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Peptuck (yes, that Peptuck)

"Zombie tyrannosaurs must always be considered as an important part of the spectrum of moral choice."

"What did the Dark Eldar ever do to you?
I mean, sure, they'll take a few colonies here and there with no trouble. Then the Normandy shows up, and the Dark Eldar get INTERRUPTED so hard Space Marines will spontaneously punch their way out of the DE's scrotums.
The only difference between Paragon and Renegade is that in the former case it'll be Space Wolves who claw their way out of the spikys' asses, and in the latter case it'll be Black Templars who perform the collective violent anal eruptions."

"When you have the choice between keeping a shitty character shitty or redeeming them into something unshitty, always choose unshitty."

"What definition of "competence" are we using here?

Because there's the normal definition, where the character is reasonably intelligent, knows his/her/its limitations, and acts realistically within their flaws and the limitations of their setting.

Then there's the Spacebattles definition, where anything that isn't an omniscient, infalliable ubermensch driven by tech-wankery and reading ahead in the script is considering (sic) braindead stupid."

"I am both aware of it, and find it particularly strange that quotes page has an entire section devoted to me."



"Welcome to Spacebattles, where Stupid Sexy Sauron is a thing."

"On the subject of Fate/Stay Dalek: ...Sec summoning an infinite amount of Gunsticks, Planetary defense arrays, Killcruiser main guns, Special Weapons and every freaking weapon ever created by the Daleks... holy shit, I think we've found the closest thing we can get to enuff dakka."
Dalek Ix(that Dalek Ix), after someone suggested that Dalek Sec gain access to a Dalek version of Unlimited Blade Works.

"SB has two settings:

1.- Ruthlessly efficient mechanism capable of impossible feats of awesomeology.
2.- Hopeless trainwreck/clusterfuck that can't tell its elbow from a hole in the ground."
— Also Dalek Ix

"Remember, they are not your normal honey badgers from a brightly colored magical deathworld. They are free range honey badgers lovingly raised at the edge of one of the unhealing scars on the planet from which all monsters are born by none other than Fluttershy"
fijkus, about trolling of Nightmare Moon

"Alma it from orbit; It's the Only Way to Be Sure."
logiccosmic, about Cerberus experimenting with psychic clone troopers. Or Reaper invasion.

"You realize Kasumi appears to have a plan involving a small Krogan statue, a gun, and a Honey Badger. And possibly (Exalted) Sheppard."
Balagor, upon new snippet from GreggHL

Protodermis: On the topic of dakka, there is a horrible truth behind enuff dakka. Once you have enuff dakka, there is nothing left to shoot; because everything was used up making the dakka!
Jonen C: That's not actually Enuff Dakka, so much as it is the Big Dakka, where you take everything and shoot it to make everything again.
Random 832: In my headcanon this is now how Orks believe the universe was created.

Agent HUB: SpaceBattles: Cannot go to the fridge to get a six pack without trying to get the elder gods to do it for them.
SemiSaneAuthor: It's better not to try and summon them as I've found when trying to get a bottle of mineral water, as they drink it before they give it to you.
Discussion thread for The Conversion Bureau-based ideas, on a roleplay that got out of hand

"Udina is now future Nick Fury. My body was unprepared."

"Why is everyone assuming we're competent?
"Have you seen the stuff we suggest as good ideas? We're by and large idiots. I just saw a shitload of dudes unable to beat a literal illiterate in a debate in VS. We have dumbasses who support the most absurd things in here.
"We're not the Kyoshi Warriors.
"We're not Star Destroyer Captains.
"We're not even the fucking stormtroopers.
"We're Lord Rust.
"We're the mooks from fucking Equilibrium."

"Obviously, we should use bad analogies to imply whenever we see the technology not doing the thing we want it to it's just that they've dialed it down because they're all just incompetents. Being so dumb they probably don't even know the dial goes up that high, you know, because they're dumb. Not at all like us.
This is obviously because we have such stupendously vast mental faculties we can instantly see all the hidden factors to a technology's operation when we're shown a single - or extremely limited - instance of it's usage, and can predict exactly how it completely changes the nature of the setting(in spite of it not doing so) and use that to deduce the residents of the setting are just dumb(because of the aforementioned failiure to completely understand all the hidden factors in their technology that allows us to forsee such usage methodologies with our incredible intellect).
Hence, even with them working with said technology every single day, and having built said technology, and having a functioning understanding of all the engineering aspects of said technology, we understand it better than them, despite lacking all these things. We're just that fucking clever."
Nattuo counter-criticises SB's tendency to accuse all and sundry factions of Misapplied Phlebotinum

"This is what happens when people make a calculation that relies on everybody involved being too stupid to breathe. The very context established by the characters is questioned on the grounds of their staggering stupidity. If you're too dumb to use your FTL fists to punch a guy in his laser eye before it fires when he's announced he's firing his laser eye at you(and he's also dumb enough to announce he's firing his laser eye at you), and you are assumed to not be a vegetable relative to other characters, the guy with the laser eye is by extension rendered so stupid his claim of his laser eye being a laser eye is moot because he'd believe he had a laser eye if someone celotaped a live chicken to his face."
Nattuo criticises a ridiculous calculation based on JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

"Spacebattles stalkers are the best. I mean you have a site already filled to the brim with OCD nerds who obsess over minor, pointless details found in obscure snippets of popular culture and flaunt them like symbols of heraldry ... But even the freaks have even freakier freaks to look down upon and shun to the outskirts of their group."

Tyrion77: You've really got to rather pity the Reapers in that. I mean, seriously, how on earth do you plan for that kind of level of bullshit?
Agayek: By subscribing to the school of thought that is known as "Spacebattles competence".
This is the school of thought where anyone who lacks omniscience, 12 plans for every contingency (irrelevant of their level of possibility or plausibility), and enough firepower to destroy the multiverse twice over is utterly incompetent and a complete idiot.
On a Mass Effect/Worm crossover

"Spacebattles: Equally at home with calculating the proper amount of dakka to commit xenocide as it is with speculating on feather-dragon-alien/human mating rituals."
Sithking Zero, on the discussion thread for Feathers and Fire

P053id0n: SB really is the geek Center. One implied sex scene(not even graphic mind you) and 10 pages about the theoritical (sic) "mechanics" of it.
AkumaOuja: Not to mention we do it with theme music and without actually stating our hypothesis directly till one of us gets bored.
Discussion thread for Feathers and Fire, five pages after the above

Bookwyrm: anyone else get that feeling that the world needs a shake-up pretty soon or cyberpunk dystopia for everyone?
*THASF*: But, I want to have my neck snapped by a bionic assassin whose wrist can rotate a full 360 degrees! That would be like, so rad. Moar deregulation plz.
On a thread about Pope Francis condemning trickle-down economics

"Perfectly Reasonable™ calcs are the logic equivalent of a date rape- you take a nice, canonic premise out, promise it a good time and start talking about things it likes. But at some point you slip something in when it isn't looking, something bad. Before it knows it everything's all wrong, it wakes up somewhere it never had any intention of going and has only the vaguest sense of how it got there or why it's all sore and looking nothing like it did earlier.

To add insult to injury, everyone's laughing and patting the guy responsible on the back...



We have serious discussions about ANYTHING."
Hiver on a thread discussing the order in which Disney Princesses are to be introduced to a ball

"It doesn't need to be said. This is SB. We will engage in wild mass guessing and bizarre shipping until the story tells us otherwise. Then we will start arguing why the story is wrong."

"The reason Turians (and Batarians) are hated by SB so much is simple.

The Turians are humans as SB wants them to be. Highly competent, professional, harmonious, meritocratic, enlightened, militaristic, respected and feared by everyone.

The Batarians are humans as SB's terrible ideas would make them. An incompetent tinpot dictatorship with a penchant for mass murder, terrible strategic decisions, casual racism, and
no fucking idea how outclassed they are."

Evilcat: Batarians? that seems like a poor comparison. we at least have style when we crack out the cartoonish villainy. Just look at our penchant for fancy hat's. Ain't no batarian gonna out style our skill at Hat.
Kerrus: honestly, we would've saved the whole goddamn galaxy, because here's what we would have done (as the Batarians):
1. Disable the Alpha Relay's mass sensors.
2. Reposition the Alpha Relay into a low solar orbit, pointing into the sun.
3. Make some popcorn.
4. Watch the fireworks.
Evilcat: Huh, who would have thought you could beat the reapers by using the galactic equivalent of painting a tunnel on a wall. Is there anything you cant teach us Wile E. Coyote.
Discussion thread for Catalyst EXE, on MJ12 Commando's quote.

uju32: But maybe I'm judging her by the standards of SB competence, which is a very high standard to meet.
PostwarGryphon: Well... most of the time. Honestly SB competence is kind of wibbly/wobbly in effectivness. (sic)
inverted_helix: I disagree, I think that SB competence at executing a given plan is fairly high. It's just that SB's goals and values tend to be all over the place and often contrary.

GoukaRyuu: Deadpool claims to be the hivemind of some place called SB, whatever that is. ;)
MDLv3.2: No, Deadpool is too restrained and lucid, too compassionate and stoic, to be the SB hivemind.

"Weaver clearly belongs to the Spacebattles school of giant monster killing. Nuke 'em. Didn't work? Use more nukes. Use bigger nukes. Kidnap Tinkers and force them to create horrifying planet cracking antimatter weaponry. Repeat until you kill the monster or the world."
Anasurimbor discussing Weaver Nine

"Doesn't change the fact that Spacebattles managed to figure out how to drop a small star on Leviathan using two capes (neither of which were Sundancer), a glass jar, and a lake with the only assumption being that the Passengers don't cry foul. Taylor has... not done that."

"Welcome to Spacebattles. We write fanfics of fanfics that are about other fanfics that idly, in some oblique way, mention the original source material."

"Dude, this is Are you at all surprised that we're killing the dreams of kiddies around here?"
Aratech (Yes, that Aratech)

".... I just sort of realized something.

Weaver!Jack is actually awfully close to Spacebattles - or at least how Spacebattles acts in quests.

Think about it, He wants to be a hero, and he wants to do the right thing, and he wants to help people. But all of it is just a bit abstract to him - especially at the beginning. Hell, he's also essentially got the power that _all_ quest characters that show up in existing settings do - because he's essentially got the power of meta-knowledge with the broadcast shard. And he tends to use it the same way space-battles in quests do - to put the best foot forward.

There's a lot of parallels and it's pretty awesome/amusing."

"You guys are talking about the SB of countries here; we like explosions, have deadly animals, and in WWI our soldiers charged into trenches on cavalry."
It's Called Borrowing ze~ on Australia

Sum Sine Regno: I was expecting something more tame and more in the vein of biting social satire...and I got explosions?
Mashadarof402: That's because the mind behind the ad is from SB.
We just need to figure out who.
— On a Public Service Announcement (later revealed to be a parody)

"It's my fault for telling this story on a site where "nuke it from orbit" or "construct a needlessly elaborate lethal trap" is considered to be a legitimate method of problem solving."

"Spacebattles: Its (sic) like a drug and anime but its free and even more addicting."

"I'm given to understand that derailment around here is not done by halves. When space battles derails it derails and goes through the fucking moon... or so I'm told."

Daniel K. English: Wow, everyone here is so tense. I thought SB was a melting pot of grimdark, angst and agony but now I realize you're all princesses at heart. That's so... sweet. And hilarious. Hahahaha!
GorgonEyed: I believe the quote is "Spacebattles: Rambo on the outside, Disney Princess on the inside."
Image: SB for the most part are Rambo Princesses. We love the cool explosions and awesome moments but really love the waff and cute things.
Tikigod784: So SB is Mulan?

Wyzilla: If you must make vampires sexual, at least make it depraved and monstrous.
Lord Xelkor: Any good director would throw it to SB to come up with something Good.
Lerticus: The vampires gain gridfire, but not before the ponies gather together for the final showdown. Somehow Wetapunga is behind it all.

Imperial Waltz: I think that SB, predictably, is putting more thought into this than the OP intended to give.
Don Julio: Wait till we start calculating probable yields of the warhead that exploded in the little village, going off collateral damage radii..
Discussion thread for A Song of Ice and Fire/Halo crossover The Warrior, on the damage Master Chief's ship would cause when it impacted the ocean off Westeros

"Congrats, Iuhnas, you have successfully found something so baffling not even Spacebattlers can make sense of it. That deserves an award, but I'm not sure it'd be euclidean."

"Its called SB competence, where every character must be a stone cold unemotional badass capable of thinking clearly and logically in any situation, has the script in their back pocket, uses meta knowledge to plan for every eventuality, and never makes any mistakes. Or something to that effect."

Demetrius: That was a joke. Please do not actually attempt to eat the moon.
havocfett: Fine. We give no guarantees about weaponizing the thing.
— From a Bleach-based roleplaynote 

"You can not understand Space Battles if you think you understand Space Battles you have misunderstood Space Battles. For Space battles is beyound (sic) mere mortal understanding. Those immortal entities that post here just give up in terror at the potential conclusions they reach.

Or this place is insane just jump in and hold on:D"

captain melgar: well it's less than 12 hours and we have gone from zepplins to the stupid legislation of helium
SB. don't ever change
LockedKeye: I think I learn more science here than I ever did in high school.
Discussion thread for The Dresden Files/Girl Genius crossover Sheer Genius

"*tears of joy* "I CAN FINALLY SCRATCH MY ASS!""
Maes on giving sapient Tyrannosaurus Rexes bionic arms

"Indeed. This is Spacebattles. Nothing is safe from exposure, inspection, and introspection here.

Except porn."

"What's this? An OP that asks for the genocide of one side is derailed by SpaceBattlers suggesting diplomacy?
I think I feel the Earth trembling."

Zenos14: Is it bad that the more I think on the subject of sex bots the more I want to get one, mod it with as much military/closest to military grade weapons and armor I can find while still keeping it somewhat feminine, and entering it in a battlebots-esque competition against other similar modded sex bots?
sockmonkey: Hello spacebattler.
Discussion thread about calls for banning Sexbots

"I'm sure that you could cut the "plot" out of a michael bay movie and you'd likely have the end results of an SB created film...after that we'd be banned from the industry by various militaries worldwide"

"Though I feel it necessary to point out, if we wanted it to be TRULY SpaceBattles, we should make sure to hit things like Elijah and the Prophets of Baal. It a straight up Biblical vs. debate complete with orbital bombardment, trash talking, and calculable firepower statements. :p"
Peregry on doing a Bible study

"*shudder* Damnit Spacebattles, stop making healing so horrifying!"

"... I love this site sometimes. It's the only form of communication I know where someone can expressly and specifically say something over and over again, but the other guy still takes the completely opposite meaning :)"

Agwara: Has this literally become "ship banned members with each other"? :lol:
Jesse Lee: You're asking this... On Spacebattles?

"You are a member of spacebattles. You are on SEVERAL watchlists."

"Let's be honest: Spacebattles would absolutely run a 'heroic anti-villain' like Accord, right down to taking the 'Murderous OCD' drawback in return for awesome inventing powers. The PRT isn't wrong to call him a villain, but a good number of people in the Protectorate deserve that label as well."

"This is Spacebattles. Intense discussions about the plausibility of vat-grown food is par for the course."

Rufus Shinra: Please, do not compare SB to the other, less ambitious, more grounded, forums out there. The goal is to find out how soon the Milky Way can be used as a shuriken against our foes. Nothing less will be receivable.
synx: Wait, how did we get from "unfuck the F-35" to throwing galaxies as shurikens?????????
ArchAngel: I checked your join date, and 2008 is more than long enough to no longer be asking such a bloody silly question on Spacebattles.

"Most of SB is made up of nerds with a rather self-aware and self-deprecating sense of humour. The whole 'leave your sanity at the door' spiel is mostly an acknowledgement that SB can be very, very weird, and that we're quite happy that way.
"I mean, seriously, this is fanfiction exploring the idea that murderous demons from the sea have taken the shape of young girls/ship hybrids and humanity's best defense against them is the incarnate souls of WW2 ships that have taken the shape and mindset of young girls and women while somehow giving the laws of physics the middle finger."

Randy The Black Knight: I vote Sithking Zero for Emperor of Space Battles and .00000000000000000000000006% of the rest of the internet.
Sithking Zero: ... You realize that you're nominating me for having the highly radical opinion that "Hey, maybe we should think that people aren't innately assholes," right?
Kyakan: On Spacebattles, that view is revolutionary.
Sithking Zero: That explains SO MUCH of why Worm is popular here. And is also really, really sad.
Discussion thread for Worm fanfic Nike

X-777TheReQUium«»Tm: And now I want to see what happens when you use a core drill to spiralize the megas from Megas XLR. Also would like to see it used on the allspark from transformers. On Voltron. A kamen rider belt. Planet Oa. Cybertron. TRON. The reprogrammed terminator. The necronomicon ex mortis. Big O. Transam gundam 00. Cortana. A non-hostile vampire. Bender. The blacklight virus. A rubber duck. Two guns. The kitchen sink. And sooooo much more.
Burningice53: Welcome to Spacebattles. I see you have already gone mad with power.

Spacebattles. The oinly place where you will find the words Bag of Holding and Ideal Rocket Equation in the same paragraph.

gavinfoxx: Okay, quick primer on The Culture:
* Take the Federation from Star Trek
* Add about 1000 years of rapid technological development
* Remove the prohibition on gene modding, the hesitation on making artificial life forms, the hesitation on militarization and having wmd's, the restriction on cloaking and such, and the prime directive.
* Have the hedonistic people on the Federations core planets actually be the people crewing the starships
Kalaong: You forgot "Add medical technology that makes everyone functionally ageless and capable of recovering from getting torn to shreds so all these ultra-high-tech posthuman militaristic hedonists with WMDs, ninja skillz and a penchant for screwing with low-tech dictators have hundreds of years of experience in trolling."

AKA, The Culture is what Spacebattles would be if the majority liked sex, drugs and orbital skydiving more than they liked blowing up Alderaan. And had the technology to actually carry out their fantasies.
Discussion thread for Worm/The Culture crossover You Needed Opponents With Gravitas

OathToOblivion: These people have no life.

And are probably wrong.
universalperson: Is it any different from how Spacebattles routinely argues about things that are usually just as pointless?
ngetal: Except that we're calculating mass destruction and feats, not dong sizes.
On finding out how people determined that Bowser is only four feet tall thanks to Luigi’s penis.

"(reads a whole bunch of pages of discussion almost entirely about Astromech acquisition)


Everything's normal here.

Carry on, Spacebattles, carry on."

"Good lord that's an ugly spaceship. I think I'm in love.

I was going to comment on the endless nerding out over the strategic applications of lucrehulks when there's
so much stuff going on in the rest of the chapter...

But then, this is spacebattles. What did I expect, actually?"
strangebloke, on the TYE-wing from Star Wars Legends

"You fool. Mak Taru's hatred for bronies is more than a simple emotion. It is the stuff of legends. It is a burning, baleful, seething detest, a hate with few comparisons. It is so powerful that it burns across the minds of all bronykind, a lingering, hateful shadow on the edge of their awareness.

Think of the person or thing you hate most. Someone who has always kicked you when you are down. Someone who revulses you so utterly you would not grace them with a drop of spit were they to spontaneously immolate. Your hatred for them, imagine it as a burning, roaring flame stoked by wrath.

Mak Taru's hate for bronies is as unto a collapsing star compared to the bonfire you feel. It is hate so absolute it breaks the barriers of time and space, life and death, speed and sound. It is hate to shame a Dalek. Hate to blot the stars. Hate to curdle life itself and make Khorne weep with inadequacy."

"Beta, this is Deviant ART. There ARE no normal people here. Heck, the only site with a higher insanity index than us is Spacebattles, and even then not by much.

Obviously you've never visited Spacebattles before. That place is a clusterf*ck of insanity the likes of which has not been SINCE 4chan and 2chan. Most threads in that forum usually devolve into rampant speculation and arguments on the exact destructive potential of various Exterminatus scenarios, regardless of whether or not said thread had anything to do with Full-Power Ultimate Destruction to begin with.

One of the most popular threads on Spacebattles is a story about a Dalek dumped into the Puella Magi Madoka Magica universe who then decides to try and free the human race from the Incubators. The frightening part is that IT MAKES SENSE IN CONTEXT.

I love Spacebattles."

Ironypus: I'd say that having an organisation essentially bully a teenager into compliance for acting out badly is excessive, but this is spacebattles.
Ferdiad: Spacebattles members lose their fucking minds if Cauldron or the PRT are shown in a mildly positive light, years of fanon have made them worse than Nazis in their heads
Discussion thread for Worm/The Gamer crossover A daring synthesis

"Only on SB can we get people wanting to tame the Eldritch Abomination to waifu it"

"Second, maybe — hear me out, this is a radical notion — she wants to build relationships and circumstances that better herself and not just her goals? Yes, saving the world is all well and good, get on that tout suite, but Taylor is not a hollow shell piloted by SpaceBattlers nor is she some kind of Rationality Elemental (*twitch*). She has wants and desires and emotions and shit that the vast, lukewarm and unsympathetic minds that inhabit this place don't seem to get. At the very least she knows exactly where cutting away everything that makes her human to focus on The Mission leads: Kephri. And I don't think she wants to go there if she can help it."

"This is why I love this site. Someone posts a stupid image where people get turned into gold to make a political statement, and instead we look at it and think "Can we actually harvest people for gold? How many people for how much gold?""

"It had to be said. I admit I laughed at the idea. Well, cackled, really. Dear god, can you imagine. Squid!Leaders are basically SB put through a machine that strips out empathy and ethics before installing megalomania and a manipulative steak better measured in astronomical units. And you want to copy them?"

sandmanwake: If the nuke was too subtle, a bit of bragging should get it through the minds of the less bright that they're dealing with a man who's willing to spend an amount that could buy several ships to get back at anyone who messes with him.
Centurion18: "If the nuke was too subtle." Nowhere else but Spacebattles would that sentence not only be typed but also make sense.
Discussion thread for a Star Wars fanfic

thelurker -90%lurk: Is it bad that I had the same reaction to learning about the semtex?
Faralis:You are in the right place for having that reaction.

Also congratulations on appearing in at least two NSA "interest" lists ...

We are so proud of you! *sniff* *sniff*

...From discussing the idea of killing Scion slowly by introducing Spiral power in small amounts that build up to boil him alive through an old metaphor about frogs and such to how Orks from Warhammer 40K could be related to Spiral Power.

....Goddammit, Spacebattles. I'm paranoid enough about derails as is!

We're SB. We invented "One, at sufficient velocity". We have weaponized sand grains, ponies, kittens, hugs, and the energy of pure selfless goodwill. Given an ideal utopia, we will figure out how to conquer it. We are Spacebattles. This is what we do.
— macdjord from [2]

Everything is for sale. It's just that some prices are higher than others. I know mine. I want to wake up and have it be 2004 again. I want to make a phone call and hear her voice again, happy and healthy. I want her doctor to tell me that the chemotherapy succeeded. That's my price. What's yours?
Ed Becerra from [3]

No, [Spacebattles] will argue about everything. If someone said the sky is blue, rocks are hard, and water is wet, we'd argue what shade, bicker semantics over what precisely is meant by "rock" and how exactly "hard" is defined, and get into a shouting match over the various states of dihydrogen monoxide and whether or not "wet" can be used to describe a gas or a solid.
— Anachronous from [4]

... Aaaaaaannnnnnddd we're actually arguing whether or not the sky is blue. Never change, Spacebattles. Never change.
— Anachronous, just 5 posts later.

Gosu: Oh for ... why is it every time the Alaska class is mentioned people start the same argument about what they are called, could be called and should be called?
Decim: Because this is Space Battles, and the culture here is very incessant about arguing over terminology and pedantry.
— On Kantai Collection fanfic The Showboat

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