Graham: "Listen to Not-Alec-Guiness and run to the Not-Millenium-Falcon and join Not-Han-Solo!"
And of course;
"I'm the Old Republic... get off my damn space-lawn, you rebels!"
A reoccurring, but not overly common in the initial release, bug causes an NPC during a cutscene to appear to be less than a foot tall. Can be made funnier if it happens to be somebody trying to intimidating, or Jedi Master Satele Shan leading the council when you can't even see her in her chair.
Some of the later droid drops include vendor trash called an "Apathy Unit."
The loading screen will sometimes tell you that "During space combat, press the SPACEBAR to do a barrel roll!"
All the classes regenerate health by performing a specifc, in-character ability for them, no matter how absurd the injury. This means characters can jump off 4-story balconies, then mend their shattered bones by reloading, thinking hard, pacing in frustration, or shooting a coin. You can literally Walk It Off.
It gets better: As of 1.2, lingering damage-over-time effects no longer interrupt your healing. This means it's entirely possible to be calmly meditating, pacing about, or whatever, while on fire.
Andra Cressen in Alderaan when you rescue her. Depends on your class, she will make funny comments and snarks at the interrogator, you can also snark at him too, making him say that both of you have gone crazy.
Sometimes when you walk by two or more NPCs in the game, you'll overhear them conversing. One such group of NPCs is located on Nar Shaddaa on the outdoor part of the Promenade. It's a human, his protocol droid, and an astromech droid that the human is angry at. To really understand where this is going you need to know that this is taking place on a walkway many, many, many stories above the ground.
Droid Owner: I'm onto you, short stuff. I've seen you Free Droid Enclave wackos puttering about. I'd better not catch you filling my droid's head with mutinous nonsense! Astromech Droid: [in beeps and whistles] Loudmouthed organic = problematic // Violent "accident" = advisable Droid Owner: What did he say? Protocol Droid: Nothing subversive, master. Shall we go for a walk?
After defeating the builder of a massive starship you are trying to claiming for your faction:
Veedrig: Never let it be said I'm not generous in defeat. You can have this incredible marvel of starship design at a twenty-percent discount. [Large chunk falls off in the background] Veedrig: Thirty-percent?
General Republic Storylines
On Ord Mantell, you can report a couple of soldiers to a Republic ethics officer for letting refugees run a minefield as an "obstacle course" and betting on the results. The officer protests that he shut the gambling ring down weeks ago, providing an opportunity for priceless snark:
Customer: This droid you sold me is a hunk of junk! I want a refund! Jawa Vendor: No refunds! Customer: Come on, the thing's vocabulator went out within 20 minutes of my getting home! Jawa Vendor: Vocabulator not broken! Is feature! Customer: How is that a feature? Honestly, what good is a protocol droid that can't even talk?
On encountering a battered security agent:
Officer Anstiss: I'm seeing double, but you both look as you can handle yourself.
The quest she gives you involves arresting the thug who beat her up. He's not inclined to go peacefully, but a Jedi can be rather persuasive. His guard's not amused.
Zooki: That's a dirty Jedi trick!
During their stay on Taris, Republic characters will run into Co'overma and her assistant Liefer. The quest to aid them in their valiant efforts to save the poor, innocent endangered nexu is short and easy, but the dialogue is pure gold.
Co'overma: I am the voice of the voiceless, protector of the nexu, the most beautiful, intelligent, adaptable- Liefer: Giant, droooling cat monsters with big pointy spikes...
While dealing with a Pirate doctor:
Doctor Ryamn: No, the stuff is down there. I swear on my medical licence. The real one.
His indignation if a Jedi character shakes him down for the serum:
Doctor Ryamn: What is this? I'm getting robbed by Jedi? I thought you guys were allergic to credits or something!
If the PC agrees to leave Dr. Ryamn his batch of rakghoul serum and go looking for the alternate source he promises is there, he eventually sends an email titled "Doctor Death's Claw Says Hi," which begins thusly:
Remember that time you shot your way into a Death's Claw pirate camp and met the local medic? Remember how he convinced you not to subject his patients to a horrible rakghoul-y death by stealing his vaccine supply? That was me. How's things with you?
At one of the Republic bases on Hoth, two soldiers discuss the food that the Ortolans have been making. One prefers to stick to his field rations, while the other loved "Taun-Taun stew", and is looking forward to eating Wampa... if only to return the favor.
On Ord Mantell, the PC can encounter Lamalla Rann, a gleefully amoral reporter who asks them to find and retrieve the footage shot by her assistant Waxx. The whole sidequest is an exercise in "what the hell is wrong with you?" comedy, especially when, after the PC reports back to a completely unsurprised Lamalla that her assistant has joined the separatist cause, Lamalla drops this gem:
Lamalla: Once when we were on Tatooine he ran off and lived with the Jawas for two weeks. Said they were his spiritual kin.
His over-the-top enthusiasm extoling the virtues of the sepratists is full Face Palm territory.
As you finish up, Lamalla cheerfully informs you that if you get wounded, she'll do a story on you.
Another priceless line from Lamalla if the PC responds positively to the prospect of being bribed:
Lamalla: Fantastic! Good to see someone with the complete lack of scruples needed to protect justice and freedom in the Republic!
PC: Well, I could kind of go for a Nerf burger. Does that count?
More on the quest to contract the rakghoul plague. The doctor tells you what she has in mind after you bring her some three-hundred-year-old serum which was effective against the plague back then but which, unfortunately isn't enough by itself to immunize against the mutated virus. She does, however, speculate that an extraordinarily healthy individual protected by the serum might be able to produce antibodies that can be used to create an effective vaccine. If the PC realizes where she's going and chooses to say "Uh-oh," the doctor will elaborate:
Responses to this last question include "I guess I'm pretty unkillable," and "No, no, no!" If you agree to it, she tells you to get out there, find a rakghoul, and get it to bite you. No, she doesn't have the virus in a needle, sorry.
Father: Everywhere I looked, there were beasts bursting out of cages!"
Daughter: We got to pet the animals! Tell him, daddy!"
Republic Soldier: Sir, we're in the middle of a ground war.
Father: The Zoo is supposed to be safe, officer. This was very traumatizing!
Daughter: It was great!
Republic Soldier: Sir, for the safety of your girl, please evacuate Axial Park.
Overheard in Outpost Thorazan, situated out in the ass end of nowhere (aka the Dune Sea) on scenic Tatooine:
Militia Guard 1: You know, some planets don't have to put up with this all the time. The heat, I mean. Militia Guard 2: Yeah? Militia Guard 1: Yeah. Most planets have these things called "seasons". Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold, but most of the time it's downright tolerable. Militia Guard 2: Huh.
Jedi Knight Storyline
If you pursue the Jedi Knight romance path with Kira, she actually researches marriage amongst the Jedi. Her findings are... not encouraging.
A romance with Doc is similarly amusing when marriage comes up. The proposal is hilariously awkward at first, and then, when the Jedi Knight accepts, he yells out that things are a go... and out of nowhere comes a protocol droid authorized to marry them. One of the possible responses is a literal "where the hell did you come from?" moment. Apparently, it's been on the very small ship for weeks without anyone noticing.
Kaliyo makes a cameo while Doc goes off to heal Nem'ro the Hutt. Doc's paying her to be his hostage in case Nem'ro decides to keep him - apparently, they're old friends. And she gives the female Jedi Knight romance advice, of a sort.
Kaliyo: Every girl is allowed one indiscretion. Doc counts as two.
And then Doc returns to the ship and starts angling for a threesome. Cue epic eyeroll from Kaliyo.
After completing the Jedi Knight class quest on Nar Shaddaa, which culminates in your killing a Sith Lord, you get a letter in the mailbox... from a rival Sith, thanking you for paring down the competition.
When facing Lord Nefarid, basically a Sith Assassin who is all about being sneaky and invisible, you are given the option to say "I don't need to see you. I can smell you." The response from the Sith suggests he thinks that was Actually Pretty Funny.
In the Hoth storyline, you can use Force Persuade on the mercenaries guarding the generator. The leader appears to be unaffected. Not so with his goons however, as they immediately put their blasters on the ground and ran, leaving the leader in confusion since he had no idea what you just did.
The situation at the end of Chapter 2 is dire, but bringing T7 along is good for a giggle, if only at the droid's optimism.
T7-01:(when confronted by Lord Scourge) Emperor's Wrath + Emperor = two targets // T7 = taking Emperor?
A romanced Doc discovers the joys of sex with a jedi:
Doc: I swear everytime we're together, it's different. You're not using jedi mind tricks on me, are you? Jedi Knight:Would you be excited if I said "yes"? Doc: Sure. I mean, no. I don't know. Are you doing it right now? Don't answer that.
While infiltrating an Imperial space station, Lord Scourge transmits some false I Ds which makes the station thinking a Grand Moff is arriving:
Imperial Security Officer: You'll find our security airtight. Lord Scourge: (to himself) That is unlikely.
On Alderaan an ambush (and subsequent boss fight) by an absolutely huge Killik causes Orgus Din to dryly remark:
Some of Kira's random lines when you talk to her are certainly worth mentioning:
Kira: One of the things I learned on my first Council meeting is that I can sleep standing up.
Kira: If you mashed Hoth together with Tatooine, would it make a decent planet with nice weather?
More of an Offscreen Moment of Funny, but on one occasion, you walk in on Doc reminiscing about his past failed relationships. He mentions that he went to chat up Kira, and then suddenly felt the urge to go think about his past lovers - the implication being that she Jedi Mind Tricked him, which you can point out to him if you like.
Jedi Consular Storyline
The Jedi Consular doesn't get many of these, as they have an extremely low-key and deadpan sense of humor. This makes the infiltration of the Imperial Facility on Nar Shaddaa even funnier, as they will suddenly come out with a outrageousBritish accent and start throwing their weight around like a stereotypical Sith Lord. This comes totally from nowhere, and most amazingly actually works.
By the same token, on Ilum, they can express their dismay at being sent back out into the freezing temperatures, made a thousand times more hilarious by the fact that it's being said in the Consular's voice:
After boarding Lord Vivicar's ship using your own, and cutting your way through some of his guards, he communicates to you while you're hacking a door. I don't have the exact quote, but his line is something like "I sensed your presense the moment you came onboard", and the Consular's somewhat snarky reply is "The starship that just docked didn't give it away?". Snarky-humor consular is a possible playstyle.
When you are first introduced to the Trandoshan, Qyzen Fess, in the Jedi Temple you can say you're honoured to meet him. Or you can ask if he's also a Jedi. Or you can just throw tact to the wind and respond like this:
Master Yuon Par: Padawan, come in. This is Qyzen Fess, an old friend. He's here on a hunting expedition, a sacred Trandoshan tradition. You: It's a freaky giant lizard.
One of your conversations with Tharan Cedrax and his sentient female hologram companion Holiday goes like this if you pick a particular response to the first words out of his mouth.
Tharan: Jedi, Holiday and I have an announcement to make. Consular: Then I hope it's a lovely wedding, and you have a dozen holo-children. Holiday: [delighted] Oh Tharan, that's a thought. Tharan: [perturbed] Moving along!
On Nar Shadda you confront Master Fain, he comments how he and Master Youn Par actually had a fling. Guess what our interpid Jedi can say:
Tharan: I have a little something to handle that. Holiday: (with her common sensual voice) A little somenthing? You're so modest Tharan.
One of the moments that delves into pure hilarity in the Consular story is, during the 3rd chapter on Belsavis, the Consular is confronted by a Rehabilitation droid who was told by a defector that the Consular is actually a prisoner who believes he is a Jedi. Even the Consular can't help but chuckle (some slight paraphrasing here):
Droid: You match the patient's description perfectly. Consular: I am a member of the Jedi Order. Droid: The first step to being cured is admitting to your sickness.
If you help out a Jawa tribe on Tatooine, they give you a Jawa cloak, making you a member of the tribe. There's just one tiny problem:
Consular: It's a little small, don't you think? Tteek Tlek: Um. Is hood for Jedi?
During a mission on Taris, you can flirt with Elara Dorne:
Trooper: I might be hurt, Sergeant — you'd better come rescue and search me. Elara: Flirtation and other non-critical communication over priority holochannels are strictly forbidden by procedural guidelines, sir. Jorgan:I am pretty sure that was a "No", Lieutenant.
For one mission on Tattooine, you're protecting victims of a bombing attack from more bomb-carrying protocol droids. However, they swarm you 5 at a time, and explode quickly enough that it's nearly impossible to kill them all, all while greeting you and asking how they can help. The blast will also send you flying dozens of feet each, leading to the player being tossed like a ragdoll. What's best is that after waiting to be revived, you can talk to the people who you just exploded next to, who will thank you for protecting them.
Elara: He's dead, sir. In case you were wondering.
The pure Mood Whiplash if you handing over the planetcracker bomb to the Voss for study at the end of the Voss quest chain. Senator Evran starts off by angrily yelling at you for handing over a 50 billion credit piece of equipment. The light-sided response is literally, "I'm sorry. It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time." Two sentences later, he calls you "the best representative of the Republic yet." Apparently, he's an amnesiac.
On Coruscant, dealing with the Cyborg Sleeper Agents becomes very amusing if one plays as the Cyborg Trooper. In particular, their nervousness upon being convinced to open the door gains a new layer of subtext, making them appear embarrassed that their rescuer was one of those... how did they put it, "cyborg freaks?"
The smuggler's very first class quest sets the tone for the adventure to come. A separatist targeting computer needs to be shut down, but resists attempts at finesse. What does our hero do? Channel pure Han Solo and shoot the thing, of course. The scene is entirely silent, but the character's body language says it all.
After breaking into a separatist base, killing all the guards and hacking into their computer, you are discovered by a lone guard and his droid. Cue the Smuggler's shock and terror at the thought of a dangerous republic spy inside the base, and insistence that the guard should go and sound the alarm immediately! Hilariously you are even able to convince him that his droid's deadpan insistence that there’s something odd about you is due to him being faulty, and that he should get him down to maintenance immediately.
Note that this comes after the droid has already pointed out that are the only person standing in a room filled with dead bodies! Lets face it, the Smuggler is the Star Wars equivalent of Bugs Bunny.
In a similar vein, during the Nar Shaddaa storyline, you confront a member of an Animal Wrongs Group looking for a rare beast that they stole/"liberated" from a Hutt. After shooting your way through about a dozen of her goons, you can tell her that "This was all just a terrible misunderstanding." She immediately jumps to the conclusion that you were the one her superior had hired to transport the beast offworld, and hands over a holorecording with information about where they took said beast. Her sudden change in tone is what really sells this scene.
Smuggler hilarity is encapsulated in a single attack: Dirty Kick. Extra fun when used against arrogant Sith Lords who made you listen to their Evil Gloating before the fight started!
Made even better when you get your smuggler through the third story arc, and Dirty Kick becomes available to all your characters on that server. A smuggler doing it is amusing, a uptight Jedi councilor doing it is hilarious.
Corso starts talking about happier times, before all the problems the smuggler and he go through, and this pearl is part of the conversation:
Corso Riggs: Ah, for Ord Mantell. Where separatists were bad and guns were good, and we could just run in shooting. Smuggler: If you haven't noticed we didn't really dropped the shooting. Or the running.
When you are invited to be part of space missions this pearl comes out of the Smuggler's mouth:
Smuggler:I wanna be "Crackerjack!" No wait that sounded better in my head. Wait I want to be "Ace"!
A dingbat freighter captain (and ex-girlfriend of Skavak) discovers that her nifty little ray shield only has a few minutes of operation on battery. Naturally it fails right after this is pointed out to her.
Smuggler: Aahhh... the manual have too many big words for you?
A male smuggler is asked to rescue a wayward daughter (who fancies herself a spy):
Smuggler: Rescuing damsels in distress is my specialty. She is a damsel, right?
During a quest:
Scientist: I'll make sure you're amply compensated! Smuggler: "Amply compensated" is my middle name. Scientist: Your parents must have been fascinating people.
When accused of smuggling:
Smuggler: I sincerely have absolutely no idea what you're talking about- honest.
A female Smuggler will get quite a few giggles out of hitting on anything even vaguely male, simply for the hilarity that is a fluffed-up and indignant Corso ("I can swoon! You never said you wanted me to swoon!").
During the Esseles, when the final boss approaches, if a Jedi gets the first word in and the Sith foams at the mouth at the opportunity, your Smugglers gets the opportunity to deliver this line:
Smuggler: If you just want my friend here, I'll... just be going then.
Trymbo on Ord Mantell. His delivery and body language is part of what makes it so funny, so a simple transcript does not do this guy justice. You really need to watch. But here's one of the dialogue choices and responses that isn't in the video link:
Smuggler: Just hand that thing over, Captain Crazy. Trymbo: How DARE you! I'm a colonel. [He stands at attention upon the conclusion of this declaration.]
Guss Tunno's battle quotes:
Guss: Wheee!!! (Healing) Guss: I heal you with my Jedi powers! (Healing) Guss: Oh no! I am not going to be bait this time!
During the romance arc with Risha, Count Merrit Rineld calls in an attempt to ask for her hand. The smuggler makes a less than compelling argument for his case. The fact it works only serves to show how much Risha loves him.
Smuggler: "C'mon, this is a no brainer. Sure he's rich, handsome and popular but I'm...me."
Risha: "I'm sorry Merrit. But I can't argue with logic like that."
Bowdaar gets one on Tatooine if you take him to meet with a shady character.
During the prologue on Coruscant, the Smuggler ends up crossing paths with a Sullustan cop on several occasions. The Sullustan's insistence on addressing the Smuggler as "upstanding citizen" (in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary) never fails to make our hero twitch.
One conversation with Risha brings up comparing someone to a Padawan
Risha: If you run into Diago, watch your back. He makes Skavak look like a Padawan.
Smuggler: What the blazes is a Padawan?
Risha: Jedi-in-training? Goody-goody students, always on their best behavior?
After being red-flagged by customs on Coruscant, the Smuggler has Corso distract the droid while they subtly rewire a nearby console. Cue it happily greeting them again as an "Admiral".
On Tatooine there's a great one after the smuggler helps train a local militia.
Smuggler: If you come across any contraband contact a professional! Here's my holofrecency number.
Militiaman: I don't think I'm supposed to do that.
Our hero's scheme for what to do with Nok Drayen's fortune (and Risha's comeback to it) is priceless.
Smuggler: I was thinking I might hire myself an army of Wookies.
Risha: What you lack in practicality, you make up for in style.
The following exchange happens if you choose Risha to accompany you on Balmorra, and the two of you are working with Akaavi Spar in order to break somebody out of prison.
Akaavi: When we're in, meet me at cell 665. My clan brother is there. Help me free him, and I'll assist you with whatever you need. Smuggler: [flirting] I never argue with a woman with a plan. Risha: [incredulous] Since when?!
During the Alderaan storyline quests, the Smuggler delivers an old labor droid to some local nobles. During the conversation, the Smuggler is casually leaning on the droid, that is until the noble lady mentions the explosive booby-trap within it.
When hunting Skavak, getting Kixi to restore his criminal record to how she found it... and then Troll him by inserting a bunch of fake records registering him as a plague carrier, suffering from the highly virulent STD, "Bothan Nether Rot".
In a mission on Hutta, you end up in a dispute between two smugglers.
Smuggler 1:Keep it up and I'll make you eat your eyeballs. Smuggler 2: That's disgusting! You people are crazy! PC: I thought you said you wouldn't kill him. Smuggler 1: He'll live, he'll just be blind with a bad case of indigestion.
In Nem'ro's palace, one of the background conversations is a guy bragging to a girl about how he's a rising star in Nem'ro's organization, with her only giving a rather bored sounding "Uh-huh" response.
There's also a little Mythology Gag in the palace cantina involving a Wookiee and a gold protical droid playing a board game. Incidentally, the droid did not let the Wookiee win.
For Imperial Players on Belsavis during the quest "Last of the Law" you can answer the holocom on behalf of the Republic marshal you just killed. The option Imitate Rugers voice is pure gold, especially when done by female characters
PC: Hello, this is Ellis Ruger and at the time I'm busy dying for a hopeless cause. Please leave a message.
During the Nar Shaddaa bonus missions the Empire has managed to arrange matters so they can essentially hijack the HoloNet and broadcast a message across every channel. Your character is hired to protect the man delivering the speech. Of course, he's killed before he ever gets the chance, and so its up to your character. You can go ahead with the plan and give a stirring patriotic speech, or a message of peace... or you can just go "Ah, screw it." The Bounty Hunter makes the most of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:
Bounty Hunter:Have you ever wondered how well the HoloNet is protected? Ray shields, battle droids, corporate mercenaries—they're all here. Everyone in the galaxy wants Network Access secure, so the Hutt Cartel spends whatever it takes. But some things can't be protected no matter how much you pay. If you want to be safe, don't hide from your enemies. Go after them. I got inside Network Access. I can get to anyone in the galaxy. All it takes is a contract and a fee. Put the word out. I'll find you. Guaranteed.
The main Taris questline has a few opportunities for giggles. Specifically, cheerfully antagonising Thana every step of the way. Especially fun if the player character is a Force-blind grunt. During the hunt for Bashun, Thana's Leeroy Jenkins tendencies end up getting her tossed into a cell. You're free to leave her there to "reconsider her attitude". Her fury when she catches up with you again is a thing of beauty forever.
Sith Warrior Storyline
Trying (and failing!) to bluff your way through the Sith code the first time you meet Darth Baras.
Sith Warrior: Uhm. There's the light side, the dark side and stuff in the middle.
During one of Vette's own missions, you are searching for her sister on Nar Shaddaa. There you meet a Twi'lek dancer and the Sith Warrior can answer this when she questions if Vette is searching for work:
Sith Warrior: ''I would look fantastic in your outfit! Am I hired?".
If you do the quest during Chapter 3, the line changes to reflect the Warrior's current status.
Sith Warrior: Men come here for the exotic. Have you considered having a Sith Lord on staff?
Even better, the Twi'lek actually considers it, before Vette steers the conversation back on track (and Vette's general air of having dealt with the Warrior's brand of crazy entirely too long is worthy of mention in and of itself).
During a 3-way confrontation between you and 2 groups of bandits trying to make off with a man frozen in carbonite, you can end the confrontation peacefully, by threatening to kill them all and eat them.
Sith Warrior: I'M GONNA KILL YOU AND EAT YOU ALL RAW!". One of the bandits: Do you really mean to eat us if you kill us?". Sith Warrior: ''Sure! Don't you eat what you kill?".
Or you can slyly convince both sides into attacking the other, leading to a massive gunfight breaking out, the Imperial Troops taking the opportunity to quietly sneak the cargo to Darth Baras... while the Sith Warrior smugly watches the fight from the sidelines.
Darth Baras: RAAAAAAGH! I cannot break him! Sith Apprentice: Is there some problem here? Darth Baras: Who would ask such a stupid question?! Clearly, there's a problem here!
Sith Apprentice: I feel your anger, master. Darth Baras: A blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could feel my anger!
Sith Apprentice: Nice lungs you got there. Darth Baras: Mind your tongue, or I will cut it out! Vette: Okay, I'm officially scared.
Twice in the storyline Baras is talking about the Emperor and you can respond with lines such as "Tell the Emperor I said hi" and "Yeah, the Emperor, my kind of guy". Baras' reactions(including the closest the game gets to an outright facepalm) to both lines are priceless.
First time Vette appears, you walk into the Korriban Academy's prison just as the jailer's trying to intimidate her.
Jailer: One more chirp from you, little bird, and you'll regret it. Vette: [cheerfully] Chirp, chirp chirp? [He activates her shock collar, she convulses, and when he turns off the juice...] Vette: Ow! Jerk. If you don't like that, just say so. I can do other animals too. Dire cat, frog-dog, Kowakian monkey-lizard, you name it.
Not a Sith Warrior mission, but a response from a quest giver you get if you are a Sith Warrior:
Weng Wrightsyn: (obviously angry) I demand justice! Sith Apprentice: Why are you yelling at me? Weng Wrightsyn: (speaking quickly and in an apologetic tone) I apologize for raising my voice, my lord.
When you reach Hoth, the reactions from Quinn and Vette are to immediately express their dread of the cold and their hopes to avoid going down with you.
During the final mission of Taris, making some of the "wrong" choices for crew assignments is good for a laugh. If you bring Vette along and have her try to talk down the Republic troops:
Vette: Me? I'm supposed to somehow find out which are the conscripted men? All right, here goes nothing. [she steps forward] Vette: All conscripts of the Republic get to... uh... be spared. So... show of hands? [long, awkward pause - nobody responds, and the troops continue pointing their weapons in your general direction] Vette: Sorry, I tried.
The voice acting throughout the whole thing really sells it.
The conversation with Ensign Durmat on Balmorra. Several of the dialog options during it are pure gold mainly because Durmat is A) stupid and B) scared to death of you.
Durmat: Okay, I ain't too proud. My dad is an Imperial Agent.
Jailer Zixx: What did you say? Your dad is a what?
Warrior: Yes, could you please repeat that Junior, maybe a little louder so every one can hear you.
Jailer Zixx: Who are you? How did you get in here?!
Durmat: It's—it's not a who, it's a what... a S... Si... Sith....
Warrior (looking closely at Durmat): He's gonna need a new pair of pants.
And then a little later:
Warrior: You must think I am an idiot.
Durmat: Ok, you're an idiot! I will think whatever you want! Just don't kill me!
Sith Inquisitor Storyline
The Sith Inquisitor gets many, many options for snarkery in their prologue alone, especially when it comes to cheerfully pissing off Harkun and Ffon at every turn. Not to mention using Khem Val's mere presence to scare other Force-users into submission. Expect many dialogue options on the theme, "Khem, can you eat him?" You get to pull this on a freakin' Dark Lord practically the first thing you do after leaving Korriban - that he doesn't kill you on the spot is rather sporting of him.
Khem's response to the Inquisitor's question is just as priceless:
At one point in the Inquisitor storyline, Inquisitors can respond with a truly bizarre sounding "I love surprises! :D". It's hard to tell if his sheer enthusiasm is sarcastic or heartfelt, given the circumstances.
S/he can have a similar reaction when told s/he's going after a pirate.
Gyl Rosen, beginning to end. Toward the end of Chapter 1 Kallig sends you to recover his lightsaber, which has fallen into this Nar Shaddaa gangster's hands. After seeing you slaughter your way through his hideout, Master Rosen decides the best course of action is to stand his ground, and attempt to intimidate and blackmail you. Three guesses how that works out for him.
Just as funny lightsided, where his highly-paid commando body guards essentially say "Screw that!" to being ordered to fight you. As they file past...
"Just walk away, boys. No one needs to die here."
Eventually, you reach your much-anticipated final showdown with Thanaton on Corellia - only to have him run away once you beat him. Your companions will have an opinion on this. Talos is, as always...special.
Talos: He's running away. That can't be a legal move!
KhemVal is probably the last companion you'd expect to have one of these. But, enter the Cantina on Tatooine, and he'll sometimes say 'I have an excellent sabacc face. That was a joke. I hate sabacc.'. A joke coming from him is so unexpected that it's hilarious.
In the prologue one of your missions is torturing information out of an Acolyte. If you electrocute him he'll agree to anything if you'll stop. One of your choices: Make him sing. Then shock him to make him sing louder.
The Sith Inquisitor just finish his/her mission on Tatooine, and s/he reunite with Andronikos old flame (that helped you through the story), our interprid Inquistor can say this line with a hilarious delivery:
Inquisitor: (like bringing a present) I brought Andronikos back!
Earlier, when Andronikos complained about being unable to get revenge on the thieves who stole the artefact;
Andronikos: Doesn't it bother you that they got away?
Inquisitor: They were killed and quite possibly eaten... I hardly call that "getting away?!"
Urtel Moren: We captured and "chatted with" a chamberlain of House Organa. Inquisitor:(sarcastic) How dare you torture someone without me?!
When romancing Ashara, one of the conversations involves her talking about how she was raised, eventually turning to her parents. At one branch of the conversation, one of the dialogue options is "I'm very sorry to hear that". The actual line (paraphrased)?
Inquisitor: You must have had terrible parents.
Lord Zash's reaction to learning that your ingenious solution to a millennia old riddle was to simply throw lightning at it.
On Balmorra, after being told that the local scientists may have intentionally engineered the Colocoids to be resistant to toxic waste.
Lieutenant Ilun: The toxic waste resistance may have been in unintended result... or the Balmorran scientists were insane?!
Later on in the Balmorra questline the Imperial turned Republic scientist you captured and forced to help you gets rather pissed when he finds out what you needed his help with. A couple of the dialog options here are pure gold.
Scientist: Let me get this straight, you dragged me away from my research just so you could go skinny dipping in a pool of toxic waste?
Sith Inquisitor: A Sith has to find some way to unwind.
Really every line out of the Male Inquisitor's mouth is sheer, unadulterated sardonicism. They're basically Blackadder in space!
The first time you meet Lord Zash, she asks how you managed to retrieve an old holocron from inside a tomb's vault after so many others had tried to get the vault to open and failed. All you did was shock the vault with lightning, but you have the option of lying to her about what you did.
Inquisitor: I had to sacrifice seven tuk'ata and eat their hearts. Lord Zash: Really? How strange. It didn't work when I tried it.
Iannos Tyrek being completely freaked out by the Light-Sided Inquisitor keeping their word about letting him return to the Republic, despite being a defector. If you look closely, you can see his brain implode as it tries to comprehend the idea of a reasonable Sith;
Iannos: What? You're not serious? I mean... you're Sith! You can't be serious?!
Undertaking the quest to rewire the reactors for Revan's vault on Nar Shaddaa, leads them to let loose this Stealth Pun, which actually works on three different levels. Wicked Cultured indeed.
Play as a light-sided Assassin, pick belligerent, curt, or angry dialog options (also useful for increasing approval with Khem), and use stealth to make sure you never kill any more enemies than absolutely required by quests. Nananananananana BATSITH!
Bounty Hunter Storyline
The Bounty Hunter mocking a Jedi Knight who tries to use Jedi Mind Trick on him.
Jedi Knight: You will drop your weapons and surrender to me. Bounty Hunter: [glances at his partner, then imitates the Jedi Mind Trick] You will realize what a complete idiot you are.
Made even funnier by the fact that said Jedi Knight had already done the same trick to Tarro Blood. And it worked!
Towards the end of act two, when get the ten million credit bounty placed on your head, your crew is rightly concerned. Which is when Mako takes the time to remind you exactly how bad the situation is.
Mako: "They're offering a ten million credit bounty for your capture." Bounty Hunter: "Mom would be proud.''
Made even better by the fact that Blizz is going on in the background about how you can hide out with a Jawa tribe.
Blizz's enthusiasm and child-like curiosity make him a gold mine of funny:
Bounty Hunter: I'll keep Blizz out of your hair. Blizz: Aw, Blizz like Mako's hair! Blizz no get to touch?
The Supreme Chancellor is voiced by Robert Clotworthy, who also voiced Jim Raynor. Now, he calls the Bounty Hunter a threat to all the republic and consider him the Republic's Most Wanted. The entire third act of the Bounty Hunter is him going under and seeking to get to the Supreme Chancellor, making even funnier is the fact that the only companion that you get in this act is voiced by the same person that voices Tychus Findlay. Anyone who knows anything about StarCraft lore knows how bizarrely funny this is. Since the female Bounty Hunter is voiced by Grey Delisle (i.e. Nova), one suspects it may be intentional.
In one of the class quests on Hutta, Mako and the Bounty Hunter fail pretty hard at this whole "being reassuring" nonsense:
Mako: Short version, lady: There's a bounty hunter coming to take you to the Empire - where you'll probably die, or at least be tortured. We want to kill this bounty hunter, so it's your lucky day. Just sit quietly and be bait-like. Bounty Hunter: We'll try not to splatter any blood on you, ma'am.*
The actual dialogue option is "It's going to be okay."
On Dormund Kaas, the foppish Lord Altaca. Particulary when the truth comes out that the supposed captured Republic Slave, was actually part of a bizarre plot to smuggle him to his Sith lover, whilst masquerading as her "brother". Mako and the Bounty Hunter as still laughing about him several missions later, especially when Mako reveals that he's been asked to tour and speak about his harrowing experience as a "slave" of the Imperials.
During "Firestar" on Balmorra, whilst the Bounty Hunter and Mako storm the compound to retrieve the access codes for a Kill Sat, Mako lets out this bit of snark at the Resistance's choice of elaborate interior decoration;
Mako: They certainly have a lot of flags, don't they? Maybe if they had some soldiers we'd actually have a problem.
After killing the Green Jedi Council and receiveing the Medal of Imperial Glory from Darth Decimus, the hunter is allowed to make a speech. And instead of a powerful and inspiring one to the citizens...he basically use the chance to make propaganda for his services.
Hunter: Corellia's all wrapped up.The Empire is a happy customer. I could do the same for you. Rogue Sith Lords, crime syndicates, kings, queens—I hunt 'em all. Don't be afraid, it only takes a call.
Darbin Sul: Better hire this hunter before the enemy does!
Darth Decimus: A sales pitch wasn't quite I had in mind.
After being ambushed by Jicoln Cadera, the Bounty Hunter is knocked out, and Gault proves he is a man who has his priorities straight:
Gault: Holy—hey... hey, if you want me to steal your ship and run, then just lie still and don't move...
Imperial Agent Storyline
At the climax of Act 1, if you've talked Darth Jadus into giving up on his plans:
Watcher Two: You just talked down a Lord of the Dark Council, Cipher. I didn't think that was possible...
Cipher Nine: I'd rather not do that again.*
The dialogue option is "Neither did I."
Not so much a story moment, but definitely something restricted to the IA: At one point, you must disguise yourself as a droid with some holographic projector implants. The sequence lasts all of a few minutes, and yet the droid character model is perfectly capable of many of the normal player actions, such as dancing, flexing, cowering, and belching.
On Taris, the Agent needs to find Doctor Ianna Cel, a scientist hold up in an abandoned lab that they've arranged a meeting with. When they do, Ianna bursts out of her hiding spot, trying to shoot them. All of her point blank shots miss as the Agent informs her they're the ones she's supposed to be meeting. And the last stray shot even blows up a droid in the background. All of this while the Agent continues talking, unperturbed.
The whole scene is actually rather humorous, as Ianna reveals she survived on things even the Rakhgouls won't eat, and Doctor Lokin reveals he's totally been following you all along without so much as missing a step, then suggests, quite happily, a plan that puts his own life in danger.
The first time Lokin uses his transformation power. After reverting back to human from rakghoul form the next thing we see is Lokin putting his clothes back on, still acting very cheerful and optimistic...while the Agent is pointing their rifle at Lokin's head, visibly mulling over whither they should just shoot the doctor.
One of Doctor Lokin's random lines is: "I have a confession to make- my qualifications as a medical doctor have... lapsed."
Kaliyo is sarcastic by nature but some of her comments on Nar Shaddaa really take the cake. For example, you have this little gem:
Kaliyo (yelling at random passerby): Hey ugly! I'll give you twenty credits to lick my boots! (Then to you) He says he'll go for it, spare twenty credits?
And later she says this:
Kaliyo: Hey, you gonna buy me a droid? Some rich guy trying to impress me bought me a serving droid once. Lasted twelve hours before I tore it apart and sold the parts. Was kind of fun while it lasted.
Taking Kaliyo into the Star Cluster Casino generates this little comment:
Kaliyo: No weapons allowed. Bit a guy's ear off here once. Security bootlegged the footage, not a big fan of casinos.