Funny: Homestar Runner

For funny moments from Strong Bad Emails, go here.
Specific Characters
  • Pick a Senor Cardgage quote. Any quote.
    Senor Cardgage: I'm sorry, Bridget, but can I steep some identificaption?
  • Homsar's character video, in which the background is upside-down as he speaks.
    Homsar: Hi, Wonder Mike! I'm Homsar, the captain of the gravy train. (hat briefly turns into an engineer's hat) Climb aboard! (hat turns back to normal) I brought my best foot flowered. Pshoo!

Big Toons
  • Coach Z's best attempt to pronounce "job"—it comes out as "JYEAROREAROREAYEAROREORB!!!!"
  • From "Where's The Cheat?":
    Homsar: Whuaaaaaa, oh no! You shanked my Jenga ship!
    Strong Sad: I shanked your Jenga ship? We're playing Connect Four.
    Bubs: Hey you guys! Where The Cheat is at?
    Strong Sad: Oh, I don't know. It's just us two.
    Homsar: Uh, hey, Tubs! I just lost my Jenga Jam!
    Bubs: Don't you talk to me. (walks off)
  • From "Bug in Mouth Disease", Homestar turns to Bubs for advice regarding a swallowed bug, and Bubs tries to convince Homestar to buy a new pancreas.
    Homestar: Bubs, are you some kind of unethical quack?
    Bubs: The most quackin'-est!
    • "I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow individually ended up priced and labeled in an online auction." "Nobody buy the blue ones!"
    • Homestar keeps trying to ask Strong Bad's help, who tells him to buzz off. When Homestar pops behind the couch, Strong Bad gives him an Off Hand Backhand with his frying pan. Homestar's response on waking up? "That was a great skillet-nap!"
    • "The good times are over! I swallowed your computer!" "YOU WHAT?"
    • "Awww... now my head isn't taped to the TV..."
    • "You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show!"
    • "The world is saved! I found the blue ones!"
  • Overly angry Bubs from "Donut Unto Others".
    "I'm delighted you've decided to set up shop about ten feet away from me!"
  • From Date Nite.
    • "Ordinarily, I drown my sorrows in video games, but for this, maybe I should drown them in... drowning them!"
      • "Explain to me how drowning them wouldn't ruin their date."
    • "Mmm, my almond-encrusted Chilean sea marshmallow was just delicious. How was your hot dog?"
    • Strong Bad being an Italian chef... in a French restaurant.
      "Um... s-snails?"
      • And as Marzipan and The Cheat walk away, Strong Bad sheepishly remarks "Yeah... you know, I didn't really research this role." Then his mustache falls off.
    • Homestar and Strong Bad's cardboard box submarine.
    Strong Bad: Verify our range to target! Flood tubes three and four! Hunt for Red October!

Short Toons
  • Senor Mortgage...hoo boy. Guess who the main character is in this toon?
    Senor Cardgage: Act now, and see if you can stand to talk to me for more than four seconds.
  • From Drive-Thru:
    Strong Bad: My The Cheat wants to know what your crappy toy is this week.
    Drive-Thru Whale: It's brown.
    Strong Bad: (to The Cheat) It's brown.
    The Cheat: (starts sobbing)
    Strong Bad: (condescendingly) Well I guess they're out of blue ones!
  • Coach Z dressed as Drive-Thru Whale in Blubb-O's Commercial:
    Coach Z': Hey dere, kids! I'm the Drive-Thru Whale! I'LL CHOP OFF YER LEGS!!
    Strong Sad: Sometimes it seems like you're trying to go to prison, Coach Z.
    Coach Z: Hey, three square meals a day!
  • You're going have to share a bathroom / with some kid from Alabama that kinda sucks...
  • It's the loading screen! It's the loading screen! I can't believe this cartoon is just all the loading screens!
  • The easter egg at the end of 79 Seconds Left: "This composition book belongs to...The LEG— Aw, crap! Homestar was right. This just spells 'Leg'!"

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Marzipan's Answering Machine
  • When Homestar regrets a message he sent to Marzipan's Answering Machine, he tries to get rid of it by saying it backwards.note  When Pom Pom "tells" him this doesn't work, Homestar replaces the tape with one containing fake messages. Needless to say, the impressions he does of Marzipan, Strong Bad, Coach Z, himself, and Strong Sad are hilariously terrible.
  • Homestar takes prank-calling lessons from Strong Bad. Hilarity Ensues as Homestar tries to come up with a good prank-calling nickname.
    Homestar: Oh, hello, Marzipan, this is Sugarface. (softly) Okay, now what?
    Strong Bad: Well, step three is to continue the prank in a direction determined by your identity, but, uh, you're on your own with Sugarface.
    Homestar: Okay. (louder) I am a pretend guy that... comes around... and... (suddenly starts singing) and gets run over by a lawnmower blade!
    Strong Bad: What?
    Homestar: I chose to end in song!
    Strong Bad: Oh, boy... Remember how I said this is a six-week course?
    Homestar: Yeah, I'm excited!
    Strong Bad: Yeah, it turns out it's cancelled.
    Homestar: Aw, man!
    Strong Bad: Yeah, it's a shame.
    Homestar: Oh well. It's still the second-best 500 bucks I ever spent.
  • Another one was when Strong Mad was trying to do a prank phone call via answering machine, with Strong Bad yelling in the background about how "Is your refrigerator running?" doesn't work on an answering machine.
  • In one Answering Machine Strong Bad, sounding disinterested, prank-calls Marzipan pretending to be "Goat-Face" before giving up and just calling her ugly. It's one of the most quotable speeches he's ever given, and the comedic timing is perfect.
    Strong Bad: Marzipan, look: this is Goatface. I have a goat for a face. Like, not that I have a goat's head for a face, or that my head is a goat's head — like, my face is an entire goat. So, anyways, I was calling you ups 'cause I wanted to join your Goatface Club! Since you've got quite a goat face yourself, I figured you'd be the go-to guy, or gal. It's hard to tell with that goat face of yours. Anyways, my number is {imitates a goat} eeeeeh-uhhh! So gimme a call back! We can compare goat faces, though I can't imagine... that yours... your- is- pret-... you're ugly... Marzipan. This is Strong Bad, and you're ugly.

Holiday Cartoons
  • In "The House That Gave Sucky Treats":
    The King of Town: (dressed as Hägar the Horrible) Trick-Or-Treat! I'm horrible!
    Strong Bad: You got that right!
    • Any of the treats you give Strong Bad (dressed as Carmen Sandiego).
      • If you give him a fun size Butterfinger:
      "Oh, a 'fun size' candy bar? Tell me this: what's fun about eating less candy? Maybe if you gave me an entire bag of them it would be fun. The only fun I'm going to have with this thing is smearing it all over your door when I leave." (does so)
      • If you give him a marshmallow bunny:
      "Why you lazy crap for crap! All you've got is old freakin' Easter candy? This thing's rock hard, man! Well, you just made it onto my 'People I gotta egg today' list." (shows off that list)
      • And if you give him an apple:
      "What is this crap? What are you, a dentist? Or a hippie? Or some kind of hippie dentist?"
    • Any of the treats Marzipan (dressed as Joey Ramone) is given:
      • If you give her some candy corn:
      "Candy corn? Do you have any real corn? Or Indian corn?"
      • If you give her some rice cakes:
      "Hey, rice cakes! I like to eat these without water."
      • But the best is if you give her a steak (she's a Granola Girl):
      "Is this some kind of a joke? It's not funny."
      • What is particularly funny is that while she is talking, Strong Bad is sneaking several more steaks into her bag.
  • "Homestar Presents: Presents" has Homestar's reaction to realizing he forgot to do his holiday shopping until 10 PM on the night of the holiday in question, which is basically to shout "Oh crap!" for various reasons, culminating in an Offscreen Crash followed by a deadpan "Oh crap, I fell down the stairs."
  • "Senorial Day", a parody of ads for Memorial Day car dealership sales with dueling Kitschy Local Commercials for "The Senorial Day Tent Event Suprasale" and "Bubsotathon".
    Senor Cardgage: Gamble around the campfire, children! It's Senor Cardgage with the Senorial Day... Tent Thing that guy talked about.
  • Pretty much all of the Halloween Fan Costume commentaries, but especially Strong Bad's song during the montage of bad Homestar costumes in the 2009 edition.
    Oh, a red t-shirt and taped-on star
    Has anybody told you how terrible you are?
    Some white face-paint, or maybe none at all
    Just standin' around in your front hall!
    • Strong Bad's reaction to a rather poorly-done Trogdor costume in the 2005 edition.
    "I said 'S and more different S', not 'Seven or... more different... crescent wrench'. And is that limp pantyhose worm supposed to be a beefy arm!?"
    • This exchange from 2006:
    Strong Bad: (Looking at a guy in a Homestar costume, whose face can be seen inside the papier-mâché Homestar mask, next to a guy in a Mario costume.) Guess a little chicken wire and papier-mâché... goes not a very long, long way. Wait a minute, Homestar, who's that in your mouth? Did you eat Luigi?!
    Homestar: Yes, Strong Bad, I ate Luigi. He tasted like mushrooms...
    • Strong Bad being horrified and confused over finding a woman in a Homestar costume hot.
    Strong Bad: Ha-a, dar dar dar dar DA-A!! So confused... what to think?? Hot Homestar?!? My brain is splitting in half!
    Homestar: Oh, hey Strong Bad!
    Strong Bad: Daa! You get outta here!
    Homestar: Whoa, you sound tense. Do you want me to give you, like, a back rub or anything?
    Strong Bad: Uh... yes! NO! I... don't know! Next picture, next picture!!
    Homestar: I think this is the last one, sweetie.
    Strong Bad: (screams, which recedes in volume as though he is running away)
    Homestar: I should probably stop calling everyone "sweetie".
    • Strong Bad's reaction to a rather attractive woman wearing a "The Pizz" (from the Pizza e-mail) costume.
  • This exchange in "Which Ween Costumes?":
    Strong Bad: Uhh, why does this feel... weird?
    Homestar: What are you talking about? We stand around in the snow in Decemberween costumes every year. It's our thing. It's what we do.
    Strong Bad: Are you sure? I think we may have gotten our... weens crossed...
  • The entirety of "A Mother's Day Message", where the Homestar characters force Strong Bad to give this kind of message after losing a bet (and while wearing a cute little boy's sailor suit):
    Homestar: Go on...
    Strong Bad: (clears throat; mumbling) Happy Mother's Day.
    Homestar: Whaaaaat?
    Strong Bad: (slightly louder, but still low) Happy Mother's Day.
    Homestar: (singsong voice) We can't hear you!
    Strong Bad: (explodes) HAPPY FREAKIN' MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!
  • This April Fools Day prank.
  • And yet another April Fools Day prank.
    Stinko Man: Hey, Stickly Man! Whaaaat are you doing?
  • After years of almost nothing following the release of "A Decemberween Mackerel" and "Which 'Ween Costumes?" in 2010, April Fools' Day 2014 saw... well, this.
    Homestar Runner: "How come you stopped updating the best feature on your website?" And to that I answer: You mean how come I stopped updating the Hairstyle Runner gallery back in the year 2000? I don't know! Let's go update it right now, Joshy!
    Homestar Runner: Kitchenette! Strong Bad! Is! Making! Draconian! Marshmallow! Poink!
    Strong Bad: Draconian marshmallow poink?! Oh, that is it! I'm going to appear on screen! Now.
    Homestar Runner: Alright!
    Strong Bad: Welcome to Windows 98. Why are you still using Windows 98?! What is wrong with you?! Stop buying computers from thrift stores, man!!
  • The 2014 Halloween cartoon "I Killed Pom Pom!" is a darkly hilarious farce that revolves around Homestar mistakenly believing he killed Pom Pom. Hilarity Ensues when Strong Bad eggs him on:
    • Homestar tries to establish an alibi claiming he was at the King of Town's castle, only for the King to pin the consumption of a pile of whatsit on Homestar.
    Homestar: Oh, crap. Literal crap.
    • Strong Sad actually glued his eyes shut to make his Pale Man cosplay as authentic as possible.
    • And in the end, Homestar accidentally does kill Pom Pom.
    • During the costume roundup at the end, Strong Sad pokes fun at Homestar's way of pronouncing murder, which sounds similar to Mordor. It culminates with Homestar getting caught in a Tongue Twisternote , before hacking up some marbles and finishing the Twister with Matt Chapman's original voice. The last part properly spooks Strong Sad.
  • From "Fall Float Parade", we have Bubs' float:
    Coach Z: Yes, good old my favorite type o' guy who I'm just all the time hangin' around and doin' stuff with, Bubs!
    (cut to Bubs on a giant float with the words "COACH Z, YOU JERK" written on a model rainbow, next to a model of Coach Z's head with a no symbol over it with a "Happy Thanksgiving!!" banner hanging on the float)
    Bubs: (through a megaphone for the duration of this scene) Coach Z, you jerk!
    Marzipan: (shocked, slightly sympathetic) Ohhh.
    Bubs: Coach Z... you jerk!
    Coach Z: Oh, I see then...
    Bubs: Coach Z...
    Coach Z: That's very...
    Bubs: (more emphasis) you jerk!
    Coach Z: Overt.
    • And then later, when we see Strong Mad's float which is actually Strong Mad absconding off with Bubs' Concession Stand:

  • The first time video
    Homestar Runner: Oh, hello. Welcome to homestarrunner.net!
    Director: It's "dot com".
    Homestar Runner: Oh, right. Homestarrunner.net—it's dot com!
  • Homestar: Okay, this time I'm totally gonna get it. Seriously you guys.
    Director: ...go ahead, we're rolling.
    Homestar: Oh! I am Homestar, and This is A Website!
  • Homestar: Oh, hello! I'm Homestar Runner! (long pause) Isn't that great?
    Strong Bad: Oh, I can't take it anymore! (knocks Homestar aside; sarcastically imitating Homestar) Hello, and welcome to I'm-A-Big-Moron-Who-Can't-Remember-His-Lines-dot-com! (calmer) No, seriously. I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but I'm the reason you're here.
    Homestar: (leans in) It's true.
    Strong Bad: Check me out! No, seriously, check me out.
  • Before they were discontinued in 2008, if you bought something from the store, you were given a thank-you message from one of the characters. They were also time-oriented, so depending on what time of day something was bought, you'd get a message that corresponded. If you bought something from midnight to 5 AM, Homestar would come out in his pajamas and say...
    "(yawn) Oh...hi there. We appreciate you buying stuff from us and everything, but um...(yawn)...you should really get to bed."
  • One of the old intro decision pages has one... awkward button placement for "come on in".
  • This intro for Wil Wheaton (or, as Strong Bad calls him, "Hwil Hweaton") at W00tstock 5.0
    Strong Bad: This one isn't a rule so much as it is a question: can anybody explain Homestuck to me?
  • Grunkle Stan & Strong Bad finally confess their feelings.