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Quotes / Kleptomaniac Hero

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    Fan Fiction 

In any case, borrowing things from people's workshops isn't stealing. It's collecting evidence. Expanding her inventory. She'll return it as soon as she's done with it, really.
It's worked out well for her in the last who-knows-how-many cases.


Peter: This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket: Dude!
Drax: Right. He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're chasing us. What a mystery this is.
[the Sovereign fleet opens fire, forcing the Milano to take evasive action]
Peter: What were you thinking?!
Rocket: Dude, they were really easy to steal.
Gamora: That's your defense?!

Dr. Karen Jenson: Oh, great. Now you're robbing him. You gonna rob me, too?
Blade: How do you think that we fund this organization, huh? We're not exactly the March of Dimes.

    Video Games 

"You cad! Stealing the cook's tip like that! You're lucky she didn't see you."

It's not "Stealing." It's "Adding to my Inventory."

Pistol of Baal: The crimson teardrop of the Blood Angels chapter is carved into the grip of this Mk II bolt pistol. Blood Ravens armourers claim this dates from a ceremonial exchange of arms between the two chapters in M37. Blood Angels archivists have no records of any such exchange.
Favoured of Baradiel: This fine power armor is said to incorporate several modifications favored by Dark Angels Master Baradiel. How the Blood Ravens artificers would know of these techniques and preferences is unclear.
Talon of the Doom Eagle: Thought to be of a set with the similarly-named power axe "Eagle Talon," this plasma pistol was recovered on Balassu Primaris. As with its companion, this weapon bears the heraldry of the Doom Eagles but was found far from any recorded activities of that chapter.
Dawn of War II weapon descriptions, and origin of the "Bloody Magpies" meme

If we kill them, we get their stuff!
Isabela, Dragon Age II

I wonder why it's so hard to resist looking inside these barrels?
Polka, Eternal Sonata

Tidus: You're just gonna take that?
Firion: What? It's free!

What do I want? I don't really know. Most of the time I ignore my quest and walk into the homes of others, riffling through people's shelves...

I didn't know immortality came with a license to steal, but whatever.
Leucos, Glory of Heracles

Shepard: Aha!
Kasumi: Found a sample?
Shepard: No, a credit chit.

Alice: Walk into people's houses and take things...? Are you a thief or something?
Luka: There have been some who have abused that privilege. I don't think someone like that is a true hero, though.
Monster Girl Quest

Ewan: You might want to ease up on the stealing.
Nancy: I'll give them back. I'm just investigating.
Ewan: Sure. Avoid investigating any big-ticket items during your visit. I really hate the embassy people.
Nancy Drew: The Silent Spy

Nancy: I have no idea what this is, but after everything I went through to get here, I'm taking it.
Nancy Drew: Danger By Design

Reimu: I'd heard that items from Mayohiga will make you lucky if you take them home...
Chen: They will.
Reimu: Then let the plundering begin!
Chen: W-what?!

Marisa: Hey, so I guess this place isn't the last dungeon?
Alice: We still have a long way to go. Let's go to the depths of the underworld. Hang in there.
Satori: "Before that, let's search the house..." you think. I won't allow that. Please head to the courtyard immediately.
Marisa: Damn.

Heroes?! You're thieves pillaging the town before the army destroys everything! You're no heroes, you're scavengers!
Petula, You Are Not The Hero

Ashley: There's some charcoal in the fireplace. It could be useful.
D: Charcoal? What are you going to use that for?
Ashley: Oh, it could come in handy. You never know.
D: You're a strange one.
Another Code: Two Memories

Reformed Cultist: Our ill-gotten treasure is behind this door! We did despicable things to amass it - desecrated tombs, robbed corpses... Things you would never do!

I've heard stories about your kind... You go into strangers' houses, helping yourself to the contents of their drawers and smashing all their pots.
Skelaton Guard, Dragon Quest Builders 2

While I analyze this priceless piece of alien technology, you may loot everything outside which isn't nailed down.
Patricia Tannis, Borderlands 3

Sam: I think we need these binoculars more than Bosco does.
Max: Ummm, not really.
Sam: Well, no. These incessant rationalizations for our questionable tactics do not, in all honesty, have much merit to them, and yet there remains a very real compulsion to say them.
Max: He doesn't really need the binoculars anyway.
Sam: Yeah, right [mumble].
Max: Right, yeah [mumble].
Sam & Max Save the World, "Reality 2.0"

Hey! Young man! A grown boy like you entering a person's house without permission?! I want to talk to your parents! Oh well. This isn't my house anyway.
Man in Impa's House, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time


Random Citizen 1: He left with all my possessions, and he calls himself a hero.
Random Citizen 2: And you didn't stop him... because...?
Random Citizen 1: Hello! His sword is as big as me.

Black Mage: Didn't the pirates take everything already?
Thief: They left everything that was nailed down. I did not.

Obi-Wan: So, we're just sitting in a room, waiting for these Trade Federation dudes to talk to us?
GM: Right.
Qui-Gon: We search the room.
GM: What?
Qui-Gon: We search the room. Anything valuable?
GM: It's a waiting room! You're ambassadors!
Qui-Gon: Well what do you want us to do? There's not even anyone to talk to except a butler robot.
GM: "Protocol droid." And what about some in-character conversation?
Qui-Gon: "Say Obi-Wan, how about we search the room?"

Chests are everywhere in this lab, and people find it all too tempting to sneak their personal belongings into them for safe keeping. That is, until the goods are stolen shortly after by those who can't resist looting every chest they encounter, which is everybody.

    Web Original 

Matsuda: Can I have my phone back, please?
L: I think you know the answer to that.

I like how Deus Ex's dystopia is extra-depressing because, on top of the Illuminati ruining everything behind the scenes, everybody's also gotta worry about you breaking into their apartments and stealing all their beer.

Garrett's Principle: Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down (or on fire) is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.

Hey, look, I'm the hero here. Will you quit accusing me of stealing things?

Well, there's the holly, anyway. (chortling) Of course it's in there. Why wouldn't in be in the wardrobe? I keep, like, fuckloads of holly in my wardrobe. I got a whole fuckin' bushel in me cubbard! And an elderberry tree in the bath.
Jim Sterling on Guise of the Wolf

Billy: Could you guys please stop going through my house?
Bart: But... we're RPG characters!

We have to check the pants for any evidence we might find. "Sir, let me check your pants," I say clumsily. I don't think he's going for it.
Splattercat, Let's Play Noir Syndrome

What the hell am I looking at? Seriously... and I can collect it! So Curtis sees a pile of milky-green phlegm that just emerged from the throat of an alien creature during its death rattle, and his first instinct is to scoop it up and stuff it in his pocket?
(After an awkward moment between Curtis and a coworker) What does it say about me as a person that my first instinct is to rifle through her desk for useful items?

"Dibs" is not a term of bereavement.

GG: Yeah. Remember what Mr. Kuja [said] about the high security on the lower levels? He wasn't kidding. Bears, land octopi, tigers... a whole lot of guardian creatures are living down there.
Asagi: Woah, seriously? You went exploring... huh. You find any nice loot in the lower levels?
GG: Yeah, but I left it there. I mean, how much of a douchebag would I be if I stole from the guy giving me a place to not-sleep?
We Are Our Avatars, after GG Explored the Desert Palace

If "Adventure Games" were a medical condition, the first symptom would be amnesia and the second would be kleptomania.

Yahtzee: Once again, I spot something that's one pixel big: a plectrum. And specifically because the game kinda guilts me for taking it, I'm gonna take it.
Gabriel: You've just saved the world one really annoying bass guitar demonstration at a party.

"Death! Death, help me stuff these pot roasts into these candles. I can't let Ballmont get to them. Last time I had pot roast, he stole them! Fucking bastard! Goddamnit, help me stuff this money into these lanterns. Fucking Belmont keeps stealing all of my cash!"
—Vlad Dracula von Tepes, A Day in Dracula's Life

He says I'm welcome to stay here, but please don't steal anything. I wonder what that means? Anyway, in the back he has a copy of that Temporal Incantations book! We're gonna need that. And up in the attic, he has a fancy rapier. That could be useful too, so this visit's a pretty good haul!
Ross Scott reviewing Veil Of Darkness, Ross's Game Dungeon

    Western Animation 

Black Mask: Amazo was going to buy my way up into high-end international trafficking. Now I'm forced to keep rooting around in this local leg-breaking garbage! And he gives me bat trouble — who blows the damn robot's head off! I could have at least sold it for scrap... but Batman kept it.
Ms. Li: Yes. Batman likes to keep things.

(After several Offscreen Crashes)
Garnet: I found a phone.
Amethyst: Whose is it?
Garnet: That's not important.


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