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Funny / The Penguins of Madagascar

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  • Fred the squirrel. His literal-mindedness turns all of his dialogue into pure funny — especially in "Otter Things Have Happened," when Marlene (who is dating him) doesn't realize at first that Fred's not trying to be funny.
    Marlene: What does Fred like? What does he dislike?
    Fred: Oh, I like a lot of things. Except the things I don't like. Stupid things I don't like!
    Marlene: You are really funny!
    • It gets better when he and King Julien duke it out over Marlene:
      King Julien: We are here to fight for Marlene's paw!
      Fred: Nah, she can keep her paw. I already have four of my own. [balances on tail, sticking hands and feet in air]
      • And during the fight, Fred didn't do anything, yet he still won.
      Marlene: Fred, what did you do to him?
      Fred: Nothing. He did it all on his own.
      King Julien: (rising beaten, bruised, and black eyed) I hate to admit it, but this is true.
  • The constant references to the inconsistent fates of Manfredi and Johnson. The story is never the same and it's just one Noodle Incident after another! Whatever the case those two had to have been the unluckiest penguins ever to waddle!
    Marlene: Uh yeah, piranha don't fly.
    Skipper: That's what Manfredi and Johnson said back in Ecuador. We buried what was left of them with a teaspoon.

    Skipper: Well why don't we ask Manfredi and Johnson? Oh, we can't! Because they fell for the ol' exploding elephant foot!

    Private: "Easy?!" Was it easy for Manfredi and Johnson when that undersea escape tunnel turned out to be the business end of a beluga whale? They couldn't even speak for a month!
    Kowalski: And even then, it was gibberish.

    Skipper: "Accident-prone" Private? Oh, I've seen accident-prone. Try Manfredi and Johnson with a Chinese lantern. And six bottles of rocket fuel!
    Kowalski: [tearing up] Worst talent show ever!
    • Then comes "The Penguin Who Loved Me" where we finally see them on screen! Still alive in a Seaville enclosure, wearing more bruises and scars than professional hockey players, and completely ignored by the guys!
  • Any time Mort acknowledges his status as The Chew Toy: "Yay, I'm expendable!"
    • "Yay, job security!"
  • Private's sugar buzz in "Skorca!" which allows him to ramble off a large number of non sequiturs:
    Private: My name backwards is "Etavirp." What's a virp? Is it sugar?
    • The other penguins pretending to fight the Skorka to appease Private, especially Kowalski being "dragged away".
    • Julien getting scared of "Two-Scoopula," an inflatable shaped like an ice cream cone, at the end of the same episode.
  • "The Red Squirrel": The penguins meet their idol, special agent Buck Rockgut (voiced by Clancy Brown using the same voice he uses for Mr. Krabs), hiding in a secret bunker in an unspecified location. In the 47 years he's waited for his arch-nemesis, the Red Squirrel, to re-emerge, he's devolved into a level of paranoia dwarfing that of Skipper. In his mad search for the squirrel, he begins incarcerating the penguins' fellow zoo animals (targeting Burt for liking nuts; Marlene for discovering a picture of a red squirrel; and Mason and Phil for having read a book, the latter of which causes Private to exclaim, "That doesn't even make sense!"). The Running Gag of Buck saying, "You know who else likes (insert interest here)? THE RED SQUIRREL!", followed by the Penguins dramatically reacting with shock, never gets old.
    • Private eventually has enough of the insanity, and has Fred wear an eyepatch, similarly to the evil animal, and act as bait for Rockgut. When the ruse is eventually exposed, Private finally lays into the crazy penguin, calling him "completely mental" and pointing out the insane logic of locking up a whole bunch of zoo animals because he believes his enemy from decades ago is still out to get him.
    Buck Rockgut: Oh, I get it now. The Red Squirrel hates penguins! And you know who else hates penguins?!
    Kowalski: The Red...Squ...?
    Buck Rockgut: THE RED SQUIRREL!!!!!
    [Penguins react in shock]
    Private: WHAT?! He's...he—OK, he's talking nonsense!
  • The end of "Tagged," where the scientist shows the new examples of penguin communication: the "up high," the "down low" and the "too slow."
  • The end of "Crown Fools," where the penguins and Marlene realize that they have gone through some tough tasks to recover Julien's crown, only to realize after the fact that he had a spare. Rico spits up a crowbar, which Marlene then grabs and chases Julien with.
    Julien: "WHAT!? NO! Never on a Fun-day! Seriously. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
    • This could also double as a Crowning Moment of Awesome as, by that point in the episode, Julien REALLY had it coming.
  • Private interrupting Kowalski's epic plan to take back the jar containing Julien's groove in "Out of the Groove" by saying, "Wouldn't it be easier to just sneak into the habitat and take the I just did?"
  • The I Know You Know I Know exchange from "Go Fish", especially once it gets to the Mind Screw-ing reveal that Julien and Skipper are actually each other.
    • The penguins' reactions every time they take a bite out of the fish crackers. Once Skipper says “ABORT! ABORT!" they all try and recover, with Kowalski banging on the wall, Rico collapsing and Private... having an ugly moment off-screen.
    • "Sorry Skipper, I don't know how the holiday snaps got in there. Dooh!" Cue Private getting slapped whenever a picture of the penguins at the beach are shown (and the pictures are hilarious as well). There's even a picture of Skipper slapping Private while Skipper is slapping Private.
  • "No, I will not suck seed. No one will be sucking seed!"
    • Seconds later, he has another: "We shall see who is ridiculous when popcorn begins exploding from my bottom!"
    • From the same episode, contrast the penguins and the lemurs' methods of getting the popcorn. The lemurs sit on top of them like their popcorn eggs, and the penguins interrogate a kernel.
    • Also, Skipper realizing that he shouldn't have installed deadly spikes on the roof of the hideout.
  • Kowalski attempting to decipher what BFF means after Dr. Blowhole declares Julien to be Skipper's BFF.
    Kowalski: Buffalo Fire Fighters- No. Baby Fat Flingers? No! Ah, here it is! Best Friends Forever.
    [Kowalski looks hurt]
    Skipper: Not-not you Kowalski, [Dr. Blowhole].
  • "Tell me we came out of the MOUTH." -In full deadpan mode.
  • "It's About Time" had loads of these.
    Kowalski-B: Skipper! You've got to stop me! [Skipper kicks him without getting up.]Ow!
    Skipper: [deadpan] There. You're stopped.
    • All the funnier because Private pulled something similar earlier.
    • Kowalski's reasoning for naming the Chrono-Tron as thus instead of just a time machine as the others suggested:
      Kowalski: Oh, sure. And while we're at it, let's call the Great Wall a "fence," the Mona Lisa a "doodle" and Albert Einstein "Mr. Smarty-pants!!!"
    • Compare Private and then Skipper's questions about the future. Private's ideal dream is as saccharine as you expect, while Skipper's ideal future is especially freakish.
    Private: Tell me, am I living in a cottage in Nova Scotia, happily married with one egg and another on the way?
    Kowalski-A: Uh, no.
    Private: [disappointed]] Aw...
    • In comparison:
    Skipper: Tell me, does the Earth become a post-apocalyptic wasteland terrorized by roaming bands of irradiated mutants?
    Kowalski-B: Uh, no.
    Skipper: [disappointed]] Aw...
    • Kowalski's first reaction to seeing his two future selves?
    Kowalski: Wow, we are really good looking!
    All three Kowalskis: Mmmhmmm!
    [Skipper looks at Private with an unamused look.]
    • After the situation is resolved, Skipper tells Kowalski to make something more innocuous, like a sno-cone machine. Cut to New York City buried sno-cone ice and Skipper crying out for the buried Statue of Liberty. Then Kowalski gives him a sno-cone, and Skipper immediately decides it was Worth It.
  • In "Hello, Dollface", Rico wants a voice chip for his doll, so Private gives him one from a unicorn doll that's supposed to parody little girl educational shows (it says stuff like "be true to yourself", "don't hurt others", etc.). After Rico gets angry at it, Julien tells him to listen to whatever the doll says. Hilarity Ensues, culminating in Hippie Rico beating up the others with Ms. Perky.
    "I thought hippies were nonviolent!"
"Eh, whaddyagonnado ..." *WHACK*
  • "Snakehead" is chock full of funny moments. Like Skipper's Captain's Log:
    Skipper: Ready all-
    Kowalski: (Screams Like a Little Girl) FIRE EVERYTHING!!!
    [Cue everyone but Skipper pressing random buttons as all their weapons fire randomly with the Snakehead nowhere in sight.]
    Skipper: (Facepalm) Did I say "Fire all weapons?"
    Kowalski: No. But we could see where you were going with it.
  • The training montage in "Whispers and Coups".
    • "This is my peashooter! There are many like it...."
  • Hans' Epic Fail of an attempt to insult Skipper:
    "I kissed your sister! On the lips!"
    "I don't have a sister, and if I did, she wouldn't have lips!"
    "Really? ...Then who did I kiss...?"
    • The same episode gave us this exchange:
    Kowalski: Here is a pie chart of gifts one might give to a friend - cards, flowers, pastries, and of course, pie.
    Rico: Yum.
    Kowalski: On the other hand, here are things one might give to an enemy - wedgies, contagious viruses, flaming sacks of doo-doo, and of course, poison pie.
    Rico: Not yum.
    • And this moment:
    Skipper: (sarcastically) Oh sure, Private, and then he'll fly away on his magic unicorn, spreading rainbows and pixie dust wherever he goes.
    Private: (thrilled) Hans has a magic unicorn!? (smack) Oh, I guess not.
  • Three words: New Zealand laughing owls. Cue the penguins holding still laughs.
    Dode: I'm makin' like the moooonkies! [Tire swings into the wall and poof!]
    Mason: You will hose that off yes?
    • And every time the penguins get more and more used to his antics. How do they finally get rid of Dode? Lure him back to the museum and fool him into a staring contest with a stuffed Dodo statue!
    Private: You really think this will work?
    Kowalski: he's a dodo.
  • From "Love Hurts", after Shauna diagnoses them:
    Kowalski: "Avian Insanity"? *pft* Where would she get that crackpot diagnosis?
    [cut to Rico snarling and relentlessly gnawing his cage bars]
    • At the end of the episode, we have this exchange:
    Skipper: Maybe it's just the medicine talking... are you naked...? ...Oh, we're all naked...!
  • After Skipper asks Kowalski to describe koalas:
    Kowalski: They eat nothing but leaves, the ladies carry their young in pouches, and they sleep all day.
    Skipper: (deadpan) Oh. A hippie.
  • Private's enhanced Cuteness Proximity, and the effect it has on everyone, including Alice.
    Alice: Why am I smiling?? (collapses like everyone else)
  • In "Cute-Astrophe", when Kowalski dances to try and get the people back to throw food again. And then the looks Skipper and Rico give him... You can't stop looking...
    Man: Maybe the Polar Bear's got some new material...
    Kowalski: The Polar Bear? *pft* Sure he's the biggest carnivore on land, but can he do this?!
    (Boogie music starts to play from nowhere, and Kowalski starts boogeying. Skipper looks exasperated, like he's seen it a dozen times before, while Rico looks mildly nauseated and horrified at the sight)
    • Kowalski is trying to be cool. Instead, he dances like your least cool uncle. On top of everything he moves to slap his own buttocks, but Skipper catches his flipper just in time.
  • Skipper's reason for the people not caring about their adorable antics.
    Skipper: I blame the Internet, with its cheap plethora of puppy videos.
  • Oh, boy Danger Wears a Cape. STOP BEING NAUGHTY.
    • As Skipper beats up Julien, Maurice holds up signs with comic book sound effects on them, saying them out loud in a completely deadpan voice. Three hits later when Julien gives up and says he's retiring, Maurice holds up a sign of an old man and says "Retirement".
    • Skipper's disdain for comic books and superheroes. Only to end up as one in the end.
      Skipper: Way to undersell the irony, Private.
  • "Respect the science!"
  • MY CAR!
    • What about hearing it in Chinese in The Movie?
    • Also, MY CART!note 
    • Burt: SOME GUY'S CAR!
  • Basically everything Mort does in the Blowhole episode. First there's him riding in the wheel of the bike, then him on the subway, hanging there and growling at the terrified people, the line "I took the subway!", and finally the dancing on the control panel.
  • The Monty Python-esque randomness of Kowalski's dialogue in "Brain Drain".
    Skipper: "Kowalski! Concentrate real hard. How do we help you?"
    Stupid!Kowalski: *concentrates* "Eggs ... are ... egg-shaped! That's funny!"
    • Another from "Brain Drain:"
    Skipper: How did you even manage that?!
    Stupid!Kowalski: [walks by with a plunger stuck to his face] Can't hear you! Toilet stick on face!
    • It only gets better when Skipper, wanting to keep him out of the way, puts him on "line duty"; i.e., following a circle drawn on the floor "and don't stop until you reach the end".
    • "Followthelinefollowthelinefollowthelinefollowthelinefollowthelinefollowthelinefollowtheline....I'VE LOST THE LINE!!!"
    • From the same episode, after the penguins have been stung once:
    Skipper: They surprised us the first time, took away our greatest weapons: stealth and superior tactics! Well, that ain't gonna happen twice.
    Skipper: It happened twice!! IT HAPPENED TWICE!!
  • In "The Hoboken Surprise", the gang are attacked by androids, which up till this point passed perfectly for real animals:
    "Frances. In. Danger."
    "Must. Destroy. Animals."
  • Skipper gets amnesia He proceeds to get spirit guides. First was Buck Rotgut. Second was an ancient philosopher... third was Alex the Lion. Shortly after Alex appears, he teaches Skipper how to escape a missile... by dancing. Things only got funnier from there.
  • "In the Line of Doody".
    "Stick. Your option is a stick."
    "I pulled the wrong one, alright?!"
  • Any of Skipper's over-the-top rants about Hoboken Zoo.
    Skipper: I've rotted away in gulags. Work camps, penal colonies in every dirty, flea-bitten corner of creation. But I promised myself that I would NEVER END UP IN HOBOKEN. AT LEAST NOT ALIVE!! I WILL PECK OUT MY OWN EYEBALLS!! I SWEAR TO YOU!!
  • At the end of "Fit to Print," the penguins are convinced that their cover has been blown, and Skipper begins to assign new identities for when they need to flee New York. He tells Rico to pose as a professor of advanced linguistics at the University of Chicago. Cue 10 glorious seconds of Rico shouting, wailing, and making general random noises.
  • "Herring Impaired", where RICO, of all people, is the Only Sane Penguin of the group when the other penguins have succumbed to Bacterial Pisces Dementia.
    • At the beginning, Skipper is building a model ship inside a glass bottle. When he asks for the last piece for the hull, Rico reports that there is nothing of the sort... then Skipper, believing that all his hard work has gone to waste (though the model is supposed to have the hull breach, according to Phil and Mason), loses his temper.
      Skipper: Kowalski! Cover the private's ears! I intend to use my angry words.
      [Kowalski and Rico plug Private's ears].
      Rico: Woooow!
      Private: I still heard...
    • Another one where they're trying to get the titular herring.
      Skipper: Kowalski, herring salvage options.
      Kowalski: Touchy operation, Skipper. After a century of saltwater, that crate could fall apart with the slightest jarring. The key words here are slow, deliberate
      Rico: WOOHOO!! [*rushes to the torpedo launcher*]
      Kowalski: OH, BAD RICO! BAD RICO!
      * Rico is fired towards the ship*
      Skipper: Sweet chester nibbits!
    • When Private succumbs to the pisces dementia, turning him into, as Kowalski puts it, "a fish-craving psychopath".
      Rico: [interjecting] Hey! That's my thing!
      Skipper: Yeah, we don't need two of those.
    • When Rico finally thinks he's gotten the gang away from any fish, he sighs in relief... only to discover they've ended up at a tuna canning factory.
  • Julien in "Operation: Antarctica" is a walking parody machine. Most notably...
    • Also his acting of a Handsome Vampire. Listen especially close after the "deploy handsome vampire!" part!
    "I am a handsome vampire. Bluh."
    • Also from "Operation: Antarctica", the penguins come across leopard seals who are coming at them and Skipper orders Rico to fire al torpedos but instead of torpedos, a bunch of fruit comes out instead and then:
      Julien: No it okay because I also put the torpedos in the fruit place.
      (Cut to the zoo where a topedo is in Mort's blender.)
      Mort: Hello banana, would you like to be a smoothie now? (Turns on the blender and the torpedo explodes.) WHY BANANA?
  • The entirety of "I Was a Penguin Zombie." Notable examples:
    • When Private reports that Skipper has died:
      Kowalski: We'll honor him the way he would've wanted. By soldiering on like men. (Gilligan Cut to Kowalski, Private, and Rico crying like babies)
    • The trio of penguins flee from Skipper. At one point, they flee into a dark room.
      Kowalski: (while he, Rico, and Private hide from Skipper in a dark enclosure) Okay, based on what I know about zombies, the safest place to hide is in a small dark room with creepy light. (Skipper smacks himself against the window and Private, Kowalski and Rico scream) EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED IS A LIE! (Kowalski, Private, and Rico run away, and Skipper slides down the window)
    • When the penguins finally develop the courage to face the "zombified" Skipper:
      (later when the penguins have cornered Skipper on a roof)
      Kowalski: No mercy this time, boys! Rico, see if you can shut off your conscience and sense of decency.
      Rico: (spits up a running chainsaw and laughs evilly)
      Private: "Oh Rico, chainsaw's your answer to everything!
    • Rico urging Skipper to get closer, while menacingly slamming a crowbar into his flipper.
      • Skipper finally getting why they think he's a zombie after getting a look at his reflection in a window before turning around only to get a hilarious Oh, Crap! expression once he sees Rico slamming the crowbar into his flipper.
    • The second-to-last part where Kowalski, Rico, and Private pretend to believe Skipper when he says he's not a zombie and then tackle him, knocking themselves off the roof as Kowalski tells Skipper, "Nice try, zombie!" But then they all notice they're not on the roof and after getting a second to realize this, fall down.
  • Maurice: "Gonna eat my banana. Hope no one TAKES IT!"
  • In Brain Drain, I can only grin madly at this little exchange which just adds to how absolutely adorably naive Private is. It's the tiniest of moments, which only makes it all the better:
    Private: Gosh Kowalski, I think your brain power's already tip-top!
    Kowalski: You also think there's a little man in the fridge who turns the light on and off.
    Private: And one day I'll catch him!
    • Add into that Kowalski's dry voice, and the slightly exasperated expression on Skipper's face, and you've got yourself a "Wait, what did he just say?" moment.
    Kowalski: I like peanuts and I like butter, but I do not like peanut butter. (close up to camera) WEIRD!
  • From The All-nighter before Christmas, Elephant rules.
  • The storyboards are much funnier than the animation itself, such as Sunil Hall's drawings for "Time Out".
  • An illustration by David Knott of the main four in Boyne, Michigan; Skipper declares, "All right, boys, this is too cold, even for us! Time to implement, Operation: Fly South!", while Private and Kowalski clutch each other tightly (Kowalski's expression is partly what makes this funny), and Rico is lighting a bomb for warmth!
  • The scene in the penguins' quarters in "The Big Move" after the lemurs and all the small animals have left. Skipper is perfectly happy to be left in peace. I just love Skipper's stubbornness in that scene, the buildup to We Want Our Jerk Back!, and Kowalski's expression when Skipper talks into his ear.
    Kowalski, Private and Rico are lying wide awake in their bunks.
    Kowalski: ... Something's not right.
    Private: It's the quiet, Kowalski. It's...
    Skipper: Nope. It's fine. Good night.
    (He turns over and goes back to sleep)
    Kowalski(Appears behind Skipper with a radar): But, Skipper, the ambient noises-
    Skipper: Ap-bup-bup-bup. Go to sleep. (Speaks into Kowalski's radar) That's an order.
    Kowalski lies back into his bunk and he, Private and Rico are still disturbed by the silence
    Skipper: You made the silence louder. Happy?
  • The awkward pause in 'Nighty Night Ninja' after Kowalski shouts a bizarre Waking Non Sequitur.
  • Private's harsh words towards The Archer in Mask of The Raccoon leave Kowalski and even Rico completely dumbfounded:
    Private: You're a dirty liar!!! A, and your pants are on fire!!!
    Rico: *beat*....Woah...
  • The entirety of Invention Intervention.
  • The presentation of Kowalski's Six-Foot-Whacking-Stick in Untouchable. It shows up a few times...
  • Kowalski's seduction song.
    • Skipper's initial reaction:
    Skipper: Somehow, I always knew he'd go out like this. Rico, put the man out of his misery!
  • In "Private and the Winky Factory", Private is the temporary leader on the raid for the last ever Peanut Butter Winkies. Skipper asks him, what would he do first... so Private gives himself a Dope Slap.
    Skipper: Ooh, good start.
    • Then he starts making random hand signals once they arrive at the factory.
    Skipper: Private, explain these random gesticulations.
    Private: Isn't that what you always do?
    Skipper: I make hand signals. They mean things.
    Private: Really? Then what did mine mean?
    [Skipper points to Kowalski and Rico dancing in hula outifits]
    Kowalski: What? Are we cancelling our hula girl decoys?
    Rico: (starts singing) Aloha Oe...
    [Kowalski tells him to stop]
    Rico: (disappointed, while taking off his wig) Awww man!
    • Rico going crazy and I mean crazy after eating Marshmellow Meow-Meows.
      • "MEOW MEOW!"
    • Kowalski also has the worst luck possible in this episode.
    • This managed to get Rico to OUTRIGHT EAT KOWALSKI (as he looked like a marsh meow-meow) and regurgitates him out by the end.
    Kowalski: (disturbed) The things I have seen...
    Rico: Bad meow-meow! (faints)
  • In "Snowmageddon", Kowalski suffering from cabin fever after being snowed in at Fred's gets into a large rant when Fred bugs him about how he was close to figuring out how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. After Fred shows him the way out, he drops this gem:
    Fred: Oh, and Kowalski? A woodchuck would chuck about 3 logs worth, given a standard diameter of 14 inches and the typical hardness of an oak. You know, if they could chuck wood.
    Kowalski: Oh...
  • In "Can't Touch This", Skipper offers a delicious fish to his men - all they have to do to get it is cross a floor covered with mousetraps. Rico just... wanders over the mousetraps to take it.
    Skipper: (regarding fish) This magnificent catch goes to the man who has the wits, the ingenuity, and cunning-
    (mousetraps snap repeatedly and Rico, now covered in mousetraps, just walks up to Skipper and takes the fish, licking it)
    Skipper: Or Rico. It goes to Rico.
    • Next, Rico and Skipper leave the base, and Private looks at Kowalski hopefully. Kowalski picks up Private and tries to cross the floor. One trap snaps, Kowalski drops Private and falls over, and... well, pain ensues for the both of them. Up top, they're all covered in mousetraps.
  • In "Rock-A-Bye-Birdie" Skipper gets turned into a chick, and his baby body keeps clashing with his leadership desire. He keeps acting like Skipper while his baby body is in full swing, making him tired, weak, burp, and fart. He even somehow ends up being nursed by Kowalski under his belly fat and nobody's quite sure how he got there.
    Private: Maybe we should, y'know, get you a sitter? ...Skipper?
    Skipper: (from underneath Kowalski's belly fat) Down here...
    Kowalski: (With a happy smile) Oh! Apologies Skipper, it just... feels so right!
    Skipper: It is oddly agreeable...
  • So, so much of "Truth Ache". In particular...
    • Skipper's exaggerated shushing of Private.
    • Private, after eating the truth serum, admitting that Skipper's monkfish surprise tastes awful and that everyone just pretends to like it to spare Skipper's fragile ego.
    • The scene where Private reveals to the other zoo animals that the penguins have been spying on them and starts admitting everyone's secrets.
    • Private repeatedly spraying himself with "Amnesia Spray".
  • From "All King, No Kingdom":
    • This exchange after Maurice and Mort accidentally break King Julien's throne:
    Maurice: I'll get the glue.
    Mort: To eat?
    Maurice: No!
    • When King Julien gets mad at Maurice and Mort for breaking his throne, he divides the lemur habitat into two halves; one for himself, and one for Maurice and Mort. Naturally, Julien's "half" occupies most of the habitat.
    • When Maurice and Mort throw a party on their side of the habitat and don't invite King Julien, King Julien makes some new friends in the form of stuffed animals. He describes Janice (a green bear) as wanting to be a dental technician, and Emile (a yellow bear) as someone who wants to crush Janice's dreams.
      • Kowalski explanation for this:
    Skipper: Rico.
    Rico gives Kowalski a Dope Slap.
  • In a season one episode when they finally come across the box of fish they've been looking for. Rico squeaks "fish!" in happiness and then suddenly sings FIIIIISH~!! with perfect clarity. This eventually becomes a Running Gag.
  • King Julien: Wait, I've got an idea! A sandwich...that you ride like a horse!
    King Julien: Whoaaa there, little tuna melt!
  • The penguins assume a box sent to them might be dangerous, so they get the lemurs to open it.
    Maurice: And what are we supposed to do with some junky cardboard box??
    King Julien: (has drawn eyes and a mouth over the flaps) His name is 'Carboris,' and he is the sacred protector from all who will annoy me.
    Mort: Ohh, how does he do that??
    King Julien: (merely kicks the box over Mort) CHOMP!!
  • In 'Gut Instinct' all the zoo animals are eager to see King Julien get spanked, but Rico is particularly ecstatic for it.
    Rico: (singing and dancing) Rump-Whomper~!! Yeah!!
  • Kowalski squeeing about the science expo so high nearby car windows break.
    Kowalski: Can we go!?
    Skipper: (with all the frustration of a parent who does not want to go) UUUUUGGGHHH!! Where is this geek-stravaganza?
    • The "hot snoozles" they attempt to make in the same episode, a snack made by causing four food carts to smash into each other.
  • In "Can't Touch This," Kowalski coats Randy's wool with a polymer so kids' hands won't bother him anymore. Skipper gives him a congratulatory smack, and the sheep suddenly starts bouncing around the room.
    Skipper: ...Kowalski?
    Kowalski: What, Skipper?
    Skipper: Bouncing...
    Kowalski: (in pure awe, as this result was unexpected) Yes, he is!
  • The entirety of "High Moltage." Rapid-Fire Comedy at its best.
  • In the episode when the team gets obsessed with comic books, Kowalski makes sure Skipper won't wake up by placing a "Mr. Snoozytime Fighty Night-Night Mobile" (a baby mobile with a hippie, Dr. Blowhole, and Hans) above him. Skipper rolls over, grabs and snuggles with the Hans... to punch it a good five seconds later.
  • When the team is attempting to distract a scientist at the zoo. Something about how Skipper's line is delivered is hilarious:
    Private: But all we know is the 'smile and wave routine! What else do penguins do?
    Skipper: I haven't the faintest.
  • In "All Choked Up", Alice gives Rico stomach medicine just after he swallows a ticking time bomb that he intends to use to destroy the zoo's Robo Zoo Guide. When the Penguins' attempts to get Rico to throw up don't succeed, they get Mort to go inside Rico and defuse the bomb. This exchange occurs when Mort is inside Rico:
    Kowalski: Okay, do you see the time bomb?
    Mort: Um, I see an old squeaky toy. Oh, I see it! I see the bomb!
    Kowalski: Good! Now very carefully separate the blue and yellow wires from their sheathing, reverse their polarity, then splice both into the ground lead, which should be a slightly thicker copper filament. Am I going too fast for you?
    Mort: Um, okay. Which of the colors is blue?
    (The penguins sigh in exasperation)
    Mort: Is this a blue wire?
    (Rico shrieks)
    Kowalski: No, I believe that's a kidney.
  • The Here We Go Again! ending of "Needle Point", especially since Kowalski is much less covert about his fear than Skipper was.
    Kowalski: Point is, fear of medical professions is completely unwarranted. Yet, the benefits to one's health and well being is simply too-
    Alice: Looks like you Penguins are due for a visit to the dentist!
    Kowalski: (horrified) THE DENTIST?!!
    (Kowalski runs off and jumps into the water screaming)
    Private: ...but we don't have teeth...