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Conker the Squirrel
- Alcohol Hic: Lets one out when he tries to jump while drunk or hungover.
- The Alcoholic: The entire game's plot kicks off because Conker got drunk and wandered off the wrong way.
- All Men Are Perverts: Despite his relationship with Berri, he shows shades of this, immediately helping the King Bee when he hears about the "big-breasted babe" and flirting with the cavewoman Jugga. Also, one of his Idle Animations is pulling out and reading a porn magazine.
- Anti-Hero: Of the nominal variety. His sole motivation is to try and find his way back home, and whenever the various NPCs ask him for help, he will always ask "What's in it for me?" before he does it for them. He also has no qualms against killing people and using them to accomplish his goals.
- Badass: By the end of the game, he'll have been (among other things) a bullfighter, a dinosaur tamer, a zombie slayer, and a war veteran.
- Badass Adorable: A cute little squirrel who, among other things, ends up a war veteran by the end of the game.
- Badass Longcoat: During the Matrix parody, as well as the Spooky chapter in the Xbox remake.
- Baleful Polymorph: Gets turned into a vampire bat by Count Batula during the Spooky chapter.
- Batter Up: His primary weapon after the tutorial chapter in Live and Reloaded is a nail-studded baseball bat.
- Catch Phrase: He tends to exclaim "Oh, no!" quite a bit.
- Cigar Chomper: Constantly has a stogie in his mouth in the It's War chapter.
- Frying Pan of Doom: His primary weapon throughout the original game. In Live and Reloaded, he only uses it during the tutorial chapter.
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Conker only says two swear words throughout the entire game: "bitch," and "ass."
- Grass Is Greener: It's only after he becomes rich and powerful like he always wanted that he realizes that he had everything he wanted all along. Sadly, by the time he does, it's too late.
- Guns Akimbo: In the original, he dual-wields machine guns during the It's War and Heist chapters. Averted in the remake, where he only uses one machine gun.
- Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal: In the original, he only wore a blue zip-up hoodie and sneakers, but no pants. Averted in the remake, which gives him a pair of green shorts.
- Hammerspace: He can literally pull whatever he needs at any specific moment out of his pockets.
- Heli Critter: Can spin his tail to hover when he jumps.
- Interspecies Romance: with Berri, considering she's apparently supposed to be a chipmunk.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He has a few acts of kindness, though they're few and far between, such as shutting up the Paintbrush and Paint Pot laughing at him and Franky the Pitchfork, as well as fixing Franky up after he gets broken in two and having that be one of the (very) few good deeds Conker does without asking for the person he's helping (in this case Franky) for anything in return for helping them, and possibly the part where he rescues Rodent from a group of Tediz a little ways into the War chapter that were going to kill him. He also does love Berri.
- Master Swordsman: He finishes off Heinrich with a katana that was supplied by a programmer in exchange for keeping quiet about a Game-Breaking Bug.
- Only in It for the Money: If someone offers him money in exchange for their aid, he'll instantly agree.
- Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Conker constantly shifts between an American accent and an East London one.
- Nominal Hero: His main motive in the game is to get home. That's it. He wouldn't care less if his adventure had gone on without his good deeds.
- Red Is Heroic: Sort of. He's a red squirrel, and the Anti-Hero of the game.
- Redshirt: Averted, being a red squirrel is the In-Universe Handwave for the lives system.
- Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: The Tiny Guy to Berri's Huge Girl; he comes up to her thighs.
- Urine Trouble: When drunk, he actually pees on his enemies.
- Weirdness Magnet: Wherever Conker goes, a silly event is bound to happen, even if the event makes no sense. By halfway through the game he's pretty aware about it.
- What Did I Do Last Night?: He somehow wanders from the bar to the place where he meets Birdy the Scarecrow after a night of heavy binge drinking, and spends the rest of the game trying to get home.
- Art Evolution: In Conker's Pocket Tales and beta footage of Twelve Tales, she's a short red squirrel with brown hair.
- Deader Than Dead: She's mowed down with a tommy gun, and then sucked out of an airlock.
- Died in Your Arms Tonight: She dies in Conker's arms after being gunned down by Don Weaso.
- Distressed Damsel: She's kidnapped by the rock monsters during the Uga Buga chapter.
- Expy: She looks an awful lot like Lola Bunny.
- Flat Character: There is no much depth to her character but being Conker's girlfriend who's fond of aerobics.
- Girliness Upgrade: In Conker's Pocket Tales, she was much up to Conker's Distaff Counterpart and had the same length. In this game, she's much taller and curvier.
- Killed Off for Real
- Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Can sometimes slither into a British accent.
- Satellite Love Interest
- Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: The Huge Girl to Conker's Tiny Guy; he comes up to her thighs.
- Valley Girl: Both her accent and personality fit the bill.
- 0% Approval Rating: When he's killed at the end of the game, everyone, including his guards, rejoices.
- All Myths Are True: Conker initially believed him to only exist in fairy tales.
- Bait-and-Switch Boss: The player doesn't fight him in the end; instead, they fight a Xenomorph that burst out of his chest.
- Big Bad: If only from a nominal standpoint, since Ze Professor wants Conker because this guy needs a new leg for his table. He doesn't really do much though.
- Deader Than Dead: Killed by a Chest Burster, then Thrown Out the Airlock.
- Stupid Evil: He has no real evil plan; he just wants a new table leg so he can drink his milk without spilling it.
- The Unfought: He dies when the real Final Boss is revealed.
Ze Professor/Professor Von Kriplespac
- An Arm and a Leg: His legs are nothing but stumps.
- Artificial Limbs: He has a robotic left arm and eye.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Does one in one of his first scenes in the game.
- Herr Doktor: He has the accent of a German scientist.
- Hoist by His Own Petard/Self-Disposing Villain: For some odd reason, he takes the vault (throne?) room into space after his alien kills the Panther Fairy King. Conker opens up an airlock which winds up sucking him out into space. He even lampshades how stupid of an idea it was of him and why he didn't have a device on his chair to keep him tethered.
- Mad Scientist: After all, he was the one creating the Tediz and planting an alien egg inside of Panther King.
- Multiple-Choice Past: How he lost his legs. The N64 manual states that his legs were chopped off by the Panther King, while the multiplayer mode of Live and Reloaded shows that his legs were blown off by a bazooka-wielding SHC soldier.
- No Name Given: He was simply known as "Ze Professor" until Live and Reloaded.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: In one of his first scenes he does a Cluster F-Bomb about how much he hates Panther King.
- Super Wheelchair: He uses a hover-chair to get around.
- The Starscream: Supposedly, he obviously doesn't like working under the Panther King but does so out of fear. Though not above talking behind his back and plotting his downfall. Considering later it's revealed he was the creator of the Tediz, it's likely he was planning a coup to take over the land.
- The Unfought: After the death of the Panther King and the reveal of Heinrich, it appears like Conker will have to deal with Ze Professor even after he defeats his alien pet. But once Conker equips with the space suit, the air escaping to space grabs the scientist away, with him unable to stay in the vessel for too long.No legs, and now NO LIFE!
- Wicked Weasel: He's a Mad Scientist weasel.
- An Offer You Can't Refuse: Twice, first time since Conker stole his money, he sends him on a suicide mission to repay him. If Conker lived, he could go free as long as he was out of Weaso, territory. If he died, then meh, no biggie. Conker manages the latter but just as he's about to head home after the War Chapter he runs into Weaso again who strong arms him into doing a bank heist though its really a ploy to bring Conker to the Panther King.
- Hero Killer: Guns down Berri when she mouths off to the Panther King.
- Karma Houdini: Gets no comeuppance for killing Berri.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Once he sees the xenomorph bust out of the Panther King. He decides to make himself scarce.
- The Don: A Mafia head
Wayne and the Wankas
- Bee Afraid: Unlike the friendlier bees governed by the Queen Bee, the Wankas aren't friendly in any way.
- Call a Rabbit a "Smeerp": They're wasps, but they're named Wankas.
- Escape Sequence: In both the first encounter and in the last phase of the second, Conker has to retrieve the Queen Bee's hive and take it back to her while dodging the stings of Wayne and the two Wankas assisting him.
- Expy: To the Zingers from the Donkey Kong Country series and, to a lesser extent, the Zubbas from Banjo-Kazooie, both because of their facial expressions and all of them being enemies.
- Wolfpack Boss: Though Conker only has to escape from Wayne and two Wankas with the stolen hive when he first meets them, in the second he first has to storm their colony and exterminate all other wasps (the in-game total is 36). Only then can Conker take the Queen Bee's hive and take it back to her while dodging the stings of the angry wasp trio.
- An Arm and a Leg: Each hit in the second part of the battle involves taking away one of his arms.
- Attack Its Weak Point: The red button on its back in the second phase (in the first, any part of its body can be hit by Franky). It can only be approached and pressed while the boss is stunned via water, though.
- Didn't Need Those Anyway: During the second phase, Haybot loses parts of its body as Conker and Franky continue pressing the red button behind its body. When Haybot is complete, it attacks by squashing the characters with both hands. When one of those hands is gone, it attacks by seizing them and then throwing them away. With both hands gone, it squashed again the characters, but with its own metallic base. With the rest of the body gone, the boss is simply defeated.
- King Mook: To the living haystacks, at least in external appearance. Unlike its smaller relatives, it's actually a robot on the inside.
- Missile Lock On: In addition to the various melee attacks it can do, it's equipped with Suzie 9mm missiles, and shoots two of them at a time to attack Conker and Franky. But when one of these missiles breaks a water pipe, the duo can lure the boss into the leaking water to electrocute him.
- Robotic Reveal: After attacking it enough during the fight. It will burn after each hit, until a part of him finally burns away to reveal parts of a robotic body underneath. The whole thing burns away at the end of the first phase.
- Shout-Out: To Terminator 2: Judgment Day, specifically the villain T-1000, both for its robotic appearance, for its malicious attitude, and for the battle music in the second phase.
The Big Big Guy
- Attack Its Weak Point: The Brass Balls, though they can only be hit after Conker stuns the boss with the excrements that flow in the pipes.
- Flunky Boss: Inverted. The fiery devil imps are the ones controlling him. And prior to the boss battle, Conker first has to kill several of them by extinguishing them with his urine while he's drunk.
- Groin Attack: This is how Conker hits him (and uses a pair of red bricks in the process). And he has to do it four times.
- Playing with Fire: Being a living boiler, it can expel a large body of fire towards Conker, as if it was a flamethrower.
The Great Mighty Poo
- Attack Its Weak Point: His mouth. When he starts singing in-battle, Conker has to throw a toilet paper roll at his mouth. And he has to do it six times.
- Big "NO!": Gives several of these when being flushed.
- Evil Sounds Deep: He sings with a deep, baritone voice.
- Fun with Flushing: Since toilet paper is not enough to take down a big poo monster, Conker ultimately defeats him by pulling the flushing lever.
- Lone Wolf Boss: He seems to have no ties with the Panther King.
- Mickey Mousing: The entire boss battle is played as a musical number.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: His song is quite full of profanities. Given the fact he's a giant disgusting monster made of feces his language couldn't be otherwise.
- Talking Poo: Singing poo.
- Toilet Humor: Being a crappy monster, he runs on this before, during and after the battle.
- Villain Song: "The Great Mighty Poo" obviously.
Buga the Knut
- Attack Its Weak Point: First his "small bone", and immediately his butt.
- Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: For whatever reason, he and his girlfriend are huge compared to the other Uga Bugas.
- Bad with the Bone: His primary weapon is his giant bone. The one he has in his hands, mind you. Conker and his dinosaur friend need to hit him in the instant he's lifting the bone to prepare an attack.
- Compensating for Something: He wields a literal giant bone as a weapon, which is tied to his "small bone" that eventually leads to his defeat.
- Defeat by Modesty: He's beaten after having so much of his butt bitten out of him that his loincloth fails to stay up, forcing him to retreat in shame of his "small bone."
- Fat Bastard: Big Boner is a jerk, and it takes his own girlfriend mocking him to want to kill Conker.
- King Mook: To the various other cavemen Conker comes across.
- Teeny Weenie: And pretty embarassed about it, too.
- Asshole Victim: He may suffer due to the persistent invasion of the villagers who want to kill him, but his attitude towards Conker isn't really doing much to make him believe he's a good guy (and it's evident he isn't anyway).
- Dark and Troubled Past: Batula reveals that his lineage dates far back from an era when squirrels and panthers were an alliance, but the union was short-lived. By the events of the game, the current king in charge is the Panther King, while Batula has had to continue living in his wrecked mansion in the last centuries.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: He's ultimately killed from drinking too much blood and falling into his own machine.
- Karmic Death: He could've avoided the meat grinder if he hadn't hung directly above it.
- Knight of Cerebus: If the zombies leading up to him weren't enough of an indication, the whole sequence with him is a sign that the game is going to be darker from here on out.
- Puzzle Boss: Unlike the other bosses in the game, Batula isn't fought directly. He asks Conker to lure as many villages to the meat grinder as he can so their blood can feed him. This is indeed how he's killed, because after drinking the blood of seven villagers the rope sustaining him upside down breaks.
- Shout-Out: To Count Dracula, naturally. Though the way he's killed is very different.
- Vampire Vords: Talks like this, to complement his image.
Little Girl/the Experiment
- Attack Its Weak Point: The Little Girl herself (who can only be shot when the superweapon being used is dismantled), and the Experiment's red button in his back (which can only be hit when it tries to seize the Little Girl after she's hit).
- BFG: This is the first superweapon the Experiment uses. It shoots a very concentrated amount of bullets until it stops to reload. It's during this brief time that Conker (who is driving a tank along with Rodent) has to shoot the weapon's two cannons.
- Blondes Are Evil: Little Girl looks like an adorable female squirrel in need of help, but she's revealed to be the mind and eyes of the powerful Tediz machine.
- Chainsaw Good: During the start of the battle, before Conker returns to the tank, the Experiment attacks with a large round chainsaw. It's an One-Hit Kill attack.
- Decoy Damsel: The little girl tries to pass herself off as an ordinary little girl needing help.
- Frickin' Laser Beams: They're the second superweapon used. The two cannons shoot a cream-colored laser beam that converge to a common target, in this case the tank where Conker and Rodent are. Unlike the bullet and missile cannons, these never restrain, meaning that they can only be hit when the squirrel duo does a maneuver that allows them to gain terrain and shoot the cannons before the lasers hit them.
- Girlish Pigtails: They're the only girly aspect of the Little Girl. She's otherwise a vicious killer.
- King Mook: To the numerous Tediz that needed to be gunned down over the course of the War chapter.
- Macross Missile Massacre: The third and final superweapon used. Each of the two cannons can release up to four missiles at a time, one after another. When eight missiles are fired between the two, Conker and Rodent have a brief period of time to shoot the cannons to destroy them.
- Shout-Out: When the Little Girl starts showing Conker she's actually evil, she makes her head turn around completely like in an iconic scene from The Exorcist. She even asks Conker "do you know what your [fucking] daughter did?", though Conker quickly points out that he doesn't have any daughter.
- Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: Well, knowledge more than behavior - she seems to know a lot more about weapons than anyone her age should.
- Two Beings, One Body: The girl and experiment seem to be individuals who were attached together, probably from Kriplespac.
- Final Boss: You fight this thing instead of the actual Big Bad.
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: This creature is fought as the actual final boss, not the Panther King.
- Rule of Three: Conker has to throw it to space three times to win the battle, though this is easier said than done since it becomes smarter and more agressive after each round.
- Shout-Out: It's a Xenomorph fought in a similar way Mario fights Bowser in Super Mario 64, and ultimately defeated in a cutscene that parodies The Matrix.
- Whip It Good: It can use its tail to attack Conker this way. And before the latter equips with a space suit, this attack can kill him instantly.
Gregg The Grim Reaper
- Cats Have Nine Lives: Which is why he hates them so much; they always come back to him.
- Embarrassing First Name: "Hello, my name is Gregg...The Grim Reaper, and don't laugh."
- The Grim Reaper: Of course.
- In the Hood: Being a Grim Reaper, he's bound to have this.
- Mr. Exposition: At the beginning of the Spooky chapter, he gives you pointers (and a gun) on how to kill zombies.
- The Napoleon
- Punch Clock Villain: After all, he's a Grim Reaper.
- A Dog Named Dog: He's named "Rodent", a kind of animal group where squirrels are included.
- Badass Adorable: Yes, he has a tender look reminiscent of Rocky the Flying Squirrel, but there's another thing the two have in common: They know how to deal with warlike criminals. Also, his equipment is capable of resisting the most powerful attacks, including the explosion of a tank and later the explosion of the Tediz island.
- Big "NO!": Does one when Conker comes closer to the little girl that he saved.
- Bulletproof Human Shield: Offers himself to be one for Conker, since he can't die by bullets.
- Break the Cutie: When he was forced to compete in the war.
- Curse Cut Short: He wakes up just as the countdown reaches zero.Rodent: (sees countdown reach zero) Oohhhh sshhhhhh- (flies away by the impact of the explosion)
- Cute but Cacophonic
- The Cutie: One of the, if not the, only character in the game who is not remotely selfish or malicious in any way.
- Disney Death: Conker mistakes him for being dead by the boss, but he wakes up later just as the countdown of the bomb that will blow up the whole island reaches zero (in that moment, he expressed a gesture of Oh Crap! as the explosion throws him far into the skies towards the big windmill of the Panther King's country, and he survives ''again).
- Ridiculously Cute Critter: He looks really Adorkable, especially with his overly protective shield, high-pitched voice and glasses.
- Trapped Behind Enemy Lines: When Conker first encounters him during the War Arc, he's held prisoner by a bunch of Tediz threatening to shoot him, and Conker has to save him to make progress.
- War Memorial: Conker honors him with one when he thought he had died.
The Weasel Throne Guards
- Fat and Skinny: Of course they had to differentiate the two somehow, right down to the fat one being a slob stereotype.
- Heel-Face Turn: Not that they could really ever have been called evil to begin with, but they crown the exact guy they've been hunting down the entire game king and even cheer for him.
- No Name Given: Although they have a fairly large role in the game, they're some of the very few characters who've been nameless in the public eye. That is, until a fan asked Chris Seavor if they had names.
- Punch Clock Villain: They hunt down Conker with no given animosity against him or desire to do so. They're just doing it to appease their brutal king. It gets to the point where they're relieved when said king is killed.
- Wicked Weasel: Subverted. They're designated bad guys at first, but only until the Panther King dies. When the Panther King is found to have been killed, they declare that they hated him anyway and are the ones who decide that Conker should take his place. And given the roles of all the other weasels in the game, they're the least bad.