"Love cannot be planned so carefully, my dear. It will stir things up a bit. That is part of its charm."
— Countess Kilbourne
Mr. Malcolm's List is a 2022 period drama film directed by Emma Holly Jones and adapted by Suzanne Allain from her 2009 historical Romance Novel of the same name.
It's 1818 London. Miss Julia Thistlewaite (Zawe Ashton) is humiliated when the bachelor du jour, the fabulously wealthy Mr Jeremy Malcolm (Sope Dirisu), appears to drop his pursuit of her after taking her to the opera. She learns from her cousin, Lord Cassidy (Oliver Jackson-Cohen), that Jeremy keeps a list of traits he seeks in a bride.
Julia enlists her childhood friend Selina Dalton (Freida Pinto), a vicar's daughter from the Sussex countryside, for a revenge plot: Julia and Cassidy will mold Selina into Jeremy's ideal bride and make Jeremy fall for her. Selina will then reveal her own list of qualities she seeks in a husband and reject him. But when Selina starts developing real feelings for Jeremy, she starts having second thoughts about the plan.
The film also costars Theo James as Henry Ossory, another suitor of Selina's, Naoko Mori as Mrs Thistlewaite, and Ashley Park as the crude cousin Mrs Covington.
Mr Malcolm's List provides examples of:
- Abhorrent Admirer: Selina clearly views an associate of her father's who tries to propose to her as this, given the considerable age difference.
- Adaptation Expansion: Zig-Zagged. The theatrical version was originally an eleven-minute short film with Gemma Chan in the role of "Miss Thistlewaite" (no first name given), which itself was an adaptation of Suzanne Allain's novel by the same name. The full film recast Zawe Ashton in place of Chan, but kept the rest of the cast.
- Ambiguously Gay: Lord Cassidy "Cassie" is implied to be gaynote . Despite being a lord, he's apparently uninterested in the marriage mart and hangs out a lot with his female cousin and her friend. He sits out of the pall mall and pigeon-shooting played by the other characters, has rather effete mannerisms, and enjoys the feeling of the dresslike toga he dons for a costume party.
- Black Viking: Thanks to the intentional color-blind casting, the three leads are played by people of color, and all of them are clearly very highly ranked in society—Jeremy is considered one of its most eligible bachelors—something that would have probably been unlikely in Real Life at the time.
- Colorblind Casting: Done intentionally, resulting in people of color playing three of the four leads.
- Costume Porn: Early-19th Century outfits galore.
- Dance of Romance: Selina and Mr Malcolm share an entrancing waltz at the fancy dress party, which leads him to try and propose to her.
- The Ditz:
- Julia Thistlewaite, whose Establishing Character Moment is complaining about why all operas are foreign and then showing herself to be utterly clueless about the recently enacted Corn Laws
, thinking them to be a dietary regimen. - Gertie Covington also, although she merely constantly laughs and giggles rather than explicitly saying or doing anything stupid.
- Julia Thistlewaite, whose Establishing Character Moment is complaining about why all operas are foreign and then showing herself to be utterly clueless about the recently enacted Corn Laws
- First-Name Basis: Mr Malcolm tells Selina she can call him Jeremy. He takes it back when he finds out the ruse she's been a part of.
- Hands-On Approach: Jeremy gets very up close and personal with Selina when instructing her on how to make a particular croquet shot.
- Heel Realization: Julia has this after engineering Selina and Jeremy's break-up, paired with My God, What Have I Done?. Jeremy himself realizes that he genuinely hurt Julia's feelings and by the movie's conclusion, they sincerely apologize to each other.
- Interclass Friendship: Julia is a well-moneyed and well-connected bachelorette who has a dear friend in the lower-class Selina. Julia soon realizes her exploitative treatment of Selina and tries to make amends.
- Interrupted Declaration of Love: Mr Malcolm is about to propose to Selina before being interrupted.
- Love Triangle: Subverted. Despite clearly fancying Selina himself, Henry Ossory quickly realizes that he doesn't stand a chance with her and soon realizes that he likes Julia.
- Marry for Love: Mr Malcolm would very much like to marry a woman he likes, especially after seeing the unhappy marriage his older brother ended up in, but winds up rejecting a lot of women who don't fit his perceived ideal out of self-preservation. He finally finds his match in Selina.
- Masquerade Ball: Julia convinces Jeremy to have his upcoming ball be a masquerade one instead. It's when Julia decides to take matters into her own hands and enact revenge on Jeremy, since she can tell Selina is faltering in their plan.
- "Not So Different" Remark: At the masquerade ball Cassie gently tells his cousin Julia that she although she wants revenge on Jeremy for how his pickiness resulted in her humiliation, Julia is quite picky about her suitors herself.
- Not with Them for the Money: Julia accuses Selina of wanting out of their revenge plan on Jeremy Malcolm after the latter saw the lavish Malcolm estate. Selina replies that she's not interested in Jeremy for his possessions, but because they have a genuine connection.
- Oblivious to Love: Julia is so focused on getting revenge on Jeremy for hurting her feelings that she's unaware that Henry has taken a liking to her—and she to him—resulting in him having to outright kiss her to get his point across.
- Only Friend: Selina explains that she was bullied in school, and Julia was the only one who was kind to her.
- Pair the Spares: Julia (who was rejected by Jeremy) and Henry (who bows out after understanding he doesn't have a chance with Selina and developing feelings for Julia) get together around the same time Jeremy and Selina do.
- Race for Your Love: At the end of the film, Mr Malcolm, realising his mistake in letting her go, chases on horseback after Selina's carriage as she leaves for Sussex.
- Relationship Sabotage: Julia tries to reject Mr Malcolm's proposal to Selina for her.
- Ridiculously High Relationship Standards: Mr Malcolm actually keeps a list of ten qualities he seeks in a potential wife, including being good-looking, able to talk politics, having musical talent, having good conversational skills, and so on. To the dismay of the ton, he takes several young ladies on outings and drops them as soon as he finds out that they don't have even one of the characteristics. Julia decides to take revenge for being snubbed by him in public by having her friend Selina act as his ideal wife, then as soon as Mr Malcolm declares his love for her, have Selina reveal that she has her own high-standard list and dump him.
- Romantic Fake–Real Turn: Julia and Cassidy push Selina to pretend to be the perfect suitor for Mr Malcolm to give him a taste of his own medicine for casting Julia aside for not meeting his list of requirements for a wife. The plan is to lead him on and then reject him for not meeting a list of arbitrary requirements, but they end up falling in love for real, causing Julia to interfere.
- Uptown Girl:
- It doesn't really affect their romance, but Jeremy Malcolm as an independently wealthy second son of an earl is way above his intended bride Selina Dalton in station, as she's "merely" the daughter of a country clergyman. During their Dance of Romance the gossipy ladies declare her a non-entity in the running to marry Mr Malcolm because of her low social class.
- While Julia's exact social class isn't made clear, her deigning to dance with and eventually marry a military man draws chatter, implying she's also higher in station than Henry is.
- "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: Further "caricatures" appear throughout the credits showing what happened to the characters (even the servants) after the ending.
- You Talk Too Much!: Everyone seems to find Gertie Covington loud and obnoxious with a never-ending, near-manic giggle. Mr Malcolm complains about never being able to get a word in around her.
