- Stuart and Freddie dance to Kesha in a nightclub.Freddie: This is Kesha. [Beat] I don't know how I know that.
- In said nightclub, the previous night.Freddie: (Cuddling up to Stuart) Well, at least we've got each other. Let's just stick together the whole evening.
Handsome Stranger: Do you wanna get a drink?
Freddie: (Leaps up) God, yes!
- Mason: What kind of club is it, anyway? I see girls and boys, and boys and boys, and girls and girls...
Freddie: I have no idea, ever since they came out with lesbians who aren't plain and mis-shapen, I've been confused.
- Stuart's 'swan dive' at their ill-fated dinner party.
- Violet is concerned about a stranger lurking in the flat.Violet: I'm so frightened of being raped!
Freddie: For god's sake, Violet, no-one wants to rape you.
Violet: ... What an awful thing to say.
- One evening, Ash brings his girlfriend to meet Freddie and Stuart.Stuart: (to Freddie) When the time comes, I'm going to really enjoy unplugging you.
Chloe: You're joking again!
Stuart: Yes, ha, ha.Chloe: Could I have a hug?
Freddie: I'd prefer not, if that's an option.Chloe: Nothing could give me a bigger high than being with Ash!
Freddie: Have you tried cocaine?Freddie: My glass is empty, Stuart. Why is that?
Stuart: I don't know. I'm not a waiter.
Freddie: You're not? Because you were one when I met you!
- Freddie on a cigarette commercial he filmed fifty years ago.I'm very proud of that commercial, I got a lot of people to start smoking.
- Violet, in full dominatrix gear, ringing Freddie to tell her about how her boyfriend Ignacio has 'accidentally' chained her to a radiator in Argentina and left with her wallet and passport.
- Freddie thinks that Stuart is having an affair.There's just one thing that doesn't make any sense - who the hell would want to shag Stuart?
- Freddie invites Judi Dench to his and Stuart's 49-year anniversary party. He insists they're old friends (which of course Ian McKellen and Judi Dench actually are in real life) but naturally, she doesn't show. The closing credits have Dench (playing herself) leaving a series of messages on the pair's answering machine, the first one saying she'd love to come but that Freddie didn't leave their address. The second is her again asking them to return her call, and her final one says "Freddie, it's after 11. After I throw your gift in the garbage I'm going to bed. I've got an Oscar, I don't need this bullshit."
- Freddie gives his mother's wedding ring to Ash. Ash sneezes upon opening the box, kicking up a cloud of dust, leading to the following exchange:Ash: What was that?
Freddie: My mother.
- Violet spiking the punch at Freddy and Stuart's stag party with two bottles of vodka.
- Freddie and Stuart comment on the 2016 Eurovision final.Freddie: You know I considered appearing on Eurovision when I was a young man.
Stuart: There was no Eurovision when you were a young man. There was barely Europe.
Freddie: [slumps down the couch] How long have we been watching?
Stuart: [looks at his watch] Five minutes.
Funny / Vicious