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Quotes / Cloudcuckoolander

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    Anime & Manga 
Hello, Graham, would you mind coming back to earth with the rest of us, please?
Shaft, Baccano!

    Comic Books 
Sometimes I forget what I was going to say. Sometimes I remember things everyone else has forgotten for ever and always. Does that ever happen to you?
Delirium, The Sandman: Season of Mists

I was thinking what it's like to be abandoned and tortured and abused and forgotten.[...] But then I thought... "I wonder what it's like to fuck a butterfly?"
Ragdoll, Secret Six

    Films — Live-Action 
Have small space aliens ever landed in your brain and told you to break into the zoo and free the kangaroos?
Heather, Good Burger

I'm sure on some planet your style is impressive, but your weak link is: this is Earth.

Marty: Have you noticed lately that [Captain Jack Sparrow] seems to be acting a bit strange?
Gibbs: (silently stares at him)
Marty: ...-er.

Yondu: (takes a flame-shaped patch out of his pocket) The drawer you wanna open has this symbol on it.
(he gives the patch to Groot)
(Groot puts the patch on his head)
Yondu: WHAT?! NO!
Rocket: He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat.
Yondu: That's not what I said!
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: He's relieved you don't want him to.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: He hates hats.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: On anyone, not just himself.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head, the next minute it's 'cause you realize part of that head is a hat.
Rocket: That's why you don't like hats?
Groot: (nods)

Ronnie Kray: ...And I'm staring at the back of this geezer's head. The whole time I'm thinkin', you know, "Give Ron Kray your sausage." [beat] "Give... Ron... your fuckin' sausage." You know? I was drillin' my eyes into the back of his head, 'til I'm not even thinkin' it anymore. I'm not - I'm not even... thinkin': I'm broadcastin' it. Until he turns around and you know what he says? He says, "Hey, Ron, do you fancy my sausage? I've got... I've got no appetite for it." Interesting.
Frances Shea: When my future brother-in-law said "interesting," it meant he had no fucking idea what he or you or anyone else was talking about.

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that, we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
Cheshire Cat: You must be, or you wouldn't have come here.

The Doctor didn't even slow down. One part of his brain started madly calculating velocities and trajectories. Another part started advising him strongly against this course of action. Another part was sticking its arms out and making aeroplane noises.

    Live-Action TV 
Joey: Maybe my ruler was wrong.
Phoebe: Maybe all the rulers are wrong.

In the parlance of the 20th century, this is an odd-ball. His name is James B. W. Bevis, and his tastes lean toward stuffed animals, zither music, professional football, Charles Dickens, moose heads, carnivals, dogs, children and young ladies. Mr Bevis is accident-prone, a little vague, a little discombooberated, with a life that possesses all the security of a floating crap-game. But this can be said about our Mr Bevis: Without him, without his warmth, without his kindness, the world would be a considerably poorer place. Albeit, perhaps, a little saner.
Rod Serling's opening monologue for The Twilight Zone, "Mr. Bevis"

You know, whenever [Cat Valentine] starts talking I think to myself, "Maybe this time it'll make sense." I'm always wrong.
Andre Harris, Victorious

Sarah-Jane Smith: Are you serious?
The Doctor: About what I do, yes. Not necessarily the way I do it.

Craig: Has anybody ever told you you're a bit weird?
The Doctor: They never really stop.

Octavian: (about The Doctor) You trust this man?
River Song: I absolutely trust him.
Octavian: He's not some kind of madman, then?
River Song: (pause) I absolutely trust him.

Dennis: Lets talk about your likes and dislikes. Umm... how about your favorite food, what would that be?
Charlie: Oh, milksteak.
Dennis and Mac: (simultaneously) Hmm?
Dennis: What?
Charlie: Milksteak.
Dennis: I'm not putting milksteak.
Mac: Just put regular steak and then-
Charlie: Don't put regular steak, put milksteak, she'll know what it is.
Dennis: No she won't know what it is, Charlie! Nobody knows what that is.

Klaus: Any luck finding your one-eyed man?
Luther: What's he talkin' about?
Number Five: Does it matter? It's Klaus. What do you want, Luther?
Luther: Um... So, Grace may have had something to do with Dad's death. So I need you to come back to the academy, all right? It's important.
Number Five: "It's important." You have no concept of what's important!
Klaus: Hey! Did I ever tell you guys about the time I waxed my ass with chocolate pudding? [laughs] It was so painful!
The Umbrella Academy (2019), "Extra Ordinary"

When I'm bored, I kinda drift away,
I'm not sure quite why we work all day
I've been thinking, and I've got this plan
Let's go, right now
Lily Allen, "Air Balloon"

Some people think I'm bonkers, but I just think I'm free!
And I'm just livin' my life; there's nothin' crazy about me!
Some people pay for thrills, but I get mine for free!
Man, I'm just livin' my life; there's nothin' crazy about me!
Dizzee Rascal, "Bonkers"

She's a mass of contradictions
A pick-and-mix of strange convictions
It can be a source of friction
But there are worse afflictions
Love doesn't make distinctions
The Divine Comedy, "Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World"

    Video Games 
Did [Sara] say something to you? Please forget it. She mumbles strange things from time to time. She can be an odd girl at times.

Yusuke: That girl marches to the beat of her own drum, doesn't she?
Ryuji: Like you're one to talk.

Grune: I'm going to give it my all. Charge~!
Chloe: ...Where are you going?
Grune: Oh? Where was I going?

"I once dug a pit and filled it with clouds... or was it clowns?... Come to think of it, it began to smell... must have been clowns. Clouds don't smell, they taste of butter. And tears."

    Visual Novels 
Talking with Rin is like playing chess with a supercomputer who does seemingly random moves as if to mock everything you know about chess. It's like that, but with human interaction. And even if I win, it feels like losing.
Hisao Nakai, Katawa Shoujo

    Web Animation 
[Haru and Rin bump into each other coming out of changing rooms at a department store]
Rin: Haru?!
Haru: Rin? If you're here, and I'm here, then who's flying this plane?!
Rin: ...What.
Haru: What?
Rin: Let's talk outside.
Haru: I'm not going out there without a parachute!

Homestar Runner (cosplaying as himself): Was it my star (taped onto his star T-shirt) or propeller cap (worn atop his own propeller beanie) that gave it away?
Strong Bad: It was your unbelievably loose grasp on the world around you.
Homestar Runner: Yeah, I guess I do have one of those.

"Hands do not exist in my reality!"

Church: God damn, man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.
Caboose: Yeah. I have a really good time.

Otacon: Snake, this is insane.
Snake: Otacon, I'm not exaggerating when I say that the success of my mission hinges on how I use this cardboard box.
Death Battle: Solid Snake vs. Sam Fishernote 

Fighter: Aren't you going to ask how it's our lifelong dream when we just met Red Mage.
Black Mage: So you're actually aware that this makes no sense then?
Fighter: Yet we chase our dreams anyway.
Black Mage: Every day with you is an adventure I never wanted. Like swimming naked through shards of glass.

Honestly, I think the inside'a [Jared's] head is pro'lly one'a th' most bizarre an' interesting places anyone could live.

Sometimes I think your train of thought is carrying a shipment of toxic waste.
Ozy to Millie, Ozy and Millie

Aeris: Do you even listen to yourself any more?
Leo: I try not to. It breaks the illusion.

Roko: Melon and logic are like oil and vinegar. You can get them to mix, but it takes vigorous shaking.
Elliot: Literal or metaphorical shaking?
Roko: Yes.

    Web Original 
So I was thinking... wait that doesn't sound right.

    Web Videos 
Damian: (while getting choked) I think he’s mad because I didn’t give him his Girl Scout cookies. Help me!
Lawrence: Man, being old is great! You get to be a baby but still get boners!
Bruce: ...what the fuck?
James: Every time Lawrence speaks, I realize he knows less and less about the world.

That was some quality playing there, courtesy of raocow and friends. The friends are the many voices just kinda chillin' in my head... I don't hear them, but they're there.

I dunno, I think something went horribly wrong with my thought process over the years... (giggles) I love lemonade! (chuckles) Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, scratched discs.

I like lunchbox!
King Dedede , Vester And Friends

    Western Animation 
I ain't got no job, my wife left me, bills pilin' up, I got child support, and I don't know if any of what I just said is true... but I believe it.

Our minds must be conflicting because you say plague of snakes and all I hear is Easter Bunny, Easter Bunny, Easter Bunny.


I'm not crazy - I just don't give a darn! Woo-hoo!
Daffy Duck, "Daffy Duck and Egghead"

I always let my imagination run away from me! Then it comes back... with cake!

The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
Patrick Star contemplates milk, SpongeBob SquarePants

Early Cuyler: Yeah, I know 'bout Dan Halen. He was a ornery feller, chatterin' up inna tree all tauntin' like. Cheeks all puffed up with wallynuts and whatnot. I took aim at 'im with my pellet gun and blasted the tar outta him.
Interviewer: Are you sure you're not talking about that stuffed squirrel over there?
(cut to stuffed squirrel on Early's mantle)
Early: Oh. Well, you might be right about that, now.

Alex: (dressed only in his underwear surrounded by conspiracy theory boards) Quiet! I'm this close to connecting Garfield... to Jesus.
Josh: (picking up a can of yellow liquid) Are you drinking moonshine?
Alex: That's disgusting! That's my urine.

    Real Life 
If you understood everything I said, you'd be me.

Now you know I tell people I'm actually from another planet, you know, 'cause I'm a bit off the wall, well I'll tell you this boy OWNS the other planet, my goodness!

You know when you're sitting in a chair, and you lean back so you're just on two legs, and then you lean too far and you almost fall over, but just at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

One cannot help following the lure of her erratic and lovable personality as it meanders and twinkles through page after page. There is something noble and Quixotic and high-spirited, as well as crack-brained and bird-witted, about her. Her simplicity is so open; her intelligence so active; her sympathy with fairies and animals so true and tender. She has the freakishness of an elf, the irresponsibility of some non-human creature, its heartlessness, and its charm. And although 'they', those terrible critics who had sneered and jeered at her [since childhood]... continued to mock, few of her critics, after all, had the wit to trouble about the nature of the universe, or cared a straw for the sufferings of the hunted hare, or longed, as she did, to talk to some one 'of Shakespeare's fools'. Now, at any rate, the laugh is not all on their side.
Virginia Woolf, "The Duchess of Newcastle" (discussing the 17th-century author Margaret Cavendish)


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