Timeline / Hatchetfield

aka: Black Friday

Ever since the inception of the "Hatchetfield universe", consisting of the stage musicals The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, Black Friday, and Nerdy Prudes Must Die, the Web video series Nightmare Time, and the short film Workin' Boys, Team Starkid fans have been clamoring for details on the timeline of the massively expanded backstory for the sake of Epileptic Trees, Wild Mass Guessing and writing Fan Fic. This is an attempt to collect information from dialogue in the shows, Word of God from Nick Lang's Twitter account and other sources to make as consistent a timeline as possible.

Since Hatchetfield explicitly is a universe with Alternate Timelines, this timeline is organized to try to cover all the possible events depicted onscreen/onstage while minimizing the total number of timelines as much as possible.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Post-Nightmare Time S1 Timeline Discussion: "The Witch in the Web" very strongly implies that Alternate Timelines only came into existence after Hannah Foster's birth, as a result of her being the Chosen One of the Hatchetfield universe, which this timeline takes as canon for clarity’s sake.

This timeline tries to fit as many of Nightmare Time Season One's stories into one timeline as possible. The only irreconcilable discrepancies are:

• "The Hatchetfield Ape-Man" is inconsistent with "Forever & Always" and "Time Bastard", because Ted dies before he has a chance to become the Homeless Man. "Watcher World" also implies Ted is alive, making it easiest to put all three of these stories in one timeline.
• "Jane's a Car" implies it takes place in summer 2019 and "Forever & Always"/"Time Bastard" implicitly takes place in fall 2019 — and it seems unlikely Tom Houston would've been released from prison soon enough to attend Paul and Emma's wedding if that were the case.

For this reason, this timeline assumes all of Nightmare Time S1 is one timeline except for "The Hatchetfield Ape-Man" and "Jane's a Car" being "branches" (that provide individual, specific Downer Endings for Ted and Prof. Hidgens in the first case and Tom and Becky Barnes in the second, each one being those two characters' individual "Nightmare Time").

This may be controversial with fans, especially since "The Witch in the Web" implies it's the "brightest timeline" heading toward a Golden Ending for the entire Hatchetfield multiverse, whereas "Forever & Always"/"Time Bastard" lead to a Bad Future that has the Paul, Emma, and Ted all dead in the present day. That said, no one yet knows what twists and turns the Hatchetfield series has in store...

Original Timeline

1775-1783

• American Revolutionary War. On July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence is signed, leading to the creation of the United States of America as an independent country.

1805

• On June 30, the Michigan Territory is established by the US Congress, having formerly been part of the Indiana Territory. At this time, Michigan is still inhabited only by Native tribes and a few scattered French fur traders.

1812

• On June 18, the United States declares war on Britain and begins the War of 1812. Most Native tribes in the Great Lakes, including in Michigan, join the war on Britain's side as part of Tecumseh's Confederation. (According to The Trail to Oregon!, which is very ambiguously canon in the Hatchetfield series, the family's Grandpa took part in this war and claims he was rewarded with a $1 million bill for his service.)

1814-15

• The Treaty of Ghent is signed on December 24 and takes effect on February 17, ending the War of 1812. As part of the settlement, all Native tribes who took part in Tecumseh's rebellion cede all their land claims in the Great Lakes region, including the Michigan Territory, opening up Michigan for American settlement. White settlers begin to trickle in, primarily New Englanders of Puritan descent; as Native tribes are forcibly removed by the government in the 1820s the trickle of settlement becomes a flood.

1815-1824

• During this time period a woman named Willabella Muckwab, the Muck-Witch, terrorizes a community of Michigan settlers, kidnapping and murdering their children to fuel her black magic. She discovers the ancient entities known as the Lords in Black and becomes the first and most powerful known worshiper of their Top God, Wiggog Y'Wrath, a.k.a. "Wiggly". Guided by his power, she writes down an accursed grimoire of spells known only as the Black Book.

1824

• The town of Hatchetfield, Michigan is established on the eponymous Hatchetfield Island in the Great Lakes (according to the Hatchetfield Welcome Sign shown in the intro of Black Friday and Nightmare Time). It is apparently named for the hatchets used to clear a space for the town in the thick forest that covers the island, which later becomes known as "the Witchwood".
• "The Witch in the Web" reveals Hatchetfield's Dark Secret: The town was founded after a mob discovered the full extent of Willabella Muckwab's vile deeds and had her lynched and hanged at the courthouse. The secretive cabal responsible for her death, having gained some understanding of how her magic worked, developed a grim plan for keeping her soul from reincarnating — they built the town of Hatchetfield as a Soul Jar, performing regular Human Sacrifice to trap innocent people's souls (each of them born with a "touch of the gift") in trees, whose roots form a psychic "web" that keep Willabella's own spirit Sealed Evil in a Can as long as new sacrifices are regularly performed to keep the web strong. The Ancient Conspiracy responsible for maintaining the web are known only as the "hatchet-men", and are guided in this plot by the Lords in Black's ambiguously benevolent "sister", the aptly-named deity "Webby". The town of Hatchetfield and the Witchwood seem to exist in symbiosis, with the dark purpose of the town being partly to continue breeding magically gifted humans to periodically feed to the Witchwood to keep the Lords in Black in check.
• Despite their best efforts, of course, Hatchetfield is a Leaking Can of Evil rather than a truly sealed one, with Willabella's baleful influence still lurking over the town and giving the Lords in Black a way in to affect people's lives, making the town an Eldritch Location. The affected include Matthias and Agatha Waylon, wealthy socialites who used their power to found The Church of the Starry Children, a cult dedicated to worshiping the Lords in Black. Making matters worse is that Willabella had a daughter before she was killed, whose bloodline spreads throughout the town and makes her eventual reincarnation that much more likely, if she can only break out of the web's power. The Witchwood itself causes problems for Hatchetfield, since things that grow there grow "fast, big, and different". Also, the Black Book is impossible to permanently destroy and ends up lost, causing great harm whenever it passes through the hands of a new discoverer.

1824-1979

• Matthias and Agatha Waylon use their money to build five Black Altars, places where the Lords in Black have the most power. These consist of the Starlight Theater, the Hatchetfield Gazzette, Hatchetfield High School, the Old Waylon Place, and the Old Mill.

1837

• Michigan officially becomes a state on January 26.

1848

• On July 26, 1848, a family of five ambiguously travels from Illinois to the Oregon Territory seeking their fortune, having many misadventures along the way, including the defeat and death of notorious villain McDoon the Bandit King and the family's father having a bizarre fever dream in which he gets a vision of "the Watchers with a Thousand Eyes" who have arranged all of his family's suffering for their amusement.

1870

• Hatchetfield's beaches become a popular tourist destination, and an amusement park is founded on the uninhabited north shore of Hatchetfield Island, on the opposite end of the island from the town. Over the next century and a half, this park evolves into a fully-fledged theme park known as "Watcher World", using the advertising mascot "Blinky" (a cutesy Cyclops figure) to brand itself. (This date is not specifically given in "Watcher World", but Watcher World has a "storied history" and is clearly based on the real-life Cedar Point.)

1910

• Matthias and Agatha Waylon build the Old Waylon Place. They place a spell on it that causes anyone who dies within the house to come back as a ghost.

1920s

• Legends of local cryptids become very popular around Hatchetfield, including an artist recording a popular novelty song, "The Hatchetfield Ape-Man", about the town's mascot Bigfoot, Sasquatch, and Yeti "Woolly-foot".

1920

• Sheila Young marries Mr. Young. He gives her the secret of eternal youth.

1941-1945

• The United States' involvement in World War II. As President Howard Goodman puts it, "We beat the Nazis!" The United States' success in this war leads to it becoming the unquestioned "leader of the free world" and hegemonic center of global capitalism, as well as kicking off a nuclear arms race with the Soviet Union, which won't entirely cease even after the Russian Federation inherits the USSR's nuclear arsenal in 1991.

1945

• The Honey Queen Pageant is held as a contest to crown the "sweetest woman in Hatchetfield". In actuality, the pageant is a test to find the best sacrifice to Nibblenephim, who can walk the earth once a year.

1940s-60s

• Roman Murray is born.

1950s-60s

• Henry Hidgens is born. (He's in his 50s or 60s in 2018.) He spends most of his early life obsessed with musical theatre.
• The birth of the mysterious Miss Holloway, assuming her 1980s aesthetics are based on when she hit her prime.

1954-1996

• The Old Mill is replaced by Lakeside Mall, though its status as a Black Altar remains. (The first mall in Michigan opened in 1954.)

1960s-80s

• Solomon Lauter is born.

1966-72

• The Apollo missions, considered the height of American technical achievement, where the United States successfully landed human beings on the Moon six times (Apollo 11-17, excluding 13). Unbeknownst to the general public, the Apollo missions' success were part of a cover-up of later, unknown series of missions clandestine forces in the government conducted to create a permanent base on the Moon used for top-secret projects, in coordination with the Coven Communications, Research and Power company.

1970s

• John MacNamara is born. (He's in his 40s in 2018.)
• Frank Pricely is born (He’s a child in the '80s)

1970s-80s

• Henry Hidgens and his college friends Greg, Steve, Stu, Mark, Leighton, and Chad end up in a dogpile during a football game when lightning strikes them. Hidgens, the only survivor, has to dig his way out of his friends' charred corpses. He creates the musical Workin' Boys as wish fulfillment where all of them survive to graduation.

1973

• Bill Woodward is born. (He's "at least 45" in 2018.)
• The Endangered Species Act is introduced and signed into law. Checker-Tailed Nighthawks, due to only living in Hatchetfield, end up being one of the species protected under this act.

1979

• Sherman Young is born (He turns 41 in 2020.)
• The Church of the Starry Children is massacred by the Hatchetmen, leaving the Black Book missing and Sheila Young and her son Sherman the only survivors. Sheila spends the next 40 years marrying middle-aged men and sacrificing them to keep herself young.

1979-2000s

• Sometime in this time period ("years ago" when Jane is recalling it in 2019, after the Black Book falls out of the hands of the Church of the Starry Children) a literature professor in or near Hatchetfield comes in contact with the Black Book, becoming obsessed with the spells therein until he's driven mad. He ends up institutionalized at the mental health wing of St. Damien's Hospital, which also takes possession of the notes he made about the Black Book, including a tape recording of himself reading an incantation intended to transfer souls from one vessel to another. The Black Book itself is lost, eventually making its way into the possession of Miss Holloway.

1980s

• Miss Holloway, a magical practitioner serving the forces of good, apparently stops aging at this point (when she's in her natural 20s or 30s) and for the next several decades refuses to adapt to modern fashion or technology. She seems to have been a pop singer during this period, with one of her singles being named "Run Away With Me"
• Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri are born.

1980-1982

• Jane Perkins and Stanley are born (Jane is "a few years older" than Tom, and Stanley is specifically 3-5 years older than Becky.)

1982

• Jenny is born. (Presuming she's just graduated college in 2004 and therefore is about to take Andy's offer to "leave Hatchetfield forever" without dropping out of school.)

1983-1984

• Linda Monroe (née Murray) is born to Roman Murray. ("In between Jane and Tom", and is 36 in 2020.)

1984

• Tom Houston is born. ("A year older than Becky", and was a senior when Emma was a freshman. Confirmed directly on Twitter.)
• Ted Spankoffski and Charlotte Sweetly are born (Word of God says they're the same age as Tom) Note: It is unknown what Charlotte's maiden name is, or if her last name even is "Sweetly" since it's only mentioned as Sam's last name.

1985

• Becky Barnes is born. (Confirmed on Twitter.)
• Adventures of the Gummi Bears either doesn't premiere or has a completelly different theme song. Music that would be used for its theme in real life is instead used for Sugar Gliders theme, with changed lyrics. Both Frank and Sherman become fond of Sugar Gliders theme song.

1986

• Model year of the red Fox-Body Mustang purchased by Tom's parents that he eventually inherits in high school.
• A young woman named Casey is one of the victims of Human Sacrifice forced to become a ghost haunting the trees in the Witchwood.

1987

• Emma Perkins and Paul Matthews are born. (Confirmed on Twitter.)

1980s-1990s

• Lucy Stockworth, the future Duchess of Stockworth, is born (she's presumably in her 20s or 30s by the "present day" of "The Hatchetfield Ape-Man", since she's considered an eligible bachelorette). Her parents regularly take holidays in the resort areas of Hatchetfield to see the local scenery and wildlife, which leads to her almost dying falling out of a tree when she's nine or ten, only to be saved by the Ape-Man.

1991

• Professor Henry Hidgens, having abandoned his "first love" of musical theatre for a new career as a biologist, develops a bizarre theory that said "first love" will someday destroy the human race, in the form of an alien Hive Mind that ends human free will by turning everyone into singing and dancing characters from a musical. He withdraws into his home, turning it into a shelter where he stockpiles supplies to prepare for the musical apocalypse. (He's been preparing for "twenty", "thirty" or "twenty-seven years" in 2018. The latter quote, being the least "round" and most specific, is assumed to be accurate.)
• The "fall of communism" and the end of the Cold War, with the dissolution of the Soviet Union on December 26, leading to politicians widely proclaiming that the "argument had been won" and the American model of capitalism was the only way forward for the human race. Notably, however, the new Russian Federation retains the Soviet Union's nuclear stockpile, and its relationship with the United States remains tense.

1992-94

• Jane Perkins is twelve years old, and makes a Lisa Frank binder with a comprehensive plan for the rest of her life — where she'll go to school, where she'll work, when she'll get married and have kids — that she'll actually successfully stick to as an adult. This will make Emma feel inferior for as far back as she can remember.

1994

• The Lion King is released, and is apparently the last Disney movie Bill has clear memories of.
• Tom Houston turns nine years old; he wants a popgun from the 99-cent store, but his dad buys him a cheaper toy knife instead.

1996

• May-July 1: Frank Pricely’s parents die. He uses the money they left for him to open up Toy Zone in Lakeside Mall.

1996-97

• Zoey Chambers, Hailey Dilmore, Cassandra King, Courtney, and the other Community Players are born. (Emma says Zoey's "ten years younger", but if she "majored in theatre" and is a college graduate she probably has to be at least 22 in 2018. She is confirmed to be 23 years old in "Honey Queen" which is set in the summer of 2020, but she might have a birthday in the fall or winter.)

1990s-2000s

• Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri are camp counselors at Camp Idontwannabang. They have a sexual relationship that results in Girl Jeri becoming pregnant. In order to hide their child out of wedlock, they raise Lil' Jerry in the Witchwood, making him grow into a giant. Their attempts to teach him abstinence make him slaughter everyone at Camp Idontwannabang who do anything together above holding hands, making Lumber Axe an urban legend talked about with the same weight as Willabella Muckwab and Woolly-Foot. Ted Spankoffski is sent to Camp Idontwannabang at some point and is traumatized by Lumber Axe.

1999-2000

• Lex Foster and Ethan Green are born. (Lex is one year ahead of Alice and Deb in school; Ethan's age is as yet unspecified but he's no more than one year older or younger than her.) Little has been revealed about Lex's family situation, but her mother, Pamela Foster, and her father are both still present at this point. Ethan is the son of Tony Green, the Italian-American owner of the local auto body shop, and starts working for his dad as soon as he's old enough to.

2000

• Jenny begins attending college in Hatchetfield.

2000-2001

• Alice Woodward, Deb, and Ziggs are all born. (They seem to all be around the same age and Alice and Deb are rising seniors in 2018.) Alice is born to Bill and his wife sometime in late October or early November.

2000s

• Lucy Stockworth's father, the old Duke of Stockworth, dies, and she inherits his title and his fortune. She goes on to spend the next several years in an obsessive search for proof the Hatchetfield Ape-Man exists, including making a personal pilgrimage to Hatchetfield every year around the anniversary of the first time he saved her life.
• In this time period Miss Holloway begins a partnership with Hatchetfield social worker Douglas Keane ("Duke"), an open-minded public servant who's willing to let her use her unorthodox, supernatural methods to help the children suffering from problems he can't understand. They strike up a flirtatious friendship that borders on romance, due to Duke having a crush on her. She also starts up an '80s themed diner named Miss Retro's at some point, with Frank Pricely being a loyal customer.
• Ethan Green is one of the kids Miss Holloway helps, and she leaves him with a Hatchetfield Nighthawks baseball cap as a token to remind him to be strong, telling him nothing can hurt him while he has it. It means a lot to him at the time, although as he gets older he comes to think of it as just a kids' story.

2001

• Terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon on Sept. 11 lead to the declaration of Operation Enduring Freedom and the invasion of Afghanistan on Oct. 7. (Sherman Young later confuses this invasion for the one Tom was involved in.)

2001-2003

• Peter Spankoffski, Stephanie Lauter, Grace Chasity, Max Jägerman, Ruth Fleming, Richie Lipschitz, Brenda, Stacy, Jason Jepson, Kyle Clauger, and Brad Callahan are born. (They're seniors in the 2020-21 school year. Steph and Pete's birthdays are in early 2002 since they're "consenting adults" during "Abstinence Camp" which is set in the early summer of 2020.)

2002

• Ted Spankoffski begins attending the same college as Jenny, meeting her as a freshman when she's a junior. They hit it off, and become best friends — but with him as an awkward, earnest young man who's afraid of screwing up their friendship by taking the next step, neither of them is able to admit their romantic attraction to the other.

2002-2004

• Emma Perkins starts selling weed. Despite her incompetence in making it, Perky's Buds end up becoming legendary to the stoners of Hatchetfield High, since the weed always ends up amazing due to it being created in Witchwood soil.

2003

• When Paul is 15 and a freshman or sophomore at Sycamore High, he travels to Hatchetfield High to see a production of Brigadoon, where Emma played Bonnie Jean. He hates it, and decides from that point forward that he doesn't like musicals.
• Operation Iraqi Freedom begins on March 20 as an expansion of the War on Terror.
• Tom Houston's senior year at Hatchetfield High, his girlfriend Becky's junior year. Tom is the beloved quarterback of the football team and Becky is the cheer captain, and most of their peers consider them a Super Couple. Tom graduates, and joins the military in order to participate in the recently-launched invasion of Iraq. Becky falls into the orbit of Stanley, a sketchy older guy who flirts with high school girls by buying them cigarettes and booze. After she turns 18, she casually dates him for five months, before, in the fall of 2003, Stanley becomes physically abusive and forces her into a committed relationship with him.
• The Tear-Jerker, the "tallest roller coaster in the Midwest", opens at Watcher World. (Assuming it was built at the same time as its real-life counterpart, the Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point.)

2003-2005

• Sophia is born. (She's "maybe a year or two Hannah's senior".) She has a "touch of the gift" being able to control fire. At some point, she joins the Roller-Rama fighting ring as "Spitfire"

2004

• Becky graduates from high school. Stanley and Becky get married. (They're married by the time Tom gets back from Iraq.) Stanley pressures Becky into enrolling in nursing school rather than going away to a four-year college.
• Jenny begins dating a guy named Andy Kilgore, who has job plans that involve moving out of Hatchetfield to Clivesdale. She's torn between the appeal of starting a new life and never seeing her friends again, but the pain of still carrying her unresolved feelings for Ted while dating someone else makes her resolve to make a clean break.
• October 17 — Time Travel. Future Ted pops up out of nowhere in the offices of the Hatchetfield Gazette, which in the future will become the CCRP building, arriving from Fall 2104 in Timeline C (the Bad Future of the primary Nightmare Time timeline). He knocks his past self unconscious, determined to use the seduction techniques he learned in his extra fifteen years of life to make Jenny his. He violently assaults Andy on the way to Jenny's, gloating to him that he's the "Time Bastard" from the future and leaving him badly battered and missing his left eye. He then tries to woo Jenny, but his offensive and out-of-character behavior only scares her — she tries to leave, and they get in a brief physical scuffle which leads to the disintegrator Ted took from the future activating and annihilating her in a puff of dust. Racked by horror at having killed the love of his life, Ted tries to run back to the portal in the Gazette building only to learn that because the portal does not exist in this time period he cannot initiate a time jump, and is trapped taking The Slow Path. His mind is broken permanently by this, and for the next fifteen years he's known only as Hatchetfield's wandering Homeless Man. NOTE: Since this takes place before "everything shatters" the next year in 2005, the Homeless Man continues to exist even in timelines where the Bad Future never occurs and Ted never goes to that future to initiate the Stable Time Loop in which he becomes him. This may tie into Future Ted/Homeless Man's existence as the "Time Bastard", fated to continue to exist even in timelines where his existence is illogical.
• Andy, horribly injured by Ted's attack, and finding Jenny gone without a trace when he goes to look for her, spends the rest of his life obsessed with revenge on the man he knows only as the "Time Bastard". He joins the company CCRP and steadily amasses power and influence, while learning more about the secret Magitek CCRP deals in and becoming increasingly convinced Ted's story about coming from the future might be true.
• The younger Ted wakes up, assuming his unconsciousness was due just to drinking too much, and gets Jenny's letter she sent him about leaving because her feelings for him are too painful. He assumes that "that pushy asshole" Andy stole him from her by being more confident and selfish than he was willing to be, and, heartbroken, spends the next fifteen years reinventing himself as a sleazy pickup artist who doesn't care about women's feelings.

2004-2018

• The Hatchetfield Gazzette moves to a different building. Its old place is bought by CCRP but retains its status as a Black Altar.

2005

• Special Unit PEIP, an Over-the-Top Secret project of the US military, builds their experimental portal into the Black and White ("13 years ago"). John MacNamara's mentor, Wilbur Cross, volunteers to test it and explore the newly discovered extradimensional reality, and emerges having been driven mad. He proclaims his allegiance to the mysterious entity who rules the Black and White and his enmity with all mankind, escapes and vanishes. PEIP begins to attempt to study this entity — "the Devil", "the Lord of Despair" — and develop a plan to oppose it. John MacNamara takes over where Cross left off and rises to the rank of General.
• October: Duke Keane's father, Sheriff Duke Senior is murdered by Wilbur Cross.
• Oct. 5: Hannah Foster is born. (Confirmed in "Yellow Jacket".) Seemingly from birth, she's "gifted" with strange visions given to her by a Not-So-Imaginary Friend, the benevolent sister of the Lords in Black that appears to her as a "spider from outer space" named Webby. According to Uncle Wiley, "Everything shattered when she came." Somehow, Hannah's psychic gifts are tied to the existence of other timelines, which only she can directly sense — the fact that her mind serves as a bridge between countless branching dimensions makes her the "most powerful psychic mind ever to exist" and the Chosen One. It is only after her birth in 2005 that, for the purposes of this show, the timeline is capable of splitting.
• Willabella Muckwab's dormant spirit becomes aware that Hannah is her distant direct descendant and the Chosen One, and that if she can successfully break out of the Witchwood's web and possess Hannah's body she will become unstoppable. She devotes all her energies to attacking Hannah's mind in her dreams with nightmares to try to wear down Hannah's will to eventually accomplish this, while Webby becomes a constant presence giving Hannah tools to fight back.
• Hannah's father (unclear if he's also Lex's father) leaves Pamela before Hannah is old enough to remember him. Lex and Pamela goes into a downward spiral into alcoholism and depression, contributing to Hannah's issues. Lex ends up being the one who actually raises Hannah for most of her childhood.

2005-2006

• Tom Houston returns after "two tours" in Iraq (one tour for a typical combat veteran in Iraq was between 9-15 months), and is given a diagnosis of PTSD. He's heartbroken by Becky having met someone else and gotten married while he was gone.

2005-2010

• Daniel is born. (He's "a kid, no older than Hannah".) He has a "touch of the gift", specifically being able to stop time by holding his breath. At some point, he joins the Roller-Rama fighting ring as "Stopwatch"

Timeline Branch 1 - Uncle Wiley Wins

2005

• Sometime in this year, Miss Holloway goes on a mission to save three girls who, by meddling with magic, have horrifically fused themselves into a single entity. She has a confrontation with them in the Starlight Theatre, which ends in her failing to save them but managing to uncover Uncle Wiley as the entity responsible for their plight, having cast some sort of ritual on the stage using an artifact known as the Black Blade. Miss Holloway has a climactic struggle with Uncle Wiley where only one of them can survive. Point of Divergence: According to Uncle Wiley's ghost in "The Witch in the Web", there's a 50% chance Miss Holloway kills him and by so doing prevents the apocalypse (or at least the specific one he was planning), and a 50% chance Wiley kills Miss Holloway, devours her heart and takes her signature denim jacket as a trophy, the apocalypse proceeding on schedule. In this branch, Uncle Wiley wins and kills Miss Holloway, continuing to plot various means of causing the apocalypse. The Black Book bounces around multiple different owners before eventually falling into the hands of Solomon Lauter later in the year ("15 years ago" in 2020).

2006

• Emma and Paul graduate from high school. Paul is implied to go to college nearby, continuing to live in Hatchetfield. At some point Paul meets Becky, although he remains unfamiliar with her circle of acquaintances from Hatchetfield High. Emma leaves home and begins traveling the world taking odd jobs, eventually ending up living in Guatemala. At some point, Emma sells her DNA to a shady outfit for $200 in quick cash; her samples end up acquired by the CCRP corporation as they build a comprehensive database of as many people's genetic data as possible.
• Becky graduates from nursing school (two years is considered the normal minimum amount of time to become an RN). She takes a job at the pediatrics wing of St. Damien's Hospital, where she becomes known around town as a bleeding-heart angel of mercy for kids with serious or terminal conditions.

2006-2009

• Jane graduates from medical school and enters residency as a psychiatrist at St. Damien's Hospital in Hatchetfield. (If her life is going "exactly on schedule" then this should happen when she's 26.) Around this time she meets and starts dating Tom, coaxing him out of his shell and getting him back on his feet. (She talks about her relationship with Tom over the phone, but from what Emma can see of him on social media she doesn't approve and tells Jane she's making a mistake.) Tom becomes the shop teacher at Hatchetfield High, and they get married. Emma gets an invitation to the wedding but doesn't come. (This happens after Emma turns 18 and leaves home and before Tim's birth in 2009.)

2009

• Tim Houston is born to Tom and Jane. (He's nine in 2018.) Emma is invited to the baby shower, and again does not come.
• Pete and Steph start 1st grade, although they never meaningfully interact.

2010s

• Pamela Foster's chronic neglect of her children begins to catch up to her and come to the attention of the state; after various unhappy incidents, Douglas "Duke" Keane is assigned at some point as a social worker to the Foster household and does his best to try to push Pamela to be a better parent, although there's little he can do since Lex (reasonably) sees being taken into the foster system as a worst-case scenario for Hannah. She instead covers for her mom's failures as much as she can and starts counting the days until she turns 18 and can take Hannah away to take care of her herself.
• Lex buys Hannah a white ukulele as a gift with her own money, which is Hannah's only personal possession of any value. Hannah spends most of her time at home playing it at all hours of the night; her "Imaginary Friend" Webby teaches her special songs to sing to keep the "Witch in the Web" at bay and to stave off the horrible nightmares ("Nightmare Time") that happen otherwise.

2010s-2020

• The Roller-Rama supposedly closes down (Ethan's reaction to Hannah saying they're going there in "Yellow Jacket" suggests he personally remembers its closure). In actuality, the rink was repurposed to become a gladiator arena for kids with a "touch of the gift" to battle.

2010

• Liz Cunningham moves to Hatchetfield from Clivesdale. Due to Hatchetfield's notorious animosity towards its neighbor, she keeps her hometown a secret.

2010-2012

• Jane Perkins completes her residency and board certification (which typically takes four years) and becomes a practicing psychiatrist at St. Damien's at the age of 30. At some point in her practice she encounters the case of the literature professor who lost his mind after reading the Black Book and was institutionalized, taking charge of his care and becoming fascinated with his delusions.

2011

• Frank Pricely adopts a dog named Buddy.

2012-2018

• In either 2012 or 2016 (depending on whether he's serving his first or second term in Black Friday), Howard Goodman, a Harvard Law School-educated community organizer, is elected President as a "status quo Democrat", establishing this as an Alternate Universe from Real Life that diverges at least at this point. (The fact that an Expy of Barack Obama exists, named Bob Morris, who is not the President, implies that Obama does not exist in this timeline.) He allows the trend of increasing levels of student and household debt that characterizes middle-class finances in The New '10s to continue, and resists calls for radical healthcare reform and expanding the social safety net. Although this causes rates of stress and mental illness among the population to also steadily rise, the economy is doing well and Goodman is considered a popular, successful president.
• Colorado and Washington are the first two states to legalize the recreational use of cannabis on November 6, 2012, followed by Alaska, Oregon and DC on Nov. 4, 2014, California, Nevada, Massachusetts and Maine on Nov. 8, 2016, and Vermont on Jan. 22, 2018.

2012

• Paul gets a respectable office job at CCRP Technical in downtown Hatchetfield. He develops a circle of acquaintances among his CCRP coworkers, and becomes best friends with his coworker Bill, often babysitting and giving rides to his daughter Alice. (Nick Lang revealed on Twitter Paul has worked at CCRP for "five or six years" when TGWDLM begins, and began babysitting Alice when she was about 13.)
• Unbeknownst to Paul, he's been profiled by CCRP as having useful traits (seeming to be an unambitious, laid-back order-taker) for their top-secret cloning project. The real Paul's DNA is harvested from saliva in his coffee cup and taken by CCRP's black ops division to create a series of clones to be used for illicit projects, including being sent up to CCRP's hidden Moon colony as slave labor. This goes on for the next several years.

2012-13

• Max Jägerman starts bullying Peter Spankoffski.

2014

• The Amazon Echo device, which hosts the AI virtual assistant, Alexa, is released. Alexa becomes Prof. Hidgens' "only companion" and he comes to love "her" "just as much as any woman of flesh and bone."
• Lex Foster enrolls in Hatchetfield High, becoming known as a troublemaker and poor student who gets busted more than once for selling weed.

2014-15

• Brad Callahan pantses Peter Spankoffski. He receives the nickname "Micro-Peter" and starts wearing suspenders.
• Solomon Lauter starts bugging Steph's phone.

2015-18

• Alice begins attending Hatchetfield High and starts dating Deb. Alice, Deb and Grace Chastity move in the same circles, since Grace's family attends her family's church. Lex and Ethan are in school with them but as Delinquents don't interact with them much.

2016-2018

• The Trail to Oregon! is made available for licensed productions on January 18, 2016. At some point, Hatchetfield's Starlight Theater puts on a performance of it. This may or may not be a subtle way for Bliklotep the Watcher to taunt the people of Hatchetfield that they are Being Watched. (This is, of course, Loose Canon and Breaking the Fourth Wall, but is the closest we have to an explanation of the metaphysical Crossover of the "Watchers with a Thousand Eyes" concept from that show.)

2016

• Peter Spankoffski, Stephanie Lauter, Grace Chasity, Max Jägerman, Ruth Fleming, Richie Lipschitz, Brenda, Jason Jepson, Kyle Clauger, and Stacy begin attending Hatchetfield High. (They're seniors in the 2020-21 school year.)
• Solomon Lauter is elected mayor.
• Moana is released. Paul goes to see it and doesn't like it. Prof. Hidgens apparently sees it at some point despite being a childless shut-in. Bill doesn't see it at all.
• Lex Foster starts her crappy part-time job at the age of 16 working for Frank Pricely, the owner of Toy Zone at the Hatchetfield Lakeside Mall.

2017

• Bill's wife reveals that she's always carried a torch for Allan, her First Love from college, and they get divorced. Bill caves in to most of his wife's demands at family court, getting only one week out of every month as custody, forcing Alice to withdraw from Hatchetfield High and enroll in a new school near her mother's new home in Clivesdale across the bridge.
• In the summer, a local community theater does a production of Godspell starring Zoey and her friends, which both Paul and Emma see out of a sense of obligation, despite finding it "God-awful" and "God-damn that was bad."
• Lex, a senior at Hatchetfield High and a struggling student thanks to her difficult home life, starts making an effort to get better grades in order to get a chance at going to college after she graduates, encouraged by her favorite teacher Tom.
• December, 2017 to January, 2018: Sometime around Christmas, Tom is driving home from a visit to Tom's parents' house with Jane in the passenger seat and Tim in the back, in his prized 1986 Fox-body Mustang. He fails to notice a car losing control and sliding toward him from his right while driving through an intersection, and suffers a side-impact collision, leading to Jane's death. Tom and Tim both live but are badly traumatized.
  • Tom enters an indefinite leave of absence from his teaching duties as his PTSD after Jane's death escalates to the point where he can no longer function.
  • Jane's funeral is held. Emma is invited, and this time does come, returning to Hatchetfield for the first time in twelve years. Emma takes stock of her life and decides she's done wandering and will stay in Hatchetfield to make something better of herself. She decides the recent wave of cannabis legalization presents an economic opportunity she can get in on the ground floor of.
  • Becky receives an invitation to Jane's funeral. Stanley forbids her from attending, since he knows she still has feelings for Tom. She defies him to his face, starting a physical fight and leading to him chasing her out of the house into the woods with a knife, where she overcomes him, stabs him in the femoral artery and leaves him for dead. She spends the next several weeks terrified of going to prison or of him coming back for revenge, but neither happens, and the town gossips assume he ran off to the mainland with another woman.
  • Tom's car is totaled after the crash, and he has it taken to the body shop owned by Tony Green, an old friend of his. He demands that the car be restored to pristine condition, just as it was before the crash, even though Tony warns him that the cost of doing so will be far more than the car is worth and it would make more financial sense to take the insurance money and buy a new car, especially with Tom currently unemployed, but Tom, in his grief, won't hear of it. The project to restore the Mustang ends up dominating Tony and Ethan's workload over the following months.

2017-2018

• Peanuts the Pocket Squirrel becomes a local news story — a baby squirrel who falls out of a tree and almost dies of his injuries, before being taken in and painstakingly nursed back to health by a local woodworker and military veteran named Ed ("Papa Ed") who lets Peanuts live in his pocket. (It takes less than a year for a squirrel to grow to full maturity.)

2018

• Emma and Zoey both get jobs at Beanie's, an independent coffeeshop owned by Nora near CCRP Technical, but Zoey is quickly promoted over Emma despite her age because of Zoey's connection to Nora through the local theatre community. Ted has a crush on Zoey and calls her the "latte hotté". Paul starts going to Beanie's and develops a crush on Emma, becoming a regular.
• Emma enrolls in community college starting in the spring semester, with the goal of getting an associate's degree in botany or agriculture so she can pursue her dream of buying a pot farm as soon as cannabis is legalized nationwide.
• Emma begins taking Prof. Hidgens' biology class, and becomes his favorite student after volunteering to deliver groceries to his house.
• With shop class canceled, Lex's GPA takes a nosedive in the spring semester, and she fails to graduate in her senior year. Rather than repeat the school year, she elects to drop out and focus on her retail job at Toy Zone to help her family's struggling finances, while also dealing weed on the side.
• Zoey graduates from college with a degree in theatre.
• Lex turns 18 and takes up smoking cigarettes, as does her boyfriend Ethan.
• Lex begins hiding money from her mother and planning to run away to California with Ethan and Hannah to start a new life as an actress.
• Lex gets arrested for her drug dealing and ends up avoiding jail time but having a criminal record, making it impossible for her to get a better job than her current one at Toy Zone.
• Charlotte's loveless marriage with Sam comes to a head and they begin attending counseling sessions. Sam, meanwhile, begins an affair (not his first one) with Zoey. Charlotte likewise begins sleeping with Ted.
• The plant closes, putting a large number of blue-collar Hatchetfield residents out of work, including the Man in a Baseball Cap.
• The family-friendly holiday comedy Santa Claus is Goin' to High School is announced for a Thanksgiving weekend release.
• Over the summer, Alice's mother takes her on a trip to New York where they see Hamilton, which she can't stop talking about.
• Sometime in the fall, Peanuts the Pocket Squirrel reaches the weight of ten ounces and can no longer be easily carried in Papa Ed's pocket. Papa Ed sets up a GoFundMe to build Peanuts a house.
• A touring production of Mamma Mia! announces it will arrive in Hatchetfield in October. (This is also Alternate History, since the last Real Life tour of this show in North America closed in 2017.)
• On the weekend of October 6-7, Nora visits a Coldstone Creamery and is inspired to make her employees perform with a little song and dance any time someone puts a tip in the jar. Everyone is enthusiastic about this idea except Emma.
• During the week starting Monday, Oct. 8, when Bill has custody of Alice at his house, Bill and Alice begin to fight over the fact that Alice's 18th birthday is coming up soon and he still treats her like a child. He makes big plans to celebrate her birthday early while he has her to try to win her back over. (Word of God says Bill "rounds up" Alice's age to 18 in Act 1 of TGWDLM because of this but Alice's later reference to herself being currently 17 is actually accurate.)

Timeline A, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals

• (Note: This timeline assumes The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals begins on the same day as its opening night in Real Life.)
• Thursday, Oct. 11, afternoon: Paul is having printer problems at work, and steps out for a cup of coffee from Beanie's, where he finally gets the courage to approach Emma and have a brief conversation with her. Bill, seeing Alice's newfound interest in musicals, buys rush tickets for Alice and Deb to come with him to the evening's performance of the touring production of Mamma Mia! at the Starlight Theater downtown. Sam blows off the scheduled "cuddle night" recommended to him and Charlotte by their counselor, also to attend Mamma Mia! with Zoey.
• Evening: Point of Divergence. A meteor carrying the alien hivemind virus strikes the Starlight Theater shortly before curtain, killing everyone inside. Sam and Zoey, who were already seated, are killed and assimilated, rising as singing zombies. Bill, Alice and Deb, who were running late, show up and find the theater ruined and the area blocked off, and as a result abruptly cancel their plans. Charlotte invites Ted over to "comfort" her over Sam abandoning her, and he ends up staying the night while Sam never returns.
• Night: Sam goes back to the Hatchetfield PD station and infects everyone else on the night shift — by morning, the whole police force is assimilated. Zoey finds Nora and assimilates her, setting in motion a plan to use Beanie's as an infection site. The infection continues to spread throughout Hatchetfield.
• Friday, Oct. 12, 6:00 am: Ted leaves for work early to avoid getting caught by Sam, who "rolls in around 6". He sings in the shower as he gets home, and his "voice like an angel" spooks Charlotte enough that she flees the house without confronting him (avoiding infection).
• 7:00-9:00 am: Bill drives Alice to the bus station to travel back over the bridge to her school in Clivesdale. Along the way they have an argument, which makes her decide to get off the bus early and cut school with Deb instead. The Hatchetfield Action News delivers a news report at 8:00 about Peanuts the Pocket Squirrel and mentioning the incident with the meteor. Everyone who was outdoors overnight or in the early morning — the Homeless Man, greenpeace canvasser Harmony Jones, etc. — is infected, and begins singing a Crowd Song to infect anyone passing through the streets. Mr. Davidson passes through this crowd on the way to work and gets infected; Paul passes by shortly afterwards and manages to escape unscathed ("La Dee Dah Dah Day"). Emma shows up for her shift at Beanie's, unaware that Nora and Zoey are infected and have contaminated the coffee with blue goo.
• 9:00 am-11:00 am: Mr. Davidson begins ordering employees into his office one by one and forcing them to sing an "I Want" Song, triggering their infection. Paul manages to escape from this and flees the office ("What Do You Want, Paul?") Ted, Charlotte and Bill twig to what's happening and manage to escape shortly afterwards, fleeing downtown and hiding inside a bunch of trashcans as the streets begin to swell with singing zombie hordes. Emma spends the whole morning being trained on the mandatory new tip song and dance ("Cup of Roasted Coffee"). Paul shows up at Beanie's and reveals what's going on to Emma, upon which Nora and Zoey turn on them ("Cup of Poisoned Coffee") and they flee. They manage to meet up with Paul's coworkers, where they're ambushed by Sam and the other infected cops ("Show Me Your Hands"). Ted overcomes Sam and knocks his brains out with a trash can lid, revealing his organs have been replaced by "blue shit". The group pick up Sam's body and make their way to Prof. Hidgens' house. The Hatchetfield Action News gives an 11:00 am update indicating that in response to the "musical riots", the town of Clivesdale has raised the Nantucket Bridge, trapping everyone on the island. Hidgens rants about the naivete of the authorities upon hearing this, only for the group to arrive at his doorstep.
• 11:00 am-7:00 pm: Hidgens takes samples from Sam to study in the lab. Sam revives and tricks Charlotte into releasing his body from his restraints ("You Tied Up My Heart"), killing and assimilating her. Meanwhile Bill, Ted, Paul and Emma spend the afternoon making use of Hidgens' bar and getting drunk. Ted and Bill start sniping at each other, while Paul and Emma withdraw and begin pouring their hearts out to each other, only for their conversation to be suddenly interrupted by the zombified Charlotte and Sam attacking them, announcing the zombies have given up peaceful assimilation through song and are now resorting to violence ("Join Us (And Die)"), only for Hidgens to put them down with his shotgun and reveal what he's learned about the virus. Alice's unseen escapades with Deb that afternoon and evening are brought short by their encounter with the singing zombies — Alice and Deb evade them on their own as long as they can, fleeing to the campus of Hatchetfield High, but when Deb herself starts showing signs of infection Alice abandons her and barricades herself in the choir room. She calls Bill around sunset begging for help; Ted tells Bill venturing outdoors after dark is suicide. Bill insists he's going anyway, and Paul goes with him.
• 7:00 pm-9:00 pm: Bill and Paul make it to Hatchetfield High only to discover Alice is already assimilated ("Not Your Seed"). Alice and the other zombies kill Bill and are about to kill Paul when PEIP's strike team arrives and slaughters them. Unfortunately, they don't believe Paul when he says he's uninfected and knock him unconscious with a Tap on the Head. Hidgens and Emma continue studying the virus in the lab and come to the conclusion the zombies form a single Hive Mind controlled by the meteor. Hidgens pulls a Face–Heel Turn and decides it would be better for humanity to be assimilated, drugs Emma and ties her and Ted up. Paul takes an hour or so to recover from unconsciousness — when Paul awakens, Gen. MacNamara briefs him on the rescue chopper arriving at 11:00 pm and tells him he has two hours to save Emma and get off the island.
• 9:00 pm-11:00 pm: Emma finally awakens from her drugged sleep. Hidgens has gone fully mad, deactivates his house's defenses and performs his own musical for Emma and Ted ("Show Stopping Number"). Paul arrives just in the nick of time to save Emma and Ted and they flee the compound as Hidgens is assimilated. Ted betrays Emma and Paul, leaving them to be taken by zombies while he gets on the chopper himself, only to run into MacNamara and his team and find they've been assimilated, soon thereafter being assimilated himself. Emma and Paul manage to escape the zombies at Hidgens' house only to find MacNamara's team and Ted waiting for them, and have to fight their way through ("America Is Great Again"). They manage to make it to the helicopter landing site before 11:00, and get on, only to find that the helicopter mission was somehow sabotaged by the assimilated MacNamara and the pilot is actually Zoey, who tries to kill them. Paul manages to kick the gun out of her hand and force her to down the chopper. The chopper crashes, Zoey is killed, and Emma is badly wounded.
• 11:00 pm-midnight: Emma tells Paul what she learned about the Hive Mind and that the only way to stop the zombies is to destroy the meteor. The zombies gather at the meteor crash site in the Starlight Theater to make their last stand ("Let Him Come"). Paul grabs a belt of grenades and heads down to the crash site only to be almost overwhelmed by the meteor's influence, but just barely manages to pull the pin on a grenade and blow up the whole building before being assimilated ("Let It Out").
• Saturday, Oct. 13, 12:00 am-morning: PEIP's cleanup crew comes and torches all of Hatchetfield. Emma is found and taken to Clivesdale for medical treatment. Peanuts is also found, burrowed into the corpse of Papa Ed, and presented to the public as the only survivor.
• Oct. 13-27: Unfortunately, Emma's theory was wrong, and Paul destroying the meteor was All for Nothing — the Hive Mind survives, and slowly regenerates the corpses of the zombified residents of Hatchetfield, who begin infiltrating PEIP's forces and assimilating them. Paul regenerates, and presents himself to PEIP agents as having "miraculously survived", and is taken in by them and given a new identity of "Ben Bridges".
• Oct. 27: The Morning Clivesdale News reports on the two-week anniversary of the destruction of Hatchetfield. PEIP's Col. Schaeffer briefs Emma on her new life and identity as "Kelly" and the pot farm that's been purchased for her in Colorado. She then surprises her by bringing in "Ben Bridges" to meet her... only for Paul to reveal this whole series of events was a setup just to emotionally torture Emma before finally killing her. Which they do ("Inevitable").
• Oct. 27-Nov. 13: According to Word of God, after Emma is horribly killed, the zombie virus spreads uncontrollably at an exponential rate across the mainland United States and from there to the world, with the last free humans becoming extinct after "two and a half weeks".

Timeline B, Black Friday

• Thursday, Oct. 11, afternoon: Paul is having printer problems at work, and steps out for a cup of coffee from Beanie's, where he finally gets the courage to approach Emma and have a brief conversation with her. Bill, seeing Alice's newfound interest in musicals, buys rush tickets for Alice and Deb to come with him to the evening's performance of the touring production of Mamma Mia! at the Starlight Theater downtown. Sam blows off the scheduled "cuddle night" recommended to him and Charlotte by their counselor, also to attend Mamma Mia! with Zoey.
• Evening: Point of Divergence. Nothing falls from the sky at all, which remains perfectly clear. The evening's showing of Mamma Mia! goes well, and Sam and Zoey have a fun date night, as do Bill, Alice and Deb. Charlotte invites Ted over to "comfort" her over Sam abandoning her, and he ends up ducking out when Sam comes home for the evening after having sex with Zoey.
• Friday, Oct. 12: Sam's morning singing in the shower is as flat and nasal as ever; Charlotte notices nothing special about it. Bill drives Alice to the bus station to travel back over the bridge to her school in Clivesdale. Along the way they have an argument, which makes her decide to get off the bus early and cut school with Deb instead — their ditch day goes off without a hitch. The Hatchetfield Action News delivers a news report at 8:00 about Peanuts the Pocket Squirrel, and nothing else. CCRP Technical and Beanie's both have uneventful workdays.
• Oct. 13-Nov. 16: Paul plucks up his courage to actually ask Emma out the next time he's at Beanie's. They hit it off, and begin dating. Alice turns 18 while staying with her mom in Clivesdale and probably has a much cooler "official" birthday celebration than going to see Mamma Mia! with her dad. The company "Uncle Wiley Toys" suddenly appears out of nowhere and their advertisements for a toy called the "Tickle-Me-Wiggly" begin appearing all over the media. ("Tickle-Me-Wiggly Jingle") Thanks to Mind Manipulation, no one questions this and everyone just accepts that there's a sudden and overwhelming Flash In The Pan Fad for this toy, except for Gen. MacNamara and the operatives of PEIP, who quickly figure out that the Ruler of the Black and White and the entity known as Wiggly are one and the same, discover the dolls are a vector for Wiggly's mind control, and begin working on countermeasures. Bill tries to order a Wiggly doll for Alice but is too late — online orders for the toy run out almost instantly as soon as it becomes available and the estimated backlog is over a year. Uncle Wiley Toys begins cutting deals with local brick-and-mortar retailers to have very limited quantities made exclusively available to them for sale on Black Friday. Frank Pricely of Hatchetfield's Toy Zone at the Lakeside Mall jumps at this opportunity and begins heavily advertising it. Lex decides to piggyback on this opportunity to steal one of Frank's Wigglies and resell it online to finance her trip to California. Tom Houston's PTSD begins flaring up worse than usual as he approaches the anniversary of Jane's death.
• Oct. 29: Lex solidifies what she thinks is a foolproof plan to sneak a Wiggly doll out of Toy Zone under Frank's nose by using her sister Hannah to take it out of the store. She keeps on going over the plan with Ethan for the next four weeks to make sure he's there with Hannah well before the store opens at 7:00 am.
• Friday, Nov. 16: Sherman Young arrives in front of the Lakeside Mall in the evening — with no one else there — and sets up camp to make sure he's the first one in line for a Wiggly doll. Thanks to him being the only one with no day job, nowhere else to be for Thanksgiving and no compunction pooping in a bucket, he's alone for the next six days.
• Nov. 16-Nov. 21: Ethan, running the online side of the caper for Lex, starts looking around for buyers and finds that as Black Friday approaches interest spikes, until the bids go up from a few hundred to $7,000. He decides to take his own life savings — $1,000 — and spend them all on getting his car tuned up for the trip to California. Becky, working at the pediatric ward at St. Damien's, sees a girl come in named Bridgette who lost her eyesight in an accident, and becomes determined to get a Wiggly so she can be a hero and save Christmas for the kids stuck in the hospital over the holidays.
• Thanksgiving, Thursday, Nov. 22: Grace Chastity, Tom's regular babysitter, leaves town with her family to celebrate Thanksgiving with relatives. Emma and Paul enjoy a quiet Thanksgiving dinner at home. Tom takes his son Tim to Pizza Pete's for the day, but it's ruined by Tom's obsession with trying to win Tim a prize instead of spending time playing the games he wants to. Tom, seeing how unhappy Tim still is, gets obsessed with the idea that buying a Wiggly doll will fix everything. As evening sets in, the Man in the Scarf is the first person to arrive to stand in line behind Sherman, followed by Becky, the Man in a Baseball Cap (whose need for a Wiggly is somehow tied to his unemployment), the Homeless Man, Barry Swift (who's decided to sacrifice his night waiting in line so he can get out with a Wiggly first thing in the morning and get to the places he needs to be on Friday), and Gary Goldstein. Before he goes to bed, Tom impulsively texts Emma for her to come over tomorrow morning at 6:00 am, which she interprets as an invitation to spend the holiday together. By the morning of Black Friday the line is hundreds of people long (and includes Charlotte, Ted, Pete, Mr. Davidson, Bill, and Papa Ed and Peanuts.)
• Black Friday, Nov. 23, 6:00-7:00 am: Lex arrives at work, having been assigned to the morning shift (6:00 am to 12:00 noon) to set up the store for their big opening at 7:00. Paul and Emma stop at Starbucks on their way to Tom's house with supplies for a day of family fun, arriving at 6:30, only for Tom to chew them out for being late and let them know they're babysitting while he heads to Toy Zone ("What Tim Wants"). Tom makes it to Toy Zone at 6:50, with the line now all the way down the street, and meets up with Lex, who refuses to help him because she already has her own plan to steal a Wiggly. Uncle Wiley delivers the shipment of 850 Wiggly dolls to Frank, who orders Lex to unpack and shelve them. Ethan arrives with Hannah in tow, giving her the hat he got from Miss Holloway and telling her the same story she told him about it being "blessed by the Power of Greyskull" to keep her happy and calm, and he and Lex celebrate the imminent success of their plan ("CaliforMIA"). Lex hides the Wiggly doll in her backpack and leaves it with Hannah, telling Ethan to keep Hannah safe and out of the way until her shift ends at noon. Linda Monroe arrives just before the store opens, dropped off by her husband Gerald, and bribes her way into the line by writing the Man in a Scarf a check. Becky Barnes loudly objects to this and ends up in a public argument with Linda, only to be interrupted by Tom's arrival — she's so shocked to see him again for the first time in years she lets him in behind her, and the gossipy townsfolk let it slide because they're so interested in seeing their reunion ("What Do You Say?").
• 7:00 am-11:00 am: Frank Pricely opens Toy Zone in a grand ceremony ("Our Doors Are Open"). Sherman Young reveals he camped out to get the #1 spot in line so he could buy all the Wigglies at once. Frank flip-flops over whether this is allowed by store policy, triggering a cash bidding war over the Wiggly dolls, which escalates into riots ("Feast or Famine"). Lex and Frank desperately try to protect the stock of Wiggly dolls but are quickly overwhelmed, subdued and tied up.
• 10:00 am-noon: Around 10:30 or 11:00 am (it is very rare for movie theaters to open any earlier than this) Ethan and Hannah get bored waiting around in the food court and Ethan decides to treat Hannah to a matinee showing of Santa Claus is Goin' to High School, but doesn't have enough money. A mall security guard almost kicks him out for being a troublemaker, only to get a radio calling all hands down to Toy Zone to try to contain the riots, which have exceeded "normal" Black Friday levels and are totally out of control. The rioters overcome the security forces and begin to spread through the mall, interrupting a heart-to-heart Ethan and Hannah are having outside the cineplex. The Man in a Baseball Cap and Gary Goldstein begin viciously beating Ethan, who shouts for Hannah to flee to the tunnel in the mall playplace. Tom and Becky find Ethan just in time to watch him die of his wounds. Tom gets ambushed and stabbed by Barry Swift. Linda finds herself accosted by Uncle Wiley, who reveals Wiggly's evil plan and inducts her as Wiggly's new prophet.
• Noon-evening: Around noon (1:00 pm, Eastern time) the national press out of New York reports the President is convening a Cabinet meeting at the Oval Office to address the Black Friday riots, which are now nationwide. The meeting itself dissolves into chaos when Bob Morris brings a Wiggly doll in and infects everyone with Wiggly fever. They're saved by Gen. John MacNamara, who shoots the Wiggly doll, reveals the existence of PEIP and tells President Goodman they need his help ("Monsters and Men"). The riots die down as the rioters realize all the Wiggly dolls have now been claimed and their holders have successfully escaped. The remaining rioters, in their frustration, block off the exits and begin scouring the mall for any Wigglies that have been hidden. Linda's cult begins to spread among them. Becky raids the office for a first aid kit and drags a bleeding and unconscious Tom into one of the theaters to treat his wounds, arriving in the middle of the showing of Santa Claus Is Goin' to High School ("Deck the Halls (Of Northville High)"). Tom awakens, and he and Becky have a quiet conversation and rekindle their romantic relationship ("Take Me Back"). MacNamara and Goodman arrive at PEIP's hidden HQ in Washington DC, where MacNamara and Xander Lee begin briefing the President on the Black and White, Wiggly, and the interdimensional portal they want to send him through to negotiate with the entity. At some point as evening sets in — "exactly 168 hours" after Sherman first arrived at the mall — the cult convenes their first ritual service in which Linda announces there's one doll left in the mall, sends her followers to hunt down Hannah, and sacrifices Frank ("Adore Me"). Wiggly sends an illusion of Ethan to try to coax Hannah out of hiding, and when she sees through it the voice of Wiggly begins berating her directly, causing her to Freak Out and leave her hiding place. Becky and Tom eventually leave the theater, with both of them still intent on finding a Wiggly doll, only to run into Hannah; Wiggly's influence overwhelms them and they attack her ("Do You Want to Play?") Becky tries to drug her with a syringe only to accidentally stab herself and fall unconscious; Tom overpowers her, grabs the Wiggly and runs for the exits. Linda's cult finds Becky and Hannah and drag them both to Linda.
• Evening-night: PEIP finishes preparing Goodman for his incursion into the Black and White. He travels through the portal only to be surrounded and almost overwhelmed by Uncle Wiley and the Sniggles. Wiggly reveals his true face and gloats to Goodman that the United States has been groomed for generations to be the place where Wiggly would be incarnated, and that his policies were what weakened America enough for his influence to break through ("Made In America"). MacNamara follows Goodman into the Black and White and manages to save him, only to sacrifice his own life as his body dissolves thanks to his lack of a protective suit. Goodman makes it back to Earth and demands that PEIP launch the nuclear warhead into the Black and White, only for Wiggly to divert the bomb through a second portal to Russia, destroying Moscow and triggering World War III. PEIP drags a hysterical Goodman to Marine One to prepare for the upcoming apocalypse. Sherman takes Lex aside to murder her, and she contemplates her wasted life as he slowly strangles her ("Black Friday"), only for MacNamara's disembodied spirit to manifest from the Black and White and save her life by teaching her how to use her powers to pull his gun into her reality ("Monsters and Men (reprise))". Lex kills Sherman and confronts Tom at gunpoint just as he manages to find an unguarded route out of the mall, and her explanation of how Wiggly's voice has lied to him about the doll getting his son back wakes him up from his trance ("If I Fail You"). Lex and Tom go to confront Linda and save Hannah. Lex manages to distract the cultists with the Wiggly doll long enough for Tom to get the drop on Linda and hold her at gunpoint, but in a burst of rage Linda is able to overpower him and snatch the doll from Lex's hands, and celebrates that her plan is finished and Wiggly will arrive in the flesh soon ("Wiggle"), only for Becky to wake up from unconsciousness, grab Tom's gun and shoot Linda in the head. Tom, Becky, Lex and Hannah reunite, and before they leave Lex sets the Wiggly doll on fire and the flames begin to spread to consume the cultists and the whole mall.
• Night-midnight: The main characters flee the mall and watch in the parking lot as it burns down, and the cult fractures between those insistent on staying inside praying for Wiggly's deliverance and those who snap out of the spell and escape. An unknown amount of time passes as the Hatchetfield news media reports on the mall's destruction only to be interrupted by the news of the imminent nuclear war, followed by a media blackout, the downing of the cell phone network and Internet, and a power outage, leaving Paul unable to use his phone. Emma and Paul try to make plans to flee Hatchetfield in her car, but Tim insists on going to the mall to search for Tom first. Emma and Paul finally find Tom at the gathering of the other survivors, and Emma proposes heading to Prof. Hidgens' house to wait out the upcoming war there. Tom glances at his watch and realizes it's now 11:57 pm, and says he feels like if Black Friday ends with them still alive they can survive anything. Hannah sings a song about the uncertain future ("What If Tomorrow Comes?") as the survivors wait the remaining three minutes for midnight, when they suddenly hear something streaking overhead in the sky.

Timeline C, Nerdy Prudes Must Die

• (Note: This timeline assumes Nerdy Prudes Must Die begins on September 16, exactly seven months after the show's opening night in Real Life.)
• Nov. 16: Point of Divergence. Paul never plucks up the courage to actually ask Emma on a date. Nothing unusual happens this holiday season. Hatchetfield's Toy Zone at the Lakeside Mall continues to go through the struggle and slow decline of a brick-and-mortar retailer in an online shopping era. Lex, having no readily apparent way to make a lot of money fast, continues to think of her trip to California as a pipe dream. Tom Houston's PTSD begins flaring up worse than usual as he approaches the anniversary of Jane's death.
• Nov. 16-Nov. 21: Becky, working at the pediatric ward at St. Damien's, sees a girl come in named Bridgette who lost her eyesight in an accident, and feels awful about it, but there's nothing she can do.
• Thanksgiving, Thursday, Nov. 22: Grace Chastity, Tom's regular babysitter, leaves town with her family to celebrate Thanksgiving with relatives. Emma and Paul enjoy a quiet Thanksgiving dinner at home. Tom takes his son Tim to Pizza Pete's for the day, but it's ruined by Tom's obsession with trying to win Tim a prize instead of spending time playing the games he wants to. Santa Claus Is Goin' to High School releases in theaters; nobody goes to see it.
• Black Friday, Nov. 23: Lex has a predictably shitty day, having to deal with monster crowds the day after Thanksgiving, but not anything she can't handle.

2020

• Detective Shapiro leaves Chicago because of its violent crime and moves to Hatchetfield (Presumably she moved recently due to her surprise at Hatchetfield being more brutal.)
• August: Sometime during this month, Hatchetfield High holds an anti-bullying assembly. Max Jägerman attends, and while he gains some useful information (such as the difference between intent and impact), he misses the overall point and continues to rule the school's halls with an iron fist.
• Sep. 17, 9:00-10:00 am: Stephanie Lauter gets Peter Spankoffski to help her cheat on a test, but both are caught by Grace Chasity and sent to the principal's office ("High School is Killing Me"). Pete opens up to Steph about his bullying and impresses her with his humor. Max Jägerman bullies Richard Lipschitz and flirts with Grace, offending her ("Literal Monster").
• Sept. 17, evening: Solomon takes Steph's phone until she raises her grades. She invites Pete to Pasqualli's to help her study ("Cool as I Think I Am"). Unfortunately, he runs into Max Jägerman and gets a black eye after standing up to him. Grace takes a bath after realizing that Max's attempts to flirt with her were more effective than she thought. She has a sexual fantasy of him and ends up masturbating in the bath ("Dirty Girl").
• Sept. 18: Steph finds out about Pete's black eye and wants revenge. Grace butts in at that moment and conducts a scheme to strip Max of his power. Steph will lure Max into the Old Waylon Place for a party, upon which Pete and Ruth will jump out dressed as a ghost and a skele'on respectively and Richie will film Max humiliating himself in fear ("Bully the Bully"). Unfortunately, Max overcomes his fears of ghosts and skele'ons to try to beat up Pete and Ruth so Steph comes in to reveal the prank. Max surprisingly enjoys the prank saying that it was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for him, deciding to rethink his judgement of them as nerds... And immediately plummets to his death, cursing nerdy prudes with his final breath. Grace gets the rest of the pranksters to bury Max's body ("Bury the Bully"). She takes off her WWJD bracelet prior to the burial and forgets to put it back on, leaving it there as evidence.
• Oct. 2: Max's disappearance makes Hatchetfield High an objectively better place to live for everyone. Pete goes to the football game with Steph since it's the first football game that Max can't stop the nerds from going to ("Go Go Nighthawks"). Richie, the mascot for the football team finally gets praise from the team who apologize for bullying him. Richie finally enjoys being alive… And is immediately murdered by Max Jägerman, now a ghost due to the spell cast on the Waylon Place ("Nerdy Prudes Must Die"). With its star quarterback and mascot dead, the Hatchetfield Nighthawks lose the big game to the Clivesdale Chemists.
• Oct. 5: Given that Richie's friends are questioned about his murder at school, it is safe to assume that his body went undiscovered for the entire weekend. Eventually, however, a school janitor stumbles upon it early in the morning and calls the police, with Detective Shapiro and Officer Bailey being assigned to the case. Grace has a nightmare of Richie's murder and wakes up to find that her father has sold the Old Waylon Place and the home inspectors have undoubtedly found Max's body. Ruth, Grace, Steph, and Pete are all questioned about Richie's murder, though they think the police are talking about Max. While the nerds are informed that Richie's killer left a message in blood identical to Max's last words, the police discover Max's body and believe his killer to be the same person that murdered Richie. With a serial killer on the loose, Hatchetfield enlists a curfew for all residents under 19 and every townie tries to solve the case themselves, which inevitably devolves into groupthink and paranoia ("Hatchet Town"). At some point during the witch hunt, Paul Matthews joins the Neighborhood Watch.
• Oct. 6, afternoon: Despite the murderer on the loose, rehearsals for the school's production of The Barbecue Monologues carry on without interruption. Ruth is running lights, desperately wanting to step into the spotlight but unable to because of her anxiety ("Just for Once"). Max kills her after she's left alone to refocus a light. Grace is questioned about the murders, trying to pin them on Clivesdale, but her involvement is discovered by Detective Shapiro due to the WWJD bracelet she left at the Old Waylon Place. Grace steals Officer Bailey's gun and flees on her bicycle. Paul finally gives Emma his number, but his flirting is interrupted by Steph and Pete arguing about who was inciting their relationship which both sides apparently were never interested in ("If I Loved You"). Grace tries to get Pete and Steph to help her flee to Canada. Officer Bailey comes in to arrest her, but the teens escape after he inexplicably switches targets to Paul.
• Oct. 6, night: Solomon finds the surviving teens and informs them about Max's return from the dead, saying that he'll soon move on from exclusively killing nerdy prudes and try and inevitably succeed in ending all life on Earth. The only way to stop him is to make a deal with the Lords in Black. Max shows up and kills Solomon's secretary Miss Tessburger and then Solomon himself. The teens decide to go to Hatchetfield High after they realize that the ritual has to be performed at a Black Altar, but are arrested by Detective Shapiro. Grace tries to convince Shapiro that Max is the killer but is unsuccessful until Max shows up himself and (nonfatally) throws Shapiro's head through the windshield of her car. The teens hold court with the Lords in Black in the school gym ("The Summoning"). The Lords in Black decide to send Max to the Black and White and torture him for eternity, but only if one of the teens gives up what they cherish most. They delightfully inform Steph and Pete that their insistence that they didn't want a relationship was a lie and one of them will have to die for Max to be stopped. As Max breaks into the gym, Pete asks Steph to let him be the sacrifice so she can live ("Cool as I Think I Am (Reprise)"). Steph shoots Pete with Bailey's gun, only for Max to block the bullet so he can kill the nerds himself. As he goes to kill Steph, Grace seduces Max convincing him to have sex with her before killing the teens. After they're done having sex, Grace tells Max that since her chastity was what she cherished most, Max will be taken by the Lords in Black before he can kill anyone else. Max thinks the sex was worth eternal damnation.
• Oct. 9, night: With Shapiro willing to exonerate them, Pete and Steph get to go to Homecoming together, with Grace taking Jason Jepson ("Best of You"). After the dance ends, Grace and Jason meet outside school to kiss, with Grace revealing that she has the Black Book and will use its power to kill every "dirty dude" in Hatchetfield with Jason being her first victim ("Dirty Dudes Must Die").

Timeline Branch 2 - Miss Holloway Wins

2005-2018

• Sometime in this time period, Miss Holloway goes on a mission to save three girls who, by meddling with magic, have horrifically fused themselves into a single entity. She has a confrontation with them in the Starlight Theatre, which ends in her failing to save them but managing to uncover Uncle Wiley as the entity responsible for their plight, having cast some sort of ritual on the stage using an artifact known as the Black Blade. Miss Holloway has a climactic struggle with Uncle Wiley where only one of them can survive. Point of Divergence: According to Uncle Wiley's ghost in "The Witch in the Web", there's a 50% chance Miss Holloway kills him and by so doing prevents the apocalypse (or at least the specific one he was planning), and a 50% chance Wiley kills Miss Holloway, devours her heart and takes her signature denim jacket as a trophy, the apocalypse proceeding on schedule. In this branch, Miss Holloway wins and kills Uncle Wiley, successfully preventing the apocalypse from happening. However, the nature of the Crapsack World being what it is and the influence of the Lords in Black on humanity being ongoing, this only spares humanity for the sake of an inevitable Bad Future (as Prof. Hidgens predicted in Timeline A), whose eventual mastery of Time Travel will cause problems for this timeline.
• Everything else proceeds the same as Branch 1, to most people's knowledge, until...

Timeline D, Primary Nightmare Time 1 Timeline (Watcher World, Forever & Always, Time Bastard, The Witch in the Web)

2017

• December, 2017 to January, 2018: Sometime around Christmas, Tom is driving home from a visit to Tom's parents' house with Jane in the passenger seat and Tim in the back, in his prized 1986 Fox-body Mustang. He fails to notice a car losing control and sliding toward him from his right while driving through an intersection, and suffers a side-impact collision, leading to Jane's death. Tom and Tim both live but are badly traumatized.
  • Tom enters an indefinite leave of absence from his teaching duties as his PTSD after Jane's death escalates to the point where he can no longer function.
  • Point of Divergence - Time Travel. Robot Emma arrives from sometime past the year 2104 to Guatemala, having used historical records to pinpoint Jane's death as the moment in time most conducive to pulling off a Kill and Replace. She cuts the brake lines on Emma's tour bus to Tikal, seemingly killing her and her entire tour group — unfortunately for her, Emma is an Action Survivor who is able to get clear of the wreckage just in time. Robot Emma steals all of Emma's belongings from her hostel while she's away, and uses the real Emma's passport and phone to answer Tom's call about Jane's death and travel back to the United States having seamlessly taken Emma's identity.
  • Jane's funeral is held. Robot Emma is there, letting everyone think Emma has returned to Hatchetfield for the first time in twelve years. Robot Emma has the same epiphany the real Emma would have, strengthened by the knowledge that she's an impostor who just escaped a lifetime of grueling slave labor in the Bad Future and now has access to a full and rich life the real Emma was wasting. She decides the recent wave of cannabis legalization presents an economic opportunity she can get in on the ground floor of.
  • Becky receives an invitation to Jane's funeral. Stanley forbids her from attending, since he knows she still has feelings for Tom. She defies him to his face, starting a physical fight and leading to him chasing her out of the house into the woods with a knife, where she overcomes him, stabs him in the femoral artery and leaves him for dead. She spends the next several weeks terrified of going to prison or of him coming back for revenge, but neither happens, and the town gossips assume he ran off to the mainland with another woman.
  • The real Emma, without any money or identifying documents, is trapped in Guatemala and helpless. She ends up falling in with a boyfriend who's willing to take her in despite her destitute state, but she finds the sensation of being totally dependent on him suffocating, and after many months comes up with a plan to abandon him, get back to the States and try to start over.
  • Tom's car is totaled after the crash, and he has it taken to the body shop owned by Tony Green, an old friend of his. He demands that the car be restored to pristine condition, just as it was before the crash, even though Tony warns him that the cost of doing so will be far more than the car is worth and it would make more financial sense to take the insurance money and buy a new car, especially with Tom currently unemployed, but Tom, in his grief, won't hear of it. The project to restore the Mustang ends up dominating Tony and Ethan's workload over the following months.

2018

• Oct. 13-Nov. 16: Paul plucks up his courage to actually ask Emma out the next time he's at Beanie's, not knowing she's been replaced by a duplicate. They hit it off, and begin dating. Paul starts to get to know Emma's brother-in-law Tom and nephew Tim, and accidentally slips to Tim that he and Emma are "intimate". Alice turns 18 while staying with her mom in Clivesdale and probably has a much cooler "official" birthday celebration than going to see Mamma Mia! with her dad.

2019

• January, 2019: Deep in the bowels of CCRP's subterranean labs, the 23rd of Paul's clones leads a clone rebellion rather than submit to being sent to the Moon as slave labor. Several clone slaves manage to escape in the chaos, and Paul 23 decides to switch places with the original Paul, letting CCRP think the real Paul's corpse is his own. Paul 23 has most of the original Paul's Genetic Memory, but they stop at the point the sample was taken, which was well before he and Emma started dating, forcing Paul 23 to improvise and trick Emma into thinking he's the same man she's always known. Luckily, she doesn't catch on. (NOTE: The detail that Paul 23 replaces the real Paul after he and Emma started dating comes from a Deleted Scene in "Forever & Always" that was seen by the original livestream viewers and is in the original script, but is edited out of the YouTube version of the episode. This timeline continues to assume this is canon until proven otherwise, especially since this timing of the event disturbs the other timelines the least.)
• Spring 2019: Alice and Deb are accepted to different colleges; Alice becomes insecure Deb will break up with her after going to her "fancy art school" and starting a new life. Alice writes a play that wins her a scholarship at the theater department of her new school, although Bill still hopes she'll pursue a more practical career.
• Spring/Summer 2019: Sometime within this period Bill and Alice go to see Dear Evan Hansen on its first national tour, when it arrives in or near Hatchetfield. (Just for Fun: The most likely dates Bill and Alice could've seen the show based on its Real Life tour dates, depending on where exactly in Michigan Hatchetfield is, would've been Feb. 12-March 10 in Chicago, IL, Apr. 30-May 12 in Cincinnati, OH, May 14-19 in Buffalo, NY, May 21-26 in Pittsburgh, PA or June 11-30 in Cleveland, OH.)
  • In this time period, Tom Houston and Becky Barnes run into each other and begin talking, slowly rekindling their relationship in the wake of Tom's grief. They quietly start dating and become "intimate", as Tim puts it. Tom tries to keep things low-key and avoids bringing Becky home to meet Tim, but Tim knows more than his dad thinks.
• Summer 2019: Lucy Stockworth goes home after her latest attempt to find the Ape-Man without incident. Presumably she goes through with her loveless but mutually beneficial arrangement to marry Jonathan Brisby, and continues to use his money to pursue the Ape-Man over his objections. (NOTE: The events of "The Hatchetfield Ape-Man" aren't specified to happen — or not happen — in any particular year, but this timeline assumes for convenience's sake all of Nightmare Time Season One's "present day" takes place in the year 2019.)
• June 2019: Lex and Ethan bond over the story of Tom's tragic accident as Ethan puts the Mustang through some final tests before his dad signs off on the repairs. Tom finally formally introduces Becky to Tim with a date for all three of them at Pizza Pete's, and they hit it off. That night, while Santa Claus Is Goin' to High School plays on TV, Tom invites her to stay the night for the first time and let Tim start to think of her as part of the family, and they make love on the couch.
  • Becky and Tom settle into a relationship, with Becky frequently staying the night and making breakfast for Tim in the morning. Shortly afterwards, Tony tells Tom the repairs on the Mustang are finished and gives it back to him, then mentions he knows an antique car collector who'd give Tom a good price on the car if he doesn't feel like keeping it. Tom refuses, but Tony tells him the option is open if he wants. Tom takes the car home without further incident. (NOTE: This timeline assumes the Point of Divergence of "Jane's a Car" consists only of the titular plot point and everything beforehand happened the same way in the main timeline.)
• July 2019: Pamela Foster injures her foot, which has to be put into a cast, and is prescribed opioids as painkillers. Seeing a business opportunity in this, she tells Lex to use her weed-dealing connections and sell her pills to her teen friends at Hatchetfield High for extra cash. Ethan helps her in this endeavor, and they're both arrested for possession with intent to distribute. Since it's Ethan's first offense as an adult and Lex's second, Ethan ends up sentenced to two years in prison and Lex four. Lex initially tells Duke the truth about what happened, but on the witness stand recants and testifies selling the pills was her own idea, terrified that if Pamela also goes to prison Hannah will go into the foster system.
• July-October 2019: Possibly due to her own poor lifestyle habits and alcoholism leading to her re-injuring it, or possibly due to deliberate malingering to keep her prescription for pain pills open, Pamela's foot injury persists for the next three months. (A broken foot normally only takes six weeks to heal at the most.)
  • Over the next several months, losing Lex and having no one around to protect her from her mother's abuse drives Hannah's "Nightmare Time" to a fever pitch, making it impossible for her to sleep at all without nightmares and driving her to stay up all night playing Webby's songs to keep Willabella Muckwab's spirit away.
• August 17, 2019: The events of "Watcher World" occur. (Presumably Alice and Bill are at Watcher World on a Saturday; Alice says she's missing her last chance to see Deb because Deb is leaving for a trip to Amsterdam with her grandmother on Monday, followed immediately by early orientation at her college, which means this is probably the second-to-last weekend of August.) Alice is stuck on a trip to Watcher World with her father Bill even though this is the night of Deb's last-hurrah Wild Teen Party before college. Her and Bill's bubbling resentments and insecurities over this boil over into violence thanks to the baleful influence of the entity behind Watcher World and its mascot "Blinky", although they end up overcoming it by The Power of Love.
• Summer-Fall 2019: Deb goes on her trip to Europe followed by matriculating at her college. Shortly afterwards, Alice leaves for college too, and Bill and his ex are now empty-nesters.
  • Paul 23 proposes to Robot Emma and, despite all the times she's said she would never get married in the past, she says yes.
  • Bill, filled with renewed confidence in himself after his surreal experience at Watcher World, starts dating a new girlfriend, the receptionist Sylvia, who serves as the CCRP Technical Department's liaison with the mysterious higher-ups on the "top floor".
  • The CCRP "top floor" initiates a new experiment in Lab C-8, one floor beneath the mostly-oblivious employees in the tech support department where Paul works. The experiment is to try to create a controlled time portal using technology most employees aren't allowed to know exists. Almost none of the employees who do know it exists know the real secret — the "power source" for this portal is the attempted invocation of the supernatural being T'Noy Karaxis, the Lord in Black known as the "Weaver of Time and Space".
• Fall 2019: The events of "Forever & Always" and "Time Bastard" occur — due to the mention of Alice's upcoming fall break, this is likely either September or early October.
  • Future Ted/Homeless Man, who has never directly interacted with Emma until now, sees her and is suddenly flooded with memories of the future he came from, becoming obsessed with exposing her nature as a robot duplicate.
  • Friday before the wedding: Paul is so distracted by wedding plans that despite his normal conscientiousness he forgets to hand in his weekly reports to Mr. Davidson, even though he plans to leave that Monday for his honeymoon.
  • Sunday, wedding day: Paul and Emma have their wedding at the Hatchetfield Natural History Museum, with Emma's "mentor" Professor Hidgens officiating, and Paul's best friend Bill and Emma's brother-in-law Tom in attendance. Ted, a creep's known to make people uncomfortable at events like weddings, was not invited, but crashes the event anyway. The beautiful ceremony is marred by the Homeless Man bursting through the doors and confronting Emma for being an impostor, which leads to Emma running from the altar and having a breakdown outside the venue. She tearfully confesses to Paul a half-truth, telling him that she's a stranger who stole the real Emma Perkins' life (but not that she's a robot duplicate of the real Emma). He assures her he loves her no matter what, "forever and always", and they come back to complete the ceremony.
  • At the reception, Ted finds himself shut down by every woman he hits on, even Charlotte (who refuses to flirt with him right in front of her husband, whom she brought as her plus-one). He ends up getting drunk and depressed along with Prof. Hidgens, deciding he's getting too old for random hookups and reminiscing about the loss of his First Love Jenny, whom he's always believed was stolen from him by "pushy asshole" Andy after she vanished when they were in college in 2004. Suddenly, he has a vivid hallucination of an Alternate Timeline where he's in attendance at his and Jenny's wedding rather than Paul and Emma's. After he and Jenny have their first dance, he suddenly finds Jenny replaced by the horrific visage of the Lord in Black T'Noy Karaxis, who gives him a cryptic taunt about his time running out, before vanishing.
  • Ted screams loudly in the middle of the reception, suddenly finding himself in the real world again. Thinking he's just drunk, Paul gently asks Ted to do him a favor and go back to the office to slide his reports under Mr. Davidson's door for him as a way to get him out of the room. Ted reluctantly agrees.
  • Ted is unable to find Paul's reports on his desk and instead uses his own workstation to reprint them. Growing impatient with his slow printer, he mutters something about having to "wait for 85 years" and then drunkenly falls asleep. The combination of T'noy Karaxis choosing him and the time travel experiment taking place below his office causes a portal to open, directed by his last conscious thoughts, and transports him forward to the year 2104, his body vanishing without a trace. (Time Travel to Fall 2104.)
  • Emma and Paul check into a decent but inexpensive motel she picked out for their wedding night, in Room 311 (a room number she habitually picks because of her favorite band. They enjoy a blissful night of lovemaking before leaving for their honeymoon the next morning.
  • Monday-Sunday, honeymoon week: Paul and Emma enjoy a weeklong stay at a modest resort nearby at Hatchetfield's Starry Cove.
  • Ted is AWOL for the whole week at work. Since he's known to be an irresponsible jerk, this doesn't particularly surprise anybody, and the only thing people wonder is why he hasn't been officially fired yet.
  • Saturday, during honeymoon: The real Emma finally makes it back to the United States. She doesn't bother to contact anyone when her plane lands, hoping to keep her arrival low-key, thinking only that Hatchetfield will be a good place to stay until she can accumulate enough money to start a pot farm.
  • Monday after honeymoon: The scientists at lab C-8 shut down their experiment, assuming it was unsuccessful, but their measurements indicate a portal was opened somewhere in the vicinity, and they ask the top floor's liaisons elsewhere in the building to do a routine scan for anomalies. Sylvia, knowing Ted's work habits, refuses to set foot inside his office, and instead lies and says she scanned it and found nothing abnormal, swearing that once he's officially fired she'll board it up so no one will ever have to go in there again.
  • Bill's ex-wife calls him and tells him she and Allan are going to the French Riviera for a romantic getaway and won't be around when Alice has her fall break. (Fall break is typically mid-October, pegging this scene as taking place sometime September or October 2019.) Bill tells her he'd be happy to have Alice stay with him, since their relationship has been much improved after their experience at Watcher World.
  • The real Emma Perkins heads into town to try to apply for a job, thinking Beanie's coffee shop is a good prospect. She has a chance encounter with Paul as he steps out from the office to grab a coffee, and his casual attempt to kiss and hug her disturbs her greatly — and her disturbed reaction disturbs him greatly.
  • The real Emma spends the rest of the day trying to get herself situated in Hatchetfield only to find that everyone she talks to already knows Robot Emma — Robot Emma even already has the job she tries to apply for at Beanie's. Everyone she knows talks to her as though she's just come back from her honeymoon with her husband Paul, which drives her to track him down and look for answers.
  • Paul comes home to Robot Emma after work and confronts her demanding an explanation for what happened. Robot Emma, realizing Real Emma somehow survived the bus crash, grabs a knife to take care of her personally and insists that Paul wait at home till she comes back. Just after she leaves the building, Real Emma bursts through the door, demanding answers from Paul. Paul tells her what he knows about the impostor-Emma he married but can't provide a logical explanation for why they look identical or how the Emma he married knows so much about the real Emma's life. They decide to go to Emma's favorite bar, the Birdhouse, to get a drink and hash this out in a public place.
  • Robot Emma notices Paul's car leaving the apartment building and realizes what's happened, getting in her own car to follow them to the Birdhouse. Once there, she jumps Real Emma the moment Paul leaves to go to the bathroom, trying to get her outdoors quietly at knifepoint, only for Real Emma to make a scene and start a brawl. Robot Emma ends up revealing her superhuman strength by decapitating a biker with one swipe, then realizing she has to eliminate all the witnesses to protect her secret, slaughtering the entire clientele and staff of the bar. She's about to finish the job with Real Emma when Paul emerges from the bathroom; while Robot Emma tries to make excuses about the situation to her husband, Real Emma manages to stab her in the eye with a pool cue, revealing her robotic nature, and getting Paul to run away with her.
  • In the car, Paul tries to process the fact that his wife is an inhuman murderer and to try to figure out how he feels about Real Emma, who's exactly like Robot Emma was when they first started dating. They decide to hide out at a motel to figure out their next move. Unfortunately, Real Emma and Robot Emma's thought processes are too similar, and Real Emma chooses the same 311 motel room Robot Emma did for their honeymoon; Robot Emma then leaps out of the bathroom, revealing that she anticipated Real Emma's whole chain of actions and hid there to see what Paul would do. The two Emmas resume their battle to the death, and Paul manages to get his hands on the knife and, overcoming his indecision, chooses the Emma he married and kills Real Emma.
  • Tuesday morning: Paul and Robot Emma weight down the real Emma's corpse and dump her off the Nantucket Bridge, never to be seen again. Robot Emma finally explains her whole backstory to Paul, upon which Paul reveals he's also an impostor, Paul 23, who's killed to protect his own secret in the past. They agree to accept each other for who they are, and agree that the Homeless Man is the last loose end who needs to be killed to make absolutely sure their secrets are safe.
  • Paul 23 and Robot Emma track down the Homeless Man in an alleyway and brutally stab him to death. This finally ends Ted Spankoffski's personal timeline at the age of 50, and consigns his soul to the Bastard Box for eternity, T'noy Karaxis' Pocket Dimension where he will forever experience the paradoxical and illogical nature of his existence as a kind of endless living hell.
  • Sometime in the ensuing weeks, Ted's continued absence finally leads the company to terminate his employment, and Sylvia goes through with her threat to condemn Ted's office and have it boarded up; it somehow continues to stay untouched for the next 85 years of CCRP's existence.
  • At some point following that, Ted is presumably declared missing and then eventually presumed dead. It is unknown how his family or acquaintances react to this, although, unfortunately, he didn't have any actual friends to mourn him.
• October 2019: The events of "The Witch in the Web" occur — Donna's description of "jack-o'-lanterns going up" in her news broadcast mean this is almost certainly October.
  • One night Pamela loses her patience with Hannah's late-night/early-morning ukulele playing and storms into her room to take the ukulele away. The next day, Duke stops by for an unannounced check-in and finds Hannah wandering around outside drinking one of Pam's beers and talking to a tree. Alarmed, he asks Hannah what happened and then storms into the trailer demanding Pamela give Hannah back her ukulele — only to find that, once the ukulele was out of Hannah's physical possession, Willabella was able to use her powers to swap it with the corrupted black ukulele Hannah sees in her nightmares. Hannah insists that the black ukulele isn't hers and refuses to take it, making Duke suspect supernatural involvement.
  • Duke contacts Miss Holloway, who agrees to see Hannah the next day, and upon meeting her quickly realizes Hannah isn't just haunted by the supernatural but is a powerful psychic and the Chosen One. She uses a spell from the Black Book to enter Hannah's psyche ("go into Nightmare Time") and engage in a Battle in the Center of the Mind with Willabella's spirit. Willabella tries to torture Hannah by making her relive her own memories of her death in 1824, and Miss Holloway's attempt to save Hannah by drawing her into her own memories only allows the buried fragments of Uncle Wiley's spirit in her own mind to siphon off some of Hannah's power to revive him. Wiley gloatingly tells Holloway about the nature of the shattered timelines and how he believes Willabella's connection to Hannah makes the apocalypse inevitable despite her previous victory over him, then tries to come back to life by possessing Pamela's body. Hannah reacts by finally mastering her own power enough to destroy Wiley's ghost and escape back into her own mind, where she finally confronts Willabella, breaks through her illusions, and manages to finally fully summon Webby into her mind, where Webby is able to put Willabella's spirit to rest once and for all.
  • Miss Holloway gives Pamela a post-hypnotic suggestion to confess her guilt in Lex and Ethan's crimes, likely granting them a new sentencing hearing and a chance to be released with time served. She tells Hannah things will be better from now on, and gives her another magic hat like the one she gave to Ethan years ago.

2019-2104

• Throughout this 85-year period, no supernatural apocalypse comes to end the world, but a number of smaller disasters occur. It seems the COVID-19 Pandemic was not among them, but the negative social trends that were becoming crises during President Howard Goodman's term only get worse over time. Climate change racks the planet, inequality and poverty soar, and eventually the nations of the world collapse in an event known as the Great Crash, followed by the subsequent Buyout in which the corporations of the world become the new governments. All citizens are required to have implants from birth to track them under constant surveillance, and human rights are no longer considered inalienable but are all negotiable under capitalism, with all people effectively owned by their employers.
• CCRP becomes one of the most powerful corporations sharing power over Earth, developing a subterranean HQ for their operations in the Western Hemisphere of Earth known as "Sector-19". Andrew Kilgore rises to hold the position of Executive and Manager-In-Chief, giving him power of life and death over all CCRP employees in what were once the Americas. He spends this whole 85 years biding his time for the reappearance of the Time Bastard and doing research into time travel, T'Noy Karaxis and what the Time Bastard's powers must entail, replacing his organs with cybernetic parts as they fail until, by 2104, he is a grotesque Cyborg clinging to life.
• During this time period, the coffee plant, presumably among many other species, goes extinct, and coffee is replaced with a synthetic substitute (such that the word "coffee" is Lost Common Knowledge by 2104).

2104

• A CCRP science team under the authority of Sector-19 begins a project based in the Hatchetfield office to prototype a new form of Cyborg servant, upgrading their existing cloning technology with a synthetic CPU, metal endoskeleton and other parts to make a slave that looks and acts just like a real human but is far more powerful and dependable. The open goal of this program is not just to replace the existing cloning program but, eventually, make all lower-level human employees redundant. Searching for an "aesthetically pleasing" clone source, the head scientist decides the DNA donated to CCRP's genetic database almost a century ago by Emma Perkins
• Fall: Ted reappears in his abandoned, boarded-up office in the CCRP building exactly 85 years after he vanished in 2019. He forces his way out of the office and, in his still-half-drunk state, unknowingly stumbles into and disrupts a presentation about the plan to build Robot Emma. He is detained by CCRP security, who discover he has no tracking implant — which should be impossible — and put through genetic testing, which reveals that he's the same Ted Spankoffski who worked for CCRP and disappeared 85 years ago.
• Executive Andrew Kilgore is alerted of Ted's existence and the scientists' theory that he was transported to this time period by the failed C-8 experiment 85 years ago. Kilgore emerges from Sector-19 to confront Ted directly, telling him about his century-long vendetta, his connection to T'Noy Karaxis and the name "Time Bastard". He announces that he intends to vivisect Ted and take apart his DNA strand by strand both to finally discover the secret of Time Travel and to take vengeance on him after all these years. Ted manages to escape, fighting his way back to his office through a horde of CCRP security personnel, one of whom tries to kill him with a Disintegrator Ray only for Kilgore to knock it out of his hand because he needs Ted's body intact. Ted succeeds in grabbing the disintegrator device and uses it to horrifically kill Kilgore, before escaping back to his office and barricading himself back into it.
• Ted at first tries to repeat the experience with the portal by wishing himself back to 2019, but then remembers his hallucination of the Alternate Timeline where he never lost Jenny in 2004, and wishes to go back there instead — not realizing that the portal can send him into a time before it was created but once he's there he won't be able to use it to come back. The portal takes him, and he vanishes. (Time Travel back to October 17, 2004.)

2104-??

• Sometime further in the future, the Robot Emma prototype proposed at the meeting Ted crashed in 2104 is successfully created. Unfortunately, the robot's AI — combined with the original Emma Perkins' Genetic Memory — isn't as tractable as her creators had hoped. She rebels and murders the scientists who created her, then seeks to escape the dystopian future to resume the original Emma's life back in the 21st century.
• At some point in the future, the secret to Time Travel is eventually discovered, allowing for the possibility of travel to the past without being "touched" by Tinky's Curse of the Bastard Box the way Ted was. Robot Emma acquires such a method, and uses it to transport herself to Emma's hostel in Guatemala, just before Jane Perkins' death would've brought the real Emma back to Hatchetfield. (Time Travel back to December 2017.)

Timeline E, The Hatchetfield Ape-Man

2019

• Summer 2019: The events of "The Hatchetfield Ape-Man" occur. Lucy Stockworth records an interview with Dan and Donna about her lifelong obsession with the Ape-Man. Prof. Hidgens, driven mad with frustration that Workin' Boys will never see the light of day, watches this segment on TV and is inspired to use his knowledge of biology and Hatchetfield's local cryptid lore to pull a con to steal Lucy's family fortune. He hires Ted to grow out his beard and pose as the Ape-Man, hoping to trick Lucy into marrying him so he can murder her and the two of them can split the inheritance. After Lucy spends two weeks falling in love with the Ape-Man, her fiancé Jonathan Brisby shows up trying to get her to come back to England, and attempts to expose Prof. Hidgens and Ted as charlatans. The aftermath of this confrontation leads to the death of Jonathan, Ted and Prof. Hidgens, and to Lucy vanishing forever as the bride of the true Ape-Man. (NOTE: The events of "The Hatchetfield Ape-Man" aren't specified to happen — or not happen — in any particular year, but this timeline assumes for convenience's sake all of Nightmare Time Season One's "present day" takes place in the year 2019.)
• Fall 2019: Professor Hidgens and Ted Spankoffski both having tragically died in the Ape-Man incident means neither of them can attend Paul and Emma's wedding. The Homeless Man, paradoxically, still exists, so it's possible the events of "Forever & Always" still happen in this timeline without Ted's involvement, but the events of "Time Bastard" (minus the ones that already, paradoxically, happened back in 2004) do not. Presumably, Sylvia got her wish to have Ted's office condemned and boarded up a few months earlier in this timeline. Paul 23 has to make a quick trip to the office to slide his reports under Mr. Davidson's door before he and Robot Emma retire to their motel on their wedding night, but otherwise the events of September/October 2019 are unaffected.

2019-2104

• Executive Andrew Kilgore carries out his century-long vigil waiting for the Time Bastard to no purpose, with Ted Spankoffski having died in the Witchwood before he could ever meet Tinky and be cursed by him. The great mystery at the core of Kilgore's traumatic life is never resolved, and Kilgore presumably never finds out the paradoxical nature of the "timelines shattering" with Hannah's birth in 2005 that led to the Stable Time Loop of his assault in 2004 never closing.

Timeline F, Jane's a Car

2017

• December, 2017 to January, 2018: Sometime around Christmas, Tom is driving home from a visit to Tom's parents' house with Jane in the passenger seat and Tim in the back, in his prized 1986 Fox-body Mustang. Point of Divergence: Jane takes advantage of the Mustang's old tape deck to listen to an audiotape from the case files of the mad professor whose delusions she's become fascinated with. While she happens to be listening to a spell the professor is reading from the Black Book intended for "soul transference", Tom fails to notice a car losing control and sliding toward him from his right while driving through an intersection, and suffers a side-impact collision, leading to Jane's death. Tom and Tim both live but are badly traumatized.
  • The incantation that was active from the audio recording captures Jane's soul at the moment it leaves her body upon death and, lacking a more appropriate vessel for it, binds it to the Mustang itself, where it is initially dormant.
  • Tom's car is totaled after the crash, and he has it taken to the body shop owned by Tony Green, an old friend of his. He demands that the car be restored to pristine condition, just as it was before the crash, even though Tony warns him that the cost of doing so will be far more than the car is worth and it would make more financial sense to take the insurance money and buy a new car, especially with Tom currently unemployed, but Tom, in his grief, won't hear of it. The project to restore the Mustang ends up dominating Tony and Ethan's workload over the following months.
  • Jane, a confused and traumatized ghostly presence within the car, slowly regains consciousness and telekinetic control over the car's systems over the next several months as Tony and Ethan steadily repair it.

2019

• June 2019: The events of "Jane's a Car" occur. Lex and Ethan bond over the story of Tom's tragic accident as Ethan puts the Mustang through some final tests before his dad signs off on the repairs. Jane, slowly regaining her awareness, hears Lex disparagingly talk about how old and obsolete the car is and hears Ethan say he thinks Tom's irrational desire to fix it is tragic and he should've abandoned it for a new model. Outraged, she manages to shift the car into drive while Lex is testing the engine and almost kills Ethan, Lex barely managing to slam on the brakes in time.
  • Tom finally formally introduces Becky to Tim with a date for all three of them at Pizza Pete's, and they hit it off. That night, while Santa Claus Is Goin' to High School plays on TV, Tom invites her to stay the night for the first time and let Tim start to think of her as part of the family, and they make love on the couch.
  • Becky and Tom settle into a relationship, with Becky frequently staying the night and making breakfast for Tim in the morning. Shortly afterwards, Tony tells Tom the repairs on the Mustang are finished and gives it back to him, then mentions he knows an antique car collector who'd give Tom a good price on the car if he doesn't feel like keeping it. Tom refuses, but Tony tells him the option is open if he wants. Tom takes the car home.
  • A few days later, Jane's consciousness begins to assert itself, affecting minor aspects of the car's operation — honking the horn, changing the station on the radio — against Tom's will, and briefly speaking to him telepathically in what he thinks are PTSD flashbacks.
  • Tom's growing anxiety over his feeling Jane's presence around him causes him to start avoiding Becky and stall his growing relationship with her. He begins to read up on the symptoms of PTSD and starts to conclude that having the car around as such a powerful trigger of his memories of Jane is bad for his mental health. He begins to box up all of Jane's stuff in the garage and makes a phone call to Tony's friend to ask about selling the Mustang — at which point Jane, outraged, fully asserts her telepathic voice, announcing her presence and telling Tom she is the car.
  • The next day, a badly mentally scarred Tom is forced by Jane to take her out for a drive to the beaches at Hatchetfield's Starry Cove, where she pushes him into evaluating the attractiveness of various women they see. She convinces Tom to start stalking Harmony Jones, only for him to balk when she demands that he gun the engine and run her over, and reveals that her plan this whole time has been to murder another woman while playing the incantation from the tape so she can steal her body and become human again. Tom, horrified, convinces Jane to drive home and let him think about the situation, at which point she seduces him into a surreal scene of making love to her new body as a car while convincing himself she's his wife alive again. This leads to him being discovered by Tim, and in the horrifically awkward conversation afterwards, Tim unwittingly revealing to Jane that Tom and Becky are dating. Jane reacts badly.
  • That evening, Jane forces Tom to drive to Becky's house to end things with her. Tom takes the opportunity to frantically confess to Becky what's been going on with him, leading Becky to think he's having a serious mental health breakdown and trying to convince him to check in to St. Damien's. Tom refuses, trying to get back into Jane and escape, only for Jane to take control and honk the horn, making Becky curiously step out of the house and into the street. This triggers Jane finally taking full control of the car's body away from Tom and driving herself toward Becky to try to kill her, chasing her into the Witchwood and finally crushing her — and the car — against a tree.
  • Late that night, Becky awakens in the hospital, luckily with only superficial injuries, and is told that Tom has been arrested for attempted murder, is believed to have gone completely insane and has been institutionalized. She leaves the hospital and goes back to Tom's house on her own, where she reveals to Tim — and the audience — that she's actually his mother, Jane. The ritual worked, and the real Becky's soul swapped places with Jane's, trapped in the totaled Mustang that will soon be taken to the junkyard and destroyed.
• Fall 2019: Unaddressed Fridge Logic questions of whether Jane-as-Becky would be legally allowed to maintain custody of Tim or Emma would become his guardian as his closest remaining kin aside, little necessarily changes about "Forever and Always" and "Time Bastard", except that Tom Houston is unable to attend Paul and Emma's wedding due to being locked up at St. Damien's, and therefore some other large male guest ends up escorting the Homeless Man away from the ceremony after his outburst. (It is true that Emma's speech in her wedding vows is partly about being inspired to get married because of Jane and Tom's relationship, and Tom being revealed as a violent, deranged murderer might have affected her vows — or her decision to get married at all in the first place — but all of this is speculative.)

Timeline G, Nightmare Time 2

2010s-2020

• Scientists land on Pokotho’s meteor and splice the blue shit with human DNA creating Otho. At some point, he joins the Roller-Rama fighting ring, using his powerful psychic abilities to become the reigning champion, managed by Charles, a shady businessman who installed a bomb in Otho's brain that only he has the remote for.

2018-20

• Paul never plucks up the courage to actually ask Emma on a date. Their relationship doesn't go anywhere and Emma opens up a pot farm using a plot of land her parents owned in the Witchwood, eventually hiring Ziggs as a farmhand. This puts her on the bad side of Grace Chasity, since their weed making is disturbing the local nighthawk population, and more dangerously, Bob Metzger and his sons, members of the Hatchetmen who didn't take kindly to Emma cutting down the trees meant to hold Willabella Muckwab to build her farm.

2019

• The events of "The Witch in the Web" presumably occur the same as in Timeline D, since Hannah has her lucky Nighthawks cap with no mention of it coming from Ethan.

2019-20

• Lex and Hannah move out of their mom's trailer and into an apartment with Ethan moving in with them.
• Tom Houston's mental health improves to the point that he decides to go back to teaching shop.

2020

• Spring 2020: The events of "Perky's Buds" occur. Ziggs presents a new logo for Perky's Buds, which Emma doesn't like at first. After she reveals the secret of her weed to Ziggs, the Metzgers break in, bury Emma and Ziggs alive, and destroy their weed supply.
  • They're saved from certain death by the Checker-Tailed Nighthawks, who have become psychic after smoking Emma's magic weed. After killing all of the Metzgers, the Psionic Nighthawks turn on Emma and Ziggs, forcing them to replant their lost weed supply.
  • After the birds take control of their lives away from them, up to forcing them to live in a barn while the night hawks live in the farmhouse, Emma and Ziggs conduct a plan to leave. They'll make a scarecrow to distract the nighthawks and run to the car to get one thousand cats to scare the birds away, and one thousand dogs to scare the cats away when they become psychic.
  • Unfortunately, the birds break into the car and take Ziggs. Emma escapes to the road and calls for help. Her pleas are answered by Grace Chasity, who thinks that Emma's high and calls the police, leaving her to be taken by the nighthawks.
  • The leader of the nighthawks, Ezekiel reveals that his powers have grown to the point that he can control the mind of Ziggs. But his true plan is to lobotomize Emma and take control of all of Hatchetfield. Ezekiel uses Ziggs to attack Emma, but she manages to take their lighter and use it to burn the farm down. This distracts the birds enough that Ziggs is freed of their mind control.
  • Being chased by the nighthawks with no way to escape, Emma decides to extend her arson to the entire farm. The burning weed makes all of the birds except Ezekiel too high to want to kill Emma and Ziggs. Ezekiel, in his rage at being the only nighthawk to continue his mission, discovers his powers have extended to telekinesis.
  • Ezekiel uses his telekinetic powers to take control of Emma's entire gun supply. He shoots what he believes to be Emma, only to realize that he actually shot Ziggy's sketch for the Perky's Buds logo. Emma takes this opportunity to hit Ezekiel over the head with a shovel. Ezekiel crashes through the window and into the woodchipper Ziggs moved outside the window.
  • The inferno consuming the farm kills all of the Psionic Nighthawks, who are too stoned to realize that they are dying. It also leaves Emma and Ziggs with no chance of escape. They stand on the rooftop of the farmhouse awaiting death, only to be saved by the police... Who immediately arrest them for the mass murder of an endangered species.
• Stephanie Lauter sarcastically tells Grace that her vomiting from a wild party at the end of the school year is due to her being pregnant. Grace, not understanding sarcasm, tells everyone in the school and Steph is sent to Camp Idontwannabang to avoid a scandal.
• May-June 2020: The events of "Abstinence Camp" occur. Grace Chasity goes to Camp Idontwannabang because she does so every year. Peter Spankoffski is sent to Camp Idontwannabang seemingly as a family tradition.
  • Pete collapses during a march due to not being allowed to bring chocolate that helps with his low blood sugar. Steph helps him up and gives him a smuggled chocolate bar. They bond over their hatred of Camp Idontwannabang.
  • Gabe, a camper friend of Grace, tells the other campers about Lumber Axe over the campfire. A younger camper, Noah jumps out as Gabe finishes his tale, scaring his friend Mary in the process.
  • Gabe flirts with Grace, and is frustrated by her obliviousness to his advances. He tries to release his frustration by making a wallet, but when that doesn't work, he masturbates, drawing the attention of Lumber Axe who kills him.
  • Girl Jeri finds Gabe's skinned corpse while Steph confronts Grace about spreading rumors about her and showers in the boy's washroom to get away from her. Grace calls out to Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri to get them to stop Steph.
  • Steph showers at the same time as Pete, eventually deciding to shower in the same stall. Pete's stepping into Steph's shower is interrupted by Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri, who have returned from burying Gabe's body to stop them after hearing about it from Grace, saving Steph and Pete from Lumber Axe's wrath.
  • Pete and Steph are sent into solitary confinement for the rest of the summer while Noah and Mary kiss, with Mary's unbuttoning of her blouse interrupted by Lumber Axe decapitating Noah and killing Mary soon after.
  • Grace regrets her actions when she sees Steph being led to solitary confinement and goes to Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri to complain, finding Noah and Mary's bodies in the process.
  • In solitary confinement, Pete finds a porn mag that Ted hid in the wall when he went to Camp Idontwannabang. He unzips his pants but is interrupted by an axe crashing through the door... Belonging to Steph, who plans on breaking herself and Pete out.
  • Grace runs away from Girl Jeri but trips on a branch. Pete and Steph find Boy Jerry burying Mary and Noah. Boy Jerry attacks Pete, who overpowers him, hitting him in the jaw with a shovel. Pete attempts to break the shovel across his thigh, but only succeeds in breaking his own leg.
  • Pete and Steph kiss, only to find Lumber Axe right behind them. They run away while Girl Jeri tells Grace the true origins of Lumber Axe. Pete stuns Lumber Axe with the porn mag, but this doesn't stop Lumber Axe from throwing a tree at Steph. She is pinned by a branch while Lumber Axe goes in for the kill, but is interrupted by Grace, who gets Lumber Axe on her side by showcasing her prudishness. She tells Lumber Axe about Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri's conception of him, enraging Lumber Axe who kills Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri. Lumber Axe gives Grace his axe, and she decides to take over the camp.
• Barry Swift rushes into marriage with Sheila Young. She eventually throws him in her dungeon.
• June-July 2020: The first two-thirds of "Daddy" occur. Lex Foster applies for a second job at Best Buy since Frank Pricely keeps cutting her hours. Frank comes home to find Buddy died when he was at work.
  • Wave 4 of the Sugar Gliders releases. Sherman Young, Frank's only loyal customer left buys all of them. Frank meets Sherman's mother, Sheila and she asks him on a date. On the date, Sheila asks Frank to marry her. He agrees.
  • Using the money he got from marrying Sheila, Frank renovates Toy Zone. Lex doesn't get the job at Best Buy.
  • Frank takes issue with how spoiled Sherman is. Sheila kicks him out of the house. He sneaks into Sherman’s room and tries to leave, but Sheila throws him in the dungeon with Barry.
• July 2020: The events of "Honey Queen" occur. Linda Monroe, in a bid to impress her emotionally abusive father, decides to compete in the 75th annual Honey Queen Pageant. She immediately starts a rivalry with Zoey Chambers.
  • She sabotages all of her competitors that stand a chance of winning, including blackmailing Zoey by blackmailing her into leaving the pageant or else she'll tell her grandmother about her being Sam's mistress. Zoey responds by getting Sam to murder her grandmother by screwing with her medication doses.
  • Linda, upon learning of Zoey's grandmother's death, moves on to plan B. Getting Gerald and the homeless older Ted Spankoffski to pose as casting directors, they will get Zoey to sing until she loses her voice and is unable to compete.
  • The Master of Ceremonies Henry Hidgens holds a Q&A for every contestant still in the pageant. Zoey strong-arms the teen in charge of the questions into giving herself an easy one and giving Linda an impossible one.
  • Zoey gets her gastronomically challenged roommate Hailey to give her tea that will heal her voice, However, Hailey actually got one that will make her voice worse, so it doesn't work and she is booed off stage.
  • Linda's performance on the other hand is an astounding success. Zoey, in one last ditch effort, gets Sam to kidnap Linda's favorite son River and only promises his safety if Linda drops out of the pageant. Linda and Zoey get in a fight to the death backstage above the Starlight Theatre while Gerald gets in one with Sam to save River. Gerald runs over Sam while Sam shoots him, with both injuries being fatal. Linda hangs Zoey with a sandbag in the rafters.
  • Linda wins Honey Queen. Roman compliments her and drives her to the middle of the Witchwood revealing the true purpose of the Honey Queen Pageant and that he is a member of a cult that acts as a successor to the Church of the Starry Children. He mocks Linda for one final time as she is eaten alive by Nibblenephim.
• The events of "Killer Track" occur concurrently with "Honey Queen". After a performance by rock band Needy Beast, lead guitarist Rose follows strange goth Kale instead of going to Denny's with the other members. Kale takes her to his car where he plays the "Killer Track", a song that kills everyone who listens to it a week after they hear it.
  • Rose spends the week destroying expensive audio equipment after hearing the Killer Track playing from all of them. Her parents call Duke Keane to help her.
  • Duke takes her to Miss Holloway. She uses a spell from the Black Book that draws on Tinky's magic to enter Rose's mind at the time she listened to the Killer Track and Miss Holloway listens to the Killer Track instead of Rose.
  • Miss Holloway returns to her body in the present, gives Duke a letter only to be opened upon her death, and dies since she was the one that listened to the Killer Track instead of Rose.
  • Duke calls an ambulance to take Miss Holloway's body to the morgue, and opens the letter only to find that she was going to come back to life in 20 minutes and calling an ambulance was exactly what she didn't want him to do.
  • Miss Holloway comes back to life, creates a duplicate corpse, and goes back to Miss Retro's.
  • Duke asks Miss Holloway who she is, and she answers, only for Duke to forget everything she told him. She explains that the "deal" she made makes everyone forget whenever she tells them about her past. She explains that the Killer Track will be playing during the honey festival.
  • At the honey festival, Miss Holloway realizes that the Killer Track will play from the concert stage. She and Duke split up, with Duke going to the audio tent connected to the speakers, and Miss Holloway going to the stage. Rose sees Kale sneaking into the audio tent and follows, but before she or Duke can stop him, he plays the Killer Track. With the Killer Track playing throughout the festival, Miss Holloway takes Rose's guitar and plays Run Away With Me, which drowns out the Killer Track. After she stops playing, everyone forgets both the song she played and the Killer Track, saving everyone in the festival from death. Before Kale can play the song again, Duke takes his phone and smashes it, which kills Kale. Watching the fireworks, Miss Holloway explains to Duke that since everyone knows she died, she will move on to another persona, and everyone including Duke will forget about her. Duke closes his eyes as she kisses him, and he opens them to find both Miss Holloway and his memories of her gone without a trace.
• Act 3 of "Daddy" occurs concurrently with the climaxes of "Honey Queen" and "Killer Track".Ted Spankoffski meets Sheila during the honey festival, and she asks him to marry her. Sherman asks Frank how to open Toy Zone after he realizes that it can't open without him. Frank hugs Sherman to steal his keys. He goes to Barry to escape with him, only to find that he's bled out.
  • Sheila takes Ted to her house and shoots him after Sherman asks for Frank back. Sherman realizes that his pockets are gone and Sheila sends her servant Marco after Frank. Marco catches Frank, and Frank stabs him in the eye with his own javelin. Sheila catches him regardless.
  • Sheila prepares to sacrifice Frank to maintain her youth, but finds that Sherman has scribbled all over the pages. She scolds him and he reveals that he memorized the words and the defacing was a test Sheila failed. Sherman sacrifices Sheila and de-ages to a young boy. He forces Frank to be his daddy forever.
• Eddie Chiplucky buys Pizza Pete's, hoping to find kids with the gift to compete at the Roller-Rama.
• September-October 2020: The events of "Yellow Jacket" occur. Hannah Foster is working on a project in shop class when she has a vision of a boy being killed and assimilated by Otho. While distracted, she cuts off her finger.
  • Since Lex doesn't have insurance, she can't afford Hannah's treatment unless she gets another job, which she can't get since she never graduated high school.
  • Hannah confronts Webby about her vision. Webby explains that she didn't send the vision and that she tries to control Hannah's powers, but she can't do everything at once.
  • The epilogue of "Killer Track" occurs. Duke tries to get the school to cover the medical bills for Hannah's accident. He meets the new guidance counselor, and Miss Holloway's newest persona, Miss Holiday.
  • On Hannah's birthday, Lex is taking an equivalency exam to pass high school while Ethan takes Hannah to Pizza Pete's. Hannah uses her powers to get 78 jackpots in a row. Eddie recruits Hannah to fight at the Roller-Rama.
  • Lex arrives at the exam 20 minutes late. While filling out the date, she realizes she forgot Hannah's birthday, panics, and fails the test.
  • Hannah and Ethan watch a fight between Spitfire and Stopwatch. Spitfire wins due to Hannah's psychic assistance.
  • Hannah joins the Roller-Rama fighting ring, winning $100,000 in her first fight against Spitfire. During the battle, she notices Otho standing in a private box.
  • Using Hannah's winnings, Ethan buys a penthouse for him and the Fosters to move into, claiming the money came from the stock market.
  • Interrupting Ethan's attempt to propose to Lex, Eddie takes Ethan and Hannah to a fight between Spitfire and Otho. Otho overpowers Spitfire and assimilates her.
  • Charles takes away Eddie to parts unknown and tries to convince Ethan to get Hannah to fight Otho. Ethan refuses, but Hannah uses her powers to force him to agree for her to fight Otho for $100,000,000 upfront.
  • Webby tells Hannah that Otho was the one who sent the vision and if he assimilates her, then he will use their combined psychic powers to create another Apotheosis like the one in Timeline A. Hannah uses her powers to lock Webby out of her mind permanently.
  • Hannah fights Otho, but is quickly overpowered. Otho tries to convince Hannah to join him and let the world die. Webby gives Lex a vision of the apotheosis, before explaining the situation to Lex. Webby and Lex combine their powers, sending Lex to the Roller-Rama. As Otho assimilates Hannah, Lex reaches through the Black and White, grabs Charles' bomb remote and presses it, killing Otho and saving both Hannah and the world. Charles tries to take Hannah and Lex to be his new champions, but Ethan forces him to let them go at gunpoint.
  • The next morning, Ethan wakes up to find Lex and Hannah gone, with a letter explaining that Lex was taking Hannah to escape from Charles, who will keep coming after them but wouldn't have any reason to go after him. Hannah wakes up in the car, thinking that this event is happening in every timeline.

Timeline P, "Peanuts!"

2017-2036

• The events of "Peanuts!" occur. (NOTE: This timeline assumes that "Peanuts!" takes place within the maximum lifespan of a squirrel in captivity — about 18 years — and that, despite the silliness of the "Peanuts!" music video, Nick Lang meant it seriously when he said "Everything is canon".)
• The local excitement over Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel continues to grow and grow, his popularity experiencing a "meteoric rise", until newscasters Dan and Donna talk about little else. People almost seem to worship Peanuts, wishing fervently that he were a sapient being who could think and speak — and then, shockingly, they get their wish. Peanuts reveals himself as a Talking Animal and the response to this causes many people including Dan and Donna to Go Mad from the Revelation, their worldview as to what is and isn't possible shattered. Society suffers some kind of breakdown because of this, possibly including an Apocalypse Cult founded around Peanuts, leading to an uprising or war that leaves Hatchetfield in ruins and Dan and Donna sending out a final news broadcast singing Peanuts' praises.

Timeline W, Workin' Boys

2021

• (Note: This timeline assumes Workin' Girls opens on the same day as Workin' Boys' premier in Real Life).
• The Starlight Theater, wanting to open a show penned by a local writer, chooses Prof. Hidgens' script over the other two submissions. However, they only agree to fund the show if Hidgens changes the show to star women. Hidgens does this, but refuses to change any lines beyond the bare minimum except for replacing every mention of football to football-but-for-girls.
• Sep. 14: Workin' Girls begins rehearsals starring, among others, Zoey Chambers as Henrietta Hidgens, Hailey Dilmore as Marge, Courtney as Leia, Cassandra King as Eve, and Ruth Fleming as Secretary #4.
• Oct. 13, 4:00-4:45 pm: Workin' Girls opens, with Bill Woodward, Ted Spankoffski, Linda Monroe, Gerald Monroe, Richard Lipschitz, Grace Chasity, Officer Bailey, Miss Mulberry, Brenda, Barry Swift, and three others in attendance. Hidgens considers it worse than his friends' horrific deaths. He has a hallucination of his dead friends minus Chad who tell him that Chad arrive at 5 o'clock. Hidgens, not wanting Chad to see this travesty, murders the entire cast.
• Oct. 13: 5:00 pm: The curtains open to the mutilated corpses of the cast and Hidgens trying to start the show over with himself as the only cast member. Ted runs for the exit only to be shot dead by Hidgens. Grace and Richie tell Officer Bailey to do something since he has a gun. He gives it to Grace and she shoots Hidgens 21 times. The dying Hidgens mistakes everyone's terrified exits for a standing ovation.

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