Fanfic / Trolling the Toad

"Sirius will be proud of this one once he hears about it. That toad thinks I can be cowed? She's got another thing coming…"

— Harry

Trolling the Toad by Akela Victoire is an Alternate Universe Fic of the Harry Potter series.

Set in an alternate continuity of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry embraces his Marauder heritage and Slytherin side and dedicates himself to pranking and spiting Umbridge and the Ministry that backs her as much as he can, with help from some of his schoolmates and friends.

Note: All spoilers for canon events are unmarked, while spoilers for plot points that majorly deviate from canon are marked.

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This fanfic contains the following tropes:

• Actually Pretty Funny: Several of the Slytherins who are turned green and silver by the Weasley Twins' prank in Chapter 15 appear to take it in stride, with some first- and second-year students pretending to be models by walking up and down the Slytherin table in the Great Hall.
• Adaptational Dumbass: A minor example; J.K. Rowling stated that Umbridge invented the Blood Quill on Pottermore, but in the Trolling the Toad continuity, they weren't invented by Umbridge, instead being an established and already highly regulated form of Blood Magic.
• Alliterative Title: Trolling the Toad.
• Amazing Technicolor Population: All of the Slytherins in the school, including professors who were Slytherins when they attended Hogwarts, are turned green and silver courtesy of a prank by the Weasley Twins in Chapter 15. Their Quidditch team and Umbridge also have hairstyle makeovers to go with this, and everyone is additionally covered in glitter the next morning at breakfast. It takes about three chapters for it to wear off, and even longer for despised Slytherins like Draco Malfoy and Umbridge.
• Attack Reflector: A variant; in Chapter 5, Harry goads Umbridge into giving him a detention, then casts a spell he found in the library^note (Simul Nectunt, roughly "together to link" in Latin) on the Blood Quill so that whatever he draws or writes using the quill is done so with Umbridge's own blood instead of his own.
• Baldness Mockery: Invoked in Chapter 10, as an unknown prankster whose identity is never revealed casts a spell so that Umbridge's hair starts falling out when she enters the Great Hall for dinner.
• Big Bad: Resident Sadist Teacher and Ministry mole Professor/Madam Dolores Jane Umbridge spends half the fic terrorizing the Hogwarts population, and the other half being a Karmic Butt-Monkey for pranksters. While Voldemort is nominally this for the source material, here, he acts as the Greater-Scope Villain, having little impact on the Hogwarts-centric plot outright.
• Big Brother Instinct:
  • In Chapter 4, when Harry discusses his plans against Umbridge to the DA members who have also been subjected to the Blood Quill, Colin decides that he wants in immediately because Umbridge had apparently hinted that she might call Dennis, Colin's second-year (12-year-old) younger brother, in for detention as well. He even threatens to learn and use the Killing Curse, an illegal spell, on Umbridge himself if they don't stop her… to which Harry advises him to Do Wrong, Right instead as the Killing Curse only gives a painless death.
  • While Angelina Johnson is usually seen as a stern Quidditch Captain, she still cares greatly for her (ex-)teammates, telling Harry that he should have said something about the Blood Quill detentions earlier (before he openly spread the word via the Hogwarts Voice) as she knew some healing magic and believes she could have helped if she knew.
• Bittersweet Ending: More on the sweet side than bitter; for one, Voldemort's return is made public and the Wizarding world is to descend into open warfare, but Umbridge has been arrested and judging by the author's commentary telling her to dream on, she no longer poses a threat to anyone, and Sirius is still alive, while Harry is in a more mentally sound position than in canon (though Ron and Hermione may beg to differ).
• Blaming the Victim: In Chapter 4, when Harry points out that his Blood Quill tattoo scheme with Numbing Potions was done "so [his friends] don't have to sit through a torture session, thinly veiled as a detention", Umbridge hisses to him, "Brats like you deserve it."
• Blood Magic: The fic establishes that it is generally banned in Wizarding Britain. The only exception is the Blood Quill, which can only be used for signing magical contracts and official documents, and should therefore be highly regulated. The fact that Umbridge uses them for something as petty as a school detention is a plot point for the final act in the story.
• Brick Joke: In Chapter 5, Harry learns French and submits an assignment for DADA in the language to mess with Umbridge as an instance of Loophole Abuse. After the Christmas holidays in Chapter 24, Harry makes his plans for the next D.A. meeting in French "just in case" Umbridge decides to snoop in on him doing so in her class.
• Call-Back: Back in Philosopher's Stone, the Weasley twins charmed snowballs to hit Quirrell in the back of his turban (or as they don't know, Voldemort in the face) repeatedly. They teach Harry and the Creevey brothers the spell in Chapter 19, and Harry proceeds to use it on Umbridge two chapters later on a particularly snowy day.
• Chekhov's Classroom: In Chapter 25, Harry teaches the D.A. to use "seemingly harmless spells" in duels. In Chapter 50, Neville is reminded of this and uses a spell to summon or conjure spores of pollen, normally used in Herbology, to try to make Umbridge sneeze like crazy while she is attacking Harry.
• Chekhov's Gun:
  • In the very first chapter, Harry plans to get ahold of many more potions, including more Numbing Potions to nullify the pain brought on by the Blood Quill and some Veritaserum antidote in case Umbridge tries to spike his tea. He uses spare Numbing Potions to recruit other D.A. members in on his shenanigans, and the Veritaserum antidote eventually comes in handy in Chapter 13 when Umbridge tries to interrogate him over the whereabouts of his "liberated" Firebolt.
  • Sirius gifts Harry the communication mirror directly in this continuity. Not only does Harry use this to keep Sirius updated on the events at Hogwarts, saving him a lot of trouble communicating, but him having the mirror on hand allows him to contact Sirius quickly to verify he's still alive and not captured by Voldemort at the end of the fic, ultimately leading to Sirius being Spared by the Adaptation.
• Chekhov's Skill: Umbridge is established in Chapter 21 to be quite good at running in spite of her stature and "general athletic inability", while being chased by a dozen snowmen. Twenty-nine chapters later, she uses these skills to escape arrest and attempt to attack Harry.
• Child Abuse Is a Special Kind of Evil: Although Umbridge is widely despised for her Fantastic Racism and all-round unpleasant nature, what causes magical Britain to turn the tide against her is her using Blood Quills on her students over trivial matters.
  "Look at this!" Michael gestured to a picture in the publication of a particularly small and pale hand likely belonging to a First Year, with the words "I must stop questioning authority" carved into the back of their hand. "The caption… 'All I did was ask her a few questions about the material that I did not understand and she did this to me. I just wanted to do well in her class, make my family proud of me.' I… that bloody bitch!"
• Combat Pragmatist: Discussed in Chapter 28. After Harry ends up in detention with McGonagall for one too many comments dissing Umbridge publicly, she assigns him an essay on how one can use Transfiguration in a duel. It is clearly meant to be an Unishment, no matter how seriously McGonagall acts about it.
• Courtroom Episode: Chapters 52 and 53 cover the last day of Umbridge's trial for charges varying from child abuse to corruption.
• A Day in the Limelight: Several secondary/supporting characters become crucial to the plot of the fic, including the Weasley Twins, Colin Creevey, and Dobby.
• Deconstruction Fic: The last third of the fic deconstructs Umbridge's canonical Sadist Teacher behaviour, as when the students systematically compile and chronicle her acts of child abuse via her Blood Quills and send the evidence to the authorities, alongside getting the news out to the other professors and the public, Umbridge is subjected to a thorough investigation from law enforcement, arrested, removed from her positions, tried, and imprisoned for her acts of abuse.
• Disproportionate Retribution: The Hogwarts Voice describes Umbridge's use of the Blood Quill on students as this, name-dropping the trope in the process, since the most major transgressions this was used as punishment for was misbehaving in class.
• Does This Remind You of Anything?: In-universe; Anthony Goldstein and Colin Creevey compare Harry giving them Numbing Potions to join him on his Blood Quill tattoo scheme to a drug deal. Harry immediately refutes the claim as he's giving them the potions for free.
• Eating Contest: Harry and Ron discuss having one in Chapter 14. This later becomes a Brick Joke when the two actually have their contest off-page in Chapter 53, with Harry (barely) coming out on top.
• Everyone Has Standards: While pranking the Slytherin (and ex-Slytherin) population of Hogwarts in Chapters 15 and 16, the Weasley twins are careful not to do anything that will cause a mental breakdown or lasting harm. For instance, they specifically take special precautions in case any glitter gets into anyone's eyes or if anyone breathes it in.
• Exact Words: Alongside Loophole Abuse, this is a tactic that Harry frequently uses against Umbridge.
  • In Chapter 3, Harry reads through the assigned DADA textbook, "Defensive Magical Theory", and notes that the 1% non-useless content can actually be applicable in self-defense in combat. Later in the chapter, he deliberately provokes Umbridge into testing his knowledge on the book so he can prove exactly how the textbook she assigned can be used against her teachings.
  • In Chapter 4, Umbridge tries to interrogate Harry in a deserted corridor over the Blood Quill tattoo scheme; when she demands to know what he did, Harry's first instinct is to list off his daily routines.
  • Harry specifically makes sure that Dobby leaves him in the dark on certain details so he can honestly say that he didn't know.
• Fantastic Racism: Umbridge's prejudice against non-witches and -wizards, as with canon, has fuelled a couple of sub-plots and prevented her from finding out how Dobby, a house-elf, is involved in the plots against her.
• Feed It with Fire: In Chapter 9, the Creevey brothers plant photos of Umbridge falling into a mud puddle at the dining tables in the Great Hall using strong sticking spells. Every time Umbridge tries to remove a photo with magic, the photos duplicate in number and shoot towards her.
• Food Fight: In Chapter 29, Colin instigates one in the Great Hall at dessert by levitating a pie into Tracey Davis' hair, who responds by throwing chocolate ice-cream in Goyle's face. It soon spirals away from the Slytherin table and across the entire room.
• Foreshadowing:
  • In Chapter 3, Harry points out that using the Blood Quill in the way Umbridge is using it to torture minors is likely against the law. The next chapter, Anthony Goldstein confirms that they are illegal to use in this context, and she is arrested for child abuse by the end of the story.
  • In Chapter 24, Harry's mental commentary discusses that if Umbridge's plan to get him expelled and/or arrested backfires and causes her to end up in Azkaban, the memory of her arrest would become fantastic Patronus fuel for him. It does backfire on Umbridge in the end.
• Frog Men: In Chapter 30, Harry starts a false rumour that Umbridge is one. Hogwarts being Hogwarts, it has spread to the whole school within the day.
• Full-Name Ultimatum: In Chapter 46, when Alicia tries to defend Harry for hiding his Blood Quill scars, Angelina turns on her as well.
  Angelina: Don't you start, Alicia Marie Spinnet! You had your hand sliced open too and hid it from us the whole time too!
• Glitter Litter: As Part 2 of a revenge prank against Slytherins for acting out of line at their last Quidditch match, the Weasley Twins have them covered in colourful glitter at breakfast in Chapter 16, in front of the entire school, with Harry commenting that glitter really does get everywhere. That being said, the Twins take precautions to ensure no glitter ends up in anyone's eyes or respiratory tract, not wanting to cause any lasting harm or get arrested.
• Global Ignorance: In Chapter 5, Umbridge shows herself to not know where Hogwarts is located, despite the fact she's teaching there. That being said, other than showcasing her stupidity, it's equally likely that Harry is only making such a pedantic remark to humiliate and troll Umbridge further.
  Umbridge: Why did you write your essay in French? The last time I checked, we were in England.
  Harry: Well, the last time I checked, we were actually in Scotland, studying magic at a school in Scotland. Unless Hogwarts somehow magically transported itself across the Scottish/English border? (raises an eyebrow)
  (The whole class laughs)
• Hair-Trigger Temper: Harry notes in the first chapter how easy it is to get under Umbridge's skin, since she seems to get ticked off by any "insolent" behaviour against her, including talking back to her calmly.
• Hated by All: According to Chapter 46, even the Aurors sent to investigate Umbridge for her child abuse allegations, who were deliberately chosen for impartiality in the investigation, hate Umbridge so much that they all secretly hope they can find something to charge her with just so they don't have to put up with her at work anymore.
• Human Snowball: In Chapter 22, Harry recounts pulling a prank that involves filling Umbridge's office with so much snow that she is sent careening down the corridor — and almost down a flight of stairs if Dumbledore hadn't interfered — as one, "like something in a cartoon".
• In Spite of a Nail: Most of everything that happens before the Christmas holidays goes along with the canon timeline, including many of the literally torturous detentions, the establishment of the D.A, the Quidditch ban, Nagini's attack on Arthur Weasley, etc. The interview with Rita Skeeter and the subsequent Quibbler ban also happen, and D.A. still gets exposed, but the main alterations to the timeline occur after that. The author acknowledges this in their first author's note of the story.
  I may mess around with certain plot points in this story, but the basic overall plot of OotP will remain the same.
• It Runs in the Family: At the end of Chapter 4, Harry mentions his late father's prankster reputation and his godfather's alleged mass-murderer status, alluding to Umbridge that he may have gotten his penchant for chaos from them. In actuality, while he does mention in private narration that Sirius would be proud of him for his actions, it actually has little to do with his family.
• It's Personal: Defied. Madam Bones and Head Auror Scrimgeour deliberately choose to send out Aurors with no close relative attending Hogwarts to investigate Umbridge's child abuse allegations because they believed it would make the investigation more impartial.
• Karmic Butt-Monkey: The entire point of the story is Umbridge being subjected to various pranks by Harry and several other Hogwarts students — it's even in the title. Of course, considering her status as a Sadist Teacher Hate Sink, it's hard to say it's not well-deserved.
• Large Ham: Harry sometimes puts on such a persona while snarking at Umbridge.
  Harry was rather proud of his theatrical performance.
• Lemony Narrator: The narrator has zero qualms taking potshots at Umbridge, from her hypocrisy to her Never My Fault attitude to her "sulking like a petulant child" when things don't go her way, and occasionally goes out of their way to interrupt Umbridge's own third-person limited narration to take these potshots.
• Lethal Harmless Powers: Harry teaches the D.A. to use "seemingly harmless spells" in duels in Chapter 25, citing a few examples:
  • A well-placed trip jinx can cause one's opponent to fall off a cliff.
  • A few tickling jinxes can cause a person to literally die of laughter from asphyxiation.
  • A levitation charm gone wrong can crush an individual.
  • A bubble-producing charm is usually used for cleaning, but can be used to trip another person over.
• Literal Metaphor: From Chapter 4:
  "Yet, she has us using them [Blood Quills] for her own sick, torturing purposes[,]" Lee seethed. "Why? Why the bloody hell–"
  "Literally…" he heard Alicia mutter.
  "–are we letting that foul woman do this to us?!" the dreadlocked wizard continued.
• Loophole Abuse: Alongside Exact Words, this is a tactic that Harry frequently uses against Umbridge. Among many examples, in Chapter 5, Harry completes his DADA homework in French because Umbridge never specified what language it had to be done in. When Umbridge makes a new Educational Decree mandating the use of language of instruction to complete one's assignments (to all the other students' confusion), Harry does a later assignment in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe instead.
• Magic Versus Science: Discussed in Chapter 7, where Harry and Hermione have a mostly-offscreen debate about "the merits of science versus magic" and whether magic contradicts the laws of physics, attracting other students to join the discussion.
• Malicious Misnaming: Several members of the D.A. have taken to referring to the titular Toad as "Umbitch".
• Mama Bear/Papa Wolf: The parents of the Hogwarts students are enraged upon hearing from the Hogwarts Voice newsletter that their children were being tortured in detention by Umbridge using the Blood Quill. It is invoked on the newsletter's part, wanting to sow doubt in the Ministry among the populace to rally a stronger stance against Voldemort.
  All across Wizarding Britain, people got hold of the copies of the latest Hogwarts Voice and once they saw it, they came together for once in a worthy cause: the welfare of their children.
• Mind Rape: Harry name-drops the trope at the end of Chapter 44, describing Voldemort's mental connection with him and the subsequent visions as such, to Ron and Hermione's discomfort.
• Mundane Utility: Pensieves are rare magical artifacts used for the storage and reviewing of memories, and are usually only operated by highly accomplished wizards. Fred and George Weasley bring up the possibility of acquiring one for the purpose of reliving their favorite pranks whenever they want.
  Harry: Only you two would think of buying such a precious item just so you could do that...
• My Significance Sense Is Tingling: Starting from the end of Chapter 6, there's a Running Gag in the fic where Umbridge feels a chill down her spine whenever Harry is plotting or pulling a prank on her. This is briefly inverted in Chapter 17, as Harry's "Umbridge Suffering Detector" goes off when Umbridge chokes on and spills hot tea over her clothes.
• Naughty Tentacles: Discussed in Chapter 28 while on the topic of Transfiguration in combat. Ron first jokes about turning a person's legs into tentacles, then Harry refutes it being a good idea in case the person is "into certain types of Muggle entertainment". When Hermione scolds him for bringing up something scandalous and "depraved", Harry comments that the fact she gets the reference at all is "a classic case of pot calling the kettle black".
• Never My Fault: In Chapter 52, Umbridge's narration laments that she did nothing wrong to deserve "all of this harassment", and by that, she means getting arrested for torturing children and teenagers, as well as trying to have one of those teenagers murdered the past summer, all the while claiming that she was just doing her job.
  He'd [Harry] had it out for her since the day they first met!
  She had had it out for him before they even met, but that small fact never crossed her mind at all.
• Noodle Incident:
  • In Chapter 7, the Weasley twins and Lee Jordan rope Harry into pulling "one of the biggest pranks [they've] ever pulled on any staff member" of Hogwarts by rearranging Umbridge's office for when she returns from St. Mungo's. George then brings up how they'd done something to Filch in their second year as an exception to the "one of the biggest pranks" claim, and the three refuse to elaborate to Harry on what exactly happened.
  • According to Chapter 51, Seamus once tried to sneak rum into either his dorm or Hogwarts itself. Apparently, it's an inside joke between the fifth-year Gryffindor boys.
• Not Cheating Unless You Get Caught: Some of the Slytherins hold this mentality as one of their unofficial House mottos was to "Never get caught". This causes them to see Umbridge as another stain on their House's reputation after finding out about her torture of their fellow students through the Hogwarts Voice — not because she was torturing them, but because she was arrogant enough to leave evidence (i.e. scars) in her discipline methods, which allowed her to get caught, i.e. they were disgusted that she didn't Do Wrong, Right. Of course, many other Slytherins are outraged by her behaviour for moral-ethical reasons and/or because they have loved ones in other Houses.
• Not the Intended Use: Harry uses a spell intended to link objects together to make Umbridge's Blood Quills use her blood as ink instead of that of whoever's using them. After he casts the spell, he thinks that whoever wrote the book he got the spell from probably didn't think it would be used as an Attack Reflector.
• Obfuscating Stupidity: Harry occasionally feigns ignorance throughout the fic to ensure some of his plots against Umbridge's authority cannot be traced back to him.
• Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Played for Laughs in Chapter 17. In response to Umbridge restricting the language used in schoolwork to the medium of instruction (i.e. English), Harry submits a DADA assignment written in Shakespearean English as an act of Loophole Abuse, just to mess with her.
• One Degree of Separation: One of the Aurors sent to Hogwarts to investigate Umbridge's child abuse allegations is Alexander Flint, older cousin of Marcus Flint, the former Slytherin Quidditch Captain.
• Paranoia Gambit: Harry and Luna plot this in Chapter 23 while returning to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays, to keep Umbridge on her toes and so that he can plot a proper comeback prank for later. In Luna's words, they're "pranking her by not pranking her".
• The Power of Hate: More specifically, the power of spite motivates Harry to study hard and pass his OWLs with flying colours, to "rub it in the Ministry's faces that [he's] not a delusional, lazy, unintelligent waste of flesh and magic".
• The Power of Language: Throughout the latter half of the fic, the Hogwarts Voice newsletter has wreaked havoc on the Wizarding world by casting wariness on the Ministry's incompetence and interfering policies among students and parents alike, and has even succeeded in uniting Hogwarts students from different Houses with a common goal in pursuit of quality education. The story itself quotes the saying that "the pen is mightier than the sword" in regard to this.
• Pranking Montage: Almost the whole fic consists of a montage of Harry and/or his friends plotting against Umbridge by trolling her with pranks or otherwise annoying antics, one which spans the entire school year.
• The Prankster: While the Weasley twins and Lee Jordan have been established in canon to be this, Harry joins their ranks for the duration of the fic, followed by brothers Colin and Dennis Creevey.
• Prehensile Hair: In Chapter 50, Luna reveals she's been working on a spell that can cause a person's hair to grow longer to tie them up, after using it on Umbridge as she escapes arrest and tries to attack Harry.
• Professor Guinea Pig: While the Weasley Twins do presumably test out their prank products on themselves like in canon, they also take the time to test them on Umbridge as well.
• Psycho Pink: Much like canon, Umbridge wears pink, decorates her office pink, and is the Big Bad of the fic. Harry has dubbed her office "The Pink Explosion Room" by the 1st chapter.
• Psychopathic Womanchild: Umbridge is compared to a petulant child on several occasions throughout the fic.
• Reasonable Authority Figure: The Department of Magical Law Enforcement (DMLE), headed by Amelia Bones, takes the allegations of Umbridge abusing children under her care at Hogwarts very seriously, and are extremely thorough in the investigation that follows.
• Sadist Teacher: Umbridge might possibly exceed canon in how horrible she is at being a teacher — apparently at one point, she made a First Year use a Blood Quill for asking questions about course material they didn't understand, because they wanted to do well in her class. Once she has cracked under the pressure, she excuses it as bringing back "proper discipline, just like in the old days".
• Sanity Slippage: Ron and Hermione think Harry has completely lost it after the 1st chapter, after finding out he deliberately pissed Umbridge off by doodling tattoo designs on his hand via Blood Quill, though they eventually help him out with a few later schemes nonetheless. On the other hand, Harry believes that going full-on Troll mode is the only thing keeping him sane at Hogwarts.
• Saying Too Much: In Chapter 49, after snapping from the pressure of the prank wars, "the Hogwarts Voice", and the Auror investigation, Umbridge is caught muttering about sending Dementors after Harry the previous summer. The Aurors are quite excited to hear about this.
  Umbridge seemed to have realised what she said as her current expression looked like that of a person who had just realised that they were in serious trouble.
• School Newspaper Newshound: Downplayed. "The Hogwarts Voice", a newsletter established in Chapter 33, is mailed by students to their parents and guardians, but it's the third issue — the one on Umbridge and her Blood Quill — that makes the greatest difference.
• Shout-Out:
  • In Chapter 7, Harry sings "Screamer" by Janet and Michael Jackson while redecorating Umbridge's office with the Weasley twins and Lee Jordan.
  • In Chapter 18, Harry discusses pulling a Christmas-themed prank by taking inspiration from A Christmas Carol.
  • In Chapter 20, Harry sings "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey on his way to lunch. Hermione resignedly requests for him to stop "massacring" the song by singing off-key.
• Skewed Priorities: In Chapter 48, Harry muses that he doesn't want to be questioned about anything relating to "the Hogwarts Voice" or the prank war against Umbridge, not necessarily because he might get expelled or arrested, but rather because he wants to save the juicy details for his autobiography — both because he wants to be the one to spill it on his own terms, and in order to make it a Breather Episode between his less pleasant escapades over the years.
• Slipping a Mickey: As per canon, Umbridge puts tea in her Veritaserum and tries to use it to interrogate Harry on his "missing"/liberated broomstick in Chapter 13. Fortunately, Harry is prepared for this and has purchased an antidote to Veritaserum, and drinks it prior to the interrogation.
• There Should Be a Law: A variant; in Chapter 3, Harry raises the point that using the Blood Quill on children likely constitutes torture, which makes them against the law in some capacity. Umbridge responds, "Laws can be changed." Harry immediately calls her out on the implications of her statement, that she meant she could have child torture legalized if she wanted to.
• Time for Plan B: Discussed in Chapter 5; Harry mentions having reached out to the headteachers of Ilvermorny in the US and Beauxbatons in France after Umbridge's speech at the Welcoming Feast^note (that the Ministry will be interfering at Hogwarts), who can ensure he has a way and education out of Britain if he needs it. Luckily, it never comes down to this.
• Tranquil Fury: Professor Sprout reacts this way to the revelation of Umbridge being a child abuser through "the Hogwarts Voice" in Chapter 45:
  "If these allegations are true, you really do have some nerve sitting amongst us, you know." Professor Sprout spoke with the false kind of cheerfulness that one usually heard from someone when they were doing their very best not to punch someone in the face.
  Or hex them, as the case may be.
• Voice of the Resistance: On a smaller scale, "the Hogwarts Voice" is one to the students under Umbridge at Hogwarts. It's even right there in the name.
• What If?: What if Harry started pranking Umbridge in retaliation for her torment in Book 5? While there are certain In Spite of a Nail moments, things start to diverge from the canon timeline in the last third of the school year.
  • Due to the creation of "the Hogwarts Voice" following the Quibbler ban, Harry has become Properly Paranoid and tells Hermione to destroy the D.A. member list in case they get caught. Meanwhile, while the D.A. is betrayed and found out by Umbridge, unlike canon, Harry manages to think on his feet and make everything look innocent enough to not get Dumbledore ousted as Headmaster.
  • "The Hogwarts Voice"'s article on the Blood Quill detentions leads to an investigation resulting in Umbridge being arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban for child abuse, among other charges.
  • While Harry still receives the vision of Voldemort torturing Sirius at the end of the story, due to Sirius directly giving him the communication mirror as a Christmas gift and the two using it regularly throughout the school year to keep in contact, he is quickly able to verify that Sirius is still alive. Additionally, since this occurs at Umbridge's public trial and sentencing, Neville, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna are quickly able to contact Dumbledore and the Order, so Sirius is Spared by the Adaptation and Voldemort's return is revealed to the public without additional casualties.
• Writing Lines: As per canon, Umbridge assigns Harry to write "I must not tell lies" in Blood Quill. However, in the fic's continuity, he ditches the lines and starts drawing pictures to give himself tattoos and piss Umbridge off.
• Would Hurt a Child: Umbridge with her Blood Quills, so much that she is willing to use them on first-year students, who can be as young as 11 years old, for doing something as innocent as asking her to clarify course material they didn't understand. She is also completely on board with sending minors to Azkaban, in spite of it being illegal.
• You Are What You Hate: Discussed in Chapter 30, where an unnamed Hogwarts student speculates that Umbridge is being an outspoken bigot against non-human sentient beings to hide that she is secretly a a frog person.

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