Graham: "Listen to Not-Alec-Guiness and run to the Not-Millenium-Falcon and join Not-Han-Solo!"
And of course;
"I'm the Old Republic... get off my damn space-lawn, you rebels!"
A reoccurring, but not overly common in the initial release, bug causes an NPC during a cutscene to appear to be less than a foot tall. Can be made funnier if it happens to be somebody trying to intimidating, or Jedi Master Satele Shan leading the council when you can't even see her in her chair.
Some of the later droid drops include vendor trash called an "Apathy Unit."
The loading screen will sometimes tell you that "During space combat, press the SPACEBAR to do a barrel roll!"
All the classes regenerate health by performing a specifc, in-character ability for them, no matter how absurd the injury. This means characters can jump off 4-story balconies, then mend their shattered bones by reloading, thinking hard, pacing in frustration, or shooting a coin. You can literally Walk It Off.
It gets better: As of 1.2, lingering damage-over-time effects no longer interrupt your healing. This means it's entirely possible to be calmly meditating, pacing about, or whatever, while on fire.
Andra Cressen in Alderaan when you rescue her. Depends on your class, she will make funny comments and snarks at the interrogator, you can also snark at him too, making him say that both of you have gone crazy.
Sometimes when you walk by two or more NPCs in the game, you'll overhear them conversing. One such group of NPCs is located on Nar Shaddaa on the outdoor part of the Promenade. It's a human, his protocol droid, and an astromech droid that the human is angry at. To really understand where this is going you need to know that this is taking place on a walkway many, many, many stories above the ground.
Droid Owner: I'm onto you, short stuff. I've seen you Free Droid Enclave wackos puttering about. I'd better not catch you filling my droid's head with mutinous nonsense! Astromech Droid: [in beeps and whistles] Loudmouthed organic = problematic // Violent "accident" = advisable Droid Owner: What did he say? Protocol Droid: Nothing subversive, master. Shall we go for a walk?
After defeating the builder of a massive starship you are trying to claiming for your faction:
Veedrig: Never let it be said I'm not generous in defeat. You can have this incredible marvel of starship design at a twenty-percent discount. [Large chunk falls off in the background] Veedrig: Thirty-percent?
Treek's entrance. The droid hypes up her badassitude, and it cuts to her, and... she's an Ewok. She then proceeds to walk through a group of people and knock them all over for no reason.
The new Bounty Brokers Association has this unexpected gem of character action when accepting a kingpin contract:
Bring Hk-51 to the Shrine of Healing on Voss, get this:
HK: Complaint: the Shrine of Healing... so this is where the Voss undo all my hard work!
General Republic Storylines
On Ord Mantell, you can report a couple of soldiers to a Republic ethics officer for letting refugees run a minefield as an "obstacle course" and betting on the results. The officer protests that he shut the gambling ring down weeks ago, providing an opportunity for priceless snark:
PC: Nope. Refugees blowing up everywhere.
On Tython, the PC is asked to investigate a pair of Padawans whose masters think are, well, "giving in to their passions". When you find them:
Padawan: I swear, this isn't what you think it is!
Customer: This droid you sold me is a hunk of junk! I want a refund! Jawa Vendor: No refunds! Customer: Come on, the thing's vocabulator went out within 20 minutes of my getting home! Jawa Vendor: Vocabulator not broken! Is feature! Customer: How is that a feature? Honestly, what good is a protocol droid that can't even talk?
By the time you get to Tatooine, you will generally have had enough 'interaction' with your ship droid that the prospect is quite attractive.
On encountering a battered security agent:
Officer Anstiss: I'm seeing double, but you both look as you can handle yourself.
The quest she gives you involves arresting the thug who beat her up. He's not inclined to go peacefully, but a Jedi can be rather persuasive. His guard's not amused.
Zooki: That's a dirty Jedi trick!
During their stay on Taris, Republic characters will run into Co'overma and her assistant Liefer. The quest to aid them in their valiant efforts to save the poor, innocent endangered nexu is short and easy, but the dialogue is pure gold.
Co'overma: I am the voice of the voiceless, protector of the nexu, the most beautiful, intelligent, adaptable- Liefer: Giant, drooling cat monsters with big pointy spikes...
While dealing with a Pirate doctor:
Doctor Ryamn: No, the stuff is down there. I swear on my medical licence. The real one.
His indignation if a Jedi character shakes him down for the serum:
Doctor Ryamn: What is this? I'm getting robbed by Jedi? I thought you guys were allergic to credits or something!
If you can manage to have a Smuggler on a team with Jedi, and get control of the response, you might get the chance to reply:
"Oh, they like credits just fine ... it's charm they're allergic to."
If the PC agrees to leave Dr. Ryamn his batch of rakghoul serum and go looking for the alternate source he promises is there, he eventually sends an email titled "Doctor Death's Claw Says Hi," which begins thusly:
Remember that time you shot your way into a Death's Claw pirate camp and met the local medic? Remember how he convinced you not to subject his patients to a horrible rakghoul-y death by stealing his vaccine supply? That was me. How's things with you?
At one of the Republic bases on Hoth, two soldiers discuss the food that the Ortolans have been making. One prefers to stick to his field rations, while the other loved "Taun-Taun stew", and is looking forward to eating Wampa... if only to return the favor.
On Ord Mantell, the PC can encounter Lamalla Rann, a gleefully amoral reporter who asks them to find and retrieve the footage shot by her assistant Waxx. The whole sidequest is an exercise in "what the hell is wrong with you?" comedy, especially when, after the PC reports back to a completely unsurprised Lamalla that her assistant has joined the separatist cause, Lamalla drops this gem:
Lamalla: Once when we were on Tatooine he ran off and lived with the Jawas for two weeks. Said they were his spiritual kin.
His over-the-top enthusiasm extoling the virtues of the sepratists is full Face Palm territory.
As you finish up, Lamalla cheerfully informs you that if you get wounded, she'll do a story on you.
Another priceless line from Lamalla if the PC responds positively to the prospect of being bribed:
Lamalla: Fantastic! Good to see someone with the complete lack of scruples needed to protect justice and freedom in the Republic!
PC: Well, I could kind of go for a Nerf burger. Does that count?
More on the quest to contract the rakghoul plague. The doctor tells you what she has in mind after you bring her some three-hundred-year-old serum which was effective against the plague back then but which, unfortunately isn't enough by itself to immunize against the mutated virus. She does, however, speculate that an extraordinarily healthy individual protected by the serum might be able to produce antibodies that can be used to create an effective vaccine. If the PC realizes where she's going and chooses to say "Uh-oh," the doctor will elaborate:
Responses to this last question include "I guess I'm pretty unkillable," and "No, no, no!" If you agree to it, she tells you to get out there, find a rakghoul, and get it to bite you. No, she doesn't have the virus in a needle, sorry.
Father: Everywhere I looked, there were beasts bursting out of cages!"
Daughter: We got to pet the animals! Tell him, daddy!"
Republic Soldier: Sir, we're in the middle of a ground war.
Father: The Zoo is supposed to be safe, officer. This was very traumatizing!
Daughter: It was great!
Republic Soldier: Sir, for the safety of your girl, please evacuate Axial Park.
Overheard in Outpost Thorazan, situated out in the ass end of nowhere (aka the Dune Sea) on scenic Tatooine:
Militia Guard 1: You know, some planets don't have to put up with this all the time. The heat, I mean. Militia Guard 2: Yeah? Militia Guard 1: Yeah. Most planets have these things called "seasons". Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold, but most of the time it's downright tolerable. Militia Guard 2: Huh.
One quest on Tatoonine, The Geonosian Offensive, has this little exhange with the quest giver:
Jawa: Maybe you make Bug-people leave so Jawa can go home ?
Player: I'm sure I can persuade them to move along one way or another
Jawa: Renishi thinks maybe grenades work better than words on bug-people.
A quest on Tatooine seemingly involves helping a local hero recover his loved ones from pirates. His "loved ones" turn out to be his collection of miniature toy droids. If you read the quest item's description in your inventory, you'll find that your character already feels the urge to smash them. His friend is in disbelief when you take the light side option to finish the quest, begs the guy to tell him this is a joke, then facepalms as the hero thanks you again.
Jedi Knight Storyline
If you pursue the Jedi Knight romance path with Kira, she actually researches marriage amongst the Jedi. Her findings are... not encouraging.
A romance with Doc is similarly amusing when marriage comes up. The proposal is hilariously awkward at first, and then, when the Jedi Knight accepts, he yells out that things are a go... and out of nowhere comes a protocol droid authorized to marry them. One of the possible responses is a literal "where the hell did you come from?" moment. Apparently, it's been on the very small ship for weeks without anyone noticing.
Kaliyo makes a cameo while Doc goes off to heal Nem'ro the Hutt. Doc's paying her to be his hostage in case Nem'ro decides to keep him - apparently, they're old friends. And she gives the female Jedi Knight romance advice, of a sort.
Kaliyo: Every girl is allowed one indiscretion. Doc counts as two.
And then Doc returns to the ship and starts angling for a threesome. Cue epic eyeroll from Kaliyo.
After completing the Jedi Knight class quest on Nar Shaddaa, which culminates in your killing a Sith Lord, you get a letter in the mailbox... from a rival Sith, thanking you for paring down the competition.
When facing Lord Nefarid, basically a Sith Assassin who is all about being sneaky and invisible, you are given the option to say "I don't need to see you. I can smell you." The response from the Sith suggests he thinks that was Actually Pretty Funny.
In the Hoth storyline, you can use Force Persuade on the mercenaries guarding the generator. The leader appears to be unaffected. Not so with his goons however, as they immediately put their blasters on the ground and ran, leaving the leader in confusion since he had no idea what you just did.
The situation at the end of Chapter 2 is dire, but bringing T7 along is good for a giggle, if only at the droid's optimism.
T7-01:(when confronted by Lord Scourge) Emperor's Wrath + Emperor = two targets // T7 = taking Emperor?
A romanced Doc discovers the joys of sex with a Jedi:
Doc: I swear everytime we're together, it's different. You're not using Jedi mind tricks on me, are you? Jedi Knight:Would you be excited if I said "yes"? Doc: Sure. I mean, no. I don't know. Are you doing it right now? Don't answer that.
While infiltrating an Imperial space station, Lord Scourge transmits some false I Ds which makes the station thinking a Grand Moff is arriving:
Imperial Security Officer: You'll find our security airtight. Lord Scourge: (to himself) That is unlikely.
On Alderaan an ambush (and subsequent boss fight) by an absolutely huge Killik causes Orgus Din to dryly remark:
Kira: Blasted Imperials. Their architecture really clashes with the rest of Alderaan's decor.
Her astute assessment of how Republic fashions pale in comparison to those in the Empire;
Kira: Have you seen what the Imperials are wearing? It's like every fashion designer in the galaxy went over to the Dark Side!
More of an Offscreen Moment of Funny, but on one occasion, you walk in on Doc reminiscing about his past failed relationships. He mentions that he went to chat up Kira, and then suddenly felt the urge to go think about his past lovers - the implication being that she Jedi Mind Tricked him, which you can point out to him if you like.
After the completion of the final mission, in which the Knight and his/her crew assault the Emperor's base on Dromund Kaas, Scourge will reprimand the protagonist if he/she chose to take a detour and save one of their trapped crewmates, deviating from Scourge's original plan. Choosing the bottom dialogue option leads to this.
Scourge: "You gave the Emperor time to gather his strength. We are all lucky to be alive."
Jedi Knight: "Are you seriously criticizing me for not following your stupid plan? I just saved the galaxy, you idiot!"
For bonus points, choosing this option results in a massive affection gain from every other crew member.
Jedi Consular Storyline
The Jedi Consular doesn't get many of these, as they have an extremely low-key and deadpan sense of humor. This makes the infiltration of the Imperial Facility on Nar Shaddaa even funnier, as they will suddenly come out with a outrageousBritish accent and start throwing their weight around like a stereotypical Sith Lord. This comes totally from nowhere, and most amazingly actually works.
By the same token, on Ilum, they can express their dismay at being sent back out into the freezing temperatures, made a thousand times more hilarious by the fact that it's being said in the Consular's voice:
After boarding Lord Vivicar's ship using your own, and cutting your way through some of his guards, he communicates with you while you're hacking a door.
Vivicar: I wasn't sure if you'd be foolish enough to come aboard, Jedi, but I can sense your presence.
Consular: (without bothering to look up from the console) Did the docking starship clue you in as well?
When you are first introduced to the Trandoshan, Qyzen Fess, in the Jedi Temple you can say you're honoured to meet him. Or you can ask if he's also a Jedi. Or you can just throw tact to the wind and respond like this:
Master Yuon Par: Padawan, come in. This is Qyzen Fess, an old friend. He's here on a hunting expedition, a sacred Trandoshan tradition. You: It's a freaky giant lizard.
One of your conversations with Tharan Cedrax and his sentient female hologram companion Holiday goes like this if you pick a particular response to the first words out of his mouth.
Tharan: Jedi, Holiday and I have an announcement to make. Consular: Then I hope it's a lovely wedding, and you have a dozen holo-children. Holiday: [delighted] Oh Tharan, that's a thought. Tharan: [perturbed] Moving along!
Tharan: I have a little something to handle that. Holiday: (with her common sensual voice) A little somenthing? You're so modest Tharan.
If the male Consular romances Nadia, one of his conversations with Qyzen will actually address that; namely, through the Trandoshan offering the Consular the skinned pelt of a Wookiee—something that is considered an exceptional courting gift amongst his people—to give to Nadia. It's mostly the tone in which they say the following that makes this little exchange so funny:
Consular: [completely deadpan] Nadia's not the sort of woman who truly appreciates a Wookiee pelt. She's funny that way. Qyzen:(sighs) Is so hard to please females.
One of the moments that delves into pure hilarity in the Consular story is, during the 3rd chapter on Belsavis, the Consular is confronted by a Rehabilitation droid who was told by a defector that the Consular is actually a prisoner who believes he is a Jedi. Even the Consular can't help but chuckle (some slight paraphrasing here):
Droid: You match the patient's description perfectly. Consular: I am a member of the Jedi Order. Droid: The first step to being cured is admitting to your sickness.
Iresso also gets in a hilarious line if he's with you:
Droid: Greetings, and welcome to the psychiatric ward. Iresso: Somehow, I always knew this was how I would end up.
If you help out a Jawa tribe on Tatooine, they give you a Jawa cloak, making you a member of the tribe. There's just one tiny problem:
Consular: It's a little small, don't you think? Tteek Tlek: Um. Is hood for Jedi?
When you get to Makeb and have to rescue a researcher from the immenent ground-quake related collapse of a ground-quake shelternote Not quite an as Epic Fail as it sounds, the groundquake is the largest one in Makeb's history, you can be as snarky as ever:
Consular: *looks around at the collapsing structure* "Who built this? The lowest bidder?"
On Hoth, Iresso stops a mutiny from his troops by subduing the dissenting trooper and then assigning him a week of chipping off the ice on the comm aerials. Later on, you get a chance to talk to him again.
On Makeb, as you walk into a town hit hard by a groundquake, and then overrun by mercenaries, the rest of your party expresses dismay over the conditions. Iresso's reaction...differs.
Iresso: Now this is living! All we have to do is kick the Regulators around a little, and we're good to go.
During a mission on Taris, you can flirt with Elara Dorne:
Trooper: I might be hurt, Sergeant — you'd better come rescue and search me. Elara: Flirtation and other non-critical communication over priority holochannels are strictly forbidden by procedural guidelines, sir. Jorgan:I am pretty sure that was a "No", Lieutenant.
For one mission on Tattooine, you're protecting victims of a bombing attack from more bomb-carrying protocol droids. However, they swarm you 5 at a time, and explode quickly enough that it's nearly impossible to kill them all, all while greeting you and asking how they can help. The blast will also send you flying dozens of feet each, leading to the player being tossed like a ragdoll. What's best is that after waiting to be revived, you can talk to the people who you just exploded next to, who will thank you for protecting them.
Elara: He's dead, sir. In case you were wondering.
The pure Mood Whiplash if you handing over the planetcracker bomb to the Voss for study at the end of the Voss quest chain. Senator Evran starts off by angrily yelling at you for handing over a 50 billion credit piece of equipment. The light-sided response is literally, "I'm sorry. It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time." Two sentences later, he calls you "the best representative of the Republic yet." Apparently, he's an amnesiac.
On Coruscant, dealing with the Cyborg Sleeper Agents becomes very amusing if one plays as the Cyborg Trooper. In particular, their nervousness upon being convinced to open the door gains a new layer of subtext, making them appear embarrassed that their rescuer was one of those... how did they put it, "cyborg freaks?"
While you are trying to recover parts of an Imperial cipher machine from a pirate Imperial troops burst in and try to arrest everybody invovled.
Imperial Soldier: Halt in the name of the Empire! You are in possession of stolen Imperial property!
Trooper: Sorry, we are in the middle of a business transaction, let me get back to you later.
M1-4X's Stop Poking Me qoute: "Do not worry, master! My armor is impenetrable to your touch, no matter how repetitive!"
Tanno Vik's Stop Poking Me qoute is also rather humorous: "What? You better say what you have to, or I'll give you a grenade without the pin!"
On Nar Shaddaa you end up raiding a penthouse in a casino housing Imperial officers leading to this exchange:
Imperial Soldier: Impossible! Throw down your weapons. Republic Scum! You have no idea what you've done, breaking in here.
Trooper: I'm sorry, the guy at the front desk must have made a mistake.
Attacking Tavus's secret war ship leads to some interesting conversations:
Tavus (via holo projection): I have to thank you for working this little meeting into your busy schedule. It took me some trouble to arrange.
Trooper: In the name of the Republic I order you to surrender!
Tavus: Ya know... you're so threatening over holo that I might even consider it. Let me get back to you later.
A little later:
Tavus: They were heroes, Lieutenant!
Trooper: If you need a moment to cry, I can call back.
Garza's response when you ask if she wanted a senator offed when she said there was a problem with them.
Garza: As tempting as that would be in this situation...
The smuggler's very first class quest sets the tone for the adventure to come. A separatist targeting computer needs to be shut down, but resists attempts at finesse. What does our hero do? Channel pure Han Solo and shoot the thing, of course. The scene is entirely silent, but the character's body language says it all.
After breaking into a separatist base, killing all the guards and hacking into their computer, you are discovered by a lone guard and his droid. Cue the Smuggler's shock and terror at the thought of a dangerous Republic spy inside the base, and insistence that the guard should go and sound the alarm immediately! Hilariously you are even able to convince him that his droid's deadpan insistence that there’s something odd about you is due to him being faulty, and that he should get him down to maintenance immediately.
Note that this comes after the droid has already pointed out that are the only person standing in a room filled with dead bodies! Lets face it, the Smuggler is the Star Wars equivalent of Bugs Bunny.
After doing Corso's companion quest, which involves cannibals, you have a fun chat back on the ship.
Corso: What makes a person desperate enough to start seeing his fellow man as... meat?
Smuggler: If we ever resort to cannibalism, I've got dibs on Risha.
Smuggler: And what do Mandalorian women do with a "worthy foe"? Rahr...
Akaavi: Usually, they kill him.
During the Nar Shaddaa storyline, you confront a member of an Animal Wrongs Group looking for a rare beast that they stole/"liberated" from a Hutt. After shooting your way through about a dozen of her goons, you can tell her that "This was all just a terrible misunderstanding." She immediately jumps to the conclusion that you were the one her superior had hired to transport the beast offworld, and hands over a holorecording with information about where they took said beast. Her sudden change in tone is what really sells this scene.
Smuggler hilarity is encapsulated in a single attack: Dirty Kick. Extra fun when used against arrogant Sith Lords who made you listen to their Evil Gloating before the fight started!
Made even better when you get your smuggler through the third story arc, and Dirty Kick becomes available to all your characters on that server. A smuggler doing it is amusing, an uptight Jedi consular doing it is hilarious.
Corso starts talking about happier times, before all the problems the smuggler and he go through, and this pearl is part of the conversation:
Corso Riggs: Ah, for Ord Mantell. Where separatists were bad and guns were good, and we could just run in shooting. Smuggler: If you haven't noticed we never really dropped the shooting. Or the running.
When you are invited to be part of space missions this pearl comes out of the Smuggler's mouth:
Smuggler: I wanna be "Crackerjack!" No, wait, that sounded better in my head. Wait, I want to be "Ace"!
A dingbat freighter captain (and ex-girlfriend of Skavak) discovers that her nifty little ray shield only has a few minutes of operation on battery. Naturally it fails right after this is pointed out to her.
Smuggler: Aahhh... the manual have too many big words for you?
A male smuggler is asked to rescue a wayward daughter (who fancies herself a spy):
Smuggler: Rescuing damsels in distress is my specialty. She is a damsel, right?
During a quest:
Scientist: I'll make sure you're amply compensated! Smuggler: "Amply compensated" is my middle name. Scientist: Your parents must have been fascinating people.
When accused of smuggling:
Smuggler: I sincerely have absolutely no idea what you're talking about- honest.
A female Smuggler will get quite a few giggles out of hitting on anything even vaguely male, simply for the hilarity that is a fluffed-up and indignant Corso ("I can swoon! You never said you wanted me to swoon!").
During the Esseles, when the final boss approaches, if a Jedi gets the first word in and the Sith foams at the mouth at the opportunity, your Smugglers gets the opportunity to deliver this line:
Smuggler: If you just want my friend here, I'll... just be going then.
Trymbo on Ord Mantell. His delivery and body language is part of what makes it so funny, so a simple transcript does not do this guy justice. You really need to watch. But here's one of the dialogue choices and responses that isn't in the video link:
Smuggler: Just hand that thing over, Captain Crazy. Trymbo: How DARE you! I'm a colonel. [He stands at attention upon the conclusion of this declaration.]
Guss Tunno's battle quotes:
Guss: Wheee!!! (Healing) Guss: I heal you with my Jedi powers! (Healing) Guss: Oh no! I am not going to be bait this time!
During the romance arc with Risha, Count Merrit Rineld calls in an attempt to ask for her hand. The smuggler makes a less than compelling argument for his case. The fact it works only serves to show how much Risha loves him.
Smuggler: "C'mon, this is a no brainer. Sure he's rich, handsome and popular but I'm...me."
During the prologue on Coruscant, the Smuggler ends up crossing paths with a Sullustan cop on several occasions. The Sullustan's insistence on addressing the Smuggler as "upstanding citizen" (in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary) never fails to make our hero twitch.
One conversation with Risha brings up comparing someone to a Padawan
Risha: If you run into Diago, watch your back. He makes Skavak look like a Padawan.
Smuggler: What the blazes is a Padawan?
Risha: Jedi-in-training? Goody-goody students, always on their best behavior?
After being red-flagged by customs on Coruscant, the Smuggler has Corso distract the droid while they subtly rewire a nearby console. Cue it happily greeting them again as an "Admiral".
On Tatooine there's a great one after the smuggler helps train a local militia.
Smuggler: If you come across any contraband contact a professional! Here's my holofrecency number.
Militiaman: I don't think I'm supposed to do that.
Our hero's scheme for what to do with Nok Drayen's fortune (and Risha's comeback to it) is priceless.
Smuggler: I was thinking I might hire myself an army of Wookies.
Risha: What you lack in practicality, you make up for in style.
The following exchange happens if you choose Risha to accompany you on Balmorra, and the two of you are working with Akaavi Spar in order to break somebody out of prison.
Akaavi: When we're in, meet me at cell 665. My clan brother is there. Help me free him, and I'll assist you with whatever you need. Smuggler: [flirting] I never argue with a woman with a plan. Risha: [incredulous] Since when?!
During the Alderaan storyline quests, the Smuggler delivers an old labor droid to some local nobles. During the conversation, the Smuggler is casually leaning on the droid, that is until the noble lady mentions the explosive booby-trap within it.
Also during the Alderaan storyline, after Skavak escapes with the hyperdrive you need by trading in a fake head of a Darth who killed the curren't king's ancestor for it, you can return to the librarian who turned you away the first time, and he goes on about why the head is important to house Alde:
When hunting Skavak, getting Kixi to restore his criminal record to how she found it... and then Troll him by inserting a bunch of fake records registering him as a plague carrier, suffering from the highly virulent STD, "Bothan Nether Rot".
Zank Herlott: There's something unwholesome about a man who names his weapons.
When the bounty hunter boasts he shined his armor just for this occasion, the smuggler can note:
Smuggler: Not to be rude, but, ah, that spot, right there, near your elbow? Kinda dingy.
When recruiting the Smuggler for the Oricon missions, the Supreme Chancellor notes "You solve more problems than you cause."
On Tatooine, successfully playing the Jedi and the Sith against each other will lead to them breaking into Diago's base. When you walk in, Diago is growing increasingly vexed by their presence and only becomes moreso at your arrival. A four-way argument ensues with everyone trying to get a word in. It's finally ended by Diago screaming at his droids to "kill everyone!" in a way that puts every other Large Ham in the game to shame.
Diago's Bodyguard: But I didn't do anything!
Right before the fight starts, the Sith will try to mind-trick you into attacking the Jedi, who instantly tries to mind-trick you into not attacking. The best part, though, has to be how the Smuggler just shrugs them both off.
Smuggler: Stop waving your hands around, it just makes you look stupid.
There's something very humorous about the female Smuggler flirting and then sleeping with Skavak, while on a ship falling into a black hole, at the end of Act I. Might be Corso's reaction.
Corso:(disbelief) Are you people out of your minds?
And Skavak's response to that.
Skavak: Go stand in the corner, kid. Your captain and I need a moment.
And then the female smuggler can tell him afterwards that "after all this build-up, I was expecting you to be...more." Or she can just deck him in the face. It's hilarious either way.
General Imperial Storylines
In a mission on Hutta, you end up in a dispute between two smugglers.
Smuggler 1: Keep it up and I'll make you eat your eyeballs. Smuggler 2: That's disgusting! You people are crazy! PC: I thought you said you wouldn't kill him. Smuggler 1: He'll live, he'll just be blind with a bad case of indigestion.
In Nem'ro's palace, one of the background conversations is a guy bragging to a girl about how he's a rising star in Nem'ro's organization, with her only giving a rather bored sounding "Uh-huh" response.
There's also a little Mythology Gag in the palace cantina involving a Wookiee and a gold protocol droid playing a board game. Incidentally, the droid did not let the Wookiee win.
For Imperial Players on Belsavis during the quest "Last of the Law" you can answer the holocom on behalf of the Republic marshal you just defeated. The option Imitate Rugers voice is pure gold, especially when done by female characters
PC: Hello, this is Ellis Ruger and I'm busy dying for a hopeless cause. Please leave a message.
The main Taris questline has a few opportunities for giggles. Specifically, cheerfully antagonising Thana every step of the way. Especially fun if the player character is a Force-blind grunt. During the hunt for Bashun, Thana's Leeroy Jenkins tendencies end up getting her tossed into a cell. You're free to leave her there to "reconsider her attitude". Her fury when she catches up with you again is a thing of beauty forever.
Better yet, when she finally gets free (while you are talking to the quest giver), she calls in ranting, and he fakes comm trouble to cut her off.
Another option to the same situation has the character saying "The Emperor is calling, Thana. I really should take this."
While on Belsavis you can overhear this little exchange between an Imperial officer and an escaped prisoner:
Imperial: Next! Name, please.
Imperial: Let's see... Ah, there you are. "Killer" Kateo, butchered and entire squad of Republic soldiers with... a shiv?
Prisoner: That's me.
Imperial: Someone get this man a blaster! Welcome to the Imperial Army, Kateo. If there's something else we can get you, maybe something dull and rusty? Just ask!
The Black Talon flashpoint. Regardless of what you may or may not think about Yadira Ban, at least one of the lines delivered to her is pure hilarity.
Yadira Ban: "Facing a Sith in combat is my last trial before becoming a Jedi Knight."
Sith Inquisitor: "Your master sent you? Funny, my first master tried to have me killed, too."
Sith Warrior Storyline
Trying (and failing!) to bluff your way through the Sith code the first time you meet Darth Baras.
Sith Warrior: Well, let's see. There's the light side, the dark side and stuff in the middle.
Early in the story, before leaving Korriban, you're confronted by the daughter of Overseer Tremel who, as far as she knows, you killed.
Eskella: My father was a staunch traditionalist and he was especially hard on me. But he's my blood. Did you think you could kill him and get away with it?
Sith Warrior: Uh, refresh my memory. I kill many people's fathers.
During one of Vette's own missions, you are searching for her sister on Nar Shaddaa. There you meet a Twi'lek dancer and the Sith Warrior can answer this when she questions if Vette is searching for work:
Sith Warrior: I would look fantastic in your outfit! Am I hired?
If you do the quest during Chapter 3, the line changes to reflect the Warrior's current status.
Sith Warrior: Men come here for the exotic. Have you considered having a Sith Lord on staff?
Even better, the twi'lek actually considers it, before Vette steers the conversation back on track (and Vette's general air of having dealt with the Warrior's brand of crazy entirely too long is worthy of mention in and of itself).
During a 3-way confrontation between you and 2 groups of bandits trying to make off with a man frozen in carbonite, you can end the confrontation peacefully in an unexpected way:
Sith Warrior: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOU ALL RAW!
One of the bandits: Do you really mean to eat us if you kill us?
Sith Warrior: Sure! Don't you eat what you kill?
Based on her initial affection loss and how she jumps slightly when you first make this announcement, even Vette was fooled.
Or you can slyly convince both sides into attacking the other, leading to a massive gunfight breaking out, the Imperial Troops taking the opportunity to quietly sneak the cargo to Darth Baras... while the Sith Warrior smugly watches the fight from the sidelines.
Twice in the storyline Baras is talking about the Emperor and you can respond with lines such as "Tell the Emperor I said hi" and "Yeah, the Emperor, my kind of guy". Baras' reactions (including the closest the game gets to an outright facepalm) to both lines are priceless.
The first time Vette appears, you walk into the Korriban Academy's prison just as the jailer's trying to intimidate her.
Jailer: One more chirp from you, little bird, and you'll regret it. Vette: [cheerfully] Chirp, chirp chirp? [He activates her shock collar, she convulses, and when he turns off the juice...] Vette: Ow! Jerk. If you don't like that, just say so. I can do other animals too. Dire cat, frog-dog, Kowakian monkey-lizard, you name it.
Not a Sith Warrior mission, but a dialogue option Warriors get in Kaas City:
Weng Wrightsyn: I demand justice! Warrior:Why are you yelling at me? Weng Wrightsyn: (speaking quickly and in a quiet tone) I apologize for raising my voice, my lord.
When you reach Hoth, the reactions from Quinn and Vette are to immediately express their dread of the cold and their hopes to avoid going down with you.
During the final mission of Taris, making some of the "wrong" choices for crew assignments is good for a laugh. If you bring Vette along and have her try to talk down the Republic troops:
Vette: Me? I'm supposed to somehow find out which are the conscripted men? All right, here goes nothing. [she steps forward] Vette: All conscripts of the Republic get to... uh... be spared. So... show of hands? [long, awkward pause - nobody responds, and the troops continue pointing their weapons in your general direction] Vette: Sorry, I tried.
The voice acting throughout the whole thing really sells it.
The conversation with Ensign Durmat on Balmorra. Several of the dialog options during it are pure gold mainly because Durmat is A) stupid and B) scared to death of you.
Durmat: Okay, I ain't proud. My dad is an Imperial agent.
Jailer Zixx: What did you say? Your dad is a what?
Jailer Zixx: Who are you? How did you get in here?!
Durmat: It's—it's not a who, it's a what... a S... Si... Sith....
Warrior (looking closely at Durmat): He's going to need a new pair of pants.
And then a little later:
Warrior: You must think I'm an idiot.
Durmat: Okay, you're an idiot! I'll think whatever you want!
In the first conversation with Vette after taking her collar off the Warrior can give a pretty sarcastic over-the-top response to Vette's So What Do We Do Now? question that throws her for a loop:
Vette: Well, I'm not in prison or collared, and it's sort of miserable weather, so I guess we should...uh, what happens now?
Sith Warrior: You and me, working together. Taking down the galaxy. What do you think?
Vette: What? Er, well, of course...me and my buddy the Sith. Nobody's going to pick on me at school!
On arriving at Drommund Kaas, you can kill Baras' messenger, for no real reason other than:
Vette: You sure started the Dromund Kaas death toll early.
Warrior: It was a long shuttle ride...
Vette: You were going through withdrawal. I get it.
When Darth Baras berates you for poking your nose into other people's business one response is this:
Darth Baras: You need to keep your nose out of Darth business!
Warrior: I'm about to stick my lightsaber in a Darth.
During your first (well, actually second) holo conversation with Nomen Karr you can have this little exchange:
Nomen Karr: I shall honor Hirosho and his men's lives by dedicating myself to thwarting you and your master.
Warrior: I'm sure they feel better about dying now.
Eventually you and Lt. Pierce call one of his former squadmates stationed on Hoth on the holo about attacking the Bastion on Corellia. Pierce naturally asks his buddy how's life treating him:
Pierce's Comrade: They have me thawing rations and chipping ice off blaster barrels.
Warrior: On Korriban we used certain officers for target practice.
Pierce's Comrade (now visibly nervous): Actually Hoth can be very beautiful, the way the light hits the ice crystals at certain angles....
Upon encountering your opposite-alignment reflection on Tatooine, the first thing you can say to it is:
Warrior: I knew I was good-looking, but this is ridiculous.
During the Nar Shaddaa bonus series, you'll have to infiltrate the Republic and Czerka's labs.
Vette: I've always liked science. It would've been my favorite subject in school. If, you know, someone had let me go to school.
Sith Inquisitor Storyline
The Sith Inquisitor gets many, many options for snarkery in their prologue alone, especially when it comes to cheerfully pissing off Harkun and Ffon at every turn. Not to mention using Khem Val's mere presence to scare other Force-users into submission. Expect many dialogue options on the theme, "Khem, can you eat him?" You get to pull this on a freakin' Dark Lord practically the first thing you do after leaving Korriban - that he doesn't kill you on the spot is rather sporting of him.
Khem's response to the Inquisitor's question is just as priceless:
At one point in the Inquisitor storyline, Inquisitors can respond with a truly bizarre sounding "I love surprises! :D". It's hard to tell if his sheer enthusiasm is sarcastic or heartfelt, given the circumstances.
S/he can have a similar reaction when told s/he's going after a pirate. (Dialogue option: "Oh boy! A pirate!")
When the Inquisitor first teams up with Andronikos, Khem Val reacts to being left behind like it's a break up. And the Inquisitor just goes along with it.
Khem Val: My master, what is this? Would you abandon the great Khem Val, servant of Tulak Hord, for some weak human?
Inquisitor:(if male) We've had our fun, Khem, but I'm afraid this relationship is over.
Inquisitor:(if female) Nothing personal, Khem, but Andronikos is cuter.
Khem Val: Be wary: I will not easily be forgotten. The bond between us is strong, but it can be broken.
Inquisitor:(regardless of gender) I'm sorry, Khem. We just weren't meant to be.
Gyl Rosen, beginning to end. Toward the end of Chapter 1 Kallig sends you to recover his lightsaber, which has fallen into this Nar Shaddaa gangster's hands. After seeing you slaughter your way through his hideout, Master Rosen decides the best course of action is to stand his ground, and attempt to intimidate and blackmail you. Three guesses how that works out for him.
Even funnier is how Rosen boasts about his mercs making "the Sith look like school teachers". The Inquisitor shocks him, he screams at the mercs to get you...and the mercs decide they'd rather live than piss you off even more.
If Dark-sided, the Inquisitor can promise to "make it quick", and actually looks a little disappointed when the guards politely decline before hauling ass.
If Light-sided, the Inquisitor instead calmly says:
Eventually, you reach your much-anticipated final showdown with Thanaton on Corellia - only to have him run away once you beat him. Your companions will have an opinion on this. Talos is, as always...special.
Talos: He's running away. That can't be a legal move!
KhemVal is probably the last companion you'd expect to have one of these. But, enter the Cantina on Tatooine, and he'll sometimes say 'I have an excellent sabacc face. That was a joke. I hate sabacc.'. A joke coming from him is so unexpected that it's hilarious.
In the prologue one of your missions is acquiring some information out of an Acolyte. While the light side option is befriending him the dark side path involves torture and provides a nice example of Comedic Sociopathy. If you electrocute him he'll agree to anything if you'll stop. One of your choices: Make him sing. Then shock him to make him sing louder.
Inquisitor: You want to live, then sing!
Acolyte: Sing? Um, uh, okay. What song?
Inquisitor: I don't know, something uplifting.
Acolyte: Uh....alright....dum dee dum deh dum dee it's a beautiful day to be aliiive duh dee dum in-uh, I forgot the rest.
Inquisitor: You really need to learn to project your voice! (Force Lightning)
At the end of the Sith Inquisitor's mission on Tatooine, they reunite Andronikos with his old flame (who's helped you through the planet). Our intrepid Inquistor can say this line with hilarious, singsong delivery:
Earlier, when Andronikos complained about being unable to get revenge on the thieves who stole the artifact;
Andronikos: Doesn't it bother you that they got away?
Inquisitor: They were killed and quite possibly eaten... I hardly call that "getting away!"
Urtel Moren: We captured and "chatted with" a chamberlain of House Organa. Inquisitor: (sarcastic) How dare you torture someone without me?!
When romancing Ashara, one of the conversations involves her talking about how she was raised, eventually turning to her parents. At one branch of the conversation, one of the dialogue options is "I'm very sorry to hear that". The actual line?
Second story line quest has you going after you going after a Imperial scientist who defected to the Republic, Iannos Tyrek, after you dispatch his guards and meet him face to face he gets kind of uppity.
Sith Inquisitor: Oh, thank you for reminding me. (Force Lightning)
Iannos Tyrek: AAAAAH!
Sith Inquisitor: Don't worry, I know just when to stop. (more Force Lightning)
Later on in the Balmorra questline Tyrek is forced to help you gets rather pissed when he finds out what you needed his help with. A couple of the dialog options here are pure gold.
Tyrek: Let me get this straight, you dragged me away from my research just so you could go skinny dipping in a pool of toxic waste?
Sith Inquisitor: A Sith has to find some way to unwind.
Also on Balmorra, when informed by Iannos Tyrek that the serum has been made for Colicoids and hasn't been tested for humans:
Sith Inquisitor: How do you know I'm not a Colicoid?
The above possibly counts as a Call Back, since earlier in the quest line, there was the option to ask this:
Sith Inquisitor: How do I become a Colicoid?
Really, all the conversations with Iannos Tyrek are potentially pretty damn funny. He is also being completely freaked out by the Light-Sided Inquisitor keeping their word about letting him return to the Republic, despite being a defector. If you look closely, you can see his brain implode as it tries to comprehend the idea of a reasonable Sith;
Iannos: What? You're not serious? I mean... you're Sith! You can't be serious?!
Really every line out of the Male Inquisitor's mouth is sheer, unadulterated sardonicism. They're basically Blackadder in space!
The first time you meet Lord Zash, she asks how you managed to retrieve an old holocron from inside a tomb's vault after so many others had tried to get the vault to open and failed. All you did was shock the vault with lightning, but you have the option of lying to her about what you did.
Inquisitor: I had to sacrifice seven tuk'ata and eat their hearts. Lord Zash: Really? How strange. It didn't work when I tried it.
Undertaking the quest to rewire the reactors for Revan's vault on Nar Shaddaa, leads them to let loose this Stealth Pun, which actually works on three different levels. Wicked Cultured indeed.
Inquisitor: I'll attack from the front, you attack from behind, and we'll see how he fares.
Kory: Uh... yeah. Looks like you can handle yourself.
At the beginning of Act 3, right after incapacitating Darth Thanaton with an uncontrolled release of Force-ghost-powered lightning, you head to Thanaton's private library and are held up by the library captain. The way the conversation goes makes it clear that the Library Captain's next order will be 'Bring My Brown Pants'
Captain: Halt! Sorry, my lord, but you're not allowed in here.
Sith Inquisitor: I just exploded and rendered your master unconscious. You don't want to test my patience..
Captain: R-right.. s-sorry my lord, just don't mess anything up in there! Darth Thanaton would have our heads if he knew we let you in.
On Corellia, when asked if you're ready to continue with the world quest, one of your options is...
Inquisitor: I've got a pazaak game later, then a lunch with the Emperor... lucky you, I'm free for now.
You and Talos can have a....interesting conversation about dreams:
Inquisitor: Actually, I was having the most wonderful dream. There were these artifacts, and each one produced a different flavor of ice cream.
Talos: You get all the good dreams. Mine are always flesh-eating Jawas or Hutts in bikinis.
On Alderaan, learning that one of your class quests involves Killiks, the dialogue wheel's top prompt is "Bugs?" and the bottom prompt, "Bugs!" Selecting the latter option, you say, "Ah, bugs! My favorite!" which Lady Rist finds a bit unsettling.
In Act 2, you return to Korriban...
Overseer Harkun: Are you here for an apprentice, or were you just feeling nostalgic?
A part of the mostly serious Battle in the Center of the Mind on Voss. The Inquisitor confronts nightmare visions of important figures in their story, including a minor love interest, their former master, a hypocritical and self-righteous Jedi, the powerful figure currently trying to kill them...and, inexplicably, a Wampa, which just roars in their face.
Bounty Hunter Storyline
The Bounty Hunter mocking a Jedi Knight who tries to use Jedi Mind Trick on him.
Jedi Knight: You will drop your weapons and surrender to me. Bounty Hunter: [glances at his partner, then imitates the Jedi Mind Trick] You will realize what a complete idiot you are.
Made even funnier by the fact that said Jedi Knight had already done the same trick to Tarro Blood. And it worked!
During the Nar Shaddaa bonus missions the Empire has managed to arrange matters so they can essentially hijack the HoloNet and broadcast a message across every channel. Your character is hired to protect the man delivering the speech. Of course, he's killed before he ever gets the chance, and so its up to your character. You can go ahead with the plan and give a stirring patriotic speech, or a message of peace... or you can just go "Ah, screw it." The Bounty Hunter makes the most of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:
Bounty Hunter:Have you ever wondered how well the HoloNet is protected? Ray shields, battle droids, corporate mercenaries—they're all here. Everyone in the galaxy wants Network Access secure, so the Hutt Cartel spends whatever it takes. But some things can't be protected no matter how much you pay. If you want to be safe, don't hide from your enemies. Go after them. I got inside Network Access. I can get to anyone in the galaxy. All it takes is a contract and a fee. Put the word out. I'll find you. Guaranteed.
Towards the end of act two, when get the ten million credit bounty placed on your head, your crew is rightly concerned. Which is when Mako takes the time to remind you exactly how bad the situation is.
Mako: "They're offering a ten million credit bounty for your capture." Bounty Hunter: "Mom would be proud.''
Made even better by the fact that Blizz is going on in the background about how you can hide out with a Jawa tribe.
Also, Mako's comment on the accusations:
Assassinating the Senator of Ithor, sabotage resulting in the destruction of the ecosystem of Vo... it just keeps going. Half of this stuff we didn't even do!
Blizz's enthusiasm and child-like curiosity make him a gold mine of funny:
Bounty Hunter: I'll keep Blizz out of your hair. Blizz: Aw, Blizz like Mako's hair! Blizz no get to touch?
The Supreme Chancellor is voiced by Robert Clotworthy, who also voiced Jim Raynor. Now, he calls the Bounty Hunter a threat to all the republic and consider him the Republic's Most Wanted. The entire third act of the Bounty Hunter is him going under and seeking to get to the Supreme Chancellor, making even funnier is the fact that the only companion that you get in this act is voiced by the same person that voices Tychus Findlay. Anyone who knows anything about StarCraft lore knows how bizarrely funny this is. Since the female Bounty Hunter is voiced by Grey Delisle (i.e. Nova), one suspects it may be intentional.
In one of the class quests on Hutta, Mako and the Bounty Hunter fail pretty hard at this whole "being reassuring" nonsense:
Mako: Short version, lady: There's a bounty hunter coming to take you to the Empire - where you'll probably die, or at least be tortured. We want to kill this bounty hunter, so it's your lucky day. Just sit quietly and be bait-like. Bounty Hunter: We'll try not to splatter any blood on you, ma'am.note The actual dialogue option is "It's going to be okay."
On Dromund Kaas, the foppish Lord Altaca. Particulary when the truth comes out that the supposed captured Republic Slave, was actually part of a bizarre plot to smuggle him to his Sith lover, whilst masquerading as her "brother". Mako and the Bounty Hunter as still laughing about him several missions later, especially when Mako reveals that he's been asked to tour and speak about his harrowing experience as a "slave" of the Imperials.
Also on Dromund Kaas, while on your way to speak to Admiral Frabaal, you get stopped by his stuffy secretary, Lieutenant Petrak, who demands to know why you're here. If you're female and choose the "You're cute" dialogue option, this exchange follows:
Fem!Hunter:(in a low, sultry voice) Can't I just...be here to talk to you?
Petrak:(flabbergasted) Um, well, yes, I suppose you could, but I don't... (suddenly throws his arms up in the air) Oh, I see! You're making fun of me!
In a similar vein, on Taris, you get ambushed by Torian, who mistakenly thinks you're here to attack him. You can talk him out of it...or, if you're female, you can pick the [Flirt] option, which does this:
Fem!Hunter: I was just so eager to see you again after Dromund Kaas.
During "Firestar" on Balmorra, whilst the Bounty Hunter and Mako storm the compound to retrieve the access codes for a Kill Sat, Mako lets out this bit of snark at the Resistance's choice of elaborate interior decoration;
Mako: They certainly have a lot of flags, don't they? Maybe if they had some soldiers we'd actually have a problem.
Mako: Okay, before we get started, my name is Mako. M-A-K-O, got it? Call me Coral and so help me, I will find a way to punch you through the Holonet.
After killing the Green Jedi Council and receiving the Medal of Imperial Glory from Darth Decimus, the hunter is allowed to make a speech. And instead of a powerful and inspiring one to the citizens...they can use the chance to make propaganda for his services.
Hunter: Corellia's all wrapped up.The Empire is a happy customer. I could do the same for you. Rogue Sith Lords, crime syndicates, kings, queens—I hunt 'em all. Don't be afraid, it only takes a call.
Darbin Sul: Better hire this hunter before the enemy does!
Darth Decimus: A sales pitch wasn't quite I had in mind.
After being ambushed by Jicoln Cadera, the Bounty Hunter is knocked out, and Gault proves he is a man who has his priorities straight:
Gault: Holy—hey... hey, if you want me to steal your ship and run, then just lie still and don't move...
Bringing Gault to Taris is practically a requirement, he gets so many good lines. Among the best is this gem:
Gault:(after hearing he and the Bounty Hunter have to cover themselves in rakghoul guts) Oh no, no way. I'm not getting that...whatever, all over...this is my best shirt!
Recruiting Gault. The last conversation you have with him before he joins your team has you standing over the cloned body of Tyresius Lokai. Gault tells you that you need to make the death look convincing. The dialog options are to make him shoot Lokai's body, fire a couple of shots yourself into the head and heart or:
Dialog Option: Certainly! (Peforate the Corpse.)
Hunter actual dialog: We'll tell everyone Tyresius Lokai went out in a blaze of glory! (BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM)
Gault (shielding his eyes): Oh my stars....
You meet Darth Tormen before the Corrllia quest line as he is fighting off a Republican boarding party on his battlecruiser. During which he wipes the floor with the remaining Republic troops and simultaneously Force chokes three of his officers for failing him. If you bring Gault along during this incident you get this little comment from him:
Gault: Wow, hey if I ever sell you out, it's gonna be to that guy. (Pointing at Tormen)
Dirty Look from the Hunter
Gault: I'm just saying.
Imperial Agent Storyline
At the climax of Act 1, if you've talked Darth Jadus into giving up on his plans:
Watcher Two: You just talked down a Lord of the Dark Council, Cipher. I didn't think that was possible...
Cipher Nine: I'd rather not do that again.note The dialogue option is "Neither did I."
Not so much a story moment, but definitely something restricted to the IA: At one point, you must disguise yourself as a droid with some holographic projector implants. The sequence lasts all of a few minutes, and yet the droid character model is perfectly capable of many of the normal player actions, such as dancing, flexing, cowering, and belching.
On Taris, the Agent needs to find Doctor Ianna Cel, a scientist holed up in an abandoned lab, whom they've arranged a meeting with. When they arrive, Ianna bursts out of her hiding spot, trying to shoot them. All of her point blank shots miss as the Agent informs her they're the ones she's supposed to be meeting. And the last stray shot even blows up a droid in the background. All of this while the Agent continues talking, unperturbed.
The whole scene is actually rather humorous, as Ianna says she survived on things even the Rakhgouls won't eat, and Doctor Lokin reveals he's totally been following you all along without so much as missing a step, then suggests, quite happily, a plan that puts his own life in danger.
The first time Lokin uses his transformation power. After reverting back to human from rakghoul form the next thing we see is Lokin putting his clothes back on, still acting very cheerful and optimistic...while the Agent is pointing their rifle at Lokin's head, visibly mulling over whither they should just shoot the doctor.
One of Doctor Lokin's random lines is: "I have a confession to make- my qualifications as a medical doctor have... lapsed."
Kaliyo is sarcastic by nature but some of her comments on Nar Shaddaa really take the cake. For example, you have this little gem:
Kaliyo (yelling at random passerby): Hey ugly! I'll give you twenty credits to lick my boots! (Then to you) He says he'll go for it, spare twenty credits?
And later she says this:
Kaliyo: Hey, you gonna buy me a droid? Some rich guy trying to impress me bought me a serving droid once. Lasted twelve hours before I tore it apart and sold the parts. Was kind of fun while it lasted.
Taking Kaliyo into the Star Cluster Casino generates this little comment:
Kaliyo: No weapons allowed. Bit a guy's ear off here once. Security bootlegged the footage, not a big fan of casinos.
Agent: Ohhhhhh, I get it. You work for Keeper, too! Linh: You are an idiot. Get out of here.
When introducing yourself and Kaliyo to the Alderaanian nobility you get this little exchange.
Cipher Nine: Allow me to present Kaliyo Djannis, my loyal and trusted associate.
Peyar Cortess: Such an exotic young woman... how is it you come to be here?
Kaliyo: I slid out of mama's womb and picked up a blaster. Now I'm your new friend's bodyguard. Course, you and me could be friends, too. You've got a nice place here—I could stick around awhile.
And when seeing the Thule palace she says this.
Kaliyo: About the only time in my life I am going to be in a palace like this. Makes you just wanna kick out the nobles and run around naked.
On Taris, one of Kaliyo's random comments is this little gem (bear in mind that she is Rattataki, who look like bald humans with chalk-white skin and tattoos):
Kaliyo: Reporting for duty, sir! Rakghoul stole my helmet, sir! Scared me white!
Really, Kaliyo is the gift that keeps on giving. When talking about weddings you get this little gem:
Kaliyo: Last wedding I was at? Black dress, heels, groom looked fantastic but I looked better... Slipped on that ring and ran."
And earlier you get this little exchange:
Agent: What can I say? People just fall at my feet.
Kaliyo: They do. Me? I have to push men down there. But hey, it all works out.
On Belsvis you can flirt with Raina, one of the criminals you recruit for your team. Doing so elicits this response:
Kaliyo (to the assembled criminals): If you catch those two making out on this mission, just shoot them both, they're dead weight.
Dr. Lokin is pretty good at telling other people how much they suck:
(while being tortured) "Is that all you've got? I've done worse to family."
During the Nar Shaddaa class quest, you create a poison and an antidote to use for interrogating a defected company employee. However, if you look in your quest items list and look at the poison and antidote, it is actually possible to use both on yourself. Yes, you can poison yourself, and the text indicating that you can doesn't recommend it.
Dealing with a particularly loopy Sith on Taris, you get to demonstrate a very low opinion of her order:
[Dialogue option: I should've expected crazy] "You really are Sith, aren't you?"