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Film

"Welcome to the Academy Awards (or as it's known in my house, Passover)."
Bob Hope, hosting the 1968 Oscars

"For those of you who are keeping score at home, I just want to make something very clear: Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. Three 6 Mafia, one."
Jon Stewart, while hosting the 2006 Academy Awardsnote 

Live-action TV

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Lucci: I truly never believed that this would happen.

Casey: Now, is it your belief that Elvis Costello isn't cool?
Dan: No, it's my belief that Grammy voters aren't cool.

"It was crazy. We saw our audience get bigger and bigger, and then come the SAG awards, the Emmy Awards, the Golden Globes—nothing. We were like, 'Well, what the fuck is going on?' And David Simon, he was so cool. He was like 'Fuck the awards, I’m not about that. I’m about telling a good story.' He was on interviews, like, 'We don’t need that.' And some of us, in the back of our heads, were like, 'Yo, stop sayin’ we!'"
Andre Royo on the Emmy snubs inflicted on The Wire

Music

"1989 Grammy award LOSERS."
— The packaging of some pressings of ...And Justice for All

"We'd like to thank Jethro Tull for not putting out an album this year."
Lars Ulrich, accepting an actual Grammy in 1990.

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“I felt like it was her time to win. My view is what the fuck does she have to do to win Album of the Year? … Obviously the visual is very new and the Grammys are very traditional, but I thought this would be the year they went with the tides.”
Adele, after beating Beyoncé for Album of the Year at the 2017 Grammys

"Beyoncé and Lemonade are great, important works of art. It feels like we might look back on this time as the beginning of Beyoncé’s classic period, something very few artists have. The unfair, fucked-up part of it all, however, is that it’s actually going to take Beyonce making an album as earth-shattering as Innervisions or Songs in the Key of Life to beat the next collection of Taylor Swift songs about road trips for the Album of the Year Grammy. In order to be celebrated as the artist that made the best album in one year, black artists have to make an album that stands up for 30 years."
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Theatre

"No one votes for Wicked."
Forbidden Broadway, to the tune of "No One Mourns The Wicked"

Western Animation

Bette Midler: This was a great show, Krusty. You deserve an Emmy for this!
Krusty the Klown: Forget it. The Academy hates me. I don’t know why. Bunch of old, know-nothing fossils wouldn’t know entertainment if it bit’em in the—Hey hey!


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