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Introduced in III
I'm a nice person, I deserve to do well! You know, people like me, we've only betrayed friends once or twice, and they had it coming!
Voiced by: Lazlow JonesPerhaps the only character to appear in every major installment of Grand Theft Auto, Lazlow is introduced in III as host of Chatterbox FM, where he is bombarded with a colorful array of guests and insane people. Lazlow would often mention his stint on a rock station — V-Rock from Vice City, having taken over from its former DJ, Couzin Ed (as heard on Vice City Stories, where he was an intern). After he quit in a rage, Lazlow eventually landed a job as a DJ of WCTR's Entertaining America in San Andreas, where after only two shows, he also quit. By the time IV took place, Lazlow was the washed-up host of Integrity 2.0, trying, failing, and desperately making a comeback. As of V, his career seems to be looking up again, with him hosting the Reality Show Fame or Shame and having returned to WCTR with a new show, Chattersphere.Lazlow is voiced by real life radio personality Lazlow Jones, who wrote most of the radio scripts from III onwards.
For tropes relating to his first onscreen role in Grand Theft Auto V, see his entry in this character sheet.
- Adam Westing
- Butt Monkey
- Epsecially in Vice City Stories, where he is the co-host/intern to Couzin Ed, who constantly belittles him for his high-pitched voice, his long hair and so on.
- In V, he gets humiliated not once, but twice, for acting inappropriately towards Michael's daughter Tracey. The first time, he gets chased into a drainage ditch by Michael and Trevor and is forced to do an unflattering dance with his pants around his ankles as Trevor recorded him on his phone. The second time, Michael gives Lazlow a number of humiliating piercings before cutting off his ponytail and tattooing a penis on him.
- Blue Oni Red Oni: His oni code has somewhat gone into a drastic scale - By Vice City Stories, he was the purple oni to Couzin Ed's red, then 2 years later he mellowed out into a cool blue throughout the series until he gets reduced to a egotistical, idiotic and jerky red in the HD universe.
- Butt Monkey: In Vice City Stories, as intern to Couzin Ed. Ed would frequently berate and humiliate Lazlow in-between the songs.
- Deadpan Snarker: It wouldn't be Lazlow without him mocking his guests, or himself.
- Dumbass DJ: Pretty much inverted in III, where he is the Only Sane Man, while his guests and callers are anything but smart.
- Flanderization: Ignoring the chronological order of the games, Lazlow gets more pathetic in each new game released. Lazlow starts off as the Only Sane Man in III, mocking the sea of lunatics who call him. Vice City had him as a fairly normal, if egotistical, rock host. In San Andreas, he had no bite and was mostly at the mercy of his guests. By IV, he was a sad wash-up, and in V, he's bitter and angry, in a job he hates, with a co-host he hates, in a town he hates. He spends the majority of his segment arguing with his coworker, on the defensive about his life choices. And to cap it all off, when he actually appears in V's story, it's so he can getting physically humiliated — twice — by the main characters.
- Hates the Job, Loves the Limelight: As shown in San Andreas, Liberty City Stories, and III, he tries to love the job and likes being on the radio. His grief mostly comes from the callers and interviewees.
- He Who Must Not Be Seen: Until V.
- Klingon Promotion: In San Andreas, after the original Entertaining America host is shot on air, Lazlow takes the spot.
- The Last DJ: Believes himself to be this.
- Only Sane Man: Tries to run his shows normally, but is swamped by insane guests and callers. By GTA standards, Lazlow is fairly tame... at least at first.
- Self-Deprecation: You would think Lazlow would make himself into a Canon Stu, being the producer of the radio shows in the series in Real Life, but even in III, when he had the most virtual air time, the best he could do was snark about his situation. By IV, he has turned his character into a deluded, egotistical jerkass who believes himself to be The Last DJ, and is genuinely surprised and offended when people call him out on it. And in V, when he finally appeared as an in-story character, it was so he could be forced to dance in his underwear and get a dick tattooed on either his chest or back. Plus, he gave some of his Real Life buddies roles on the shows.
- Separated by a Common Language: In San Andreas, Lazlow and OG Loc have two very different definitions of "gang banging"."Gang banging? I never really understood that. I mean, other guys in the room while you're... ugh!"
- Small Name, Big Ego: Becomes this come IV.
IT'S A MIRACLE!
Voiced by: Frank ChavezFernando is introduced on Chatterbox in GTAIII as the founder of Fernando's New Beginnings, where where husbands relieve the stress of married life by getting a mistress, to Lazlow's disgust and accusations of being just a cheap pimp from Upstate Liberty. Fernando's career, like Lazlow's, started in Vice City Stories where he was the co-host of Emotion 98.3 alongside Lionel Makepeace. By 1986 he became sole host of the station, but was kicked out for unknown reasons where he eventually became a temporary host of the Lonely Hearts show on San Andreas's WCTR. By 2008 he became the host of Vice City FM, and has admitted to having several children, being a registered sex offender not allowed within 200 yards of a school, and having a sexually transmitted infection. As of 2013, he has returned to San Andreas and WCTR, hosting his own segment The Fernando Show.
- All Guys Want Cheerleaders: Was arrested for trying to take advantage of a cheerleader while working at a school.
- Alternate Continuity: One of the few signs that the radio stations still work on the principle even in the HD era; In III, Lazlow exposes him as a Caucasian fraudster from upstate Liberty, while in V he claims to be a former illegal immigrant, having come to America the courageous way; see below.
- Anything That Moves: Anything.
- Boomerang Bigot: Believes that the immigration hole needs to be plugged. After all, he came to America the manly way — by outrunning the gunboats.
- Catch Phrase: "I, am Fernando Martinez" and "I guarantee it".
- Double Entendre: He gives financial and political advice in the form of thinly-veiled sexual metaphors.
- I Didn't Mean to Turn You On: When Sue Murry gets angry during her interview, he admits that seeing her flustered and sweaty turns him on. She immediately storms out of the studio.
- Latin Lover: So he says. He's more like a borderline sex addict.
- Noodle Incident: In San Andreas, he briefly mentions being "chased out" of Vice City and alludes to a "Five Alarm Fire".
- In V, he mentions that he was "a martyr for the justice and truth that lives in the heart of every man and woman" when he was "unjustly imprisoned on entirely unproven allegations''. He elaborates no further, though a few hints are dropped that he may have been involved with an underage girl.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The purple to Lionel Makepeace's and Jo's blue.
- Serenade Your Lover: Fernando references this."Have you noticed how popular synthesizers are getting? It's not the same as a lonely man with a pony tail, singing of his love on a guitar. At the door of a fair maid's hacienda. But it is not far short."
- Straw Misogynist: He's been in classes to stop thinking of women as objects for his insatiable lust; he relapses constantly, though he Apologizes a Lot for it.
- Teacher/Student Romance: He finds it a Double Standard that people applaud a boy that scores with a female teacher, but when a male teacher tries to "teach a cheerleader in the ways of love", they're arrested.
- Third-Person Person
Double Clef FM
You are listening to the fat lady sing on Double Clef FM. I'm Morgan Merryweather, but please, call me the maestro.Liberty Tree entertainment correspondent and DJ of Double Clef FM. Makes cameos on Vice City's K-Chat and on the Liberty City Story's Double Clef FM.
- Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Attempts to appear intellectual through references to classical culture that he often gets wrong.
101.1 MSX in your manor, sound of Liberty City's finestThe energetic co-host of the Drum & Bass station MSX FM (MSX 98 in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories). He constantly raps over the tracks mixed by the off screen DJ Timecode.
- As Himself
- Motor Mouth: Going on non-stop for 25 minutes in III with only short pauses in-between his lines is quite an accomplishment. To likely tone down the fact that this trait made him The Scrappy to some, his rapping is far less energetic and frequent in LCS.
So my friends say 'Toni, do you remember the 70's and 80's?' and I say, well I certainly don't remember anything since then!Introduced as the DJ of Flashback FM in III, later appears as the Host of Flash FM in Vice City and Vice City Stories.
Introduced in Vice City
VCPR (Vice City Public Radio)
Six years ago I was a clown, and now I'm a success! Ha ha, think about it. Imagine where I can be in 10 years. I can achieve anything!
Voiced by: Philip Anthony RodriguezIn 1980, Maurice Chavez worked as a clown in birthday parties, corporate functions, juvenile correctional facilities, bar mitzvas and Go-Go bars. After constant failed acting auditions and getting work as a fluffer in a sex-education video, he considered getting a sex change before he was discovered and became a radio personality on Vice City's VCPR. He hosted the "healthy" public debate show Pressing Issues in 1984, and by 1986, won several awards and was granted extended showtime on the radio. Though he tries to run his shows normally, they often become out of control due to the insane guests, and Chavez would snap violently. It is revealed in Vice City Stories that he had an affair with VCPR host Michelle Montanius and had a child with her, but refused to give her the money for the abortion.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Generally pleasant, but he can (and often does) lose patience in the face of his guests' shenanigans. He even hits Jeremy Robard in the face with a paperweight.
- Butt Monkey: Revealed in part thanks to extreme right-wing Congressman Alex Shrub.Maurice: I grant you, 1980 was not a highlight in my career; but I NEVER applied for a sex change!
- Deadpan Snarker: He can be.
- Delivery Guy: His experience with Bryony Craddock, one of his guests during his show's VCPR segment days in Vice City Stories, puts him off going near a vagina ever again.
- Hates the Job, Loves the Limelight: Much like Lazlow, he loves being on the radio but really loathes the guests on his show.
- Only Sane Man: Maurice has at least tried to run healthy debate shows with serious topics such as public safety, morality and positive thinking and is shown to be a history major. When he snaps though...
- Overly Narrow Superlative: He insists that his clown act was good and that he was once voted for "best up-and-coming dietary-restricted comic act in the whole of Vice City." He didn't even win that, though; he lost to Mary the Meat-Free Mime.
Voiced by: David GreenBorderline-insane fundamentalist "pastor" whose stated goal is to collect donations from his followers to build a rocket ship/statue of himself and then colonize Saturn with everyone who gave generously enough, leaving the sinful world behind to build a utopia. His real goal is to fleece as much money from his flock as possible, then use it to build a mansion in Hawai'i and live out the rest of his days with his mistresses. He's on the Morality segment, and he makes a small visual cameo at the beginning of the game on Cortez's yacht.
- Artistic License – Astronomy: Unless he's looking to colonize The Moons of Saturn, he probably won't have much success building his dreamed-of society on the surface of a gas giant. Justified, given that he's planning to steal all the money for his own personal use, which means he didn't care one bit about coming up with a feasible plan.
- Berserk Button: Don't be naked and loving in his presence unless you want an emasculating gunshot wound.
- Corrupt Church: Between his theology (a parody of "prosperity gospel" taken to the point of lionizing greed as a virtue) and the fact that he's shamelessly ripping off his followers, he seems to be based on any number of infamous televangelists from The '80s.
- Eye Beams: He plans on installing these in his statue/spaceship in order to smite all of the world's sinners.
- The Fundamentalist
- Insane Troll Logic: He seems to be based on this.
- Listing The Forms Of Degenerates: "Liberals, degenerates, the Welsh..."
- Our Founder
Voiced by: Renaud SebbaneA nudist whose ambition is to fund more nudist-friendly establishments in Vice City, such as a casino. He also wrote a book on nudism, entitled As Nature Intended. He is separated from the other panelists by a divider during his time on Pressing Issues.
- Desperately Craves Affection: He gets increasingly frustrated at having to sit behind the divider, complaining that he's lonely and needs a hug.
- Meaningful Name: His first and last name are both references to nudity.
- Multiple-Choice Past: He claims that he discovered nudism while on holiday in Germany. Later he says that as a child he demanded to go to school naked. When questioned by Maurice, Barry admits that he lies a lot.
- Naked People Are Funny: He constantly disrupts the program with his antics, whether it's preaching about nudism or sneaking past his divider.
Voiced by: Leyna WeberHost of K-Chat, a celebrity talk show.
- Captain Oblivious:
- The Ditz: Amy is sweet, but anything intellectual flies right over her head.
- Squee!: Has this reaction over meeting Love Fist on air.
Voiced by: Lawrence TaylorA guest on K-Chat. Tight end for the Vice City Mambas, this guy has a whole lot of anger issues and just loves hurting people; that seems to include taking their cars away, as you take over his 'import/export' business as part of asset gathering. He returns in V, at least in name, having a Recreation Center in Los Santos named in his honour.
Voiced by: Mary BirdsongA guest on K-Chat. A radical feminist who wrote a book that talked about the "horrors" of man, officially titled "Being and Seeing, From Freud to the Building Sites, a Woman's Journey into the Male Psyche". While being interviewed it is implied Michaela takes on a manly appearance.
The main host of V-Rock as of 1984 with Lazlow still being an intern who is constantly being made fun of. Kicked off the station in 1985 when Lazlow finally gets his degree in broadcasting and becomes the sole host.
Voiced by: Michael "Couzin Ed" Andrews
Couzin Ed: Couzin Ed here, as in "cousin" you can sleep with and tell your mom. Hell, bring your mom as well! I probably had her anyway.
- As Himself: Or better, an overly masculine, more Jerkass-y version of himself.
- Jerk Ass: Constantly makes fun of Lazlow, bashes on liberals and calls all women sluts.
- Guttural Growler: Pretends to have one for most of the time on-air.
- Knife Nut
- Metal Head: The quintessence of one.
- Patriotic Fervor: A straw Conservative, he admires Reagan and calls a caller a "Commie bitch" for insulting his radio nickname.
- The Pornomancer: He even manages to get some gals to show him their breasts on-air.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Lazlow's purple.
The coke-snorting 25-year old host of Flash FM who Really Gets Around and loves to party. Toni, being the co-host, is basically the same.
Voiced by: Zan Aron
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Toni's purple.
- Hard-Drinking Party Girl: Most of the time she spends on-air is talking about how good yesterday's party was.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With Toni.
- What Did I Do Last Night?: "Did we screw last night? I was so wasted!"
- STD Immunity: Averted.
Teri: "Do there sores make me look like a whore?"
Toni: "Umm... Yes?"
They said Hip-Hop is not going to last. We proved them wrong.The DJ of the electro and hip-hop pirate radio station Wildstyle. In real life, he hosted Rap Attack, a New York radio show in the 80's which was the first rap exclusive show to air on a major station. He passed away on the 2nd October 2009.
I've got something to say to all other radio stations: No matter how hard you try, you can't stop us now.The host of Fresh 105, a pirate radio station broadcasting from a stripclub who speaks solely in Cluster F-Bombs. Gets really mad when Oliver Biscuit offered him to buy the station, but still ends up selling it by the events of Vice City.
Voiced by: Luther R. Campbell
- As Himself: Played by 2 Live Crew member Luke Skyywalker.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Luke's only method of communication.
Luke: I don't give a fuck, because I do whatever the fuck I wanna do on this motherfucking radio station!
Luke: Oliver, you can try your fat ass hard out there trying to buy this bitch. You can't buy, not because you don't have enough money, but because you don't have enough nuts to buy this bitch. Yo, go suck a dick, you can't buy this radio station!.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: Unlike the calmer Mr. Magic.
Oliver "Ladykiller" Biscuit
You've just let Oliver Ladykiller out of the doghouse, baby.
Voiced by: Julius DysonThe host of Fever 105, who seduces as many women as the amount of food he eats in a week.
- Awesome McCool Name: Oliver "Ladykiller" Biscuit.
- Big Eater: Talks about this on the show often.
- The Casanova
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: He is pretty much Barry White and every other baritone romantic singer of the 70's.
Hi, i'm Adam First. It's the glorious new term of the day, but what is New Wave? Of course it is a look, but it is also an excuse to use makeup!
Voiced by: Jamie CanfieldThe DJ of Wave 103 with a love of New Wave and money, alongside a hatred of Music Videos.
- '80s Hair
- Alternate Aesop Interpretation: In-Universe, he claims that "I Ran" is a satire of the music industry.
- Blue Oni Red Oni: The blue to Trish's red.
- I Am Very British
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Of many New Romantic musicians.
- Off Model: Interestingly, his official artwork has two variations. His picture on the soundtrack cover◊ gives him grey eyes and black and white clothing with hair to match. However, his wallpaper artwork pictured above gives him a grey and white outfit with black, blue and white hair as well as blue eyes. Also, he only has one glove now.
- Skunk Stripe
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair
The ditzy co-host of Wave 103 obsessed with music videos and television. No longer heard in Vice City.
Voiced by: Anouchka Benson
- Buxom Is Better: Something Trish wholly agrees with while planning to become a VJ on a TV channel.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Adam's blue.
Fernando MartinezSee Above
The depressive host of Emotion 98.3 who is going through therapy after a breakup. Often made fun of by Fernando, who is working for him doing street reports.
Voiced by: Steve Stratton
- Blue Oni Red Oni: The blue to Fernando's purple.
- The Eeyore
- In Touch with His Feminine Side: He REALLY is. Fernando even thinks he's taking estrogen as part of his therapy.
- Nice Guy: Not that much, but still way more polite and compassionate than all of the other radio hosts.
- My Greatest Failure: He blames himself for both breakups he went through.
The sassy DJ of VCFL with a lot of romantic and sexual experience, who spends her time taking requests from lovesick freaks of Vice City.
Voiced by: Pat Floyd.
Voiced by: Tony ChiroldesThe DJ of Radio Espantoso which plays latin music, Pepe speaks almost exclusively in spanish.
- Gratuitous English: On the few cases where he does speak english.
- Surprisingly Good Foreign Language
The 80s are never over. You don't just turn off the 80s!A roided-up action film star, known for appearing in the Evacuator trilogy: Evacuator, Exploder and Special Needs Cop. Once highly regarded, his gradual slide into irrelevance following the end of the Cold War made him incredibly delusional, culminating in him accidentally killing Entertaining America host Billy Dexter on air and had to serve time on death row from 1992 until his parole in 2007, only to get into trouble again with the law three years later, for which he served a smaller sentence. After his release in 2013, Jack, more mentally unhinged than ever, began working in his own reality show "Jack Howitzer is Jack Howitzer in Jack Howitzer".
Voiced by: Randy Pearlstein
Voiced by: Randy Pearlstein
- Action Hero: Used to play such roles back in his heyday.
- Bald of Awesome: He sported one throughout his career, as shown in his first actual appearance in V.
- Creator Breakdown: In-Universe, he suffers one due to his declining popularity as well as a paradigm shift following the end of the Cold War. Come San Andreas, he believes the Soviets could still attack despite their breakup a year prior to the game, and culminates in him accidentally killing Billy. After his first release from prison, he's still unhinged, and uses his sock puppet Ho Chi Sock to cope.
- Meaningful Name
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Based off of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.
- Noodle Incident: Nothing is mentioned as to what crime got him a second stint behind bars, although this may be related to his accidental murder of an infant.
- Patriotic Fervor: He plays up this trope Up to Eleven, both in the movies and in his real life.
- Shell-Shocked Veteran: Combines this with Phony Veteran, as while he is an actor who has never served in the army, he certainly acts like he has.
"Thor"Voiced by: Frank FavaA modern day viking and motivational speaker. Made his books from the old runes.
- Chubby Chaser: "A man has to have something to grab onto."
- Horny Vikings: A self proclaimed modern day one.
Introduced in San Andreas
WCTR (West Coast Talk Radio)
Next up on WCTR, the news. We try to make it interesting and not depressing.
Voiced by: Sharon WashingtonWCTR's news anchor, who also introduces and closes each individual show.
Officials say there is still no reported casualties, which is truly unfortunate as it makes for incredibly boring news.
Voiced by: Wil WheatonWCTR's news anchor. Later appears on Liberty City Stories' LCFR, having been apparently fired for participating in the looting amidst the riot at the end of his home game.
- Intrepid Reporter: Zigzagged; while he is heard reporting in rather dangerous places (a detective during a car chase or interviewing a carjacker, for example) he's not exactly a saint, as he goes and eats fast-food with the carjacker just after his interview, can at another point be heard buying drugs and participate in the looting during the riots.
- Kent Brockman News
- Large Ham
Forth Right MC
All due respects to all the people out there fighting the power. Especially all of y'all with the superpowers.
Voiced by: Carlton "Chuck D" RidenhourThe paranoid DJ of East Coast Hip-Hop radio station Playback FM.
- 0% Approval Rating: Almost every in-between banter has listeners complaining about his self-righteous on-air rants. Even the otherwise good-natured Julio G of Radio Los Santos had something to say about him.Julio G: "They have some cool records, thats cool. But the DJ's whack, let's just face it, he's whack man!"
- Adam Westing
- Celebrity Paradox: "Rebel Without A Pause" plays on his station.
- Conspiracy Theorist
Radio Los Santos
This is Radio Los Santos: The place where Gangsta Rap was born, and where it continues to thrive.
Voiced by: Julio Gonzalez
- As Himself
- Chick Magnet: The station idents are made up of phone calls from fans of the show. Most of the female callers seem to really like Julio G, to the point that they seem to listen to Radio Los Santos just for him.
- Digital Piracy Is Okay: He forgets to get a radio edit of "I Don't Give A Fuck", but plays it anyway, accepting the fines. As he puts it..."Tupac doesn't give a fuck, and I don't give a fuck either".
- Only Sane Man: He encourages the gangs of Los Santos to find better ways to solve problems and sees Gangsta Rap as a form of escape. This makes him one of the saner guys in the entire series, especially when compared to the other DJs in the game. During the riots he even expresses his more caring side, advising people to keep out of the streets."You people gotta learn the differences between a rapper and a gangster; a rapper is someone who talks a lot and gets paid a lot of money for it, but don't actually run around with a gun. A gangster is a guy with a gun who kills people and spends most of his adult life in prison. They ain't the same thing, yo, no matter what anybody says."
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Despite the music he works with, he rarely swears on the show and is a Nice Guy overall, which lets his reaction to the riots show just how serious the situation has gotten."There's a lot of morons out here really fucking shit up, so I gotta tell y'all, this ain't cool. Chill the fuck out".
Who wants to be a gangster anyway? There's too much work involved. I just want to sit around all day and stare at candles.
Voiced by: Jodie ShawbackThe rebellious host of the Alternative Rock station Radio X.
- Awesome Mc Cool Name: At least she seems to think so.
- Dead Artists Are Better: Claims that Karl Marx was correct because he is dead.
- Hipster: She hates the previous generation and sees alternative bands not being able to reach a wide market as a good thing.
- Only One Name: She says she can't even remember her last name.
- Small Name, Big Ego
Tommy "The Nightmare" Smith
Voiced by: William Bruce "Axl Rose" BaileyThe washed up 70's rock star of K-DST.
- Adam Westing: Axl is playing a rockstar who was the frontman of a group that he believes he contributed the most to, but that group has left him behind and ever since, he has been washed up.
- Celebrity Paradox: "Welcome To The Jungle" plays on Radio X.
- Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
Voiced by: Riette BurdickThe outlaw DJ of country station K-ROSE.
- A Date with Rosie Palms: Occasionally sticks a harmonica down her pants and demonstrates her ability to sing along with it.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: Not her, but one heist went wrong when she found her-then husband in bed with the getaway horse.
- Deep South
- Really Gets Around: Says it was nice of K-ROSE to put a saddle instead of a seat, since she's more at home with her legs splayed out.
- Serial Spouse: She has had six husbands (all of which have ended up dead) and nine children. Her six husbands are implied to be in the body bags found in the infamous mass grave Easter Egg.
San Fierro Underground Radio (SF-UR)
I'm Hans. That's about it really, shut up and dance you fools!
Voiced by: Lloyd FloydThe hypersensitive German DJ of SF-UR who pioneers House Music on the west coast, much to the objections of his father.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: He is apparently on drugs while on air. It shows.
"This is for all the travellers out there. All the people journeying through life, trying to understand why they take so much space cake. You thought it was regular cake!"
Introduced in IV
I'm disgusted at what I'm witnessing! These people are peddling smut! Mike Whitley, Weazel News! Hey, uh, hey bud', I get the [porn] DVD when it comes out?
Voiced by: John MontoneMain field reporter for Weazel News, and probably the most notable.
- Casting Gag: His voice actor is an actual veteran news anchor of CBS' New York-based 1010 WINS AM.
- Large Ham
Voiced by: Michael JayeAnother field reporter for Weazel News.
Slightly aroused, but still frigid, I'm Jenny Acorn, Weazel News.
Voiced by: Christine SockolA female field reporter for Weazel News.
- Really Gets Around: She's frigid by admission, and Lori suspects she's having an affair with her own husband.
I'm Bryan Wilkinson, Weazel News. We're all screwed!
Voiced by: Bill Andrew QuinnOne of the five studio reporters for Weazel News.
I'm Jim Harrison — and I love to say my name — Weazel News!
Voiced by: Jeff BottomsOne of the five studio reporters for Weazel News.
Introduced in V
Blaine County Talk Radio
Bless Your Heart
Voiced by: Trish SuhrHostess of Bless Your Heart, a program that shares Southern cooking recipes, lifestyle-affirming far-right politics, and tips on creative use of coupons.
- Ambiguously Orange: Her and her producer, but it's a very ''natural'' shade of orange.
- Catch Phrase: "Bless your heart(s)!", repeated ad nauseam, at least thirty or forty times within a typical episode.
- Comfort Food: Insists that grotesquely unhealthy fried food is actually healthy, and it's really those "nutri-Nazis" stressing people out about proper diet that causes heart disease.
- Bacon Addiction"Bacon is God's way of tellin' us he loves us!"
- Deep-Fried Whatever: Candy bars, butter sticks, cigarettes, onions, hairspray, pets... Bobbi will try them all. She's even mentioned deep-frying Sprunk in the past.
- Nutritional Nightmare: Every single dish.
- Real Americans Eat Meat: To an absurd degree. The descriptions of some of her recipes are absolutely nauseating, even by the standards of dedicated meat lovers.
- Bacon Addiction
- Deep South
- Enforced Plug: A lot of conversations with her producer Ricky serve only to advertise Bobbi's newest cooking utensil or home spray tan.
- Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: Describes cheerfully how, because of her anti-vaccine stance, one of her stepchildren died in agony from polio at the age of seven. She then disposed of his corpse in a huge bonfire in the backyard, hosted a family barbecue over his ashes, and — per his dying wishes — named a casserole after him, calling it "Cripple's Crockpot".
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Of Paula Deen, Georgia-born celebrity chef, complete with references to controversies related to her alleged racism. On a lesser note, she's a general parody of the celebrities who endorse the anti-vaccination movement.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: She's been accused of saying "hurtful things, y'all"."I don't judge people! ...Well, not white people."
- Sweet Home Alabama: Desperately tries to invoke this trope, though between her thinly-veiled racism and Tea Party-esque political stance she belongs squarely to the Deep South camp.
"I'm Duane Earl and you're not."
Voiced by: Danny McBrideAnimal husbandry expert, rodeo champion, and host of Beyond Insemination, a show that has far more to do with Earl's own opinions of what constitutes a real man (i.e., himself) than any sort of farming advice.
- Anti-Role Model: Recalls his days as a grade-school soccer coach teaching his students to do anything to win, from taking steroids to gambling to deliberately injuring opponents.
- Big Fancy House: Duane's description of his estate (including an enormous fish tank in his bedroom), which somewhat negates his claims that he's still just a humble country boy.
- Comedic Sociopathy: Tells Mike, one of his callers, to drown his wife unless she allows their son to play football, so the family can earn enough money for Mike to buy himself a bass boat.
- Deep South
- Early-Bird Cameo: Appears in the "My Blaine County" commercial, which was released on the Rockstar website as part of the countdown to the game's release.
- Everyone Has Standards: Bestiality is a no-no for him."Goddammit. You are sitting there with a hot laptop on your sweaty thighs doing image search for heifers, aren't you? Jesus... I'm tired of you sickos calling up and ruining my otherwise flawless broadcasting flow!"
- Expy: His general scummy-and-proud-of-it demeanor, especially the anecdotes of his coaching days, make him very similar to McBride's much more well-known character, Kenny Powers.
- Rated M for Manly: The point of his show.
- That Came Out Wrong"Next caller. Inseminate me. No, no, no, that's wrong. Speaketh to me."
Blaine County Radio Community Hour
Ronald "Ron" JakowskiA Conspiracy Theorist who airs his own podcast during BC Community Hour, during which he rambles about various sinister plots against the free world, and occasionally fields questions from his equally deranged audience (including his friend "Philip Trevors", who is very adamant against appearing on the show).
- For more information, see Grand Theft Auto V - Friends, Family, and Associates.
West Coast Talk Radio
Dr. Ray DiAngelo Harris
Voiced by: J.B. SmooveLicensed doctor, expert on New Age medicine, and host of Chakra Attack.
- Cloudcuckoolander: The man is obsessed with duality.
- Disappeared Dad: He admits that the only reason he got into talk radio is so that he could find his dad. In the next gen versions of the game, he does end up finding him.
- Hot-Blooded: One might think that a spiritual guru would be a little less excitable, but Harris spends almost the entire program yelling at the top of his lungs.
- I am a compassionate lover and a fierce warrior!
- Hypocrite: In one episode alone, there is mention that he had a "mandatory vegan diet". Later, he claims to only eat raw meat.
- Jerkass: He constantly belittles everyone around him. One of the people calling in does so to give him shit for him wanting to institute mandatory vegan diets and forcing everyone bigger than him to get gastro-band surgery.
- Large Ham
- No Indoor Voice: His normal tone of voice is "shouting like a raving lunatic".
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Cheryl's blue.
- X Meets Y: Gangbanger meets doctor meets yogi. Need we say more?
Voiced by: Annie LedermanProducer for the show and Harris' badgered co-host.
- Bi the Way: She mentions being bisexual when spurning Ray's offer to touch his "special place".
- Blue Oni Red Oni: The blue to Angelo's red.
- Granola Girl: She's notably called a hippie numerous times both on and off the show.
The Fernando Show
Fernando MartinezSee Above
JoFernando's producer who is, as he is keen to point out, a woman.
Republican Space RangersThe television series aired on Weazel about a trio of patriotic American space rangers called The Commander, Dick and Butch.
The Titular Characters
- Bald of Awesome: Dick.
- Big Eater: Butch.
- Cigar Chomper: The Commander.
- Deep South
- Eagleland: Type 2.
- Everyone Calls Him Commander
- Face–Heel Turn: Butch befriends a knowledge-seeking alien in Episode 456. Dick and the Commander were not too pleased.
- Fantastic Racism: They check on and kill "illegal" aliens. This is really a take on the mistreatment of immigrants in the United States and xenophobia.
- Fat Idiot: Butch
- Humans Are Bastards
- Redhead In Green: Butch, although it is just the same suit Dick and the Commander wear.
- Shout-Out: Their helmets are akin to those from the Halo series.
- Take That: Their personalities are mirrored towards rednecks and conservatives.
- There's No Kill Like Overkill: Once they are done slaughtering aliens, they'll nuke their whole planet.
AliensThey are all friendly and most of them get killed by the Republican Space Rangers.
- Ain't Too Proud to Beg
- Ambiguously Gay: The teacher in the episode "Homecoming".
- Gag Penis: The alien president literally looks like one, who spews urine whenever he speaks.
- Gratuitous Spanish: Julio, much to Dick's frustration.
- National Stereotypes: The Rangers' servants, Julio, Ming Ho and Ivan, who are portrayals of Mexicans, the Chinese and Russians respectively.
- Killed Off for Real
Kung Fu Rainbow Lazer ForceAnimated series about a Power Rangers-esque group of teenage superheroes who stop sex with violence. Aired on Weazel.
The Titular Characters
- Accidental Pervert: Sebastian tried to spy on the Wickenberg High School's stadium but ends up looking at one of their cheerleaders' skirts, prompting his Heroic R.R.O.D..
- Black and Nerdy: Quota.
- Colour Coded Characters:
- Dumb Blonde: Tallulah
- Eye Beams
- Idiot Hero: Dirk
- Upper-Class Twit: Sebastian Kaiden
- Token Minority: Quota and Zoey, being African-American and Asian respectively.
- White Anglo-Saxon Protestant: Sebastian Kaiden
Mr. HitzmanThe science teacher of Parvenu Hills Academy and the founder of the Kung Fu Rainbow Lazer Force.
The AntagonistsA quartet of Wickenberg High School students who are the arch-enemies of the Kung Fu Rainbow Lazer Force.
- Ambiguously Gay: The Frenchman.
- Canada, Eh?: The leader.
- Colour Coded Characters:
- Leader: White
- Frenchman: Grey
- Pregnant teen girl: Yellow
- Goth girl: Purple
- Dark Is Evil: Goth girl
- Evil Redhead: Pregnant teen girl
- Good Smoking, Evil Smoking: The Frenchman and pregnant teen girl
- Green and Mean: The leader wears a dark green fluffy hat.
- Light Is Not Good: The rest of the team.
- National Stereotypes: Well... the leader and the Frenchman.
- No Names Given
- Raven Hair, Ivory Skin: Goth girl
Impotent RageTV series following a liberal superhero. Only shown on CNT.
The Titular Character
- Berserk Button: "Eat organic and recycle or I'll have a fit!"
- Blue Is Heroic
- Brought To You By The Letter "R"
- Bourgeois Bohemian
- Clark Kenting: His alter-ego is Braxton Hunter, the entrepreneur of enviro-friendly Braxton Industries.
- Cluster F-Bomb: After he threw his stapler at a vagrant for "not recycling" and killed him, he unleashes a 3-profane-word mutter.Braxton Hunter: Fuck, shit, cunt, piece of...
- Heroic B.S.O.D.: He can be very emotional at times.
- Real Men Wear Pink: Wears a pink cape and loves to recycle.
Uber-ManThe right-wing and anti-environmental supervillain and archenemy of Impotent Rage.
Gordon Moorehead Rides Again!Classic detective animated series that once aired on VCPR in 1984 and now on CNT in Los Santos, 2013.
The Titular Character
- Blue Is Heroic: Wears dark blue trousers with work straps, light blue tailcoat, pale blue tie and dark blue fedora and is the central protagonist of his own show.
- Dark Is Not Evil
- Eagleland: Type 1.
- Good Smoking, Evil Smoking
- Would Hit a Girl: He frequently slaps his female partner Molly into keeping quiet throughout the show.
- Butt Monkey: Gordon usually shuts her up with his slapping whenever she gets very nervous or any other kind of womanly problem that bothers him.
- Buxom Is Better
- Pink Is Feminine
- CIA Evil, FBI Good: Seems to be part of the F.I.B thanks to wearing ID of said agency.
- Da Chief: To Gordon.
Redwood ChiefThe Native American who replaces Pablo's role and joins Gordon.
PabloGordon's good old little Mexican partner and friend.
- Cigar Chomper
- Gratuitous Spanish
- National Stereotypes: Of Mexicans.
- The Pollyanna
- Put on a Bus: Until the end of the episode "Gordon and the Soviet Tit-Wank"; he claimed that he moved back to Mexico for a while to catch a big rest, explaining his reason why he was not seen at the beginning of that episode.
Boris PablovichA Soviet communist behind the Red Scare and the antagonist of the series.
- Artificial Limbs: Metal claws.
- Beard of Evil: Mid-length.
- Big Bad
- Dark Is Evil
- Dirty Commies
- Evil Laugh
- Evil Plan: He wants to dominate America with a Soviet agenda.
- Good Smoking, Evil Smoking
- Husky Russkie
- Red and Black and Evil All Over: Fur coat, black shoes, black ushanka with a red star and a communist.
Princess Robot BubblegumA seinen anime series aired on CNT.
The Titular Character
- Buxom Is Better: To a ridiculous extent.
- Green-Eyed Redhead
- Pink Is Feminine
- Pink Girl, Blue Boy: The Pink Girl to Sword Boy's Blue Boy.
- Ms. Fanservice: Parodied.
Master HentaiPrincess Robot Bubblegum's teacher.
Sword BoyA wandering warrior Bubblegum meets in one of her “patrols”; apparently becomes her boyfriend.
- Ambiguously Bi: Is apparently Bubblegum's boyfriend, but speaks with a stereotypically heavy lisp and is said to "play both sides of the sushi bar".
- Bishounen: Parodied
- Blue Boy Pink Girl: The Blue Boy to Princess Robot Bubblegum's Pink Girl.
- Blue Is Heroic: His hair and the blue torso area on the front of his suit are blue and he is a hero.
- BFS: Obviously a Buster Sword offshoot.
- Heroes Want Redheads: It has been universally declared that he is going to become the main character's official love interest.
- No Name Given: Some call him Blind Swordsman, Wandering Warrior, Gay Cloud, etc. However no one refers to him by name in the episodes proper, he is credited as Sword Boy.
- Not So Harmless: He was pretty mediocre in the IV episodes, in V however he seemly isn’t that slow against a Tentacle Rape Plant wanting to tap his girl.
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair
Fame Or ShameA national talent show set in the Maze Bank Arena. The direct parody of America's Got Talent, American Idol and every other real-life talent show across the world. Hosted by Lazlow, aired on Weazel.
LazlowSee his entry on the GTAIII section
Hugh HarrisonThe British judge.
- Berserk Button: He hates it when Lazlow says he isn't really British.
- British Towns And Cities: He has claimed to be from "Stanford-shire-burg-on-sea".
- Mean Brit
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: A blatant parody of Simon Cowell.
Anita MendozaThe only female judge for the show and a talented Vinewood actress.
- The Indian judge who is also a yogi practitioner.