Characters / The Brittas Empire

The cast of The Brittas Empire. All spoilers are unmarked.

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The Staff in General

• Butt-Monkey: Carole and Colin get it the most (with Colin getting the physical damage and Carole getting the Yank the Dog's Chain moments), but Gavin, Brittas, and Helen have undergone more than their share of pain.
• Comic Trio: Between Brittas, Laura, and Colin, Brittas is The Leader, Laura is the Only Sane Woman, and Colin is The Fool.
• Deadpan Snarker: Snarking tends to be the default way of coping for the cast members who hadn't become incredibly naive by Brittas, with notable snarkers including Laura, Tim, Julie, Angie, and Penny. Even Brittas has his moments, particularly when dealing with Colin.
• Dream People: "Curse of the Tiger Women" reveals that except for Brittas (and to a lesser extent Helen), none of the staff members present at the centre during Series 7 actually existed, being figures in a Dream based on people Brittas saw on a train whilst on his way to an interview for a Manager job at Whitbury. Laura, Angie and Penny are an Ambiguous Situation, as they're not present on the train when Brittas finally wakes up from the Dream.
• Dysfunction Junction: If they didn't have issues beforehand, they would now thanks to Brittas:
  • Helen has had a Dark and Troubled Past and is seen in the present teetering between anti-depressants, affairs, and violence.
  • Carole was abandoned by her husband and left homeless and is usually seen weeping in reception. She does grow out of this, although her way of raising children remains odd.
  • Tim is implied to have had electrotherapy when he was younger and tends to act violently and jealously when he thinks his boyfriend is standing him up. It's most pronounced in "We All Fall Down" when he holds the staff hostage.
  • Colin is implied to have low self-esteem under his chirpy demeanour and is unhealthily dependent on his work.
  • Brittas is an Obstructive Bureaucrat, has No Social Skills, and a habit of driving people insane with timetables.
• Earn Your Happy Ending: "In the Beginning" shows that despite the traumatic experiences they undergo in the leisure centre, they are destined to become rich and lead happier lives by 2019. Of note is Carole, who is shown to become a successful pianist and a Dame after spending five series being the biggest Butt-Monkey of the staff.
• Gender-Equal Ensemble: In Series 7, half of them were male (Brittas, Tim, Gavin, and Colin) and half of them were female (Linda, Julie, Helen, and Carole). Prior to this, it was a majority female cast, although the gender equalness is maintained leisure centre staff-wise. "Pregnant!" justifies this by having Brittas mention a staff gender quota.
• Nice, Mean, and In-Between: Between Tim, Gavin, and Colin, Colin is the nice one, Tim is the mean one, and Gavin is the in-between one.
• Parental Issues: There is a theme in the series that parents screw you up:
  • Brittas' mother died when he was young and his father raised him with praise, not realizing that Brittas didn't quite measure up to it.
  • Helen's parents were hypercritical to her, due to the fact that if she was born a boy, her father would have inherited a jam factory.
  • Colin's parents died when he was young and he was raised by an aunt.
  • Gavin's father is a conservative man willing to cut off any of his children who doesn't want to pursue his line of work as an army colonel and is implied to be homophobic, forcing Gavin to hide his sexuality from him.
  • Tim apparently never knew his father beyond the fact that he tried to help people in East Germany flee to the West.
  • Carole's parents forced her to give up her dreams in piano and instilled in her a Stay in the Kitchen attitude.
  • It's implied that Laura's parents were more interested in teaching her mannerisms than being good parents.
  • Linda apparently doesn't have parents in the present day.
• Seen It All: By Series 7, all the chaotic events in the centre have meant that the staff have become quite unfazed by many of the situations in the centre. Case in point: the end of "Exposed" features the staff watching footage of a fire in the basement, a court full of infected customers, a toilet full of agouti, and a murder attempt by Helen on the man who produced the footage without much reaction, with Brittas even calling it simply "an off day".
• True Companions: Whilst there is the occasional screw-up, the majority of the staff get on well with each other and usually support each other, especially when it's to hide something from Brittas. Tellingly, "In the Beginning..." reveals that they continue meeting up once a year even after they've left for other jobs.
• Vague Age: Except for Brittas (due to turn 37 by the final episode), Helen (40 by "Snap Happy"), and Gavin (36 by "Gavin Featherly R.I.P."), none of the ages of the staff are given. Colin is old enough to have what appears to be an adult child at least, whilst Laura is apparently younger than Brittas, but older than the majority of the staff.

Leisure Centre Management

Mr. Brittas

Gordon Wellesley Brittas, GM

The Manager of Whitbury Leisure Centre. Utterly devoted to his job and is unshakably convinced he can make the world a better place; Unfortunately, despite being meaning well, he is absolutely hopeless at his job, myopically devoted to red tape, and utterly lacking in people skills. Played by Chris Barrie.

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• Abandoned Catchphrase: His "I Have a Dream..." Character Catchphrase was for the most part ditched in Series 6 and 7, although it does briefly come up in "The Disappearing Act" and "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• Accidental Adultery: "Temple of the Body" reveals that he had sex with Carole under the belief that he was bedding his wife Helen (it was a costume party and they were wearing the same tiger costume). This becomes an issue when Carole falls pregnant from the encounter, though neither finds out until the Grand Finale, "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• Accidental Hero: Manages to hold up the roof of a collapsing corridor and let his staff escape the collapsing leisure centre by being in the right place at the right time in "High Noon".
• Accidental Misnaming:
  • He calls Albert Einstein "Alfred Einstein" in "Laying the Foundations".
  • He also regularly calls his neighbour Pam "Pat".
• Accidental Murder: His attempts to rescue a man from behind a door with a chainsaw in "The Trial" result in the man getting decapitated.
• Accidental Pervert: Spies on his staff members changing in "That Creeping Feeling" so that he can prepare their fitness targets for them. He is also completely unaware of how creepy his actions were, even by the end of the episode.
• Acquainted with Emergency Services: So well-known with them that just the words "Brittas" or "leisure centre" will make them hang up on him. They have also been known to blacklist and boycott the leisure centre from time to time.
  Carole: Yes Mr. Brittas, I've called the police, the army and the ambulance.
  Mr. Brittas: We don't need them now Carole, it's only Tim.
  Carole: Oh good, because they said they're not coming, and Sergeant Curtis said if it was the Iraqis, he'd hoped they'd kill you.
• Actor Allusion:
  • The accent that he uses when speaking to Boilerman Barnes in "Opening Day" takes a strong similarity to the voice that his actor, Chris Barrie, used for Frank Rimmer in the Red Dwarf episode "Timeslides" ^note  It's more associated with Ace Rimmer, but he wouldn't debut until "Dimension Jump", which aired about two months after "Opening Day".
  • In "Stop Thief!", Helen reveals that Brittas briefly worked for the Samaritans, on what became known as Black Friday because all four people he spoke to committed suicide, even though one of them was a wrong number. In the Red Dwarf episode "The Last Day", which aired two years earlier, Rimmer (also played by Chris Barrie) had also mentioned he worked for the Samaritans, on what became known as Lemming Sunday for the same reason, complete with the wrong number (he only wanted the cricket scores).
• Affectionate Nickname:
  • He has a tendency to use nicknames with people he's bonded with.
    • He frequently calls Helen "my love" or "my darling".
    • In "Not a Good Day...", he calls Sebastian Coe "Sebby".
    • In "The Last Day", he calls St. Peter and the Archangel Michael "Pete" and "Mike".
    • In "Gordon Works It Out", he calls Lesley Joseph "Joe".
  • Laura sometimes calls him "Mr. B".
• All Just a Dream: "Curse of the Tiger Women" reveals the whole series was just a dream he had on the way to his job interview at the leisure centre
• All-Loving Hero: As Laura points out in "Assassin", Brittas doesn't really hate anyone (although there are exceptions) and his obnoxiousness stems from a genuine desire to improve people's lives. Too bad his social skills make this a difficult task.
• AM/FM Characterization:
  • "Laying the Foundations" shows he has a love for marching band music, matching his officious and by-the-rules personality.
  • "Playing with Fire" shows him happily listening to classical music, matching his more traditional attitude towards life.
• And There Was Much Rejoicing: When he was announced dead in "Back From the Dead", 1200 people are stated to have come to his funeral, with the heavy implication that they came because of this trope. Neither his wife nor his staff seem that bothered either, with Tim and Gavin even smiling once they confirm that Brittas is seemingly dead. Subverted when he briefly dies for real in "The Last Day", which had the staff genuinely devastated.
• Animals Hate Him: Over the course of the series, he has had trouble with cows, pigeons, eagles, spiders, ostriches, bears, sharks and geese.
• Annoying Laugh: His nasal braying laugh.
• Attending Your Own Funeral: Accomplishes this in "The Last Day" when he comes back to life halfway through it.
• Bad Boss: Despite his best efforts, he really is a terrible boss and most of his staff have tried to have him fired/sent away at least once.
• Back from the Dead:
  • He was believed to have come back from the dead as a zombie in "Back From the Dead", but he had never died to begin with.
  • He gets kicked out of Heaven and sent back to Earth for annoying St. Peter in "The Last Day".
• Benevolent Boss: He believes himself to be one despite the fact he drives staff and customers alike up the wall. He does have his moments though, such as trying to help a pregnant Carole find somewhere to stay after she has been evicted in "Temple of the Body".
• Big Damn Heroes: Helps his staff escape and rescues three children from the collapsing leisure centre in "High Noon".
• Black Like Me:
  • In "The Stuff of Dreams", Brittas, troubled by his mortality and wanting to push age awareness, goes into the centre disguised as an old man (Derek Didcot). Naturally, this leads to a fight with another pensioner in reception and the destruction of said pensioner's glasses.
  • There is also a reference to a Noodle Incident in "The Chop" where Brittas seemed to resign, then went into the building disguised as a woman to highlight the sexism in the centre.
• Born Unlucky: None of his plans ever work out. For example, "We All Fall Down" has his Peace and Hunger Week event end with a fallen power cable electrocuting several children and his wife and sending them all to the emergency room.
• Bothering by the Book: Whenever he pulls out the leisure centre rule book or the council bylaws it guarantees that the poor bastard who has to listen will be in for the long haul.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall: Frequently in Get Fit with Brittas, a little-known spin-off about Brittas teaching about the benefits of exercise.
• Break the Motivational Speaker:
  • Pulled it off in "Bye Bye Baby" when he makes Ken Owen (who teaches about peace without drugs) have a nervous breakdown and relapse.
  • He came close in "Surviving Christmas" with his constant interruptions to Captain Kipper 'B' Brown.
• Brutal Honesty: He will not hesitate to speak his mind truthfully on matters, even if it harms people.
  Laura: Mr. Brittas, if someone gave you a present, you wouldn't just say you didn't like it, would you?
  Mr. Brittas: (Beat) Yes.
  Laura: You would?
  Mr. Brittas: Tactfully of course, Laura. But at one Christmas, Helen bought me a tie, and I told her in the gentlest possible way I didn't think the colour went with the material, or any of my clothes.
• Butt-Monkey: Over the course of the series, Brittas had been hit by a treacle lorry, crushed inside a car, attacked with a dead eagle, had his feet set in concrete, electrocuted, dragged by an ostrich, punched in the face by Gavin, crushed to death by a water tank, nearly frozen alive, forcibly baptized, fallen in elephant dung, shot by Julie's bodyguard and attacked by an angry goose.
• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with him waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream using random bystanders as characters within the dream. Colin is a ticket conductor, Carole is with Gavin, Julie is an on-board caterer and Linda is a nun (and seemingly with Tim).
• Came Back Strong: "Back with a Bang" reveals he gained super-strength after he was revived from being crushed to death in "The Last Day", making him able to throw Linda in the air with ease and having a grip so firm he crushes Tim and Gavin's hands.
• Came Back Wrong: "At the Double" reveals he hasn't noticed Helen much since his return from the dead in "The Last Day". As such, Helen briefly ponders if it's because he left his libido in the afterlife.
• Character Catch Phrase: A few:
  • "Eeeeeeexcellent!".
  • "I have a dream...".
  • "Two minutes, my darling!".
• Character Development: Whilst at the start of the series, he was completely against the idea of lying, he gradually becomes more willing to do so if it is for the greater good. He even admits in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P." that past experience has taught him such.
• Characterisation Marches On: In Series 1, Brittas was simply a rule-obsessed git. By Series 2 however, Brittas had been given a kinder side and an explanation that he simply didn't realize how much he annoyed others due to his lack of awareness.
• Character Tics:
  • He wiggles and moves his head a lot when he talks.
  • He also has a tendency to make exaggerated hand gestures when explaining things as well.
• The Chew Toy: Is one of the most unfortunate characters in the show. Over 52 episodes, he has been threatened, run over, accused of murder, electrocuted, fired, trapped in the collapsing centre, crushed to death, frozen, dropped in elephant shit and shot repeatedly.
• Cloudcuckoolander: He finds time to hold morning singalongs and team-building exercises while stranded for days in a blizzard with no food, electricity or heat in "In the Beginning...".
• Conditioned to Accept Horror: By the end of the series, he has become unfazed by the number of deaths and injuries which occur in the centre, to the point of calling a day featuring plague-ridden customers, a fire in the basement, and agouti in the toilet just an off day in "Exposed". He even complains that the job has started to feel "a bit samey" in "The Old, Old Story".
• Control Freak: Everything has to go exactly by the book whenever Brittas is around. "Laying the Foundation" shows he would rather drive his staff to attempted murder than change the timetable.
• Crazy-Prepared: Has drills and emergency procedures for any possible (or impossible) situation that could occur at the leisure centre. "The Elephant's Child" reveals that they do a fire drill everyday.
• Creature of Habit: Follows timetables and rosters as if they were set in stone, and expects his staff to do so as well, no matter how inconvenient it may be for them.
• Cyborg: Becomes one of these with his reconstruction in "Back with a Bang", having a lot of metallic and plastic parts placed inside him. One line even suggests he has a bionic butt. Despite this, however, he outwardly looks the exact same.
• Death Amnesia: When he initially returns from the dead in "Back with a Bang", he not only does not remember his time in the afterlife but that he even died in the first place. Once he is told that he died, it all comes flooding back to him.
• Death from Above:
  • Neil tries to kill him this way in "Laying the Foundations" using a table tennis table. He gets out of the way before it works, however.
  • He briefly dies in "The Last Day" when he is crushed to death by a water tank which had crashed down from the top floor of the centre.
• Depending on the Writer: Whether he is an outright Jerkass or a Jerk with a Heart of Gold who tries to help - the earliest episodes and the episodes not written by Fegan and Norriss tend to prefer the former interpretation, whilst the later Fegan/Norriss episodes prefer the latter.
• Did Not Get the Girl: Although he gradually gains romantic feelings for Laura as the show goes by, he ultimately loses out to her estranged husband Michael, who wins her back and gets her pregnant.
• Distaff Counterpart: Has one in the form of Philippa Belmot (a One-Shot Character from "The Christening"), being a person so annoying that no one can stand her.
• Distressed Dude: Gets hooked up into Colin’s waste disposal unit and hit at by Jennifer in "Playing With Fire".
• Does Not Understand Sarcasm: Or, in fact, any form of subtext whatsoever. Laura attempts to teach him in "Set in Concrete", but it doesn't take.
• Doppelgänger: "At the Double" reveals he has one in the form of Vlad - a sleazy, but harmless Ruthenian acrobat.
• The Dreaded: Thanks to his behaviour, the mere mention of him can cause potential customers to run for the hills. "That Creeping Feeling" shows that even the staff feel the same about him, with Gavin's stress levels rising in response to questions regarding his opinions towards Brittas and Julie's spiking in response to Brittas merely opening his mouth.
• Dreadful Musician: Delivers a rendition of "Knock Three Times" that causes mass cringing among the visitors in "Mums and Dads". It's even implied that he may have killed his own mother with his music playing.
• Dream Within a Dream: In the series finale, "Curse of the Tiger Women", he is knocked unconscious by an angry goose. He initially wakes up in Noah's Ark, with several of the female cast of the show stating that they've got to repopulate the world. After this, he then wakes up on his way to the interview for the centre, revealing that the entirety of the series was All Just a Dream. Even weirder, he has mentioned having literal dreams earlier on in the series in episodes such as "The Stuff of Dreams" and "The Disappearing Act", leading to a dream within a dream within a dream scenario.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: The first episode "Laying the Foundations", has him say "Excellent" without the trademark inflection that it would gain in later series.
• Epic Fail: He has a nasty habit of turning small issues into big ones. He once worked for the Samaritans and ended up causing several suicides, including that of someone who had the wrong number.
• Establishing Character Moment: His first scene in "Laying the Foundations" has him attempt to show his stepsons how to play cricket, annoy the hell out of them and then confiscate the cricket bat when they don't listen.
• Even the Loving Hero Has Hated Ones: For all his faults, Brittas always tries to see the good in people. Unless your name is Michael T. Farrell III, Philippa Belmot or Penny Bidmead.
• The Extremist Was Right: Some of his actions can be extreme, but considering the chaos which happens at the centre, they do tend to be needed. The most notable example of this is in "Safety First", when his frequent letters to the council to get a ladder capable of holding more people prove true when Councillor Dapping herself tries to use it and is sent crashing to the ground.
• Famed In-Story: His heroic act saving several people from the leisure centre in "High Noon" actually gives him some positive coverage outside of Whitbury, both on Newsnight and in the newspapers, and Helen certainly believes that this was one of the factors allowing him to make a successful attempt at becoming European Commissioner for Sport. He gets more popularity after his death and resurrection in "The Last Day", to the point that "At the Double" reveals that he ended up becoming Man of the Year for Time Magazine.
• Fatal Flaw: His lack of social skills and tact - without this flaw, he would probably be a great Leisure Centre Manager and one who could genuinely change the world, but with it, he only causes chaos and fighting.
• A Father to His Men: One of his more positive traits is that he has been shown to care for his employees - he has been shown to praise the work that they do and it takes a lot of effort for him to fire them with heavy regret. He'll even sacrifice his life if his staff is put in danger, as seen in "The Last Day" and "High Noon".
• Felony Misdemeanor: "Biggles Tells a Lie" reveals that he considers the theft of paperclips from work to be just as bad as fiddling with your taxes.
• First-Name Basis: Whilst he is usually on Last-Name Basis with his staff, he sometimes insists on being called his first name, such as when he's trying to pass Laura off as his wife in "Mr. Brittas Changes Trains" and when he's training Gavin in "The Boss". He's also referred to by his first name as such by his wife and Councillor Drugget.
• Foil:
  • One-Shot Character Alan Digby from "High Noon" is this to him. Whilst both were the leisure centre manager of Whitbury, Digby was slovenly and fairly hands-off with the role, in contrast to Brittas' more tidy and by-the-books personality.
  • To Helen - whilst Brittas is largely clean, moral, confident, sure of himself, and usually causes damage by accident, Helen has a lack of confidence, is addicted to a lot of substances, is immoral, and usually causes damage deliberately.
• Freudian Excuse: "Mums and Dads" reveals that all of his overconfidence comes from his father, who constantly showered him with praise and false beliefs in his abilities.
• Friendless Background: Being a very obnoxious person, he doesn't have a lot of friends, with most possible candidates ending up doing anything they can to get away from him. Come Series 5, he only has two friends, which are Laura (who ends up moving away to America) and Harold (who ends up dying to Brittas' cursed cooking in the final episode).
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Except for Colin, Laura, and Linda (and even then, Laura and Linda are occasionally frustrated with him), no one can stand to be around him. Notably, when Brittas is thought dead in "Back from the Dead", not even Colin was sad to see him go. However, this trait is slightly downplayed as the staff come to understand his more sympathetic side, to the point that his actual death in "The Last Day" is treated with sadness by everyone.
• Fun with Acronyms: A running gag in the later series, for example, "http://etc" has him replacing the locks with Time Instigated Totally Integrated Security, (or T.I.T.I.S).
• Get Out!: He will kick people out of the leisure centre for the smallest of reasons, such as unauthorised water wings. Michael T. Farrell III in particular is a notable target as Brittas will try to throw him out if he even sees the man.
• Goal in Life: As "Two Little Boys" reveals, it is to unite the world through sports.
• Green-Eyed Monster: At least some of his hatred for Michael stems from the fact that he's wooing Laura, who he gradually falls in love with throughout the series.
• Happily Married: What he believes his marriage to Helen to be, with him once marking their marriage down as perfect in "Bye Bye Baby", although later episodes like "The Chop" have him fully aware of her unstable nature. From Helen's side, however, it's more of an Awful Wedded Life.
• Hereditary Twinhood: Has a twin brother (Horatio Brittas), becomes father to Carole and Helen's twins, and is apparently part of the fourth generation of twins in his family.
• The Hero Dies: He is crushed to death saving Carole from a falling water tank in "The Last Day". Thankfully, it doesn't stick.
• Heroic BSoD:
  • Briefly has one after the centre is attacked and trashed by Romans in "Not a Good Day...", but he's back to his old self once a poor single mother thanks him for having a lovely day with her daughter in his leisure centre.
  • He doesn't cope with the loss of his job in "The Chop" very well. In "High Noon", Helen mentions that he still thinks he's going to get it back and even compares him to Greyfriars Bobby.
    Laura: Helen, how is he, in himself?
    Helen: Oh, it's awful, Laura. It's broken his heart leaving here. It's like living with Greyfriars Bobby.
    Laura: Well, it meant a lot to him.
    Helen: You know, the awful thing is he still believes that deep down he's coming back. But he's not, is he?
  • Undergoes one in "Back with a Bang" upon being told that he was dead, to the point of falling unconscious briefly.
• Heroic Sacrifice: Has one in "The Last Day" when he pushes Carole out of the way of a falling water tank and is crushed to death.
• Identical Stranger: To Vlad, a sleazy Ruthenian acrobat and One-Shot Character in "At the Double".
• Identical Twin ID Tag: There is one physical difference between him and Vlad (his Doppelgänger from "At the Double") - he has a wart on his jawline, whilst Vlad doesn't.
• Inhuman Human: Although he came Back from the Dead in "The Last Day", his body wasn't reverted to how it was before he was crushed by a water tank, requiring a several months stay being rebuilt in a hospital in Switzerland prior to "Back with a Bang", and having a lot of plastic and metallic bits placed in him as a result.
• Innocently Insensitive: Yes, he is an absolute prick, insults people and can start fights very easily, but he only ever has good intentions and that it is more a combination of his stupidity and lack of people skills that leads to chaos.
• Insane Troll Logic: A majority of his reasoning behind the way he runs the centre is this, he just doesn't realise. In "Mums and Dads", he has the coffee machine welded to the wall because he thought a small child might be fascinated by the flashing lights, try to climb it and be crushed to death.
• Ironic Name: Sir Arthur Wellesley (better known as The Duke of Wellington) was one of the greatest English generals of all time, and never lost a battle. Unlike Gordon Wellesley Brittas.
• Irony: Gordon Brittas, the man who has perfected causing fights to break out into an art form, apparently has become a UN Peace Envoy by 2019 as revealed in "In the Beginning...". He’s not much better by then either.
• It Runs in the Family: "Two Little Boys" reveals that Brittas' brother Horatio is quite similar, having a dream of uniting the world whilst causing more problems than solutions.
• I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Brittas lets Laura move to America with Michael at the end of Series 5, despite harbouring secret feelings for her, because she's apparently happy with him.
• Kicked Upstairs: Became manager of the centre this way after an unexplained Noodle Incident at his previous leisure centre in Aldershot.
  Mr. Brittas: Someone realises they've got a bit of a chocolate teapot. And you can't fire people these days just 'cause they're not good, so what you do is you encourage them to look for promotions. That's why I had all those references.
  Councillor Dapping: So that's how it happened.
• Knighting: "In the Beginning..." shows he is now Sir Brittas in 2019, suggesting that he was knighted between 1994 and 2019.
• Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Really has no idea how much worse everything gets whenever he tries to help. In "Opening Day", when Carole's son Ben's baby carrier gets trapped between some malfunctioning sliding doors with Ben still inside, Brittas decides to condescendingly help her, leading Carole to threaten to kill him.
• Last-Name Basis: The only one to call him Gordon consistently is his wife Helen, the leisure centre staff all just call him Mr. Brittas.
• Lawful Stupid: Some of the troubles which stem from his character come in the form of his insistence on maintaining the rules even when it's inconvenient. For instance, in "A Walk on the Wildside", he's insistent on maintaining the public right of way even though it goes through the women's bathroom (and eventually a plague zone).
• Lethal Klutz: Tends to cause major and often fatal catastrophes while solving minor or non-existent problems. In "Mums and Dads", he slams a door and sets off an accidental Rube Goldberg Device which nearly de-fingers Vladimir Petrov (a visiting pianist).
• Locked Out of the Loop: Helen finds out in "Temple of the Body" that Brittas is the father of Carole's twins, but decides not to tell him. By "New Generations", Laura is aware of it and by "The Stuff of Dreams", Julie, Tim, and Gavin have been told, but it's not until "Curse of the Tiger Women", when Carole figures it out for herself, that Brittas is finally told by Helen.
• Love Triangle: Gets jealous over Michael T. Farrell III because he secretly loves Laura whilst still being married to Helen.
• Messianic Archetype: For starters, his entire purpose in life is to spread peace and harmony throughout the world. Additionally, Series 5 starts with him being betrayed by one of his best friends (Laura) in "The Old, Old Story", like Judas betraying Jesus, and ends with him committing a Heroic Sacrifice and dying before being resurrected in "The Last Day". This is of course Played for Laughs - Brittas' attempts usually go drastically wrong and the entire reason he was resurrected was because he proved to be too annoying for Heaven.
• Milking the Giant Cow: One of the Character Tics of Gordon Brittas is to emphasise anything he says with exaggerated hand movements. Lampshaded in "Two Little Boys"; it is apparently possible to earn points for managing to get Brittas to do one of a series of specific gestures in the "I-Spy Brittas" game.
• Mirror Character: To Southern Areas Inspector Brian Kitson, an One-Shot Character from "An Inspector Calls". They both have had experience running a leisure centre, both have a dream, believe that attendance figures are not important in the long run and are more interested in tidy noticeboards and clean centres. This actually saves Brittas from getting fired as any other inspector would likely have closed the place down.
• Missing Mom: "Mums and Dads" reveals that his mother died whilst he was playing the piano.
• Mistaken for Cheating:
  • A poor choice of words from him leads Helen to briefly think that he has a mistress in "Safety First".
  • Another poor choice of words in "Mr Brittas Falls in Love" briefly makes the staff believe that he's having an affair with a woman named Ingrid.
• Mistaken for Undead: In "Back From the Dead", he is presumed to have been killed in Bulgaria. Naturally, he later turns up alive and well but a series of misunderstandings lead Carole and Colin to believe that he is a spirit and that he is trying to get back to the land of the living by taking Carole's body. Later, Carole believes that he is trying to steal Ben's body and comes at him with an excavator.
• Mr. Fanservice: Not as much as the other character which Chris Barrie is famous for playing, but he does have his moments. The opening sequence is just 30 seconds of him working out, "Assassin" shows him off in shorts, and the Spin-Off Get Fit with Brittas has him work out in revealing sportswear.
• Named After Someone Famous: The tie-in book Gordon Brittas: Sharing the Dream reveals he was named after Charles George Gordon, while his middle name is Wellesley, like Sir Arthur Wellesley, who is better known as The Duke of Wellington.
• Never My Fault: An odd version - Brittas never takes the blame for the problems he causes, because he usually never realizes that it's all his fault. For example, the only reason the leisure centre explodes in "High Noon" is that his attempts to install a faulty, sparking clock causes a gas leak.
• New Job Episode: Brittas spends the first minute or so of "High Noon" at his new job as a pumping attendant. Although it helps set up the rest of the plot, he gets fired from it very quickly.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Some highlights over the course of the series include:
  • Driving Neil to murderous insanity ("Laying the Foundations").
  • Getting the staff trapped inside an increasingly heating leisure centre ("Opening Day").
  • Ruining any chance of Carole and Derrick getting back together ("Bye Bye Baby").
  • Forgetting about a man trapped in pool and leaving him to drown ("Underwater Wedding").
  • Causing Larry Whittaker to accidentally kill himself ("Assassin").
  • Accidentally killing Titan, a prized eagle ("An Inspector Calls").
  • Destroying Graham's prized pen and personal computer ("Set in Concrete").
  • Getting Vladimir Petrov crushed under a piano ("Mums and Dads").
  • Ruining Carole's chances to move to Australia with an old boyfriend ("Safety First").
  • Accidentally getting a vet to deliver Carole's twins ("New Generations").
  • Accidentally starting a Mob War and unknowingly decapitating a gang member with a chainsaw ("The Trial").
  • Accidentally dropping an electric fire into the pool when it was being used for a baptism ("Laura's Leaving").
  • Making Colin and Linda store oil in the weights room leading to the centre exploding ("Two Little Boys").
  • Tells Carole (who has written a manuscript) to leave the novel-writing to the experts, leading to her giving the manuscript to Ben to use as colouring paper ("Sex, Lies and Red Tape").
  • Accidentally trapping Helen in the car whilst in labour ("The Stuff of Dreams").
  • Provoking an army of Romans into attacking the centre ("Not a Good Day...").
  • Unknowingly plashing piss on his twin's christening cake ("The Christening").
  • Angering a mentally unstable Jenny into trying to burn down the centre ("Playing With Fire").
  • Tossing Ronald's engagement ring into the complaint box, leading to Ronald getting stuck in the vents ("Shall We Dance?").
  • Installing a clock that blows up the centre ("High Noon").
  • Accidentally killing Colin's budgie, Jeremy, on Colin's birthday ("Blind Devotion").
  • Unknowingly leading his staff to construct a garbage bomb that destroys the centre's kitchen^note while he wasn't even there ("Brussels Calling").
  • Leading Gavin to a nervous breakdown ("The Boss").
  • Accidentally killing several peace doves and electrocuting Helen and countless children ("We All Fall Down").
  • Causing Helen to jump out of the skydiving plane too early ("Snap Happy").
  • Driving Mr. Newmark to murderous insanity ("Surviving Christmas").
• Noodle Incident: All we find out about Brittas' training at Aldershot was that he caused three and a half million pounds worth of damage, had to dig people out, won a medal for bravery and was promoted to Whitbury New Town.
• No Sense of Personal Space: Some of his issues come from the fact that he has little concept of privacy and he will innocently spy on people to get what he wants. "Playing with Fire" had him interrupt Laura in the shower with the intention of setting up a dinner whilst she's getting changed.
• No Social Skills: Conversations with him usually lead to tears (he makes an entire exercise class cry in "Opening Day") or attempted murder (Neil tries to talk to him about the schedule in "Laying the Foundations", but Brittas keeps turning him down, leading Neil to try and crush him to death with a table tennis table).
• Oblivious to His Own Description:
  • In "The Christening", he refers to Philippa as the sort of person who could cause fights and has poor social skills, oblivious to the fact that his definition also matches himself.
  • In "Blind Devotion", he decides to fire Colin, not realising that maybe what he says about Colin can refer to him as well.
    Mr. Brittas: Hasn't it ever occurred to you, Laura, that most of the upsets in this centre are caused by one person?
    Laura: Well...
    Mr. Brittas: One member of the team, Laura, who means well, but is consistently the dead pigeon in the jet turbines of management.
    Laura: Well...
    Mr. Brittas: And have you ever tried to imagine what this place would be like without 'im?
    Laura: I have sometimes.
    Mr. Brittas: He has to go, Laura. I cannot justify having a swimming pool manager with a skin condition which means he can't go in water.
    Laura: Oh, you're talkin' about Colin!
    Mr. Brittas: Of course I'm talkin' about Colin.
• Obstructive Bureaucrat: Leisure centre visitor forms require such data as "father's profession" and "criminal record".
  Mr. Brittas: Shortly we will have some 800 people rehearsing hymns in our gymnasium, all of whom will want to use the resources of this leisure centre, and our job is to make sure they don't.
• One-Steve Limit: His old man disguise from "The Stuff of Dreams" is named Derek, which was the same name that Carole's ex-husband from "Bye Bye Baby" had (albeit spelt "Derrick" instead).
• Out-of-Character Moment: Brittas' flirtatious behavior towards Lesley Joseph in "Gordon Works It Out" from the Get Fit with Brittas Spin-Off is not a character trait ever seen in the main show. Doubly so considering the fact that Joseph isn't his wife.
• Pet the Dog: Despite his status as the Pointy-Haired Boss, he does have his moments, including comforting Carole when he learns that she's homeless in "Temple of the Body".
• Pointy-Haired Boss: He can, through sheer tactlessness and incompetence, induce psychological breakdown in pretty much anyone who visits the centre. She stops by groups of happy people to offer well-meant "words of encouragement" and they storm off crying. He insults visitors until they're willing to pull a gun over a dispute about a cup of coffee. He tries to settle a problem with an unruly child and ends up getting the centre attacked by a Roman Recreational Society complete with war elephants. His behaviour did inspire many people to have the "I Spy Brittas" game where they have company outings to his centre and score points every time they witness his various hand gestures and idiosyncratic tics and hear his various speeches. Bonus points if you get him to talk about The Dream.
  Mr. Brittas: It is seven years to the day since the first member of the public walked through those doors.
  Gavin: And you threw him out, Mr. Brittas!
  Mr. Brittas: He was wearing unauthorised water wings, Gavin.
• Politically Incorrect Hero: Gordon Brittas may be meant to be well-intentioned, but he has been shown to hold controversial views at times - in "Assassin", he seems to be somewhat freaked out on the idea that Tim might be gay (which is true, not that Tim will say this to Brittas), he sometimes calls Carole unattractive because of her weight, and once balked at the idea of the centre being filled to the brim with Black people. Intended to highlight the fact that he's a bit too obnoxious, this was a trait particularly true of him in Series 1 and it was toned down once he Took a Level in Kindness in Series 2. Doesn't stop Tim and Gavin from hiding their sexualities from him though.
• Real Award, Fictional Character:
  • Was awarded the George Medal for his bravery in "High Noon".
  • According to "At the Double", he managed to become Man of the Year for Time Magazine.
• Reassigned to Antarctica: In "The Old, Old Story", Drugget sets up a plan to send him to Brussels which plays out through the rest of Series 5.
• Retcon: At the start of the series he had three stepsons, Jonathan, Tom and an unnamed one and the Series 3 finale "The Stuff of Dreams", Helen gives birth to twins fathered by him, Matthew and Mark, putting them at five children. However by "Shall We Dance?", he only had four children.
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: "In the Beginning..." reveals he becomes a U.N. Peace Envoy by 2019.
• Running Gag:
  • He had a habit of using small children in analogies to explain his obsession with health and safety measures. For example, the coffee machine is welded to the wall because "What if some small child saw the flashing lights and tried to climb it and got crushed to death?" .
  • He would tell also Helen to buy a drink and a donut from the canteen whenever something went wrong.
  • In Series 1, he would confiscate anything, whether it be the neighbour's cricket bat, builder's shovels or Carole's son.
  • Starting to talk about his dream of world peace, only to get cut off almost instantly.
  • Ordering leisure centre badges that get 'accidentally' misprinted as a matter of routine:
    "I've been to Whitbury Leisure Centre & swum in the poo".
    "'S'hitbury Leisure Centre".
    "I Fartied with Mr. Jolly".
    "I Piddled for a Medal".
  • In later series, he'd come up with silly-sounding acronyms for things in the centre (Time Instigated Totally Integrated Security... or T.I.T.I.S).
  • Throughout "Laura's Leaving", he keeps getting disturbed as he tries to practice his speech for an upcoming conference on Monday.
• Sarcasm-Blind: Apparently, even the idea that someone might mean something different from what they’re saying is completely alien to him. Laura tries to teach him this in "Set in Concrete", but it doesn’t properly sink in for him.
• Sequel Reset: Despite being on track to become European Commissioner for Sport in "The Last Day", "Back with a Bang" reveals he lost the job thanks to failing the medical due to having been dead at the time.
• Series Goal: "Two Little Boys" reveals it is to unite the world through sports.
• Serious Business: EVERYTHING with this man. In "Safety First", he catches Gavin having a smoke with his wife, so he makes him apologise for shortening her life expectancy by three minutes.
• Ship Tease:
  • He was teased with a relationship between him and Laura, although it doesn't work out partially due to his relationship with Helen, and partially due to Laura's husband Michael winning Laura back.
  • Is quite flirty with Lesley Joseph in "Gordon Works It Out" (an episode of the little-known spin-off, Get Fit with Brittas).
• Small Name, Big Ego: Believes himself to be the glue that holds the centre together, in reality, he's more like the solvent.
• Smoking Is Not Cool: "Safety First" reveals he is very anti-smoking, and has a habit of scattering health leaflets showing what happens to people's lungs when they smoke.
• Status Quo Is God: Throughout Series 5 he is planning to move to Brussels, but after he dies and comes back to life in "The Last Day" he loses the position and goes back to the leisure centre.
• Strong Family Resemblance: This is how Carole figures out that her twins are Brittas' children in "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• Super-Strength: Develops this after being surgically rebuilt in "Back with a Bang", becoming capable of crushing hands and lifting people into the air.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: He does occasionally manage to inspire other people - "The Trial" has Brittas finally making a difference in someone's life after he helps a gang member turn his life around, while "Not a Good Day..." ends with a single mother and her child thanking him for the lovely day they had at his centre.
• Took a Level in Kindness: After Series 1, he stopped being such a git as the writers showed us reasons for why he acts as he does and gave him more moments of kindness.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: He has much less Pet the Dog moments in Series 6 and 7 and is much more likely to react to the issues within his leisure centre with indifference. Evidently, Laura's departure had a massive effect on him.
• Too Much Alike: One of the only characters in the entire series Brittas dislikes is his Brother's fiancé, Philippa Belmont, who herself is basically a female Brittas.
• Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: During "The Last Day", he dies and goes into Heaven. Saint Peter and the other denizens of Heaven quickly become annoyed by his annoying personality and they get orders from upstairs to return him back to Earth for another couple of decades.
• Totally Trusting Love Interest: A big reason why the marriage of Helen and Gordon Brittas has managed to survive so many years in spite of Helen's cheating ways is the fact that Brittas is entirely trusting of his wife, accepting her story of needing to check up on her sick uncle in spite of the telltale signs that said uncle is not actually related to her at all and not following up on times when Helen accidentally lets slip hints that she's cheating on him. Helen herself acknowledges this in "The Lies Have It" when Brittas is convinced by the story that she had cut short a meeting of her mother in favor of being at Carole's birthday party, unaware that both the birthday and the visit were a cover-up for her going to a restaurant with another man.
  Helen: I've always admired that about Gordon. He really trusts me.
• Training from Hell: His way of management is framed as this in "In the Beginning..." - it certainly led to poorer mental health and comes with a high body count, but it also toughened up the staff for their future prospects. Considering how they're all successful in the future, it actually worked.
• Trauma Conga Line: In "Curse Of The Tiger Woman", Brittas loses his only real friend Harold to his own cursed cooking, finds out he is the father to Carole's twins and is threatened with early retirement. Capping things off, the centre is about to explode, he is attacked by a goose and then finds out that the past seven series were All Just a Dream.
• Ultimate Job Security: Despite all the chaos he generates, the only time he ever got fired was in "The Chop", which didn't last long.
• Unresolved Sexual Tension: With Laura, as she leaves for America at the end of Series 5 to start a family with her separated millionaire husband, Michael T. Farrell III.
• The Unreveal: We never do find out what he dreamed of for the Dreams Workshop in "The Disappearing Act", even after hearing him fret a little about what dream he should have.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Gordon Brittas is a man with a Dream and a person who usually means well in his actions. However, his poor management skills, terrible social skills, and his tendency to be an Obstructive Bureaucrat usually lead to nothing but trouble and annoyance for his employees. In fact, he's so annoying that he was once Kicked Out of Heaven for it. That said, he's more of a Downplayed example of it, due to his motives being genuinely good.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Most problems in the series are caused by him. A special mention has to go to "High Noon" where a clock installed by him in the staff room causes the centre to explode.
• Vocal Evolution: His voice was much more nasal in Series 1.
• We Can Rebuild Him: After his return from the dead in "Back with a Bang", he had to undergo extensive surgery. Although outwardly, he looks no different, he's stated to have a bionic butt, no belly button, and has enough metal parts within him that it wound up delaying his trip through a metal detector. He's also stated to be much stronger, gaining a Crushing Handshake and at one point lifting Linda up into the air with ease.
  Gavin: Oh, he's been rebuilt, he's not flat anymore.
  Linda: He could be all plastic and metal now, entirely devoid of feeling.
  Tim: No change there then.
• Weirdness Magnet: Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre has been invaded by, among others, a pregnant cow, a rampaging ostrich, and a Roman army. All were Gordon's fault.
• Wide-Eyed Idealist: His actions are usually motivated by his Dream, which involves lofty goals such as world government, world peace, and a religious revival.
• Workout Fanservice: The opening credits is just thirty seconds of closeups of him using gym equipment.

Laura Lancing

Laura Farrell, née Lancing

Brittas's long-suffering second in command and Deputy Manager Dry of the leisure centre. A highly intelligent and capable woman who is well aware of Brittas' faults but sees beyond them and likes him for his idealism and genuinely good intentions. Only appears from Series 1-5. Played by Julia St. John.

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• All Girls Want Bad Boys: Is attracted to Michael T. Farrell in spite of his womanising ways, a trait which he apparently showed even before their wedding. When he comes back in "Shall We Dance?", she chooses to abandon her romantic feelings for the more moral Brittas in favour of reconciling with Michael, acknowledging that whilst it might have been better if she could be in love with someone nicer, she still has feelings for Michael. Oddly enough, Michael got the opposite picture - that she preferred more honest people.
• Alliterative Name: Laura Lancing, until she gets back together with Michael.
• Babies Ever After: Last seen going off to America to raise a son with Michael.
• Belligerent Sexual Tension: She can't stand Brittas at times, but deep down she knows she has feelings for him.
• Birthday Episode: In "Sex, Lies and Red Tape", something which ex-husband Michael forgets.
• A Birthday, Not a Break: Has to deal with her Smug Snake ex-husband bothering her at work on her birthday in "Sex, Lies and Red Tape".
• Big Damn Kiss: Gives one to Brittas in "Sex, Lies and Red Tape" after a "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
• Brainy Brunette: The smartest staff member, and a brunette in the first two series.
• Caring Gardener: "Laura's Leaving" reveals that she takes care of a garden nice enough that it's given as the main reason why she didn't depart for another leisure centre. It fits in well with her nature as one of the more sane and caring members of the staff.
• The Confidant: For Helen, as she is the first to hear of her affairs and brushes with the law.
• The Consigliere: Being one of Brittas' two Deputy Managers, she usually provides the voice of reason and is seen usually trying to get Brittas to see the issues with his way of management.
• A Day in the Limelight:
  • "Laura's Leaving" is focused on her looking into other employment and uses the opportunity to emphasise just how important she is to the running of the centre.
  • "Sex, Lies, and Red Tape" reveals that she has an estranged husband and explores the relationship between them, as well as revealing her own romantic feelings for Brittas.
• Deadpan Snarker: Has a witty put down to most of Brittas' schemes and ideas.
• Declining Promotion:
  • She's given the opportunity to run a leisure centre in Teddington in "Laura's Leaving" but declines, allegedly due to her large house and garden back in Whitbury.
  • When Brittas is heading off to Brussels in "UXB", he offers her his job as manager of the centre. However, she declines since she’s pregnant and hoping to move to America with her husband to raise the baby.
• Disapproving Look: Constantly gives these to Brittas whenever he does something dumb (nearly every scene).
• Does Not Like Men: Downplayed, as she's otherwise fairly cordial to the male members of the staff, but a bad experience with her husband has left her displaying a prominent "I Don't Trust Men" sticker on her locker in Series 4.
• Dumb Blonde: Subverted in Series 4 and 5, where she's blond, but is one of the smarter characters on the team.
• Early Instalment Character Design Difference: Was a brunette in the first two series, before becoming a blonde in Series 3. She also has shorter hair in Series 1-3 than Series 4-5.
• Enraged by Idiocy: Brittas has led her to some spectacular "The Reason You Suck" Speeches over the course of the series.
• Et Tu, Brute?: Despite her love for Brittas, she doesn't object to Drugget's plan to relocate him to Brussels in "The Old, Old Story".
• Foil: With Helen - whilst both her and Laura have close relationships to Brittas, Laura is the Only Sane Woman whilst Helen is more Ax-Crazy and an Addled Addict. Also, whilst both of them have experience in a marriage involving affairs, Helen is the cheater, whilst Laura is the one who has been cheated. Fittingly, this causes some tensions in their friendship, especially in Series 5.
• Honest Advisor: Has no problem pointing out the flaws in Brittas' plans, although she doesn't always get a word in edgeways.
• Hypercompetent Sidekick: One of the only staff members who can take charge in a crisis as shown in "Laura's Leaving", where within five minutes of returning to the centre she calms down an enraged man with a gun and gets Carole rehired.
• The Lancer: Being one of Brittas' most trusted companions, whereas Brittas is obstructive and has trouble with people, she knows how to deal with people and is more willing to make concessions. Even her maiden surname, "Lancing" is a reference to this.
• Love Confession: Subverted. She seems to directly reveal to Brittas that she loves him right before passionately kissing him in "UXB", however, this is then revealed to be a Daydream Surprise which Brittas is having.
• Love Triangle: Is torn between her love for Brittas and Michael T. Farrell III.
• Meaningful Name: As her maiden surname "Lancing" would suggest, she's The Lancer to Brittas, being his most trusted companion and being levelheaded where Brittas is obstructive.
• Morality Chain: Many of Brittas Pet the Dog moments generally stem from her convincing him that what he is doing isn't a good idea, and she tends to be one of the few people who can attempt to get him to change his mind. Notably, when she departs after Series 5, Brittas takes a level in jerkass.
• Not So Above It All: Despite being the most level-headed of the bunch, she has her moments, including giggling a little at Colin’s complex ruse to impress his daughter in "Biggles Tells a Lie" and making a joke about Brittas doing an underwear inspection in "The Old Old Story".
• Number Two: Brittas' second in command in the first five series.
• Old Maid: Whilst her exact age is never given, she is the occasional target of remarks from Brittas that it isn't too late to settle down and have children even for her. Eventually subverted when it is revealed that she actually has been married the entire time she has worked in the centre, albeit estranged from her husband, and Laura eventually reconciles with Michael and ends up with a son.
• Omniglot: Brittas reveals she can speak French and German in "Mr Brittas Changes Trains".
• One-Steve Limit: She shares her name with an One-Shot Character schoolgirl in "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• Only Sane Employee: Everyone in the centre is either naively peculiar (Carole, Colin), or has gone peculiar after prolonged exposure to Brittas' style of management. Laura is the only one who is consistently normal.
• Put on a Bus: Moves to America with her husband, Michael, between "The Last Day" and "Back with a Bang" to start a family.
• Rank Up: She briefly became Acting Manager when Brittas was presumed to have died in "Back From the Dead".
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: "In the Beginning..." reveals she is incredibly rich thanks to her remarriage to Michael T. Farrell III by 2019.
• Sarcastic Devotee: Usually has some form of criticism or snarky comment at Brittas' expense, but she's also the only person who really understands him and will stick by him.
• Servile Snarker: Always has a snarky comment to any of Brittas' plans.
• Slap-Slap-Kiss: Gives Brittas a Big Damn Kiss after yelling at him about her unrelenting hatred of his idiocy in "Sex, Lies and Red Tape".
• Status Quo Is God:
  • She became Acting Manager in the wake of Brittas' death in "Back From the Dead", although she lost the position once Brittas was found to be alive.
  • She planned to leave in "Laura's Leaving", but reconsiders once she sees just how quickly things fall apart without her.
• Straight Woman: The grounded one in comparison to Brittas' shenanigans.
• Team Mom: To the leisure centre staff, always giving them a shoulder to cry on, or a kind word to help them with their struggles.
• Unrequited Love Switcheroo: In Series 3 and 4, she is shown to have a crush on Brittas, although he himself seems to be unaware of it. By Series 5, Brittas has finally developed feelings for Laura, but by this point, Laura has reconciled with Michael and has seemingly lost her previous feelings for him.
• Unresolved Sexual Tension: With Brittas, as she leaves for America at the end of Series 5 to start a family with her separated millionaire husband, Michael T. Farrell III.
• Vetinari Job Security: She heads off for a job interview in "Laura's Leaving". Despite everyone (except Helen) thinking that they will do fine without her, by the time she gets back a group of Pentecostals has been electrocuted, Mr. Jackson has gone on a rampage in the reception with a gun over an issue with the coffee machine, Brittas is trying to fire Carole, and the rest of the staff are about to strike against him.
• Wealthy Ever After: Her final fate in the series has her reconcile with her incredibly rich husband Michael T. Farrell and head off to America to raise a child with him.
• What Does She See in Him?:
  • Harbours romantic feelings for Brittas in Series 3 and 4 even though he's a complete idiot who ruins everything. Helps that she's the one character to understand how he actually cares for and wants to help people succeed in their goals.
  • She gets back together with Michael despite the fact that not only did he cheat on her, but seems to be only interested in her for her ability to produce a son for his father. Brittas himself actually questions why Laura decided to reconcile with Michael in "Shall We Dance?", to which she replies that, in spite of it all, she still loves him.
• What the Hell, Hero?: She gets madder at Brittas than usual in "Blind Devotion", first for prioritizing the purchase of a canary over the potential breakup of his marriage and then deciding to fire Colin despite everything he's been through that day.
• Women Are Wiser: Much wiser than Brittas, who destroys the centre so much it's expected to happen.

Colin Weatherby

Colin Weatherby

The Deputy Manager Wet (later Manager in Charge of Building Fabric) who is absolutely devoted to Brittas and his dream, which makes it unfortunate that Brittas finds him irritating and incompetent and even more unfortunate that he is both of these things. Played by Mike Burns.

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• Accidental Pervert:
  • Becomes one in "Stop Thief!" when Brittas makes him hide in a locker to discover who had been stealing from the centre.
  • In "Temple of the Body", he is caught accidentally peeping through a hole in the floor of Brittas' office that looks into the women's showers.
  • In "Mr Brittas Changes Trains", he is hypnotised into saying "I love you" when he hears the word "need" and removing his trousers in response to a trigger. Doing this in front of Brittas leads him to consider Colin a pervert and try to fire him. However, it's also made clear that he is unaware of his actions under hypnosis.
• Acquired Poison Immunity: "A Walk on the Wildside" reveals he keeps vials of anthrax and foot and mouth disease to build up an immunity.
• All Love Is Unrequited: With Julie, who he admires throughout the series, but never wants him as more than a friend.
• Almighty Janitor: In the most literal sense; "Blind Devotion" has him fix an issue in the leisure centre toilets that had been plaguing the centre all episode whilst blinded in around five or so minutes.
• Always Late: It's a Running Gag that Colin never gets to meetings on time, usually because he has befallen yet another incident that has resulted in injury to him.
• Amusing Injuries: Has undergone some humourous injuries over the series, such as being electrocuted or falling from an airborne locker, but these are all played for laughs.
• Birthday Episode: In "Blind Devotion", where he unknowingly suffers a Trauma Conga Line.
• A Birthday, Not a Break: Suffers a massive Trauma Conga Line on his birthday in "Blind Devotion".
• Born Unlucky: Nothing ever goes his way - he has had all his bones broken, been concussed, blinded, groin injured and gotten the bends. And that's not to mention all his aliments, boils and other disgusting health problems he constantly suffers from.
• Boss's Unfavorite Employee: Until Penny came along, he was the employee who Brittas didn't like the most, to the point that Brittas has actually tried to fire him a couple of times. This element is toned down once Colin is promoted however, to the point that Brittas is genuinely pleased to see him upon his return to the centre in "Back with a Bang".
• Bumbling Sidekick: His devotion to Brittas is matched only by his ineptitude.
• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with Brittas waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream using random bystanders as characters within the dream with Colin actually being a ticket conductor.
• Characterisation Marches On: On top of being smarter, he wasn't as devoted to Brittas in the earlier series, not seeming to care for his death in "Back from the Dead" and outright being hurt by a comment by Brittas in "Mums and Dads".
• The Chew Toy: Horrible things happen to him regularly, usually involving severe bodily harm.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Increases as the series goes on. Series 6's "Body Language" has him believe aliens have invaded the centre.
• A Day in the Limelight:
  • "Biggles Tells a Lie" reveals that he has an illegitimate daughter and has the plot revolve around his attempts to impress her by impersonating the manager.
  • "Blind Devotion" is about his attempts to do his duty whilst blinded, all whilst using the opportunity to reveal more about his life.
• Depending on the Writer: Whether Colin is slightly dim or mentally challenged. Earlier episodes tend to prefer the former whilst later episodes, most notably "Body Language", prefer the latter.
• Driven to Suicide: He prepares to throw himself off the roof into a skip after thinking he'll be made redundant in "http://etc".
• Dumb Is Good: Not all together up there, but loyal as they come.
• Early Instalment Character Design Difference: In Series 1, his hair was longer and fuller than later series. He also didn't start wearing his iconic arm length gloves until around Series 5.
• Establishing Character Moment: His first scene in "Laying the Foundations" has him rattle off all his various infections and treatments much to the displeasure of Laura.
• Faint in Shock:
  • He can't comprehend the fact that Brittas was Mr. Didcot the whole time in "The Stuff of Dreams" and faints because of it.
  • His response when he misunderstands a comment from Laura and believes that he just removed the head of a real baby in "The Christening".
  • It's also his reaction when he finds out that Brittas now knows that he is impersonating him in "Biggles Tells a Lie".
• Flanderization: Gets dumber every series to the point where he believes aliens have invaded the centre in Series 6's "Body Language".
• Friend to All Living Things: He seems to have a soft spot for animals, especially after he opens Children's Corner (a petting zoo add-on outside the centre) in "The Elephant's Child".
• Genius Ditz: He's pretty dumb, but he's shown to have immense skills when it comes to the world of plumbing and natural herbs and remedies.
• Gonk: Has facial boils, a permanently septic right hand, and an abundance of fluids which everybody would rather not hear about.
• Granola Guy: A rare male version of the trope, preferring herbal remedies to treat his (many) injuries and illnesses, a vegetarian, occasionally exploring more eco-friendly alternatives of energy sources, and a lover of animals, to the point of opening a Children's Corner containing animals as diverse as lions and snakes in Series 7.
• Groin Attack: Manages to get three in the same series:
  • In "The Boss", he does it to himself with his sewing machine in an attempt to fix a broken fly.
  • In "UXB", he punches himself to kill a fly that was distracting him in his attempts to move a bomb out of the centre.
  • In "The Last Day", he gets a direct jet of scalding steam from his tea machine.
• He Cleans Up Nicely: "Biggles Tells a Lie" shows how he looks in a blazer and tie as opposed to his regular shabby appearance.
• Heroic BSoD: His usual reaction when being fired - "http://etc", all he can do is wander around the centre mumbling the word "redundant", whilst "Mr. Brittas Changes Trains" had him in tears when he's fired by Brittas.
• Hero-Worshipper: Views Brittas as God's gift to the Leisure Industry despite Brittas being both very flawed and viewing him as his least favourite employee. He'll even see events such as the staff refusing to go another step during a survival course gone wrong as evidence of Brittas' talents in action.
• Iron Butt Monkey: He undergoes a shocking amount of physical punishment for a man, including several groin attacks, falls, electrocutions, and even being shot in the head, and that isn't to say about all his aliments, but he's usually fine by the end of an episode.
• Kavorka Man: Despite how physically unpleasant he looks, he was in a relationship with another woman long enough to sire a child and he gains the attraction of Pauline, Mrs Edwina Harcourt, and even Carole, who is disappointed when she finds that neither she nor he has to marry after all in "Pregnant!".
• Kicked Upstairs: Brittas theorizes this is how Colin became a deputy manager in "Laying the Foundations".
• Kindhearted Simpleton: An idiot, but he means well. Despite how Brittas is constantly exasperated by him, Colin has nothing but kind things to say about his boss.
• Limited Wardrobe: His grimy nature is emphasised by the fact that he's rarely seen without his cardigan, which Brittas points out in "The Disappearing Act".

Colin: I can do a few tricks I think the kiddies might like, and I've also been working on my wardrobe.

Mr. Brittas: Well, it doesn't show - you always wear that dreadful cardigan!

• Married to the Job: Becomes almost unhealthily dependent on his job as the show goes on, to the point that his reaction to the idea that he might be made redundant in "http://etc" is to attempt to kill himself. Helen actually points out in that episode that it stems from him seeing it as his second home.
• Near-Death Experience: Was bitten by a venomous spider in "That Creeping Feeling" and would have died if Brittas hadn't sucked out the poison.
• Nephewism: "Blind Devotion" reveals he was raised by his aunt after his parents passed away... in a combine harvester.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Two times in "Underwater Wedding".
  • He accidentally harpoons Gavin to a door when Mr. Appleby gives him a shock.
  • He forgets to empty out the boxes of chemicals he used to block off the corridor, which turns into chlorine gas when they mix together on the floor.
• Nice, Mean, and In-Between: The nice to Tim's mean and Gavin's in-between, always meaning well and having nothing but nice things to say about Brittas.
• Number Two for Brains: He's Deputy Manager Wet, but his intelligence doesn't really indicate this.
• On the Rebound: After having been dumped by Pauline in "Back with a Bang", he tries to get into a marriage with Julie. He insists however that he's not just getting into this marriage because he's on the rebound.
• Oop North: Speaks with a Hartlepool accent, and is one of the few Northerner members of the centre (the other being Julie).
• Out of Focus: Compared to the main series, he has much less focus in the Get Fit with Brittas Spin-Off, only appearing in one episode each out of a six-episode miniseries.
• Parental Abandonment: "Blind Devotion" reveals that he was raised by an aunt after his parents passed away in an agricultural accident, although it contradicts "The Christening" which had him recount something which happened to his mother only a few years ago.
• The Pig-Pen: He apparently does have showers as seen in "Back from the Dead", but you wouldn't know it looking at him.
• The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Gavin argues he should be more important than Colin in "Reviewing the Situation", because Colin is Deputy Manager Wet, but only cleans toilets because his conditions can't let him go in the pool.
• The Pollyanna: Keeps a chirpy attitude despite his numerous aliments, even during his Trauma Conga Line in "Blind Devotion". The only time we really see him upset is either when he thinks he's being fired (as seen in "Mr. Brittas Changes Trains" and "http://etc") or when Brittas dies in "The Last Day".
• Rank Up: Goes from the Deputy Manager Wet to the Manager in Charge of Building Fabric in "Blind Devotion".
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: "In the Beginning..." reveals he made a fortune on herbal remedies by 2019.
• The Rival: To Gavin, once he becomes an Acting Deputy Manager. The fact he was going to initially replace his beloved Brittas probably didn't help matters. It's most pronounced in "Reviewing the Situation" where Colin uses the fact that he's technically higher on the career ladder than Gavin to pick on him.
• Running Gag: Three:
  • Would arrive late to almost every meeting involving some gross aliment which he'd explain more than necessary, much to Brittas' displeasure.
  • Whenever he shook someone's hand, part of his plaster would stick to them.
  • Bursting into Brittas' office, and then knocking on the door.
• Ship Sinking: "Back with a Bang" reveals he broke up with Pauline (the Crossdresser milkman from "Shall We Dance?").
• Ship Tease:
  • Has had several hints towards an attraction to Julie, most notably when he proposes marriage to Julie in "Back with a Bang". Although he is turned down, Julie still respects him and he becomes the godfather to her son in "The Elephant's Child".
  • There are also several hints at a possible relationship between him and Carole - in "Pregnant!", even after being told that they don't have to marry after all, Carole and Colin's final conversation in the episode features a scene framed as an Almost Kiss and Carole is distraught over the whole matter. Colin is also the one most willing to praise Carole in Series 6 and he even wonders if he had proposed marriage to her before, although nothing comes of these teases.
• So Hideous, It's Terrifying: He's quite grimy and not the most pleasant to look at, and it doesn't help that one of his running gags involves the most disgusting things happening to him. One episode had a group of fleeing pool-goers try to get his autograph because they thought that he was the monster from A Nightmare on Elm Street, whilst "Exposed" had him realize that this was the case when he is replaced for an explosive documentary on the centre with a more conventionally handsome actor because his appearance was too disgusting for TV, not helped by him remembering that his face was always being covered in the school plays he was in.
• Status Quo Is God: Was fired for incompetence in "Blind Devotion", but Laura manages to convince Brittas to let him stay.
• Stepford Smiler: Whilst he usually comes off as a rather chirpy person, "Biggles Tells a Lie" suggests that he has issues with low self-esteem, and later episodes have him choose the option of suicide alarmingly quickly in response to the idea that he may be fired.
• Still Believes in Santa: Thinks Santa got him a bike for Christmas in "Surviving Christmas", unaware that it actually belonged to the recently deceased Mr. Newmark.
• Toilet Humour: His frequent ailments and gross illnesses afflicting his body, which sometimes involve runny bladders, are usually played for laughs. On top of his, he once dreamed about finding perfectly preserved poop in "The Disappearing Act".
• Took a Level in Dumbass: After the new writers joined in Series 6, Colin hit new heights of stupidity such as believing aliens had invaded the centre in "Body Language".
• Trauma Conga Line: In "Blind Devotion", he is blinded when his garden explodes, his aunt who raised him dies, his canary, Jeremy, gets crushed to death in a door and his accountant steals his life savings and moves to Rio... all on his birthday.
• Ultimate Job Security: Considering all his ailments and the fact that Brittas favours him the least out of all the employees, it can be rather shocking that it took until Series 5 for attempts to be made at firing Colin, although his toilet skills manage to allow Colin to retain a job at the centre.
• "Well Done, Dad!" Guy: His motivation for pretending to be a Leisure Centre Manager in "Biggles Tells a Lie" is that he simply wanted his daughter Stephanie to be proud of him for something that he had achieved.
• Working Through the Cold: Will go to work in spite of any horrible diseases he has. When Brittas questions this in "Blind Devotion", Laura replies that he simply didn't want to let him down.
• Wound That Will Not Heal: He has a septic hand that does not appear to heal at all during the seven-year run of the series.
• Wrong Line of Work: He is terrible at his job as Deputy Manager Wet since he can't even go into the pool due to his conditions. However, he proves to be more adept in the skills of toilets and drainage, which is what convinces Brittas to give him a job relating to that in "Blind Devotion".

Gavin Featherly

Gavin Featherly

A pool attendant who later becomes a Deputy Manager and perhaps the nicest and most sensitive person in the centre. In a relationship with Tim Whistler of which everyone but Brittas is aware. Played by Tim Marriott.

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• Abusive Parents: It's implied that his father is critical of his sexual orientation, to the point that he hasn't told him of his relationship with Tim.
• Ambiguously Bi: He's definitely in a relationship with Tim, but was engaged to Jenny beforehand (albeit possibly as The Beard), Tim sees women such as Penny as being a potential romantic risk for Gavin, and it is implied in "Back with a Bang" that he did hold feelings for Penny.
• Attending Your Own Funeral: Casually strolls up to his own funeral and asks who died in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P." after he is assumed to be dead at sea.
• Beware the Nice Ones: Punches Brittas across the face in "Pregnant!" to save Tim who was getting his pants pulled down to prove he was a woman.
• Big Damn Heroes: Just as Tim was about to get his clothes removed by Brittas in "Pregnant!", he comes charging in and punches Brittas across the face.
• But Not Too Gay: Never kissed Tim once despite them being together the entire series.
• Butt-Monkey: Not to the same degree as Carole and Colin, but he has his moments, especially after he becomes Trainee Deputy Manager and is forced to suffer from Tim's annoyances over the matter and the stress of Brittas. "The Boss" is where it's at it's most prominent as Brittas' attempts to prepare Gavin for the role lead to the latter having a minor nervous breakdown.
• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with Brittas waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream using random bystanders as characters within the dream with Gavin seemingly being the husband of the woman who inspired Carole.
• Cigarette of Anxiety: His usual response when he's stressed is to pull out the cigarettes, most notably in "Temple of the Body" when he is feeling depressed over the cold shoulder that Tim is giving him.
• Closet Gay: "Gavin Featherly R.I.P." reveals that he never wrote about Tim or his relationship with him in his letters to his parents, with the implication that it's because he doesn't want them to find out that he's gay - his father is a retired army colonel after all, who essentially cut his brother out of the family simply because he wasn't interested in the lifestyle. He also hides his sexuality from Brittas due to the latter's slightly homophobic attitude.
• A Day in the Limelight:
  • "Playing With Fire" revolves around an old flame of his coming back and driving a wedge between him and Tim. It also reveals a bit more of his previous history before his time at the leisure centre.
  • "Gavin Featherly R.I.P." heavily features his family and shows off what his homelife with Tim is like.
• Distracted by the Sexy: He is clearly attracted to Brett when he shows up at the centre in "Exposed", much to the annoyance of Tim.
• Distressed Dude: Becomes one in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P." when he gets captured by Ruthless Modern Pirates.
• Early Instalment Character Design Difference: Wore the centre's uniform in the first four series, until he changes to suits and blazers in Series 5 when he begins trying to become part of the management.
• Fanservice: Spends a significant portion of "Gavin Featherly R.I.P." shirtless.
• Fatal Flaw: His habit of keeping his boyfriend Locked Out of the Loop regarding vital information - naturally, the majority of their conflicts begin when Tim finds out these secrets. See for instance "The Lies Have It" when Gavin hides his Management aspirations from Tim, leading to a physical fight between the two when Tim finds out, and "Opening Day", when Tim discovers that Gavin lied about going to his mother's so that he could hang out with someone else at the pub.
• Gayngst: On top of having to hide his sexual orientation from Brittas, it's implied that his father disapproves of his lifestyle, to the point that he once tried to marry a woman to cover it up.
• Gay Conservative: The episode "In the Beginning..." reveals that by 2019, he would not only be still with Tim, but he would also become a Government Minister under Conservative Prime Minister Sebastian Coe.
• Groin Attack: Tim knees him in the balls at the end of their brawl in "The Lies Have It".
• I Just Want to Be Special: "The Lies Have It" gives us his motivation for getting into management - he feels like he isn't doing enough in life being a common pool attendant and wants to be more.
• Incompatible Orientation: Both Julie and Penny had crushes on him, Julie even passionately kissing him under the cover that she had been hypnotized.
• Love Triangle: Despite being in a loving relationship with Tim, Penny would flirt with him, much to his and Tim's displeasure.
• Mirror Character: Once he becomes Acting Deputy Manager, he becomes more Brittas-like in his characterisation, adopting his mannerisms and language and even occasionally wearing a blazer like him in Series 5 and 6. This doesn't go unnoticed by Tim.
  Gavin: Look, if you don't change direction, you wind up where you're going.
  Tim: God, you've been listening to him as well, haven't you?
• Nice Guy: A genuinely kind and thoughtful man who would do anything for the staff in a tricky situation.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: If he hadn't accidentally hit Colin in the head with a croquet ball in "UXB", then Colin would have been able to dispose of the bomb safely.
• Nice, Mean, and In-Between: The in-between to Colin's nice and Tim's mean. He's certainly nicer than Tim but he has his moments, especially when he becomes more Brittas-like after Series 5.
• The Rival: To Colin, once Gavin becomes Acting Deputy Manager. The fact that Gavin thinks of Colin as a glorified janitor probably didn't help matters.
• The Peter Principle: Was a good pool attendant, but when promoted to management after Series 5, he became more awkward and bumbling.
• Rank Up:
  • Becomes a Deputy Manager at the end of Series 5.
  • Is implied to have (briefly) become manager after Brittas' death in "The Last Day", judging from the blazer that he wears during Brittas' funeral.
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: The Blue to Tim's Red, being more level-headed, kinder, and sane.
• Sequel Non-Entity: He does not appear whatsoever in the Get Fit with Brittas Spin-Off.
• Significant Wardrobe Shift: Whilst up to Series 5, he usually wore casual clothing, he switches to shirts and ties in Series 5, both to show that he's part of the Management now and to reflect his desire to be more like Brittas.
• Status Quo Is God: He's implied to have briefly become the Manager after Brittas' death in "The Last Day", although this didn't last thanks to Brittas quickly coming back to life.
• Straight Gay: His sexuality is never outright mentioned (although is very obvious).
• Took a Level in Jerkass: Becomes more Brittas-like after becoming a Deputy Manager in Series 6, even if he was the only one who didn't notice.
• Training from Hell: Brittas puts him through the wringer in "The Boss" as part of his "disaster training". Poor Gavin is led to believe a tanker full of ethanol chloride has crashed into a milk float outside the centre and caused a spillage of hydrochloric acid, a bus full of school children are trapped in the acid spill, a serious fire has broken out in the squash courts and a woman has become trapped inside a sunbed with only minutes left to live... on his first day. The poor guy doesn't handle it very well and has a mini-breakdown.
• Troll: Upon hearing that a bell triggers Patrick to have a Potty Emergency in "Mr Brittas Changes Trains", he deliberately rings the reception bell for his amusement.
• Walking Shirtless Scene: Is shirtless for most of "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.".

Councillor Dapping

Councillor Daphne Dapping

Head of the sports and leisure committee in Whitbury in the first two series. Played by Jo Kendall

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• Alliterative Name: Daphne Dapping.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Disappeared after "Safety First" and was replaced by Drugget as Councillor.
• Idiot Ball: Picks it up at the end of "Safety First". She goes to tell the others the fire escape ladder can't handle their combined weight... by going down it herself and snapping it off the wall.
• Last-Name Basis: Due to her authority at the centre.
• Never Bareheaded: Never seen without her hat.
• My God, What Have I Done?: Goes through this after meeting Brittas for the first time, realising how incompetent this man is, and that he now runs the leisure centre that her council owns.

Councillor Drugget

Councillor Jack Drugget

Head of the sports and leisure committee in Whitbury from Series 4 onwards. First appeared at the end of Series 4, became a reoccurring character for the rest of the series. Played by Stephen Churchett.

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• Agony of the Feet: Throughout "The Old, Old Story", he is limping following a scaffolding pole landing on his foot off-screen.
• Ascended Extra: Went from one appearance a series to several appearances in Series 7.
• Bald of Evil: The only recurring bald character and the closest to a main antagonist.
• Contrasting Replacement Character: Much like the previous Councillor Dapping, he is a Councillor too, and they're largely horrified at the way that Brittas runs the centre. However, whereas Dapping is a female Councillor and prefers largely staying away from Brittas' antics, Drugget is a male Councillor and is much more antagonistic towards Brittas, usually plotting to have him either relocated or fired. Additionally, whilst Dapping only appeared twice in the series, Drugget is a recurring villain.
• The Extremist Was Right: True to what he warns Laura in "The Old, Old Story", Brittas' rehiring results in the same level of chaos as before.
• First-Name Basis: He insists on being referred to by his first name when around Brittas, although the other staff members usually go for Last-Name Basis.
• Jerkass: Absolutely despises Brittas even though Brittas is mostly civil to him.
• Jerkass Has a Point:
  • He does have a valid point when he points out that Brittas is having a detrimental effect on the centre, considering the Running Gag of the centre having few customers and the high death toll. In fact, his idea of having Brittas sent away to Brussels in "The Old, Old Story" is seen as a good decision by the show, even if it takes Laura a little while to come around to it. However, his hatred for Brittas is enough that Drugget can be hard to sympathise with.
  • Additionally, whilst the way he fires Carole is harsh, keeping children in drawers and cupboards was against regulations.
• Kick the Dog: After getting Brittas fired in "The Chop", he fires Carole as well, apparently not even bothering to give her an explanation for why she was fired.
• Killed Off for Real: Dies in "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• Killed Offscreen: We see Drugget begin to die in "Curse of the Tiger Women", but isn't seen again until he's being hauled away in a body bag.
• Last-Name Basis: Due to his authority at the centre.
• Near-Villain Victory:
  • His first appearance in "The Chop" has him successfully fire both Carole and Brittas, and if it wasn't for a series of events which ended with Brittas saving a group of people from the collapsing leisure centre, Brittas wouldn't have been able to come back.
  • In "Wake Up the Lion Within", he successfully co-operates with Carole on a scheme to trick Brittas into willingly resigning, and would have won if Carole had not had a My God, What Have I Done? moment and explained what happened to Brittas.
• Once A Series: From Series 4 to 6, appearing in Series 4's "The Chop", Series 5's "The Old, Old Story" and Series 6's "Back with a Bang".
• Team Rocket Wins: Gets Brittas and Carole fired in "The Chop".
• Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Is this to Brittas, constantly trying to undermine him at any given moment.
• Suspiciously Similar Substitute: He first appears after Councillor Dapping disappears from the show, fulfilling her role as antagonistic councillor and to a much greater degree.
• Undignified Death: Dies in "Curse of the Tiger Women" by eating some of Brittas’ biscuits (which unbeknownst to him were actually cursed).

Leisure Centre Staff

Helen Brittas

Helen Brittas

Brittas' hopelessly neurotic, adulterous wife who seems to survive mostly on prescription medication. Unemployed until Series 7 where she becomes staff counsellor at the leisure centre. Played by Pippa Haywood.

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• Abusive Parents: "Mums and Dads" reveals her parents apparently saw her as a disappointment and are implied to have been quite disparaging to her, leading to her history of depression and neurosis.
• Addled Addict: Spends the entire series addicted to prescription depression pills and doesn't really have the sanity to show for it.
• Affectionate Nickname: Brittas refers to her as "my darling" or "my love".
• AM/FM Characterization: When talking about the Neil Sedaka tape that he once gifted Helen in Gordon Brittas: Sharing the Dream, Brittas mentions that Helen's favourite songs on it are "Little Devil", "King of Clowns", "One Night Stand", "Solitaire", and "Our Last Song Together", referencing how she is a sexually promiscuous but depressed woman who wants nothing more than to get away from Brittas, not that he completely realises.
  Mr. Brittas: Helen says it sums up all her hopes and dreams.
• Awful Wedded Life: An interesting example - whilst on Brittas' side, he considers them to be Happily Married, Helen has been driven to depression and affairs thanks to him.
• Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Despite constantly taking Brittas for granted, she does seem to love him to some degree - in "An Inspector Calls", hearing how much Brittas loves him causes her to reconsider leaving him, and "Surviving Christmas" has her try to murder Carole when she thinks that Brittas cheated on her with Carole.
• Ax-Crazy: As the show goes on, she gradually becomes both more insane and more violent, with her usual response to being criticised by someone being to attack them in a violent rage, normally with the intent to kill. "Exposed" is the most notable example with Helen going after a reporter because he lied about his identity to her with an axe.
• Birds of a Feather: When she is paired up with Carole, as both are oddball mothers who have twin children fathered by Brittas.
• Birthday Episode: In "An Inspector Calls", where she finally tries to leave Brittas over a crappy present.
• A Birthday, Not a Break: In "An Inspector Calls", Brittas buys her a shitty moped which sends her into a depression and plans to leave him.
• Broken Bird: She hasn't had it good, having to deal with abusive parents and divorces, and that's before she met Brittas. In the current day, she's mainly seen with a look of despair on her face.
• Can't Take Criticism: Half the reasons for her psychotic episodes come from someone criticising her - "The Christening" has Helen beat up Philippa after the latter accused her of being a bad mother, whilst "Brussels Calling" had Helen consider murdering and running over a teacher because he gave the work she did for her son a bad mark.
• Characterisation Marches On: She was slightly more sane in the first series and her issues were implied to stem solely from Brittas, with it not being until later that it was established that he only worsened the problem. She's also seen to cope with Brittas with booze in the first episode, with it not being until "Stop Thief!" that her addiction to anti-depressants is established.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Increases as the series goes on, to the point where in "The Christening", she loses her twin babies somewhere on her shopping route and only notices at the very end when Laura notices the empty baby stroller and asks where they are.
• The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes: Becomes staff counsellor in Series 7 even though she is one of the more mentally unstable of the cast.
• Comedic Sociopathy: Her violent tendencies are for the most part played for laughs.
• Dark and Troubled Past: Even before she met Brittas, she has not had the greatest of lives, having dealt with disparaging parents, being kicked out of school, a criminal record stemming from shoplifting, and two previous husbands.
• Disproportionate Retribution: Her responses tend to be disproportionate for whatever thing has ticked her off. For instance, when her twins fail to be picked for a commercial, she spikes the entire supply of blackcurrant juice with laxatives to get back at the company. Another episode had her respond to a poor grade given to her son by attempting to run over a teacher.
• Drop-In Character: Until getting hired in Series 7, Helen would find any excuse to drop by the centre either to get something from Brittas or just hang out with Laura.
• Dumb Blonde: Has blonde hair and is not the smartest of characters, most notably when the work she produced for her son gets a failing grade.
• Establishing Character Moment: Her first scene in "Laying the Foundations" has her wearily agreeing with everything Brittas says, then hitting the bottle once he leaves the room.
• Failed a Spot Check:
  • In "The Christening", she absolutely fails to notice that she's lost her children until Laura points it out at the centre.
  • In "At the Double", the fact that "Brittas" is apparently wearing a different set of clothes, is acting odd, and speaks with a different accent doesn't tip her off to the fact that he may not actually be Brittas. To be fair with Helen, she thought that Brittas wanted to spice up their sex life.
  • In "Reviewing the Situation", she gets Brittas a present to remind him of the trip they took to Gravesend two years ago. The only problem is Brittas was on a training course and she was cheating on him with someone else.
• Forgetful Jones: One of the side effects of the many medications she takes. "Reviewing the Situation" sees her misremembering a trip she took to Gravesend with a presumed affair, thinking she took it with Brittas. Her forgetfulness even extends to her children, as she frequently misplaces them, has no idea where exactly they are, or even how many she has at the one time.
• Friendless Background: The only friends we see her with are Pam, Laura, and Penny. Having a husband like Brittas, as well as having an unstable nature, can do that to you.
  Helen: This is what always happens. As soon as I make friends with anyone, they just go away and leave me. Nobody ever stays.
• The Friends Who Never Hang: Due to her not being an actual member of staff (until Series 7 anyway), she doesn't get much interaction with the cast beyond Brittas and Laura (and to a lesser extent Carole and Penny). Notably, it takes until "Surviving Christmas" for her to have any substantial interaction with Colin.
• Freudian Excuse: While most of her issues come from Brittas, "Mums and Dads" reveals that her parents also have a lot of the blame on them for their lack of care towards her.
• The Hedonist: Her usual habits involve lots of sex, antidepressants, booze, and other forms of drugs, all in some form of attempt to get away from Brittas and to give herself pleasure.
  Helen: I sometimes wonder if it's all worth it, you know? All the lying, the deception, the anxiety, just for a few moments of elicit pleasure?
  Tim: Yes...
  Helen: (Beat) I think it is.
• Housewife: Until she gets a job as a staff counsellor at the centre in Series 7, she was meant to stay home and watch over the children, although she shows up so much at the centre, it's easy to forget this.
• Hypocrite: Cheats on Brittas throughout the entire series, yet when she thinks he is having an affair with Carole in "Surviving Christmas", she is outraged and tries to kill Carole.
• Inelegant Blubbering: She does not look pretty when she is crying, most notably when she's breaking down about the departure of Laura in "Laura's Leaving" and over her miserable car trip in "Shall We Dance?"
• Injured Limb Episode: Spends a decent proportion of "Assassin" with a broken arm following a failed murder attempt against Brittas.
• Insane Equals Violent: She has a history of depression, has been once described by her husband as “severely disturbed”, and was once sent to a mental health clinic. She also has a history of violence, attacking people who she believes have wronged her with the intent to harm or kill.
• Irony: Despite having an incredibly shaky mental health (thanks to being married to Brittas and her pill addiction), she becomes the staff counsellor in Series 7.
  Mr. Brittas: I'm afraid Carole is having some sort of nervous collapse. She's to have counselling sessions with Mrs. Brittas.
  Julie: Isn't that a bit like taking coals to Newcastle?
• It's All About Me: If she does show affection to Brittas, it tends to be for self-centred reasons, such as his naivety allowing her to cover up her affairs ("The Lies Have It") or the fact that he saved her from going to prison ("The Chop").
• Jerkass: Rarely shows affection for Brittas, cheats on him frequently and had pulled the plug on him in "Assassin", only reinserting the plug after Laura convinced her to.
• Junkie Parent: Starts out being the mother to three children (which rises to five by the end of Series 3 before going down to four for the rest of the series) and has a crippling addiction to antidepressants. Whilst we see very little of her relationship with her children, she does have an awful tendency to lose them or forget how many she has due to her addiction.
• Lady Drunk: She's in her early 40s by Series 7, is a bitter woman, and has occasionally resorted to alcohol to deal with her husband.
• Lethal Chef: Not the best in the kitchen. In "Laying the Foundations" she admits to freezing and re-freezing the same food for years.
• Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: She hasn't had much luck with men - her first two marriages ended with divorce, she first met Brittas whilst dealing with an abusive boyfriend, and then there's the fact that she's married to Brittas of all people, although "In the Beginning..." suggests that it actually manages to be a lengthy marriage at least. It's possible that these failures either come from her either enjoying the illicitness of an affair too much (with Brittas being too naive to notice) or her poor upbringing.
• Love Makes You Crazy: Her belief that Brittas is having an affair in "Surviving Christmas" leads her to try and murder Carole.
• Making Love in All the Wrong Places:
  • If the underwear stuffed in the couch is any indication, Helen had sex with Michael on the couch of Brittas' main office in "Temple of the Body".
  • "Blind Devotion" ends with her about to make love to Brittas inside his office.
  • She was about to make love to Vlad inside the towels cupboard in "At the Double" before Brittas finds her.
• Mama Bear: In "Brussels Calling", her son Jonathan gets a bad mark on some English homework she did for him, so she tries to run down the teacher in her car.
• Maternity Crisis: In "The Stuff of Dreams", Brittas' usual level of incompetence causes her to get trapped in the car on the way to the hospital, so she is lifted out of the sunroof and forced to give birth in the middle of the street. For bonus points, the baby was delivered by medical students in drag.
• The Mentally Disturbed: Brittas has referred to her as "severely disturbed" and "troubled", and she's shown to have Depression and a worrying tendency to be abusive and violent. Befitting the show's nature as a Black Comedy, this is of course played for dark laughs.
• My God, What Have I Done?: She does occasionally respond with horror at her own actions, most notably in "We All Fall Down" when she tried to buy back the blackcurrant juice that was spiked with laxatives.
• Nervous Wreck: Already quite neurotic, "That Creeping Feeling" claims that her stress levels are equivalent to a man on death row.
• No Medication for Me: She has tried to cut down on her anti-depressants over the series, but it never sticks, usually because of Brittas' actions.
• Obliviously Evil: Some of her more morally questionable actions seem to stem from mere ignorance, as shown by the fact that in "The Chop", she doesn't realise that borrowing things without permission is wrong.
• Out of Focus: Compared to the main series, she has much less focus in the Get Fit with Brittas Spin-Off, only appearing in one episode each out of a six-episode miniseries.
• Parental Neglect: From what she see, she really isn't the best mother. A key part of "The Christening" has her forget her twins on the bus, and she has at least twice misremembered the amount of children she actually has.
• Pregnancy Makes You Crazy: "Sex, Lies and Red Tape" reveals that every time she falls pregnant, she gains the desire to shoplift unnecessary stuff.
• Professionals Do It on Desks: She tries to screw Brittas on his desk in "Back with a Bang".
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: "In the Beginning..." reveals she lives a luxurious lifestyle by 2019 thanks to Brittas becoming a U.N. Peace Envoy.
• Real Life Writes the Plot: Pippa Haywood's pregnancy was written in throughout Series 3, resulting in the birth of Matthew and Mark in "The Stuff of Dreams".
• Really Gets Around: Has had four husbands (Brittas, Harry Johnson, and two unnamed others) and countless affairs ("Uncle" Simon, John Rawlinson and Roger Ferguson all come to mind).
• Relatively Flimsy Excuse: In "Body Language", she is able to convince Brittas that Chuck and Nancy are actually her cousins from Tennessee in a bid to not tell him that she accidentally sold the house.
• Retcon: At the start of the series she had three sons from before she married Brittas, Jonathan, Tom and an unnamed one and in the Series 3 finale "The Stuff of Dreams", she gives birth to twins fathered by him, Matthew and Mark, putting them at five children. However by "Shall We Dance?", she only had four children.
• Sanity Ball: Holds this when paired up with Carole, as she tends to be the one to point out to Carole the oddities of raising babies in drawers and is usually the one to get bright ideas regarding the situations that Carole gets involved in, such as proposing the plan to lure Ben out of the ventilation system in "Not a Good Day". Keep in mind that she is normally shown to be one of the least sane members of the cast.
• Sanity Slippage: A gradual case over the series, but it's most pronounced in "Back with a Bang", where she responded so badly to Brittas' return from the dead that she had to be sent to a mental health clinic and even made to wear a straitjacket for the first month.
• Screaming Birth: In "The Stuff of Dreams", right in the middle of the high street.
• Serial Spouse: Brittas is actually her third husband, with her previous marriages ending in divorce. "A Walk on the Wildside" introduces an accidental fourth husband, although he's dead by the end of the episode.
  Helen: I've met the man I was married to before I was married to the man I was married to before I was married to Gordon.
  Penny: Sorry, you've lost me.
  Helen: Yeah, I've lost me too, but it has its good side.
• The Shrink: She becomes the staff psychiatrist in Series 7 and isn't particularly good at it. It's most notable in "The Disappearing Act", where her attempts to console Melanie's parents after her disappearance leads to Roger threatening to attack her.
• Sick Episode: She spends "Mr Brittas Changes Trains" suffering from a dreadful case of stress-induced lockjaw.
• Single Sex Offspring: Has five children, all of whom are boys. Notably, this doesn't apply for her husband, who is the biological father of Carole's female twins.
• Single Woman Seeks Good Man: She seems to have a soft spot for men who show her genuine attraction. The reason she married Brittas in the first place was because he stood up for her against an abusive ex whilst she begins to grow feelings for John Rawlinson after he tells her that she looked good whilst giving birth in the High Street.
• Status Quo Is God:
  • She considers leaving Brittas after he gives her a terrible birthday present in "An Inspector Calls", but reconsiders after Brittas tells her how much he loves her.
  • In "Safety First", she was hoping to ditch her anti-depressants, but relapses after her romantic lunch with Brittas goes wrong.
  • She almost goes off with Harry Johnson as a new husband in "A Walk on the Wildside", but he is killed before she can do so.
• Sticky Fingers: "Sex, Lies and Red Tape" and "The Chop" establish she is a frequent shoplifter.
• Til Murder Do Us Part: She has occasionally shown interest in seeing her husband dead, and "Assassin" has her almost do the deed, only relenting when Laura notes how she'll miss him.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Interestingly, she fits the role a lot better than Brittas does, being a Jerkass who takes Brittas for granted and has frequently committed acts of violence to get what she wants.
• Use Your Head: Her solution to stop Philippa from calling her a bad mother in "The Christening"? Headbutt her point-blank in the face and break her nose.
• Villain Protagonist: Some of her plotlines have her fall into this role, including "Brussels Calling" (where she runs over a teacher with little remorse and tries to get away with it), "We All Fall Down" (where she decides to spike an entire supply of blackcurrant juice with laxatives just because her twins weren't picked for a commercial) and "Surviving Christmas" (where she outrights tries to kill Carole, only relenting when she discovers that Brittas is not cheating on her with Carole).
• Wanted a Son Instead: It's briefly mentioned in "Mums and Dads" that her parents saw her as a disappointment because if she had been born a boy, her father would have inherited a jam factory.
• What Does She See in Him?: With Brittas, considering he is annoyingly clueless and she has had several affairs and is on anti-depressants because of him.
• Woman Scorned:
  • Believes that Brittas is having an affair with Carole in "Surviving Christmas", so naturally she tries to kill Carole.
  • Also had an affair with Roger Ferguson prior to "Exposed" that ended so poorly that when she sees him in the centre, she tries to kill him with an axe.
• Written-In Absence: The only episode not to feature Pippa Haywood as Helen was "Playing With Fire" as she was away on holiday without Brittas and wouldn't return until the next episode, "Shall We Dance?".

Carole Parkinson

Carole Parkinson

The hapless receptionist who raises her children in drawers at her desk. Played by Harriet Thorpe.

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• Abusive Parents:
  • "Mums and Dads" reveals her parents made her quit her dreams of becoming a piano player and instilled in her a Stay in the Kitchen attitude.
  • Downplayed as she's shown to be more of a loving mother, but her habit of keeping children in drawers and cupboards has led to a child services agent trying to remove her children, and some of the things she does, such as putting her son in kennels, have raised some eyebrows.
  Herr von Trap: May I see the child in the drawer?
  Carole: Well yes, but you have to be quiet. She's a very tired little girl.
  Herr von Trap: You just leave her there in the dark?
  Carole: You can't put a light bulb in there. The heat cooks them. It's not the sort of mistake you make twice, I can tell you.
• Accidental Misnaming: Has a tendency to mangle Brittas' name into such variations like "Miss Briss" and "Britts".
  Roger Ferguson: Hello, Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre? Yeah, can I speak to a Mr. Britts please? (Beat) Well, the woman in the reception told me it was Britts. (Beat) Brittas, all right, yeah, I'll hold.
• Action Mom: She has her moments, like attacking Brittas' car with an excavator to save what she thinks is her son Ben from a fate of possession and punching a party entertainer out cold for not stopping Ben from eating all the party bags.
• Animal Motifs: Felines. "Temple of the Body" reveals that she wore a tiger costume to the fateful New Year's Party where she was inpregnated and that she dreamed of being a tiger saving the rainforest whilst she was there. "Biggles Tells a Lie" shows her obtaining a pet cat, whilst "Wake Up the Lion Within" has her unlock her true potential through roaring like a lion.
• Bed Trick: An accidental version of this was how she got impregnated with her twins. "Temple of the Body" reveals the encounter took place at Julie's New Year's Eve costume party and unfortunately for her, both she and Helen (Brittas' wife) decided to go using the same tiger costume. This eventually led to Brittas having sex with a sleepy, but still consenting Carole (who didn't know it was Brittas), genuinely believing it was Helen under the costume.
• Beware the Nice Ones: She's usually one of the nicer members of staff, but she will attack you viciously if you put her son in danger (as Brittas and the pirate entertainer in "Snap Happy" learn) or act callously towards the death of her boyfriend (as Gavin learns in "The Boss").
• Big Beautiful Woman: Despite Brittas' comments that her weight makes her unattractive, she is rather pretty and has managed to gain the romantic attention of several men, even if they never end well for her.
• Big Eater: In Series 2, there is usually a scene in each episode where she's shown eating something which sometimes comes in ridiculous sizes, such as an industrial-sized can of beans. Considering her pregnancy, it provides Foreshadowing that she isn't going to become a mother to just one baby.
• Birds of a Feather: When she's paired up with Helen, as both are oddball mothers who have twins fathered by Brittas.
• Birthday Episode: In "The Lies Have It", where her birthday dinner becomes a massive plot point in a web of lies cooked up to prevent Brittas from discovering Helen's affair.
• A Birthday, Not a Break: Everyone forgets her birthday in "The Lies Have It", except Ben who insults her for not getting him an air rifle.
• But I Can't Be Pregnant!:
  • She is horrified at the fact that she's pregnant again in "Assassin", since she only had Ben six weeks ago and had assumed that she couldn't get pregnant whilst still breastfeeding.
  • She is surprised at the idea that she could be pregnant in "Pregnant!", since she's pretty sure that she didn't have any sex recently.
• Break the Cutie: It would appear as if the world itself is conspiring to make her suffer, from her losing her house and husband in Series 1 and 2 to losing any better opportunity given to her to being frequently told by Brittas that she's unattractive and fat. No wonder she's so Prone to Tears in Series 1 and a Cloudcuckoolander in later series.
• Butt-Monkey: On top of being constantly criticised by Brittas for her weight, things rarely go right for her, with every good opportunity presented to her taken away in the most tragic way by the end of the episode.
• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with Brittas waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream using random bystanders as characters within the dream with Carole seemingly being the wife of the man who inspired Gavin.
• Character Catch Phrase: "Welcome to Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre, how may I help you?" with a smile.
• Character Development: She starts the series prone to crying fits and quite the Extreme Doormat, but grows to accept her situation and becomes much happier. She even gets several plots in Series 7 involving her learning to stand up for herself more.
• Characterisation Marches On:
  • When it initially came to her habit of keeping children in drawers, Carole in Series 1 and 2 seemed to be aware that this wasn't the best idea for them, appearing embarrassed at having to do so in "Bye Bye Baby" and admitting to Julie in one of her more confident phases that Ben would be better out of the drawer than in them. By Series 4 and 5, this awareness had vanished, and she was depicted as finding it a perfectly acceptable method of raising children, much to her detriment in "The Chop" and "UXB". The fact that her children don't seem affected by this beyond a dislike for open spaces (at least until they Took a Level in Jerkass in Series 6) may have something to do with this.
  • Additionally, she was more frequently Prone to Tears and a Shrinking Violet in Series 1 compared to later on. This one is most notable as she shows none of these traits in "In the Beginning..." despite said episode taking place around Series 1.
  • She's much less of a Butt-Monkey in Series 6 and 7 compared to earlier on, with Series 6 focusing more on her status as an oddball mother and how this is affecting her children, and 7 showing her talents more (even if they backfire on her) and focusing in on her attempting to overcome her more Extreme Doormat tendencies.
• The Chew Toy: Has several shots at happiness throughout the series, all of which fail in the most tragic manner possible.
  Carole: Why don't I get a sardine, Mr. Brittas?
  Mr. Brittas: Carole, the points system takes into the account that some people are more valuable to the group than the others.
• Closet Sublet: Moves into one of the centre's cupboards after losing her home in "Temple of the Body" and remains there for the rest of the series.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Her attempts to follow Brittas' directions can be quite bizarre, including trapping people so that they can fill in surveys. This is not getting into how she considers putting her children in drawers and cupboards to be a perfectly acceptable way of parenting. Roger Ferguson from "Exposed" even describes her as looking like she has just been released into the community.
• Crazy Homeless People: Lost her house and took up permanent residence in the centre in "Temple of the Body" and has had psychotic episodes, as shown in "Back From the Dead".
• The Dog Bites Back: After her visions in "The Trial" are brushed off by Brittas, she does not attempt to support him during his trial.
• Dreadful Musician: While she has been shown to have talent with the piano throughout the series, one round of the trombone in "At the Double" is enough to make Brittas cringe.
• Earn Your Happy Ending: After 5 series of being the Chew Toy, "In the Beginning..." shows that she becomes a world-famous pianist.
• Elegant Classical Musician: "Mums and Dads" reveals that she's talented at playing the piano, and her happy ending in "In the Beginning..." involves her becoming an accomplished pianist. Vladimir, who already finds her pretty, is inspired to take her with him upon hearing her piano playing, although she leaves before he finds out that it was her who played it.
• Establishing Character Moment: Her first scene in "Laying the Foundations" shows her having a meltdown in reception.
• The Eeyore: In Series 1, due to suffering from post-natal depression.
• Extreme Doormat: Thanks to her low self-esteem, she's fairly passive, although she slowly becomes more confident as the show goes on.
  Carole: You see, I want to show solidarity with the staff, but when Mr. Brittas says "Carole!" the way he does, I have to say "Yes, Mr. Brittas, how can I help you?".
• The Extremist Was Right: In "The Trial", Brittas constantly dismisses Carole's visions of murder in the centre. One drug deal gone wrong later...
• Feminine Women Can Cook: Often shown to have an oven behind the reception desk where she makes sweet treats for her children.
• Forgotten Birthday: The only person who bothered to do anything for her birthday in "The Lies Have It" was Ben, and even then, he called her a poo-head in her birthday card.
  Michael: It's your birthday?
  Carole: Was. Yesterday.
  Michael: I had no idea.
  Carole: Nobody did.
• Freudian Excuse: "Mums and Dads" reveals that her parents caused her woeful demeanour by forcing her to go to beauty school and give up her dreams.
• Friendless Background: Her best friend ran off with her husband to Spain, and "Shall We Dance?" reveals that she has no other friends, adding to her tragic nature.
• Fun with Acronyms: "Reviewing the Situation" reveals Brittas trained her with Courtesy, Respect and Patience (or C.R.A.P).
• Grew a Spine: In Series 7, where she takes a course which ends up improving her self-assertion and ends up standing up against a malicious alter-ego.
• Happy Ending Override: In "The Last Day" (the last present-day episode before two more series were written) she's about to leave for Austria with Mr. von Trap. However, "Back with a Bang" has her back at the leisure centre after he abandons her.
• Heroic BSoD:
  • Her belief that Brittas had come Back from the Dead in "Back From the Dead" left her only able to walk around in a daze while mumbling "How can I help you... with a smile".
  • Has one in "Back with a Bang" after Mr. von Trap leaves her sometime after "The Last Day".
• Hidden Depths: She has shockingly good talent in several areas, including piano playing and writing, but her tragic nature means that barely anyone is aware of these talents.
• Homeless Hero: She loses her house between the events of "Assassin" and "Temple of the Body" and is forced to move herself and her family into the leisure centre, where she remains for the rest of the show.
• I Coulda Been a Contender!: "Mums and Dads" reveals she always wanted to become a pianist. However, her parents made her quit, as they wanted her to Stay in the Kitchen, and sent her off to beauty school instead.
• Inconsistent Spelling: Her name is spelt out in the credits as "Carole", but it has sometimes been spelt as "Carol", most notably on the Eureka DVD box sets and Britbox.
• It's All My Fault:
  • "Bye Bye Baby" reveals she blames herself for Derrick's cheating on her and leaving her, believing that if she had not refused to have sex with him on a photocopier, then he wouldn't have left.
  • She also blames herself for causing Brittas' death in "The Last Day", especially since he sacrificed his life to save her.
• Likes Older Men: Has several older boyfriends in Series 5.
• Locked Out of the Loop: Whilst Helen figures out that the father of her twins is in fact Brittas by the end of "Temple of the Body", she decides not to tell Carole, explaining to Laura in "New Generations" that if she had been put in the place of Carole, she would rather not know. "The Stuff of Dreams" reveals that Julie, Gavin, and Tim eventually found out, but it isn't until "Curse of the Tiger Woman", when Gavin points out the similarities between the twins and their father, that she figures it out.
• Love Hurts: None of her romantic relationships go right for her - Derrick ditches her halfway into her pregnancy without paying the mortgage on their home, she fails to raise enough money to move to Australia to be with an old boyfriend, Ronald ends up in an Uncertain Doom in the vents of the centre, Gerald downright dies thanks to Tim, and Herr von Trap ditches her in favour of a nun.
• Mama Bear: Despite her quirky ways in raising her children, she's rather protective of them.
  • In "Opening Day", Brittas is extremely condescending to her after Ben gets stuck in a door. To put it lightly, she has none of it.
    Carole: DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME OR I'LL KILL YOU!
  • When she thinks that someone took Ben in "Bye Bye Baby", she starts charging through the corridors wielding a fire axe in a bid to find him
  • In "Back From the Dead", Carole believes Brittas has stolen her child's body to gain more life, so she tries to crush him to death in an excavator for revenge.
  • In "Snap Happy", she punches out a pirate party entertainer because he let Ben get at the party bags (even if it was because Ben forced him to), putting him at risk of tooth decay.
• May–December Romance: Had two in Series 5, with Gerald in "The Boss" and Mr. von Trap in "UXB".
• "Metaphor" Is My Middle Name: Claims hers is "Professionalism" to look better on her report in "Reviewing the Situation".
• Most Writers Are Writers: "Sex, Lies and Red Tape" reveals that one of her talents is in novel writing, although since it's Carole, only Michael and Laura discover she even writes at all and the manuscript gets destroyed at the end. It briefly comes back in "Reviewing the Situation", but since Carole's applying it to a review of Linda's work, it's received less favourably.
• My Secret Pregnancy: Keeps her pregnancy secret from Brittas during Series 2 as she fears that she would lose her job (and her home). Brittas doesn't find out until she is actively giving birth in "New Generations".
  Laura: You gotta face up to it sometime Carole, I mean - Morning Sickness, maternity clothes - even Brittas'll notice one day.
• New Powers as the Plot Demands: Her psychic visions only happen in "The Trial".
• Non-Promotion: Brittas ends up firing her in "Laura's Leaving". However, he's convinced by Laura to not only rehire her, but to promote her to "manageress of the staff crèche". It's implied that the only difference between this job and the previous job she held (receptionist) is that she gets to keep her children behind the desk.
• Non-Residential Residence: After "Temple Of The Body", she started living in the leisure centre.
• Obliviously Evil: Doesn't seem to realise that keeping children in drawers and cupboards is not the best way of raising them. Both her firing in "The Chop" and the attempted removal of her children in "UXB" came about because she casually revealed to Drugget and von Trap how she raises the children without considering the fact that they wouldn't take it well.
• Offscreen Breakup: Falls into a relationship with Herr von Trap in "UXB", only for "Back with a Bang" to reveal that he dumped her off-screen.
• One-Night-Stand Pregnancy: Falls pregnant in "Assassin" as a result of a night of sex with an unknown man. In the next series episode, "Temple of the Body", it is eventually revealed to be Brittas, although neither learn this until the Grand Finale, "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• One-Steve Limit: She shares a first name with the reporter who shows up at the end of "Safety First", Carole Jones.
• Overworked Sleep: She is extremely tired following an ear infection that Jessica has in "The Lies Have It", to the point of sleeping on the job.
• Parents as People: From what we see, she is a genuinely loving parent to Ben and the twins, but being homeless means that she has to take desperate actions, such as keeping children in drawers and cupboards, to keep them safe and close to her.
• Perpetual Poverty: She has so little money that she actually gets kicked out of her house and is implied to be unable to afford a car or consistent childcare, but is able to feed her three children and buy kitchen appliances, a pet cat, and numerous toys for them. The fact that she ends up living in the Leisure Centre, which has a canteen, electricity, and heat, may have something to do with this. Granted, several opportunities arise for her to obtain a more stable source of income, mainly through richer potential husbands, but they vanish as soon as they come and she ends the series still unable to buy a house.
• Psychic Powers: Has several visions of death and men from a foreign land in "The Trial" which all come true.
• Prone to Tears: In Series 1, where the majority of her scenes feature her crying over her many issues. Naturally, this makes putting on a smile to welcome visitors very difficult.
• Purple Prose: Her report on Linda in "Reviewing the Situation", is rather flowery for what is meant to be a professional report, but she claims that it is to make it more interesting.
• Rank Up: Goes from the receptionist to the manageress of the staff crèche (just the same job with a different title) in "Laura's Leaving".
• Retcon: In the Series 2 finale, "New Generations", she gives birth to twins, Emily and Tom. However by around Series 5, Tom had become a girl named Jessica.
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: "In the Beginning..." reveals she becomes a world-famous pianist by 2019.
• Secret Squatter: Unbeknownst to anyone in the leisure centre, she has moved in after having been thrown out of her apartment between Series 1 and 2. This is not found out until "Temple of the Body", when Brittas, who was doing an unrelated search for a "love nest", stumbled upon the bedroom she had made up in one of the cupboards. Zig-Zagged in that Brittas does threaten to kick her out once he finds out, but she does ultimately get to live there for the rest of the show.
• Seers: In "The Trial", she gets a vision of men from a distant land and murder, which ends up coming true over the course of the episode.
• Sequel Reset: Carole had been intending to move to Austria with Mr. von Trap after "UXB", only for "Back with a Bang" to reveal he ran off with a nun.
• Shrinking Violet: Mainly in Series 1, due to suffering from post-natal depression.
• Status Quo Is God: Is fired for continuing to keep her kids in the drawers of reception in "Laura's Leaving", although Laura manages to convince Brittas to let her stay.
• Stay in the Kitchen: "Mums and Dads" reveals she had this belief forced into her by her parents.
• Stepford Smiler: She's not a very happy woman thanks to her misfortunes, but Brittas forces her to smile anyway to provide a friendly face in the centre. The end results don't exactly look convincing for smiles. That said, they do look slightly more genuine as she gets more used to her situation in later series.
• Struggling Single Mother: A single mother who lives in the leisure centre where she works and is forced to keep her kids in the drawers and cupboards of the reception desk.
• Terrible Artist: In "Mr Brittas Falls in Love", her attempt at drawing a dolphin looks more like a submarine.
• Textile Work Is Feminine: She's usually seen knitting in Series 1, and several other episodes, such as "Temple of the Body", suggest that she does the occasional sewing.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: She is given a better opportunity in life in "UXB" (moving to Austria with Mr. von Trap) and for once doesn't lose it at the end of the episode... or at least until "Back with a Bang".
• Took a Level in Jerkass: In Series 6, she's a lot more snappier both to other customers and her children. She's at her worst in "A Walk on the Wildside" (where she's willing to shift the blame to her son after she and Penny gets into trouble for writing on a contest signboard, as well as sounding too enthusiastic at the thought of giving Ben chickenpox) and "Snap Happy" (where she shows No Sympathy for the pirate's literally crippling treatment at the hands of Ben, guilt-trips and punches out said pirate, and seems to find her son's antics, which involved holding girls hostage, to be more amusing than horrifying).
• Ultimate Job Security: Gets fired for keeping her kids in the drawers and cupboards of reception in "Laura's Leaving" but is rehired thanks to Laura. Gets fired for this again in "The Chop" and isn't rehired until the end of "High Noon".
• What Happened to the Mouse?: There are some situations where she is seen away from the centre without any explanation as to why, such as when the centre is computerised in "http://etc" and at the start of "At the Double" where she's seen walking to the centre.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Terrified of spiders in "That Creeping Feeling" and rats in "Brussels Calling".
• Yank the Dog's Chain: No matter what, any chance for Carole to get a better standing in life than having to raise her family and live in the leisure centre will be yanked from her by the end of the episode, usually thanks to Brittas. Her husband wants to get back together with her? Brittas accidentally gives him the belief that she's having an affair and spreading rumors about him being impotent, leading to him storming out on her. A boyfriend wants to give her one of his houses? Tim accidentally kills him. The original writers eventually Throw the Dog a Bone by giving her the opportunity to give singing lessons for a man in Austria... only for the replacement writers to reveal that said man dumped her, leading to her return back to the Leisure Centre.
• You Are Fat: Is the target of comments by Brittas involving her being pudgy, especially so in Series 2 when he mistakes her pregnancy with twins for her gaining weight.

Tim Whistler

Timothy "Tim" Göebbels

A pool attendant and Gavin's boyfriend. Probably likes Brittas the least out of any of the staff (or at least joint least with Julie.) Played by Russell Porter.

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• Absurd Phobia: Is afraid of men in anoraks. Just the sight of one in "A Walk on the Wildside" sends him running for the hills.
  Tim: Well, my problem is, you see, I've got... I've got anoraknophobia.
  Harry: Ahhh, you're frightened of spiders!
  Tim: No, I'm frightened of men in anoraks.
  Harry: Don't be daft! You can't be frightened of men in anoraks!
  Tim: Oh, well, I am. I used to have these nightmares when I was little, the child psychiatrist said it was to do with death. The Grim Reaper, the Hooded Figure, anoraks. I just panic!
• Affectionate Nickname: Gavin sometimes calls him "Timmy".
• Ambiguously Bi: He's definitely in a relationship with Gavin, but he also once tried to start a romantic relationship with Carole when he thought that Gavin may have feelings for Penny.
• Accidental Murder: Accidentally kills Gerald (an old man who was about to improve Carole's life) in "The Boss" by closing a cupboard which forced a metal disc through the wall and onto his head.
• But I Can't Be Pregnant!: Brittas believed he was pregnant in "Pregnant!" despite his argument that he physically can't get pregnant.
• But Not Too Gay: Never kissed Gavin once despite them being together the entire series.
• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with Brittas waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream using random bystanders as characters within the dream with Tim seemingly being close with the nun who inspired Linda.
• Character Catch Phrase: A hysterical "We're going to die! We're all going to die!".
• Child Hater: Makes no attempt to give the children a happy birthday party during his time as Mr. Jolly, the leisure centre's party children entertainer in "Brussels Calling", rather deciding to half-ass it as much as possible and talk shit about them to Gavin.
• Clothing Damage: His clothes are basically destroyed after his brawl with Gavin in "The Lies Have It", giving us a good view of his chest.
• Comedic Sociopathy:
  • He gleefully mentions how he's always liked Larry Whittaker when Gavin tells him of Larry's plan to kill Brittas in "Assassin".
  • He suggests tampering with Gavin's brakes or electrocuting him with his CD player when asked what he would do if Gavin stood him up in "http://etc".
• Crazy Jealous Guy: Whenever a woman shows any interest in Gavin, Tim will become defensive and agitated at the thought of Gavin being taken away from him.
• Cute, but Cacophonic: Has a habit to shriek and yell a lot in a panic. Best examples are in "Underwater Wedding", "In the Beginning...", "A Walk on the Wildside" and "Surviving Christmas".
• Deadpan Snarker: Especially in regards to Brittas' management style.
• Dismotivation: One of the staff members least likely to do their job, especially when it's a order given by Brittas. Most notably, when Gavin asks him to man reception in "Pregnant!", Tim refuses, telling Gavin that he would rather stay in the staff meeting room and read a book.
• Disappeared Dad: His father's name is not given on his birth certificate, and from what Tim says of him in "Reviewing the Situation", it would seem that he remained behind in Eastern Germany whilst his mother escaped to the West.
• Distressed Dude: Becomes one in "Mr Brittas Falls in Love" when Linda locks him in a cage to protest for animal rights.
• Embarrassing Last Name: "Reviewing the Situation" reveals he was born Timothy Göebbels and changed it to Whistler out of shame.
• Flanderization: At first, his jealousy and hatred of Brittas were minor parts of his character, but in Series 6 it's almost all he does.
• Insecure Love Interest: Comes to conclusions way too fast when he sees anyone who might threaten his relationship with Gavin. It culminates with "Back with a Bang" when he pushes Gavin into a pool due to his belief that the latter might have feelings for Penny.
• I Should Write a Book About This: "In the Beginning..." reveals that by the time 2019 rolls around, he has written a book based on his experiences at the leisure centre.
• Love Triangle: Penny would often flirt with Gavin, despite the fact she knew he was in a loving relationship with him, much to his and Gavin's displeasure.
• Meaningful Rename: Part of the reason he took on the surname of Whistler (aside from the embarrassment of having the surname of Göebbels) was in reference to his father, who had been a guide whose whistle was used to signal that the coast was clear at the East Germany border.
• Nervous Wreck: The most anxious of the staff, being prone to panic attacks and fears that his boyfriend might leave him for another person.
• Nice, Mean, and In-Between: The mean to Colin's nice and Gavin's in-between, generally being uninterested in his work and rarely having a kind word to say about Brittas.
• Only Known by Their Nickname: His actual name (Timothy) is only used by Brittas whenever he gets into a lecturing mood.
• Sequel Non-Entity: He does not appear whatsoever in the Get Fit with Brittas Spin-Off.
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: The Red to Gavin's Blue, being more emotional, jealous, and less mentally stable than Gavin.
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: "In the Beginning..." reveals he becomes a successful cook with his own show and a novel by 2019.
• Sanity Slippage: All throughout Series 6, but exaggerated in "We All Fall Down" when he holds the other staff members hostage in the staff room, plans to beat up Brittas and has an emotional breakdown to Helen.
• Servile Snarker: To Brittas, never once willingly agreeing with one of his plans in the entire series.
• Straight Gay: His sexuality is never outright mentioned (although it is very obvious).
• Supreme Chef: "In the Beginning..." shows that his happy ending is to become a successful chef. Series 6 expands on this, with his catering business proving to be quite popular and "Mr Brittas Falls in Love" having him take over the canteen and quickly annoy the rest of the staff through his insistence on only making gourmet food.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: He becomes a lot more nasty to Gavin in Series 5 and 6 due to the increased conflicts which come with Gavin being in a Management role, to the point of pushing him into a pool because he suspects that Gavin has a crush on Penny. He's at his worst in "We All Fall Down", when he holds the staff hostage after finding out that he doesn't get paid as much as them.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: "A Walk on the Wildside" reveals that he is afraid of men in anoraks, because they remind him of death, and "The Elephant's Child" gives him a fear of heights, which he attempts to hide from Gavin.

Linda Perkin

Linda Perkin

A petite blonde pool attendant who is very keen and loyal, but pretty naïve and suggestible. She isn't quite as worshipful of Brittas as Colin is but she certainly respects him much more than most of the staff. Played by Jill Greenacre.

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• Action Girl: Quite prepared to kill if the centre was under attack as shown in "Not a Good Day..." and "The Old, Old Story".
• Animal Wrongs Group: The group she forms in "Mr Brittas Falls in Love", considering the fact that they were willing to lock Tim in a cage to prove a point.
• Ascended Extra: She barely has any lines in Series 1 and is outright absent in two episodes, but gradually gets more screen time as the show progresses, to the point that she gets A Day in the Spotlight in Series 6.
• Beware the Nice Ones: Quite skilled with both guns and a bow and arrow. She locked Tim in a cage in "Mr Brittas Falls in Love" to prove a point about animal cruelty.
• Breaking the Glass Ceiling: It's revealed in "UXB" that she desires to become the first female archdeacon.
• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with Brittas waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream using random bystanders as characters within the dream with Linda as a nun who is seemingly close to the man who inspired Tim.
• Characterisation Marches On: In the early series of the show, Linda followed Brittas' every request to the letter, come Series 6 and 7, Linda began to defy Brittas if she felt his requests went against her moral code.
• A Day in the Limelight: In "Mr Brittas Falls in Love", where she stages several protests about Brittas' "Dolphin Day" event.
• Dumb Blonde: More like naïve blonde, but she still has her moments, such as flushing a bucket full of rats down a toilet in "Brussels Calling".
• Dumb Is Good: One of the most naïve members of staff, but loyal to the core and always ready to stand up for others.
• Flanderisation: Her love for animals wasn't introduced until Series 5's "The Old, Old Story", even then being contradicted by her willingness to flush rats down a toilet in "Brussels Calling". Come Series 6 and she becomes an outright Soapbox Sadie when she comes to them, with some of the issues with the centre stemming from her desire to free animals.
• Free the Frogs:
  • In "Mr Brittas Falls in Love", she frees several chickens and a shark from the leisure centre.
  • In "The Disappearing Act", she lets Colin's bunny go free as she is against the use of live animals for his magic act.
• Goal in Life:
  • In "The Stuff of Dreams", it's to open a gun shop in Oregon with her brother. This annoys Brittas as he had been hoping that she would take over the centre when he retired.
  • By "UXB", it had changed to become being the first female Archdeacon, with Linda referencing several times after this reveal her intent to go to Theological college to achieve this.
• Grew a Spine: Around Series 6 or so, when she began to defy Brittas.
• The Gunslinger: Has always had a love for firearms. "The Old, Old Story" has her wield a shotgun to defend the centre and "The Stuff of Dreams" establishes that she desired to open a gunshop with her brother in Oregon.
• Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: Has pure blonde hair to match her pure personality.
• Kindhearted Simpleton: A bit of an idiot, but she sees the good in anyone, especially Brittas.
• May–December Romance: She was in a long term relationship with someone she knew from school - her sixty-something headmaster, Edward.
• Meaningful Name: Like her last name, Linda is the perkiest member of staff.
• Nice Girl: A peppy and positive girl who loves to help the other staff members whenever possible.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: If she hadn't freed Monty the rabbit in "The Disappearing Act", chances are that Melanie wouldn't have gone in through the crack and ended up on a train heading to France.
• Not So Above It All: Despite being an outspoken animal rights activist, she has no problem flushing a bucket full of rats down the toilet in "Brussels Calling".
• Out-of-Character Moment: Has no problem flushing a bucket's worth of rats down a toilet in "Brussels Calling", despite only two episodes ago in "The Old, Old Story" being strongly pro-animal rights.
• Sequel Non-Entity: She does not appear whatsoever in the Get Fit with Brittas Spin-Off.
• Parental Abandonment: In "Playing With Fire", she casually mentions that she's glad that she doesn't have any parents, although how this situation came to pass is never explained.
• Pintsized Powerhouse: She's tiny but surprisingly strong.
• Plucky Girl: A feisty and peppy girl who is up for any task.
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: "In the Beginning..." reveals she becomes an archdeacon by 2019.
• Soapbox Sadie: In regards to animal rights. In "Mr Brittas Falls in Love", she leads a protest that locks Tim in a chicken cage and steals a shark from the centre.
• Stepford Smiler: In the earlier series she was, especially whenever she defended Brittas from criticism.
• Teacher/Student Romance: Is in a relationship with her former headmaster Edward. Despite the age gap, they're probably the happiest couple on the show with the exception of Tim and Gavin.
• Token Religious Teammate: The only member of the staff to be particularly religious, having a desire to become Archdeacon beginning at the end of Series 5 and occasionally seen teaching children religious subjects like Noah's Ark.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: In Series 6 and 7, she becomes more of a Soapbox Sadie and is more willing to do actions such as locking people up in a cage and setting free their pets under their noses.
• Wide-Eyed Idealist: When Brittas is on trial for several offences in "The Trial", she is asked up as a witness. When asked if Brittas has any reason he could be innocent, she simply smiles and states he always has a way.

Angie

Angie

Brittas' secretary in Series 1. Disappeared in Series 2 and was replaced by Julie. Played by Andrée Bernard.

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• The Confidant: Was this for Carole, who would tell her about her ex-husband and financial issues.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Is not mentioned again after "Assassin", with "In the Beginning...", a Whole Episode Flashback taking place during Series 1, both not referencing her and acting as if her successor Julie had been at the centre from the start.
• Deadpan Snarker: To Brittas. For example, when using a leisure centre door to carry out Mrs. Farris (who is going into labour) in "Underwater Wedding".
  Mr. Brittas: Couldn't you have carried her down or given her a fireman's lift or something?
  Laura: You can't sling a pregnant woman over your shoulder, Mr. Brittas.
  Angie: One jolt and she'll have the baby all down your back.
• Flat Character: Due to only appearing in six episodes at the beginning of the show, she gets little time to develop beyond her role as a Sassy Secretary.
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by her first name during her time on the show.
• One-Steve Limit: Shares the same first name as a minor character in "Exposed".
• Real Life Writes the Plot: Andrée Bernard wanted to return as Angie in Series 2, but couldn't due to prior commitments and so Angie was removed while Julie took her place.
• Retcon: While it seems Series 5's "In the Beginning..." officially retconned her out of existence (Julie is shown to be Brittas' secretary when the centre opens), she was actually retconned as early back as Series 2's "Temple of the Body", where it was revealed Carole had been impregnated at one of Julie's parties... even though Carole was first confirmed to be pregnant in Series 1's "Assassin", when Angie had been there instead.
• Sassy Secretary: Not as much as her successor Julie, but she could be defiant towards her boss Brittas if need be. "Laying the Foundations" had her spill a cup of coffee on the ground when Brittas wanted Carole to drink outside the centre, whilst "Stop Thief!" had her attempt to play a prank on Brittas by knocking him out and sending the locker he intended to hide in airborne.
• Servile Snarker: Brittas' snippy secretary who constantly criticised him.
• Sexy Secretary: Brittas' rather attractive secretary from Series 1.
• We Hardly Knew Ye: Only appears in six episodes before being replaced by Julie.

Julie Porter

Julie Porter

Brittas's lazy, gobby, Northern secretary from Series 2-7. Played by Judy Flynn.

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• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with Brittas waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream using random bystanders as characters within the dream with Julie an on-board caterer.
• Character Catch Phrase: "I'm busy!" whenever asked to do anything by Brittas.
• Clean, Pretty Childbirth: Has her baby delivered by Brittas, Helen, Colin and Carole in the centre's basement in "The Elephant's Child", and looks exactly the same after the birth as she did before.
• Comedic Sociopathy: Her lack of interest for others is played for laughs, which is especially notable when she's content with watching Tim and Gavin fight in "The Lies Have It".
• Contrasting Sequel Main Character: Like her predecessor Angie, Julie is Mr. Brittas' Sassy Secretary. The major difference is that whilst Angie is more akin to Laura in personality, occasionally trying to help the others through their issues and defying Brittas more out of Enraged by Idiocy moments, Julie is a lot more apathetic and has more loose morals, with her attitude towards Brittas now at least partially influenced by entertaining herself.
• Deadpan Snarker: To Brittas. She has never agreed with him ever.
  Mr. Brittas: Up until last week, all of us at this centre have been groping around brainlessly in a fetid, primeval swamp.
  Julie: Oh thanks Mr. Brittas, we aim to please.
• Dismotivation: Can't be bothered to anything resembling hard work, especially for Brittas.
• Everyone Has Standards: Despite her Jerkass attitude and lack of love for Brittas, she does have moments where she'll relent.
  • Whilst she jokes with Gavin about Ben being raised by mice in "Set In Concrete", she relents when she sees Carole clearly distraught over the whole situation and reassures her that she was simply joking.
  • In "Curse of the Tiger Women", she actually tells Councillor Drugget that his attempts to fire Brittas are too extreme.
• The Gadfly: As she admits in "Wake Up the Lion Within", part of the fun of her job was winding up Brittas.
• Hard-Drinking Party Girl: She clearly has a thing for alcohol and parties as shown in "UXB", when she throws a party that nobody can leave until they've all been sick twice. She's also very happy to see that her new fiancee owns a brewery and is seen casually chugging down an alcoholic concoction which the others struggle with in "In the Beginning..."
• Hidden Depths: Despite her apparent sassy and unbothered attitude towards Brittas, "That Creeping Feeling" suggests that interacting with Brittas is a source of genuine stress and fear for her.
• Iconic Sequel Character: Although she's considered to be a part of the core cast, her first appearance wasn't until "Back From the Dead" in Series 2.
• Incompatible Orientation: "Mr Brittas Changes Trains" reveals that she has a desire to make out with Gavin despite the latter being gay.
• Jerkass: Out of the staff, Julie is the one most likely to react with apathy to missing children, dead pensioners, and so on and so forth.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite being one of the more apathetic members of the staff when it comes to disasters, she does have her moments of kindness, most notably when she saved a dog from drowning off-screen in "Temple of the Body".
• Lack of Empathy: Cares the least about the constant injuries and deaths that happen at the centre.
• The Lad-ette: The most masculine of the female members of staff, having a thing for booze, a Lazy Bum, a lack of respect for Brittas, and being willing to set cars on fire if necessary.
• Lazy Bum: Is not interested in doing work whatsoever, especially for Mr. Brittas.
  Julie: Look, if we let him sack someone for not doing his job, then none of us is safe. Well, I'm not.
• Longest Pregnancy Ever: Her pregnancy lasted the longest episode-wise - whilst Carole was only pregnant from the end of Series 1 to the end of Series 2 and Helen was pregnant from the end of Series 2 to the end of Series 3, Julie falls pregnant in the latter half of Series 5 and doesn't give birth until the start of Series 7. Most notably, her pregnancy lasts through "The Last Day", which takes place in 1994, and "Snap Happy", which takes place in 1996.
• Never Gets Drunk: Can knock them back like the best of them, but has never been shown to be tipsy once.
• New Job as the Plot Demands: Series 5 reveals that secretary isn't her only job - "The Lies Have It" starts when she recognises Helen at the restaurant she was working at, whilst "Pregnant!" had her engage in a sexual liaison with a man she met whilst working at a party for Conservatives. "Brussels Calling" suggests that she even balances this with stripping at the pub.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero:
  • If it weren't for her saying out loud that she saw Helen at the restaurant in front of Brittas in "The Lies Have It", the whole snowball of lies would not have happened in the first place.
  • The dolphin/shark mix-up in "Mr Brittas Falls in Love" was partly her fault thanks to her usual sub-par secretarial work.
• Offscreen Breakup: She was revealed in "Back with a Bang" to have kicked out Alex (her new boyfriend from "Pregnant!") for trying to give her elocution lessons, although Series 7 reveals that Alex still wants to win her back.
• Oop North: "Pregnant!" reveals that she originates from Rotherham, making her one of the few Northerner staff members aside from Colin. Her Northerner status actually leads to cultural difficulties with the Southerner Alex in the aforementioned episode, and she eventually throws him out because he wanted to give her elocution lessons.
• Out of Focus: Compared to the main series, she has much less focus in the Get Fit with Brittas Spin-Off, only appearing in one episode out of a six-episode miniseries.
• Remember the New Guy?: Julie shows up with no explanation in Series 2. The 1994 Christmas special "In the Beginning..." acts like Julie had been with the centre from the start, although "Reviewing the Situation" does mention that Julie didn't come on until after the rest of the staff.
• Running Gag: Would eat pens, paper, erasers and even coal during her pregnancy.
• Sassy Secretary: Brittas' second secretary who never does any work for him and is usually one of the staff members most likely to scheme against him.
• Servile Snarker: Brittas' snippy secretary.
• Sexy Secretary: So sexy that a tabloid magazine tries to interview her in "Temple of the Body" after she is photographed saving a dog from a lake whilst naked.
• Suspiciously Similar Substitute: To Angie, as both were Brittas' sassy and sexy secretary.
• Token Evil Teammate: The most immoral and apathetic of the staff members, although Helen provides decent competition in Series 7.
• Wacky Cravings: Became a Running Gag throughout Series 6 until she gave birth in "The Elephant's Child".
  Julie: Well I'm pregnant, aren't I? I get cravings for strange things.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Although Julie is seen in the future scenes in "In the Beginning...", it's never explained what she did since her time at the leisure centre since then (although it can be assumed that she's still married to Alex).
• Workout Fanservice: Seen working out in a very revealing outfit in "Gordon Works It Out" (an episode of the spin-off Get Fit with Brittas).

Penny Bidmead

Penelope "Penny" Bidmead

Ran the sauna and solarium in Series 6. Played by Anouschka Menzies.

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• Boss's Unfavorite Employee: Brittas hated her just as much as everyone else and would sometimes mock her. Presumably, it's a combination of both her owning a privatised business in the centre and her nasty attitude towards Brittas that leads to his poor treatment of her.
• Characterisation Marches On: In her first appearance in "Back with a Bang", she's shown to be worried for Carole's well-being, is well-liked by the rest of the staff (to the point that Gavin is implied to hold feelings for her), and actually tried to get Brittas to help Carole, traits which largely vanish after said episode.
• The Confidant: Became this for Helen after Laura left, which is most notable in "At the Double" when she listens to Helen's concerns that her marriage had gone cold.
• Convenient Replacement Character: First appears already hanging out with the rest of the cast the episode after Laura's last, and is the character to fulfil Laura's role in Series 6. Justified by the fact that there is a two-month Time Skip between Laura's last appearance in the present day of the series and Penny's first.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Disappeared after "Snap Happy", with only a brief mention the sauna was up for lease.
• Contrasting Replacement Character: She's clearly intended to be a replacement to Laura, but does have some differences:
  • Whilst Laura was pretty close management-wise to Brittas, being his Deputy Manager Dry, Penny simply runs the Solarium and Sauna, which being a privatised business, meant that she interacted a lot less with Brittas.
  • Whilst Laura has her snarky moments in dealing with Brittas and she does seem to think of him as a bit of an idiot, she was also shown to hold great affection and even romantic feelings towards him, and usually tried to help him. Contrast with Penny, who has a much frostier relationship with Brittas to the point that she was willing to insult his appearance.
  • For the most part, Brittas liked Laura, putting her down as his potential replacement, being occasionally willing to respond to her criticisms, and even holding romantic feelings for her by her departure. In contrast, Brittas' relationship with Penny was much colder, with him even occasionally mocking her. Additionally, whilst the staff were never shown to hold any negative feelings towards Laura, the only person who really liked Penny was Helen, with even Colin wondering if Brittas was going to arrest Penny at the end of "A Walk on the Wildside".
• Deadpan Snarker: To Brittas. More snarky than Laura, but still less than Julie.
• Flat Character: Outside of her dislike for Brittas and Gavin apparently harbouring feelings for her, we get to learn very little about her, not helped by the fact that most of her screentime in the latter half of Series 6 involves her assisting in Helen's issues. Tellingly, "Snap Happy", which has Helen away from the centre for the majority of the episode, barely features her.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Aside from Helen, Brittas and the rest of the staff couldn't stand her.
• Ice Queen: Her interactions with much of the cast are very chilly to say the least and she's one of the few staff members who is happy to insult Brittas right to his face.
• Incompatible Orientation: Would flirt with Gavin despite him being gay.
• Jerkass: She's not a very pleasant person to be around thanks to her haughty nature - it's best shown in "A Walk on the Wildside" when she calls Brittas "a sad man" directly to his face and doodles on the board advertising the "face in the crowd" competition simply because she didn't want her services used for free. Keep in mind that only one person would have been the winner of the competition.
• Jerkass Has a Point: For her harsh personality, she does have valid points which Brittas doesn't respond to outside of silent mocking motions.
  • As she notes in "We All Fall Down", it's not exactly possible to apply the marathon treatment towards the spa and solarium because people are only meant to use them so long without adverse health effects.
  • On a similar note, she is also right in "Snap Happy" when she points out that it's not exactly good to leave a person unaccompanied in said spa and solarium whilst she's out participating in a group photo.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite her chilly demeanour, she did show concern for Carole upon hearing about her failed relationship with von Trap in "Back with a Bang", to the point of bringing it up with Brittas in the hope that he would try to sort it, and she seems to care about Helen enough that she cuts her rant about the latter's husband in front of her in "A Walk on the Wildside".
• Last-Name Basis: It's probably telling of her standing in the leisure centre that both Brittas and Carole call her by her last name rather than her first.
• Love Triangle: Despite Gavin being in a loving relationship with Tim, she would flirt with him, much to the two boys' displeasure.
• Only Known by Their Nickname: According to "At the Double", her full first name is Penelope, but she is otherwise usually referred to as either "Penny" or "Mrs. Bidmead".
• Only Sane Employee: Not to the same extent as Laura, but she does have her moments, including being the first one to realise that Vlad wasn't actually Brittas in "At the Double" and pointing out that marathons and saunas don't work together in "We All Fall Down".
• One-Steve Limit: Before her debut in "Back with a Bang", there was mention of another staff member named Penny in "That Creeping Feeling".
• Ship Tease: In her introduction episode, hints are dropped towards a potential romantic attraction between her and Gavin - Tim accuses the latter of having a crush on her, and after Tim pushes Gavin into the pool, Gavin offers to give her a ticket with him to the English National Opera in the same way that Tim is doing with Carole. However, Penny, realising that Gavin is already with Tim, implores him to change his mind, and Gavin's attraction towards Penny is never mentioned again.
• Shoo Out the New Guy: After her introduction in Series 6 and a severe lack of fans, Penny was nowhere to be seen in Series 7.
• Suspiciously Similar Substitute: Introduced after Laura left and filled the Only Sane Employee and The Confidant roles left behind by her.
• We Hardly Knew Ye: Disappeared after seven episodes.
• Women Are Wiser: Much like her predecessor Laura, she is much smarter than Brittas, usually pointing out the flaws in his plans.

Mrs. Delgado

Mrs. Delgado

The centre's cleaning lady. Only appeared onscreen in Series 1, became The Ghost thereafter. Played by Ruth Silvestre.

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• Disproportionate Retribution: Quits her job over a petty dispute about split coffee in "Laying the Foundations".
• The Ghost: Never seen on-screen again after "Laying the Foundations", but is still mentioned as working at the centre.
• Last-Name Basis: She is only referred to as Mrs. Delgado.
• Mistaken for Pregnant: Was one of the staff members thought to be pregnant after a urine test mix-up in "Pregnant!".
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by her last name during her time on the show.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Her first encounter with Brittas in "Laying the Foundations" has her quit her job out of frustration and annoyance.
• Ultimate Job Security: Quits her job in "Laying the Foundations", but is mentioned as still working at the centre several times after.

Patrick

Patrick

Most prominent of all the background staff members. Played by two unknown actors in Series 1 and 2 and John Carrigan from Series 4 onwards.

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• Ascended Extra: One of the few non-main cast staff members to remain after most of them disappeared around Series 3 or 4.
• Hufflepuff House: Him and all the other background staff members from the early series.
• Living Prop: Outside of being part of the hypnotist's show in "Mr. Brittas Changes Trains", Patrick's just there in the background and never has a speaking role - his prominence comes from the fact that he's the most regularly occurring of the background staff.
• Mauve Shirt: Doesn't really do anything, but still featured in the background consistently after the others left.
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by his first name during his time on the show.
• One-Steve Limit: Before he was first mentioned in "Bye Bye Baby", there was a builder named Patrick in "Opening Day".
• Real Life Writes the Plot: The reason Patrick continued to be a reoccurring staff member unlike others from the early series was that his actor (John Carrigan) made a point to talk with the writers.
• Sixth Ranger: Occasionally gets included in the staff's misadventures such as in "Mr Brittas Changes Trains" when he goes to see the hypnotist show.
• The Voiceless: Only spoken line is a noise he makes when he's desperate for the toilet in "Mr Brittas Changes Trains". Granted, he does occasionally have other lines, but they are always in unison with the lines of other staff members.

Family, Friends and Centre Visitors

Pam Shields

Pam Shields

Brittas and Helen's neighbour, and Helen's friend in Series 1. Played by Frances Low.

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• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Disappeared after "Underwater Wedding" because it was easier to use Laura as Helen's friend due to her always being at the centre.
• The Confidant: For Helen, hearing about her marriage issues.
• Fiery Redhead: Snaps at Brittas for confiscating her son's cricket bat in "Laying the Foundations".
• Flat Character: Due to the fact that she only has two appearances in the series, she gets little opportunity to develop a distinct personality beyond being The Watson.
• Mama Bear: Will take no shit from Brittas on topics concerning her son.
• The Watson: Her main role in the show was to allow Helen to explain several aspects of Brittas to both her and the audience, including his personality and why she and him are married.

Ben Parkinson

Ben Parkinson

Carole's son who lives in the cupboard at reception. Played by Phoebe Gilpin in "Back from the Dead", Jonathon Norriss in Series 4 and 5, and unknown child actors in "Bye Bye Baby" and "Snap Happy".

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• Animal Motifs: Dogs, representing his similar adaptability and love for cramped spaces - "Not a Good Day..." sees Carole intending to bring along a dog carrier to the beach with him inside, whilst "Surviving Christmas" establishes him as loving dogs and being put in kennels like one.
• Ascended Extra: Despite the fact that only his head and arm appear on-screen in "Snap Happy", many of Carole's subplots during Series 6 revolve around him to a much greater degree than in previous series, whether it be his birthday party ("Body Language"), giving him chickenpox ("A Walk on the Wildside") or trying to get him on as a party guest ("Snap Happy").
• Badass Adorable: Helps Brittas escape the collapsing leisure centre with his knife in "High Noon". He also apparently manages to dangle a presumably adult teacher out of a window off-screen in "Mr. Brittas Falls In Love".
• Birthday Episode: In "Body Language", where Carole throws him a party in his cupboard. Played With in that it's actually not Ben's birthday that day, it's just the day that Carole has decided to throw the party.
• Bratty Half-Pint: By Series 5, where he's somewhere between 4 and 5 years of age, he begins to show some bratty behaviour, including calling his mother a "poo-head" for not buying him an air rifle. Series 6 amps up the behaviour, culminating in his brief time as a party guest in "Snap Happy" where he has a constant screaming fit and holds several girls hostage for party bags.
• But You Were There, and You, and You: "Curse of the Tiger Women" ends with Brittas waking up and realising that the past seven series was just a dream, using random bystanders as characters. Ben is depicted outside of the dream as still a baby and presumably the child of the woman and man who inspired Carole and Gavin respectively.
• Chekhov's Skill: His musical skills shown off in "Brussels Calling" end up helping him and his sisters stay with his mother in "UXB".
• Cross-Cast Role: Despite being a boy, he is played by the female Phoebe Gilpin in Series 2.
• Depending on the Writer: How good he is with other children in Series 6. Some episodes, such as "Body Language" and "A Walk on the Wildside" shows that he is at least able to maintain some friendships (a carryover from Series 4 and 5 which gives him some friends) and play well with other children in parties, although the latter does have him in an argument with a friend. Others, such as "We All Fall Down" and "Snap Happy", show him as an absolute terror to other children, to the point of becoming The Dreaded.
• Disappeared Dad: His father ran out on Carole before he was born. Granted, he does try to reconcile with Carole, but a mix-up with Ben and another baby means that he disappears for good without ever seeing Ben in person.
• Early Personality Signs: Thanks to his upbringing, Ben is shown to have a preference for cramped spaces over open ones in his early childhood, climbing around in vents and being carried around in a dog carrier. "In the Beginning..." reveals that this preference apparently made it into adulthood as he now works in submarines, not that Carole makes the connection.
• Enfant Terrible: In Series 6, where it's a minor Running Gag in the latter half that he is unable to participate in the parties or special days of an episode because he's done something violent off-screen, up to and including cutting off the hand of a children's entertainer with a Flymo.
  Mr. Brittas: No, Carole.
  Carole: Please, Mr. Brittas! Ben's been so looking forward to swimming with the dolphin all week!
  Mr. Brittas: Carole, I can't let Ben anywhere near the general public, not with his record.
  Carole: But he's calmed down now, Mr. Brittas!
  Mr. Brittas: Carole, I'd hardly call dangling his Montessori teacher out of a second-floor window calming down.
• Flanderization: Up to Series 5, he was largely depicted as a normal kid, with his violent traits either being minor jokes or more typical for his age. Come Series 6 and he's a borderline Enfant Terrible, with most references to him being him committing something violent like dangling his teacher out of a window. This is reversed in Series 7, helped by the fact that he is largely Out of Focus that series.
• The Ghost: He gets several on-screen appearances, but for the most part, he's just an off-screen entity mentioned by Carole. It's most notable in Series 6, where he only appears on-screen as a brief glimpse of his head and an arm in "Snap Happy", but is otherwise more involved in plots than earlier on, to the point of getting one of his few lines in "At the Double".
• Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Raised in cupboards and drawers in his infancy and early childhood, which is not developmentally good for him as the others point out and seemingly confirmed by Series 6 when he becomes an Enfant Terrible. This is not getting into the time that Carole almost roasted him in his drawer. Or the time he was put in kennels.
• Interspecies Friendship: In "Set in Concrete", he ends up becoming friends with a mouse that had made it into his cupboard, much to Carole's horror.
• Kid Hero: Despite being only a young child, he has helped save the day several times.
  • "High Noon" sees him manage to save Brittas from the collapsing leisure centre by cutting him free with his knife.
  • "Brussels Calling" sees him use his talent in flute playing to help get rid of the centre's rat problem.
• Like Parent, Like Child: "Brussels Calling" and "UXB" shows that he's inherited his mother's talent for music, being able to lure in rats with a flute and outright convincing von Trap to take his mother on as a music teacher with his singing.
• Mind-Control Music: "Brussels Calling" shows that he can lure rats with the music he plays.
• Non-Residential Residence: After "Temple Of The Body", he started living in the leisure centre.
• Out of Focus: His only relevance to the plot in Series 7 comes in "Reviewing the Situation", where a water pistol which is gifted to him by Helen gets mistaken for a real gun, and he's barely mentioned after the aforementioned episode. Even his sisters get more importance, with a major part of "Curse of the Tiger Woman" focusing on their parents discovering the truth about their father.
• Second Episode Introduction: Although alluded to in "Laying the Foundations" (the first episode), he isn't shown onscreen until the second episode, "Opening Day".
• Straying Baby: Played With in both cases as he's a toddler by that point.
  • In "Not a Good Day...", he manages to break out of the cupboard and into the ventilation system of the leisure centre.
  • A game included as part of the Series 3 DVD has Carole once again losing Ben, requiring the player to search the leisure centre for him.
• Suddenly Speaking: Despite being barely on-screen in Series 6 and 7, he actually becomes slightly more talkative than in the previous five series, getting a line ("Oh no! I won't get it back!") in "At the Double" and being heard to call out "Mumma!" at Carole in "The Elephant's Child".
• Super-Strong Child: Considering the fact that he spends most of his time in a cramped cupboard, he's rather strong, managing to close a cupboard door despite being only about a couple of months old at best in "Set In Concrete", is capable of easily climbing around the air ducts of the centre as a three-year-old in Series 4, manages to dangle his teacher out of a window off-screen in "Mr. Brittas Falls In Love" despite still being a young child and apparently mangles a child entertainer's hand with a Flymo (a brand of lawnmower) off-screen in "Snap Happy".
• Sweet Tooth: As befitting a young child, he has a thing for sweet stuff - in "Not a Good Day...", Helen and Carole manage to lure him into a dog carrier with sweets, whilst "Snap Happy" has him hold several girls hostage so that he can obtain and eat 27 party bags full of sweets.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: He's a lot more argumentative and disobedient in Series 6 to his mother and some of his actions in the latter half, including dangling a teacher out of a window, biting and holding hostage other children, and apparently lopping off the hand of a children's entertainer with a Flymo, make him come across as an out-of-control Enfant Terrible. Keep in mind the worst thing he had did beforehand was calling his mother a "poo-head" in "The Lies Have It".
• Took a Level in Kindness: After being an Enfant Terrible in Series 6, the worst thing he does in Series 7 is the more normal activity of simply squirting his mother and Colin in "Reviewing the Situation".
• Troubling Unchildlike Behaviour: Gradually falls into this role as the show goes on, carrying a knife with him at all times, showing a desire to own a gun, and dangling his teacher out the window, to the point that other children are scared of him. Living in the disaster zone that is the leisure centre may not have helped in this regard.
• Uninvited to the Party: It's a Running Gag in Series 6 that the reason he doesn't appear in events such as Dolphin Day or World Peace and Hunger Week is because of something violent he did off-screen causing Brittas to not extend an invitation to him. The pirate entertainer in "Snap Happy" tries to do the same to Ben regarding a pirate-themed party, only for Carole to guilt-trip him into allowing Ben in after all, telling him that by not allowing him in, he would be giving Ben a start in paranoia.
• The Voiceless: Whilst from Series 1-3, he was too young to talk, Series 4 and 5 show that he can speak back to Carole - the audience just never hears him. He's a bit more talkative in Series 6 and 7 however.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Series 7 has several situations where Carole is away from the centre without it being stated where he and his sisters were living, such as when the centre was being computerised in "http://etc" and when Carole was off at Burbage-On-Sea in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.".

Derrick

Derrick

Carole's ex-husband who leaves her facing bankruptcy. Only in Series 1. Played by Brian Stephens.

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• Jerkass: "Bye Bye Baby" revealed that he cheated on Carole with her best friend and moved to Spain, all because she wouldn't have sex with him on the photocopier at the office party while eight months pregnant.
• Jerkass Realisation: He actually does come to see how poorly he's treated his wife and comes to the centre to earn her forgiveness, until Brittas unintentionally paints a very unflattering portrait of her to him.
• Making Love in All the Wrong Places: "Bye Bye Baby" reveals he tried to do this with Carole, wanting to have sex with her on the photocopier at an office party. She refused, and he left her in response.
• Manly Facial Hair: One of the few characters in the series to have facial hair, sporting a mustache.
• One-Shot Character: He wasn't joking when he said that he never wanted to see his wife again, because his only appearance is in "Bye Bye Baby".
• One-Steve Limit: Although spelt differently, Derrick is also the name of a One-Shot Character in "In the Beginning...".
• Small Role, Big Impact: He only appears in one episode, but if it hadn't been for him running off with the savings, Carole would be in a much better financial position.
• Status Quo Is God: Was ready to take Carole back in "Bye Bye Baby"... until a misunderstanding resulted in him believing Carole had cheated and spread rumours about him being impotent.
• Toilet Seat Divorce: Why did he cheat on Carole and leave her? "Bye Bye Baby" reveals it was because she wouldn't have sex with him on the photocopier.
• Why Would Anyone Take Him Back?: In-Universe, Angie asks this of Carole in "Bye Bye Baby", asking why would she want Derrick back considering the fact that he cheated on her, and ran off to Spain with her savings and her friend. She replies that she believes that it was her fault for refusing to have sex with him at an office party when she was pregnant.
• You Know What You Did: Thanks to a poor choice of words from Brittas in "Bye Bye Baby", Derrick is led to believe that Carole has had an affair and spreads malicious rumours behind his back. When she appears, he calls her a bastard and tells her that he is never seeing her again... without giving a reason why he's acting this way to her, leaving a bewildered Carole to believe that it was the way she greeted him.

Jim Brittas

James "Jim" Brittas

Brittas and Horatio's dim, but well-meaning father. Only appears in Series 2. Played by Robin Parkinson.

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• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Never mentioned again after "Mums and Dads", not even to show up for Brittas' funeral in "The Last Day".
• Couple Theme Naming: He and his dead wife Jane both have names beginning with "J", although the fact that his wife was called Jane is only revealed in the tie-in book Gordon Brittas: Sharing the Dream.
• Estranged Soap Family: Surprisingly absent from Brittas' funeral in "The Last Day".
• Freudian Excuse: "Mums and Dads" reveals that he gave Brittas an unbreakable confidence that anything he did was right even if it wasn't because his father never let him follow his dreams.
• Good Parents: Although his manner of parenting led to Brittas becoming too over-confident with his skills, it's also made clear that he only did it out of a desire to ensure that he (and his twin brother Horatio) had the opportunity that he didn't have, and it's made pretty clear that they love each other dearly.
• Heroic Self-Deprecation: He doesn't regard himself highly, seeing himself as a failure and feeling like he has wasted his life.
• I Coulda Been a Contender!: He aspired to become an astronomer. However, when he told this to his parents, they basically laughed him off and made him start a job as a night watchman instead.
• Like Father, Unlike Son: Jim has a rather low opinion of himself and sees himself as a failure, which is the complete opposite of his son Gordon's unshakably high self-confidence.
• One-Shot Character: His only appearance was in "Mums and Dads".
• Only Known by Their Nickname: He's only ever referred to as either "Dad", "Mr. Brittas", or "Jim" in "Mums and Dads", but Gordon Brittas: Sharing the Dream reveals that "Jim" is short for James.
• Outliving One's Offspring: He briefly outlived Brittas during the time he spent dead in "The Last Day".
• Parents as People: From what we see of him, he does adore his twin sons and only ever wanted them to achieve the Dreams that he was never able to pursue, but he never realises that his style of parenting could produce a git with unshakable self-confidence.
• Small Role, Big Impact: Only appears in one episode, but it was his style of parenting that led to the Brittas we know today.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: If he had only given Brittas realistic expectations growing up, the staff and visitors of the leisure centre would lead much happier and safer lives.

Emily and Jessica Parkinson

Emily and Jessica Parkinson

Carole's twin girls who live in the drawers at reception. Born at the end of Series 2.

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• Delicate and Sickly: Jessica is a young girl who looks rather cute in her one clear on-screen appearance. She also gets rather sick in Series 5, suffering from an ear infection ("The Lies Have It"), chickenpox ("Pregnant!"), and nightmares ("UXB").
• Disappeared Dad: Whilst their father is the proactive Manager of the centre they live in, it isn't until they're three (in "Curse of the Tiger Women") that either their mother or their father discovers this. Even then, Carole doesn't intend to reveal the truth to them until they're 40 and sitting down.
• Distaff Counterpart: Starting in Series 5, they're this to Brittas and Helen's twins, Matthew and Mark, being a set of Brittas-fathered twins of the opposite gender to each other.
• The Dividual: The closest we get to individual character traits is that Emily does dancing lessons and Jessica tends to get more sick. Even Carole just calls them "the twins".
• Enfant Terrible: "We All Fall Down" reveals that they're just as much The Dreaded as their older brother, likely due to a habit of biting people.
• The Ghost: Unlike Ben, who makes a fair amount of on-screen appearances, they only appear very rarely in the flesh. Emily is very briefly seen being put in a drawer in "Mr. Brittas Changes Trains", both show up in "UXB", and they also appear in a photograph in "Curse of the Tiger Women", but that's it for their on-screen appearances.
• Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Much like their older half-brother, their childhood is being spent living in drawers. They don't seem to be as developmentally affected by this as Ben on account of their age, although they are mentioned to have started biting other children in "We All Fall Down" and seem to be rather timid in "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• Hollywood Genetics: Their one clear on-screen appearance reveals them to both have blonde hair, in spite of the fact that both of their parents, Carole and Brittas respectively, have brown hair.
• Innocent Blue Eyes: "Curse of the Tiger Women" reveals that they have blue eyes. Makes sense, seeing as they are the young and innocent twin daughters of Carole.
• Non-Residential Residence: Lived in the leisure centre throughout their childhood.
• One-Steve Limit: Before Series 5's Retcon changed Jessica from a boy, Tom was also the name of one of Helen's children.
• Retcon: Before Series 5, Jessica was a boy named Tom. Additionally, Series 1 implies that their father was Mr Wilson, Carole's former Cranky Landlord, rather than Brittas as confirmed in the later series.
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: According to "In The Beginning...", they're destined to go to Cambridge of all places.
• Satellite Family Member: Their birth is used to set up paternity drama relating to their parents Brittas and Carole, but they themselves get little characterisation and how they feel about their older brother (or how he feels about them) or their mother is unclear, although "We All Fall Down" implies that they might have started gaining the same Bratty Half-Pint tendencies as their brother and "Curse of the Tiger Women" hints at a Shrinking Violet characterisation. May be justified by the fact that they are only three by the end of the series.
• Shrinking Violet: "Curse of the Tiger Women" hints that they're beginning to develop this as a character trait - one of Carole's holiday photos shows them frightened by the flash enough into running underneath a sofa and they cry at Helen's presence when she checks up on them in the cupboard.
• Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome: Inverted - despite being born at the end of Series 2, which is implied to take place under a year after the centre opens, the final episode establishes them as having only recently turned three, which is also the same episode that has the centre celebrate its seventh anniversary.
• Strong Family Resemblance: When viewed in profile, they look a lot like their father Gordon Brittas, to the point that it makes Carole realise the truth about their paternity in "Curse of the Tiger Women".
• Sudden Name Change: As part of her gender change in Series 5, Tom was renamed to Jessica.
• The Voiceless: Even though they do eventually age to the point that they should be able to do some speaking, all we ever hear from them are crying noises. The closest that the audience gets to hearing them speak is in "UXB" when Carole teaches them how to sing, although even then, their singing is largely drowned out by Carole's own.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Like Ben, Carole is sometimes seen away from the centre without any indication of where they are, such as when the centre was closed for computerisation in "http:/etc". Most notably, whilst an explanation is given for Ben's whereabouts in "Surviving Christmas", none is given for their whereabouts.
• Who's Your Daddy?: Neither Carole nor Brittas learnt that Brittas was their father until the finale, "Curse of the Tiger Women".

Horatio Brittas

Reverend Horatio Brittas

Brittas' twin brother with a similar mindset. Appears in Series 3 and 4. Played by Richard Braine.

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• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Only gets one indirect mention from Carole in "Curse of the Tiger Women" after "The Christening", not even making an on-screen appearance at Brittas' funeral.
• Crisis of Faith: Suffers from one in "Two Little Boys", believing (rightly) that his attempts to follow the Dream is just leading to tears and violence. He snaps out of it by the end of the episode when he is told by the group who went to the leisure centre about how they enjoyed his presence there.
• Estranged Soap Family: Surprisingly absent from Brittas' funeral in "The Last Day".
• Heroic BSoD: Considers giving up his faith in "Two Little Boys" after a series of unfortunate experiences as a priest.
• It Runs in the Family: "Two Little Boys" reveals that he shares the same dream for worldwide peace that Brittas has.
• Missing Mom: "Mums and Dads" reveals that his mother is dead, having apparently died whilst Brittas was playing the piano.
• Named After Someone Famous: The tie-in book Gordon Brittas: Sharing the Dream reveals that he was named after Horatio Nelson.
• Sibling Team: With his twin brother Gordon, working together to achieve the Dream - Horatio specifically is working on the spiritual side, with his brother working on the physical side.
• Unseen No More: First mentioned in "Mums and Dads" and indirectly in "New Generations" before finally appearing in the flesh in "Two Little Boys".
• The Vicar: Brittas' reverend twin brother who is just as incompetent at his job as Brittas is in his.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: His last appearance had him contemplate marriage, but it is never revealed whether he went through with it or not.

Michael T. Farrell III

Michael T. Farrell III

Laura's estranged millionaire American husband. Appeared from Series 3 to 5. Played by David Crean.

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• Abhorrent Admirer: Tries to get back together with Laura even as she makes it quite clear that due to his personality and cheating ways, she never wants to see him again. Although he is eventually successful in winning her back by the end of "Shall We Dance?".
• Babies Ever After: Leaves the series with Laura after he gets her pregnant.
• Broke Episode: He spends "Shall We Dance?" broke following a disagreement with his father.
• Character Development: He starts off as a bit of a prick and seems to be only interested in Laura so that she can sire him a son and get him his inheritance. However, becoming broke humbles him and he grows to genuinely care for Laura. Fittingly, by the time of "In the Beginning...", it is implied that their reconciliation has stuck.
• The Charmer: He manages to sweet-talk and manipulate his way into winning the trust of most of the staff in his debut episode, all in an attempt to see Laura. The only people who sees through this is Brittas and, to his detriment, Laura.
• Idle Rich: It's revealed in "Shall We Dance?" that he is completely reliant on his father's money for his wealth - when his father cuts him off, he's left destitute as a result.
• One-Steve Limit: Shares a first name with Laura's black friend from "Opening Day", Helen's fiancé from "Back From the Dead" and the Archangel Michael in "The Last Day".
• Overly Long Name: His full name is Michael T. Farrell III, a mouthful and a half.
• Preppy Name: A long name fitting for a millionaire, with extra snobby touches like a middle initial and a number.
• Put on a Bus: Moves to America to start a family with Laura between "The Last Day" and "Back with a Bang".
• Really Gets Around: His initial relationship with Laura ended when she caught her cheating on him. In her conversation with him in "Sex, Lies and Red Tape", Laura points out that he had a habit of fooling around with other women and had hoped he would have changed upon marriage.
• Rich Bastard: He's an incredibly rich man who lies, cheats, and thinks money can get him whatever he wants, which is to say nothing of his marriage to Laura, which initially failed due to his adultery. He does grow out of this trait a bit in later episodes though.
• Try to Fit That on a Business Card: Has the longest name of any character on the show.
• Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Tries to get his way to Laura in "Sex, Lies and Red Tape" by paying upfront for the centre's attempts to get enough money to buy more trampolines. Unfortunately for him, this is not received well by Brittas.
• Series Goal: To impregnate Laura so that his father gets an heir and puts him in the will. He succeeds by the end of "The Lies Have It".
• Smug Snake: Brittas views his charming exterior as hiding a particularly slimy and lying personality. Laura's interactions with Michael reveal that Brittas was right, as Michael was only being pleasant with the others so that he could convince his wife Laura to have a baby to please his father. However, it is also made clear that he was unable to maintain a marriage with or even win back Laura (at first) and "Shall We Dance?" reveals that even his money was just given to him by his father.
• Why Would Anyone Take Him Back?: In-Universe, Brittas asks this of Laura in "Shall We Dance?", asking why would she want him back considering his track record as a husband and her personal qualities. She simply responds that she loves him.

Matthew and Mark Brittas

Matthew and Mark Gordon Brittas

Brittas and Helen's twins. Born at the end of Series 3. Played by Alexander Mallen and Jack Thorpe Baker in "The Stuff of Dreams" and uncredited child actors in "The Christening".

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• Ancestral Name: Their middle names are taken from the first name of their father, Gordon Brittas.
• Follow in My Footsteps: As the end of "The Stuff of Dreams" shows, Brittas fully expects them to take over his ideals and the centre when he reaches retirement age.
• The Food Poisoning Incident: They are left puking after eating dead crab during their trip in Cornwall in "Shall We Dance?".
• The Ghost: Never appear on-screen again after "The Christening", although they are mentioned and alluded to several times afterwards.
• Hilariously Abusive Childhood: In "The Christening", Helen manages to leave them behind on a bus.
• Satellite Family Member: They do set up the plots of "The Christening" and "We All Fall Down", but have no personality beyond being Brittas' twin sons, although it might be justified by the fact that they're still toddlers by the end of the series.
• Spear Counterpart: To Brittas and Carole's twins Emily and Jessica starting in Series 5, being a set of Brittas-fathered twins of an opposite gender to each other
• The Speechless: Both were too young to talk.
• Strong Family Resemblance: Helen claims that they inherited their butts from her, the large size of which she initially blames as the reason they weren't picked for a commercial in "We All Fall Down".
• Theme Twin Naming: They both have names beginning with "M".
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Like their older half-brothers, what exactly happens to them when Helen and Brittas are away for extended periods of time, like in "Surviving Christmas" is left unclear, although "The Chop" suggests that they are sometimes looked after by a childminder. Most notably, their fates in 2019 are left unclear in "In the Beginning...".

Sebastian Coe

Sebastian "Sebby" Coe, OBE, MP

A veteran running star and politician who visits the centre to open a washroom. Only in Series 4. Played by Sebastian Coe.

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• As Himself: Played by the actual Sebastian Coe.
• Distressed Dude: Ends up chained to a stair railing while the centre is invaded by a Roman army in "Not a Good Day...".
• In-Series Nickname: Brittas calls him "Sebby".
• Politician Guest-Star: Was an actual British MP in 1994 when "Not a Good Day..." first aired.
• Rank Up: The 1994 Christmas special "In the Beginning..." claims that he becomes British Prime Minister by 2019.
• Ridiculously Successful Future Self: Manages to become Prime Minister by 2019 according to "In the Beginning...".

Stephanie

Stephanie

Colin's daughter who lives in Australia. Only in Series 4. Played by Beth Buchanan.

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• Ambiguously Absent Parent: All we know about her mother is that she worked at Sunderland alongside Colin, had sex with him, and moved away afterwards. Even her name is a mystery.
• Daddy's Girl: Really looks up to her father and was inspired to pursue Brittas' dream through a letter that Colin wrote to her. The fact that Colin depicted himself as basically a superhero to her would probably create that adoration. Colin himself does love her enough to write letters to her despite his physical absence in her life and has a desire to make her proud of him.
• Disappeared Dad: Her mother moved to Tasmania before she was born, meaning that until "Biggles Tells a Lie", she had never seen her father in person.
• Dumb Blonde: More of a naive blonde, but she does believe all of Colin's claims in his letters in spite of how ridiculous they sound.
• Like Parent, Like Child: Has plans to work in a Leisure Centre much like her father is doing and has inherited his belief in Brittas' Dream.
• Nice Girl: A sweet girl who looks up to her father, and constantly writes to him.
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by her first name during her time on the show.
• One-Shot Character: Only appears in "Biggles Tells a Lie".
• The Ugly Guy's Hot Daughter: Although no matter how she looked, it would still be an improvement from Colin.
• Unknown Relative: Before "Biggles Tells a Lie", none of the staff had any knowledge that Colin had an illegitimate daughter at all.

Pauline

Pauline

Colin's transvestite milkman and lover. Only appears in Series 4. Played by Lloyd Harvey.

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• The Alcoholic: Smashes down several cans of lager in his only appearance in "Shall We Dance?".
• Creepy Crossdresser: A hairy, blokish man who dresses like a woman.
• The Ghost: Gets a few mentions after his only appearance.
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by his first name during his time on the show.
• One-Shot Character: His only appearance was in "Shall We Dance?", although Colin does mention him several times before their breakup in Series 6.
• Offscreen Breakup: His last reference in the series is when Colin mentions that Pauline had broken up with him in "Back with a Bang".

Edward

Edward

Linda's former headmaster and current lover. Only appears in Series 4. Played by Hugh Dickson.

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• The Ghost: The closest we get to an on-screen appearance from him after "Shall We Dance?" is the drawing that Linda did of him in "At the Double".
• Killed Offscreen: In "In the Beginning...", he is mentioned to have died by the time 2019 rolls around, although the nature of the episode does allow for him to be mentioned as still alive in later episodes.
• May–December Romance: Much older than Linda.
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by his first name during his time on the show.
• One-Shot Character: Only appears in "Shall We Dance?", although Linda continues to mention him afterwards.
• Teacher/Student Romance: Linda's former headmaster and current lover. "In the Beginning..." reveals they were Happily Married until his death in 2019.

Wayne/Winston Brittas

Wayne/Winston Brittas

The Brittas family's dog. Only appears in Series 4. Played by Punch the dog.

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• Absent Animal Companion: After his purchase set up the plot of "The Chop", he disappears until his offscreen death in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.", although he does get mentioned from time to time by Helen until then.
• Beware of Vicious Dog: As a former cabaret dog, he has a nasty habit of ripping off people's undergarments and bras, even being implied to attack people's dicks if need be. It's this habit which causes havoc when he is left alone in the Leisure Centre.
• The Food Poisoning Incident: Helen thinks he was killed by eating prawns that were four days past their sell-by date prior to "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.".
• The "Fun" in "Funeral": During his funeral in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.", a burst water pipe sends his coffin shooting out of the grave.
• The Ghost: Gets several mentions after his only appearance.
• Killed Off for Real: Dies in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.".
• Killed Offscreen: He passes in his sleep off-screen in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.", with our first indication of his death being Helen coming in to inform of the sad news.
• Old Dog: He passes away at the age of 17. If he and the individual in "The Chop" are meant to be the same dog, it means that Helen purchased him at quite an advanced age.
• One-Shot Character: Only appears in "The Chop" but is mentioned several times until his death in Series 7.
• Passed in Their Sleep: According to Helen in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.", he passed in his sleep, with her finding him dead in his kennel.
• Putting the Pee in Pool: It’s briefly mentioned that he did his business in the leisure centre pool in "The Chop".
• Sudden Name Change: Goes from Wayne in "The Chop" to Winston in "Gavin Featherly R.I.P.", although it's possible that they're actually two different individuals, helped by Helen's description of Winston not matching Wayne's appearance in "The Chop".

John Rawlinson

John Rawlinson

Julie's sleazy lawyer friend who hooks up with Helen. Only appears in Series 5. Played by Pip Torrens.

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• Ambulance Chaser: Manages to help Helen get away with the attempted murder of a teacher after she had signed a confession in "Brussels Calling".
• The Ghost: Gets a few mentions after his only appearance.
• Handsome Lech: An absolute sleaze, although that's why Helen likes him.
  Helen: So what do we do now?
  John: Well, I suggest we go round to a hotel and I buy you a jolly good lunch.
  Helen: I'm afraid I'm not really very hungry.
  John: We could just go to a hotel...
• Romantic False Lead: For a while, it seemed that Helen was going to leave Gordon for him.
• One-Shot Character: Only appears on-screen in "Brussels Calling", but is mentioned several times by Helen for the rest of Series 5.
• One-Steve Limit: Shares his last name with Rosemary Rawlinson, a One-Shot Character from "Mr Brittas Falls in Love".

Herr von Trap

Herr Wilheim von Trap

The child services agent who finds an attraction in Carole. Only appears in Series 5. Played by Peter Cleall.

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• Department of Child Disservices: Subverted at first - being a child services agent, he does try to force Carole's children away from her, but he was running on the valid concern that she was raising them in the leisure centre, and he was kind enough to offer her a job after listening to their singing. However, "Back with a Bang" has her back to living in the centre after he ran off with a nun, with no indication that he made any efforts to prevent her children from returning to an unstable life in the leisure centre.
• Expy: Of Captain Georg von Trapp from The Sound of Music. He even ends up with a nun.
• Offscreen Breakup: "Back with a Bang" reveals that he ran off with a nun and broke up his and Carole's relationship before the events of the episode, much to her despair.
• One-Shot Character: Only appears on-screen in "UXB", although his Offscreen Breakup with Carole fuels her scenes in "Back with a Bang".
• Put on a Bus: Abandons Carole between "The Last Day" and "Back with a Bang".
• Real Life Writes the Plot: Carole had moved to Austria with him at the end of Series 5, but when the series was brought back for two more series and Carole was needed back in the centre, Mr. von Trap was written out and left Carole heartbroken.
• Reasonable Authority Figure: In "UXB", where his reasoning for taking Carole's children away were genuinely valid, he tries to assure Carole that the children will be raised in loving foster homes, and even offers Carole a job after he hears her teaching singing lessons to her children.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: In "UXB", he was portrayed as a Reasonable Authority Figure, having valid concerns involving how Carole was raising her children and offering her a job after listening to her teach her children singing. Come "Back with a Bang", and we see that he ditched Carole for a nun, apparently not caring that she was now back living at the centre and that the children had returned to life in drawers and cupboards.
• The Von Trope Family: In keeping with his inspiration, he has "von" in his name.

Barney Farrell

Barney Farrell

Laura and Michael's son in the future. Only appears in Series 5. Played by Walter Lewis.

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• Audience Surrogate: Is used as a way to get Laura to tell the story of the staff's first New Year's together and ask questions about the past.
• Last Episode, New Character: In "In the Beginning...", (intended to be the final episode), the show introduced him to serve as a Framing Device to learn why the staff get together every New Year's Eve.
• One-Shot Character: He only appears in "In the Beginning...".
• Satellite Family Member: He's the culmination of his father Michael's Series Goal of getting his mother Laura pregnant and is the reason why Laura is Put on a Bus, but he doesn't get much characterisation in his one appearance on-screen beyond being The Watson.
• Strong Family Resemblance: Has a striking resemblance and shares an American accent with that of his father.

Gordon Porter

Gordon Colin Porter

Julie's baby. Born at the start of Series 7.

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• The Ghost: He's mentioned several times after "The Elephant's Child", but never appears in the flesh. Even in "The Elephant's Child", he is represented as a bundle of blankets.
• Last-Minute Baby Naming: In "The Elephant's Child", he is named after Gordon, because he helped in the birth and Colin, because he kept him warm.
• Meaningful Name: Subverted. Julie was about to name him Dawn, since he came at the crack of dawn. However, she changes her mind once she's told that she has given birth to a boy rather than a girl.
• "Near and Dear" Baby Naming: In "The Elephant's Child", Julie names him after Colin who helped keep him warm and Gordon who assisted in the birth.
• One-Shot Character: Only appears in "The Elephant's Child", although he is mentioned by Julie as late as the Get Fit With Brittas Spin-Off.
• Satellite Character: Outside of being Julie's baby, he has no characterisation whatsoever, although it is justified by the fact that he is just a baby.
• The Speechless: Being a newborn, he was too young to talk.

Unseen Characters

Brittas' stepchildren

Jonathan Brittas, Tom Brittas, and Brittas' other stepchild

Helen's three children from previous marriages. The youngest is named Tom, another is named Jonathan, and the third remains unnamed. Only on-screen appearance is two seen from afar at the beginning of "Laying the Foundations".

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• Bratty Halfpint: Jonathan is implied to be one in "Laying the Foundations", as Brittas confiscates his stuffed toy until he can learn to behave in a more mature manner.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Whilst there were three of them at the start of the series, this had gone down to two by "Shall We Dance?" without explanation.
• Disappeared Dad: It is unknown what happened to their biological fathers beyond the fact that Helen divorced them.
• The Dividual: Don't really get much character traits to distinguish them from each other and are usually just called "the children".
• Dumbass Teenage Son: Mention is made of Jonathan doing GCSEs in Series 5, placing him around 14-16 at this point. He's also getting his mother to (unsuccessfully) do them for him (although it isn't made clear if it's because he's lazy, busy, or genuinely struggling with them) and he decided to eat a dead crab that he found on the beach in "Shall We Dance?", leading to him puking.
• The Faceless: Two of them appear on-screen in "Laying the Foundations", but it is a far-away shot which makes it difficult to see their faces.
• From the Mouths of Babes: Tom asks if a very wide and thin coffin would need to be constructed for his stepfather when he learns of his apparent death in "Back from the Dead". Even Helen comments upon how strange it is coming from a young child.
• The Ghost: One of them never appears on-screen, whilst the other two (one of which is said to be Tom) make a very brief appearance at the beginning of "Laying the Foundations" before disappearing off-screen for the rest of the series.
• Like Parent, Like Child: "Brussels Calling" implies that Jonathan has inherited his mother's lack of ability or interest in doing schoolwork.
• No Name Given: Only Tom and Jonathan actually get names, with the third remaining unnamed.
• One-Steve Limit: Prior to Series 5 changing them into a daughter named Jessica, Carole had a younger son who shared their name with Tom.
• Satellite Family Member: It's a meeting with Tom's teacher which sets up Helen's subplot in "Safety First" and it's Jonathan's time at Secondary School which helps set up Helen's subplots in "The Old, Old Story" and "Brussels Calling", but they themselves get little characterisation beyond being Brittas' stepchildren, to the point that their relationship with their stepfather and even their mother remains ambiguous.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Their final fates in 2019 are left unsaid in "In the Beginning...".

Mrs. Parkinson

Mrs. Parkinson

Carole's sickly mother who tries to help her with her financial issues. Never shown on screen.

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• Abusive Parents: "Mums and Dads" reveals that she and her husband made Carole quit her dreams of becoming a piano player and instilled in her a Stay in the Kitchen attitude. Even beforehand, "Laying the Foundations" shows her prioritising giving her daughter marriage guidance over the more urgent matter of giving her enough money to stay in her apartment.
• The Confidant: Carole will tell her everything - no matter how tragic.
• Dating What Daddy Hates: She didn't like Carole dating Ronald, as she thought she could do better than the child of a rag n' bone man, and forced her to cancel the engagement.
• Fantasy-Forbidding Mother: Made Carole ditch her dreams of playing piano in favour of taking beauty classes.
• The Ghost: Never shows up on-screen.
• Uncertain Doom: The last we hear of her that isn't in the context of how she raised Carole, she's gone back into the hospital after her hip replacement had failed, leaving it unclear whether she survived. Not helping matters is Carole mentioning the existence of a stepmother in Series 2, suggesting that she may not be around anymore.
• Unnamed Parent: Carole's mother who never got given a name by the writers.

Mr. Wilson

Mr. Wilson

Carole's landlord who is kicking her out. Never shown on screen.

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• Cranky Landlord: He's an absolute jerk of a landlord, asking for sexual favours from Carole even though he's due to be married before kicking her out after she falls pregnant.
• The Ghost: Never shows up on screen.
• Last-Name Basis: He is only referred to as Mr. Wilson.
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by his last name during his time on the show.
• Put on a Bus: After Carole was kicked out in "Temple of the Body", she had no reason to call him anymore.

Uncle Simon

"Uncle" Simon

Helen's long-term affair. Brittas believes him to be a sick uncle. Never shown on screen.

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• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Not mentioned again after "The Trial", even though it's implied that he and Helen had gotten back together.
• The Ghost: Never shows up on-screen.
• Invented Invalid: Helen pretends he's a sick old uncle so she can go out all day to have affairs with him.
• No Full Name Given: Only referred to by his first name during his time on the show.
• Offscreen Breakup: He broke up with Helen off-screen in "Stop Thief!", although "The Trial" heavily implies that they eventually got back together.