Funny / Homestar Runner

For funny moments from Strong Bad Emails, go here.
Specific Characters
  • Pick a Senor Cardgage quote. Any quote.
    Senor Cardgage: I'm sorry, Bridget, but can I steep some identificaption?
  • Homsar's character video, in which the background is upside-down as he speaks.
    Homsar: Hi, Wonder Mike! I'm Homsar, the captain of the gravy train. (hat briefly turns into an engineer's hat) Climb aboard! (hat turns back to normal) I brought my best foot flowered. Pshoo!

Big Toons
  • The opening of the DVD commentary for In Search of the Yello Dello:
    Homestar: Oh, hello, this is Homestar.
    Strong Sad: And this is Strong Sad.
    Strong Bad: And we're both morons!
    Homestar: No, "and welcome to the King of Town super DVD!"
    Strong Sad: Uh, I think he means "the Yello Dello DVD".
    Strong Bad: No, what I think he means is, "I'm the dumbest guy on the planet. Here's some proof!"
    (the cartoon begins)
  • Coach Z's best attempt to pronounce "job"—it comes out as "JYEAROREAROREAYEAROREORB!!!!"
    Strong Bad: (amused as he tries to teach Coach Z to say "job") Yes, this sounds very good. My only recommendation would be, next time, try to add some more syllables. Perhaps three... Perhaps four...
  • From "Where's The Cheat?":
    Homsar: Whuaaaaaa, oh no! You shanked my Jenga ship!
    Strong Sad: I shanked your Jenga ship? We're playing Connect Four.
    Bubs: Hey you guys! Where The Cheat is at?
    Strong Sad: Oh, I don't know. It's just us two.
    Homsar: Uh, hey, Tubs! I just lost my Jenga Jam!
    Bubs: Don't you talk to me. (walks off)
    • Meanwhile, Homestar has made Marzipan a veggie burger with olives for eyes. But Marzipan has found the burger too cute to eat, so she has decided to keep it and name it Homestar Jr. She seems to love it more than she does Homestar. At the end, after Strong Bad's group has found The Cheat in his home in the King of Town's grill...
      Marzipan: (to Strong Bad's group, holding up her veggie burger) Hey, you guys, Homestar Jr.'s talking now!
      Strong Bad: Who?
      Marzipan: He said, "Put that frickin' sandwich down!"
      Homestar: (behind her) No, it was me!
      Marzipan: (to Homestar Jr.) I know it was you, sweetie.
      Homestar: No, me, Homestar Runner!
      Marzipan: You're Homestar Jr., remember?
      Homestar: Will you put that frickin' sandwich down!?
      Marzipan: There, he said it again! I'm so proud of you! Who's the best, Homestar Jr.?
      Homestar: (as Marzipan continues to admire Homestar Jr.) Somebody, can I get some help here? Strong Bad? Would you talk some sense into this woman? King, you wanna eat that sandwich? Somebody eat that sandwich.
  • From "Bug in Mouth Disease", Homestar turns to Bubs for advice regarding a swallowed bug, and Bubs tries to convince Homestar to buy a new pancreas.
    Homestar: (not amused) Bubs, are you some kind of unethical quack?
    Bubs: (brightly) The most quackin'-est!
    • Homestar tries to freeze the bug out of his system by scarfing down Pom Pom and the King of Town's ice cream bars:
      King of Town: No! That stuff's prescription!
      Homestar: (cries) Oh, it deliciously didn't work!
      (Homestar runs off, sobbing, while Pom Pom and the king look on in annoyance)
    • "I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow individually ended up priced and labeled in an online auction." "Nobody buy the blue ones!"
    • Homestar keeps trying to ask Strong Bad's help, who tells him to buzz off. When Homestar pops behind the couch, Strong Bad gives him an Off Hand Backhand with his frying pan. Homestar's response on waking up? "That was a great skillet-nap!"
    • "The good times are over! I swallowed your computer!" "YOU WHAT?"
    • "Awww... now my head isn't taped to the TV..."
    • "You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show!"
    • "The world is saved! I found the blue ones!"
  • Overly angry Bubs from "Donut Unto Others".
    "I'm delighted you've decided to set up shop about ten feet away from me!"
  • From Date Nite.
    • "Ordinarily, I drown my sorrows in video games, but for this, maybe I should drown them in... drowning them!"
      • "Explain to me how drowning them wouldn't ruin their date."
      Homestar: Mainly, I just wanna keep them from making out.
      Strong Bad: Eww! The disgust! It won't wash off!
    • "Mmm, my almond-encrusted Chilean sea marshmallow was just delicious. How was your hot dog?"
    • Strong Bad being an Italian chef... in a French restaurant.
      "Um... s-snails?"
      • And as Marzipan and The Cheat walk away, Strong Bad sheepishly remarks "Yeah... you know, I didn't really research this role." Then his mustache falls off.
    • Homestar and Strong Bad's cardboard box submarine.
    Strong Bad: Verify our range to target! Flood tubes three and four! Hunt for Red October!

Short Toons

Powered By The Cheat

Marzipan's Answering Machine
  • When Homestar regrets a message he sent to Marzipan's Answering Machine, he tries to get rid of it by saying it backwards.note  When Pom Pom "tells" him this doesn't work, Homestar replaces the tape with one containing fake messages. Needless to say, the impressions he does of Marzipan, Strong Bad, Coach Z, himself, and Strong Sad are hilariously terrible.
  • Homestar takes prank-calling lessons from Strong Bad. Hilarity Ensues as Homestar tries to come up with a good prank-calling nickname.
    Homestar: Oh, hello, Marzipan, this is Sugarface. (softly) Okay, now what?
    Strong Bad: Well, step three is to continue the prank in a direction determined by your identity, but, uh, you're on your own with Sugarface.
    Homestar: Okay. (louder) I am a pretend guy that... comes around... and... (suddenly starts singing) and gets run over by a lawnmower blade!
    Strong Bad: What?
    Homestar: I chose to end in song!
    Strong Bad: Oh, boy... Remember how I said this is a six-week course?
    Homestar: Yeah, I'm excited!
    Strong Bad: Yeah, it turns out it's cancelled.
    Homestar: Aw, man!
    Strong Bad: Yeah, it's a shame.
    Homestar: Oh well. It's still the second-best 500 bucks I ever spent.
  • Another one was when Strong Mad was trying to do a prank phone call via answering machine, with Strong Bad yelling in the background about how "Is your refrigerator running?" doesn't work on an answering machine.
  • In one Answering Machine Strong Bad, sounding disinterested, prank-calls Marzipan pretending to be "Goat-Face" before giving up and just calling her ugly. It's one of the most quotable speeches he's ever given, and the comedic timing is perfect.
    Strong Bad: Marzipan, look: this is Goatface. I have a goat for a face. Like, not that I have a goat's head for a face, or that my head is a goat's head — like, my face is an entire goat. So, anyways, I was calling you ups 'cause I wanted to join your Goatface Club! Since you've got quite a goat face yourself, I figured you'd be the go-to guy, or gal. It's hard to tell with that goat face of yours. Anyways, my number is {imitates a goat} eeeeeh-uhhh! So gimme a call back! We can compare goat faces, though I can't imagine... that yours... your- is- pret-... you're ugly... Marzipan. This is Strong Bad, and you're ugly.

Holiday Cartoons
  • In "The House That Gave Sucky Treats":
    The King of Town: (dressed as Hägar the Horrible) Trick-or-Treat! I'm horrible!
    Strong Bad: You got that right!
    • Any of the treats you give Strong Bad (dressed as Carmen Sandiego).
      • If you give him a fun size Butterfinger:
      "Oh, a 'fun size' candy bar? Tell me this: what's fun about eating less candy? Maybe if you gave me an entire bag of them it would be fun. The only fun I'm going to have with this thing is smearing it all over your door when I leave." (does so)
      • If you give him a marshmallow bunny:
      "Why you lazy crap for crap! All you've got is old freakin' Easter candy? This thing's rock hard, man! Well, you just made it onto my 'People I gotta egg today' list." (shows off that list)
      • And if you give him an apple:
      "What is this crap? What are you, a dentist? Or a hippie? Or some kind of hippie dentist?"
    • Any of the treats Marzipan (dressed as Joey Ramone) is given:
      • If you give her some candy corn:
      "Candy corn? Do you have any real corn? Or Indian corn?"
      • If you give her some rice cakes:
      "Hey, rice cakes! I like to eat these without water."
      • But the best is if you give her a steak (she's a Granola Girl):
      "Is this some kind of a joke? It's not funny."
      • What is particularly funny is that while she is talking, Strong Bad is sneaking several more steaks into her bag.
  • "Homestar Presents: Presents" has Homestar's reaction to realizing he forgot to do his holiday shopping until 10 PM on the night of the holiday in question, which is basically to shout "Oh crap!" for various reasons, culminating in an Offscreen Crash followed by a deadpan "Oh crap, I fell down the stairs."
  • "Senorial Day", a parody of ads for Memorial Day car dealership sales with dueling Kitschy Local Commercials for "The Senorial Day Tent Event Suprasale" and "Bubsotathon".
    Senor Cardgage: Gamble around the campfire, children! It's Senor Cardgage with the Senorial Day... Tent Thing that guy talked about.
  • Pretty much all of the Halloween Fan Costume commentaries, but especially Strong Bad's song during the montage of bad Homestar costumes in the 2009 edition.
    Oh, a red t-shirt and taped-on star
    Has anybody told you how terrible you are?
    Some white face-paint, or maybe none at all
    Just standin' around in your front hall!
    "I said 'S and more different S', not 'Seven or... more different... crescent wrench'. And is that limp pantyhose worm supposed to be a beefy arm!? Why don't you go back to the China Express and get them to fill that thing up with teriyaki chicken? Then we'll go over to Spencer's Gifts."
    • This exchange from 2006:
    Strong Bad: (Looking at a guy in a Homestar costume, whose face can be seen inside the papier-mâché Homestar mask, next to a guy in a Mario costume.) Guess a little chicken wire and papier-mâché... goes not a very long, long way. Wait a minute, Homestar, who's that in your mouth? Did you eat Luigi?!
    Homestar: Yes, Strong Bad, I ate Luigi. He tasted like mushrooms...
    • In 2009, someone is dressed as The Ugly One — or rather, someone has a cardboard box over them with a drawing of The Ugly One on it.
    Strong Bad: (singing softly) This one doesn't count. This one doesn't count. This one doesn't count as a costume.
    • Strong Bad being horrified and confused over finding a woman in a Homestar costume hot.
    Strong Bad: Ha-a, dar dar dar dar DA-A!! So confused... what to think?? Hot Homestar?!? My brain is splitting in half!
    Homestar: Oh, hey Strong Bad!
    Strong Bad: Daa! You get outta here!
    Homestar: Whoa, you sound tense. Do you want me to give you, like, a back rub or anything?
    Strong Bad: Uh... yes! NO! I... don't know! Next picture, next picture!!
    Homestar: I think this is the last one, sweetie.
    Strong Bad: (screams, which recedes in volume as though he is running away)
    Homestar: I should probably stop calling everyone "sweetie".
    • Strong Bad's reaction to a rather attractive woman wearing a "The Pizz" (from the Pizza e-mail) costume.
  • This exchange in "Which Ween Costumes?":
    Strong Bad: Uhh, why does this feel... weird?
    Homestar: What are you talking about? We stand around in the snow in Decemberween costumes every year. It's our thing. It's what we do.
    Strong Bad: Are you sure? I think we may have gotten our... weens crossed...
  • The entirety of "A Mother's Day Message", where the Homestar characters force Strong Bad to give this kind of message after losing a bet (and while wearing a cute little boy's sailor suit):
    Homestar: Go on...
    Strong Bad: (clears throat; mumbling) Happy Mother's Day.
    Homestar: Whaaaaat?
    Strong Bad: (slightly louder, but still low) Happy Mother's Day.
    Homestar: (singsong voice) We can't hear you!
    Strong Bad: (exploding) HAPPY FREAKIN' MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!
    (Homestar and the other characters all laugh at Strong Bad.)
    Strong Bad: (walks off, dejectedly) Aw, man, that's the last time I play you guys in cards. You guys are freakin' ruthless, man! I'm outta here. More like, Crappy Mother's Day, if you ask me. 'Cause it's been pretty crappy so far. I'm not even a mother.
  • This April Fools Day prank. Special mention goes out to this quick short featured herein, featuring Homestar, Strong Bad and The Cheat:
    Strong Bad: (The Cheat is holding a remote control) All right, The Cheat, let 'er rip!
    (The Cheat presses a button on the remote control, opening up a trap door under Homestar's feet. He falls through, but only a few feet, after which he stops.)
    Homestar: Ooh, that was fun! (starts dancing)
    Strong Bad: The Cheat, I thought we were opting for a bottomless pit, not a two-foot pit!
    The Cheat: (protesting The Cheat noises)
    (Cut to the basement, where Strong Mad is sitting on the couch. It turns out that Homestar had landed on his head.)
    Strong Mad: (as Homestar dances on his head) I HAVE A FUNNY HAT!!
  • And yet another April Fools Day prank.
    Stinko Man: Hey, Stickly Man! Whaaaat are you doing?
  • After years of almost nothing following the release of "A Decemberween Mackerel" and "Which 'Ween Costumes?" in 2010, April Fools' Day 2014 saw... well, this.
    Homestar Runner: "How come you stopped updating the best feature on your website?" And to that I answer: You mean how come I stopped updating the Hairstyle Runner gallery back in the year 2000? I don't know! Let's go update it right now, Joshy!
    Homestar Runner: Kitchenette! Strong Bad! Is! Making! Draconian! Marshmallow! Poink!
    Strong Bad: Draconian marshmallow poink?! Oh, that is it! I'm going to appear on screen! Now.
    Homestar Runner: Alright!
    Strong Bad: Welcome to Windows 98. Why are you still using Windows 98?! What is wrong with you?! Stop buying computers from thrift stores, man!!
  • The 2014 Halloween cartoon "I Killed Pom Pom!" is a darkly hilarious farce that revolves around Homestar mistakenly believing he killed Pom Pom. Hilarity Ensues when Strong Bad eggs him on:
    • Homestar tries to establish an alibi claiming he was at the King of Town's castle, only for the King to pin the consumption of a pile of whatsit on Homestar.
    Homestar: Oh, crap. Literal crap.
    • Strong Sad actually glued his eyes shut to make his Pale Man cosplay as authentic as possible.
    • And in the end, Homestar accidentally does kill Pom Pom.
    • During the costume roundup at the end, Strong Sad pokes fun at Homestar's way of pronouncing murder, which sounds similar to Mordor. It culminates with Homestar getting caught in a Tongue Twisternote , before hacking up some marbles and finishing the Twister with Matt Chapman's original voice. The last part properly spooks Strong Sad.
  • From "Fall Float Parade", we have Bubs' float:
    Coach Z: Yes, good old my favorite type o' guy who I'm just all the time hangin' around and doin' stuff with, Bubs!
    (cut to Bubs on a giant float with the words "COACH Z, YOU JERK" written on a model rainbow, next to a model of Coach Z's head with a no symbol over it with a "Happy Thanksgiving!!" banner hanging on the float)
    Bubs: (through a megaphone for the duration of this scene) Coach Z, you jerk!
    Marzipan: (shocked, slightly sympathetic) Ohhh.
    Bubs: Coach Z... you jerk!
    Coach Z: Oh, I see then...
    Bubs: Coach Z...
    Coach Z: That's very...
    Bubs: (more emphasis) you jerk!
    Coach Z: Overt.
    • And then later, when we see Strong Mad's float which is actually Strong Mad absconding off with Bubs' Concession Stand:
  • The 2015 Halloween cartoon "The House That Gave Sucky Tricks" is a veritable tour-de-force of Faux Horrific situations:
    • Homestar's terrible haunted house, with a tennis racked decorated to look like a monster and "scary shoes".
    • The horrible painting of "somebody's dad"
    Homestar: Why is he wearing cycling gear?! He's not even that serious about riding!
    • Strong Bad riffing on real-life Room Escape Game attractions, all in an attempt to trick Strong Sad into sticking his hand into a dirty toilet. "Touch the freakin' poop!"
    • "The more subtle horror of... two-star bed and breakfast!"
    • Strong Bad trying to make "Large Bean" "the new face of terror".
    • "From the makers of Hot Jones and Hot Pooey comes the Strong Mad Oyster Smoothie Breath Caked Armpit Latte! Oh my sweet Jennifer, there's no coming back from this one..."
  • For April Fools' Day 2016, they released a new Marizpan's Answering Machine... one that had a backlog of about seven years, leading to nearly half an hour of messages from assorted characters. Highlights include:
    • Coach Z going to jail for some reason, and Bubs having to defend him in court.
    • Homestar gushing about then-new Internet fads like emojis, planking, and the Ouya.
    • The Poopsmith breaking his vow of silence again to wonder if he should find something else to smith besides poop.
    • The King of Town wondering if Marzipan really is his daughter.
      • The fact that The King of Town's one message isn't about food.
    • Strong Bad providing an assortment of prank calls, including posing as Marzipan's acupuncturist, trying to get her to sew a llama's head onto her body, and pretending to be a new girl character named "Sharp Dean". He also contemplates doing a half-assed follow-up to "Everybody to the Limit" called "Lets Fhqwhgads Again".
      • Shortly after the last one, the Visor Robot calls and tells Marzipan to stop Strong Bad from making "Let's Fhqwhgads Again."
      • Later still, Larry Palaroncini of Limozeen announces he's doing a follow up to their song "Nite Mamas" called "Let's Nite Mama's Again".
    • Strong Sad tries to reinvent himself by talking with a lisp, then decides to try wearing jodhpurs again. This somehow lands him in prison.
      Strong Sad: (distressed) The jodhpurs did not work out! They did not work out! Why, jodhpurs? Why'd you do that to me, jodhpurs? How could you do this to me, jodhpurs?!
    • Homsar calls because he can speak normally on the phone, if it's not a Tear Jerker.
    • After about 40 or so messages, the sheer volume of them causes Marzipan's answering machine to explode... with the side effect of causing Strong Bad's attempt at the ultimate prank call to literally blow up in his face, which was Marzipan's plan all along.

  • The first time video
    Homestar Runner: Oh, hello. Welcome to!
    Director: It's "dot com".
    Homestar Runner: Oh, right.—it's dot com!
  • Homestar: Okay, this time I'm totally gonna get it. Seriously you guys.
    Director: ...go ahead, we're rolling.
    Homestar: Oh! I am Homestar, and This is A Website!
  • Homestar: Oh, hello! I'm Homestar Runner! (long pause) Isn't that great?
    Strong Bad: Oh, I can't take it anymore! (knocks Homestar aside; sarcastically imitating Homestar) Hello, and welcome to I'm-A-Big-Moron-Who-Can't-Remember-His-Lines-dot-com! (calmer) No, seriously. I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but I'm the reason you're here.
    Homestar: (leans in) It's true.
    Strong Bad: Check me out! No, seriously, check me out.
  • Before they were discontinued in 2008, if you bought something from the store, you were given a thank-you message from one of the characters. They were also time-oriented, so depending on what time of day something was bought, you'd get a message that corresponded. If you bought something from midnight to 5 AM, Homestar would come out in his pajamas and say...
    "(yawn) Oh...hi there. We appreciate you buying stuff from us and everything, but um...(yawn) should really get to bed."
  • One of the old intro decision pages has one... awkward button placement for "come on in".
  • This intro for Wil Wheaton (or, as Strong Bad calls him, "Hwil Hweaton") at W00tstock 5.0
    Strong Bad: This one isn't a rule so much as it is a question: can anybody explain Homestuck to me?
  • Grunkle Stan & Strong Bad finally confess their feelings.
  • Strong Bad butchering another classic children's book while reading it... for charity, the kicker at the end being that Strong Sad coming out of nowhere after having his wisdom teeth removed.