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Staff Sergeant / Colonel / Super Colonel Sarge
"Continue with Operation: Meatshield. Remember, just 'cause your bones are broken doesn't mean it won't stop bullets from hitting me."The staff sergeant leading Red Team, and the only one in the canyon who's actually enthusiastic about the Red/Blue conflict, due to his intense and unexplained hatred of all things Blue. His real name actually is Sarge, as revealed in Season 8. Sarge is incredibly loyal to the Red Army, and goes out of his way to excuse the nonsensical answers and directives Command sends his way. He is also fiercely supportive of the chain of command, especially if this allows him to punish Grif. Sarge wields a shotgun, which he uses as a cudgel more often than a projectile weapon, and speaks with a Southern US (vaguely Texan) accent. He's the only Red Team member to actually wear red armor (except for Donut, but see below).Besides being Drill Sergeant Nasty and The Neidermeyer, Sarge is best described as "essentially every '50s stereotype character melted down into one." He exhibits characteristics of a Mad Scientist with regards to his tinkering with robotics and cybernetics, a used car salesman's flair for presentation and hype, and a "grumpy old dad" in his dealings with Simmons and Donut. Sarge is fond of overly-complicated plans, especially if they could result in Grif's death - his plan to attack the windmill power plant involved jamming the device with Grif's corpse, while his attempt to get Donut out from under a spaceship was to subject Grif to bites from irradiated insects in an attempt to give him superpowers. Personal quirks aside, Sarge is probably Red Team's most effective fighter (not necessarily as impressive as it sounds) - he was able to subdue Tex, cut down the Zealots of Battle Creek with relative ease, get the drop on Agent Washington, is brutally effective in close combat, and was an ODST.
Voiced By: Matt Hullum, Anna Hullum ("Get Bent")
- A Father to His Men: Buried deep deep deep down underneath all of his insults and self-importance, he really does care about all of his men and refuses to leave a single one of them behind. Yes, this even includes Grif.Sarge: You bastards stay away from my men! If anybody's gonna kill em' it's gonna be me!
- Ambiguously Gay: The only time Sarge has shown any romantic interest with anyone, was with Lopez. Though it was a fake movie trailer directed by Donut, so it should be taken with a grain of salt.
- And Then What?: In Episode 17 of Season 10, he admits that while the Director's evil, he doubts that killing him will make things better, and thinks that things could become worse for his team if they leave Valhalla again. Grif actually agrees with him on this.
- Anti-Hero: An Ax-Crazy Drill Sergeant Nasty who treats his team like crap isn't the most likely of heroes. However, he has more than proven himself.
- Awesome by Analysis/Bat Deduction: In Season 8, Simmons is forced to make a radio call to Sarge without telling him that they had been kidnapped by Wash and the Meta. Despite this, Sarge manages to work out every single detail instantly. His reasoning? Simmons answered 'hi' instead of 'thank you for calling Red Base, this is Private Simmons', he said the radio was in disrepair even though Lopez should have fixed it, the time was 17:30 (Donut's daily wine and cheese hour) and there was no sound of tinkling glasses, he said the weather was rainier and Mt. Ranier is the largest landmass in the state of Washington, and the Meta is the biggest mass associated with Washington.Sarge: So the Meta and Washington have teamed up to kill Donut and Lopez, and now they're holding Simmons and Doc prisoner.
Grif: We have to help 'em! Wait, Doc? How do you know he's there?
Sarge: Please, Grif, it's so obvious. I don't wanna insult your intelligence by explaining every little detail.
- Ax-Crazy: How else would you describe someone who has "a boner for murder"? He also enjoys tormenting Grif way too much.
- Badass in Distress: As of the end of Season 11, and for the start of Season 12, he has been kidnapped along with Washington and Donut by the Federation of Chorus. However, although they were taken in by force at first, they remained there by choice with the promise of "rescuing" their friends to convince them, much like the others were with the New Republic.
- Badass Normal: No enhancements when he fights, but when he gets into a real fight he's easily the best on the Red Team. He also used to be an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper, the poster-boys for Badass Normal in Halo.
- Berserk Button: His character bio on one of the DVDs states that when presented with any Blue object, he either tries to bite it or shoot it.
- Blood Knight: The only member of the Blood Gulch crew passionate about warfare. Also, in Revelation, he seems more than happy to challenge The Meta. Taken further in Season 15, where he is severely depressed during the Reds and Blues' ten month retirement period, and resorts to silly things such as creating a robot army to fight and declaring war on gravity itself. He's been fighting for so long that has no idea how to function outside of the chain of command, and has a subconscious obsession with fighting. This, along with his desire to die heroically in battle, is part of the reason he temporarily performs a Face–Heel Turn and joins the Blues and Reds.
- Boisterous Bruiser: "I love blood and violence! I've got a boner for murder!"
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Despite his quirks and lackluster leadership skills, he is a capable combatant, has built multiple robots and at least a couple combat vehicles, and turned Simmons into a Cyborg.
- Though inconsistently used, "You just got Sarge'd!"
- Uses "Dirtbag" to describe the enemy (or anybody who just happens to be pissing him off) on a fairly regular basis
- Character Development:
- As of Chapter 18 of Revelation, he seems to have left behind his hatred of the Blues and now treats his fellow Reds as equals, due to learning that the entire Red vs. Blue "war" was not only a simulation, but that the Red and Blue armies were culled from the "worst of the worst" soldiers.
- In Episode 17 of Season 10, he seems somewhat reluctant to go off to battle again, despite finding out that the rest of the squad is okay. Acknowledging that the Director's actions caused a lot of trouble for the Reds, he asks Grif and Simmons if running off to fight him would make things any better. Rather than his usual bloodlust, he admits running off to battle would probably make things worse for the team.
- Later, in Episode 20, he decides to head into the fray anyway, realizing that Church and Carolina need help. He even talks Washington into coming along... not for revenge or battle, but because True Companions count for a lot.
- Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Mainly played for laughs. For most of the series, Sarge is arguably the most treacherous member of the Blood Gulch soldiers and if there is an alliance between the two camps, he's the first to stomp it to death.
- Colonel Badass: At the end of Season 12, Doyle promotes Sarge to Colonel, meaning that he outranks Grif again. Parodied when Temple promotes him to the totally real rank of Super Colonel.
- Colonel Kilgore: Parodied, along with General Ripper and Knight Templar. Sarge appears to not even be familiar with the concept of normal life outside of the war and is constantly obsessed with one-upping the Blues in their Forever War even when forced to work together. The eventual reveal that the war is nothing but a training scenario leaves him momentarily almost crossing the Despair Event Horizon. The effect working in the army has had on his life is brought up by Caboose in Season 7:Sarge: What kind of car doesn't have a massive cannon on it?
Caboose: All kinds of cars. Most kinds of cars.
Sarge: That's ridiculous. That would be like saying there's some kind of thing you can wear on your head that's not armor plated, and doesn't offer a 5x optical zoom.
Caboose: ...I think you've been in the military a really long time.
Sarge: Yep. It's been a good run.
- Cool Old Guy: A sociopathic and Cloud Cuckoolander version of this. Also crosses into Boisterous Bruiser at times.
- He's recorded 57 hours of verbal abuse for Grif so that in the event of his death he can continue to verbally abuse him from beyond the grave.
- He also has countless contingency plans for just about every imaginable situation, and a few unimaginable ones as well. They all start with shooting Grif.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Completely delusional and insane, as well as quite possibly suffering from PTSD or some such. Also one of the most competent non-Freelancer soldiers in Blood Gulch, if not out of all the simulation troopers.
- Death Seeker: Implied in Season 15. He mourns the fact that he didn't die heroically on Chorus, which left him severely depressed during their 10 month period of retirement. His attempt at convincing Simmons and Lopez to join the Blues and Reds wasn't that it was the right thing to do, but that they'd be facing impossible odds and would surely die.
- Despair Event Horizon: Temporarily when the fact that the entire Red vs Blue war is a simulation for training Freelancers finally sinks in in Revelation.
- Disappeared Dad: He ran off to join the army because he didn't want to be around his kid. Turns out his kid is Boomstick. Though whether or not this canon is yet to be confirmed.
- Drill Sergeant Nasty: Naturally; it's in his name.
- Due to the Dead: He tends to act this way to the bodies of his enemies, insisting that they be treated with a modicum of respect (though only a modicum).Rest in peace... dirtbag.
- Easily Forgiven: In spite of the Kick the Dog moment mentioned below, people seem to forgive him, or at least let him off the hook, by the next meeting of the teams.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Is only ever referred to as "Sarge." Turns out that is his name.
- Everyone Has Standards:
- As much as Sarge enjoys fighting, he does not agree with Carolina's plan to use the Blood Gulch crew as cannon fodder to attack the facility the Director is hiding in. He even calls out Carolina and Epsilon on their Revenge Before Reason attitude.
- Though he joins the Blues and Reds so he can get back into the fight, he turns back when he's ordered to murder a pair of defenseless civilians.
- Face–Heel Turn: Sides with the Blues and Reds because of his desire to fight a war and be in the chain of command. It doesn't stick.
- The Faceless: Like almost everyone else in the series, he never removes his helmet.
- Failed a Spot Check: And how. He failed to notice a tank riding behind his back, as he was too busy giving a speech about the importance of keeping alert.
- Fantastic Racism:
- His hatred of the Blues borders on this.
- He also has a hatred for anyone wearing white armor, like the Meta and Wyoming. This borders on actual racism when he associates them with white stereotypes.
- Firing One-Handed: Occasionally does this with his Short-Range Shotgun, whether for Rule of Cool or to hold something with his free hand.
- Freudian Excuse:
- It is heavily implied that Sarge suffers from PTSD.
- As a soldier, Sarge desires conflict, needs to be in the chain of command, and wants to die heroically in battle before natural causes can take him. These are the reasons why he joins the Blues and Reds.
- Friendly Enemy: After Season 8, he tries to act like the Blood Gulch Reds and Blues are still bitter enemies, but it just doesn't take.Epsilon-Church: I don't get it, does he still think we're fighting or something?
- Gadgeteer Genius: He leaves a lot of the building to Lopez, but he did build Lopez and a lot of other stuff.
- Gender Flip: His Epsilon-Double, along with the rest of the Reds and Tex are all misremembered as being the opposite gender in one of Epsilon-Church's iterations seen in "Get Bent".
- Hair-Trigger Temper: He's very easy to enrage, especially if you're Grif
- Heel Realization: Eventually comes to realize that the Blues and Reds are the true enemy and turns back to the side of the heroes.
- Heroic Comedic Sociopath: "I LOVE BLOOD AND VIOLENCE!!"
- Hidden Depths:
Sarge: Simmons, I know this sounds crazy, but either I'm right, or I'm just an old man who's lost his marbles because he can't adjust to life outside the military chain of command, and continues to have increasingly absurd things to declare war on as a subconscious way of avoiding the sad truth that he no longer really knows who he is!
- Season 15 implies that he's subconsciously aware of the effects being in the army for so long has had on his life.
Sarge: Anyway, where was I?
- On a different note, he's shown interest in being an actor more than once, particularly when he gets to play the lead. This is played up a bit more in “The #1 Movie in the Galaxy” PSAs, where he makes himself the main character of an entire film trilogy.
- His Name Really Is "Barkeep": In Episode 17 of Season 8, his real name is revealed: Sarge (or S-Dog). Season 14 reveals that Sarge wasn't his birth name though; he had it changed when he joined the army. His father always advised him to dress for the job he wants, so he took that logic a bit further. He later tells Dylan and Jax his birth name. We don't get to hear it, but judging by the following conversation, it's quite unlike any other name out there.
- Hypocrite: He is the most aggressive and violent of the Blood Gulch Crew, often looking for a fight, boasting how great a leader and soldier he is, and dismissing any actual kind of strategy or pragmatism as overly convoluted or irrational. However, when things actually get dangerous (basically whenever he and the Reds are fighting a competent enemy), he'll be one of the first running away, all while blathering about it being a "tactical retreat," no less. He is never directly called out on it, though, because this usually happens around the Red Team, which is composed of: Simmons, who usually sees how deluded Sarge is, but is an insecure sycophant; Grif, who is usually too exasperated and/or lazy to actually try to break through Sarge's delusions; Donut, who is just too stupid to notice; Lopez, who actually does call Sarge out, but can only speak Spanish, and is therefore never actually understood.
- Image Song: "Sarge's Blues".
- I Meant to Do That: Tries to play off his defection to the Blues and Reds as some sort of master plan to save everyone. No one buys it.
- In Harm's Way: When Doc brings up that his adventures after Blood Gulch led to him leading his first real military operation in Episode 20 of Season 10, he decides that he'll go ahead and help take down the Director anyway due to Epsilon being a member of their True Companions, and the fact that Valhalla was "getting stale anyway".
- Insane Troll Logic: The basis of most of his plans. During Reconstruction, he orders Simmons to delete all command files on the Blue army, claiming that it'd be instant victory for the Reds because the Blues would never have existed.
- It's Raining Men: Was an ODST before being assigned to Blood Gulch, but was kicked out after dismantling a UNSC ship in order to build a robot. This is confirmed in the Ultimate Fan Guide, but was previously hinted at by Simmons' talk of his war stories.Simmons: You have a fear of heights? Didn't you use to jump out of ships in high orbit during the war?
Sarge: And how do you think I developed that fear? That shit was crazy.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Sarge may be an insane Drill Sergeant Nasty who treats his crew with little respect (especially Grif), but he does care for them. He also develops a begrudging respect for the blues.
- Kick the Dog: When he orders Andy to blow up the pelican that Tex, Junior and Omega are in. Granted, he's technically saving the day, but his tone implies that he actually does that out of spite and anti-blue sentiment rather than a desire to thwart Omega's plan. In fact, he might not even be aware that there was an evil plot for him to thwart.
- The Kirk: Parodied. He tries to be a balance between Grif's laziness and Simmons's kiss-assiness, but really goes on his own tangent of insanity.
- Large Ham: Very enthusiastic about his love of war, and goes all out to proclaim it.
- Leeroy Jenkins: His mentality when fighting Freckles in Season 11. Attacking a MANTIS on foot isn't exactly a prudent strategy.
- Let's You and Him Fight: Gets into a shooting match with Freckles in Season 11. Or rather, he's on the receiving end of a Macross Missile Massacre after pointing a gun at said robot.
- Lovable Traitor: He's not too keen on being betrayed, though. It should be noted that his view on what constitutes treason is rather warped (ex. he thinks that two of his enemies joining forces is a 'backstab').
- Mad Scientist: Sarge is capable of creating robots and turning some of his own soldiers into cyborgs. You'd think he could be able to use his impressive technical prowess for profit. Maybe then they could afford something to eat at Red Base.
- Made of Iron: The Reds and Blues can easily all be considered this, given the abuse they frequently go through.
- The Neidermeyer: Mostly towards Grif. For example: His idea of an obstacle course consists of a fake starting line and him shooting Grif with his shotgun. All of his contingency plans entail attacking Grif.
- Never My Fault:
- Once shot Simmons with his shotgun, then blamed Simmons for bleeding on the Red Base floor.
- When Simmons 2.0 reveals his upgrades cause him to shoot himself in the foot occasionally, Sarge chalks it up to "Probably user error."
- No Indoor Voice: He's Hot-Blooded and is always screaming. Matt Hullum said that while he recorded lines in an hotel room, it was enough for passing people to knock on the door complaining.
- Obstructive Bureaucrat: Respects redundant and overly complicated systems of command. For his part, Sarge has made it so that the process of lodging a formal complaint to him is as tedious and unappealing as possible.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: If the hints about him being an ODST are true, it means he was once part of the UNSC's most elite non-Super Soldier troops before having whatever meltdown that required him to be transferred to Blood Gulch.
- Overly Long Name: According to Season 15 Episode 17, his name has at most 57 syllables. In order to get his name exactly right, you need a Mandarin keyboard, and the fifth letter is an emoji.
- Pet the Dog: On several occasions Sarge has shown a peculiar fondness for Caboose, possibly owing to the latter's childlike naïveté. And not to mention the few times where he hasn't insulted Grif and even complimented him (even if it was a little backhanded), or, in Relocated, showed actual concern for Grif learning about the death of a family member. By Revelation, he's become the Team Dad to both the Reds and the Blues.
- Power Trio: Probably works like this. Simmons is Superego, the mediator between Sarge the Id and Grif the Ego.
- Precision F-Strike: Sarge drops the F-bomb exactly once during The Blood Gulch Chronicles, though he's a bit more liberal with it afterwards.Simmons: Sarge, I'm not sure Grif knows what he's talking about.
Sarge: Grif doesn't know what he's talking about, eh? Stop the fuckin' presses.
- Rousing Speech:
- During Episode 18 of Season 8, he delivers a speech that mobilizes both the Red and Blue teams to go help Church and Tex against the Meta and Washington, never mind that they're way out of their league.
- Later, in Episode 20 of Season 10 he comes up with one that convinces Washington that they need to go help Carolina and Church, even though they parted on less-than-amicable terms, since the Reds and Blues have proven to be better than the Freelancers due to their status as True Companions.
- Sergeant Rock: After a lot of Character Development, he grows into this role, especially in Seasons 8 and 10.
- Shell-Shocked Veteran: Has been hinted frequently to be this.
- Skewed Priorities:
- It doesn't matter how dire the situation is. If Sarge has a favor he got from someone else in authority, he will use it to either make himself feel better compared to Grif, or make Grif's life worse.
- His hatred of Blues easily kept overcoming his reason before they achieved a Friendly Enemy status. Case in point: He literally preferred to let himself be buried alive than to admit the possibility that the Blues don't suck.
- Southern-Fried Private: An officer example of the trope, filling all the prerequistes such as the drawl, the illogical line of thought, and liking to fight way too much.
- Supporting Leader: After significant Character Development in Revelation, he becomes this for the Reds and Blues.
- 'Tis Only a Bullet in the Brain: In Season 1 he was shot in the head with a sniper rifle by Caboose (though everyone counted this as a team kill since Sarge was possessed by Church at the time), but recovered after some CPR from Grif.
- The Unpronounceable: Although we don't get to hear or see his real name, the conversation Sarge and Jax have after he reveals it to him and Dylan indicates it's this trope.Jax: Seriously. Is that like Russian? Scandinavian? Pig Latin?
Sarge: My family history ain't part of the deal.
Jax: How do you even spell it? It sounded like 57 syllables!
Sarge: Well, you need a Mandarin keyboard to get it exactly right, and the fifth letter is an emoji.
- Weapon of Choice: His shotgun, as evidenced by his picture, thus why he's so effective in close combat.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Claims to have developed a fear of heights from a career as an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper.
- With Catlike Tread: Sarge's attempts at stealth amount to charging at the enemy while yelling "Sneak attack! Hurrah!" and shooting them with his noisy shotgun.
- Wouldn't Hit a Girl: Sarge claims that he's never hit a girl in his life (he did once knock Tex out, but he thought she was a man at the time). This attitude caused a brief stalemate at Blood Gulch when Sister was the only Blue left. Comes up again in the fight against Tex in Season 8.Sarge: I've never hit a girl in my life!
Simmons: Yeah, I noticed. Try harder!
- Younger Than They Look: In the fourth Season 13 PSA, he claims to be 29. Church doesn't buy it.
Richard "Dick" Simmons
Private First Class / Captain Richard "Dick" Simmons
"You're both an excellent leader and an attractive man, sir!"Sarge's right-hand man and suck-up extraordinaire, though an incident involving Sarge being incorrectly declared dead showed how quickly this loyalty evaporates once an opportunity for promotion arises. Simmons attempts to be the voice of reason with regard to Sarge's (frequently insane) plans, with little success. For one, Sarge is too out there, for two, Simmons is too sycophantic to truly qualify as "sane". Simmons isn't much use in combat, as his main skills are computer programming, memorization of tedious Red Team procedures and regulations, and kissing Sarge's ass. However he does have a tendency to be the gunner any time Grif drives the Warthog. He wears dark red/maroon armor.Simmons forms a comic duo with Grif, though has expressed a disturbing eagerness to sacrifice his friend in an effort to gain favor with Sarge. After Lopez defectes and Grif needs an organ donor, Simmons is upgraded to a cyborg by Sarge and will occasionally answer to "Simmons 2.0."During Reconstruction, he attempts to stall for time during he and Grif's execution by forcing his teammates to look up an obscure subsection, while when the team reaches Command, he hacks into the Blue Army records and deletes them under Sarge's order, resulting in a technical "victory" for the Reds. Throughout Relocated and Recreation, Simmons has been shown to be slightly more critical of Sarge and his leadership methods.In Season 12, he has joined the New Republic along with Grif, Tucker and Caboose, and is captain of the his squad, the Red Team.
Voiced By: Gus Sorola, Lindsay Jones ("Get Bent")
- Abusive Parents: His father used to bully him for his nerdy traits. One example includes his father forcing him to join a women's league sports team.
- Adorkable: Especially while on Chorus. Being in charge of an Amazon Brigade was hell for a nerd like him.
- Badass Bookworm: A fully competent soldier and tech specialist. It was implied that he ended up as a simulation trooper only because of the time limit during the tests.
- The Cassandra: In regards to Sheila in Season 4, at least towards Sarge. Against all common sense, this continues even after Simmons uses the tank to attack Sarge.Sarge: ...and I can understand that you've gone insane and see imaginary tanks...
Simmons: THE TANK IS RIGHT THERE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
- Cannot Talk to Women: He'd be a good leader in Season 12... if his squad didn't consist entirely of women.
- Character Development: As of Season 4, he no longer instantly sucks up to Sarge. He'll still usually go along with it, but he'll grumble if The Plan is particularly insane, even when it doesn't directly threaten his life. Then comes Recreation, where he's more openly critical of Sarge's leadership. Grif actually points out a lack of sucking-up on his part at one point on Chorus. This is after Grif has just ticked off Sarge and hung up on him, and Simmons' reaction was "Heh, nice."
- Taking a step further in season 15, where he outright refuses to join the Blues and Reds with Sarge (although he pretends to at first in order to improve their chances to escape; Caboose made sure that plan lasted all of eight minutes).
- Chick Magnet: Ironically, he is the character that gets most attention from females.
- Classical Anti-Hero: Simmons would be a great and noble hero...if he wasn't an insecure nerd with Daddy Issues.
- Crazy-Prepared: According to himself in the Season 14 episode "Head Cannon", he was fully prepared to have an A.I. invade his mind.
- Deadpan Snarker: As Character Development goes on, he snarks more at Sarge. He always behaved like this towards Grif.
- The Faceless: Like almost everyone else in the series, he never removes his helmet.
- Fake Defector: Pretends to join Temple's forces in order to help his non-defecting teammates, but is almost immediately outed by Caboose's idiocy.
- Fantastic Racism: Similar to Sarge, but less pronounced with the Blues, and when he temporarily switched sides, he had a hard time telling his own team to "suck it," as he ended up still saying "Blue." Averted with actual race when he yells "Suck it, black!" at a space pirate and then clarifies that it wasn't a race thing.
- Foil: To Grif. Specifically, Simmons is a insecure suck-up who is constantly working, thrives on rigid organization, and takes great pains to appear to be a genius when he really isn't as smart as he likes to think he is; Grif is a Lazy Bum who constantly avoids work, has no respect for authority, and is implied to be considerably smarter than he lets on.
- Freak Out!: During Season 4 after Sarge thinks he's gone insane. Rather ironic, in hindsight.
- Freudian Excuse: The abuse he suffered at the hands of his father, and the latters abandonment of him, left him with a lot of issues.
- Gender Flip: His Epsilon-Double, along with the rest of the Reds and Tex are all misremembered as being the opposite gender in one of Epsilon-Church's iterations seen in "Get Bent".
- Gratuitous Foreign Language: Does this in Season 15 with Esperanto, of all things.Ĝi estas tiel sole. ("I am so alone.")
- Hazy Feel Turn:
- Makes a change to the Blue Team in Season 4. While this is straight Face–Heel Turn in Sarge's eyes, the other Reds are mostly just confused by his decision, and Church just assumes he's there to spy on the Blues and takes the opportunity to screw with him by pretending to believe he actually is a new Blue.
- He makes a similar change in Season 11, preferring to sleep in the clean and orderly Blue Base than share with Grif. Though a later misunderstanding made this a more serious arrangement.
- Hilariously Abusive Childhood: The actions of his abusive father are Played for Laughs.
- Hollywood Cyborg: He was upgraded into one during their time in Blood Gulch, and while it generally doesn't come up it is mentioned from time to time.
- Hollywood Nerd: "Sorry, but Tex isn't helping. I don't like it when girls pay direct attention to me."
- Insistent Terminology: "I'm Dutch-Irish."
- Insufferable Genius: And he isn't always right, either.
- It Has Been an Honour: His last words to Sarge before their last stand against Charon in the Season 13 finale.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Simmons can be insufferable at times, but nonetheless is the most approachable and compassionate member of Red Team next to Donut.
- Like an Old Married Couple: His arguments with Grif, according to Tucker.Tucker: I've only been listening for ten minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?
- Lethally Stupid: Simmons is not immune to this. He can be considered to exhibit this just for choosing to suck up to Sarge of all people. Granted, being possessed by Omega seems to bring out some of his repressed anger, and make him somewhat less submissive to Sarge's incompetence. Sycophantic tendencies aside, though, he occasionally seems to genuinely believe Sarge's crackpot theories (i.e., the bomb "blowing them into the future" in Season 3), while Grif just seems to mostly go along with them in order to make things smoother. Ultimately, Grif and Simmons show that there is a difference between being smart/logical and intelligent/knowledgeable.
- Manchild: Is repeatedly shown to have serious daddy issues, which he imprints onto any superior officer that he has at the time. Sarge revels in this throughout the series, while Washington is simply irritated during Simmons' brief stay with Blue Team in Season 11.
- Named After Somebody Famous: Named after Richard Simmons.
- Nice Guy: While Simmons has his flaws, he's also proven to be a very considerate person, as he has been shown to be very compassionate and kind to other characters.
- Oedipus Complex: He's got unresolved issues with his father that aren't helped by his substitute father figure (Sarge) being a colossal ass.
- Other Me Annoys Me: Gene, his counterpart from the Blues and Reds, gets on his nerves because of his voice, his manner of speaking, and his personality. Tucker is quick to point out that they’re nearly identical, though Grif does agree that Gene is more annoying.
- Ow, My Body Part!: One of his running character gags is that he does this whenever he's injured.
- Professional Butt-Kisser: Though he grows out of it somewhat over time due to Character Development.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The thoughtful Blue to Sarge's Red. Ironically, though, his emotional problems also sometimes make him the nervous Red to Grif's laid-back Blue.
- The Smart Guy: Arguably the most rational member of Red Team, next to Lopez, he also possesses astute knowledge of computer technology and physics. But to a fault, it's made him more than a little arrogant, which does tend to blind his rationality.
- The Spock: Simmons would love to be this. But his own emotional, psychological hang ups get in the way.
- The Starscream: After Sister declared that "Red" Team's leader was dead, Simmons was quick in burying Sarge and assuming command, at which point he promptly turns into Drill Sergeant Nasty.
- Stepford Smiler: He constantly tries to put on a face of order and discipline, along with a satisfaction with his surroundings, but is very depressed about his life deep down.
- Straight Man: To Sarge. Ironically, Grif is the Straight Man to him.
- Super Gullible: Grif once convinced him that Game of Thrones really happened. He didn't need any evidence to believe it, he just needed to be told "Yeah, really" enough times.
- The Thing That Would Not Leave: Becomes this to the Blues in Season 11. After Sarge takes half of Red Base for himself and Simmons grows frustrated with Grif's laziness and disgusting habits he becomes overjoyed to hear Agent Washington is much better at organization and schedules then Sarge or Grif. He moves into Blue Base to get away from Grif and annoys Wash and Tucker who are becoming frustrated with each other and Simmons presence doesn't help them. Inverted later when Simmons wants to leave Blue Team after Caboose becomes leader, but he can't because Freckles threatened to kill him if he did.
- TV Genius: He isn't as smart at he likes to think he is, but he is capable of reprogramming a teleporter and hacking Command.
- Unwilling Roboticization: Unfortunately Grif needed his squishy parts and Sarge needed a new robot person.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: He and Grif have extremely contrasting personalities and rarely waste an opportunity to argue, usually over what a sycophant Simmons is and what a lazy bum Grif is, but despite their tendency to argue, they're actually very good friends (at the least).
- Weapon of Choice: Simmons is Red Team's heavy weapons man. In later seasons he's frequently sporting a rocket launcher (though not very effectively), and he's almost always the chaingunner on Chupathingy (with which he's much more effective, actually laying down suppressing fire and killing several Wyomings).
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: When they have to find Sarge from the cave he fell into after they buried him, Simmons is happy to ignore Grif's issue with bats when he wants to stand near the light. And then Grif brings up Simmons' issue with snakes. Comes up again in Season 15, where he's afraid to investigate an abandoned city because of snakes, and the mere sight of a tiny snake causes him to faint.
- Yes-Man: The entire core of his character, Sarge's interactions with him, and Grif's snark at him.
Private First Class / Sergeant / Minor Junior Private Negative First Class / Captain Dexter Grif
"Finally, an order I want to follow: run away and live."Lazy, out-of-shape, and Sarge's personal Butt-Monkey. Just about every one of Sarge's plans involves Grif being killed in some way, and most of Red Team's official emergency protocols begin by shooting Grif. Grif is suggested to be fairly intelligent, at least in the eyes of Church, but he's too much of a slacker to contribute much. A conscript, Grif sleeps through official meetings and tries to quit the army whenever he can. He's Red Team's designated Deadpan Snarker and Only Sane Man, though his apathy towards pretty much everything somewhat cancels that out. He spends much of his time bickering with his "friend" Simmons, when he isn't stealing the latter's identity and running up huge bills at pawn shops and peep shows.Grif's orange armor is commonly mistaken for yellow, at least while the series was still being shot in Halo 1 (later games have a much more orange-y "Orange"). He begins the series as the Reds' Sniper, opposite Church, but as the series goes on, he gradually finds himself driving and piloting vehicles, culminating at the end of Revelation, where he pilots a Pelican, untrained, with reasonably effective results.In Reconstruction Grif is briefly promoted to Sergeant of the Rat's Nest outpost once Sarge goes AWOL, but is quickly subject to a mutiny and near-execution after he sells Red Team's ammunition to the area's Blues. Sarge agrees to work with Agent Washington in exchange for Grif's particularly humiliating demotion (this humiliating demotion might not be official however, considering Agent Washington later still refers to Grif as "Sergeant Grif").In Season 10, he is shown to have kept the Meta's brute shot as his Weapon of Choice, which he dubs "the Grifshot", and uses it in the fight against the Tex clones to rescue Epsilon and Carolina in Episodes 20 and 21.In Season 12, Grif has joined the New Republic along with Simmons, Tucker and Caboose, and is the captain of his own squad, the Gold Team. He dislikes the name, wishing for it to be known that his armour is orange, not gold.
Voiced By: Geoff Lazer Ramsey, Amber Benson ("Get Bent")
- Abusive Parents: His mother abandoned the family to run off and join the circus, and his father shut down because of it. Leaving Griff to raise his sister on his own.
- Action Survivor: Once the fighting comes to him in The Recollection Trilogy and after.
- Anti-Hero: He's a Lazy Bum and a apathetic Jerkass, but he always comes through in the end.
- Bad Boss: Whenever he's put in a position of authority, he tends to do quite badly due to his laziness and general apathy. He claims that this is because he's just following Sarge's example, but while Sarge may not have been the best commanding officer, he never did anything as blatantly counterproductive as selling the ammo of his men to the opposing side. Might be a Deconstruction, however, for as the seasons go on Grif is shown to be a rather good (if eccentric and lazy) leader and is an unusual version of A Father to His Men.
- Badass Driver: While he has shown considerable motor skills in seasons one to five and is the Red Team's designated driver, by Revelation, he has completely owned and adopted this trope. He just has trouble stopping driving sometimes.
- Berserk Button:
- He's pretty fed up with no-one being able to associate orange with him (his true, though difficult to see armour colour). By season 12, this is fully apparent.
- He's also pretty PO'd by people spelling his surname with two "F"s.
- Big Brother Instinct: Towards his Sister.
- Bizarro Universe: Epsilon-Grif starts out very inaccurate, being a Neat Freak who regularly and obsessively cleans the base. It's only when Epsilon-Church gets the idea of being a slob in his head does he become more accurate.
- Borrowed Catchphrase: Does this by accident when he's having his meltdown over being put in a command position and starts subconsciously imitating Serge during season 12. He calls Bitters a Dirtbag without realising it until after he's said it.
- Brilliant, but Lazy: Church claims he is this... though Church may have been mistaken, exaggerating, deliberately trying to screw with Simmons, or only comparing Grif to the other Reds. It is perhaps notable that Simmons doesn't seem to disagree with Church that Grif is the smartest Red other than himself. He is finally confirmed to be legitimately cunning during the final episode of Revelation. During the fight against the Meta, Grif bodily throws himself onto The Meta's back. When The Meta throws him down, Grif steals his Brute Shot with a cocky "Yoink!". Considering that the Meta had been owning everyone's asses with the weapon at that point, using it to block all their attacks, it is likely that Grif knew they needed to get it off him, and decided to take advantage of his own mass and weight, putting himself in immense danger just to give his friends an edge. In Season 15, Grif was able to become fluent in Spanish in less than a month just to get Lopez's voice right.
- Butt-Monkey: Every Red Team plan involves sacrificing him in one way or another. And that's not even counting the horrible, horrible beatdown he receives in Revelation at the hands of Tex.
- The Call Knows Where You Live: Locus and Lopez's head come to find him after the rest of the Reds and Blues are either captured or defected to the Blues and Reds.
- Captain Crash: Specifically, he's a little fuzzy on the whole concept of "landing":Grif: Sure! That just means "stop flying", right?
- Car Fu: To Agent Washington in Season 8, Episode 3, and to some soldiers in Season 10, Episode 3. On the receiving end of this in Reconstruction.
- Character Development: During The Blood Gulch Chronicles, Grif is a Lazy Bum who doesn't like to fight and is rather weak compared to the other individuals in the canyon, which doesn't match up well with his bitter, apathetic attitude and snarky quips. Come The Recollection, and it is shown that Grif is rather decent (perhaps above decent) with his battle rifle and has better insight and a bit more initiative, developing a stronger relationship with Sarge and evolving into The Slacker as well as The Heart of Red Team. In The Project Freelancer Saga, Grif displays he does care about the other members of the Blood Gulch Crew, and his Undying Loyalty is cemented. And in The Chorus Trilogy, Grif actually shows care for the men under his command after becoming a Captain, and is the only person besides Tucker that is shown to be teaching them worthwhile lessons. All in all, Grif has subtly become a better person and soldier.
- Compare these lines, first from Season 2, then Season 13.Sarge: TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE!Grif: Wait! I think today is actually a good day to retreat. Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?
- 11 seasons later.Sarge: (in a far more somber tone) Well, fellas, you know what they say. Today, is a good day to die...Grif: (in an oddly calm voice) Permission to speak freely sir? (camera pans around, revealing that Grif has picked up the recovered Grif Shot) Fuck that.
- After abandoning the team at the start of Season 15 and undergoing some Sanity Slippage, Grif decides to step up and take a more active role within the group, namely teaming up with Locus and joining the fight against the Blues and Reds.
- Compare these lines, first from Season 2, then Season 13.
- Character Focus: In Season 15, despite being absent for a good deal of the season. In fact, both he and Dylan Andrews are arguably the main protagonists of the season, much in the same way that Tucker was the protagonist of Season 12.
- The Chew Toy: He's on the receiving end of most of Sarge's abuse, and not a few Groin Attacks from Tex.
- Cowardly Lion: Usually among the first soldier in the Blood Gulch crew to suggest running away at the first sign of danger (see his page quote), but he has little trouble overcoming his cowardice to help save the day when he really needs to.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass:
- By virtue of being deceptively heavy, which allows him to disarm Carolina of all people!
- His plan to free the Reds and Blues from Temple's brig? Sneak around the Blues and Reds' lair in plain view of all the security cameras, and then get stuck in an air vent thanks to his girth. Except this was all according to plan - he needed to get all eyes off of Locus, who successfully sneaks in and frees the Reds and Blues (as well as Wash and Carolina).
- Deadpan Snarker: Even compared with the rest of the Blood Gulch Crew, Grif stands out at being the snarkiest of them all. Most of it is aimed toward Sarge or Simmons, but no one is immune.
- The Faceless: Like almost everyone else in the series, he never removes his helmet.
- Freudian Excuse: According to Doc/O'Malley, Grif's adversity to discipline and work stems from his terrible childhood, in which his sister was always the favourite, his father was absent and his mother was to busy "turning tricks behind the elephant cage at the circus" to give him the love and attention he needed.Grif: (sad) It was a nice circus...
- Gender Flip: His Epsilon-Double, along with the rest of the Reds and Tex are all misremembered as being the opposite gender in one of Epsilon-Church's iterations seen in "Get Bent".
- Go Mad from the Isolation: Staying on the moon by himself turns out to be a bad choice. Without anyone to talk to, he goes crazy and pretends a bunch of volleyballs are the other Reds and Blues. He becomes so desperate for human interaction that, after getting over the shock of seeing him, he's actually excited to talk to Locus.
- Genius Ditz: Described as "crafty" by Church, Grif is certainly unbeatable when it comes to inventing methods of avoiding work. One of the PSAs has Grif scoff at how easy it is to get into Columbia University, adding "I'm a Harvard man."
- Groin Attack: Suffers no fewer than seven of them at the hands of Tex during their big battle. Two of which are hard enough to crack stone. Poor guy.
- Hidden Depths:
- He's a lot smarter than he lets on, which tends to get overshadowed by the fact that he's lazy. Beyond that however, he has shown occasional instances of genuine selflessness that clash with his usual facade of a "Do-Nothing-Slacker".
- In the last episode of Reconstruction when they are all trying to escape the EMP, Grif yells at Caboose (his enemy) "Get Epsilon out of here! Don't worry about us!" That's right, Grif was more concerned about the success of the mission than his own safety.
- In Revelation, his first thought after hearing that Simmons and Doc are being held prisoner by Wash and the Meta are "We have to help them!" Keep in mind that Grif is scared shitless by the Meta and for good reason considering the thing is a One-Man Army that gives all the other One Man Armies nightmares. And yet his first instinct is to go right over there and try to save his friends.
- Later in the same season, he throws Sarge out of the way of an incoming Warthog. Keep in mind, Sarge is a guy he hates and by trying to save Sarge, Grif ran the risk of being crushed by the Warthog as well.
- When Sister arrives at Blood Gulch, having joined the army because she wanted to see Grif, his first response is to tell her to go home, as he doesn't want her to get hurt, and he threatens to beat her up and force her back into the ship. Because she can't leave, he instead actively looks out for her and tries to protect her, despite her being on the enemy team. Becomes even more heartwarming when she says he became her guardian after their mother left and always looked after her.
- In Season 15, Dylan brings up all these previous examples to light, telling Grif that- despite his claims to the contrary- he does care deeply for those around them. Far more than he is willing to let on.
- Hilariously Abusive Childhood: His horrible childhood is usually used to mock him. Grif himself seems more embarrassed of his horrendous upbringing than anything.
- Incorruptible Pure Pureness: Well...Incorruptible Pure Laziness anyway. When O'Malley goes on a body-surfing excursion through the Reds and Blues, he transfers into Grif, who immediately gets the impulse to take over the universe... only to decide he doesn't feel like following through because that would actually take work. As a result, he's the only character O'Malley abandons by choice, rather than being punched out. Not even the AI personification of malice and hostility can convince him to get off his ass.
- Informed Deformity: Justified. Everyone's making comments on how Grif is fat, yet, due to the limitations of the Halo game engine, Grif appears as lean as any other character (which carries over into the CGI sequences for consistency). Completely averted in the pilot for the animated cartoon, however, where Grif is actually chubby.
- Insistent Terminology: His armour colour.I am not gold, I am not yellow, I am fucking ORANGE!
- I Resemble That Remark!: When Wash calls the Reds and Blues the most immature soldiers he's ever met, Grif responds with "Your face is immature."
- I Just Want to Be Normal: Grif was drafted into the army and does not like getting involved with the adventures Red Team and eventually the Blood Gulch Crew find themselves in. If he had his way, he would spend everyday just snacking and taking naps. The only reason he decides to stay with everyone is because they are the closest thing he has to a family. This finally comes to a head in Season 15 though, when Dylan and Jax track down the Blood Gulch Crew to tell them that imposters of them are attacking the UNSC and they are given an apparent distress message of Church. Grif doesn't want to come out of retirement to get involved in another adventure revolving around Church again and quits the team. He eventually comes back, though.Grif: I don't wanna go on another adventure! I don't wanna listen to Sarge! I don't wanna get shot at! I don't want to shoot at other people! I want to chill! I want to sit and chill!
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite his laziness and general uncaring attitude, Grif will occasionally help his teammates and those he respects, and is shown to genuinely care for others outside his Jerkass personality. He's just rather pissed off that Sarge brushes him off all of the time.
- The Lancer: Plays this role for the Reds, until Revelation, where he becomes The Heart. He usually serves as Sarge's Lancer, but also becomes this to Tucker in the Chorus Trilogy.
- Leitmotif: Gains one in Season 15, titled Hateglue.
- Like an Old Married Couple: With Simmons, naturally.Tucker: I've only been listening for ten minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?
- Made of Iron: No matter what he goes through, courtesy of Sarge, Tex, or the Meta, Grif will simply not die, no matter how much he may want to. He was even hit by a tank shell with barely any injuries. As it turns out this is a familial trait, as Sister survived when Lopez tried to choke her to death, backing up Grif calling bullshit on it back in Relocated.
- The McCoy: Definitely a parody. Again, although the more emotional of the trio, Grif is way too lazy to act on his conscience or change the status quo.
- Motor Mouth: After going insane from loneliness, he gained this trait, as Locus finds out first-hand.
- My God, What Have I Done?: The time he spends stuck alone on the Reds and Blues' moon shows that he clearly feels guilty for not coming with the rest of his friends on their quest to find Church again.
- Non-Action Guy: For The Blood Gulch Chronicles.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
- In the season 13 finale, when the Chairman begins his invasion of Chorus just barely after the Reds and Blues managed to broadcast a message to UNSC about the Chairman’s duplicity, Grif starts cursing around and screaming in desperation about how they were so close to winning. Let me repeat that: Grif, Lazy Bum extraordinaire, is actually displaying an emotion other than apathy.
- In Season 15, he gets really angry with Dylan for spurring everyone else out of retirement by delivering Church's message. Also, when he quits, he's almost completely devoid of his usual snark, instead being very blunt and straightforward with the crew.
- Promoted To Parent: Sister reveals that Grif did this for their family after their mother left, displaying his Hidden Depths.
- Refusal of the Call: He was against going on another adventure after Church once more when a message that appeared to come from him reached them, and left the Blood Gulch crew to stay behind on the moon they'd been living on for 10 months. Then Locus and Lopez found him.
- Sanity Ball: The role of Only Sane Man on Red Team is either Grif, Simmons or Lopez, depending on the circumstances. However, he does move away from this by the Chorus Trilogy (Simmons takes his place).
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: In Season 15 Episode 6, upon finding out that Church is alive again, and everyone packing up to go rescue him, Grif finally decides he's done with adventures and quits. It doesn’t last.
- Shut Up, Kirk!: Gives one of these to Dylan, when she tries to convince him he's a Jerk with a Heart of Gold.
- Slept Through the Apocalypse: Pre-Blood Gulch, he slept through a devastating alien attack on a human colony during the Great War. Allies and enemies both left him alone because they thought he was dead.
- Smoking Is Not Cool: It is a sign of Grif's terrible health (he does it inside his helmet). He even smokes after having most of his organs being replaced by Simmons' after being crushed by Sheila. In fact, he might have started smoking more just to piss off Simmons.
- Sour Supporter: He may not like most of the people he spends his time with, but he still sticks with them through thick and thin. Even when he leaves them behind in Season 15, he comes back later, more willing to help out than ever before.
- Too Dumb to Live: Invoked by Simmons, who once uses this trope by name to insult Grif, though he's not actually an example.
- Took a Level in Badass:
- In Revelation, he smashes through the wall and nearly kills Wash with a Warthog.
- During the fight against the Robo-Tex legion, he doesn't do the best out of the group but still manages to take quite a few of them down with the Brute Shot. Considering how lazy he's been, that's one hell of an accomplishment.
- There are examples even earlier than that. By the time of Recreation, we don't see Grif purposefully ignore facts or events to avoid work anymore. He was the first to note that "something doesn't feel right" at Sandtrap. We also see Grif actively using his weapon and taking the initiative in coming up with a plan. He even tackled the Meta and took his bruteshot. Considering how the Meta can throw Warthogs without even sweating (and Grif should know this better than anyone), getting into such close proximities raises the chance of him getting crushed into a pulp quite high.
- He does it again in the Chorus Trilogy, where he seems to have become the Number Two to Tucker and is actively shown to give the New Republic training and information that will benefit them on the battlefield (without losing his personality).
- The Unfavorite: His parents allegedly always preferred his sister, as revealed by Doc/O'Malley's "The Reason You Suck" Speech in Season 13.
- Universal Driver's Licence: In Revelation, Grif flies a Pelican and a Hornet with no training whatsoever. He crashes the Pelican, but it's still quite an accomplishment. He later pilots Dylan's ship when the Reds and Blues attack the Blues and Reds' Earth base, and successfully dodges some (but not all) of the enemy's missile defenses.
- Unwilling Roboticization: A variant. In The Blood Gulch Chronicles, when Simmons is turned into a cyborg, Sarge has his "negative emotion centers" put in Grif, most likely against his will. This only comes up once, though, due to Rule of Funny.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With Simmons due to very different personalities, which causes them to bicker frequently, but despite their tendency to argue, they're actually very good friends (at the least).
- Weapon of Choice: The "Grif Shot" was supposed to be this, but he only ended up using it for the Season 10 finale and it got taken by the UNSC afterwards.note He later acquires a Suppressor, and he quickly gets attached to it.
- Weak, but Skilled: Is one of the more low level soldiers in regards to the other Blood Gulchers and is definitely no match for a Freelancer or Space Pirate, but Grif is shown to be at least a better shot than Simmons and Doughnut and is rather a nice tactician on the battlefield. However, his best kills still come from when he is in the possession of a car.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Part-way through Season 8 Grif takes on an armour modification that grants him super-speed. After its introduction it is then never used again, though it does need an AI to use it properly.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: On top of Grif's pretty understandable natural reluctance to help Sarge in Season 5 when he falls in a cave, he then exposes a fear of his that was never brought up before due to lack of exposure: bats.Simmons: Alright, let's suppose there are bats down there. You're wearing military grade, state-of-the-art armour. It's designed to protect you from bullets and absorb explosions. What exactly is a pound-and-a-half flying rodent going to do to you when you're wearing it?
Grif: So you're saying there's bats?
Simmons: Yeah. Why not?
Grif: (in panicky tone)' There is no way you're making me go down that hole!
- Why Won't You Die?: Or more accurately, "Why Won't You Stay Dead?" In Season 15, he is fed up with Church apparently coming back to life once again and everyone rushing to go on another adventure to help him. Since he has already spent "half his life" on adventures revolving around Church and Church has already "died more times than Jean Grey" he is in no hurry to help him again. Furthermore, he and Church were, while friends as members of the Reds and Blues, never really developed beyond a distant respect, which further helps explain why he's so un-enthused to save Church again. However, it's clear from his conversation with the Volleyball!Blues that he's changed his mind and regrets thinking this way.
- Wrong Genre Savvy: In The Shisno Paradox, Grif thinks he can avoid adventures altogether if he ignores inciting incidents. He didn’t take into account stories that involve characters ignoring the incident.
- You Kill It, You Bought It: During the fight with the Meta, Grif steals his brute shot, and after Meta's death Grif keeps it as his own, renaming it the "Grifshot". However, he doesn't have anything better to do with it except mount it on the wall as a trophy, until the end of Season 10, that is.
Franklin Delano Donut
Private Franklin Delano Donut
"Who wants to hold my ankles while I stretch out my hammies?"Red Team's rookie member with some major issues, acting as the team's Ditz. He kicks off the series' Red/Blue conflict after Simmons and Grif send him to "the store" to get some "headlight fluid." Donut accidentally wanders into Blue Base and ends up capturing their flag, prompting the Blues to call in a Freelancer and start the main plot. Originally wearing standard red armor, Donut took one of Tex's grenades to the face and had to be sent away for medical help, returning with his own lightish-red armor out of recognition for his flag capture.This, combined with a flair for calligraphy, appreciation of interior decorating, and the "Officer Hot Pants" surprise at Sarge's birthday party helps solidify Donut's status as Camp Gay by Season Three. Although he has a surprisingly good arm when it comes to throwing grenades, as proven when he killed Tex with a precision throw from across the canyon, in most combat situations he is expected (and ordered) to run around and scream like a girl, a role he takes to with gusto.Like Tucker and Doc, he is Put on a Bus before Reconstruction, but returns in Relocated' during an experiment by Sarge to test the capabilities of a new plasma weapon. He's mistaken at first for a holographic Grif clone, but the others soon realize it's him and he passes out, exclaiming that he needs water. He then becomes a main character for Recreation, rejoining the Red team to fight against the remaining Blues (i.e. Caboose).At the end of the season, he is murdered in cold blood by a post-Face–Heel Turn Washington, setting up the much darker plot for the remainder of the Recollection saga. In the Revelation premiere, Doc confirms that he is indeed dead. However, in the sponsors-only ending of Chapter 13, F.I.L.S.S. shutting down the armour lock on the soldiers' armour ends up bringing him back to life. This is confirmed to be canon in Season 10, when the Reds and Blues (and Carolina) return to Valhalla to find that Doc and Donut have set up an organic farm, using Lopez's body as a scarecrow.He initially isn't involved in crash landing with the Reds and Blues in Season 11, but eventually makes contact with them in Episode 6. However, when he actually shows up in Episode 10, alongside Doc and Lopez('s head), he forgets to bring the pilot that brought the three there, leaving them too stranded on the planet.Season 13 has him take over the weapons depot in Armonia along with Lopez.
Voiced By: Dan Godwin, Jordan Burns (Caboose's Mind, Seasons 2, 5-6), Miles Luna (radio transmission, Season 11), Barbara Dunkelman (Caboose's Mind, Season 14), Maggie Tominey ("Get Bent")
- Ambiguously Gay: A subject of debate both amongst fans and in-universe.
- Badass Gay: Maybe. However, despite his incredibly Camp personality, he can kick ass when he really needs to.
- Badass in Distress: As of the end of Season 11, and for the start of Season 12, he has been kidnapped along with Sarge and Washington by the Federation of Chorus. However, although they were taken in by force at first, they remained there by choice with the promise of "rescuing" their friends to convince them, much like the others were with the New Republic.
- Big Damn Heroes: Twice in Season 11: His arrival at Chorus stops Sarge and Freckles from continuing their fight - where Sarge would likely have been killed. Later on, he kills a rampaging Dos.0 (in C.C.'s body), saving Freckles and the rest of the gang.
- Camp Straight: One of the alternate endings to The Blood Gulch Chronicles mentions he married a stripper and had a litter of kids.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass:
- Despite his rather... unusual behavior, he managed to grenade Tex from halfway across the canyon.
- The fact that he was working with Tucker as an infiltration specialistnote implies he received some special training to perform his new job.
- In Season 10, he sticks three Tex clones at once, with a single throw.
- In Season 11, he single-handedly defeats Dos.0 with a "future cube" and a nearby (meaning "within Donut's considerable throwing range") mine field.
- Cunning Linguist: Subverted. Despite "translating" for Lopez, his grasp of Spanish is rudimentary at best and he frequently proves that he has no idea what Lopez is saying.
- The Cutie: He's so sweet, adorable and cheerful that even Church likes him.
- Disney Death: His death in Recreation is eventually revealed to be this when he returns in Season 10.
- The Ditz:
- Is usually too busy bubbling happily to notice the assorted weird and dangerous crap going on around him.
- He once nearly revealed the secrets of Red Team to the Blues while playing a game of Truth Or Dare with Caboose, who decided to use the dare part to make him tell. It says a lot when you can be outsmarted by Caboose.
- His actions in Season 11 speak volumes to this.
- Double Entendre: Pretty much everything he says. Donut: The Musical is nothing but this.
- The Faceless: Like almost everyone else in the series, he never removes his helmet.
- Gender Flip: Caboose's mental image of him is female. His Epsilon-Double, along with the rest of the Reds and Tex, are all misremembered as being the opposite gender in one of Epsilon-Church's iterations seen in "Get Bent".
- The Heart: As one of the few truly Nice Guys in the series.
- Too Kinky to Torture: Just ask Donut if he wants to be pinched.
- Has Two Mommies: Implied by Sarge in the Mother's Day PSA.
- Highly Visible Ninja: Claims to have become an infiltration expert after The Blood Gulch Chronicles despite not owning a cloaking device, being rather obnoxious, and having a very garish set of armor.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: This literally happens to him in the Season 11 climax when Locus snipes one of his grenades (which subsequently detonates) to incapacitate him.
- Horrible Judge of Character: From walking into the enemy base assuming it's a general store, to chatting with the the Meta under the misguided assumption it's a new recruit (and completely oblivious to the fact it's trying to kill him with a Brute Shot... which Donut thinks is a broom).
- Iconic Item: Elbow grease and headlamp fluid.
- If You Die, I Call Your Stuff: Throughout Season 2 he expresses a desire to claim Sarge's armour if he dies, probably because he's embarrassed about his new pink outfit. He gives this up quickly though.
- Image Song: "Donut: the Musical"
- Insistent Terminology: "It's not pink, it's lightish-red!"
- In Touch With His Feminine Side: It causes the others some confusion.
- Improbable Aiming Skills:
- His skill with plasma grenades is incredible, ranging from a long-distance lob from the base into the open hatch of a tank to kill someone, to sticking three people at once on the heads with a single throw of three grenades.
- He's also quite handy with alien weaponry, managin to effortlessly blast Felix's gun out of his hand with a Needler.
- Irony: During the Blood Gulch Chronicles, he wondered out loud why the Reds and Blues never tried to kill one another using the Sniper Rifle. During Season 11, this is exactly how Locus neutralizes him, Washington, and Sarge.
- Macho Camp: Epsilon-Donut in Season 9 combines his usual Innocent Innuendo with Sarge's gung-ho attitude.
- Less Embarrassing Term: Insists his armor is lightish-red.
- Made of Iron: Has survived being blown up with a plasma grenade, having a ship dropped on him, and being shot through the chest. Donut is a particularly notable example because, unlike similarly severe injuries suffered by other main characters, his injuries are treated completely seriously instead of played for laughs, at least at the time they are inflicted.
- Manchild: Less so when he made his debut in actual red armor.
- Named After Somebody Famous: Most of his name, anyway.
- Nice Guy: Definitely the nicest member of Red Team.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: His actions make him constantly alternate between being helpful and being a hindrance during Season 11.
- Not Quite Dead:
- He survives Tex sticking a Plasma Grenade to his head, but has to be airlifted out of the canyon, returning with his trademark lightish-red armour.
- He also survives being shot by Wash at the end of Recreation, as revealed in a sponsors-only ending for an episode of Revelation and Season 10 for non-sponsors.
- Lampshaded in Season 11 when Locus snipes a grenade next to him and knocks him out. He's immediately confirmed as being alive, much to the relief of Simmons.
- Nowadays, this tends to be Played for Laughs. Other characters will think he's dead, only to quickly find out he's still alive, no matter how improbable it is that he survived.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: For Church, it's a sign there's something wrong with his constructed reality in the Epsilon Unit.
- Pink Is for Sissies: But that's okay, because his armor is actually lightish red. In any case, he does act it.
- Put on a Bus: From Season 6 to 10, he's practically on a rotating shift between this trope and The Bus Came Back. He is completely absent from Season 6, spends Seasons 8 and 9 Not Quite Dead after being shot by Wash, only to finally return midway through Season 10.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: On orders from Sarge, he proceeds to run around screaming like a woman in nearly all combat situations.
- Shout-Out: One of two characters (the other being Caboose) named after one of the randomly generated names assigned to temporary multiplayer profiles in Halo: Combat Evolved.
- Stereotype Gay: Though at times it comes off as Innocent Innuendo taken to extremes. Still doesn't explain Officer Hotpants, though.
- Took a Level in Badass: In Church's artificial reality, Donut somehow becomes the Red Team leader, and leads a rocket assault against the Blues. Also, he's a lot more competent in Seasons 8 onward than he used to be, mainly due to being assigned primarily to grenade duty.
- Trans Equals Gay: Though the main joke is that he's gay, sometimes he acts like he's actually a girl, such as with his Straw Feminist rant after being possessed by O'Malley.
- Weak, but Skilled: He's not much of a straight-up fighter, but he's got a great grenade-tossing arm, and after Blood Gulch he was apparently recruited by Command due to his skill as an "infiltration specialist".
- Weapon of Choice: Plasma grenades. Grenades in general, but he gets his more impressive kills with Plasmas. He's very good at pitching and tossing.
- The Woobie: In-Universe. When he's hurt, people on both the Red and Blue teams get upset.Grif: Seriously, what's with all these feelings for Donut?
Lopez the Heavy
Lopez the Heavy / Lopez La Pesado
Voy a borrar todo recuerdo tuyo el segundo que te hayas ido. Al igual que por...y...("I am going to erase every memory of you the second you are gone. Just like I did for [FILE DELETED] and [FILE DELETED]."'')Sarge's pet project and team mechanic, a robot who only speaks bad Spanish (and occasionally takes advantage of the fact he's the only one fluent in the language).Lopez seems to view his teammates with cold resentment, either due to their reliance on him for mechanical help, constant damage to the team Warthog that Lopez ends up repairing, for programming him to speak Spanish instead of English, or all of the above.As a result, Lopez spends the series hopping from team to team. Church possesses him in search of a body, then Lopez is mistaken for a Blue and attacked by his former owners, causing him to formally surrender to the Blues. Via a time loop, Church accidentally suggests that Lopez and Sheila form their own robot army, and Lopez defects away from humans altogether, but he is quickly captured and reprogrammed by O'Malley while the AI is possessing Doc. His head is blown off during the transition between Halo: Combat Evolved and Halo 2, and he becomes the bitingly sarcastic sidekick to O'Malley until he is finally recovered by the Red Team at the end of The Blood Gulch Chronicles.As of Reconstruction he's been rebuilt and is back at Red Base, and has deleted the memories of his departed teammates. By Relocated, he has recently rejoined the Red Team because he was bored (and because Sarge knew the command codes that would make him do it anyway), and assisted Sarge in developing an EMP-powered Gauss Gun and installing it on the Warthog. To this end, and for any future research, he created an underground holographic test facility, which Sarge uses mostly to kill Grif avatars over and over again.At the end of Recreation, he was shot along with Donut by Washington, but survived through a battery backup. His body was briefly used as a scarecrow by Donut and Doc in Season 10. He returned to the Reds and Blues in Chorus with Doc and Donut in Season 11. He spends most of the season as a head, but eventually steals Dos.0's body. He was recruited to the Federation of Chorus along with Sarge, Donut and Wash when everyone gets separated at Crash Site Bravo. When the armies of Chorus unite, he starts working as their technician in Season 13.
Voiced By: Burnie Burns, Ashley Jenkins ("Get Bent")
- Ass Shove: Sarge reveals in the opening episode of Season 16 that he keeps emergency rations up there.
- Badass Boast: "I'm Lopez the Heavy. Bitch."
- Beleaguered Assistant: Anything that the Reds can't be arsed to do will inevitably be given to Lopez.
- Big Damn Heroes: Brings out a Missile Pod against the Meta and drives him off at Valhalla, headshots a Fed to save Tucker, and after getting decapitated yet AGAIN, he figures out that he can still move his body and put his head back on, then he proceeds to knock out the Space Pirate that shot it off with one punch.
- Brainwashed and Crazy: The reason that he temporarily ended up as The Dragon to O'Malley.
- Broken Pedestal: Early on, both Lopeces viewed Sarge as A Father to His Men both figuratively and (since Sarge built him) literally. However, once he learned how stupid Sarge really is, this faded into cynicism for the former, and sheer insanity from the latter.
- Classical Anti-Hero: Lopez is a good and helpful guy, it's just that no one can understand him due to his language problem.
- Deadpan Snarker: Has understandably evolved into this, especially in the Recollections trilogy, after chafing under the frankly insane leadership of Sarge and later O'Malley.
- Determinator: In Season 3 of The Blood Gulch Chronicles, he somewhat effectively operated a machine gun turret despite being only a head at the time. Simmons' only explanation for this?Simmons: He's very determined.
- Disney Death: He is seemingly killed off at the end of Season 7 along with Donut, and when he is seen in Season 10, his body is being used as a scarecrow. However, when he returns in Season 11, it is unclear whether he was conscious during the time he was used as a scarecrow, or if Donut and Doc were able to bring him back to life, which doesn't seem too unlikely considering he mentioned "keeping backups" of himself.
- The Dragon: Briefly to O'Malley after losing his head, though that's because he was reprogrammed.
- The Faceless: Although, being a robot, there's probably nothing under there anyways.
- Gratuitous Spanish: Caused by a faulty speech unit that made him unable to speak English (though Church managed to override that at a great cost when he possessed his body). In the Epsilon-Church's memories, this happens because Sarge hoped an extra language could give variety.
- Losing Your Head:
- For a long time in The Blood Gulch Chronicles, he's nothing more than a head. He can operate a machine gun turret and build robots anyway.
- He's reduced to a head once more in Season 11, when he returns alongside Donut and Doc. However, he ends up taking Dos.0's body when the original owner takes over C.C.'s to initiate a rampage.
- It happens again in Season 12... until he realizes that he can still move his body, to which he puts himself back together and punches out the decapitator.
- Once it happens in Season 15, Sarge decides to toss Lopez's head onto the ocean fearing he could be captured by the enemy.
- My Hovercraft Is Full of Eels: Since no one on the Rooster Teeth team actually speaks Spanish, Lopez's dialogue is mainly generated mechanically via the online computer translator Babelfish. This leads to some... interesting... results for anyone who does speak the language (for starters, "La" is a female pronoun, so his name would actually be "El Pesado"). It's always played for laughs, especially since the only reason why he's speaking Spanish at all was because of a malfunction in his programming. In fact, at times he dips into Gratuitous French of all things. In the commentary for earlier seasons, Burnie mentioned that Gus would coach him on his accent.
- Nice Guy: While he doesn't get to show it very often due to his low tolerance for stupidity, and being Surrounded by Idiots. However, when around people who are actually competent, Lopez is very kind.
- Not So Above It All: Despite his frustrations with the Reds, and considering himself the Only Sane Man, Lopez frequently proves himself to be just as sarcastic and petty as the rest of the team.
- Official Couple: With Sheila for awhile.
- Oh, Crap!: Has this reaction in Season 12, when Locus reveals that he can understand Spanish, as Lopez had been calling him "insane" and snarking at him in Spanish up until that point.Lopez: MIERDA. ES BILINGÜE. POR FAVOR NO ME MATES. (HOLY SHIT. HE'S BILINGUAL. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.)
- Only Sane Man: Views himself as this compared to the Reds and Blues, and isn't far from the truth.
- Pet the Dog: Never balks at the prospect of helping the people of Chorus, and is oddly sarcasm-free in the face of almost certain death during the Last Stand of the Crew aboard the Staff of Charon.
- Prophetic Name: Only in that Lopez is a Spanish name, and well Lopez ends up unable to speak any language except Spanish.
- Robo Speak: Always speaks in a flat, mechanical voice. In Spanish. Made even funnier by the fact his actual Spanish dialogue is largely nonsense (see above).
- Sarcastic Devotee: To Sarge, then to O'Malley, then to Sarge again.
- Sarcasm Mode: He's sarcastic ALL THE TIME. Hell, he literally has a Sarcasm Module at 100%, making this trope invoked.
- The Smart Guy: The other Smart Guy of Red Team, being the only one with any degree of competence.
- Surrounded by Idiots: His view of his situation vis-a-vis the entire cast, and the Red Team in particular. He takes this in stride.
- The Thing That Would Not Leave: Considers the Reds to be this. Can't seem to stay away from them.
- They Killed Kenny Again: Often killed. A Justified Trope, as said under We Have Reserves.
- Took a Level in Badass: Subverted. Lopez was the only member of the BGC who was competent from the start. He just got the chance to show it more often.
- Troll: While The Dragon to O'Malley, he not only programs the army to bring him a day of victory in literally one day, meaning they are extraordinarily slow, but he programs them in Spanish, meaning that O'Malley can't get them to operate without his help. When O'Malley asks for his help, he ends up insulting himself, much to the robot army's confusion.
- We Have Reserves: According to himself, he makes backups of himself when he is especially in danger, so that he can survive whatever problem comes up somehow.
- Would Hit a Girl: He attempts to strangle Grif's sister to death. It fails, but only barely