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Funny / Gargoyles

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  • From the series premiere, after watching Broadway eat some slimey mold from the wall of the rookery:
    Lex: I hope we won't be in here for too long. He might eat us.
  • Hudson discovering television for the first time in "Awakening Part Three". Hudson just pushes a random button on the remote, a heavy metal singer appears on TV screaming, cue Hudson and Bronx running away in terror.
  • Hudson trying to argue that not everything in the world needs a name to Elisa. Only to learn his last example (the river) is named the Hudson.
    Hudson: Must you humans name everything? Nothing's real to you till you've named it. Given it limits.
    Elisa: It's not like that, it's just that, well, uh... (helplessly) Things need names.
    Hudson: Does the sky need a name? (points to the bay) Does the river?
    Elisa: The river's called the Hudson.
    Hudson: (taken aback, Hudson looks over to Goliath, who just smirks) *sighs* Fine lass, then I will be the Hudson as well.
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  • Goliath and Elisa meeting take 2 after climbing back up to the castle.
    Goliath: Now once again, what are you doing here? And please, DON'T fall off the building this time.
  • When Lex frightens the innocent motorcycle driver, and then tries to ride his bike... cue crash and explosion.
    Brooklyn: We better not tell Goliath about this...
  • Brooklyn trying to hail a cab. It goes about as well as expected.
  • Also in "Awakening Part Four", Hudson and Bronx charge into a base to find one of the data disks. After taking out the guards, Hudson looks at the sophisticated computer console, but has no idea how to work it. In frustration, he hits his fist on the console, which inadvertently causes the console to eject the data disk he was looking for in front of him.
  • At the end of the "Awakening" five part premier, Goliath and Elisa agree to see each other again.
    Elisa: Maybe we'll catch a Giants game.
    Goliath: (surprised) Giants? (turns to stone seconds later)
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  • Near the end of "Temptation" Lexington asks about his homemade motorcycle, his response to Brooklyn's answer is humorous to say the least.
    Lexington: Hey, what happened to the motorcycle?
    Brooklyn: Um, it blew up.
    Lexington: (smiles) Oh, (registers what Brooklyn said just before turning to stone) WHAT!
  • One time, Hudson was watching TV in the rec room. The show? An episode of Quack Pack. Hudson just strokes his beard in contemplation about the show.
  • In "Reawakening", Lexington, Broadway, and Brooklyn sneak into a movie theater to watch a certain old Disney movie, before fighting noises from outside interrupt them.
    (distant explosion)
    Broadway: "This surround-sound is incredible!"
    Lexington: "I don't remember any explosions in Bambi."
  • During "Enter Macbeth", Brooklyn and Lex (while being held captive) realize why the name Mc Beth sounds familiar to them. Goliath had been reading a play by a new writer, Shakespeare. They decide they should read it sometime.
    • Brooklyn convinces Lex to find a way out of their electrified cage with the following:
    Brooklyn: (poking the bars) *bzzt* Ouch. *bzzt* Ouch. *bzzt* Ouch. *bzzt* Ouch.
    • Brooklyn is too busy writhing in agony to notice how the lights dim when he pokes the bars.
    • Lexington has a line later on in the same episode which is hilarious more from the delivery than anything else.
    Goliath: *Deafening enraged roar*
    Lexington: (deadpan) Bronx must've found Goliath.
  • In "The Edge", the Steel clan are beating Goliath and the clan. Broadway slams into a wall of bricks and... the wall doesn't break down, but instead a single brick falls on his head prompting him to yell "Hey!"
  • "Let's... go... shopping!" It's the tone in Xanatos' voice.
  • "The Mirror" is a string of Funny Moments from the minute Puck starts casting spells.
    "Did you say "that human" or "that human?" Oh, never mind, I'll figure it out."
    • Elisa's reaction to being turned into a gargoyle... is to turn to Goliath and start gushing about what a pleasant surprise it is that he's been turned into a gargoyle! Then, while he's teaching her how to use her wings, she's upset to discover that apparently everyone else in the city have been turned into humans!
    • While fighting the Human!Gargoyles, Puck runs into some trouble with Bronx (unaffected by his collective transformation spell). So he turns Bronx into a "normal" dog, and it doesn't help.
    Puck: "Whoa! Should have tried the Chihuahua!"
    • Throughout the episode Demona insults, threatens, and manhandles Puck. Bullying a Dragon? Maybe, but he doesn't act like he really minds, snarking at her while smiling. At the end of the episode, a defeated Demona is tired of his chatter and says "Please leave", and this is what gets him mad at her.
    • What Puck finally does to Demona in the end is both wonderfully ironic and karmic. Earlier, she asked him to give her the ability to walk around in daytime without getting turned to stone. Much to her horror, she's turned into a human when the sun rises.
  • In "City of Stone, Part 4", Goliath tries to stop Demona and Macbeth from fighting. He grabs them as they are locked in combat, only to get a face full of fist from both of them simultaneously. Serious moment, but by gosh was it funny.
  • The climax of City of Stone where Demona has just given them the access code. Xanatos zooms up to the computers, deactivates the destruct-sequence with seconds to spare, and wipes his brow with a sigh of relief. And there's Bronx, staring right at him.
    Xanatos: What are you looking at?
  • Xanatos after creating his own Frankestein's Monster with Demona's help:
  • Right after the trio's first disastrous attempt to fly a helicopter:
    Brooklyn: (eyeing the wreckage) What are we supposed to do now? Use it as a planter?
    • And directly before:
    "Yeah use the Force, Lex!"
  • Fox and Hyena sharing a cell and entertaining themselves with Sartre and shooting cockroaches with a slingshot, respectively:
    Hyena: Why do you read that stuff anyway?
    Fox: Because Nietzsche's too butch and Kafka reminds me of your little friends over there.
    • It's especially funny when you remember Sartre's most famous work, No Exit.
  • In "Eye of the Beholder," the transformed, monstrous Fox is brawling with Goliath. Elisa and Xanatos (in his Power Armor) are looking on: Elisa draws a bead on Fox with her service pistol. Xanatos snatches the pistol from her, crumples it in his gauntleted hands, and politely passes it back to Elisa without a word. (She was planning to shoot his fiancee, after all. Understandable but not acceptable.)
    • Elisa takes it back with an expression of dismay. (The NYPD will probably take that out of her pay.)
  • Xanatos is something of a Butt-Monkey in "Eye of the Beholder," as each of his plans to get the Eye of Odin back from Fox go awry. Goliath's responses to the gradual deterioration of his Machiavellian plots are utterly hilarious: "I hope you have a 'Plan D'" and "Not a good night for you"... though Xanatos actually does come up with a Plan D, and it's one of the last things you'd ever expect: telling the truth and asking Goliath and Elisa for help. Even this falls flat, and he is reduced to tailing Goliath and hoping he'll change his mind.
  • From the episode that introduces Goliath's evil clone Thailog:
    • Goliath denying reports of him acting strangely by his friends.
    Goliath: You should know that I am not in the habit of playing childish pranks or laughing maniacally in the dark.
    Hudson: Do you even know how to laugh maniacally? note 
    • Thailog hearing Goliath let loose an angry roar:
    Thailog: Now I know where I got the temper.
    • Dr. Sevarius was apparently rehearsing a faked Motive Rant.
    Sevarius: YES! I betrayed you! You robbed me of my ultimate achievement! My greatest creation! I only took back what was miiine! (whispers) ...there, how was that?
    • After Thailog's inevitable betrayal:
    Sevarius: Typical. You do and do and do for them, and what happens? They twist the knife in you—
    (The ship they're standing on is covered in fire and about to explode)
    Goliath: We have to go!
    (Thailog immediately lunges after the suitcase full of stolen cash he took from Xanatos)
  • In "The Price", where Xanatos captures Hudson gives us this moment:
    Xanatos: We need a piece of your skin, Hudson.
    Hudson: You'll have the Devil's own task getting it!
    Xanatos: Really? (pulls out tray from underneath Hudson, picks up one of his sheddings, and closes it). Gee, that wasn't as hard as you made it sound.
    • When Macbeth attacks the Gargoyles for the third time.
    Macbeth: Farewell, my enemies! (starts shooting)
    Brooklyn: (to Broadway) Alright, this is gettin' old...
    • Goliath destroys him, who turns out to be a robot.
    Macbeth robot: (malfunctioning) You'll have... to do... better... than.... that....
  • In "Revelations":
    Matt: How accommodating of the Society to provide their senior members with rejuvenation drugs.
    Mace Malone: (grins) You should see the dental plan.
  • The episode "Protection", for introducing us to "Haa...haaa...! JALAPENA!", if nothing else.
    • Tony Dracon's automatic reaction to seeing Goliath is to take a flying dive behind the couch. Apparently he has not forgotten their last encounter.
  • In "The Cage", Xanatos finishes admitting to having Sevarius under his employ to Derrick/Talon, then Goliath sits up from the rubble after recovering from the last attack.
    Xanatos: Oh, hello Goliath. Didn't even notice you there.
    • Also, Elisa Maza's dad's sarcasm of having webbed feet a "great duck impersonation", complete with a quacking sound that sounds almost like Donald Duck's quacking, which causes a laugh from the family at the dinner table.
  • The episode "Cloud Fathers" gives us Xanatos first (and only) attempt at being a cliché villain.
    Xanatos: It's my first real stab at cliched villainy... (casually) How am I doing?
  • Many of the Archmage's interactions with his younger self in "Avalon, Part 2".
    Future Archmage: Finally. I thought he'd never leave.
  • There's definitely something funny in how the Archmage, for all the threat he poses, still starts off with a very 10th-century mindset regarding his goals. When prompting from his future self leads him to admit that he really hadn't given much thought as to what he'll do with the magical power he's been working toward for so long once he gets it, he muses that perhaps he will use this near-unlimited power to conquer...Scotland. The future Archmage wryly points out that he could set his sights a little higher.
  • "Avalon Part 2" had the Archmage utter: "Don't crow too loudly. After all, what have you achieved? You beat up a beach."
    • Greg Weisman apparently really loves this line, as he keeps putting variations on it in his other shows.
    • There's also when he is gleefully toying with Goliath in their fight, the latter demanding to know why the wizard doesn't just finish him off.
    Archmage: Because, I'm having too! Much! Fun! <zaps Goliath with another lightning bolt>
  • In "Grief", Jackal becoming the Avatar of Anubis can be pretty horrifying, but him turning Hyena and Wolf into babies was hilarious.
  • In "Mark of the Panther", Goliath's straight-faced and deadpan "...Of course not," in response to Diane Maza's assertion that she needs no protection walking through the mythological abandoned city chasing down werepanthers. Even funnier when you realize this is his first real interaction with his then-unofficial girlfriend's mother.
  • Let's not forget Dingo's comment in "Walkabout" when he and Goliath are transported into the Dreamtime.
    Dingo: Always did fancy a trip to Disneyland.
  • In "Kingdom", Xanatos has an interesting definition for fun.
    Lexington: If you don't know anything, why were you shooting at us?
    Xanatos: Do I really need an excuse to have a good time in my own home?
  • Oberon gets several moments in the two-parter "The Gathering". Like when Fox asks her mother Anastasia/Titania to explain his presence.
    Oberon: Mother?! Ha ha ha, Titania, what have you been up to?
  • The cream pie gun Mr. Carter, wielded by Vinnie in the episode Vendettas? With Vinnie humming the Gargoyles' theme song as he walks away victorious?
    Hudson: Who in the world was that?!
    Goliath: I haven't the slightest idea.
    Hudson: (wipes some cream off Goliath's face and tastes it) Mmmm... banana cream!
    • In the same episode, Goliath and Hudson are standing too close to each other when Goliath prepares to fight Hudson and elbows the older Gargoyle in the head, much to his own shock. A rare moment of clumsiness for the the two warriors.
    • The episode also has Hudson telling Hakons ghost to get an afterlife, and Hudson wondering why NY is called the big apple
    Goliath: Some questions, old friend, are best left for humans to resolve.
  • While Thailog is breaking Demona out of her imprisonment in the episode "The Reckoning", she ominously points a weapon at Fang. Fang being Fang, begs for mercy, in his own way.
    Fang: (while throwing a blanket over himself) Some of my best friends are half-human half-gargoyle babes with bad attitudes!
  • In the only canon episodes of The Goliath Chronicles we have this golden line when Macbeth is having a live debate against a Gargoyle hater:
    Macbeth: Madam, they burnt witches like you in the middle ages!
    Margot: Mister, you're living in a fantasy world!
  • It may be Canon Discontinuity, but "And Justice For All" features Goliath making a Dynamic Entry into the courtroom where his sentence is about to be given, with the real criminal in tow. His first line afterwards: "Please forgive the dramatic entrance, Your Honor."
  • Another great moment from Goliath Chronicles in the episode "For it May Come True". Humanified Goliath actually doing a Spit Take when his two kids wave goodbye on there way to school.
    Goliath: DADDY? We have children!?
  • From the fifth issue of the Slave Labor Graphics comic continuation.
    Brooklyn: Have no fear! Supergoyle is here!
  • Thailog takes after his dear daddy Anton in his entertaining card carrying villainy.
    • His reaction to learning that Goliath has, essentially, taken Delilah (the clone he made of Demona with some of Elisa's DNA) on a date is to laugh uproariously, then remark: "Wow. Haven't had a good maniacal laugh in weeks."
    • Later, after Delilah has called out Goliath on his motives for said date:
    Thailog: Fresh out of the can and already so intuitive! (to Elisa) Must be the good genes, eh Detective?
    Deliliah: (slaps his hand away) You used me as well, Thailog.
    Thailog: (hand over his heart) Moi?
    • And throughout the entire above storyline, he's wearing a domino mask. Cause, y'know, it's Halloween.
  • The scene in the comic where Stone of Destiny and the Holy Grail greet each other when they're alone.
    Stone: Hey.
    Grail: Hey.
    • Remember, they are both ancient mystical artifacts.
  • Brooklyn notices that his own clone is apparently having more romantic luck than him.
    Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me...
  • Lexington doesn't have it any easier when his own clone willingly decides to follow Thailog.
    C'mon dude, you're making me look bad here!
  • Xanatos may be at the very bottom rung of the Illuminati, but he still has no problem snarking at his superiors.
    Quincy Hemings: Been on staff here at the White House since the Roosevelt administration.
    Xanatos: [raises eyebrow] FDR?
    Hemings: Teddy. And I been Chief Steward here since Johnson.
    Xanatos: (innocent smirk) Andrew?
    Hemings: LBJ. Now don't get smart, boy.
  • In the "Gathering of the Cast and Crew" featurette on the Season 2 Volume 1 DVD, Jeff Bennett demonstrates his Man of a Thousand Voices talent by ad-libbing this gorgeously nonsensical exchange between his three major characters:
    Brooklyn: That's a bike! Isn't it a cool bike?
    Owen: Yes, it is a very cool bike. Unfortunately, we're going to have to blow it up. I'm so sorry, Brooklyn.
    Magus: Yes, but before you blow it up I would like to change it into a beautiful woman.
  • A subtle one, but in the episode that introduces The Pack, the villains of their eponymous Show Within a Show are apparently called the Evil Ninjas. No team name, no Big Bad, just "Evil Ninjas".
  • A non-canon example, in the radio play Religious Studies 101: A Handful of Thorns at The Gathering, the exchange between Brooklyn, Broadway and Lexington about how Lexington found porn on the internet had everybody in stitches, and the actors playing Broadway and Lexington (the latter played by Thom Adcox himself) took a few moments to ad-lib a couple of very risque lines that were not in the script, making it more hilarious to everyone present.
    Lexington/Thom Adcox: My hands are sore.
    Broadway/Crispin Freeman: Yeah, and my tail, too.
  • Brooklyn, Broadway, and Lexington fighting each other when vying for Angela's attention, which only annoyed her.
    • There was this gem when they were all flying while the Trio were squabbling with each other in mid-flight.
    Brooklyn, Broadway, and Lexington: (all arguing at once)
    Angela: Guys... GUYS!
    (The three finally stop and look forward to see a building chimney fast approaching)
    Broadway: Uh oh... (they all crash and fall on the rooftop)
    Angela: (lands near them) I tried to warn you.
    Brooklyn, Broadway, and Lexington: Thanks...
  • In M.I.A. a pair of gargoyles who look like an anthropomorphic unicorn and lion are running a shop on a standard London street, which any random human can and does barge into. Humans figure those two are wearing masks. The gargoyles must come off as dedicated furries who run the shop while in articulated fursuits.

  • Some of Brooklyn's inner monologues in Clan building.
  • Also, Mary named her mare Magus (something about her face).
  • Mary's reaction to finding out about "her little Tom" being married.
    Brooklyn : Uh. Maybe I should keep my big beak shut
  • This exchange:
    Lexington : Hey, looks like we beat them here.
    [They get blasted by a laser]

    Brooklyn: Remind me to be fashionably late next time

  • The comic may be of dubious writing quality, but you can't help but laugh in the scene where the Illuminati put the Rock of Ages and the Holy Grail in a vault...and not only can they talk, they apparently know each other!
    Rock of Ages: How ya doing?
    Holy Grail: What's up?

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