Expect some unmarked spoilers. It is recommended to avoid opening folders if you haven't read the corresponding story and want every fight winner to be a secret.
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The contestants for Zoofights 1 were not given names initially, although several of them received names towards the end. Most of them are therefore referred to with Meaningful Names, except when a Fan Nickname takes hold.
Ten Gibbons With Clubs For Arms / Four Gibbons With Spring Legs And Egg Whisks For Arms / Devil Gibbon
Six Lions On Roller Skates With Cannons For Asses/Two Flying Lions With Cyborg Torsos/Lion Head On A Motorbike
A Thousand Rats / 200 Mutant Rats / 200 Zombie Rats
Three Flying Tiger Sharks
Team Cheetah / The Steed of The SavannahThe comedic entry, Team Cheetah initially consisted of twenty cheetahs whose only special ability was to shoot off their heads at opponents. Of course, after shooting the head, the body dies from blood loss.
Giant Squid Holding Ten Melee Weapons / Mechos and the Red Banana / Mechos and Darth Gorilla / Weapons Platform Mechos and Darth GorillaMechos is generally recognized as the champion of Zoofights 1 - although there was no clear winner, Mechos and his teammate The Red Banana are among the most popular and remembered of the original tournament - only Swanmass is more recognized.
Cosmonaut Gorillas With A Gatling Gun/Zombie Gorillas/Sega GorillesisAlthough hailing from various countries was a staple of later stories, in Zoofights 1 only a few entrants used their home country to provide character. The Cosmonaut Gorillas were one example, hailing from Russia. Over the course of the tournament they were beaten up worse and worse until what was left was "nailed together into a roughly apelike form" and given a Sega Genesis for a head, resulting in the Royal Rumble Winner and Crowning Moment of Funny Sega Gorillesis.
Two Elephants On Tank Tracks / Tankophant / Hulkaphant / Hulkaphant PlusThe other finalist of Zoofights I, Hulkaphant stands alongside Mechos and the Red Banana as an undefeated survivor of Zoofights 1.
Nine Gazelles With Club Arms On Their Backs / Four Gazelles With Trident Arms and Helicopter Blades On Their Heads / Gazellocopter Vampire
Three Hippos With Laser Eyes / A Whole Lotta 'Potamus
Ten Swans With Gorilla Arms / Swanmass / Super SwanmassThe most (in)famous of all Zoofights 1 combatants, the villain of Zoofights 1 started out as a relatively harmless-looking gang of ten swans with gorilla arms. After they lost in a Curb-Stomp Battle to the Laser-Eyed Hippos, though, the Zoofights team reanimated them for the Loser's League by "scooping up all the swan parts into a pile, turning on every machine in the area, and hiding behind a steel barricade with crucifixes". The ensuing Swanmass is a "heaving, quivering mass of necrotic swan flesh, groping along the ground in a fleshy cataclysm of beaks and hands. It's like a sea anemone from your darkest nightmares." Swanmass lives only to consume, and if left unchecked will absorb every living being on the planet into itself...
Seven Enhanced Pigs Riding In a Bacon Tank / Porky PunisherThe pigs were all too aware of their modifications. "Upon seconds of a match commensing, the pigs begin convulsing and screaming with self-loathing". They then commit suicide with their pistols, forcing a new batch to be bred, or the corpses to be re-animated. Not the best idea Zoofights ever had.
200 Radioactive Tarantulas with Jetpacks
Three Firebreathing Frogs The Size And Shape of Sylvester Stallone / Cancerman
John BurnellRetired police chief John Burnell, from America’s Scariest Police Chases! He appears near the end of Zoofights 1 to battle Sega Gorillesis in an exhibition match, but soon winds up joining Mechos, Hulkaphant, and Porky Punisher in the final battle against Swanmass.
Kings Of Canada / Sergeant Grumbles
The Shark BrothersIs it possible to have too much of a good thing? The Shark Brothers are four clones of the late Owen Hart, with the head and arms replaced with shark heads. A fourth shark head is planted in the chest, for a total of sixteen shark heads.
Hive LionsThe Hive Lions are a team of lions that fight as one, brainwashed to act as a hivemind via servers planted on increasingly-ridiculous otherwise-normal animals. They start off by relying on an armored but ordinary giant tortoise, and later upgrades spread the control out to swarms of smaller animals.
Mr. AtlanticThis brute is a killer whale with ogre limbs. He was maimed horribly in the first round, but went on a tear in the Loser's League.
Owl PatrolOne of the most mysterious zoofighters ever, Owl Patrol began life as 80 human beings. Once survivors of the Vietnam War, these shellshocked veterans were subjected to horrific experiments as Zoofights Inc slowly turned them into owl-men. Even Zoofights was disturbed at what they created, and decided to release them in the hope that they'd never pop up again. 30 years later, they did. Investigating reports of missing people, Zoofights representatives ventured into a mysterious cave and discovered that 20 members of Owl Patrol still lived.
The InstitutionThis entrant is a team of orangutans, riding various other animals into battle.
The EndThe Russian entrant. The End is a swarm of 200 lobsters linked by a hivemind. They have the ability to deliver a moderately-powerful electric shock through their claws.
Chimp My Ride
The Dream Made Flesh
Not Just For Breakfast / Necrogoat / Das ZiegenmancerA disturbing creature indeed, the Necrogoat is a seemingly completely ordinary goat. However, it has the ability to control dead flesh, levitating it and using it as shields and weapons alike. Worse still, the more disgusted and hateful the crowd is of the goat, the more powerful his abilities become - if the crowd likes him or is disinterested, or if nobody is watching, his powers are clumsy and he prefers to play defense. At higher levels he attacks extremely aggressively but leaves himself open due to lack of meat shielding. An interesting competitor indeed.
Captain Jack SasquatchBigfoot has been captured. Zoofights Inc put him in hypersleep for three years, linking him up to a computer loaded with martial arts knowledge in the hopes of creating "a nine foot tall, hairy ninja". Unfortunately, a tragic mix-up meant Bigfoot had been watching Pirates of the Caribbean on repeat for three years straight, and was now totally insane. Zoofights cut their losses and sent him in anyway, with a pirate theme.
Grapplesaurus RexFinally, an answer to what to do with a T-rex's pathetic arms: Replace them with grappling harpoons!
Snakes On A BrainOne of the most ludicrous monsters ever to enter Zoofights, this monstrosity is a sperm whale brain in an armored dome, upon which sits a laser turret. Surrounding the dome, like tentacles, are the front halves of twelve anacondas.
The AudienceAKA The Reason Major Failure Disowned Zoofights II. It all started in Round 2. The Institution and The Dream Made Flesh entered the arena to the sound of the crowd going nuts for blood and death. Disgusted, the two teams of animals joined forces and went into Round 3 together, without a single attack launched. Major Failure berated the audience for their bloodlust and threw them into a Loser's League match with Chuggatherium. It could have worked, but Major Failure didn't come up with any hard-and-fast rules for fighting, and the roleplaying soon took over the tournament, with different people writing conflicting stories, Mr. Atlantic dying and reviving multiple times, and just general nonsense. The Zoofights website's archive of Zoofights II ends with the Audience/Chuggatherium announcement.
Steamcrab / Steamcrab Mk. II / KrustusAn ancient crab dredged up from the sea of Japan, outfitted with steam driven weaponry and set loose on the Zoofights tournament. Steamcrab is an extreme Anglophile and always strives to be the perfect gentleman, staving in his opponents heads in a dignified and courteous manner.Steamcrab fights all the way to the end of the tournament, defeating Reanimammut and Drillbjorn only to be defeated non-lethally by Oh The Huge Manatee in the semifinals. This later proves to be vital in defeating From Hell, with Steamcrab awakening during the fight and helping to defeat the monstrosity once and for all.
ReanimammutA rotting, decaying wooly mammoth husk exhumed from the frozen wastes of Siberia. Animated by the blackest of sorceries, what this colossus lacks in reasoning skills is more than made up for in sheer unstoppable power.Reanimammut is defeated in the first round by Steamcrab. It later faces off against the lobotomised Ultraphant in the losers league.
Oh, The Huge Manatee! / Iron Manatee / GravateeA veteran warrior, Oh The Huge Manatee is the only survivor of a litter of twelve pups trained by the British Government to combat Chinese plans to grow opium on the moon in the 1860s. This embittered cigar chomping veteran comes armed with an advanced powersuit containing a harpoon gun, a chainsaw and a jetpack.The Manatee proved to be one of the more successful Zoofights competitors, effortlessly slaughtering the Tapogres in the first round. He proceeded to KO Project K in the second round, then finally fought Steamcrab in the semifinals, defeating him by freezing him solid.
TapogresWhat happens when you inject Malayan Tapir cells into ogre eggs? You end up with 1.5 tons of pure muscle, fat and grease. They are rude, crude and just waiting for an excuse to bash something to pieces. Also, there are three of them. No, actually there are six. Seven, even.In the end, the Tapogres achieved nothing, being effortlessly humiliated in the first round by Oh The Huge Manatee. Every subsequent appearance has them being useless, ineffectual or both.
The RabbleNot a single entity, but a group entrant composed of a giant ten foot tall badger led into combat by a mob of unruly drunks, tramps and various other dregs of society.Though The Rabble put up a heroic fight against Edward Tigerhands in the first round, the fight resulted in the loss of the badger and every member of the 'army' except Stockbridge and Barrington dying. The aforementioned pair survived the tournament by pairing up with other combatants, first Bastard Shark and then Bisoncopter before piloting the final attack run of the Bisondreadnought against From Hell.
Edward TigerhandsA monstrous bipedal Rhinocerous with its fists replaced with living, biting tiger heads. It was previously designated for riot control in British India, only to be retired from duty due to being too brutal.Despite being designed to handle large crowds, Edward Tigerhands lost to The Rabble in round one due to a last-minute improvisation by Stockbridge and Barrington. After that he participated in the losers league, eventually losing to a demon-posessed Father Leo McGarry.
The CrocodevilA seven metre long saltwater crocodile...with a pair of genuine demon wings attached to its back. The crocodile itself is dangerous enough, but the pair of wings have a mind of their own.The Crocodevil loses its first fight against Bastard Shark, but the wings detach from its burning bones and fly away at the end of the fight. They eventually become attached to Father Leo McGarry, who proceeds to curb stomp his way through the loser's league before finally being utterly destroyed by From Hell.
Bastard SharkA massive whale shark outfitted with a jaw-mounted flamethrower and artificial spider limbs allowing it to walk on land. Despite being nominally herbivorous, the Zoofights team forced Bastard Shark to eat meat instead of plankton, driving the shark to the brink of sanity.The shark wins his first battle against The Crocodevil, only to have his fight against the remnants of The Rabble interrupted by the arrival of From Hell. Both combatants team up to escape, with the arrangement carrying on into the next battle against Bisoncopter, whereupon Stockbridge and Barrington's stupidity causes the shark to lose.
Drillbjorn / OdinkaruAn old polar bear who fights to venerate the Norse Gods, this hulking ursine warrior will only stop when he feels the hand of Thor on his shoulder in Valhalla. Though he is old and arthritic, Drillbjorn's power drill is devastating in close combat and he carries with him the secrets of the Viking berserkers.Drillbjorn proved to be a deadly warrior, defeating Ultraphant in the first round despite suffering massive injuries. His opponent in the second round was Steamcrab, and though Drillbjorn succeeded in shattering the crustacean's body he still lost the fight in the end.
UltraphantA thirteen foot tall elephant from the Ivory Coast, Ultraphant joined the indigenous hunters and poachers and began to mercilessly slaughter his own kind. His trunk has been replaced with an iridium morning star and his feet are encased in the finest Arab ceramic armor. A truly soulless killing machine.Despite his vast power and bulk, Ultraphant was soundly defeated in the first round when Drillbjorn lobotomised him with his drill. The now mindless pachyderm proceeded to fight Reanimammut in the losers league, controlled by a series of primitive pneumatic tubes to make up for the loss of his brain.
PandamanderThe Asian entrant for Zoofights III is a curious chimera composed of the front half of a panda surgically attached to the body of a giant salamander. For weaponry, Pandamanda sports two heavy assault rifles in place of arms but is woefully lacking in the close combat department.Pandamanda and Hellpotamus wind up killing each other in a mutual KO. Their shattered bodies are later welded together into a single monstrous abomination named Pandamanderpotapanzee. This ungodly beast is later killed off for good by Bisoncopter during the second round.
HellpotamusA massive hippo with attitude and a deadly vomiting problem, Hellpotamus's primary method of attack is its highly acidic projectile vomit that flows forth in a constant stream. Hellpotamus also has a gunslinging chimpanzee for backup and precision strikes.As mentioned above, Pandamanda and Hellpotamus end up killing each other and are fused into one being for the second round, whereupon they both lose to Bisoncopter.
Project K / DropbearThe Australian entry, Project K was originally created by the British as part of the same war effort that brought us Oh The Huge Manatee. It's an eight foot high koala bear, genetically enhanced to make a suitable guard for a Uranium mining colony. After the mine was abandoned, the creature escaped into the wild, living off the wildlife and suffering badly from massive tumours, caused by it's years of exposure to nuclear fuel.Project K began promisingly enough, winning it's first fight by savaging The Mess in a fit of anger. It then went into the second round having nearly doubled in size and covered in Cavorite crystals, giving it control over gravity. It was then dispatched by Iron Manitee in it's next match, however.
The MessA chimera consisting of a jaguar's upper body, an anaconda's lower body, and a macaw's wings, created by shamans in the Amazon Rainforest to drive out a nearby oil mining operation. Silent, swift and deadly, it also has psychic powers to some degree.Despite its numerous powers, The Mess lost out to Project K during the first round. It later fought in the Loser's League, having gained the power of fake psychology in the process.
Bisontrain / Bisoncopter / Bisoncraft / BisondreadnoughtThe American entrant to Zoofights, Bisontrain is exactly what it sounds like; a train with a bison's head stuck on the front. Bisontrain was plagued with technical problems and sabotage, resulting in its fight being repeatedly pushed back. Bisontrain has immense speed and power...in one direction only. Nevertheless, the Bison part is detachable and can be welded to numerous different chassis.Bisontrain actually lost his first fight against the MOTHERFUCKING MARTIAN, passing through to the next round by default when two of the Zoofights commentators beat the alien to death after the end of the battle. The Bison would go on to win all of its subsequent matches, each time being attached to a different body, before finally making a suicidal kamikazee attack against From Hell in the final battle.
Contestant 12 / A Motherfucking Martian (Oh Shit Son) / The NecromonitronBy far the most mysterious of the 16 entrants for this tournament, the creature in vault number 12 refused to come out for its scheduled match and used horrible psychic powers to keep anyone from coming inside to force it out. The only thing that stood a chance of busting through the wall was Bisontrain. The tournament - and maybe the world - was now in Bisontrain's hands.Although Bisontrain was defeated by the Motherfucking Martian, the Zoofights commentary team went in with machetes and cut up the Martian while it was distracted with ripping the bison from his train. Bisontrain was allowed into the next round, while the Loser's League received a beast called The Necromonitron. Most likely the revived martian, the Necromonitron was listed as "DO NOT RELEASE, EXTREMELY DANGEROUS", and when its fight was scheduled to begin its opponent was given a bye without a single word of what happened to Necromonitron. It remains one of the greatest mysteries of Zoofights.
Jack The RipperBig Bad of Zoofights 3, Jack the Ripper is never directly encountered. Instead, he leaves unsettling letters to the readers, eventually unveiling his plan to destroy all of London (and probably the rest of the world as well) with his unearthly creation, From Hell.
From HellMonstrous creation of Jack the Ripper, From Hell first appeared during the battle between Bastard Shark and the remnants of The Rabble, forcing Stockbridge and Barrington to team up with the shark. From there, From Hell took over the arena and began growing into an unstoppable monstrosity, even defeating Father Leo McGarry in the finals. It takes the sacrifices of Steamcrab, Oh The Huge Manatee and Bisondreadnought to defeat him once and for all.
Imperaptor / Battleopteryx / Raptorcycle
Burgertherium / Burger LordThis hideous creature has the DNA of a giant ground sloth, but its body is rotting hamburger, its skeleton is metal piping and its blood is boiling oil and grease. As one competitor who voted for him put it, “Obviously everything that could go wrong with him already has.”
Dakuvanga / TethysA vicious hammerhead shark with a buzzsaw for a tail, walking the earth on a set of spindly metal legs. Dakuvanga is a reminder that we are very lucky sharks are not able to live on land.
Riot Yeti / 'Nam Yeti / The Shaolin MonkeyThe last yeti, hopped up on speed and wielding an electrically-charged spear and riot shield. What could possibly go wrong?
Tunguska / Tsar BumbleThe second alien to enter Zoofights, Tunguska is the Russian entrant, as that is where it was found. This possibly-female monster, while gigantic, is still only a larva...
Old Bitey / Chompa / Ned KillyEquipped with flight and massively powerful jaws as well as a rotating array of backup weapons that includes broken bottles, guns, lightsabers, a force field and stinging tentacles, the Australian entrant Ned Killy holds the extra-special distinction of being the first ever competitor to outright win a tournament.
HydrafficusOne of Zoofights’ largest entrants ever, this Greek entry is a gigantic tortoise body with four giraffe necks coming out the front. And each giraffe has a different elemental power.
Inquisipede / Centipope / ElohimThis bizarre entrant was originally merely a giant centipede whose venom gave you religious visions. Later in the tournament, however, Inquisipede’s corpse is infected by a space parasite that brings him back to life and strengthens his religious zeal. By tournament’s end the centipede has fused with the headless body of a monstrous alien (the adult form of Tunguska) and appears in space to duel the Big Bad in a final fight to determine whether the human race will be slaughtered or merely toyed with.
Glaciosaur / Ankylodyte / The PenguinHailing from Antarctica, Glaciosaur is an Ankylosaurus adapted to live in extreme cold. Later in the tournament, he is joined by The Penguin, a sunglasses-wearing, rifle-toting Badass Normal.
Killobyte / Trilobike / OverlordKillobite is a somewhat dim-witted but still primitively resourceful giant trilobite with tank treads and cannons. He represents Great Britain.
Wolfbike / Wolf Patrol / The Zoobikes (Dogbike, Cheetahbike, Bikebike)The ridiculous Wolfbike is nothing more than the head of a wolf crudely stitched onto a motorcycle with two big beefy arms. The resulting creature has little to no offensive ability, but DOES have a whole lotta heart.
Slammonite / Rammonite / WrasslopodThe American representative is a hybrid of ammonite and pro wrestler DNA. Powerful but with an unstable heart, this poorly-engineered beast has a limited time to wreck everything he can before his heart gives out.
Kriegbehemot / Psynoceros / Dred ZeppelinA woolly rhinoceros from the Ice Age, Kriegbehemot is similar to your average rhino in ability and disposition. Over the course of the tournament the rhino becomes almost lost under more and more machinery added to the beast.
Heart Of Darkness / HyperfaunaThis nightmarish beast from South Africa was a hideous conglomeration of jungle animals. Sporting an elephant head, a rhino head, a hippo head, and four bullet-spewing ostrich heads, with a crocodile tail and dozens of gazelle legs allowing it to flow unnervingly across the ground, Heart of Darkness was one of the largest and most frightening monsters Zoofights has seen yet.
The Delegation / Control Squid / SeanetA psychic cuttlefish representing Japan ominously appeared at the Zoofights space station ten minutes before they were going to ask Japan to enter. The result of experiments to create a new intelligent life form on par (or smarter than) humans, The Delegation can control objects telepathically, and can also read minds.The leader of Seanet is a truly massive squid hundreds of feet long. Second in command are numerous Control Squids about the size of a small giant squid. The lowest-ranked members are eight-foot-long cuttlefish.
The Walrus / Once Were WalrusRepresenting an After the End Bad Future New Zealand, The Walrus is a humanoid walrus. That’s it. He’s got a gun and a broken pool cue for offense. Kind of an underdog.
Star TruckFive 50-foot-long Titanaboas, welded onto a giant dump truck. This enormous beast was a replacement brute for Hydrafficus, who was unable to fight due to suffering mortal wounds in its fight with Inquisipede.
Mecha AntsIn Zoofights 4 these six-foot robotic insects served as handy servants to deal with any problems that required going out into the air-less void of space, like hull repair.
Dreadnautilus / Aggronaut / Squidiot
Brut05 / Hog WildFrom South Africa, Brut-05 is the front half of a warthog attached to a mecha. The result is a heavily armed but poorly armored fighter.
Snake Preview / Snake Pilgrim / Gamma Constrictor / Ouroboros
Blood 4 Oil / Draaainage / Brutish Petroleum
Smash Gordon / Newer LabourAfter some controversy (both in and out of universe) about having human entrants in Zoofights after Zoofights 3’s Two Drunk Guys and Father Leo McGarry, Major Failure instituted a “no humans” rule. That didn’t stop the Zoofights 5 British team from entering Smash Gordon, who is a Neanderthal caveman and thus is not quite human.
NelsonSmash Gordon’s pet bulldog, described as much more intelligent than him. Gordon relies on Nelson to help him figure out what to do when not fighting. Nelson proved far more popular than Gordon.
The Sturgeon General / Sturgeongrad / ChernobleThe ever-suffering (still had not won a match by this point) Russia’s entry for Zoofights 5. The Sturgeon General is a truly giant sturgeon attached to the bottom half of a tank (The resulting hybrid is 25 feet tall). The Sturge is an intelligent, calculating creature who, in the words of one spectator, is “probably the absolute sanest being ever to enter Zoofights”. A definite departure from the usual Chaotic Stupid monsters.
Croctopus / Captain Croctopus / Commodore Croctopus / Admiral CroctopusThe Indian entrant. Patel Industries's finest ship destroyer, Croctopus spent his life before Zoofights breaking down decomissioned boats into scrap metal. “A top quality crocodile with the arms of a top quality octopus”, Croctopus is completely insane (due to his past, he thinks his purpose in life is to build boats) and in possession of many, many power tools. Not a good combination.
Pride and Prejudice / E.M.M.A. / PurrslaysionChanneling the spirit of the legendary head-shooting cheetahs from Zoofights 1, the Pride is a group of about a dozen or so lions, backed up by a gigantic railgun named “Prejudice”. The lions pull the gun into position, and then one of them climbs in the back and presses a button, causing Prejudice to rip off the lion’s head and shoot it at the enemy.
Count Smackula / Punchules The Magnificent / Fists O'BatahanThe first Irish fighter, Count Smackula is an enormous bat with a fondness of scrap metal. He likes to employ dirty tricks in his fighting and is capable of drinking infinite amounts of alcohol without passing out. Continuing the popular tradition, his legs have been replaced with big muscly arms.
Mr. Ro-Boto / Ro-Boto CopJapan’s entrant this time around was an adorable pink river dolphin. Of course, river dolphins aren’t worth much without some sort of upgrade, so Mr. Ro-Boto sits inside a bipedal mecha tricked out with numerous weapons. Later he exchanges it for a more form-fitting battle suit with laser guns.
Sting Kong / Gorillesis MK. II / Bango And CrashOne of the more sympathetic monsters Zoofights has seen, Sting Kong has the body of a gorilla, scorpion tails for arms, and the head of a wasp. He was created by a mad scientist on a faraway tropical island, and was left to fend for himself when the scientist succumbed to his own creations. Although he has lots of fighting experience from his time on the island, Sting Kong has only fought to survive. Later on his wasp head is replaced by a Sega Genesis and he becomes closely linked with the original Sega Gorillesis.
Barbaramundi / Banebarrimundi / TetramundiThe Australians, attempting to make lightning strike twice, have once again entered an augmented fish into the tournament. Unlike top-level contender Ned Killy, however, Barbarrimundi is a simpler, lower-budget creation. No flight, no lightsabers, and no mechanically enhanced jaws – just a barramundi perched atop the body of a particularly burly man.
Presidential Seal / Seal of Disapproval / The Seventh SealAfter the End, America has gone underground, trying to avoid the worst of the nuclear holocaust wrought by Seanet. Unfortunately, the Americans have not escaped unscathed – they mutated, went crazy, and elected a giant bull elephant seal as their president-god-emperor. The Seal has subsequently entered the tournament to prove his might.
The European Onion / The Bloody Onion / The AgriCultural Revolution
Great Leap Forward / The Long MarchThe first ever Zoofighter from North Korea! Great Leap Forward was originally created to assist the peasant folk with day-to-day challenges like farming, but he can fight when he has to.
The SnaptureA truck-sized snapping turtle with unclear motives. He does drugs, he drinks heavily, he smokes, and he curses like a sailor. As if that wasn’t enough, he seems to be immortal...
Marlin the MagnificentTowards the end of Zoofights 5, there was a one-month delay between the semifinals and the final battle due to Major Failure getting married and going on a honeymoon. To help fill time, several spectators came up with their own beasts to stage exhibition matches. Most of the battles fizzled out early, but one that made it to completion pitted Marlin the Magnificent against Widow Maker. MTM is a marlin with a jetpack. He also has a diamond tip to his sword nose and drills instead of front fins.
Widow MakerA female praying mantis (female mantids are always bigger and stronger!) boasting nails on her claws, a gun that shoots black widow spiders attached to her rear, and stealth camouflage as well as the power of flight and high intelligence. The tradeoff? Her exoskeleton can handle only minor attacks, rendering her one of the frailest monsters in Zoofights.
As a whole:
Huggles T. Bear / Teddy Kruger / Mental BenA cuddly-wuddly bear with batteries jammed into his brain and a giant laser in his stomach. The perfect Christmas gift!
The Berlin Walrus / The Cold WarlrusThe combined effort of East and West Berlin. Fights with a brick launcher and an iron fin.
Croaka Cola / New Croak / Diet CroakA soda company mascot shot into space. He's SEEN THINGS, MAN, but is it enough for Zoofights?
Monster Truck / Delorelion / Monster Truck II: Fight RiderHalf-tiger, half-truck, 100% unimaginably painful existence.
Bull Market / Ca$h CowHe's backed by the best things money can buy: a bronzed hide, carbon-fibre suits, an ultra-dense brick of a cell phone on a chain, and one heck of an assistant.
Murducken / The Osmium Chef / Lawn MoaA female terror-bird given Big Muscly ArmsTM and a powerful microwave for a heart.
Playing Mantis / Neuromantis / Final MantisyThe most high-tech creation Japan has to offer versus...
Cray Fish / Krilldozer / Hardcore Prawn / Hardcore Prawn II: Claws for Concern... America's offering, which is very slow and in constant danger of overheating.
Mangolin' Pangolins / Double Pangolin (Drillz (the leader) and Hammerz) / Two Bad Ass PangolinsA gang of totally radical pangolins. They have power tools for arms, street smarts, and an incentive for winning the tournament: freedom.
Hippos With An Eating Disorder / Hippangopotalin with an Anger Disorder / AngsteaterFour berserk, cannibalistic hippos that eat everything in their sight. Now one berserk cannibalistic hippo/pangolin/human thing that eats everything in its sight.
PEP-Simian / Crystal PEP-Simian / A Jar Of Frog PissAnother corporate mascot, this time an axe-crazy chimp with a skateboard who can metabolize CO2.
Hare Metal / Black Rabbath / Thumperstruck"Hare Metal is an eldritch blend of British steel and forbidden rural energies that, frankly, we do not understand."
Gadadhara / Kali Babar / Muhammut Kali / Vighneshvara, The Lord of ObstaclesAn Indian elephant with two sets of Big Muscly ArmsTM from the makers(?) of Croctopus.
Luchadillo / Muertodillo / Armor Dio / Armor Dio and the Super Pangolin BrothersHalf armadillo, half Glyptodon, all wrestler.
Achilles' Eel / Double Eelix"Cloned from the cells of Caligula's biggest and most vicious Moray Eel, this aquatic titan has been through a phenomenal array of modifications since its birth was greenlit by the deranged marketing committee of the Victory Shoe Company."
Teslacorn / Horsepower / Nightmare"Surrounded by powerful Horsefields and crackling with ruinous energy, this pale blue apparition gallops through the air on a trail of wild electricity and thundering hooves, spreading loose ions and possibly cancer in her wake."
The World Creature WarsKnock-off fighters (with their own version of the Major, Commador Disaster) recruited by that damn gecko in a surprise bid to take over Zoofights in the middle of the Losers' League Royal Rumble. Very quickly, they are as follows (descriptions by the Major):
Major FailureThe big boss, the one behind it all. Sometimes referred to as "The Major" or "The Good Major". His roleplay persona of choice is Major Failure – an ex-military man with vast wealth who forces animals to brawl for his and others’ amusement. He also posted occasionally as Al Swearengen in Zoofights 3.
Gravitas ShortfallA close friend of Major Failure in Real Life, Gravitas Shortfall tends to assume a second-in-command role. When roleplaying, Gravitas Shortfall acts as the computer system of the complex the tournament is taking place in. He also takes over Zoofights when Major Failure is unable to post for whatever reason (broken computer, lost internet connection, getting married, etc)
Spoonsy and AkumuThese two are the main driving force behind the Loser's League from Zoofights 3 onward. Neither roleplays often, but both are involved in everyday contest proceedings and could be seen as the next step down from Gravitas Shortfall.
Notable Role Players
Lily Limbcake (played by Desumaytah)A very naive child who morphed into an Eldritch Abomination as Zoofights III went on.
Gezora (played by MrGreenShirt)Gezora is a giant Toku squid who tends bar, occasionally with Al Swearengen.
H.H. Johnson (played by Blurry Gray Thing)An alien private eye with the ability to shapeshift. H.H. Johnson shows up towards the end of Zoofights 4 to expose Seanet's dark agenda and attempt to put a stop to it. His lines are entries from his journal, in a manner similar to Lily Limbcake. He reappears in Zoofights 5, initially disguised as "Herb from the Wasteland", but eventually grows tired of hiding himself and assumes his true form – a white, humanoid creature resembling an anthropomorphic amoeba. In this arc he still has journal entries but also posts "normally".
Dr. Hanz (played by The Porp)A Nazi with an accordion for a head, or maybe a Nazi accordion. One of the few audience members to directly influence a tournament match, Doktor Hans' timely use of his Gorillion Dollars (a bonus vote worth 15 normal votes) was essential for The Seal of Disapproval to defeat The Snapture.
The Jukebox (played by Bassetking)A sapient jukebox with a knack for parody songs.
Sintendo Powerglove (played by ZeeToo)Notable in that as of the start of Round 2 it has lost nearly every single time in ZF6.
SEGA Activator (played by Asator)As Powerglove's commercial and spiritual nemesis it has won nearly every single time just because it votes against Powerglove (aside from the time they both voted for Achilles' Eel).
Dr. Robotnik and Matthew LeskoWhat started as a simple, amusing rivalry escalated into sheer mayhem when Lesko won all seven Chaos Emeralds off of Dr. Robotnik by continually betting against him. He eventually became Super Lesko, and the two held an exhibition fight during Major Failure's real-life honeymoon to both settle things and provide entertainment while the main tournament was on hold.