South Park has a lot of running gags stemming from odd pronunciations and vocalizations, especially from Cartman. Respect my authori-tah, skewl, Kelleh!, Beeeet maaeeeeem, and "They took his job!" come to mind.
"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!"; "You bastards!"
The various ways Parker and Stone would play with the deaths of Kenny in later seasons.
The disclaimer right before the opening sequence has CMOF written all over it.
ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS SHOW — EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE — ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ALL CELEBRITY VOICES ARE IMPERSONATED... POORLY. THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE.
In the opening sequence (which is a CMOF by itself, after all, it's composed by Primus, who are known for their extensive use of Rule of Funny in their songs), Kenny (in his usual muffled voice) may say:
Kenny: I like girls with big fat titties, I like girls with deep vaginas.
Kenny: I have got a 10 inch penis, use your mouth if you want to clean it.
Kenny: I like fucking silly bitches and I know my penis likes it.
In even later seasons he keeps getting more and more vulgar when he talks in the theme song.
Any time Cartman starts crying and whining after getting what's coming to him because of his douchebaggery. Most notably in "HUMANCENTiPAD" and "It's a Jersey Thing".
When the kindergardeners are voiced by actual little kids and start saying things that they aren't supposed to say. For example, Firkle's rant in "Mysterion Rises".
"Nothing can stop Cthulhu now! All will become sadness, life will become death and I will watch the crimson blood leak from our neck!
Also from "Pre-School"
Baby!Kyle: Shut up, fatass!
Baby!Cartman: Don't call me fat, you stupid Jew!
The Season 4 opening sequence. It starts off normally...then the words "4th GRADE" fall down, and the theme song speeds up. It then shows 3D models of the main characters, it says things on the screen like "MORE EXPLOSIONS" and "YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT", and then it ends with a live-action clip of a guy jumping from an explosion.
Cartmans repeated insistance that his alien abduction was just a nightmare, despite the increasing amount of evidence to the contrary, such as his farting fire, and an alien probe exiting his anus. He doesnt even notice when the giant sattelite dish appears in the ending.
Cartman's reaction to being taken aboard the spaceship a second time.
The following from "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig":
Kyle: Yeah, but that sucks, to get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan. Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, "Hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and make me some pie!"
Kyle: Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street, people go "God damn it, that's a big fat ass"! Cartman: No they don't, you jealous weakling! Random Guy: God damn, that's a big fat ass! Cartman: Hey!
Cartman appearing on Geraldo in the ending, now having ballooned up so much in weight he cant even leave his house. He still thinks he's just muscular.
The Mayor trying to encourage the people of South Park to work harder at making South Park look amazing and impress Kathie Lee Gifford.
Mayor: Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!
The Cows all look up and moo
Mr Garrisson preparing to kill Kathie Lee Gifford, only to discover she travels around in a dome of bulletproof glass like the Pope.
Mr Garrison: Damn, guess I'm not the only person who's thought of killing Kathie Lee Gifford.
Mr Garrison asking Officer Barbrady if there's any place in town where he can get a good clear shot view of Kathie Lee. Officer Barbrady suggests the book depository.
Later on, Wendy runs up to him after having discovered Garrisons plan, and tells Barbrady they have to find him right away.
Barbrady: What? You mean the teacher? Wait a minute... *Flash Back* "I think the book depistory might be a good bet. Book depository. Depository. DEPOSITORY!!. *beat* DAMN! He could be anywhere!
From "Damien: whenever the titular character makes his satanic declarations, an Ominous Latin Chanting is heard in the background. But it ain't no normal ominous Latin chanting. It goes like this: "Rectus Dominus! Cheesy Poofs!".
Damien burning down the playground.
Mr Mackey telling Damien to just be passive and the other kids will like him eventually, like he told Pip once. Cut to the kids playing "Who Can Spit On Pip The Best" out on the playground.
"And the President responded to the incident by saying 'Screw those commie bastards, and screw their little wussy space station.'"
What does Chef do after turning into a zombie? He starts singing his version of "Thriller" dressed as Micheal Jackson, with the other zombies acting like backup dancers.
Zombie Chef: "I'm gonna make love, even when I'm dead! My body might get cold, but it's always hot in my bed. Make love! Don't you be afraid. Just because my heart ain't beating, it don't mean you won't get laid!"
The source of the zombie plague - A bottle of worchester sauce the mortician accidently poured into the embalming fluid. There's even a customer service line dedicated to this problem, apparently its not the first time this has happened.
Kenny returning from the dead a second time, having been stitched back together from when Kyle sawed him in half with a chainsaw to stop the zombie plague... only to immediatly die again when a statue in the cemetary falls over and crushes him. And then a plane crashes on top of that.
"Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo", Mr Garrison suggests getting rid of all the Mexicans out of the blue while the town is trying to be politically correct. The Mayor's reaction suggests this is far from the first time this has happened.
The hilariously abstract school christmas play that results from the agressive attempts of making the celebration as non-denominational and inoffensive as possible. The play is produced by composer Philip Glass and consists mostly of the kids jumping around in black leotards while a narrator reads poetry.
Chef gives an epic Rousing Speech about how they won't let the Turkeys defeat them in a Shout-Out to Braveheart... only to cut to a similar scene with the Turkeys, including a blue and white face-painted turkey giving the Rousing Speech in Turkey speech.
Mecha-Streisand has to take a break from her rampage to give Kyle's mom an autograph.
Barbrady telling off Streisand is both funny and awesome.
Barbrady: Well you ain't Fiona Apple, and if you ain't Fiona Apple I don't give a rat's ass.
The go-kart scene in Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut. Especially when the go-kart starts moving and Kenny jumps up, if you slow the scene down, you can see that the shapes that make him up all separate from each other.
From the same episode, Cartman's reaction to seeing the footage of his tea party on America's Funniest Home Videos.
Cartman: Heh, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.
Sparky showing up with a pink scarf twice. Stan is less than amused, not to mention confused of where his dog keeps getting the things.
Kenny getting killed during the football match when the other team accidently knocks his head off with a tackle. The referee doesnt even call a foul.
The hilariously underwhelming victory at the end, South Park still loses the game by 66 points, but they beat Middle Parks spread of 70 points in other matches, which is treated like a major victory for the town.
The reason why the whole town is so obsessed with the match.
Jimbo: Chef, I dont need to remind you how important this game is to us South Park alumni.
Johnnie Cochran: "Here, look at the Monkey (holds up Monkey). Look at the silly monkey".
Jury member: "Urgh" (head explodes).
Cartman's constant use of "hella" in "Spookyfish".
From the same episode, Stan's mom and her constant cover ups(which wouldn't fool a five year old) for the evil fish's murders, which she thinks Stan did, all the while acting like a nervous wreck. Then she locks up Officer Barbrady in the basement to keep him from finding all the bodies in the backyard...and she took his pants for some reason.
In the special about Cartman finding his dad, a TV crew and some other townsfolk are trapped in a studio due to a blizzard and are drawing straws to see who gets to be eaten by the rest....only to find out Officer Barbrady failed to put in a short straw.
Jimbo: Wait a minute, where the hell is the short one? Barbrady: The short what? Jimbo: Damn it, Barbrady! When you draw straws, you're supposed to have one of them short. That's how you decide who loses! Barbrady: That's not how I played it!
It royally pissed off a lot of people, but in hindsight, airing a Terrence and Philip "special" instead of the second part was one of the funniest practical jokes ever pulled on an audience.
From the same special: "Team B will consist of Kenny."
"Ike's Wee Wee": "No way, dude! We're not staying alone in your house with your wee-wee choppin' parents!"
In one of the flashbacks in "City on the Edge of Forever", Death is about to kill Kenny, when Kenny grabs him and beats the snot out of him, followed by this exchange:
Stan: Oh my god, Kenny...killed...death! Kyle: You...bastard?
Also from this episode, Cartman remembering the events of Weightgain 4000 as Kathie Lee secretly being an alien, and Mr Garrison killing her. And that instead of being humongously fat, Cartman was tall and fit.
The Reveal that the entire episode was a dream Stan was having about Cartman having a dream.
The B-plot of the episode that has Ms Crabtree end up completely sidetracked after she left the bus to get help, and end up as a stand up comedian in New York.
One of Cartman's line's in the episode "Summer Sucks"
Cartman: If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack, and blow your balls out all over your panties!
Cartman tries to swim to the deep end doggy style.
"That's it, everyone line up so I can kick everyone's asses."
"Hooked on Monkey Fonics" has Cartman's Epic Fail spelling of the word "chair", which he spells as "chare".
Similarly, Kyle's word to spell that gets him eliminated: krocsyldiphithic.
Kyle: Definition? Mayor:Something which has a krocsyldiph-like quality. Kyle: Uh, could you use it in a sentence? Mayor: Certainly. "Krocsyldiphithic" is a hard word to spell. Kyle: "Krocsyldiphithic." Jimbo: You can do it, kid! You can do it! Kyle: "Krocsyldiphic." C-(buzzer cuts him off)-Dammit!
Cartman Waxing Lyrical about the fact that Mark and Rebecca are home-schooled:
Cartman: [singing] Who would have thought such a miracle could be? Who could have known that this moment I would see? A new way of living, a chance to be free? Stan: Shut up, Cartman! Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] butthole. Stan: You shut up, [backhand slap] gaywad! Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] ass-logger! Mark: [astonished] Oh my goodness, are you two enemies? Stan: N-no, we're friends. Mark: Strange, friends would call each other names and fight.
Kenny's death. Fonics Monkey goes randomly ballistic and beats Kenny to death and throws him all around Cartman's room.
Stan: Oh my God! Fonics Monkey killed Kenny! Cartman: You're damn straight he did.
In Red Badge of Gayness, how Cartman would always end his messages with talking about how much he hates Stan and Kyle.
And of course his rampant Loophole Abuse at the end of the episode, where he says that he doesn't have to be Stan and Kyle's slave for a week because slavery is illegal. Even President Clinton agreed with him!
The "We Don't Take Kindly To ____" guys from Sexual Harassment Panda, especially when they manage to make themselves the victims of their own Insane Troll Logic.
Skeeter: We don't take kindly to panda bears! Stan: Well, we don't take kindly to you! Random Guy: We don't take kindly to folks that don't take kindly around here! *blinks*
"Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery": Korn unleashing their Korn powers....which just has them turning into various corn products.
Wendy winning the Halloween costume contest AGAIN, despite just wearing the same damn Chewbacca mask from season 1.
Cartman thinking the Antonio Banderas blow up doll his mom bought is a christmas present for him.
From the mini-commentary for Sexual Harassment Panda, Matt and Trey reveal that they have absolutely no memory of making the episode, they were just that exhausted from making Bigger, Longer and Uncut.
NO ONE has mentioned Chef's dad and his story about the Loch Ness monster in "The Succubus"? It's so stupid and just keeps going and stays hilarious all the way out.
Chef's Dad: “Well, it was about that time that I noticed this girl scout was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the Paleozoic era.”
In the same episode, Cartman has a eye doctor who keeps insulting his weight and has dilated his eyes. They decide to ask Chef for advice in the cafeteria, with hilarious results.
The Boys: Hey Chef! Mr. Derp: Hello there children! Cartman: Dude, my eyes are seriously screwed up, Chef looks like a skinny white dude.
The fat jokes and Cartman constantly getting pissed at them in general.
The Getting Gay With Kids songs during Rainforest Shmainforest. You may not agree with the anti-environmental messages that they are preaching, but it really takes balls to be so mercilessly contrarian about an issue like conservation that most people heartily agree with.
In the same episode, Mr Mackey lecturing Craig, who has been sent to his office every day for bad behaviour, before the latter randomly (and possibly sub consciously) flips him the bird mid sentence twice over.
Mr Mackey: I'll tell you what young man, you're gonna be help back a grade if you don - Did you just flip me off?!? Craig: No.
And when Mr. Mackey sends him outside, the four boys come in and Cartman shouts at Craig for flipping him off also.
And right before that, Mr. Garrison's shouting at the boys when Cartman interrupts saying Jewish people don't have rhythm.
Mr. Garrison: KYLE BROFLOVSKI, YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!! ERIC CARTMAN, YOU BE NICE TO PEOPLE!!! STAN MARSH, YOU MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! KENNY MCCORMICK, YOU PAY ATTENTION!!!
Cartman smacking random animals with sticks to assert his authoritah, including a squirrel-monkey, three-toed sloth, and man-eating coral snake.
Kenny is stuck by lightning, resulting in this exchange:
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! Kyle: You bastards! Kelly: What?! Who?! Who killed him? Stan: ...They did. Kelly: Who's "they"?! Stan: You know... They. Kyle: They're... They're bastards!
Mr. Garrison: Oh c'mon, you all know that pigeon was a total slut.
And of course, the contest between Officer Barbrady and Jakovasaur - Jakovasaur is too dumb to win a contest rigged in his favor, and Barbrady is too dumb to let him win.
From "Cartman's Silly Little Hate Crime 2000": The entirety of the "high-speed chase" with Cartman and Kenny in a Go-Go Action Bronco against the entire South Park (and possibly state) police force. Two great moments of snark in particular:
Stan and Kyle calling out the head of NAMBLA's moral on how people should be accepting of everyone, by stating that, while they believe in tolerance and equality for all, child molesters don't count because they physically and mentally hurt children.
Kyle: Dude. You have sex. With. Children.
The scene with the FBI busting in on the wrong NAMBLA meeting: the National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes.
Security: Oh crap, we've got the wrong NAMBLA! Mr. Garrison: Oh dammit, I'm in the wrong place! (heads out)
Don't touch me! I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned, and been made love to in the ass by three dozen 40-year-old men! I just wanna go home and take a, a hot bath!
The subplot of "Trapper Keeper" involving Mr. Garrison and the class president election.
"Cartman's Silly Hate Crime": Cartman and Kenny are trying to escape in Kenny's Go-Go Action Bronco...which goes about a mile per hour. The Police set up a barricade to prevent them from escaping. That's where the following dialogue takes place
Officer 1: Alright that's far enough. Stop the Go-Go Action Bronco and come out with your hands up. (the Go-Go Action Bronco is still moving forward slowly) Officer 1: Just bring it to a stop and come on out. (it's still moving forward slowly) Officer 1: JESUS, HE'S GONNA RAM IT! (the police panic and duck out of the way as the Go-Go Action Bronco slowly but somehow passes through the barricade of police cars and slowly goes forward) Officer 2: Crazy son of a bitch...
And Kyle's reaction to how overblown this whole thing is:
Kyle: What the crap are they doing?
Mr Wyland revealing the results of past debates and the student's reactions in "Chef Goes Nanners"
Mr. Wyland: I see that you've already had a lot of interesting debates this year. [points to a chart with three debates on it] Pro-Choice vs. Cartman, Pro-Gun Control vs. Cartman, a-and People Against the Clubbing of Baby Seals vs. Cartman. And apparently, the winner of all your debates so far has been… Cartman.
Cartman: Thaaat's ri-ight.
Kyle: Cartman doesn't always win! He just gets pissed off and goes home so we can't debate anymore!
Class:[including Timmy] Yeah.
Cartman: Nah-ah! I'm just a better debater than you guys!
Stan: You don't even know what you're debating about half the time!
Cartman: Yes I do!
Craig: No you don't!
Cartman: Oh yeah?! Well, screw you guys, I'm going home! [rises from his seat, heads for the door, and exits]
Kyle: Told ya.
The Wendy/Cartman romance subplot in "Chef Goes Nanners."
In "Fat Camp", Stan wanted to know what a prostitute is after Jesus considers Kenny a prostitute (but not in the sexual sense, in more of the "doing anything anyone can do for money" sense), so Chef gave the kids a response in song, accompanied by James Taylor, before being cut short by a shocked Principal Victoria appearing.
Cartman getting tricked by the ice cream man during his escape from fat camp.
Cartman sobbing and eating a doughnut after being banned from fat camp.
Butters in "Super Best Friends."
Blaintology Speaker: Ask yourselves, are you happy? Butters: I don't think I'm happy... I fall asleep to the sound of my own screams... Then, I wake up to the sound of my own screams. (completely sincere) Do you think I'm happy?
Big Gay Al's friend who plays the piano in Cripple Fight. He plays a sad tune for Al while he's putting his Scout stuff away after being kicked out and is asked to play a tune that says "I'm going to put all this behind me!".
Al's friend: (Plays an upbeat tune) Oh I don't want her, you can have her, she's too fat for me!
Cartman's battle with Osama Bin Laden in "Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants" - another moment in the style of Looney Tunes, BTW. Yes, it was mainly used to rally the country after 9/11, but it's still funny.
In "Towelie" there's this bit when the guys are trying to break into the headquarters where they think their Okama Gamesphere is.
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory because you get high all the time! Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso! Cartman: I can preach to you all I want 'cause you're stupid! Towelie:You're stupid! Cartman: Yeah, well you're a towel! Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!
While most of "Kenny Dies" falls under Tear Jerker, the visit from the Make-A-Wish Foundation got a couple of fairly good laughs.
Cartman saying "You're breaking my balls." to get better deals, and instructing Butters to do the same in his place.
Chef's explanation for why God lets bad things happen: so that way he can make people cry, and in turn drink their tears which is the source of his powers.
In "The Entity", Kyle tries to coax Cartman with the promise of forty dollars so long as he doesn't make fun of Kyle's Woody Allen-esque cousin Kyle. But even money can't stop Cartman from being himself.
Butters: He saw a movie called Fisting Firemen 9. I never saw 1 through 8, but it must've been short, 'cause he came out 10 minutes later, and he also came out with some tissues, so the movie must've really gotten to him. Poor guy. Linda: And what did Daddy do after that? Butters: He went to a bathhouse called the White Swallow, and I saw him wrestlin' with a bunch o' guys. One guy had him pinned down for 30 minutes.
In "Cripple Fight":
Stan (to Cartman): Don't say "use him", you big silly goose.
(Randy stops the car.)
Randy: WHAT did you say?!
Stan: I just...called Cartman a name. He's a silly goose.
Randy: You do NOT say big silly goose! You call him an asshole like a normal kid!
Stan: Dad, I was just trying to-
Randy: STANLEY, YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT!
Randy: That's better.
Cartman: Don't call me asshole, you son of a bitch.
You've been gradually seeing more of Butters this season. But I think the moment you realise he's going to be one of the leads is in "Proper Condom Use" when the girls and boys parody Mad Max 2. He's the one driving the center pedal car and wearing a hockey mask, and he's given the main joke to coin it...
Cartman: Here, talk to them, Butters.
Butters:[lifts up his mask] Uh, me?? Huh, what the heck am I supposed to say?
Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters:[lowers his mask and speaks into the mike, using a deep raspy voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle:[to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.
It is at this moment that you know deep down that Butters will be joining the main cast.
There were several hilarious moments in the episode "Jared Has Aides":
Jared announcing how his aides helped him lose weight is particularly epic:
Jared: I'm personally going to see to it that each and everyone of you gets aides! (The crowd looks at him in stunned silence) Mayor MacDaniels: ...This guy's insane. Jared: But I won't stop there. I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged and hungry children of the world, and I'm going to give them aides myself!
Cartman impersonating Butters on the phone was also unbelievably hilarious:
Butters' Dad: I'm just checking in on you, Butters. Heh- Do I hear the television? We told you no television while you're grounded! Cartman: Oh, gee whiz, I'm not, uh, watchin' television, Dad, I'm just layin' around jackin' it. Butters' Dad: Jacking it? Jacking what? Cartman: Well my hot spicy boner, of course, Dad. Butters' Dad: What?! Are you trying to get yourself in more trouble with that kind of language?! Cartman: Well ah, loosen up, you bloody vaginal belch. Butters' Dad: Oh! You are gonna get it, mister! You just wait till I get home! Cartman: Bring it on, queer bait.
(A short while later)
Butters' Mom: Butters, your father called and said you made him very upset! Cartman: Yeah, well, Dad's just being a little pussy, Mom. Butters' Mom: Butters, where did you get that kind of smart mouth?! Cartman: Not from you dumbasses, that's for sure. Butters' Mom: Oh, you just wait till I get home, mister! Cartman: Oh, I'll be waiting with bells on, you old horse-bangin' skank.
The contuially ridiculous escalation of the time share presentation, from the ski lift going right back into the meeting, to the hallways all leading to the time share to the revelation that apparently EVERYONE in the world is in on the time share scam.
Tad's guitar performance, say it with me now "Stan Darshhhh! Stan Darsh Darsh Darsh!"
Stan's complete apathy to the 80's movie plot around them.
The Montage, mostly for the shots of the parents bored in the Time Share and Cartman giving Butters a Hitler.
Cartman: Butters, I hate you with every inch of my body.
The Old Man that randomly shows up to reveal the history of the K13 with the vampire indian ghosts trapped inside. It gets even better when after Stan wins the race, they are released for no apparent reason other than Stan won a completely unrelated race.
Cartman's pranks on Butters.
Cartman negotiating with the FBI negotiator.
"Russell Crowe's Fighting Around The World" in "The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer". Russell himself found the parody funny.
"Right! Where is that pussy, cancer, anyways?"
The trailer for Asses of Fire 2 consists only of text flying "really fast across the screen", and then a short half-second clip of farting. Needless to say, the boys love it.
"Simpsons Already Did It": After believing that a prank involving Cartman's sea people killed Ms. Choksondik, they ask Chef for advice, which doesn't go well at first...
Stan: What about Kenny? His soul is still in Cartman's body! Cartman: No no, I just drank his memories. I'm not sharing my body with that poor piece of crap. Kenny, in Cartman's voice: Stop calling me poor, you fat dick! Kyle: Whoa! [shakes Cartman] Kenny, you in there? Cartman: Stop it! Kenny, in Cartman's voice: Where am I, you guys? Cartman: Oh God! [runs off] Stan: Dude, come back here! Kyle: Stop him, Kenny! [they both chase after Cartman]
"If Heaven is an eight-year-old boy, and the ladder is my penis..."
"The Return of The Fellowship of The Ring to The Two Towers" ends with all the parents thinking that the boys had watched the filthiest porno on the planet and begin to explain to them how everything done in it is perfectly normal for men and women to do. However, the boys didn't actually see it and are dumbfounded as their parents talk about all these very extreme sexual acts. The look on their faces is priceless.
It's even funnier when you realize that the parents left out the part about how sex is reproduction.
And prior to this, they find out that Token had watched it, try to explain it to him... then he gives a BSOD-ridden speech, asking "what do five dwarves and a woman have to do with love?" among other things.
Kyle: Hey, what are you guys doing? Boy: We're playing Harry Potter. Cartman: Ha! Fags!
When Jimmy stays behind to fight off the sixth graders (which fails miserably, as they just go right past him), the parents eventually show up, and ask Jimmy where the boys are. After he tells them, they just...drive off. Leaving the handicapped child alone in a town he's never been to before.
Also, the sixth graders shouting "Poorn! Give us that poorn!" when chasing the kids.
Butters watching the porno, which he mistook for Lord of the Rings. When the main four get him to join them on their quest to return the tape, Kyle tells Butters, "You gotta play Lord of the Rings". Butters then starts humping Kyle. And then he goes full-on Gollum in his pursuit of "Backdoor Sluts 9".
All of the fake trailers for Rob Schneider movies in "The Biggest Douche In The Universe". They are for, "The Stapler", "A Carrot", "Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derpee Derpee Dumb", and "Kenny".
The funny thing is Rob Schneider actually liked it.
I loved it. That was genius. I thought the only thing, they were too nice to me...When you're spoofed by the best people in the business, that's an honor.
— Rob Schneider
In "Freak Strike", Cartman goes on Maury, dressed as a skanky pre-teenage girl. "Whatev-ah! I'll do what I wan'!" really must be seen to be believed. "I slaughtered five baby seals with my bare hands. Whatever, I'll do what I want!" "Maury, I am out of control! Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I want, bitch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I want! I don't go to school and I kill people! Whatever! I'll do what I want!" "Oh yeah? I roam with 12 gangs! And we only commit hate crimes! Whatever! I'll do what I want!"
Which only gets topped when a toddler beats him out in terms of viewer outrage - every innocent act is perceived as Troubling Unchildlike Behavior (namely stripping off the diaper she was wearing to run around, a rather common event for very young kids).
The boys reverting back into ape-ish neanderthals upon seeing Bebe's newly developed breasts in, "Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society". (Personally, it was this that got this troper hooked on the series in the first place).
Cartman sets up the Parental Revenge Center of Western America in "My Future Self And Me". His proposal of revenge to both Butters and Stan? Smear the walls of their houses... with poop. It's the calm, thoughtful way he says it, and then he gets a bunch of Mexican kids in to smear poo on the walls with wall painters. And for Butters, it WORKS. The way he goes about it, you get the feeling that he's done it many times, and it's worked many times too. And the way he hands around poop swatches. It's things like this that remind you Cartman is an asshole, but he is also very clever and businesslike.
Cartman: Now, Stan. For you I've put together a really nice design. I feel your parents were a bit more cocky about lying to you and your revenge needs to reflect that. So what I wanna to is put a note on your parents' door, telling them I'm the counselor from the school. Stan: Yeah. Cartman: The note will inform them that a problem has come up and they need to see me right-away, back at my office. Stan: Yeah. Cartman: Your parents will drive all the way out to the school and discover that no meeting is actually taking place. Stan: Yeah! Cartman: And while they're gone, we're gonna smear all their walls...with poop.
Butters: (Jumps out of a closet dressed as Professor Chaos and laughs evilly) Now you know my terrible secret! Stan: You're gay? It's fine if you're gay, Butters. I don't care. Butters: Huh? No, I'm Professor Chaos— Stan: But we have to teach our parents a lesson, Butters. We're running away. Help me find a perfect place to run away to. (Walks away) Butters: (Looks in a mirror) Maybe I used a little too much silver...
"The Death Camp of Tolerance": "Chil'ren... there's a big difference between gay people, and Mr. Garrison."
"The Biggest Douche in the Universe:"
Chef: Cartman is your friend, whether you like him or not!
Randy screaming after his Imagine Spot in Red Hot Catholic Love.
The boys trying to find out what Father Maxi would want to put anything in their butts and Chef comes along.
Chef: Hello there children! Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt? Chef: ...Goodbye! Chef walks off quickly
Cartman's plan to defeat the elderly militants in "Grey Dawn", which involves Kyle committing suicide. Stan promptly suggests a much simpler option. In fact, any time Cartman makes references to or tries to kill somebody, just because it is so unexpected.
The Engrish-filled "Let's Fighting Love" song from "Good Times with Weapons":
HEY HEY LET'S GO KENKA SURU! TAISETSU NA MONO PROTECT MY BALLS!
Cartman/Bulrog prepares to engage Butters/Professor Chaos in combat, when he remembers Kyle/Bounaku took his powers away. He gets Kyle to give them back... and promptly turns Kyle into a chicken.
Kyle: God damn it, Cartman! Cartman: Ha ha ha ha ha-ha, now you are a chi-cken, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh-nyeh.
And Cartman does not get to pull a Karma Houdini, since Kyle jumps on the bandwagon about his public nudity... since it helped the adults conveniently forget that all the boys had bought weaponry, and Butters had a throwing-star in his eye for most of the episode.
"The Passion of the Jew": Stan calls the president of Mel Gibson's fanclub to get back the money he paid for seeing The Passion of the Christ, but they start arguing.
Stan: Wait a minute! Cartman? (Cartman hangs up and tiptoes away from the phone.)
Their reaction when they first see the movie:
(after sitting in silence for a few seconds) Stan: Dude.... that movie sucked!
"Douche and Turd": The death of all of the PETA members at the hands of a pissed off Diddy and his crew. While the members try to defend the animals that they've cared for and mated with... the animals themselves don't even acknowledge what is going on. In fact, the only ones that do are a dog that urinates on a human who defended him and the goat they took as their leader eating one guy's brains.
"Quest For Ratings": While thinking of new ideas for their news show before it gets cancelled, The kid reporters sit around trying to think of something, anything, but all there is is silence...-
Butters: I know! We should read the funnies! [hops off his chair and goes to a table, on which sits the Sunday Funnies] I always get good ideas from the funnies. Cartman: [his face buried in his hands] Butters, only gay little dweebs read the funnies! Butters: Yeah! I read 'em all the time! Uh here's one: the uh, snail tripped over a hurdle, and the other snail says "Well that's gonna add another hour to his time." [laughs] Yeah! You guys! [gets no reaction from the other boys] Heh. Cartman: [in a very quick and casual manner] How about we do a show where we kill Butters?
Kyle: Stan? [Stan's eyes have glazed over and he looks stupefied. From Stan's point of view, the whole world changes. Kyle how has a wolf head with yellow eyes.] Dude, Stan, you all right? Jimmy: [appears as a yellow figure with multi-colored polka dots all over his body] I think maybe he's f-feeling it. Cartman: [appears as a blob with echoing voice] Stan, are you getting good ideas? Butters: Whoa... [stretches out his left hand] I'm feeling kind of bowling-ballish, fellas.
[Stan begins his head trip. He sees a tunnel with yellow light, then a flash of plasma, then an aminated Mandelbrot design, then a prize-winning dog on a pedestal. A bell sounds. Next, a tunnel with blue light, which ends up at a performance of some sort, a time-lapse shot of rolling clouds, another Mandelbrot animation, a running shot of a meadow, then a wide-angle view of the boys]
Cartman: [with altered voice] Stan? Stan, come on. We're gonna go find a frog. [smiles, turns around and walks away]
[Stan then sees time-lapse footage of a ride through a city, then blooming flowers, then time-lapse footage of the reporters walking around the valley, then some weird graphics, then Cartman in degraded colors. Cartman and Stan speak to him in weird altered voices]
Cartman: Oh dude, I just got the best idea
Kyle: Me too. [they quickly write their ideas down in their notepads]
[Stan then sees an imploding building, then some dancing African women, an explosion in another building, a zoom-pan shot of an African dancer. Next he sees himself and the boys on a sidewalk in downtown. Butters talks to him in the same altered voice the other voice have spoken to him in]
Butters: Hey! Let's run naked through the street! [Butters rips off his clothes and wig and runs away happily. Kyle, Token, and Cartman stand around with goofy grins on their faces doing nothing.]
"Cartman's Incredible Gift": Possibly the funniest line ever.
Doctor: (to Liane) I'm afraid your son is... incredibly stupid."
Butters' "performance", in which he tries to sing his "Loo-loo-loo" song, but gets stage fright, and pees his pants. Ms. Garrison: Very nice Butters, short and sweet. *grabs a cloth and mops up the puddle*
For more clarification, R.Kelly sings about wanting Tom Cruise to come out of the closet (Stan's closet) and he keeps pulling out his gun at the end of each song he sings.
Tom Cruise locks himself in Stan's closet because Stan doesn't think he's a fantastic actor and everyone's attempts to get him out from the police to Nicole Kidman to John Travolta (Who gets in the closet.) to R.Kelly (Who also gets in the closet).
Kenny breaking down crying because Cartman ate all the skin on KFC chicken due to how Kenny never cries unless it's part of some scheme of the boys like in Good Times With Weapons.
The last line in Cartman's "make it right" song.
Cartman trying to stop the crime at the Red Cross.
The entire subplot of "The Losing Edge" which revolves around Randy getting in fights at his sons little league game
Randy:(while getting dragged away by the police) What? Is this America? Is this some communist country? I thought this was America. I'm sorry.
Most of "Free Willzyx," especially at the end. The group of adults who were helping out the kids through the episode only thought they were helping to release the whale into the wild, not that they were trying to get it to the freakin' MOON. When the whale goes into the ocean, everyone starts to celebrate....until a freakin' ROCKET comes out of the ocean with the whale in a net. The adults' reactions were priceless.
Not to mention the boys stealing Willzyx. They all had black paint on their faces except for Token-who, of course, had white paint.
Also the image of Wllzyx dead on the moon as the credits are rolling and there is no music to end the show.
Randy: (drunk, after being pulled over) What seems to be the officer, problem?
"Marjorine": When the boys fake Butters's death by throwing down a dead pig, the pig smashes into the pavement, spreading blood and guts everywhere, a medic comes to examine the body (which is barely more than the pig's ribs with some meat attached). His diagnosis?
The Super Adventure Club attempting to use a hypno wheel on the kids.
The leader of the Super Adventure Club after having told the kids about their belief-system:
Well, now that you know our club's secrets, it appears you leave us no choice... I'm afraid we're going to have to... Ask you to leave! (cue dramatic music)
Impossible! I made them leave!
The creation of Darth Chef at the end.
Cartman's rant to Kyle in "Cartoon Wars Part I" after Kyle tells him that he's like Family Guy.
"Don't you ever, ever, compare me to Family Guy! You hear me, Kyle?! Compare me to Family Guy again, and so help me, I will kill you where you stand!!
Mrs. Garrison has to give Muslim sensitivity training, which is basically her saying that the reason why Muslims in the Middle East is because they can't have sex unless they're married, they can't masturbate and they probably have sand in their eyes and buttcrack and if she couldn't have sex, masturbate and had sex in her eyes and buttcrack, she'd be pretty pissed too.
Kyle and Cartman's slap fight all throughout the Fox studios in Part 2.
The Stylistic Suck video the terrorists used to get back at Family Guy for showing their prophet. It's basically just people crapping all over each other. That could also border on the Uncanny Valley, so YMMV, but it's still a pretty good laugh.
In "Hell on Earth 2006", the boys try to say "Biggie Smalls" in the mirror three times to see if he'll appear. They all chicken out however. Later, Butters tries it at home. Biggie then appears and chases Butters all over the house, trying to shoot him.
Butters: (to his parents) He's about to bust a cap in my ass!
This exchange from the same episode.
Biggie: You don't understand, fool. I ain't missin' the party!
Butters: What party?
Biggie: I already got my wristband, see? You've got to get me to Los Angeles!
Butters: Well, can't you just take a plane?
Biggie: How, punk?! We don't use money in hell, nigga!
Butters: Well damn, nigga, there's got to be some way!
From "Make Love, Not Warcraft", Butters' statement that he only plays Hello Kitty Online Adventures.
And then the following scene where Butters comes in playing the exact same Dwarf character that Cartman's using, interrupting his Rousing Speech in the process.
Randy's first time playing World of Warcraft sees him just happily going along in his typical naive way, and then the griefer comes along and immediately kills him in a heartbeat. The whole "what just happened?" look Randy has immediately after this is priceless.
"Tsst" has Mrs. Cartman trying to get help from nanny reality shows to get Cartman under control. Cartman breaks Nanny Stella from Nanny 911 with a speech about how she has no kids because no one wanted to have kids with her and that it must be so hard to see her friends getting married and having kids and yet her ovaries are drying up and becoming useless, which makes her storm out.
Supernanny is then sent to get Cartman under control and whatever Cartman did to her off-screen was bad enough to get her locked up in a mental hospital where she's seen eating her own shit and exclaiming "It's from hell!". The doctor then suggests to Mrs. Cartman to try...
The Dog Whisperer, aka Cesar Millan, aka the one celebrity South Park never ripped on. His treating Cartman like a disobedient dog and nipping his neck and forcing Cartman to go on a walk with a leash (Which has Cartman throwing a massive tanturm and screaming as they walk.) and then eating KFC in front of him with Mrs. Cartman. Cartman ends up screaming "GOD DAMMIT I AM NOT A DOG!" and then acts like a dog begging for food and then running away when he doesn't get what he wants. He then tries to get Stan, Kyle, Butters, Kenny, Jimmy and then Craig to take him in and they all refuse.
"Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy": Dog The Bounty Hunter and his crew found South Park's parody of them hysterical. Beth even said that her parody's boobs were too small.
"Go God Go": Mrs. Garrison teaching evolution, seriously. Just watch it.
From the same episode, when Garrison goes on a rant which ends with him/her throwing shit at Richard Dawkins. Made even better when s/he appears calm and civilized later in Ms. Victoria's office.
Garrison: If I'm a monkey (according to evolution) I might as well act like one! (pulls down pants and starts shitting in hand) Richard: What are you doing? Garrison: Don't ask me! I'm a fucking monkey! (throws his/her shit at him).
"Uh-oh, retard alert! Retard alert, class!"
The atheists yelling things like "Oh My Science" and "Science Damn You".
"Cartman Sucks": When Cartman puts Butter's penis in his mouth and takes a picture, he tries to convince his mom to get it back...
Cartman: [Runs in crying] Maaaam! Maaaam! Liane (Cartman's mom): Eric, what's the matter? Cartman: I du-don't wu-wanna go to school tomorrow. Liane: Sweetie? Shh, tell mommy what happened. Cartman: Ku-kyle has a picture of meee! And he's gonna show everyone during show-and-tell and everyone's going to laugh at meeee! Liane: What is the picture of, Eric? Cartman: The last time when Butters spent the night, I was being really nice to hiiim, and I was gonna take a picture of him for his mom to have! Liane: Oh, that's nice. Cartman: When I took the picture, Butters got really hot so he pulled his pyjama bottoms down, and then I tripped and fell down and my mouth landed right on his penis, and then I thought of something funny so I smiled up at the camera and gave like a thumbsup, and then Kyle took the picture from me and he's going to show everybody and make them think I'm gaaaay! (continues sobbing) Liane: Oh there, there, Sweetie, it'll be okay! These things happen.
From the same episode:
Liane: Hello, Sheila? This is Liane, Eric's mother. Sheila: Oh, hello, Mrs. Cartman, what can I do for you? Liane: Apparently, your boy has a picture of Eric with another boy's penis in his mouth. Sheila: O_O Excuse me?
In the episode D-Yikes!, after Mrs Garrison has had her first lesbian experience:
Mrs Garrison: Allison and I talked and really opened up to each other, and then we...scissored all night long. Butters: You have to be careful with scissors.
From "Lice Capades":
Girl in waiting room: I have an ear infection. What are you seeing the doctor for? Clyde (mortified that he has head lice): I have...I have AIDS.
The boys eventually decide that Kenny is the one who has head lice, and decide to give him a "sock bath". Mr. Garrison reveals that they all had head lice. As the boys mull over this revelation, Cartman realizes that if they all have head lice...then Kenny was lying about not having head lice! They decide to sock bath him anyway.
From "Fantastic Easter Special":
Cartman: (while sitting on a Mall Easter Bunny's lap) And I want a Baltor soldier doll for Easter, and five Crash-'n'-Go RC cars, you got that?! Do you have that?! The Mall Easter Bunny: Uhh, don't you think that's... Cartman: No no! You don't ask me questions! You are a rabbit! I am a human! So if you don't bring me what I want for Easter, I can fucking kill you. Photographer: Smile! (snaps a picture) Cartman: (sits up and starts walking away cheerfully)Bye, Easter Bunny!
Also, Jesus trying to convince Kyle to kill him so that he can resurrect outside the bars of the cell they're in. Kyle is naturally HORRIFIED by the idea of this, and when he decides to do it, comments "Eric Cartman can never know about this."
In the third part of the Imaginationland trilogy, the Council of Nine tries to get Butters to imagine Santa Claus back into existence. What's the first thing Butters imagines? His father.
Also in the third part of Imaginationland, Imaginary!Kyle and Imaginary!Cartman's absolutely ridiculous facial expressions when Kyle sucks Cartman's balls.
Kyle has this dumb, dopey smile on his face the whole time, and Cartman looks on in awe and makes a face like "Woah, he's sucking my balls, guys!" towards the camera.
The part in "Tonsil Trouble" when Cartman says to Magic, "I'm not just sure, i'm HIV-positive." Kyle then explodes at Cartman and says that it isn't funny to joke about it, followed by Cartman joking with him again. He doesn't take this well.
"Canada on Strike": Butters singing "What What In The Butt".
Tron Guy: I know you! You're that "what what in my asshole' kid!" Butters: "What what in the butt, sir.
"That's right, suck my Canadian balls!"
This call & response between Terrance & Phillip and Stephen Abootman:
Terrance: Don't call me a rat, sir! Stephen: I'm not your buddy, friend! Phillip: He's not your friend, guy! Stephen: I'm not your guy, buddy! Terrance: He's not your buddy, friend! Stephen: I'm not your friend, guy!
In "Major Boobage," whenever Kenny is tripping on cat urine.
Kenny and Gerald wrestling in the sandpit at the end of this episode is priceless.
The best part was the Take That at the Eliot Spitzer apology. Especially when Gerald describes what goes in the drug-induced fantasy while Stan and Kyle are standing there wondering what the hell he's talking about. And then Randy pops in: "And you never really get a good look at her naked boobs anyway."
All of the songs in "Elementary School Musical"
Cartman tries to kill himself due to High School Musical being what's cool. Naturally he fails miserably.
Kyle: What happened, I thought you were going to kill yourself. Cartman: I tried. Went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on. Stan: And you didn't die? Cartman: Freaking hybrids man, they just don't do the trick anymore.
And the throwaway joke "And it looks like there will be more singing and dancing in High School" made this high schooler crack up.
Cartman ripping on Scott Malkinson without even looking up from his video game. If you've ever done the same to a friend, you'll know why it's so funny.
Stan: I mean, look at who you guys are hanging out with now. Scott Malkinson, for Christ's sake. Scott: What's so bad about hanging out with me? Cartman: Shut up, Scott Malkinson. "I'm Scott Malkinson. I've got a lisp and I've got diabetes." Scott: Hey, don't make fun of my diabetes! Cartman: "Don't make fun of my diabetes, I'm Scott Malkinson."
The entirety of Breast Cancer Show Ever.
Eric Cartman literally eating his own underwear.
Wendy: What are you doing?
Cartman: I'm committed to peace, Wendy. (starts taking off his pants and his underwear, slowly shoving his underwear in his mouth) I want you to see...just how humbled I am...(starts gagging)
Cartman: (incredibly muffled, and still gagging in between sentences) Wendy! Look at me, Wendy! (finally swallows) There! There.
Wendy: Oh my god!
Cartman: So...are we cool?
Cartman: I ATE MY UNDERWEAR! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
Wendy: You are so PATHETIC!
Cartman: WENDY IT ISN'T FAIR I ATE MY UNDERWEAR FOR YOU! NOOOOOOOO!
Cartman: If you're all trying to make me feel better, that you must still like me! Oh, oh, whew! Oh, here I've been so worried about what you guys would think of me if I got beat up by a girl, and it turns out you think I'm cool no matter what! Oh! Oh! Oh god, what a relief! YAY!
In "About Last Night" while half the town is celebrating Obama's victory by getting royally plastered, what is Cartman doing? Riding around stealing everyone's TV, of course.
In "The Ungroundable" when Butters is spying on the vampire kids and messing around with a tape recorder, which suddenly starts playing a recording of him as "Big Texas Butters" full-blast. One of Butters' biggest Adorkable moments as well.
Liane: [After Butters pukes and leaps out the window] Eric, what is going on?
Cartman: Well mom, apparently Butters is gay, finds me very attractive and, confused about his sexual identity, puked up all over my floor.
Liane: Oh my...
The ending of "The Ring", especially the news anchorman's dialog.
News Anchorman: As Mickey returns to Valhalla, to slumber and feed.
Cartman's constant F-Bombs in "The Coon"
Butters: But why do you want to get rid of Mysterion? You both fight for justice and good. Cartman: Yeah, but he's a fucking dick!
The entirety of "Dances With Smurfs".
While the crazy guy is threatening to kill the school radio announcer, the whole class is listening to their exchange with disturbed looks, but Clyde just goes on with his writing, looking extremely bored.
Cartman's "Dances With Smurfs" school presentation. A inane faux documentary about Cartman entering the Smurf Village, before "Wendy" exterminates them all with a bulldozer. All of the class are sitting through it bored or dumbfounded, except Butters who is sobbing loudly.
Cartman's reaction to Avatar: "You sons of bitches! Dances with Smurfs was my idea! MY IDEA! You can't just take one person's idea and call it... something else."
Bitch, you wanna make some real motherfuckin' money?
The Japanese constantly screaming "FRUCK YOU VALE! VUCK YOU DOLPHIN!" in "Whale Whores".
And of course, The Reveal that the reason the Japanese have such a hate-on for the Whales and Dolphins - the US said they were to blame for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
What about them going "FUCK YOU COW!" and "FUCK YOU CHICKEN!" when they find out from Stan from (yet another altered photo) that a cow and a chicken dropped the bomb on Hiroshima. They say this while killing said animals violently.
Billy Mays' Ghost: "When you first saw blood stains in your underwear, were you surprised?"
Oh Kyle, that does not mean what you think it means.
Just so everyone knows what this is about, Eric experiences this after eating chipotle (but refuses to stop eating chipotle).
In "Pinewood Derby", the whole world takes a vow not to tell the space cops about the spacebucks they found on Baby Fark McGee-Zax's ship. This doesn't quite go as planned when the president of Finland decides to tell the spacecops about it anyway. So, to prevent him from doing it, the rest of the world nukes the entire country of Finland. When the spacecops question them about Finland suddenly being wiped off the map, their attempts to feign innocence are hilarious.
In "Fatbeard", Kyle is talking about how the world has used Somalia as a toxic waste dump so much even the fish are radioactive. Then a mutated fish walks out of the sea, sees what's going on, screams and runs back in.
From "Margaritaville": "And it's gone!"
Cartman's rant over telephone to the Canada Channel in "Eat, Pray, Queef" in disgust for them showing the Queef Sisters instead of Terrance and Phillip.
In addition, Clyde mentions that he threw up on his way home, which Cartman makes clear to them exactly afterwards.
The scene in Pee where Cartman is imagining what the world will be like when the minorities take over. "Nuuuuuuuuu!"
The part where Kyle asks, "Oh come on. Who pees in the shower?" Then everyone stares at Stan for a few seconds, before he openly admits it.
Morgan Freeman reading "The Poop That Took A Pee" in "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs".
"Medicinal Fried Chicken": Randy and his buds, after purposely getting testicular cancer in order to get some medical marijuana, riding their swollen testicles like Hoppity Hops to get around townnote to the tune of "Chicken on the Rocks". The concept itself is typical South Park, but the wacky music accompanying it makes the concept even funnier.
And from the same episode, when Cartman finds that KFC has been banned, he does a big no that ends with his head EXPLODING.
"Crippled Summer": Seeing Jimmy's "rival" being raped by a shark.
Cartman's rants on Jews during his turn at Towelie's intervention.
Cartman: Kyle, I hate you so much. You are a liar and a swindler who would do anything for money. You are a race of beady-eyed thieves, Kyle, who throughout the millennia have squirmed and worked your way into the dark cubbyholes of society. Where exactly did the Jews first get their power and how are they able to manipulate our minds today? ... If in fact the Jews truly are shapeshifters, and I believe I've presented enough evidence here to prove that they are, then we must unite as a species to fight them and stop their plan of global domination and the control of our freedom.
And when Cartman's finished, no one comments and Stan just starts his turn.
Sheila: It isn't so bad, Kyle, a lot of people think the Jersey look is nice! (Ike walks in and looks at them) (beat) Ike: Aaaahhhh! (faints)
Also this bit...
Cartman: You know what you want to do if you want a family to move away? Every night you take a crap on their doorstep. (beat) Kyle: Is that why there's crap on my doorstep every morning!? Cartman: Oops, busted.
"NO!!! It didn't read it!!! End of Simulation!!! End of Simulation!!!"
-Steve Jobs' reation to an elaborite simulation of breaking it out of Apple's HQ and performing an opperation to separate them (which Kyle didn't read the contract to allow it.
In "Royal Pudding", Mr. Mackey holds a school play about oral hygiene. The funny part? He's absolutely NUTS trying to get the kindergartners participating in the play (and Kyle, who has to play the role of Tooth Decay because his little brother Ike, who originally had the role, left to drive the main plot about the Princess of Canada being kidnapped) to get it right, constantly berating the kids for the littlest mistakes (i.e. Kyle being flat). The kicker comes when he tells them that his father was taken away by Tooth Decay, who just moments later would be revealed not only to be an actual monster, but THE kidnapper of the Princess of Canada (who apparently had poor dental hygiene).
And as it turns out, he's only a few inches taller than the tallest person in the group that was confronting him.
"FEE! FI! FO! FUM! I SMELL KRAFT DINNAH!
The Canadian wedding ceremony in general, both before the princess was abducted and after Ike rescued her.
Ike in the tooth decay costume bawling over the princess's abduction. It makes sense in context.
Reporter: (as Randy, Cartman, and a bunch of other angry people hold a Federal Express hostage) Does it bother you that the Federal Express is not affiliated at all with the Federal Government? (Beat) Randy: No! No, that doesn't matter! (turns to the others) FUCK! Really?!
Additionally, Cartman's Unstoppable Rage at the beginning of the episode. "I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL EVERYBODY!!!!!"
He ends up in Principal Victoria's office after he puts the boys' actual penis sizes, and then she tells him this happened because he gets angry about stuff he doesn't think, and has an anger problem. "FUCK YOU! No I don't!" Gilligan Cut to him in the psychiatrist's office.
The whole "City Sushi" episode is the best the series has seen in years, and is a great followup to the episode where Butters is "confused."
The City Wok owner's reaction when he discovers that the City Sushi restaurant is right next to his restaurant:
City Wok Owner: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
Happens again when he sees the sign for "Little Tokyo".
Despite it's Tearjerker nature, "You're Getting Old" has quite a few funny moments.
Randy's trying to get into Tween Wave. Since he's an adult, it sounds like shit to him and he starts thinking that the musicians actually shit to the beat and when he decides to be a Tween Wave star, he actually shits into the microphone.
Which leads into those two farmers trying to protect Randy's underwear.
The fact they are entirely removed from the plot and seem to want to protect them for no particular reason, not to mention showing up in two particularly dramatic scenes just seems to make them all the more funnier.
No offense to Bob Dylan, but the part where the crap sounds play along to a parody of one of his songs is funny as hell.
The fact that they relate Asperger's to being like The Matrix were priceless, especially having to hammered off liquor to "function" against the system (which they kept changing every mention along with a "fuck you" at the end).
In "Last of the Meheecans", after watching a news report about Latin Americans trying to get back into Mexico:
Randy: Well I think it's good. If the Mexican people feel inspired, good for them! People have a right to go and be happy. *steps outside the house and sees that the driveway and paths are buried under leaves*NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Kyle scaring Butters when he spies on him, Cartman, Craig and Clyde. That Freak Out and Cartman's "Aw crap" nail it.
Cartman showing up at the dean of Colorado University's office dressed as and speaking as a stereotypical 19th century Southern slave owner.
Cartman: [in a Southern accent] Stu-dent Ath-o-leets? Hoho that is brilliant sahr.
Cartman insulting Danica Patrick and NASCAR in Poor and Stupid.
From "Reverse Cowgirl": Cartman's exaggerated imitations of Clyde's mother bitching about the toilet seat.
At the end of the episode, we see Clyde using the toilet after his mother had been killed by falling into it. Clyde idles for a bit...then leaves the toilet seat up. Then he looks skyward and flips the bird.
The TSA Monitor's reaction to Cartman kidnapping the security guard and leaving her with a gun and a baby.
TSA Monitor: ... *turns on intercom* Security breeeeeeaaaaaaaach.
From "Cash for Gold": Kill yourself.
To elaborate: during that episode, Stan, angry at jewelry channels for ripping off seniors (his grandpa mostly,) calls a channel and flatly tells the salesman to kill himself. Turns out this sparks a series of similar calls; in the end, the salesman does it.
The montage revealing the Cash for Gold sale-and-buy cycle. Complete with this song.
From the same episode, Cartman starts his own jewelry channel, and when an old lady buys a ring he's shilling, he asks her if she likes to "fuck little boys". It gets turned against him by asian jewelery store owners.
Stan, Kyle and Kenny are in India and Stan's yelling at an Indian worker because a ton of old people including Stan's grandpa are getting taken advantage of by the jewelery channels. Cartman happens to be there since he does Cash for Gold now and accuses them of trying to fuck him.
The continual random death-by-train moments in "Faith Hilling", especially the one in the episode's final moments. As a few astute AVClub commenters noted, it was like the Christine of mass transit vehicles.
Cartman singing a parody of Faith Hill with three of the 2012 Republican presidential candidates dancing backup while pulling their shirts out to look like boobs... simply fantastic.
Jewpacabra: One of the episode's running gags is Kyle saying that to believe in Jewpacabra and other imaginary animals you have to be lying or stupid. Once Cartman has his dream sequence conversion to Judaism and tells Kyle he really isn't lying, Kyle responds with "I know you aren't lying" while leaving the rest off in the most subtle CMOF in the show's history.
Butterballs: Upon finding out that Butters is being bullied, the kids give him advice on what to do. First it's tell an teacher but Butters doesn't want to be a tattletale. Then they suggest that he write the principal anonymously, but Butters doesn't want to be an Anonymous Andy. So they suggest that he gets a bigger bully to beat the other bully up, but Butters does not want to be a "Cliche Conflict-Resolution Kevin".
Stan "Jackin' it in San Diego", which was a parody of Jason Russell's (the director of KONY 2012) freakout on a San Diego street.
And of course the earlier "Make Bullying Kill Itself" song, video, and Cartman's random interjections in drag about his vajay (a callback to an earlier line about female pop stars always singing about their vajays), capped off with a very reluctant naked Butters in a glass cube. Really captures the selective outrage of the anti-bullying movement.
The chain of bullies awaiting in the bathroom, that consists of Butter's grandma, an anti bully representive, a lawyer, Stan and Jesus.
"Aww, you gonna cwy?"
The live action scenes in "I Should Never have Gone Ziplining". Especially the "YOU SOLD US OUT FOR A GODDAMN NANO?!"
Live action Cartman crapping off the boat. Which does in fact attract beavers. It's not actually that hard to see the hose.
The only way to make those scenes better, would be if they'd gotten a blond kid to do Kenny.
Getting to see and hear a classic Cartman vs. Kyle argument in live action.
Kyle: Why do people keep saying "Make a long story short"? They're not making it short Stan."
Cartman spends the episode insisting Kenny is infected with herpes, while Kenny insists it is just a coldsore. Later on, all the boys get it from drinking from the same glass as Kenny; Cartman then has to correct the narrator that "it isn't herpes, it's a coldsore". It's really, REALLY tough to decide if it really is. Because after all, it's Kenny.
Cartman mentions that you have herpes until you die. To Kenny.
Cartman insisting to the entire school (and stadium) that he and Kyle were gay lovers so that he can ensure that Token and Nichole (who Kyle was quite interested in) would end up together. The entire pretense for his matchmaking was that they are black and thus automatically belong together.
His rendition of All For One's "I Swear" on a jumbotron was icing on the cake.
Everything else to do with that creamy goo too. Butters sure has a lot of it... Oh, and how does Randy know what cum tastes like?
From "Raising the Bar", the opening sequence of Here Comes Fatty Doo Doo, which comes complete with a Randy Newman theme song!
Michelle Obama's literal take on fighting childhood obesity: beating up Cartman, then smashing his scooter.
HIS NAME IS JAAAAAAMES CAMERON!
James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is... James Cameron.
Kyle's speech on the bar lowering.
Kyle: How did shamelessness get to this? Did it start with fat people on scooters or did the bar get lowered way before that? And then I started thinking that maybe it was us. I don't know, but maybe somehow we lowered the bar... a long time ago and now we're just sitting in the stink of it all.
"Token Blaaaaaaaaaack Production"
Randy Newman was in the ocean near the Bar, and when James Cameron asks how he got their first, Newman responds: "I don't want anyone raisin' the bar, 'cause nobody'll hire me!"
The light-hearted yet pointless orchestral flourishes that play during the Honey Boo segments, if only for their dead-on accuracy to the real show.
Cartman's obsession with the security company and at one point ranting about how he could have been a white guy breaking in to rape his mother and Mrs. Cartman walks downstair and hears him and then walks upstairs.
Randy and the other husbands of South Park threatening the UPS man who they think is sleeping with all their wives and beating him up, all while wearing Bane masks and talking like him. At the end Cartman wearing the Bane mask and threatening the Home Security guy with a pistol:
"It doesn't matter who we are. What matters is our plan. You should have respected my authoritah!"
The entire town of South Park turning into a Seuss-like wonderland.
Jesus: ...And causes shouldn't be worn on our wrists with a sneer. Let's keep our causes where they belong, which is [places his hands over his heart] right here. On T-shirts! [opens his robe enough to show his cause] Free Pussy Riot!
In Let Go, Let Gov, Butters takes Cartman's statement of the government are always watching you and turns it into a religion, praying to the government and even gets followers. He turns going to the DMV into confessing your sins and his followers start confessing there, much to the annoyance of DMV workers. Officer Barbrady's confession is about how he masturbated to Game of Thrones.
Barbrady: And that was when I masturbated to Game of Thrones. I know it was wrong to masturbate to Game of Thrones, and I know it was especially wrong to masturbate while on duty.
DMV Worker: What the-Why do these people keep coming here?
Damn near everything Alec Baldwin says in the episode.
"Informative Murder Porn": Cartman's running gag of slowly booing Wendy when she keeps trying to voice her opinions on certain topics.
Cable company executives getting off (literally) of their customers' frustration.
"Because at your local cable company, the customer is always... our bitch."
Also, Randy ranting to Stan about how he thinks Jaden Smith is way cooler than him because he's not controlling over his parents and is an actor who can sing, which ends with him saying that he and Sharon only irritate each other.
All the adults in town becoming obsessed with Minecraft.
From "World War Zimmerman":
Every time a plane crashes, which is Cartman's fault either directly or indirectly.
Cartman's last nightmare is the ending of World War Z, complete with his own rendition of Michael Buble's It's a Beautiful Day.
George Zimmerman getting the death sentence. Why? Because the next kid he shot was Cartman in blackface.
Cartman: Yeah, Token. That's the law. Everything inside the red line is lava.
Token: WELL, IT'S A FUCKING STUPID LAW!
"Fist bump, bro."
From "Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers":
At one point, a seance is held in order to summon the father of all gothic subcultures, Edgar Allen Poe; soon after manifesting, he acts like a typical goth. Oh, and don't call him Edgar Allen Poe; that's the stupid name his stupid parents gave him. Call him by his true goth name: Nightpain.
The stereotypical black vampire kid (who's actually probably in his 20's or 30's). Every line of his is golden.
Pete's reaction the first time said kid appears.
BVK: Okay, hold up! Hold up! Are you saying one of us might not really be a vamp kid?
Pete stares in utter confusion for a few seconds
Pete: Uhh.... right."
BVK: Well, whoever you is, you better get your ass ready to RUN, motherfucker, 'cause you a damn traitor! And I'll betcha it was (points at a small white girl) THIS. LITTLE. NIGGA. RIGHT. HERE!
The twist ending where the garderner of the Emo-Plants is just on a prank show.
Michael's reaction to Henrietta telling him that the camp is turning goth kids into emos.
Pete's ringtone. Death and despair! Death and despair! Death and despair!
From Taming Strange:
Mr. Mackey: "Ike made a nice picture of his brother Kyle, with a nice birdie hanging out of his head." (It's actually a picture of Kyle with a penis on his forehead.)
Upgrading to the highest tier of the incredibly convoluted and ineffective Intellilink system involves the Intellilink technician ripping all the Intellilink panels off the walls and burning them, wiping out all the Intellilink software and then shooting himself, so that the users don't have to deal with their shit anymore.
The entire Canadian Healthcare subplot from the Canadian Puberty video to the subplot of how his wife queefed on him and him trying to figure out why.
The scene of Tom Brady uncontrollably crapping himself on the field when he gets Ike's laxatives.
When Mr. Mackey hires an intelligence worker (an expy of Kathleen Sebelius) to help out with Intellelink, only to blast her for her incompetence and fire her the second she sits down.
The old man sick of kids dressing up and plotting betrayal in his garden.
"Big dong and prosper."
Stan, Craig and Jimmy trying to convince the goth kids to join them fighting for the PS 4, arguing that if they don't make it the dominant system, it will become outdated like Betamax was to VHS, resulting in following enchange:
The president of Sony making Kenny a Japanese princess, which cuts to him being in an anime-esque opening complete with theme song and Art Shift.
George R.R. Martin conducting a choir to sing the Game of Thrones theme, only every other word is "wieners". His obsession with wieners in general, too.
And hyping the pizzas ("Like, five of them, and they're gonna be huge!") ...which he hasn't even ordered yet.
"This Genius idea was proposed by George R.R. Martin who said 'Fuck it, let's just move Thanksgiving 'til next week.'"
From "Titties and Dragons:"
Kenny as a Japanese Princess in the anime scenes. Specifically: how strange Kenny looks wearing a princess wig and dress over his parka (even more so with Moe anime eyes), how every single man falls in love with "her" and calls "her" "kawaii", and how (apart from the intentionally mangled Japanese) the voices sound exactly like a typical undubbed anime.
When Butters asks Martin why they're traveling on horses and not in a car or plane, Martin says that the horse has something the others don't. I'll give youthree guesseswhat it is.
Butters: Aww, geez!
The old man whose garden that Cartman constantly uses to betray people gets his revenge by revealing Cartman's plan to Stan.
Just the image of Bill Gates covered in punk tattoos.
Kanye West throughout the episode continually trying to prove to people that his fiance Kim Kardashian is NOT a Hobbit, describing her and realizing she does fit the description of one, then calling her to make absolutely sure she's not.
Also, Kanye introducing himself as a "recovering gay fish" in his first scene, after being called Aquaman by Mr. Garrison.
In "Go Fund Yourself", the boys attempt to start up a Kickstarter company, where they do absolutely nothing and try to come up with offensive names for it. Unfortunately, they are all taken. Cartman comes up with the best idea: calling themselves the Washington Redskins.
Cartman doing the presentations about how they're not doing anything, and how they've changed the logo from the Washington Redskins logo to the same logo with a stick figure containing boobs, a penis and balls.
When they start GoFundYourself, the logo is two Washington Redskins logos having sex.
In lieu of the recent NFL scandal, wherein a player was caught beating his wife in an elevator, not only does the episode contain a shout-out to it in dialogue, but towards the end, the Washington Redskins are invading and beating people at Kickstarter HQ. One woman haplessly runs into an elevator, and guess what happens to her after the doors closed? Not that it shows the actual beating, just her screaming before cutting away, which arguably makes the gag even better.
Randy, after finding out that beer contains wheat:
"Shut up! Beer is bad for you?!"
The reveal that, before the events of the previous episode, Butters set fire to the gym and isn't allowed to come back like the others.
Pretty much the entirety of "The Cissy", but the crowning moment is Randy revealing that he is actually Lorde to Stan.
And Stan actually fainting when it sinks in for him, that Randy isn't just being his usual stupid self. Its for reals.
The entirety of "Handicar" is hilarious, but special mention has to go to the Wacky Races spoof. It even has Dastardly and Muttley!
And for the rest of the episode, we're treated with the return of Nathan and Mimsy and their attempts at ruining things for Timmy.
The cab drivers breaking Timmy's legs. And then the obvious reason of why this accomplishes nothing.
Mimsy's moments of surprising eloquence.
The people of South Park honoring Laura Tucker (Craig Tucker's mom) for using her "bush" (it's a long story) to draw the drones out of town (it was actually a sex doll strapped to a drone piloted by Cartman), complete with an Elizabethan-style bard singing a ballad about Craig's Mom and her giant "bush".
In "Freemium Isn't Free", there is the Canadian devil. That is all.
The running gags regarding the customer service rep from India if he offered "good customer service" and Kyle's prolonged "Fuuuuuuck youuuuuu".
By the time the episode ends, you see real-life versions of the kids playing with Oculus Rift. Including Butters.
Butters, believing he's in the virtual world, decides he's had enough of his being grounded for sometimes no reason at all and punches his dad straight in the balls before going on a Grand Theft Auto inspired rampage ending in his being stabbed after trying to kill a hooker. Doubles as a Moment Of Awesome.
It's Cartman's reactions while this is happening off-screen that really sells this.
Cock Magic is just one long showing of Refuge in Audacity. From competitive "Cock Magic" with roosters playing underground Magic: The Gathering, to Randy's "Cock" magic. The highlight has to be when Randy is hired as a magician for a child's party. He does the typical sawing a person in half trick with his cock only for blood to start flying everywhere after he cuts it off and has a little girl pull his severed cock from behind her ear before revealing that it was all part of the show.