Recap / Mystery Science Theater 3000 S09 E03: The Pumaman

aka: Mystery Science Theater 3000 S 09 E 03 Puma Man

Oh, Thep Umaman.

Film watched: The Pumaman

"You know, I have almost no respect for pumas now. I now know that if I ever run into a puma, I can just push it the hell over."

— Crow T. Robot

The episode is available in the Gizmoplex here.

The Segments:

Prologue

• Servo becomes an arrogant biker with lifts added to his hoverskirt. Mike concludes that he has short man's disease and is struggling to cope with it, treating him with baby aspirin.

Segment 1

• After Servo overcomes his disability, an extra-posh Pearl is throwing a fancy ball in Castle Forrester to celebrate her new homecoming, inviting everyone in the area to attend. Mike and the 'Bots try mingling at Pearl's forceful urging, but Servo's the only one who gets into it, even continuing to wear his ball gown and wig in the theater. Meanwhile, as Bobo stuffs himself with hors d'oeuvres, Brain Guy's hosting a viewing party of Sliders, and all the guests at Pearl's ball, such as Ortega, his cousin Staci, and her boyfriend Brian, crowd into the adjacent room with him.

Segment 2

• Inspired by Tony's hairstyle, Mike tries to get the dry look from the Nanites' salon, but he asks for someone other than Shelli after the last time she styled his hair. He's naturally stuck with Shelli again, who takes offense to his comments and gives him the ultimate dry look by turning his scalp into a literal desert.

Segment 3

• Crow and Servo dress up like Vadinho to tell Mike that he has been chosen by the gods to become Coatimundi Man, the mighty champion of justice! They go so far as to give him non-indicative superpowers, a childish theme tune, a ridiculous costume to dress up in, and Gypsy rigging a fake spaceship to descend upon him. Unfortunately, Mike gets distracted from his destiny when he goes to get leftover sesame noodles from the fridge, which he shares with Gypsy.

Segment 4

• Mike finds that the 'Bots have their own ancient Aztec mask, through which they've made a replica of folk singer Roger Whittaker's head, trying to use the mask to brainwash Whittaker so they can use him for personal gain like Dr. Korbas. Mike can't come up with any good ideas of what the singer could be used for, angering the 'Bots to the point of threatening to sic him on Mike, and then the viewers.

Segment 5

• After the utter awfulness of the movie, Crow leaves the theater early and resigns his post to wander the Satellite of Love. Half a second later, he's rehired at a lower salary with no benefits. In Castle Forrester, Pearl's ball is a complete bust, since everyone who showed up was only interested in Brain Guy's Sliders party. Much to her relief, the mind-controlled Roger Whittaker soon arrives and charms her with a tune, but then tries to sneak off to Brain Guy's party, lured by the strains of Asia he can hear from the other room. The incensed Pearl retaliates by hitting him with his guitar, El Kabong-style.

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The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of The Pumaman provides examples of:

• Accidental Misnaming:
  Servo: Oh, Thep-Umaman.
• Actor/Role Confusion: Mike and the bots insist on referring to Donald Pleasence's character as "Donald Pleasence."
• Anal Probe: Vadinho's final fate, according to Mike.
• Artistic License – Paleontology:

Jane: So, dinosaurs went extinct when they no longer knew how to love one another, is that correct?
Servo: In a wrong kind of way, sure.

• Ass Pull: The bots, when convincing Mike of his role as Coatimundi Man, clearly haven't thought out his power suite: invoked
  Crow: Yeah...you can shoot....uh....magnetic...uh, laser....beams...from....from your nose! Yeah! Yeah!
• Big "YES!": Servo when Vadinho punches out Tony.
• Biting-the-Hand Humor: Towards the then-owner of the Sci-Fi Channel.
  Donald Pleasance: The men who control the whole destiny of the world is here.
  Crow: Barry Diller? Here?
• Blackmail: The 'bots envision this being done to Tony by a fly.
• Call-Back: When Mike is calling the Nanites for a hair appointment, he gets Shelly.
  Mike: No offence, but last time, you made my hair, like 70 miles high.
• The Chosen One: Mike is Coatimundi Man, chosen by the gods to fulfill his destiny with whatever random power and goofy theme music that Crow and Servo can come up with. Mike gives up almost immediately to go get the cold sesame noodles in the fridge.
• Chroma Key:
  Mike: He has the power to rear-project major cities!
• Continuity Nod:
  • Ortega is one of the guests who comes over to watch Sliders with Brain Guy.
  • Mike's Coatimundi Man hat is the same giant foam hat from the Cowboy Mike's Ric-O-Chet Bar-B-Q Sauce! sketch in The Starfighters. Crow even lampshades it when he wears it back into the theater:
    Crow: Bold, Mike.
  • Once again Bobo is singing songs by Asia.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment:
  Mike: You will drop your pants to your ankles and walk through town saying 'I am a ninny!'
• Creator Provincialism: Several of the brands mentioned during their singing of the Pumaman theme (Snyder Drug, Red Owl) are regional chains local to Minnesota, where the show was produced.
• Designated Hero: Discussed. invoked
  Crow: I'll go mess up, and you save me!
• Dull Surprise:
  Crow: At all times, he has the look of a man who's been hit with a fish.
• Dumb Blonde: Jane already came off as this in the movie proper, but the riffers make her out to be a blithering idiot easily distracted by shiny objects.
  Crow: [as Jane uses a magnifying glass] There's something wrong with this mirror.
  Servo: [as Jane stares off] I'm confused. Now, I'm happy!
• Evil Laugh: Crow and Servo, because they control Roger Whittaker.
• Family-Unfriendly Death: Kobras dies in a flaming helicopter wreck.
  Crow: (singing) Burn an old man! Singe all his flesh off!
• Freudian Excuse Is No Excuse: Joked about when Pumaman manhandles Kobras and Mike riffs Kobras attempting to weasel out of being beaten up by claiming that he had a rough childhood.
• Freudian Excuse: Joked by Crow.
  Crow (as Dr. Kobras): No. Please. I had a terrible childhood.
• Fridge Logic: invoked It occurs to Mike that pumas are not noted for their powers of flight.
• Gag Haircut: Mike is given "the dry look" by hairdresser nanite Shelly, which turns his head into a literal desert with a tiny cactus on top. Crow suggests running a river over his head to turn it back to normal.
• Gender Bender: Played for laughs when Vadinho shows Tony the childhood picture to prove that he is the Pumaman.
  Vadinho: You were only a boy at the time.
  Crow: Then you were a girl, and then you were a boy again.
• Ho Yay: In-Universe between Tony and Vadinho.
  Crow (as Tony): Please get off, I'm feeling funny down there.
• Lantern Jaw of Justice: Vadinho's doesn't go unnoticed by the crew.
• Malicious Misnaming: When informing Mike and the bots they're not invited to her party, Pearl refers to Tom Servo as "Tim Servo".
• Mind-Control Device: Tom and Crow attempt to mimic the film's method of Brainwashing to make the perfect assassin by building a bust of... folk singer Roger Whittaker!
• Mundane Utility:
  • Servo "marvels" over Tony using his amazing Pumaman powers to step out of a firetruck going 3 mph.
  • Crow and Servo take control of Roger Whittaker, saying he could be used for such tasks as typing.
• The Napoleon: Tom's "short man's disease" causes him to become more belligerent and dress up like an outlaw biker.
• Never Say That Again: Mike tells Servo this after the latter makes a joke related to The Mask.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Roger Whittaker played by Kevin Murphy, although it's not a literal example of the trope, since poor Roger might have been harmed a little when Pearl beaned him with his own guitar.
• "No. Just… No" Reaction: This exchange:
  Tony: But why does Kobras want the mask?
  Servo: So he can be ssssmokin'!
  Mike (firmly): Never...ever...do that again.
• Noodle Incident: When Tony first uses the belt to transform, Mike says his mother had a pair of earrings that did similarly.
• One-Person Birthday Party: Pearl's "return to Castle Forrester" moving party is a complete non-starter, with only Bobo in attendance (and he leaves once the canapés run out). Observer's casual get-together to watch Sliders in his room, meanwhile, attracts over 70 people in an hour and turns into a raucous drunken sing-along.
• Paranoia Fuel: In-Universe, as the 'bots warn Mike and the audience.
  Crow: Roger Whittaker could be on you at any moment.
  Servo: There he is! I'm kidding... this time.
• Pimped-Out Dress: Both Pearl and Servo sport Edwardian hoop dresses.
• Porn Stache: One of the mooks sports a generous one, leading to this riff:
  Servo: Help! My mustache makes me fall sideways!
• Power Perversion Potential: Tony and Jane decide to "boff in the air", making Mike moan, "They immediately defile the gifts the Gods gave them."
• Pretentious Pronunciation:
  • Every time Kobras says "Pumaman" the British way ("Pyooma-man", as opposed to "Pooma-man"), Mike and the bots 'correct' him (Mike: "Oh, is that right, Dyonald?"); then when he says "human being", Servo says "That's 'hooman being'... oh, no, wait..."
  • One riff plays on this as well:
    Vadinho: I say put it on.
    Mike: And you say "pyoot it oon."
  • This was going on from the opening riff (with a dash of Accent Upon The Wrong Syllable thrown in) where the mashed-together title The Pumaman was read "Thep-yoo-MAY-min."
• Rummage Sale Reject: Mike's Coatimundi Man costume quickly turns into this. Justified in that it was all a ploy by the bots to make him look silly.
• Running Gag:
  • The heroic declaration of "Pumaman!" whenever Tony's being decidedly un-heroic. Also, the spoofing of Pleasence using the British pronunciation of "Puma". Much fun was also had at the expense of "Vadinho's" name sounding like a type of onion^note Vidalia, if you didn't know.
  • Culminating in the final scene at the Stonehenge-like monolith structure with Mike (as Tony) saying to Vadinho, "Hey, Vidalia would you mind just worshiping for us? I think we'll just get going...."
    Vadinho: Kneel.
    Crow: I told you, my name's Tony!
  • They even do a preview of the pronunciation gag before it's even established:
    Vadinho: I say put it on.
    Mike: And you say "pyoot it oon".
  • As usual, Mike and the 'bots make constant references to Pleasence's baldness.
    Kobras: Comb the area.
    Crow: Donald's only use for the word "comb", right there.
  • "I am a wood sprite! Tee Hee!"
  • Crow saying "Do the hustle!" any time Pumaman's very disco-esque action music would play.
  • "Look! It's a (insert unflattering comparison)! No wait, it's just Donald Pleasence."
  • The riffers mocking Tony being slow to sense danger in clearly dangerous situations.
  • Tony already whines a fair amount in the movie, but Mike and the 'bots take it even further.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: By the end of the movie, Crow's had enough and he's planning on quitting. He doesn't, but still...
• Separated by a Common Language: When Tony and Vadinho walk by a river.
  Servo: Look, you call it corn, I call it maize. We'll never get along.
• Shout-Out:
  • Pearl's moving beauty mark is a reference to Prince John's mole in Robin Hood: Men in Tights... which in turn was a Shout-Out to Eye-Gor's moving hump in Young Frankenstein.
    Bobo: Oooh, Junior Mint!
  • Brain Guy can't attend Pearl's ball because he's having people over to watch Sliders.
  • Why does Donald Pleasance want the mask? "So he can be ssssmokin'!"
  • At one point the bots sing the theme tune to The Greatest American Hero with altered lyrics.
    Crow: Believe it or not, this movie's still on/It should have ended two hours ago-oh-ohhh!
  • As Vadinho watches some extremely indecisive Mooks from behind a brick wall built to have a lot of holes in it: "You won't get my Amontillado!"
  • Crow calling Martin Gilbert Gottfried from Up All Night. (Gottfried had taken over for Rhonda Shear.)
  • Mike's Coatimundi Man outfit includes a Rhoda vest and a Doctor Who scarf.
  • Mike quips "Take that, members of Boston!" when Vadinho gives two goons with an uncanny resemblance to Brad Delp and Sib Hashian the Put Their Heads Together treatment and tosses both of them away.
  • Servo introduces the movie as "A very special Touched by a Pumaman."
  • After the sequence of Tony getting lost in nothingness, Crow accuses him of not knowing how to use the holodeck.
• Sidekick Ex Machina: "So the hero is this guy; I think it's time we faced that fact."
• Special Effects Failure: Pointed out and riffed, of course. invoked
  • "Pumaman can tear through pure contact paper."
  • "Help, I'm falling at a 60° angle, breaking all the laws of physics!" invoked
  • "He has the power to rear-project major cities!"
• Take That, Scrappy!: In-Universe, after Vadinho punches out Tony.
  Servo: Yes! The Aztec speaks for all of us!
• 10-Minute Retirement: In the final segment, Crow gets fed up with the movie and decides to "quit". He walks away... then doesn't even get fully off-screen before running back and asking if Mike is hiring.
• Weak-Willed: The crew's opinion of Jane.
  Servo: I think controlling her will might involve Sloe Gin and a Trans-Am.
• With Lyrics: Mike and the 'bots add their own lyrics to the jingle-istic "Pumaman Theme" ("Soundtrack by my little brother's Casio"):
  Crow: (singing) Pumaman, he flies like a moron...
  Servo: (singing) The fat-free yo-gurt that's not short on fla-vor!
  Mike: (singing) Dick's... Red Owl... selection and service...
  Servo: (singing) Sny-der Drug.. .we're busting up prices!
  Crow: (singing) When... you want... the fla-vor of ba-con in a dip!
  Crow: (singing) Burn an old man, singe all his flesh off!
  Crow: (singing) Now... they're going... to boff in the air...!
  • Crow declares "This is music to praise the gods with..." Ask and Servo shall provide:
    Servo: (singing) Glory to our Space Gods in the Highest! Gloria, in Excelsis Space Gods!
  • And then there's the 'love theme' version of the song at the end, which Servo quickly notices sounds a little like Lionel Richie and Diana Ross's duet "Endless Love":
    Servo: (singing) Thepyewmaymiiin... there's only you in my life...
• Yank the Dog's Chain: With her ball a complete failure, Pearl asks for someone up there to give her a break "just this once." Enter Roger Whittaker (controlled by Servo)... Then after just a few minutes, Whittaker decides to join the action (the Sliders party with Observer, Bobo, and friends) in the back room. Pearl creams him with his guitar.
  Roger Whittaker: But Pearl, they're singing Asia songs in there!

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(Vadinho throws Tony out of a window, who lands safely on some grass)

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