These are funny moments from South Park. WARNING: This is widely considered to be one of the funniest shows of all time, if not the funniest. You might be here a while. For moments specific to a particular entry, go to the following:
- South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
- South Park: The Stick of Truth
- South Park: The Fractured but Whole
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General Funny Moments
- South Park has a lot of running gags stemming from odd pronunciations and vocalizations, especially from Cartman. Respect my authori-tah, skewl, Kelleh!, Buuuuut miieeeeem, and "They took my/your/his job!" come to mind.
- "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!"; "You bastards!"
- "You guys, I'm seriously!"
- The various ways Parker and Stone would play with the deaths of Kenny in later seasons.
- The disclaimer right before the opening sequence has CMOF written all over it, coupled with a healthy dose of Self-Deprecation.
ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS SHOW — EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE — ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ALL CELEBRITY VOICES ARE IMPERSONATED... POORLY. THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE.
- In the opening sequence (which is a CMOF by itself, after all, it's composed by Primus, who are known for their extensive use of Rule of Funny in their songs), Kenny (in his usual muffled voice) says various lines depending on the season.
Kenny: I like girls with big fat titties, I like girls with deep vaginas.noteKenny: Me, I've got a 10 inch penis, use your mouth if you want to clean it.noteKenny: Someday, I'll be old enough to stick my dick up Britney's butt.noteKenny: I like fucking silly bitches and I know my penis likes it.note
- In even later seasons he keeps getting more and more vulgar when he talks in the theme song.
- Any time Cartman starts crying and whining after getting what's coming to him because of his douchebaggery. Most notably in "HUMANCENTiPAD" and "It's a Jersey Thing".
- When the kindergardeners are voiced by actual little kids and start saying things that they aren't supposed to say. For example, Firkle's rant in "Mysterion Rises".
"Nothing can stop Cthulhu now! All will become sadness, life will become death and I will watch the crimson blood leak from our neck!
Baby!Kyle: Shut up, fatass!Baby!Cartman: Don't call me fat, you stupid Jew!
- Also from "Pre-School"
- The Season 4-5 opening sequence. It starts off normally...until Letting the Air Out of the Band occurs, then the words "4th GRADE" fall down, and the theme song speeds up. It then shows 3D models of the main characters, it says things on the screen like "MORE EXPLOSIONS" and "YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT", and then it ends with a live-action clip of a guy jumping from an explosion.
- All the clips of Kenny are of his deaths.
- All the female characters' voices by Trey Parker.
- They put an alien (Referred to as "visitors") in many episodes. Here is a list of them in order with the episode numbers.
- Every episode of the "Terrance & Phillip" show, or, hell, Canada in general. Think of SP's Toilet Humor and Stylistic Suck and take them Up to Eleven. The result is priceless.
- Any scene with Tuong Lu Kim.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
- Kyle's Cluster F-Bomb, especially because of the aliens completely ignoring his Rousing Speech.
- This great exchange right after Kyle's speech.
Stan: That was beautiful.Kyle: Did it work?Stan: Nope, they're leaving.
- This great exchange right after Kyle's speech.
- The following:
Cartman: No, Kitty this is my pot pie! Mom, Kitty's being a dildo!
Cartman's Mom: Well then I know a certain Kitty Kitty that's sleeping with mommy tonight.
- Cartman singing and dancing while under alien control.
- Cartman's repeated insistence that his alien abduction was just a nightmare, despite the increasing amount of evidence to the contrary, such as his farting fire, and an alien probe exiting his anus. He doesn't even notice when the giant satellite dish appears in the ending.
- Cartman's reaction to being taken aboard the spaceship a second time.
Cartman: Help! Sonsabitches!! ''DIIIILDOOOOOOOOOOoooooosss-''
- This line:
Kyle: Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street, people go "God damn it, that's a big fat ass"!
Cartman: No they don't, you jealous weakling!
Random Guy: God damn, that's a big fat ass!
- Cartman appearing on Geraldo in the ending, now having ballooned up so much in weight he can't even leave his house. He still thinks he's just muscular.
Cartman: Follow your dreams! You can reach your goals, I'm living proof! Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!!
- The Mayor trying to encourage the people of South Park to work harder at making South Park look amazing and impress Kathie Lee Gifford.
Mayor: Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!The Cows all look up and moo
- Mr Garrisson preparing to kill Kathie Lee Gifford, only to discover she travels around in a dome of bulletproof glass like the Pope.
Mr Garrison: Damn, guess I'm not the only person who's thought of killing Kathie Lee Gifford.
- Mr Garrison asking Officer Barbrady if there's any place in town where he can get a good clear shot view of Kathie Lee. Officer Barbrady suggests the book depository.
- Later on, Wendy runs up to him after having discovered Garrisons plan, and tells Barbrady they have to find him right away.
- The "muscle increase" drink Cartman keeps chugging throughout the episode, the aforemented Weight Gain 4000. The commercial asks if the viewer is tired of "being a 90 pound weakling", and Cartman says he weighs 90 pounds, so it's perfect for him.
- Later in the episode, Cartman shows up to the bus stop wearing a tank top to show off his new body. The boys are less than impressed.
Kyle: What the hell is wrong with you Cartman? Haven't you noticed the three feet of snow on the ground?Cartman: Listen! I have a nice body, and I want to show it off! You got that?Stan: What? You got to weigh 90 pounds!Cartman: I'm up to 94, thank you very much!
- The school play about the history of South Park, with the kids playing Indians and settlers.
Clyde: Am I an Indian, or a pioneer?Garrison: Do you have a feather on your head?Clyde: Yes.Garrison: Then you're an Indian.Clyde: Oh.
- Not to mention the play itself, which is just the settlers beating the crap out of the Indians with their fake muskets.
- Stan tells Cartman that instead of getting in shape, he'll eat snacks while watching TV. Gilligan Cut to Cartman doing just that.
- This gem:
Stan: That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!Cartman: Heh, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.
- Sparky showing up with a pink scarf twice. Stan is less than amused, not to mention confused of where his dog keeps getting the things.
- Kenny getting killed during the football match when the other team accidentally knocks his head off with a tackle. The referee doesn't even call a foul.
- The hilariously underwhelming victory at the end, South Park still loses the game by 66 points, but they beat Middle Parks spread of 70 points in other matches, which is treated like a major victory for the town.
- The reason why the whole town is so obsessed with the match.
Jimbo: Chef, I don't need to remind you how important this game is to us South Park alumni.Chef: Elementary school alumni?!Jimbo: That's as far as most of us got.
- The following:
Kyle: Yeah, but that sucks, to get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan.
Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, "Hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and make me some pie!"
- Which is Hilarious in Hindsight because Cartman *did* get his ass kicked by Wendy in season 12.
- In hindsight? He pulled the same stunt later in the episode, got threatened by Shelley, and immediately wussed out by blaming Kenny.
- Kenny getting cooked in the Marsh family's microwave. Then when he falls out burned to a crisp, Kyle delivers the "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" catchphrase and screams "You bastard!" at the microwave.
- Cartman and Kyle making fun of Stan's Raggedy Andy costume.
Cartman: What are you supposed to be Stan, Howdy Doody?
Stan: No, I'm Raggedy Andy, fatass!
Cartman: Oh, heh, wow, you look pretty cool.
(beat, followed by and Cartman and Kyle laughing)
Stan: I'll kick your ass, Kyle!
Cartman: Oh, look out! Holly Hobbie's all pissed off!
- "Adolf Hitler was a very, very naughty man!" It's a few episodes in but Cartman thinking Hitler was awesome is his Establishing Character Moment. And Principal Victoria's reaction? Make another costume. Dressing him as a ghost seems reasonable, dressing him as the KKK, not so much.
- "And the President responded to the incident by saying 'Screw those commie bastards, and screw their little wussy space station.'"
- What does Chef do after turning into a zombie? He starts singing his version of "Thriller" dressed as Micheal Jackson, with the other zombies acting like backup dancers.
Zombie Chef: "I'm gonna make love, even when I'm dead! My body might get cold, but it's always hot in my bed. Make love! Don't you be afraid. Just because my heart ain't beating, it don't mean you won't get laid!"
- The source of the zombie plague - A bottle of Worcestershire sauce the mortician accidentally poured into the embalming fluid. There's even a customer service line dedicated to this problem, apparently it's not the first time this has happened.
- Kenny returning from the dead a second time, having been stitched back together from when Kyle sawed him in half with a chainsaw to stop the zombie plague... only to immediately die again when a statue in the cemetery falls over and crushes him. And then a plane crashes on top of that.
- Chef gives an epic Rousing Speech about how they won't let the Turkeys defeat them in a Shout-Out to Braveheart... only to cut to a similar scene with the Turkeys, including a blue and white face-painted turkey giving the Rousing Speech in Turkey speech.
- Mr Garrison suggests getting rid of all the Mexicans out of the blue while the town is trying to be politically correct. The Mayor's reaction suggests this is far from the first time this has happened.
Mr. Garrison: Can we get rid of all the Mexicans?Mayor: (deadpan) No Mr. Garrison, we can't get rid of all the Mexicans.Mr. Garrison: Rats.
- Cartman's first tea party moment.
Kyle: Mr. Mackey, something's really wrong with Cartman.Mr. Mackey: Oh, well, there's a news flash.
- The hilariously abstract school Christmas play that results from the agressive attempts of making the celebration as non-denominational and inoffensive as possible. The play is produced by composer Philip Glass and consists mostly of the kids jumping around in black leotards while a narrator reads poetry.
- Whenever the titular character makes his satanic declarations, an Ominous Latin Chanting is heard in the background. But it ain't no normal ominous Latin chanting. It goes like this: "Rectus Dominus! Cheesy Poofs!".
- Damien burning down the playground.
- Mr Mackey telling Damien to just be passive and the other kids will like him eventually, like he told Pip once. Cut to the kids playing "Who Can Spit On Pip The Best" out on the playground.
- Cartman's epic tantrum at his birthday party due to not getting the toy he wanted from Kyle. Cartman even gave instructions to everyone he invited on what to buy him, different toys from the fictional "Mega Man" (no relation) toyline.
- We have an absolutely priceless exchange.
Wendy: Hey Stan, did you notice that one of Ms. Ellen's arms is longer than the other?Chef: Oh that's okay! Because you know what they say about women with one arm that's longer than the other!Kenny: (Yeah, they totally kick ass at spanking!)Chef: That's right!Wendy: Well, did you notice that she has a big hairy mole on the back of her neck?Chef: That's alright too, because you know what they say about women with big hairy moles on the backs of their necks!(everyone looks at Kenny, who is just as lost on this one as the other kids are)
- Mecha-Streisand has to take a break from her rampage to give Kyle's mom an autograph.
Barbrady: Well you ain't Fiona Apple, and if you ain't Fiona Apple I don't give a rat's ass.
- Barbrady telling off Streisand is both funny and awesome.
- Cartman goes to see Chief Running Water at the Ute Reservation.
Running Water: I hate to be the one to tell you this, kid, but your mother is what we Ute call "Bear with Wide Canyon".Cartman: Huh?Running Water: She is "Doe who cannot keep legs together.Cartman: What?Running Water: Your mom's a slut.Cartman: Ay!
- The go-kart scene, especially when the go-kart starts moving and Kenny jumps up, if you slow the scene down, you can see that the shapes that make him up all separate from each other.
- Cartman's reaction to seeing the footage of his tea party on America's Funniest Home Videos.
Cartman: *Starts to turn a bright shade of pink from anger* I...am...going...to...F**KING...KILL YOU GUYS...SERIOUSLY!!!
- Followed moments later by
Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus
- The season opener, Not Without My Anus is actually pretty funny, centering around Terrance and Phillip in a parody of the movie Not Without My Daughter.
- The main characters odd Cloud Cuckoo Lander behavior, such as using idle moments to "search for treasure" or putting on a pirate costume to eat Kraft Dinner.
Scott: What are you idiots doing?Phillip: We're searching for treasure!Scott: Is that some kind of metaphor for a search that cant be described?Phillip: ....noooo, we're searching for treasure!
- Terrance going to Iran to find his daughter.
Terrance: Oh Phillip, how will I ever find my fugitive daughter in this daunting place? We don't speak the language, we are unwelcome strangers, and we have no idea where to begin!Phillip: Oh look, there she is.
- In the special about Cartman finding his dad, a TV crew and some other townsfolk are trapped in a studio due to a blizzard and are Drawing Straws to see who gets to be eaten by the rest....only to find out Officer Barbrady failed to put in a short straw.
Jimbo: Wait a minute, where the hell is the short one?
Barbrady: The short what?
Jimbo: Damn it, Barbrady! When you draw straws, you're supposed to have one of them short. That's how you decide who loses!
Barbrady: That's not how I played it!
- It royally pissed off a lot of people, but in hindsight, airing a Terrence and Philip "special" instead of the second part was one of the funniest practical jokes ever pulled on an audience.
- From the same special: "Team B will consist of Kenny."
- Cartman singing "Come Sail Away"
- "No way, dude! We're not staying alone in your house with your wee-wee choppin' parents!"
- Ike isn't particularly enthusiastic about his upcoming bris either.
Kyle's Mom: Hi Linda, thanks for coming to Ike's bris!Ike: Uh-oh.
- Ike's brief stay in Nebraska where Kyle sends him to get him away from their parents. When the Brofloskis come looking for him, they find him being used as a table stand in a nearby bar.
- In one of the flashbacks, Death is about to kill Kenny, when Kenny grabs him and beats the snot out of him, followed by this exchange:
Stan: Oh my god, Kenny...killed...Death!
- Cartman remembering the events of Weightgain 4000 as Kathie Lee secretly being an alien, and Mr Garrison killing her. And that instead of being humongously fat, Cartman was tall and fit.
- The Reveal that the entire episode was a dream Stan was having about Cartman having a dream.
- The B-plot of the episode that has Ms Crabtree end up completely sidetracked after she left the bus to get help, and end up as a stand up comedian in New York, only to almost immediatly burn out on fame and embark on a romance with the trucker she met while hitchhiking.
- One of Cartman's lines:
Cartman: If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack, and blow your balls out all over your panties!
- Cartman tries to swim to the deep end doggy style.
- "Okay, everybody line up so I can whoop all yo asses!" note
- What does Cartman think about independent movies? He thinks they're always about gay cowboys eating pudding. He's correct in atleast two instances.
- A meta example: When Brokeback Mountain came out (which is about gay cowboys), Matt Stone commented "If they eat pudding together at any point in the movie, I'm gonna lose it."
- Kenny's death: getting trampled by people leaving one of the theaters.
Townsperson #1: Oh my God, I found a penny!Townsperson #2: You bastard!
- The Aesop of the episode: Even though some indie films are great, most of them suck ass.
- "Great, just great, we have a town covered in shit!"
- Hey Hey Hey! It's Fat Abbot!
- Complete with Bill Cosby showing up at the end of the last bit to sum up the episode's moral: "If you have a step-dad getting on your case, then jam his ass in a bear trap!"
- Wendy's dare at the end:
Wendy: Now take this stick, and shove it up your pee hole.Stan: ...WHAT?!Wendy: Wow, that sucks.Bebe: Do you think it'll hurt?
- It's extra funny because Stan has spent the whole episode hoping to be dared to kiss Wendy, not realizing that the reason the girls wanted to play Truth or Dare was because Bebe wanted to kiss Kyle.
- Stanley's new stepdad, Roy, appears in maybe three or four scenes and is probably the best part of the episode. Best exemplified in his introduction:
Roy: Hello Stanley! I know this must be a very difficult period for you, and the adjustment is going to take some time. But I'd like to be your friend. So when you're ready, I want you to feel free to come to me with anything you might need. You can count on me.Stan: This is happening way too fast.Roy: Oh Jesus, when are you going to cut me some slack, huh? I have taken you under my wing, and done my best, and all you ever do is whine and moan about it! Now go cut some firewood!
- It's his complete 180 that sells it. And his obsession with cutting firewood.
- Cartman's German polka dance.
- This gem:
Johnnie Cochran: (holds up a monkey) Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey.(A jury member grunts, then his head explodes)
- Cartman's constant use of "hella".
- Stan's mom and her constant cover ups (which wouldn't fool a five year old) for the evil fish's murders, which she thinks Stan did, all the while acting like a nervous wreck. Then she locks up Officer Barbrady in the basement to keep him from finding all the bodies in the backyard...and she took his pants for some reason.
- Underpants Gnomes.
Underpants Gnome: "Phase One: Collect Underpants....Phase Two: ???....Phase Three: Profit!"
- Along with that was the Gnomes' (appropriately) horrified reactions at having dropped a mine-cart on top of Kenny, killing him, juxtaposed to the nonchalant way the other boys treat the event.
- Garrison losing his mind when the boys reveal they didn't write the first report.
- The boys find a man frozen inside a block of ice at the bottom of a chasm. Dr Mephisto discovers that the man was frozen in the distant era of...1996. Yet everyone still treats him like a caveman who can't function in the advanced future of 1998. He even discovers that his wife has gotten remarried and somehow had two kids that are older than he has been gone. Eventually, the boys help him escape to Wisconsin which is apparently always two years behind on everything.
- Dr Mephisto keeping the Ice Man (his real name is Larry) in an enclosure like a zoo animal, where everything is kept like it's 1996, including a Fargo poster, and Ace of Base being played over the sound system.
- Larry freaking out over the Atlanta Falcons being in the Super Bowl.
- The Getting Gay With Kids songs. You may not agree with the anti-environmental messages that they are preaching, but it really takes balls to be so mercilessly contrarian about an issue like conservation that most people heartily agree with.
- In the same episode, Mr. Mackey lecturing Craig, who has been sent to his office every day for bad behavior, before the latter randomly (and possibly sub consciously) flips him the bird mid sentence twice over.
Mr. Mackey: I'll tell you what young man, you're gonna be held back a grade if you don - Did you just flip me off?!?
- And when Mr. Mackey sends him outside, the four boys come in and Cartman shouts at Craig for flipping him off also.
- And right before that, Mr. Garrison's shouting at the boys when Cartman interrupts saying Jewish people don't have rhythm.
- Mr. Garrison: KYLE BROFLOVSKI, YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!! ERIC CARTMAN, YOU BE NICE TO PEOPLE!!! STAN MARSH, YOU MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! KENNY MCCORMICK, YOU PAY ATTENTION!!!
- Cartman smacking random animals with sticks to assert his authoritah, including a squirrel-monkey, three-toed sloth, and man-eating coral snake.
- Kenny is stuck by lightning, resulting in this exchange:
- Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Kelly: What?! Who?! Who killed him?
Stan: ...They did.
Kelly: Who's "they"?!
Stan: You know... They.
Kyle: They're... They're bastards!
- While Kyle's dad is having...male difficulties...he hears this on the radio:
Bob Dole: Having a hard time with male potency? Well, I don't, and I'm Bob Dole. What's wrong with you? Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up.
- The weird Scooby Doo segment that occurs during the montage where Randy tries to figure out a solution to the combustion/global warming issue.
- "T. T is for turtle."
- NO ONE has mentioned Chef's dad and his story about the Loch Ness monster? It's so stupid and just keeps going and stays hilarious all the way out.
Chef's Dad: “Well, it was about that time that I noticed this girl scout was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the Paleozoic era.”
- "I- I need about tree fiddy!"
- In the same episode, Cartman has a eye doctor who keeps insulting his weight and has dilated his eyes. They decide to ask Chef for advice in the cafeteria, with hilarious results.
The Boys: Hey Chef!
Mr. Derp: Hello there children!
Cartman: Dude, my eyes are seriously screwed up, Chef looks like a skinny white dude.
- The fat jokes and Cartman constantly getting pissed at them in general. Hell, the sheer fact that the eye doctor determined Cartman's eyesight being impaired simply because he picked a picture showing a slice of chocolate cake over a picture showing an apple is a gutbuster by itself.
- The optometrist putting on the gas in the middle of Cartman's angry rant, causing him to teeter off into sleep.
Optometrist: Boy, I bet his mother wishes she could do that.
- The town is left wondering where to keep the newfound creature, leading to this priceless gem:
Mr. Garrison: I'll keep it at my house.Mayor McDaniels: No Garrison, you're just going to try and have sex with it.Mr. Garrison: What? How dare you say that!Mr. Garrison: Oh c'mon, you all know that pigeon was a total slut.
- And of course, the contest between Officer Barbrady and Jakovasaur - Jakovasaur is too dumb to win a contest rigged in his favor, and Barbrady is too dumb to let him win.
- In the beginning, Cartman's taking a dump in the woods and asks to borrow Kenny's glove. Kenny obliges, right before realizing what Cartman plans to do with it and shouts "Ew, no!"
- When Mr. Adler attempts suicide by lying down on a slow-moving conveyor belt taking him toward the shop class buzz saw, then suddenly gets up and has an epiphany at the last minute... which causes him to lie back down so it'll get him headfirst. ("That would have hurt like Hell!")
- The entire plot of the episode consists of the boys trying to set Tweek and Craig up to fight each other, and it taking forever because the two don't have any actual grievances toward each other. When they finally do end up in a fight, neither of them know HOW to, so Cartman takes Craig to be taught sumo, while Stan has his Uncle Jimbo teach Tweek to box.
Jimbo: PUNCH HIM IN THE BALLS, TWEEK!
- The "We Don't Take Kindly To ____" guys, especially when they manage to make themselves the victims of their own Insane Troll Logic.
Skeeter: We don't take kindly to panda bears!
Stan: Well, we don't take kindly to you!
Random Guy: We don't take kindly to folks that don't take kindly around here! *blinks*
- From the mini-commentary for this episode, Matt and Trey reveal that they have absolutely no memory of making the episode, they were just that exhausted from making Bigger, Longer and Uncut.
- Korn unleashing their Korn powers....which just has them turning into various corn products.
- Wendy winning the Halloween costume contest AGAIN, despite just wearing the same damn Chewbacca mask from season 1.
- Cartman thinking the Antonio Banderas blow up doll his mom bought is a Christmas present for him.
- The spoof toy adverts. Alabama Man in particular Crosses the Line Twice.
- Cartman's Epic Fail spelling of the word "chair", which he spells as "chare".
- Similarly, Kyle's word to spell that gets him eliminated: krocsyldiphithic.
Mayor: Something which has a krocsyldiph-like quality.
Kyle: Uh, could you use it in a sentence?
Mayor: Certainly. "Krocsyldiphithic" is a hard word to spell.
Jimbo: You can do it, kid! You can do it!
Kyle: "Krocsyldiphic." C-(buzzer cuts him off)-Dammit!
Jimbo: You little bastard! You've screwed me over for the last time! Why don't you run of and join the circus, you- (cuts off as several townspeople haul him off)
- Surely the monkey "spanking the monkey" deserves some recognition?
- Cartman Waxing Lyrical about the fact that Mark and Rebecca are home-schooled:
Cartman: [singing] Who would have thought such a miracle could be? Who could have known that this moment I would see? A new way of living, a chance to be free?
Stan: Shut up, Cartman!
Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] butthole.
Stan: You shut up, [backhand slap] gay wad!
Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] ass-logger!
Mark: [astonished] Oh my goodness, are you two enemies?
Stan: N-no, we're friends.
Mark: Strange, friends would call each other names and fight.
- Kenny's death. Fonics Monkey goes randomly ballistic and beats Kenny to death and throws him all around Cartman's room.
Stan: Oh my God! Fonics Monkey killed Kenny!
Cartman: You're damn straight he did.
- How Cartman would always end his messages with talking about how much he hates Stan and Kyle.
- And of course his rampant Loophole Abuse at the end of the episode, where he says that he doesn't have to be Stan and Kyle's slave for a week because slavery is illegal. Even President Clinton agreed with him!
The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000
- This first episode introduces us to Timmy by way of yanking out Kenny's tooth with his wheelchair.
- When the boys decide to steal Butters' tooth, they get Cartman to masquerade as the tooth fairy
Cartman: (in a falsetto voice) Do not open your eyes until morning, or else I will kick you in the nuts. Square in the nuts.
- Kyle's family are the token Jews of South Park, but their devoutness is put into question:
Kyle: Dad, there is so a tooth fairy, huh?Gerald: What? Oh. Kyle, let's have a little talk.Kyle: Oh my God! You did lie to me.Gerald: No. Kyle, she's just make-believe. Like Peter Pan.Kyle: Peter Pan, too?Gerald: Kyle...Kyle: What about Moses and Abraham?Gerald: Well, they were probably real.Kyle: Probably?! Is Atlantis real?Gerald: Probably not.Kyle: (loses his shit)
- This moment, when the sting operation is being set up:
Mr. Foley: If this sting operation works, some bogus tooth fairies should be showing up to take the sick kid's money. When they touch the kid's pillow, an alarm will sound, and that's when you hit the button, Murphy, and activate the lights. Everybody got it?Dentists: Got it!Murphy: (fake dumb voice) Duuuh, which button do I hit again, boss? (beat) Just kidding. You know how there's always the dumb guy in sting operations in the movies? I was, you know I was acting, I was acting like him.
- The entirety of the "high-speed chase" with Cartman and Kenny in a Go-Go Action Bronco against the entire South Park (and possibly state) police force. Two great moments of snark in particular:
Stan: What are they doing?Kyle: Don't worry, dude. That little truck just runs on D batteries. It's gonna run out of juice soon.
- The Police set up a barricade to prevent them from escaping. That's where the following dialogue takes place:
Officer 1: Alright that's far enough. Stop the Go-Go Action Bronco and come out with your hands up.
(the Go-Go Action Bronco is still moving forward slowly)
Officer 1: Just bring it to a stop and come on out.
(it's still moving forward slowly)
Officer 1: JESUS, HE'S GONNA RAM IT!
(the police panic and duck out of the way as the Go-Go Action Bronco slowly but somehow passes through the barricade of police cars and slowly goes forward)
Officer 2: Crazy son of a bitch...
- And Kyle's reaction to how overblown this whole thing is:
Kyle: What the crap are they doing?
- The Police set up a barricade to prevent them from escaping. That's where the following dialogue takes place:
- After Cartman gets sent to prison, the boys take a vote on who will be the designated fatass in his wake, settling on Clyde, meaning Clyde is ecstatic when Cartman comes back.
- "Timmy 2000" has the Doctor who deals with kids who have ADD by hitting them and yelling "SIT DOWN AND STUDY!".
- The pharmacists having a My God, What Have I Done? moment after giving out a ton of Ritalin to the kids because they now like Phil Collins because of the Ritalin.
- Phil Collins being thrown around the audience at the Lalapalalapaza concert with the Oscar being shoved up his ass.
Phil Collins: Put me down, you filthy bastards! AAAHH!
- Cartman decides that he wanted to make friends with adults, so he does a google search for "Old men who like young boys."
- The icing on the cake would have to be the chase scene near the end of the episode between the boys, NAMBLA, the other NAMBLA (National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes), Kenny, his parents, a French waiter, a poodle, and two guys on old fashioned bikes.
- Stan and Kyle calling out the head of NAMBLA's moral on how people should be accepting of everyone, by stating that, while they believe in tolerance and equality for all, child molesters don't count because they physically and mentally hurt children.
Kyle: Dude. You have sex. With. Children.
- The scene with the FBI busting in on the wrong NAMBLA meeting: the National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes.
Security: Oh crap, we've got the wrong NAMBLA!
Mr. Garrison: Oh dammit, I'm in the wrong place! (heads out)
- The Humiliation Conga Stuart goes through.
Don't touch me! I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned, and made love to in the ass by three dozen 40-year-old men! I just wanna go home and take a, a hot bath!
- At the NAMBLA welcome banquet, one of the pedophiles announces he's found the "dream boy of the decade", describing him as "sexy, sassy, and full of spunk". Said boy is Timmy.
- The John Denver Experience.
- There's a live-action ad for the titular product which is disturbingly graphic in dialogue:
Daughter: Mom... Do you ever have those heavy flow days?Mother: Oh absolutely sweetheart, everybody does.Daughter: Mom, remember the movie The Shining where the elevator doors are opening up...
- Followed by the family dog playing with a Cherokee hair tampon that's recently been used. You know it's been used because the dog attacks it in a frenzy.
- Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison writes a romance novel, which manages to include the word "penis" over 6,000 times. When the publishing company tells him that they consider it gay, he argues that "women want to read about big, powerful schlongs!"
- When Mr Garrison is fired from teaching due to the events of Cartman Joins NAMBLA, he puts his badge and gun on the table.
Mr Garrison: I suppose you want my badge and gun.
Board Member: Mr Garrison, most teachers do not carry a gun!
Mr Garrison: So I can just keep it then?
- Mr. Wyland revealing the results of past debates and the student's reactions.
Mr. Wyland: I see that you've already had a lot of interesting debates this year. [points to a chart with three debates on it] Pro-Choice vs. Cartman, Pro-Gun Control vs. Cartman, a-and People Against the Clubbing of Baby Seals vs. Cartman. And apparently, the winner of all your debates so far has been… Cartman.Cartman: Thaaat's ri-ight.Kyle: Cartman doesn't always win! He just gets pissed off and goes home so we can't debate anymore!Class: [including Timmy] Yeah.Cartman: Nah-ah! I'm just a better debater than you guys!Stan: You don't even know what you're debating about half the time!Cartman: Yes I do!Craig: No you don't!Cartman: Oh yeah?! Well, screw you guys, I'm going home! [rises from his seat, heads for the door, and exits]Kyle: Told ya.
- The Wendy/Cartman romance subplot in "Chef Goes Nanners."
- "Well, now that that's out of the way, it is time to play 'Who's Got The Silliest Thing On Under Their Robe!'"
- Wendy's song.
- Cartman's dream sequence of him singing the "Fingerbang" song.
- Randy's trying to stop Stan from part of Fingerbang, even going so far as suggesting that Stan should try marijuana instead of being in a boy band.
- Ike auditions for the boy band, but is repeatedly told by Cartman he's not getting in. Ike responds by giving Cartman the finger.
- Saddam's entrance.
- The boys talking to the nun about Communion.
Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?
Sister Anne: No.
Stan: But the crackers are his...body.
- And later:
Stan: Nonono, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat him.
- Satan goes to heaven to ask God for relationship advice, God's reaction is priceless.
God: Jesus, what the hell happened to you?
God: You got kicked out of here for being a headstrong rebel, now you're a whiny little bitch.
- The subplot involves Mr. Garrison and the class president election, which ends up turning into a parody of the 2000 presidential election controversy.
- Mr. Garrison's reaction to Rosie O'Donnell.
- The kindergarteners' Thanksgiving play.
- Stan wanted to know what a prostitute is after Jesus considered Kenny a prostitute (but not in the sexual sense, in more of the "doing anything anyone can do for money" sense):
Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
Chef: (beat) Dagnabbit, children! How come every time you come in here, you have to ask me questions I shouldn't be answering? "Chef, what's a clitoris?" "What's a lesbian, chef?" "How come they call it a 'rim job', chef?" FOR ONCE, can't you just come in here and say, "Hi Chef! Nice day, isn't it?"
Stan: Hi chef! Nice day, isn't it?
Chef: It sure is, thank you!
Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
- After some protestations, Chef gave the kids a response in song, accompanied by James Taylor, before being cut short by a shocked Principal Victoria appearing.
Chef: (beat) James Taylor, what the hell are you doing in here, singing about PROSTITUTES to the children? Get outta here! *Principal Victoria just glares at Chef*... These children tricked me!
- Cartman getting tricked by the ice cream man during his escape from fat camp.
- Cartman sobbing and eating a doughnut after being banned from fat camp.
- Kenny getting run over by the car in the middle of one of the the songs.
- Big Gay Al's friend who plays the piano. He plays a sad tune for Al while he's putting his Scout stuff away after being kicked out and is asked to play a tune that says "I'm going to put all this behind me!".
Al's friend: (Plays an upbeat tune) Oh I don't want her, you can have her, she's too fat for me!Big Gay Al: Facepalm Oh... Jesus, Mark...
- Upon learning that the scout master is Big Gay Al, Stuart is worried about having a gay being in charge of the kids. Randy assured him that it won't have bad consequences, but his son's off-remark towards Cartman gives him second thought:
Stan (to Cartman): Don't say "use him", you big silly goose.(Randy stops the car.)Randy: WHAT did you say?!Stan: I just...called Cartman a name. He's a silly goose.Stuart: Uh-huh...Randy: You do NOT say big silly goose! You call him an asshole like a normal kid!Stan: Dad, I was just trying to-Randy: STANLEY, YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT!Stan: ...Asshole.Randy: That's better.Cartman: Don't call me asshole, you son of a bitch.
Blaintology Speaker: Ask yourselves, are you happy?
Butters: I don't think I'm happy... I fall asleep to the sound of my own screams... Then, I wake up to the sound of my own screams. (completely sincere) Do you think I'm happy?
- "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout. Oink oink oink, oink oink oink."
- Cartman shouting to the sky after being ripped off by Scott:
- The scene where Kenny literally dies laughing.
- Cartman's first attempt to get revenge on Scott is little more than screening an interview with Radiohead with his own voice poorly dubbed over the members. Scott one-ups him by playing footage of the aforementioned "little piggy" routine (which, naturally, required no editing on Scott's part).
- The scene where Cartman literally lick Scott's tears after he realizes that he ate his own parents. It gets even funnier when the band Radiohead calls him a crybaby. And to top it all off, Cartman gives a Porky Pig-style ending.
- The mechanic sketch at the beginning of the episode is funny in and of itself, but it’s all the more funnier when you have Stan and Kyle reciting it off by heart as they watch it.
Phillip: I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage?Terrance: Sure, buddy! All you need to do is go down to the [releases a long and loud fart that drowns out his directions], and that's how you...Stan, Kyle and Kenny: [in perfect sync with Terrance] - get to the auto garage!
- The live show is made all the more awkward when it transpires that Terrance has put on a significant amount of weight and Phillip is portrayed by an obvious imposter.
- The "Who Farted" routine.
- The highlight is arguably Mr. Garrison's sex ed lesson to a class of kindergarteners. It's...less than age appropriate, to say the least.
- You've been gradually seeing more of Butters this season. But I think the moment you realise he's going to be one of the leads is when the girls and boys parody Mad Max 2. He's the one driving the center pedal car and wearing a hockey mask, and he's given the main joke to coin it...
Cartman: Here, talk to them, Butters.Butters: [lifts up his mask] Uh, me?? Huh, what the heck am I supposed to say?Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.Butters: [lowers his mask and speaks into the mike, using a deep raspy voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.
- There's this bit when the guys are trying to break into the headquarters where they think their Okama Gamesphere is.
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory because you get high all the time!
Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
Cartman: I can preach to you all I want 'cause you're stupid!
Towelie: You're stupid!
Cartman: Yeah, well you're a towel!
Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!
- Cartman's battle with Osama bin Laden - another moment in the style of Looney Tunes, BTW. Yes, it was mainly used to rally the country after 9/11, but it's still funny.
- Cartman's increasing annoyance at Stan for dragging him along to Afghanistan.
Stan: Oh look you guys, it's following us. That's so sad.Cartman: God, I hate you so much Stan.Cartman: (to the Taliban) Look, I can explain everything. See, my friend had a boner for this goat, and....
- Kyle tries to coax Cartman with the promise of forty dollars so long as he doesn't make fun of Kyle's Woody Allen-esque cousin Kyle. But even money can't stop Cartman from being himself.
Kyle: Are wooden desks all that available? I usually prefer the plastic ones because these give me splinters.Cartman (clearly in agony from withholding insults): Ugh!
Ms. Choksondik: I'm sorry, Kyle, you'll just have to make do. Now, let's get back to the les—
Kyle: Is it cold in here? I realize we're in the Mountains, but do we have to freeze to death?
Ms. Choksondik: Now, Kyle, I need you to be quiet. In my class, you need to be able to concentrate.Cartman: Oh!
Ms. Choksondik: Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
Cartman: Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp! AUGH! Damn it, damn it, damn it!
- While most of Kenny Dies falls under Tear Jerker, the visit from the Make-A-Wish Foundation got a couple of fairly good laughs.
Laura: What did he say?
Kyle: He said his wish is to not die.
*Beat, cameraman pans from Kenny's bed to the Make-A-Wish people and back*
Laura: ...ooo-kay, and what if you're gonna have two wishes, what would the second one be?
Bob: I know! I bet you wanna meet Madonna, huh?
Kyle: He said Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself. *beat*
Madonna: Should I come in now?
- Cartman saying "You're breaking my balls." to get better deals, and instructing Butters to do the same in his place, who does so in the most monotone voice imaginable.
- Chef's explanation for why God lets bad things happen: so that way he can make people cry, and in turn drink their tears which is the source of his powers.
- Butters telling his mom about everything he saw dad do.
Butters: He saw a movie called Fisting Firemen 9. I never saw 1 through 8, but it must've been short, 'cause he came out 10 minutes later, and he also came out with some tissues, so the movie must've really gotten to him. Poor guy.
Linda: And what did Daddy do after that?
Butters: He went to a bathhouse called the White Swallow, and I saw him wrestlin' with a bunch o' guys. One guy had him pinned down for 30 minutes.
Jared Has Aides
- Jared announcing how his aides helped him lose weight is particularly epic:
Jared: I'm personally going to see to it that each and everyone of you gets aides!
(The crowd looks at him in stunned silence)
Mayor MacDaniels: ...This guy's insane.
Jared: But I won't stop there. I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged and hungry children of the world, and I'm going to give them aides myself!
- And towards the end of the episode, where you see Jared very literally beating a dead horse whilst he gripes about how everyone is now against him.
- Cartman impersonating Butters on the phone was also unbelievably hilarious:
Butters' Dad: I'm just checking in on you, Butters. Heh- Do I hear the television? We told you no television while you're grounded!
Cartman: Oh, gee whiz, I'm not, uh, watchin' television, Dad, I'm just layin' around jackin' it.
Butters' Dad: Jacking it? Jacking what?
Cartman: Well my hot spicy boner, of course, Dad.
Butters' Dad: What?! Are you trying to get yourself in more trouble with that kind of language?!
Cartman: Well ah, loosen up, you bloody vaginal belch.
Butters' Dad: Oh! You are gonna get it, mister! You just wait till I get home!
Cartman: Bring it on, queer bait.
(A short while later)
Butters' Mom: Butters, your father called and said you made him very upset!
Cartman: Yeah, well, Dad's just being a little pussy, Mom.
Butters' Mom: Butters, where did you get that kind of smart mouth?!
Cartman: Not from you dumbasses, that's for sure.
Butters' Mom: Oh, you just wait till I get home, mister!
Cartman: Oh, I'll be waiting with bells on, you old horse-bangin' skank.
(And when they come home)
Butters: Hi, Mom and Dad!
Butters' Dad: DON'T YOU "HI MOM AND DAD" US YOU LITTLE PUNK!!! (punch)
Butters: Ow! Dad?
Butters' Mom: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE TROUBLE YOU'RE IN MISTER! (punch)
Butters: Ah! What did I do?! What did I do?!
Butters' Dad: YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH NOW?! ANSWER ME!!! (a belt is heard coming off and whipping Butters)
Butters: Aaaa!! (the beating continues)
Cartman: (outside) Aw, man, if I was older, I would totally start jacking off right now.
- The continually ridiculous escalation of the time share presentation, from the ski lift going right back into the meeting, to the hallways all leading to the time share to the revelation that apparently EVERYONE in the world is in on the time share scam.
- "Quaid! Start the reactor!"
- Tad, the douchebag whom Stan's racing against, taking Dick Dastardly Stops to Cheat to an art form.
- Tad's guitar performance, say it with me now "Stan Darshhhh! Stan Darsh Darsh Darsh!"
- Stan's complete apathy to the 80's movie plot around them.
- The Montage, mostly for the shots of the parents bored in the Time Share and Cartman giving Butters a Hitler.
- Butters dancing.
Cartman: Butters, I hate you with every inch of my body.
- The Old Man that randomly shows up to reveal the history of the K13 with the vampire Indian ghosts trapped inside. It gets even better when after Stan wins the race, they are released for no apparent reason other than Stan won a completely unrelated race.
- Cartman's pranks on Butters.
- Cartman goes on Maury, dressed as a skanky pre-teenage girl. "Whatev-ah! I'll do what I wan'!" really must be seen to be believed. "I slaughtered five baby seals with my bare hands. Whatever, I'll do what I want!" "Maury, I am out of control! Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I want, bitch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I want! I don't go to school and I kill people! Whatever! I'll do what I want!" "Oh yeah? I roam with 12 gangs! And we only commit hate crimes! Whatever! I'll do what I want!" "I digitally put Jabba the Hutt back into the original Star Wars movie!" "Whateva! I'll crap in Maury's pants!"
- Which only gets topped when a toddler beats him out in terms of viewer outrage - every innocent act is perceived as Troubling Unchildlike Behavior (namely stripping off the diaper she was wearing to run around, a rather common event for very young kids).
- Cartman getting chased by the freaks after ripping the balls off of Butters's chin. Also doubles as an Awesome Moment since someone finally sticks up for poor Butters after all he's been through.
- Russell Crowe's Fighting Around The World. Russell himself found the parody funny.
"Right! Where is that pussy, cancer, anyways?"
- The boys have to run back and forth between houses, with fatass Cartman lagging behind and babbling breathlessly as he struggles to keep up.
- The trailer for Asses of Fire 2 consists only of text flying "really fast across the screen", and then a short half-second clip of farting. Needless to say, the boys love it.
- After believing that a prank involving Cartman's sea people killed Ms. Choksondik, they ask Chef for advice, which doesn't go well at first...
Chef: Now, children, every problem can be worked out. What was it?
Stan: We killed our teacher and they found our Sea Men in her stomach!
Chef: ...Oh, children, that's a problem we all have to face at one time or another. Here, let me sing you a little song that might cheer you up: ♪Sometimes you kill your teacher / and they find your semen in her stomach / and then you—♪ Wait, what the, WHAT?!
Stan: So what should we do?
Chef:...(pushes couch which Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Tweek are sitting on out of his house)
- Made even funnier when Chef bursts into the room that the boys are in later in the episodes with fake passports and plane tickets, telling them that their life on the run won't be pleasant...and all of this coming after the boys took the semen back from where the autopsy was being performed.
- From the autopsy scene, after the boys are nearly discovered:
Doctor: "...say, do you smell children?"Doctor 2: "Nah."
- Randy screaming after his Imagine Spot.
- The boys trying to find out what Father Maxi would want to put anything in their butts and Chef comes along.
Chef: Hello there children!
Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?
Chef: ...Goodbye! (Chef walks off quickly)
- The boys reverting back into ape-ish neanderthals upon seeing Bebe's newly developed breasts.
- The Looney Tunes-esque battle of the Mongolians and the City Wok owner involving a wall surrounding the town.
- From the same episode, when Tweek almost gets abducted by a predator posing as The Ghost of Human Kindness, the adults of South Park protest by standing outside the mayor's office and yelling, "Rabble rabble rabble" over and over again.
Randy: Well what are we gonna do, Mayor?! We have to stop these abductors from being able to get into our town!Crowd: RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLEMayor McDaniels: Yes, but standing out here yelling "Rabble rabble rabble" isn't going to help anything.Jimbo: ...Well, we don't know what else to do, Mayor!Crowd: RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE
- Saddam Hussein is building chemical weapons in heaven.
Saddam: Heh heh heh, stupid asshole...
- Sometime after getting Kenny's urn:
Stan: What about Kenny? His soul is still in Cartman's body!
Cartman: No no, I just drank his memories. I'm not sharing my body with that poor piece of crap.
Kenny, in Cartman's voice: Stop calling me poor, you fat dick!
Kyle: Whoa! [shakes Cartman] Kenny, you in there?
Cartman: Stop it!
Kenny, in Cartman's voice: Where am I, you guys?
Cartman: Oh God! [runs off]
Stan: Dude, come back here!
Kyle: Stop him, Kenny! [they both chase after Cartman]
- "If Heaven is an eight-year-old boy, and the ladder is my penis..."
- "Hard nipples!"
- The adults being interviewed about how touched they are that the boys miss Kenny so much to want to build that ladder (except they don't, they just want to get tickets from him) is brilliantly capped off with Mr. Garrison bluntly and emotionlessly saying that the whole thing sounds stupid.
- After George W. Bush describes why Saddam Hussein would be in Heaven in the first place (a summary of Saddam's story to date on the show):
Delegate: Are you high, or just incredibly stupid?
Bush: I assure you, I am not high.
- This episode ends with all the parents thinking that the boys had watched the filthiest porno on the planet and begin to explain to them how everything done in it is perfectly normal for men and women to do. However, the boys didn't actually see it and are dumbfounded as their parents talk about all these very extreme sexual acts. The look on their faces is priceless.
- It's even funnier when you realize that the parents left out the part about how sex is reproduction. Then again given what Token saw that would just mess with their brains more if four guys putting their dicks in the woman's vagina at the same time while seven pee on her is "reproduction". It's skipping the birds and bees talk and going straight to anal sex so the reproduction idea kind of takes a backseat.
- After the boys spend the entire episode dressed as The Lord of the Rings characters:
- Kyle: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Boy: We're playing Harry Potter.
Cartman: Ha! Fags!
- When Jimmy stays behind to fight off the sixth graders (which fails miserably, as they just go right past him), the parents eventually show up, and ask Jimmy where the boys are. After he tells them, they just...drive off. Leaving the handicapped child alone in a town he's never been to before.
- Also, the sixth graders shouting "Poorn! Give us that poorn!" when chasing the kids.
- Butters watching the porno, which he mistook for Lord of the Rings. When the main four get him to join them on their quest to return the tape, Kyle tells Butters, "You gotta play Lord of the Rings". Butters then starts humping Kyle. And then he goes full-on Gollum in his pursuit of "Backdoor Sluts 9".
- "Chil'ren... there's a big difference between gay people, and Mr. Garrison."
- Mr. Garrison decides to punish Cartman and the other for misbehaving in class...by spanking Mr. Slave with a paddle.
- All of the fake trailers for Rob Schneider movies. They are for "The Stapler", "A Carrot", "Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derpee Derpee Dumb", and "Kenny".
- The funny thing is Rob Schneider actually liked it.
I loved it. That was genius. I thought the only thing, they were too nice to me...When you're spoofed by the best people in the business, that's an honor.— Rob Schneider
- Also counts as either Hilarious in Hindsight or Harsher in Hindsight considering the release of the infamous Norm of the North, which has an eerily similar premise to the fake trailers.
- The funny thing is Rob Schneider actually liked it.
- John Edwards: "GODDAMMIT, I'M SPECIAL!"
- That Edwards beat a literal giant douche for "The Biggest Douche In The Universe" award.
- Chef and Liane Cartman learning too late they were supposed to bring a "victim child" to Cartman's exorcism. Also, Kenny's spirit literally flying out of Cartman's ass.
Chef: Where were we supposed to find a child sacrifice?Chef's Mom: We weren't gonna ask you where you got it.
- Chef's mom trying to entice Kenny's soul with tree fiddy, and Chef's dad getting pissed at her for not starting smaller.
- This Line:
Chef: Cartman is your friend, whether you like him or not!
- Cartman sets up the Parental Revenge Center of Western America. His proposal of revenge to both Butters and Stan? Smear the walls of their houses... with poop. It's the calm, thoughtful way he says it, and then he gets a bunch of Mexican kids in to smear poo on the walls with wall painters. And for Butters, it WORKS. The way he goes about it, you get the feeling that he's done it many times, and it's worked many times too. And the way he hands around poop swatches. It's things like this that remind you Cartman is an asshole, but he is also very clever and businesslike.
Cartman: Now, Stan. For you I've put together a really nice design. I feel your parents were a bit more cocky about lying to you and your revenge needs to reflect that. So what I wanna to is put a note on your parents' door, telling them I'm the counselor from the school.
Cartman: The note will inform them that a problem has come up and they need to see me right-away, back at my office.
Cartman: Your parents will drive all the way out to the school and discover that no meeting is actually taking place.
Cartman: And while they're gone, we're gonna smear all their walls...with poop.
- Stan gets in trouble for watching The Osbournes:
Sharon: Stan, what'd I tell you about watching The Osbournes?
Stan: Aw, come on!
Sharon: It's going to make you retarded!
Stan: It's just a show! It doesn't have any fucking effect on me for fuck's sake!
- When Future Stan shows up.
Stan: Who the fuck is it, mom and dad?
- Butters reveals his secret identity to Stan:
Butters: (Jumps out of a closet dressed as Professor Chaos and laughs evilly) Now you know my terrible secret!
Stan: You're gay? It's fine if you're gay, Butters. I don't care.
Butters: Huh? No, I'm Professor Chaos—
Stan: But we have to teach our parents a lesson, Butters. We're running away. Help me find a perfect place to run away to. (Walks away)
Butters: (Looks in a mirror) Maybe I used a little too much silver...
- Kyle's cousin Kyle acting as Cartman's naughty or nice accountant.
Kyle: Four thousand three hundred and twelve instances of being naughty against three deductions of being nice, is, is bad.
Cartman:Three?? You didn't deduct all my nice invoices! Look look! What about this one? [lifts up a sheet from the desk]
Kyle: Yes, well I didn't think "hitting Clyde in the balls with slingshot" really counted as nice.
Cartman:It was nice for Token, he laughed for like 20 minutes.
- When the boys are met by a shapeshifting alien, they reject the idea of him taking the form of Randy Marsh, but when it reveals its true, hideous form, they demand he become someone else. Unfortunately, the various forms he chooses are repeatedly rejected by the boys.
- Basically, everything involving Josh Meyers, the Hannibal Lecter kid, but in particular, this:
Josh Meyers: What's the matter, Principal Victoria, was your mother abusive? Did she spank your thighs with cold-cuts and shove umbrellas up your ass?
- Officer Barbrady investigating the toilet papering because he has nothing better to do.
- Cartman trying to 'kill' Kyle with a wiffle bat. His explanation of what he's doing as he's hitting Kyle is priceless.
Cartman: I'm killing you. But unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat so it's gonna take a while.
- "ALLO!!! My name is Jennifer Lopez. I eat tacos and burritos!"
- The Reveal that the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guys were not gay, but actually crab people.
Crab Choir: Craaaaaab people, craaaaaab people. Tastes like craaaab, walk like people.
- This gem:
- Mr. Garrison's outrage in response to the metrosexuality craze.
Mr. Garrison: (to Randy, after he insists he's not actually gay and doesn't want to have sex with Mr. Slave) Those shoes say that you pound butt!
Jimbo: Hey! My shoes don't say I pound butt!
Mr. Garrison: No, your shoes say you take it in the butt!
- After the CEO and executives of Faith Records ask Cartman if his band is truly in it for God and not for the money.
Cartman: I resent that, sir! I have never in my life done anything just for the money! If I'm lying may the Lord strike me down right now.*Cue Butters and Token looking up at the sky in fear and Butters backing away.*
- When Cartman angrily calls Token a "black asshole" after Token chews him out for ruining the concert, he promptly gets his ass handed to him with a swift, merciless beating. As he's doubled over, wheezing and crying, Butters farts on him, flips him off, and says, "Fuck you, Eric."
- Of course, that was the culmination of Cartman telling Token to get a bass guitar (which every black family has) and play out a goddamned bass line. Both are completely accurate, much to Token's chagrin.
- Cartman's plan to defeat the elderly militants, which involves Kyle committing suicide. Stan promptly suggests a much simpler option. In fact, any time Cartman makes references to or tries to kill somebody, just because it is so unexpected.
- The various horror spoofs involving elderly drivers.
- Butters trying to re-start society (which might have been a little more adorable than funny), along with Cartman's Villainous Breakdown at the end.
- That whole episode is one big Funny Moment.
- Stan using Jimmy as a go-between for himself and Wendy, and having Jimmy tell Wendy that she was a "continuing source of inspiration". Guess which syllable Jimmy kept stuttering on...
- The Mayor asks how the community can help out Kyle's family after Ike was taken by his biological parents. Mr. Garrison suggests getting rid of all the Mexicans like he did in "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo."
Mr. Garrison: How about we get rid of all the Mexicans?Mayor: Mr. Garrison, every Christmas you suggest we get rid of all the Mexicans and every Christmas we tell you NO.Mr. Garrison: Rats.
- We also have Cartman crying... After he got slapped by Kyle. You can see the part here, at around 47 seconds.
Good Times with Weapons
- The Engrish-filled "Let's Fighting Love" song:
HEY HEY LET'S GO KENKA SURU! TAISETSU NA MONO PROTECT MY BALLS!
- The fact that the boys still have their normal high-pitched voices even while they look like adult ninjas.
- The argument about Cartman/Bulrog constantly making up new powers for himself, which ends with him getting all of his powers being taken away.
Kyle: God damn it, Cartman, you can't keep making up powers!
Stan: Yeah dude, that's like the fifth power you've come up with.
Cartman: I am Bulrog, and I have lots and lots of powers.
Kyle: No asshole! From now on, you only get to have one power. So what is it?
Cartman: I have the power to have all the powers I want.
- Cartman/Bulrog prepares to engage Butters/Professor Chaos in combat, when he remembers Kyle/Bounaku took his powers away. He gets Kyle to give them back... and promptly turns Kyle into a chicken.
Kyle: God damn it, Cartman!
Cartman: Ha ha ha ha ha-ha, now you are a chi-cken, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh-nyeh.
- And Cartman does not get to pull a Karma Houdini, since Kyle jumps on the bandwagon about his public nudity... since it helped the adults conveniently forget that all the boys had bought weaponry, and Butters had a throwing-star in his eye for most of the episode.
- Timmy trying to tell Mr. Mackey about Jimmy's steroid addiction.
- Stan calls the president of Mel Gibson's fanclub to get back the money he paid for seeing The Passion of the Christ, but they start arguing.
Stan: Wait a minute! Cartman? (Cartman hangs up and tiptoes away from the phone.)
- Their reaction when they first see the movie:
(after sitting in silence for a few seconds) Stan: Dude.... that movie sucked!
- Then there's Stan and Kenny going to Mel Gibson's place to get their money back, culminating in a Shout-Out to Yankee Doodle Daffy.
- When Butters orders AWESOM-O to get Sunny Delight for Stan, Kyle and Kenny...
Kyle: Oh wait. Hey AWESOM-O, I'd also like some celery sticks chopped up two inches long, with peanut butter and raisins on top.Cartman: [robotic monotone] ...suck my balls, Kyle.
- We have the argument between Darryl Weathers and a liberal douche on Bill O'Reilly.
Bill O'Reilly: Welcome, welcome to the No-Spin Zone, alright? And what we're talkin' about today are the immigrants from the future. Alright? Now, most people are more than happy to give a helping hand to these people who obviously need it, alright? But others are starting to say that the time portal should be closed off. Alright? Now, I've got two guests with me tonight who have opposing views on the matter. On my right is pissed-off, white-trash, redneck conservative.Darryl Weathers: Thanks for having me, Bill.Bill O'Reilly: And on my left is aging, hippie, liberal douche.Liberal douche: Hello.Bill O'Reilly: Now, pissed-off redneck, you say we shouldn't allow anyone else through the time portal, alright?Darryl Weathers: You're Goddamned right! These people from the future are takin' all the work away from us decent present-day Americans! They took our jobs!Redneck spectator: They took our jobs!Darryl Weathers: Those jobs belong to people from the present!Bill O'Reilly: Alright. What say you, aging hippie liberal douche?Liberal douche: Heh, it's typical for conservatives rednecks like these to view the immigrants as the problem, heh, but really, the problem is America. It is our greedy multinational corporations that keep everyone else in poverty. Your ancestors came to America as immigrants. What right do you have to turn these people away?Bill O'Reilly: Alright, redneck, your rebuttal?(beat)Darryl Weathers: THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!Redneck spectator: They took our jobs!Another redneck: DURRKA-DURRR!
- The death of all of the PETA members at the hands of a pissed off Diddy and his crew. While the members try to defend the animals that they've cared for and mated with... the animals themselves don't even acknowledge what is going on. In fact, the only ones that do are a dog that urinates on a human who defended him and the goat they took as their leader eating one guy's brains.
- The debate between the giant douche and the turd sandwich (moderated by Jim Lehrer).
Lehrer: Welcome to the cable-access televised debate between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. We'll start with Giant Douche. Sir, some students and parents are reluctant to have a giant douche represent them. What do you say to those people?Douche: Jim, first of all I would like to thank you for monitoring this debate. And I would like to thank all of the students and their parents for coming.Cartman: Aww, suck-up, suck-up! (someone shushes him) What?! That's an obvious suck-up move.Douche: But I would hope that those students and their parents who question my qualities would simply look at my opponent. He is a turd sandwich.Turd Sandwich: You're a turd sandwich.Douche: No, sir, if you'll pardon me, you are in fact, the turd sandwich.Turd Sandwich: You're a turd sandwich.Douche: Sir, you are a turd sandwich.Turd Sandwich: You're a turd sandwich.Lehrer: Turd Sandwich, I will ask you not to speak out of turn.Turd Sandwich: I'm sorry, Jim.Douche: Anyway, as I was saying, ahh... wait, I forgot what I was saying.Turd Sandwich: Ha. What a douche.Lehrer: All right, Turd Sandwich, this next question is for you. How should South Park Elementary enforce its laws of conduct for young athletes during sporting events?Turd Sandwich: (long pause) Uh, you know, uh, my opponent wouldn't even know the answer to that question. If you ask him the same question, he would not answer it. He would stand around and just babble on and on about nothing until he was finally saved by the buzze- (the buzzer sounds)Lehrer: Your time is up, Turd.
- Wall-Mart reveals its true form..... and craps its pants in the process.
- While thinking of new ideas for their news show before it gets cancelled, The kid reporters sit around trying to think of something, anything, but all there is is silence...-
Butters: I know! We should read the funnies! [hops off his chair and goes to a table, on which sits the Sunday Funnies] I always get good ideas from the funnies.
Cartman: [his face buried in his hands] Butters, only gay little dweebs read the funnies!
Butters: Yeah! I read 'em all the time! Uh here's one: the uh, snail tripped over a hurdle, and the other snail says "Well that's gonna add another hour to his time." [laughs] Yeah! You guys! [gets no reaction from the other boys] Heh.
Cartman: [in a very quick and casual manner] How about we do a show where we kill Butters?
- Then shortly afterwards, the entire cough-medicine experience:
Kyle: Stan? [Stan's eyes have glazed over and he looks stupefied. From Stan's point of view, the whole world changes. Kyle now has a wolf head with yellow eyes.] Dude, Stan, you all right?
Jimmy: [appears as a yellow figure with multi-colored polka dots all over his body] I think maybe he's f-feeling it.
Cartman: [appears as a blob with echoing voice] Stan, are you getting good ideas?
Butters: Whoa... [stretches out his left hand] I'm feeling kind of bowling-ballish, fellas.[Stan begins his head trip. He sees a tunnel with yellow light, then a flash of plasma, then an aminated Mandelbrot design, then a prize-winning dog on a pedestal. A bell sounds. Next, a tunnel with blue light, which ends up at a performance of some sort, a time-lapse shot of rolling clouds, another Mandelbrot animation, a running shot of a meadow, then a wide-angle view of the boys]Cartman: [with altered voice] Stan? Stan, come on. We're gonna go find a frog. [smiles, turns around and walks away][Stan then sees time-lapse footage of a ride through a city, then blooming flowers, then time-lapse footage of the reporters walking around the valley, then some weird graphics, then Cartman in degraded colors. Cartman and Stan speak to him in weird altered voices]Cartman: Oh dude, I just got the best ideaKyle: Me too. [they quickly write their ideas down in their notepads][Stan then sees an imploding building, then some dancing African women, an explosion in another building, a zoom-pan shot of an African dancer. Next he sees himself and the boys on a sidewalk in downtown. Butters talks to him in the same altered voice the other voice have spoken to him in]Butters: Hey! Let's run naked through the street! [Butters rips off his clothes and wig and runs away happily. Kyle, Token, and Cartman stand around with goofy grins on their faces doing nothing.]
- This gem:
Bebe: Please, you don't want to go to this party, Wendy. We're going to invite all the boys and play Spin the Bottle, Seven Minutes in Heaven, and do ketamine.Wendy: That's okay!Annie: Oh, please, do you even know what ketamine is?Wendy: Yes!Annie: See, you are too smart!
- There's also the fact that Butters is dressed in a bear costume by Paris Hilton. When he pleads with his parents not to be sold to Paris Hilton, Mr. Stotch tells him to go dig for coal. At the end of the episode, it leads to this exchange.
Butters: I'm a bad bear.Stephen: You're a grounded old bear.
- Paris and Mr. Slave have a "Whore-off", which ends with Mr. Slave jumping on Paris and shoving her up his rectum.
- When Kyle arrives just in time to see Cartman's flying attempt.
Kyle: What's going on?Stan: Cartman thinks he can fly off of his roof.(Beat)Kyle: Do it! Do it!Cartman: I'm gonna!Craig: I wouldn't if I were you.Token: Those wings don't look very strong.Kyle: Don't listen to 'em, Cartman! I'm sure it'll work! Go for it! Yaaay, Cartman! Fly, fly fly!
- Possibly the funniest line ever.
Doctor: (to Liane) I'm afraid your son is... incredibly stupid."
- One of the very few occasions where a woman getting punched looks funny.
- The fact that Colorado's most beautiful women are actually quite plain.
- Cartman tries to look professional by answering a phone call from...Abraham Lincoln.
- The entire subplot which revolves around Randy getting in fights at his sons little league game
Randy: (while getting dragged away by the police) What? Is this America? Is this some communist country? I thought this was America. I'm sorry.
- The fact that Kenny spends the entire episode without his hood on, yet no-one draws attention to it and he doesn't get any lines.
- Cartman arguing with the umpire whenever he makes a call in favor of the South Park team:
Cartman: That was no strike! That was a terrible pitch! You need some goddamn laser eye surgery!
- "We're going dooooowwwwn! We're gonna get creeeeaaaaaamed!"
- Kenny breaking down crying because Cartman ate all the skin on KFC chicken due to how Kenny never cries unless it's part of some scheme of the boys like in Good Times With Weapons.
- The last line in Cartman's "make it right" song.
- Cartman trying to stop the crime at the Red Cross.
- "I'm not going to Hell, Butters. I'm not black."
- The Goth kids song, Talent Shows are for Fags.
- Butters' "performance", in which he tries to sing his "Loo-loo-loo" song, but gets stage fright, and pees his pants.
Ms. Garrison: Very nice Butters, short and sweet. *grabs a cloth and mops up the puddle*
- Cartman's performance is little more than him doing his Tony Montana impersonation.
- "...so the man sticks his penis in the lady's vagina. Then the man's penis sneezes inside the vagina and the man loses interest in the lady."
- "Wow, I'm so glad that you feel that way, because I really need to stick my penis in your vagina."
- This episode ends with everyone saying "I broke the dam" like it means something. Stan occasionally butts in by saying "I LITERALLY BROKE THE FUCKING DAM!", before he can't take it anymore and says "Ah, fuck it!".
- Cartman's suspicions about Jews are right for once.
- The population of South Park running away from global warming. Thing is, they're running away from... Nothing at all.
- When the boys fake Butters's death by throwing down a dead pig, the pig smashes into the pavement, spreading blood and guts everywhere, a medic comes to examine the body (which is barely more than the pig's ribs with some meat attached). His diagnosis?
Medic: He... didn't make it.
- Butters doing his best impression of what he imagines girls are like.
"I like getting my snootch pounded on Friday nights."
- Clyde's immediate reaction to the above is a smile and: "Nice."
- This episode has Mrs. Garrison hire the world's best sniper to shoot an egg.
- "Instead of being 'Married', you'll be: BUTT BUDDIES!"
"What about lesbians?""Aw, who gives a shit about lesbians?"
- Garrison giving an anti-gay marriage speech. Fag Drag!
- Cartman has an infamous presentation about how gingers "creep us out and make us sick to our stomachs". Followed by a series of photos of real ginger kids that Cartman expresses disgust over.
- When the boys decide to knock out Cartman, Kyle gets a little overzealous.
- Cartman's constant side-changing based entirely on whether or not he's a ginger.
- Special mention goes to R.Kelly's appearances and the whole segment about what Happyologists believe with a disclaimer literally saying: "This is What Scientologists Actually Believe."
- For more clarification, R.Kelly sings about wanting Tom Cruise to come out of the closet (Stan's closet) and he keeps pulling out his gun at the end of each song he sings.
- Tom Cruise locks himself in Stan's closet because Stan doesn't think he's a fantastic actor and everyone's attempts to get him out from the police to Nicole Kidman to John Travolta (who gets in the closet.) to R.Kelly (who also gets in the closet).
Travolta: "Tom, you gotta come outta the closet, ohmagad!"
- Most of "Free Willzyx," especially at the end. The group of adults who were helping out the kids through the episode only thought they were helping to release the whale into the wild, not that they were trying to get it to the freakin' MOON. When the whale goes into the ocean, everyone starts to celebrate....until a freakin' ROCKET comes out of the ocean with the whale in a net. The adults' reactions were priceless.
- Not to mention the boys stealing Willzyx. They all had black paint on their faces except for Token—who, of course, had white paint.
- Also the image of Willzyx dead on the moon as the credits are rolling and there is no music to end the show.
- "IT WAS FUNNY!"
- The police sketch of the boys, which is hilariously photorealistic, though in-universe it's considered too vague.
- During the car chase, Randy tried to get around being caught drink-driving, but his first conversation gave away.
Randy: (drunk, after being pulled over) What seems to be the officer, problem?
- "YOU NEED DISCPRINE!"
The Return of Chef
- The episode involving the Super Adventure Club:
"...and he (the founder of the Super Adventure Club) lived for eternity... until he was hit by a train..."
- Turning stock clips of Chef into sexual propositions. The kid's reactions really sell it.
- The detective humping the doll. It Makes Sense in Context
- The Super Adventure Club attempting to use a hypno wheel on the kids.
- After Mr. Connolly, the leader of the Super Adventure Club has told the kids about their belief-system:
Mr. Connolly: Well, now that you know our club's secrets, it appears you leave us no choice... I'm afraid we're going to have to... Ask you to leave! (cue dramatic music)
Stan: We're not leaving without Chef.
Mr. Connolly: If you choose not to leave, then I'm afraid we're just going to have to... call security and make you leave. (cue dramatic music)
- Then later:
Mr. Connolly: Impossible! I made them leave!
- Then later:
- The creation of Darth Chef at the end.
- Cartman's rant to Kyle after Kyle tells him that he's like Family Guy.
"Don't you ever, ever, compare me to Family Guy! You hear me, Kyle?! Compare me to Family Guy again, and so help me, I will kill you where you stand!!
- Mrs. Garrison has to give Muslim sensitivity training, which is basically her saying that the reason why Muslims in the Middle East is because they can't have sex unless they're married, they can't masturbate and they probably have sand in their eyes and buttcrack and if she couldn't have sex, masturbate and had sex in her eyes and buttcrack, she'd be pretty pissed too.
- Kyle and Cartman's slap fight all throughout the Fox studios in Part 2.
- The Stylistic Suck video the terrorists used to get back at Family Guy for showing their prophet. It's basically just people crapping all over each other. That could also border on the Uncanny Valley, so YMMV, but it's still a pretty good laugh.
- "Dude, did Cartman just crap out treasure?"
- Al Gore's entire presence.
- Mrs. Cartman tries to get help from nanny reality shows to get Cartman under control. Cartman breaks Nanny Stella from Nanny 911 with a speech about how she has no kids because no one wanted to have kids with her and that it must be so hard to see her friends getting married and having kids and yet her ovaries are drying up and becoming useless, which makes her storm out.
- Supernanny is then sent to get Cartman under control and whatever Cartman did to her off-screen was bad enough to get her locked up in a mental hospital where she's seen eating her own shit and exclaiming "It's from hell!". The doctor then suggests to Mrs. Cartman to try...
- The Dog Whisperer, aka Cesar Millan, aka the one celebrity South Park never ripped on. His treating Cartman like a disobedient dog and ipping his neck and forcing Cartman to go on a walk with a leash (Which has Cartman throwing a massive tanturm and screaming as they walk.) and then eating KFC in front of him with Mrs. Cartman. Cartman ends up screaming "GOD DAMMIT I AM NOT A DOG!" and then acts like a dog begging for food and then running away when he doesn't get what he wants. He then tries to get Stan, Kyle, Butters, Kenny, Jimmy and then Craig to take him in and they all refuse.
- Butters' statement that he only plays Hello Kitty Online Adventures.
Cartman: Ugh... Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you!
- And then the following scene where Butters comes in playing the exact same Dwarf character that Cartman's using, interrupting his Rousing Speech in the process.
- Randy's first time playing World of Warcraft sees him just happily going along in his typical naive way, and then the griefer comes along and immediately kills him in a heartbeat. The whole "what just happened?" look Randy has immediately after this is priceless.
- The Vocal Dissonance of the kids and their WoW characters, but the highlight has to be Ike.
- In his quest to give Stan the "Sword of a Thousand Truths", Randy jacks a car & decks the driver in the stomach and shoves a kid playing on Best Buy's WoW demo off the chair.
- Dog the Bounty Hunter and his crew found South Park's parody of them hysterical. Beth even said that her parody's boobs were too small.
- The boys try to say "Biggie Smalls" in the mirror three times to see if he'll appear. They all chicken out however. Later, Butters tries it at home. Biggie then appears and chases Butters all over the house, trying to shoot him.
Butters: (to his parents) He's about to bust a cap in my ass!
- This exchange:
Biggie: You don't understand, fool. I ain't missin' the party!Butters: What party?Biggie: I already got my wristband, see? You've got to get me to Los Angeles!Butters: Well, can't you just take a plane?Biggie: How, punk?! We don't use money in hell, nigga!Butters: Well damn, nigga, there's got to be some way!
- Everything involving Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy trying to pick up Satan's ferrari-cake while behaving like The Three Stooges the entire time.
- Mrs. Garrison teaching evolution, seriously. Just watch it.
- When Garrison goes on a rant which ends with him/her throwing shit at Richard Dawkins. Made even better when s/he appears calm and civilized later in Ms. Victoria's office.
Garrison: If I'm a monkey (according to evolution) I might as well act like one! (pulls down pants and starts shitting in hand)
Richard: What are you doing?
Garrison: Don't ask me! I'm a fucking monkey! (throws his/her shit at him).
- "Uh-oh, retard alert! Retard alert, class!"
- The atheists yelling things like "Oh My Science" and "Science Damn You".
With Apologies to Jesse Jackson Cartman Sucks
- When Cartman puts Butter's penis in his mouth and takes a picture, he tries to convince his mom to get it back...
Cartman: [Runs in crying] Maaaam! Maaaam!
Liane (Cartman's mom): Eric, what's the matter?
Cartman: I du-don't wu-wanna go to school tomorrow.
Liane: Sweetie? Shh, tell mommy what happened.
Cartman: Ku-kyle has a picture of meee! And he's gonna show everyone during show-and-tell and everyone's going to laugh at meeee!
Liane: What is the picture of, Eric?
Cartman: The last time when Butters spent the night, I was being really nice to hiiim, and I was gonna take a picture of him for his mom to have!
Liane: Oh, that's nice.
Cartman: When I took the picture, Butters got really hot so he pulled his pyjama bottoms down, and then I tripped and fell down and my mouth landed right on his penis, and then I thought of something funny so I smiled up at the camera and gave like a thumbsup, and then Kyle took the picture from me and he's going to show everybody and make them think I'm gaaaay! (continues sobbing)
Liane: Oh there, there, Sweetie, it'll be okay! These things happen.
- From the same episode:
Liane: Hello, Sheila? This is Liane, Eric's mother.
Sheila: Oh, hello, Liane, what can I do for you?
Liane: Apparently, your boy has a picture of Eric with another boy's penis in his mouth.
Sheila: O_O Excuse me?
- This dialoge:
Girl in waiting room: I have an ear infection. What are you seeing the doctor for?
Clyde (mortified that he has head lice): I have...I have AIDS.
- Cartman demanding that whoever brought lice in come forward so they can alienate them. But Kyle is wise to Cartman's ways:
Kyle: You know what? I'll bet it was you!Cartman: Me?!Kyle: This is exactly what you would do if they found lice in your hair! Try to lead the charge against somebody else to take the suspicion off of yourself!Cartman: I don't think so, Kyle! But you know what?! This is exactly what you would do if you had had head lice! Try to get everyone to blame me!Stan: You guys stop it! This isn't getting us anywhere!Cartman: That's exactly what you would do if you had had head lice, Stan.Kyle: Yeah, try to have everyone make peace so it doesn't seem like a big deal.Cartman: And this is exactly what Kenny would do: stand here and say nothing!Butters: Hey guys, what would I do?
- The boys eventually decide that Kenny is the one who has head lice, and decide to give him a "sock bath". Mr. Garrison reveals that they all had head lice. As the boys mull over this revelation, Cartman realizes that if they all have head lice...then Kenny was lying about not having head lice! They decide to sock bath him anyway.
- The lice subplot itself is hilarious in how it puts the lice through a rather anvilicious Green Aesop disaster movie, while contrasting it with Clyde rather prosaically having a shower with anti-lice shampoo.
- This scene:
Cartman: (while sitting on a Mall Easter Bunny's lap) And I want a Baltor soldier doll for Easter, and five Crash-'n'-Go RC cars, you got that?! Do you have that?!
The Mall Easter Bunny: Uhh, don't you think that's...
Cartman: No no! You don't ask me questions! You are a rabbit! I am a human! So if you don't bring me what I want for Easter, I can fucking kill you.
Photographer: Smile! (snaps a picture)
Cartman: (sits up and starts walking away cheerfully) Bye, Easter Bunny!
- Also, Jesus trying to convince Kyle to kill him so that he can resurrect outside the bars of the cell they're in. Kyle is naturally HORRIFIED by the idea of this, and when he decides to do it, comments "Eric Cartman can never know about this."
- And just prior, Donahue literally double-crossing Stan, Kyle and Randy, and Benedict's reaction to Donahue ordering Jesus to be killed: "Alright, that does it Bill. I'm pretty sure killing Jesus is not very Christian."
- After Mrs Garrison has had her first lesbian experience:
Mrs Garrison: Allison and I talked and really opened up to each other, and then we...scissored all night long.
Butters: You have to be careful with scissors.
- Garrison's fight with another one of the lesbians.
Mrs. Garrison: Uh! You kicked me right in the pussy!
- The constant TakeThat's aimed at the Persians taste in fashion and decorating.
- When Gerald is genuinely looking for change among the zombie-like hoards of homeless people, leading the other South Park adults to believe he's been turned.
- The scientist's repeated attempts at killing himself with a bullet to the head or other vital organ, only to keep failing and screaming in pain.
- Just the hyper-serious Rambo-like way Cartman's going about his quest. Which includes this immortal exchange:
Truck driver: Glad I picked you up, kid. It's dangerous for someone your age to be hitchhiking.
Cartman: [Grimly] Yeah, well... when a man has been wronged... he no longer cares about danger.
Truck driver: You going to Washington to visit family?
Cartman: I've got unfinished business. You go through life being told there's justice.Then you learn the only real justice... is the justice you take.
[Cartman produces a picture of Kyle and stares at it grimly]
Cartman: Make no mistake, Kyle. Before this is over, you will suck my balls.
[Cartman strokes his finger over Kyle's lips.]
- The Council of Nine tries to get Butters to imagine Santa Claus back into existence. What's the first thing Butters imagines? His father.
- Imaginary!Kyle and Imaginary!Cartman's absolutely ridiculous facial expressions when Kyle sucks Cartman's balls.
- Kyle has this dumb, dopey smile on his face the whole time, and Cartman looks on in awe and makes a face like "Woah, he's sucking my balls, guys!" towards the camera.
- There's also Ike's reaction to hearing that Kyle's gonna suck Cartman's balls.
- Ike: Yay, Kyle's gonna suck balls!
- "Congratulations! You got 1 million points! YOU...ARE... FAGS!!!"
Kyle: Goddamn it. God. Damn. It.
- Cartman makes a smart-ass remark about how no one will date Kenny because they don't want Pop-Tarts for dinner. Later in the episode, Wendy and Bebe are wrestling over a gun on the roof of the school. The gun goes off, but neither Wendy nor Bebe are hit and both are confused. Cut to Kenny, all the way across town, eating dinner with his family, when a bullet flies through the window and nails him straight through the back of the head. As his family is looking shocked, the toaster on the table goes *ding* and some Pop-Tarts come out.
- Another moment from the list; when Wendy is chewing Bebe out for forging the list, wrecking their integrity and ruining Kyle's self-esteem at the same time, Bebe justifies her actions thusly:
Bebe: Have you seen these shoes, Wendy? They're incredible!Wendy: It doesn't matter how incredible they are! You can't- Oh my God they're amazing!Stan: (Horrified) Wendy!
- After all of the action is over, you can see Wendy cradling the bag of shoes in the background while Stan and Kyle are talking.
- When Cartman says to Magic, "I'm not just sure, I'm HIV-positive." Kyle then explodes at Cartman and says that it isn't funny to joke about it, followed by Cartman joking with him again. He doesn't take this well.
- And of course, with Cartman having given Kyle HIV through a syringe, everyone assumes the phrase "He gave me AIDS!" means something else entirely.
- Whenever Kenny is tripping on cat urine.
- Kenny and Gerald wrestling in the sandpit at the end of this episode is priceless.
- The best part was the Take That! at the Eliot Spitzer apology. Especially when Gerald describes what goes in the drug-induced fantasy while Stan and Kyle are standing there wondering what the hell he's talking about. And then Randy pops in: "And you never really get a good look at her naked boobs anyway."
- Butters singing "What What In The Butt".
Tron Guy: I know you! You're that "what what in my asshole' kid!"
Butters: "What what in the butt, sir.
- "That's right, suck my Canadian balls!"
- This call & response between Terrance & Phillip and Stephen Abootman:
Terrance: Don't call me a rat, buddy!
Stephen: I'm not your buddy, friend!
Phillip: He's not your friend, guy!
Stephen: I'm not your guy, buddy!
Terrance: He's not your buddy, friend!
Stephen: I'm not your friend, guy!
- Everyone referring to the mouse as a penis without questioning why a mouse has a penis growing on its back
- When Garrison reports the aforementioned mouse to the police, the sketch artist draws Mickey Mouse with an erection.
- Eric Cartman literally eating his own underwear.
Wendy: What are you doing?Cartman: I'm committed to peace, Wendy. (starts taking off his pants and his underwear, slowly shoving his underwear in his mouth) I want you to see...just how humbled I am...(starts gagging)Wendy: Ewwwww!Cartman: (incredibly muffled, and still gagging in between sentences) Wendy! Look at me, Wendy! (finally swallows) There! There.Wendy: Oh my god!Cartman: So...are we cool?Wendy: NO!Cartman: I ATE MY UNDERWEAR! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!Wendy: You are so PATHETIC!Cartman: WENDY IT ISN'T FAIR I ATE MY UNDERWEAR FOR YOU! NOOOOOOOO!(Craig looks in, confused)Cartman: ...yo, what's up, dawg?
- Cartman taking a crap on the teacher's desk to purposely get detention.
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just take a crap on my desk?Cartman: What's up? What's up? Just crapped on your desk, dawg, what's up wit that?Butters: Huh.
- The aftermath of Cartman getting the shit beaten out of him.
Cartman: (crying) It's fine. You don't have to say anything. I'm no longer the cool kid. Now you all think I'm a faaaaag! My school life is over because all the guys don't think I'm cooooool!Stan: Dude, we never thought you were cool.Cartman: That's not true! You're just saying that!Kyle: No, really! We've always thought you sucked.Jimmy: Yeah, nothing's changed. Our opinion of you can't go any lower!Cartman: You're all just saying that to make me feel better!Craig: No, it's true, we've always hated you.Butters: Yeah!Cartman: DON'T TRY AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, YOU GUYS! IT ISN'T—wait, wait a minute. Why would you be saying stuff to make me feel better? Unless...unless you DO think I'm cool!Craig: ...what?Cartman: If you're all trying to make me feel better, that you must still like me! Oh, oh, whew! Oh, here I've been so worried about what you guys would think of me if I got beat up by a girl, and it turns out you think I'm cool no matter what! Oh! Oh! Oh god, what a relief! YAY!
- While half the town is celebrating Obama's victory by getting royally plastered, what is Cartman doing? Riding around stealing everyone's TV, of course.
- All of the songs!
- Cartman tries to kill himself due to High School Musical being what's cool. Naturally he fails miserably.
Kyle: What happened, I thought you were going to kill yourself.
Cartman: I tried. Went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on.
Stan: And you didn't die?
Cartman: Freaking hybrids man, they just don't do the trick anymore.
- And the throwaway joke "And it looks like there will be more singing and dancing in High School" made this high schooler crack up.
- Cartman ripping on Scott Malkinson without even looking up from his video game. If you've ever done the same to a friend, you'll know why it's so funny.
Stan: I mean, look at who you guys are hanging out with now. Scott Malkinson, for Christ's sake.
Scott: What's so bad about hanging out with me?
Cartman: Shut up, Scott Malkinson. "I'm Scott Malkinson. I've got a lisp and I've got diabetes."
Scott: Hey, don't make fun of my diabetes!
Cartman: "Don't make fun of my diabetes, I'm Scott Malkinson."
- When Butters is spying on the vampire kids and messing around with a tape recorder, which suddenly starts playing a recording of him as "Big Texas Butters" full-blast. One of Butters' biggest Adorkable moments as well.
- Butters tries to feed off of Cartman, who mistakes his neck-sucking as an attempt at giving him a hickey. Cartman's matter-of-factly deadpan he explains it to his mother just sells it:
Liane: [After Butters pukes and leaps out the window] Eric, what is going on?Cartman: Well mom, apparently Butters is gay, finds me very attractive and, confused about his sexual identity, puked up all over my floor.Liane: Oh my...Cartman: Yes.
- The ending of "The Ring", especially the news anchorman's dialog.
News Anchorman: As Mickey returns to Valhalla, to slumber and feed.
- Cartman's constant F-Bombs
Butters: But why do you want to get rid of Mysterion? You both fight for justice and good.
Cartman: Yeah, but he's a fucking dick!
- "And it's gone!"
- Another good one from "Margaritaville" is when several members of the US Treasury consult "the chart" to deal with economic problems. Said chart is a round pit divided into labeled sections. Consulting this "chart" involves cutting the head off of a live chicken and tossing the body into the pit. They then play the kazoo until it stops moving, and whatever space it lands in determines what they do.
- Cartman's rant over telephone to the Canada Channel in disgust for them showing the Queef Sisters instead of Terrance and Phillip.
- In addition, Clyde mentions that he threw up on his way home, which Cartman makes clear to them exactly afterwards.
- GAY FISH!
- The increasingly ridiculous "mental gymnastic" flashbacks Cartman has about writing the joke, painting himself as more awesome each time.
- The whole world takes a vow not to tell the space cops about the spacebucks they found on Baby Fark McGee-Zax's ship. This doesn't quite go as planned when the president of Finland decides to tell the spacecops about it anyway. So, to prevent him from doing it, the rest of the world nukes the entire country of Finland. When the spacecops question them about Finland suddenly being wiped off the map, their attempts to feign innocence are hilarious.
- Kyle is talking about how the world has used Somalia as a toxic waste dump so much even the fish are radioactive. Then a mutated fish walks out of the sea, sees what's going on, screams and runs back in.
- The fact that Cartman and his crew are able to take over an entire cruise ship by waving a toy lightsaber around.
Navy officer: They were French, so they surrendered immediately.
- Ike's reason for leaving? He was so sick of hearing about Susan Boyle that he was going to puke up his balls if he heard her name brought up one more time.
- The ending, where the US Navy rescues the kids by shooting all the pirates, or as the officer in charge put it "do not hit the white people!"
- "DA FUCK!!"
- This dialog:
Billy Mays' Ghost: "When you first saw blood stains in your underwear, were you surprised?"
Oh Kyle, that does not mean what you think it means.
- Just so everyone knows what this is about, Eric experiences this after eating Chipotle (but refuses to stop eating Chipotle).
- Pimp!Butters is simply WIN.
"Bitch, you wanna make some real motherfuckin' money?"
"You know what I am saying?"
"Aw, hell, Dad, I got lots of girlfriends. Sally is just my bottom bitch!"
And he keeps his pimp hand strong. "I'm afraid you get a stormy cloud."
"All these bitches are kissin' fellers, and they haven't figured out that they can be makin' some serious fucking money!"
"Really great work, bitch. That is another sunshine sticker for you."
- Butters manages to throw together the most successful prostitution ring in South Park - without any idea what prostitution even is. He's under the impression that his girls are only charging guys for hugs and kisses.
"Senator Morris gets kisses every day at lunchtime! You know where he likes to get kissed? In a motel room! Darnedest thing! He must get sleepy."
- The episode concludes with their former wrestling coach interrupting to shout at the crowd over how what they're doing isn't real "wrassling" and getting booed off... until he drops this.
Mr. Connors: Why do I care?! These kids made it so real wrassling is gone from schools. It's practically gone from the culture! Dammit, they took my job!
- Mr. Connors then proceeds to give a speech on-par with Dusty Rhodes' famous "Hard Times" promo due to touching on the same themes, getting a standing ovation from the crowd in response.
- The Japanese constantly screaming "FRUCK YOU VALE! VUCK YOU DOLPHIN!"
- And of course, The Reveal that the reason the Japanese have such a hate-on for the Whales and Dolphins - the US said they were to blame for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
- What about them going "FUCK YOU COW!" and "FUCK YOU CHICKEN!" when they find out from Stan from (yet another altered photo) that a cow and a chicken dropped the bomb on Hiroshima. They say this while killing said animals violently.
- Also: Eric Cartman singing "Poker Face" on a "Rock Band"-style game. (Especially the line "I don't give a crap about whales so go and hug a tree".)
- When Gordon Stoltski is reading the morning announcements, a crazy guy comes in and accuses him of sleeping with his wife and threatens to kill him. While this is happening offscreen, the whole class is listening to their exchange with disturbed looks... except for Clyde and Red, who just continue with their writing, looking extremely bored and Timmy who is just sitting there and smiling, completely oblivious.
- Cartman's "Dances With Smurfs" school presentation. A inane faux documentary about Cartman entering the Smurf Village, before "Wendy" exterminates them all with a bulldozer. All of the class are sitting through it bored or dumbfounded, except Butters who is sobbing loudly.
- Cartman's reaction to Avatar: "You sons of bitches! Dances with Smurfs was my idea! MY IDEA! You can't just take one person's idea and call it... something else."
- The scene where Cartman is imagining what the world will be like when the minorities take over. "Nuuuuuuuuu!"
- The part where Kyle asks, "Oh come on. Who pees in the shower?" Then everyone stares at Stan for a few seconds, before he openly admits it.
- Its version of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11 - it was less of a golfing sim and more a fighting game.
- Morgan Freeman reading "The Poop That Took A Pee".
- Randy and his buds, after purposely getting testicular cancer in order to get some medical marijuana, riding their swollen testicles like Hoppity Hops to get around townnote . The concept itself is typical South Park, but the wacky music accompanying it makes the concept even funnier.
- When Cartman finds that KFC has been banned, he does a Big "NO!" that ends with his head EXPLODING. Somehow, he's all patched up afterward.
- Cartman goes to a methodone clinic to get off his addiction to KFC. They serve him gravy.
- Seeing Nathan, Jimmy's "rival", being raped by a shark. You know what they say: Rape is funny when it's a shark with a nine foot penis on an eight-year-old mentally retarded boy.
Mimsy was supposed to blow the shark whistle while still under the water. There appears to have been a fundamental misunderstanding.
- Cartman's rants on Jews during his turn at Towelie's intervention.
Cartman: Kyle, I hate you so much. You are a liar and a swindler who would do anything for money. You are a race of beady-eyed thieves, Kyle, who throughout the millennia have squirmed and worked your way into the dark cubbyholes of society. Where exactly did the Jews first get their power and how are they able to manipulate our minds today? ... If in fact the Jews truly are shapeshifters, and I believe I've presented enough evidence here to prove that they are, then we must unite as a species to fight them and stop their plan of global domination and the control of our freedom.
- And when Cartman's finished, no one comments and Stan just starts his turn.
- Cartman insulting Danica Patrick and NASCAR.
- Cartman wrecking Danica before the race even starts. Anybody who even remotely knows about NASCAR had to get a chuckle out of this.
- Sheila and Kyle are wearing Jersey-style clothing/makeup:
Sheila: It isn't so bad, Kyle, a lot of people think the Jersey look is nice!
(Ike walks in and looks at them)
Ike: Aaaahhhh! (faints)
- Also this bit...
Cartman: You know what you want to do if you want a family to move away? Every night you take a crap on their doorstep.
Kyle: Is that why there's crap on my doorstep every morning!?
Cartman: Oops, busted.
- Snooki Want Smoosh Smoosh
- Al-Qaeda saving the day by crashing 747s into invading New Jerseyens.
- Before Mysterion aka, Kenny is killed by the Necronomicon guys, we cut to Cartman riding Cthulhu to a parody of the My Neighbor Totoro end theme.
- "You can't kick me out of Coon and Friends, I'm the FUCKING COON!
- Even before the theme song parody, there's a scene where Cartman befriends Cthulhu that a shot for a shot parody of the scene where Mei first meets the large Totoro.
- Following up from the previous episode is a parody of Feed the Kitty.
- In the conclusion of the Mysterion/Coon saga, Mint-Berry Crunch turns out to be a Lethal Joke Character, with actual superpowers that he uses to drag Cthulhu back into his own dimension.
- Followed by Cartman: "Fucking Mintberry Fucking Crunch." Which I'm sure reflected at least some audience members reaction to The Reveal.
- Mysterion abruptly committing suicide at the end.
- Cartman's Running Gag of "...before I get FUCKED!". Crosses the Line Twice, but still hilarious.
- The ending of the episode also counts. He starts slagging off to God in a similar manner... and gets struck by lightning, hospitalizing him as a result.
- "Vanilla paste! VANILLA PASTE!"
"NO!!! It didn't read it!!! End of Simulation!!! End of Simulation!!!"
- Steve Jobs' reaction to an elaborate simulation of breaking it out of Apple's HQ and performing an operation to separate them (which Kyle didn't read the contract to allow i)t.
- Mr. Mackey holds a school play about oral hygiene. The funny part? He's absolutely NUTS trying to get the kindergartners participating in the play (and Kyle, who has to play the role of Tooth Decay because his little brother Ike, who originally had the role, left to drive the main plot about the Princess of Canada being kidnapped) to get it right, constantly berating the kids for the littlest mistakes (i.e. Kyle being flat). The kicker comes when he tells them that his father was taken away by Tooth Decay, who just moments later would be revealed not only to be an actual monster, but THE kidnapper of the Princess of Canada (who apparently had poor dental hygiene).
- "You're a dick, Scott! You've always been a dick! And then you got radiation poisoning in Ottawa and now you're a giant dick!"
- And as it turns out, he's only a few inches taller than the tallest person in the group that was confronting him.
- "FEE! FI! FO! FUM! I SMELL KRAFT DINNAH!
- "STOP BEING A DICK, SCOTT!!"
- The Canadian wedding ceremony in general, both before the princess was abducted and after Ike rescued her.
"Very special day for Canada, very special day for the world. And there's the Queen herself, sitting in the front row." *fft* "...She just queefed."
- Ike in the tooth decay costume bawling over the princess's abduction. It makes sense in context.
- As Randy, Cartman, and a bunch of other angry people hold a Federal Express hostage
- Additionally, Cartman's Unstoppable Rage at the beginning of the episode. "I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL EVERYBODY!!!!!"
- He ends up in Principal Victoria's office after he puts the boys' actual penis sizes, and then she tells him this happened because he gets angry about stuff he doesn't think, and has an anger problem. "FUCK YOU! No I don't!" Gilligan Cut to him in the psychiatrist's office.
Cartman: I don't care if Obama IS president. You don't go around, putting little boys on blast, telling the whole world the lengths of their DICKS!!!
- And this line during that same scene.
- Wayne D. Just Wayne D.
- My shit be packing, MAN!
- Kyle scaring Butters when he spies on him, Cartman, Craig and Clyde. That Freak Out! and Cartman's "Aw crap" nail it.
- Cartman showing up at the dean of Colorado University's office dressed as and speaking as a stereotypical 19th century Southern slave owner.
Cartman: [in a Southern accent] Stu-dent Ath-o-leets? Hoho, that is brilliant, sahr.
- Craig and Clyde finding out the truth about how Slash is able to play so many gigs seemingly at the same time: It's because he's a Santa-like mythical character, based the Dutch legend of "Vunter Slaush":
Cartman: "But then, who played at my eighth birthday party?"Clyde: "One of our parents."Cartman: "But then... who was the guitar player for Guns n' Roses?"Clyde: "One of our parents!"
- The whole episode is the best the series has seen in years, and is a great followup to the episode where Butters is "confused."
- Tuong Lu Kim's reaction when he discovers that the City Sushi restaurant is right next to his restaurant:
Tuong Lu Kim: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
- Happens again when he sees the sign for "Little Tokyo".
- Randy's trying to get into Tween Wave. Since he's an adult, it sounds like shit to him and he starts thinking that the musicians actually shit to the beat and when he decides to be a Tween Wave star, he actually shits into the microphone.
- Which leads into those two farmers trying to protect Randy's underwear.
- The fact they are entirely removed from the plot and seem to want to protect them for no particular reason, not to mention showing up in two particularly dramatic scenes just seems to make them all the more funnier.
- No offense to Bob Dylan, but the part where the crap sounds play along to a parody of one of his songs is funny as hell.
- The movie trailers Stan sees when the boys are at the theater.
- "Rated ARG for pirates! Fuck you!"
- "This is breaking news, from CNN! Or Fox, or whatever. Fuck you!"
Stan: Dude, just tell me the secret to Cartman Burgers.
Kyle: Why? So that we can lose our business and everything can go back to old times?
Stan: No, because there's aliens with a sniper chicken on me.
- The fact that they relate Asperger's to being like The Matrix were priceless, especially having to hammered off liquor to "function" against the system (which they kept changing every mention along with a "fuck you" at the end).
- After watching a news report about Latin Americans trying to get back into Mexico:
- "You've heard of Mexican tacos, but Mexican pride?" That and Butters' song, "Work, Mexican, Work."
- Cartman being thrown under a bus by Mr. Mackey. That is all.
- "Cartman's" suicide note, as read by Mr. Mackey:
Mr. Mackey: Dear guys, I just cannot go on, m'kay? I am tired of being fat, mkay? I have to end it all. M'kay, Eric Cartman.
- And of course, Cartman's revenge...
Mr. Mackey: C, can someone get me some paper towels, m'kay?!?
- Go Lemmiwinks, stop Wikileaks!
- Pretty much all of Broadway Bro Down but *especially* the combination Stinger / Shameless Plug for The Book of Mormon.
- The very plot thread of this episode is also hilarious: Broadway musicals intentionally hide subliminal messages to make married women give blowjobs to their men. It Makes Just as Much Sense in Context, but that's exactly where the humor comes from.
- Randy and Stephen Sondheim's "Bro-Down," which is mostly them strutting around like roosters and making ineffectual threats. Especially funny to Broadway buffs who know how Sondheim actually acts.
- This little gem:
Cartman: "Your mom is so poor, she can't even pay attention!"
- Cartman's immediate reaction to finding the poor kid in his new school.
- "My mom is so poor, she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioniiiing..."
- The soft room. You know, the room they have set aside for kids to feel safe. That is filled with paintings of creepy clowns.
- Even Cartman has a distinctly uncomfortable look on his face while he's in it, glancing around.
- "My name. Is not. Kyeel."
- "My name. Is not. Miem."
- Cartman's exaggerated imitations of Clyde's mother bitching about the toilet seat.
- At the end of the episode, we see Clyde using the toilet after his mother had been killed by falling into it. Clyde idles for a bit...then leaves the toilet seat up. Then he looks skyward and flips the bird.
- The TSA Monitor's reaction to Cartman kidnapping the security guard and leaving her with a gun and a baby.
TSA Monitor: ... *turns on intercom* Security breeeeeeaaaaaaaach.
- "Kill yourself."
- To elaborate: during that episode, Stan, angry at jewelry channels for ripping off seniors (his grandpa mostly,) calls a channel and flatly tells the salesman to kill himself. Turns out this sparks a series of similar calls; in the end, the salesman does it.
- The sheer fact the salesman kills himself not from being broken by the verbal abuse, but in defiant response to the hecklers saying he's too scared to do it. He sure shown them.
- The montage revealing the Cash for Gold sale-and-buy cycle. Complete with this song.
- To elaborate: during that episode, Stan, angry at jewelry channels for ripping off seniors (his grandpa mostly,) calls a channel and flatly tells the salesman to kill himself. Turns out this sparks a series of similar calls; in the end, the salesman does it.
- Cartman starts his own jewelry channel, and when an old lady buys a ring he's shilling, he asks her if she likes to "fuck little boys". It gets turned against him by asian jewelery store owners.
- Stan, Kyle and Kenny are in India and Stan's yelling at an Indian worker because a ton of old people including Stan's grandpa are getting taken advantage of by the jewelery channels. Cartman happens to be there since he does Cash for Gold now and accuses them of trying to fuck him.
- The continual random death-by-train moments, especially the one in the episode's final moments. As a few astute AVClub commenters noted, it was like the Christine of mass transit vehicles.
- Cartman singing a parody of Faith Hill with three of the 2012 Republican presidential candidates dancing backup while pulling their shirts out to look like boobs... simply fantastic.
- One of the episode's running gags is Kyle saying that to believe in Jewpacabra and other imaginary animals you have to be lying or stupid. Once Cartman has his dream sequence conversion to Judaism and tells Kyle he really isn't lying, Kyle responds with "I know you aren't lying" while leaving the rest off in the most subtle CMOF in the show's history.
- Upon finding out that Butters is being bullied, the kids give him advice on what to do. First it's tell an teacher but Butters doesn't want to be a tattletale. Then they suggest that he write the principal anonymously, but Butters doesn't want to be an Anonymous Andy. So they suggest that he gets a bigger bully to beat the other bully up, but Butters does not want to be a "Cliche Conflict-Resolution Kevin".
- Stan "Jackin' it in San Diego", which was a parody of Jason Russell's (the director of KONY 2012) freakout on a San Diego street.
- And then he does it again the very next episode.
- Jackin' it for the Loooord!
- And of course the earlier "Make Bullying Kill Itself" song, video, and Cartman's random interjections in drag about his vajay (a callback to an earlier line about female pop stars always singing about their vajays), capped off with a very reluctant naked Butters in a glass cube. Really captures the selective outrage of the anti-bullying movement.
- The chain of bullies awaiting in the bathroom, that consists of Butter's grandma, an anti bully representive, a lawyer, Stan and Jesus.
"Aww, you gonna cwy?"
- The live action scenes. Especially the "YOU SOLD US OUT FOR A GODDAMN NANO?!"
- Live action Cartman crapping off the boat. Which does in fact attract beavers. It's not actually that hard to see the hose.
- The only way to make those scenes better, would be if they'd gotten a blond kid to do Kenny.
- Live action Cartman crapping off the boat. Which does in fact attract beavers. It's not actually that hard to see the hose.
- Getting to see and hear a classic Cartman vs. Kyle argument in live action.
- The boys' constant angst and Big Nos to every minor (yet admitedly tedious) letdown in the trip.
Kyle: Why do people keep saying "Make a long story short"? They're not making it short Stan."
- Cartman spends the episode insisting Kenny is infected with herpes, while Kenny insists it is just a coldsore. Later on, all the boys get it from drinking from the same glass as Kenny; Cartman then has to correct the narrator that "it isn't herpes, it's a coldsore". It's really, REALLY tough to decide if it really is. Because after all, it's Kenny.
- Cartman mentions that you have herpes until you die. To Kenny.
- Cartman insisting to the entire school (and stadium) that he and Kyle were gay lovers so that he can ensure that Token and Nichole (who Kyle was quite interested in) would end up together. The entire pretense for his matchmaking was that they are black and thus automatically belong together.
- His rendition of All For One's "I Swear" on a jumbotron was icing on the cake.
- Mr. Garrison's Game of Thrones lesson should count as a minor CMOF.
- Special mention really has to go to the subplot: Butters feeding his "creamy goo" to the rest of his Sarcastaball team, and eventually a bunch of professional atheletes as well.
- Everything else to do with that creamy goo too. Butters sure has a lot of it... Oh, and how does Randy know what cum tastes like?
- The opening sequence of Here Comes Fatty Doo Doo, which comes complete with a Randy Newman theme song!
- Michelle Obama's literal take on fighting childhood obesity: beating up Cartman, then smashing his scooter.
- HIS NAME IS JAAAAAAMES CAMERON!
- James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is... James Cameron.
- The real James Cameron's reaction? "It's like they were actually on the expedition, except I didn't actually make the crew sing a song about me." No confirmation/denial of beating up Randy Newman.
- Kyle's speech on the bar lowering.
Kyle: How did shamelessness get to this? Did it start with fat people on scooters or did the bar get lowered way before that? And then I started thinking that maybe it was us. I don't know, but maybe somehow we lowered the bar... a long time ago and now we're just sitting in the stink of it all.
- "Token Blaaaaaaaaaack Production"
- Randy Newman was in the ocean near the Bar, and when James Cameron asks how he got their first, Newman responds: "I don't want anyone raisin' the bar, 'cause nobody'll hire me!"
- The light-hearted yet pointless orchestral flourishes that play during the Honey Boo segments, if only for their dead-on accuracy to the real show.
- Cartman's obsession with the security company and at one point ranting about how he could have been a white guy breaking in to rape his mother and Mrs. Cartman walks downstair and hears him and then walks upstairs.
- Randy and the other husbands of South Park threatening the UPS man who they think is sleeping with all their wives and beating him up, all while wearing Bane masks and talking like him. At the end Cartman wearing the Bane mask and threatening the Home Security guy with a pistol:
"It doesn't matter who we are. What matters is our plan. You should have respected my authoritah!"
- Stephen Stotch being completely convinced that the UPS man is trying to seduce him.
- This episode has Kenny's inner monologue as he writes his letters.
"To wit, I have found nothing wrong with this remote place, and I must admit it will be with some melancholy that I will leave this island and return home. I saw this chick in a bikini on the beach too. She had the nicest boobs ever."
- The boys reading and puzzlement of the letters back home over Kenny's flowery speech: "'On the morrow?' What the fuck is wrong with Kenny?"
- Cartman yet again being mistaken for Bruce Vilanch, while wearing his Hulk costume.
- Mixed with a bit of Narm Charm, the cops' exchange about scouring the town's Halloween party for a group of criminals:
Yates: How many people are at the Monster Mash?Cop 1: Most of the town, sir. It's a graveyard smash.Cop 2: Look, whatever we do, we'd better hurry. It gets on in a flash.
- The end , in which Jesus hulks out on HGH and destroys the Scause factory. It has to be seen to be believed.
- The entire town of South Park turning into a Seuss-like wonderland.
Jesus: ...And causes shouldn't be worn on our wrists with a sneer. Let's keep our causes where they belong, which is [places his hands over his heart] right here. On T-shirts! [opens his robe enough to show his cause] Free Pussy Riot!Crowd: [Cheers wildly]
- In a parody of the Cyanide Pill trope, Butters swallows an almond, which causes an allergic reaction and makes his face swell up to the point of making him incomprehensible. The boys try to interrogate him about Cartman's plan, but no one can understand what he's saying—except for Kenny.
Kyle: Butters, where's Cartman supposed to hand over the ballots?!Butters: At Red Lobster.Kenny: (At Red Lobster.)Kyle: Where?
Let Go, Let Gov
- Butters takes Cartman's statement of the government are always watching you and turns it into a religion, praying to the government and even gets followers. He turns going to the DMV into confessing your sins and his followers start confessing there, much to the annoyance of DMV workers. Officer Barbrady's confession is about how he masturbated to Game of Thrones.
Barbrady: And that was when I masturbated to Game of Thrones. I know it was wrong to masturbate to Game of Thrones, and I know it was especially wrong to masturbate while on duty.DMV Worker: What the-Why do these people keep coming here?
- Damn near everything Alec Baldwin says in the episode.
- Nineteen Eighty-Four puppet-show at Casa Bonita.
- Cartman's running gag of slowly booing Wendy when she keeps trying to voice her opinions on certain topics.
- Cable company executives getting off (literally) of their customers' frustration.
"Because at your local cable company, the customer is always... our bitch."
- Also, Randy ranting to Stan about how he thinks Jaden Smith is way cooler than him because he's not controlling over his parents and is an actor who can sing, which ends with him saying that he and Sharon only irritate each other.
- All the adults in town becoming obsessed with Minecraft.
- Every time a plane crashes, which is Cartman's fault either directly or indirectly.
- Cartman's last nightmare is the ending of World War Z, complete with his own rendition of Michael Bubble's It's a Beautiful Day.
- George Zimmerman getting the death sentence. Why? Because the next kid he shot was Cartman in blackface.
- Cartman shooting Token, claiming he was within his rights via the "Stand Your Ground" law. Crossing the line twice at its finest. Then, when Token wants to know why standing your ground doesn't apply against white people, Cartman runs out in a panic and crashes yet another plane as the credits roll.
Cartman: Yeah, Token. That's the law. Everything inside the red line is lava.Token: WELL, IT'S A FUCKING STUPID LAW!
- "Fist bump, bro."
- At one point, a seance is held in order to summon the father of all gothic subcultures, Edgar Allen Poe; soon after manifesting, he acts like a typical goth. Oh, and don't call him Edgar Allen Poe; that's the stupid name his stupid parents gave him. Call him by his true goth name: Nightpain.
- The stereotypical black vampire kid (who's actually probably in his 20's or 30's). Every line of his is golden.
- Pete's reaction the first time said kid appears.
BVK: Okay, hold up! Hold up! Are you saying one of us might not really be a vamp kid?Pete stares in utter confusion for a few secondsPete: Uhh.... right."BVK: Well, whoever you is, you better get your ass ready to RUN, motherfucker, 'cause you a damn traitor! And I'll betcha it was (points at a small white girl) THIS. LITTLE. NIGGA. RIGHT. HERE!
- Pete's reaction the first time said kid appears.
- The twist ending where the garderner of the Emo-Plants is just on a prank show.
- Michael's reaction to Henrietta telling him that the camp is turning goth kids into emos.
Michael: (softly and unconvincingly) No waaayyyy!Michael: (after Henrietta continues) (more unconvincingly) Oh, my God, no waaayyyy!
- Pete's ringtone. Death and despair! Death and despair! Death and despair!
- This rebuttal:
Mrs. Biggle: Henrietta! I have dinner ready!Henrietta: Shut up, mom! Leave me alone, you conformist bag of demon jizz!Mrs. Biggle: Fatty!
- Mr. Mackey: "Ike made a nice picture of his brother Kyle, with a nice birdie hanging out of his head." (It's actually a picture of Kyle with a penis on his forehead.)
- Upgrading to the highest tier of the incredibly convoluted and ineffective Intellilink system involves the Intellilink technician ripping all the Intellilink panels off the walls and burning them, wiping out all the Intellilink software and then shooting himself, so that the users don't have to deal with their shit anymore.
- The entire Canadian Healthcare subplot from the Canadian Puberty video to the subplot of how his wife queefed on him and him trying to figure out why.
- In addition the revelation that the beginning of the plotline where he confronts his wife about queefing on him then goes to therapy was a part of the healthcare video Kyle & Ike were watching. Kyle's reaction sells it
Kyle: What the fuck is going on here?
- In addition the revelation that the beginning of the plotline where he confronts his wife about queefing on him then goes to therapy was a part of the healthcare video Kyle & Ike were watching. Kyle's reaction sells it
- The scene of Tom Brady uncontrollably crapping himself on the field when he gets Ike's laxatives.
- When Mr. Mackey hires an intelligence worker (an expy of Kathleen Sebelius) to help out with Intellelink, only to blast her for her incompetence and fire her the second she sits down.
- The Yo Gabba Gabba! crew and Sinead O'Connor trying to get Foofa to go back to doing kids' entertainment by singing "Don't Show Your Strange on TV." Also, the fact that Bill Hader is the voice of Plex the robot (all the more hilarious considering the fact that Bill Hader actually did appear on an episode of "Yo Gabba Gabba").
- Kyle calling his mom a fat skank whose tits belong in a morgue.
- In general, Cartman's blackmails to Kyle cross the line so many times it's hard not to laugh.
- The entire episode, especially if you're a Game of Thrones fan because it's a perfect parody of it.
- Butters complaining about the amount of male frontal nudity in the show.
- Kenny...I mean "Lady Mc Cormick".
- The interview with the fat lady, voiced by Trey Parker doing his manliest voice.
Fat Woman: IF ANYONE THINKS THEY'RE GONNA BEAT ME INSIDE THAT MALL AND KEEP ME FROM GETTIN' MY KIDS CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, THEY CAN KISS MY FAT VAGINA, CAUSE I'M BRINGIN' THE MOTHERFUCKIN' PAIN.
- Stop-Touching-Me Elmo.
- The old man sick of kids dressing up and plotting betrayal in his garden.
- "Big dong and prosper."
- Stan, Craig and Jimmy trying to convince the goth kids to join them fighting for the PS4, arguing that if they don't make it the dominant system, it will become outdated like Betamax was to VHS, resulting in following enchange:
Henrietta: "What's Betamax?"Stan: "Exactly!"*beat*Michael: "What's VHS?"
- Cartmen's comment about pre-orders, which is basically a Take That! at THQ promising pre-orders for South Park: The Stick of Truth, despite it being far from ready.
- Randy: "Winter is coming, Sharon, and I'm a sneaky little bee. Buzz buzz."
- The president of Sony making Kenny a Japanese princess, which cuts to him being in an anime-esque opening complete with theme song and Art Shift.
- Even before that, how Princess Kenny - a little boy in a bad costume - is portrayed as a perfect parody of Daenerys Targaryen, complete with a spot-on Emilia Clarke impersonation for her "inner monologue" voice.
- George R.R. Martin conducting a choir to sing the Game of Thrones theme, only every other word is "wieners". His obsession with wieners in general, too.
- And hyping the pizzas ("Like, five of them, and they're gonna be huge!") ...which he hasn't even ordered yet.
- "This Genius idea was proposed by George R.R. Martin who said 'Fuck it, let's just move Thanksgiving 'til next week.'"
- George R.R. Martin returns to annoy a massive horde of Black Friday shoppers by reciting loving poetry about wieners.
GRRM: Oh soft and pink with purple head. Gently you lay with me on my bed-
- Kenny as a Japanese Princess in the anime scenes. Specifically: how strange Kenny looks wearing a princess wig and dress over his parka (even more so with Moe anime eyes), how every single man falls in love with "her" and calls "her" "kawaii", and how (apart from the intentionally mangled Japanese) the voices sound exactly like a typical undubbed anime.
- When Butters asks Martin why they're traveling on horses and not in a car or plane, Martin says that the horse has something the others don't. I'll give you three guesses what it is.
Butters: Aww, geez!
- The old man whose garden that Cartman constantly uses to betray people gets his revenge by revealing Cartman's plan to Stan.
- Just the image of Bill Gates covered in punk tattoos.
- "Can Elmo smell your genitals?"
- The ending, which is a Take That! toward the numerous delays of South Park: The Stick of Truth.
Announcer: South Park: The Stick of Truth, coming to stores soon!
- Butters being a completely innocent misogynist.
- Kanye West throughout the episode continually trying to prove to people that his fiance Kim Kardashian is NOT a Hobbit, describing her and realizing she does fit the description of one, then calling her to make absolutely sure she's not.
- Also, Kanye introducing himself as a "recovering gay fish" in his first scene, after being called Aquaman by Mr. Garrison.
Go Fund Yourself
- The boys attempt to start up a Kickstarter company, where they do absolutely nothing and try to come up with offensive names for it. Unfortunately, they are all taken. Cartman comes up with the best idea: calling themselves the Washington Redskins.
- Cartman doing the presentations about how they're not doing anything, and how they've changed the logo from the Washington Redskins logo to the same logo with a stick figure containing boobs, a penis and balls.
- When they start GoFundYourself, the logo is two Washington Redskins logos having sex.
- In lieu of the recent NFL scandal, wherein a player was caught beating his wife in an elevator, not only does the episode contain a shout-out to it in dialogue, but towards the end, the Washington Redskins are invading and beating people at Kickstarter HQ. One woman haplessly runs into an elevator, and guess what happens to her after the doors closed? Not that it shows the actual beating, just her screaming before cutting away, which arguably makes the gag even better.
- The running gag of penises flying off.
- Randy, after finding out that beer contains wheat:
"Shut up! Beer is bad for you?!"
- The reveal that, before the events of the previous episode, Butters set fire to the gym and isn't allowed to come back like the others.
- Pretty much the entirety of The Cissy, but the crowning moment is Randy revealing that he is actually Lorde to Stan.
- And Stan actually fainting when it sinks in for him, that Randy isn't just being his usual stupid self. It's for reals.
- "You're watching E! Entertainment News! That's how low you've sunk."
- Special mention has to go to the Wacky Races spoof. It even has Dastardly and Muttley!
- And for the rest of the episode, we're treated with the return of Nathan and Mimsy and their attempts at ruining things for Timmy.
- The cab drivers breaking Timmy's legs. And then the obvious reason of why this accomplishes nothing.
- Mimsy's moments of surprising eloquence.
Mimsy: Hey I got an idea! Why don't you guys just make your cars cleaner and nicer, and try to be better to your customers so that you can compete with Handicar's popularity in the marketplace?(beat)Nathan: Just ignore my friend. He's mentally disabled.
- The people of South Park honoring Laura Tucker (Craig Tucker's mom) for using her "bush" (it's a long story) to draw the drones out of town (it was actually a sex doll strapped to a drone piloted by Cartman), complete with an Elizabethan-style bard singing a ballad about Craig's Mom and her giant "bush".
- The episode has a drone police chase — a cop's drone chasing after Randy's, which ends with the latter being shot down. The following news report then goes on to say that, yes, the unarmed civilian drone was black. (It was a literal black-colored drone.)
- There is the Canadian devil. That is all.
- Also in that episode is Randy's insistence that Stan and Grandpa Marsh share an addiction problem and should acknowledge it... while he continuously drinks wine and gluten-free beer. Each time anyone points this out, he readily follows up with an excuse. By the end of the episode, he's drinking wine out of a trophy... that he won by drinking. Then he brings up the idea of betting money on a board game that Stan and Grandpa Marsh are playing to suppress their addictions. Stan appropriately does a headdesk in frustration.
- Stan and Satan sitting on a bed while Satan gives a long lecture on the nature of addiction. It comes from nowhere and is so hilarious.
- Hell, the part where Satan politely asks Stan if he can possess him for a little while counts too.
- The Alcohol commercial.
Narrator: You. Friends. Fun. Drink. Hot girls. You're hot. Drink more. Expensive cars. Ass. Drink. Ass. Money. You in a tuxedo. Threesome. Vodka. Pussy. Drink, drink, drink! You! Drink! Vegas! Fun! Pussy! You! In a tuxedo! F**king this girl! VODKA! DRINK, DRINK, DRINK! DRINK IT ALL, YOU F**KING PUSSY! MORE TUXEDOS! MORE CARS! MORE PUSSY! MORE VODKA! DRINK, DRINK, DRINK!!! ...Please drink responsibly.
- Grounded Vindaloop deliberately invokes the Mind Screw aspects of sci-fi/paradox films (The Matrix, Total Recall (1990), Inception) into an incoherent mess. Hilarity Ensues.
- The running gags regarding the customer service rep from India if he offered "good customer service" and Kyle's prolonged "Fuuuuuuck youuuuuu".
- Special mention goes to Steve the customer service rep saying it.
Steve: No, no, no, do not fuck me, because I am you and we will just be fucking ourselves.
- Special mention goes to Steve the customer service rep saying it.
- By the time the episode ends, you see real-life versions of the kids playing with Oculus Rift. Including Butters.
- Butters, believing he's in the virtual world, decides he's had enough of his being grounded for sometimes no reason at all and punches his dad straight in the balls before going on a Grand Theft Auto inspired rampage ending in his being stabbed after trying to kill a hooker. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- It's Cartman's reactions while this is happening off-screen that really sells this.
- Cock Magic is just one long showing of Refuge in Audacity. From competitive "Cock Magic" with roosters playing underground Magic: The Gathering, to Randy's "Cock" magic. The highlight has to be when Randy is hired as a magician for a child's party. He does the typical sawing a person in half trick with his cock only for blood to start flying everywhere after he cuts it off and has a little girl pull his severed cock from behind her ear before revealing that it was all part of the show.
- "I HATE YOU!"
- Plus Stan's skewering of girl's volleyball, only to go into shock when he finds out that Wendy is the girl's volleyball captain. Cartman then has some fun at Stan's expense.
- The hologram of Tupac Shakur hijacks a by-passer's car. The owner's reaction? Posting it on Instagram.
- These moments from The Washington Redskins: Go Fuck Yourself Holiday Special.
- The Kurt Cobain hologram's performance of "Up On The Housetop" where he waves a gun around.
- Iggy Azalea farting while she performs "Holly Jolly Christmas" with Elvis Presley's hologram.
- Taylor Swift singing a parody of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" while Bill Cosby tries to slip her a Date Rape drink.
Swift: Well, I guess it's time to leave. (tries to get up)
Cosby: (pushes her down) Oh, but it's snowing out there!
Swift: Yeah, but I need to get home. (tries to get up again)
Cosby: (forces her back down and gives her a wine glass) But it's snowing out there.
Swift: I really should go.
Cosby: Oh, what's the hurry?
Swift: Say, what's in this drink?
Cosby: That's just some J-E-L-L-O.
- The following tweets during the show:
- @benn_shansbury And i thought Peter Pan was bad... #ihatecartmanbrah
- @IggySux I'm so hate watching this! #ihatecartmanbrah
- @greenANDstuff Is this real life? #ihatecartmanbrah
- @UTgirl_21 OMG, I used to love this song. Now it's creepy #ihatecartmanbrah
- @stepOneUnderPants Why are we in somebody's living room now? #ihatecartmanbrah
- @stanzMom He's in my bedroom #ihatecartmanbrah
- @cheezedOut Why won't this turn off? #ihatecartmanbrah
- @ShellyzMom Now we're in a control room? LAME #ihatecartmanbrah
- @tim_tam884 I thought this was a holiday special #ihatecartmanbrah
- @cisginger1 I am so lost is this still the special?
- @fraichefan Now we're in an Italian restaurant? Sheesh
- @howamIfunny_JP Someone please get rid of the fat kid. #ihatecartmanbrah
- @lucaveethewarlord55 Who is this fat kid and why is he on TV? #webelieveinyou
- @reeseKIRKwood what is this show on again for? #webelieveinyou
- @cbcastillo_03 Put a fork in him! Cartmanbrah is done! #webelieveinyou
Stunning and Brave
- All the PC people being portrayed not as the usual suspects, but as fraternity bros. Granted, they're Not So Different in the end anyway, so
- Eric Cartman's dream which re-enacted the then-recent legal standoff between Tom Brady and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell over Deflategate.
- Cartman assaulting the PC frathouse using 200 pregnant Mexican women, taco launchers, child refugees from Syria, and Jared Fogle.
- Mr. Garrison complaining about illegal immigrants and the viewer is lead to believe that he's complaining about Mexicans due to his past prejudice against them. It turns out they're Canadians.
- And the Canadians display their cultural dissonance by talking fast, saying "buddy" a lot and singing patriotic songs when it's least convenient.
- The Canadian alphabet, which is basically the English alphabet but with guy (G), buddy (P), friend (V), eh (Y) and fart (Z) instead. The teacher Mr. Stkrdknmibalz (stick your dick in my balls) ends it with "These are Canadian ABCs, Susie likes hairy balls what do you think of these?" as he grabs his crotch.
- Everyone getting sick of Kyle's constant speech giving and either storming out or giving him angry stares until he stops.
- Mr. Garrison's plans to deal with the Canadians is to fuck them until they die.
- As Mr. Garrison claims America needs a wall to stop Canadians from entering, it turns out they already built a wall first which leaves Mr. Garrison furious.
- Apparently the Canadians don't want the Americans coming over and raping their women. Xenophobia can go both ways.
- The Reveal that the new Canadian President is... a Canadian version of Donald Trump.
Canadian Trump: If people want to leave Canada let them, you can tell those pussy homos to suck my balls!Johnson: But Mr. President!-Canadian Trump puts his feet up on the desk and his hands behind his headCanadian Trump: And tell the Prime Minister of China to suck my balls! And Johnson?Johnson: Mr. President?Canadian Trump: Suck my balls!
- Remember how they made fun of Jenner in the last episode? Yeah, they didn't let it rest. Jenner actually appears... and is fucking hideous. They even reference the infamous car wreck this time around. Twice.And Obama applauded her for it.
- "Buckle up, buckaroo!"
- A bit of Fridge Brilliance sets in regarding Mr. Garrison raping the Canadian President to death for the sake of comedy. If Political Correctness can be ridiculed for the entertainment of its opponents, then no-one is immune.
- The live action mixed with animation shots for Sodosopa and CtPtTown, mixed with a quiet deep-pitched voiceover (CtPtTown even having Tuong Lu Kim doing the voiceover).
- The Mayor telling everyone not to swear, be weird or give speeches (The camera pans to Kyle) to impress the Wholefoods guy.
- "Let's go child labor let's go!" CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP "Let's go child labor let's go!" CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
- When the Mayor and Wholefoods guy enter the 4th Grade room, the Wholefoods guy asks if Token, Timmy and Jimmy are always at the front of the class and the Mayor says yes and says Timmy is right next to Craig who is a homosexual. Craig then stares angrily at the Mayor.
- When the ranchers are being asked questions about the local cows, the Wholefoods guy asks where the butchery happens and the cow is shot in the head right in front of the Mayor (Who is horrified) and Wholefoods guy (Who only cares about whether the bullets were made out of recycled material).
- The "Boogers and Cum" song at the end. Though as a warning you shouldn't eat anything as you are watching this.
- David's parents refer to their former home as a horrible place, leaving to the viewers to assume that they're speaking of Mexico. But then it gets clarified they're actually from Idaho.
- Possible Fridge Brilliance in that in a previous episode, Butters restored the prosperity of Mexico and made it a wonderful place to live.
- "Me ride mi tiny bicicleta to school."
- The scene where, in a parody of ISIS beheading videos, the Yelpers "behead" the Whistlin' Willy's mascot by pulling the mascot head off to reveal the person underneath.
- Every time Randy goes to Wholefoods, he's guilt-tripped into making a $1 donation. If he refuses, he has to go through a complicated procedure and publicly announce his lack of generosity. When Randy finally gives in, the cashier forces a shirt on him that reads "I gave a whole dollar to charity", has his picture taken and then his photo is pinned on a bulletin board, which reveals that out of the dozens of (very generous) donors, Randy was the only one who gave $1.
- The cashier forcing randy to remove a sandwich from the mouth of a cardboard cutout of a hungry little girl to get his change.
- Randy making public awareness ads about how middle-class Americans are "suffering" due to people asking them for donations. He then gets a very malnourished-looking child to speak up for him.
- Steven Seagal is a blubbering wreck who wants people to tell him he's ripped when he's anything but.
- "Run for your lives you little fucks, the man is coming!"
- The fact that the biggest threat to safe spaces, Reality, is presented as a Dastardly Whiplash style villain.
- "All right everyone, listen up. Today we're going to be showing you some art from our Asian-American students and-DAMMIT LESLIE, SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIE HOLE!"
- This is also the first time that PC Principal called out Leslie during an assembly and she actually wasn't talking to anyone.
- The fact that all the Yaoi art of Tweek and Craig in the episode is actual fan submitted content.
- Randy, after mishearing the Rape of Nanking, informs the adults of South Park about "the Rape of Don King".
- After everyone starts believing that Tweek and Craig are lovers, they give them money for no adequately explained reason.
- Cartman's Cupid alter-ego is back, and he is on fire in this episode:
- He pees in people's mouths
- He tries to flirt with Cartman, then when Cartman rebuffs him he goes to a gay bar for a one-night stand
- He gives Cartman an erotic massage, which Cartman finds uncomfortable. His mother overhears her son's painful groaning, opens the door and sees Cartman on the toilet talking to himself.
- PC Principal explaining Affirmative Consent to Tweek and Craig and forcing them to go through the exercises of asking to touch the other's penis.
PC Principal: Okay, Craig, what would you say if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek's asshole?
- In the musical sequence, the fact that everyone in the town is buying yaoi of two ten year old boys.
- Craig proposes he and Tweek "break up" in front of the school to stop the yaoi being made of them, and Tweek is worried because he isn't a great actor. Come the break-up, Craig gives an unconvincing performance while Tweek explodes into an overdramatic (and very convincing) speech. It's a whole different side of Tweek, and it's goddamn hysterical.
- Near the end, there is a sweet scene where Tweek says that Craig made him believe in himself like he never had before and that he wants to fix whatever's hurting Craig. Cue Craig's father, who is spying on them through a window in the background, suddenly and loudly bursting into tears.
- The ending song, and the sudden shift from a soft, romantic ballad to simple shouting.
Singer: In the darkness, we all seek - A perfect love like Craig and Tweek - We must fight or love's a goner - We must hold Tweek and Craig with the HIGHEST HONOR!! GANBAREEEEEEE IRASHAI!!
- The adults mistaking the boys playing ninja for ISIS and none of the boys say outright that they're playing ninja.
Jimmy: Wow, the fellas were right; people are really freaked out by ninjas!
- As well as Cartman mistaking Stan, Kyle and Clyde for each other, especially since he's conspiring against Kyle the whole time and not realizing that he's either torturing Clyde or revealing his plans to Kyle.
- Despite the town's smugly progressive attitude towards minority groups, they still use "gay" as an insult.
- When the town rush to get the aid of the police force, they find, of all things, the police rehearsing for a lulau with grass skirts and coconut bras over their uniforms.
- Randy using musical cues as a means of telling the difference between terrorists and ninjas.
- The episode opens with PC Principal storming through the school demanding to know who edits the school paper, as the word "retarded" appeared in an article. It's Jimmy.
- During his rampage, he declares he will break the editor's legs. After he discovers it's Jimmy, Stan snarkily asks if he's still going to do it.
- We also see that PC Principal is afraid to confront a handicapped child over a microaggression, either out of fear of being labeled a bigot or because he finds the handicapped unsettling.
- PC Principal then gets Nathan to speak on his behalf about how genuinely retarded children dislike that word. Jimmy points out that Nathan uses the word "retarded" 400 times a day! That can't be physically possible!
- Stephen's description of the "black void" that is trying to look for news on the Internet without running into ads.
- PC Principal surrounds the PCA frat house with police tape, declaring that everything within it a "safe space".
- The ending repeats Caitlyn Jenner's "Buckle up" gag, this time with her running over and killing several people at once!
- At a PC frat party, we see that the PC bros use their ultra-progressive views to try and get laid, but they always make sure they have full consent before having sex. They even have release forms to confirm that all parties were consenting adults.
- The boys try to dig up some dirt on Leslie, but are immediately distracted by several pop-up ads. Cut to them sitting in either a food court or trying on some new shoes, making gay jokes about Craig.
- When Mr. Garrison, Principal Victoria and Caitlyn Jenner are sneaking into South Park, they all don disguises, but Caitlyn Jenner refuses to wear a fake moustache.
- Randy warns Garrison, Victoria, and Jenner that they can't get into PC Principal's frat house as it's a safe space right now, and it's impossible to get into it. The three of them just go under the police tape and get in without a problem. Randy's genuine shock is hilarious.
- "Jimmy... You're thinking with your dick."
- What sells the moment is the smile on Jimmy's face.
- Several of the names of the recently gentrified neighborhoods in the world ("Chimichanga" in Chicago, "NoMo Auschie" note north of Auschwitz.)
- Nathan gets himself a private escort named Classi.
"Spelt with an I and the C has a little dick that fucks the L out of the Ass"
- Whenever a character tries to threaten a family member with a gun, only to have one pulled on them.
- When the Marsh family run out of the house, Randy tells Shelly to "take care of Grandpa". Shelly gleefully takes aim at Grandpa, so Randy runs back in and tells her to "literally take care of him". Hilarious in Hindsight considering Grandpa wants to die.
- On that note, how Grandpa just nonchalantly kept eating while the rest of the family pointed guns at each other.
- When Kyle is protecting Leslie, he figures that the safest place in town would be the gun show. Cue the gun show, where the entrants treat their guns like dogs.
- When the Marsh family run out of the house, Randy tells Shelly to "take care of Grandpa". Shelly gleefully takes aim at Grandpa, so Randy runs back in and tells her to "literally take care of him". Hilarious in Hindsight considering Grandpa wants to die.
- The town all uniting against their common foe, with Randy telling them to get out of their town. He's talking to the Wholefoods supermarket.
- Mr. Garrison's campaign advisors including Chris Christie and Brian Williams.
- Cartman's t-shirt says "Token's Life Matters" instead of "Black Lives Matter".
- Colin Kaepernick getting frustrated when he can't think of a way to protest the national anthem after the reboot.
- Whether people will sit or stand during the national anthem being treated more seriously than the sports.
- At an assembly, Cartman starts harassing the girls to be funny, to try to prove girls are funny. One girl responds by calling him a "fat fuck"
- "That's good, now just say "my vuh-giiiina"."
- The opening where everyone is at the school volleyball game and people are betting on whether or not the players will sit or stand before the game.
- Followed by everyone leaving before the game actually begins.
- The fact that the 2016 Presidential candidates, Mr. Garrison and Hillary Clinton, are regularly referred to as "Giant Douche" and "Turd Sandwich" respectively. Nobody treats this as strange, and neither candidate gets offended when they're called these names to their face.
- After reading one of skanthunt42's nasty tweets, one man brings it up at work and his supervisor says that it's probably just some self-loathing loser who lives with his mother. Nope. He's Kyle's dad, Gerald, a happy, fulfilled guy who lives with his wife and two children in a house he paid for with his successful career.
- Said troll taking a happy stroll while running errands to Steal My Sunshine.
- Scott Malkinson keeps bugging Mr. Mackey about his urge to quit Twitter because he feels like nobody cares about him. After being called in the middle of the night, Mr. Mackey begins to see why.
- Butters perfectly summing up the current climate created by political correctness, activists, and social justice warriors:
Butters: That's how the world works now! You get blamed for the group you belong to, even if you didn't do nothing!
- The school reacting to Heidi Turner quitting Twitter as if she committed suicide, with cops even showing up.
- As horrible as his trolling was, the Punny Names skankhunt42 uses during the interview were hard not to laugh at.
- Heidi Turner's cryptic and monotone voice as she calls out to Cartman while he's walking through the school hallways. The scene plays out as if both of them were ghosts, brilliantly leading off from the concept of quitting Twitter equating to suicide.
- The revelation that the Member Berries are so popular that to keep up with supply and demand, they're grown in a field bigger than a football stadium.
- When dealing with how Hillary Clinton is just repeating how her opponent is a liar and cannot be trusted, while Garrison is TRYING to throw the election:
- The ending with Heidi Turner about to show Eric her vagina:
Cartman: Heidi, can I ask you something?Heidi: Yeah, of course.Cartman: Do girls not have balls?Heidi: ... Girls do not have balls, no.Cartman: So when a girl goes to scratch her balls, how does that work? I just don't understand what's at the bottom of a vagina.Heidi: Do you want me to show you?Cartman: ... HOLY SHIT.
- Gerald is caught by Sheila and tries to protect his alias by saying he's addicted to pee-porn. Sheila believes him and he's forced to act out his fake fetish to keep cover. Ike and Kyle then walk in on their fat mother pissing in their dad's face.
- After seeing Heidi's vagina, Cartman attains enlightenment.
- Kyle being completely dumbfounded when he discovers Cartman and Heidi are in a happy relationship.
- Everyone's reaction to Cartman and Heidi's relationship is priceless. Highlights include Annie fainting and Bebe puking.
- Cartman and Heidi singing a duet while everyone else is making danishes.
- One Freeze-Frame Bonus near the end of the duet shows that the back of Cartman's t-shirt says "And Token's life still matters".
- The song the Danish sing.
- The song itself is from one of the Julekalender (Christmas calendar) programs that airs in Denmark each December. The original version of the song can be found here.
- The subplot of the Member Berries sneaking out of Randy's house and giving one of their own a Mafia style death.
- 'Member all those films from the 80s and 90s which had a group of kids as the protagonists? The Member Berries are just like them, complete with a token fat one.
- DildoShwaggins, once again, tries to convince Gerald that there's a deeper reason to his trolling than just because it's funny and asks if it would still be funny if someone posted a picture of Sheila with a penis in her mouth. Gerald replies with this:
- When Cartman has a mental rewind and fast forward, it looks like it's just padding since we've seen all of this in previous episodes, but in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shot, we see Heidi flashing Cartman.
- The very first thing we see is a man who just voted vomiting in a fit of anxiety.
- When Trolltrace.com traps the trolls, what is in their briefcases? Why, of course, it's a Rick Roll.
- The preview for this episode had PC Principal telling the students that the new POTUS had someone who could help end the gender wars. He then introduces Bill Clinton. "Bill Clinton's gentleman's club."
- In the actual episode this introduction isn't quite as funny...until Bill Clinton introduces his partner Bill Cosby!
- "Oh! He's pressing pickle!"
- Ike to Kyle: "Daddy called you a pussy!"
- Mr. Garrison demonstrates his "stank face".
- Butters admits that he finds tons of women funny, causing Heidi to warm up to him. Cartman decides to make him look bad by having Heidi tell a joke that Butters wouldn't find funny, but he cracks up before she can get to the punchline.
- Mr Garrison is guided around the Pentagon, being told about all the rooms which allow him to breach civil liberties and Garrison cooing about how awesome this is. When he's shown the Diplomatic Strategies room, Garrison comments on how it's not as fun.
- Gerald is given a phone so he can confess his crimes. He instead calls Ike and tells him to proxy-troll.
- Even funnier is when he's telling Ike to "Put the worm in the lady's mouth".
- Also, Lennart Bedrager, the troll hunter, reveals that all of his work was his own version of trolling, ending with everyone in Trolltrace HQ being Rickrolled at the same time.
Schwaggins: Wow, that's pretty impressive.
- 'Member a couple of episodes back when the Member Berries were listening to Toto's "Africa" in their tiny car? This episode takes it up a notch by having a group of Member Berries sing this at a concert for fellow Berries in the White House.
- Yates attempts to calm down the panicking masses by convincing them that they won't reveal each other's internet history, and that they should rely on the faith of the American people. They panic even harder after that last line.
- Sheila going stark-raving bonkers at Kyle and Ike throughout the episode whenever they go on the computer.
"YOU'RE DONE, YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE DOOOOOONE!!!"
"Suck my balls, you're a fat bitch."
- What did Ike say to Sheila:
- When Kyle goes on a trolling crusade he asks Jimmy and Token what would be the most offensive things to say to black and handicapped people. Their responses are priceless.
- When Gerald tries to escape the conference room, a TrollTrace employee helps him out.
- TrollTrace Employee: Oh, the passcode the the conference room is "9"...Gerald: -runs over to the door- Yeah?TrollTrace Employee: That's it. 9.Gerald Aw, for fuck's sake!
- After the internet went out and was wiped, the new internet started. The first email's content was hilarious:
White People Renovating Houses
- The running gag with Alexa.
- It's even funnier if you actually own an Amazon Echo and it's close to the TV screen when Cartman tells Alexa "Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butthole".
- The sheer fact that the protesting rednecks replace Alexa and the other robot assistants in all of South Park just so they don't lose their jobs is a gutbuster, but the funniest thing that came out of this is Jimbob singing a country cover of Kendrick Lamar's "HUMBLE." It has to be seen to be believed.
- During the "Put It Down" musical number, Hilary Clinton suddenly appears to pledge her support for the movement. The background chorus changes from chanting "Put It Down" to "No One Cares".
- Also in the musical number, during the "In Memoriam" montage of kids that died as a result of distracted drivers being more focused on Mr. Garrison's tweets, Kenny is among those depicted.
- People at the amusement park being killed by distracted drivers driving bumper cars
- Cartman at one point threatens to kill himself if no one sings along with him, and guess what? Nobody does.
- Cartman's voice mail to Heidi.
Kyle: [to a visibly upset Cartman] You sound like a dying pig!
- Tweek's song/freak-out in the beginning. It starts off like he's going to do do a serious musical number, only to break into a cacophony driven by his panic attack over North Korea threatening to bomb the United States, and then screaming over how they're all going to die soon enough. It's absolutely glorious.
Tweek: AAAAAAAAAGH! AGH AAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! THEY HAVE NUCLEAR MISSILES!!! WAAH, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING HERE, DOING NOTHING?!? (Stops playing the piano) We have to get out of here! North Korea wants to kill us all and that president keeps making it worse! Why are you all just sitting there?!? (Resumes playing the piano) WHY ARE YOU ALL ACTING LIKE NOTHING'S WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG?!? NORTH KOREA IS GOING TO BOMB US!!! WE ARE ALL DEEEEEEEEEEAD!!! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
- The various Photoshopped images that make it appear as if Kim Jong Un is taking part in strategic planning meetings to launch a nuclear attack on Tweek, with the final image depicting a plan to drop an anvil on his head.
- Garrison's tweets
Garrison: North Korea doesn't have the balls to attack Tweek. They have little tiny rice balls.
- The description for the episode is quite possibly one of the funniest descriptions to ever be given to any show ever.
In a return to form, a forbidden love story between a white man and a Native American man unfolds.
- To the kids, Christopher Columbus is merely the guy who brought a holiday to October.
- Randy was down when he realized that his plan to ban Columbus Day would become null once he's found to be formerly a Columbus fanatic when he watch an advertisement on DNA and ME, a service that lets people see their ancestral history. He hatched a plan to use it to prove he's from an oppressed minority.
Coworker: Morning Steve.Steve: Sup, nigga?
- This line from someone who found out he was 2.1% black, after getting in trouble with using a certain word:
- While opening a party to have the public witnessing him giving his sample to DNA and ME staff, he secretly swapped saliva with a Native American guy to ensure he's from that ancestry. Things didn't go as planned as said Native American fell in love as the result.
- In one of the Native American's attempt to woo him, Randy was trying to discard all his Columbus items. Randy rejected the Native American, but it resembled Columbus' oppression. Then a passerby recorded it.
Randy: Don't post that.The passerby looks at Randy and the phone.Randy: Do not post that.The passerby runsRandy: SHIT!
- Randy chased off the Native American back-door, only to be visited by the DNA and ME staff who informed him that his sample is inaccurate and they need to take another. Randy tries to get the Native American guy, but this time, they need to take the sample from his anus.
- In one of the Native American's attempt to woo him, Randy was trying to discard all his Columbus items. Randy rejected the Native American, but it resembled Columbus' oppression. Then a passerby recorded it.
- Like the Black Friday Trilogy, this episode is essentially a prequel to South Park: The Fractured but Whole.
- Mark Zuckerberg. Period.
- Cartman is giving a Rousing Speech, and just as he's about to get to the point, Heidi interrupts him. Cartman's response says all.
- Cartman's plan to get Mark Zuckerberg to shut Facebook down:
- The Coon and Friends fight Zuckerberg's imaginary powers with their own imaginary powers. Until the Human Kite punches him in the balls.
- When they seem to be no match for Zuckerberg, Coon goes full drama on how the superheroes he has beaten were just trying to protest on behalf of their represented minorities. It's also revealed that Super Craig has been video-recording Zuckerberg and posting it on Facebook.
- The ending. Not only is Butters grounded for spreading fake news, but Stephen also grounds Vladimir Putin for giving him the idea in the first place, a Take That! towards Russia's ostensible interference in the 2016 US Presidential Election.
- The opening of the episode could rival "Cock Magic" in terms of how many times you can cross the line with children's birthday parties.
- Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters performing barbershop quartet covers of songs like "Milkshake" and "Insane in the Brain" for the old people. Doubly so because this is their idea of what constitutes classical music.
- Cartman calling himself and the other boys young prostitutes rather than young protestants.
- Grandpa Marsh taking a pillow case full of Hummel figurines... and absolutely beating the shit out of the head bitch in the old folks home.
- Killer Mike's rap sequence.
- "Witch pursuit-thingy."
- Mr. Garrison's arrival to help the dads of South Park to deal with The Witch (AKA Chip Duncan).
Bystander: Look! Another witch is flying down now!(shot of Air Force One, with "Hail to the Chief" playing in the background)
- Heidi has such awful time management skills that she takes forever even just to get out of the witch's magic bag.
- Cartman actually believing that Token and his family participates in "disrespecting" the flag in their spare time. Token's dad understandably gets angry. Token simply replies, "I told you not to let him in."
- Cartman, after learning from Token's dad that Heidi was holding hands with Kyle, has an Imagine Spot that mixes various parodies of Disney movies with footage of a group of Jewish men dancing. It's accompanied by a soundtrack that consists solely of Cartman frantically screaming Kyle's name.
- While all the other students are shocked and confused when Cartman confronts Kyle, Butter's reaction is to smile and cheer "Fuck 'im up, Eric!"
- The "fight" between Kyle and Cartman ends predictably: Kyle destroys Cartman with one punch. Before losing consciousness, Cartman is heard saying softly, "Fuck you, Kyle".
- Mackey's dead-on description of what Heidi's become.
Mackey: She's like Cartman but with the ability to follow through.
- Just the fact that there's a female Cartman with a spot-on conversation with female versions of Stan, Kyle, and Kenny (with Wendy as Kyle) and the role reversal with Heidi and Cartman.
- At the end, with the water bears being ingested by Heidi, the NFL's new plan to reclaim viewership is Nathan's baking soda volcano.
- To demonstrate his new change, Kyle gets an Important Haircut and new shirt... which the audience can no longer see once he puts his hat and jacket back on.
- To set the mood for their quest to find Ike, the kids decide to play some 80s music like in Stranger Things. Unfortunately, the streaming services on their phones keep playing campy pop music and novelty tunes instead of rock songs.
- Everyone's reaction to PC Principal's and Strong Woman's relationship.