Funny / Doctor Who — 50th Anniversary Specials

Clara: Someday, you could just walk past a fez.
The Doctor: Never gonna happen.

---

"The Night of the Doctor"

• The Eighth Doctor's explanation to Cass as to why they're heading to the back of the ship.
  The Doctor: Because the front crashes first. Think it through.
• The Doctor isn't about to let the fact that the universe is collapsing due to the Time War, to stop it he'll have to surrender everything that makes him him, and he's technically already dead and only has four minutes left to live stop him from being snarky:
  The Doctor: Four minutes? That's ages! What if I get bored? What if I need a television, a couple of books? Anyone for a game of chess? Bring me knitting.
• And when he realises where he is:
  The Doctor: Hang on. Is it you? Am I back on Karn? You're the Sisterhood of Karn. Keepers of the Flame... of utter boredom.
  Ohila: Eternal life.
  The Doctor: That's the one.
• As he regenerates:
  The Doctor: Will it hurt?
  Ohila: Yes.

"The Last Day"

• The veteran Time Lord soldier speaks with a very distinct Mancunian accent... Gallifrey really does have a North!
• This Time Lord's presence might also explain where Nine picked up the accent from. The War Doctor spoke to that particular soldier to borrow his gun, and then regenerated into the Ninth Doctor not long afterwards.

"The Day of the Doctor"

• The pre-movie introductions, one by Strax and one by the Doctors.
  • Strax is first. He's invited his clone batch to the screening, and takes the opportunity to boast about his race's capability for exemplary levels of rapt attention, having been drilled in basic concentration as long as they can remember (a week). In contrast, feeble human minds are not so disciplined. So there are certain things that you cannot do, lest you get Strapped to an Operating Table:
    • First, he shows a guy who tried to open a communications channel^note a cell phone during the last screening to his command post codenamed "Fury1".
    • Next up is a victim with primitive 3D technology who sat too close to the front during an appearance by the Eleventh Doctor. So take comfort in the fact that the Doctor's gigantic chin will only be in two dimensions during his screening.
    • With the next person, a young woman caught with a camera, Strax demonstrates that while cloning Sontarans is a magnificent duty, attempting to clone a cultural broadcast with recording equipment is the greatest of all war crimes (but that's still no excuse).
    • Despite these transgressions, Strax confesses there are some human habits that the Sontarans could learn from. He particularly approves of the human tradition of mercilessly exploding puny corn creatures and feasting on their popped remains.
      Strax: Remember, popcorn can feel pain. [stuffs popcorn in mouth with close up of his Sontaran teeth obliterating it] Ah! Those tiny screams...
    • It is at this moment that Strax observes that the film is starting, so he and his clone brothers prepare to take in this glorious piece of Sontaran historical drama... only to be informed by a human stagehand that this film isn't about him. Strax insists to the "boy" that he has read the plot summary which promises "a campaign in Medieval England, an invasion of modern London, and a battle on Gallifrey: a heroic account of the military campaigns of Commander Linx, General Staal, and Commander Stor." Strax is informed, however, that this feature is about the Doctor and not the Sontarans. He's in disbelief that anybody could endure a whole film about "that pink weasel's antics" with all the shouting, emotions, and incomprehensible explanations.
    • Strax announces to his clone batch that they will now undergo an emergency drill, rallying all troops to prepare for an "audio-visual assault featuring baffling levels of compassion and romance, multiple Doctors in all their fleshy pink horror and iredeemable acts of mercy and kindness." before ordering that the film begin playing for the glory of the Sontaran Empire.
  • The Doctors' section.
    • The Eleventh Doctor makes his greetings to a blank screen... before quickly realising his mistake as he turns the right way, enthusiastically welcoming you to the "hundredth anniversary special of Doctor Who, in 12D!", under the mistaken belief that he is in the year 2063. He is quickly corrected as he is informed that he is in fact presenting the 2013 50th anniversary special in 3D. The Eleventh Doctor apologizes for being confused from time travelling; having just watched the hundredth anniversary special featuring all 57 Doctors.
    • Once he directs you to put on your glasses, the Doctor makes a safety check, warning you to look out for the very hungry Zygons in the building. Fortunately, your glasses have been fitted with Zygon detectors. So you are to turn to face the person next to you and look into their eyes. To activate the Zygon detector, you will need to close one eye then look into the spectacles you are facing... at which point the Doctor regrettably informs you that one of the lenses you are facing being black is the sign that the person you are facing is a Zygon who will eat you during the movie. In which case, do not panic so as to not disturb the rest of the audience, as there is nothing that can be done to save you.
    • It is at this point the Tenth Doctor takes over to caution you to watch out for "the chin". 3D "can make things stick out of the screen a bit", so be sure to duck.
• Clara meeting up with the Doctor for a new adventure, having found a new job as a teacher at Coal Hill School.
  11^th Doctor: Teach anything good?
  Clara: Nah. Learn anything?
  11^th Doctor: Nothing.
  [silent double high-five]
  • The bit before this too:
    11^th Doctor: Draft!
    [Clara clicks her fingers and the door shuts]
• Kate Stewart's Oh, Crap! reaction when she realizes that she's airlifting the TARDIS... while Eleven and Clara are inside.
  Kate: Oh, good. Doctor, we found the TARDIS in a field...
  11^th Doctor: NO KIDDING!
  Kate: Where are you? [Eleven holds phone up so she can hear the helicopter] Oh my God!
  • As Eleven dangles out of the TARDIS doors by his ankles, he tries to get a hold of the phone he dropped, only for it to smack him square in the face. When he finally grabs it, he continues telling Kate off.
    Eleven: NEXT TIME, WOULD IT KILL YOU TO KNOCK?!
• The scene with Eleven landing on Trafalgar Square is also comedy gold.
  Eleven: [salutes] ...why am I saluting?
  Kate: Doctor, as chief scientific officer, may I extend the official apologies of UNIT?
  Eleven: [irritated] Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, a word of advice, as I'm sure your father would have told you, I don't like being picked up!
  Clara: That probably sounded better in his head.
• The cover story for the TARDIS being brought in:
  Kate: So what's our cover story?
  Osgood: Derren Brown.
  Kate: Again?
  Osgood: We've sent him flowers.
• The Moment's interactions with the War Doctor. The most dangerous weapon in the universe, and "she" sure is◊ kooky◊, to put it mildly.
  The Moment: I chose this face and form especially for you. It's from your past...[makes a face] or possibly your future. I always get those two mixed up.
  • Studying the casing, the War Doctor complains, "Why is there never a Big Red Button?"
  • After the interface appears, she causes the War Doctor to burn his hand on the casing:
    The Moment: What's wrong?
    War Doctor: The interface is hot!
    The Moment: Well, I do my best.
  • The Moment sums up the War Doctor perfectly:
    The Moment: Look at you. Stuck between a girl and a box... story of your life, eh Doctor?
  • The Moment gets in a zinger of a snark at the War Doctor and his angsting:
    The Moment: If I ever develop an ego, you've got the job.
  • The Moment, essentially, experiences time simultaneously (similar to the TARDIS), which means it can pretty much see everything that will happen. Except when it can't.
    The Moment: One day you will count them. One terrible night. Do you want to see what that will turn you into? Come on, aren't you curious? I'm opening windows on your future. A tangle in time through the days to come, to the man today will make of you.
    [a fez drops right out of the portal above the Moment and the War Doctor]
    The Moment: Okay... wasn't expecting that.
  • The Moment uses herself for a chair.
• The Tenth Doctor's introduction:
  • Ten is courting Queen Elizabeth I. Out of nowhere, he proposes to her, and she happily accepts. This is all part of his Batman Gambit, since he's figured out that she's actually a shapeshifting Zygon in disguise and thus exposed her. Or so he thinks.
    Tenth Doctor: Ah! Gotcha!
    Queen Elizabeth I: My love?
    Tenth Doctor: One, the real Elizabeth would never have accepted my marriage proposal. Two, the real Elizabeth would notice when I just casually mentioned having a different face. But then the real Elizabeth isn't a shapeshifting alien from outer space! And... [holds up device which dings] Ding.
    Queen Elizabeth I: What's that?
    Tenth Doctor: It's a machine that goes... ding. [ding!] Made it myself. Lights up in the presence of shapeshifter DNA. [reads it] Ooh! Also it can microwave frozen dinners from up to twenty feet and download comics from the future. I never know when to stop.
    Queen Elizabeth I: My love, I do not understand.
    Tenth Doctor: I'm not your love. And yes, you do! [leans in] You're a Zygon.
    Queen Elizabeth I: [incredulous] A Zygon?
    Tenth Doctor: Oh, stop it, it's over! A Zygon, yes. Big red rubbery thing, covered in suckers. Tsk. Surprisingly good kisser! You think the real Queen of England would just decide to share the throne with any old handsome bloke in a tight suit? Just 'cos he's got amazing hair and a nice horse-
    [the Tenth Doctor turns his head to find... the horse is the Zygon, not Elizabeth... which means he's just become engaged to the Queen; that, and he realizes that whatever happens next is going to be the reason she'll want his head when she sees him again in 37 years]
    Tenth Doctor: Ohhh... it was the horse! ...I'm going to be king! RUN!
    Queen Elizabeth I: What's happening?
    Tenth Doctor: We're being attacked by a shapeshifting alien from outer space, formerly disguised as my horse!
    Queen Elizabeth I: What does that mean?
    Tenth Doctor: It means... we're going to need a new horse!
  • During the chase, Ten gets snogged by Elizabeth (for the first time in that episode).
    Queen Elizabeth I: Where's it going?
    Tenth Doctor: I'll hold it off, you run. Your people need you.
    Queen Elizabeth I: And I need you alive for our wedding day! [she kisses him passionately before running away]
    Tenth Doctor: Oh good work, Doctor, nice one. "The Virgin Queen", so much for history...
  • Ten gets separated from Elizabeth. As he tries to regain his bearings, he catches up to what he thinks is the Zygon disguised as a rabbit. He starts to deliver a Badass Boast... only to realize mid-boast that it's just an ordinary rabbit.
    Tenth Doctor: Oh, very clever. Whatever you've got planned, forget it. I'm the Doctor. I'm 904 years old. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I am the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness, and you are basically just a rabbit, aren't you? Okay, carry on. Just a... general... warning. [smacks device]
  • He catches up to Elizabeth and the Zygon, who is now properly impersonating her. As the two Elizabeths banter back and forth, a time fissure suddenly opens.
    Tenth Doctor: Back, both of you, now! That's a time fissure, a tear in the fabric of reality. Anything could happen! [a fez pops out of the fissure; the Tenth Doctor looks confused more than anything] ...for instance, a fez.
• Eleven finds a fez, sealed up as a museum piece. Naturally, he takes it out of the display and places it on his head. Clara is in no way surprised, and actually sounds like he's done this many times already (to no one's surprise).
  Clara: Someday, you could just walk past a fez.
  11^th Doctor: Never gonna happen!
• It's on-screen for just a few seconds, but there's a version of the famous painting The Raft of the Medusa... except that all of the people in it are Cybermen.◊
• Eleven jumps through the tear in the fabric of reality. Now, the Doctor has never been the most... graceful, shall we say?... of people, so what happens when he lands? Yep. He's face down in a pile of leaves and groaning "Oh, God, oohhhh."
• The Tenth and Eleventh Doctors' first meeting.
  • Ten's first reaction to Eleven dropping out of the Time Window is to put the fez on.
  • Eleven making fun of Ten's current body.
    Elizabeth 2: Who is this man?
    Tenth Doctor: That's just what I was wondering.
    Eleventh Doctor: So very skinny. That is proper skinny! I've never seen it from the outside. It's like a special effect! [walks over to Ten and whacks the fez off his head] Oi! Ha! Matchstick Man!
    • Throughout this entire monologue, Ten just looks too confused to be offended.
  • The Tenth and Eleventh Doctors compare sonics. Ten is jealous!
    Tenth Doctor: Compensating?
    Eleventh Doctor: For what?
    Tenth Doctor: [shrugs] Regeneration. It's a lottery.
• Eleven really loves to dig at Ten's relationship with the Queen. Mostly because Zygon!Elizabeth I also kissed him to maintain its disguise.
  Ten: [to guards] That is not the Queen of England, that is an alien duplicate!
  Eleven: And you can take it from him, he's really checked.
  Ten: Oh, shut up...
  Eleven: Venom sacs in the tongue.
  Ten: Seriously, stop it!
  Eleven: No.
  • Eleven's initial reaction to seeing Ten with two Elizabeths.
    Eleven: Oh, he's cool. Isn't he cool? "I'm the Doctor and I'm all cool - oops, I'm wearing sandshoes!"
    Ten: What are you doing here? I'm busy.
    Eleven: Oh, busy? I see, is that what we're calling it, eh? [puts on his fez] Eh? Hello, ladies. [bows to the two Elizabeths]
    Ten: Don't start.
    Eleven: Listen, what you get up to in the privacy of your own regeneration is your business.
    Ten: One of them is a Zygon.
    Eleven: Eugh... I'm not judging you.
  • Advised to flee, both Elizabeths make a big production of their farewells to the Tenth Doctor, much to his embarrassment:
    Eleven: Your Majesties...probably a good time to run.
    Both Elizabeths: But what about the creature?
    Ten: Elizabeth! Whichever one of you is the real one, turn and run in the opposite direction to the other one.
    Both Elizabeths: Of course, my love!
    [one of them runs up to him]
    Elizabeth #1: Stay alive, my love! I am not done with you yet!
    [she gives him a very long kiss before running off]
    Ten: [deeply embarrassed] Thanks. Lovely.
    Elizabeth #2: I understand! Live for me, my darling. We shall be together again!
    [she gives him another equally long kiss before running off]
    Ten: [looking away] ...Well. Won't that be nice.
    Eleven: [innocently] One of those was a Zygon.
    Ten: Yeah.
    Eleven: Big, red rubbery thing, covered in suckers.
    Ten: Yeah.
    Eleven: Venom sacs under the tongue–
    Ten: Yeah, I'm getting the point, thanks.
    Eleven: Nice.
    • The novelization has Eleven add that he's still trying to get rid of the taste, prompting this exchange:
    Ten: You think you're so funny!
    Eleven: Coming from you, that's a compliment.
  • Clara talks to them through the fissure:
    Clara: Doctor? Is that you?
    Eleventh Doctor: Ah! Hello, Clara! Can you hear me?
    Clara: Yeah, it's me, we can hear you. Where are you?
    Eleventh Doctor: [turns to the Tenth Doctor] Where are we?
    Tenth Doctor: England, 1562.
    Clara: Who are you talking to?
    Both Doctors: Myself!
  • The War and Eleventh Doctors watching the Tenth Doctor getting snogged senseless by Queen Elizabeth after they get married:
    War Doctor: Is there a lot of this in the future?
    11^th Doctor: It does start to happen, yeah.
  • Really, the way the Tenth and Eleventh Doctors get on is much like a pair of siblings — getting along one moment and bickering childishly over something ridiculous the next.
• The series Hand Waves one of those Fridge Logic issues.
  10^th Doctor: Okay, you used to be me. You've done all this before. What happens next?
  11^th Doctor: I don't remember.
  10^th Doctor: [annoyed] How can you forget this?
  11^th Doctor: Hey! Hang on, it's not my fault. You were obviously not paying enough attention.
• Kate Lethbridge-Stewart revealing that not even UNIT knows the answer to the dating controversy! "'70s or '80s, depending on the dating protocol."
• Ten and Eleven attempt to Reverse the Polarity at the same time, leading to an Epic Fail.
  11^th Doctor: Nothing's happening.
  10^th Doctor: We're both reversing the polarity.
  11^th Doctor: Well I know that!
  10^th Doctor: [deactivates his screwdriver] There's two of us! I'm reversing it and you're reversing it back — we're confusing the polarity!
  [the War Doctor pops out of the fissure]
  War Doctor: Anyone lose a fez?
• Unlike Eleven, who lands flat on his face after jumping through the portal, the War Doctor lands on his feet with the greatest of ease, as if he was hopping off of a step.
• The War Doctor is not impressed when he learns that the two young men he's been talking to are actually his future selves:
  War Doctor: Really?
  11^th Doctor: Yeah.
  10^th Doctor: Really.
  War Doctor: You're me? Both of you?
  10^th Doctor: [popping his tongue] Yep.
  War Doctor: [indicating the Eleventh Doctor] Even that one?
  11^th Doctor: [offended] Yes!
  War Doctor: You're my future selves?
  10^th & 11^th Doctors: [getting annoyed by his questions] YES!
  War Doctor: Am I having a midlife crisis?
  • At first, the War Doctor mistakes them for his companions. In the novelization, he at first assumes that they're a couple of 12-year-olds using their magic wands to cosplay Harry Potter!
    • Apparently it's not just Twelve who doesn't know how old their companions are - even as early as The War Doctor, he cannot tell!
• The three Doctors are interrupted by a party of Elizabeth's guards:
  Lord Bentham: Which of you is the Doctor? The Queen of England is bewitched, I would have the Doctor's head!
  War Doctor: Well... this has all the makings of your lucky day.
  • Also, his complete Dissonant Serenity while being surrounded by the guards, as opposed to his two future incarnations, who are pointing their screwdrivers all over the place (given that he's spent the past several centuries at war with the Daleks, a few men with spears probably make for a relaxing change).
  • The War Doctor's ever-present frustration at how his successors talk.
    11^th Doctor: Geronimo!
    10^th Doctor: Allons-y!
    War Doctor: Oh for God's sake...
  • Clara speaks through the fissure to scare off the guards:
    Lord Bentham: That thing... what witchcraft is it?
    Eleventh Doctor: Ah, yes! Now that you mention it, that is witchcraft, yes, yes, yes. Witchy-witchcraft. [to the fissure] Hello? Hello in there? Excuse me. Hello! Am I talking to the Wicked Witch of the Well?
    Kate: [gestures to Clara] He means you.
    Clara: [annoyed] Why am I the witch?
    Eleventh Doctor: Clara?
    Clara: Hello?
    Eleventh Doctor: Clara, hi, hello. Hello. Would you mind telling these prattling mortals to get themselves begone?
    Clara: [shrugs] What... he said. [this has no effect]
    Eleventh Doctor: [gesturing] Yes, tiny bit more colour.
    Clara: Right. [high-pitched voice] Prattling mortals, off you pop, or I'll... turn you all into frogs! [Bentham starts at that declaration]
    Eleventh Doctor: Oh, frogs, nice. You heard her.
    Clara: Doctor, what's going on?
    Eleventh Doctor: It's a... timey-wimey thing.
    War Doctor: Timey what? ...Timey-wimey?!
    Tenth Doctor: I've... I've no idea where he picks that stuff up.
  • A.K.A, the scene wherein Ten continues to swindle his way through being a Time Lord. He blames himself to get himself out of trouble... with himself.
  • War's annoyance at them for brandishing sonic screwdrivers like weapons:
    War Doctor: Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols! You look like you've seen a ghost.
  • And later when Ten and Eleven point their screwdrivers at the Queen's guards:
    War Doctor: The pointing again! They're screwdrivers, what are you going to do, assemble a cabinet at them?
  • After the cabinet line, Ten and Eleven exchange looks that clearly scream "It still doesn't do wood." So they couldn't assemble a cabinet even if they wanted to.
  • Made even better by the later scene where Eleven's Sonic finally calculates how to do wood.
• Eleven referring to his predecessors as "Sand Shoes" and "Granddad".
  War Doctor: [indignant] Granddad?!
  10^th Doctor: They're not sand shoes!
  War Doctor: [looking at Ten's feet] Oh, yes they are.
  • Ten later refers to his successor as "Chinny".
• Eleven's ecstatic about the fact they're going to be locked in the Tower of London.
  11^th Doctor: Excellent! Breakfast at 8 please, and will there be WiFi?
• This deleted scene basically sums up War's (grouchy), Ten's (pushy), and Eleven's (showy) personalities and interactions with one line each. Also, the fact that said scene is set in Elizabethan England but filmed in a modern-day neighborhood is clearly visible in the upper left corner (no green screen applied to digitally edit it out) as the Doctors are brought to the tower for imprisonment.
• After an emotional What the Hell, Hero? about Eleven forgetting how many children were on Gallifrey the day the War Doctor destroyed it, we get a truly clever scene when the War Doctor guesses it'll take 400 years for his Sonic Screwdriver to calculate how to melt the wooden door to their cell. Eleven is 400 years older than the War Doctor. Eleven confirms that his Sonic Screwdriver has finished the calculation, and that finally, the Sonic can finally defeat its most crippling Weaksauce Weakness. All of which is slightly undercut by the fact that the Moment had to remind them that they all have the same screwdriver. Then, there's this thing of beauty:
  Eleven: Hey, 400 years in 4 seconds. We may have had our differences, which is frankly odd in the circumstances, but, I tell you what, boys. WE are incredibly clever! (Clara bursts in) ...Hoooow did you do that?
  Clara: (matter-of-fact) Wasn't locked.
  Eleven: Right.
  Clara: (Looks at War Doctor) It's another of you, then, yeah?
  Eleven: Yes. You've met them before. Don't you remember?
  Clara: A bit. Nice suit!
  Ten: Thanks.
  Clara: 'Ang on. Three of you in one cell and none a'ye thought to try the door?
  War Doctor: Should've been locked.
  Clara: Yes! Exactly! Why wasn't it locked?
  • The Zygon Queen Elizabeth arrives and explains why it wasn't locked: She was curious to see what they'd do after they escaped.
  • This is funny enough, and then you realize: this happened when the Doctor was with two of his past selves. After so much ingenuity and 400 years of waiting, the Sonic Screwdriver has finally been upgraded to interact with wood, and the Doctor doesn't even remember.
• Both the War Doctor and Eleven taking potshots at the Ninth and Tenth Doctors' control room.
  War: You let this place go a bit.
  Eleven: Oh, it's his grunge phase. He grows out of it.
  Ten: [pats the TARDIS; coos] Don't you listen to them...
• Eleven and Ten having a nice throwback when the TARDIS briefly flashes between control rooms and features "the Round Things".
  11^th Doctor: [giddy] Hey, look! The Round Things!
  10^th Doctor: I love the Round Things.
  11^th Doctor: What are the Round Things?
  10^th Doctor: No idea.
  • It also shows that, despite having been with the TARDIS for at least seven hundred years, the Doctor still has no clue as to just what the round things actually are.
• Ten's reaction to the new TARDIS console:
  10^th Doctor: Oh, you've redecorated! I don't like it.
  • The fact Eleven is offended, even though he said the exact same thing to Craig. It's also a nice Call-Back to what Two said to Three as lampshaded by Eleven's retort:
    11^th Doctor: Ooooh? Oh yeah? Oh, you never do!
  • Followed by Ten pouting. How much does he not like it? About this much.◊
• The Tenth Doctor's very dramatic confrontation with the Zygon Commander disguised as Queen Elizabeth I... or at least, the person who he thinks is the Zygon Commander disguised as Queen Elizabeth I:
  10^th Doctor: And d'you know how I know you're a fake? Because you're such a bad copy. It's not just the smell. Or the unconvincing hair, or the atrocious teeth, or the eyes, just a bit too close together. Or the breath that could stun a horse! It's because my Elizabeth — the real Elizabeth — would never be stupid enough to reveal her own plan! Honestly, why would you do that?
  Elizabeth: ... Because it's not my plan. And I am the real Elizabeth.
  10^th Doctor: ...Okay. So, backtracking a moment just to lend some context to my earlier remarks…
• The Eleventh Doctor continues his proud tradition of offering tortuous, completely pointless and unintelligible metaphors to compare his current situation to:
  11^th Doctor: You see, Clara, they're stored in the paintings in the Undergallery. Like Cup-A-Soups! Except you add time, if you can picture that. Nobody can picture that. Forget I said Cup-A-Soups.
• When the Doctors use the Gallifrey Falls painting to enter the Black Archive, there is something hilarious about the Dalek screeching as it's forced back and used to break the glass.
• Clara getting to let the air out of all three Doctors' dramatic entrance at once:
  War Doctor: Hello.
  10^th Doctor: I'm the Doctor.
  11^th Doctor: Sorry about the Dalek.
  Clara: Also the showing off.
• Ten and Eleven stealing chairs, sitting down, crossing their arms and putting their feet up on the table in perfect unison during the Human/Zygon negotiations.
• The Tenth Doctor high-fiving the TARDIS.
• The General's reaction to being contacted by the trio of Doctors.
  General: Dear God, three of them. All my worst nightmares at once.
• The Doctors pitch their plan to save Gallifrey to the Gallifreyan military command:
  10^th Doctor: General, we have a plan.
  11^th Doctor: We should point out at this moment, it is a fairly terrible plan.
  10^th Doctor: And almost certainly won't work.
  11^th Doctor: [to Ten] I was happy with "fairly terrible".
  10^th Doctor: Sorry, I was just... thinking out loud.

All the while, the War Doctor, in the middle screen, turns his head to look at them as they talk.

• Ten notes that they have their TARDIS's parked at equidistant intervals around the planet, then notes that the word "equidistant" is "so grown up" with a look of disapproval.

• Before leaving, the War Doctor takes a shot at his previous selves:
  War Doctor: And if I ever grow to be half the man you are... Clara Oswald.
• Similarly, Ten announces that he's glad his future is in safe hands.
  10^th Doctor: Keep a tight hold on it...Clara.
  • And then he kisses her hand, shooting 11 a smug look. Clara, for her part, does not seem to mind at all.
• The War Doctor's final words before regenerating are hoping his ears are "a bit less conspicuous this time". Hoo boy... Made even funnier when you remember the Doctor looking at himself in a mirror in "Rose". "Could have been worse. Look at the ears..."
• After Ten leaves, proclaiming that "he doesn't want to go", Eleven quips that "He always says that."
• Meta: For a live tweetalong of this story in the midst of COVID-19, Steven Moffat and Dan Starkey devised a short intro involving a plush toy of Strax. The in-verse explanation? Strax just came away from an encounter with the Master… after which “everything seems much larger”.
  • Strax then declares that the Master is now a woman... while showing a photo of the “O” incarnation.
    You can tell by the beard.

"The Time of the Doctor"

• At the beginning of the episode, the Doctor beams onboard a ship, saying he comes in peace and has the eyestalk of a Dalek with him as a sign of bravery. When the occupants of the ship come out of shadows, he sees they're Daleks.
  The Doctor: Handles, I said put me on a ship. I didn't say put me on a Dalek ship. Don't put me on a Dalek ship when I'm holding a broken bit of Dalek! [clonks Handles with the eyestalk, only for it to bounce off and hit him back] OW!^note Matt Smith really did hit himself with the prop, and improvised from there.
  • Then later, he boards another ship with Handles, the Cyberman head, only to discover it's a Cyberman ship.
    • The fact that his reactions are "Ohhhh, I'm screwed!"
• Handles the Cyberhead. Too bad he "dies" so quickly.
• The holographic clothes.
  • Clara's dad's expression when he sees the naked Doctor. "Is he naked, or have I gone insane?!"
  • The fridge hilarity that sets in when the viewers realize something important about Clara and the Doctor's touchy-feely-ness as they landed on the snowy planet, and their subsequent rolling all over each other down the hill — they were still naked.
  • When Clara asks why the Doctor is naked, he says "Because I'm going to church!" in such a tone that he thinks it should have been obvious.
  • There is also the fact Clara's grandmother was not complaining.
    Granny: Are we playing Twister now?
  • When their backs are turned to discuss the matter, Clara's dad can be seen staring at the Doctor's butt before the camera cuts to Clara and the Doctor whispering about the awkward reception.
  • The TARDIS doesn't seem bothered that the Doctor is naked — just how many times has the Doctor been to this church?
    Clara: So we're still naked underneath?
    The Doctor: Everyone's naked underneath.
• The Doctor declares that he will "glance at a manual" on how to be a boyfriend. Apparently the TARDIS has gotten bored and actually has manuals on how to be a boyfriend... either that or the Doctor hunted down/wrote a manual on how to be a boyfriend.
• The writers must've had way too much fun throwing sly digs at Matt Smith's eyebrows. And of course, the ROCKET FIN EARS!
  • Becomes all the funnier on repeat viewing, as the thinness of his eyebrows that the Doctor is so sensitive about won't be a problem much longer.
• At one point, Tasha declares she didn't save the Doctor for him — she did it for peace: "you fatuous egotist!"
• The fact that Matt Smith had shaved his head for a film role and was actually bald and wearing a wig during filming. (On a similar note, so was Karen Gillan.) Most shows would try very hard to hide this fact. Most shows would NOT specifically have the main character use the wig to hide an important plot point, show off the bald head underneath, and later have the character proudly proclaim "I'm wearing a wig!" under the effects of a truth field. Most shows are not Doctor Who.
  • And better yet, what was the in-universe reason for the need for a wig? The Doctor shaved his head because... he got bored one day. One can only imagine the sheer amount of universal eye rolling the TARDIS did at that idea.
• The Doctor and Clara use the TARDIS to cook a turkey more efficiently. The Doctor mentions that it's not the only thing she uses the TARDIS for, and tells her she should learn to use iPlayer.
• The fact that the Silence are now effing priests, of all things.
• The Doctor and Clara unknowingly under the truth field:
  The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. I stole a time machine and ran away and I've been flouting the principal law of my own people ever since. [claps hand over mouth] That wasn't quite what I meant to say!
  Clara: I'm an English teacher from planet Earth, and I've run off with a man from space because I really fancy– [claps hand over mouth]
  Marta: I think, perhaps, you should stop talking till you get used to it.
  The Doctor: Used to what?
  Marta: What did you say your name was?
  Clara: Bubbly personality masking bossy control freak! [hand over mouth again]
  The Doctor: I'm wearing a wig! [hand over mouth] No, ah, I see. Yes, of course. It's a truth field. Oh, that is so quaint. I haven't seen a truth field in years. I'm wearing a wig.
  • The fact that, while Clara seems shocked, the Doctor is all happy and excited — he's finally admitted that, yeah, he's basically giving a giant middle finger to his own people.
• The Papal Mainframe calling for an "Unscheduled Faith Change".
• The two Sontarans who don't realize their cloaking field isn't cloaking them. They have just enough time to realize it before they go boom.
• A Weeping Angel is shown while the Doctor protects Trenzalore... and then it's revealed that a mirror is right in front of them, meaning that it's stuck in its own line of sight. And the mirror is even signed: "WITH LOVE FROM THE DOCTOR!"
• This bit of the exposition-laden conversation about the Kovarian chapter of the Silence responsible for "A Good Man Goes to War".
  Tasha Lem: They engineered a psychopath to kill you.
  The Doctor: Totally married her.
• The Doctor thought that the TARDIS explosion was because he left the bath running.
  • The fact that "leaving the bath running" is the first thing he comes up with implies he has actually done that before and probably caused an explosion in some way, shape or form — this is the Doctor we're talking about, after all.
• The Brick Joke about the turkey cooking in the TARDIS' engine.
• One montage shows a bit with the Doctor leading a group of Silence into battle to defend Christmas. If you'll recall, you typically forget the Silence exist whenever you look away from them. Unless an exception has been made for the occasion of this battle, then the Doctor is swaggering forth to fight his enemies, entirely unaware that he is leading an army. Which would be entirely in character for Eleven. Hope for the best, pretend it's a plan.
• At one point, three of the Silence give each other high-fives. To be fair, they appear to be doing it to use a Combined Energy Attack. But it's still a funny visual.
• More of a meta one, but Clara's stepmother bemoaning "Oh, that's nice, crying at Christmas." Yes, that's terrible. Especially since this is coming from Steven Moffat.
• Clara tells the Doctor to look her in the eyes and promise her he'll never send her away again. He looks her in the eyes.

  The Doctor: Clara Oswald. I will never send you away...again.

• The Doctor gaining a new regeneration cycle is awesome, heartwarming, and entertaining all at once as the Doctor hams it up with utter joy, but in light of Series 12 it becomes a lot funnier. With the reveal the Doctor is the Timeless Child and has no regeneration limit, either the Time Lords provided the "energy" to keep up the charade, or they somehow enforced the limit previously and were forced to undo it to save themselves.
• As one YouTube commenter pointed out, from the Daleks' perspective, the Doctor broke the limits of his biology out of sheer spite over being told the rules.
• More Fridge Funny than anything, but in their last scene together, Karen Gillan and Matt Smith are both wearing wigs, due to both actors shaving their heads for other roles.
• Eleven's regeneration into Twelve was... remarkably quick. He basically SNEEZED.
  • The Doctor looks upon Clara with a sharp penetrating gaze. The TARDIS shakes a bit, then we get this exchange:
    The Doctor: KIDNEYS! I got new kidneys! ...I don't like the colour.
    Clara: [completely confused] Of your kidneys?
  • Twelve begins as the Doctor means to go on: making absolutely no sense. It's even better in context. He's remarking that he has different kidneys this time, and that he doesn't like the colour. And the way he says this is so helplessly petulant.
  • Suddenly the TARDIS is rocked back and forth some more.
    Clara: What's happening?
    The Doctor: We're probably crashing!
    Clara: Into what?!
    The Doctor: [fiddles with the controls] Stay calm! Just one question. [looks at Clara, straight-faced] Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?
    • After 1,000 years — and just saying he'd never forget anything of his previous lives — the Doctor actually forgot how to operate the TARDIS. Clara's BULGING-eyed look of sheer, unadulterated "What the HELL!?" must be seen to be believed.

---