, Machete "Illegal" edition: Uncle Machete (but probably not the same Uncle Machete... probably) is hired to assassinate Travis Bickle, now the oppressive right-wing governor of Texas, but he gets double-crossed by the guys who hired him, including Frank Lapidus. He gets help from Trudy Chacon, Max Guevara, and a surprisingly good-looking Nun Too Holy Cady.
: Machine Gun Preacher King Leonidas is exactly that and a real person too!
: A Magic Mike Beastly young man becomes a stripper and meets an undercover cop, a White Collar criminal, a werewolf, and a stoner. Based on the cop's real-life pre-fame experiences!
: The Magic Christian Inspector Clouseau adopts Mr. Conductor as his son.
: Five of the seven are The Magnificent Seven Hilts, Sedgwick, the Tunnel King, Napoleon Solo and the King of Siam. Tuco is the villain.
: Major League Lorna Cole puts together the worst team possible as a ploy to move the team to Florida. The team is managed by Doc Hemlock and the players include Charlie Harper, David Palmer, Henry Spencer, Sgt Barnes, and Blade.
: Maleficent Lara Croft is a scheming sorceress with plans for princess Mei and king Wikus.
: The Maltese Falcon Rick sets out to investigate stuff about a statue, and General Peterson tries vainly to stop him. Ferrari and Ugarte are also in it. Miss Frumpington is the detective's secretary.
: Mama A CIA agent and an incestuous knight adopt a pair of feral girls; unfortunately the girls' Stringy Jealous "guardian" comes along too.
: Mamma Mia! The Movie of the Jukebox Musical, wherein The Ditz of the Mean Girls is getting married to Howard Stark, and wants to meet her real father. She finds three suitable candidates in James Bond, "Bootstrap" Bill Turner, and Mr. Darcy. Meanwhile, her mother Miranda Priestly is stressing out with the arrival of her three ex-lovers with the help of her best friends Molly Weasley and Mary Sunshine.
: The Man From UNCLE The Lone Ranger, Superman, and the Prime Minister of Great Britain are Cold War-era spies.
: Man On A Ledge Jaysully the Terminator is out on a ledge trying to send a message to Mrs. Bobby, a shifty CIA agent, and Billy Elliot.
: In this Man on the Moon Bio Pic of Andy Kaufman, Ace Ventura is the main character and the Penguin is his manager.
: The Man Who Fell to Earth Jareth, attempting to rescue his dying race/planet, masquerades as a human industrialist. He hires patent attorney Uncle Roy to get his alien tech out on the market and has a troubled affair with Debbie Dunham. Zed ends up working for him. (Bonus: Captain Kirk did the narration for the U.S. theatrical trailer.)
: Original - The Manchurian Candidate The original Danny Ocean has to foil a deadly plot by Mrs. Potts.
: Margin Call A troubled teen, Scar, Geoffrey Chaucer, a fallen angel, and Spock (beta) are players in the epic clusterfuck to the poorhouse.
: Marie Antoinette Mary Jane Watson leaves her life in Austria behind to become the Queen of France. She marries Max Fischer, and her aunts include Mary-Katherine Gallagher and Moaning Myrtle. She seduces Christian Grey and her best friend is Helen Harris. They also play a game of charades with Bane.
: When Martians visit Earth, Mars Attacks! Vampira tries to kill President Joker and First Lady Cruella De Vil, but not before seducing Jiminy Glick then biting off his finger. Marty McFly's wife, Sarah hooks up with Professor Bond. Mitchell's son JB gets vaporized after trying to surrender America, but his other son rescues Grandma Juno and later may have a fling with Nina Sayers. Frank Reynolds likes to shoot craps. Caroline Burnam argues with her husband R.P. MacMurphy and falls off the wagon. If I missed anyone, let me know. An NFL star lives to see another day, as does Nina.
: Martha Marcy May Marlene The Scarlet Witch (not this one) escapes from Uncle Teardrop's cult.
: Mary Poppins Maria von Trapp goes to an English household run by Emelius Browne to straighten out the lives of the broken family. They make friends with Rob Petrie and have many adventures, such as attending a floating tea party with the Mad Hatter.
: M*A*S*H Ruben Tishkoff and Federico Fellini's Casanova are the Crazy Awesome leaders of a band of Korean War battle surgeons.
: The Mask Ace Ventura discovers a mask that turns him into Lloyd Christmas. His girlfriend is Princess Fiona.
(not The Master Torgo's or the one who's obsessed with the sound of drums, and definitely not ): Truman Capote is the leader of a cult that bears a very strong resemblance to the her's Church of Happyology; Commodus is a very, very troubled alcoholic and Giselle is his (Capote's) wife.
: Master and Commander: Far Side of the World John Forbes Nash and an affable illusion of his are the Captain and Physician of an English ship during the Napoleonic Wars in 1805. Pippin Took is the Captain's Coxswain.
: Masterminds Captain Picard decides to hold kids at a private school for ransom, but former student Connor uses his computer-hacking skills to foil his plans. Oh, and the Pigeon Lady is the headmistress of the school.
: Masters of the Universe Ivan Drago and his allies battle Dracula and his forces to possess a device which is found by Monica Geller and her boyfriend.
: Matchstick Men Con Man Ghost Rider is thrown for a loop when his Manic Pixie Dream Girl daughter Nausicaa shows up to learn the trade. She's actually quite a bit older and more genre-savvy then she looks.
: Matilda Nattie Hillard is the neglected genius daughter of Louie De Palma and Zena Sherman. Nattie finds an ally in Helen Hirsch, but makes a dangerous enemy of Helen's sadistic aunt Mrs. General.
: The Matrix Ted Theodore Logan and Ike Turner battle computers (and Mitzi Del Bra) using kung-fu.
: Group of people, which include Maximum Overdrive Gordon Bombay, Commissioner Gordon, and Lisa Simpson, find themselves in a diner besieged by malevolent vehicles. Also, an ATM machine calls Jordy Verrill an asshole.
: Sisters Meet Me in St. Louis Dorothy Gale, Brigid O'Shaughnessy and Mary Lennox struggle to survive moving with their family from their hometown in 1904 during the World's Fair.
: Melancholia Mary Jane Watson is getting married to Eric Northman, but her crippling depression is ruining the expensive party hosted by her brother-in-law Jack Bauer. Also on hand is her dad Chancellor Sutler and her jerkass boss "Bootstrap" Bill Turner. And then a giant planet crashes into the earth and kills everyone.
: The performance artist from Memento suffers from short-term memory loss that occurred when his wife, The Adventures Of Priscilla Queen Of The Desert Sarah Sidle, was murdered, which is taken advantage of by Trinity and Cypher.
: Men In Black Samuel Gerard recruits NYPD cop Oscar the fish for a top-secret Government organization that monitors alien activity on Earth. For his first assignment, Hillard and Gerard must stop alien "bug" Det. Robert Goren from stealing a miniature galaxy, with a little help from medical examiner Bethany Sloane. Also stars Arthur as head of the MiB, Adrian Monk as a shady alien pawnshop owner, and Tobias Funke as a morgue attendant.
Men In Black II: Gerard comes out of retirement and helps rescue Velvet Von Black from the evil Helen Gamble.
Men In Black III: Oscar goes back in time to help young Gerard aka Dubya.
: The Men Who Stare at Goats Danny Ocean, young Obi-Wan Kenobi, Keyser Soze, Obadiah Stane, and T-1000 are trying to kill goats with their minds. Based on a True Story ( from the CIA no less).
: Mermaids Rusty Dennis is an early 1960s free-spirit mother of two daughters: a borderline personality mental patient who wishes to become a nun, despite being Jewish, and Wednesday Addams, who is practicing to become a World champion swimmer. A series of events challenges and strengthens their familial bond, including a relationship with Smee.
: Michael Clayton Danny Ocean is a lawyer trying to protect a manic-depressive pappa rat from revealing the truth about The White Witch's chemical company. With a special guest appearance by EVA Unit-02.
: In Midnight in Paris Z's latest film, Lightning McQueen is a writer who loves the Paris of yesteryear and magically gets a chance to visit after wandering off from his shrill fiancée, Regina George, and meets , The Pianist the Squirrel Lady, Loki, and Mal.
: Milk Jimmy Markum is an openly gay official who's in love with the younger Green Goblin and one of those two Mexican guys while George W. Bush is his rival in San Francisco in The Seventies who eventually kills him and the mayor . The mayor, incidentally, is and gets off nearly scot-free and is later Driven to Suicide double agent Jack Bristow.
: Minority Report Jerry Maguire is directed by Jane Eyre's psychic vision to apprehend murderers by the authority of Jesus. After the system turns on him, he has to run from Bullseye until it is revealed that Jesus is in fact Ming the Merciless.
The Minus Man: Lightning McQueen is an Emotionless Guy Serial Killer who nonetheless manages to charm his way into Colette Tatou's life and death.
: Novelist Misery Sonny Corleone is held captive and terrorized by his crazed fan Molly Brown.
: Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day Linda Litzke inadvertently becomes Giselle Erehart's secretary and gets a Beautiful All Along makeover from Moaning Myrtle. Along the way she helps Giselle and Myrtle's relationships with Ned and Aberforth Dumbledore, respectively.
Mission: Impossible : Mission to Mars Detective Taylor, Detective Tritter, his wife Detective Beck, and Detective Hoyt go to Mars to rescue their friend, a serial bomber and career criminal.
Molokai: The Father Damien Story: Faramir goes to a leper colony in Hawaii and gives solace to Lawrence of Arabia ( Whistler also lives there). Faramir's attempts to get "luxuries" like nuns (nurses), running water, clothes, and shelter are thwarted by Prime Minister Dr. Weir.
: Mom and Dad Save the World Principal Rooney and his wife Inga are snatched by Jay Sherman, the despotic ruler of a planet of idiots. Sir Robin is the former ruler.
: Monster A lawyer's wife is a serial-killing prostitute who's in love with Wednesday Addams.
: Monsters Ball Jigo and The Joker are father-and-son prison guards who take PDiddy to The Chair; meanwhile, Catwoman is mother to a woefully overweight and doomed son.
: Monte Carlo Alex Russo (a New York witch), Blair Waldorf (a New York bitch), and Trish Wellington (a woman who almost married a psycho killer) go on holiday to France and discover the witch has a snooty English twin with Donna Noble for an aunt. Finn Hudson is Alex's love interest, and the other Big Apple babe has a woman who really likes Hugh Grant and Goodwin Stanhope as parents. Produced by Satine and Idi Amin.
: Monty Python and the Holy Grail Brian recruits Mr. Creosote, Basil Fawlty, Luigi Vercotti and Dirk on a quest to find the Holy Grail.
: The Monuments Men Danny, Linus, Badger, and Galadriel are on a mission to find artwork looted by the Nazis before they disappear or worse, in the case of art/artists they don't like. Based on a True Story.
: The Moon Big Bad from is stuck on the dark side of the moon with only an AI Charlie's Angels Keyser Soze and himself for company. Directed by the son of The Sovereign!
: Moonrise Kingdom The White Witch, The Incredible Hulk, The Jackal, The Wolf, and Phil search for two precocious kids.
: Morning Glory Annie Hall is a Genki Girl morning news anchor, Indiana Solo is a cantankerous distinguished news reporter, and a mean girl is the producer who has to put up with him.
: The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones Snow White has to protect the world from demons, despite falling in love with Shadowhunter Caius.
: Mortal Kombat Gobei, Veronica Vaughn, and Kennedy Smith compete in a martial arts tournament to stop Big Bad Roshi. Connor MacLeod provides guidance.
: With the approval of The Mouse That Roared Queen Victoria, Inspector Clouseau and Clang declare war on America, hoping to surrender and lose. Dr. Strangelove is sent to America and announces that they actually won.
The Mouse on the Moon: Inspector Clouseau is now Vorabyaninov, and the same nation declares war on Soviet Russia. Col. Algernon Hawthorne is also in it.
: Movie 43 Just a bunch of funny little shorts starring HOLY HELL: Hanna, Detective Monk, Wolverine, Sabertooth, Storm, Gwen Stacy II, Rhodey Rhodes I, a certain reporter, an old(ish) surfer dude, a young surfer dudette, a perpetually distressed damsel, another distressed damsel, a slightly less-distressed damsel, an assassin, a lawyer, a handyman, a bad guy in training, and more…! And just to make things a little more confusing, Beatrix is a reporter, the reporter is Wonder Woman, Mike is Superman, Kurt is Batman, the Mac is Robin, the PC is the Penguin, and Veronica Mars is Supergirl.
: Mr Magoriums Wonder Emporium Mr. Focker gives Queen Amidala a magical toy store, whose magic is disbelieved (at first) by Michael Bluth.
: Mr. Toad's Wild Ride A bunch of loonies (and Nearly-Headless Nick) wreck havoc on the English countryside along with Captain Theodin, the Cheshire Cat, a brave chicken, and Damien Cockburn. Quite possibly the first Disney film based on a ride ( which was based on a cartoon ( that was based on a book)). With a special appearance by The Forbidden Forest.
: Mrs. Doubtfire Mork divorces Sister Bertrille (who hooks up with James Bond) and has to dress in drag in order to see his children, the youngest of whom is Matilda.
The Mummy Trilogy : The Muppet Christmas Carol Alfred Pennyworth learns the value of caring.
: Muppet Treasure Island Dr. Frank N. Furter is actually a greedy pirate.
: The Muppets Giselle and Marshall try to save the Muppets' theatre from a dastardly orchid thief.
: This send-up of whodunits has Murder by Death Obi-Wan Kenobi, Columbo, Mrs. Peacock, Hold Me Touch Me, Inspector Clouseau, Sir Charles Litton, and Violet Crawley.
: Music and Lyrics Gertie meets the British Prime Minister and his assistant Robert Barone, much to the excitement of Sally Solomon.
: My Blue Heaven Lucky Day is a troublemaker being watched over by FBI agent Dark Helmet. Featuring Abby Mallard as the policewoman that Helmet eventually falls in love with, and vice versa.
: My Cousin Vinny Daniel LaRusso and his friend get arrested for supposedly robbing a convenience store they were at, although they thought it was for supposedly shoplifting. To help them, Daniel calls on his cousin, Joey DeVito, to serve as their defense attorney. Bringing his fiancee Pam along, Joey faces all sorts of obstacles, like the stringent Judge Herman Munster, in trying to clear their names.
: My Fair Lady Holly Golightly is a Cockney girl who wants to become a more "genteel" lady, so she asks Doctor Dolittle to help her with her diction. Also stars Sergei Rozhenko as a former pupil of Dolittle's.
: My Little Eye Jennifer Crane, Carter Grayson, Amarice, Ian McKinley, and the lead singer of Tammany Hall NYC live in a really spooky Reality TV house for six months in order to win one million dollars. The catch: if one leaves, everyone loses. To create some twists, their rations grow shorter, and a hammer is planted on a pillow in Jennifer's room. Will Tippin shows up for a day, and he and Amarice have sex. The lead singer is
Driven to Suicide when he makes a present for Jennifer, and the group knows that they are in a Snuff Film. Carter kills Amarice and Ian, and he attempts to kill Jennifer after she rejects his advances. Both are killed by Bob Simms 2.0 : A My Sister's Keeper Narc and one of Charlie's Angels' daughter Ariel Dubois is sick, so they have another kid, Olive, to be her sister's spare parts. Olive doesn't like this, so she hires Jack Donaghy as her attorney. In the end, everyone gets what she wants.
: My Week With Marilyn Jen Lindley is the biggest movie star in the world, and her latest project is a Troubled Production with Gilderoy Lockhart. She soon catches the attention of Marius, who's dating Hermione Granger. Angst ensues.
: Mystery Men Greg Focker, Jerry Lundegaard, and Apu Nahasapeemapetilan are aspiring superheroes who, eventually joining with fellow wannabe superheroes Ed, Pee-Wee Herman, Abbey Barnes, and a real superhero, the "terribly mysterious" Magua, must save their city when Captain Barbossa abducts the city's resident superhero Simon Bishop.