- Birdy the drunken scarecrow literally pimping out the game manual. "You love manual long time."
- Plus the sign next to him - 'Feck off crows'.
- You can even use the B-pad next to him more than once... With hilarious results.
Birdy: (high-voiced after huffing a tank of helium) Reeeeally nice helium, hehehehe!
- The whole Context-Sensitive Button tutorial, being a strange example of the blind successfully leading the blind.
Conker: *after giving Birdy some beer* So, what does that mean?Birdy: It means context-sensitive. It's...sensitive...to, eh, context. Try it over there.
- Pretty much the whole of "Sloprano" (the fight with The Great Mighty Poo).
- Don't forget Gregg the Grim Reaper; the guy may only show his face for three short cutscenes in the game, but they were awesome ones.
Gregg: Bloody things, I hate those bloody cats! The way they meow and they piss everywhere and their shit just smells bloody awful! All over my furniture!
- Screw it, every damn character. Some of the choicer lines:
The Fire Imps: "You see that button?" "Yeah?" "The one with the.." "Yeah?" "Press it." Brass Balls deployedTwo Tediz doctors: "Now if you were to give this game, to say, 20 or 30 intelligent people, what would that do? Let's face it, what would it do-" *click* "What the f***?! It's that bloody squirrel, quick, back into character! Me slice you— *random Tediz gibberish*"Conker to Fangy: "Now I know you're not usually a vegetarian, but I think it might be time for the meat and two veg, if you know what I mean. Looks like he needs a bit of tenderizing, though.
- In Bats Tower:
Carl: "Ey up, bloody hell. Go on, put it on quick. Put it on, I like it like that. Ohhh...Ahhhh. Fan-f***ing-tastic!"Conker: "Oh, hang on, I think I got it on the wrong way round."Carl: "Like bugger you have! What're you doin? Wha... Oh, F***!"
- In the "It's War" chapter:
The SHC General: "Right, form an orderly line. Oh wait, there's only one of you. Now, here are the plans. 0830, boat will arrive, we depart. Now, 0825 — wait, 0830 - Aw f*** that sh**!" "I don't know what I been told, dud do doo doo — uh, I don't know but — Aw f*** that sh**!"
- "Were your parents related? Like, before they were married?"
- After the mostly-serious Conkula cutscene, there is a violent ramming at the door.
Conkula: Oh, sh**. The villagers again.
- This is slightly funnier in the Xbox re-make, since the censor beep practically comes out of nowhere.
- "Time to wander around, aimlessly."
- Made funnier by the fact that the character saying sounds like he's describing some great or evil plan by the voice.
- "Buff you, a**hole!"
- The fact that the cheese fed to the mouse early on not only has eyes, but also screams.
- "WARNING, WARNING, AIRLOCK OPEN, AIR PRESSURE COMPROMISED" "THROW THE ALIEN OUT AND SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR" "YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS ARE YOU" "DON'T YOU KNOW YOU CAN BLOCK" "NO, NOT THE WALL, IT'S THE LARGE EXIT THING YOU WANT TO BE AIMING FOR, IDIOT"
- The pollination scene. Including Conker's facial reaction to it.
- The fact that the Panther King needed a scientist to figure out that his table had a missing leg. And the solution that said scientist came up with was to kidnap (or kill) a squirrel and use him to replace the leg.