A character sheet for the surreal web animation series Homestar Runner.Note: Most characters are voiced by Matt Chapman, apart from Marzipan (Missy Palmer), Pom Pom and the Powered by The Cheat characters (Mike Chapman)
Ostensibly the main character of the site. Homestar is a dim but (usually) lovable doofus with no arms and no clue. He means well, but his idiocy often leads him to accidentally say and do things that alienate his friends. Seems to think that he and Strong Bad are buddies, to the chagrin of the latter.
Achievements in Ignorance: As Strong Bad put it, "sometimes Homestar does something so stupid, he flips back to smart." To cite one example, his answer for "2+2" is to recite Coulomb's Law. And when Strong Sad calls him out for that, Homestar realizes his mistake and says that 2+2 equals 22.
Armless Biped: Despite his lack of arms, he's still capable of activities like typing on a computer.
Innocently Insensitive: Homestar tends to say things that offend people out of sheer stupidity rather than any malicious intent.
Invisible Anatomy: He once wore a long sleeved coat that actually moved when he picked up something, yet he still has no visible arms.
Long Pants: The Trope Namer. Played with in Strong Bad Email #126: "long pants".
Strong Bad: Let's talk about your pants. Or your lack thereof. Homestar: What are you talking about? I wear long pants! Strong Bad: No, from what I can tell, you wear no pants and have blue soles glued to the bottoms of your feet.
Man Child: When he checked into a hotel, he ordered a race car bed.
Homestar's on-again, off-again girlfriend, largely by the fact of being the only major female character on the website. Marzipan is a grade-A Granola Girl whom Strong Bad has described as "a dirty hippie, without the dirt". She has a tendency to protest things at the drop of a hat. Marzipan has also expressed artistic leanings: she frequently sings and plays songs on her guitar Carol, and has been showing painting and indulging in other forms of arts and crafts from time to time.
Beware the Nice Ones: Even though she seems like the basic hippie chick stereotype, she injures or practically tortures Homestar on frequent ocassions (see below), and hurts Strong Bad quite a few times, such as minor cartoon slapstick like hitting him with her guitar, or outright shoves a pencil into his head in SBCG4AP. That last one was just because he needed to record a make-out scene for Dangeresque 3.
Granola Girl: To the point that Strong Bad once described her as a dirty hippie without the dirt.
Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Some of her more extreme actions include locking Homestar in a cupboard for a few months with no food (she'd told him there was cake in there) and handing Strong Bad a rake, and shovel and a Garden Weasel to smash into Homestar's face. And Homestar's her boyfriend (most of the time).
Hippy Teacher: She's the teacher at L.U.R.N., which is more or less what happens when you mix a hippie cult with a classroom.
Invisible Anatomy: She has no visible limbs, yet she has no trouble doing any regular activities.
Beware the Nice Ones: He's been voted 'most likely to beat everyone in an all-out death match' ever since he pummeled Strong Bad for trying to pop him with a pin. He's also a martial arts master and has an itchy trigger finger when it comes to firearms, so watch out.
Chick Magnet: He's been described as being popular with the ladies by the other characters.
Nostalgia Filter: He tries to enter the email command in The Cheat's computer, only to discover that it doesn't work that way. When he gets his newest computer, he mistakes the wallpaper for a full-colored photo taped to the monitor. Finally, after checking his first email on his newest computer, the pop-up bubble, Compé-per, says "Ah-ha", much to Strong Bad's delight. He discovers the sounds could be changed and replaces said pop-up sound with the printer sound.
Not-So-Harmless Villain: He can have pretty nasty moments, such as the abuse he heaps on Strong Sad and The Cheat and his more violent tendencies.
Pet the Dog: Though it's usually on Strong Sad's part, there are times when Strong Bad actually gets along with him.
Poke the Poodle: Strong Bad's ideas of evil acts include not inflating a deflated basketball, throwing feathers at people, and spreading mayonnaise all over the living room and waiting almost half-an-hour before cleaning it up.
"THIRTY WHOLE MINUTES!! Can you believe!!-yeah okay, we're losing our edge."
He enjoys the occasional cigar, and the office he is usually working in almost always has a lit cigarette in an ashtray next to him.
The ashtray only appears when he's playing the eponymous hardboiled P.I. in his homemade Dangeresque films.
He's never actually seen with one in hand, so it's possible that he just likes the smoke filling the air.
He actually DID smoke a cigar once◊, though there's no way of seeing the short toon anymore. To see it, you had to buy something from the store between 5 AM and 11:59 PM, but even then there was only a 1/3 chance that that was the one you would see. And on top of that, they discontinued the store messages in 2008.
Coach Z once finds him "smoking," but Strong Bad denies he's a smoker admits it's just a white crayon he lit on fire so he can use to get a smoke break after he'd taken up all the other types of leaves including maternity.
Spotlight-Stealing Squad: He's had more screen time and importance than the character the website is actually named after.
I'M STRONG MAD!!!!! [beat] I DON'T LIKE THIS MOVIE!!! [another beat; smiles] I LIKE THE CHEAT!
Debut: "Super NES"
Strong Bad's hulking brute big brother. Doesn't say much, but what he does say is always said in a sort of guttural half-shout. Best buds with The Cheat.
And Call Him George: He once stayed over at Homestar's house to play. Homestar got buried under cinderblocks, had the Concession Stand thrown at him, and got hit by a meteorite. Though the meteorite wasn't Strong Mad's fault.
The Brute: He serves as the muscle in Strong Bad's schemes.
Cloud Cuckoolander: Although he is the eldest of the Strong brothers, he's also the most naive. Not only does he not have an indoor voice, but, according to Strong Bad, he also has "a pretty tenuous grasp on the English language." Example:
Perpetual Frowner: His default expression is a big, angry frown. He has smiled on occasion though.
Each day, we die a little more.
Debut: "Super NES"
Strong Bad's depressed, sarcastic punching bag younger brother. Years of being picked on by his brothers have given him an outlook on life that's as grim and gray as he is. Strong Sad is fairly smart, though, and occasionally gets one over on Strong Bad.
The Bore: He's rather resigned to the fact that nobody except Marzipan and Homsar are interested in his art, poetry, and music. (And it's hard to tell with Homsar.)
Butt Monkey: He suffers more abuse than everyone else on the site, usually from Strong Bad.
The Smart Guy: He deduced a way to return King Bubsgonzola (Supreme) back to his normal size by using a bowl of Kashi, and is also capable of calculating the temperature, humidity, and barometric pressure using no tools when asked. At one point he transcribed Paradise Lost on a single grain of rice in four languages.
The Chew Toy: People like kicking him. One game even features Strong Bad building a machine (comprised of a giant replica of his foot) designed to kick The Cheat into a brick wall. There was also a weird running gag where The Cheat's head would suddenly explode for no reason.
Expy: Of Eugene the Jeep, of Thimble Theater and Popeye fame.
I'm a self-made man, I am, I am! I sell hot dogs, chili dogs, slaw dogs, ketchup dogs and mustard dogs. I got drinks, drinks, drinks, candy and snow cones. I can fix everything what needs fixing. Like cars, TVs... marriages... [...] I guess the best word that describes me is... "personality". Um, because I have a good personality.
A lonely, vaguely creepy, and quite possibly crazy coach and aspiring rap artist with an exaggerated Midwestern accent ("Great jaerb, Homestar!"). He was originally just someone to whom Homestar came for advice, but the Brothers Chaps have played up the seedy side of Coach Z's life to the point that it now dominates his character.
The Alcoholic: Unconventional, as he prefers to get his alcohol from Listerine, of all things.
Stalker with a Crush: Shown in the Answering Machine tapes. He has probably broken into Marzipan's house at least once, and as of the latest AM installment, Marzi actually has a restraining order on him.
Unexplained Accent: His accent is so strange the main characters occasionally accuse him of making it up. For example, when he and Bubs go trick-or-treating in "Three Times Halloween Funjob":
Coach Z: Trick 'er trort!
Bubs:Come on, man...
Coach Z: Okay, trick 'er treat...
Then, in the same scene, if given a packet of Swedish Fish:
Coach Z: Ooh, the Swordish Forsh!
Bubs: What did I just tell you?
Coach Z: Cut me some slack! It's a crowd pleaser.
It's speculated, in fact, that his accent may be entirely his own, as mentioned in "Fall Float Parade", when they see a balloon that resembles Pom Pom:
Coach Z: It's the Pam Pam b'loon! Marzipan: That's "Pom Pom balloon" for those of you who don't speak Coach Z.
Your Answer to Everything: His advice to Homestar is always "It's like a great sports play—you can't just rush into the score zone", regardless of whether it actually applies to the situation. This is even lampshaded in "The Best Decemberween Ever":
Coach Z: Buying a Decemberween present for Strong Bad is like a great sports play. Homestar:(listlessly) Lemme guess: I can't just rush into the score zone. Coach Z: Hey, that's right! Homestar:(annoyed) Coach, that's your answer for everything!
In later cartoons, Coach Z is fond of planning an attack by saying, "We should run the picket fence at 'em!"
The King of Town
Now, despite rumors to the contrary, I did not just buy a crown at the costume palace and ask people to start calling me the King of Town. I earned my title the same way I earned a free combo meal: by purchasing one of equal or lesser value. I also did not ever try to eat my own mustache.
The self-proclaimed ruler of Free Country, USA, who's really just a fat, gluttonous old man who happens to have a crown, a castle, a retainer of servants, and a painful awareness of how unpopular he is with the other characters. He's tried to make himself more popular, with limited success, by doing things such as learning to play guitar and trying to get his very own quite popular cartoon show.
Strong Bad:"I can't believe I ate that whole pile of whatsit!" said the King of Town. King of Town: I wish that were fiction...
Eats Babies: An easter egg in the sbemail rated has him demand the Poopsmith to pack his bags for Transylvania, because he heard Strong Bad say that you're required by law to eat puppies for breakfast there.
I Was Quite a Looker: In the Strong Bad email "flashback", he is depicted as the "svelte, young Prince of Town", looking much slimmer and having a visible chin. Presumably he let himself go at some point later in life and became the morbidly obese King of Town we know today.
Jabba Table Manners: Among other examples, he eats cake batter straight out of the bowl and simply inhales a pile of salt.
Masochist's Meal: Some of the things the King of Town has eaten are downright hazardous to normal people, such as deodorant products and automotive fluids.
In the sbemail fan club, an easter egg implies that he ate the Poopsmith's crap pile.
Strong Bad: "I can't believe I ate that entire pile of whatsit!" said the King of Town.
King of Town: I wish that were fiction.
Really 700 Years Old: He claims to be about 300 years old in "Which 'Ween Costumes?", and is implied to have been around for the first Decemberween in "A Decemberween Pageant".
Satellite Character: Most notably the Poopsmith, but also the rest of his retinue: the Blacksmith, the Hornblower, the Knight, the Cleric, and the Little Chef Guy.
The King of Town's most prominent (and disgusting) servant, the Poopsmith is an odd fellow who, as the name suggests, shovels whatsit for a living. Also, for some reason he has taken a vow of silence. According to Homestar, "The Poopsmith is a good guy. He's just got a crappy job."
Talking with Signs: Despite the fact that he doesn't talk, he has, on rare occasion, used this to communicate.
Toilet Humour: Basically all the humor that revolves around him either involves this or his unexplained vow of silence.
The Voiceless: He doesn't speak because he has taken a vow of silence, which seems to be a requirement for his job. Until he broke that vow in email thunder, in which he finally sings. And he is voiced by John Linnell.
A short, pudgy fellow that vaguely resembles Homestar, and speaks in warbling non-sequiturs. He came to be when a fan e-mailing Strong Bad misspelled "Homestar". He's apparently capable of defying the laws of physics whenever he feels like it and is an even bigger Cloudcuckoolander than anyone else in the cast (or maybe anyone else in the world).
Killed Off for Real: Some fans think he was, thanks to the ending of A Decemberween Mackerel. Others think he isn't, and will come back alive and well again eventually, especially if he was crushed by a Heavy Lourde once.
Word Salad: Almost everything he says constitutes as one, minus the things he says early on before Strong Bad drops the Heavy Lourde on him, implying the injury caused him to speak in word salads. He occasionally drifts back into sense-make, as seen in the sbemail "for kids":
Homsar: That's a real popular song! Who wants to hear of it fifty times more?
A badly-drawn comic made by Strong Bad. The main characters are 4 girls who only want one thing: Boys. Lots and lots of BOYS. However, more often than not, everybody dies before this is accomplished. See its own page for applicable tropes.
Fat Dudley, The Homestar Runner, and Old-Timey Marzipan
Debut: "Kick the Can"
The universe in the style of 1930s cartoons. As in the original children's book, Homestar is "The" Homestar Runner. The characters have to deal with economic hardship as well as the schemes of the Old-Timey Strong Bad. Other recurring characters include The Homestar Runner's friends Old-Timey Marzipan and Fat Dudley (Pom Pom), Strong Bad's lackeys The Sneak (The Cheat) and The Strong Man (Strong Mad), Sickly Sam (Strong Sad), the Fort Wayne Locomotive (Coach Z), Old-Timey Bubs, Mr. Shmallow (Marshie), and Rumble Red (probably Nebulon). Old-Timey versions of the other characters also show up in most episodes.
Anachronism Stew: Despite being set in the 1930s, there are also some references to eras before and after that period, such as, in the case of "Ballad of The Sneak", The Sneak doing the Hully Gully, which was first introduced in 1959.
Dem Bones: As seen in "That A Ghost", the characters get so scared of the ghost in question that their skins all melt off, revealing their skeletons inside. Marzipan has bones in her pigtails, and Old-Timey Strong Bad has bones in his mustache and his shoes.
The Animesque 20X6 is the future where all the Homestar characters have Japanese cartoon versions of themselves. Here, everyone seems to be obsessed with challenging, especially Stinkoman (Strong Bad). There is currently a game, in which Level 10 has been in the works for... a while now...
Stinkoman:Oh man, those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better. (reaches his hand into ground and bumps against something in it) Stinkoman:What is this? Some sort of a challenge buried in the GROUND?
Dead Unicorn Trope: 20X6's "anime" spoofs are more reminiscent of '80s/early '90s video games than anything.
Artistic License - Gun Safety: The crew play with a new bulletproof vest they got by shooting each other with Gunhaver's gun. Later Admiral Flashfight is killed because everyone thought he was wearing the vest.
Big "Shut Up!": In "Comamndos In the Classroom", one of the "pro-positive life tools" Gunhaver gives to Reynold is to "envision [his] inapprorpriate-ors as giant slices of pizza". In an Easter egg, Blue Laser Commander says this to some Blue Laser foot soldiers who are dressed up like pizza slices:
Blue Laser minion:(to Blue Laser Commander) Um, I'm not entirely sure this is what they were talking about, sir. Blue Laser Commander: SHUT IT! Pizza can't talk!
When Strong Bad is challenged by a viewer to make "[his] craziest cartoon", the result is something so bizarre even he doesn't understand it. Sweet Cuppin' Cakes is apparently about a half-cow/half-helicopter creature who tries to get a little worm out of the ground, and a wheelchair (voiced by Bubs) who chases a talking trapezoid named Eh! Steve... but who can tell? Strong Bad himself is also a character, except his head is an old keyboard that plays the demo music when he gets angry.
All There in the Manual: Sherlock—the cowcopter—is never named in any of the videos on the site, but on one of the DVDs.
Brooklyn Rage: The Wheelchair is apparently from Brooklyn judging by the way he pronounces "boiled" ("burled"). He's also pretty angry.
A character played by Strong Bad in a trilogy of home movies produced, written, directed, and starring himself. He's a private and/or police detective who doesn't play by the rules, aided by his sidekicks Reynaldo (played by Coach Z) and Dangeresque, Too? (played by Homestar). The rest of the cast play various supporting roles, and Strong Sad plays pretty much everyone's beleaguered stunt double, mostly against his will.
Rogues Gallery: Baron Darin Diamonocle (played by Bubs), Perducci (played by the King of Town), Killingyouguy (Strong Mad), Uzi Bazooka (Homestar), Szechuan Steve (the Cheat), Craig (also the Cheat), and an unnamed villain played by Shark Tooth Bubs.
All of Strong Bad's ancient computers seems to have their own minds, and they all seem to hold grudges. Although the deaths of the Lappy and Tandy didn't bother him much, the Compy being shot affected him greatly. He started off with the green-screened Tandy 400, until it blew up,, then moved to the Compy 386, which was shot by Bubs after getting infected by over 400,000 computer viruses, and then the Lappy 486, which Strong Bad blew up. He now uses the Compé.
Anachronism Stew: With the exception of the Compé, Strong Bad uses old style command prompt computers.
Disco Dan: Strong Bad's first state of the art computer had two contrast knobs! His first laptop had five whole minutes of battery life and weighed an extremely portable forty two pounds! Strong Bad viewed them as the epitome of computing.
Jackass Genie: The Tandy sometimes ignores Strong Bad's orders fully. Other times, it takes advantage of his Exact Words (though during the instance described below, it was malfunctioning, having exploded (oddly enough) a few emails beforehand).
Strong Bad: "Deleted!."
Tandy: "Saved forever."
Strong Bad: (sarcastically) Oh, that's great. Great, thank you. Yeah, go ahead and save that one, why don't you, yeah. So I can treasure it for years and years, and show it to my kids.
Reality Warper: When the Compy is infected with a virus that infects reality.
Strong Bad: "Why do all of my thirty year old electronics keep breaking on me?"
Back from the Dead: It surprisingly returns from the dead for the 200th email, only to accidentally get burned to a crisp once more by sparks flying off Homestar's short-circuiting Happy 8600. It has not been seen since.
Marzipan's appliances, who Homestar thinks are people (as he recruited Frank Bennedetto, a popcorn machine, for his "Homestarmy"). Other members include Mrs. Bennedetto, Marzipan's microwave, and others, Frank's "brothers", referred to in Strong Badia the Free. Mr. Bennedetto owes Homestar five bucks.
An armless green critter who turns up most Halloweens, the Goblin looks around, does a dance, and disappears for another year. The rest of the characters don't seem to like him that much—until he saves them from a Carnivorous Undead Sheep in "Most in the Graveyard".
A scrapped taller looking character resembling Homestar, only blue and with an overbite. He appeared once on a now hidden trading card animation, and in the background of the game Dancin' Bubs. Matt said in an interview that he was made after a friend thought their website was called "homeschoolwinner.com". They describe him as incredibly smart and more than a little creepy.
The greatest hair metal band in the world (at least in Strong Bad's eyes), made up of brothers Larry (vocals), Gary (lead guitar), Perry (bass), and Mary (drums) Palaroncini. They sing songs about love and living in the fast lane, do gigs in Free Country USA and beyond, and have never quite left 1987. They had their own Saturday morning cartoon show in the '80s that was canceled before the first commercial break. Their manager is the nerdy Doug Teegland, and Strong Bad is their biggest fan.
An older, vaguely sleazy man who constantly uses nonsense-words. Strong Bad looks up to him; Marzipan looks down on him. While he lost the non-sequitur championship to Homsar, he's still not exactly known for his eloquence. He carries around a grocery bag full of melty candy bars that he eats loudly while standing to close to people.
Senor:(standing on a lawnmower) Why, hello, Miss Trela. Check out Senor Cardgage's Intregway. Dump Tell No Mandy — it's just a landmower moved bankways.
Jerkass: At times, such as when he walked off with Strong Bad's football after promising to "hit him on the slant".
Malaproper: His signature character trait is saying things that "aren't one word but aren't quite another."
Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: He is this in some cartoons, such as when he is heard singing a creepy rhyme within a children's day care building with barbed wire and a Chalk Outline outside. Strong Sad also sees him as such, informing Strong Bad that he gave him nightmares. And despite his hero worship of the guy, Strong Bad himself bore witness to this in "hremail3184" when Senor Cardgage walked in place sans friction as disembodied traffic sounds echoed around him.
An alternate version of Bubs with two dot eyes, a set of fangs, and a unicorn-type horn coming out of his head. Unlike most of the H*R cast, he's voiced by Mike instead of Matt. Like the regular Bubs, he runs (or claims to run) a concession stand (in his case, called "Eight Burgers"). As with most of Mike's characters, his appearances are few and far-between. With the exception of his debut in Theme Park, he has only appeared as a puppet or as a voice on the DVD commentaries.Looks and name aside, his personality is only marginally similar to his better-known counterpart. Think of a slightly more articulate version of Homsar or Senor Cardgage and you're probably on the right track.The brothers came up with the character after a Chinese toy designer sent them prototype plush toys of some of the characters. They were very amused at how the designer misinterpreted Bubs's eyes and mouth and decided to work him into one of their upcoming cartoons (The Theme Park email). They initially put him in a cartoon as an Affectionate Parody of unlicensed toys. However, every appearance since then has been as a character (complete with spoken lines) as opposed to just being a prop.
Ascended Extra: Not much of one, but considering that his first appearance was as a mere prop...
Cloud Cuckoo Lander: just listen to him on Puppets on the Road on the 4th Strong Bad Email DVD or on the DVD commentary for Long Pants.
A stick-figure dragon with one beefy arm drawn by Strong Bad when a fan asked him to show his "skills of an artist", Trogdor is a monster who comes in the night, burninates all the people who live in thatch-roofed cottages, and generally terrorizes the land of Peasantry. Created as a one-off joke, Trogdor proved immensely popular thanks to his rocking metal theme song and soon starred in his own video game, and the legend grew from there. A full-length text-based Adventure Game, Peasant's Quest, introduced the heroic peasant Rather Dashing, who will stop at nothing (sans burnination) to stop Trogdor.