Conker to Fangy: "Now I know you're not usually a vegetarian, but I think it might be time for the meat and two veg, if you know what I mean. Looks like he needs a bit of tenderizing, though.
In Bats Tower:
Carl: "Ey up, bloody hell. Go on, put it on quick. Put it on, I like it like that. Ohhh...Ahhhh. Fan-f***ing-tastic!"
Conker: "Oh, hang on, I think I got it on the wrong way round."
Carl: "Like bugger you have! What're you doin? Wha... Oh, F***!"
In the "It's War" chapter:
The SHC General: "Right, form an orderly line. Oh wait, there's only one of you. Now, here are the plans. 0830, boat will arrive, we depart. Now, 0825 — wait, 0830 - Aw f*ck that shit!" "I don't know what I been told, dud do doo doo — uh, I don't know but — Aw f*ck that shit!"
The fact that the cheese fed to the mouse early on not only has eyes, but also screams.
"WARNING, WARNING, AIRLOCK OPEN, AIR PRESSURE COMPROMISED" "THROW THE ALIEN OUT AND SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR" "YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS ARE YOU" "DON'T YOU KNOW YOU CAN BLOCK" "NO, NOT THE WALL, IT'S THE LARGE EXIT THING YOU WANT TO BE AIMING FOR, IDIOT"
The pollination scene. Including Conker's facial reaction to it.
During the scientist's prep work for figuring out what can replace the table leg, he presents the health item for the game - anti-gravity chocolate- in the most rushed and lackluster manner possible and just throws it out the window as an explanation for why you find it everywhere.