Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!)

Well since the chain was broken, let me re-start it with a steampunk villain. Because steampunk.

—-

Name: Monsieur Chevalle (I never came up with a first name for the guy)

Age: He is a steampunk cyborg, so it's hard to tell. Chronologically about 60, personality-wise 30.

Personality: Chevalle is a very affable, soft-spoken individual who is very cultured, enjoying classic music and higher tastes in general. He is pretty friendly and happy with most people he meets, and tends to be rather merciful compared to his Boss.

He is usually mildly cheerful as well, even in battle.

He is that kind of villain that would be a rather nice person to be with if he weren't a Imperialist warmonger trying to take over the world.

That said, he tends to be a little vain with his appearance, and frequently loses his shit when someone calls him a coward [due the classic french stereotype]. Despite his friendly persona, he won't hesitate to mock one's nationality or beliefs in subtle ways.

Abilities: He is a Steampunk Cyborg, so don't hope beating him in a straight up fight because he is literally Made of Iron. He tends to be very cunning [not to the point of The Chessmaster, more like an evil The Great Detective, if you catch my point] as well.

His greatest threat factor is his Improbable Aiming Skills: He can hit a bi-plane's wing from ground-level without scope. To give some perspective, this part of his character is based on Simo Hayha, The White Death.

Weaknesses: This universe relies very heavily on flying combat, yet he can't fly a plane that well [he's not bad, he's just seriously outclassed by the protagonist]. He also tends to get pissed off and commit mistakes when someone damages his mechanic body or mentions the Cheese Eating Surrendering Monkeys stereotype [he is french, you see].

Goals: To serve his master, and by implication, Take Over the World.

Motivation: Undying Loyalty, basically.

Role in the story: The Dragon for the major villain.

Backstory: A former honored soldier of the french army, he was horribly wounded in a explosion, The Sky Baron saved him from death by giving him a steampunk body.

Since that day, Chevalle became eternally thankful to the Baron and serves him faithfully. One important note is that Undying Loyalty isn't his single reason for following the Baron, he also agrees with his philosophy in general [The Social Darwinist being the philosophy in question].

Relevant Tropes:

• Authority Equals Asskicking: The Baron's highest ranking lieutenant, and definitely the most skilled.
• Affably Evil: As I said, impeccably polite even if antagonistic to his fellow enemies.
• Berserk Button: Damaging his body or calling him a coward will make you regret you were born.
• Brain in a Jar: All that remained of his former body is a brain in a (incredibly resistant) jar, that replaces his head on his steampunk body.
• Cheese Eating Surrendering Monkeys: Adverted to the point of being his Berserk Button.
• Cold Sniper: His specialty.
• Cultured Badass
• The Dragon: To The Sky Baron.
• Fatal Flaw: Vanity.
• French Jerk: Well not much of a jerk, but more of a villain.
• Improbable Aiming Skills
• Man of Wealth and Taste
• Mood Dissonance: His specialty. In one of his first scenes, he comes pillaging a entire city while walking around calmly saying "Excuse me, excuse me my dear, do you know where (the protagonist) went? I can't seem to find him you see..." while explosions go off to his side.
• Nice Hat: A glorious black top hat.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: His mannerisms, voice and appearance before he became a cyborg are taken from Jean Reno.
• Sharp-Dressed Man: Well sort of: His mechanic body is designed after a victorian era suit.
• Smug Snake: In his worst moments.
• Wicked Cultured

I think you're getting this backwards. The point is to discuss and critique what has already been posted, with posting something of your own being optional.

Actually, I think that a lot of people are missing the point here.

Indeed so, it seems. I'd review something now, but I'm short on time. I barely had enough time to do Monsieur Chevalle's profile.

edited 19th Nov '12 6:44:27 PM by Gaon

On Shumalco Varlith I can say that he is certainly...unique. I find myself wondering why any demon with enough foresight to construct a magical contract wouldn't make it exclusive. Time share doesn't seem like an optimal situation for anyone involved. Pour quoi?

====

On Monsieur Chevalle, firstly Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys, not Surrendering. :P

When a trope (in this case CESM) is averted it just isn't mentioned. When it is subverted it is expected and then doesn't happen in the way expected, if at all. For Chevalle to have it as a Berserk Button, it can't be an aversion.

A Fatal Flaw is something the character consistently has to deal with and work around. Simply being a major flaw isn't a Fatal Flaw. If he were vain to the point where his vanity interfered with his effectiveness as a villain I believe it would qualify.

The Mood Dissonance seems to be more Dissonant Serenity. Mood Dissonance is when a given element clashes with the overall mood of the setting/story. Being calm in the midst of explosions and what not would seem to be used as a highlight to his character, and makes him that much more villainous, is this not so?

edited 21st Aug '14 10:39:34 AM by Eagal

Looks good! Normally I don't like 'camp' villains, but in this case it's justified because you've done a good job of making him seem genuinely off his nut, so the campness is less about playing into the audience's passive homophobia for squick and more about being one of a bundle of inappropriate villain clichés he's ineptly trying to project, making him an amusing satire of that kind of villain, but also a very scary character in his own right.

edited 6th Dec '12 5:50:53 AM by Kesteven

This villain is for a nature vs. industry arc in a fantasy comic. This is the character who represents nature. He's a vaguely humanoid frog creature.

Name: Calls himself "Gultch"

Age: Indeterminable

Personality: Outgoing and talkative but usually somber. Bounces between aloof and frantic. Has an explosive temper, is vindictive and prone to assumptions.

Abilities: Can breathe underwater and is an excellent swimmer. He's also surprisingly crafty and resourceful.

Weaknesses: Not physically strong or particularly smart. Has no friends or allies.

Goals: To destroy a dam. Doing so will flood the settlements near the river, possibly killing hundreds.

Motivation: Revenge, justifies his actions with environmentalism and misanthropy

Role in the story: Primary villain for a 2 to 3 issue story arc

Backstory: He and his race lived in a river for hundreds of years until a dam was built on it. The dam caused the river water to lower which made it unsuitable for the frog people and they soon died out. Gultch is the only remaining frog person. He believes that destroying the dam would help his race (and other creatures who died out due to the water level lowering) prosper again. None of the heroes learn about this backstory.

Relevant Tropes:

• Anti-Villain
• Faux Affably Evil
• Hulk Speak
• Lack of Empathy: Towards humans
• Last of His Kind
• Nature Hero: Thinks he's this
• Nature Spirit: Maybe
• Put Them All Out of My Misery
• Well-Intentioned Extremist

I'm worried that his "revenge for his dead people" anti-villain shtick might too cliche or that it might look like a cheap way of getting audience sympathy. What do you guys think?

edited 8th Dec '12 12:52:48 PM by WSM

Sounds pretty good. Yeah, the "revenge for his dead race" is rather cliche, but as long as the character himself is fleshed out, things should be good. :)

Remember to critique other posters' Villains while you're at it. That's kinda the reason for this thread after all. ;)

@SM: I'd read something with Gultch in it.

Here's mine for Cuba Libre, my YA sci-fi novel:

Name: Jesús Rafael Cabrera

Age: 61

Ethnicity: White

Nationality: Cuban

Personality: Is nice and friendly to those around him, even to political opponents. He is also very politically savvy and shrewd. However, he is also very ruthless and power-hungry.

Role in the story: Is President of Cuba, married to Marina Vargas, an American-born woman who shares his right-wing ideals. He is the main antagonist of the novel.

Abilities: Military experience, public speaking skills.

Strengths: Charismatic personality and good spin doctors.

Weaknesses: Love of power and paranoia.

Motivation: Desire for power and fear of being unnoticed.

Goals: A fourth term in office.

Backstory: He was elected President of Cuba 40 years before the beginning of the story. He rose from rural poverty to become a soldier and was quickly promoted. He was a senior officer of the New Revolutionary Council, the junta which formed in the early 22nd century.

Jesús Rafael Cabrera sounds like an interesting character, but I'm not getting much of a concept of his role in a story. I know a bit about how he acts, but I'd like to know more beyond the fact that he's a douche leader. Who exactly is he concerned about? What is he doing that bothers the hero(s) so much? What "right-wing ideals" does he have, and is there a risk of offending right-wing people? A few trope example might be useful as well.

Name: Cecil (Fahai)

Age: Physically 33, mentally/spiritually 100+

Personality: Coldly manipulative and confident, yet he adopts an impressively convincing air of incompetence and chivalry to fool those around him.

Abilities: A master of illusions, Cecil can get anything he desires by trickery and deception. Due to his being a Magnificent Bastard, he only occasionally needs to rely on his magic. He wields a sword-cane in a deft combination of fencing and spellcasting.

Weaknesses: He is extremely power-hungry and overconfident, and has two conflicting goals which can be compromising.

Goals: He desires a greater power source and is manipulating a hero to become the perfect tool for this end. He also seeks to destroy what he perceives as the most evil being in existence, who happens to be inhabiting the body of said hero.

Motivation: He feels a moral obligation to destroy or contain the snake spirit Bai Suzhen, but becomes sidetracked by the discovery of an immense power source.

Role in the story: Cecil travels with the heroes with the express goal of twisting one hero into a self-loathing mess. His goals force him to manipulate all the heroes in some way or another, often exhibiting traits of a Poisonous Friend. He provides crucial triggers for character development and often assists other villains if they’re goals don’t interfere with his.

Backstory: There is an ancient Chinese legend of a white snake spirit named Bai Suzhen who took a human form in her search for immortality. She encountered a sorcerer named Fahai who believed her an incarnation of evil and sought her destruction. Fahai cast Bai Suzhen out of the world, but was caught in his own magic and dragged with her. With their present confrontation occupying both their attentions, neither was prepared when the dimensional security force arrived to apprehend them. Fahai was quick and managed to spirit-jump into the body of one of the agents, escaping incarceration. Fahai played his role cleverly, escaping into a mystical Victorian Era England and stealing the body of a young gentleman named Cecil. His actions left him powerless, and he was forced to seek out an alternate source for his magic.

He sought out a murderer and harvested his soul the night before he was to be executed and forged it into a rapier sheathed in a cane. His new weapon proved to be extremely powerful, drawing on the regret and self-loathing of the trapped soul. Cecil fell neatly into his new life, and soon realized the potential of crafting a more powerful weapon by cultivating a new soul with even greater self-loathing. He forced his chosen target to kill his wife and many others who bore similar appearance to her, creating Jack the Ripper. But Cecil’s plan failed when Jack the Ripper became an unfeeling monster with a lust for blood.

Fate lead him to a new target, one who came from another world and was already a tortured soul ready for harvesting. But Cecil wanted more, and chose to travel with his target and those she was with as a friend, intent on breaking her spirit even more. But his plan becomes complicated when Bai Suzhen takes residence in his target’s body, forcing him to play the fool to avoid rousing suspicion of his identity.

Relevant Tropes:

Bad Samaritan

Evil Gloating

Faux Affably Evil

Magnificent Bastard

Poisonous Friend

Man of Wealth and Taste

Master of Illusion

Wicked Cultured

edited 9th Dec '12 2:09:27 PM by Thaycon

@ Thaycon I think I know how you can improve this Fahai guy. The idea of a villain whose goals conflict with this ideology can work very well. I suggest exploring that “internal conflict” concept. Here's what I would do...

You mentioned that he has "right-wing" ideals. If you don't want to offend anyone, I would avoid giving him negative right-wing ideals (cultural supremacy, corporatism, militarism) and instead give him positive right-wing ideals (smaller government/libertarianism, strong moral/traditional values). That's kind of obvious.

This can also lead to internal conflict: he believes that people should have a say in how they are govern rather than a leader being in charge of the people. However, when he is put in a position of power, his power-hungry side causes him to take advantage of his position and betray his ideals (this will make his power-hungriness seem like more of a weakness and less like another way of saying “ambitious”). Also, someone who believes that strong moral values are important is forced do evil in order to defeat a greater evil. If he genuinely believes that killing the white snake spirit by any means necessary is good, this will help preventing him from being “evil just because he’s evil”. He’ll be less of a cartoon villain and more of a person. Also, you can explore how he transformed from a morally-righteous wizard to a serial killing monster powered by suffering will make him more tragic, even sympathetic. This sort of internal conflict and “fall from grace” can give him a lot of depth and make him a much more compelling character.

That’s all I got. I hope it helps.

Cecil does not have any expressed political views; the "right-wing ideals" belong to the previous villain who I was critiquing.

Despite the confusion, your comments are very helping and enlightening.

The white snake legend is in fact a real thing, unfortunately I'm too new to post external links quite yet. The legend has multiple interpretations; in all, the sorcerer Fahai believes he is doing the right thing, but often he is cast as corrupt and villainous.

A similar aspect applies to Bai Suzhen, who is either cast as a spirit just trying to find love and immortality, or an evil demon using trickery. I'm building off the concept that they were both evil from the get-go.

Fahai might have been respected and/or feared in his time, but once he discovers the potential power behind harvesting tortured souls he descends quickly down a slippery slope.

Only other note is that Cecil/Fahai does not become Jack the Ripper, but creates Jack the Ripper in his attempt to cultivate the perfect tortured soul.

@Thaycon: Your villain looks pretty awesome, and the concept is quite interesting. I suppose my main question is, why does he believe Bai Suzhen to be evil? What did she do? What mental justifications does he use to convince himself that he's doing the right thing, whereas she is evil and needs to be destroyed? How self-aware is he as to how far he's fallen? Is he trying to destroy Bai Suzhen for selfish reasons, or because he honestly believes he's saving the universe by doing so?

I think I might want to read this story, whenever it gets written.

Now, for one of my villains for a Dragoncave fic. He isn't nailed down terribly well in my head, and I'm not really happy with him yet, so here we go.

• Name: Szabaru

• Age: ...Complicated. Physically, he's a zombified magi hatchling that died so young that he has no wings and is technically genderless. His current body has been alive for about a hundred years or so (most dragons in my version of the Caveverse live to between two and five hundred years). His soul is thousands of years old, and upon his zombification he regained the combined reflexive skills, magic, and mental capacity of hundreds of lifetimes. His only readily available, conscious skills and memories are from this lifetime.

• Personality: Intelligent, witty, manipulative, calculating, unabashedly smug, charming when he tries to be. Mostly he puts up a Smug Snake front to whoever he's screwing around with at the time, talking in cryptic half-truths and classic Card-Carrying Villain mannerisms; basically, he does a good job of making himself look like an All-Knowing Magnificent Bastard. In reality, while he is extremely intelligent, an insanely powerful magic-user and good with Xanatos Gambits, he doesn't know nearly as much as he pretends to. He also has a tendency to forget himself and get genuinely involved in conversations; he really does enjoy having friends to talk to and to distract him from having crossed the Despair Event Horizon more times than he can count. The main character ends up getting involved in the main conflict largely because he felt lonely, and correctly guessed that she was short-sighted enough to be friends with a creepy-looking, creepy-acting, nigh sociopathic hatchling who only ever talks to her out of earshot of her family.

• Abilities: As aforementioned, he is an insanely powerful user of chance-magic (the two main types of magic in my Caveverse are chance-magic, which is fairly common and involves subconsciously altering the world within the laws of physics, and Elemental magic, which is much rarer and bends the world to your will, physics be damned). As powerful as it is, his chance-magic is actually stunted; in past incarnations where he grew up before being killed and revived as a Scient, he was a DoMD of apocalyptic proportions. He has been reincarnated much more frequently than most of the Scient; therefore, although he doesn't remember much specifically outside of his current life, his latent knowledge of the world makes him much less a Fish out of Temporal Water than the others. This is also one of the main reasons for his magical potential, since it grows a little with each incarnation. His other major power is to 'borrow' other dragons' chance-magic by slowly and carefully (and agonizingly) analyzing the subconscious thought-processes that activate different effects. His Magnificent Bastardry and Xanatos Gambit-ing don't really count, since they don't always work the way he wants them to and more often than not just piss people off.

• Weaknesses: His primary weakness as far as the story goes is that his goals are indecisive and conflicting; as a result, he has no real cohesive plan other than to sabotage the other Scient's efforts at their own goals, try to hold on to the few friends he has, and keep the heroes from discovering a way to destroy Scient. The second main weakness of his is lack of empathy, which severely limits his ability to manipulate people, scheme successfully, or understand why others find him abhorrent, however hard he tries. He also is deeply conflicted over the vague memories of all the loved ones he's had throughout his numerous incarnations. On the one hand, the fact that he can remember their existence but can't remember them fills him with despair; on the other, he doesn't want them to be forgotten entirely, either. He also has a tendency to slip into friendly conversation and reveal more than he means to.

• Goals: His main goal is to keep the Scient from dominating or destroying the world, since he rather dislikes them all greatly and secretly hopes that he might one day find a way to cleanse himself. However, he doesn't want to incur the wrath of the other Scient, for this incarnation and all those to come, and he's worried that the heroes could find a way to destroy them all, himself included. For this reason he tries to sabotage the Scient and help the heroes in secret, hindering them whenever they start to stumble towards a Final Solution, in the hope that they'll eventually come to a satisfactory resolution themselves. Unfortunately, there's only so much he can do without revealing himself to either side, and it's possible that the recent upsurge in Scient incarnations can only be stopped by complete annihilation.

• Motivation: His main motivation in the Scient war is to prevent the destruction or conquering of the world, while not being annihilated by an anti-Scient attack, gaining the enmity of the other Scient, or revealing himself to the other inhabitants of the land. His secondary motivations are to find a way to cleanse himself of the curse, believing his own lack of empathy or ability to form relationships to be a side-effect as opposed to a character flaw.

• Role in the Story: His main role in the first part of the story is to get the heroes organized, informed, functional, and badass'd enough to have a chance at fighting the Scient. During the second part of the story, he starts to become an unreliable source of help and eventually a downright villain, forcing the heroes to become competent and cohesive without his help. In the third part of the story, he starts to undergo a Heel–Face Turn after the heroes forcefully remove his magical abilities, and eventually he proves to be a valuable ally in turning the Scient against each other.

• Backstory: An unknown number of millenia ago, Szabaru was one of the powerful dragons involved in some kind of eldritch Pact, which made them even more powerful and allowed them to keep and use memories from their former incarnations. The downside to all this is that each incarnation has to become a zombie before its Scientness is released (although considering the insanity that comes as a result, maybe this is more of a blessing). Whether the Scient entered the Pact willingly or not is unknown; not even they themselves remember. In his most recent incarnation, Szabaru was adopted by a group of dragons who found him wandering in the woods, having been killed and zombified under mysterious circumstances. Over the years he spent with them, he gained rudimentary knowledge and use of several types of chance-magic— mainly illusion and healing, with which to pass himself off as normal— before wandering away again under false accusation of murdering another hatchling. Since then, he has mainly kept to himself, avoiding other Scients' attempts to involve him in their schemes until recently.

• Relevant Tropes:

• Adorkable: Has hints of this later on, once he starts to recover from the trauma of having his magic severed.
• Ambiguous Disorder: Subverted. A couple characters wonder if this is the case, but his issues come from a combination of various factors. A major one is that he was zombified before his brain had a chance to develop, and his mind is a spirit construct instead of a bodily one; therefore, he has to learn things like empathy and chance-magic, rather than developing them instinctively.
• Blessed with Suck / Cursed with Awesome
• Enfante Terrible: Looks like one, anyway.
• Emotion Eater: Undead 'eat' memories and negative emotions. Garden-variety zombies have to do this by eating brains; Scient just absorb them by being nearby.
• Face–Heel Revolving Door
• Heroic Sacrifice: He ends up allowing his current incarnation to die so that the other Scient can be cleansed, risking Final Death in the process. On the upside, he gets to be reincarnated and live normally. On the downside, he won't remember himself or any of his past lives, including all of the loved ones he's tried so hard not to forget over the millenia.
• I Just Want to Be Loved
• I Just Want to Be Normal: A very large part of his motivation, although even that he's unsure of.
• It's All About Me: A large part of the reason he has such a hard time empathizing with and understanding others; once he starts to get over it he gets a hell of a lot better at scheming.
• Living Forever Is Awesome / Who Wants to Live Forever?: Has a hard time deciding between the two.
• Magnificent Bastard: Subversion. He has conflicting goals and a difficult time understanding others' emotions. Becomes a Guile Hero, and a much better one at that, after his Heel–Face Turn.
• Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: Oh yes.
• Not So Above It All
• Our Zombies Are Different: The Scient keep their minds, for starters.
• Redemption Promotion: Once he joins the heroes for real, he isn't trying to balance two opposing goals against each other or keep his identity and motives hidden from both sides, and has a chance to observe the interactions and relationships of non-crazy people. This means that his plans get a whole lot better put-together and more focused, fast.
• Reincarnation: is already the normal way of things; Scient are notable because they are always reincarnated as the same species, more or less retain their memories, and become a little bit more powerful every time they're incarnated. Not to mention that most of them are a bit bonkers.
• The Svengali
• Tragic Monster
• True Neutral => Neutral Evil => Neutral Good
• Undead Hatchling
• Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: Averted. While he certainly has some woobie qualities, he isn't trying to destroy the world to end his pain. In fact, his main goal is to prevent the destruction or desolation of the world. He causes a great deal of trouble in the interests of remaining alive so that he can one day be cleansed, but that's less a matter of woobieness and more a matter of selfishness.

Still not entirely happy with it, but just getting it written down has helped me solidify him a lot.

edited 18th Dec '12 5:54:12 PM by CarnivorousMoogle

@Thaycon: Very nice. Gotta love chinese myth as an inspiration source. Vast amounts of material few western writers have ever touched (japanese mythology at least gets some love because, well, anime).

@Morwhen Edhelwen: Classic El Presidente type. Could be perceived as a bit clichéd, depending on how much he hams it up in the pursuit of proper banana republicanism. On the other hand, some archetypes are classics for a reason: They work.

@WSM: I kinda picture this guy as sounding and moving a bit like Gollum from the movies, am I on the mark with that? In any case, the revenge angle could be taken as a cliché, but given that you stated this was a 'nature vs. industry' story, it almost has to work that way. There's not really a whole lot of other possible motivations in such a scenario.

@Eagal: I like that guy. Completely over-the-top insane, and reveling in it. As long as he doesn't drift into fishmalk territory (basically, the point where 'silly' significantly outweighs 'creepy' and 'scary') I can see him being rather well-received.

Cecil is from a culture with different moral standards than most people are familiar with. In his mind, evil isn't what you do so much as who you are, and demons are the embodiment of evil.

Szabaru sounds like a very deep character indeed; he seems very much like a central character to the plot. I'm curious now to see how he fits into the story, and what his main goal actually is. Looking forward to the update.

Thanks for the feedback! I take inspiration from whatever mythology I can get my hands on.

Just to keep things going, here is another villain from the same story:

Name: Dr. Euclid Higgins

Age: ~60

Personality: Fun-loving with a morbid concept of fun; devious and cunning; curious; very much insane.

Abilities: Dr. Higgins is a brilliant scientist and inventor who designed gloves with a super computer built in which can actively design blueprints for any construction he might need. A secondary function of the glove is to produce swarms of nano-machines with a multitude of functions; primarily they actively harvest useful materials and progressively alter and reinforce the host body to provide direct connection from the brain to the gloves, and strengthen the body itself. The nano-machines can be utilized for a variety of tasks, including remote-hacking computers, similar in appearance to technopathy. He also has access to brain-washing technology, which he uses to rewrite the memories of his more successful subjects.

Weaknesses: His scientific curiosity continuously makes dangerous enemies for him. His experiments generally involve increasing the powers of said enemies purely to sate his curiosity. Combined with his childlike love of (his special brand of) fun, this tends to get him into situations he really can’t hope to handle.

Goals: He desires to create an army of brainwashed super soldiers, and has been relatively successful. When he manages to partially brainwash one of the heroes, he becomes obsessed with testing her capabilities and resolve, setting aside his long-term goals in his pursuit of her loyalty.

Motivation: Science. There is no greater drive than the drive to learn, discover, and create. Science is the key to power.

Role in the story: Dr. Euclid Higgins is the lead scientist of the dimensional security force, and as such has access to people and technology from all worlds. Although the dimensional security force exclusively arrests dangerous dimension hoppers, Dr. Higgins scouts out possible additions to his private army, ironically becoming the very threat the security force was designed to prevent.

His actions create quite a few villains, each with as much loathing for him as the heroes. When the heroes are arrested, he discovers one of them possesses a failed piece of his own technology, and so places special interest on her. But in keeping with his goals, he selects the most promising subject from among the heroes to remake into his own private assassin. His plans a complicated when invaders spring a prison break, and so he is forced to rewrite the memories of the girl with his technology. He sends his new “daughter” to annihilate the threat while he escapes, realizing too late that she retained her original memories in addition to his own work. Fascinated by this turn of events, Dr. Higgins hunts continuously for her to study the effects more closely.

Backstory: Dr. Higgins was always a brilliant scientist; always curious, but not always mad. He was recruited by the dimensional security force to design new technologies and act as physician for the agents. His curiosity lead him to study the most unknowable concept around; the void. His new occupation allows him to conduct his research more easily, but his research proved to be more than even his mind could handle. Darkness or insanity now took dwelling in his mind, twisting him into a corrupt monster with no morals and an obsession for suffering. His inventions began to take a more sinister design, causing agents to question his qualifications.

In defiance, he rewrote the minds of the doubters to have complete and utter loyalty for him. His influence placed him over the primary prison, granting him access to hundreds of new subjects on which to experiment. He staffed the prison only with those loyal to him, eluding his superiors suspicions. He began work on the gloves next, but quickly discovered the task to be his greatest yet. Early prototypes proved to voracious in the host bonding and conversion process, killing the host in a matter of hours. Dr. Higgins response was to eject the failed prototypes into the void where they would fall into random timelines. His only delight in the failures was that they tended to become a part of legend for the worlds in which they landed, though they still consumed any and all hosts.

With the successful creation of a stable model of the gloves, Dr. Higgins devoted his resources to gathering powerful warriors, psychics, and mages for the purpose of creating a loyal, powerful, and unstoppable army. For science, of course.

Relevant Tropes:

Mad Scientist

The Assimilator

The Corrupter

Deadly Doctor

Despotism Justifies the Means

Evil Genius

Evil Mentor (Due to his role in the hero's false memories)

Giggling Villain

Laughably Evil

Technopath

edited 16th Dec '12 2:18:29 PM by Thaycon

I'm not sure if Complete Monster and Fair-Play Villain are compatible. The latter suggests a kind of personal code of honor, which a full-blown Complete Monster would, by the trope definition, not have.

Also, that villain sounds a bit too little Monster to qualify for Complete Monster.

I agree; I'm not exactly %100 familiar with tropes as of yet, and really I'm not convinced either apply. I'll modify the post accordingly.

The Fair-Play Villain trope is only applicable in the special relationship he has with the one heroine.

Any other suggestions/comments/misplaced tropes?

edited 16th Dec '12 2:41:42 PM by Thaycon

@Carnivorous Moogle (Missed that one earlier): That character has a lot of things going on at once. He's basically a Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot, seems to cross over into Jerkass Woobie and Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds...what I'm getting at is that there's a bit of Trope Overload going on. This can work, but quite often such a character comes across as too deliberately complicated (not the same thing as complex) to be taken seriously, and you may find yourself having to fend off accusations of villainish Mary-Sueism or 'trying too hard'. Even if you avoid these pitfalls, you mentioned that this was one of the villains of your story. That sort of implies to me that there's other, similarly overloaded characters around which would take 'screentime' away from any attempt to seriously deal with the implications of Szabaru's many, many issues. My advice would be to tone it down, focus on some of these traits and hint at the others rather than throwing out everything at once, and if you really want to put all that into one character, make sure you can give them enough spotlight to make these traits more than throwaway lines.

@Thaycon: How well that villain 'works' really depends on the tone of the story. Can you give a brief outline?

At any rate, here's one of mine, a noble from a fantasy kingdom where anything magical (or non-human) is heavily persecuted by a Church Militant.

Name: Daeron Marentis, Baron of Ashford.

Age: 24

Personality: Cold, ruthless, deeply cynical power player.

Abilities: Good (religious) education, political maneuvering, public speaking (rabble-rousing, fire-and-brimstone preaching, classical rhethoric), minor magical talent (weak telekinesis, only exploited in emergencies).

Weaknesses: Hasn't fully consolidated his power over Ashford yet and has to worry about neighboring lords going after his power base. No more than moderately competent in actual combat or battlefield tactics. Revelation of magical talent would destroy his power base and likely result in his banishment or death.

Goals: In the short term, lead a successful crusade to gain fame and favor at court. In the long term, gain full control over Ashford and its growing economy as a stepping stone to greater political influence.

Motivation: Youngest of three brothers, stood to inherit nothing and was shuffled off to the clergy. Resented being 'discarded' (he viewed it as being Reassigned to Antarctica) in favor of siblings he regards as lacking imagination and ambition.

Role in the story: Manipulates his elder siblings into killing each other after their father dies. Manages to pin the blame on the 'monsters' and launches a crusade, hoping to gain enough renown to be admitted at court. This puts him on a direct collision course with the protagonist, one of said 'monsters'.

Backstory: The name Marentis is well-respected and feared throughout the kingdom, being derived from one of the original holy knights who followed the Lightbringer from faraway Caleria to bring the truth to the heathens and found a new kingdom of the faith. Unfortunately, Daeron's branch of the family is a very minor cadet branch, effectively barred from court. The Marentis of Ashford carry the taint of magic in their bloodline, and while they are known for being ruthless in purging it whenever it appears, they are still regarded as a cursed, flawed line. Daeron himself was born with the Gift, but unlike most he managed to conceal it well enough to make it to adulthood, and it has actually saved his life a few times. His schooling and experiences have convinced him that the doctrines of the faith are a lie, but he has also found that paying lip service to that lie is a good way to advance one's own interests. Now, after just a few years of laying down the groundwork by setting up his brothers against each other, the invasion of the 'monsters' and his father's sudden death (a few months before he was due to die from poison, actually) have provided him with the perfect opportunity to strike.

Relevant Tropes:

Manipulative Bastard

The Chessmaster

The Cynic: Hides it well, though.

Corrupt Church: The kingdom's state church has shades of this, Daeron is by no means the only member of the clergy only in it for the power.

Church Militant: On the other hand, there are a lot of genuinely zealous true believers willing to go to any length for their faith.

Fantastic Racism: He does not necessarily feel that way, but he is quite willing to exploit it.

Cursed with Awesome / Blessed with Suck: How he views his own magic goes back and forth between these two tropes.

edited 16th Dec '12 3:53:39 PM by MattStriker

I'll do my best, but it might be a tad difficult considering there are eight heroes and eight villains (ill advised by some accounts, but it's a webcomic script which seems better capable for handling larger casts, and I enjoy a challenge), all of whom are greatly interdependent in their roles in the plot.

Dr. Higgins is intended to come across as a complete monster from certain character perspectives. Shyla is the hero he takes interest in when she discovers and successfully uses one of his prototype gloves without dying. When she wakes up and he speaks with her, he realizes that she is looking for her love interest, who had not appeared on the radar like she had, meaning that he was likely dead (it's a long story). He took such great delight in tormenting her with the news, that he used his memory re-calibration technology to rewind her memory so he could tell her again. Repeatedly.

Bryce is another victim of his experiments; chosen for his natural athleticism, Dr. Higgins replaces Bryce's eye with a cybernetic eye. He taunts Bryce with the possibility of anesthetic just to hear him squeal.

Several of the villains are also tied in to his actions. Kaya and her brother were psychics Dr. Higgins discovered; Kaya managed to elude him, but her brother was taken. She is the leader of the invading force attacking the prison, but her mind snaps when Dr. Higgins shoots her brother in front of her.

Dr. Higgins attempt at rewriting Shyla's memory is partially foiled (through her own actions), and she retains her old memories as well as the new ones, leading to a great deal of internal conflict for her. In her new past, Dr. Higgins is her father. Dr. Higgins is fascinated by this turn of events, curious to see how her mind handles the conflicting memories, and who she will place her trust in.

Being one of eight villains, Dr. Higgins is not intended to be the Big Bad, but his actions place him among the more dangerous and loathed of the cast. Also, despite the dark overtones, I keep things light with quite a bit of humor, even from Dr. Higgins himself, such as accidently shooting Bryce's surgeon in the hand with his custom made Lidocaine dart gun. This is a webcomic script, after all.

As far as Daeron Marentis goes, I have to admit, I'm impressed. Your description and layout is informative and well thought out. The character himself has a strong and distinct role and motivation. Well done.

Can my villain get a second opinion? I don't think she got a good critique first time around.

Fair enough. I like the naming method; representative of her change and her character. She seems to be a very driven character, and maybe even a little sympathetic. My concern would be the mooks she uses; unless she rules by a great deal of fear, it can be difficult to motivate mooks unless they believe in the cause, which is a potential weakness.

I'm curious about her motivation. While I can understand that losing someone precious to her would cause her to seek more power (especially given her inspiration) it seems like there's a gap between that and summoning a demon powerful enough to destroy the world. She would have to have a lot of power to control a demon like that. Is there an upper limit to the amount of power she desires?

Or is it simply the desire to have as much power as possible and if she ends up alone in the ruins of the world, that's fine?

@Matt Striker: you've listed a number of things I'm worried about, although just writing the sheet down has helped me figure him out a great deal better. Nearly all of the characters are undergoing a huge makeover, as I'm trying to rehabilitate the plot of an old RP of mine that's been eating at my brain for a while now. Szabaru in particular was originally a flat Complete Monster Villain Sue with no clear motivation, and a massive Creator's Pet, and I've been having a hard time reimagining him.

I'm trying to lessen the Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot and cut back on his powers, but I'm having a hard time because they're all important to the plot and to his character. Mainly I'm trying to tie them together, nerf them a bit, and get them to make more sense as a combination.

The same goes for his motivations, Magnificent Bastardry, and sympathetic qualities. The problem is that when I start developing a character, I get too much into them as a person, and people are conflicting, complicated bundles of nonsensery. Which is great if you're trying to portray a Slice of Life story, but not so much if you're balancing Loads And Loads Of Characters in a quasi-epic story like this one.

During the first story, he starts out looking like the inevitable Omniscient True Neutral Magnificent Bastard Mentor Who's Secretly Playing Everyone So That He Can Ascend To Godhood; as the story progresses, it slowly becomes clear that he isn't nearly as omniscient or magnificent-bastardly as he pretends to be. Most of his sympathetic qualities, motivations and issues are more implied than anything until the third arc, where the heroes are able to observe and interact with him on a more personal, daily basis.

He's definitely going to get plenty of focus; in fact, I'll have a hard time not letting him eat the spotlight. He's tricky like that.

Again, your critique has been a great help; thank you. Most of my characters are probably going to go through similar phases of Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot over-complication, or need to be retooled to fit other characters, so this likely won't be the last you'll see of me.

@Thaycon: Ah, I see. That's a concept of morality I don't think about much, and it'll definitely be interesting to see it explored. Awesome!

I'm not a very good critic, but I'll try to critique some more when my fingers and my brain are friends again. Ow.

edited 16th Dec '12 7:06:37 PM by CarnivorousMoogle

@Corr Terek: A bit of the latter. If she isn't able to control it, then she intends to simply become its Dragon. It's heavily implied that the Demon and the girl that she lost are one and the same.

That closes the gap nicely. Makes a lot of sense!