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Characters / Spearbreakers

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These are the main characters of Spearbreakers. This page does contain unmarked spoilers. Read at your own risk. (Under construction.)

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Originally a soldier of the Vampiric Wars, Splint was sent to the borderlands with a small band of dwarves in order to found a military fortress. The first overseer, he also got a second and third go later on. He's considered the father of the fortress by most, both in name and spirit. He'll do almost anything to protect it. He lost his lover, also a Vampiric War veteran, during the first Spawn attack, and he hasn't been the same since.

Tropes associated with Splint:

  • Character Development: Splint changes and becomes more violent and angry, in addition to his Sanity Slippage.
  • Heartbroken Badass: Splint's lover, Stova, died after the first Holistic Spawn sighting. Splint redirects the pain towards the Spawn as hatred.
  • Running Gag: Splint throws mugs at the walls when he's angry.
  • Sanity Slippage: Splint gradually experiences this over his second reign. It took a while to kick in.


Talvi fought in the Vampiric Wars with Splint, but has since lost her edge with a weapon. She's a Jack-of-All-Trades, being legendary in multiple skills. Unfortunately, during her reign, the discovery of the Holistic Spawn caused her to lose her sanity, reducing her to a childlike state where she plays with cavies and talks to her Imaginary Friend, speaking in a thick "southern" accent.

Tropes associated with Talvi:

Mr Frog

Mr Frog is a gnome, and originally a Ballpoint researcher, largely responsible for the second release of the Holistic Spawn. After realizing what he'd done, Mr Frog became an alcoholic/drug addict, threatened to reveal what he knew to the public, and in lieu of his execution, Ballpoint exiled him to Spearbreakers. In their minds, this guaranteed his destruction. Later in the story he gets cloned by Joseph, making things Darker and Edgier.

Tropes associated with Mr Frog:

  • Antihero: Though technically a good guy, he would make a pretty wicked villain.
  • Asexuality: Mr Frog doesn't loathe romance, and it isn't that he doesn't understand it, either. He simply doesn't care about it.
  • Badass Cape: In the canon, he wears a cloak that makes him look more badass.
  • Character Development: Non-clone Mr Frog orients his goals towards taking Eris down, rather than !!SCIENCE!!. Clone Mr Frog grows more appreciative of Vanya.
  • Deadly Training Area: He put together an advanced-tech "combat simulation chamber" to rapidly hone the abilities of the militia. This was a subject of controversy among the overseers.
  • Deal with the Devil: He makes two deals with Joseph, one to obtain an amnesiac for Talvi, and the second to be taken to Eris.
  • Doesn't Like Guns: He prefers to use other modes of weaponry.
  • Flat "What": He drops one of these while watching Vanya and Urist argue.
  • He Knows Too Much:
    • He gets exiled from Ballpoint pre-story because of what he knows.
    • He tries to administer an amnesiac to Talvi to force her to forget what she's seen, and later obtains the assistance of Joseph for that purpose.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Mr Frog says variations of this many times over the duration of his reign. This gets dropped afterwards.
  • I Will Find You: He shouts this at Vanya as she runs away from him after breaking into his room.
  • Last of His Kind: He's apparently the only survivor of his species in the Shared Universe, though not, perhaps, The Multiverse. He's described as being a dwarf-sized gnome, though he perhaps has an inch in height above the average dwarf.
  • MacGyvering: He excels at this, creating bombs and weapons from spare lab equipment.
  • Mad Scientist: He's notorious for his experiments, which have little regard for morality. However, he's not precisely "mad"... At least, not most of the time.
  • No Social Skills: He can never understand people.
  • Older Than They Look: Nobody ever guesses Mr Frog's true age until he reveals it. Who would've thought he's been around since Syrupleaf?
  • Pragmatic Hero: Only after he's been cloned. The clone, through social interaction, gradually gains a sense of morality.
  • Really 700 Years Old: He isn't quite 700, but he's well past three hundred.
  • Reluctant Mad Scientist:
    • Cloned Mr Frog would rather be living out his days elsewhere, but has found himself in Spearbreakers.
    • Original Mr Frog is working for Joseph without choice, who he'd rather not be associated with.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: It started unintentionally, but became a sort of running gag.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": He insists on his name being spelled without the traditional period following "Mr".
  • The Alcoholic: Earlier in the story, Mr Frog was always calling for his Merlot.
  • You Can Run, but You Can't Hide: He yells a version of this at Vanya as she runs from him.


Draignean is a veteran of the Vampiric Wars. Saying he's egotistical is an understatement, and calling that an understatement is an understatement in itself. His background is obscure, but he's an excellent soldier - almost as good as Colonel Fischer herself. He's also a moderately good organizer, and helped set up the magma forges, following Mr Frog's lead.

Tropes associated with Draignean:

  • Catchphrase: "Armok's infinite beard!" Other people use this phrase on occasion as a reference to it.
  • General Failure: Draignean is the perfect example of this, being somewhat similar to Futurama's Zapp Brannigan.
  • Large Ham: There's no question. Everything is a speech with Draignean, and more often than not, a speech about himself.
  • Strange Salute: Draignean inadvertently starts the strange Spearbreakers tradition of saluting the overseer by punching him in the face. In Reudh's reign this changes to flipping the overseer off, possibly because nobody wants to get near him.


His background is little-known, as few dwarves knew of him prior to his unexpected rise to overseership. He speaks with a strong accent, possibly denoting a lowly birth, and is a friend to skulkers. He's also a dwarf that puts Honor Before Reason, and will always be remembered as such. After his death, his successors have always tended to meet their ends on the same spikebridge that killed the original.

Tropes associated with Sus:


He ruled with an iron fist, reordering the entire fortress structure during his turn. Combat wasn't quite his area of expertise, and he denied us what we eagerly awaited, but there's no denying he's the best organizer the fortress ever knew. Whenever someone mentions hypercompetency, this is who they're talking about.

Tropes associated with Mitchewawa:

  • Anti-Climax: Mitchewawa promised everyone he would invade hell during his reign. He didn't.
  • Only Sane Man: He managed to (barely) pull the fortress back from the brink. This accomplishment didn't last long.


Paintbrushturkey made up for what he lacked in domestic organizational skills with military experience. A warrior from the mountainhome, he whipped Spearbreakers' army into shape so quickly that a good number of people objected, particularly Count Splint. After a particularly messy argument, he decided he'd had enough. He's lived in the shadows ever since, and sometimes people wonder if he's even there at all.

Tropes associated with Paintbrushturkey:

  • Delinquent Hair: Paintbrushturkey sported a badass mohawk in canon. He did it so well that if we could, we'd make it into a trope of its own.

Lord Reudh

It's debatable whether or not Lord Reudh really is, in fact, a lord. On one hand, he carries himself as one, speaks as though he's from the well-educated upper class, and knows a surprising amount about diplomacy. On the other hand, he has no proof of his status whatsoever, can't tell if a tankard of ale has been drugged, and is in love with the homeless skulker, Vanya.

Tropes associated with Lord Reudh:

  • Deadly Training Area: He averted this with his Spawn Containment Facility - an area where marksdwarves could safely practice shooting imprisoned spawn.
  • I Will Find You: Reudh made a Heroic Vow that he would find his One True Love, Vanya. He did.
  • Pyrrhic Victory: The first Spawn siege in Reudh's reign resulted in NINE deaths, and two cripples. Additionally, Mad-Dok was infected with the Spawn Fever. The second Spawn siege in the same year resulted in two more, including Jack Magnus.
  • Running Gag: Did something go wrong? Blame it on Reudh!
  • Sanity Slippage: Reudh experiences this over the course of roughly six months as a result of the tainted drink. He gets better.
  • Stalker with a Crush: He had a creepy yet adorable crush on Rose, Splint's bodyguard. This was later determined to be an unusual aftereffect of Mr Frog's chemical concotions.
  • Walking the Earth: Reudh does this during his self-appointed Quest to find Vanya.


    Other Notable Characters 

The Master

One of the starting seven, The Master was one of Splint's fellow soldiers during the Vampiric Wars. At some point he'd gone unhinged, praying to Armok and chanting "Carnage! Carnage!", his Madness Mantra. In an Alternate Continuity, The Master rerose from the dead (he died during a failed mood that shouldn't have failed) and managed to resurrect the rest of the Clover along with him.

Tropes associated with The Master:


The mad butcher of Spearbreakers, adored by all. Though a bit crazy, he/she did a fine job of making sure Spearbreakers' corpses got butchered... and rebutchered... and butchered again...

Tropes associated with Bombzero:

  • Crossdresser: Bombzero was actually a man. However, he's noted in the records as a woman because you'd never know he wasn't.


The military liason from Baron L-*ahem*. Excuse me. He arrived with the guards to a caravan, and eventually ended up saving the entire fortress, though his deed was only known by Mr Frog. Later he went on to save the fortress a couple more times after that.

Tropes associated with Urist:


An elf that migrated into the fortress as a skulker, she had her mind altered repeatedly until she's no longer completely certain who she is. Without her knowledge, she became an agent of Parasol, controlled by Joseph or his minions.

Tropes associated with Vanya:


Hans is a miner/mason/hammerman with an unknown background. Originally he simply worked for Splint, but along the way he got caught up in Urist and Vanya's Adventure and finds himself befriending them.

Tropes associated with Hans:

  • Gentle Giant: He's tall for a dwarf, though not the sharpest tool in the shed.
  • Only Sane Man: He's often the only one with his head on straight.
  • Shield Bash: In the story, Hans has a tendency to use his shield rather than his weapon, as a Running Gag.


Easily the most heavily debated character in the story, Rose and her sidekick/shadow/guardian/pet/shadow, Halen, quickly made themselves known after they arrived at Spearbreakers. Their origins are indeterminate, but it seems as though they grew up in the desert.

Tropes associated with Rose:

  • Fiery Redhead: She's so much of one the trope could've been based on her.

Draconik Sankis

Draconik Sankis is a mid-ranking Parasol executive, with a specialty in Theoretical Biology, which he often puts into practice. The creator of FS-1 and other entities, Draconik Sankis is both feared and loved by all who know him.

Tropes associated with Draconik Sankis:

    Notable NPC Characters 

Colonel Fischer

Colonel Fischer is a pikedwarf that served with Splint during the Vampiric Wars. She was brought along to (possibly) train some new recruits, but ended up achieving an almost godlike status, and is without a doubt the best fighter in the fortress.

Tropes associated with Colonel Fischer:

  • Ambiguous Gender: Her gender is constantly being gotten wrong, as almost nobody can tell whether she's male or female. On rare occasions she'll shave her beard, but it grows right back almost immediately.
  • Colonel Badass: It's scary how powerful she became, racking up over 200 kills by Splint's second reign. Not only that, she was this badass before she was sent to the danger room.
  • Famed in Story: Fischer is noted to be a god in several places by multiple people.
  • I Call Her "Vera": She named her pike "Splashslowed" after she made a couple hundred kills with it.
  • One-Hit Kill: In the game, she makes these the most often of anyone.
  • Running Gag: Fischer's gender is constantly being mistaken.


The lover of Splint, she fought beside him during the Vampiric Wars. Tragically, she died the second year, turning into a Holistic Spawn.

Tropes associated with Stova:


Joseph was originally a Parasol executive who became Drunk with Power and did a Face–Heel Turn, leaving and founding Eris. His current intentions are unknown, but he's known for manipulating people with his Batman Gambits and ruthlessly wiping out any and all opposition.

Tropes associated with Joseph:


Wari is a Parasol agent (one of many) working at Spearbreakers. She signed herself up for hospital duty after seeing that Dr. Kannan had taken up that career choice, and continued to serve even after Mitchewawa's reign. Likely the most competent doctor in the hospital, even moreso than Simon Tam.

Tropes associated with Wari:

Dr. Kannan

Dr. Kannan is a Ballpoint agent working undercover at Spearbreakers. While he originally signed himself up for hospital duty, Mitchewawa realized during his reign that he was incompetent as a doctor and fired him.

Tropes associated with Dr. Kannan:

  • Mad Doctor: Dr. Kannan especially, but technically, any of the hospital staff could qualify as this.

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