Cartman Gets an Anal Probe: Alien visitors are coming to town after Cartman tells Stan and Kyle about his dream of being abducted and a string of cow mutilations are being investigated by Officer Barbrady.
Weight Gain 4000: Everyone is excited when Kathie Lee Gifford comes to town, while Mr. Garrison plans to assassinate her because of a childhood grudge. Meanwhile, Cartman gets (even more) obese from consuming a body-building supplement.
Volcano: The boys go on a hunting trip with Stans uncle Jimbo and his friend Ned, who used to fight with him in the Vietnam War.
Big Gay Als Big Gay Boat Ride: Stan gets a new dog named Sparky who turns out to be a homosexual. When Stan trys to man his dog up, Sparky runs away and heads to Big Gay Als gay animal sanctuary.
An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig: The boys go to Dr. Mephisto to help them breed Kyles new elephant with a pot-bellied pig, while Stan has to put up with his abusive sister, Shelley, who just got headgear braces at the dentist.
Death: Sheila (Kyle's mom, though, in this episode, she is referred to as "Carol") leads the towns parents into a protest against The Terrence & Phillip Show over its gross content. Meanwhile, Stan tries to ask for advice on whether or not it's okay to kill someone who wants to die when his 101-year-old grandfather keeps pestering him to help him commit suicide.
Pinkeye: In the first Halloween episode, Kenny gets crushed by the MIR space station and comes back to life as a zombie (thanks to a morgue accident involving Worcestshire sauce), causing a Zombie Apocalypse, which the town thinks is a pinkeye epidemic. Meanwhile, Cartman gets in trouble for wearing a Hitler costume to school and Stan breaks up with Wendy after she goes to school dressed as Chewbacca rather than Raggedy Anne.
Starvin' Marvin: The boys send money to an African charity to get a sports watch, but they instead get an Ethiopian orphan which they name Starvin' Marvin, while Cartman gets sent to Ethiopia. Meanwhile, mutant turkeys attack South Park and Chef rallies everyone to fight back.
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo: Lonely that hes the only Jew in town, Kyle starts seeing a talking piece of feces that apparently only he can see, which leads him to get committed. Meanwhile, Sheila's protesting over the Christmas play not catering to Jews leads to a wave of Political Correctness Gone Mad as anything considered offensive around the holiday season is banned.
Damien: Satan's son, Damien, enrolls in South Park Elementary to set up a boxing match between Jesus and the Devil. Meanwhile, Cartman prepares for his birthday.
Toms Rhinoplasty: While Mr. Garrison takes time off to get a nose job, a hot, female substitute threatens to break up Wendy and Stan.
Mecha-Streisand: Cartman unearths a strange artifact and gives to Kyle — which turns out to be a treasure Barbra Streisand needs to become Mecha Streisand.
Cartmans Mom is a Dirty Slut: Cartman wonders who his father is, which becomes very difficult as his mother has slept with practically every man in town. Meanwhile, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny tape Cartman's tea party playing and submits it to America's Funniest Home Videos.
"Terrance and Phillip in: 'Not Without My Anus'": In this April Fools' Day episode that pre-empted the conclusion to the "Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut" two-parter," Terrance and Phillip travel to Iran to rescue Terrance's daughter, Sally, who is being held prisoner by Iranian cops.
"Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut": Just as Mephesto is about to reveal the identity of Eric Cartman's father, the genetic engineer is shot by a mysterious gunman and goes on the run. Cartman attempts to resume his quest to find his real father before it is never revealed.
"Chickenlover": A series of heinous crimes involving chickens being raped leads to a startling revelation — Officer Barbrady is illiterate. With Barbrady quitting the police force so he can go back to school to learn how to read, Cartman takes over as the town's police force.
"Ike's Wee Wee": Mr. Mackey, the school counselor, is fired after a marijuana joint goes missing during a class lecture on the dangers of illegal drugs. Meanwhile, Ike tries to save his brother from being circumcised — and finds out that Ike is adopted from Canada.
"Conjoined Fetus Lady": With Pip as their star player, the South Park dodge ball team is off to the championships. Back in town, the local citizens declare a "Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week" in a misguided attempt to help the school nurse deal with a strange medical disorder.
"City on the Edge of Forever": In this clip show episode, Ms. Crabtree becomes a famous stand-up comedian while the South Park kids reminisce on all their adventures while stuck on a bus on the edge of a cliff.
"Summer Sucks": The town bans fireworks after a North Park kid gets injured and must come up with an alternative for their Fourth of July celebration. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison loses Mr. Hat to Brett Favre and Cartman struggles with swimming lessons in a pool full of urinating first graders.
"Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls": A film festival from Los Angeles comes to South Park and corrupts it with their lack of culture. Meanwhile, Kyle tries to save Mr. Hankey from dying and Chef tries to cash in on the festival by selling his suggestively named treats, "Chocolate Salty Balls."
"Chickenpox": The boys' mothers force their children to hang out with Kenny so they can get chickenpox. Meanwhile, Kyle's mom tries to patch up the long-broken relationship between her husband and Kenny's dad.
"Clubhouses": The boys create a clubhouse so they can get girls to play "Truth or Dare". Meanwhile, Stan's parents divorce.
"Cow Days": An interracial couple wins a vacation to South Park on a game show. Meanwhile, Kyle uses Cartman for a bullriding contest and the South Park cows worship a statue.
"Chef Aid": When Chef is sued for pointing out that Alanis Morissette's new song is actually a song he wrote years ago, the boys hire Chef's famous musician friends to raise money. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison suspects Mr. Hat of several attempts on Mr. Twig's life.
"Spookyfish": Beings from a parallel universe come to South Park, such as a nice version of Eric Cartman and a killer goldfish.
"Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!": Stan runs away to visit Cartman's relatives in Nebraska. Meanwhile, Cartman's uncle and Charles Manson break out of prison, where they kidnap the kids and Manson learns the true meaning of Christmas.
"Gnomes": The boys are forced to write a current events paper to save Mr. Garrison's job. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are grouped together with Tweek, a jittery child, who suggests that the presentation be on the "Underpants Gnomes", tiny men who sneak into his house and steal his underwear. Meanwhile, a local cafe, ran by Tweek's parents', is being threatened by a big-time corporate coffee shop.
"Prehistoric Ice Man": Stan and Kyle discover a man who has been trapped in the ice since 1996, but break up when they decide on different names for him. Meanwhile, the "ice man" tries to reconnect with his wife and kids.
"Rainforest Schmainforest": Jennifer Aniston guest stars as Miss Stevens, a choir teacher who must contend with new members, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny (who are put in the club as punishment for disrupting class) during a trip to Costa Rica.
"Spontaneous Combustion": Randy must solve the problem when citizens start spontaneously combusting. Meanwhile, Cartman plays Jesus in a "Stations of the Cross" play and ends up stuck on the cross, and Kyle tries to find a "nerection" for his dad.
"The Succubus": When Chef gets engaged to a strange woman, the boys are convinced that Chef's fiancee is a demon bent on sucking the life out of men. Meanwhile, Cartman is being bullied by his eye doctor.
"Jakovasaurus": The town saves a species from extinction, but finds that they are an extremely annoying race that only Cartman can stand.
"Tweek vs. Craig": The boys push two boys to fight each other. Meanwhile, Kenny gets put in Home Ec. to keep from dying in Shop class, and Mr. Adler (the shop teacher) copes with the loss of his wife, who drowned in a plane crash.
"Sexual Harassment Panda": A man in a panda costume is hired to teach the kids about sexual harassment, leading Cartman to sue Stan (and all the kids to sue the school) over claims of being harassed, and end up bankrupting the school.
"Cat Orgy": In part one of this trilogy episode, Cartman's mom goes to a meteor shower party, and leaves her son with Stan's violent sister, Shelley. Meanwhile, Cartman's cat, Mr. Kitty, is in heat and goes searching for sex with other cats.
"Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub": Part two of three. At the meteor shower party mentioned in the previous episode, Stan is stuck in a basement with a group of nerdy kids from school who become important to him when the ATF stakes out the party, thinking that the attendees will commit suicide when the meteor comes. Meanwhile, Randy feels uncomfortable after he and Gerald watch each other masturbate in a hot tub.
"Jewbilee": Conclusion. On the night of the aforementioned meteor shower, Kyle, Kenny, and Ike go to a Jewish scout camp where Moses appears.
"Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery": Nu metal band Korn guest stars in this episode where they are blamed for making Halloween immoral and the boys use Kyle's grandmother's corpse to scare the fifth graders.
"Chinpokomon": The boys become fascinated with the latest fad from Japan, which turns out to be an insidious plot to have American children brainwashed into overthrowing the U.S. government.
"Hooked on Monkey Fonics": A homeschooled boy decides to go to public school after winning the town spelling bee, much to his overprotective parent's fear. Meanwhile, Kyle falls for the boy's sister.
"Starvin Marvin in Space": The boys must save Starvin' Marvin from the government and a Christian group who cares more about converting people from third-world countries than giving them food, medical care, and shelter.
"The Red Badge of Gayness": During a Civil War reenactment, Cartman (as General Lee) leads the Confederate army to attack the Union soldiers across America.
"Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus": Cartman and Kenny mistake a colon infection for their menstrual cycles, prompting Kyle to lie about "getting his period" and Stan to ingest hormone pills so he will not feel left out. Meanwhile, Jesus plans a New Years' party and is worried God will not be there.
"Worldwide Recorder Concert": The boys travel to Arkansas to perform at a recorder concert. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison confronts his father about not being sexually molested as a child.
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut: The children of South Park are badly influenced by the film Terrence & Phillip: Asses of Fire and Sheila leads the parents into a crusade against Canada, which leads to a full-scale global war. Meanwhile, Kenny dies imitating a stunt from the movie and winds up in Hell, where he discovers Satan and his boyfriend Saddam Hussein plan to invade Earth.
"The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000": The boys plan to get rich off a scheme involving the tooth fairy, which attracts the attention of an unusual crime boss. Meanwhile, Kyle ponders his existence after his parents tell him the truth about the tooth fairy.
"Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000": After hitting Token in the head with a rock, Cartman gets arrested after FBI agents claim that he committed a hate crime, since the victim was African-American.
"Timmy 2000": All the kids in South Park are mistakenly diagnosed with attention deficit disorder after the new, mentally handicapped student Timmy is misdiagnosed himself. Meanwhile, Timmy joins Skyler's rock band, and Phil Collins plots to separate them.
"Quintuplets 2000": Stan's family take in a grandmother and her quintuplet granddaughters from Romania who are on the run from the American and Romanian government. Meanwhile, Kenny practices opera singing and he eventually becomes famous in Eastern Europe.
"Cartman Joins NAMBLA": Cartman's search for mature friends lands him as the poster child for NAMBLA. Meanwhile, Kenny tries to prevent his parents from planning to have a child.
"Cherokee Hair Tampons": Stan must get Cartman to donate one of his kidneys to save Kyle's life while everyone in town is addicted to new-age medicine run by an old woman and her "Native American" co-workers. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison becomes a romance novelist after getting fired from teaching for his incompetence and his arrest for soliciting sex from a minor, as seen in the previous episode.
"Chef Goes Nanners": Chef protests against the racist imagery on the South Park flag. Meanwhile, Wendy freaks out when she begins to have a crush on Cartman.
"Something You Can Do With Your Finger": Cartman ropes in Stan, Kyle, and Kenny into creating Finger Bang, a boy band in the quest to get $10 million and Wendy joins in the band, only to pose as a boy.
"Do The Handicapped Go to Hell?": Part one of two. The boys question whether the handicapped (Timmy) or Jews (Ike and Kyle) go to Heaven, while Saddam Hussein returns to Hell, leading to an awkward reunion with Satan.
"Probably": Conclusion. Cartman and the boys start their own church against the wishes of their parents. Meanwhile, Satan must choose between two of his lovers.
"4th Grade": The boys enter fourth grade, and build a time machine to go back to the third grade. Meanwhile, the fourth grade teacher Ms. Choksondik seeks help in controlling the students from Mr. Garrison, who is now a hermit who won't come to terms with his homosexuality.
"Trapper Keeper": A man from the future wants Cartman's new Trapper Keeper. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison's kindergarten class holds an election for class president with confusing results in the voting.
"Fat Camp": Cartman is sent to a weight loss camp. Meanwhile, Kenny becomes famous for doing disgusting and shocking things for money, a la Tom Green and Johnny Knoxville.
"The Wacky Molestation Adventure": After Kyle is barred from going to a Raging Pussies concert, Cartman tells him that he can easily get rid of his parents by calling the cops on them, claiming that his parents sexually molested him and his brother. When word spreads of this new way to rid the town of adults, the kids are left to fend for themselves, leading to chaos that only an out-of-town couple on their way to a job interview can stop.
"A Very Crappy Christmas": Kyle is upset when Mr. Hankey is too busy with his family to spread holiday cheer, so he and the other boys create a Christmas cartoon based on Parker and Stone's "The Spirit of Christmas."
"It Hits The Fan": The boundaries of appropriate language on TV gets mowed down in this episode, where the town freely begins using the word "shit" (and Mr. Garrison freely uses the word "fag" when he realizes he can say it now that he's an open homosexual) which causes people to die from the plague, and a band of strange knights appear to stop people from saying, "shit."
"Cripple Fight": Timmy tries to get rid of a new crippled kid named Jimmy, while Big Gay Al is fired from being a Boy Scout troop leader out of fear that he'll sexually molest the boys.
"Super Best Friends": A cult that worships David Blaine comes to South Park, but soon has brainwashed the boys, except for Stan, leading him to get the "Super Best Friends" (a group of religious figures who team up to save the world) into saving the world and into trying to destroy Blaine.
"Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow": The boys try to reunite Terrance and Phillip, who are feuding against each other and have broken up (Terrence is still doing his act while Phillip has moved on to Shakespearean acting), so they can perform at an Earth Day assembly.
"Cartmanland": Cartman inherits $1 million dollars from his dead grandmother and buys out North Park Funland as his own personal playground. Meanwhile, Kyle develops a terrible hemorrhoid and begins to lose his faith in God.
"Proper Condom Use": The school is forced to teach sex education to the students at a younger age after the boys are found beating off dogs, leading to a gender war because of incompetent teaching methods.
"Towelie": In order to get their video game console back, the boys must bring an animated, drug smoking towel to the government from the feud between paramilitaries and extraterrestrials.
"Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants": The boys go to Afghanistan to return a goat given as a gift, where Stan and Kyle fight with Afghan kids over America's reputation and Cartman becomes the Bugs Bunny to Osama bin Laden's Elmer Fudd during the aftermath of the attacks and the Afghanistan-American war.
"How to Eat With Your Butt": Cartman "blows a funny fuse" when his prank of putting Kenny's butt on a milk carton prompts a family with butts for faces to come to South Park in search of their long lost son. Meanwhile, Butters gets grounded for his supposedly bad school photo.
"The Entity": Kyle's cousin, a stereotypical nebbishy Jewish boy also named Kyle, comes to stay with him. Meanwhile, Mr Garrison invents a new means of transportation to combat against airline budget cuts, ridiculous safety measures, and security incompetence following the 9/11 attacks.
"Here Comes the Neighborhood": Rich, black families move into the predominantly white South Park, prompting the locals to be prejudiced against them for being wealthy.
"Kenny Dies": Kenny's Running Gag gets Played for Drama as he's put in the hospital for a muscular disorder that may kill him. Meanwhile, Cartman uses stem cells to clone his favorite restaurant.
"Jared Has Aides": Weight loss advocate and Subway spokesman Jared Fogle incurs the wrath of the town after he announces that he lost weight because he has aides (misinterpreted as AIDS). Meanwhile, the boys use Butters as their spokesman for a local Chinese restaurant.
"Asspen": Stan is dragged into a skiing competition with a plot straight out of a teen rom-com from the 1980s, while their parents are imprisoned at a timeshare seminar.
"Freak Strike": The boys disguise Butters as a victim of a birth defect so they can win a prize on The Maury Povich Show, but when the freaks go on strike and the show's topic goes from "People with Birth Defects" to "Help Control My Wild Teenage Daughter," Cartman poses as a wild teen girl.
"Fun With Veal": The boys try to save baby cows after a trip to a slaughterhouse opens their eyes on what veal really is.
"The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer": The boys have to sit through a boring TV show starring Russell Crowe to see a trailer for the new Terrance and Phillip movie, but risk missing it when Shelley sends the boys out to buy tampons and the boys try to find another TV to watch the trailer.
"Professor Chaos": The boys try to find a replacement for Butters, who becomes a supervillain after being kicked out of the group.
"Simpsons Already Did It": Picking up where "Professor Chaos" left off, Butters goes insane after realizing all of his plots to destroy the world have been done before on FOX's long-running animated sitcom, The Simpsons. Meanwhile, Cartman creates a miniature society of sea people in his aquarium (which, coincidentally, was the plot of a "Treehouse of Horror" story from The Simpsons)
"Red Hot Catholic Love": Due to the wave of claims that children have been sexually molested by religious figures (Catholic priests, especially), Priest Maxi (the local priest from the only church the town has) tries to bring about reform, the South Park parents convert to atheism, and Cartman wins a bet with Kyle that he can defecate from his mouth, which becomes the new way of eating.
"Free Hat": The boys form a club to try to stop Steven Spielberg and George Lucas from releasing edited versions of their classic films, but the townspeople mistake it as a call to free a child murderer named Hat Mc Cullough from prison.
"Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society": The boys in class start acting weird when Bebe begins to develop breasts, while Wendy Testaburger gets implants so the boys will notice her.
"Child Abduction Is Not Funny": The parents hire Tuong Lu Kim to build a wall around the city to protect the children from kidnappers, but end up letting their kids go after learning that parents are more likely to abduct their own children than total strangers.
"A Ladder to Heaven": The boys build a ladder to heaven to retrieve a coupon needed for a candy store shopping spree, which leads to reports that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction in Heaven. Meanwhile, Cartman mistakes Kenny's ashes for chocolate milk mix and becomes possessed by his spirit.
"The Death Camp of Intolerance": Mr. Garrison tries to get fired for discrimination by performing inappropriate acts in class with his new teaching assistant Mr. Slave so he can file a lawsuit against the school, but the school administration instead sends the students to a "tolerance camp" to learn how to deal with people of different walks of life.
"The Biggest Douche in the Universe"note usually retitled "The Biggest..." on cable and paper TV guides due to censorship: Chefs parents try to exorcise Kennys spirit from Cartman. Meanwhile, Stan calls out Crossing Over host and alleged spiritual medium John Edward for providing false hope to people whose loved ones have died.
"My Future Self 'n Me": Stan meets a man who claims to be Stan in the future after a life of abusing drugs and alcohol. Meanwhile, Cartman starts a "revenge business".
"Red Sleigh Down": In this parody of Black Hawk Down, Cartman tries to bring Christmas to the downtrodden in Iraq to get on Santas "nice" list.
Cancelled (or "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe Redux"): After experiencing deja vu, the boys discover that life on Earth is really an alien reality TV show on the verge of being canceled.
Krazy Kripples: Timmy and Jimmy start a club for cripples, which draws attention from the Crips and the gang wants the two crippled children to join if they kill The Bloods. Meanwhile, Christopher Reeve comes to town to promote stem cell research for the handicapped.
I'm a Little Bit Country: In the 100th episode (though "Cancelled" is actually the 100th in production code order and was originally planned to be it), the boys get caught in the middle of a bloody battle between pro-Iraq War and anti-Iraq War advocates, while Cartman travels back in time to the Colonial era for a history report by killing himself.
Fat Butt and Pancake Head: Cartman create a hand-puppet version of Jennifer Lopez for a Latino appreciation school presentation, which becomes a major celebrity, causes Ben Affleck to fall for the hand puppet, and incurs the wrath of the real J-Lo.
Lil' Crime Stoppers: The boys' game of "Police Detectives" turns real when Sergeant Yates hires them to bust a drug deal.
Red Man's Greed: Native Americans take over South Park and plan to tear it down to build a super-highway to their new casino.
South Park is Gay!: The men and boys of town become metrosexual, while Kyle, Mr. Slave, and Mr. Garrison try to stop the wave of metrosexuality when Kyle is treated like an outcast, and Mr. Garrison believes the metrosexual fad is cheapening the pride of real homosexuals who don't follow the camp stereotype.
Christian Rock Hard: Cartman, Token, and Butters form a Christian music band while Stan, Kyle, and Kenny get busted for illegally downloading music and join other bands in protesting over people downloading their music for free.
Grey Dawn: The elderly have their driver's licenses taken away, against which the AARP retaliates.
Casa Bonita: When Kyle refuses to invite Cartman to his birthday party and invites Butters instead, Cartman tricks Butters into thinking the world is coming to an end and leaves him at the city dump.
Butt Out: The boys get in trouble for smoking cigarettes after being forced to go to an anti-smoking assembly, but the ensuing outrage has Kyle trying to stay out of it as the scenario of the town being outraged over something minor has all been done before.
Raisins: Stan becomes a Goth after Wendy Testaburger breaks up with him. Meanwhile, Butters falls for Lexus, a waitress at a Hooters-esque restaurant called "Raisins," who only flirts with him as part of her job.
It's Christmas in Canada: In this Wizard of Oz parody, Kyle and the boys fly to Canada during Christmas time to see the Canadian Prime Minister after Ike's biological parents take him back to Canada.
"Good Times With Weapons": The boys buy Japanese weapons at a fair and imagine themselves as action anime characters, but when Kenny hits Butters (as Professor Chaos) with a throwing star, they must rush to get Butters medical attention without getting caught.
"Up the Down Steroid": Jimmy uses steroids to cheat in the Special Olympics and Cartman disguises himself as a child with a developmental disability in order to enter.
"The Passion of the Jew": Kyle finally sees Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ and realizes Cartman's anti-Semitic claims may be true. Stan and Kenny also see the movie and hate it for using violence to guilt people into becoming Christians, prompting them to head to Malibu to retrieve their ticket money from Mel Gibson himself.
"You Got F'd in the A" (often retitled "You Got Served" or "You Got..." for censorship reasons): In this parody of street-dancing movies, Stan recruits a Raisins girl, a Goth, and a Dance Dance Revolution master to compete against a group of breakdancers from Orange County. Butters is discovered to be a good dancer, but he has flashbacks of causing death and mayhem at a tap dancing contest.
"AWESOM-O": Butters befriends a robot (actually Cartman in disguise) he receives in the mail and takes him to Hollywood, where movie execs want him for film ideas, and the government wants him for national security.
"The Jeffersons": A new neighbor who bears a striking resemblance to Michael Jackson moves into town with his sheltered son, sparking fears that he is an unfit parent, and the police scheme to frame him for sexual crimes he didn't commit.
"Goobacks": A race of Ambiguously Brown, androgynous people from the year 3045 travel back to South Park to take the townspeople's jobs.
"Douche and Turd": Stan is forced to vote in an election for the school's new mascot after the old one is protested against by PETA.
"Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes": When a new superstore comes to South Park, the townsfolk are torn between their love of the store's low, low prices, and their anti-corporate hatred of the retail giant which has turned the center of South Park into an abandoned ghost town.
"Pre-School": Trent Boyett, a notorious bully from their preschool years, is being released from juvenile hall after a five year sentence after being framed for burning the preschool teacher and turning her into a vegetable.
"Quest for Ratings": The boys' school news show is in competition against a rival television program created by Craig.
"Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset": Wendy feels left out when all the fourth grade girls start emulating the slutty antics of Paris Hilton, who tries to buy Butters from his parents.
"Cartman's Incredible Gift": Cartman thinks that he has gained paranormal powers after getting in an accident, and abuses them to become a psychic detective for hire.
"Woodland Critter Christmas": In the series's final Christmas episode, Stan helps seemingly innocent woodland creatures prepare for the birth of their Lord and Savior, the Anti-Christ.
"Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina": Mr. Garrison gets a sex change operation, but when he realizes that a sex change doesn't give Mr. Garrison the ability to have periods and children, he tracks down the doctor to change him back. Meanwhile, Kyle goes to a plastic surgeon to turn himself black so he can be a star basketball player.
"Die, Hippie, Die": Cartman attempts to rid South Park of hippies, but ends up in jail for wrongfully imprisoning the hippies in his house just as a music festival has been announced.
"Wing": Token becomes a singer while the boys try to run a talent agency and represent the City Wok owner's wife.
"Best Friends Forever": In this Emmy Award-winning episode, Kenny is left in a persistent vegetative state, beginning a war between Cartman, who wants him to die so he can inherit his Sony PSP, Heaven, who needs his spirit to fight a war against Hell, and those who feel he should be kept alive.
"The Losing Edge": The boys try to lose their baseball games on purpose so they can avoid having to play all summer, while Randy fights back against another rowdy sports dad.
"The Death of Eric Cartman": After Cartman eats the skin off all the pieces of KFC chicken bought for dinner, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and the rest of the kids decide to ignore Cartman, prompting Cartman to think he died.
"Erection Day": Jimmy starts getting erections and worries about performing in the school talent show, so he sets out to get rid of his erections by having sex with a woman.
"Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow": Cartman and Stan crash a boat into the world's largest beaver dam above the town of Beaverton, causing a state of emergency and people blaming global warming for the flood.
"Marjorine": Butters fakes his own death so he can pose as a girl named Marjorine and steal a paper fortune-teller.
"Follow That Egg": After learning Mr. Slave will marry Big Gay Al, Mrs. Garrison vows to stop same-sex marriage and uses the kids in her class as an example of why homosexual couples would make poor parents.
"Ginger Kids": Stan and Kyle turn Cartman redheaded and pale after Cartman does a report on how dangerous redheaded children are, but the prank goes too far when Cartman leads the "gingers" to fight for their rights by any means necessary.
"Trapped in the Closet": In this controversial episode (moreso than usual due to the backlash), Stan is dubbed the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard by a local group of Scientologists, causing a chain of bizarre events, such as Tom Cruise and John Travolta locking themselves in Stan's closet and R&B singer R. Kelly turning the whole affair into an urban opera.
"Free Willzyx": Two aquarium workers trick the boys into thinking that a killer whale can talk, prompting the boys to liberate the animal and send him into space.
"Bloody Mary": Randy's drinking problem is mistaken for a disease when he admits himself into Alcoholics Anonymous following an arrest for drunk driving. Meanwhile, a priest in a neighboring town discovers that his Virgin Mary statue is bleeding from its anus and declares it a miracle.
"The Return of Chef": The boys suspect that their best friend, Chef, has been brainwashed after a long, unexplained vacation.
"Smug Alert": Stan persuades everyone in town to buy hybrid cars, not realizing the new cars cause a different kind of dangerous emission.
"Cartoon Wars, Part One": The town is in panic when the FOX animated sitcom Family Guy angers the Muslim world by attempting to air an image of Mohammed. Meanwhile, Kyle and Cartman fight over whether or not Family Guy should stay on the air, as Kyle likes it, but Cartman hates how interchangeable and "random" the jokes are.
"Cartoon Wars, Part Two": Cartman meets with the president of FOX to cancel Family Guy and discovers the secret behind its success. Meanwhile, the people of South Park bury their heads in sand pits to avoid watching the latest controversial episode of Family Guy.
"A Million Little Fibers": In a parody of James Frey's A Million Little Pieces controversy, Towelie disguises himself as a man and publishes his dubiously written memoirs. Meanwhile, Oprah's vagina and anus try to escape from the media mogul, who has been neglecting them.
"ManBearPig": Al Gore gets the boys trapped in Cave of the Winds while trying to kill the purported "Manbearpig".
"Tsst": Cartman's mom calls upon a dog trainer (Cesar Millan) to keep her son from misbehaving after several TV nannies go insane from Cartman's manipulative ways.
"Make Love, Not Warcraft": The boys dedicate their lives to defeating a mad gamer and saving the World of Warcraft.
"The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce": Stan and Kyle "discover" the true culprits behind the September 11th attacks while Mr. Mackey is determined to find out who defecated in the boys' room urinal at South Park Elementary.
"Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy": Cartman is appointed the school's hall monitor, and becomes an elementary school version of Dog, the Bounty Hunter. Meanwhile, an attractive kindergarten teacher has an affair with Kyle's brother Ike, but when Kyle finds out, nobody helps him, as they don't care if a hot, female teacher (instead of an unattractive female teacher or even a male teacher) has an affair with a student.
"Hell on Earth 2006": Satan throws a Halloween party, which turns into an episode of MTV's My Super Sweet 16. Meanwhile, the boys summon rapper Biggie Smalls through a Bloody Mary-type mirror ritual.
"Go God Go": Mrs. Garrison objects to teaching evolution in science class, and Richard Dawkins is sent to help her. Meanwhile, Cartman buries himself in snow in an attempt to freeze himself until the day the Wii console is released.
"Go God Go XII": Cartman, frozen in the snow for over 500 years, awakens in the future, only to be caught up in a war between atheists.
"Stanley's Cup": A cartoonish movie announcer harasses Stan, who, in order to pay off the ticket to his impounded bicycle, has to coach a Mighty Ducks- style pee-wee ice hockey team to victory.
"With Apologies to Jesse Jackson": Stan's dad gets in trouble for saying the word "niggers" on an episode of Wheel of Fortune. Meanwhile, Cartman angers a dwarf who comes to give a talk about tolerance at the school.
"Cartman Sucks": Butters is sent to a religious camp for sexually confused children after his father catches him in a compromising position with Cartman. Meanwhile, Cartman accuses Kyle of stealing his risque photo of himself and Butters and decides to humiliate himself before Kyle can do it.
"Lice Capades": An infestation of head lice plagues South Park Elementary, and Cartman finds a way to detect who has lice so they can make fun of the unfortunate kid. Meanwhile, the lice in Clyde's head try to escape when most of their kind are killed by lice shampoo.
"The Snuke": Hillary Clinton is in town for a big campaign rally, and discovers that her vagina has been rigged with a bomb. Meanwhile, Cartman suspects a new Muslim kid at school might be responsible for the bomb planted.
"Fantastic Easter Special": Determined to get the real story behind why eggs are decorated for Easter, Stan falls in with an eccentric society that guards a legendary secret.
"D-Yikes": Mrs. Garrison falls for a woman at a lesbian bar and fights Persians to keep the bar from being renovated. Meanwhile, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny hire illegal Mexican immigrants to do their homework for them.
"Le Petit Tourette": Cartman pretends to have Tourette syndrome so he can say whatever he wants without being punished, but faking the condition begins to wear on his mental filter.
"More Crap": Randy becomes South Park's hometown hero when the guys down at the local bar see the size of his most recent crap.note Features Bill Hader as the voice of a redneck
"Imaginationland": Terrorists attack Imaginationland, in an attempt to take over peoples' imagination. Meanwhile, Cartman makes a bet with Kyle that if leprechauns are real, Kyle will suck Cartman's balls. Cartman wins, and Kyle is stuck in a dilemma.
"Imaginationland, Episode II": Stan and Kyle are being held in the Pentagon until they tell the government how they got into Imaginationland. Meanwhile, Cartman goes to great lengths to get Kyle to suck his balls after the leprechaun bet.
"Imaginationland, Episode III": Inside Imaginationland, Stan and Butters engage in the battle of their lives as they fight the army of evil imaginary forces alongside what's left of the good imaginary people led by Aslan. Kyle tries to save Stan and Butters from Imaginationland, and Cartman once again goes to great lengths to get Kyle to suck his balls.
"Guitar Queer-O": Stan and Kyle are both hooked on Guitar Hero, which drives a wedge in their friendship.
"The List": The girls in the fourth grade class make a secret list that rates every boy's looks from cutest to ugliest. The fourth grade boys discover this and steal the list. They are, however, unprepared to deal with the results.
"Tonsil Trouble": Cartman contracts HIV thanks to a botched tonsillectomy, but when he finds out that people no longer care about AIDS, he looks for a cure.
"Britney's New Look": The boys try to get a photo of pop-singing trainwreck Britney Spears to cash in on the news reporting her latest social faux pas, but when Britney survives a suicide attempt that leaves her with most of her head missing, the boys soon discover the real reason why everyone wants Britney Spears to screw up and try to save her from further exploitation.
"Major Boobage": In this homage to the 1981 film Heavy Metal, the boys worry when Kenny becomes addicted to sniffing cat urine to get high. Meanwhile, Cartman takes in all of South Park's cats after a ban is called on all of them and Kyle's dad relapses into being addicted to sniffing cat urine.
"Canada On Strike": The head of the World Canadian Bureau (nicknamed the "WGA") leads the country into a strike over new media residuals. Meanwhile, the South Park boys try to turn Butters into the latest viral video star, in order to make money for Canada.
"Eek, A Penis!": While Mrs. Garrison goes on sabbatical to reverse her sex change and become Mr. Garrison, Cartman becomes a strict teacher whose unorthodox methods are needed in an inner city school.
"Over Logging": In this homage to John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath, the Marsh family heads west after the Internet connection goes down nationwide.
"Super Fun Time": While the kids are on an educational field trip to a living museum, Cartman forces Butters to sneak away from the class to go to the amusement center, located next door. While they are away, the living museum's cast and the rest of the class are taken hostage by criminals.
"Breast Cancer Show Ever": Wendy is fed up with Cartman's jokes when he makes fun of her report on breast cancer, and challenges him to a fight.
"Pandemic": The boys ask for Craig's financial support to form a pan flute band of their own, while the government tries to decide how to handle the "pandemic" of Peruvian pan-flute music.
"Pandemic 2: The Startling": The boys are lost in the Andes Mountains where they discover the startling secret behind the attack of the giant guinea pigs. Meanwhile, Randy bravely documents the destruction while trying to save his family.
"About Last Night": Following the 2008 US presidential election, Barack Obama catches everyone off guard when he arrives at the White House prematurely. Meanwhile, the Barack Obama supporters of South Park celebrate Obama's victory while the John Mc Cain supporters fear the end of the world and take shelter.
"Elementary School Musical": The boys realize they are the only kids at school who are not hit by the new High School Musical fad, making everyone in school break out in song.
"The Ungroundable": A vampire fad is spreading at South Park Elementary, thanks to the popularity of the Twilight books and movies. Butters believes that the students interested in this culture are actual vampires and becomes tempted to join them. Meanwhile, the Goth kids are finding their style is becoming mistaken with the new fad and set out to stop it.
"The Ring": Kenny begins dating a fifth grade girl named Tammy, who allegedly gave a boy a blowjob in the back of a T.G.I.Fridays, but all dreams of getting head from Tammy are shattered when she goes to a Jonas Brothers concert and forces Kenny to wear a purity ring.
"The Coon": Cartman poses as a superhero vigilante, "The Coon", who grows increasingly jealous of the popularity and success of a rival superhero, "Mysterion".
"Margaritaville": As the global recession hits South Park, Randy poses as a prophet and preaches that people should limit their spending to only "bare essentials" to propitiate the economy's anger. Kyle disagrees and tries to convince the people that if they want the economy to be strong, they must have faith in it. Meanwhile Stan, trying to return his father's expensive and unnecessary drink mixer, learns about the incompetence of the federal government.
"Eat, Pray, Queef": The boys are angered when their favorite television show, Terrance and Phillip, is preempted by a new program, The Queef Sisters, which is very similar but relies on queef jokes instead of fart jokes.
"Fishsticks": Jimmy comes up with a joke that becomes a national sensation, and Cartman takes all of the credit.
"Pinewood Derby": Randy steals a superconducting magnet and slips it into the back of Stan's pinewood derby car to ensure his son will win the annual state derby.
"Fatbeard": Mistaking the recent upsurge of piracy in Somalia for a return of the classic era of swashbuckling pirates, Cartman convinces his classmates to run away to Somalia for a responsibility-free life in a warm tropical paradise.
"Butters' Bottom Bitch" (or "Butters' Bottom..." on cable guides): Butters' first kiss turns into a prostitution ring, with Butters as a pimp who actually treats his prostitutes right. Meanwhile, Sergeant Yates goes undercover as a female prostitute named "Yolanda" to arrest solicitors, but the role soon goes to his head and he ends up marrying his pimp.
"W.T.F": After seeing a live WWE Raw event, the boys at South Park Elementary join the school's wrestling team, but quit when they realize it is very different from professional wrestling and create their own wrestling show with all the storylines and shocking fights of a WWE Raw event.
"Whale Whores" (retitled "Whales" on cable guides): Stan takes on the cause of saving dolphins and whales from Japanese whalers.
"The F Word": Cartman confronts a group of obnoxious Harley-Davidson motorcyclists who are disrupting everyone in South Park, describing them as insecure losers who ride loud motorcycles to draw attention to themselves and referring to them as "faggots," which catches the ire of the homosexual community, who think it's a burn against them.
"Dances With Smurfs": Cartman is chosen to read the South Park Elementary morning announcements, which he uses as a platform to criticize Wendy Testaburger and her role as class president.
"Pee": A day at the water park turns into a disaster, as Cartman believes that the rise in minorities is part of The End of the World as We Know It as predicted by the Mayan long-count calendar (which ends on the 13th Baktun, which is roughly around the year 2012), and the imbalance in the water-to-urine ratio in the park's pools causes yellow tsunamis to flood the park.
Sexual Healing": Thanks to Tiger Woods' adultery scandal (which has made his golfing video games worth playing), the Center for Disease Control has branded sex addiction as a real disease, and when Kenny dies of autoerotic asphxyiation, Kyle and Butters are forced to go to therapy, along with male celebrities who had sex scandals of their own (such as former U.S. President Bill Clinton, actor Charlie Sheen, late-night talk show host David Letterman, actor Michael Douglas, basketball players Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, former New York governor Elliot Spitzer, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, actor David Duchovny, actor/musician Billy Bob Thornton, and Tiger Woods himself).
Medicinal Fried Chicken": New state laws prohibiting fast food restaurants in low-income neighborhoods result in the closure of all KFC eateries in Colorado, much to the dismay of Cartman, who is addicted to the food and starts a fried chicken cartel to get his fix. Meanwhile, Randy gives himself testicular cancer to get a doctor's referral after finding out that the shut-down KFC restaurants have been turned into medicinal marijuana dispensaries.
You Have 0 Friends": Kyle makes friends with the wrong kid on Facebook and is in danger of losing all his friends.
200": In the 200th episode, Tom Cruise and 199 other celebrities file a class action lawsuit on the town for ridiculing them over the years.
201": Things get tense as the Goth Kids and Tom Cruise want immunity to ridicule from the Muslim god Muhammad (who, for religious reasons, is barred from being visually depicted), while everyone wants to know who really is Cartman's father.
Crippled Summer": The boys hold an intervention for Towelie while Timmy and Jimmy attend a summer camp for cripples in a parody of the Looney Tunes cartoons.
Poor and Stupid": Cartman makes his dreams of being a NASCAR racer come true, by becoming poor and stupid.
It's a Jersey Thing": The loud, stereotypically Italian, guido/Jersey Shore-style way of New Jersey life begins to spread to Colorado, and Kyle learns a disturbing truth about his origins.
Insheeption": Stan journeys into Mr. Mackey's mind to find the reasons behind their hoarding problems.
Coon 2: Hindsight": The Coon, Mysterion and other new kid heroes try to save people, but are upstaged by a new hero on the block, Captain Hindsight.
Mysterion Rises": Mysterion and the others try to save drillers at the Gulf from the dark lord Cthulu, while the Coon is out for revenge on Mysterion for kicking him out of the group.
Coon vs. Coon and Friends: Mysterion and the rest of the team try to stop the Coon from wreaking havoc throughout the land with Cthulhu by his side.
Creme Fraiche: Randy becomes obsessed with the Food Network and starts his own cooking show, while Sharon exercises with a Shake Weight.
HumancentiPad: Kyle agrees to his iTunes Terms and Conditions without reading it and ends up being part of Apple's newest experiment. Meanwhile when Liane won't give him a new iPad, Cartman humiliates her with false public slander.
Funnybot: When Jimmy says that Germany is the least funniest country at the school's comedy awards, the country retaliates by creating a robot comedian that becomes a major celebrity and puts all the other comedians out of the job.
Royal Pudding: The fiancee of the Prince of Canada is kidnapped and it's Ike to the rescue.
T.M.I.: After Cartman protests against (what he thinks is) the school publicizing the male students' penis sizes, he is sent to anger management classes.
Crack Baby Athletic Association: Kyle tries to help crack babies in need and finds that Cartman, Clyde and Craig have stared a basketball league for them. He has a battle over his conscience when Cartman asks him to join the management.
City Sushi: Butter is misdiagnosed with multiple personality disorder, while Mr. Kim takes on a sushi restaurant that opens next door to City Wok.
You're Getting Old: When Stan turns ten years old, starts getting cynical and (literally) starts seeing everything as "shit", which alienates him from his friends.
Ass Burgers: Picking up where "You're Getting Old" left off, Stan tries to find out what's wrong with him, and meets a group of social outcasts who believe their self-diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome gives them strange powers.
The Last of the Meheecans: What starts as an innocent game escalates into Cartman joining the border patrol to stop Mexicans from crossing the border.
Bass to Mouth: A gossip site is revealing all the secrets about the school's students, while the school board tries to reason with Cartman about his actions driving students to suicide.
Broadway Bro Down: Randy becomes a big fan of Broadway when he discovers some sexual subtext and decides to while his own play, while Shelley makes a new friend.
1%: Cartman is blamed for causing the school to lose a nation fitness test and he becomes paranoid when it appears the students are out for vengeance.
The Poor Kid: When Kenny's parents are arrested, the McCormick kids are put in the care of fundamentalist agnostic foster parents. Cartman is upset because with Kenny gone, he's the poorest kid in school.
Reverse Cowgirl: After Clyde's mom dies on the toilet because he left the seat up, the Toilet Safety Administration (TSA) is called upon to monitor everyone on the toilet. Meanwhile, Stan convinces Clyde to sue the long-dead inventor of the toilet.
Cash for Gold: Stan discovers a horrible secret about home-shopping networks that cater to the elderly and stupid, while Cartman starts his own cash-for-gold scam.
Faith Hilling: The boys take part in performing Internet memes, but after a disastrous stunt at the Republican National Convention, Stan and Kenny want to bail out.
Jewpacabra: The town's big Easter egg hunt is in jeopardy when rumors of a dangerous beast lurking in the woods start circulating, but Kyle doesn't believe it.
Butterballs: Stan creates an anti-bullying video, while Butters is bullied by an unlikely tormentor: his grandmother.
I Should Never Have Gone Ziplining: The boys go to the Colorado Mountains to go ziplining, and find themselves fighting for survival when they discover that ziplining causes literal death from boredom.
Cartman Finds Love: Cartman sets up Token with a new black girl because they are two of the same race, but when she says she likes Kyle, Cartman plays matchmaker to make her and Token into (what he thinks is) a perfect couple.
Sarcastaball: Randy's sarcastic comments about making football Lighter and Softer mutates into America's newest pastime, where he becomes the coach of South Park's team.
Insecurity: While Gerald and Sheila engage in role-playing sex, Ike walks in on them and thinks his mother is cheating on his father with a UPS delivery man, causing widespread panic among the town's men. Meanwhile, Cartman gets a security system.
Going Native: After Butters becomes extremely aggressive, his parents send him to his birthplace of Hawaii to undergo a rite of passage while Kenny tags along.
A Nightmare on Face Time: Randy buys an old Blockbuster store in hopes of reviving the video rental industry. While Randy goes insane from the lack of customers, Stan uses his iPad to go trick-or-treating with his friends.
A Scause for Applause: The Lance Armstrong doping scandal is parodied in the form of everyone losing their faith in Jesus after Jesus is suspected to have used human-growth hormones while performing His miracles.
Obama Wins!: Cartman has stolen votes from the 2012 Presidential Election for a sinister purpose and Kyle tries to get the secret out.
This season will have ten episodes instead of fourteen, and is the first one to have former Saturday Night Live cast member Bill Hader as a full-time writer and occasional voice actor.
"Let Go, Let Gov": Cartman is sick of the NSA spying on him and infiltrates the headquarters, where he doesn't like what he sees on his own profile. Meanwhile, Butters turns to the government as a god and spreads the good word after using the DMV as a house of worship.
"Informative Murder Porn": To keep the parents from potentially murdering each other, the children of South Park block Investigative Discovery from their cable boxes and the adults play Minecraft as a substitute.
"World War Zimmerman": In this loose parody of World War Z, Cartman brands Token a threat to all humanity after learning that George Zimmerman was found not guilty of the shooting death of Treyvon Martin.
"Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers": When Henrietta is sent to a camp for trouble children and comes back an emo, the other Goth kids feel threatened and ask their rivals the Vamp kids for help.
"Taming Strange": Kyle is worried about Ike when he hits puberty — and things get worse when Ike violates Foofa from Yo Gabba Gabba and prompts her to rethink the way she entertains audiences. Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey installs a computer program in the school designed to streamline the way kids can get lunch and make appointments with the school nurse and the counselor, but, like the Obamacare website, the program is fraught with technical problems that nearly destroy the school.
"Ginger Cow": Cartman's latest prank brings (painting a cow to look ginger) prompts Muslims, Jews, and Christians to come together in peace and harmony, as a red heifer is considered a sign of the end of days in Islam, Judaism, and Christianity.
"Black Friday": The biggest shopping day of the year (the Friday after Thanksgiving) gets a satirical spanking from Trey Parker and Matt Stone in this episode in which the boys prepare to battle the crowds so they can be the first to get a new gaming system while Randy takes a job as mall security.
"A Song of Ass and Fire": Carrying on from the events of "Black Friday", Randy assumes leadership of mall security while the two Console Wars camps prepare for an epic battle to being first in the door.