Funny / Victorious

It's a sitcom. Are you not expecting comedy?

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Season 1

• "Pilot":
  • This exchange between Andre and Tori
    Andre: The woman's afraid of everything. People, umbrellas, rabbis, bikinis, breakfast foods...
    Tori: So if she saw a rabbi wearing a bikini eating pancakes...?
    Andre: The woman would burst into flames.
  • Tori needs to be dragged physically into doing the showcase, to the extent that Andre has to pull her off someone's chair. And the guy just keeps practicing his drum routine like it's no thing.
  • Cat's introduction:
    Cat: My name's Cat.
    Tori: Oh, like the animal!
    Cat: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?
    Tori: ...Nothing. I, I love cats.
    Cat: Me too, they're so cute! [walks off]
  • The group's Improv practice, going alphabetically, is made even funnier by Sikowitz's reactions:
    Beck: Apples are falling out of my butt.
    Sikowitz: Lovely. Now the next actor who speaks must start his line with the next letter in the alphabet; in this case B, so he might say... [lays his hands on Andre's shoulders]
    Andre: [playing along with Beck's humor] Bring those apples, so that we all may enjoy the fresh fruit from Beck's butt.
    Sikowitz: Charming.
  • In the extended version on iTunes and that aired after the Kids Choice Awards, this line is spoken by Rex:
    Rex: Paces?! Man, this girl's not a pirate!
• "The Bird Scene":
  • Andre and Robbie joining ballet class thinking it will be full of girls, only to find it full of guys who had the same idea.
• "Stage Fighting":
  • When Tori jumps on a guy in Beck's defense, not knowing they were stage-fighting, Jade asks why she'd care if Beck was getting hurt. Tori snarks that Beck suffers enough dating Jade.
  • Robbie and Trina's submarine scene.
    Trina: "We'll I'mplode!"
• "Beck's Big Break:
  • To relieve the tension after Tori accidentally get Beck fired from his acting job, Andre gets a keyboard to play background music to act out everything happening around.
  • When Tori panics when Jade is coming to their table, Andre plays music fitting for a villain. Jade's amused smirk is what does it. When she starts to leave, Andre plays cheerful music, prompting her to come back.
    Jade: [tampers with Andre's electric keyboard] Okay, remove this, and that's for you. [leaves]
    Andre: Wah, wah, wahhhoh.
• "Tori the Zombie":
  • Disco randomly starts playing.
    Jade: What up with the disco?!
    Sinjin: I'm sorry! I hit the wrong thing!
    Jade: No! 15 years ago your mother gave birth to the wrong thing!
    • Fridge Funny kicks in if you think about what that might be Bowdlerised from pre-production. How about "15 years ago your dad hit the wrong thing"?
  • Cat and Trina's road trip rap.
    • The full version, revealed to be "5 Fingaz To Tha Face", finally shows up in "Driving Tori Crazy".
• "Jade Dumps Beck":
  • Trina throwing Rex across the classroom.
    • Which was due in part to Robbie failing to get Andre's help with Trina's play review. Case in point:
      Andre: So it's okay if she kills me?
      Robbie: She'll have a harder time killing you! You're all firm and developed, and I'm still working on the last chapter of puberty!
      Rex: And he is a slow reader.
  • Tori and Jade are in the janitor's closet, trying to figure out a nice thing Jade can do to get Beck back. She recalls that he wants a dog, specifically a rottweiler.
    Jade: Okay, what's our next move?
    Janitor: [head poking out of the blanket he's apparently been sleeping under the whole time] Just get the boy a dog!
    Tori: [creeped-out look] Go, go out. [they hurriedly leave] Out now. Run—
• "The Birthweek Song":
  • When Tori is asking around the table for Birthweek present ideas for Trina:
    Tori: Jade.
    Jade: Yeah?
    Tori: What should I get Trina?
    Jade: Talent.
  • It was funny when Trina was singing "You're the Reason" off-key, it's funnier when the studio execs cut off the sound and all you can see are the motions.
  • This between Robbie's grandparents.
    Mamaw: MAURY! TURN UP THE HEAT!
    Maury: NO!
    • and later
    Mamaw: MAURY! ROBBIE'S SCREAMING AT ME!
    Maury: I'M HUNGRY!
  • Mamaw's thoughts about Cat's hair color:
    Mamaw: Why did you do that to your hair?
    Cat: What? You mean the color?
    Mamaw: Do you hate your mother?
    Cat: I love my mother!
    Mamaw: A girl doesn't dye her hair that color unless she has psychological problems.
    Cat: My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems!
• "Robarazzi":
  • Rex again...
    Robbie: Stop watching Fox News!
    Rex: No! It's fair and balanced!
  • And in the same episode:
    Beck: You juiced my pizza.
    Cat: Why chew what you can DRINK?
    [Robbie enters the scene in a natural, oblivious manner]
    Robbie: S'up, my peeps! How's everyone doing this fine day? (to Andre) Do you really need that much ketchup?
• "A Film By Dale Squires":
  • A hypothetical:
    Tori: Okay, if you had to give up the internet or...one of your feet?
    Cat: Foot.
    Andre: Foot.
    Jade: Foot.
    Beck: [looks at his foot for a second] See ya, foot.
    Tori: Really? You'd all give up a foot to keep the internet?
    Beck: Totally.
    Cat: Wouldn't you?
    Andre: You love the internet.
    Tori: I know, but my foot is a part of my body. And the internet is...Yeah, bye, foot.
  • The teacher announces some excitement.
    Cat: Yay! I love excitement!
    Tori: Who doesn't love excitement?
    Cat: Damien. [points at kid next to Tori who looks like a drug addict]
    Damien: She's right... [turns head to stare at Tori] ...Tori.
    Tori: [scoots chair away]
  • A minute later...
    Tori: Hey, is it true you're gonna be directing Johnny Depp's new movie?
    Dale: Uh, looks that way, yeah.
    Damien: [deadpan] That even excites me.
    Entire Class: [scoots chairs away]
  • Trina barges into Tori's class to meet Dale and get a part in his movie.
    Teacher: Tori, can you make your sister leave?
    Tori: Trina, stop embarrassing me or I'm gonna embarrass you.
    Trina: Don't threaten me!
    Tori: When Trina was six, our family went to the mall just before Christmas—
    Trina: DON'T SAY IT!
    Tori: And she peed.
    Trina: TORI!
    Tori: On Santa Claus.
    Trina: [whines in embarrassment and leaves]
  • Mrs. Vega inquires as to where Trina is.
    Cat: Tori locked her in the bathroom.
    Tori: Cat! You weren't supposed to tell her that!
    Mrs. Vega: I'm okay with it.
  • The end of the episode when Andre's cousin Kendra lashes out at Dale and fends off the security guards, while Mack Murphy laughs and continues recording.
• "Rex Dies":
  • Cat manages to make herself sound like a total nutcase with a whole lot of It Makes Sense in Context.
    Nurse: I don't know why your uncle would soak his feet in chicken fat. Uh, why are you here?
    Cat: Oh, 'cause this puppet had a really bad accident and got hurt. But he doesn't like to be called a puppet.
    Nurse: Mm-hmm. And, uh, how did this "puppet" get hurt?
    Cat: See, well, my friend Tori was trying to make a tornado happen, but she did it wrong, so the puppet flew across the room into a big jet fan.
    Nurse: Ooh, a flying puppet.
    Cat: Yeah.
    Nurse: That's too bad. [to orderly] Uh, William, would you please take this young lady to our "special room" in section D?
  • Cat gets taken to a mental ward and gets red blocks put on her hands to "keep [her] from hurting [her]self". As adorable as it is, watching her hit herself with the blocks is pretty funny.
    Cat: Bonk. Bonk. (cheerfully) They work! This doesn't hurt at all! Bonk. Bonk bonk bonk bonkety bonk bonk! I'm Cube-Fist Man!! ''Bonk-bonk-bonk-bonk-bonk!
  • Cat and Sikowitz earlier in the episode:
    Cat: "Did any of the rest of us get parts?"
    Sikowitz: "Aww... Is a certain little redhead hoping she got a role in teacher's play?"
    Cat: [adorably] "Heeheehee... She is..."
    Sikowitz: "Well, she didn't."
  • The entire scene of everyone helping set up for the play? There was Tori shredding the shirt Sinjin gave her, Cat spraying beast repellent in Andre's eyes (he needed help crying for the play), Cat accidentally shocking Jade, and more.
• "The Diddly-Bops":
  • Sikowitz addressing the class:
    Sikowitz: How would you teenagers like to do something for money?
    Tori: (after a pause) Can we have some details first?
  • To Sikowitz:
    Jade: I'll give you this dollar to get to the point.
    Sikowitz: I couldn't possibly take your money... [pockets dollar]
  • Cat singing the Waggafuffles song.
    Cat: (singing) Wagga Wagga Wagga Wag your Fuffle left and right! Wagga Wagga Wagga Wag your Fuffle day and night!
    Rex: Shut up.
    Cat: [hurt] Rex told me to shut up!
    Sikowitz: Yes. Thank you, Rex.
  • Andre sings a song about how everybody has a nose, to which Jade replies, "My grandfather's nose was blown off in the war, so that song is a filthy lie."
  • Jade cutting up Tori's flowers.
    Tori: My mom grew those flowers in her garden!
    Jade: They're lovely. (snips the flower petals rapidly)
  • The entirety of the broken glass song.
    Robbie: It's fun to run. It's fun to play. It's fun to make things out of clay. It's fun to fill your car with gas. It's fun to break...Things made of glass. But broken glass can cut your hand. And then you'll bleed across the land. Ask any woman, child or man. The dangers that you'll have...With broken glass. With broken glass. But broken glass is not a food. So don't you listen to some dude, who says put cheese on broken glass, and make a sand-a-witch...Out of broken glass!
    • And it goes on.
      Tori: What is wrong with you?
      [Beat]
      Jade: I like it.
  • Backstage before the performance:
    Sikowitz: This is a very nice thing you guys are doing here.
    Tori: Yeah, yeah. Thousand bucks, right?
  • While they're performing as the Diddly-Bops:
    Andre: We're here to sing you a special song!
    Robbie: All about your favorite foods!
    Henry: Sing about dinosaurs!
    Beck: (in overly-happy voice) No-o-o!
  • For that matter, Jade's scowl after she sings "And I like hamburgers too!" in the most forced, cheery voice imaginable.
    • Right before that, Robbie exuberantly exclaiming "MINE IS PIZZA!"
    • Then after the song:
      Sinjin: Do another song!
      Beck: (in overly-happy voice) No-o-o!

  • During the song (sotto voce):
    Jade: Hate this!
    Tori: Thousand bucks!
    Jade: Not enough!
  • At the end of the song Jade says "We did this for money."
  • Tori: "Apparently we're the Diddly-Bops!"
  • The vitriol with which everyone (particularly Jade) sang the line "Chicken nuggets make me lose control".
• "Cat's New Boyfriend"
  • Following the cheese fountain incident:
    Sikowitz: This is what happens when you mix teenagers and hot cheese. (turns to Lane) I warned you.
  • Also when he serves Tori a sausage, she asks what meat it was made from, and he simply laughs hysterically, takes Tori's hand, and dances a little until Tori walks away.
  • From the same episode:
    Jade: Does it hurt?
    Andre: No.
    Jade: Awww...
  • Tori is worried about Cat.
    Trina: You wanna try the pooka fish?
    Tori: Ya got rice and soy sauce?
    Trina: No.
    Tori: Then no.
• "Sleepover at Sikowitz's":
  • Tori's parents' Serious Business attitude towards Terms of Endearment and their bewilderment of Tori's friends viewing it as a comedy.^note Becomes more hilarious when you realize that it is a romantic comedy-drama.
    HOW IS THAT FUNNY!?
  • The various characters the group play in that episode.
  • Sikowitz does a Jump Scare to Tori by having her look at a red dot he drew on an index card.
  • Cat's bizarrely spot-on Seinfeld impression.
• "The Wood":
  • When a camera is spotted, Trina compulsively inserts herself in the shot, front and center, with no thought or care for what the cameraman was trying to film.
  • This little gem:
    Trina: Hey Beck, smell my arm. No perfume. That's my natural scent.
    [...]
    Producer: [when Trina wants to know why she wasn't picked] 'Cause you reek of desperation.
    Beck: That's her natural scent.
  • Jade describing what she hates during her The Wood interview:
    Jade: Tuna fish, flowers, giggling, the word "panties", cilantro, rainbows, ducks...man, I hate ducks, cramps, string cheese, clocks, wet doorknobs, bras that hook in the front, the color yellow, carpeting...
    • At that last one, she's showing no signs of winding down, and the producer is tapping his assistant on the shoulder and nodding fast.
  • Trina telling Robbie that she tested the deep-fryer on Rex's foot. Robbie's scream when he finds she wasn't bluffing is what seals it.
• "The Great Ping-Pong Scam":
  • After a longish flashback scene explaining the titular scam:
    Tori: So, you guys formed a fake ping-pong team so you could get some money, buy a trophy for the school, save the principal's job, and take Sikowitz out for a big fancy dinner?
    Andre: [pause] Yeah, I guess we could've just told it that way.
  • When Tori's trying out for the ping-pong team, she beats everyone. When she goes against Robbie, she nails him in the groin. Beck, who's holding Rex, covers Rex's eyes with his hand.
    • Cat just jumps out of the path of the ball.
• "Wok Star":
  • When they go to a Chinese restaurant, the hostess has pictures of her on the wall with famous people.
    Tori: Oh my God, Angelina Jolie!
    Mrs. Lee: Yes. She ordered Wonton soup, and then she tried to adopt my daughter.
  • From the same episode:
    Mrs. Lee: Tell me about the play.
    Tori: Oh. Well, one of our classmates wrote it.
    Robbie: A girl falls into a well and drowns from her own tears.
  • Robbie's bleak fortune cookies.
  • Also:
    Hostess: JUST DRAG THE BODY OUT BY THE DUMPSTER AND DON'T SAY NOTHING TO NOBODY...
    Everyone: O_O
• "Survival of the Hottest":
  • Jade uses this line twice in response to being annoyed by Trina's presence.
    "NO ONE LIKES YOU!"
  • Called back in "Terror on Cupcake Street" where Rex adds his two cents..
    Sneak Peek Version: "Yeah, ain't nobody like you!"
    Broadcast Version: "Yeah, you're a nuisance!"
  • This moment:
    Tori: Yeah, thank you, Catherine Obvious!
    Beat
    Trina: What?
    Tori: I said "thank you, Catherine Obvious."
    Robbie: Did she say Catherine Obvious?!
    Andre: It's Captain Obvious.
    Tori: Huh??
    Jade: The expression is "Thank you, Captain Obvious".
    Tori: It's not Catherine?
    Trina: No!
    Beck: Who would Catherine be?
    Tori: Catherine could be a captain!
    • Kathryn Janeway!
  • After being teased/insulted over the size of her portable fan, Tori says that she just won't turn it on, and everyone shouts for her to use it:
    Tori: Yeah, yeah - NOW you like my tiny fan, don't ya?
  • Being trapped in an RV hinders your sanity...
    Robbie: "These fish mock me."
  • "IT'S SO COLD!!"/"IT'S SO HOT!!"
• Trina's ongoing feud with a Bratty Half-Pint in Wi-Fi in the Sky who won't stop kicking her chair.
  Tori: Trina, he's a little boy!
  Trina: Yeah, and I'm about to put him into a little hospital!
• Tori to Trina: "Will you stop wiggling your butt in my friends' faces?!"
• EVERYTHING Trina does in Freak The Freak Out - so much so that the entire episode is actually a combined Large Ham, A Day in the Limelight and Lower-Deck Episode episode for Trina, and a Moment of Awesome for Daniella Monet (not to mention Tori's increasingly violent behavior towards her).
  • A singing Sikowitz, ending his song by having himself splashed with a deluge of water at centerstage. Sikowitz is HARDCORE.
  • Cat's various interactions with the mean girls (and Jade's commentary about them) were also hilarious. And Cat and Jade discussing their weekend plans in class. And the food decision. Probably the funniest episode of the series overall.
  • Cat and Jade's exaggerated/sarcastic 'who knew?' reactions to Tori throwing off her disguise.

Season 2

• "Beggin' On Your Knees":
  • Robbie gets rejected by a girl and asks his friends (minus Tori) for some insight.
    Robbie: Hey...What's wrong with me?
    [overlapping]:
    Jade: You wear girls' pants. You smell like a baby.
    Andre: Oh, there's a bunch of things. You're a little awkward.
    Beck: [unintelligible], you irritate people.
    Robbie: You guys, it's not funny.
    Jade: Oh, oh, and you're not funny.
  • A minute later, Tori shows up.
    Robbie: Hey, um, is there a reason why girls don't want to go out with me?
    Tori: ...You mean, like, one reason that stands out over all the other reasons?
  • This:
    Jade: You must feel pretty stupid right now.
    Beck: Okay, that's a timeout.
    Jade: No! I was just—
    Beck: GO SIT ON THE STEPS!
  • And those harmonizing quartets who would butt in at random times. Reminded me of when Drake & Josh had those moments when the boys would harmonize "Noooooooo...".
• "DON'T BE A WEENIE!"
• Cat's costumes from Beck Falls for Tori, especially the Sikowitz one.
  Cat: I'm Cat, International Spy!
  • Andre refers to the first one as "Little Boy Poop", to her chagrin.
  • The simple chair stunt can somehow escalate before they've even started.
    Director: Get that dried blood off the floor!
    • Then it's called off because the director has to head for the hospital after his son is injured by monkeys:
    Tori: BYE! Thank you monkeys! *leaves, while cheering*
    Nameless grip: We have names.
    • Cut to Tori mulling over whether or not to go through with it with the gang:
    Jade: Maybe you'll meet a handsome young doctor, get married and share a soda pop.
    Tori: I don't talk like a movie star from the 1940's!
    • Enter Cat in her Sikowitz outfit:
    Cat: Oh my God, I love your dress.
    Tori: Thanks. It's what I wear in the movie. When I die.
  • Another one from that episode:
    Jade: Flirtatious hair-flipping...
    Tori: OK, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously.
    Jade: Ohhh really...this doesn't look familiar? Why hello boys, my name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!
    Tori: I talk nothing like that. Seriously, do I talk anything like that?
    • The whole group then proceeds to do the fake accent routine.
  • Just the final solution to the stunt dilemma. Beck stands in for Tori, in the exact same dress.
• From Ice Cream for Ke$ha:
  Cat: Robbie let a bunch of little kids eat me.
  Robbie: It's not my fault if dream children find you delicious!
  • "Only the people who help find the letters get to come!" "I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!"
  • They finally track down the missing letter, and Tori brings Cat, Andre and Jade along to find it... in the hands of this boy who's just old enough to know what's going down. And milk it too.
  Boy: I'll give it to you. (Tori's elated.) IF. (Tori's not elated.)
  Andre: What do you want?
  —> Boy: To come to the private concert.
  Tori: (slightly relieved) Okay...
  Boy: And I want to kiss you (Tori).
  Tori: What?!
  Boy: And her. (Cat looks flattered.) And uh, the freaky one. (Jade looks repulsed.)
  Andre: You'd better stop there.
  • The Stinger is the extended take of Tori failing to get the ice cream out of the tub. Must be seen to be believed.
• In Tori Gets Stuck, Sikowitz promptly flees when Jade asks if she's the lead in his new play. Jade picks up the cast list...
  Cat: Did you get the lead? (Jade screws up the paper, throws it across the room and furiously kicks a chair)
  Andre: I don't think she got it.
• Immediately after finding out Tori is playing the lead in the play:
  Cat: (to Jade) What part did you get?
  Jade: I got cheated and humiliated!
  Sinjin: You get used to it. (Robbie nods in agreement)
• (Talking about being Tori's understudy)
  Robbie: An understudy is like a backup actor.
  Andre: So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over for your part in the play.
  Jade: Yeah. Yeah, if you get sick....or go missing...or GET HIT BY A BUS!!!!! (leaves angrily)
  Tori: Umm... (hears Jade's wrath outside the room) She can't drive a bus right?
  • In Tori Gets Stuck Tori annoyed with Jade: "Okay, why don't you go down to the nursery and scare the newborn babies?"
    • Jade gasps in delight and grins.
    to the doctor: "Where are the babies?"
  • "There's a car parked in Robbie's butt!"
  • "And so as it would happen, I'm a pretty little salmon..." *thud*
  • The blood bag exploding on Tori and Robbie. Your just don't expect that much blood splatter on a kid's show.
  • The final solution, after Sikowicz figures out it was Jade sabotaging Tori's chances beyond the point of recovery. He wears her dress and does her role himself, beard and all!
• Cat and Jade reenacting the famous Titanic shot. With Cat as Jack with an overjoyed expression and Jade in her Steamboat Suzy outfit with a deadpan expression.◊
• "SINJIN, DO NOT LICK THE BALLOONS!"
• Sikowitz tries to brush off talking about the "'Prome" by saying he has to take his grandmother to the hospital. Which sounds like a lame excuse, up until he hefts his grandmother from a hidden corner and hauls her over his shoulder.
  Tori: Oh my god, I didn't know she was here!
  Sikowirz: It's okay, neither does she!
  • The bit in front too:
  Cat: Oh, it's my brother!
  Jade: Did he get me the stuff?
  Cat: Yeah; he got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
  Jade: Wow, where'd he find 12 gallons of fake blood?
  Cat: ...you wanted fake blood? (Beat) I'll go call my brother.
• Locked Up. Oh, where to begin?
  Manager: In our country, getting bitten by a vampire moth is good luck!
  Cat: But it says here that a bite from a vampire moth could kill you!
  Manager: Yes, but if you live you are very lucky!
  Tori: Uh...go fish. (gets hit with a stick by one of the prisoners, then gets back up) ...That is not how we play Go Fish in America!
  • The prisoners playing rocks with Beck and Andre. "HEY! WE TOLD Y'ALL WE DIDN'T WANNA PLAY ROCKS!"
  • After Jade is knocked on the ground, Cat comes over and says "Ew, Jade, you're outfit's all dirty," to which Jade replies, "Oh no, now I'll never win the prison beauty pageant!" Funny enough. But even better is Trina's response:
  "Wait, they have that?!"
  • The scene in which Tori's shoe hits the Chancellor is made so much better by the fact that Jade and André, upon realising the trouble, immediately run away.
    • Though they only did that because Liz and Leon were both under 18 at the time and could only work a certain amount of hours. Not that it takes away from anything...
• In Helen Back Again, we have most of the re-audition scenes, like Cat's and Beck's. Trina, however...
  • Also Jade's if your tastes are twisted enough.
• Who Did It To Trina?
  • Black Comedy as only Jade can.
  Tori: Are you laughing at the video of Trina getting hurt?
  Jade: No. I'm laughing at the comments.
  • Jade, Tori and Robbie's flashbacks.
    Tori: ...Why can't I be pretty like you?
    • Just the image of Jade in Tori's flashback (to sum it up she looks the a demon from the Evil Dead). If Beck was here this week she'd be dragging him by the hair.
    • Cat gets a flashback too. Hers was to a Drake & Josh episode though.
    Rex: Heh, heh. That show was classic.
  • In the same episode:
    Robbie: Wait, I did kinda hear you tell Trina you were gonna kill her.
    Cat: So did I. But if you're gonna try to kill me too, then all I heard was pretty music.
  • With Friends Like These...:
    Andre: Oh, come on, I know Tori and there's no way she'd ever...(checks phone) Aw, it's Kiko! Tori's guilty, I gotta go!
  • The way Rex pronounces 'sabotage'.
• "Jade Gets Crushed" has Andre developing a crush on Jade from out of nowhere. Knowing what show this is, of course:
  Beck: Don't you think you two should listen to the song together?
  Andre: Naw, why together? She can listen to it herself I didn't do anything!
  • Tori's solution: cold-turkey Andre by dressing up as Jade. Which works well enough that he starts putting the moves on HER.
    • The blooper version of that scene is even more hilarious; Jade suddenly pops up from behind the couch and screams, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Both Tori and Andre are scared and the audience loves it.
• From Terror on Cupcake Street

  Cat: What street are we on?

  Rex: Yeah, what street?

  Beck: Let's just say it ain't Sesame Street.

  Cat: I love Sesame Street! (starts singing) Sunny—

  Jade: NO!!!

  • Same episode
    Sikowitz (ushering out the extras in the class): "I'm here all week. Tip the nurses and clowns."
  • When discussing the "Spin-a-ma-jig" app:
    Cat: And that person gets to pick what the float's gonna be?
    Jade: No Cat, that person gets a kidney transplant.
• iParty With Victorious:
  Andre: No, no. You're not invited to the party that I don't know what you're talking about.
  • The Panda that keeps swatting Andre, Kenan Thompson, and in the behind features, Gibby's butts with a tennis racket.
  • Also Kenan's anger at the panda stalker and how 'half the cast of All That keeps asking him for money'
  • Sikowitz's hot tub scenes to scare Beck are all very hilarious. He not only gets Jade (Beck remains unfazed) but Spencer as well.
    '''Sikowitz: *pops up yelling*
    Spencer:AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
    Sikowitz:Who are you?
    Spencer:(on the verge of a heart attack) I'm...Sp...SPOO...!
    Sikowitz:Pleased to meet ya, Spoo!
    Spencer:(still unable to breathe) YOU...ALMOST...MADE ME DIE!

Season 3

• A Christmas Tori
  Robbie: You bought me a girl??? (claps hands excitedly)
  • Tori discusses Andre's gift.
    Tori: I'm Andre's secret Santa, and I have like no clue what to get him.
    Cat: Just get him a present!
    Beck: Oh, my god...
    Tori: Ok, help me, please! I don't want to give him the worst present, and then have to go Christmas yodeling with Sikowitz.
    Jade: Two words.
    Beck: I bet they won't be helpful.
    Jade: Your problem.
    Beck: I was right.
• In "The Breakfast Bunch" a parody of The Breakfast Club, Robbie acting like Anthony Michael Hall, saying and crying "You're so conceited, Tori!" at random moments.
  • Cat: "What about the guy who landed on the moon? He said 'One small step for man', I would've just said 'Oh my God, I'm on the moon."
  • Jade and Cat both dress normal for the episode but Tori's jacket, scarf and boots are all reminiscent of Molly Ringwald's outfit, while Robbie's dressed like Anthony Michael Hall, Andre's dressed like Emilio Estevez and Beck is in a near-perfect replica of Judd Nelson's Bender costume, down to the fingerless gloves, the torn jeans and the motorcycle boots with the bandana on one of them.
  • This:
  Principal Dickers: All right West, you just bought yourself another Saturday detention.
  Jade: Did I get a good deal on it?
  • Tori running around the halls singing Make It Shine loudly and off-key to distract Dickers. She then bumps into him and we get this:
  Principal Dickers: Ohhhhhhhh, ho ho. I'm gonna make it shine. I'm gonna make it shine REAL good!
  • Then after it returns from commercial break:
  Principal Dickers: That's the last time, Vega. That's the last time you run around these halls singing about making things shine!
  • Jade giving Cat and Robbie grief about never having eaten tacos and being vegans.
    • Pretty much the whole thing with the group being "high" off tacos.
  • Grumpy Gerbils.
  • "I think Andre's about to run dance!"
  • The end of that episode which tries to recreate the iconic final shot of The Breakfast Club with Tori reaching for the sky, only because she accidentally lets go of her balloon.
  • The parody of the ending letter in The Breakfast Club, especially Cat's part of it:
  Cat: And meeeeeeeeee!
  Rex: Cat, they can't see you, baby.
  Cat: Oh (beat) it's Cat, bye!
  Rex: Sincerely, the Breakfast Bunch. Even though we never had breakfast as a bunch.
  • "If you mess with the cow, you get the udders."
    • Funny Background Event: Beck makes an utterly disgusted face at the above line from Dickers and the presumably Squick-y implications.
• In The Gorilla Club, this from after Tori beats the Balls of Pain:
  Beck: You did it!
  Tori: Shoosh yeah, I did!
  Beck: WHO'S A ROCKSTAR?!?!
  Tori: MEEEEEEEEE!
  Beck: Whoo! (they hi-five) You are definitely a real risk taker!
  Tori: I know! And to prove it even more you know what I'm gonna do RIGHT NOW?!
  Beck: WHAT?
  Tori: I'm gonna use the bathroom HERE! (jumps)
  Beck: ...Sitting?
  Tori: (in a menacing voice) Sitting.
  • From that same episode, Trina getting knocked out by the giant delivery box at her front door after the Overly Long Gag of her reading the tracking number. The phone voice wording it as "your package will be delivered" really sells the moment.
  • Cat's brother, again:
  Cat: Once my brother went to a home for troubled girls.
  Tori: Why?
  Cat: To meet troubled girls.
  Sikowicz: Bus stops are also good for that.
  • When Tori asks if the gang can believe that she "doesn't take risks":
  Jade: Yeah, you're boring.
• From "The Worst Couple":
  Jade: Tori's not my friend, I only tolerate Robbie, no one likes Trina, and Cat's basically a pet.
  Cat: Arf!

  • Trina later asks the group if they're gonna just let Jade say that nobody likes her. Nobody bothers to defend her.
  • From the same episode:
  Beck: We were voted worst couple. And the other two couples weren't even real couples. And one had Robbie in it!
  • The actual game show has its moments.
    Sinjin: And now, it's time to PLAAYYY....
    (awkward pause intended for a Title Scream)
    Cat: SINJIN'S GAME SHOW!!
    • When they finally kinda-sorta get it right:
    Sinjin: And now, it's time to PLAAYYY....
    (shorter Beat this time)
    Audience: (bored tones) Queries for couples.
    • Question and answer time:
    Sinjin: Tori, Robbie has a back zit. Do you A. Take him to a doctor, B. Wait for it to explode on its own or C. Pop it for him.
    (Robbie picks C)
    Tori: I would choose A. Take him to a doctor.
    Sinjin: And Robbie predicted you would pick C. Pop it for him. (error buzzer)
    Tori: GROSS!
    Robbie: My mom does it for me!
    Tori: Well maybe that's why she screams in her sleep!
  • That Running Gag about Tori needing a ridiculous extension cord for her handphone:
  Tori: Excuse me? Could you plug that in the wall please?
  (cut to Northridge girls holding the cord and staring blankly)
  Cat: Some girls aren't so smart.
  • The scene where the group is playing poker and Trina wins the game.
  Trina: Don't hate me because I'm lucky and pretty.
  Rex: Then can we hate you because you're conceited and untalented?
  • Cat apparently forgets to say three whenever she is counting.
• This was from "Andre's Horrible Girl":
  Cat: We're hanging out togeth-
  Jade: NO!!!
  • The minor reveal of the true nature of Andre and Hope's relationship, when she layers yet another gift on him, a scarf.
    Beck: It's like a pretty leash!
    • The further reveal that Andre's only enduring Hope to get in her music producer father's good graces.
    Andre: So you're telling me I should dump Hope tonight before I get the chance to sing before her dad?
    Tori: If you want to do the right thing then yes! Dump her tonight!
    Andre: What if I said you could sing with me?
    Tori: Dump her tomorrow!
• From "Car, Rain and Fire":
  Jade: Oh, I'm sorry, all I heard was "hamster, hamster, science, science, Tori's boring, kill me."
  • Then Tori's revenge of giving Jade a muffin she found on the floor of Cat's brother's car...
• In "Tori and Jade's Play Date":
  Tori: I admire how you're never afraid to say what you think.
  Jade: That's stupid.
  Tori: See?
• "Driving Tori Crazy" had the one where she is being driven to school by Jade, and hinting that she will be killed. They drive through a mostly deserted highway with no phone signal. Jade then starts singing "LA, LA, LA, LA" in an ominous tone that freaks Tori out so much she jumps out the car.
• April Fools Blank: The opening scene where Mr. Belding knocks Tori to the floor, Cat blows a trumpet in Tori's face twice, and Sikowitz explodes.
  • Andre rushing in and urging Tori to take caution for war, then it becomes caution for a pop quiz. Then war again. And he runs off and starts to sing the National Anthem, but gets hit in the leg by an arrow.
  • Tori walking onto the set of iCarly and casually saying hello to Spencer like it's no big deal that she just walked from the janitor's closet in their school right into an apartment in Seattle.
  • The whole Jade/Tori scene, starting with Jade dragging herself along the floor.
  • The Wizard of Oz and Match Game parodies, the first of which has Ariana Grande perform an impressive Judy Garland impression and the second of which has Matt Bennett perform an impressive Charles Nelson Reilly impression (plus impressions of Nipsey Russell, Brett Somers and Richard Dawson from Andre, Jade and Beck).
• In "Tori Goes Platinum", Cat's addiction to bibble.
  "I CAN'T HELP IT!...It's so good."
  • Some of the head producer's reactions to the auditions:
  (to Trina's attempt) "What have I done to deserve this torture?
  (to Rex's) *speechless shock at the fact that he's watching a PUPPET audition*
• In "Crazy Ponnie" nobody believes Tori when she says there's a girl named Ponnie (played by Jennette McCurdy from iCarly) at their school that's trying to make her look crazy. Tori is freaked to see that the lit up words on her locker door "Make it shine" were changed to "Make it rot". When she goes to get Sikowitz and her classmates to see it, Ponnie secretly switches it back to the original door. When Tori and her friends return:
  Tori:''Come see it! It says 'Make it rot!' I and I know Ponnie did it! See! (pointing to the locker and looking back at the others) My locker says 'Make it shine!' (Double Take) WHAAAAT?!!"
  • Even before that, Tori's reactions to her locker saying 'Make it rot'. The first time it's unsettling, but after learning Ponnie just switched the lockers on her, her reactions become quite funny, while still understandable.
  • When Andre asks Cat about doing Jade's eyebrows:
    Cat: Make 'em look neater and nicer. Girls do that. We groom each other like monkeys.
  • Jade's eyebrowless unblinking stare of rage.

Season 4

• "The Blonde Squad": Jade describing the list of Evan Smith's ex-girlfriends:
  Jade: Blonde, blonde, blonde, whoa ugly blonde!
• "The Hambone King" finally lampshades all the cases of Serious Business we've had:
  Cat: This hambone competition is really scary!
  Jade: We're about to watch two nerds complete by slapping themselves. I think we'll be fine.
• "Opposite Date" : Jade's imitation of Cat is spot on, and hilarious.
  Jade: Hi Tori! Um, my brother locked me in the closet and I got bored and I wanted to know what you guys are doing AAHAA HAA HAA HAAA...
  Cat: That's so disrespectful.
  • Cat and Jade's whole conversation when they're driving...
  Cat: I don't like the Road Runner, he's always so mean to that dog.
  Jade: That "dog" is a coyote.
  Cat: Oh, my god, was that racist?
  • The fact that random chitchat with strangers in the vets' waiting room can turn into a therapy session.
  Creepy guy with iguana tank: I think we're ignoring the obvious question: do you two have feelings for each other?
  • And the piece de resistance, Bad "Bad Acting" as only Cat can:
  Cat: Wow! Tori and Beck are here! Whoda thunk that they'd be - uh - I mean - What a coincidence - Aah, who am I kiddin'. *backs out*
• Three Girls and a Moose: Tori pretending to like hockey to please Moose. "Why are they so angry at that little pucker?!"
  • Cat actually joins Jade in her not-actually-Tori impressions.
  Cat: "Oh pleeease take me to the hockey game, Moose! I'm ever so DESPERATE!"
  • Cat breaking out a mobile barbecue pit to seduce Moose.
• Cell Block: The teenagers are challenged not to use cellphones/ipads/etc for a whole week, so naturally they all start going a little insane soon. Not even two days into the contest, Cat makes a mad dash at the box of phones... in the ensuring struggle to hold her back, she kicked Jade to the floor, whacked Beck across the face with the box, and it basically took ALL 5 of her friends to pin her down. And in the meantime, Sikowitz is watching this whole thing with glee, thoroughly enjoying it.
  • From the same episode, at the end, Sikowitz tricks the girls into using their phones first because he sides with the guys.
  • In another scene, Tori (and later, Jade as well) has to sit on Cat to ensure she doesn't get up and use a phone.
    Cat: I have to use the bathroom!
    Tori: Do you really?
    Cat: Yeah.
    Tori: Are you lying?
    Cat: (in the most hilariously defeated tone)...Yeah.
  • The play they were rehearsing sounds terrible.
    Jade: There's been a murder.
    Cat: Murder, where?
    Robbie: Right here, in this underwater submarine.
    Cat: I better wake up the President.
  • When Sikowitz makes the bet, Robbie thinks he's about to challenge everyone to a fight so he takes off his shirt.
  • Just this exchange:
  Mrs Vega: When I was your age, we didn't even have cellphones!
  Tori: Yeah, but you had stuff that we don't have!
  Cat: Yeah, like dinosaurs and Moses.
  • We've heard about Sinjin spying on Tori before, but this episode he's on Sikowicz's orders so he's in Tori's backyard legitimately.
  Sinjin: Can I use the bathroom?
  Tori: No! (Sinjin prepares to wazz into the plants) NO!!
  • Tori and Jade put Cat in a kiddy leash to keep her from using any phones. She then spends the remainder of the scene chewing through it. And it works.
• The Reveal of the flour bomber...who turns out to just be some random guy that doesn't even go to school with the gang. Andre, Beck, Jade, and Cat all comment on how anticlimactic this was.
• The Ho Yay-esque conversation between Robbie and Rex after they reunite.
• Tori imitating Andre's grandmother in order to help him with his songwriting.
  Tori: ANDRE! Justin Bieber just invited me to go to JUPITER!
• Brain Squeezers: Two words: Bang Balls. Even many people who don't like the episode found them to be the funniest part of the episode.
• Victori-Yes: After Cat gives yet another Non Sequitur in class, Sikowitz gets right up in her face (literally - their noses are touching) and exclaims "Nobody ever knows what you're talking about!!" Ariana Grande is visibly corpsing as she says her next line: "You have man-breath!"
  • The final scene where Tori and Jade are taking part in Divertisimo and Jade gets so sick of the ridiculousness of the show she steals a giant fork from one of the mice and chases him with it.

The Slap.com

• This status message and response from The Slap:
  Beck: The best thing about dating Jade is not having to buy any Valentine's Day gifts. Saves me like $35 bucks.
  Jade: You were only going to spend $35 bucks on me!!!! That's it. I want flowers and jewlery NOW!
  • This status and responses from Jade:
  Jade: I'm so sick of ice cream right now. Just hearing the words "ice cream" makes me want to puke.
  Rex: Ice Cream
  Tori: Ice Cream
  Andre: Ice Cream
  Jade: I HATE you all.
  • Also from The Slap, Rex complains about the paparazzi that have been bugging him.
  Tori: Why on Earth would you have paparazzi?
  Rex: Cuz my face sells magazines, that's why!
  • Rex, again, showing he does have standards. Incredibly low standards, anyway.
  Rex: No, I will not dress up like a leprechaun for your St. Patrick's day party. I have SOME respect, people!
  Andre: How about for $20?
  Rex: What time do you want me to show up?
• This exchange of sisterly love.
  Trina: I keep getting fan mail. I don't even open it anymore.
  Tori: Well, I opened it. It was a letter from the dentist. You have an appointment next week.
  Trina: How do you delete comments?
• Silly Cat.
  Cat: Is happy!
  Jade: Why?
  Cat: Why what?
  Jade: Why are you happy?
  Cat: I'm not. I'm actually really sad today. (Just heard that flies live for only ONE day). :(
  Jade: Then why does your status say "Is happy!"?????
  Cat: Oh, that was a typo.
• Another post from Cat:
  Cat: Just bought some non-prescription glasses cuz I wanna look smart. Just call me Alfred Einstein!
  Tori: ALBERT Einstein
  Andre: The glasses don't seem to be working.
• Yet more from TheSlap:
  Tori: Sweet potato fries are the greatest food EVER invented. I DARE you to name something better.
  Trina: Me.
  Tori: You're not a food.
  Trina: I'm better than food.
• From The Slap, Sikowitz wants coconut milk:
  Sikowitz: The batteries in my electric drill are dead and I need some coconut milk!
  Robbie: Many monkeys open coconuts by banging them on a pointy rock.
  Sikowitz: Did you bring a pointy rock to school today?
  Robbie: Uh, no.
  Sikowitz: Then what good are you?
• Sinjin wishes to be taken seriously:
  Sinjin: Will people still take me seriously if I start waxing my legs?
  Tori: .......
  Andre: .......
  Robbie: .......
• Cat's Random Thoughts. In order: her real name, her grandmother's fudge, the guy filming her, the pink tape on her hairdryer, flirting with her hairdryer, pretending her hairdryer is a laser gun, fitting her big toe in her mouth, eating fries, "look I'm upside down now!", her impression of a baby lamb, lamb chops, more baby lamb, the end.

• The Drive-By Acting Exercises are always a hoot.
  • In this one Jade and Beck play the a "weirdo" fast food worker and a guy trying to place an order, respectively. Jade plays her role as a large man with a heavy New Jersey accent that is obsessed with Beck's good looks and specifically his abs. Ho Yay doesn't even begin to describe it, and it's with a girl and a guy.
  "I swear on my mother's face, you are like NINE different kinds of attractive."
  "One day if I get married and I have a child, I want to take that baby, my own little baby child. I want to let him to take a nap on your gorgeous abs. That's how impressed with your abs I am, my friend. And even if you get fat one day, if you eat like a pig for nine years and gain, I don't know 1400 pounds, I won't care because I know those phenomenal abs are buried somewhere under all that fat."
• While not in an episode, this recent one on Theslap.com where Tori is requested to scare Trina seven times I thought was quite amusing.
• Tori does 8 holidays in 60 Seconds. This gem.
  Tori: There! We did it! 8 Holidays in 60 Seconds!
  Robbie: But we just did 2...
  Tori: APRIL FOOLS!

The series overall

• When they were accepting their award for Favorite TV Show at the KCAs, Matt Bennett just says into the microphone, "THANK YOU RUGRATS!"
  • He does it again when they win Favorite TV Show in the 2013 showing, too.
• A compilation of Cat Valentine's funny moments, courtesy of Ariana Grande! [1] [2] [3] [4]