Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!)

Yes, great villain, but you are trying to get her the Anti-Villain status...who fail against her crimes. She is Well-Intentioned Extremist yes but...she is more like Bishop Mozgul from Berserk, we nearly put him into the Complete Monster status even if he was a Well-Intentioned Extremist (and he is, is just who he is pathologicaly crazy).

But good job, she sound like a good villain. A really good one.

If want ask for more speciffically opinions of her (about certain single action) just do it. Seriously.

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Now, is time from a Villain for the prologue of my story, who is name: The Fall and salvation of Visva. (The name of a fictional country).

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Name: Higushi Ohta, The Sun King.

Age: In the present he has 65 year, but we see him in flashback like a kid, like a 30 years man and like a 55 years old. He has a long backstory.

Aparience: He is a man with a pale skin and old age which constantly use his Throne like his way of transport. Just think in the mix of Voldemord with Freeza chair, with lots of wrikles. I need a devianart actually...

In his good years (his 30) he basically look like the General Zod of The Modern Age Of Comic Books (His Last Son look) with scars. Look to Zod◊

In his 55 he was a pale skinned and tired warrior with lots of scars, starting to get bald and with a short Badass Beard. Again look to Zod (actually he is more a expy of Darkseid than a Zod one, with lots of Emperor Ganishka of Berserk).

His current aparience, Voldermort-esque is product of his failed spells and his the failure of his "Perfection Plan".

Personality: He is Ambition Is Evil in his finest, with love of Dystopia Justifies the Means. He is cold normally but when he get angry...he get angry. He has a love of Dead Baby Comedy too (or in his case Aborted Fetus comedy).

Backstory: The Big one...

He is the Evil Overlord of Visva (think in Imperial Japan with a weird racial system, a bizarre Family obsesion and magic... Not So Different than real imperial Japan...)

He Was a egg, like Makoto Takayama but in the past, he Was the son of the Yellow Clan, One of the seven magic clans. When he was in his 30´s he choose Re-Unificate the clan, via conquest and destroy his rebelious nemesis, the Blue Clan, in his fight he ended fighting against his hero, Gour. When Higushi kill him he discover who he was a Egg, when he kill Gour he gain his powers and ended knowing the spells of the two clans (and get the power to copy the magic or all the clanes).

He starts his conquest for all Visva and eventually he unificate the clans, marrying with members of them and forced the survivor to job to him.

He initially made this because he want the best of his clan, he get the visit of Pardon who try to convice him to use his powers to change the world for the better.

Higushi misunderstand "for the better" with "for my own". He become The Dreaded Sun King. A powerful man who destroy his enemies and use all the magics.

He get obsesed with "equilibrium" and try to create a new body for himself with help of his court. The magicians try and all but Higushi sons spoil the process to kill their dad because their have fear of him. Higushi ended like a Voldermort-esque being but he managed to revenge of his sons killing them, he made a choice who change the entire Visva, "i don't need sons". Higushi made who the scientist create Babies designed with specific combinations of Genetic, a hybrid between him and other families, a plan who lead tons of aborts- Higushi don't give a fuck about them.

Example: Higushi: Why are you crying Dr.? That fetus not was from you, heck, is not even from your clan-

edited 29th Oct '15 8:22:01 PM by KazuyaProta

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Wow. I actually planned on making Marlene into a more sympathetic villain but I see now that I've failed. That's okay, I'm not really dedicated to it, and I think making her more evil actually serves the plot better. You asked I had any questions, and I do have one: is there any specific deed or crime that made Marlene a monster rather than an Anti-Villain? Like I said, I'm not going to change it now, since it works better, but I am curious.

As for Higushi...

I'm not sure if you're planning to elaborate on his story and profile, but from the details you give, he certainly fits the classic Evil Overlord type of villain. It seems like he takes on a variety of forms as the story goes on rather than remaining in a fixed appearance, which certainly keeps the reader's attention—even if some of those forms are from a flashback.

My only issue is relatively minor, but it seems slightly odd that a serious evil conqueror type villain would give way to Black Comedy jokes. I suppose you could work that into the story and have it make perfect sense. I just was thinking that it seemed out of context for such a character.

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

My internet conexión is bad and many of My edita get deleted, i gonna give more info of him. I just need time, a lot of time. Higushi is a Evil Overlord Up To Eleven, he is waaay worse that the typical standart. He is the Bigger Bad, his actions are part of Makoto, Joselyn and Hisao motives. In some ways, he Actually is the Worst Moral Black Hole in the story.

Watch me destroying my country

I myself only knew of their story after I started doing research for this project. But yeah, the part of killing people is part of the tale too, though Izanami said specifically 1000 people everyday, while Izanagi countered by making 1500 more be born.

I'm glad you liked my take on her as I was a bit unsure of how to handle having a goddess (especially one of her calibre) as the main villain of the story, bringing her down to a beatable level took a bit of thinking but I think what I did works well.

As for the medium, this is going to be a novel.

@KazuyaProta, interesting, and so far looks nice. As for me, his variety of black comedy is less out of place and more "ugh, man, what the hell". Looking forward to see the rest.

@Swordofknowledge - for me it was her torture of Drukon, and then treatment of Hope and Marian that did her in. For me, Cold-Blooded Torture and parental abuse are a big Don't for any character that's supposed to be sympathetic.

Rejoice!

Holy cow, Kazuya, are you trying to make every villain worse than the preceding one? That Fetus Black Comedy, that Obviously Evil appearance... holy hell.

Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines

Marlene is a good example of a villain failing to be sympathetic and being a better villain from it. Higushi is just an ass, with a very freaky Dude, Not Funny! attitude that makes him easy to dislike. Nice entries.

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• Name: Nyurei Arihiku (an Eclipse rewrite).
• Summary: One of the most dangerous demons in existence, Arihiku is a notorious mass murderer, feared even by his fellow demons for his relentless, almost single minded drive to become the most prolific killer in his species' history. Many fear he wants to be Hellmaster, the Evil Overlord of his home realm of Apocesis, while others say his destruction is more like a cry for attention.
• Appearance: Based off Kazeshini from Bleach, Nyurei is a black-skinned human with a red outline around his flesh. Nyurei is lithe, yet well-built, boasting a six pack exposed vis Walking Shirtless Scene. Dark gray stripes of clothing covered only his legs and forearms, revealing his back, his midriff, his shoulders, his upper crotch lines, and his pecs. Certain strands of those stripes were suspended mid-air, rotating around parts of his calves and forearms. He bore spikey hair, pupil-less yellow eyes, and no visible ears.
• Backstory: He Was Once a Man, or rather a standard demon, newly birthed into Apocesis, distinguished by the red outline around his skin. His goal was to become Hellmaster, the strongest and fiercest demon in Apocesis. Before long, the Eclipse came. Nyurei was engulfed by the shadows, but unlike many other victims, Nyurei seemed to merge partially with the darkness. Still conscious, Nyurei forced himself off, but was horribly deformed and mangled. Without the darkness taking him, his skin turned into tar, and he collapsed to the ground. The only reason he survived was from the red outline around his skin, which held up the tar and grafted it into flesh, turning him into the creature he is now.
• Personality: Nyurei Arihiku is a bloodthirsty and maniacal demon, characterized by his proficient knowledge of killing, which he regards as an art. Known as the Massacre Monger, Nyurei is not particularly sadistic, and his enjoyment of fighting and killing is more comparable to Catharsis Factor; like beating the hardest boss in a game. Whenever he is excited, the red outline on his skin flares up, and his Slasher Smile manifests. He prefers to think his way through fights and kills, and has more enjoyment from figuring out his enemies and the most appropriate way to beat and kill them. Outside of combat, Nyurei is surprisingly laid back, often found relaxing if he is not eating. While merciless and fond of non-verbal taunting, Nyurei is patient, preferring to learn more about his opponents before devising a way to beat them. However, he has a Freak Out if he suffers an injury, no matter how minor, because he doesn't want to "share" blood with anyone. Many would argue he's an Attention Whore with an inferiority complex, unable to accept that people can be greater than him and trying to impress someone who barely knows he exists.
  • To the surprise of all who learn of it, Nyurei is rather Tsundere toward women, aggravated that his metamorphosis increased his sex drive when he would rather spend his time fighting and killing. This normally happens when he's not fighting; if he is fighting, his attention is focused solely on his opponent. If a woman is hitting on him, Nyurei usually acts tough, but can't hold back his blushing, which he finds frustrating due to The Dreaded image he tries to maintain to his fellow demons. Nyurei is equal parts an admirer and The Resenter of Alice Sitchri, whom he regards as "a monster too loathsome for other monsters." He sees her, not as The Dreaded, but as an apex predator, reasoning that "we're all chasing her shadow." In addition, he blames her for his metamorphosis, but he doesn't hold it against her, saying she made him greater than before the Eclipse.
• Abilities: Among other things, he can morph his body into weapons (usually melee types), use the tar from his body to infect or suffocate people, bite through steel, and use the flying stripes of cloth on his arms for combat.
• Role: Once he discovers that Alice is in Earth, he gives chase, confident that he will kill her before his comrades in Apocesis.

edited 31st Oct '15 2:29:57 PM by Serocco

In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.

Actually i gonna put more info for Higushi, our loved Sun King.

For Your villain: I like how he instead of blame Alice for his transformation he actally is glad of that.

I like the power of transform you body into meele weapons ("a real arm").

His views into womans.., i like the Blood Knight tendencies, is just cool.

A Evil Is Cool villain in way, good luck with him.

edited 31st Oct '15 10:24:19 PM by KazuyaProta

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Higushi Ohta. The biggest wasted potential of good in Theology (the name for my story, is temporal).

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He borned like the son of the Yellow Clan, of the Ohta section. He was raised to believe himself like a Hero of his clan and protect them for other clans, eventually he start his plan of reunification and kill a Egg-user. When this he get more power than normal, the angel Pardon visit him a tell him who he can join with him to get the power of get all the eggs, but only if he accept being Pardon servant in Earth. Higushi say no. (Actually is a choice who made sense. Pardon has very specific ideals).

He kill lots of people only to get to kill personally other Egg-users, whe he kill them he become more strong, eventually he lead his clan into a Golden Age.

He eventually get obssesed with his own power and create his own clan letting his brother -and later his first clon- in power of he Yellow Clan. He try to create his new body but his sons spoiled the process, he kill them and he fall into a depression who nearly stop him to rule Visva...and he realize who he can create clons of himself.

He force the families of his servants to put his daughters like Higushi´s wifes, he use them like subject to experimentation and mix his own genes like the wifes and create new sons. He adoctrinate them with his bullcrap and use them like general of his army. He start his plan to Take Over the World like his sons like general (the male sons, not the females. Hey, Imperial Japan is one of the inspiration to Visva).

Using his new power Higushi discover The Darkness, a Eldritch Abomination who can be used like a energy source, he lead experiments with the Darkness with his own soldiers and create "The Ultimate Samurai", demonoids with power of demons but mind of humans, and lots of mental issues but if they are loyal to him, Higushi is ok. Oh, are a lot of deaths a cause of the experiments. Higushi still ok. .

Higushi use his clans like ways for his own desire of control, he is a Control Freak who want who every single member of his "family" (because saying family to the awful clan who Higushi lead is a insult to my personal concept of family) follow him. He is ok of killing them if he can still control them. He uses his most loyal followers like soldiers and servants. His war against the world is so destructive who the first city invaded for him turn into the Nanking´s rape of The 'Verse. Nanking was so brutal who instead of be called Masacre of- is called Rape of-. All this thanks to Higushi and his brutal adoctrinament of his "loved" sons.

The son of Higushi is really bad, but personally i try to give him a Cry for the Devil moment, he is a awful man, a rapist and a torturer but..his father put him into torture like raising. I don´t think if someone can be a good guy after this.

Higushi try to create his perfect "equilibrated" body by get enough people killed and use his "link energy" (the life who they liberated after die) and have enough slaves to adore him after his reborn. He want use the day of the Equilibrium (a magical day who happens only forty years at time) to create his new body. He also want use the Moon like way to extend his new spell "Submition" to the entire World (or the region, the Theology world is just a section of the Earth who is locked by..reasons). He basically want use the Anti Life Ecuation in the region to become a God.

He also is a fan of We Have Reserves, he constantly put his "loyal soldiers" into suicides missions, he use the mentally disturbed Kazuma (one of his Ultimate Samurais) to initiate a Kamikazes attacks who kill many soldiers of both sides. All of this to motivate the survivors to more desesperates kamikazes attacks.

He get his body in the final battle, and he serves like the Final Boss for the heroes of "The War of Visva" (The name of the arc). He kill one member and brutally beat down the heroines while he scream how the womans are "too weak for a true war" and is glad of kill his own granddaughter via freeze (he fail, thanks to God. Literally, is so good who The Hero is The Messiah), oh said Granddaughter was the Token Mini-Moe of the group. Higushi is a asshole.

Eventually he try to burn the capital of Visva and all his clan sans a elite because "New Body, new begining" and he is stoped by The Hero after a huge and terrible fight.

(Who basically was: Superman Vs. Ganishka...is one of the most epic thing who i think ever).

Eventually The Hero use a powerful punch fueled by the energy of the people who Higushi kill and destroy not only Higushi body, but also his soul. Higushi suffer for Cessation of Existence for good. (Because in The 'Verse all the souls of the deaths live in ilutions of his own desire. A heaven for every single human, Higushi don´t deserve something like this).

edited 1st Nov '15 7:26:09 PM by KazuyaProta

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Just for curiosity, to all of us...he is so bad like people like Ragyo Kiruin and Ganishka and Griffith. He qualifies like a Complete Monster in hyper-dark settings like Berserk?

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Related with Higushi, meet Higushi son:

Name: Akira Ohta.

Age: 25

Powers: Magic user, Psychic Powers, Katana skills, leadership

Weakness: His own psychological issues, Anti-Magic skills.

Appareance: A muscle man, with a Psychotic Smirk when he fight. He has long blonde hair and pale skin (But normal pale skin). He has tatoos

Backstory: Again, a long one:

He is Higushi first succeful clone, he was raised to believe who he is the top of human evolution, all this with a huge Training from Hell (ocassionally literal, Higushi made him fight against demons when he has seven years). He grow like a bitter and angry man, with lots of sadistic traits and sexist behaviors. He is Higushi Command and he lead his army arround the world.

Oh he also rape The Chick in her Rape as Backstory. You guys probably Never Let It Go, (Yes guys, Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil is here).

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Relevant Tropes:

Abusive Parents: Higushi put him into awful trainings, putting his life in extreme danger many times. He also brainwashed him a worshipper machine.

Burn Rape And Pillage: His favorite war technique, his first invation ended in The 'Verse Equivalent of Nanking.

I Would Hurt A Child: He kill many childs, and he is fine with beat out his ten-years old niece (but he don't try to kill her. Higushi try but he want who she live).

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Rape as Drama: This article over him and his portrayar of a rapist in the most delicate thing about him. I need time to write all of this.

Just say who the girl who he rape is a important character and actually she can get over the trauma. I actually want make a good study of a victim of rape and i ask my mother for it (She is a social worker who job with therapists and judges, she know about it...maybe more than she liked know).

Watch me destroying my country

@Sorocco: Nyurei's really good and kind of fun, I'd even say. I like his personality, especially the Freak Out and Attention Whore parts. I'm not sure about the blushing part - it kinda destroys his image, but I understand that's the point - and I don't really understand the red outline thing. Does he have some sort of second skin? Energy field?

@KazuyaProtoya: gosh, both of those are terrible (in a good way). Higushi's personality is rather terrifying. Akira would be actually pretty badass and has interesting depths, but the rape puts him firmly into villain territory and whoa, the entitlement complex. As an aside, it would be interesting to see him rant about what his father did to him, it seems like something he'd do.

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The second-to-last villain from the same yet-unnamed 'verse Tuthwalai and Eddar are from.

• Name: Gewyn Mallch
• Age: 63
• Appearance: Gewyn is of average height and built, with brown, albeit greying hair and eyes hidden beneath shiny glasses that somehow always make it impossible to see anything beneath them. He's ever immaculately dressed and groomed.
• Personality: Mallch is completely devoid of any desires, motives or character beyond his need to serve and satisfy the Big Bad, Asmael Cawleth. Left to his own devices, he stands or sits for hours in the same place, unmoving, likely with his mind completely empty, and only takes care of his most basic necessities. He would never refuse any order of Cawleth's and does whatever is asked of him with nothing but mild satisfaction at successfully serving his master. He treats everything, whether it's kidnapping, preparing poison or making grocery list, with the same emotional investment as if he was serving tea and speaks in affable, pleasant manner even to his victims, politely asking them to please don't oppose him. The only time he feels unease is when he's unable to do what Cawleth has asked of him.
• Abilities: He can use pistols and revolvers, is proficient at making and serving poisons, has excellent memory, knows how to tail people, can pass murders off as accidents and is actually a fantastic servant and butler. His lack of any desires or emotions make it impossible to negotiate with him.
• Weaknesses: He's sixty-three and not exactly Army veteran. He does nothing he doesn't perceive as helping Cawleth and the emptiness of his soul is not hard to spot. He has very little creativity and initiative and can be made to do something if convinced that this is what Cawleth would like (not that it's easy).
• Goals: Whatever Cawleth says should be done.
• Motif: To serve and satisfy Cawleth.
• Backstory: Mallch has begun working for Cawleth family when he was seventeen and climbed up the ranks until becoming personal manservant to then-nine-years-old heir to the title. This would prove to be his undoing, as Asmael's manifesting powers^note Mainly Compelling Voice have brainwashed him into being nothing but a blank slave, bound to his master. After Lord and Lady Cawleth's... untimely demise (he had his hand in arranging) he became the chief servant of the house. Cawleth uses him where he doesn't trust Eddar or Eddar wouldn't cut it.
• Role: He's pretty much "the other Dragon" to the big bad because really, Eddar wouldn't work everywhere. He's also a pointed lesson for the heroes in just what Cawleth is capable of.
• Relevant Tropes:
  • Happiness in Slavery: Engineered. For him, there's nothing beyond serving Asmael.
  • Faux Affably Evil: He keeps up his "faithful butler" manner even when murdering someone.
  • Dissonant Serenity: As above.
  • Brainwashed: Cawleth did it unknowingly at first, but by now Mallch's mind has been scoured clean.
  • Undying Loyalty: There's nothing he wouldn't do for Cawleth.
  • Old Retainer: He's been serving the family for over forty years.
  • Scary Shiny Glasses: His only outstanding feature. Used to emphasize his lack of anything.
  • Stepford Smiler: Of the "nothing behind it" variety.
  • Uncanny Valley: People often note there's something off about him.
  • Creative Sterility: He's unable to do much beyond following Cawleth's plans and orders, to Eddar's annoyance.
  • Flawed Prototype: Cawleth would go on to become a much more subtle in his handiwork, but the damage had already been done and so Mollch is a proof of his first attempts at mind control.
  • Make It Look Like an Accident: His speciality.

edited 4th Nov '15 8:49:48 AM by Kakai

Rejoice!

This is what I mean when I say "Red outline on skin."◊

In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.

I imagined as much, I'm just curious how this translates to 3D environment and "real life".

BTW, any comment on Mallch?

Rejoice!

I feel sad and terryfing for the story of the guy. Seriously, poor old man...

Interesting...

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Kakai: A sad tale indeed. I noticed that Tragic Villain wasn't part of Mallach's resume, but he still seems pretty pathetic, in a non-condescending way. If the villain as the ability to Mind Control people with his voice alone, and reduce them to that level of dependence and mindlessness, while just starting out, I can't imagine what he can do with full control over his powers. But back to Mallach—I truly hope that you devote some time to showing the man he once was before Cawleth got his hands (or voice) on him. It makes the contrast between the two states of being even harsher and will certainly sadden the reader while utterly terrifying them.

edited 4th Nov '15 7:06:53 PM by Swordofknowledge

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

, Thank you! I must admit, I wasn't really thinking about Mallch as a Tragic Villain, but it does make sense. I still have to balance out Cawleth's powers, but rest assured that it's not as OP as it seems, it took him several years to mind-blank Gewyn. Showing a part of who Mallch used to be before sounds like a really interesting idea, but I have to think on how to do this. He's got nothing left from that time and no POV character was alive back in those day, so I'll have to figure something out. Again, thanks a lot.

Rejoice!

Someone want extend his opinions of Higushi and Akira?

Watch me destroying my country

Don't have much to say about Higushi that hasn't already been said, but Akira comes off to me as a little one-dimensional; there doesn't seem to be much to him apart from his backstory. Then again, your profile of him didn't give me a whole lot to go on.

On a rather belated note: Marlene sounds like a really interesting villain; I have a fondness for the Knight Templar type. For that matter, the story she comes from sounds really interesting. Again kind of late, but she really caught my attention and I figured I'd comment on her.

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Given that this character is the most prominent villain of his story, I'm a little worried about him coming across as a boring Generic Doomsday Villain.

The story he's a part of is a somewhat darker (but still fairly idealistic) Magical Girl story. I keep picturing the medium as either a Spectacle Fighter video game or maybe a manga, but at the moment I'm only really capable of writing a novel due to lacking visual art skills or programming skills.

Some background on the Bleaksteel: They're an organization/mechanical race of machines that are very similar to the Mechon. Most of the Bleaksteel are insectoid, non-sapient drones under the command of a Hive Mind, but there are a fair number of humans in the group. This guy's one of them.

• Name: Sabaoth, the First Archon
• Age: He's in his mech for the majority of his story, and that obviously doesn't display signs of aging, so there's really no way to tell this by appearance alone. He's somewhere in his 50s.

• Appearance:
  • His mech, while it has a roughly humanoid body plan, is best described as a massive, dinosaurian beetle roughly ten stories in height (although it's usually hunched over in a dinosaurian manner, meaning it could be taller still). Its overall color scheme is highly reminiscent of a beetle grub; it's mostly the same shade of white as a grub, with the head and arms being a reddish-brown again reminiscent of the head and legs of a grub. It's covered in markings that resemble the veins of an insect's wing that are a slightly darker shade of white than the main body. The back is straight, but the chest area is prominent. The head looks very much like a grub's; the red "eye" lights are close to the end of the "snout." It has a lower jaw that at first looks reptilian, but upon closer inspection is actually six insectoid limbs that interlock. The arms are long and powerful, with five-fingered hands with razor-sharp tipped fingers. The forearms each have four, razor-sharp fins around them. The back legs are digitigrade and roughly reptilian, with three-toed reptilian feet that have massive claws. Three rocket engines that bear a vague resemblance to tail feathers (or maybe the gills of a damselfly larva) stick out the back of the mech, acting as a counterweight.
  • Outside his mech, Sabaoth is a bald, overweight old man. He's Caucasian in ethnicity, with watery blue eyes and a short beard that's somewhat reminiscent of Santa Claus. He's dressed in a black pilot jumpsuit with a red scarf that's the usual attire of Archon unit pilots.

• Personality:
  • Sabaoth is a total monster, knows it, and for the most part greatly enjoys it. He openly acknowledges the fact that he has nothing beneficial to offer the world and is effectively just a cancer, but just doesn't care about what others think of him and likewise doesn't care about the state of the world or his fellow man. He lacks compassion and morality; all he cares about is what serves his best interests.
  • He lives to fight and kill, and to spread pain and suffering. This isn't just limited to brute force; Sabaoth also takes extreme pleasure in torturing his opponents mentally. He greatly enjoys a challenge, however; he thinks it's much more fun when he has to work to break someone. While he completely lacks the concept of "friend," he does understand the concept of Worthy Opponent. He will do whatever it takes to get the edge on a Worthy Opponent, however... which includes destroying everything said opponent holds dear.

• Abilities:
  • Sabaoth, like all Archon units, is effectively completely invincible. It's almost as if the armor composing his mech is alive somehow; the more force exerted against it the more it toughens up. This even extends to supernatural abilities that would normally pierce through armor; they get horribly disrupted to the point that they're just tickles rather than attacks. This is the result of Archon Units being constructed and infused with magic, when most Bleaksteel are pure technology.
  • Even without his invulnerability, Sabaoth is a tough customer. His mech is capable of moving much faster than its size suggests and is capable of moving as fluidly as a living being, and is capable of operating on all fours should a leg be somehow damaged. His claws can shred metal, further helped by the fact they're assisted by high-frequency vibration. He's also equipped with Bleaksteel-standard plasma weapons, and his armor conceals a massive cannon.
  • On a lesser note, his mech is capable of folding up and flying like all Bleaksteel mechs. His mech was mostly designed for ground combat; while he can use his arsenal of ranged weapons in flight mode, he's much less capable in the air than on the ground.

• Weaknesses:
  • Sabaoth effectively lacks physical weaknesses thanks to his invincibility. Extreme amounts of force (e.g. nuclear weapons or the equivalent) or maybe just a lot of willpower could possibly compromise his armor, but most probably wouldn't be able to muster up that kind of power.
  • His biggest weaknesses, therefore, are all tied to his character. He has a fondness for "playing with his food." He almost never goes straight for the kill; he'll draw his enemy's death out just to try and break them mentally. Sometimes he won't bother killing at all if leaving the victim alive but mentally wrecked would be more amusing.
  • His vile personality tends to alienate everyone around him; even the rest of the Bleaksteel don't particularly like him. He fails to grasp the nature of simple camaraderie, or even the basic concept of human affection, and just what that's actually capable of.

• Goals: The goal of the Bleaksteel as a whole is to conquer and control everything. At least, that's what the organization was founded to do. At the time the story takes place, they're struggling to pull an organization-wide Heel–Face Turn and provide their highly advanced technology for the world's benefit.
  • Sabaoth doesn't particularly care about the overall goals. He joined the Bleaksteel in the first place to fight and kill, and so long as he has the freedom to fight and kill as much as he pleases he is content. It's for this reason that he isn't very fond of the Bleaksteel's current goals, and what leads him to eventually abandon them for the true Big Bad.
• Motivation: Sabaoth feels his life, and life in general, lacks a true meaning. His actions are driven by the desire to add something resembling meaning to his existence and/or force this sort of philosophy on others.

• Role in the story: The Heavy. He's not the Big Bad or even the leader of the Bleaksteel, but he's by far the most prominent and consistent threat the Four Girl Band has to face throughout the story. Later on, he abandons the Bleaksteel and becomes The Dragon to the actual Big Bad.

• Backstory: Still haven't figured this out completely as I'm not good with backstories and Sabaoth seems the sort of character that's better off without one, but here's what I've thought up so far:
  • Before joining the Bleaksteel or even learning of their existence, Sabaoth was more or less an ordinary man, albeit a sociopath. Unusually for a sociopath, Sabaoth also initially believed that something was wrong with him and was jealous of how fulfilling everyone else's life seemed to be. He did try to make his life more meaningful without negatively impacting society, if for no other reason than it'd allow him to avoid jailtime. The more and more he tried, however, the more and more pointless it all felt. Eventually, he just decided to say "screw it", jumped off the slippery slope, and never looked back.
  • He eventually found out about the Bleaksteel while the organization was still forming. He signed up as soon as possible, and was quickly promoted to pilot of a Bleaksteel command unit.
  • From there, his prowess in battle and pure dedication to destroying everything caught the attention of the current Bleaksteel master, Julius Augustus. He was then promoted to First Archon, making him Julius's right hand attack dog. Incidentally, his promotion made him even more depraved than he already was; being a completely invincible machine takes a lot of the challenge, and therefore the fun, out of battle. This was where he started honing his psychology skills, to provide him with mental challenges where physical ones were lacking.
  • About a year before the story begins, Julius supposedly dies and is replaced by his son Darius, who is a lot more moral than his father ever was. He set the Bleaksteel down the path towards redemption. This didn't sit well with Sabaoth, who believed the Bleaksteel were past redemption. To temper him, Darius let him keep his position as First Archon (although the Second Archon, Iao, became Darius's right hand instead) and used him as an assassin to take out anyone threatening.

• Relevant Tropes:
  • Asskicking Equals Authority: The main reason he got promoted to the rank of First Archon.
  • Blood Knight: He loves the thrill of battle; killing people is so much more fun when he has to actually work for it. For this reason, he normally leaves the average civilian alone (although even they aren't safe if they're personally connected to an opponent of his).
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: While actually intelligent enough to lead the Bleaksteel, he hates having to do anything that gets in the way of his desires and just doesn't fancy the sort of dedication a leadership position to require. He saves his intellect for emotionally breaking his opponents.
  • But for Me, It Was Tuesday: Before he was promoted to Archon unit, he lead a supply raid on the hometown of one of the Four Girl Band. When he meets up with her again later, she recognizes his voice and accuses him of attacking her hometown. He claims to have attacked so many towns for supplies that he couldn't possibly remember the one she's talking about...but then says that he definitely remembers her. It's not every day a girl with magical powers comes flying at him and puts up more of a fight than the local defense force, after all.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: What sets him apart from the rest of the Bleaksteel, who are mostly a bunch of Anti-Villains.
  • Deader than Dead: His ultimate fate. He's completely annihilated from existence by the true Big Bad once he loses to the Four Girl Band for the final time.
  • The Faceless: He's only ever seen outside of his mech at the end of the story. Before then, even his fellow Bleaksteel never see him outside of it. As far as he's concerned, he is his mech, so in a way this trope is subverted.
  • Genius Bruiser: He actually has a college degree is psychology, not that it's something one would know from a first impression.
  • Humiliation Conga: His fate once he loses to the Four Girl Band for the final time. His mech malfunctions and forces him to reveal his rather underwhelming human self to them. Then the Big Bad reveals that he never had a place in the new world they planned on creating; people like him, and him in particular, were the whole reason they even decided to undertake that plan in the first place, meaning the whole reason he defected from the Bleaksteel was for nothing. Then he's completely annihilated from existence.
  • Humongous Mecha: His mech is probably small by the standards of most fictional mecha, but by Bleaksteel's standards it's enormous. Only the mech of the Bleaksteel master is larger.
  • I Shall Taunt You: Is very fond of engaging in trash talk in battle, knowing that an angry enemy is easier to defeat than a level-headed one. He himself doesn't anger easily.
  • Kick the Dog: At one point, he burns down the hometown of one of the Four Girl Band and kills almost everyone in it purely to spite her.
  • Knight of Cerebus: When he's on the scene, things tend to get dark. His presence is a reminder that this Magical Girl story isn't the usual cute-and-fluffy fare.
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Sabaoth is the name of one of the seven Gnostic Archons. The Gnostic Sabaoth also abandoned the hierarchy of the Demiurge upon realizing that the Demiurge wasn't the supreme being he claimed to be, which quite nicely reflects on this Sabaoth's decision to ditch the Bleaksteel in favor of the true Big Bad.
  • The Nicknamer: A habit of his is giving whoever he meets a derogatory nickname and refusing to call them anything else.
  • Rewarded as a Traitor Deserves: He abandons the Bleaksteel in favor of the true Big Bad when they offer him a place in the new world they want to create and with it the freedom that he desires and was denied to him by the current Bleaksteel philosophy. In reality, the Big Bad has every reason to despise him and only let him in on it to get his hopes up. When he falls to the Four Girl Band for the final time, they reward him by completely annihilating him from existence.
  • The Sociopath: He did try to be a more moral version of this trope, but ultimately wound up playing it straight. And boy howdy, does he ever.
  • The Starscream: He despises the current master of the Bleaksteel, Darius, as his goal is to have the organization pull a Heel–Face Turn. All the same, he grudgingly respects Darius for providing job security and at least letting him act as an assassin. The second a better option presents itself, however, he immediately ditches the Bleaksteel in favor of it.
  • Straw Nihilist: As a sociopath, he feels his life lacks meaning. He spends a lot of time trying to add meaning to it, but the sheer depravity of his actions lands him here instead of The Anti-Nihilist.
  • Warrior Therapist: Of the "uses your flaws to break you down mentally" variety.
  • Worthy Opponent: The closest concept to "friend" that he understands, and one of those things he loves finding. This isn't a good thing for the opponent in question.

edited 18th Nov '15 8:05:16 AM by Yomegami

Icon by Civvi the Civilian!

Certainly an interesting character, and one that doesn't strike me as very "generic". His behaviour kinda reminds me of Sevatar, so I may like him a bit more than he's intended to be, and the Worthy Opponent part is nice. His motivation seems rather... blurred, though. So is he looking to find meaning, or is he trying to show others that there is no meaning? Is he a Blood Knight, or a nihilist? How does a sociopath decide that Bleaksteel is beyond redemption (on the other hand, I do like the idea of evil organization attempting a Heel–Face Turn. Not something you see every day)?

Overall, not a bad villain, it's probably me who has trouble understanding him.

Rejoice!

Concerning his motivation: I see his philosophy as more of an anti-nihilistic "Life is inherently meaningless; therefore, the individual must give it meaning." He's just figured the best way to give his life meaning is finding worthy challenges to pit himself against. So he's both nihilistic and a Blood Knight. If he manages to get others to accept his philosophy then excellent; if not, he won't care.

Sabaoth came to that conclusion about the Bleaksteel being irredeemable more or less intellectually. As far as the rest of the world's concerned, the Bleaksteel is the force that's been trying to subjugate them for the past twenty years or so. He believes the only logical conclusion is for the world to reject them, if not put them on trial and punish them accordingly, and thus the whole endeavor would accomplish nothing.

edited 18th Nov '15 2:29:50 PM by Yomegami

Icon by Civvi the Civilian!

Memetic Badass in way.

I really like this asshole. I liked the gnostic reference too. Badass.

I need mention who he is a badass? He scare me. He is awesome.

Watch me destroying my country

Hello, new guy here, joined two days ago. Been wanting to find someone to help me with my story for some time. In any case, here's my villain. The story is set in a fantasy world around the medieval period and is about several warlords pinning for control over the continent. The MC is from our world who ends up getting involved in the struggle for power. Magic exists, but anyone practicing them are persecuted by the church, who has been losing power due to a rise of a evil cult. The plague also happened in this world, but the cult managed to realize the plague were caused by fleas on rats, and helped spread it. Then they turned followers into demons, which protected them from the plague. Since the followers of the cult managed to survive, and the Christians died, many changed their beliefs. War broke out between countries with the cult and Christians, leaving a power vacuum for warlords. My villain is one of them.

Name: Cyrus Alan Therrian

Age: Late forties.

Personality: Callous, cunning, manipulative, charismatic, selfish ad egoistical. He hides it under a kind, brave and friendly personality to gain loyalty from his soldiers.

Abilities: Unlike his retainers and generals, he doesn't possess any magical abilities, but he is a natural leader and is capable in swordsmanship. He possess a special artifact that can turn people into demons.

Weaknesses: The demons he creates won't become loyal to him, so he only uses it on his most loyal men as a power boost for them. Is paranoid, so will often be suspicious of his own men, especially if they are talented and holds authority. Often ignores advice from his much smarter advisers when he thinks he is winning, which causes great problems for him.

Goals: To take over the continent and become the emperor.

Motivations: Coming from peasantry, he has always desired power to change his life for himself. he became more extreme after his wife, the love of his life, died.

Role of story: The tritagonist, so we will often see his perspective of the story. Is a puppet king for the man behind the the man, manipulated unknowingly by the cult and will serve as a foil to the main protagonist, showing how the MC could become him if he became extreme in his methods.

Backstory: Raised in peasantry, he was constantly treated as useless, especially by nobles. He wasn't physically strong nor talented, so he was belittled even by his own family.(similar to the MC). Since he wasn't the eldest child, he also can't inherit the family estate, so he decided to form his own mercenary army. They were quite good and were eventually recognized by the king, being the people he turns to in case of rebellions by the lords. He helped stopped many coups and invasions by neighboring countries, but as his power grew, the queen began distrusting of him. The only daughter of the king was also suspicious of him, but didn't want unnecessary trouble due to the powerful noble families being in conflict as well as being disatisfied with the current king's rule, so persuaded her father to not kill Cyrus to keep his army on their side. The queen, being only a replacement for the king's dead wife and the princess's mother, was ignored by the king. She also had an affair with her personal bodyguard, which was discovered by Cyrus. To prevent Cyrus from blackmailing her, she sent assassins to kill him, which failed but killed Cyrus's wife. Enraged and under the impression that the royal family no longer trusts him, he killed the children of both the powerful nobles and started up a civil war. Many of the king's retainers were already working with Cyrus, so as the other lords divided and fought each other, he stayed out of the conflict and focused on killing the royal family. The pope was bribed and agreed to declare him ruler. His army marched into the capital without resistance, as he began to set his eyes on the other countries.

Relevant tropes: The Emperor, Big Bad, Ambition Is Evil, Artifact of Doom, {{Bad Powers, Bad People}}, Even Evil Has Loved Ones, Kneel Before Zod, You Have Outlived Your Usefulness, Badass Mustache, Break the Haughty, Bullying a Dragon, Freudian Excuse, Jumping Off the Slippery Slope, Jerkass, lucky Bastard, Self-Made Man

edited 27th Aug '16 9:44:05 PM by Ikedatakeshi

All things considered, Cyrus seems quite sympathetic and an Anti-Villain, considering his crappy life growing up and the fact that the Queen’s assasins killed his wife. I think that’s the intention.

Anyways, I’m taking a small detour from Vindexi Populi to write another story, which is Kamen Rider Faiz meets Captain Planet. I kind of fear that the main villain organization may be considered Strawman Political s, which leads to the story becoming an Author Tract.

• Name: Gaia’s Wrath
• Age: Member age vary from 18 to 50; the organisation itself is relatively young, only being created ten years ago.
• Personality: Because Gaia’s Wrath consists out of a thousand or so people, there isn’t a personality that they all share. However, they all share the same extremely cynical viewpoint of humanity and its future, which leads into their extreme viewpoint below. In addtion, Gaia’s Wrath members are quite chipper and/or smug about being the ones who are going to destroy civilization as we know it.
• Abilities:
• Gaia’s Wrath is remarkably organized for a Luddite ecoterrorist group, and excel in causing chaos. However, their greatest asset lies in their Argabas artifical parasites, which, when given an human host, causes them to mutate and gain powers, as stated below.
  • Te-class Sytes have incredible physical prowess; however, they are dumb as bricks and lack ranged projectiles other than “throw stuff against somebody
  • Ya-class Sytes lack physical strength, but are strong telekinetics and may possess other ranged projectiles such as atomic breath.
  • Ko-class Sytes are relatively weak compared to the aforementioned Syte classes, however, they are still relatively intelligent and has the added benefit of clear thought, allowing them to actually use tactics.
  • Xe-classes are the rarest and most powerful Syte class, sharing all the above traits and also to power to transform from their monstrous form to an human one
• Weaknesses: The human-into-Syte conversion process also has the inconvenient side of turning most people into ultraviolent monsters, which, while nice for a one-shot rampage, isn’t terribly convenient when one wants to bring down the entire world with the monsters. As such, GW is forced to fight a guerilla war until they gain enough Ko- and Xe-class Sytes for an all-out war. Also, after the razing of St.Helms, pretty much everybody in the world hates them.
• Goals: Kill off 7.5 billion people and establish a World of Silence. As a frame of comparisions, said world of silence is a tyrannical regime who makes [[Literature/1984 Oceania]] look pleasant in comparision.
• Motivation: Basically, they think Humans Are the Real Monsters and need to be culled and restrained to prevent them dooming themselves and the Earth. This motivation is shared by several other deep green environmentalist groups IRL.
• Role in the story: Big Bad Monster of the Week creating organisation for the protagonists to fight.
• Backstory: Gaia’s Wrath was created 10 years ago; back then, it only consisted out of ten members. As time went by, their numbers swelled to a few thousand. Despite their rather extreme viewpoints, they weren’t exactly considered threats considering their lack of actual weaponary.
• Until they finally managed to synthesize an Argabas parasite. After the first parasite was created, four more were created and implanted into human hosts.
• This eventually leads to the Razing of St. Helms, in which they practically burned a small city to the ground, with no survivors. After this successful "field test", Gaia's Wrath went back into hiding whilst sending other Sytes to pressure the world's goverments into surrendering.
• Relevant Tropes:
  • Ambition Is Evil: Their viewpoint.
  • Conservation of Ninjutsu: Justified; most of the human-turned-Sytes are hostile to anything else, including other Sytes; a Zerg Rush means that a whole lot of Sytes die or are otherwise weakened, making them easier to defeat.
    • Inverted with the Ko-class Sytes, though; in an one-on-one, Ko’s are absolute jokes that can be killed with “only” several shots of an handgun. In groups of ten, though, Ko-class Sytes are absolute nightmares.
  • Dystopia Justifies the Means
  • Monster of the Week: Justified, see above.
  • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Initially; despite their extremist views, they didn’t really act on them. Then St. Helms happened.
  • Villain Has a Point: A point that’s nonetheless buried under the many, many heinous deeds that they perform.

edited 30th Nov '15 12:17:31 AM by handlere

Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines

Seems interesting, but I assume the villains will have some reason to only send small numbers of troops(enough for the protagonist to kill). The reason for Kamen Rider Faiz's monster of the week is because most of the Orphenoch aren't part of the organization, recently transformed, not evil, and the process is extremely rare. I assume they don't turn all their members into Sytes(and the class of Sytes is random), so they also kidnap people to turn into Sytes, correct? Do they turn into brainwashed soldiers with no individuality, or retain some of their personality and memories? The latter can give some interesting developments depending on the tone of your story. To prevent it from being an authot tract, make sure their arguments are actually valid, give depth to them and backstories to some to justify their views. Make sure they are unique characters, not stereotypical villains with generic personalities.

As for my second villain, he will also be a foil to the main character, meaning his motivation to be emperor will also be to prove himself. However, their difference lies in how they deal with being looked down by others. (For my MC, it will be self-loathing, Cyrus will be spiteful).

Name: Lorenz Andre Liewellyn

Age: Mid-20s

Personality: Paranoid, due to being surrounded by many people who are more talented than him, thus he fear that they will try to usurp him. He is determined to hold his position, even at the expense of his country, and will ignore advice from all those with capability. Cowardly, will never charge into battle, even if it could raise morale. Power hungry, will do anything to attain power, even killing off family members if needed. The only person he actually cares about is his father, wife and older brother.(Leandre)

Abilities: He is actually really good in running a country when he isn't being paranoid. He is also good at managing relations with other countries, mostly due to him being afraid of engaging in war.

Weakness: No combat prowess whatsoever, so he always surround himself with many bodyguards. Even his wife was once his bodyguard. He isn't adept at warfare, and often make mistakes. Ignores advice from generals and blames them for his mistakes so he could save face. Easily trusting when he believes someone is completely loyal to him(read: butt-kisser).

Goals: Live up to the reputation of his father and Leandre, who both were great men who are widely respected by the other vassals, generals and the people. The former a great king, the latter an accomplished general.

Motivation: Remaining on the throne, being acknowledged by others as someone that is a worthy successor due to him being often compared to his father and brother, who achieved great accomplishments.

Role: Another foil, but is a minor villain who changes sides regularly, thus can either be an ally or an enemy.

Backstory: Since he was a prince, expectations for him was high, especially due to his father being such a legendary figure, and Leandre one-upping his father. He was constantly compared to the both of them, but failed to meet expectations. Being surrounded by talented siblings didn't help. His father and brother knew of his problem, but recognized his talents in running a country, thus constantly tried to encourage him. When his father died, the throne was supposed to be given to his older brother, but Leandre declined, since he didn't find himself suitable to rule the country, thus wanted to abdicate to Lorenz.

However, the empire(mentioned in Cyrus's backstory) invaded before the abdication could happen, and they had to escape. They stayed as refugees with their ally. Said ally weren't keen on having them. Lorenz met his wife here, who protected him from an assassination attempt. Leandre figured that this would happen, thus sent his sworn brother, who is one of the ten geniuses mentioned in Cyrus's backstory, to another country as a spy. Due to the ten geniuses' reputation, he was readily accepted.

Meanwhile, Leandre led his ally to believe that he was planning a revolt, which was a diversion so that he could escape with his family. Together with his sworn brother, he managed to conquer another country in two years with around 5000 men, a feat that boosted his reputation. Lorenz was once again in his shadow, something that caused him to held a grudge, but Leandre promised to abdicate, since he was adept at warfare, but not governing. Lorenz, however, found out he was a bastard child when his mother had an adulterous relationship, thus not eligible for the throne in accordance to their succession rules. Afraid that this would be found out, he assassinated his brother to quickly ascend to the throne. He is constantly paranoid that this will be found out, especially by the sworn brother of Leandre, who could easily rebel and gain supporters. Leandre died slowly from poisoning, constantly in pain, and this sight continues to haunt Lorenz, since he did care about his brother. Unbeknownst to Lorenz, however, Leandre has already figured that Lorenz was behind this, and ordered his sworn brother secretly to support him for the sake of the kingdom, so that they can take back their country. His sworn brother respects his dying wishes, so begrudgingly serve Lorenz. Lorenz constantly ignores the former's advice, believing he is attempting to usurp him, which causes his downfall.