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Quotes / The Comically Serious

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"Even funnier than the man who has been made ridiculous, however, is the man who, having had something funny happen to him, refuses to admit that anything out of the way has happened, and attempts to maintain his dignity."

(on the phone) "Hello! This... Is Mum Universe. Yes. The children are playing swords. Sorry, playing WITH swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again." (hangs up and gives the phone back to Connie) "Sorry. I panicked."
Garnet, Steven Universe

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Beatrice: Are you here to make fun of me too?
Kay: No ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor that we are aware of.

"Willie, we...are going...to DIE!

Plastic Man: Was that a joke?
Batman: From a ruthless, obsessive creature of the night? Don't be absurd.
Formerly Known as the Justice League

"This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes."
Castiel (talking on a cell phone and standing on a street corner), Supernatural

Received a reader question on my tumblr blog: "Does Mordecai know how absolutely hilarious he is?"
What? No. Serious cat is serious. ...which I suppose is the very thing that makes him laughable.
— Tracy J. Butler, author of Lackadaisy

Dean: Cas, I'm human, I need sleep. Just give me, like, four hours, man.
Castiel: ...Four hours? (Dean hangs up) I'll just... wait here, then. (Stands perfectly still, staring off into space)

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Garak: Mister Worf, you're no fun at all.
Worf: ...Good.

"I am not interested in having fun."

"EDI has a great sense of humor. Or at least a really funny lack of one."
Kasumi Goto, Mass Effect 2

Jade: (to Billie) Okay, okay, sometimes you're no fun at all.
Ayla: (walks in) And speaking of no fun at all, I'm here too.
Billie: But I'm more fun than Ayla, right?
Jade: Oh yeah, everyone's more fun than Ayla.
Ayla: In fact, I'm changing my name to... No Fun Guy!
Billie: Hey Jade, that could be like your arch-enemy.
Ayla: That's right... Giggle Girl! Once I unleash my latest invention, the Federal Tax Code Emulsifier, no one will be having fun ever again!
Jade: Giggle Girl doesn't know the meaning of the word defeat!
Ayla: And she doesn't know the meaning of the word 'rationality' either!
Billie: Or the meaning of the word 'crayon'!
Jade: Giggle Girl does so know the meaning of the word crayon! It's the cute little pink thing I use to write 'No Fun Guy is a big poopyhead' all over your secret lair.
Ayla: D'oh! I knew I shouldn't have shot all those henchmen even after they said they didn't do it...
Jade: Hah! Giggle Girl always defeats the forces of boredom and no-fun-ness!
Ayla: But can she defeat...your next final exam?
Jade: Noooo! Not that!
Billie: (announcer voice) Has No Fun Guy defeated our heroine? Can she find a way out of this hideous trap? Tune in next week for the further adventures of GIGGLE GIRL!

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Krusty the Klown: Free comedy tip, Slick: the pie gag's only funny when the sap's got dignity.
(Sees Sideshow Bob)
Krusty the Klown: Like that guy! Hey Hal, pie-job for Lord Autumnbottom there!

Jack: Hey, Optimus, wanna see something funny?
Optimus: No.

Angel: I'm busy....I'm brooding.
Lorne: Oh, you're watching hockey!
Angel: Yeah, but my team is losing.
Angel, "Life of the Party"

Angel: I do not have puppet cancer!
Angel, "Smile Time"

It's hilarious how you have no sense of humor!
Hades to Dark Pit, Kid Icarus: Uprising

We take it seriously; some of us take it quite seriously. That itself is funny.
Christopher Lam of Les Ballets Trockadero De Monte Carlo on the company's drag ballet performances.

Philip Fathom is one of our funniest characters and I don't think we've ever written a single joke for him.
Ben Acker, co-creator of The Thrilling Adventure Hour

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it
Mark Twain, "How to tell a story"

Cassie Cage: Nice miniskirt.
Kotal Kahn: A joke at my expense?
Cassie Cage: Nah, it's yours for free.

Cliff Grabowski: Honey, why did Darth Vader just delivered our groceries?
Chad Vader: The one you speak of is my brother. I am Chad Vader. I'm a manager at a grocery store.
Honey: Because Darth Vader is a dark serious imposing figure and when he does something silly or out of character, it's instantly funny.
Chad Vader: I just made some cookies, would anyone like some?
(Cliff and Honey starts laughing)
Chad Vader: What? What's so funny?

"Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous."
Vaclav Havel

Braniac: You are nothing without the Scarab.
Blue Beetle: My mom would disagree.
Braniac: Mothers lack objectivity.

Atreus: So, know any good stories to pass the time?
Kratos: What kind of story?
Atreus: I don't know... Mother always had stories. Weren't you told any when you were a boy?
Kratos: There was a man I knew of long ago. His stories were brief, and purposeful.
Atreus: Sounds... fun? Do you remember any?
Kratos: Hmm... there was one that concerned a hare and a tortoise.
Atreus: Like the Witch's house?
Kratos: Unlikely.
Atreus: So what happens?
Kratos: They wager on a race between them. The hare is too confident of victory, and foolish, while the tortoise is steady and disciplined. The tortoise wins.
Atreus: You... haven't told a lot of stories, have you?

Silver Surfer: Haven't I given you my promise?
Impossible Man: Yes. But you don't look that happy about it.
Silver Surfer: Take my word... please.
Impossible Man: Henny Youngman! Sort of. [laughs uproariously for a whole panel while the Silver Surfer looks on impassively]
Silver Surfer: Henny who?
Silver Surfer: Rebirth Of Thanos

Spider-Man: So you guys and Octavious, huh; you have a name yet? The Scary Six? The Dirty Half Dozen?
Scorpion: How about the "We Murdered Spider-Man and Used His Corpse For a Blanket" Six?
Rhino: Gargan...please. You embarass yourself.

Starscream: Where are you going? Isn't the imaginary vault to your imaginary Dark Spark this way?
Shockwave: I imagine so. Continue to search. I will rejoin you after resolving our infestation problem.
Soundwave: Affirmative
Starscream: Bah, alright...Just hurry it up! Soundwave, did Shockwave make a joke back there?
Soundwave: Affirmative.
Starscream: Was it intentional?
Soundwave: Affirmative.
Starscream: You know, Soundwave, you've really become quite the conversationalist.
Soundwave: Affirmative. Potential vault location detected.
Starcream: Well what are you waiting for then? This acid is etching my metal!

"Everyone I know is dead. How are things with you?"
Yorick Mori, League of Legends

"I would smile, but I lack the facial muscles required to do so."
Joyelle the Erinyes, Our Little Adventure

"My name is Peter Parker. In my universe, it's 1933, and I'm a private eye. I like to drink egg cremes and I like to fight Nazis. A lot. Sometimes, I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything."


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