look like Robert Pattinson.
- Author Avatar: Hermione, Crystal and Ginny.
- Author Tract: On the surface, the fic is a tract against sexism and occasionally homophobia. Some who think this is a troll fic argue that it's actually a disguised anti-feminist tract. Judge for yourself.
- Back from the Dead: In Chapter 6, Sirius inexplicably returns from his canonical death in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
- Bait-and-Switch: Ginny calls everyone out for celebrating Ron's disappearance, because she's his sister and, thus, should be celebrating the most now that he's gone.
- Bankruptcy Barrel: Narcissa turns up at Hogwarts wearing a barrel, after Lucius kicks her out of the house. Crystal thinks this is bad because "the barrel made her look fat and totally clashed with her skin tone."
- Beauty Equals Goodness: Gilderoy Lockhart goes from a Small Name, Big Ego Dirty Coward to a dashing hero because he was allegedly played by Robert Pattinson. After the author realized this was not so, Lockhart was posthumously described as evil and sexist.
- Big Bad: Ron Raper. Voldemort only gets a couple mentions and doesn't show up at all.
- Big "NO!": Crystal gives off a few of these when she feels things are getting bad.
- The Body Parts That Must Not Be Named: After Dumbledore becomes a nudist, he goes around with only his long beard covering his private parts. Most every time this is brought up, the story uses some silly euphemism to refer to his penis, such as "private wahoo", "joystick", "ding-dong", and "inappropriate wand". Oddly, the word "penis" actually is used one time. Also, Crystal refers to her vagina as her "pleasure hole".
- Brain Bleach: McGonagall in a thong. And Dumbledore doing a striptease.
- Broken Aesop: The anti-sexist message would be a lot more effective if the characters didn't go around slut-shaming each other willy-nilly.
- Bus Crash: In the second chapter, it’s mentioned that Professor Sprout died in a bungee jumping accident, hence why Lockhart is replacing her.
- Camp Gay: Dumbledore, to the point that his gayness is the source of his powers.
- Card-Carrying Villain: Ron Raper."I'm a sexist man with a sexist man's needs and you've got exactly what I need — a woman to rape for no reason!"
- Chickification: Happens to all the female characters, including Minerva McGonagall,
Bellatrix Lestrange and Harry/Crystal Potter. - Composite Character: The author seems to have confused the characters of Gilderoy Lockhart and Cedric Diggory. How that happened is anyone's guess. After Lockhart was revealed to be a bad guy (and to not look like Robert Pattinson), the author confused Cedric with Viktor Krum.
- Country Matters: Used at one point by Ron, which makes sense, given the story's portrayal of him.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive / Evil, Inc.: Ron Raper founded the "Sexist Cooper Advertising".
- Crapsack World: In this fic's world, everyone is either a sexist, a slut or a feminist, and all of them are awful people.
- Creator's Culture Carryover: There are quite a lot of references to American culture, especially for a story that takes place in a castle in Scotland. The most egregious is at the talent show, where the buzzers are compared to those on America's Got Talent, rather than the ones on its Transatlantic Equivalent, Britain's Got Talent.
- Cure Your Gays: The degayification camp. The inhabitants are supposed to "learn how to be ungay" by jeering and wolf-whistling Pansy in a cheerleader's outfit.
- Department of Redundancy Department:
- Did you know that Ron Raper is sexist?
- Chapter 29 contains the lovely quote, "We've been thinking of having a Valentine's Day Ball on Valentine's Day for Valentine's Day."
- "My black hair was long and silky like silk."
- Diabolus ex Machina: Bagman sells first the talent contest, then Hogwarts itself, to Ron Raper. He is not evil nor sexist; he does it because he is "retarded".
- Did Not Do the Bloody Research: Near the end of the story, we’re introduced to a Hogwarts student named Fanny. In Britain, Fanny is considered a much more offensive word than in America, so using it as a name is unheard of over there.
- Don't Like? Don't Read!: Pretty much the entirety of Chapter 35 is dedicated to complaining against negative reviews, complaining that the negative reviews hurt her feelings.
- Dropped a Bridge on Him:
- Professor Sprout dies offscreen in a bungee jumping accident, leading to Lockhart taking over her class.
- Lockhart himself suffers this once the author figures out that Robert Pattinson wasn't his actor.
- Face–Heel Turn: Gilderoy, when the author discovers he wasn't played by Robert Pattinson. He dies immediately after.
- Full-Name Basis: Ron Raper is always referred to as such once he takes up that new surname.
- Gilligan Cut: In the first chapter, Dumbledore assures the just transformed Harry that he’ll provide “a watertight story that no one will see through”. Cut to the next morning, where he gives a very poor cover story, with a fair bit of Suspiciously Specific Denial, including a lampshade being hung on how an entire class witnessed what actually happened.
- Go-Go Enslavement: After that sexist idiot Ron takes over the school, all the girls are forced to wear bikinis and work in the kitchen.
- Good Costume Switch: Bellatrix starts dressing in white after changing sides.
- Happiness in Slavery: Parvati seems to like the Go-Go Enslavement.
- Heel–Face Turn: Bellatrix joins the good side because Ron Raper is sexist.
- Impossible Hourglass Figure: Actually lampshaded; Crystal wonders why she has a skinny body and huge breasts. Hermione theorizes that it's because the potion turned her into "the ideal female form".
- Interrupted Intimacy: Happens twice to Draco and Crystal, with Blaise Zabini interrupting them the first time and Umbridge the second time. On their third attempt, they finally manage to have sex, and Crystal gets pregnant.
- Jumping the Gender Barrier: "Draco Malfoy smirked at me. He was the hottest guy in school and all the girls wanted him, but I was a boy and not gay so we couldn't be together."
- Just Desserts: Ron Raper gets eaten by the giant squid.
- Kiddie Kid: Fanny, who is supposed to be a Hogwarts first year. That would make her eleven or twelve, but she's written like a stereotypical four-year-old.
- Lying Finger Cross: Lucius uses this as a loophole to break a Pinky Swear.
- Machinima: One made in The Sims 2.
- Madonna-Whore Complex: You're a feminist or a slut. No middle ground whatsoever.
- Men Act, Women Are: For its supposed feminist leanings, it's still the men whose actions are the primary movers and shakers. Crystal in particular becomes far less proactive than she was as Harry, being primarily concerned with romancing Draco and denouncing everything as sexist.
- MST: Here and also here.
- Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Ron the Death Eater renamed himself "Ron Raper" because he is sexist.
- "No" Means "Yes": Actually stated by Ron when he tries to rape Crystal.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Gilderoy convinced Bellatrix to free him, and the two somehow managed to defeat Voldemort while the rest of the cast was holding a talent show.
- Old-Timey Bathing Suit: Dumbledore wears one when he enters the hospital wing in the first chapter.
- Pinky Swear: Lucius breaks one he made to Umbridge.
- Rousing Speech: Hermione gives one about how rape is wrong, so rousing that she wins the talent contest.
- Running Gag:
- Ron being called sexist. It happens 93 times in the story.
- Also, nudist Dumbledore's beard covering his "wand".
- Self-Made Orphan: Draco ends up killing Lucius.
- Shout-Out: Used many times, to My Immortal, Mad Men, and Potter Puppet Pals.
- Strawman Political: The "sexists". If read as an anti-feminist Troll Fic, the heroes are these too.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial:
- Crystal introducing herself as "not Harry Potter".
- Lockhart discusses how eating a Beauty Flower will make one irresistible to the opposite sex...not that's he's eaten any, of course.
- Dumbledore’s cover story for Harry disappearing and Crystal taking his place includes assurance that Harry has not been transformed into a girl, in spite of an entire class seeing exactly that as it happened.
- Take That!: Ron Raper and Sexist Cooper Advertising seem to be Take Thats against, of all things, Mad Men.
- Textual Celebrity Resemblance: Crystal Potter looks like Meg Ryan, and in a strange example Hermione looks like the late feminist leader Betty Freidan.
- Tonight, Someone Dies (And It Might Be Crystal): But it's Lucius.
- Unexplained Recovery: Sirius turns out to be alive after his apparent death... because.
- Unsettling Gender-Reveal: Crystal Potter is Harry Potter!
- Viewers Are Goldfish: At least every second sentence reminds us that sexist Ron Raper and his sexist consorts are sexist.
